In Memoriam 36 Wāheke

QEII Coolio Morgan Freeman

Olivia Newton-John Meat loaf Betty White

Sacheen Littlefeather Bill Russell Bob Saget

Tom Parker Gilbert Gottfried Mikhail Gorbachev

In Memoriam

Seamus Lohrey

QEII - After 70 years on the throne, Queen Liz proved she wasn’t immortal and finally passed on. Whether you like her or not, 7 decades is an impressive innings, raise the bat Lizzo.

Coolio - Known for making some good music including one of the most iconic songs there is in ‘Gangsta’s Paradise’. I cannot believe I went all these years without knowing his real name is Artis Leon Ivey Jr.

Morgan Freeman - Joking!

Olivia Newton-John - This one made a lot of people sad, especially the mums of the world. She sang, she acted, and had a strangely satisfying name.

Meat loaf - Not the food, the person.

Betty White - She died just before the stroke of 2022 on New Years Eve but I’m still counting it because of how legendary she is. An old lady that looked like she baked bomb cookies but at the same time could kick your ass with ease. An international treasure who almost made it to 100, damn.

Sacheen Littlefeather - A name not many of us know but heaps of us should. One of the early worldwide figures in indigenous rights when she refused Marlon Brando's Oscar on his behalf because of the racist portrayal of native Americans in cinema.

Bill Russell - Dunked, blocked shots, and won a lot of championships. Also an awesome civil rights activist.

Bob Saget - He told jokes and acted. Strangely, he was the voice of old Ted from ‘How I Met Your Mother’ despite not actually playing the character.

Tom Parker - Was a heartthrob in the 2010’s boy band ‘The Wanted’ whose most famous song was ‘Glad You Came’. He performed in musical theatre for a bit until he passed away at the age of 33.

Gilbert Gottfried - I remember his fine artistic work as the voice of the parrot from Aladdin.

Mikhail Gorbachev - Last President of the Soviet Union. He played a big role in ending the Cold War, he withdrew Soviet troops from Afghanistan, and intentionally slowed the Nuclear Arms Race down with the USA. Under his reign the Soviet Union dissolved.

Sponsored by Last Place :)

S.U.N.Z

Jak Rāta

Fomo Tings:

Website Launch

Follow them: @something.ultra. new.zealand

S.U.N.Z

Brief rundown on the name.

SUNZ is an acronym for Something Ultra New Zealand

Tell us who’s who in the band?

-Zonny – AKA The Flow (Rapper, Artist) -Willsy – Bass/ Chill guy -Caamzie – AKA Funk Master Z (Rapper/ MC) -Hugh McKendrey - Drums -Joe Cole – Guitar/ Vocals -MC MOUSE – AKA Sé (Rapper/MC)

If you had to explain your sound without using music terms, how would you do it?

Sunglasses riding a surfboard

What’s everyone's favourite bevvy and snack lineup?

SUNZ have a variety of favourites snacks and drinks, a couple classic combos include;

-Hawkes Bay Lager + A double smash burger from Black Bettys Barbecue

-Oat Flat White from Haumoana Coffee + Cauliflower tacos from Fork n Noise

=Export Low Carb Lager + Thai Sweet Chilli Doritos

If you could have anyone open for you, who would it be?

Led Zeppelin feat Kanye West or if they’re not available, six60

Local bands you’re frothing and we should be too?

- Sandy Sheets - Suzy Blue - Tropical Downbeat Orchestra - Scarlett Eden band - Masslands

What is the one thing you want to achieve as a band?

20 hacky sacks in a row

What’s on the horizon for SUNZ, what should we be on the lookout for?

- EP release 11/11/22

- 12/11 we are playing stop 4 of the msft productions NZ tour, Yot Club raglan

- 26/11 SUNZ EP release show at Peak House, Havelock north.

- Our new website www.sunzmusic.com (All dates and tickets will be available there)

NEXUS

KUPU WHAKAATU 特辑 As is a tradition, we at Nexus 50ish spend our last issue being salty cunts and deciding to shit on some people. 2022 has sort of been a lacklustre year Worst in comparison but here we are, Peo still coming with (almost 50) worst people to round out te list. We almost did a best list but we thought fuck it - we’re suckers for a traditon. So enjoy

ple LOVE FROM JAK & THE NEXUS TEAM

our final fuck you to all the

people that made it a shit one.

30. Nexus

We’ve been pretty fucking bad, and deserving of the 30th spot. But honestly? Can’t cop as much grief as some of these other fuckers; our biggest mistake was forgetting to select a winner for snapped a couple of times. Pack it up.

29. Ned Fulmer

Ned Fulmer - A great representation of all the cheating little bitches that overcompensate by love bombing and being an all around little douchebag.

28. Kyla Campbell-Kamariera

We just miss you whaea. Let’s stay mad that you’re gone but not forgotten.

27. Jada & Will

The cheater, the beater, and the eater. These two have been on a downward spiral ever since the punch heard around the world. Jada is an insufferable knowit-all and Will needs help. Match made in heaven.

26. Liam Payne

Fuck, let us dry our tears on our Fine Line towel, while streaming Our Town and just admiring Zayn. Overall, he wasn’t lying, but he’s also a bit of a dumb-cunt. Focus on being a dad bro.

25. Brittney Griner

Puff puff pass Aunty. We know it was a mistake, but honestly? Who’s travelling with dope these days. What kind of fuckwit.

24. Trisha Paytas

Imagine using crying and emotional manipulation to make your audience fall for you, only to turn your daughter's birth into a brand-deal by naming her Malibu Barbie. Malibu. Fucking. Barbie.

23. Joe Rogan

The ika rots from the head. And where else would you find the root of all angry meninists than the humble halls of the Joe Rogan Podcast. “I listen for the guests” then seek out the guests? Right?

22. James Shaw

The less popular co-leader, Shaw was almost pushed completely from the eyes of Greens Supporters. But like cockroaches, and Cher, he rose from the ashes and is on a vendetta. Against who? Fuck knows, but he’s here.

21. Mason Greenwood

This may not be confirmed but it’s an allegory for sports stars just getting off because they’re handsome and can run fast. How about you just fire the cunt, there’s about 7 kids from Boy’s High that could do a better job mate.

20. Salient

Another year of watching Salient produce what can only be described as “professional journalism”. Congratulations on your union having a more fucked name than your uni. Te Rōpū Tauira O Te Whare Wānaga o Te Upoko Ō Te ika a Māui just rolls off the tongue.

19. Ezra Miller

Apart from his absolutely abysmismal performance in that Harry Potter movie, Ezra has been on the run multiple times and we wish the fucker would just stay gone. We don’t need to talk about Ke(zra) vin.

18. Ime Udoka

Ain’t got shit to say except fuck you for Nia Long. Fuck you Ime.

17. Gabbie Hanna

It’s both a concern for her health and a plea to Tiktok to delete her account. She’s both a mix of mental breakdown and serious under-researched bullshit claims. Yikes.

16. Amber & Johnny

We’re not taking sides in a matter that should never have become as publicised as it did. At the end of the day, give em both the Oscar and let’s call it a day. Also Kate Moss for best supporting, brought tears to my eyes.

15. Kanye West

Ye has been on a slippery slope since his subsequent divorce from the former half of Kimye, but his flow-through relationships, erratic online presence, and recent support of White Lives Matter has caused nothing but confusion and sadness. You okay uncle?

14. Sam Uffindell

While we can forgive the trashing of a flat during your Uni days (been there), we can’t forgive how shit you look in blue. It’s not your colour mate, so how about you punch another school kid and we’ll call it even.

13. Prince Andrew

It’s old news, we know, but Prince Andrew should always be in a list of worst people for liking young kids. Allegedly of course, but it makes it worse when you compare him to the beauty and grace that is his angel of a sister. Fuck you Andrew.

12. Elon Musk

As someone with all the money, Musk is walking proof that money can’t buy a clue and we just wanna say “get a clue you fucking idiot”. And also, stay out of Chinese and Taiwanese politics, you’re delusional if you think your opinion ever mattered. Waaait, he’s every twitter incel ever, now it makes sense.

11. Addison Rae’s Parents

Addison Rae’s Parents - Riding YungGravy’s jock or just being a douchelord of epic proportions. Sheri and Monty need to sort out their priroites while they ride the Rae-train to monetary heights.

Dishonourable Mentions

Shit Lecturers Cuba Gooding Jr Novak Djokovic DaBaby Mariah Carey Kevin Spacey Doja Cat Ricky Martin Lizzo Taylor Swift Pete Davidson Anyone in ACT Anyone in New Conservative Anyone in NZ Outdoors & Freedom Party Marama Davidson King Charles III Every Nexus Editor Ever (fuck you cunts) YungGravy Tony Lopez Austin McBroom

10. Jak Rāta

Our evil overlord, or overbearing uncle. Either way, Jak has been nothing short of tyrannical as he storms a room and demands progress. He’s one combover and a bad tan job from being D.Trump. And then he tells us he MAY return next year? Well you won’t see us at the brunt end of his shitty mood swings and unrealistic deadlines again. Good luck to next year's team.

09. Jacinda Ardern

While it’s been a tough year for Luxon, what with him changing occupations from Fat Controller to Meth maker, he’s been consistent. It’s no secret that we’re not a fan of the glued-together humpty dumpty – mans is still there and standing for something he’s quite passionate about. Though we can’t tell what he cares for more, death to Māori or mentioning Women’s breasts far too often.

08. Chris Luxon

The lesser of two evils, but Ardern has lost the faith she once had in her followers. While she's an alumni, so kia ora, it’s hard to defend her with some of the shitty financial decisions being masked by futile cost of living adjustments in the form of a few measly payments. Thanks CIndy, no tomatoes this year for Xmas babes.

07. Neil Quigley

Probably not deserving of being this high up, but the blueballs we’re all getting from waiting on this fucking Pā has us about ready to throw in the towel. Hurry the fuck up Quigz, we wanna see the whare and buy shit from (fingerscrossed) the campus shop so people know we came here. Please?

06. Liz Truss

Cut funding, NHS Crisis, Monarch Mishaps, and just generally fucking shit up – Truss has our vote for the the most lacklustre starting jump for a PM ever. Rolling off the back of Boris, hopes were high but weren’t misled. Liz, the lesser of the Mary’s, has been a fucking shitshow to say the least. Hoping this next year is easier for you aunty.

05. Brian Tamaki

The self-proclaimed apostle and aspiring politician has been nothing but a human version of a thumb. He remains our resident batshit cunt, but upon the introduction of New Nation Party and Outdoors Party into Vision NZ, he’s been downright insane. Nothing fuels anger more than the completely empty ramblings of a man that has lost direction and sanity, just preaching upon the empty ears of those poor helpless souls.

04. Ram-Raiders

Nothing screams good cunt like taking 10 of your mates and robbing a jeweller in the middle of Te Awa – fuck that’s hot. How about you stop playing GTA5 Heist and get your shit together rather than picking on Chartwell Takeaways. Hope the ripped $5 note and 3 huck in change was worth making a fool of yourself when you couldn’t figure out how plastic plex-glass works. You fucking idiots. Though, can you use one of our cars next? Needing a new bumper aye.

03. Anaru Tate

At his core he is actually quite sweet… okay now that we’ve satisfied the hordes of male supremacists, this cunt needs a swift kick to the johnson. Just one massive wounder who we’re sure would do great studying strategic management or some shit-cunt degree at Auckland Uni. He hasn’t left a great taste in everyone's mouth, stink nut fuckface.

02. Vladamir Putin

There’s not a lot you can say about Putin that doesn’t end with you calling him a suck-fest with a capital hard on. Putin has completely destroyed the integrity and good dignity that Ukraine once had. Establishing war, restricting trade partnerships, and being an all-around Horse abuser, he’s worthy of the top spot this year. The only thing holding him back from winning is his head of beautiful ha- oh wait. Fuck knows, but fuck you Putin.

01. David Sey mour

At this point, we’re kinda like a clingy ex. We know we shouldn’t but something is always bringing us back to you Papi David. This year has seen you grow, but closer to the ground where you’re probably getting freaky with Satan. Last year we made a joke that you weren’t deserving of a whole page. This year you’re subject to being in the bottom corner. Count your blessings and fuck you.

YOUR 2023 WSU EXEC BOARD

Lushomo Thebe President

Beezi Nauci Direcor Pacific

Bronwen Ata-Tauai Director

Stella McLean Vice-President

Nicola Paul Director

Zac Isaac Director

Rangiamohia Dansey-White VP Māori

Mira Arif Director

Samira Suleiman Director

Jasmine Campbell Director Tauranga

George Liu Director

Aaliyah Te Whata-Harvey Director

Te Rārangi Waiata

Its cooked, we know Lara Dashfield

RED HOT CHILLI PEPPERS

05. goodbye - russ

06. too good at goodbyes - sam smith

07. goodbye - spice girls

08. goodbuy - post malone (ft young thug)

$UICIDEBOYS SUZY CATO

01. Goodbye my lover - james blunt

02. Goodbye - Billie Eilish

03. Goodbye Angels - red hot chilli peppers

04. Goodbye yellow brick road - elton john

SPICE GIRLS

09. Goodbye’s (the saddest word) - celine dion

10. Goodbye blue sky - pink floyd

11. goodbye - $uicideboys

12. Fuck you, goodbye - the kid laroi ft machine gun Kelly