Nexus 2018 Issue 14 by Nexus Magazine

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Editorial FOMO Easy News News Entertainment Reviews Rad Rags for Ladies and Lads Pass the Aux Yam & Troy the Science Boys This vs. That

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Centrefold How to Fix Everything Bachelor of Being Broke Feature: Pour Some Sugar On Me Sporting Goods Auteur House Full Exposure: Damian McKenzie Nexus Gets You Fit Waikatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; Flats Blind Date Horoscopes Snapped Puzzles

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Issue 14, 16th - 20th July 2018 Editor: Lyam Buchanan editor@nexusmag.co.nz Design: Vincent Owen design@nexusmag.co.nz Managing Editor: James Raffan james@wsu.org.nz Sub Editor: Jennie-Louise Kendrick jen@nexusmag.co.nz Deputy Editor: Grace Mitchell grace@nexusmag.co.nz News Editor: Alexander Nebesky alex@nexusmag.co.nz Reviews Editor: Archie Porter reviews@nexusmag.co.nz

Contributors: Bradley Gielen, CJ Lee, Esme Hall (Critic Magazine), Kaitlin Stewart, Troy Anderson, Kim Sare, Jared Ipsen, Nicola Smith, H. Kane, Paora Manuel, Richard Swainson, Damian McKenzie, Will Newbold, Sam Mcculloch, Matt Shanley, Blake Nahu, Natasha Fitzsimons, and the tenants of the Hogan Art Gallery Centrefold: Anil Rinat Instagram: @anilrinat Online: anilrinat.com Horoscope Illustrations: Josh Nelson Instagram: @joshprobably Twitter: @joshDrawbably Podcast Editor: Caleb Bird

Letters to the Editor People love to hate Nexus – it’s a given. We pride ourselves on being the “voice of the students”. Yet, there’s absolutely no way we could ever appeal to each niche of campus. As a result, each year, we release a readership survey in an attempt to gauge how many people consider themselves devoted fans, and how many wholeheartedly hate us. Thankfully, the hate speech was minimal, most of the feedback was simply asking for more discounts, student profiles, less sport, and bringing in more interviews with lecturers and academic staff. And to no surprise, Blind Date was also crowned our most popular section – leaving us to question whether we should simply cut the rest of the magazine. Fuck it. Maybe, we search for more balance on these next 12 weeks. Migrate the columns you know and love online so you can still find them, introduce a subscription service, so the full issue appears in your inbox Sunday night, and really figure out how to redefine what student magazines could be. But for now, let’s just go through the hate speech. “It’s just pathetic like the stuff is vaguely interesting. Would be nice to see what’s going on in the University in there or food vouchers; it’s too much rubbish based on what the writers feel. Blind Dates are a way to get the female absolutely roasted, and that’s not cool at all. I think it should be about empowering students rather than piss-taking.” Righto, grumpy cunt. Firstly, when there’s anything worth covering happening at the University, we cover it—Waikato just really isn’t that interesting. Also, if you’re not interested in opinion pieces, just skip past the columns. Secondly, if you’re looking for food vouchers, either enter a competition to win one or toddle off and buy a magazine that has the funding to entice readers with free food. Thirdly, Blind Dates are in no way designed to absolutely roast our female applicants. If you have such a constant perception that our female applicants look bad from enjoying a night out, perhaps you have some of your own issues with the way you perceive women and what they should be doing with their time and bodies. We often don’t particularly agree with the wording and grammar choices by our blind daters but we’ve heard through the grapevine that our readers would rather an unedited version – so we refrain from censorship. “Better writing, better articles, more interesting content.” Sounds like you’ve got all the answers, keen to join the team? “I only look through it to laugh at how much of a try-hard waste of time it is. Stop making it, its a waste of paper.” Cheers bud! :) Perhaps, if a few more of you jumped on nexusmag.co.nz then we’d print a little less.

– Lyam

Midland MRI National Youth Art Award | Call for entries

The Midland MRI National Youth Art Award is open for entries again, and we cannot wait to see this year’s submissions! Again, we have seven awards to present: The Midland MRI Grand Prize of $2,000, the Breakthrough Artist award ($1,000), Emerging Young Artist award ($500), the Print award ($500), the Abstract award ($500), the Photography award ($500), and the People’s Choice award ($250). The competition is an excellent opportunity to participate in a national art award whether this is the first time you have had the chance to exhibit, or you have done it before. An exhibition of the finalists will be shown at ArtsPost in Hamilton from September 7th – October 8th. We look forward to seeing your entries as they roll in – entries close July 27th. You can download your entry form from our website www.wsa.org.nz. If you have any questions, please feel free to get in touch via email: wsanyaa2018@gmail.com Get making and good luck!

2018 Hamilton Fringe Festival | Applications open

Fringe Festival is a festival for the artsy-inclined. It’s for anything on the edge of ordinary—a bit wacky and out there. It’s a platform for artists to try a new venture in a supported environment; for experiences and spontaneity and experimentation. It’s all about experimentation. And, primarily, Hamilton Fringe Festival is committed to making the experience accessible (financially, physically—however else) for all involved – artists and attendees. We’re big on kid-friendly events, street theatre/public events, interactivity, interesting venues used in interesting ways; we’re big on anything zany. If you’re keen to get involved or want more details, jump on Facebook and search “2018 Hamilton Fringe Festival”. Applications are now open and will close on August 23.

Need to change your B Semester papers?

With approval from your lecturer, you can add and withdraw from papers up until July 20, 5 pm, and receive a full refund. Need help? See the FAQs in MyWaikato, or talk to your Faculty or the Student Centre Team.

Meet your future employer

Connect with industry leaders and potential employers at the Careers Fair on July 18. The Careers Fair will be held at the Hamilton campus Student Centre, Education Cafe, S Block and L Block Foyers. If you have any queries, email mycareer@waikato.ac.nz.

Final grades and Review of Grades

The 2018 A Semester grades will be deemed ‘final’ from July 17. If you wish to apply for a Review of Grade, you must submit your application by July 30 2018 via https://bit.ly/2KQQiR2

Mental Skills for Sports Performance

Whether you’re a high performance athlete or just keen to get started at the gym, come along to our series of athlete development sessions. The first session for B Semester, Mental Skills for High Performance, will be held this Wednesday July 18, 1.10 – 2pm in L.G.03.

A Life without Plastic

To mark the halfway point of Plastic-Free July, the Eco Emporium is holding a free film screening of From the Waste Up: Life Without Plastic this Wednesday, 6.30 – 9 pm in MSB.1.36. The documentary follows the lives of 19 people as they attempt to live without plastic.

Blues Awards nominations now open

The Blues Awards recognise our top students in sport, and the creative and performing arts. If you or someone you know has excelled at a regional, national or international level, nominate them! Application forms and criteria are available online at waikato.ac.nz/events/blues

News. Te Reo Phrase of the Week

4,500,000

people have been either ordered or advised to leave their homes after Western Japan experienced unprecedented rain.

Kei te hiahia koe ētahi inu makariri?

Would you be interested to partake in some chilled beverages?

Weekly Recap

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plastic-making factories have closed in the Indian state of Maharashtra following a government-enforced ban on the manufacture, sale, and use of plastic goods.

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of all bird species throughout the world are experiencing population decline – resulting in 1,469 species now being at risk of extinction.

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President-elect Andrés Manuel López Obrador has announced his intentions to send every young Mexican to college, should they wish to attend. Dubbed “AMLO”, López Obrador views education as a means of putting otherwise unoccupied youths into work to reduce crime rates. An Iranian teenage girl has been arrested after posting videos of herself dancing in her bedroom on Instagram. While she admitted breaking moral norms, she maintained that was not her goal and that she was simply attempting to gain more followers. A new study suggests global warming could be far worse than predicted. A 20-foot sea-level rise, a green Sahara Desert, and rapidly collapsing polar ice caps are all a result of the current 0.8°C average increase in temperature over the past 30 years. An outspoken Aberdeen University academic has been arrested in Turkey after he criticised their government. He could now be facing up to four years for speaking out against President Recep Erdogan. President Rodrigo Duterte of the Philliphines says he’ll resign if someone can prove God exists. This followed public outrage after he called God ‘stupid’.

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proceedings were made against offenders for methamphetamine/ amphetamine offences in 2016/17. A staggering 78% jump from 2012/13.

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protesters took to the streets of Vienna in response to government plans to extend the working day to 12 hours.

8 years

is the total sentence handed down to a tourist who made an anti-Egypt Facebook post after a court found her guilty of deliberately spreading false rumours to harm society.

NEWS

Tech of the Week

Huawei MateBook X Pro

Sporting a standout 13.9-inch 3000 x 2000 pixel touchscreen, this laptop has the best screen of any laptop this year straight out the gate. Chucking in a Core i7 processor, up to 16GB of RAM, and optional Nvidia MX150 graphics, not only will this be more than enough for some light gaming but ideal for creative work. Why should you buy this? • The webcam pops out of the keyboard when you need it, no need for those paranoid stickers anymore. Why shouldn’t you buy this? • MateBook makes it sound like a knockoff MacBook.

From the Archive

Nexus Magazine – 1971 5

NEWS

Shooting from the Hip

Interview with Chris Hipkins ALEXANDER NEBESKY After digesting this year’s budget, we sat down with Minister of Education Chris Hipkins for a chat about future education policy, student welfare, and vast conspiracies to alter unemployment statistics through three years of “fees-free” tertiary education. NEXUS: Is the Government planning any moves to help students? CH: I think this year’s budget had a major focus on students. It was the budget in which we set aside the money to pay for the first year fees-free, so the criticism—in fact—that we’re having from the universities and polytechs is that it was too focussed on students and not focused enough on them. Subsequent to the budget, we have announce—in addition to the first year free—an across-theboard funding rate increase for universities and polytechnics, so that will kick in next year. We’ve also extended the borrowing limits for medical students so that they can complete their studies without coming up against a student loan cap. There will be more in the pipeline as finances allow. Also this year, we had the $50 dollar increase in student 6

allowances and student loan borrowing rates to recognise the cost of living pressure that students face. NEXUS: Do you personally have any pet plans for students? CH: One of the big priorities is implementing the three years free policy, and that’s gonna be rolled out over time. We’ve got a number of other commitments in the tertiary education area. We know that funding is tight and we know that tertiary institutions face tight funding situations. NEXUS: Is fees-free just a ploy to bring down unemployment numbers? CH: No, not at all! Feesfree basically means people can complete their studies with a lot less debt. So we’ve seen $150 million less borrowed under the student loan scheme, around $25,000 fewer people borrowing for their fees— that’s a really successful outcome. We want people to be able to get rid of their student loan a lot faster after they finish their study, so fees-free is where we started. NEXUS: What are your plans to ensure student media and welfare through levies if there will not be a repealing of the Freedom of Association?

[We] haven’t made any decisions. [It is] something we will think about as we contemplate a rewrite of the Education Act. I opposed the introduction of voluntary membership—I think that student associations have a very important role to play in the vibrancy of universities; in the welfare of students. I’m a former student association president myself, so I’d be a hypocrite if I didn’t continue to hold those views. We’re gonna look at how we can ensure that student voice, in particular, is restored because its certainly struggling in light of voluntary membership. NEXUS: Do you personally want to see Freedom of Association repealed? CH: I’m not going to preempt that. We have to go through a process of going through all the options and deciding which one, as a Government, we’re going to pursue—and we’ll consult with NZUSA and other student associations as we do that. NEXUS: How will changes to secondary education impact the teachers of tomorrow? CH: We want to get a greater focus on the coherence of what people study in their secondary CH:

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school. If you look at NCEA, you see a lot of young people just accumulating credits without having much regard for where those credits will lead them... through the review of NCEA, we can ensure that everyone is on a meaningful pathway to the future, and I hope it will increase the number of people who will be training to be teachers as we have a real shortage. NEXUS: Is there a place for the NZUSA in a world without compulsory student unionship? CH: I think there’s a really important place for NZUSA. Students need a voice at the local institutional level, and at the national level. NZUSA plays a significant role in that. NEXUS: Will you fix postgrad student allowances? CH: It’s something that we will look at as funding allows. We’ve made it very clear that we want to remove financial barriers to participation in all forms of education. It was one of our five highest priorities for education going into the election campaign. We haven’t made any decisions on that yet and what we will do depends on how much funding we have left. NEXUS: What else is on the cards for student welfare beyond specific education policies? CH: We recently passed the Healthy Homes Guarantee [Act 2017], which will have a significant impact on student accommodation because we do know that student accommodation is some of the worst private landlord-provided [housing] in the country. I think the Healthy Homes Guarantee will make a big difference in terms of raising the standards of student accommodation; making sure they’re warm and dry.

Auckland University Students’ Association Loses More People ESME HALL (CRITIC MAGAZINE) The co-editors of Auckland University’s student magazine Craccum have resigned, alongside the International Students’ Officer of the Auckland University Students’ Association (AUSA), due to unsustainable workloads. This marks five total resignations for student reps at AUSA this year. Craccum co-editors Helen Yeong and Jasmin Kaur resigned in mid-June as they were required to take on work outside their job description whilst being underpaid. Craccum also struggled with a lack of structure and policy from AUSA. Craccum’s editors are directly answerable to the student executive, and they are not allowed to criticise their association, unlike Critic [and Nexus], which has editorial independence and can criticise who we want. Craccum editors are also elected rather than appointed. Helen and Jasmin don’t ‘want to comment on the situation; we just want to move on peacefully and resume our work and studies.’ AUSA President Anna Cusack thanked the Craccum editors for their service. The position of “interim Craccum Editor” is being advertised and “many applications have been received. The first edition of Semester Two will go out as per usual.” The AUSA Exec has also “reactivated the Craccum Administration Board in consultation with the Craccum Editors” to “approve policies put to it by Craccum and support the editors.” The International Students’

Officer Anis Azizi also resigned due to an unsustainable workload. Despite wanting “to do more for the international community,” she had to maintain high grades to keep her scholarship and struggled to balance her time appropriately. Azizi said at first, she blamed herself –but found that in hindsight, ‘things could have been better if we all received better training, if we had a direction to go, if we had better communication, and if leadership and management was better.’ ‘I can see that our president is still learning—everything is hard for her from the start and it’s unrealistic to expect her to get it right early on.’ Azizi says that she is ‘still active with AUSA as a volunteer in the international student community.’ ‘I loved what I do, but it was too much—volunteering is much better.’ AUSA President Anna Cusack described Anis as a ‘wonderful executive member’, whose role will go to re-election. This round of resignations come after the Welfare Vice Presidents and the Queer Rights Officer resigned in April. Cusack says the Exec are still “working hard to put in really positive structures for our organisation moving forward,” including filling the role of General Manager (renamed Association Manager) that was empty in 2017, and creating a nonbinding Advisory Board to provide “specialist knowledge and advice” and a 20-hour a week Welfare Support role will be created.

NEWS

Smack That, Donate Some More ALEXANDER NEBESKY Akon – legendary artist and philanthropist – has jumped on the cryptocurrency bandwagon in an effort help raise Africans out of poverty. Akoin, the amusingly-named cryptocurrency is set to launch this year after the singer announced his plans at Cannes Lions International Festival of Creativity. Akon touted the venture as a step towards greater self-determination and economic freedom in Africa. He said that he hoped Akoin would bring ‘security back into the currency system’, as well as allowing ‘the people to utilise it in ways where

they can advance themselves, and not allow government [sic] to do those things that are keeping them down’. Akon Crypto City, to be built on a 2,000-acre plot of land gifted to Akon by Senegalese President Macky Sall is the singer’s vision for :a reallife Wakanda”. It will include schools and businesses as well as residential buildings and will rely on Akoin as its economic heart. The exact details of Akon Crypto City’s development are few and far between. ‘I come [sic] with the concepts and let the geeks figure it out’.

The Akoin system will not be a solely transactional currency but will be the cornerstone of the “Akoin Ecosystem.” ‘[Akoin will be] a unique global project that offers an abundance of digital and in reallife platforms and experiences that create opportunity and inclusion for youth entrepreneurs by allowing consumers to buy, hold, and spend cryptocurrency right from their smartphone through a suite of blockchain-powered apps’.

Students Slackin’ at Poppin’ Pills JENNIE-LOUISE KENDRICK New research found that nearly one-fifth of tertiary students have had a doctor’s prescription which they have not filled. The ZOOM Health Study found that of the 1,300 patients interviewed, 38% of student respondents claimed the main reason they left their scripts unfilled was that they found it hard to spare the time or it was too difficult to get to the pharmacy. A further 41% of the same demographic said they felt their condition had changed and had opted not to pick up their prescription. A tenth of respondents cited cost as their significant barrier. Study findings also indicate that 55% of tertiary students have forgotten to take their medication as per their doctors’ instructions. This can lead to major health implications and complications, especially when potentially combined with alcohol 8

and other substances. In a world of convenience and ordering services straight from a smartphone, one company is hoping to provide the pharmaceuticalequivalent of UberEats. The study was conducted independently by ZOOM Health, a collection of pharmacists who have released an app that makes it easier to receive prescription medication. ZOOM Health describes their platform as “a free app with your medicines information, daily medicine reminders and also helps coordinate your repeat prescriptions with your doctor.” GPs send the patient’s prescription to Zoom and patients will then receive a text referral to download the application from the App Store or Google Play. The ZOOM pharmacists send out the medication by “signature required” courier and assists users with reminders of when to take their

doses and repeat scripts. ZOOM pharmacist Dale Griffiths says the findings of the new study are consistent with similar international research and estimates that NZ could save over $1 billion per annum in unnecessary health care costs if all patients took their preventative medications correctly. ‘The Zoom Health service will use a world-first technology to help HCPs ensure medication is reaching patients and provide a self-reporting tool which shows when they take it,’ says Griffiths. While ZOOM would be able to deliver on most generic prescriptions, it would not be able to replace traditional pharmacy services in the case of antibiotic and Schedule B prescriptions like Ritalin and Adderall due to the risk of compromise.

FlatChat

soundcloud.com/nexusmag

Crush of the Week: Chocolate Beer What’s – a Love Child of Two Kiwi Brands Hot: History has been made, the clash of the most beloved substances known to mankind has happened right under our very noses. What could it be? This tantalising new prod is none other than the collision of Whittaker’s chocolate and beer. It’s smooth, delicious and everything you’ve dreamed of. It’s also limited edition, so treat yourself (literally, go get one right now) because this one’s a no-brainer – forget choccy milk; there’s a new stud in town. Get it while it’s hot; drink it while it’s cold.

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Being four years deep in a three year degree

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Receiving happy birthday messages on Tinder

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Scoring not one, but TWO pens from Davo Bennett

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Accepting that you’ll continue to be a piece of shit this semester, riding the wave of last minute handins and impromptu piss-ups while you still can

Clickbait Moodboard: Theme: First tutorial icebreakers.

What’s Not:

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Conjunctivitis

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WSU organising a reorientation programme that relied on good weather in July. Ok, sis. Work.

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Struggling too much this early on

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Entering the toilet at a party after 10:30

TOP 10:

Absence of Useless Flatmate Sparks yet Another Round of Passive Aggressive Discussion

“I just don’t understand why they need to leave their dishes in the sink all day. Just fucking do them once you’re finished eating.” Disgruntled group of Knighton Road residents describe flatmate Caitlin (19, LLB) as a waste of space, a piece of shit, and also a profound lazy bitch.

“Who Wants to Be Class Rep?”

As the entire class attempted to make their existence unnoticeable, everyone wondered how long it would take for an overly-attentive front rower to fulfil their duty. One student reportedly suffered a mild panic attack after the lecturer threatened to choose someone at random.

Fourth Year Unable to Accept That Their Student Life Is Already Over

Surprising, Enlightening, and Very Interesting Facts from this year’s World Cup

NB: This top ten was written before the semi finals, and, as a result, is sadly lacking in Croatian jokes as none of us expected that they’d be there. 1. If you could only judge the GOAT based on World Cup progression then Bernard Diomède (8 caps, zero goals and famously voted “the worst Premier League Striker of all time”) is better than Messi because he has won a World Cup. 2. Belgium is proving the old adage right with their aggression in the current World Cup because “it’s always in the last place you look and two World Wars late”. 3. Kylian M’Bape is the fastest land mammal in the world. 4. Unlike the 2016 US election, the Russians didn’t win. 5. Switzerland is its own country and not, in fact, Sweden. 6. The United States is now the only developed nation that officially uses the term ‘soccer’. 7. Sweden put up less of a fight against England than the West London Ikea store attacked by hooligans. 8. In 1998, Fernanda Montenegro was the first Brazilian nominated for an Academy Award (Best Actress). Proof that at least one person in that nation is a convincing actor. 9. A French victory would result in the first time anyone in the country has smiled since 1998. 10. As expected, football isn’t “coming home”, but even if it had, the Jules Rimet World Cup trophy wouldn’t because it sounds too foreign for the post-Brexit United Kingdom.

Despite peaking in O-Week of their second year, Michael (22, BE(Hons)) remains convinced that this will be his loosest semester yet. “Fuck it boys, we’ve made it this far doing the bare minimum so we might as well just enjoy the last of it right? Anyone keen for hospo?” 11

Reviews

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28 Days Later

How Did We Get So Dark?

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28 DAYS LATER – DANNY BOYLE REVIEW: ARCHIE PORTER

HOW DID WE GET SO DARK? – ROYAL BLOOD REVIEW: BRADLEY GIELEN

This year marks the 15th anniversary of Danny Boyle’s gritty twist on the zombie genre, 28 Days Later – or, at least, its worldwide theatrical release. Even by today’s standards, the film holds up extremely well thanks to its unique spin on a genre that, at the time, was growing stale, and Boyle’s invigorating directorial style. The story follows Jim after he awakens from a lengthy coma in a hospital bed. Unaware of the situation, Jim wanders hopelessly across a deserted London, soon to discover a country plagued by infection and chaos. 28 Days Later was a significant turning point for both the horror genre and British filmmaking. Deviating from the typically slow, lumbering zombies pioneered by horror maestro George A. Romero, the film allowed the infected to be crazed, terrifying monsters willing to chase you endlessly for a bite out of your neck. As well as this, it showed that British cinema had the potential for exciting genre films capable of finding a worldwide audience. Throughout the film, Boyle uses gritty digital cameras to give the cinematography a worn-out, grimy aesthetic that both elevates the horror and wisely makes use of their low budget. The acting is mostly excellent across the board, apart from a couple of stiff moments here and there. Unfortunately, the film somewhat shits the bed in its final act, with a rushed plot twist that comes out of left field. Regardless, the film is a brilliant take on the zombie genre that has stood the test of time

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Royal Blood have hit the ground running with a successful debut album. Their sophomore record How Did We Get So Dark? was released last year and, while being well-mixed and recorded, lacks anything fresh or different from their first effort. The diamond in the rough is Kerr’s vocals – he sings with a discerning tone that is eerily similar to Josh Homme. It isn’t the technical quality of the songs that makes How Did We Get So Dark? a forgettable album, but the individual weakness of each track. The record starts strong with the hard-hitting and catchy opening title track, followed by the strong single ‘Lights Out’. By number four, the songs begin to blur into each other as a lack of variety in chord sequence makes it hard to tell each one apart. The trouble with Royal Blood’s second album is the lack of innovation; each song is still just a moody mix of overbearing drums, crunchy bass, and brooding vocals. The second to last track, ‘Hole In Your Heart’, makes an attempt at breaking the cycle of monotony, but a simple keyboard track amongst the gloom is too little too late for this mess of insincere songs and uninspired lyrics. For anyone not an angsty British preteen, it’s best to just listen to the singles, or better yet, avoid this one altogether.

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Virtual Self

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Single THE WAY THINGS CHANGE – YELLOW DAYS

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Poor man’s Mac DeMarco returns.

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After the release of the track ‘Shelter’ and a stunning music video to go with it, weeb Porter Robinson is back with an experimental EP – this time under a new alias, releasing self-titled Virtual Self late November last year. I find it to be very sonically intriguing—the sound design on here is amazing. The tracks on Virtual Self stray very far from what a typical Porter Robinson song would sound like. The EP only consists of five songs, each of which varies in genre, ranging from what I would categorise as hard dance to neotrance. The Virtual Self EP paints a futuristic dystopian setting – much like the world of Ghost in the Shell or the recent Blade Runner 2049. The best way I can describe it is that it sounds something like what you would hear on the Dance Dance Revolution/Initial D arcade machines back in the early 2000s. There is an entire “lore”, if you will, behind this project. As I understand it, the “lore” pretty much surrounds the concept of, as the alias and EP title suggests, a self that is virtual. You could find the full version of the lore and have a read for yourself in the description tabs under Virtual Self’s ‘Eon Break’ and ‘Ghost Voices’ music videos on Youtube

Single DON’T MISS IT – JAMES BLAKE Another slice of textured electronic music from James Blake.

TV LOVE ISLAND (UK): SEASON 4 Just nuke the fucking island.

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TV LOVE ISLAND (UK): SEASON 4 The definition of great television. music. doc

Hamilton: Fashion Capital of the World KAITLIN STEWART Here at the famous University of Waikato, fashion and style is not a topic that commonly slips out in conversation. Monday morning catch-ups more often than not consist of the details of events having occurred on the preceding Saturday night. There’s nothing juicier than sitting in a 9am overhearing how many cruisers the person behind you inhaled in an hour! Wowee! Stellar work! Along with the lack of textile, style or any fashion-related degrees available at Waikato, it’s a hard topic to stumble upon. However, due to this being a student magazine, and myself being very interested in such a topic, here’s some ways to get more involved with fashion here at University. At the Cowshed, we have the very first New Zealand university-run Op Shop, The Eco Emporium. You can find a variety of goodies here, whether it be knickknacks, books and, of course, second-hand clothes. It’s a great way to both waste time between classes and pick up a few pieces without ever leaving campus. And if you need even more time to kill, look into volunteering there, or any op-shop around Hamilton. You’re on the frontier of clothing imports – a.k.a first pick of everything. Perks, amirite? Another key way to stay involved is by attending student-run events. For example, the Fashion Fest ran by Waikato’s Management School a couple of months ago. This event hosted local fashion exhibitions, food and entertainment. Not only was it run by Waikato University students but partnered with Epilepsy New Zealand to raise funds. Such events are perfect for any style-seeking student keen to get involved with the Waikato fashion world. Being able to not only physically express your own style but then to find people who share the same passion! for! fashion! is difficult. So to find your own crowd of fashion-forward ladies and lads, I recommend starting a club. Believe it or not, we already have several on campus. You know those Open Days with all the stalls handing out free shit? Those are clubs on the lookout for their newest recruit. So if you want to find like-minded people who share the same outlook on fashion and are keen to establish a unique scene here on campus, definitely look into it. And lastly, I’m sure some aspiring designers are looking to get their OOTD noticed around campus. The only way to get the uttermost recognition is to snap your ‘fit, be sure to write a relatable comment and send it into Snapped. This section of Nexus provides only the greatest content, is free advertising, and is sure to launch your brand into instant stardom. 15

A Shocking Revelation ARCHIE PORTER It recently occurred to me that, for whatever reason, most of the music I listen to is predominantly male-centric. Upon this shocking revelation, a slew of horrifying thoughts shot through my mind as I scoured my vast, ever-expanding library on Spotify; why do I always listen to men? Is it some kind of underlying sexual frustration? Am I a sexist?... To find the answers, and to prove to you that I’m not a misogynistic pig, here are four songs by some lovely women that I really like. 1. ‘FRIDAY SKY’ BY BABEHEAVEN: I stumbled upon this sweet little band, originating from grimy ol’ West London, a couple of years ago by pure chance, and their music really stuck with me. While their back catalogue is very small, it is consistently excellent. Blending evocative and subtle guitar work with the beautifully soulful singing of vocalist Nancy Andersen, Babeheaven effortlessly craft music of rich textures and a genuine authenticity that seems rare nowadays. This track, ‘Friday Sky’, is my personal favourite of theirs. 2. ‘BLACK CAR’ BY BEACH HOUSE: If you read my review of Beach House’s latest record 7, you’ll know that I enjoyed the album a lot. This track is definitely one of the highlights and is probably my personal favourite. The song is broody with its glaringly ominous synths and deep drum patter, yet remains brilliantly simple, building steadily as it lures you in to its trance. 16

Victoria Legrand’s vocals harmoniously blend with the instrumentation so that no single element of the song feels overbearing. Instead, they form an interesting marriage to help deliver the unique, lush soundscape typically expected by the band. 3. ‘SPEAKING TERMS’ BY SNAIL MAIL: Taken from her debut album Lush, Snail Mail is the solo project of guitarist and singer/songwriter Lindsey Jordan. The whole album is a very pleasant and excellently composed slice of female-driven indie rock, though it doesn’t particularly revolutionize the genre. Considering Jordan is only 19-years-old, I wouldn’t really expect that of her. I mean, fuck, I’m only 19 and I spend most of my nights writing these boring articles or eating takeaway pizza—so fair play to her. 4. ‘QUAND VAS TU RENTRER’ BY MELODY’S ECHO

First things first, I can’t speak French. However, regardless of my linguistic incompetence, j’adore this song – although I have absolutely no clue what Melody Prochet is singing. This track comes from her first self-titled record under the alias Melody’s Echo Chamber. Unfortunately, last year, Prochet suffered severe medical issues including a brain aneurysm and broken vertebrae, subsequently cancelling her tour and putting her new record on hold. Thankfully upon her recovery, she released her second album Bon Voyage. CHAMBER:

Nangs TROY ANDERSON Fuckin’ nossies. I would tend to agree with anyone suggesting that this is the best and most enjoyable method by which to destroy your brain cells through oxygen deprivation. I’ve got it on good authority that even the song ‘Wagon Wheel’ makes infinitely more sense while experiencing nitrous oxide. ‘Wagon Wheel’ for fuck’s sake! The song you have at least a 30% chance of hearing while walking past Shenanigans! (don’t quote me on that, I’m yet to perform a statistical analysis). If ever you come upon a backyard post-piss-up littered with balloons and spent gas canisters, there’s a pretty safe bet many laughs were had in that spot and Tame Impala’s ‘Nangs’, was played a bunch of times. Whoever figured that shit out must have been responsible for its niche use in hospitality (he wasn’t, but we’ll get to that). ‘Why are you making so many meringues, dude?’ ‘I just love ‘em, man. Meringues for days.’ Not actually though – we just happened to luck out on the chemistry lottery with a stable gas that happened to smell and taste sweet, as well as completely desensitise the pain receptors of folks inhaling it. The actual gas nitrous oxide was first discovered by an English scientist Joseph Priestly in 1772. However, it wasn’t until 1799 that Sir Humphry Davy was “experimenting” with it, that he discovered that you got a pretty kick-ass high from it (note the difference in knighthood status between the two). Being the responsible lad he was, he speculated that the gas

would be of great benefit to people undergoing surgery for pain relief. So, there you go – clearly, some drug addict decided it was absolutely essential caterers have access to it. When inhaling nitrous oxide, the gas diffuses into the bloodstream from the lungs. It doesn’t bond with the haemoglobins and being a polar molecule, is readily soluble in fats. This means that the molecules quickly reach cells. The nitrous oxide isn’t metabolised, however, so it will eventually leave your body the same way it entered. This is why the gas is frequently hyperventilated because the small portion that is absorbed through inhalation isn’t used up by the body so will more or less stay where it is until the breathing returns to normal, i.e. after the person passes out or is LOLing like a mad dog. For those interested in engaging in a few nangs with the lads and lasses, here are some helpful tips. First of all, compressed gas tends to react endothermically when it decompresses to atmospheric pressure, which means that it absorbs a lot of energy and gets cold as fuck. For this reason, you’re going to want to have some balloons handy to let the gas warm a bit closer to room temperature before inhalation. Second, they can be purchased for roughly 2 bucks a pop from either the dairy beside Thirsty Liquor or the dairy near the Riff Raff statue on Victoria Street. Aside from that, be safe my children, and don’t do drugs.

Completely Redefining Yourself at Uni Heads up kids, we’ve graduated high school! Halle-fuckin-lu-jah. High school served a purpose at its time – mostly making you think you were actually smart, that NCEA was actually hard, and that your super close friendships and relationships would all last forever. But uni is for the big kids, the ones who are ready to grow up and do actual things with their lives. It’s time to move past the point of bitchy catfights, school cliques, and worrying about who you were going to walk to class with. Now’s the time to put your headphones in, put on your bitchiest face and get a move on. As cliche as it is, uni is the time to find yourself and who you want to be. After leaving high school, you should be able to see how many doors were closed for you and how confined you were. If you can’t, then maybe you should head to Specsavers. The new opportunities you are given, the people you meet, and the new things you learn should probably create a more open-minded, understanding, and educated you. If this does not happen, then you probably need to grow up a wee bit and open your eyes. 18

It’s time to accept that high school is over, k? It doesn’t matter if you loved or hated it—either way, it’s in the past, and we’re not there anymore. Just let people live and be themselves and grow and change; it literally has nothing to do with you whatsoever. If you enjoyed those five years, that’s great for you! But get the fuck out of here with your “high school years are the best years of your life!” bullshit, because if that’s true, then a whole lot of us are right and royally screwed. High school wasn’t the most fabulous time for a lot of people. So being told that you’re a cynic and a bit of a bitch for wanting to leave it in the past is a bit shit – if I’m honest. Nobody wants to be told they haven’t changed since they were sixteen years old, especially when you hit your twenties – if you do, I suggest you re-evaluate your goals in life. Unless, of course, your sixteen-year-old self was your peak, in which case... congrats. We all went through high school, woohoo! Now please for the love of God, stop bitching about people because of the school they went to.

Never Letting Go of High School If you’re anything like me, you definitely peaked during high school. Those were the glory days, when all your mates were still around (before everyone decided to fuck off to Dunners or Vic that is), teachers probably knew your name, and “mufti days” were a cause for anticipation and excitement. Then, you came to university, to be the smallest little sardine in a pond full of a million other fish varieties – some bigger, some stoned, some just lost; your whole world crumbling apart as you realise nothing you’ve done so far has actually mattered, and most of the other fish seem to have their shit far more pulled together than you do, or at least, enviably healthier social lives. In other words, in high school, you were awesome; at uni, you’re just a walking, confused ID number, leeching off the Government and delaying adult responsibilities. Remember the days of not having to pay for fees, not dropping $200 on a textbook you never opened, and not owing 20K after one year? You didn’t have to pay for much except your Saturday night box of Cruisers, “nights out” still gave you a good night’s sleep since you were all herded up by your mate’s mum

to go home by 12 am sharp, and NCEA was such a pisstake that you actually didn’t have to freak out about spending an extra year at school if you didn’t pass the first round. Back then, we still felt like we had the world in our tiny hands. Now, we realise there are no jobs in the fun subjects, and big bucks come from the courses which rank highest on the soul-crushing scale. I say let’s hold on to the sweet naivety of adolescence, and never let go. A common strategy of doing this is to continue wearing your leavers’ jersey despite having actually left school two years ago. Or perhaps go all out with it: weep to high school musical reruns, throw people’s laptop bags in bushes around the university, or bring your roman sandals back as a daily wardrobe staple once more. Sure, you have independence at uni and shit, but high school was a time of unity, freedom, youth, and joy. Screw accepting change, adapting to university life, and thriving in a new environment; my dear readers, never let go of high school.

Half Eaten Pie: the Emo Indie Punk Band You Probably Should Have Heard Of JARED IPSEN When I was in high school, I was playing Pokémon, downloading All American Rejects songs on Napster, and practising my stage moves in front of the mirror – and despite all of that, I wasn’t half as talented as the dickheads in Half Eaten Pie. An “indie/emo/punk” (according to their singer/guitarist Lachlan) band from Te Awamutu, this three-piece, in their short existence, have achieved a lot for a band still in high school. From what I remember, it’s not easy to be a band in high school. Bars won’t let you play there until you’re over 18, older groups in the scene think you’re full of shit, and recording studios won’t let you lay down a track for $16 and your collection of rarest Yu-Gi-Oh! cards. When you aren’t going to be hitting the big time or making any money (unless you’re Alien Weaponry), being a young band becomes about making the best music and having the best time you possibly can. “The biggest hurdle is finding venues that are all ages and willing to pay the band,” Lachlan says. “You have to be proactive and organise your own shows.” They are genuinely a proactive bunch. Their fuzzy, screamy single, ‘Bassman Finds Love,’ was featured on the Hamilton Underground Press compilation album. They supported NZ music legends Die! Die! Die! in 2017. They won the Rockquest regional finals—twice. They even almost recorded an EP but weren’t able to finish 22

it due to a fight about what font to use on the cover. We’ve hosted Half Eaten Pie at Zeal a few times, and I can honestly say that they’re the best shows that we’ve had. No matter the turnout or occasion, they always play an energetic, passionate set. One time, one of their mums made pies in our oven, put them in a bag stamped with their logo, and sold them as Half Eaten Pie merch. Every band has to start somewhere. The Datsuns, Kimbra, and The Naked and Famous all cut their teeth on the Rockquest stage and went on to enjoy international success. The boys in Half Eaten Pie have definitely proven they have the songs, drive and passion for taking it all the way – from here, only time will tell.

The Dummie’s Guide to “Talking Business” NICOLA SMITH It is tough to know what to say and when to say it, especially to more mature or wise audiences. This is why getting to loosely use some business-type phrases may actually prove a game plan for long-term employability. These phrases could even be helpful when trying to relate to every second BMS student you come across on campus. Who knows—one of these phrases might just impress that accounting graduate at a party, help to prove a point, gain some kudos? After all, life is all about selling yourself—so, let’s do just that. • “What is your current take on [insert new policy]?“ This is a great lead-in to talking about any new policy that no-one really understands, while forcing someone else to lead the conversation. • “I think we are all on the same page.” This is a more intelligent way to say “I agree” and sums up a conversation to transition into a new one. • “I hear what you’re saying, but our bottom line is very clear on this one.” Basically, bottom line means this is the lowest possible value a person would accept before they walked away from the deal. Maybe how much someone’s willing to pay for the taxi on the way back from town? • “Let’s get down to business.” No explanation is really needed and this phrase is actually more applicable than one might first think. Could be to get a project finished, head to town with the lads, or really come to a resolution of anything.

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“We would appreciate it if you could send us more information about [insert here].” Sometimes, people are afraid to ask for clarification so this is a quick and easy way to do just that. • “It’s going to be a challenge doing such a big project on a “shoestring” but we’ll try our best.” Shoestring is a unique way to say tight money, or small budget. • “According to Porter’s five forces... [add opinion and relate it to a force].” Porter’s five forces are industry competition, potential of new entrants, power of suppliers, power of customers, and threat of substitutes. Think of what is the best wine for price/standard ratio and the threat of freshies discovering it. What are the substitutes if it is out of stock? Well done, that’s just made you sound a lot smarter than “let’s get on the piss boys”. • “It’s hard to soar like an eagle when you work with turkeys.” Great way to show dominance in any group project or work-related activity by acknowledging yourself as #1 – constantly let down by those around. Now, these are a few ways to enhance everyday conversation with a bit of a sprinkle of business on top. The more these phrases and likewise are said, the easier it is to speak these ideas without force. Who knows—one of these phrases could impress the next interviewer or lecturer?

H. KANE

While fresh-faced school leavers are entering tertiary study with a fees-free first year, current students are forced to get resourceful in order to ease their debt. H. Kane delves into the flourishing world of sugaring to get the inside scoop on whether Waikato came up to par.

By this point in your life, it’s a given that you’ve acquired some bad habits; whether it’s convincing yourself that you’re able to count cards at the casino, getting too smashed and buying gear off your flatmate’s little brother, or spending far too much of your time crafting the ideal Seeking Arrangements profile. Now, each of these have their merits, but only one has been somewhat guaranteed by Stuff.co.nz as a lucrative means of income. It’s fair to say that becoming a sugar baby would’ve crossed the minds of most, but is anyone actually making money from it in the Waikato? If you have just escaped the confines of Gloriavale, in layman’s terms, a sugar baby can be defined as a member of a transactional relationship. The ever-reliable Wikipedia states, “a person in such a romantic relationship may receive cash, gifts or other benefits in exchange for being in the relationship.” Sugar mammas/daddies are at the other end of that relationship – providing support, usually financial, and mentorship, to receive benefits like companionship and sexual favours. It’s a simple equation seemingly less emotionally draining than using love as a currency; definable and easily quantifiable. Nothing like that guy you dated in first year who told you he liked you by fingerblasting someone else on the mezzanine at The Hut – RIP The Hut. The sugar baby lifestyle appeals to a lot more students than your overly-conservative baby boomer

aunt would think. Me included. It is, at its core, a business deal. Goods and services are changing hands—just not in a traditional sense. What was once shocking, now seems entirely rational; why spend 20 hours a week running a checkout when you could make that money dating for a few hours? Safety is a concern, of course, but there are forums and guides for keeping yourself safe and mainly involves a lot of common sense, like meeting someone for the first time in broad daylight. So, as the social stigma around these sorts of topics changes, sites that facilitate sugaring flourish. Enter Seeking Arrangement; a website/app that creates “mutually beneficial relationships” between babies and daddies/mammas. It markets specifically towards students, claiming to have 130,000 Australian sugar babies on its books, all vying for around 57,000 daddies and mammas. A small proportion compared to the reported 10 million members across 139 countries – a user base growing at an unreal speed according to the site. I’ve followed the sugar daddy conversation for quite some time, and had adopted the moniker “Future Sugar Baby” ‘jokingly’ as a result. But all jokes are founded in truth, and I found the first app I downloaded when my longterm boyfriend and I broke up was none other than Seeking Arrangements. I ignored Tinder and set my sights straight for the 25

geriatric millionaires. I was curious, to say the least. I had seen the testimonials of girls online with zero debt and wardrobes full of tacky Louis Vuitton bags. I wanted a tacky Louis Vuitton bag. I had been drawn in by the promise of a Mr Big type who just needed someone to take to gala dinners. I had high hopes, but Waikato low expectations. However, I pushed through… for journalistic purposes. I wanted to see what all the hype was about, and I was fearless—to begin with. I didn’t take it too seriously, but I marketed myself; carefully crafting my persona to leverage the things I could realistically offer. I had read the key wasn’t to lie but rather, to highlight the good shit. I figured my location would mean slim pickings compared to Auckland, but maybe, there would be some old farmer who’d want me to fondle his balls. A mutual friend said she got $450 for an hour of ball fondling once. I was disappointed. I thought I could dip my toe in and start with just chat—which was probably pretty naive. But based on SA’s manifesto, there was no sexual expectation, and you never should feel pressured to say yes to things you weren’t comfortable with. “Sex is never a requirement, only an aspiration” reads a blog on the site. That wasn’t the case. I spoke to a few guys—I may or may have not have come across a well-known Hamilton tycoon—but it always ended in them taking a turn for the gross. One minute, a bit of harmless conversation then suddenly, they’d be making very detailed demands. I was running 26

into too many “Spendla” daddies (broke men trying to cheat the system) and getting thoroughly annoyed at my inability to find anyone I’d be even remotely comfortable having a coffee with. The promise of “experience a relationship on your terms” was not living up to the tagline in the slightest. But according to SA, the average monthly allowance a sugar baby receives through their site was about $3000. Surely, someone had to be making money, and I asked around. ‘I expected it to be a bit of a laugh, to be honest, I guess a way of meeting some different people and also get treated like a princess,’ said a 22-year-old studying her Masters. ‘It wasn’t a laugh. It was pretty gross to be perfectly honest. Men who said they were just looking for someone to hang out with and take shopping and out to dinner would open conversations asking for sex or pictures or something equally as creepy.’ She didn’t stay on the website for long enough to set up a date, ‘I was so creeped out and felt so uncomfortable that I deleted it straight away. Personally, I recommend sticking to Tinder. If you’re after the princess treatment, maybe just set the age range a bit higher?’ A friend of hers had been a bit more determined to give the site a go. ‘I didn’t have high hopes for the site as I was more using it to see what the hype was about,” she told me, “but I definitely expected to have many yuck conversations with seedy old men who had weird fetishes.’ She found that it was exactly as straightforward as it claimed to be ‘...a lot of them were reasonably

normal and just wanted a sexual companion really, and someone to talk to with no complications.’ ‘One man—around 40-ish—turned out to be really nice and normal, and offered to take me for a holiday—no strings attached and everything paid for— and if I wasn’t comfortable once I got there, I didn’t have to have anything to do with him if I didn’t want to – just enjoy the holiday. But I never went through with it because going to a different country with a man I don’t really know is a bit too stupid for me.’ But she felt confident that if she had followed through, she could have made some money. ‘I would recommend the website to someone, as long as they were open-minded and willing to actually meet up with some of these guys.’ More people started coming out of the woodwork when I’d mention it to them, describing a range of meetups, hookups and misadventures. I found out one of my friends, a recent arts grad, goes on dates regularly but he’s never really made any money. ‘I’m up for anything, but I generally have to drive to Auckland, and it will involve preening for hours just to get an average dinner and someone who can’t put their money where their mouth is.’ I started to think that maybe it was us, that we weren’t using the site to its full potential, that we were all bark and no bite. One girl I spoke to, a 21-yearold hair stylist, thought it wasn’t a problem with the babies, but the low-quality daddies and mammas available in the area. ‘I kind of expected a lot older men just wanting a companion, like someone to go to dinner with—it’s literally just a bunch of 40-50-year-olds wanting sex, and most of them were married. Some of the messages I got were so disrespectful and disgusting. They pretty much expected us to be prostitutes.’ Unsurprisingly, she never went through with a date and wouldn’t really recommend the site – she referred me on to another friend of hers, a 20-year-old male who works in admin, who got as far as a video call for some cash once, but thought the experience, in general, was a waste of time. So my brief foray into the world of Hamilton sugar babies was not as eye-opening as I’d hoped. While I had many “I heard of a friend who…” stories, I struggled to find anyone who had successful experiences close to home. In my search, I came across a lot of people who used to site, all with a huge number of experiences, but not a single person who could call themselves a bonafide baby, or was near meeting the golden $3000 monthly average Seeking Arrangement claimed.

>2.5 million

Sugar Babies have joined SeekingArrangement.com

$130,000

was given to a single sugar baby in Las Vegas for tuition, books, and school fees

>10 million

sugar babies are registered worldwide

15,000

male sugar babies are registered throughout Australia

>250,000

students in the UK have signed up, seeing a 40% increase in applicants from previous years

9.42

sugar daddies per 1000 adult males have been recorded in Nevada

139

countries claim to have active members on SeekingArrangement.com 27

Super Duper Rugby Fan: What Fan Are You? PAORA MANUEL With the World Cup on at the moment, rugby is not feeling any limelight love at the moment. Following the trend of funny-yet-relevant articles about the type of fan you are by supporting a particular team, the Sporting Goods team figured that we’re no different and might as well join the bandwagon. Blues: The Blues fan has no need to worry about their life because they’ve got other things to worry about. Housing prices have skyrocketed, petrol now up to $3 a litre, the Warriors are doing well for the first time in ages, and more people turn up to a 9 am lecture than Eden Park for a Blues game. It truly is the oddest time to be a Blues fan. Chiefs: Chiefs fans are the embodiment of Hamiltonians in general; we do okay on the field, but we specialise in off-field antics. From exotic dancer antics to bringing the Ranfurly Shield into Hush Hush at three in the morning (different competition, but my Sporting Good, my rules), the Chiefs sure know how to have a good time. Hurricanes: From the Cake Tin in the Wild Wet Wellington to a dingy flat in Dunedin, the Hurricanes sure love the attention. The ability of a Barrett with Maccas to walk into the wrong flat at 5 am deserves some respect only because we’ve already been there or know someone who’s walked into the wrong house. Crusaders: Success, success and more success. That’s been the Crusaders for however many years, 28

producing many exceptional All Blacks; from Daniel Carter to Richie McCaw and current captain Kieran Reid. The Crusaders are the one shining light of the city of Christchurch. With the earthquakes, the mini Cathedral and State Highway 1 going through the city, the Crusaders give Cantabrians something to cheer for in these dark times. Highlanders: Carisbrook “House of Pain” is no more (RIP). Dunedin rugby now has found a new home. The Zoo at Forsyth Barr can sometimes resemble Castle Street on Friday and Saturday night; drunken antics, burning couches and living in bloody shitbox houses. The fortunes of the Highlanders often mirror the Scarfie, when on a roll, getting slays left, right and centre. If the Highlanders are not so good, it’s just a cesspit of despair and misery. The descriptions can be mixed to fit your current but don’t chuck housing prices to the rest of the team’s fans. ‘Me, oh my, I have enjoyed that, yes boy’ – Justin Marshall

AUTEUR HOUSE Essential Classics RICHARD SWAINSON The Hamilton Film Society recently featured an Auteur House DVD, In a World...(2013) – a witty tale of contemporary Hollywood’s gender politics written, directed and starring the wonderful Lake Bell. It got me thinking about other films in which one person assumes all three roles. At one end of the qualitative spectrum, such a concentration of responsibility leads to the ultimate auteurist expression. At the other end, you get Tommy Wiseau and The Room (2003). In the history of cinema, very few filmmakers have consistently demonstrated an ability to write, direct and take leading roles in their own work. Successes such as Bell’s tend to be one-offs. She followed up In a World... with I Do...Until I Don’t (2017) – a flop. Similarly, Billy Bob Thornton’s adaptation of his own play, Sling Blade (1996), for which Thornton was Oscar-nominated for both writing and directing, winning in the former category, was followed by Daddy and Them (2001), which disappeared without a trace. Robert Duvall’s magnificent The Apostle (1997) should have seen him win his second Oscar, but was followed by the disappointing Assassination Tango (2002). There’s only really one artist who managed a succession of triumphs as a writer, director and star: Charlie Chaplin. Orson Welles certainly rivalled Chaplin for versatility but did not always take leading parts in his own productions (either that or he shared a writing credit with William Shakespeare). What might a Top 10 of such films look like? It

would need some clear guidelines. Firstly, let’s exclude short films, which admittedly cuts out a lot of Buster Keaton’s and Charlie Chaplin’s best work. Secondly, on the grounds that the screenplays are not original, let’s omit Shakespearean adaptations – which counts against two sets of famous trilogies, those of Laurence Olivier (Henry V, Hamlet & Richard III) and Orson Welles (Macbeth, Othello and Chimes at Midnight). Finally, let’s insist that the individuals have leading parts. This cuts out such films as Jean Renoir’s Rules of the Game, Martin Scorsese’s Taxi Driver and Quentin Tarantino’s Pulp Fiction, in which the respective directors have supporting roles. 1. Citizen Kane (Orson Welles, 1941) 2. City Lights (Charlie Chaplin, 1931) 3. The Gold Rush (Charlie Chaplin, 1925) 4. The General (Buster Keaton & Clyde Bruckman, 1926) 5. Touch of Evil (Orson Welles, 1958) 6. Modern Times (Charlie Chaplin, 1936) 7. Limelight (Charlie Chaplin, 1952) 8. The Kid (Charlie Chaplin, 1921) 9. The Wedding March (Erich Von Stroheim, 1928) 10. Mon Oncle (Jacques Tati, France, 1958)

We thought it was time to give the “esteemed journalists” of the Backyard Sports Review podcast their big break. It was a foolproof strategy – a local cafe in the middle of St Andrews, and a prodigious talent who also happens to be an All Black and Chief. They had the opportunity to talk to him about the thing that unites all of them: a love of sport. We thought no one could fuck it up, what follows are the key questions on everyone’s mind like “thoughts on halls food?” “Celebrity crush” and “Go-to town drink?” Enjoy. 30

BSR: It’s been a pretty fateful year for you, especially with the All Blacks—do you think you’ve changed something up with your training? Have you done anything different to your approach on the game? DM: Nah, not really any different. Probably more of a leadership role with the Chiefs than the previous few years when you play number 15, y’know. It has been a good stepping stone for me—moving into ABs and getting a crack at number 10; trying to assimilate something like that into that environment. Not much of a change to my training regime, just touching up little areas of my game and just making sure every day I’m trying to improve. BSR: How is the adjustment from fullback to first five going? DM: It’s been a big change. You’re more involved in the game—you’re pretty much shot forward and gotta lead the team around the park. I guess a difference from fullback; where you can sort of just do your own thing, running around at the back. So, I guess that’s been the biggest change, being able to lead a team and be a lot calmer and composed in both the 10 and 15. BSR: Where do you reckon is the worst place to play overseas? DM: I didn’t play in any place where I’ve been like… oh, probably I didn’t really enjoy playing in Argentina. BSR: You don’t? DM: Nah, the crowd was good; they’re pretty frantic. They’ve got cages up the sides and a moat between the ground and the stands—I think it’s more for the football fans. I haven’t had a place where I wouldn’t want to go back though. Apparently, Johannesburg and Pretoria are pretty hostile—you get

all the Dutchie Afrikaans guys. I’ve only played in Cape Town for the All Blacks and that was all good. There was a lot of balance to support all the All Blacks, but they reckon if you’re playing in Jberg they’re at the bus—yeah, it’s pretty hostile. BSR: Do you find you’ve had to sacrifice traditional uni experiences, like drinking, house parties…? DM: Yeah, I have—I left school and then pretty much [went] straight into rugby. A lot of my mates went down to Dunedin, and you sorta miss out on that uni life. I guess for us, if you have a big night, you’ve gotta go train the next day [whereas] at uni you’re just battling through a day of lectures, so missing out on that was a little bit gutting. BSR: FOMO? DM: Yeah, 100 percent. You look at how they live down there, and it’s like “oh it seems pretty fun!” BSR: What did you choose—not regarding footy — but like Waikato over Otago..? DM: So, I went to school in Christchurch, and to be fair, it was either stay in Christchurch or come up here, and just up here was just different—a change in scenery, a new challenge, and there was more opening up here in the position I was compared to Canterbury. When I was coming out of school, there was still Dan Carter and a few of those guys, so it was a good chance to sort of get away from home—move away from out of my comfort zone a little bit. BSR: So, it would be a bit of fresh air coming up here? DM: Yeah, just a fresh start, I really enjoyed Christchurch—I’m a Southland boy, I grew up just out of Gore, did my full license there, boys. I enjoy going back, but it’s good to just branch out, get to a bigger city. You can come back to some of those places later in life.

Quickfire Round: Speights or Waikato? Ohh… probably Speights. They taste pretty similar, to be honest. BSR: Celebrity crush? DM: Margot Robbie—she’s lovely, aye. BSR: Second favourite Super Rugby team? DM: Probably, the ‘Landers. BSR: Least favourite? DM: Crusaders. BSR: Go-to drink in town? DM: Maybe a vodka, lime and soda.

Rugby idol growing up? Christian Cullen. BSR: State of Origin; who do you support? DM: Queensland. BSR: Favourite sport other than rugby to play and to watch? DM: To play – golf. To watch – basketball. BSR: Thoughts on the hall’s food? DM: Probably not what I’d eat. BSR: Would you consider listening

BSR:

DM:

to the old Backyard Sports Review after this interview? DM: Oh yeah, I’ll have to. Yeah, absolutely…I’ve got a mate, old Brad Weber, who’s actually doing those podcasts—Code Trippin. I’m sure yours will be better though, lads.

Dorm Room Workouts NATASHA FITZSIMONS If your schedule just won’t allow you to join a team sport or go to the UniRec gym, look no further than your dorm room. Although it currently serves as your bedroom and office, that tiny space can also function as your personal gym. Clear a spot on the floor and let the other sort of magic happen. For strength, perform chair dips, push-ups, crunches, squats, and lunges (10x 4 sets). To get you’re “A” into Abdomen, do the following either during your lecture or study sesh. They are crazy effective and give you DOMS for days.

STOMACH VACUUM

The stomach vacuum trains your transverse abdominis, a deep muscle that lies inside your abdominal wall. It supports good posture, keeps your organs tucked in and serves as a power point for sports moves and daily activity. • Sit in a chair with your feet planted firmly on the floor. Your arms may rest on a desk or lightly on the chair arms, if it has them. • Exhale and pull your belly so it feels like it’s touching your spine. The contraction is tight and intense. • Hold for 10 seconds and release. Do often as you work your way up to 60-second holds.

PLANK POSITION

Plank position is a classic, effective ab exercise. It’s about as all-encompassing as you can get, training the rectus abdominis—the superficial front of your abs—as well as the sides of your abs and the deep transverse abdominis. Drop to the floor to plank any time there’s some freedom in your schedule and a clear space. Sneak the plank in more subtly by doing the move with your hands on a courtyard bench, chair in the lunchroom, or desk in class—just make sure the instructor doesn’t mind. • Get into the top of a push-up position, but put your hands under your shoulders. • Prop up on your toes as you keep your body rigid and your belly pulled in toward your spine. • Hold for 20 to 60 seconds at a time. AB HOVER

This ab exercise is like the Tolasana pose in yoga. It requires wrist and arm stamina. • Sit cross-legged on a chair with no arms. Alternatively, sit in full Lotus pose if it comes relatively easy to you. • Place your hands flat on the seat next to your hips, or grasp the underside of the chair seat. • Squeeze your abs in tightly as you press down to hover your butt and possibly your legs off the chair seat. • Hold the hover for 10 to 15 seconds at a time. Release softly to the seat to finish. LUNGE WITH ROTATION

Don’t waste your time just walking between classes, do a solid ab workout as you move. Now, if you’re looking for ab exercises you can do sneakily, you’ll probably want to skip this one. But if you want a move that trains your butt and thighs as well as your abs, this lunge with rotation is for you. • Stand feet hip-distance apart. Hug your backpack or stack of books against your chest. • Step your right foot forward into a lunge by bending your right knee to about a 90-degree angle. Simultaneously rotate your torso – including any weight you might be holding. • Twist back to face forward as you bring the left foot forward to meet the right. Lunge with the left leg next and rotate left. Continue to alternate the lunges for 10 to 12 repetitions, or until you reach your destination.

Hogan Art Gallery

A decadent dwelling situated in the heart of the student suburbs. As others whittle away their precious youth, these aristocratic residents find pleasure in gentrifying their neighbourhood with high art and exquisite taste. While the clutter of upstairs can only be explained as a piece of performance art, the festivities of downstairs highlight the detrimental capitalist culture surrounding the birth of Christ.

Just another lonely loverboy searching for something meaningful; the Grimes to his Elon, the Kim to his Ye, and more or less an excuse to stop masturbating and wasting away on Fortnite. From what we’ve seen, it doesn’t look like this enchanting lady was overly interested, but we’ll let you to be the judge. HE SAID:

I’m gonna be honest, I came looking for the love of my life – and my date damned well delivered. It seemed we both arrived more or less exactly at the same time, but the awkward minute and a half it took for us to be seated was enough for me to have already scoped out the situation—she was fiiine with a capital F, some absolute talent and even stood up for a hug when I finally ambled over (score). Thankfully, I beat my alcoholic urges to preload like a fresher in their prime and managed to seem somewhat coherent initially in what I can only describe as a wholesome and lovely conversation. She made it very clear she was an engineer searching for a sugar daddy. Realising I couldn’t possibly deliver on the latter – having less green than a golf course and what not, I began drowning my sorrows in back-toback superchargers. About two hours of stories about uni papers, degree similarities, tinder dates, and Australian mines later, it occurred to me that I should be the one trying to snag this absolute talent of a gal up! Apparently, the mines in Aussie paid big bucks—who knew? Wouldn’t mind being a trophy husband given the chance. Seizing an opportunity to get to know her better—if you know what I mean—I offered my services in “calculus tutoring”, tactically leaving out the fact that I hadn’t exactly aced any of said calc papers myself—the things we do for love! Finishing the tab on shots, I hoped and prayed she’d ask for some late night “math help”. Sadly though, my babe of a date was playing hard to get – accepting only a Facebook add before she caught her ride home. Guess I’ll have

to continue the grind and smash those DMs so I’m not left with only the lads in my final O-Week—couldn’t think of anything worse! Cheers House for delivering a perfect scenario. I’m sorry to all of you for not kicking off the semester with a bang. SHE SAID:

Well, let me start it off with... I was after a few free drinks and some above average banter, just like all the other Tinder dates I’ve been on. Plus, it was Mexican Mondays—no girl can turn it down. Only downfall was that I couldn’t finish watching Shortland Street. I started on something fruity, to hopefully finish with something salty... I meant the fried chicken, get your minds out of the gutter. He was nice, funny, looked fit, and studied engineering but not a typical daddy—although he said he could cook, and mama likes her food. So I was sold, Nexus did well with pairing us—even if he hadn’t heard Kanye’s new album. We shared a few interests, such as living in the Library, studying engineering and a common love for Level 4 in the Library. The drinks kept flowing and banter kept going. I got the impression he could be still caught up on his ex, or that he thinks every girl is crazy... I’m not, I promise. The good thing with blind dates is that you can’t catfish boys with your photos, so they can’t be let down when they see you. I may have been thick with three ‘c’s, but I don’t think I was his type after an extensive detective investigation, to find his ex (okay maybe I am crazy). I may have not found a sugar daddy—although he said to give him 10 years—I might had found a calculus tutor, so I’ll settle.

Brought to you by House on Hood Street. If you’re keen for a Blind Date, email editor@nexusmag.co.nz

Cancer (June 21-July 22) As we move through the season of Cancer, you prosper, while others struggle to deal with several emotions at any given moment. Enjoy the superiority of having shitty coping mechanisms as everyone around you suffers. Leo (July 23-Aug 22) A path leading to some budding new relationships is revealed to you. Use the journey to develop some friendlier social skills and ditch your backstabbing tendencies so as not to scare any new acquaintances away. Virgo (Aug 23-Sep 22) With Venus in retrograde, your presence in any room will become heightened. Don’t let it go to your head, it may be due to your poor taste in fashion or the fact that you infrequently shower. Libra (Sep 23-Oct 22) Use your new-found 20/20 vision to guide you away from your usual taste in potential romantic partners – your track record of being dumped is hard to watch.

Capricorn (Dec 22-Jan 19) Don’t be overwhelmed by the feeling of a new emotion – accept the love flowing through your veins and embrace commitment for once, rather than continuing down your path of loneliness. Aquarius (Jan 20-Feb 18) Celestial overlords bring forth a new challenge this week. While your initial response might be to run and hide, our visions suggest there is a need to grow up and finally act your age. Pisces (Feb 19-Mar 20) Eyes and ears work well for you this week when trying to read a social situation. Use your heightened skills to evaluate your own role in the collapse of your relationships to avoid further embarrassment in the future. Aries (Mar 21-Apr 19) While the Gods above have given you a cruisy few weeks, the crystal ball sees this all come to an abrupt end. Start grovelling to old friends before your romantic relationship completely crumbles, and you’re left with no one.

Scorpio (Oct 23-Nov 21) A mysterious new arrival in your atmosphere may trick you into believing in love again. Though, sadly, you’ll continue to never act on anything and use being ‘single’ as a defining personality trait.

Taurus (Apr 20-May 20) This week brings a discovery of self. Use your many mirrors with caution as they may reveal a profound unhappiness with who you’ve become, and lead you to ponder the legitimacy of your parents’ pride.

Sagittarius (Nov 22-Dec 21) This weeks relationship with Jupiter means you’ll have a lot of free time on your hands, allowing you to roam independently once again. Don’t fret too much, the pain of your impending breakup shouldn’t last long.

Gemini (May 21-June 20) The universe will be sending many intriguing signs this week, take note of the messages presented to you. Consider investing in a new mode of transport before your beloved ‘92 vehicle breaks down on a busy main road.

Keen for some free Burgerfuel? Simply snap us the shitfest of your student lifestyle for the chance to win. If youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve accidentally sent us something you shouldnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t have, just email editor@nexusmag.co.nz with all the details. Prizes can be claimed from reception in the SUB (between Unimart and the gym). 39

Puzzles

CODE CRACKER 7

WORDFIND

W W

Species of duck, and words that appear in the lyrics to 'Malibu' by Miley Cyrus.

Marbled We Plumed Sun Alabio

Current Lesser Fish West Indian Writing

EASY SUDOKU

4 6

5 8

6 9

9 2

5 7 8

7 14

16 18

17 18

= 23

(

)−

= 28

(

−

= 17

DIFFICULT SUDOKU

5 2

7 2

1 6

1 8

5 4

4 9

6 4

2 2

3 5

4 7

ALGE-BRUH

3 7

A B C D E F G H I J KL M N O P Q R STUVWXYZ

2 1

8 4

MEDIUM SUDOKU

THEME:

Beach Mallard Ocean Domestic Floatin'

9 6

7 2

4 5

SIMPLE PUZZLES FOR SIMPLE PEOPLE

Circle the

* um, if you circled Brenda, you should really try living with her

sweet, lov ing

grandmothers

CROSSWORD 1

ALGE-BRUH ANSWERS:

10 11

20 21

LAST WEEKâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;S ANSWERS:

WORD TWIST

= 12

ACROSS:

DOWN:

1. Young person (5) 4. Sharp pointed implements (7) 8. Butterfly larva (11) 9. Exhilarated (8) 10. Yield (4) 12. Humble (6) 13. Ineffectual (6) 16. Movable barrier (4) 18. Drover (8) 21. Glorious (11) 22. Scaling devices (7) 23. Surface boundaries (5)

1. Luxury craft (5) 2. Articulated (7) 3. Innocuous (8) 4. Disturbances (6) 5. Snakelike fish (4) 6. Big (5) 7. Earnest (7) 11. Sudden unexpected event (8) 12. Sorcerous (7) 14. Mass of frozen water (7) 15. Furniture items (6) 17. Diffident (5) 19. Days of the month (5) 20. Fiend (4)