Setting & Maintaining Boundaries for Secondary Distributors
Boundaries are the “rules” or guidelines around how we interact with people, how we let people interact with us, and how we react when people ignore or disrespect the limits we set. Setting and communicating boundaries helps to keep relationships healthy, and can help keep you from getting into situations that impact your mental and physical health. For people in harm reduction -- especially secondary distributors who are giving out supplies to their communities, friends, and family members -- setting boundaries can help with maintaining a balance between your personal life and harm reduction work.
It can be really hard to set boundaries, especially in harm reduction. It’s easy to feel like other people’s needs -- whether it’s for harm reduction supplies, a safe place to use, or someone to talk to about what they’re going through -- are more important than our own needs. But prioritizing everyone else’s needs over our own can lead to burnout, which can make us tired, stressed, and resentful of the work or even the people we work with. So, setting boundaries isn’t selfish, and it isn’t just good for you: it’s important for the people you’re distributing to that you stay mentally healthy and are able to continue providing them with resources!
Boundaries are also a two-way street: you can’t expect someone to respect your boundaries if you don’t respect theirs.
Here are some examples of common boundary issues that might come up for people who do secondary distribution, how to communicate about them, and some alternatives you can offer people. These are just examples – nobody is saying that these have to be your boundaries.
1. You may want to set boundaries around the language people use and how they treat you and others when you’re distributing to them:
• “I need you to treat me and other people that I distribute to with respect. We can have a discussion about what that looks like and why what you just said was disrespectful, if you want, but if it continues to happen, I’m going to need you to…”
• “...find a friend to pick up your supplies.”
• “...let me know when you’re going to pick up your supplies, so I can leave them outside in a paper bag for you.”
• “...order your own supplies from NEXT Distro; I can give you their information.”
2. If you’re distributing from your home, you may want to set boundaries around when people can come and get their supplies, so that people are not popping in all day long.
• “I want to be able to get you the supplies you need, but I can’t be available for people to drop in all day, every day. Instead, you can…”
• “... pick up your supplies between these times, on these days.”
• “... call or text me at least an hour ahead of time to let me know what you need and when you’ll come get it.”
• “... meet me at a certain place at a certain time to get your supplies.”
• “... call or text me with a couple hours’ notice, and ask me to drop your supplies off to you.”
• “... give you the information for NEXT Distro, so you can order your own supplies and don’t have to rely on me.”
3. If you’re distributing from your home, you may want to set boundaries around people using in your house:
• “I’m so glad you feel like this is a safe place to use and I’m somebody you can trust. I need to ask you to…”
• “... let me know before you go to the bathroom to use, so I can know to check in on you if it’s been a while.”
• “ ... not use here when my children/partner/ roommate is/are home.”
• “... make sure to clean up after yourself, including putting your syringe in a sharps container, when you’re done.”
• “... wait until nobody else is here to get their supplies.”
4. Or, you may not want people using in your home at all:
• “I’m sorry, but I’m not comfortable with you using here, but I want you to be as safe as possible. Some other options you could try are…”
• “... calling a friend or someone you trust while you use, so someone can call 911 if anything happens to you.”
• “...the Never Use Alone hotline. Their number is (800) 484-3731.”
• “...running the sink if you’re using in a public restroom, so someone will notice the flooding and open the door and find you if you do overdose.”
