THE GREAT NEW ZEALAND CLIMBING GETAWAY Golden Bay
AFTER GLIDING ACROSS THE TRAVERSE, KIRTSY TROTTER READIES HERSELF FOR THE CRUX ON YET ANOTHER MUST-DO FISH WALL CLASSIC. NOT FOR THE FAINT HEARTED, A COOL HEAD IS ESSENTIAL ON THE DREADFULLY PUMPY AFRICAN HEAD CHARGE (26).
PAYNES FORD on a shoestring
POST CODE: HANGDOG POPULATION: DEPENDS ON THE WEATHER KEYWORDS: HIPPY, FLOPPY, HOBIE
NESTLED between Harwoods Hole and the Cobb Range, and surrounded by tree ferns, dairy farms and hippies, Paynes Ford is New Zealand’s premier limestone sport climbing destination. Indeed, one question that all local climbers will ask a foreign climber visiting New Zealand is ‘have you been to Paynes Ford yet?’, underscoring the common view that Paynes Ford is a ‘must do’ of any climbing road trip around the land of the long white cloud (either that or they haven’t got anything else to say).
PHOTO ESSAY SEBASTIAN LOEWENSTEIJN STORY JOHN PALMER
IN A SEA OF SLOPERS, KYLE DUNSIRE LOOKS FOR A LIFE-SAVING JUG ON CREATIVE CONFUSION (27). THE CLIMBER ISSUE 59 | AUTUMN 2007
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‘YOU WON’T FIND MANY CLIMBERS WHO HAVE A BAD WORD TO SAY ABOUT HANGDOG … YES, THE ALL NIGHT PARTIES, WAX BOMBS AND NOCTURNAL MATING CRIES CAN INTERRUPT YOUR BEAUTY SLEEP, BUT THE PLACE STILL GETS UNDER YOUR SKIN.’
A few kilometres from Takaka, a quirky rural service town for the region’s agricultural (and horticultural) enterprises, Paynes Ford is a yearround holiday crag—although it is generally better to go in summer when the weather is better than in winter. And the fun doesn’t stop at the rock climbing—golden sands, golden ales and golden salamis await those prepared to venture beyond their tent on rest days. Many visitors stay at Paynes Ford much longer than planned because of the high quality of the climbing (and the low-priced accommodation). Some stay too long. These people are known as locals.
Places to eat
History Paynes Ford was the place to be seen in late 1980s and early 1990s. Anyone who was anyone was there: Lionel Clay, Nick Sutter, Neil Parker and Dave Fearnley to name a few. Phil Castle liked it so much he moved there. So did the Lizzard. 20 years on, many of these rock legends can still be seen heaving up the Ford’s famous steely grey walls—living, breathing, climbing history.
Orientation The crag starts at one end and finishes at the other end. Most of the climbing is in between.
Things to see Golden Bay offers a cornucopia of unique sights, sounds and experiences. But by far the most compelling ‘thing to see’ is the people. A good bit of voyeurism at one of the local cafés can be an all-day affair. Some common stereotypes to watch out for are: short, fat 50-plus American males, usually resplendent with Japanese wives and hobby farms; 40-plus German couples with impossibly small spectacles and composting toilets; uber-tanned 30-plus Scandinavian females in sports sandals, bike shorts and tight-fitting tee-shirts; and the ubiquitous ruddy-faced Kiwi battler, wearing stubbies and clutching a box of stubbies.
Activities If you’re feeling brave, you could try climbing up one of the many immaculate limestone walls. If not, try a dip in one of Takaka River’s custom built deluxe swimming holes. These crystal clear pools are full of refreshing water, which makes swimming a breeze. Aquatic adven-
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tures are popular with the Hangdog campers and some days the pools feel like the social hub of Golden Bay. On other days, this is not the case. Like when the river is in flood. Group trips to Pohara beach are fun. They are a great way to get really sunburnt, and do a bit more people watching. While you’re down there, why not explore some of the recently developed crags on the nearby seacliffs: the routes are generally steep and juggy and when you’ve had enough you can retire to Jacques Cousteau’s private yacht for a short black and chin-wag with the quirky barista.
Places to stay Budget For the penny-conscious, Hangdog offers budget camping at its best. Even some people with lots of money prefer to stay here. Hangdog occupies a unique place in New Zealand climbing—geographically and metaphysically. It is one location in this great country where climbers can leave behind the claustrophobic pressures of the ‘real’ world (such as personal hygiene), and let it all hang out. Sometimes, literally. You won’t find many climbers who have a bad word to say about Hangdog. Sure, it can be crowded in early January. And yes, the all night parties, wax bombs and nocturnal mating cries can interrupt your beauty sleep, but the place still gets under your skin. Maybe it’s Willy Butler’s legacy, maybe it’s something in the water— whatever it is, the place just has a warm fuzzy vibe. Perhaps that’s why so many climbers (from all over the world) return summer after summer. Mid-range For the executive sport climber, campervans are de rigueur. These can be parked up just about anywhere and offer a compact ‘home away from home’. Top end If you have more money than sense, the Pohara coast offers a range of upmarket batches and homes for rent. Prices range from high to unpalatable.
The local supermarket is a good place to buy food. And beverages. If you don’t mind occasionally surly service and inordinate delays, Takaka’s Wholemeal Café has tables, chairs, food and beverages—it’s an institution in these parts. Up the road, Dangerous Kitchen does new school pizzas at old school prices and a fine shot of espresso. Further afield, there are dozens of cafés, restaurants and other eateries offering everything from ‘shark and taties’ to a la carte dining. Generally, the food is great, the wine is fine and (consistent with local sensibilities) the service is laid back.
Entertainment Besides the climbing, entertainment in the Takaka Valley usually involves eating, drinking, smoking or buying something. If you’re looking to part with some hard-earned cash you could check out the local ‘arts and crafts’, receive personal services from an alternative lifestyler (just the usual stuff like predicting the future) or quaff fruity homebrew at the Mussel Inn. Speaking of the Mussel Inn, if you visit one pub while in Golden Bay it must be this one. First, it is the best pub in Onekaka (by some margin). Second, it serves hearty meals and handcrafted beers. Third, there is no better way to spend a warm summer evening than relaxing in the Mussel Inn beer garden with a cool ale and someone who laughs at your jokes. Perhaps the only downside is the access—be sure to nominate your sober driver before heading out there or take a sleeping bag! Around the December/January period, there are usually loads of outdoor dance parties. If you’re new to the scene, it can be hard to decide which events to attend. That’s where the services of seasoned party goers like Steve Conn can come in handy. Steve has been to more dance parties than you’ve had hot dinners and can spot a bad gig a mile away. Ask at Hangdog for details. If Steve isn’t in residence, someone else is bound to have the skinny.
Getting there and away Most modes of transport will get you to (or near) Paynes Ford. And once you’re there, you won’t want to leave!
THANKFULLY NOT AS HAIRY AS A HOBBIT’S FEET, BILBO’S GREAT ADVENTURE (21) IS ONE OF SEVERAL VERTICAL ADVENTURES TO BE HAD FROM THE BELAY LEDGE ON THE RAT TRAP WALL.
KAREN ASHBURY OPTS FOR THE RED PILL AND ENTERS THE ‘RABBIT-HOLE’ ON THERE IS NO SPOON (27). ALTHOUGH IT’S NO WONDERLAND, THIS ROUTE DOES OFFER SOME DEVIOUS AND SATISFYING CLIMBING.
‘BUFF’ DAN MACKAY CUTS AN IMPRESSIVE FIGURE AS HE REACHES FOR THE CRUCIAL SLOPERS OF FUTURISM (28), AN OLD PHIL DE JOUX PROJECT COMPLETED BY IVAN VOSTINAR IN 2001. ALTHOUGH RELATIVELY SHORT, IT OFFERS SOME DELICATE FACE CLIMBING AS WELL AS SOME MORE MUSCULAR MANEUVERS.
BOLTED BY THE STEPFATHER OF NEW ZEALAND SPORT CLIMBING, PAUL ROGERS, AND DISPATCHED BY SPANIARD ALFONSO GARCIA ETHERINGTON, EITHER YOU’RE DREAD OR YOU’RE NOT (28) IS ARGUABLY THE BEST ROUTE OF ITS GRADE AT THE FORD. HERE, OLIVER MILLER LUNGES FOR ONE OF THE CRUX HOLDS, THE ‘ICE CREAM CONE’, ON THE TUFAINFESTED ROOF.
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ANDREW TROTTER GETTING PRIMAL ON THE BEAST WITHIN (26). THIS ROUTE IS ONE OF THE MANY IMMACULATE LINES BOLTED AND CLIMBED DURING THE REIGN OF NICK SUTTER AND BILL MCLEOD IN THE EARLY 1990S. LIKE MOST (IF NOT ALL) OF THE GLOBE WALL ROUTES, IT OFFERS CONTINUOUS PUMPY CLIMBING ON SMALL GREY SLOPEY EDGES. IT ALSO OFFERS A FEW HEART-POUNDING RUN-OUTS窶年OTHING REALLY NECKY BUT ENOUGH TO UNLEASH THE BEAST.
GLEN ERIK, IN HIS FINEST LAVENDER TIGHTS, ON CREATIVE CONFUSION (27). ESTABLISHED BY VISITING SWISS STRONG MAN ERIC TALMADGE, THIS ROUTE IS DESERVEDLY POPULAR WITH ITS COMBINATION OF BIG SLOPEY JUGS AND AESTHETIC (AND ATHLETIC) MOVES. 30
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MASTER ELECTRICIAN PAUL COGGAN ARCS UP FOR A LIGHTNING-QUICK FLASH OF PHIL’S CASTLE FABULOUS NEW ADDITION TO THE FORD, POWER LINE (23).
KIRSTY TROTTER MAKES HER DAY ON THE GLOBE WALL CLASSIC, FEELING LUCKY PUNK (25). DESPITE ITS REPUTATION FOR STIFF CRANKS OFF SMALL HOLDS, KIRSTY PROVES THAT A BIT STYLE AND FINESSE GOES A LONG WAY. THE CLIMBER ISSUE 59 | AUTUMN 2007
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