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BUDGET 2016 PAGE 4
SWEET ESCAPE: ADVENTURES IN FICTION PAGE 18
BLIND DATE SUCCESS PAGE 31
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CONTENTS
CONTRIBUTORS
01.
EDITOR
EDITORIAL
Brittany Rose 02. LETTUCE
editor@nexusmag.co.nz
03.
UNI NEWS
DESIGN
04.
NEXUS NEWS
Olivia Paris
07. SPORTS
design@nexusmag.co.nz DEPUTY EDITORS Lyam Buchanan
08. CARE
lyam@nexusmag.co.nz Bronwyn Laundry
10. ENTERTAINMENT
bronwyn@nexusmag.co.nz
12. REVIEWS
MANAGING EDITOR James Raffan
14. COVERED
james@nexusmag.co.nz
15. ARTS
CONTRIBUTORS Tom Collopy
15. AUTEUR
Freddy Walker Joshua Morris
16.
SWEET ESCAPE: ADVENTURES IN FICTION
18.
THE 3 PRINCIPLES OF A ROAD TRIP
20.
BRAVE NEW WORLD
22.
YOUR SPACE
Jared Wooldridge Te Waiaranga Ratana Megan Cullen Matthew Rae Alvin Brown Peter Dornauf Dr. Richard Swainson Vitamin D
26. COLUMNS
Yasir Khan
29.
COVER
PAK 'N SAVE HEAD CHEF
Alvin Brown 30. SNAPPED 31.
BLIND DATE
32. PUZZLES
PHOTOGRAPHY Billy Lee-Pope DESIGN INTERNS Nikkole Lulu, Nick Osborne ADVERTISING advertising@nexusmag.co.nz OFFICES Ground Floor, Student Union Building Gate One, University of Waikato Knighton Road, Hamilton ONLINE facebook.com/nexusNZ @nexusmag Spotify: nexusmagazine ISSUE 11 30 MAY 2016 ADVENTURE
Editorial NEXUS MAGAZINE
EDITORIAL ADVENTURE TIME? BRITTANY ROSE
I’m not an adventurous person. I hate travelling because I’m terrible at packing. I went to London this one time and never had appropriate clothes despite a 20 odd kg bag. It put me in a really bad mood. I’m quite pathetic, and can’t even handle going away for a weekend unless I know exactly where I’ll be staying, and how I’m getting home. If the return trip is in the middle seat then I’m probably not going to leave my house. Plus, I HAVE SO MUCH TO DO. Like drink with my friends inside and never leave once the sun sets because it’s too cold and rainy now. Or ignore the essay, report and two tests I have to tackle before next Wednesday and just sit at my desk crying instead. None of the above is particularly relatable for the carefree, yet-to-hit-20 student population, I know. For content more your vibe, check out Lyam Buchanan's yarns about road tripping, anti-Snapchat sentiment and advice that would have me sulking (Principals of a Road Trip p.22); or laugh at Bronwyn Laundry’s deluded expectations of a road trip (p.26) in her Expectations vs Reality column. Jared Wooldridge’s take on adventure is much more my speed — minimal effort, maximum result (Sweet Escape, p.18) because it’s all about stories of adventure rather than actual physical adventure. I spent most of my childhood hanging out with the Baudelaire orphans and fostering a gigantic crush on Violet. Oddly enough, I also adored Olaf’s accomplice, Esme, in The Ersatz Elevator. Fictional adventures satisfy me because they take place within my brain, and are most likely experienced tucked up with a hot water bottle and a coffee. No wind, no puddles and no nature. Now I barely read because I’m a fraud of an English major, but I’ll happily binge watch Orphan Black. Sarah Manning and her clones do more than enough adventuring to make up for my desire to stay on the couch. I don’t know, maybe it’s the grey skies bringing me down, but the antics of the exchange students that Rachael Elliott spoke to (p.20) just make me want to take a really, really long nap. Zzzzz...
Britt
1
NEXUS MAGAZINE Lettuce
E C T U E T LT O T HE EDIT OR
FACEBOOK LETTUCE POST HUNGRY
According to google the average lettuce takes between 45-55 days to mature. If that bad boy was planted back in February it must just about be ready for a mad ass sandwich. Thank you for your thoughts on such an important political matter. The PM planted lettuce in Feb and it would be a great in a sandwich now. A+ – Editor
Lettuce is the Letters to the Editor section of Nexus because If you say "letters" quick enough in a super Niu Zeelund accent it sounds like "lettuce". Comment on our Facebook page, on our Instagram, or even Snap your
DEAR GRAPHIC DESIGNER PUNNY
lettuce to us. Just use #lettuce and we'll put you in print, and respond to your comments. Either that or email lettuce@nexusmag.co.nz Disclaimer Letters published contain the opinion of the writer and the writer alone. Nexus publications take no responsibility for the content or opinions so expressed. By submitting your letter you give consent to its publication in Nexus and subsequent public scrutiny. Letters are the authors own work and Nexus will
I was looking at your food review for Eat My Lunch and there was a sandwich made with seed bread. The photo was a bit GRAINy. Wowee, you should shush. – Editor
not edit to compensate for lack of intelligence or coherency. Nexus reserves the right to edit or refuse to publish any letter which breaches any law, is defamatory to any person, or contains threats of violence or hate speech.
THANKS! MIKE DROP
DEADLINE
The open Mic on Wednesday last week was so cool. There was such
STRESSED
a cool vibe and everyone was so happy. The pizza from Dominoes was great. People got up and got involved and Volume on Campus
Do all of the lecturers across all of the faculties sit in a board room and plot to ruin our lives by putting all deadlines on the same day? It sucks. This time
preformances were great. Great job WSU Good to hear, I was too busy working and couldn’t go. – Editor
of semester sucks. In one of my lectures the other day a student was like “Everything’s due at the same time, I’ve got so many deadlines next week,” and the lecturer sassed back with, “Well maybe you should have started them
TRENDING ON TWITTER
sooner.” They’re trying to make us manage our time or some shit. What
MIKE DROP
assholes. – Editor #5WordCompliments Nexus paper doesn’t scratch asshole I’m pretty sure it would. Steal napkins from Bongo if you’re that
BACHELORETTE NZ 1
desperate and broke. – Editor
JORDAN MAUGER
Why do you have a Labour MP as a Bachelorette suggestion, but not a National MP. And why the heck do you think the BigSave Furniture Lady is more appropriate than the Briscoes Lady? You suck nexus I told you on Facebook, and I’ll tell you again. There would simply be far too few blondes if we were to swap those ladies. It’s very important that anything Bachelor/Bachelorette related has an abundance of blonde women. They have more fun, you see? – Editor
2
N.11 / V.48
ADVENTURE
BACHELORETTE NZ 2 CHRYSTAL CHENERY
Naz would make the best Bachelorete. Why didn’t you suggest her? I’d watch that because I bet she’d fuck before the fourth episode Woah, woah, woah. None of that language here, thanks. – Editor
News from the University NEXUS MAGAZINE
Engineering student Elliot Baptist is up for a Waikato District Youth Award for
ONYA
YOUTH AWARD FINALIST
his contribution to the Glen Afton Line Heritage Railway. He’s club chairman, newsletter editor and helps keep the trains running. TABLE TENNIS CHAMPS Eight Waikato students competed at the National University Table Tennis Championships in Auckland last week. The Mens’ and Womens’ team came second overall.
TOP SCHOLARSHIP WIN PhD student Sheree Balvert recently won the 2016 Pukehou Pouto Scholarship, worth $10,000. She’s putting it towards her research of the negative impact of agriculture on the environment.
SEARCHING FOR MUSSELS Science student Michele Melchior won BADMINTON BRONZE
a $5000 Summer Research Project
Four students took home bronze medals after competing in the
last year. Her 10-week project involved
National Tertiary Badminton Championships last week. (L-R)
monitoring freshwater mussels to
Manveer Bassan, Vincent Harris, Erena Calder-Hawkins and
measure the health of Waikato’s aquatic
Natalie Trow made up the Waikato team.
ecosystem.
Full stories available at waikato.ac.nz/news-events. Got a story to share? Email meganb@waikato.ac.nz.
GET THE INSIDE SCOOP
AWARD YOUR WORK
Now’s the time to get yourself sorted for
If you want to know the best way to
Applications are open for the 2016
next semester. Add or change your July
find academic articles, how to use Excel,
Undergraduate Awards. Submit your top
papers by logging in to iWaikato and
PowerPoint, APA referencing (and more),
course work to be recognised as a top
completing a Change of Enrolment. For
the Library runs free tutorials.
undergraduate in your field. There are 25
advice call 0800 WAIKATO or go to an
Visit waikato.ac.nz/library/study/classes
categories. Applications close 14 June.
info session.
for more info.
More info at undergraduateawards.com
HOW DO YOU GET TO CAMPUS?
FREE CAREER ADVICE - ONLINE
ECO EMPORIUM ON CAMPUS
And has this changed with the
Now you can get free career advice from
Find out how to reduce waste, upcycle,
introduction of parking charges this year?
wherever you are.
trade or sell old goods, and connect
Help inform future planning by taking our
Visit waikato.ac.nz/go/careers to register
with charity and volunteer programmes.
survey at bit.ly/UoWcommute — it only
for an online workshop and find out what
Check out the new Eco Emporium on the
takes a few minutes.
topics are covered.
Hamilton campus, G.10 (The Cow Shed).
Register at waikato.ac.nz/go/info.
Go to iWaikato or Student eNews for more information and other need-to-knows.
NEED TO KNOW
GET SET FOR B SEMESTER
NEXUS MAGAZINE News
NEWS BUDGET 2016: DEBT, HOPELESSNESS AND EDITORIAL TEARS BRITTANY ROSE AND JAMES RAFFAN
WHY WE HATE OUR LIVES: THE BRITT AND JAMES STORY... Last year, in an effort to be truly pragmatic we embraced our inner Fox News
10 WAYS STUDENTS ARE SCREWED 1.
There is some money going to education, but fuck all going to tertiary.
for Budget 2015. For those of you who don’t know Budget Day is the annual
In theory better funded education at Early Childhood level is great for
gathering of politicians to sit around and act like indignant children simultaneously
the future, however it doesn’t really help those of us about to enter the
congratulating themselves for manufactured numbers while fucking the poor,
workforce drowning in student loan debt.
students, and anyone else who probably wasn’t going to vote for them anyway.
2.
If you’re studying in FASS, FoE SMPD or WMS you’re shit outta luck. The
We tried, we really tried last year to show that there were two sides to the story.
money that is going to tertiary isn’t across the board, it’s targeted at
We manufactured a jilted lover scenario and got comments from local MP’s to
science, agriculture, and undergrad medicine. But we don’t have a med
feed into our quirky little narrative and those of us who attatched our name
school — yet.
to it basically needed three days worth of cold showers to feel anything again because the truth is there are not two sides to the story there is one.
3.
While the largest chunk of our tax dollar (21%) goes to health, 17% goes to superannuation. That’s directly to old people who may or may not be
The government does not give a fuck. National and Labour have a history of
retired because it isn’t means tested like all other social security and
pulling the ladder up behind them and not paying any attention to the students.
welfare is. This cash is purely for living past retirement age.
Those students who are getting soaked on their way to uni because paid parking is too much of a stretch; they’re lumbered with debt, and if they are lucky enough
4.
(gross, p/w), while students who are single, living alone, 24 and over get
to get housing it is more often than not in shitty flats with poor heating while
$210.13 (gross, p/w). We broke asf.
they struggle by on casual contracts, working crappy jobs in time they should be 5.
doing readings and attending classes.
Superannuation payments for a single person, 65 and over are $443.43
There is no increase in student allowance thresholds — so you’ll still receive less from StudyLink if you have the audacity to work an extra shift while
Bill English went to great pains to point out last week that he has no idea
studying to retain your ‘responsible employee’ rep.
what’s wrong with young men in New Zealand — calling them “pretty damned hopeless”, now he’s smirked his way through the announcement that student
6.
There wasn’t even a mention of student loan EFTS caps - so looks like we’re stuck at 7 EFTS worth of eligibility. To bad if you want to retrain throughout
fees have a maximum cap of annual 2% increase. Does he hate young people?
your career... This budget seems to be all about creating that elusive surplus in order to claim bragging rights while actually doing not very much. James Shaw mentioned
7.
increase.The increase has now been capped at a maximum 2% annual
that this is the first budget in eight years to talk about climate change. Eight
increase. That’s not a fuckin’ decrease.
years! Why? So next year they can give tax cuts to farmers and attempt to buy an election. The worst part, the absolute worst part of all of this is the Nexus
Studying is getting more expensive because student fees are still gonna
8.
You still cannot receive a Student Loan for postgraduate study. This
Managing Editor found himself listening to it all thinking that Winston Peters was
change was announced on 24th May 2012, and completely ignored an
making sense. How far through the fucking looking glass have we come?
increasingly competitive job market with more qualified applicants going for jobs. If you don’t have a piece of paper you’re unlikely to get a job; and
So instead of us ranting, raving and possibly committing defamation by accusing
if you don’t have money, you can’t really pay to get that piece of paper.
one party leader of being a racist and the other of being Marie Antoinette it
Unless, of course, you’re one of those who(se parents) can fund it through
might just be easier if Nexus left it to some other people. We have assembled
a different method.
a bunch of quotes, fact charts and graphics that tell the story of the Budget 2016. We have got the most memorable and cringeworthy reactions from
9.
If you’re a parent and a student start pinching pennies — there’s gonna be a
the opposition leaders. We have also got a Presidential round table featuring
change to the decile funding system, and shit knows what that might mean
quotes from WSU President Indula “Indy” Jayasundara, SAWIT President Logan
for your wallet, overdraft or credit card.
Robinson and NZUSA President Linsey Higgins.
10.
With the announcement of up to seven new charter schools teaching is
While we hope this is informative and entertaining it is also just so we can vent
getting more niche (read: questionable) so, teaching graduates, start
before we go and drink scotch and cry in a corner thinking about things.
applying for retail jobs now.
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ADVENTURE
News NEXUS MAGAZINE
PRESIDENTIAL ROUND TABLE
OPPOSITION SOAP OPERA
Indula, Logan and Linsey all have their say on what this budget means for you.
Is Winston a bit of a (entertaining) racist? Is James Shaw the person who you want your mum to meet but will probably never be Prime Minister, Did anyone
Indula Jayasundara (WSU President)
watch Peter Dunne or the ACT guy? No... we didn’t either.
“The disappointing part is that the government is out of touch enough to believe that a drop from 3 percent to 2 percent as a maximum fee increase is good news.
Winston Peters
When everyone else is talking free education”
“More forests have fallen to print National's propaganda than to build houses”
“In the last five years the average weekly student allowance has gone up by a few
“I’m standing up for New Zealanders who know who this
dollars but students are having to work more just to keep up.”
country used to belong to.”
“It would be easier to understand if we could see more value in the services, or better funded support networks but we don’t.”
“Students will lie awake wondering if they can ever pay off their loans or find a good job when they finish their studies.”
Logan Robinson (SAWIT President) “This budget represents the bare minimum required to keep the middle New
“Now the PM might sleep like a baby, but hundreds of New Zealanders don’t.”
Zealand demographic from calling for change. State-run services are falling
“A bit like that man Merril Lynch. Boasting he’s a self-made mad, he’s never
behind, but this budget props them up enough to keep most people blind”
been a businessman he’s been a money trader — speculating against who? His
“At least National are consistent with their centre-right status.. As an opposition party, Labour has offered no real immediate alternatives to this budget. Maybe they should be honest about sitting right of centre too."
country’s currency!” “Proof that the emperor from Merril Lynch has no clothes.” In reference to the $5,000 emergency funding to move homeless from Auckland,
“There is some benefit to the additional funding for trades training and Level 1 and
“No matter how many generations you’ve been living in Auckland she wants you to
2 courses, but not at the expense of ongoing cuts to student loans and allowances.”
get out of there so they can make room for an immigrant… To say that it’s a matter
“As a social work student in my final year of study, I can already see this budget means that I won’t be short of chances to use my knowledge, skills and training.” Linsey Higgins (NZUSA President) "Today I heard Steven Joyce talk about focusing funding on ensuring our education system is a quality one. NZUSA gets this, we believe we should have a system that means students’ qualifications are worth something. However, when students are making decisions like whether to buy tampons OR food, or whether to spend money on bus fares to uni OR a warm hoodie (from Kmart) to get them through winter, I think students are more interested in the pressing issue of their daily needs."
of racism shows just how unpatriotic and un-New Zealand some people are.” Metiria Turei “The Budget good: cutting the one for two emissions subsidy and a little more for Whanau Ora. The Budget bad: Nothing to build more houses and zero for child poverty. The most important challenges facing our country ignored while John Key gives a shouty speech about NZ wine.” James Shaw “And John Key’s Government? It’ll be remembered for
"Students are living in slums or couch surfing from friend to friend. Students
nothing but this: Record numbers of homeless people;
can't afford to live on the meagre sums the government dishes out each week.
Children suffering from Third World diseases because
Telling students that government support is just a “supplement” to your other
of the condition of their homes; The biggest decline in
income is a joke. I remember back to 2008 when I was 18 and I could live on a
homeownership ever; Two-thirds of our rivers so polluted
student allowance in Wellington. It wasn’t fun or sexy but you could manage it.
they’re not safe to swim in; The highest ever rate of greenhouse gas emissions;
Eight years on, that’s no longer a reality."
Native wildlife inching closer to extinction; and the conservation estate crumbling.” Andrew Little "Scratched out, patchwork" “Hodge podge” “Out of touch” “Piecemeal package” “In this Budget, Bill English's eighth, they have failed.”
CONCLUSION: REFLECTION, WHISKEY AND TEARS Brittany, James and Olivia sat in a room on Thursday night trying to think of a way that we could end this. A caustic tale with a moral at the end and a sign of hope but that probably doesn’t exist here. What we found instead was pure unadulterated hopelessness.The kind you mainline into your veins. The stupidest part was that we agreed if just one of them hadn’t been abusive or petulant, or shouted, if they had simply said “this is a vision that isn’t ours or the Graph: Income for a student who is over 24, single, and receiving full allowance
people we represent, here is what we believe” they would have had our vote. Or
for all 52 weeks of the year is $10,926.76, gross, per year ($210.13 p/w)
at least we wouldn’t be so depressed. 5
NEXUS MAGAZINE News
NEWS RATE MY TEACHER BRITTANY ROSE
How do the results impact on future pedagogy and paper design? Not our area specifically, and we haven’t been intimately involved in paper design discussions — but as we see it, student comments are a valued part of the paper and teaching review process for many, since we collate a lot of data when a course review comes along. While only being one piece of the review puzzle, student feedback can highlight things in a paper that could be overlooked.
The semester is drawing to
a close, and with exam revision comes the
Students’ comments can give insight into what may have happened around
opportunity to reflect on your papers — and even evaluate your lecturers.
assessments, and can provide suggestions about what can be changed for the
Nexus spoke to William Shields, the Evaluation Coordinator from the Centre
better. Student comments can also be a clear indicator that something needs
for Tertiary Teaching and Learning here at Waikato Uni.
to be changed, as well. So, these comments can also enhance the process to ensure that the review, design or new teaching methods fit well with how
How long have paper and teaching evaluations existed formally at UoW?
students are changing.
A bit before our time, but at least since the mid-90’s. We have some old data on floppy disk that I want to archive, but I need something to read them first!
How does the paper and teaching evaluation process impact on decisions made by the University regarding what papers are taught, and by whom?
What is the purpose of evaluation? How does it impact on staff?
Not really our area — but I’d say it’s primarily decided based on EFTS, what
In short — Professional Development. We want the University to be a great place
papers are approved, and (in the near future) how papers fit into the new
for people to learn and grow, the best way to do that is to improve teaching. The
Curriculum Enhancement Framework.
best way to improve teaching is to help our teaching staff figure out what they do right, and what they get wrong with regards to students’ learning.
Why did the evaluation process move online in 2014? Two things — one, the Cycle Four Audit insisted that we move online and we had
Who reads all of the feedback?
a deadline; and two, the old paper-based system was on its last legs and couldn’t
So lecturers read their own reports about the paper and their teaching;
handle being used anymore, so we needed a replacement.
Chairpersons and Deans get aggregated reports about the papers under them, and as a recent change, can now receive a lecturer’s or tutor’s teaching data;
Are there any noticeable changes in completion rates of evaluations now
and the University gets a summary of how the Faculties went — for the Tertiary
that they are hosted online, rather than on paper in class?
Education Commission.
No matter where you look, when something is changed, people will resist and cause a less than ideal result. So, yes evaluation rates have fallen, which was
Is the information provided anonymous?
foreseen thanks to the multitude of research done around the world about
The big question. There are two words at play here — anonymous and confidential.
moving evaluations online. From now, it’s all about changing mind-sets and
Between students and lecturers it’s anonymous as possible, since it’s our job to
attitudes around feedback and sharing your voice within the University.
ensure that. So, no student information is shown on any reports, staff don’t get any data until after grades are finalised and there’s no way for a staff member to
How can students find relevant Paper & Teaching Evaluations for their papers?
request “who is this student?” Though students can identify themselves through
1. Emails are the best place to look — emails are sent to every student that has
the way they write and what they say.
an evaluation, but if students can’t find it — let us know, and we can track
Confidentiality is what we do. We have a signed agreement with the University and its students to hold the confidentiality of data in the highest regard. The
down where it went. Sometimes students don’t have a chance to change their preferred email or their preferred email is locked for some reason.
key reason why it's confidential to us, is safety. Anonymity keeps students safe,
2. Moodle homepage has links to evaluations, as well.
but lecturers are people too, and keeping them safe (in case of threats etc.) is a
3. And here’s a direct link into the system isg-blue.its.waikato.ac.nz/Blue/
responsibility of the University. Only in cases where a staff member’s safety is in jeopardy are situations when we’ll need to pull everything apart to find out who
If students have questions about evaluations or other issues around this, please
made the careless, threatening comment.
let us know! evaluations@waikato.ac.nz, wshields@waikato.ac.nz or 838 4341
6
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News NEXUS MAGAZINE
SPORTS OPINION STATE OF ORIGIN TOM COLLOPY
SPORTS OPINION SPORTS’ KHAL DROGO FINALLY GETS RECOGNITION FREDDY WALKER
Game one of the 2016 State of Origin series between the Queensland Maroons and the New South Wales Blues will be played at ANZ Stadium in Sydney on
Kiwi Steven Adams has always been a guy with a lot of potential.
Wednesday the 1st of June. Being a NSW Blues fan hasn’t been easy in recent
Picked up in the draft by the Oklahoma City Thunder, he was
years with the Maroons winning 9 of the last 10 Origin series, 2014 being the
touted as being a guy who in four or five seasons would be a
exception. Whilst there are many factors that can affect the outcome of this years
decent player. But Adams has worked his way into being one of
series these are two are of great importance.
the best Centres in the NBA today.
1) DEBUTANTS There are many players that may make their Origin Debuts this series. For the Maroons’ Corey Oates, Justin O’Neill, Kyle Feldt and Gavin Cooper all may make their debut this origin series. Many of these players already have solid combinations within the Queensland team, for example Corey Oates and Darius Boyd have combined well for the Broncos over the past few seasons and are likely to be in the starting lineup come Game One. For the Blues; Adam Reynolds, Josh Mansour, Matt Moylan, Tyson Frizell and Dylan Walker have been named in a 19
What really makes Adams a brilliant player is that he is a fighter. Both figuratively and literally. He often finds himself getting opponents ejected with his rough style of play. It really gets up his marker’s skin, but it is exactly this style of play that I love. Why wouldn’t you annoy the hell out of a guy who is trying to beat you? Adams wins half of the battle before the game starts, he gets inside the heads of his opponents and beats them mentally before he beats them on the floor.
man extended squad for Game One. The well-tried Panthers combination of Matt
As stats go, the numbers speak for themselves. He averaged
Moylan and Josh Mansour and Souths halfback Adam Reynolds set to start for the
eight points per game during the season, and 6.7 rebounds per
Blues in Game One. The performances of these debutants and how they handle
game. These numbers are understated. In an Oklahoma side full
the big stage will be a key factor in the outcome of this Origin series.
of stars such as Russell Westbrook and Kevin Durant, to have a guy like Steven working hard and putting up decent numbers
2) IMPACT FROM THE BENCH
every time he is on the court is what makes a franchise work. His
NSW have the edge in this department. Players such as Josh Jackson, David
contribution to the team on and off the floor is invaluable.
Klemmer and Andrew Fifita can come off the bench and make an instant impact on the game. Fifita especially who in 40-50 minutes off the bench can get through a mountain of work and open up the middle of the park with his offloading and tackle breaking ability. We have to also consider the eight Queensland hopefuls who were made unavailable for selection in February for breaking curfew. Two of whom would have almost certainly come off the bench and have massive impact on the game, those being Anthony Milford and Dylan Napa who have been two of the form players in the NRL thus far. This year’s Origin Series will likely be decided in Game Three. NSW will win Game One in Sydney in a close 18-14 encounter. Queensland will win Game Two at home in Brisbane and then their experience will get them over the line in Game Three in a tough, nail biting decider back in Sydney.
I also love Adams because of his attitude. On the floor, he is one of the toughest guys around. With his caveman like features he may as well carry a club he is that menacing to opponents. However, off the court he is one of the funniest guys in the NBA. He is the perfect example of a guy who you would hate to come up against, but after all is said and done you’d love to have a beer with. That’s the New Zealand attitude and he represents our nation so well. Now the Khal Drogo of basketball is plying his trade in the playoffs. His stats have only increased from the regular season, and he is gaining plaudits by the game. If he continues his development, Adams will be earning huge money by the time
Although I am optimistic that the Blues can win this year, realistically I can’t
his contract is up for review in 2018, be that from OKC or another
envision it happening. I would love to be proved wrong though!
franchise. Either way, Steven Adams is a star. 7
OPEN COURT VOLLEYBALL. FREE FOR ALL UOW sTUdENTs
UNIREC SPORTS HALL | EvERy WEdNESdAy (STARTINg 25 MAy) 1.00 - 2.00PM (CULTURAL HOUR)
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EXPERIENCE NUTRIGRAIN GIVEAWAY!
REPRESENTATION INDY'S ROCK JAMES RAFFAN
#NutriGrainIceBreak #KelloggsNutriGrain @nutrigrannz Love the crunch of Nutri-Grain and taste of Ice Coffee? Now you can enjoy the two together with Nutri-Grain Ice Break, a brand-new limited edition flavoured breakfast cereal from Kellogg’s. Check out the Waikato Students’ Union and Nexus Magazine Facebook pages for a like, tag & win competition for a month’s worth of Nutri-Grain (20 boxes) for you and your flat! Free food, fuck yeah.
Philanthropist, Buddhist and WSU President Indula Jayasundara is bringing his music to the people. The only problem is his music kinda sucks. This week’s excuse for not writing a President’s column was that he was busy donating guitars to the WSU at “Drop The Mic” in Level Zero. He also said something about STMG, 391’s and case comps but by that stage we had lost interest. For those of you who were there or who have been to any open mic this year you will notice three things. The first is that this President loves giving money back to students. More than any President in WSU history Indula has given his honoraria back to students. Nexus already ran a story on how he has spent money on Indula’s got you covered, or director event projects as well as giving money to actual social causes. His latest charitable endeavour is the donation of ten guitars to the WSU so we can give guitar lessons which is the perfect lead-in to the second point - Indula Jayasundara has the voice of an angel, if the angel had a really gravely rock voice. He is a charted artist in Sri Lanka and his singing voice has actually stopped Level Zero dead in it’s tracks. If you are seeing him for the first time you are captivated, he really is that good. But don’t mistake this for a bromance [Editor’s Note: it’s definitely a bromance] because the third point is the most important one. The flaw in all of this is if you see him for a second time or a third or fourth you realise the guy actually only knows four songs. So if you are not a fan of Peter Andre, The Cranberries, Ronan Keating or John Mayer (and no one should be) then you may want to bang your head against the
EXPERIENCE EXAM PACKS
nearest desk at your fifth open mic. In his defence Indula is an International student and as he told Nexus “The mid 90’s really only just got to Sri Lanka about five years ago so you can’t blame me... that’s
Is your supply of pens from politicians was running low?
racist #That’sRacist”
Are your breakfast cereals lacking in iced coffee? Do you
So since Indula is offering guitars for music lessons we thought we would call him
want at least three more fliers about yoga, meditation and
out on some presidential hypocrisy and start the unofficial Nexus competition
advocacy? We know you really only care about energy
“Indy Rocks The WSU” comp.
drinks and free food..We’ve got you covered.
Send your official Indy Rocks song requests to editor@nexusmag or comment on
The WSU Free Study Packs are back in the Cultural Hour
Facebook and once every few weeks Indula — accompanied by musicians from
(Wed 1-2) of study week make sure to get yours at Level
Volume on Campus — will record and post one of your songs.
Zero. LIMIT 1 Per Customer
Volume on Campus open mics are every Friday in Level Zero from 12pm. For more information on guitar lessons visit facebook.com/VolumeOnCampus/. 9
NEXUS MAGAZINE Entertainment
BEST OF THE WEB EXTREME SPORT INSTAGRAMS TONK HAWK @TONYHAWK I know what you’re thinking, Tony Hawk is still alive? Yes he is, and he’s still going hard for an old dude. The OG of modern skateboarding has a great Insta feed full of videos of tricks, epic photography and the odd gratuitous selfie with a celebrity.
TRENDING ON TWITTER #4OUTOF5DOCTORSSAY Louie Power @Tely Louis · May 25 #4OutOf5DoctorsSay you shouldn't read the comments 3
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Chick-fil-A(ddict) @chickfiladdict · May 25 #4OutOf5DoctorsSay you should eat at least 12 nuggets a day 65
JOHNNY DANGER BENNETT @JOHNNYDANGER_NZ You know what they say about people who's middle name is Danger… They’re usually idiots, and while I can’t say this guy isn’t, he does have a pretty funny feed. Johnny gets up to all kinds of crazy shenanigans and documents the process. You may know him from that time he got into trouble for surfing on a taxi on the Harbour Bridge. SURF MAGAZINE @STAB The Insta feed of a surf magazine, Stab. Full of great photography, gorgeous beaches, amazing surfing videos and beautiful people in swimwear it’s well worth a scroll if you like to appreciate the gnarly waves, man. Shaka brah. Okay, I’ll stop.
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SwingPoynt (Mike) @SwingPoynt · May 25 #4OutOf5DoctorsSay People die when they are killed. 13
47
Secia G @Nessa_Star4 · May 25 #4OutOf5DoctorsSay We got a drug for that! 21
36
Math Man @math_tagger · May 25 #4OutOf5DoctorsSay this is too small of a sample size to conclude anything important 11
26
PETA @peta · May 25 #4OutOf5DoctorsSay dogs make you 100x happier 435
807
RYAN WILLIAMS @RWILLYOFFICIAL Ryan rides for Nitro Circus so his Insta is full of ridiculous and terrifying stunts that you “should not try at home”. He posts official videos and photos from Nitro Circus as well as private photos and videos of him and his mates messing around.
PLEASE DON’T QUOTE ME
“Eat your meat sword quickly” MINDY KALING I DON’T EVEN KNOW
CHRIS PRATT FUNNY THAT
“If you're an angry bird Russell Crowe then I'm an angry bird! #TheRealAngryBirdsCrowe&Gosling” RYAN GOSLING IT WASN’T OVER. IT STILL ISN’T OVER N.11 / V.48
1. Bar tabs at 21st parties 2. Industrial sized jars of Best Foods
“Super weird. In England band-aids are called plasters and they freak out when you eat em.”
10
WHAT’S HOT
ADVENTURE
mayonnaise on sale for $20 3. Cowlicks
WHAT’S NOT 1. Trying to get your flat bond back 2. Overcooking your last packet of noodles 3. Jelly shots in your carpet
FLETCH, VAUGHAN & MEGAN WEEKDAYS 6 -10AM
ZMONLINE.COM
NEXUS MAGAZINE
FILM X-MEN: APOCALYPSE JARED WOOLDRIDGE
You know, I really love the X-Men movies, and I was psyched for Apocalypse; and while there was stuff to like, the movie as a whole was a mixed bag. If you’ve seen any of the other movies, then this one almost feels like a true reunion/origin story for the series as a whole. While it’s the third movie with the prequel cast, they only just got around to forming the actual X-Men, and while that’s compelling, the Apocalypse part? Yeah, no. Ten years after the last film, we see Charles Xavier and his School for the Gifted come under attack from the world's first mutant, the ancient Egyptian Apocalypse and his four horsemen. We see a number of new and old faces reintroduced, some welcome, others just sort of... there. As the two sides form, more than a couple of characters are shunted to the back, seemingly important but only given one or two lines, max. It’s a classic case of overstuffing a film. It’s almost two movies; you have the X-Men, then you have Apocalypse. The X-Men stuff is far more interesting, as you see them form. Apocalypse, aside from being a waste of Oscar Isaac, seemingly turns up because the film needed somebody to get them together. His story is bland, the classic world-domination bad guy,
POETRY ARK BY RONALD JOHNSON JOSHUA MORRIS
but at least it does set in motion some pretty cool set-pieces, in particular with Quicksilver doing his quick thing. In the end, it just feels like someone finally decided the X-Men should actually exist as a team for the next movie, and hey presto, Apocalypse gives you a two-hour team-building exercise.
What do you think when you hear the phrase ‘epic poem’, do you think the Iliad, the Divine Comedy, Paradise Lost? Well if you thought Milton’s masterpiece it automatically means I want to marry you and allows us to segue into talking about what the 20th century poet Ronald Johnson has done with his fantastic book, Ark.
FILM THE GUEST TE WAIARANGA RATANA
A work that took over 20 years to complete at 307 pages with a total of 99 pieces, it is no small feat and commits to a grandeur in scale that very little modern pieces have done since, evoking
Directed By: Adam Wingard
the epic. It feels very much like a modernist reaction to John
Starring: Dan Stevens, Maika Monroe, Lance Reddick
Milton’s aforementioned long poem. Each piece in Ark works as a metaphor for one plank of wood — in essence building a boat out of words to survive by, calling to mind T.S Eliot’s “fragments shored against my ruin”.
The Guest is an exciting thriller that too few people have seen or even heard of. With a slow burn approach and a sense of unease building through the picture, the payoff is definitely there. The film is nothing new though, it recycles many typical aspects of the genre, but it still feels fresh.
And what fragments they are. They evoke the experimentalism of modernist writing while demonstrating a lust for knowledge that combines the cosmic and the bodily. Comparisons of cell structure to galaxies create the we-are-all-made-of-stars sentiment without being that saccharinely maudlin and cliché.
Dan Stevens portrays David Collins, an army vet who visits the family home of his friend, Caleb, who died during the war and fulfilling his dying wish. Maika Monroe plays Caleb’s sister, Anna. Anna is unsure of David's motives and intentions but with time he proves himself a member of the family, by helping out in every way he can.
“After a long time of light, there began to be eyes, and light
Without giving too much away, The Guest is an amalgamation of action, thriller
began looking with itself. At the exact moment of death the
and horror, with a scary and unique twist, that could be seen as predictable to
pupils open full width.”
some, but definitely not something to spoil.
Johnson showcases formal experimentation that does not fall
Contrastingly, because the film is a real slow burn, there are times where it feels like
into the trap of feeling detached from human experience. Ark is
nothing is happening, and that is because nothing is. If you can invest yourself in
at once epic and personal going somewhere Milton never really
the characters and sit through some or the less memorable stuff, you are rewarded
reached: the human heart.
with interesting action scenes, character moments and a killer soundtrack.
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N.11 / V.48
ADVENTURE
Reviews NEXUS MAGAZINE
TECH GHOST MATTHEW RAE
Ghost is a one of a kind e-board sold here in New Zealand by the new company, Ghost. I was terrified when I first got on, I trip over my own feet without the need for wheels under them, but this was different. It only takes a short time to get your balance, the ghost board even comes with a learner speed to help when starting out. After about 10 minutes I was zipping around the Nexus office and bugging everyone — Sorry guys. If your main concern with e-boards is that it’s another reason for the population to get fat, let me tell you, I haven’t had that much of a leg workout since I stopped going to the gym. Just to stay balanced, it requires all your leg muscles. Then there’s moving. To go forward you lean forward and vice versa going backwards. Make sure you watch where you’re going or you’ll run into a trashcan like I did.
BOOK PIT BULL: THE BATTLE OVER AN AMERICAN ICON BY BRONWEN DICKEY MEGAN CULLEN
Now if you think you’re in for a smooth ride, think again. For the Ghost to stabilise, there can be no fluctuation from suspension or differing tyre pressure. You feel every bump, so stick to smooth concrete — or the ramps on campus. With white, black and grey colours “cleverly” named Assassin White, Char Black and Oxide Grey, and a Snapchat vibe Ghost image theses boards are kinda cool looking. They’re running a promo that you can join in — ‘A Ghoulish Game of Hustle’ — they’re trying to reduce the cost of the Ghost board, which is good since it’s $799.
Pit Bull follows Dickey’s journey to try and reconcile ‘dangermurder-dog’ pit bull hype with her own affectionate pit bull rescue, Nola. She tackles misinformation and scaremongering head on with scientific evidence, hands on research and the stories of everyday people whose lives are impacted by these dogs. Pit bull advocates are calling it a game-changer — and I don’t think they’re wrong. This is the sort of book that will save lives — perhaps some of the 3,961 dogs who were
PLAYLIST KIDS WORKOUT LYAM BUCHANAN
impounded by the council and killed last year in Auckland alone. One key take home fact: ‘pit bull’ is not a breed, it’s a type — it describes dogs with certain physical characteristics. So breed specific legislation is never going to be too effective!
In need of some fresh new jams to breathe new life into your gym workout? Would a catchy tune give you the motivation to run an extra kilometre? Lucky for you Spotify has absolutely hooked it up with this collection of pumping tracks. The
While a little stodgy in places as she attempts to corral the
‘Kids Workout’ playlist is all you’ll ever need. Chances are it will fill your withered
legions of historical data she had to wade through, Dickey
heart with youth; you’ll find yourself running like you did when you were 6 years
manages to walk the line between educational and boring
old, your view on life will be bright and full of opportunity. However it is far more
as fuck. (Partly because she added pictures of cute dogs
common for this collection to make your ears bleed and fill you with enough anger
in between the really droll stuff.) In all though, Pit Bull is
where you’ll easily lift double your current personal best.
engaging, insightful and very relatable.
Featuring cult classics such as ‘Shake My Sillies’ and ‘Dorothy’s Dance Party’
It’s one of those books that if everyone read it, the world
you’ll find yourself pumped for days. These simple, light hearted tracks allow you
would be a better place. Dickey digs into the links between
to forget about your crippling debt and make you feel as free as your cat, who
poverty, and animal cruelty. It’s a book about dogs, but it’s
ran away from you years ago. Do you find yourself dreaming of a toned, tanned
also a book about the hard stuff: the science of nature vs
Enrique Iglesias worthy body? Grab a bottle of canola oil and blast ‘Merengue!’ or
nurture, the way the media drives narrative and the role of
‘Conga!’ while you lather up. These culturally diverse tracks give a realistic and in
race and class in our societies.
depth look at life within Southern America, who needs Contiki? Maybe the more
A great read for anyone even remotely socially conscious. Also, cute dogs.
alternative ‘I’m Gonna Catch You’ and ‘Dance to Your Daddy’ are more your scene? Each to their own. If this playlist sounds like a bit of you then call 07-838-4037 and book an appointment with one of the University counsellors. 13
COVERED ALVIN BROWN Age: 19 Occupation: Photographer/Graphic Designer What kind of camera/accessories do you shoot with? Canon 600D with 3 Basic Lenses: 18-55mm, 55-200mm and a 50mm When you are shooting, how much of it is instinctive vs planned? Well, I guess its all dependant on what kind of shoot I'm doing. For example, when I shoot weddings or family portraits I really try not to take any of the typical "planned or posed" shots and tend to go by the feel of the family or couple and also take into consideration the location etc (anon shots); Where as if I'm shooting in town on say a casual Instagram shoot, I tend to setup a lot of photos, get models to pose in certain positions to get the desired effect, then again I do take canon portraits as well. Favourite Facebook reaction? The love one? lol Describe your style in 3 words: Modern, explorative, fun! Where can people find you online: Instagram: @exploreauthentic Facebook: Explore Authentic Photography If you could be any fictional character who would you be and why? Easy, HULK! and why? Muscles. I mean, who wouldn't! If you could murder any fictional character, who & why? Dolores Umbridge from the Harry Potter series, she honestly was the devil incarnate lol! —
Arts NEXUS MAGAZINE
ARTS HAUKURA/ NEON VOICE PETER DORNAUF
Zena Elliott’s exhibition, ‘Haukura / Neon Voice’, currently
to inform his early experimental foray into new forms,
showing at the Waikato Museum, reveals a shift in the artist’s
seen in his famous Les Demoiselles d’ Avignon of 1907. The
oeuvre. She has evolved from her earlier pop culture imagery
German expressionists at the turn of the twentieth century
to work that presents a pronounced Māori presence. But with
also employed the bold geometric and sharply truncated
that move, she has brought with her all the bright colours and
elements they found in the ethnographic section of the
bold performance that was part of her earlier forms. Thus a
Dresden Museum at the time to help them with their break
strong contemporary feel is conveyed in the new work, where
from realism.
older traditional styles receive a makeover and conventional Māori motifs are ushered into the twenty-first century.
by indigenous art in the first instance. She continues the
realistic hip-hop street art imagery to geometrics is a bold
tradition in New Zealand begun in the mid twentieth century
trajectory. Elliott’s goal is essentially the old modernist one
by Gordon Walters who abstracted the Koru form into what
of “making it new” and in this endeavour she has borrowed
became his ubiquitous signature style. There has been some
some of the elements from modern art and applied them
negative reaction from the traditionalists — there always
to her latest works that incorporate both the vocabulary
will be — but most have embraced the new energy and
of indigenous forms and the language of early twentieth
reinvigoration such a marriage has rendered between the
century modernism. Thus a hybrid emerges where abstract
fusion of old and modern.
the forms one finds in conventional Māori art.
RICHARD SWAINSON
elements back from modernist design that were initiated
Elliott has also gone completely abstract, or nearly so. From
notations and patterns cohere with - and spark off against —
AUTEUR OVERRATED ‘GENIUS’
So in a sense, Elliott is returning the favour and borrowing
Elliott’s predominant configuration is a linear one, taken from tukutuku panels and other meeting house patterns, which
This presents as ironic in a sense because one of the
she has simplified and morphed in countless inventive ways,
inspirational sources feeding into early modernism came
adding bright fluro colours. Māori artist, Darryn George, is
from what was labelled ‘primitive’ art — essentially non-
another who has done something of the same. This show,
Western, indigenous cultures. Picasso used African masks
‘Neon Voice’, is at the cutting edge of modern Māori art.
In Woody Allen's Manhattan, Diane Keaton introduced
HOU HSIAO-HSIEN
the concept of "the academy of the overrated", a list of
The Assassin, Hou's mock martial arts epic, came in a
pretentious artists whose achievements never quite match
number one on Sight & Sound's Top 20 films of last year. I've
their reputations. Find below a list of 21st century filmmakers
yet to meet anyone who can tell me why. It lacked action,
that comprise my own academy of the overrated, cinematic
coherent character motivation or any discernible thematic
"geniuses" whose most salient talent is to induce boredom
point. Other Hou films to avoid: Cafe Lumiere (2003) and
in blindly loyal, if frequently, dishonest critics.
Flight of the Red Balloon (2007), two would-be homages to Ozu with near non-existent narratives. Admittedly his earlier
JEAN-LUC GODARD
work is better. Saving graces: A City of Sadness (1989), The
The majority of serious writers about film would argue that
Puppetmaster (1993) and Three Times (2005).
Godard is the greatest director alive, the enfant terrible of the French New Wave who continues to challenge
CLAIRE DENIS
audiences nearly 60 years after debut, yet most of his work
Another darling of the French intelligentsia, Denis' work is
is frustratingly dull if not an incomprehensible mess. It's
too subtle by half for my taste and is frequently undone by
pseudo-intellectual mumbo jumbo, devoid of characters or
ill considered endings at odds with what has gone before.
meaning but often indulgently full of platitudinous attacks
Most overrated films: Beau Travail (1989), The Intruder
on western, particularly American, culture. Godard is the
(2004) and White Material (2009). Saving graces: No Fear,
ultimate cinematic emperor with no clothes.
No Die (1990), 35 Shots of Rum (2008) and the bizarre and bloody vampire film Trouble Every Day (2001).
ARNAUD DESPLECHIN The maker of long, rambling family sagas that go nowhere.
PEDRO COSTA
The typical Desplechin character is selfish, rude, intolerant
Is your idea of fun watching a homeless Brazilian man
and mentally unstable and/or a drug addict — just the
whine about his lot to camera for over two and a half hours?
person you want to spend three hours with. Movies to avoid:
If so then Costa's Colossal Youth (2006) may well be the
Kings & Queen (2004) and A Christmas Tale (2008).
film for you.
15
Feature NEXUS MAGAZINE
FEATURE SWET ESCAPE: ADVENTURES IN FICTION JARED WOOLDRIDGE
Lord of the Rings are the clearest examples of this; no Hobbit wants to leave the Shire, they just want to hang around, eat all day, party all night, and smoke (pipe) weed every second of every single day. But after that first step? Their lives are completely changed, and by the time we see the likes of Bilbo wander back to his hole, he has fought goblins and spiders, seen a mountain of gold and confronted the dragon within; he has played a game of riddles in a darkened tunnel, and returned home a changed Hobbit. Undoubtedly it was a dangerous journey, but would you not just kill for an opportunity to be part of an adventure like that? Okay, now some of you might not, Tolkien might not be your thing. Maybe you imagine yourself as James Bond, travelling to exotic locations, making love to
What is it about adventures that we love so much? We cannot get enough of the
women and saving the day. Or perhaps the chosen wizard, getting your letter at
things, whether real adventures featuring living, breathing heroes, or fictional
age eleven, summoning you to school. Fighting pirates? Solving crimes? Searching
ones, with characters we could only wish were so. Go to the movies, the
for treasure? Fighting the Halfmen of O? Dinosaurs? Just saying. It is a well-known
bookshops, turn on the television, maybe watch the news, play a video game
fact that life can be quite boring sometimes. If you are wanting proof, just read
— you will find tales of wonder and excitement in every corner where a story
through your course outlines. But these heroes, these protagonists, in these
can be told. But just what is it that makes us love adventures so damn much?
stories, they do not have course outlines to read. They do not travel to the moon,
As I write this at my desk, on my laptop, I can clearly see a whole bookcase groaning under the weight of volume upon volume, featuring everything from The Guns of Navarone to The Lord of the Rings, from The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy through to The Hunt for the Red October. It is a genre without end; in just
day. In real life, they probably would, after the end of the story, but that is the point; this is not real life, and we do not have to see how the story would realistically end. We just care about what comes between the prologue and epilogue.
those few books, you find a political-thriller, fantasy, and a war epic. Adventures
When you read a story, or watch, or even play through, you get sucked into it.
can take place anywhere, anytime, with anyone. There is literally no limit to what
If you are playing through it, in a video game say, you by necessity become the
an adventure story can do; just look at a show like Doctor Who even, on the air for
character, and you are sucked in. Games with a great story, like the BioShock
50 years, and creates a new story in a different time and place every week, with
series, or Skyrim, they package their graphics and shooty shooty bang bang
all manner of weird and wonderful things.
with heartfelt stories in fantastical worlds, beneath the sea, in the clouds, or
Forget about those 50 years, however, because adventure stories were around long before that. Go back earlier, to Moby Dick, or Alice in Wonderland, The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn, The Man Who Would Be King, Treasure Island, probably the most famous adventure story ever written. You can even go back further; the tales of King Arthur, stories from the Bible, going all the way back to ancient Greece with Homer’s Odyssey, tales of adventure are inescapable. As for what makes them so loveable, well I think I can give you an answer. These stories are all about people running away, leaving port, setting sail and getting into all sorts of fantastical goings-on while they are away. Whether it be hunting down the white whale, heading down the Mississippi river, or maybe a trip down the rabbit hole, or across the Indian border to set oneself up as a monarch in a foreign land, one thing remains in common with practically every adventure ever told; most of them usually involve the protagonists leaving the front door, heading out into new experiences, tackling new frontiers, boldly going where they have not gone before. ARTWORK: NIKKOLE LULU
or wherever, and get back before 10 to have a good night's sleep for work the next
a medieval fantasy world. You have movies and plays, where they literally try to separate you from the outside world; they dim the lights, remove all other noise, and do their best to transport you into their reality. And then you have the greatest of them all: books. They try something different to the others. They rely on your imagination, the mind of the reader, to create the world themselves. To create the image in their own heads to get lost in, for a time. The story, as written, becomes something even greater, and something entirely original, in each of the minds of its readers. The world is a weird place. At once, it is boring, horrific, dangerous, beautiful, and worrying. The news never helps, but every now and then, a story passes across our eyes, and through our ears, and we can at least escape from the tedium, the terror, and the torment; and it is a tale that transports you there, allows you to switch off, and for a time, imagine something exciting, something romantic, something you could never experience in life. In a reality where the good guys never win as often as they should, the simple stories adventures give us a way out of the monotony, and speaking from a personal perspective, they make living
It is, broadly speaking, escapism. Pure and simple. All of the heroes in these
in the real world a hell of alot better. Getting out of bed in the morning is easier
stories, whether they initially want to or not, end up having an extraordinary time,
if you know, waiting for you when you get back home, lies an escape into a world
and return home a different person to how they started. The Hobbit and The
you could only dream of. Fantasize your heart out. 17
NEXUS MAGAZINE Feature
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ADVENTURE
Feature NEXUS MAGAZINE
FEATURE THE 3 PRINCIPLES OF A ROAD TRIP LYAM BUCHANAN
If you’ve found yourself lacking one of these critters when you’re mid-roadie it’s time to kick someone out and grab a hitchhiker. Chances are if you’re truly being spontaneous it’ll be at some ridiculous hour and your lack of sleep is about to get a whole lot more real. If you remember much about being 11 then you’ll remember that the less sleep you had the deeper the yarns would get; the same principle applies in this situation, though instead of talking about the one time you saw a pair of tits on TV it usually centres around the ever increasing possibility that you could potentially be a parent and not realise.
Lyam is not from Hamilton. He has this desire to gtfo of Waikato, and set off on winding journeys in search of himself. So what are his suggestions on road tripping? Carefully plan an itinerary? Send a postcard to your Granny? Not likely. The following three principles essentially permit you to carpe diem, to yolo, to just do you.
DISCONNECTION This is simple. Nobody is going to die if they don’t know what you’ve done in the past 20 minutes. You won’t die either if you don’t know what someone else has done in the past 20 minutes. If this concept is a little too challenging for your simple little mind then here are some even simpler steps: • Don’t check Insta;
Compared to other Universities we’re blessed. The majority of us have cars, some
• Don’t check Facebook;
form of license and a mutual craving to get the fuck out of Hamilton. The idea of
• Don’t check Tinder;
driving when you live in a city like Auckland or Wellington may seem ideal but in
• Don’t even think about making a fucking Snapchat story.
reality it’s no more than a huge hassle; in a way we’re actually lucky Hamilton is just an overgrown town.
If you make a Snapchat story of the trees as you drive past — especially if you use some shitty filter to make it as arty as possible — I’ll personally chase you down
As you must know by now everywhere worth going is well out of walking
and shatter your phone, along with your hopes and dreams.
distance and public transport should be avoided at all costs. In reality everything about this quaint village makes it plausible for us to own a trusty tupperware box
You should only need your phone to bust out a jam or for finding your way home
with wheels. If you’re the type of person to only use your car for satisfying the
when you end up somewhere you really shouldn’t be. I don’t mean to sound like
cravings of grease at 2am, or dropping your mates at class when it rains, you’re
some dirty old hippie but what's the point? Why are you getting out and going
doing it wrong; the primary use for your glorified tin can should be filling it with
somewhere if you’re just going to continue doing everything you would’ve done
anyone and everyone while getting lost in the search for somewhere new.
if you were still stuck in the stale shack you call a flat.
Every good road trip follows the same three principles: Spontaneity,
EXCITEMENT
Disconnection and Excitement. Without these there’s no point. You might as well
The most standard form of excitement on a road trip is always nudity. It doesn’t
be stuck in the back of your Mum’s SUV as she carts you and your whiny siblings
matter where you are or what the weather is like, someone is always far too keen
across the country.
to get their kit off and do something to ensure their name in the book of legendary yarns. I’ve genuinely never been on a roadie for longer than an hour where my
SPONTANEITY
passengers haven’t either graced a family with a prime view of their genitalia on
Jumping in a car and going down the road to Burger King without 3 hours of prior
the side of the road, or mentally scarred a group of tourists with their incredibly
planning is not spontaneous. Piling into a car with a towel, as many substances
luminescent rectal regions moving as fast as possible to the nearest body of water.
which void sobriety as possible and no idea where you’re going is spontaneous. Planning literally ruins everything that has even the slightest aspect of fun; the
Sometimes you just have to be cunt, it’s healthy. Heckle people as you drive past,
best nights out have been the ones where you had no clue what you were going
jump a fence and have a manu competition in someone's pool, find a street sign
to do, the same way that the best wanks are when you don’t plan what hand
on the ground and put it in your boot so you can promptly bring it back to the
you’re using.
nearest official government agency and be an exemplary citizen. A road trip is your best chance to be an absolute dropkick and get away with it. Do you really
The less you know the better it’ll be. The only person that should have any form of
think your parents were the perfect citizens they portray themselves to be when
idea where you’re headed is the driver, though even if they’re as clueless as you it
they were 19? Chances are you were conceived on some drug fueled road trip
doesn’t matter. As long as they aren’t inebriated you’ll end up somewhere better
through the Coromandel. Just accept it.
than where you started off. It’s ridiculously cliche to say it but the people you’re with are the biggest part of it, every good road trip consists of the classic crew:
PHOTOGRAPHY: BILLY LEE-POPE
• The unbelievable — yet somewhat believable — yarn spinner; • Some alternative fuck playing indie tunes and vibing far too hard;
If all else fails just fall back on the absolute classic, “I spy with my little eye”. The last time you played this your vocabulary didn’t stretch much further than ‘green’, ‘tree’ or ‘sky’, dabbling in I Spy with anyone mildly educated is more dangerous than playing Monopoly. When someone starts to use words along the
• The mysterious creature who feeds everyone illicit substances;
lines of ‘reflection’ or ‘textiles’ you’ve got approximately thirty seconds before
• Someone who’s far too keen to skinny dip;
something starts crying. Be warned, this game is similar to slamming back your
• The glorious driver who doesn’t ask for fuel money.
mate’s Mum. The friendship is irreparable but the reward is far too satisfying. 19
NEXUS MAGAZINE Feature
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Feature NEXUS MAGAZINE
FEATURE BRAVE NEW WORLD RACHAEL ELLIOTT
Scariest adventure? Carrie: The Ledge Bungy in Queenstown. Bungy jumping is not something I ever really thought I would do. It was fun and I'm glad to be able to say I've done it, but I don't think it's something I ever want to do again! Colin: Jumping of a 134 metre high cliff! Doing a bungy jump was definitely on my bucket list, and since I am a bit crazy sometimes I decided to do the highest one in New Zealand. It is ridiculously high! I do have to point out that
Students from all over the world come to study here at Waikato. They’re here
my Norwegian friend Morten (who is always bragging about his expeditions and
for a good time, not a long time, so they make it their mission to knock off as
experiences in the army) was more scared than I was. He almost shit his pants.
many kiwi adventures as possible. Their International Student Advisor Rachael
Natalie: I think I have to put the Ledge Bungy as the scariest if I have to choose
collared five of them to find out just how far down the rabbit hole they’ve been. Carrie Blazer, Truman State University, USA, Biology. Colin Tissen, Maastricht University, The Netherlands, Finance Natalie Jansson, Stockholm's University, Sweden, teaching Nicholas Irick, Lebanon Valley College, USA, Chemistry Kristi Estes, University of California – Santa Barbara, USA, Biochemistry.
one — but even that was more fun than scary. Good scary. Nick: Franz Josef. Pat and I decided to check out an old mining tunnel after our hike. We had one or two close calls due to the rain making everything really slippery. But once we reached the bottom we came into a beautiful valley with a powerful river gushing through. Kristi: Our first night out on our road trip, my sister and I were looking for a free campground I’d found on the DOC website but the directions to it were super
Favourite adventure so far and why?
vague and we ended up wandering around the backcountry for ages with no cell
Carrie: I really loved scuba diving at the Poor Knights Islands. We had to wake
reception and no clue where we were. That was scary!
up really early to catch the boat, so we got to see the sunrise over the ocean. The diving was spectacular — we got to see all sorts of marine life, including eels,
Adventure recommended for other students?
stingrays, and hundreds of fish.
Carrie: I know Kiwis don't often stop and do some of the more touristy things,
Colin: My favourite adventure so far was climbing up the Pinnacles and staying in the cabin for the night. It is definitely worth it to climb up there early in the morning to see the sunrise. I would also recommend being a bit more prepared than I was, you need more than just beer and peanuts if you spend the night... Natalie: I loved Milford Sound and Cape Reinga, just overall being able to be out on the road with new close friends seeing new things every day... Nick: My favourite adventure so far has been traveling around Queenstown and especially Milford Sound- breath taking. Also bungy jumping in Queenstown- I'm an adrenaline junky so after doing skydiving, bungy was next on the list. Kristi: We went on a road trip from Hamilton to Queenstown and back again. It
all the cool things around me in the US, so please don't make the same mistake. I think even a whole lifetime isn't enough time to discover all there is in New Zealand, so get started now! Colin: Skydiving! After my 19,000 feet jump at the Franz Josef Glacier I decided to do it again in Taupo. Don’t think about the fact that you are going to jump out of a plane, just do it! Natalie: I definitely recommend renting a camper or doing busing around, many places are amazing so everything would be a great adventure. Nick: Do every adventure! I enjoyed the Tongariro crossing the most.
was a lot of driving and we kept interrupting the conversation to point out how
Kristi: Definitely go to Queenstown. Even if you’re not into extreme sports it’s a
beautiful everything was (like Lake Tekapo).
beautiful city and there are all sorts of activities based in the area.
Hardest but most worth it adventure?
When people visit your hometown/country, what adventure should they do?
Carrie: Hiking the Key Summit Track at Milford Sound, mostly because I was sick
Carrie: If you ever come to the US you should visit Glacier National Park in
so I got out of breath very quickly on the way up. It was really frustrating, but so
Montana. I know it's kinda tucked away in the very upper Northwest corner, but
worth it in the end because we had 360 degree panoramic views — unreal how
it's probably one of my favourite places.
beautiful it was.
Colin: The Netherlands are not really the place to go when you are looking for
Colin: Hiking the Tongariro Crossing including climbing to the summit of Mt
adventure. Check out Amsterdam, or go to a bar and try the amazing Dutch and
Ngauruhoe. The climb to the summit of the volcano is hard and can be quite scary
Belgian specialty beers!
at times, but the views at the top are totally worth it! The crater is massive and we decided to climb down into it. The day after we read on the internet that you’re not allowed to enter the crater because of toxic gasses that could kill you (oops...). Natalie: Sleeping in a tent on top of a camper was very cold at times, one night in Milford sound we actually checked into the hostel cause we were so cold, makes for fun memories though, especially Carrie talking in her sleep about sheep cause we saw them everywhere! Nick: The Tongariro crossing. It was quite physically demanding since we went the opposite way than most. But it was so amazing to spend time with people ARTWORK: NICK OSBORNE
but I say do it! Before I came to New Zealand, I didn't often stop and appreciate
from my Hall gazing over the beautiful landscape.
Natalie: If you come to Stockholm I would recommend doing it in the summer and going around the archipelago. Enjoy the bright evenings — come during midsummer celebrations! Nick: My home town is small with not much to do, but if you come to the east coast I would say do a caving experience at Mammoth Caves in Kentucky. Kristi: If you visit California, come during the summer and make sure you visit Yosemite. Don’t miss out on Tuolumne Meadows and there are lots of other things to see in the area as well, like June Lakes and Mono Lake. Follow @waikatostudyabroad on Instagram to keep up with the adventures of
Kristi: I don’t know if anything was truly hard, but sleeping in a car definitely has
our Study Abroad and Exchange students!
its downsides. Especially in the South Island where it can be really cold.
Check out Colin’s videos of his adventures vimeo.com/colintissen/videos 21
NEXUS MAGAZINE Your Space
YOUR SPACE BEAUMONT BROTHEL PT 1 Hidden by luscious vegetation lies Hamilton's best kept secret. Much like a classy brothel, this residence is decorated with abstract art, functional vases and unidentifiable stains. Home to four boys — and one questionable organism — this is the perfect place to come to grips with how unhygienic you’ve become, while still making your parents somewhat proud. Without a working form of heating the tenants have been left with no other option than to profusely masturbate as a dysfunctional family in an attempt to raise the temperature to a comfortable level. If you’d like to help this group with their unconventional heating strategy, please enquire via the nexusmag Snapchat and ask for Lyam Buchanan. Check out Pt 2 of this flat next week!.
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Your Space NEXUS MAGAZINE
23
IT’S A LOT EASIER TO CATCH A BUS THAN IT IS TO CHASE ONE! PLEASE SIGNAL THE DRIVER!
FREE THICKSHAKE
WITH ANY BURGER PURCHASE * (Note: may or may not bring all the babes to your yard)
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NEXUS MAGAZINE Columns
EXPECTATIONS VS REALITY ROAD TRIPS
HALF-BAKED WITH VITAMIN D BROWNIES
BRONWYN LAUNDRY
VITAMIN D
EXPECTATION
If you followed my last column you’ll have a stack of green butter but nothing
You and your besties blast throwback hits as you sing at the top of your
to do with it. You could smear it on toast or use it as a lube (don’t use it as a
lungs, heading to the *~Great Unknown~*. The wind blows through your hair
lube), or you could make a hot batch of brownies because it’s so edgy to make
in slow motion as you lean out the window and whisper to yourself “And in
hash brownies.
that moment, I swear, we were infinite.” It’s a glorious day and all the GoPro footage your bestie is getting is bound to be a hit on Facebook when you set it to a Six60 tune. You pit stop at every town for cliché photos with the local landmarks that you’ll cherish forever and show your grandchildren. You throw away all maps and let the universe guide you, and you end up in the most majestic and secluded place that you know you’ll never be able to find again. You all bond and share your wildest dreams and everything looks like a summer advert for Corona. When the sun goes down and it’s time to leave, you drive into the night, feeling as though your souls are connected.
This recipe is simpler than my carrot cake recipe and probably more delicious because fuck vegetables (if you’re lonely. Mother once caught me sitting naked in the bathtub full of feijoa peels with half a courgette sticking out of my asshole. I told her, I said, Mama, it is not what it is. She looked me dead in the eye and said to me, she said Vitamin, I loved you like a child, but I don’t want a half-produce grandchild galavanting about the Empire, insinuating themselves into the nightclubs of Venice, sucking Bordeaux from banana peels on the Steppe. There is not enough room in the linen cupboard for another bastard half-produce grandchild reading Locke and reaming the threaded nuts of the hot water bottles. If only, if only your father hadn’t shouted “nice tits slut”
REALITY Somehow you wind up driving even though you’d bought a bottle of Scrumpy to drink in the car. One of your mates is car sick and the other drank too much V and insists upon making a toilet stop every 2 minutes. The playlist your bestie prepared kinda sucks but everyone is too awkward to tell them so you let them keep the AUX cord. Everyone mysteriously went missing when you stopped at the petrol station so you end up paying for the gas and wondering if this mish is even worth it. You get lost at least five times and when you finally end up at your destination it’s absolutely packed with tourists and families. Your day comes to a standstill when one of your mates realises she dropped her earring into the water a la Kim K and you all have to go diving while she cries about her Nana buying them for her 21st. On the drive home everyone falls asleep and you’re left to entertain yourself and think about all the sand you’re going to have to vacuum out of your car.
at me from the back seat of Uncle Beatrice’s Escort, you might never have made turgid my womb, split me open from clitoris to perineum to sphincter like your Uncle Beatrice’s Escort. I said, Mama, I said, didn’t you love me once? She laughed. Once! Once was more than you deserved. She spat in my face, did my Mama, and shunted me onto the streets. I scraped a fish head from the spouting and wrapped it in my neckerchief. The gulf between then and now is lost to the gutters of Berlin. I learned that today Mama is dead. Or maybe yesterday; I can’t be sure.) Preheat your oven to 180ºC. Melt 125g of your quality butter, and beat in ¾C sugar, 2 large eggs, and a teaspoon of that quality vanilla extract. Measure out a cup of flour then take off a tablespoon. Sift your short cup into your wet mix, along with 5T dark cocoa (again, not Nestlé; they’re asshats) and 1t baking powder. Combine, and pour into a greased, wax-paper lined 20-23 cm square tin. Smooth the surface
Word of advice: Worth it.
and bake for 30 minutes, or until firmish at the centre. When it has cooled a little, dust with icing sugar and cut it into squares to serve, obviously. Adding ~100-120g of smashed chocolate into the mix makes for a decadent treat. Put some white chocolate in your brown you racist. Also a sprinkling of raspberries goes a long way.
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Columns NEXUS MAGAZINE
HEIL HOGAN MUD MILFS
NERD YORK TIMES GIRL GERMS
LYAM BUCHANAN
JARED WOOLDRIDGE
Only certain creatures like touching mould, though not even the creamiest of
As I do most weeknights I was sitting at home, watching the ever-funny
critters like to be unsuspectingly touched by it. Getting groped by a walking
Stephen Colbert, when he brought up a fact I had previously been unaware
fungal infection, who’s old enough to have done the exact same to your
of. No doubt at least some of you have seen Iron Man 3, the one famous for
parents in their day, is really not a good time. Sadly these people love to reside
the Mandarin actually being an actor while Aldrich Killian was the bad guy all
wherever live music lives, unfortunately students who want to be able to talk
along, but I doubt (without any actual knowledge of you, sorry) that many
while drinking also reside here.
of you will know that Aldrich Killian was originally supposed to be a woman.
For those unaware here’s a list of the people who won’t send you straight to jail if you decide to randomly touch them: 1. Yourself. Just keep it behind closed doors you sexual pest.
Marvel heads put a stop to this, though, declaring that a female villain would hurt toy sales. Makes... sense? No, no it doesn’t. First of all, I doubt that Aldrich Killian was the stand-out star of that film, and parents were suddenly inundated with requests from children, screaming
Hopefully the mouldy pests of Hood Street have the literacy abilities to be able
and shouting, “parental figure, buy me him!” He was decidedly meh. But
to understand this and implement it into their day to day lives. Some would
who knows, maybe, if Aldrich Killian was a woman, the monumental sales of
think of it as a blessing to get lucky with an older lady; they’re experienced,
another forgettable Marvel villain might have shrivelled up entirely, because
they’re probably someone's Mum and it’s just generally a yarn you can spin at
who would ever want to buy a woman toy/figure/merchandise! Ye gads, I don’t
any occasion. As a guy with long hair who couldn’t grow a beard to save his
even know if women buy toys! Except that I do, of course. I happen to know
life I’m a hit with saucy silverheads. Sadly my first encounter with someone's
a fair few who do, with collections vaster than a vast thing, always looking
Mum was not one I really want to remember.
for more diversity in their choices. I myself have a niece, six (ish, I’m bad at
Unless you’re into poorly written erotica I would advise this is where you flick
counting) who, begs for a Poison Ivy, Harley Quinn, and Wonder Woman; but
to the Sudoko and pretend this is where this column ended.
I suppose these individuals are the outlier. I suppose it’s impossible for a male to buy one of these as well, I suppose, Marvel?
To give you an idea of what this creature looked like I can assure you the only dick she’s been teasing for the past five years is the long phallic member of
I’m sorry to pick on you, Marvel, creator of many non-Black Widow female
menopause. Keep this mental image in your mind. To this lovely lady my head
heroes, but the truth is this is not a problem unique to you. The entire
was just one big ol’ breast, with my bun representing a rather pronounced
entertainment industry, it seems, are terrified of what female characters/
nipple. It started with a head massage but quickly progressed into a fully
merchandising can do for their sales. Have any of you seen the new Star
fledged bun groping session. She was tender.
Wars? Remember the main character? Her name was Rey, a new jedi for a new generation. She was awesome, I loved her, my niece loved her. And wowee if
By this point I still had no idea who was making sweet love to the back of my
they didn’t shaft her in the merchandising. There’s a chronic lack of toys in
head, but I assumed it was just one of the boys. When I looked down and saw
her image! They even left her out of the Monopoly game! It’s just ridiculous!
freshly painted nails caressing my premature beer belly I started to realise
Although, no more ridiculous that the whiners on the internet claiming that
what was happening. Without hesitation she put a hand on my shoulder then
gender has nothing to do with this problem. No, because a movie studio didn’t
grasped my not so long phallic member. It was at this point where all I could
step in an order that the villain’s gender be changed because of toy sales.
do was hope my mysterious molester was Hilary Barry. Sadly, it wasn’t.
Because women don’t sell or buy, it appears. This is only one part of a wider
Within three seconds I slithered out of her embrace and promptly re-evaluated
problem in Hollywood, but I’m so glad that the ever-uninteresting Aldrich
my existence; even though three burly blokes tried to persuade me to take her
Killian was played by a man instead of a woman. I can sleep easy now.
home I politely declined and scuttled off in search of other tragic 18 year olds.
27
NEXUS MAGAZINE Columns
hari kOrero HARI KORERO MY BIG FAT GREEK WEDDING
NEW LOCALS ADVENTURE SPORTS
ANONYMOUS
YASIR KHAN
Ok I’m not getting married, heck I’m not even Greek but I seriously feel like
Different people, different way. Some love it risky and wild whereas some
that movie is the story of my life. So let me give you a bit of background. I was
spiritual and rejoicing. Some people fear to try it whereas others try it to get
brought up in that Māori life and I’ve always been too scared to take people
rid of their fears.
home. Well last year I hit the whipped zone and finally had someone good enough to meet māmā and pāpā, but my parents didn’t expect a non-Māori. Instead I turned up with a beautiful Pākehā girl. Now don’t get me wrong I’m all about that mix and mingle life, but I didn’t think that there would be so many differences. So just to give you an idea of our two worlds.
‘Rejuvenating’, ‘raising self-awareness’, ‘changing perspective’, ‘creating memories’, ‘feeling fit and healthy’, ‘boosting self-confidence’, ‘challenging against all odds,’ be the reason what it may, adventure is something you will have to try at least once in your lifetime. Although I have experienced many of these adventures, there are still a lot left from the never ending list. I have planned to complete a few by the end
I’m the oldest of five kids, she’s the younger of two kids. She’s got one cousin
of this year that are on the top of my bucket list. New Zealand is one of the
she talks to, I’ve got too many to count, and that’s just the actual blood
well known tourist destinations for its wide range of adventure sports. Sky-
cousins, heck - and I even have aunties and uncles that are the same age as
diving, bungee jumping, scuba-diving, skiing to rafting, kayaking, off-roading
me. She knows one set of grandparents and I have all the whangai nannies and
and fishing and a whole lot of various adventure activities are available in
koros and even close with the greats. She is constantly meeting more people
New Zealand. The most interesting thing is that we get this wide variety of
in my whānau. My family kiss EVERYONE hello, her family aren’t touchy at all.
activities in this small country, well in reach for tourist and students. Since
Her parents cook the exact needed portions for dinner and need a few days
there are a lot of activities available in this country I want to take a walk on
notice if you’re gonna go around for kai, my whānau don’t even know what
the wild side.
portion control is and still get hungry after three courses.
I know and have personally experienced that it is hard at times to save large
I understand why she gets overwhelmed when we go to whānau gatherings.
amounts for some of these activities but once you try it you will never regret it.
She’ll get the shock of her life when she finds out that she has to learn a few
When I did a few of these activities I did find it expensive, but after researching
of the whānau songs, actions and all. Poor girl. Oh well, she’s landed a bit of
about the high price set for them I realised that the only reason for it is that
a package deal. My family welcome her in with open arms and I didn’t expect
adventure sports operators emphasise a lot on the quality of the products to
anything else, she brings a bit of flavour to our coco whānau. But I just want
be in accordance to the health and safety standard, unlike few other countries
to know if anyone else out there can connect with me when it comes to taking
that do not set a criteria for it to be safe. Some of these sports seem to be
your Pākehā partner home to meet your tribe of a family, I’m sure it’s not just
extreme and fatal but in reality there have been very few fatalities while
me. I wanna know your story.
performing most of the activities other than hang gliding and base jumping.
If you’re keen to get your whakaaro out there then let us know. It doesn’t have
A quote that personally inspires me is "Life is either a daring adventure or
to be about this specific kaupapa, just anything that floats your boat really.
nothing" by Helen Keller, one of the famous American authors, would be well
Contact us at vpmaori@wsu.org.nz or editor@nexusmag.co.nz
suited to sum it up. So if you are a person who feels the thrill just by the very sight of these activities or by listening to someone’s experience then you should definitely try it out.
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ADVENTURE
Cooking for Students NEXUS MAGAZINE
PAK ’N SAVE HEAD CHEF BACON AND EGG PIE INGREDIENTS 4 sheets pre-rolled flaky puff pastry 6 rashers bacon, roughly chopped 8-10 eggs 1/4 cup of milk Serves 4 METHOD 1. Preheat oven to 180°C bake. Lightly grease an ovenproof dish. 2. Use 2 sheets of pastry to line the base and sides of the dish. 3. Break half the eggs in to the bowl followed by the bacon, then the rest of the eggs. Season with salt and pepper. 4. Brush the edges where the pastry will join with milk. Lay the remaining pastry over the top and seal the edges. Brush the pie top with milk and make a slit in the top to allow the steam to escape. 5. Bake in the preheated oven for 35-40 minutes. 6. Serve with a classic tomato sauce!
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Snap nexusmag your shenanigans! The best snap each week wins a voucher from our mates at BurgerFuel. Claim it from the Nexus office in SUB.
WINNER
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ADVENTURE
They each bragged about their ability to procrastinate when emailing in for a blind date, and they both used sporadic CAPS LOCK to scream their enthusiasm - what a match! She is a music major, while she plays computer games and signs off emails with “xoxo Gossip Goat”. They both seem like lovely girls, and they’re close enough in age that they might just fall in love. Unlike last week, smh. If you are sk8r boi who’s said “see ya later” to your girl then email editor@nexusmag.co.nz and hit us up for a Blind Date. There are some killer straight girls waiting for a hot match. References to 00’s pop culture will DEFINITELY increase your chances of being selected by the Editor. She’s feeling nostalgic.
SHE SAID
SHE SAID
I showed up first and after 20 minutes of waiting, thought I was going to
I was halfway to The Bank, downing some Scrumpy in the car when I
be stood up. She finally showed up. She was super cute and obviously just
realised I forgot my ID. Shit. We had to drive home, and I was worried she
as nervous as I was. We both ordered the Feijoa cocktail and from there,
would think I had stood her up. I turned up at the bar and the staff raised
discovered we had a lot in common.
their eyebrows CAUSE OH MY GOD LESBIANS ON A DATE!!!!
To be honest, I already had a boyfriend, however we have an open
I finally got to the table and holy damn, thank god I'm into redheads cause
relationship and are both totally open to new experiences. The two of us
she was a fucking babe. I already decided the goal of the date was to get
got talking and it felt like we’d known each other all our lives. It was a
her into my bed and realised drinking cocktails would be an A+ way to
match made in heaven. I was super lame and ordered fish and chips, then
start. She told me she was in an open relationship and that was fine by me,
she made me look fat by ordering a salad.
as long as the boyfriend had no plans in getting involved cause gross, boys.
It got to 9.30 and the staff started cleaning up so we thought it was time
Conversation kept flowing, as did the bottle of wine, and I honestly
to leave. We took a cab back to her place. I met her flatmates, then we
forgot the rest of the restaurant was even there, I had never gotten on
went to the bedroom. If you’ve ever heard anything about redheads you’ll
with someone so well before. We eventually decided it was go time and
know that we’re extremely kinky and down for anything in the bedroom.
I got the pleasure of taking her home, where I was embarrassed by my
I haven’t had many lesbian experiences but this was by far the best. I
flatmates, but then they got to hear the sounds of us banging all night. I
couldn’t have, in my wildest dreams imagined the positions we tried, but
got to show her many new exotic things that I don’t think she even knew
it was a night I will never forget. I don’t think I have ever experienced the
lesbians could do, but from the sounds coming from her I think she really
“Big O” that many times in a row. Nexus have truly outdone themselves. I
enjoyed this girl on girl experience. Shot Nexus!
think she may be the one.
NEXUS MAGAZINE Puzzles
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ADVENTURE
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TRIVIAL What is the antimatter equivalent of the electron? The constellation Little Bear is known better in Latin as what? From which book did the term doubting Thomas originate?
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14
1 7
Each letter in the puzzle is represented by a number 1 – 26. Crack the code to solve it. 26
7
7
3
MEDIUM
12
4
4
CODE CRACKER 8
4
2
3
7
3 5
3
3
6
EASY
9
3
7 6
8
8
5
3
9
7
5
2
3 8
1
3
4
2
2
Puzzles NEXUS MAGAZINE
WORDFIND N
Z
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R
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P
X
E
Q
L
N
C
N
R
E
E
V
J
E
Explore
Journey
Adventure
Road Trip Outdoors
D
I
S
C
O
N
N
E
C
T
I
O
N
E
X
S
N
O
D
C
Climb
E
J
L
E
R
U
T
N
E
V
D
A
V
C
C
O
Y
Y
I
I
Fly
Excitement
Jump
Adrenalin Mission
K
V
U
A
R
I
N
G
S
S
K
O
I
A
I
F
B
A
V
L
Exchange Alice in
Escape
S
B
I
M
N
D
A
O
R
C
C
T
P
S
O
L
O
G
E
A
Wonderland
Escapism
Bungee jump
Moby Dick
Skydive
Lol dick lol Lord of the Rings
U
P
W
D
P
E
H
A
I
S
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I
S
L
U
Y
M
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G
O
L
D
O
C
Y
M
R
D
I
M
S
I
O
L
T
C
U
C
N
P
Scuba dive Luge
Spontaneity
W
V
N
N
I
K
C
D
E
M
M
L
O
R
D
G
W
B
A
W
Discover
Disconnection
Voyage
Fear
Vocation
Courage
Intrepid
Travel
P
C
D
B
T
N
S
N
A
I
A
K
M
M
O
W
C
V
H
L
K
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F
M
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A
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HOROSCOPES CAPRICORN (DECEMBER 22 — JANUARY 19)
CANCER (JUNE 21 — JULY 22)
You’re likely to reconnect with an old friend this week, and it’ll
Beware of the next full moon, no supernatural creatures, but the
make you remember why you stopped connecting with them.
bright lighting makes it harder to get away with outdoor sex.
AQUARIUS (JANUARY 20 — FEBRUARY 18)
LEO (JULY 23 — AUGUST 22)
We know you lied to the doctor this week; smoking an apple
This week will see you meeting a sexy stranger in a dimly lit
pipe doesn’t constitute your 5+ a day.
Hamilton bar. Lucky numbers are: 6, 9.
PISCES (FEBRUARY 19 — MARCH 20)
VIRGO (AUGUST 23 — SEPTEMBER 22)
Game of Thrones finally showed a dick! Signal your approval! Keep
SOS, I’m trapped in a horoscope factory! Send help!
sending dick pics to nexusmag. [Editor’s Note: Don't fucking do this] ARIES (MARCH 21 — APRIL 19)
LIBRA (SEPTEMBER 23 — OCTOBER 22)
This week the stars suggest you move to Pirongia, and live as a
Take some inspiration from Paris Hilton, and treat yourself
llama farmer. Better than failing STMG191 for the fourth time.
today: “you should live everyday like it’s your birthday.”
TAURUS (APRIL 20 — MAY 20)
SCORPIO (OCTOBER 23 — NOVEMBER 21)
First Oscar and Hannah, now Maddy; Home and Away actors are
The gym is overrated, as is toilet training: Less time doing pull
dropping just as fast as their ratings.
ups, more time wearing pull ups. .
GEMINI (MAY 21 — JUNE 20)
SAGITTARIUS (NOVEMBER 22 — DECEMBER 21)
Look out for the Tron’s 26th annual secret underground rave this
You know you’re getting old when you smash back a box of do-
week. Can’t tell you where it is though, then it wouldn’t be a secret.
bros, and suffer a two day hangover. Sorry I mean *weak. 33
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Fo r mo re water saving tip
s visit
A. Shower
C. WAshing maChine*
The average shower sucks about 14 litres of hot water every minute. A 20 minute shower uses 280 L of hot water. This is the same as one and a half baths! If five flatmates cut their shower time in half you could save about $122 each month in power. The silver bullet for the hot water vampire is short showers, great for water saving, great for flat shower queues and great for saving money.
You can put the washing machine monster on a diet and save a load of water and some money off your power bill too! • Cut its comfort, choose the cool cycle and save about $100 a year • Wait for a full load before feeding the monster • Eco cycle is like paleo for this beast, keep it trim *based on 5 loads/week
ANSWERS:
a. Shower
B. TOILET
C. wAshing mAchinE
B. TOILET
a. Shower
wAshing C. mA chinE