charm JANUARY/FEBRUARY 2015
COVER STORY
Love, Longview and a Lion pg. 22
SO HAPPY together pg. 12
sharing the load pg. 38
Tracee Patterson heart care success story
HEARTFELT. “LONGVIEW REGIONAL’S HEART TEAM WAS SIMPLY PHENOMENAL.”
When Tracee Patterson began to feel pressure in her chest, she asked a friend to take her to Longview Regional. There, she learned she was having a heart attack and needed triple bypass surgery. “Dr. Jayakar is a phenomenal surgeon,” Tracee says. “He and the staff took great care of me.” After the surgery, Tracee was back to work in just three weeks. And while she is working to remain healthy, she knows where she’ll go if she ever needs medical attention again. “I promise I’ll never go to another hospital,” she says. To learn more, visit LongviewRegional.com.
Member of the Medical Staff at Longview Regional Medical Center
breathtaking. 2015 RAM 2500
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use the QR code to check out more photos from this shoot.
JANUARY/FEBRUARY 2015
Contents 16
27
Fashion
Features 18
Balanced Life: The Good Stuff
22
Cover Story: Love, Longview and a Lion
36
Project: Date
38
Sharing the Load
41
REEL Romantic
48
Lisa Brown: All You Need is Love, and Page 72 of the Pottery Barn Catalog
Health & Beauty 12
27
Dapper By Design
33
Red Haute
4 CHARM | J A N UA R Y / F E B R UA R Y
54
On the Cover
School 44
Romantic Tablescapes
46
Making Memories Last
In Every Issue 47
His Point of View: Is it Really this Simple?
50
Picture This!
54
Book Review: Glamp it Up!
55
Charm Challenge
So Happy Together
16 SPAtaneous
44
Nancy Abernathy and Claire Henry have deep roots in the community and share why they love East Texas.
Spot the Charm Our November/December Spot the Charm winner was Carol Coulter from Longview and she has chosen a $100 VISA gift card. She spotted the charm on pg 54 in our last issue! We invite you to spot a special Charm logo in this edition. If you locate it, sign on to mycharmonline.com and click the Spot the Charm link on the homepage.
Storewide Clearance
Everything
½ price
CHARM JANUARY/FEBRUARY 2015
(begins January 10th)
PUBLISHER Stephen McHaney PUBLICATION DIRECTOR April Harlow • 903.232.7206 • aharlow@news-journal.com ART DIRECTOR Chelsea Violet Buckle Hollister Abercrombie BCBG TalbotsTibi Juicy Couture BeBe Trina Turk Miss Me Coach DKNYLucky
Magic gic Closet
Thee
Katie Case • 903.237.7715 • kcase@news-journal.com PHOTO EDITOR
Designer Resale
Chris Lozano • 903.237.7246 • clozano@news-journal.com
Spring Consignments t taken t k starting t ti February F b 4 th
DESIGNER
3104 4 Gilmer Rd Rd. • Longview Longview, TX 75604 • (903) 297-33 297-3390 Mon-Sat. 10:30am-5:00pm • Thurs. 10:30am-6:00pm
Rebecca McCallum ILLUSTRATOR Vanessa McGraw
Helping her with homework can be complicated. Saving for college should be simple.
CONTRIBUTING WRITERS Ashley Anderson • Lisa Brown • Amy McHaney Susie Swasso • Tammy Whitehurst • Dawn Whittington ADVERTISING DIRECTOR Debbi Knoll • 903.237.7727 • dknoll@news-journal.com ACCOUNT EXECUTIVES Susan Payne • 903.237.7721 • spayne@news-journal.com Brittany Dorman • 903.237.7716 • bdorman@news-journal.com Trisha Hall • 903.237.7776 • thall@news-journal.com Chris Dean • 903.237.7719 • cdean@news-journal.com Amanda Taylor • 903.232.7276 • ataylor@news-journal.com Thomas Bonner • 361.574.1249 • tbonner@vicad.com CIRCULATION
Experience for Yourself JANUARY 2015
Josh Hart • 903.237.7765 • jhart@news-journal.com
mycharmonline.com www.texasbankandtrust.com MEMBER FDIC
6 CHARM | J A N UA R Y / F E B R UA R Y
LETTER
RING IN
the
New Year
with a Dear Readers,
FashioNable new wardrobe!
They say the more things change, the more they stay the same. Well, whoever “they” are, they’re right. You hold in your hands a magazine that’s seen some changes in the past few months. In the publishing industry it’s fairly common – advisable even – to shake things up a bit every now and then. So we did a little shakin’. While there are many, many things we adore about Charm, there were a few areas we thought could evolve. Our goal with every issue is to celebrate the East Texas woman. So, we had to ask ourselves, “Who is she?” Here’s what we’ve come up with. She’s smart, sophisticated, fashionable and loves her community. We strove to find ways to translate those qualities into the pages you’re about to read. She’s smart. Well, not to brag, but we think we’ve got that part down. You’ll still find a lot of the same types of stories. You’ll still recognize the same talented writers. We’ve always kept you up-to-date on the latest beauty trends, health and fitness tips and women’s issues. So we left this one in the column of “ain’t broke, not tryin’ to fix it.” She’s sophisticated. We mirrored that in a few different ways. You’ve probably already noticed that our Charm logo has “grown up” a bit. You may also have noticed our cover is printed on thicker, more luxurious paper. She’s fashionable. She always looks put-together. Of course, we continue to include fashion segments and stylish trends, but we’re taking it a step further. We pulled together our publication so it has an overall look and “feel” that is cohesive but, well, not too matchy-matchy. She loves her community. We love our community too. It’s full of interesting and friendly people who share a common goal – making East Texas a great place to live. So we’ve added a new feature that literally offers a snapshot of life and events in our area. Look for your family and friends in the Picture This! section of each issue. So as we ring in a new year, we’d like to welcome you to your new Charm. A few things have changed, a few things have stayed the same. But as always, we’ve loved putting this magazine together. Enjoy!
April Harlow
A Lil Sass. 903-212-GIRL(4475)
Hours: Mon - Sat 10am to 5:30pm
100 Tall Pines Ave. Ste #6 www.thatgirlsboutiquetx.com mycharmonline.com 7
community
mycharmonline.com January & february
how to organize all your new beauty products from the holidays with your old.
Fashion Forward
Comfy Office Style
8 Charm | J a n ua r y / f e b r ua r y
Bags for Spring That You’ll Love!
NEWtrals for Transitioning
NOTES
TOP 10 NEW YEARS RESOLUTIONS OF 2014 www.statisticbrain.com
1.
Lose Weight
6.
Learn Something Exciting
2.
Getting Organized
7.
Quit Smoking
3.
Spend Less, Save More
8.
Help Others in Their Dreams
4.
Enjoy Life to the Fullest
9.
Fall in Love
5.
Staying Fit and Healthy
10. Spend
More Time with Family www.statisticbrain.com
“Cheers to a new year and another chance for us to get it right.” - Oprah Winfrey Exercisers can improve their performance as much as 15% if they listen to music while working out. - British Association of Sport and Exercise Sciences
1 OF 8 PEOPLE who make resolutions will keep it for a year.
But those who make a
New Year’s resolution are 10 TIMES MORE LIKELY TO CHANGE THEIR LIVES! Book of Odds, From Lightning Strikes to Love at First Sight
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HEALTH & BEAUTY
Year after year brings a minefield of potential deal-breakers and marriage-wreckers if we do not protect and guard our relationship with our spouse. Be it child-raising, turbulent teens, job loss, mid-life crises, menopause or the day to day pressures of work. Whether we are young or old, we all want to walk off into the sunset, hand in wrinkled hand with our silver-haired mate by our side and the wedding ring still on the fingers. Marriages today can stand the test of time. With a little help we can eventually grow old with the love of our life. The battle may be raging around us, but it doesn’t have to rage in us. Here are some suggestions on how to have a healthy marriage every step of the way … till death do us part. SO HOW DO YOU MAKE IT TO THE FINISH LINE WITH YOUR MARRIAGE STILL STRONG? 1. MEET EYE TO EYE REGARDING MONEY If we lie about purchases to our spouse, it can quickly send the marriage south. Discussing and agreeing upon financial ground rules, before you tie the knot can halt unexpected surprises down the road. It’s not a question
SO HAPPY TOGETHER Words by TAMMY WHITEHURST
about whether it’s his money or her money. It’s the couple’s money as a couple. 2. FIGURE OUT FAMILY RULES Husbands and wives can end up fighting over something as silly as how to hang the toilet paper. The problem is those little issues can add up to big problems. We were not all raised in the same families. All families are different. As a couple we must agree on how to be a family together.
comes love, then comes marriage, then
3. TOGETHER TIME Living a life of responsibility and commitments often hurts
comes baby in a baby carriage.
our hobbies. Choose something you can both enjoy together for
So many of us sang this familiar song when
decades to come. Perhaps your passion is golf, tennis, movies,
we were little girls. The part we left off was “Then come teen years,
traveling, theatre or running in 5k’s together. Going on walks keeps
rough days, tough years, empty nest and finally getting to know each
the conversation, the hand holding and the memories alive. Just
other again.”
make time for each other. Get a babysitter and enjoy each other’s
First
Marriage is tough. It begins with, “Will you marry me?” and eventually becomes, “Will you stay married to me?” 12 CHARM | J A N UA R Y / F E B R UA R Y
company again like you did when you dated. Forget worries and responsibilities for the day.
4. BRAG ON YOUR SPOUSE Share with others in front of your spouse what they do well. This shows that you are proud of them and you care what others think. Couples experience many challenges - whether it is earning a living, raising children or dealing with disappointment. The impact on a relationship can be overwhelming and difficult to manage without help. If your marriage is experiencing any of the following problems or situations, professional help could get your marriage back on track. • High levels of conflict or tension • Difficulty in making decisions both of you can agree on • Difficulty agreeing about finances • Dealing with problems raising children • An extra-marital affair • Depression or other emotional problems Jay Shepherd, minister of outreach at Mobberly Baptist Church, requires counseling before he will marry a couple. He has also counseled married couples. Religious and secular leaders alike understand the significance of good marriages in our society. A secure marriage can create a happier home for families. With God’s help, we partner with Him in the process of loving someone unconditionally, says Jay Shepherd. “In the Christian church, we teach that marriage is a lasting, committed relationship created by God. Marriage is a serious commitment and should be explained that way from the first counseling session with a couple,” he adds. Shepherd goes on to say, “In a marriage, we learn about the gifts of giving, sacrifice, communication, selflessness, happiness and mutual respect. Is all this easy? Absolutely not. Our model, of course is Jesus. The sacrifice He gave on the cross is an example of the magnitude of giving that we should be ready to extend to our mate.” What about those with problems in a marriage? Have they failed? “No. If you ask couples who have been married for many years what’s their secret for staying together, they will say it’s mutual respect, communication and a spiritual commitment. Mutual respect is hampered if either or both partners have the idea that the marriage is a way to get something out of it, selfishly. As I counsel them, I strive to guide them back to the time that they fell in love with each other,” says Minister Shepherd. His advice is to not be eager to focus on problems but rather solutions. “…but with God all things are possible.” Matthew 19:20. Barbara Yantz Jereb, M.S., Licensed Professional Counselor, has been in practice in East Texas since 1984. She has seen hundreds of couples throughout her thirty years of counseling. mycharmonline.com 13
She shares with us, “Without healthy communication, significant and insignificant problems become blurred. What begins as a small argument over what color the sky is becomes an all-out assault on the other person’s character.” SHE ENCOURAGES COUPLES TO ASK THEMSELVES THREE QUESTIONS: 1. Is what I am about to say contributing to or contaminating this relationship?
WAYS TO RECONNECT WITH YOUR SPOUSE If you need to regain the spark in your relationship and rediscover the person you fell in love with, here are a few ideas to help you. DON’T PANIC OVER THE SMALL ISSUES Even though we don’t want to admit it, we often get all out-ofsorts over the small stuff. Panicking, shouting and losing control won’t make things better. Shouting often leads to words that are said
2. Am I truly listening to what he or she is saying, or am I planning my response?
that cannot be taken back … words that hurt and cut below the belt.
3. What can I do today to make my spouse feel special, or to make their day easier?
Dress to impress just like old times, and hire a sitter or take
GO ON A DATE NIGHT
When we marry we choose to be on the same team. Yet, afterward
the kids to your parent’s house for the evening. Go to your favorite
we often go to opposite sides of the field and begin to strategize
restaurant. Play a CD of your favorite music together. There is no
about how we are going to beat the other side. It truly defies logic.
greater joy than marrying someone who is also your friend. Don’t
“Personality differences are what attracts us to our mates. Those differences can be what separates us later,” she adds. “Learning to appreciate differences goes a long way in preventing hostility and growing resentments” says Jereb. The nuances of the marital dance can be exquisite or excruciating.
allow the stresses of life to steal that from you. KEEP A SHORT MEMORY Always remember the things that make you smile, and try to forget what brings tears to your eyes. It is difficult to let go of
“If it becomes excruciating, don’t walk - RUN to professional
hurtful words or actions, but it’s possible not to let them creep
counseling. We don’t avoid going to a medical doctor when diagnosed
up every time there is a disagreement. Don’t let the past ruin
with cancer, so don’t avoid the counselor if diagnosed with a growing
the present.
cancer in your relationship,” says Jereb.
PRAY TOGETHER
“Like a football game, I often feel like the third-string quarterback called in with 60 seconds left on the clock, the team is down by 35 points and I am expected to save the game. Marriage is work. Second marriages are more difficult, and third even more so.”
Hold hands and pray together. This is an excellent way to connect with each other heart to heart. The journey of falling in love again and reconnecting is possible.
She goes on to add, “Forgive. Love is a choice, a decision.
What’s love got to do with it? EVERYTHING! With commitment,
Not once a day, but many times a day. We must choose to forgive
determination, love and forgiveness, we can walk off into the sunset,
and to love.”
hand in wrinkled hand. C
Dream Weddings Turning
Reality
into
N matter No tt what h t siz ize the budget. 903.297.7799
1107 Evergreen www.annspetals.com w
14 CHARM | J A N UA R Y / F E B R UA R Y
HEALTH & BEAUTY
SPA-
TANEOUS Words by AMY MCHANEY
My
dear husband and I traveled to Bora Bora on our honeymoon and decided on that trip that we
were going back – for sure – for our 10th anniversary. Fast forward 10 years and we found ourselves with four children ages four and under, including eight-week-old twins. Bora Bora was not in the cards for us that year. And at that point, I was unbelievably grateful to escape to a fancy hotel in Houston for a night! We celebrated our 15th anniversary last month, and as a “make up” for our missed milestone trip, we hit the beach in Mexico (no, not Bora Bora – did I mention we have four kids?!). The resort where we stayed offered an array of couples treatments in the spa, and we decided to try a massage together. What a relaxing and fun experience! I visited a number of local spas to check out the couples treatments available in our area. The good news is, if you’re looking for a unique Valentine’s Day experience, you don’t have to look far. I highly recommend trying one of these dual spa treatments with your sweetie:
GOOD SHEPHERD INSTITUTE FOR HEALTHY LIVING – HEALTHY LIVING SPA 3133 Good Shepherd Way • Longview (903) 323.6510
The Healthy Living Spa offers a Couples Relaxing Renewal Package ($260 for 90 minutes). This package consists of two treatments per person – a couples massage customized to your needs, followed by a classic spa facial. The treatments are done together, and you get to spend quiet time with your loved one in the Healthy Living Spa’s special couples’ room. In addition, the Healthy Living Spa offers an excellent relaxation room in the public area of the spa, complete with a soothing waterfall. 16 CHARM | J A N UA R Y / F E B R UA R Y
FOUNTAIN OF YOUTH SALON & SPA 1915 Judson Road • Longview (903) 234.1020
Want
the
ultimate
luxury
for
Valentine’s Day? Book the Couples Bliss package ($430 for 4 hours) at Fountain of Youth. This package takes place in the couples suite, where you and your loved one will each experience four different spa treatments – steam sauna (30 minutes), Swedish Massage (60 minutes), Facial (60 minutes) and Pedicure (60 minutes). Fountain of Youth currently has one couples suite, but is adding a second suite – complete with private hot tub – after the first of the year. The new suite should be open by Valentine’s Day.
PURE NAIL BAR 3052 North Eastman Road • Longview (903) 663.1166
Does your man have feet that could use some attention? Call PURE Nail Bar to reserve their private room for two for a little foot therapy. Pedicures at PURE take place in fabulous new massage chairs and include a complimentary beverage. My favorite pedicure? Dr. Peppermint ($45) is designed for dry, cracked heels and includes a peppermint sugar scrub and a foot
NEVER BEEN TO A SPA?
Don’t be intimidated by the thought of going to a spa
and leg massage with peppermint body oil. It’s invigorating and
for the first time. First of all, the service providers are
actually makes my heels look presentable for several weeks.
professionals who are licensed by the state of Texas. They have been trained to make you feel comfortable
RUMORS SPA, SALON & WELLNESS CENTER
and ease any feelings of self consciousness you might
3394 Highway 259 • Longview (903) 663.0061
clothes – in privacy – and into a comfy robe. You will
have. You will be allowed time to change out of your
Rumours offers a Hot Stone Couples Massage ($155 for 60
remain in your robe for facial treatments and will be
minutes) in a private room made for two to relax. My anniversary
covered by a sheet or blanket over the course of your
massage included a hot stone treatment, and let me tell you that
massage or other body treatments.
there is no better way to let the stress of the day slip away. If hot stones aren’t for you, Rumours offers other couples massages in 30, 60 and 90 minute increments. C mycharmonline.com 17
FEATURE
A BALANCED LIFE:
THEGood STUFF Words by DAWN WHITTINGTON | Photos by CHRIS LOZANO
18 CHARM | J A N UA R Y / F E B R UA R Y
C
oming into a new year, I think we would all agree that we start really thinking about what is important. A
fresh start for some … bigger and better things for others … possibly letting go of bad habits or people and surrounding ourselves with all things good. Stuff and folks that make us smile. For myself, I would like to focus on anything and everything that makes me feel warm and happy … you know what I mean? Like that first whiff of coffee in the morning. What about those ugly socks that keep your feet all snuggly? I want to focus on things that make my toes curl and smiles take over my bare face. Driving to that perfect song and just taking in the beauty of God’s creations down that country road. Laughing out loud to a memory that can only be replayed in your mind … one of those “ya had to be there” moments. Oh yes, people … I’m talking about the good stuff.
“OH YES, PEOPLE … I’M
TALKING ABOUT THE
GOOD STUFF.”
Hey, we are mamas and wives, chauffeurs and housekeepers, counselors and work-aholics, dishwashers, laundry technicians, errand runners, teachers, cooks (well not me) and booboo kissers. We’re busy chicks, right? I mean all of those things listed, plus much more always come before ourselves. Can I get an Amen? Don’t get me wrong … even though I deeply love, respect and cherish my sweet husband … even though every ounce of me loves those two boys and one girl that God entrusted me with, can I not find a little bit of Dawn somewhere? Maybe just a few moments mycharmonline.com 19
a day with her? Pencil in a date, or block out a hot bath, a book
just coffee. Whew! The thought gives me chills! I need more of
and a glass of wine? I need to connect with her to be able to
that in my life! I need more “me” moments.
be happy.
It’s those “me” moments that fill my glass, and prepare me to
So how do I do this? How do we all as moms focus on those
pour back into my family again. I want to look forward to hot baths
warm and fuzzy moments, and not constantly look to our family
and old snuggly socks. I want to feel the sun on my face as the
to make us smile? I think I just need to focus more on these
seasons turn, and truly experience the warmth from the heavens.
moments as they come. Maybe give my way of thinking a 180
I want to sip on wine and taste it with my eyes closed …’cause it’s
degree turn. Instead of thinking about my age and the fact that
good, man.
I’m getting older (and grey) and that my forever baby is now 6
This year I’m turning off the ringer and turning up the tunes.
and there will never be another one after, I choose to grin when I
I want to hear my mom’s voice and see my brother’s smile when
think about my future. WAY in my future experiencing babies as a
I look into the sky. I’m going to replay my first kiss with my
grandmother. How beautiful those moments will be!
husband (after our 5th date!!!) over and over, and feel those first
That one is deep, so let me tone it down. I think I’ll turn
time butterflies. I want more of it … more of me. The good stuff
that ringer on my phone off more often. I’ve already tried that
is everywhere, I just need to pay attention. We’ve all heard the
lately while I’m driving. Man, it is amazing what all you actually
saying, “Stop and smell the roses”. Well, I’m not much of a rose
SEE when you are looking - really looking. You notice retired
person. So going forward, I choose to stop and smell the coffee,
men mowing their perfectly manicured lawns, and older women
no the wine … ehh coffee … but oh that red stuff is such good …
watering their plants. I notice birds flying from here to there. I
good stuff. C
listen to the music, and watch the trees dancing in the wind. At red lights, I’m catching glimpses of the clouds. We’re talking good stuff, y’all! I may notice an old car that will remind me of a friend in high school, and literally giggle out loud at something silly we did as kids. In the world we live in, it’s as if we need to constantly be entertained. If you have kids, then you totally get me. We are all guilty of it. We can’t sit still unless we have a remote or a phone in our hand. I want to focus on the good stuff and people this year. I just had coffee with a friend I had not seen in a while, and we just talked. Seriously, in my kitchen with a cup of coffee, we just talked and laughed and shared. No kids, no men, no phones …
20 CHARM | J A N UA R Y / F E B R UA R Y
“
… BUT OH THAT RED STUFF Is Such GOOD...
GOOD STUFF”
CFasalora• • flower shop
Casa Flora
Simply Breath Taking 903.753.4492
Monday ~ Friday 8:30am - 5pm • Saturday 8am - Noon 314 Magnolia Lane, Longview • www.casafloraflowers.com
spa salon
& wellness center
The rumors are true! Same Great Experience but with a new look! Introducing our new Blow Out Bar! With our New App Punch Card Buy 4 Blow Outs and the 5th is free! Rumours Spa, Salon & Wellness Center
903-663-0061
3394 Hwy 259 • Longview, TX | rumourSSpalon.net
Cover story
22 Charm | J a n ua r y / f e b r ua r y
Love, L ongview a a nd
lion Words by Amy pearson | Photos by Chris lozano
Sometimes, the elephant in the room isn’t a figure of speech. Sometimes, the elephant in the room is actually an elephant. Or, in this case, an ivory tusk from an elephant Nancy Abernathy shot when she was 16.
mycharmonline.com 23
It
hangs
over
Nancy
the sofa in the
Born in Gladewater,
den,
Nancy Phillips Abernathy
atop the hide of a zebra
grew up in the family
Nancy also felled, near
business.
a stuffed lion she took
Financial
on wheels.
Sunday afternoons spent
Nancy’s daughter, Claire
driving around looking at
Henry, asked.
oil wells after church.
“No,” Nancy corrected,
“I was not interested
“That was the elephant. The
in oil at all,” she said,
lion was a few years later.” daughter
bantered
back
emphatically. Her mom, Barbara, was a homemaker and
and forth about the den,
“the greatest cook ever.”
resplendent with souvenirs brought
back
Seven generations of
from
the family had lived in
African safaris, a favorite vacation of the extended Phillips family. Jack
Phillips
Nancy abernathy
Gladewater didn’t have any sons, so the role of hunting-partnerby-proxy fell to Jack’s daughter, Nancy, at an early age. “I think he really wanted an excuse to go on safari, so he taught me to hunt,” Nancy said, laughing. “Shooting the elephant was awesome…there’s only one spot to shoot it, you know, where you can kill it instantly. A spot between their eye and their ear is the only humane way to do it. “I didn’t even feel the kick from the .375. Too much adrenaline.” The adrenaline has kept flowing through many safaris and dozens of years, while the love of the trip – and of family – has kept flowing through the veins. Four generations of Phillips went on safari last summer, all the way from Jack to Claire’s daughters, Eloise, 4, and Sarah, 2. “It was always my father’s dream to go to Africa,” Nancy said. “As the years wore on, he took each one of us, then our husbands, now our children and their husbands and children.” Sharing the trip with four generations was nothing short of “magical,” Nancy said, while Claire, the only non-hunter in the family, expressed her hope the trips would continue and maintain the family tradition. After all, family is what makes Nancy’s and Claire’s worlds
24 Charm | J a n ua r y / f e b r ua r y
East Texas, including her grandfather, who served as mayor.
of
go round.
for
Gladewater, Nancy recalls
shot when you were 16?”
and
Analyst
Jack L. Phillips Oil Co. in
“Was that the one you
mother
serving
as Vice President and
down as well. The lion is
The
Now
“It
was
wonderful
growing up in Gladewater,” Nancy enthused. “Everyone knew each other.” After graduating from Gladewater High School, Nancy went to the University of Texas at Austin to study Composite Sciences, which certified her to teach all sciences at the higher levels. While in Austin, she met Mark Abernathy, a Carthage-born boy she later married. The young couple moved to Houston for Mark to attend law school. “I was scared to move there, but we absolutely loved it,” Nancy said. “It was a neat place to live, but we always knew we were coming home to East Texas. We knew this is where we wanted to raise our family.” Mark, president at McKaig Chevrolet Buick, and Nancy’s oldest daughter, Leslie Johnson, is an attorney in Denver. Their son, Clay Abernathy, followed his mother’s footsteps into the family business as a field manager for his grandfather’s company. Youngest daughter Claire is a commercial litigation and patent attorney for Ward & Smith Law Firm in Longview. “I love that Clay is in the business,” Nancy said of her son. “I think he loves it too; he loves being outside. The oil business is what we do.”
and Sarah will get to
Claire
have some of the same
Claire “wanted to do
experiences in life that she’s
different things” with her
had: safaris in Africa, living
life, her mother said, but
on her own in different
she’s no less rooted in
states, travelling.
the family.
“There’s lot of places
Claire, along with Leslie
we could make a home,
and Clay, went to Trinity
but home is where my
School of Texas, where she
family is,” Claire said. “I
remained until she was a
want my daughters to have
sophomore and transferred
experiences, but is it wrong
to the Groton School in Groton,
to secretly hope they end
Massachusetts.
up back here?”
She completed degrees in
Community
English and political science at Vanderbilt University in
Nashville,
and
earned
There’s a lot more going
Tennessee a
on in Longview as the years
juris
progress, both mother and
doctorate from Stanford
daughter agree.
University Law School in Palo Alto, California. “If you’d asked me
“It’s crazy how many
Claire henry
when I was in college I might have said I was never coming back to East Texas,” Claire said, laughing. “But I couldn’t imagine raising my family anywhere else.” Claire married David Henry of Tyler and the couple now have two daughters, who also attend the Trinity School of Texas. “There’s a sense of community here,” Claire said. “I love knowing there are other people around me who are looking out for my kids, too. “I love knowing my kids’ friends and I know their friends’ parents and probably their friends’ grandparents as well. It’s a great support system.” The family describes themselves as “close” with each other and with extended members. “We spend a lot of time with cousins running around,” Claire said. “In fact, we have a cousins’ holiday party coming up!”
Family
The family – and the community – help instill the values that
are important to pass on, Nancy said, such as good manners, volunteerism, friendship, a sense of duty and a love of the outdoors. “I want my children to have roots and a sense of community and place,” Claire said. “I want them to feel like they have a connection to this place, and a sense of home.” Claire hopes Eloise
new
things
there
are
to do with your kids,” Claire exclaimed.
Both mother and daughter believe that what you put into a community is what you get out of it and, following family tradition, they put in a lot. “It would take too long to list all of Claire’s service,” her mother says, only half-joking. Claire serves on the board of ArtsView Children’s Theatre and is involved at Trinity School of Texas and First United Methodist Church. She helped her husband serve Newgate Mission and was on the City of Longview’s Comprehensive Plan Committee. Nancy serves on the Good Shepherd Health System board, is involved at First United Methodist Church and is a founding member of the Longfellow Association. She was on the Maude Cobb Activity Complex advisory board and serves on the University of Texas at Tyler Development Board, as well as the UT Tyler Longview University Center Development Board. She has served as president of the board and director of development for the Trinity School of Texas and was in the Junior League of Longview. “We do a few things, I guess,” Claire said, jokingly. But bottom line, their roots run deep in East Texas, and they plan to continue to nourish that deep growth. “The more people you have who love your children like you do, the luckier you are,” Claire said. C mycharmonline.com 25
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FEATURE
Project: Date Words by SUSIE SWASSO
The
age old question between couples: “What should we do tonight?”
First Dates Like I mentioned – first dates can be rough! Especially if you
If I had a nickel for every time I asked
don’t know the person very well! One of my favorite ideas comes
that question and my husband replied, “I dunno,” I would
in the form of a “triathlon.” This is when the couple “competing”
be a very rich lady! But seriously, WHAT are we going to
agrees on three “events” that they both have a common interest
do tonight?!
in. For instance: the night could begin with an epic game of one-
Is there ever a time in ones dating life when this question doesn’t cause some consternation? Take young love. Boy meets girl, sparks happen, they know they like each other, boy finally gets up the nerve to ask girl out … to do what? Then when they go on that first date – oh the jitters! Both participants are nervous, don’t know what to say or do with themselves: all they really know is that they like each other! Then there are the dating couples, running out of ideas of what to do to keep the magic alive and how to keep from becoming bored. The same applies to married couples. The trouble is finding the time to date! After the kids come - and between the working,
on-one basketball, move on to an intense Scrabble challenge, then, complete the evening with the ultimate marshmallow eating contest. Talk about breaking the ice! Not only does this triathlon give you both the opportunity to discover common ground, it provides a unique way to learn a lot about each other. Nothing brings out one’s true character more than competition! This Dating Triathlon is guaranteed to offer tons of entertainment and provide much laughter. Think of all the fun ways to change this dating experience!
Dating Couples
parenting, cleaning, PTAing, shopping, cooking, planning and
For those couples who have been dating a while and may be
finding a spare minute to breathe - the dating often gets forgotten.
running out of things to do, perhaps I can help. A fun new dating
But all too soon (yes, one day you will miss it all) the kids will
experience revolves around a DIY theme - gourmet cooking
be off chasing their dreams and it will just be the two of you again.
nights. Find some inventive new dish or meal and make it happen.
All alone … just the two of you … who haven’t been on a date
The more intricate, the more fun! You can start by shopping
alone in years! Will you even know how to have a conversation,
together, then don aprons and begin cooking. Add some spice by
let alone be able to figure out what in the world sounds like fun
listening to some of your favorite tunes, or maybe try a glass of
to both of you?
wine or micro-brew.
Nobody ever said dating was easy at any stage of the game.
Maybe you’d like to find a local high school or college sporting
After polling friends and doing my due diligence, I have
event to attend. Texas is big on its high school football events. This
uncovered some unique date ideas - whether it be new love,
is a unique way to connect to a part of the community, support
budding love, committed love or mature love.
your local teams and get a great batch of those nachos to share
36 CHARM | J A N UA R Y / F E B R UA R Y
To avoid those unromantic dinner crowds, consider going to “linner” (lunch/dinner) and dine more peacefully and therefore
The Empty Nesters Once the kids are out of the house, many couples find
more privately. That way the evening is still left open for all sorts
themselves sitting opposite each other at the dinner table not
of activities, like seeing a play at your local hometown theater.
quite sure what to do with the silence! Especially those who did
Harness spontaneity. Play in the spring rain, build a snowman, go
not make the time to date while the kids were still around. This
visit the puppies and kittens at your local pet store or shelter to
is a good time to make out a bucket-list and go start doing it! Not
get your “awww” on.
all of us will be able to travel the world in our retirement, but
Married Couples
there are plenty of other, less-costly, options available. From mini-
It’s so hard to make time for those precious few moments alone once you’re married with jobs and children. However,
road trips to bird watching, there are a ton of wonderful places to visit in our neck of the woods. Bird watching is a great activity to do together.
as we all know, our marriages depend on it! There are many things to do at home that don’t have to cost
“So what
a lot of money and don’t require a baby-sitter. (And no, I’m not talking about anything in the bedroom. Although that’s always an option.) Shake things up by doing something together once the kids are asleep – yoga, P90X, sit by the fireplace with a glass of wine and talk until the logs are nothing but burning embers. Go out in the back yard with a blanket and lie together and
Like a little more action? Take a dance class from one of the dance studios in your area. Looking
ARE
for serenity? Visit a day spa and lie next to each
you going to do your next date night? ”
watch the stars while you just talk or listen to music. Find a local marathon to run together. This is a great way to
other on tables all day while receiving facials and massages (yes, guys – don’t knock it till you’ve tried it!) Another great date option for you empty nesters is to visit a winery or a micro-brewery. Tasty and educational all at the same time! A new trend is for retired
couples to visit these venues with a group of friends. Definite fun for all.
build each other up! When reality necessitates the presence of the
So no matter what your dating status may be, be creative –
children, which is most of the time, take the whole family to the
think outside the box – find the things that interest you both and
events in the town square. My husband and I thoroughly enjoy
get out there and work on your relationships! If your interests
strolling through our town square enjoying the local festivities –
are varied, be sure to compromise when planning your dates to
markets, tree lightings, holiday activities and sometimes concerts.
ensure the needs of both are met. As we grow in love, we realize
The nostalgia of small East Texas town squares kindles, in both
that we gain as much joy in our partner’s happiness as our own. So what ARE you going to do your next date night? C
our hearts, a treasured sense of romance.
symphony orchestra concert series
“If music be the food of love, play on.” Twelfth Night The Longview Symphony performs along with one of American’s most versatile conductors, Gerald Steichen.
SATURDAY, FEBRUARY 21
LeTourneau University Belcher Center Opening Notes 6:30 | Concert 7:30
Ticket Information
romantic music
Special guests Matthew Simpson and Meaghan Sullivan of the Texas Shakespeare Festival
Order by calling LeTourneau University Belcher Center at 903-233-3080 or purchase online at BelcherCenter.com. Concert sponsored in part by:
Matthew SiMpSon and Meaghan Sullivan SponSored by the
mycharmonline.com 37
FEATURE
G N I R STHhAe LOAD URST
Y WHITEH
MM Words by TA
is he a domestic Dude or a domestic Dud?
38 CHARM | J A N UA R Y / F E B R UA R Y
The
household workload. It’s the great marital divide.
Someone
is
always
a
slacker.
Sometimes it’s the man, and sometimes it’s the
woman. Since Charm’s readers are mostly women, let’s look at it from the woman’s point of view. The question always arises - who should do this, and who should do that. The problem is that question can stir up all kinds of dish-throwing spats that are accompanied by crossed arms, dirty looks and silence that lingers for days. Instead of domestic dudes, many of us are blessed with domestic duds. If you really want your husband to work around the house, laugh at his jokes. A cheerful heart does good like medicine. A man with a cheerful heart is more likely to help. Do not be tempted to go on the “must be nice to do nothing like you” bandwagon, or the house will be anything but cheerful. That strategy will always
“A MAN WITH
A CHEERFUL HEART IS MORE LIKELY TO
HELP “
backfire. Just do a few yoga breathing techniques, and dig your fingernails into the sofa as you grin from ear to ear. If we keep a running mental tally of our tasks versus his, it will not lead to a harmonious family life. Throw. Away. The. Scorecard. Most men fall into 3 categories. Most women do too, if we admit it.
The Big Kid - He never grew up. He is a big kid at heart. His mom tied his shoelaces, packed his lunch and tucked him in at night. He expects his wife to do everything for him around the house, and would be lost without her. He most likely entered the marriage with this mindset. He probably expects his wife to wake him up for work. If you have children, your husband will feel like an extra child. He loves it that way because life is one big happy playground.
The Perfectionist - He is of the mindset that a woman’s job is to keep the house clean while he is bringing home the bacon. His thoughts on housework can be a little vintage oldschool. When he retires, he will put all sixty spices in alphabetical order to be helpful. Women typically only use five, so it is much
harder to find those now. The Worry Wart - He never relaxes and has a chill-
out moment. He worries about his wife, his kids, a mouse in the house and a caper stealing his morning paper if he doesn’t get it early enough. Help is on its way. Even if the man of your dreams doesn’t fall into one of those three categories, watching him wrestle with the ironing board or wash dishes while he whistles can be just what the doctor ordered. If he vacuums the house, you may just bust out into a full blown celebration. mycharmonline.com 39
Maybe your husband loves to grill. [Here is where we get a
2. Tuck a love note in his pants pocket (or anywhere
little sneaky.] Ask him if he’ll cook dinner on a specific night of
you know he’ll find it) letting him know how much you look
the week.
forward to seeing him later that night. He’ll be breaking every
Tell him how much you like to watch him flex his muscles
traffic law to get home!
when he cranks the lawnmower, and I bet he will do it more often.
3. Take an interest in his hobby. I realize being
There is something about a man and his “guns” (aka muscles) that
interested in it forever might be pushing it … a day is good.
makes him feel macho. Singing the lyrics to the song Macho Man
Often, men will encourage their wives to do what they like, if
might help also.
they encourage him to do what he likes.
So, why not do something unexpected today? I’m not
Without good direction, people lose their way. The more wise suggesting anything that involves sharp edges, flammable liquids, counsel we follow, the better our chances to make it work. I have a high insurance premiums, property damage or hurt feelings. feeling today is going to be a very good day. Go ahead and pull out
Here are a few suggestions to make your man pull his weight: 1. Exchange a household chore for a date.
HELP
IS ON IT'S WAY!
the bottle of bubbles and blow them all over the house! No worries. Here’s to happy households! C
“EVEN IF THE DREAMS R U O Y F O N MA ’T FALL INTO ONE OF THOSE TWHRITEHETHE DOESN ATCHING HIM WRESTLE CATEGORIES,OWARD OR WASH DISHES WHILE HE IRONING B WHISTLES CAN BE
E H T T A H W JUST ORDERED.“ DOCTOR
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FEATURE
REEL
Romantic Dinner and a movie have been a dating staple for generations. On Valentine’s Day, couples often opt to stick with what works and dine out and then catch a flick - either at the theater or curled up on the sofa at home.
mycharmonline.com 41
Choosing
the may
right
movie
4. GONE WITH THE WIND, If a classic romance is what
take
some
you desire, look no further than this epic film. Scarlett
compromise. He may
O’Hara is a conspiring woman who wants to choose her
believe a sexy James Bond-type girl dodging explosives and sports
own husband, but ends up in the arms of rascal Rhett
cars is the ultimate in cinematic excellence. She may believe it
Butler amid the drama of the Civil War.
isn’t a good movie unless you’ve used a full box of tissues. However, the movie industry and others may have their own thoughts on what constitutes an ideal Valentine’s Day movie, or one that can be enjoyed when you desire to put a little romance in the air. Here are 14 movies deemed very romantic. See if they will be the right fit for your movie night.
5. PRETTY WOMAN, Despite a controversial storyline that puts Richard Gere and Julia Roberts together -he’s a businessman and she’s a prostitute -- the theme of the movie is how love has no social boundaries, and sometimes it’s better to look beyond one’s own backyard for the love of your life.
1. DIRTY DANCING, This 1980s flick stands the test of time 25 years later. Baby, a good girl from an affluent family, falls in love with Johnny, a drifter dance instructor, while she’s on a family vacation at a Catskills summer resort. This movie showcases that sometimes love transcends prestige, personal status and well-meaning fathers. 2. TITANIC, In another classic movie where love trumps social class, Rose and Jack fall in love aboard the doomed ship. Their passionate connection survives a tragedy and the ultimate separation.
6. LEGENDS OF THE FALL, A tragic but inspiring tale of three brothers who all fall in love with the same woman, Susannah, for different reasons, although only one eventually marries her in the end. Family strife and complications show the darker side of love. 7. A ROOM WITH A VIEW, Lucy vacations in Italy, where she meets people who are more passion-driven than those in her native Britain. When she meets Julian, a Brit who has been in Italy a while and has learned the wiles of romance, she is drawn into a liaison that she soon regrets.
3. PRINCESS BRIDE, A Rob Reiner movie, this fairytale tells the story of Buttercup and Wesley, a poor farm boy who wins the love of his employer. When Wesley is presumed dead and Buttercup becomes engaged to an area prince whom she doesn’t love, viewers are taken on an adventure that shows that even death cannot stop true love.
8. SLEEPLESS IN SEATTLE, Sam loses his wife Maggie and has to raise his son, Jonah alone in their new hometown of Seattle. Annie, a Baltimore reporter, hears his heartbreaking tale when Jonah calls into a self-help radio talk show on Christmas Eve. Annie becomes fascinated with Sam’s story and wonders if they should meet. 9. BRIDGET JONES’S DIARY, A modern day “Pride and Prejudice,” Bridget is a single woman in her 30s who has a poor self-image and is also in a pseudo-relationship with her scoundrel boss, played by Hugh Grant. Bridget is consistently thrown into circumstances that involve a family friend, Mark Darcy, whom Bridget sees as uptight and boring. Eventually, however, she sees a different side of the supposedly boring lawyer. If you prefer the original tale, watch “Pride and Prejudice” starring Keira Knightly. 10. 50 FIRST DATES, This quirky movie tells the tale of Henry, a bachelor and player who meets Lucy, a person with short-term memory amnesia who forgets everything from the day once she goes to sleep. Reliving day after day, Lucy starts to fall for Henry, who does his best to be
The Princess Bride, MGM
42 CHARM | J A N UA R Y / F E B R UA R Y
memorable.
11. AN AFFAIR TO REMEMBER, Handsome playboy Nicky falls in love with Terry, a nightclub singer, while on a cruise from Europe to New York, despite each’s engagement to other people. They agree to reconnect in sixmonths atop the Empire State Building to see if they should continue their relationship. But Terry experiences a situation that keeps her from their meeting, leaving Nicky to wonder if her love has waned. 12. THE NOTEBOOK, Allie and Noah meet at a carnival and fall in love but are kept from each other by Allie’s disapproving parents who move her away. Allie waits
Your favorite romantic movie not on this list? Let us know on Facebook what movie is your pick for romantic movie night!
several years to hear from Noah before getting engaged to another, but then must satisfy her curiosity whether Noah is alright. 13. THE HOLIDAY, Two women from different parts of the world agree to swap homes for Christmas and enjoy a vacation from their own lives. Iris travels from London to Beverly Hills, while Amanda goes from her opulent life to Iris’ small cottage in Surrey. Both eventually meet their romantic matches in their new locales but fret over what to do once the holiday ends. 14. EVER AFTER, An interpretation of the classic Cinderella story, the movie follows Danielle, who is treated poorly by her stepmother and stepsisters after her father suddenly passes away. A bit of a hellion, Danielle catches the eye of Prince Henry, who believes her to be a courtess and not the lowly servant girl she really is. C
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mycharmonline.com 43
SCHOOL
ROMANTIC TABLESCAPES Words by AMY MCHANEY
As
Valentine’s Day approaches we often think of calling
Think about using white plates to provide a blank canvas
a restaurant to make a dinner reservation. Though
for your tablescape, and the possibilities are endless.
the thought of “going out” is appealing, why not
Don’t have white plates? Dollar Tree often has plain white
consider staying home this year and creating a special place to
dinner plates for – you guessed it – just a dollar per plate.
dine with the one you love? A tablescape – a fancy term for a beautifully decorated table
3. As you think about your centerpiece, think low – as in
– can be easily put together using things you already have around
height. If you’re lucky enough to receive long-stemmed
your home and yard. Simple repurposing of everyday items can
roses for Valentine’s Day, don’t place them right in the
yield stunning results.
middle of your table, blocking the view of the one you
Here are a few tips to help you start thinking about your tablescape for two: 1. Your dining room or breakfast area are the obvious places to set your table, but is there another place in your home where it might be interesting to eat? 2. When considering setting your table for a special dinner, the dishes themselves often dictate the way you decorate. 44 CHARM | J A N UA R Y / F E B R UA R Y
love! Consider placing items of height – like the roses – to the side of your setting so your view is not obstructed, and low items between you and your dining partner. 4. Napkin rings are an easy way to dress up a table, and they need not be expensive. Pier 1 has a wide variety of affordable options. Or consider using ribbon to tie around your napkins.
5. Flowers are a go-to for decor, and in order to keep my
Following are three tablescapes for two that I put together
budget in check, I often use a combination of purchased
in my own home. With the exception of fresh flowers, I already
flowers and cuttings from my yard. “Cuttings” actually
owned everything I used in the photos.
makes what I do sound fancy, when most times it’s not. In fact I don’t always use flowers. It’s easy to clip pieces of
FIRESIDE A piece of wide burlap “ribbon” purchased from Hobby
wild vines and bushes and add those to store bought stems
Lobby last spring serves as a runner on this pub table in the den.
for added volume. Another trick I use? Adding whole, fresh fruit to flower arrangements. 6.
Everyday white dinner plates are topped with cigar label theme salad plates (purchased on sale in 2001 and never taken out of the
Another option is to use potted plants in your tablescape.
box!). The whites of these plates do not match – the salad plate is
Bring a plant you already have indoors; spray paint an
much whiter; consider it character! A box from a shelf elsewhere
inexpensive terra cotta pot to match your décor.
in the house is tied with a heart shaped glass Christmas ornament.
7. Candles are an inexpensive way to enhance the romance of any table. Try using a series of five or more votive candles either scattered or uniformly in a row for added impact. 8. Add layers to your tablescape. Use unconventional items to decorate. Think books, bowls and even table lamps. Practically anything you love can be incorporated into your design.
FORMAL White linens and dishes are given a pop of color by a sheer red ribbon tied around the napkins; the ribbon is leftover from Christmas. Two vases of flowers are placed to the side, the taller one provides a “wall” between the tablescape for two and the rest of the empty table. KITCHEN BAR This tablescape is at the corner of a kitchen island. Everyday white dinner plates are topped with trasferware salad plates and
9. Finally, everyone loves party favors – think of a sweet treat
solid bowls. Red jumps out from napkins and strawberries on
that could be tied with a ribbon and laid at each place
a pedestal dish. Julep cups topped with decorative moss balls
setting – a favorite candy bar or small box of chocolates.
separate this intimate corner from the balance of the island. C
mycharmonline.com 45
SCHOOL
STEP 1: PICK OUT A THEME. There are so many options out there - from family and baby albums to wedding guest books and yearbooks. These can make great gifts for any occasion. However, the couple’s category is perfect for a romantic Valentine’s gift. I found the best site for romance designs to be Mixbook. They have eight different templates to choose from while the other two only have a few. You can, of course, start with a blank template, but using a predesigned one is much easier. STEP 2: CHOOSE YOUR PICTURES. The great thing about all three sites is that you can upload pictures from your computer as well as your Facebook and Instagram accounts.
MAKING MEMORIES LAST Words by ASHLEY ANDERSON
If
In my opinion, Mixbook and Shutterfly are the easiest and fastest to use when it comes to choosing the digital photos for your book. STEP 3: CREATE YOUR MEMORY BOOK. Simply drag and drop in the photos you would like to use for each page. You can add text, graphics and backgrounds to make it really pop. They even provide idea pages for you to use if you need examples of how to add that extra flair to the pages. The possibilities are endless. There are matte and glossy finishes for the photos, and the covers come in hardback, softcover or leather. One extra quality that Shutterfly includes is the option to add a
you’re looking for the perfect gift for your significant
memorabilia pocket to store special items, such as ticket stubs
other this Valentine’s Day, why not design a memory
from your first date or little love notes. All three of these websites
book? Most of us have hundreds of digital photos on
are very user friendly, and offer live chats with a customer
our computers, phones and social media accounts which we rarely
service rep.
use. You could take the extra time to print the pictures and put together a homemade scrapbook, but that requires a lot of supplies,
STEP 4: PLACE YOUR ORDER. Once you have created and reviewed your book, it’s time to
and usually costs a pretty penny. Let’s be honest. How many of us
send it to the printer. The average price on all three sites is $30,
have actually finished an entire scrapbook? It can be very time
which turns out to be a pretty good deal considering how much
consuming. Instead, you could easily create a photo memory book
scrapbooking supplies would have cost you. In less than a week,
online in less than thirty minutes. Several online services provide
you should receive the perfect gift for your significant other!
an array of themes and covers that help to make your album the perfect gift. There are many sites out there, but I decided to choose the top three most popular to review: Shutterfly, Picaboo and Mixbook. 46 CHARM | J A N UA R Y / F E B R UA R Y
Whichever website you choose, you will be able to create a one-of-a-kind book that shows your loved one just how much they mean to you. This is truly a gift that both of you can cherish for years to come! C
HIS POINT OF VIEW
IS IT REALLY THIS SIMPLE?
Have
you ever seen one of those hidden
So how do we balance the yearning for glory with the necessity to
treasure movies where the key to
perform the mundane?
solving the puzzle was so simple it
The first and most important step is realizing there is nothing
would be forever impossible to figure out? How about the time you
mundane about the little things. They are the foundation for all
forgot your password only to remember, after you reset it, that it was
successful relationships because they are the DNA of something
something implicitly simple, like, say 1234?
much bigger. They are the clues and signposts that show our
For a lot of men, that’s the feeling we get when it comes to
counterparts that we have the thing that makes both parties in a
relationships. All relationships. Not just the romantic kind, but every
relationship equal, and that is respect. To men, they may seem like
one - from those with our parents, to our significant other, even with
breadcrumbs in some dark, foreboding forest. But women seem to
our children. But let’s be honest, it really seems to raise its ugly head
be able to read them like a glowing neon sign that says this person
highest when it comes to dealing with our female counterparts. It
truly does, or unfortunately sometimes does not, care about me.
always seems there is some secret code just below the surface that should be easy to decipher, but we just can’t seem to unlock it. Relationships should be easy. There really should. You care about someone so much you would sacrifice everything for their well being. You’d trade your last breath for them. Then the next thing you realize, you are locked in a battle of the ages over who loaded the dish washer last or whose turn it is to do the laundry. And it’s our failure as men to recognize the connection between the two that really makes relationships such a conundrum. Men are conditioned from a very young age to seek glory. To be all we can be. We see movies about Audie Murphy single handedly holding off an entire company of German soldiers and tales of Ernest Hemingway, scotch in hand, tossing sticks of dynamite over the side of his boat in search of Nazi submarines. That last load of laundry doesn’t really compare in our minds. But stories like that are what legends are made of. Little things like laundry and dishes are what relationships are made of, figuratively speaking, of course. And it’s because those gravy encrusted plates and muddy jeans mean a lot more than just what we see on the surface. Relationships are a partnership. Completely equal on both sides. And our partners are very adept at picking up little clues that tell them we are not all in at all times. And, you know, they are usually spot on.
This makes it very important for us as men to do something we don’t always like to do, listen and communicate. Most people can remember the first line of the hook in Aretha Franklin’s “Respect.” It’s the second line that is the most important: “Find out what it means to me.” Find out what those little things are because they are not always the same for every person. It’s called getting to know each other, and it’s really one of the most exciting phases of a relationship. It’s the process of finding out what those little things are for your loved one that will make each one more special. The process in itself will make her feel more special. It’s one of those, you know, little things. So as Valentine’s Day approaches, buy those flowers, get her that cute card and take her out to dinner at her favorite restaurant. Everyone needs the big to-do every now and again. More importantly, it’s what you do the day before and after (and every day after that) which will matter the most to her in the long run. C
Most people can remember the first line of the hook in Aretha Franklin’s “Respect.”It’s the second line that is the most important: “Find out what it means to me.” mycharmonline.com 47
FEATURE
Love, ALL YOU NEED IS
HE AND PAGE 7N2 COAFTATLOG
POTTERY BAR
Words by LISA BROWN | Illustrations by VANESSA MCGRAW
I’m
not rich. (And by saying I’m not rich, I don’t mean
indoor cement pond (like the one the Clampetts had), and a yard
that I’m poor, but I’m also, in no way whatsoever,
big enough for twelve dogs and one monkey.
rich.) I’ve been known to pay my electric bill with
Now that I’m gobs and gobs more mature and wise beyond
spare change; I once paid an overdue library fine with 27 dimes
my years, I no longer dream of such things (although truth be
and 13 wooden nickels. I also occasionally buy dented cans from
told, I still want the monkey). These days, I find myself longing
the grocery store, and then have to throw them away because I
for a nice little two-bedroom townhome, tastefully decorated with
can’t open them with my 32-year-old can opener.
cashmere-covered sofas and one of those little traveling Roomba
I’ve used the Coinstar machine at Kroger so often I’ve nicknamed it “Coin-y”. And last but not least, I’m that person who can decorate her living room with nice pieces from Ethan Allen, or discarded pieces from behind a dumpster on Allen Street. I use to think that by the time I was in my 50’s I would’ve won a couple of lotteries or gracefully duped a millionaire into marrying me. However, I’ve won exactly twelve cents playing the lottery, and the richest man I ever went out with thought sharing a plate at the Sizzler was high brow. I think I need to face facts that I might just be semi-unwealthy (and kind of cheap) for the rest of my life. This seems mind boggling. As a little girl, my biggest wish was to live in a non-pretentious, humble nine-story house with a simple little 48 CHARM | J A N UA R Y / F E B R UA R Y
“THESE DAYS, I FIND MYSELF LONGING FOR A NICE LITTLE TWO-BEDROOM TOWNHOME, TASTEFULLY DECORATED WITH CASHMERE-COVERED SOFAS AND ONE OF THOSE LITTLE TRAVELING ROOMBA VACUUM CLEANERS
NKEY O M E H T IN A T R E T N (TO E ).” WHILE I’M AT WORK
“WHAT MAN DOESN’T WANT TO COME HOME TO HIS WIFE LOUNGING SEDUCTIVELY ON A 17TH CENTURY REPLICA AMISH BOOKEND? UCTIVELY, D E S G IN G N U O L Y B AND OF COURSE, G BESIDE IT EATING A I MEAN STANDIN NDWICH.” GRILLED CHEESE SA
vacuum cleaners (to entertain the monkey while I’m at work). During my “ill fated marriage” (and Monday morning quarterbacking suggests I shouldn’t have used those exact words during my wedding vows), I would occasionally get a bug up my bonnet and try and figure out how to put some “zing” back into my relationship. Don’t worry, this isn’t one of those tawdry 50 Shades of Grey articles. It primarily involved ordering things out of the Pottery Barn catalog. I’m really surprised that marriage didn’t work out, to tell the truth. What man doesn’t want to come home to his wife lounging seductively on a 17th century replica Amish bookend? And of course, by lounging seductively, I mean standing beside it eating a grilled cheese sandwich. I guess I had it in my mind that if I spent enough money, happiness would magically come into my life and take away the sadness. But sometimes if you’re really, really, sad, there’s no amount of money or Amish furniture that can fix it. So naturally, I started dreaming about simpler times and monkeys (just as so many women have done since the dawn of time, I’m sure). The point is, even though I still occasionally find myself scraping by at the end of the month, I’m happier now with less money than I was when I had a Pottery Barn expense account. Money is a wonderful thing to have (um, I guess) but loving your life without a ton of it, or a pet monkey, isn’t such a terrible way to live either. But of course, a monkey would really help things along. C
Life. Dream! Live the
Love the
A Lifestyle Community For Seniors™
License Pending
Independent Living • Assisted Living • Memory Care 903.758.8888 | info@parkviewonhollybrook.com 601 Hollybrook Drive, Longview, Texas 75605 Another Exceptional Senior Community by Zerga Companies
mycharmonline.com 49
PICTURE
This!
ZONTA CHRISTMAS PARTY
LOIS COLLINS, MAURITA MYERS, BEVERLY ROSE, KELLY HALL
LONGVIEW | HOME OF ANNE HUGMAN | 12/9/14 Photos by CHRIS LOZANO
Zonta members held their annual holiday celebration at the beautifully decorated home of Anne Hugman. It was a great start to the holiday season.
SHARLEEN HUNT, TAMMY CROMER-CAMBELL
50 CHARM | J A N UA R Y / F E B R UA R Y
PICTURE THIS
KATHY YATES, JANIS CANION, JILL VAYLESS, DIANE MACFARLANE, GLENVA JOHNSON, KRISTEN ISHIHARA, INGRID SELF
JO SALMON, ANNE HUGMAN
CAROL MANLEY, JILL VAYLESS
KATHY YATES , KELLY HALL
RACHEL NORWOOD, SUZANNE BROWN
PATRICIA NEWMAN, DONNA SHARP, ELLEN GORDON, ELYSE MCCOSKEY INGRID SELF, DORIS RAMALY VIEW MORE PHOTOS ON MYCHARMONLINE.COM
mycharmonline.com 51
PICTURE this!
sloan, bagley, hatcher & perry law firm’s christmas open house longview | sloan, bagley, hatcher & perry office | 12/10/14
Shanna Hatcher with the CBS 19 team
katherine Deming and Justin Smith...recently engaged!
John Sloan and wife Dee Ann, with daughter Nika Sloan
Laureen Bagley and sister Stephanie Hajjar
Christi Bagley, Jonathan Epps, Stephanie Hajjar, Donna Bradley, Michelle Johnson view more photos on mycharmonline.com
52 Charm | J a n ua r y / f e b r ua r y
PICTURE this!
PHYLLIS JOLEY, CHRISTY O’REAR, KIM HOLCOMB, TINDA GRIDER-LYON
good shepherd guild brunch longview | HOME OF ALEX WALTRIP | 12/03/14
The Good Shepherd Foundation Guild celebrated the holidays with a brunch at the home of Dr. Alex Waltrip on Wednesday, December 3, 2014. The event was the first formal gathering of members of the Guild since their successful Gold Rush fundraiser in October.
PAULA POOLE, KARMAN LLOYD
VICKI LIPSEY, AMY STACEY, TANA BRAY
AMY MCHANEY, STEPHANIE PAYNE, LYNN BRYSON, BETSY PISTONE, TRACEY EDWARDS, LISA SMITH
JILL SMEAD, PAULA POOLE, CYNDE BELL, SHELLEY MCDONALD, LISA PRIMO
DIANE MORRISON, LISA MARTIN
view more photos on mycharmonline.com
mycharmonline.com 53
REVIEW
{
I blame my desire for getting back to nature on all the books I have read, from Tarzan, “Glamping —
Lord of the Jungle to all the Little House on the
unleashing your inner
Prairie books. But it’s funny, I always wanted
wild while wearing
to experience nature on my own terms, with
a pair of fishing lure
style and flair. Here, I had found the book that
earrings — is for
explained everything in great detail. It’s like a
every woman (or every
treasure trove encyclopedia on how to make
man!) who ever had a
that happen. What I love about this book is that it shows
get-away-from-it-all
fantasy (with a few frilly
us how to create our own unique camping
embellishments
experience with all of MaryJane’s fabulous
thrown in).”
inspirational photos and in-depth stories from how to buy a vintage trailer to how to make a campfire banana split. Contents glamping,
GLAMP IT UP! Words by KATHY MURPHY
Yes,
include
trailers,
housekeeping,
back
gear,
yard safety,
glamping eats and entertainment. You can even learn where to get great Wi-Fi, and all about “junktiqueing”. To me, life is not about getting to a final destination. It’s about the journey. With Glamping with MaryJane, it’s guaranteed that your journey will not only be fun, but will create memories to last a lifetime with your own unique style. STRAIGHT FROM HER WEBSITE AND BOOK: “Glamping or glamour camping - one of MaryJane’s pet concepts – is about the juxtaposition of rugged and
I’ll admit it. I bought a book for the cover. And I bought this book in an unlikely place in East Texas - the gift shop at Tyler State Park.
I am forever in search of a good read, and my friend handed me the book Glamping with MaryJane by MaryJane Butter, with the tag line “Glamour + Camping”. With that cover, I ran to the checkout line. This was a book that was a pure indulgence of a dream I have had for many years. I have been searching for years the perfect vintage trailer to fix up and make my own. I want to glamorize it for a more luxurious camping style that will be perfect for my book and book club adventures.
really, pretty, grit, and glam, diesel and absolutely darling.” –The New York Times. Glamping—unleashing your inner wild while wearing a pair of fishing lure earrings—is for every woman (or every man!) who ever had a get-away-from-it-all fantasy (with a few frilly embellishments thrown in). Learn about the never-fail campfire, cooking with cast iron, how to change a flat, and much, much more. Follow the growing Glamping movement at maryjanesfarm. org and internationalglampingweekend.com. Now hmm, I think it’s time to start a Glamping Weekend in East Texas with our girlfriends, don’t you? C
The book cover lived up to its promise. Glamping is chockfull of a visual feast of inspiring photos, and as a bonus, it’s also a
For more on Kathy L. Murphy check out her official
one-stop shop for everything a girl needs to know to go glamping
website, www.beautyandthebook.com or you email her at
- putting glamour into camping. 54 CHARM | J A N UA R Y / F E B R UA R Y
thepulpwoodqueen@gmail.com
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Want to be part of our Charm Challenge? Visit mycharmonline.com to learn how to participate!
mycharmonline.com 55