Nexus 2015 Issue 16 by Nexus Magazine

Ha s a Se n ds n ud es o to o f ph Sends nudes w it ho ut a without ca r be in g as k ed being asked

Fr ie n d’ s Bf / gf

Lo ve s Friends li fe Bf / gf

Ha s a Cr o pp ed Has a Cl ub photo of ph o to a car

li k es a se n se o f Has a hu m o ur Cropped Club photo

likes a sense of humour

Sa y s Ta k en bu t “T in de r lo o k in g Taken butis la m e” fo r Says Loves “f r ie n ds ” looking “Tinder for life is lame” “friends”

Sa y s “i ’m Ha s a a f y o ve r 6 fo o t, ph o to o Ge ts an gr a Has ss u la di es ... ”Says “i’m w he n y oGets angryhe ad le Ha s a ba d a of photo bad a Has ly so do n ’t r ep when you to r ta tt o o over 6 foot, headless tattoo ladies...” don’t reply torso

Ha s a Has a ph o to photo w it h a de ad with a dead an im al animal

Da vi d Be n n et t David

Bennet

in cl ud es so ci al m ed iaincludes li n k s social media links

La m e pi ck up li n es Lame pickup lines

N.16 / V.47

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18 Sex Toy Reviews OVO T2 Premium 3.5” Lay On Massager Fetish Fantasy Blindfold Ball Gag Pipedream USB Powered All-In-One Massage Kit Bed Bondage Kit Jewel Silicone Butt Plug Silicone Jack Rabbit Ring

Neurosuregeon by Day, Stripper by Night “Show us your cunt, bitch!” Usually this would

Fucking Feminists: Relationships, Courting, and Hook-Up Culture

have almost passed as a compliment, but this

Let the knowledgeable Aunty Slut guide you

night I had, had enough…

through making relationships last, hooking up successfully, and fucking without shame.

NEXUS NEWS

So How Does the World End Now?

Kale Isaac Skis on in to the WSU Board

Yet Another Article on the TPPA

The Day Journalism Died

CONFESSIONS OF JAMES BRODIE Welcome to Life on Level Zero

NEW LOCALS Listening to Biographies

A FASHIONABLE LIFESTYLE

Editor Jessica Wilson editor@nexusmag.co.nz Design Olivia Paris design@nexusmag.co.nz Deputy Editors Brittany Rose, Jules Craft Managing Editor James Raffan

Sex Goddess Lingerie News Editor Sam Marelich

AUNTY SLUT Respectful Fucking

CARNAGE What I’d Tell the Kids

COOKING FOR STUDENTS

THE SINGLE LIFE Love or a Bone?

Gluten Free Meatloaf 34

HOW TO BE A GROWN UP Learn to Load a Dishwasher Properly, Fucktard

REVIEWS

ENTERTAINMENT

ARTS

AUTEUR

SNAPPED

BLIND DATE PUZZLES

Cover Illustration Olivia Paris Advertising Andrew James aj@wsu.org.nz Offices Ground Floor, Student Union Building Gate One, University of Waikato Knighton Road, Hamilton Online nexusmag.co.nz facebook.com/nexusNZ @nexusmag Spotify: nexusmagazine

ISSUE 16 26

Contributors Alexander Nebesky, Chris Kader, Chris Reive, Jared Wooldridge, Richard Swainson, Caitlin Orton, Hp, Kelsie Moorland, Tania Collins, Peter Dornauf, Mistress Savannah, James Brodie, Charissa Tan, Emma Nygard, Onyx Lily, Aunty Slut, Zac Lyon

YOUR SPACE

03 AUGUST 2015

Sick Cunts: Hamilton East

LOVE AND SEX

Editorial NEXUS MAGAZINE

Hey Sexy Jess Wilson

a lot of us to become comfortable about them — where else are we supposed to learn? (No, porn is not a viable form of sex education). Learn by asking a friend how they get so many dates, or perhaps Google which sex toys are most enjoyable (or just read this week’s issue). This week I’ve been thinking about how there are so many

Welcome to the most controversial issue of the year. It’s the Love

misconceptions about sex. You don’t have to be a sex maniac

& Sex Issue.

to enjoy reading about intimacy — I myself have a sex drive

From a recent readership survey I can reveal one important fact:

comparable to that of a panda, but that didn’t mean I couldn’t

a third of you don’t like reading about sex. You think Aunty Slut

enjoy putting this issue together. Other misconceptions include

is a sign of society’s increasing vulgarity and think the term

that those who use sex toys are either sucky at sex or a full-

“fuckboy” is more vile than it is a funny — never mind the female-

blown (pun intended?) sex addict, women who masturbate are

specific terms “whore”, “slut”, or “slapper” because they are rich

dirty, and, my favourite, that female orgasms don’t exist.

in heritage. So why have such a provocative issue if so many of our readers hate it? Because twice as many of our readers enjoy the topics of love and sex, and here at Nexus we want to make that number rise.

I’ve also been thinking about the misconceptions about love, especially related to heteronormative ideas. Why is it that we always think of a couple as being a man and a woman? Can’t a man and a man, or a woman and a woman, be just a couple too? Not a

Love and sex are two very important things in both our culture

“queer couple” or a “gay couple” or a “lesbian couple” or whatever

and our lives, yet these topics are often treated as insignificant

name we have to give to differentiate them from “the norm”.

and unworthy of being reported. Talk about finding love and you’re being too much of a romantic. Talk about sex and you’ll be considered vulgar. These attitudes are totally not okay. Forming relationships and being physically intimate are not easy tasks for everyone. Talking about love and sex is vital for

I’m hoping that this issue won’t be seen as vulgar or a cheapshot for readership. I want to change the way we think about love and sex… starting now. P.S Don’t forget to snap your success with our Tinder bingo!

NEXUS MAGAZINE Lettuce

Uwh Liam Watson (A disgruntled underwater hockey fan)

Stuff you and your rubbish magazine, chump

Dear Nexus Harlot Hanson

Fuck that WUSLA card bullshit!! How come the rest of us students don’t get access to those discounts?! I would love a free upgrade to a large coffee at momento or marginally cheaper sushi on campus. What is this, degree discrimination?! Actually on that same note, Bennetts is unjustifiably expensive for a stationary shop. $7 for some lined paper took a negative swing at my mood and my bank account Now Iam just ranting about how fucking expensive it is to be a student #cliche

No Spitting Stewart Little

I’ve seen so many boys spitting on campus recently. Fucking disgusting. Fuck off with your spitting dirty cunts.

Kate Lunn’s Birthday Not Kate Lunn

Too Vanilla Lenny

Kate Lunn’s birthday was so great. I would give it a 10/10 for food. There was roasted marshmallows and lots of wine and cupcakes. This one girl baked salted caramel cupcakes. I kinda wish she had sally luns though that would have been so funny. I would give the music a 5/10 though because Kate Lunn has a weird obsession with

Dear Nexus

Pitbull, like every song was Pitbull. What the fuck Kate Lunn?

Given this week is Te Wiki O Te Reo I feel it’s appropriate to bring up an issue that has been annoying me for a while. I like the magazine,

Anyway thanks Kate Lunn for the great party, I really liked it and it was good.

with the exception of the sodoku being too hard but it just seems to be lacking cultural, economic and spiritual diversity. Every article looks and reads like it has been written for young white kids by young white

Disclaimer Letters published contain the opinion of the writer and the writer

kids. Your international column was even written by a young white girl

alone. Nexus publications take no responsibility for the content or opinions

for the whole semester. I like the magazine but embrace religious and

so expressed. By submitting your letter you give consent to its publication in

racial pluralism. Talk about issues that disproportionately affect Maori

Nexus and subsequent public scrutiny. Letters are the authors own work and

and Pacific Islanders. Have a discussion about race and gender. Just

Nexus will not edit to compensate for lack of intelligence or coherency. Nexus

expand your views a bit.

reserves the right to edit or refuse to publish any letter which breaches any law, is defamatory to any person, or contains threats of violence or hate speech.

Aroha Nui

Email your lettuce to lettuce@nexusmag.co.nz

N.16 / V.47

LOVE AND SEX

News from the University NEXUS MAGAZINE

PhD student Lien Pham is the NZ student representative for the 2015 ASEAN Student Voice Conference in Wellington

ONYA

SPEAKING UP

and has also been awarded $7500 to travel to Germany with the International Research Training Group, INTERCOAST. STUDENTS SCORE Justin Sangster (above), John Bell, Sam Caird, Aaron Preest, Christian Kelleher, Turoa Stephens and Jordan Trainor made the 2015 Waikato Juniors Under-19 squad, sponsored by the

BUGGER

University, to play in the National U19 Tournament. Mitch

Newly selected all-rounder Mitchell

Jacobson was promoted to the Waikato ITM Cup side.

Santner has been ruled out of the BLACKCAPS tour of Zimbabwe and South Africa after breaking his thumb while training. Photo: Bruce Lim photography

REALITY STAR Tauranga student Stevie-Jean Gear starred ASPIRING LEADERS

in TV3’s new documentary series Reality

Sam Franicevic (above) and Louis Wilks were among 110

Trip (Mondays, 11pm), which follows five

delegates at the 2015 Aspiring Leaders Forum in Wellington last

young Kiwis living and working alongside

month. They spent four days engaging with business leaders,

locals in different countries to see where

MPs, New Zealand celebrities, and a day volunteering.

the products they buy come from.

Full stories available on the University website. Got a story to share? Email meganb@waikato.ac.nz

LIGHTNING CONSULTATIONS

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Go to iWaikato or Student eNews for more information and other need-to-knows.

NEED TO KNOW

TE RADAR TALKS ABOUT THE TRON

NEXUS MAGAZINE News

NEXUS NEWS NEWS FEATURE

SO HOW DOES THE WORLD END NOW? James Raffan

Iran, Iran So Far Away There is a joke going back to the 1950s when Nasser nationalised the Suez Canal

“This agreement shows what we can accomplish when we lead from a position of

that goes “I can’t tell you how the world is going to end, I can’t tell you when it

strength and a position of principle, when we unite the international community

will end, but it will happen in the Middle East.” Somewhere along the line that

around a shared vision and we resolve to solve problems peacefully.”

ceased to be a joke and became accepted wisdom but lately a few things have been happening to make people question the sentiment. For starters Russia got

Look, We Have Graphs and a Twitter Account

really fucking crazy again but perhaps more significantly Iran started to dial back

The agreement itself seems relatively straight forward. Basically the deal would

on the “death to America” shtick.

significantly limit Iran’s ability to enrich uranium at any level significant enough

It still came as a surprise to even the most optimistic among us when the US announced a historic Nuclear Nonproliferation agreement had been reached with Iran on July 14th.

long-term deal that we achieved with our allies and partners to prevent Iran from obtaining a nuclear weapon.” He went on to state that the agreement “represents a powerful display of American leadership and diplomacy.” In theory the agreement represents a shift in policy toward Iran and has some common undertones to the deal Reagan did with the Russians on nuclear arms that ultimately led to the end of the Cold War.

N.16 / V.47

and reduce the number of centrifuges from 19,000 to just over 6,000. The deal would allow for mandatory UN inspection and oversight of the programme at all stages for a 10 year term.

American President Barack Obama called the agreement a “comprehensive

to create a nuclear weapon, stop the manufacturing of weapons grade plutonium

LOVE AND SEX

For their part the crippling economic sanctions on Iran would be reversed and they would be welcomed back into the international community with the caveat that one small violation would see those sanctions placed back on them and the reset button hit on the hostilities. The Obama administration has gone to great lengths to sell it to the American people. In the last fortnight they have set up a website filled with info graphics and created the twitter handle @theirandeal encouraging people to ask questions.

News NEXUS MAGAZINE

NEWS It’s Going to End the World... I Haven’t Read it Yet... But I Assume Perhaps the best part of this story has been the torrent of anti-deal rhetoric that followed the announcement as Republican House, Senate and Presidential candidates reacted. “This is the most dangerous, irresponsible step I have ever seen in the history of watching the Mideast. Barack Obama, John Kerry, have been dangerously naive.” – Presidential Candidate Lindsey Graham “Staggeringly bad deal,” and “a fundamental betrayal of U.S. and Israeli security.” - Presidential Candidate Ted Cruz “A break-out threshold to produce a nuclear bomb,” and that it would “only embolden Iran — the world’s largest sponsor of terror.” - Republican Majority Leader John Boehner. In isolation those quotes would be expected but Boehner, Cruz, Graham and most other Republicans then admitted they hadn’t actually had time to read the agreement but had a sense of what it contained with Graham going so far as claiming he knew the deal would be bad “because I have been to the Middle East before.” This is equivalent to me saying I know it is raining in Auckland today because I had been to Auckland once before.

great negotiators,” and “Maybe Obama and Kerry just aren’t that bright.”), but for the effect

KALE ISAAC SKIS ON IN TO THE WSU BOARD

he has had on the rest of the field.

Press Release

Huckabee Comes up Trumps As has seemingly been the pattern over the last month the real fascination in this story centers around Donald Trump. Not for the predictable shit he said about Iran (“Persians are

Three election cycles ago Mike Huckabee was the calm voice of reason amongst the evangelical right, the compassionate voice of Christian conservatism. However an increasingly bat shit

July 28, 2015 — Kale Isaac has been appointed to fill the vacancy

crazy parade of candidates in successive elections has left reasonable people starved for air

on the Waikato Students’ Union board after the recent departure

time and has forced even the nice ones into outlandish statements. Last month Huckabee

of Roy Mazorodze.

— on the topic of Caitlyn Jenner — said that he wished he could have chosen to alternate gender identity in highschool “to shower with the girls after PE.”

Kale is the President of the University of Waikato Snowsports club, an affiliate club of the WSU, and is in his third year of a

Last week in an effort to cling to the last few dying breaths of his 15 minutes of fame,

Bachelor of Management Studies majoring in Economics and

Huckabee stated “It is so naive that he would trust the Iranians. By doing so, he will take the

Strategic Management.

Israelis and march them to the door of the oven.” In subsequent interviews Huckabee has not only refused to retract his statement but had Donald Trump publicly back his sentiments. So What’s Next? Republicans are beating the drums for war with both Democrats and Iran itself. The

”I’m super stoked on the appointment! It’s something that’s been sitting unticked on my goal list for a while now so I’m over the moon to make the board and get the chance to make a few changes around the university for students,” Kale said.

House Leadership is refusing to ratify the Iran Treaty while some Presidential hopefuls are

WSU President Shannon Stewart took time to thank each of the

suggesting the only way to ensure the safety of Israel and the region as a whole is to remove

three candidates and encouraged each to run for a role on the

the monotheistic leadership in Iran. President Obama is refusing to back down, saying that

2016 board.

he will veto any vote by congress to alter the deal. So the next few months are shaping up to be really interesting for both the Middle East and the American Diplomatic philosophy as a whole. For our part we just can’t wait to see which Republican says something insane next.

“The calibre of applicants we had was incredible. Each appointment offers new and diverse perspectives to the board, and we’re all excited to see what Kale can bring to the WSU.” Expressions of interest to fill the vacancy were sought prior to the semester break and each candidate was interviewed by board members prior to the selection. The appointment was voted on by the board in the Monday July 27 board meeting. The WSU general election for 2016 is yet to be announced but will take place in the coming months. If you would like more information about this topic, please contact WSU President Shannon Stewart at (07) 856 9139 or by email at president@wsu.org.nz.

NEXUS MAGAZINE News

NEWS

THE DAY JOURNALISM DIED Alexander Nebesky

If you’ve been anywhere near Stuff or the online edition of The New Zealand Herald you will be well aware that in New Zealand, every day is a slow news day. Realistically, the biggest difference between the two is in the quality of the quiz — Stuff does it well while the Herald’s alternative is shit. Despite the laughable state of journalists in New Zealand, the news is an incredibly important part of our society. Reporting what’s going on helps inform the general public on current events, as well as providing a societal level of accountability for any public figure, institution or large corporation. Without the news we wouldn’t know about the massive shitstorm that’s hitting Serco because of their Mt. Eden prison fight club

YET ANOTHER ARTICLE ON THE TPPA Sam Marelich

— this public knowledge forces Serco to bear responsibility for their fuck ups. It’s always a good thing to know about minor topics like our national justice system. Celebrity gossip, or gossip of any kind, (think Women’s Day or New

Despite the argument that National understands business, economics, and how to manage money, it appears New Zealand is represented by negotiators who are more qualified to star in an Adam Sandler movie instead. Years in the making, the Trans Pacific Partnership seems to be heading up to its final few negotiations that are held

Idea) on the other hand, offers little but a short paragraph, often based on pure speculation for us to satisfy our voyeuristic tendencies. Sure it reminds us that people in the news are just like us and we shouldn’t feel so bad that we put on a little weight, but it’s not honest.

in Hawaii (you may recognise this location from the recent obsession that The New

What Stuff, The Herald, and most other news providers have done is

Zealand Herald has held with the life of Max Key).

give entertainment fare an equivalent position of importance to current

At the moment the negotiations aren’t looking too good. We’ve been promised billions of dollars in new exports, but that’s a bit far fetched when the Americans aren’t interested in dropping any of their insane subsidies for agriculture. Let’s think this through, New Zealand: our biggest company is Fonterra with a piddly $20 billion (NZD) in revenue, which works out at about $13 billion USD. In America there are 35 individuals with more money than that. The six largest employees on the Fortune 500 list employ the equivalent of every New Zealander alive. Harvard, Stanford, Yale, and Princeton also have deeper pockets (individually) than Fonterra’s revenues, just in case you thought we stood on an even playing field in terms of tertiary education. It’s like we’re showing up to a gunfight (a popular American pastime) with a packed

Entering a free trade deal with America seems immeasurably harder than free trade deals with anyone else. Exports go out the door more quickly and imports become cheaper. Sure we lose a bit more of our dwindling manufacturing base, but beautiful value is briefly created for shareholders everywhere. With America this gets trickier. We start talking about doing some naughty things with our national sovereignty and might accidentally wreck Pharmac. This is where the problems start — Pharmac buys drugs for all of New Zealand. Unlike most health systems, Pharmac doesn’t tell multinational pharmaceutical firms how it makes its spending decisions, sticking with a system more suited to buying and selling real drugs. Because of this we save lots of money on medicine, showing the world the most effective system of sticking it to the corporate man.This has been a bone of contention for years, with Pharmac featuring heavily in the diplomatic cables released by Wikileaks in 2010. Quite possibly the cruelest part of the TPPA is that the average American doesn’t even want it to go forth either — for them it just means more jobs heading abroad to low wage economies (did anyone mention our great future employment opportunities!?). N.16 / V.47

and you’ll see that it is, at very least, 50/50 entertainment to current events. Shock jocks like Dominic Harvey or PR savvy reality contestants like Crystal (from The Bachelor) are not worthy of column space in any self respecting lineup of news. New Zealanders are owed more serious journalism, but instead of elevating the quality of journalism and providing high powered news stories at the cost of a few out-of-touch mums who want to read Women’s Weekly every day, we have been given the lowest common denominator, the most easily digestible mush that makes a mockery of the word news. It’s a sad day when the Nexus team are more serious than most

lunch and a pocket knife.

events — they’ve gone full tabloid on us. Check any of the home pages

LOVE AND SEX

journalists in the country.

Sports NEXUS MAGAZINE

SPORTS OPINION

HIGH FIVE

STUPIDEST FOOTBALL QUOTES Liverpool’s Welsh striker Ian Rush “I couldn’t settle in Italy — it was like living in a foreign country.”

Former England Manager Bobby Robson “We didn’t underestimate them. They were just a lot better than we thought.”

Ruud Gullit

WHO’S WORTH PICKING UP IN FANTASY PREMIER LEAGUE? Chris Reive

”We must have had 99% of the game. It was the other three per cent that cost us the match.”

Former England Starlet Michael Owen “I don’t believe in superstitions. I just do certain things

The English Premier League kicks off this weekend which means it’s time to put

because I’m scared in case something will happen if

together your fantasy league team. Here are a few tips to help.

I don’t do them.”

Where are your guns? The biggest decision you have to make is where you’re going to spend all of your cash. Though a big name forward like Aguero or Costa is enticing, my tip is to find some goal scoring midfielders. Arsenal’s Ramsey and

Former Blackpool Manager Ian Holloway

Sanchez, Southampton’s Mane, or Crystal Palace’s Puncheon are good options here.

“If you’ve been out for a night and you’re looking for

All four of these players are known goal scoring threats, but can also assist on the

a young lady and you pull one, some weeks they’re

play. They have key roles in their respective teams, and you shouldn’t have to worry

good looking and some weeks they’re not the best.

about them not starting. Not only are they good attacking options, they’re all quite

Our performance today would have been not the best

affordable: Sanchez – £11.0, Ramsey – £8.5, Mane – £8.0, and Puncheon – £6.0.

looking bird but at least we’ve got her in the taxi.”

You could go for someone like Chelsea’s Hazard (£11.5) or Man City’s Silva (£10.0) but to get more from your money, I suggest you look into cheaper options.

SHOULD IT BE A SPORT?

If you didn’t want to invest in value midfielders, you can pick up some gun defenders. Chelsea’s Ivanovic (£7.0), and Everton’s Coleman (£6.0) and Baines (£6.5) are good value if you want goal scorers. Defenders score more points than any other position — these guys can help you out a lot. For clean sheets, I’d look into any starting defender from the elite teams, or, for some reason, Stoke — who always seem to be a decent defensive squad. But, if you just want goals, splash your cash on Aguero and Costa. Alternatively, I’m expecting Tottenham’s Kane (£9.5) to continue his form from last season. Finally, if you want some bargains, look into the newly promoted teams – Norwich’s Jerome (£5.0) and Watford’s Deeney (£5.5) will be the team’s biggest scoring threats, and Bournemouth’s Francis (£4.5) can offer some support to your defence as a cheap often who will see a fair share of minutes. If you’re getting amongst, join my league — 712937-201025

BOG SNORKELLING

SAFE BET

I’m not 100% sure why you’d want to swim through a bog, but that’s what this sport involves. Wearing a snorkel and flippers, swimmers can

Safe Bet South Africa to win Pool B at the World Cup, $1.08

only propel themselves with their flippers — not conventional swimming

Bit of a Risk Everton to finish in the top 6 of the EPL, $3.50

techniques. The world champs for this are held in Wales.

Long Shot Miami Heat to win the 2015-16 NBA season, $41.00

Should it be a sport? Let us know what you think editor@nexumag.co.nz 7

NEXUS MAGAZINE Left vs. Right

PRIVATELY OWNED PRISONS The recent revelations of abuse, violence, and contraband at the privately owned Mount Eden Prison are bringing into light the ethics of prisons-for-profit. Is the privatisation of the public service sector a good thing?

LEFT

RIGHT

Once again the free-market has shown us how inherently superior it is to the

It’s a fundamental right wing belief that sometimes the market can do a better

public sector in carrying out the most sensitive functions of the state. This

job than the government. The unpopular truth is that it’s rooted in some pretty

time it’s the (until very recently) privately-run, Mount Eden Prison racking up a

well established facts — while the 1970s might have been a paradise where

record rate of abuse and violence which leaves puny public prisons in the dust.

“we” (all working aged men that is) had good middle class jobs, the price of a

The company responsible for this achievement is, of course, Serco.

whole lot of goods and services were through the roof — and if you didn’t like

Serco exists to take advantage of the neoliberal government’s short-sighted and

that, well too bad, you don’t have any other choice.

obsessive lust for outsourcing. They have their fingers in everything from schools to transport to military installations, and a record of results which are “mixed”.

The price of cellphone plans have gone down substantially in the past five years (thanks, 2 Degrees), just like how the price of international travel, broadband,

The idea of citizens being incarcerated by the state for their crimes, or

and cars has also decreased over the past 10-20 years. This is what happens

suspected crimes, against society and then finding themselves subject to the

when businesses compete against each other and it is a beautiful thing.

profit-sucking whim of a multinational corporation which is explicitly out to put returns over all else should horrify anyone. You can’t impose on people the ultimate punishment and then, to save money, or out of fairness to poor left-out big business, palm off the carrying out of that punishment to whoever is greedy enough to want to turn other people’s misery into a quick buck. That’s how you wind up with the broken bones, fight clubs, balustrade-droppings, rape and death and prison official corruption — which is currently being exposed in the media. Or as Serco puts it, a “culture of self-harm” used by these hardened criminals as a “bargaining tool” — oh wait, that’s actually Serco referring to the refugees, including thousands of children, detained in their hellish Christmas Island processing centre. Despite the Government finally taking over the prison and imposing a small fine, the principles of ruthless privatisation lives on. Extreme-soft-touch Corrections Minister, Sam Lotu-liga thinks Serco-run Wiri prison should be just fine. Meanwhile, Minister of Social Development, Anne Tolley, was inspired by the recent public-private publicity, commenting that she would like to see an expansion of social bond type provision, with for-profit outfits allowed a crack at vulnerable families and children.

N.16 / V.47

LOVE AND SEX

So here we are, taking this ideal into one of the final frontiers of government control: prisons. In theory, opening up the market for prisons to private enterprise is a good thing — corporations are more in tune with cutting costs and seeking out efficiencies, which means we’ll end up spending less money per prisoner, which is an attractive idea when you consider it costs $91,000 to lock someone up for a year. Sure, I’d be happier if the contract went to a firm that wasn’t responsible for gross human rights violations in Australian detention centers, but we aren’t about to call our best friends out for locking up brown people (including children!) in conditions reminiscent of a Nazi death camp. We need to be consistent with what’s happened over the past few weeks. This isn’t quite the first time a fight club has existed in a prison, but unlike the standard hurrah and symbolic firing that we get with the government, we have a system that hits Serco where it hurts.

Reviews NEXUS MAGAZINE

FILM REVIEW

MUSIC REVIEW

ANT-MAN

CONCERT: POWER AND PASSION BY THE NZSO

Jared Wooldridge

Twelve movies in, Marvel still does what Marvel does best. Which,

Founders Theatre recently hosted the New Zealand Symphony

after twelve movies, is all a bit “meh” by now. But nonetheless,

Orchestra (NZSO) which included two names about as complex

here comes Ant-Man, a new superhero origin story that faithfully

to say as their musical repertoire is to digest, master pianist

treads a path that has been worn almost to death by now by the

Simon Trpčeski and young talented conductor, Vasily Petrenko.

winning Marvel formula. So suit up for a movie with a likeable

While the NZSO is constantly pushing their skill and their content

cast and admittedly impressive (and funny) miniaturised action,

as well as themselves around the country, the addition of these

but in the end is just so horribly “meh”.

two really sparked a scintillating performance from our country’s

In the past, you have seen a tech billionaire in a robot suit, the

premiere orchestra.

god of thunder, and a guy on steroids. Now prepare for Shrink-

Opening with Trpčeski on a stunning grand piano front and

Guy (sorry, Ant-Man). There’s Scott Lang, played with all that

centre, and his long-time collaborator Petrenko behind the

Robert Downey Jr likeability by Paul Rudd, a criminal trying

baton, the orchestra flew through Liszt’s Piano Concerto Number

to reform himself by taking on generic Marvel villain #11 and

2 in A Major. Trpčeski was dynamic. His fingers sweeping through

Darren Cross, with technology that can shrink himself to the size

the keys with such speed and grace, it felt like every movement

of an ant. Meanwhile, villain #11 thinks that this new technology

(including his occasional floating right hand) was crucial. Even

could be used as a weapon to make himself rich and powerfu-

his pauses were burgeoning with personality as the pianist wore

wait a minute, wasn’t that the plan of Marvel villains numbers

every note on his face. Calling his performance exceptional is

1, 2, 3, and 7?

both cliché and entirely true.

So yeah, it pretty much goes by the formula set down previously.

Following the break, Petrenko, lead the orchestra through the

Which is all well and good if you like that formula, I mean it has

complexities of Mahler’s Symphony Number 5 in C Sharp Minor.

harmlessly distracted me from my life for many an hour by now,

This was indeed the passion of the evening. Mahler’s work is a

and there are things to enjoy here, like the ever-reliable Marvel

raucous lassoing of emotion and the orchestra with Petrenko at

action and talented cast. But for once, just once, could they

the helm tackled it in all of its subtle and sublime sweetness. The

make something different? Edgar Wright, of Hot Fuzz and Shaun

trumpet and French horn littered what was a spiralling mountain

of the Dead, was originally writing and directing Ant-Man. That,

of strings, depth and colour. The performance injected a whole

at least, would have been exciting and different.

new lust for Mahler, but also for seeing our NZSO live again as soon as humanly possible.

NEXUS MAGAZINE Reviews

FOOD REVIEW

TWO BIRDS EATERY

SILVERDALE HIGH BAKERY AND CAFÉ Caitlin Orton

Growing up in a strictly vegan household, so vegan in-fact

“This ginger-nut crunch is actually crunchy. You should write

we weren’t even allowed fly-spray, I have found it difficult to

that down.”

embrace cafe-culture. When my girlfriends want to go out they

That was the first thing that my flatmate said to me as we

often bring up places where the only vegan food on offer is

tucked in to our small feast from the Silverdale High Bakery and

salad. My interest was sparked by Two Birds when I heard of a

Café and she was right, their ginger-nut crunch was crunchy.

little thing they have called raw vegan cheesecake. That’s right,

It was also $1.30 so it was the best damn ginger-nut crunch I

no cooking, no animal products. It’s raw vegan, baby.

could have asked for.

Arriving, the atmosphere was very white — as in white people.

High Bakery on Silverdale road may look like your average

The decor was nice, but I couldn’t help but notice the dated

corner store Bakery and Café and you know what? It is.

carpet and ceiling leftover from when this was a man’s man bar.

Completely average. I wasn’t expecting much though, anything

My friends and I ordered an array of raw cakes, including a kit kat slice, a jelly tip cheesecake, banoffee pie, and a salted caramel cheesecake. They all tasted quite similar, but were delicious no less. At $8 a slice, which vary from okay-sized to pitiful, I doubt

edible if I’m being truly honest. It wasn’t breathtakingly decorated and the service didn’t make my day, but High Bakery was offering me food, food that I didn’t have to put together myself, so I couldn’t complain.

I’ll be coming here often on my student budget. One of my

With my extremely tight budget I was able to sample a Satay

friends felt quite sick after her kit kat slice, but that was likely

Chicken Roll on a ham bun, a piece of Country Style Fried

because she ate it within minutes. These cakes are rich!

Chicken, and the famous ginger-nut crunch. All in all it was

I like Two Birds Eatery, and I’ll definitely be coming back on a special occasion.

a good meal. The roll was quite filling and helped me with my ‘five plus a day’ vegetable consumption and the gingernut crunch was satisfying and cheap. The chicken wasn’t spectacular so I wouldn’t recommend High Bakery if that’s your food of choice. However I was told that the cream donuts High Bakery sells are the best that you can get. In short, I probably wouldn’t go to this bakery or even know it existed if it wasn’t right next door to our laundromat.

N.16 / V.47

LOVE AND SEX

Reviews NEXUS MAGAZINE

BOOK REVIEW

A SONG OF ICE AND FIRE BY GEORGE R.R MARTIN

THE DUFF BY KODY KEPLINGER

Kelsie Morland

Tania Collins

If you’re like me, you will already be having withdrawals from the

Teen Fiction has never been my genre of choice, particularly

HBO adaptation of the ever popular book series A Song of Ice

not the romantic bubblegum type. However, I recently acquired

and Fire, more commonly known as Game of Thrones. I use the

a copy of the much hyped The Duff by Kody Keplinger and

term ‘adaptation’ loosely, as for those who are familiar with the

thought I’d give it a quick read.

books will know the highly acclaimed show doesn’t always stick faithfully to the books. GoT still makes for an enjoyable watch (as enjoyable as it can be with every SINGLE one of your favourite characters dying left right and centre).

The plot is predictable to say the least: Bianca, our narrator, sits at a bar watching her friends dance when Wesley Rush comes over, asks for her help to get into her two friend’s pants, then proceeds to tell her that she is the designated fat friend of her

As I previously mentioned in my review of Name of the Wind,

group. He explains that the Duff’s role is to make her friends feel

fantasy seems to be becoming ever more popular, and none

better about themselves. Bianca is disgusted but then spends

other than Game of Thrones, with intricately woven storylines

the rest of the book hooking up with Wesley, while enlisting him

and unsuspecting turn of events (poor Ned…) keeping every

to show her how to stop being The Duff.

reader enticed. The structure of the novels is very interesting, with different characters having separate chapters dedicated to their point of view. At times this can become disjointed and some chapters are a bit of a slog to get through, but overall this series of books is fantastic. With medieval landscapes, dragons, horse lords, betrayal, and the occasional death (HA!) this series has definitely become one of my faves.

While I applaud Keplinger for writing a novel at seventeen, it felt as though I was reading her secret diary and the names had been changed to protect the identities of those close to her. The story itself, lacked a certain originality and for me, The Duff was a far cry from a keep you up all night page-turner, but it wasn’t the worst novel I’ve read.

NEXUS MAGAZINE Entertainment

HOROSCOPES

Capricorn (December 22 — January 19)

Cancer (June 21 — July 22)

Saturn and Jupiter are lining up, this means only one

Indeed your feats of strength are legendary, and your

thing; it is the Capricorn’s week for addiction. Start

physique unmatched. Beware the world is not ready for

lining up yourself.

such mass! You must tread carefully through the weights room, jealousy will arrive in the form of a careless spotter.

Aquarius (January 20 — February 18)

Leo (July 23 — August 22)

Life is grand and life is superb! The flowers smell fresh

Roses are red, violets are blue. No original advice for

and all colours vibrantly dazzle across your line of

you.

sight… why did you take acid again?

Pisces (February 19 — March 20)

Virgo (August 23 — September 22)

Some people are born beautiful, but it’s only skin deep.

Put your emotions on the back burner, let your mind take

You will have an experience in the near future which

over. Deal with the facts and make sure your emotions don’t

shall teach you — ugly goes to the bone.

interfere with the information you receive. In other words avoid alcohol — it turns you into an emotional shipwreck.

Aries (March 21 — April 19)

Libra (September 23 — October 22)

It is a small consultation to the sad darkness of our finite

Embrace the irrational and open your heart. Love is

mortality that we may all take comfort in the universal

like a skateboard, let it deliver you smoothly across the

experience of the human condition. Interpret these last two

pavement of life. Until you hit a stone, fall off, bust your

lines and you shall become the prophet of your own destiny.

mouth against a curb, and lose all will to skate again.

Taurus (April 20 — May 20)

Scorpio (October 23 — November 21)

Your smooth ways are enabling you to navigate your way

You’re all alone in this dark world, you have no friends

through the ocean of life without using a paddle. The

to count on and you have no life - but don’t worry, there

irony lies within the fact that there is a leak in the bottom

is hope! Log on to http://na.leagueoflegends.com/the

of your boat and you are “too mellow” to look down.

biggest online multiplayer franchise in world.

Gemini (May 21 — June 20)

Sagittatrius (November 22 — December 21)

You would consider yourself a smooth criminal. A bit

If you even dream of beating me you’d better wake up

of a thriller between the sheets. But unfortunately due

and apologise. Float like a butterfly, sting like a bee. I

to the man in the mirror, you are always left to beat it.

hope you enjoyed these quotes from Muhammad Ali.

WHAT’S HOT WHAT’S NOT

WHAT’S HOT 1. Skype job interviews. Everyone looks better on a low-res webcam. 2. Magic Mike XXL. Respect your lady. 3. Vegan cheesecake. It tastes

N.16 / V.47

WHAT’S NOT 1. The TPPA. This is getting boring now, hurry up and get rid of it. 2. Our ridiculously long student email addresses. 3. Lecturers who make you print

delicious and is probably healthy,

assignments as well as handing

so eat up.

them in online.

LOVE AND SEX

Entertainment NEXUS MAGAZINE

PLEASE DON’T QUOTE ME

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NEXUS MAGAZINE Arts

Elements of Modernism Peter Dornauf

Such practice and example would no doubt have emboldened the Waikato University, in its infancy, to also adopt a policy of art collection which has continued to this day. These works are scattered across the university campus and it’s beholden on us all to take time to look. Why? For the same reason one might read a poem or novel, watch a film or visit the theatre. Aesthetics and all that: the education of feeling, the opportunity for insight, even the chance for moral uplift, though literary critic, Terry Eagleton, (the Jeremy Clarkson of philosophy as he’s been dubbed) might argue otherwise. In his recent book, Culture

Honorary doctorates. You wonder about them sometimes when you

and the Death of God, he maintains that in the nineteenth century,

look at the recipients. However no such qualms need apply to a recent

culture replaced God but that this was reversed in the latter part

candidate, Campbell Smith. The man, regarded as the elder statesman

of the twentieth century when culture failed and God was reborn,

of the arts in this city, was a deserving nominee. Artist, playwright, arts

contradicting Nietzsche’s grave pronouncement.

administrator, and teacher, Smith was a man of many parts. His recent death has left us counting up the considerable legacy he had bestowed on Hamilton.

a significant feature in the history of modernism. Its quasi spiritual and utopian urges are clearly exemplified in artists like Piet Mondrian right

One of most substantial ways was in his role as the director of the

up to the American abstract expressionists of the fifties and sixties

Waikato Museum of Art and History. In this capacity he was responsible

epitomized in the works of Mark Rothko and Barnett Newman.

for building up the city’s art collection from a period when New Zealand art was in its modernist heyday. Smith rose above all regional squeamishness and bravely selected the best avant-garde pieces of the day: big name painters like McCahon, Clairmont, Fomison, Dashper, Albrecht, Binney, Brown, Gimblett, Hanly, Hotere, Maddox, Walters, Woollaston, and many others.

In our more cynical age postmodernists sneer at this sort of stuff. Expectations have been moderated. Whether this has left room for the resurgence of God is a debatable question. Modernism certainly got a bad press after it threw up the horrors of totalitarianism with millions dead. But if one wants to look at modernist abstraction today, shorn of all

Every city needs people of culture and aesthetic sensibility and Smith

its high-flown rhetoric, one could do no better than visit the Framing

contributed in no small way, pulling this town up out of the cow shit and

Workshop Gallery just down from campus on Silverdale road and check

gave it a fighting chance. A large part of that collection was recently on

out the work of Hamilton artist, Gaye Jurisich.

exhibit at the museum.

That the arts (a stand-in for religion) would save us was undoubtedly

N.16 / V.47

LOVE AND SEX

Auteur NEXUS MAGAZINE

Auteur House Presents: William Shatner

line like our Bill. The masterful hesitations, the oh-so-pregnant pauses.

Richard Swainson

Bill cannot really sing. No matter: the weakness is actually a strength.

Outside of Star Trek the work itself has been erratic, but Shatner is always Shatner. Check out Judgment at Nuremberg, where the Shat shares the screen briefly with Spencer Tracy, or, better still, The Intruder, Roger Corman’s parable about racism in the American south. Shatner the Spoken Work Artiste Amongst his four studio albums to date two stand-out. The Transformed Man is an indescribable masterpiece in which Shatner attempts to combine readings from Shakespeare and Cyrano de Bergerac with

William Shatner is coming. Get excited, New Zealand! The 84 year old actor, advertising huckster, musical performer, author, raconteur, and science fiction icon is bringing his Broadway show to Auckland’s Civic theatre on Saturday the 10th of October. Here are four reasons why William Shatner is an essential artist of our time: Captain Kirk Before Shatner sci-fi’s idea of a spaceship captain was a pre-Naked Gun Leslie Nielsen, an Eisenhower era square with a haircut to match in Forbidden Planet. Muscular, charismatic, a man of both action and principle, prone to speechifying but also capable of leading with his fists. Shatner’s Kirk was good with the ladies, too. Can you imagine anyone else in the part? Don’t even think Chris Pine’s name.

covers of Dylan and Beatles music. Misunderstood at the time — and subsequently — Shatner’s bizarrely over the top rants and raves on the likes of Mr Tambourine Man and Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds have no parallel in pop culture. 2004’s Has Been is a more complete work still. Often hilarious songs about fame and mortality sit comfortably with raw autobiographical material as Shatner proves himself both brave and self-deprecating. Shatner the Author Bill’s fiction has its fan base. He’s contributed to the enormous body of Star Trek fiction and invented his own world in the TekWar series. The real gold though lies in his autobiographical volumes. Shatner devises a literary style all his own, one in which seven adjectives are never used when eight might suffice. Despite a testy relationship with many

Shatner the Staccato Thespian

of his Star Trek co-stars, his books on the series and the movies are

Good actors are dime a dozen, unique ones pure gold. No one reads a

essential reading.

Feature NEXUS MAGAZINE

NEUROSURGEON BY DAY, STRIPPER BY NIGHT Mistress Savannah

“Show us your cunt, bitch!” Usually this would have almost passed as a compliment, but this night I had, had enough… Placing the steel-tipped end of my stiletto on his chest hard

some attention, even if they had to pay for it. One of them

enough to draw blood, I leaned forward and said “If you

even said to me once “If I went to a therapist they would

open your dirty little mouth one more time, that bouncer is

charge me $200 an hour, if I give you a $100, I’ve saved

going to fuck you up.” Mr Mouth shut the hell up for the rest

money and it’s more fun to sit here with a drink and watch

of the night. Being a stripper in the early 90s was always

the show.”

an adventure, for it became a way to observe some of the darker facets of human nature.

If you wanted to study the quirks and dark recesses of human nature, I’d highly recommend becoming a stripper —

When you work in an environment where all your workmates

you will see things you wouldn’t have imagined. In the clubs

have seen you naked and being groped, harassed, and

you become like a family, the industry is very insular. But how

verbally abused, and it is all part of the job description,

do you explain to your friends that on your shift last night

you tend to develop different ways of seeing the world and

you had two stag dos where you got the groom on stage

men in particular. The funny thing was the more intelligent

and stripped him? What about how you did a lesbian show

the stripper was, the more likely they were to see their

with a mate, played some pool, got drunk, and went home

occupation as an expression of feminism, my take on it was

with $500 in tips? It’s not the regular day in the office, that’s

that if men were stupid enough to pay $20 door charge and

for sure. You also get to hear about customers odd fetishes

then put $50 in my g-string, it made me the person with the

and take part in graphic discussion. Your sex life becomes

advantage. It wasn’t that I had no feeling for these men, a

part of everyday conversation with your workmates. It is all

lot of them were regulars that had a favourite girl and I had

like a family and outside of the mainstream you all tend to

a large client base of older gentlemen who appreciated my

go out partying together and everyone sleeps with everyone

ultra-feminine stage persona. Most of my regulars were just

else, so it can get a bit weird, but at the same time you get

straight out lonely, they wanted to come in, have a drink and

over yourself fast!

a chat and just generally feel that someone was paying them

NEXUS MAGAZINE Feature

...you become consumed with the social group you are now a part of.

This can lead to a different take on relationships, sex,

dancing naked and the sad truth is that the younger they

sexuality, and gender expectations, taking into account

look the more money they made. That is where I feel that it

that in the 90s although the girls that worked as strippers

is unfeminist to be a stripper, I also defy anyone to show me

largely still had the marriage, kids, and a house dream, what

how having “Show us your tits” yelled at you on a nightly

we were doing was in contradiction to the norm. When your

basis is empowering and good for women as a gender.

whole life is lived outside of the usual social expectations of your gender you either try to hide it from the rest of the world or you flaunt it and become an extreme example of a stripper. Either way you find that you no longer have much in common with your old life and you become consumed with the social group you are now a part of.

and I think that is because I have had a view inside their heads that not many women get, at the same time I have to admit to not having that much respect for men in general, they have to work twice as hard to impress me. The funniest thing was that I was constantly being asked if I had a “real”

When I left the industry I found I had to completely cut

job, as though working 8 to 10 hours a night, six nights a

myself off from my old life. I moved towns and started a

week might not be an actual job. So I started telling them I

whole new occupation. Now 20 years on, I can look back

was a neurosurgeon during the day… never, ever had anyone

and reflect on the way it has shaped my current subjectivity

question that!

and thoughts on a whole raft of things. In some ways I still think that stripping can be a feminist occupation as in a lot of ways you are using your feminine powers to manipulate men, however when looked at as a whole the industry is run by men for men and men are the ones making the bulk of the money from what are essentially young and often vulnerable girls. And they are young, when I started I was 18 years old,

Has it made me anti-men? No, all my best friends are men

Would I encourage young women to become strippers? Not really. In some ways it can steal your soul, however when women tell me that they are/have been a stripper I am always interested to hear their experiences. It is definitely an unusual occupation and one that you need to go into with your eyes wide open.

the average age was 19, when I quit I was 25 which was old

Final tip for anyone going to watch strippers, “Show us your

in stripper terms. In my 7 years I saw girls as young as 14

pussy” is not very original or a fucking compliment.

N.16 / V.47

LOVE AND SEX

Feature NEXUS MAGAZINE

SEX TOY REVIEWS

OVO T2 Premium 3.5” Lay On Massager

Fetish Fantasy Blindfold Ball Gag

Rating: 4/5

Rating: 3/5

Price: $36.53 from Wild Secrets

Price: $65.99 from Peaches & Cream

The OVO T2 “massager” (vibrator) looks expensive. It sounds

Why did I buy a ball gag? Why wouldn't I buy a ball gag

expensive — it’s waterproof, it’s “whisper quiet”, it’s made

should be the question. Being a fan of bondage, the humble

from 100% body-safe materials (strangely cheaper vibrators

ball gag has been at the top of my list for the past few years,

aren’t), and it was designed in Germany. The OVO T2 even

and now, finally, I have one. My partner and I take turns

has a 15 year warranty, which is about 15 times longer than

using it depending who’s playing the sub. Paired with the

any of my relationships have lasted. But with all these specs,

blindfold, making it neither possible to scream nor see, we

does it really do what it’s supposed to do? Yes. Yes it does.

found that our sensations were heightened.

This is a good quality virbrator for a low price, but obviously

The ball gag and blindfolds were, in theory, awesome, but

due to its size and price, it’s not perfect. Getting the T2 to sit

the actual products were not of a great quality. Peeling,

in the right place is difficult as the good vibrations are only

fraying, and decomposing before our eyes, this is definitely a

found around the top of it.

throw-away purchase.

Pros

• Cheap

Quiet

• Quiet

Fun

• Good looking design

Waterproof

• Waterproof • 100% body safe Cons

Cons Cheaply made Expensive

• It takes 5 seconds to turn off, awkward for accidental walk-ins • Vibration point is small

NEXUS MAGAZINE Feature

Pipedream USB Powered All-In-One Massage Kit

Bed Bondage Kit

Rating: 3/5

Rating: 5/5

Price: $28.43 from Wild Secrets

Price: $99.99 from D.VICE

Single speed, single vibration, battery free, USB-powered

The Bed Bondage Kit sounds way creepier than it really is,

vibrating bullet, with multiple attachments for various kinds of

especially with the tagline “create your own Fifty Shades

intimate massages. But it looks and feel cheap — because it is.

fantasy…” Essentially it’s just four straps, which can be

Upon opening the box I was curious as to what the various oddly shaped attachments were for. It had something that looked like a small persons hairbrush; a possible butt plug attachment? And a very pointy looking thing that looked like it could do some serious damage. Without the attachments it just looked like your standard bullet vibe. The first time I used it I was with my partner. We turned the iSex Massager on and it was so loud he insisted we turned it off as he was worried we would wake the flatties. He’s a little less adventurous than I am, but I must say I did have similar concerns. So I tried it again on my own while I had the house to myself. It was still extremely loud which was quite the turn off. The vibrations were powerful though, and if you can get past the noise it does feel good.

and soft as fuck velcro furry cuffs. It’s a pain in the ass to install, only because you have to remake the whole bed (not because it’s difficult). But at least once it’s on, it’ll stay there. There’s definitely something sexy about stretching out and brushing your foot against straps hiding in your sheets. This bondage kit is the tits. It’s sexy and kinky without freaking you out or inserting things where you don’t want them. Being tied up heightens all other senses and gives your partner complete control. At first it’s frustrating as fuck not being able to touch back, but you get used to it. I would highly recommend for any couples wanting to try something a little different, get kinky, the orgasm’s worth it.

• The cuffs are soft

• Easy to use • No Batteries required — USB-powered with a long cord • Small and compact — Travel friendly • Discrete — Can be used almost anywhere • Powerful vibrations • Comes with multiple attachments • Can be used solo or with your partner Cons • Very noisy. Not ideal for shared living spaces • Only one speed and type of vibration • Made from hard, cold plastic. Uncomfortable

N.16 / V.47

all shapes and sizes and comes complete with all the straps

Pros

installed on any size bed or mattress. It’s adjustable to fit

LOVE AND SEX

• It tucks away discreetly — no one will know it’s there • Its kinky, but at the level you want it to be • You can add to the kit if you’re feeling adventurous — leather restraint collars, blindfolds, whips and more • Makes no noise • Easy to use and resuable • Good value for money and good quality Cons • I had to remake the bed • If you thrash hard enough you can break free • You can’t touch back

Feature NEXUS MAGAZINE

Jewel Silicone Butt Plug

Silicone Jack Rabbit Ring

Rating: 4/5

Rating:4/5

Price: $45.99 from D.VICE

Price: $43.83 from Wild Secrets

Being in a relationship that defies gender norms means

Cock rings are said to increase sexual pleasure and enhance

that if you happen to get roped into reviewing a butt plug

the erection and help your man control his climax (*cough

because everyone else is too mainstream, your partner will

*last longer). But what about me? I’d heard about these

be just as excited as you are — and, he’ll fight you for who

bunny cock rings as a great sex toy for couples. Ring goes

gets to try it first. This means you guys get twice the review

around the cock, bunny ears tickle the clit. Simple right?

for the same price! One experienced bum player, and one not

Yeah, not so much. We tried various positions to try and

so experienced. Try and guess which!

make ears-to-clit contact but struggled. And when we finally

The Jewel silicone butt plug is just kind of pretty. It’s so silky and feels really sexy as you wriggle it into place. When it comes to size, it fits that perfect middle ground

did, the ears were so hard, the thrusting felt like painful jabs to my vulva area. Maybe we were doing it wrong, afterall we are amateurs in the field of sex toys.

for a beginner’s toy: somewhere between scary and non-

In the end we took it off and and my partner used the ears

existent. The first section is about as small as the tip of a

to manually stimulate my clit whilst fucking me, I squirted

finger, so it’s a great transition toy too. It’s great to use both

like crazy for the first time. I think my partner felt slightly

during intercourse (yes, he can feel those ridges) and while

emasculated wearing a purple bunny around his penis

receiving oral sex (cunnilingus 10/10).

anyway. We tried it as a stimulater on other areas (anus)

But if you’re used to having things in your bum, this isn’t going to do much for you. It’s a perfect first time toy, but not heavy or substantial enough for experienced users. It’s not threatening, it feels great, and it’s a good time no matter whose bum it ends up in. Sharing is caring y’all. Pros • Good for beginners • Ridges • High quality Cons • A little expensive

which also felt pretty good. Each ear has its own powerful motor that does create some strong vibes. And the multiple speed and vibration settings also made it fun. Pros • 7 vibration modes, ranging from pulsating to escalation • Comes with batteries, even two sets! • Cool colour! • Great ‘tickler’ — nipples, clit, balls, anus • Ring is stretchy and sits comfortably around the penis Cons • Bunny ears are too hard

FUCKING FEMINISTS: RELATIONSHIPS, COURTING, AND HOOK-UP CULTURE Aunty Slut

Let the knowledgeable Aunty Slut guide you through making relationships last, hooking up successfully, and fucking without shame. People tend to assume one of two things about women.

until it comes to fucking. Then it seems like the majority of

They’re either frigid man-hating lesbians using witchcraft to

you default into pontificating douchecopters who wibble

lead guys on and laugh at their blue balls, or they’re morally

when they get called out for neg-ing.

corrupt slut-bags who have no respect for themselves on a never ending quest for the D. And, no matter what kind of sex you are or are not having, if you’re a woman, people will draw a line between these two things, and fling you into one of those camps whether you like it or not. And before you go all #NotAllMen on me, I want you to think about the last time you called someone a slut. Was that person a man? Mmm. Didn’t think so.

Most of the advice that people (but women in particular) get about sex and relationships is all about what not to do. Don’t have sex, don’t go home with strangers, don’t be a slut, don’t be a frigid bitch, don’t give head, don’t be submissive, don’t watch porn, don’t do anal, etc. We get given most of this advice because of the piss-poor behaviour of a small number of people who think that women exist for men’s pleasure, and maybe making a sammich every now

But here’s a fun fact: it’s possible for a woman to have sex

and then. You know the people I’m talking about. The guys

and still have respect for herself. Why? Because a human’s

who rate women on whether they “would bang” or not. The

worth is not determined by how much sex they do or do

girls who rag on other girls for wearing “belts as skirts”. The

not have — no matter their genitalia. Not only can they

guys who think buying someone a drink is some kind of

respect themselves, but other people can respect them too.

contract. The girls who think they’re better than other girls

Anyone with a brain knows that female sexuality is vastly

because they don’t “give it up for just anyone”. So don’t be

more complex than either of the above stereotypes. As the

that guy. Contrary to popular opinion, it is possible to have

purveyors of a fabulous WaiKat education, I know you guys

relationships, go on dates, have one night stands, or even use

are smart. I also know that you’re sexy (underneath those

Tinder without being a sexist pig — and that goes for you too

puffer jackets). You’re smart and you’re sexy and you’re

ladies. Here’s how.

switched on and open to new thoughts and experiences —

Lose the Shame

take it too seriously either — sex is fun! It doesn’t have to be

Casual sex does not define anyone as a person. Two

slow and romantic to be loving. Uncle Slut and I fuck. Hard.

consenting adults should be able to do whatever freaky shit

It’s one of the many ways we show we love each other. It

they like without fear of judgement. No matter what bits

doesn’t have to be “making love” to be making love.

are between their legs, what they look like, or what kind of clothes they are wearing, shaming someone for their sex life is terrible form. If you’re going home with someone and you don’t respect them, you shouldn’t be going home with them because really, the only person you’re disrespecting is yourself. It’s also really important to remove shame from your more lingering relationships too. If, for example, you have a problem with the way your significant other looks, you should take a good hard look in the mirror instead of trying to shame them into changing. The person with the

Only Fuck People You’re Attracted To This seems like a no brainer, but so many times we hear fuckboys going on about how she “looked thinner” at the bar, or how some girl woke up and wanted to gnaw her arm off. Own your sexual choices. Let’s remember that you put those beer goggles on yourself, and that you have slept with a real live human. If you’re feeling shame about your choices, don’t put it on the person who went out to have a good time, and had a good time.

problem is you, so therefore the person who makes the

Split the Bill or Take Turns Paying

solution should be you too.

This works especially well if you take turns on coming up

Communicate About Sex This goes for any interaction, but especially once you’re coupled up because it’s something we often forget about once we’re in a stable relationship. Keep talking about sex! Talk about what you don’t like, talk about what you’d like to try, talk about your favourite things your partner does, try new things! Make sex a priority, it feels good, it builds intimacy, it reduces stress and it… feels really good! Try not to

with date ideas. Without going into the gender wage gap (in New Zealand women typically earn 9.9% less than men for the same work) paying for dates can be stressful when you’re a student. If you suggest something expensive for a date, maybe you should pay for it. Then, they can suggest a date and pay for that. For example, I wanted to take Uncle Slut out for a fancy dinner one night, so I paid. He wanted to go out to a play, so he paid. We figure it all evens out in the end. This also applies to…

...a human’s worth is not determined by how much sex they do or do not have — no matter their genitalia.

Chores

When someone in a relationship is lying, the power balance

Share them equally. If you have to make a roster so shit gets

tips in their favour. It’s hard to have an equal and respectful

done, make a roster. Nothing turns someone off faster than

relationship when one of the parties has no idea what’s really

feeling like they’re your Mum. Dudes, this means doing your

going on. Also, if the L word comes up before you’re ready,

own laundry, and cleaning the bathroom once and awhile.

just say so! Being open and honest about the small stuff

Negotiate with your partner- if you hate dishes and they

makes it easier to be open and honest about the hard stuff.

don’t, maybe they can always do the dishes while you always take out the trash. Let’s let go of this bullshit notion that certain tasks are for women and certain tasks are for men. Uncle Slut loves cooking and doesn’t mind doing the dishes, I like lawn mowing. Work it out.

Give it a day If you’re out on the town and you meet someone you’d like to take things further with, ask them out for lunch the next day instead of taking them home. It means you can get a sense of what they’re really like without their booze jacket

Be Giving and Strive for Orgasm Equality

on. It also applies if you get the sudden urge to say or do

Regardless of the situation, sex feels best when the person

something you haven’t done before, give it a day. Feel like

you’re with really cares whether you’re having a good time

saying “I love you”? Give it a day. Feel like breaking up? Give

or not. If you approach sex for what you can give instead

it a day. Make sure you’re not just riding the climax high or

of what you can take, all parties will end up having a better

being a moody prick.

time. Especially if that time involves cunnilingus. On average about 70% of women don’t orgasm during sex, while 75% of men always do — and that is some fucking bullshit! Shit to the bull. Do your bit for society and fix this farce. Women need orgasms too!

Fuck the Person, Not the Body That human being you’re sharing bodily fluids with is not just their body. They aren’t those tits, or those abs, or that ass, or that cock. They aren’t just that beard or that cunt, no matter what kind of tactile function they have. They’re a whole

Say What You Mean and Mean What You Say

human being. Getting too caught up in which bits go where

One little white lie to save an argument doesn’t feel like a big

means missing out on 70% of the experience. Most orgasms

deal, but it’s often the first in a series. Annoying your partner

come from between your ears, not from between your legs.

with the truth is 100% better than placating them with a lie.

So use your brain! And your tongue. Always use your tongue.

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LOVE AND SEX

Your Space NEXUS MAGAZINE

NEXUS MAGAZINE Columns

CONFESSIONS OF JAMES BRODIE

Welcome to Life on Level Zero James Brodie

Laying these new tracks (which will drop before break) was slightly more challenging. We’ve had to try all new things (to satisfy your musical cravings) and we’ve had to write about a whole new world with a whole new perspective. Why am I boring you with this? Well, about 99% of the lyrics and some of the music was written here at Waikato University (specifically on Level Zero, which is name-checked in a new song). Level Zero is a very relaxing place under the library (which I like to visit at least once a week), and I must honestly admit it’s a great place to have a milo, play some pool, write an album, or generally

DISCLAIMER:

just take the load off your feet. Before finding Level Zero, lyrically I

Any views expressed within these columns are purely the views, of

had no clue what I wanted to say. When I found it — I had so many

me: James Brodie and not necessarily the views of Nexus, Jessica

lyrics come to mind that for once there’s a shelf of leftovers (YAY!)

Wilson (my Nexus Boss), or Waikato Students’ Union (or anyone

that we can revisit later in future projects. And out of that I think

else for that matter). They MIGHT be, but not necessarily….

I’ve found a place where I can consistently write my best quality

Hi all. Sorry I have missed you of late here on Nexus — long story. I suppose I better get into it. While you were all on holidays, I was a very busy man. When you were all getting drunk, I was acting in the Future Te Aroha 25th anniversary show, I was getting my online radio show ready to re-launch (of which you can now tune in on BlogTalkRadio at

N.16 / V.47

stuff. That’s the best deal that I can find for a place to go anywhere. So, that’s my time. Well done Feminists at Waikato for an amazing week, I can’t wait for the next one. And Dominic Wilshier, might pay to flick me an email and let us know what’s happening. You were missed in the studio, hopefully it’s not too late to get you involved for Ivy’s future.

7.30pm), and I was trying (NOT) to hurt myself (again), oh yeah…

Right, must run.

I kind of did some work on the new Ivy Blue record. That was fun.

Bye for now.

LOVE AND SEX

Columns NEXUS MAGAZINE

NEW LOCALS

Listening to Biographies

And so sometimes I will keep quiet and fit into the stereotype for

Charissa Tan

not become barriers to forming great friendships. I now see that

a bit. And then boom! Ninja attack! I’ll surprise them with my wide vocabulary and say, “Yup! English is actually my first language”. However, I believe that culture differences and stereotypes should though our differences are many, we have similarities at heart. We all want to be to be liked, appreciated, and listened to.

When you travel to another country where you suddenly become the minority, you face things that are unusual, and sometimes quite confusing. I remember my first experience at Countdown when the guy at the checkout counter said, “Sweet as!” I gave him a glare, thinking, “Why on earth are you checking out my ass?” (Double pun!)

Last year I started a personal project titled Stop and Listen, aimed to approach people I’ve met whom I wanted to get to know more. I would take time out of my day, ask them out for a cup of coffee, put away my phone, and give them my full attention. And then I would take out my DSLR, snap a couple pretty pictures, and post the highlights of the conversation on Facebook. My intention behind the project was driven by the

If you are “white”, and you walked down the street of a Southeast

idea that everyone has a story and everyone has the right to be

Asian country, it’s not uncommon to receive countless stares

listened to. No, not just the “yup, uh-huh” while swiping through

and some people asking for a photograph with you; or worse,

your Instagram feed, but actually showing that you care about

taking photos of you stalker-style. But no, don’t get cocky, it’s not

their life outside of social media.

because you are incredibly good looking or a celebrity. It is just because they hardly see people with your skin colour in real life. So you are more like a new species to them. On a side note, it is quite interesting to observe how much power the media has in creating stereotypes of different cultures.

For me, I think that is the best way to break through preconceived stereotypes and to learn about a different culture. My challenge is to learn at least one thing from each new person I meet. My mom taught me as a kid that if I wanted to be successful, I should read biographies of successful people. But because I’m less of

In tutorials, when we are asked to get into groups, I always wonder

a bookworm, I’d rather listen to biographies, learning through

if they think that I’m the quiet Asian girl who can’t speak English.

conversation, and being inspired by pure humanity.

NEXUS MAGAZINE Columns

A FASHIONABLE LIFESTYLE

“YOUR BOOBS WILL THANK YOU.”

Sex Goddess Lingerie Jess Wilson

Shop Sales The aforementioned brands can set you back an easy $80 for a bra. Don’t fall into this trap. Bendon often has nothing-over-$20 sales, whereas Farmers (arguably cheaper) can often discount more that 70%. All of my Von Follies, some of which retail for well over $100, cost me $10 or less. There’s always a sale; never shop full-price. Cotton Only

Following furious research, I have established that there are four ways to combat the blues. The number one way to staying cool

No Cheap Lingerie

regular exercise and healthy eating. The third is being kind. The

As a general rule, stay away from cheap lingerie. From my

fourth and final way to not cry in the shower at 3am is to wear

experience, Cotton On Body, Honey Vegas, and much of the stock

nice underwear.

at Bras N Things are of poor quality and therefore probably won’t

But how does one acquire an enviable lingerie collection? Here are

last more than a season. Cheap lacey underwear will be torn

my secrets to looking like a sex goddess on the cheap.

with elastic bits sticking out after the first wash. Cheap cotton

Sexy doesn’t mean tacky. It’s a good idea to cruise around knownto-be-tasteful brands to get an idea of what’s cute and what’s

N.16 / V.47

breathe. Sex goddesses don’t have yeast infections.

as a cucumber is keeping your thinking positive. The second is

Good Brands

Try to wear cotton briefs as often as possible to let your vagina

underwear will look stretched and faded after a few wears. It’s better to buy a $10 bra with a $80 retail than a $10 bra with a $10 retail. Your boobs will thank you.

tragic. My favourite brand is Dita Von Teese’s Von Follies. Von

Be Adventurous

Follies takes inspiration from the 50s pin-ups, think pointy bras

The first step to having a delicious lingerie collection is letting

and high-waisted knickers, making it as stylish and edgy as it is

down your preconceived notions of what is “slutty” and what

fashionable. Other great brands stocked at Farmers and Bendon

is appropriate. Nothing is slutty, unless you want it to be, and

include Elle Macpherson Intimates, Stella McCartney (Bendon

nothing is inappropriate for you. Find the laciest, craziest pair of

only), Heidi by Heidi Klum, and sometimes, if you’ve got the taste,

underwear, in a nice brand and on sale of course, and buy it. Now

Pleasure State and Acapella.

revel in how cute you look.

LOVE AND SEX

Columns NEXUS MAGAZINE

AUNTY SLUT

“...IF YOU WANT TO GO OUT AND HAVE SEX BECAUSE IT FEELS GOOD AND YOU WANT TO GIVE AND RECEIVE PLEASURE, THEN FILL YOUR BOOTS.”

Respectful Fucking

might be surprised at how many women are also looking for a fun

Aunty Slut

friends about it, make sure you do it in such a way that retains

one night stand! It’s all about communication. But the way you speak about sex with your mates can turn the tables from respectful to douchey as well. If you talk with your your one night stand’s humanity and autonomy. For example, you didn’t ‘have’ her any more than she ‘had’ you — you had a consensual, (hopefully) fun and fulfilling experience. We’ve all

Dear Aunty Slut, I’m recently out of a long term relationship — she cheated and it ended badly. My brain isn’t up for anything serious, but my body

heard the posturing that goes on when boys get a bit pissed — remember that you fucked a person, not a body, and that she had exactly the same right to be out hunting pleasure as you did.

could really use some sex. I’m not into treating women like shit

While I will always advocate for anyone’s right to go and get

though, and I don’t want to hurt anyone. Is there such a thing as a

themselves some casual sex, I do have a couple of cautions

respectful one night stand?

for you. If you are, in any way, shape or form, going out to get

Jonesing

laid as some kind of revenge on your ex, then you’re not ready to be out having sex. If the cheating has left you feeling a bit

Dear Jonesing,

emasculated, and you want to re-establish your manhood, maybe

All one night stands should be respectful, so yes, it’s absolutely

don’t use someone for that purpose. Until you’re ready to meet a

possible. But of course, there are plenty of jumped up little shits

girl to give her pleasure, without using her to make yourself feel

out there ruining it for the rest of us, rating women out of ten, and

better, maybe stick with your hand, because there is nothing more

boasting about their conquests in the dining hall. I fucking hate

disrespectful than using someone. But if you want to go out and

those guys, they aren’t real men, just sad little fuckboys who are

have sex because it feels good and you want to give and receive

bad at the sex (and probably video games too).

pleasure, then fill your boots.

Anyway, nothing is sexier than when someone is genuine. If you’re

Last thought — don’t close yourself to possibility. Uncle Slut and

not ready for anything serious, but you’re keen to get laid, go

I were only ever supposed to be a one night stand- now here we

up to a woman that turns you on and talk to her. Tell her you’re

are three years later, in a relationship that surprises both of us

recently out of a clusterfuck of a relationship but you’re still keen

with its awesomeness. Don’t be afraid to have another crack- not

to take her home and keep her up all night. Tell her you’d really like

all people are like your shitty, dishonest ex — and one night stands

some advice on your cunnilingus technique. Tell her what you told

can surprise you.

me — that you’re after a fun one night stand and that’s all. You

NEXUS MAGAZINE Columns

CARNAGE

“THERE’S SOMETHING INTRINSICALLY FREEING IN GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ADVICE (ESPECIALLY YOUTH).”

What I’d Tell the Kids

labels of creative or uncreative. But we all bleed the same colour,

Jules Craft

Write Up the Dates of Your Assignments and Go to Lectures

we are all born with an imagination. When something doesn’t come out in the right way, keep trying. Developing and understanding your own process of creativity is a journey worth partaking in.

Sounds silly and mundane in contrast to the advice of freeing your mind but it is important — learning shit is important. Being in the last semester of a three year communications degree is somewhat like having a midlife crisis while in the process of consciously dying (I say consciously because well, we’re all dying aren’t we?). I would apologise for the rather morbid tone, however, as I sit trying to contemplate what the fuck I am going to do with my life next year, I am simultaneously fighting the urge to quit this whole damn fiasco, buy a motorbike and fly off onto the wondrous tarmac that is State Highway 1 — very midlife crisis-y to say the

such a thing as a shit book. Read to open your eyes to another perspective on the world, read to get hit with concepts that hadn’t crossed your mind, read to get lost in a world that you are emotionally attached to whilst also remaining safe from the consequences of the storyline. Self-assigned reading is one of the quickest routes to taking control of your own education. University is Ebbs and Flows

on to my children if I had the chance — a very dying-y sort of thing.

Sometimes you’re killing it, sometimes you want to run head first

advice (especially youth). In passing on life advice you are able to set aside the fears and doubts of your own dreams (and possible failure) in order to help someone else reach theirs. Wise that I

into a brick wall reinforced with steel rods. That’s life, you never know what the fuck it’s going to bring you. The only thing you can count on is that the good times won’t last forever... fortunately the same goes for the bad times.

am and scared as shit of the possibilities of my own future I have

Be a GC

come up with a list of advice I want to give kids who are on their

I’ve had a funny realisation that I don’t always follow my own

way to tertiary education:

advice, which takes from the legitimacy of my words — shit maybe

Use Your Ideas

N.16 / V.47

Read a lot! Reading isn’t boring, however, I will agree there is

least. I am also in the process of imagining what advice I would pass

There’s something intrinsically freeing in giving someone else

Read

I am ready to be a parent.

What’s inside your brain is valuable, you simply need to learn how to

Churp,

let it out constructively. It’s a pity so many of us box ourselves into

Jules

LOVE AND SEX

Columns NEXUS MAGAZINE

THE SINGLE LIFE

“...HOW TO TELL IF SOMEONE IS GENUINELY INTO YOU AND WHO JUST WANTS A BONE.”

Love or a Bone? Emma Nygard

1. If they like you, they’ll call you when they’re sober. The activity opportunities are somewhat narrowed when it’s 3am and you’re drunk. Sure you could taxi and get a good feed of Maccas, get high and make some art, or you could call someone up and boink until you both coma out from a mixture of alcohol and exhaustion. The latter is often appealing to non-comital types. If you’re only getting hit up drunk you’ll either have to accept the fact you’re now the subject in an Arctic Monkeys song or move

Sometimes I think boys and girls, or more specifically, me and the

on and find someone who’ll hang out in the daylight hours.

entire male population are on completely different pages. Like

2. If you’re a Kesha fan you’re not only contributing to the death

for instance the time I started naming all three of the children I

of music but you also understand the importance of a dirty

planned with some genetically blessed asshole, only to find out

pic. It may go without saying, but some people are more naïve

he just wanted a photo of my boobs. (Joke was on him though

than others, if they are looking for a dirty photo consider the

because I don’t have boobs).

fact they may just want you for your bangin’ bod. I’m a firm

I feel so out of sync with my XY comrades and also genuinely confused at how other girls manage to get into relationships when I can barely get someone to commit to staying over. It’s a hard

believer in sending whatever make you happy, sexts, chain messages, nudes etc, I just ain’t for people needing to be convinced to do it.

life for somebody naïve enough to think other people’s intentions

3. If they are constantly sending “what are you upto?” They

mirror my own, however I’ve learned over the years (with a

are either incredibly unimaginative when it comes to the art

healthy dose of cynicism) how to tell if someone is genuinely into

of conversing or totally disinterested in you. Someone that

you and who just wants a bone. There is nothing wrong with a

genuinely likes you will make an effort to learn stuff about you,

bone, don’t get me wrong, as long as both parties are happy with

someone who’s talking to you so they can eventually as to see

it and nobody is conned into actually developing feelings. Gross.

your tits will ask “what’s up?” at least fifteen times.

NEXUS MAGAZINE Columns

HOW TO BE A GROWN UP

“DON’T PUT SHARP KNIVES IN BLADE UP UNLESS YOU HAVE FEELS FOR A STAFF MEMBER AT THE LOCAL A&E. ”

Lesson 1: Learn to Load a Dishwasher Properly, Fucktard Onyx Lily

coffee scummed, food crusted and marmitey. I’m guessing it’s at least partly because people don’t know how dishwashers work. The basic explanation goes a little something like this: the whirly helicopter blades underneath each shelf spin and spray water up into the shelf above. That means that if you stack stuff in a way that the water can’t get to it, it’s not going to get clean. If you don’t believe me, there are a bunch of YouTube videos where people have put GoPros inside their dishwashers, so you can watch them in action. Exciting stuff. And actually, if you make sure the water from underneath can get to all the stuff, there’s not that much more to it. Glasses, cups, and big utensils on the top shelf, plates, bowls, and cutlery on the bottom.

Ok, so right now the closest you have to a dishwasher is bribing

Stack like with like. One plate per indent, the spaces are important

your flatmate to clean up for you. But one day you’ll finish uni, get

(see above). Don’t put sharp knives in blade up unless you have

a job, and if you ever manage to pay off your student loan (good

feels for a staff member at the local A&E. Don’t overload it.

luck with that), you might even buy a house and live with another grown up. And if you don’t want to piss that other grown up right off, you need to learn one simple skill. How to load a dishwasher so it actually washes the dishes.

N.16 / V.47

Your grandma will tell you you have to rinse the plates before you put them in, but dishwashers these days can deal with your nuked-on lasagne cheese without even blinking. Or something. When it starts to smell like someone left a chunk of cheddar in

Doesn’t sound so hard, right? Try telling my ex-husband that.

the drain, chuck through a load of dishwasher cleaner. Or if you’re

Notice I said ex? I’m not saying it was entirely because of his

feeling all smug and organic you can achieve a similar result with

fucktardy dishwasher loading skills, but…

a cup of vinegar and a sprinkle of baking soda.

Anyway, there are a lot of people who seem to throw the dishes

And of course, don’t forget to pinterest your sparkling clean

in any old how, then gasp in shock when the dishes come out still

dishwasher pics. That’s what grown ups do.

LOVE AND SEX

Cooking for Students NEXUS MAGAZINE

Gluten Free Meatloaf Zac Lyon

1 sprig of rosemary 5 tbs of Tomato sauce (or can use BBQ for a smokier flavour) ½ cup of milk 1 egg Handful of rice breadcrumbs Salt and pepper

Dealing with dietary requirements when cooking can be challenging; nuts, dairy, soy, gluten, the list seems to be growing each year. After all no one wants to be the one that accidently fed satay chicken to a person allergic to nuts, or ice-cream to the dairy intolerant — ain’t nobody got time for flatulence or cramps. With a family member diagnosed with coeliac disease, I’ve been cooking without gluten for a long time. Don’t get me wrong, I still smash out breads and pastries, but I definitely know how difficult it is to live with a legit intolerance. I say legit because many people have diets that limit intake of a certain products for funsies, whereas people that will literally explode if they eat/drink milk products, or go into anaphylactic shock from nuts have no choice. Eating clean unprocessed foods are the way ahead, and a healthy dose of meat (not if you are vegetarian) and vege normally gets around any intolerances people might have. Ingredients Mince — lots of it (1 kg) 1 onion diced 3 cloves of garlic 1 carrot finely diced 1 bay leaf

For the Sauce ½ cup of Tomato sauce 3 tbs brown sugar 1 tbs whole grain mustard 3 tbs of vinegar Method 1. Throw onion at your flatmates eyes, then add the remaining into a large hot pan. Add in carrots, garlic, bay, and chopped rosemary and cook until translucent. 2. In a large bowl, mix in mince, tomato sauce, beaten egg, breadcrumbs, and milk and season. Add in translucent veges and mix thoroughly. Really get stuck in, squeeze the meat through your fingers. A good cook knows how to handle meat. 3. Press this mixture into a square dish. 4. Mix the sauce ingredients together and taste, before smearing evenly across the top of you squished meat mixture. 5. Bake in an oven at 180°C for about 40 mins. Check to feel how firm it is, if still real soft cook for another 10 mins. Don’t dry the bloody thing out!

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LOVE AND SEX

Blind Date NEXUS MAGAZINE

Brought to you by The Bank and 97.8 The Edge. Each week Nexus attempts to make a love/sexual connection. if you’re keen for a date on us, email editor@nexusmag.co.nz

Her favourite movie is 10 Things I Hate About You, his is Back to the Future. He wants a girl who’s smart, attractive, and weird, whereas she just wants a guy who’s tall, funny, and ambitious. Her favourite position is CEO, his is 96. Well, at least we know they have avoiding questions in common. We put them on a date where avoiding questions about sexuality was apparently not on the agenda.

I strolled in stone cold sober to see my date sitting

I never thought I’d ever go on a Nexus blind date. I admit

with another women. By the way it went, I kind of wish

it, I was probably feeling a bit desperate — my Tinder

she had stayed to shake things up a bit. I spent the

game was weak and so was my six-pack. I was told that

night hearing countless stories about his research in

my blind date would be half an hour late but I didn’t care,

computer science stuff. The good thing was he doesn’t

I arrived on time and had a friend to keep me company

know a thing about me, because I couldn’t get a word

while I waited and downed a glass of beer. I was stressing

in edgewise.

out over all the shit that could happen, like how my blind

The Lady’s Experience

As the conversation flowed into online dating, I discovered my potential partner may be just as interested in men as he was in me as he had an equal gender ratio on tinder. He was lovely, albeit a little

The Gentleman’s Experience

date and I would have nothing in common or how she’d find me boring and then talk about how boring I was in next week’s issue of Nexus. I thought hey, if the shit hits the fan, I’ll just drown my sorrows in this bar tab.

confused, but there was at least always something to

Eventually she arrived. She looked amazing, and was

talk (hear) about and he said nothing but nice things.

dressed in a long coat, skinny jeans, and some high-

With $43 left on the bar tab, excluding the garlic bread we bought for another table, it was easily as interesting as spending a Tuesday night the way I usually do… studying finance. Got a free meal, still feel ripped off.

heeled ankle boots (niiice). We ordered some drinks and a meal and talked about the usual stuff, like what we were studying, where we wanted to be, and how good we were at Tinder, and even found out that we were both Bryant Hall ex-convicts. We were a pair of aspiring bad bitches — she had a ton of extracurriculars and I had a ton of academic research. Unfortunately, she had an early start the next morning and we had to cut it short, but we exchanged contact details and she suggested coffee on a more appropriate day. So yeah nah it was good. Thanks Obama Nexus!

NEXUS MAGAZINE CARE

WAIK ATO STUDENTSâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; UNION

REPRESENTATION Consultation Every year as part of our Annual General Meeting process, the WSU roll out surveys and have face to face chats with you about the stuff that is important to you. We then we put out a document a few days before the AGM that says this is what we want to do. In an effort to be more collaborative this year we are going to be building a new section of our website aimed at telling you exactly what we are thinking and then you can tell us what you like or dislike about it. So follow us on facebook and bookmark wsu.org.nz because we want to know what you think.

ADVOCACY

REPRESENTATION

REPRESENTATION Advocacy Clinics Student Job Search Clinic 11am Mondays Careers and Development Clinic 1pm Mondays Community Law Clinic 12am -2pm Thursdays

EXPERIENCE

Paid Parking Shannon has been busy meeting with the Vice Chancellor about paid parking. From your feedback on our website the key concerns were around price and how to pay for it, guarantee of available parking and what tangible commitments are being made to enhance public transport to and from the University. We are hopeful that we will be able to publish a whole bunch of information on what the VC is thinking next week.

EXPERIENCE Whatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Coming Up POWERtalk Monday 3rd August, 6.30pm Student Centre, 4.05 POWERtalk Waikato University is an internationally recognised club where members are able to improve their public speaking skills and confidence. Spark Week 10-14th August Wintec City Campus Free to attend, and open to all but with limited spaces at each event. A week of speakers and workshops that bring successful creatives together in the heart of Hamilton. Register for your space at spark.net.nz

N.16 / V.47

LOVE AND SEX

WSU Board Welcomes Kale!

CARE NEXUS MAGAZINE

EXPERIENCE

Hakinakina 2015 Wednesday 1-3pm Come play sports including touch rugby, netball It all takes place by the Touch and Netball courts by the Don

ADVOCACY Did You Know? 1. You can call 0800 tenancy for any tenancy questions. 2. If you fail half of your papers in any year, you may not be eligible for a student loan the next. 3. Trouble managing your money? Advocacy offers free budgeting advice.

EXPERIENCE

ADVOCACY

WE CAN HELP YOU WITH...

STUDYLINK & UNI STUFF

DELIVERIES WHEN I’M NOT HOME

DEALING WITH MY LANDLORD

Te Wiki O Te Reo MANAGING MONEY

07 856 9139

LEGAL ISSUES

www.wsu.org.nz

CAR POOLING

FINDING A JOB

advocacy@wsu.org.nz

The winners of the Te Wiki O Te Reo word find and heaps of BurgerFuel vouchers were Keita Durie, Kata O’Donnell, Michael Gage, and V’etta Pugh.

NEXUS MAGAZINE Puzzles

SUDOKU

6 4

6 7 7

EASY

7 6

7 5

5 7

1 3

3 6

6 1

5 8

4 5

4 6

9 1

MEDIUM

HARD

CODEWORDS

SLITHERLINK

Each letter in the puzzle is represented by a number 1 â&#x20AC;&#x201C; 26. Crack the code to solve it.

Join the dots to create a single continuous

9 18

26 17

8 4

19 8

8 24

6 25

4 13

13 8

20 13

TRIVIAL

What was the title of Thomas Hardyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s last

10 1

loop. The numbers indicate how many lines

must surround each number and the loop must never cross itself.

3 2

2 1

novel, which concerned a would-be student? Which NZ batsman posted the highest

individual score at 2015 Cricket World Cup?

Which acid is known as oil of vitriol? What is the lowest prime number over 1000?

WORD TWIST

N.16 / V.47

How many words can you make from these letters? The letters must touch horizontally, vertically or diagonally and cannot be used more than once in a word.

LOVE AND SEX

Puzzles NEXUS MAGAZINE

CROSSWORD

KAKURO

Solve the clues and fill in the words.

Fill all of the blank squares in the grid using only the

numbers 1 – 9 so the numbers entered add up to the corresponding clue. You cannot use the same number

16 19 22

24 26

10 11

11 2 15

30 16

9 4

43 45

17 11

11 11

more than once in a run (eg. 7, 1, 1).

48 54

Across

45. Naval lockup (4)

24. Aspect (4)

1. Astrological transition

46. Storage area (6)

25. Madison Square

point (4)

48. “Tosca” tune (4)

Garden, e.g. (5)

5. Deduce (5)

49. ___ Wednesday (3)

26. Man with a mission (5)

10. Clickable image (4)

52. Cartoon bear (4)

27. Everglades bird (5)

14. Aunt Bee’s boy (4)

53. Unnavigable (10)

28. Tourist film (10)

15. Fill up (5)

56. Gulf war missile (4)

29. Indiana’s state flower (5)

16. ___ Scotia (4)

57. Desert sight (5)

30. “Cut it out!” (5)

17. Aspen’s shady cousin (4)

58. Orchard item (4)

31. “Come in!” (5)

19. Breeze (4)

59. Quaker’s “you” (4)

33. Pledge of fidelity (5)

20. Indivisible (3)

60. Destitute (5)

36. Heat producer (8)

21. Be itinerant (4)

61. Advantage (4)

37. Act the blowhard (4)

22. Delphi figure (6)

SIMPLE PUZZLES FOR SIMPLE PEOPLE Guess the animal, stupid.

39. “Trick” joint (4)

24. Be different (4)

Down

40. Assumed name (5)

25. Companionless (5)

1. Chanel of fashion (4)

42. Live (6)

26. Diminutive (6)

2. Fairy tale’s second word (4)

43. Prudish (6)

29. Bearing (8)

3. Locale (4)

45. Pigtail, e.g. (5)

32. Acquiesce (6)

4. Darling (3)

46. Dermatologist’s

33. Itsy-bitsy (5)

5. Give the cold shoulder (6)

concern (4)

34. Perfect rating (3)

6. “Forget it!” (5)

47. ___ Fyne, Scotland (4)

35. Poker variety (4)

7. Gift tag word (4)

48. Basilica feature (4)

36. Weather map area (5)

8. “I” problem (3)

49. In the sack (4)

37. Sitter’s headache (4)

9. Aromatic (8)

50. Smeltery refuse (4)

38. Gun, as an engine (3)

10. Not all there (6)

51. At this point (4)

39. Swedish money (5)

11. Like some circles (10)

54. West of “My Little

40. Come to mind (5)

12. Elliptical (4)

Chickadee” (3)

41. Forever (8)

13. Back of the neck (4)

55. “Tarzan” extra (3)

43. California wine county (6)

18. Emulate Cicero (5)

44. Bloodsucker (5)

23. Like Santa’s cheeks (4)

3 PIZZAS

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