Nexus 2017 Issue 01 by Nexus Magazine

PEKING DUK INTERVIEW — Page 28

NEW YEAR, NEW YOU? — Page 11

NEXUS RETROSPECTUS — Page 04

N.01 / V.49

01. Editorial 04. News 08. Sports 11. Featured 14. Nexus Goes... 15. Reviews 17. Humble Abodes 21. Centrefold 23. Entertainment

24. Full Exposure 30. Arts 31. Columns 37. Cooked Cooking 38. Snapped 40. Blind Date 41. Puzzles CO-EDITORS

CONTRIBUTORS

Bronwyn Laundry

Peter Dornauf

Lyam Buchanan

Alexander Nebesky

editor@nexusmag.co.nz

Calum Hughes Cameron McRobie

DESIGNER

Tom Collopy

Vincent Owen

Tom Featonby

design@nexusmag.co.nz

Emily Reid Uncle Yam

MANAGING EDITOR

Half-Cut Counsellor

James Raffan

Jennie-Louise Kendrick

james@nexusmag.co.nz

Jacqui Swney Brittany Rose Fevered Frank Doctor Marten William Lewis Charmaine Riley Sarah Hyde

NEXUS MAGAZINE

Editorial

As we open the page on a new year, you open the page on our first issue of Nexus. Lucky you. We’ll spare you the cliche bullshit on New Year’s resolutions and reinventing yourself here at uni, mainly because our features editor wrote a whole piece on it. Instead we’ll jump straight into addressing the elephant in the room. If you were at Waikato last year and at any time picked up a copy of Nexus, you’ll notice it’s changed. We (Bron and Lyam) got promoted from being deputies for fuck knows whatever reason, so we’re now your co-editors. We’ve got a brand new designer, (who wears vintage YSL shirts), an army of contributors and a new vibe. We’re branching out into new media platforms and planning to get more involved. We’re on a mission to make Waikato the go-to campus for student culture, but as far as the magazine goes, we’ve still got the same ethos. We’re here to be your voice and boldly go where the university really doesn’t want us to go. And we’ll never stop taking the piss. If you’re new to Waikato, none of that will have made sense, and you may have only picked this up because someone said it was free, to that we say, welcome. Welcome to what could be the best few years of your life. Because who doesn’t love that somewhat munted older relative who sneaks you a sip from their hip flask at Christmas and tells you all about the time they did funnels on the roof of K Block? Or the parent six months away from a mid-life crisis, who bears the scars of a past life full of poor decisions and epic stories, but now 01

N.01 / V.49

Editorial

NEXUS MAGAZINE

pays their dues driving the family Prius to hockey practice. We’re here to help you, you thirsty fuckers. Throughout the year we’ll do our best to put on loose events all for your benefit. All we ask in return is that you get involved. We’re harping on a bit too much, but we wanted to get the formalities out of the way so we can start you on your Nexus journey. Follow us on socials for giveaways (@nexusmag on Insta, Nexus Magazine on Facebook). Add us on Snapchat (nexusmag) and send us snaps of you in your element. You could feature in our magazine and score yourself some free Burgerfuel. And who doesn’t love free stuff?

— Lyam and Bron 02

STUDENT

SUPER SPECIALS

1.25litre NOW ON TAP FillPa ET bottle ISAAC’S SUMMER CREATIONS

WAIKATO DRAUGHT

ISAAC’S CIDER & SHOTT REAL FRUIT SYRUP

THE FRESHEST WAIKATO DRAUGHT YOU CAN GET YOUR HANDS ON!

$8.75

$12.5 1.25L

WAIKATO DRAUGHT

STIL VODKA

LINDAUER FRAISE

330ML 24 PACK

1.25L

700ML

STEINLAGER TOKYO DRY 500ML

$35.99

$33.99

$10.99

$4.99

YOU MUST BE 18 YEARS OR OLDER TO PURCHASE. ONLY AVAILABLE IN LK HILLCREST STORE. PROMOTION IS AVAILABLE FROM 27/02/17 TO 12/03/17. THE PROMOTER IS LION LIQUOR RETAIL, 27 NAPIER STREET, FREEMANS BAY, AUCKLAND 1011

News

NEXUS MAGAZINE

Nexus Retrospectus Nexus is going to be your only required source of news this year. By checking us out you won’t need to go anywhere else. In short, fuck you NZ Herald, your time is over. That having been said, due to budgetary challenges we have had to put this issue through at the end of January. So, instead of trying to predict what will be important to you today we thought we would cover the news you missed since our last issue in a Nexus Retrospectus.

We need to talk about Donald As previously discussed we are writing this three weeks before you are reading it, so talking about Donald Trump’s impact on society is a dangerous game with no winners. Three weeks in Trumptopia could be the difference between exclusion and genocide, unpopularity and isolation or he said what and he attacked where? But here is what we know to be true: • During his campaign Mr Trump openly mocked the disabled. • During his campaign Mr Trump said that he would date his own daughter. • One of the centrepieces of the Trump platform was the deportation of Mexicans and the subsequent building of a wall. • Another Trump campaign promise talked about deportation of Muslims and stopping people at the airport. • During his campaign, footage leaked of him saying it was OK to grab woman by the pussy, and kiss them without consent and later footage showed him saying of 10 and 12 year old girls that he might date them in 10 years. • On his inauguration day references to climate change and LGBT rights were withdrawn from whitehouse.gov • Executive orders have already started to enact several campaign promises including the Dakota pipeline construction and reinstating the global gag rule refusing foreign aid to anyone who talks abortion/contraception. Nexus will not spend time in 2017 questioning the legitimacy of the Trump election. We will however ardently and actively spend as many articles as required questioning what sort of a backward hillbilly country could elect someone like Donald and championing the rights and legitimate fears of communities, people and animals that feel less safe and worried for the world. If you disagree with this then feel free to send a message. lettuce@nexusmag.co.nz

NEXUS MAGAZINE

News

Out with the old in with the new, then out with the new For those of you following our continuing coverage of NZUSA, get a fucking life. Here is the quick recap: Four years ago we quit NZUSA, or we didn’t because they said they didn’t get the memo including the published “This is why we quit” article in Nexus. For two years we fought them on whether we quit or not. • Then last year we not only agreed to put the past behind us but paid to be members and even ran our President as a candidate in their election. • Then he lost to a candidate from Wellington after a contentious battle. And you’re all caught up… except to say, in his first WSU Board Meeting, President Lewis (without the need for executive order) got approval for us to once again resign from NZUSA. This time he sent copies in triplicate and posted on social media. You can read William in his own words explain the decision later on in the magazine.

Put your money where our med school is! Some of you may know the name Sir Owen Glenn, at 76 he is New Zealand’s premier multi-billionaire philanthropist and likely a masked vigilante crime fighter. Those of you who don’t shouldn’t feel too bad because it is likely that you will know him soon enough. While the hardened drinking staff of Nexus can tell stories of attending university events, imbibing too much and saying bullshit things that we had to eventually stand by, Sir Owen proved himself a master, adept at playing on a different level earlier this month when he pledged five million dollars to our non-existent med school... Which in retrospect means Sir Owen was the first victim of the uni’s new co-pay student health policy. "To demonstrate my commitment to this goal, I am announcing tonight that I am pledging $5 million to the University of Waikato to support its development of a medical school in return for naming rights of the school," he said. Unsurprisingly Sir Owen’s sentiment was welcomed with applause and what we assume was Neil Quigley yelling “No take backs” from the front row. Glenn then called on the other people of means in the audience to do the same prompting Chancellor Bolger to do the thing where you you tap both pockets a few times and then say your wallet is in your other pants. Should the school go ahead the focus will be on creating and training predominantly GPs who will train or be bonded in rural clinics and environments throughout the Central North Island and have a focus on Maori and Pacific development. Sir Owen was quick to praise both the scheme and the significant potential of Maori and Pacific people in the region. Of course he said the same about the New Zealand Warriors and we all know how that worked out.

N.01 / V.49

News

NEXUS MAGAZINE

The man who would not be King In 2002, a then fresh faced William English led the New Zealand National Party to the worst defeat of the National Party whilst in opposition EVER! The defeat was a clear rebuke of Mr English, his party and his values, in what was largely viewed as the first “Presidential election” in New Zealand’s history. Had you or I suffered such a fate we would have vanished from public life forever, but not in the National Party, where powerful white men age like wine. And so it was that 15 years later an even more entitled English became Prime Minister when his predecessor got bored of the job. Of course the real victim in this tale remains Max Key, because it’s hard enough to be a mediocre DJ, but harder still when your dad only used to be Prime Minister.

TL:LR Too Long : Lyam Read. Is our way of making sure you get the information you need without needing to read ‘Guy on rope accidentally pops a sweet Mangere onto a rock’

‘Pak’nSave runs out of tinfoil’

— Promising young man falls eight meters onto rocks after a rope malfunc-

and the world will end in October 2017.

— Conspiracy theorist claims mysterious planet Nibiru will smash into Earth

tion off the coast of the Coromandel Peninsula.

‘Spicy redhead gets deported for trying to help out local Auckland artists’

‘Geriatric cunts get heated about potentially having to use elevators’ — Residents’ group decide to appeal plans for a huge retirement complex

— South African drug mule Laura Cilliers gets deported after being caught

on Auckland’s North Shore, comparing it to a ‘prison’ and ‘British Housing

smuggling $1 million worth of heroin into NZ.

Estate’.

‘Kinda hot’ — Weather in Whakatane for the 15th of February, a high of 26°C and an

‘Man gets the chance to die but decides his family isn’t all that bad’

overnight low of 14(degree)C. Fine with not much wind.

— Man trapped in dam with just nose out of water was determined to see family again.

‘NZ Herald discovers how your sister has been affording more Class A drugs than you’ — Canterbury businessman charged with paying underage girls for sex.

‘Botswana lady kickstarts trendy new fetish’ — Botswana woman bit boyfriend’s testicles off during argument.

NEXUS MAGAZINE

Not News

SHORT NEWS FOR TALL PEOPLE All the news you may not have read re-created and made simpler for you

People seen running from suspicious blaze at Rotorua church

Accused Kiwi Cocaine Smuggler Hamish Thompson Had Imported Drugs Before In another genius piece of reporting from stuff. co.nz they informed the public that Hamish Thompson had imported drugs before. At any point did anyone question that? Did they not

The community of theatre enthusiasts in Rotorua were left in dismay after a

think Mr Thompson had built himself up to

seemingly deliberate blaze left the local St John’s Church gutted. Residents

this? The writers at Nexus News are a con-

of the area have reported seeing a small group of young ‘hooligans’ fleeing

fident group of people, but at no point has

the scene shortly after plumes of smoke coated the nearby social housing

anyone in this newsroom said “I am going to

units.

try dealing drugs for the first time.” followed

Initially this incident had been blamed on recreational drug users and middle class teenagers known to have unhealthy relationships with their fathers. Despite this being the obvious group to blame for the incident, our national icon, and influential human rights activist, Brian Tamaki believes the answer to be far simpler, “Gays”. First it was quakes, now it’s fire... Next it will be volcanoes.

by “All I need is 300 million in coke, some sunscreen, a yacht and some sailing lessons.” If anything there's a weird kid hanging outside Level Zero now with a joint thinking “If I work hard at this I can eventually graduate to a coke yacht.” Thank you Mr Thompson for inspiring philosophy undergraduates everywhere.

No room to swing trainee journalist douchebag The Southland SPCA recently released a statement to the press about the over occupancy of the feline population. In it the SPCA Manager warned they would have to start turning away cats, which at best is a horrifying image but made even worse when you consider a row of tiny kittens in the harsh Southland weather just praying for redemption and a safe place to sleep, being told there is no room for them. They turn, slowly hang their respective tiny kitten heads and meow in unified sadness. Or as the stuff headline reporter put it “No room to swing a cat in Southland” which not only ignores the real problem of spaying and neutering your cat to prevent overpopulation but it is completely incorrect. We have met people from Southland, you could swing cats in any of the following locations: Art galleries, unlikely to hit a member of the public in one of them; high schools, no-self respecting Southlander goes to school past 13, libraries (except the childrens book section) and finally the Southland office of stuff.co.nz where you can probably swing a cat for days because their online editor is likely out giving handjobs to dockworkers for change instead of taking some time to write actual fucking headlines.

N.01 / V.49

Sports

NEXUS MAGAZINE

SPORTS Getting The Milk For Free — Top 4 NRL Fantasy Cash Cows Tom Collopy

An Intro to Lacrosse Cameron McRobie Lacrosse – commonly known amongst players as lax (La X – geddit?!) is a sport that combines incredible skill, physicality and finesse into a game that is basically a jacked up egg and spoon race.

The NRL is back for 2017 and it’s time for you to start building your fantasy

Despite its obviously French namesake, lacrosse actually originated as a Na-

league team. Early on you want to be looking for cash cows. These are play-

tive American alternative to war – the Creator’s game. Matches could be

ers that are undervalued at the start of the season, who will score well and

played with entire armies and were contested between settlements where

increase in price as the season goes on. I have outlined my top four cash

an object was passed around using nothing but a stick with a net, with the

cows for the upcoming season which may help you kick start your team and

aim of getting it to the far village. There were few to no rules and arguably

leave you with extra cash to spend elsewhere in your team.

fewer deaths than an actual battle.

JARRYD HAYNE- WFB- $200,000

The modern lacrosse player (or lax bro) is a special breed who live in baggy

Jarryd is an absolute bargain at WFB and a player I think everyone should

shorts, mid-calf socks and strives for hair just long enough to get some of

have in their team come round one. He looks set to start the season in his

that greasy aesthetic flow out from under their helmets. Common delusions

preferred fullback position for the Gold Coast Titans which I think will benefit

that will trigger your usual lax bro include “oh lacrosse – that’s the game on

us from a fantasy standpoint. The last time Jarryd wore the number 1 jersey

horses huh?” or “isn’t lacrosse just a girls’ sport? I saw it on Wild Child/St

was in 2014, a year in which he won the Dally M Medal and proved to be a

Trinian’s/Mean Girls”.

fantasy ace. He is a weapon from the back and I can see his price increasing rapidly after a solid start to the season.

Even a relatively alternative sport in the USA, college lacrosse attracts athletes who were (more often than not) never quite good enough to make it

JAMAL IDRIS- CTR-$148,000

into the football team. However, 10/10 can guarantee a more exciting, fast

Idris took an indefinite break from the game at the end of Penrith’s 2015

paced watch in a Notre Dame vs. Duke Lacrosse game than your average

campaign to travel the world. A year and a half later he looks set to make a

NFL nonsense. You’ll struggle to find 10 minutes of solid ball carrying in four

comeback with the West Tigers. I think Jamal will start in the centres come

hours of televised Super Bowl coverage. Lacrosse on the other hand is 80

round one with either Tim Simona or Kevin Naiqama shifting to the wing to

minutes of non-stop action and is the fastest game on two feet!

accommodate. He is a dangerous runner of the ball and a tackle breaking specialist, a man who made my fantasy team without any second thoughts. MATT BALLIN- HOK- $214,000 Jason Taylor’s prayers were answered when Robbie Farrah joined the Rabbitohs at the end of last year, leaving the West Tigers number 9 jersey up for grabs. It looks like Matt Ballin will fulfill this role as the veteran returns from a knee injury which ended his season last year. With the boost of being named vice captain I see Matt’s return being successful as a potential 80 minute player who can consistently rack up 40-45 tackles a games. PATRICK KAUFUSI-FRF-$167,000

New Zealand is chocka with wild punters who worship rugby like religion. Justin has his Beliebers and similarly, groupies of lax bros or teams can be generalised as lacrosstitutes. A summer sport, lacrosse is just underway in the states for the college and pro seasons. Here in New Zealand (where lax is halfway between tiddlywinks and water polo in popularity) we’ll see the Men’s National Champs in Auckland on the 11th of March. If lacrosse sounds like your jam – YouTube ‘ultimate lax bro’, you won’t regret it.

With the retirement of Ben Hannant and the departure of James Tamou, North Queensland’s front row forward ranks are looking pretty bare. This has opened the door for a young player to earn a starting spot in a strong Cowboys forward pack. I believe Patrick Kaufusi will be this player, he featured 12 times off the bench for the Cowboys last season and could have an even bigger role this coming season. To put your teams to the test against mine and other Nexus readers input this code SLTR4N65 into the join a private league section of NRL Fantasy.

FO MO FOMO

NEXUS MAGAZINE

Hamtown Smakdown Hamilton's good ol’ annual, hardcore punk festival. Despite the false ideals you’ve adopted from teenage romance films, this isn’t where you’ll find your very own denim coated musician willing to dedicate their life to writing songs about you. Smakdown is for the careless misfits, driven by their passion for noise and the love of their culture. It’s kicking of on the 24th and 25th of March, head down to Ward Lane and get amongst.

Future City 2017 27 artists coming together to form a DIY underground festival. Alternative artists from all corners the kiwi music scene along with international acts to further spice up the mix. This is what you need to be immersing yourself in if you consider yourself to be musical inclined, held across the 3rd and 4th of March this is sure to be going off.

Purple Walk for Endometriosis Without a uterus you wouldn’t be here right now, pay some homage to the organ that housed you for nine months and do something productive with your afternoon. Get out of your flat and pop down to Innes Common on the 8th of March, show some much needed support for a condition affecting 1/10 women. Still need motivation? Our sources can confirm the attendance of a wide range of pups and pup related accessories.

NEXUS MAGAZINE

Feature

New Year, New You? Jennie-Louise Kendrick

After 2016, a year considered by people who take memes a little too seriously as “The Worst”, it’s safe to say we’re all feeling a little fragile. Never fear, Jen Kendrick is here to provide you with some foolproof tips for reinventing yourself without coming across as a pretentious twat. It’s 2017, motherfucker. The world is officially a shit show; Dictator Trump is grabbing pussies left, right, and centre. Idiots are getting meme tattoos. The Suicide Squad movie popularised double pigtails – a hairstyle previously seen only in adult entertainment. Not to mention, RIP Harambe.

tell you that the trick to appearing cool in a social situation is to bring along an absolutely vile liquid accompaniment. • Losing your virginity to some random in halls? Crack a Waikato on the way to Pound Town. • Potentially seeing your ex with his new girlfriend at a party? Take a bottle of Fat Bird wine – it doubles as a weapon if anything goes down. • Going to your granddad’s funeral? Cry into a Purple Goanna while you carry the casket out. It’s quality over quantity, don’t try to drink lots of alcohol – you’re probably going to end up looking like a first year or getting arrested for peeing in public – try to drink the right kind of alcohol. The cheaper and nastier the brew, the better. While I’m a bit of a lightweight, I’ve come up with a few ways to appear heartier than I actually am. • Exclusively buy alcohol in multiple vessels or a vessel that isn’t see through; this will help you avoid getting peer pressured into having to

With the New Year, comes those people; the people who go to the gym for

down the ghastly goop you bought for under ten bucks from the near-

three consecutive days in January, and try to keep a diary. I see you. I see you

est Thirsty Liquor. No-one will be able to keep tabs on how much you’re

trying to go cold turkey and failing.

drinking.

You’re the type to caption a ‘gram “new year, new me” (punctuation optional)

• If you’re not looking to get fucked up but still want to impress the lads

suffixed by whichever emoji you think is the cutest. Let’s cut the bullshit –

with your choice of lukewarm beverage, scrap the ritual of bottle store

you live in Hamilton, New Zealand’s garbage pit of a metropolis – embrace

math.

your human trash status! As for myself, I am clearly qualified to be your guide – I had my first pash in between two rubbish bins.

• If a trucker living in Tokoroa with his five kids would drink it, buy it. • If it more closely resembles some of the fine amber river water of the mighty Waikato than a beverage fit for human consumption, buy it.

THERE’S A REASON THEY’RE CALLED DOBROS, NOT DOACQUAINTANCES. As someone who has been known to sink piss like a bloody champion, let me

N.01 / V.49

Simple stuff here, guys.

Feature

LATHER OFTEN, CUT SPARSELY. Grow it all out – peach fuzz, lush mullets (or mullét if you’re feeling a bit fancy!), and out of control pubes. Electricity bills can be hefty on your wallet,

NEXUS MAGAZINE

her to suck a fat one, but there’s truth in her condescending comment – someone out there thinks you’ve got a sexy AF body. Why do you think there are so many different niches of porn?

grow out your muff fluff for the extra body heat. While I encourage everyone

• Embrace your insecurities, because there’s nothing more attractive than

to grow a full and silky noggin of hair, do not underestimate the need for

confidence. Dita Von Teese once said, “You can be the ripest, juiciest

washing yourself. Starting a new year of lectures, that grade-A hottie will

peach in the world, and there’s still going to be somebody who hates

not dare sit near you if you reek worse than a 14 year old covering his man

peaches”. This quote also applies to oranges – look at Trump, he’s horri-

boobies with a Korn t-shirt. I’m looking at you Computer Science students –

ble and full of toxic hate but he has somehow managed to import some

Lynx Africa doesn’t cut it.

stunning immigrant wives!

As a lady, I personally wash everyday but I barely shave my legs. Armpits?

• If you want to change your life, fucking do it. Don’t wait for a Monday or

Yeah. Vag? Only if there’s a chance of sick slays. Legs? Hmmmm nah, I can’t

some sign; just start making conscious eating and life choices. For the

be bothered. Ingrown hairs are the literal devil and razor burn is more irritat-

love of all things holy, don’t start some stupid fad diet. Detox teas are

ing than getting constant Snapchats from the guy you pashed once in the

bullshit – you have a liver and two kidneys that already do that FOR FREE.

Outback.

FREE. You couldn’t get a better deal.

Not to mention there are sooooooo many fiddly little angles around the an-

• Unless you want to lose all your ~normal~ friends, don’t get into some

kles and knees than just exacerbate my fear of bleeding to death in the

cult-like fitness programs like Crossfit… because you will become the

shower*.

fucking WORST.

Who the hell has the time to maintain a perfectly hairless bod on the daily?

• If you don’t want to disgust anyone who goes near your genitals, make

Not this gal. I barely remember what day I washed my hair last.

sure to be picky with the kind of protein and dietary supplements you take. Just as pineapple makes your junk smell and taste better, some

*Once, while I was shaving my pits with my arms up in the air like an oran-

things make it absolutely vile to the senses. Nobody wants that gunk

gutan, I nicked my nipple with the razor. Not my breast. Not the areola. The

in and/or around his or her mouth. It will not be a good kind of gagging.

freakin’ nipple. It stung like all hell and my mum burst into the bathroom after hearing me cry out in pain, with a big kick like the po-po raiding a Nawton meth lab.

ACTUALLY GO TO YOUR LECTURES. University education is only getting more and more expensive. While racking

LET’S GET SEXUAL. Sex is fantastic. But some people ruin it for the rest of us. It’s always YOUR choice whether you want to bang. Keep it safe, consensual, and fun. Don’t be afraid to direct your lover on how you like to be touched, especially if it’s a new pairing or you’re spicing up the love life with some new tricks. • The clit is really not that hard to find; just have a quick Google in her flat’s tiny bathroom and use your newfound knowledge to blow her mind. The

up a huge loan with StudyLink seems like a good idea, at least make it worth it. “Work hard, play hard” is a good mantra to live by. You may get start getting grey hairs earlier than your peers aiming for a loose C- grade on their first year Law exam, but at least you’ll actually pass. Tertiary education is a privilege, not a right; so don’t get your panties in a twist when the lack of effort you put in results in a crappy mark. Also, your lecturer/tutor/lab partner may be a straight 10 on the sexy scale! *

way to a woman’s heart is through multiple orgasms, not just a pump and

*Nexus cannot be held liable for inappropriate fraternisation between staff

dump after a night out.

members and students – even in wet dreams. It’s not our fault you have a

• It doesn’t matter whether you want to bump uglies with ladies or gents

chub for your middle aged divorced MATH101 lecturer.

–just don’t be a dilly, wrap your willy. • Ladies, oral contraception is incredibly cheap and effective, but it’s not going to protect you against some nasty bugs from the end of your lover’s wang, so make sure you carry condoms too!

DATING ADVICE? Don’t be ridiculous, even I can’t help you ugly fucks with that.

• Let’s all band together and try get rid of that dark mark on Hamilton’s sexual health history – Chlamydia. Peeing razor blades is not a fun sensation.

If we all band together and try not to be shit cunts, 2017 could be an absolute ripper of a year. Get loose, stay hyped, and remember to brush your teeth.

SCREW THE DIET; EMBRACE YOUR FATNESS. Like my sister once told me in the changing room of a surf shop while forcing me into a one-piece swim suit, some people like voluptuous women. I did tell 12

NEXUS GOES...

Nexus Goes...

NEXUS MAGAZINE

The Nexus Office Calum Hughes The Nexus office is a thriving hub of activity and inactivity. As you walk up the steps into the SUB building and the sweet lingering scent of butter chicken begins to leave your nose, the emotionally balladic throbs of Britney Spears’ 2001 classic hit “Not Yet a Woman” begins to assail your ears. You scan your card to open the interior door, or if you’re like me you wave at the lovely lady on the other side to let you in because your after hours access has not been approved yet, and move through to the corridor. Passing WSU offices and piles of newspapers and magazines, you almost have to step over a couch that slumps like some loitering delinquent against the wall. The music reaches a crescendo as you enter the office and three pairs of eyes and one squeaky wheely chair swivel to greet you. The ever fashionable and hip crew of Nexus; Bron, Lyam and Vincent are all jamming out at varying levels, some enjoying the retro Brit hit more than others. The song ends much to Lyam’s passive pleasure only to be instantly replaced with “No Scrubs”; another nineties banger. The room is in a state of ordered chaos. The walls are plastered with old magazines, posters, advertisements, awards, fundraising goals, To Do lists, To Buy lists and a colossal calendar that outlines upcoming and far flung future events. There is the faint scent of coffee and evidence of it everywhere, mugs both disposable and ceramic littering tables. It’s like a caffeine and sushi transformation machine. In goes flat whites, long blacks and california rolls and out the other end comes a churning froth of memes, dreams and top quality university based content across a number of formats. The Nexus team has diversified this year, introducing Nexus Foundry, Radio and T.V - a new system for sponsorship as well as working with the WSU to host ORI and various events. So as one can imagine the Nexus office in the weeks and months leading up to the recommencement of uni is a hectic place. To squeeze a magazine out every week, these creative geniuses and their veritable army of contributors have to remain focussed, and so a patient captain is needed. At the helm of HMS NEXUS, in the shadowy management realm, is James, a man who sits in his office across the hall and yells abuse and encouragement in varying quantities at the work force. The magazine is sent away on a Thursday, printed that night, collected on the Sunday and distributed, ready for you to pick up, do the puzzles, and then promptly leave in a lecture theatre, first thing Monday morning. As you sit in the office eventually the music is turned down and the team returns to their desktops, replying to emails, writing articles, designing, communicating with contributors and photoshopping. The work gets done until lunchtime rolls around and a squad mish to Winner Winner is called for. The sun sets on another day at the Nexus Office. They are one step closer to Thursday night.

NEXUS MAGAZINE

Reviews

The New Nexus Rating System In the interests of livening up the reviews section of Nexus for 2017, we are

0 For things that are middle of the road. 0 replaces the 3 on the 5-star-

introducing a new method of rating things. Forget everything you thought

system.

you knew about distilling your opinions into a simple star-rating, because star-ratings are shit. What we have here is the brand new patented free range organic GM-free vegan fair trade ‘Five-Zero-Five System.’ Since everything in the reviews section will run on this system from hereon out, you may well get clued up. It works as follows.

1 TO 5 For varying degrees of not shitty. Emotion, Carly Rae Jepsen, (2015): 5. Because it's flawless. Kane Williamson: 5 on a good day, because on a good day he’s the second coming.

-5 TO -1 For varying degrees of shitty.

It might seem strange at first, but bear with us, and pretty soon you’ll all

Transformers (2007): Sits around -1 because it's not the worse thing, but it

be using this system your selves to rate meals, films, sexual experiences,

is definitely shit.

albums, sports teams, and exes.

Suicide Squad (2016): Is a definite -4 at least because you have to hate your audience to release a film like that. Kane Williamson: -5 during an away game.

As you’d expect from any indie rock or synth pop artist, their sound falls somewhere between a ‘Breakfast Club’ and ‘Perks of Being a Wallflower’ soundtrack. Day Wave’s new single hits the direct center of the two. Between the floating drones of layered guitar and the innocence of his lyricism, a perfectly hazed depiction of naive youth is formed. Think of this as the perfect music to put on when you want someone to think you’re far more alternative than you actually are. You could say he’s the physical embodiment of a 35mm camera who had their heart ripped out at a young age when his polaroid girlfriend left him for a trendy DSLR. Already you’ve got the perfect image of a baby faced indie kid who can’t describe themselves as anything except misunderstood and damaged, in case it resulted in people realising he’s more mainstream than he’s willing to accept.

Single Arotakenga Waiata Something Here, by Day Wave

Enough with the passive aggression, Day Wave has his debut album set for release in the near future so now is the perfect time to peep his current discography to keep yourself ahead of the trend and clear of the bandwagon.

Lyam Buchanan

-5 -4 -3 -2 -1 0 1 2 3 4 5

From 2001-2004 the ‘Alias’ comic book series was published, and in 2015, Netflix adapted it into Jessica Jones. I devoured the show, fell in love with Krysten Ritter’s Jones, and even bought fan art stickers of her face. When I found ‘Alias’ at the Hillcrest Library, I literally squealed in delight before issuing it. Thank fuck I didn’t pay for it though, because it was a huge let down. Reading it is like falling into a pit of onomatopoeia to be WHUMPed and SMACKed in the brain by needlessly cuss-filled dialogue. Starting a story with the word “fuck” to create, idk, shock, is super cringey, and put me off immediately. The lettering looks like that tacky WordArt font you were probably obsessed with at primary school, and the illustrations are fugly.

Comic Book Arotakenga Kōmeke

Most of my disappointment was grounded in unrealistic expectations, if I’m honest. I had this dissillusion that if the Netflix show could feature such an intriguing, well-written, yet flawed female character as the protagonist (with equally well-rounded supporting characters - male and female), then surely - surely - the original comic would offer the same smart, rude, strong Jones as the one played by Ritter. Instead it’s an

Jessica Jones: Alias, Vol. 1, by Brian Bendis Brittany Rose

-5 -4 -3 -2 -1 0 1 2 3 4 5 15

N.01 / V.49

Avengers-name-dropping, Kilgrave-lacking waste of time. Don’t read it. Just watch the show.

Reviews

NEXUS MAGAZINE

‘The Hard Goodbye’ is the first of eight ‘Sin City’ comic books, and one of the arcs in the 2005 film adaptation. It follows the story of the lonely, angry, and thick as a brick Marv as he avenges the murder of Goldie, a sex worker who screws him. She doesn’t charge, and he assumes it’s out of kindness (Spoiler: It’s not.). Marv is an anti-hero, he’s misogynistic, insecure and totally off the rails. Definitely a compelling protagonist. I found myself transfixed on the pages where Nancy the cowgirl-stripper dances with a lasso, cowgirl hat and tasseled leather pants. These Nancy panels fully showcase Frank Miller’s skill in playing with contrast and texture, symbolism and composition. Nancy dances across pages. The movement created is incredible given the images are static. Visually, this comic is very fucking clever, and incredibly well

Comic Book Arotakenga Kōmeke Sin City: The Hard Goodbye, by Frank Miller

executed. For Miller, sex, crime, and gratuitous violence are key to creating the dark and cruel city that lives up to its name of Sin City. Unsurprisingly, themes of taboo make for unsettling reading - especially if you’re a bit squeamish when it comes to cannibalism. Just a heads up.

Brittany Rose

-5 -4 -3 -2 -1 0 1 2 3 4 5 Nick Cave has something for everybody. Whether you’re into the noisy post-punk of From Her to Eternity (1984), the gritty murder ballads of Murder Ballads (1996), or the pensive, heartfelt sonic depth of Skeleton Tree (2016), it's often rare to find one artist with such a varied music output - varied in sounds, but never varied in quality. It was, on a warm evening in January, that an audience in Auckland was treated to a broad selection of Cave and the Bad Seed’s musical offerings from a career spanning just over 30 years - and what a show it was. Cave, like a big scary tree in winter, flailed about on stage and berated the crowd with violent, romantic, and wickedly funny lyrical imagery while the Bad Seeds delivered standout performances as the

Gig Arotakenga Konohete

consummate musical professionals they are. Equal parts frightening, enthralling, mesmerizing, and borderline religious, the show, made up of a 15 song set and a five song encore opened with the requisite applause of a crowd excited to see one of the

Nick Cave & the Bad Seeds, Vector Arena Alexander Nebesky

-5 -4 -3 -2 -1 0 1 2 3 4 5

greatest living performers, then strikingly, descended into reverent silence as Cave made his way through a trio of tracks from Skeleton Tree, the band’s heart-wrenching 2016 album. Never before had I experienced a crowd of rock fans sway silently in unison, and I suspect it takes a certain level of performer to garner such a reaction. Judging by his onstage vim and vigour, Nick Cave & the Bad Seeds have at least another 10 years of masterful performances in them, so be absolutely sure to catch them next time they roll around. If you’re not a fan already, you will be after seeing the man in the flesh. Standout Tracks• From Her to Eternity • Into My Arms • I Need You • Tupelo • The Mercy Seat I would have liked a few more numbers off Henry’s Dream (1992), and of course a punchy rendition of Do You Love Me? Never goes amiss.

NEXUS MAGAZINE

Humble Abodes

HUMBL AB The five residents of this flat, all selfdescribed basic bitches, have put their own stamp on one of the notorious Greensboro townhouses. These flats are well known for excessive noise complaints and the broken glass that litters the street, glittering in the sun like trashy emeralds. Their design aesthetic is minimal, the only artworks in the lounge were a defaced Typo print and a framed picture of Ariana Grande that we can only assume they pray to every night before bed. Their kitchen was stocked full of vegetarian cookbooks and mismatched wine glasses, stolen from various hospo

N.01 / V.49

Humble Abodes

NEXUS MAGAZINE

LE BODES venues. Their deck reaffirmed the stereotype, resplendent with an air mattress for sunbathing and a dying mint plant. The boyfriend of one of the flatmates sat sulking in the corner, taking advantage of their wifi, aptly named after a Gossip Girl character. Many of the rooms were locked, probably out of fear of intruders stealing their Karen Walker jewellery and MacBooks, but the one we did manage to get into was so full of pastels and makeup, we were almost surprised to find a copy of a semi-intellectual book on the bookshelf.

NEXUS MAGAZINE

Student Experience

Welcome Back Sunday 26th

Monday 27th

Tuesday 28th

Wednesday 1st

Thursday 2nd

Friday 3rd

PAK'N’SAVE PANCAKE STATION

Saturday 4th

Nothing says welcome back like free pancakes and your copy of Nexus Magazine. WSU PRESENTS WSU PRESENTS ORI2017 ORI2017 The tents will be out, the WSU bags will be given away and there will be free food, games, prizes and the occasional inflatable challenge. Join the hosts of Nexus TV and ZM as we try to make sure you feel at home on campus.

BAR101 Presents the Nexus Recovery Pool Party ZM Bar101 and 1day.co.nz are here with competitions, chilled out vibes and complimentary Ice Cream

WSU Clubs Day 70 clubs or roopu from the WSU Clubs Network will be on show for you. Come and check out what they are all about.

Nexus & Chill Nexus TV launches on the green trialling some brand new games and getting your feedback on the important and not so important issues.

Bacon and Egg Burgers Because bacon.

How High Can You Get With Leap? A bouncing competition where students show off their trampoline skills to win Leap prizes

Monster Records Monster energy and Nexus Magazine are keen to set some world records.. Interested?

Domino's Hot Box Domino's will come down on campus with their hot box to sell pizzas on site.

BACK BAR STAGE

The boys from back bar will be bringing the beats to the green all week to get you hyped for town! Dominos Pizza Eating Competition This is absolutely true, in America they are classifying Pizza as a vegetable. But they elected Trump so let's ignore the healthy and focus on the hungry

Burgerfuel Free Fries Who wants free fries? F@#K'n everyone.

BURGERFUEL HELIDROP Burger Fuel throws burgers out of a helicopter to starving students below.

STA GTFO signup and go in the draw for a massive overseases trip. The winner will be drawn from a national pool of Uni Students

Pak N Save Winning Wheel Spin a wheel and win prizes

Nails to go What's better then freshly painted nails? Having any design you want printed on in a fraction of the time.

Rugby Chiefs Vs Blues (Home game) 500 tickets

NEXUS PRESENTS PEKING DUK

ZM/Clarence St Grub ZM/Clarence St Grub ZM/Clarence St Grub Crawl Crawl Crawl One lucky flat will get decked out with a weeks worth of groceries The WSU Bus For A The WSU Bus For A The WSU Bus For A brought to their house by the ZM team and our friends at Clarence Buck and Stay Safe Buck and Stay Safe Buck and Stay Safe St PaknSave. Zone Zone Zone Is your friend a little too much like the life of the party? Did they Metro @ The Movies go a little too hard before town? Are you coming out of 101 with a Because who doesn’t flat phone and no way home? If you answered yes to any of these want free tickets to then the safety zone is the place for you. Hang out with some see a ponytailed Matt Waikato Students' United people, charge your phone, have a bottle Damon fight mystical of water or two and sober up enough to the point where you can creatures with a bow enjoy your late night town food before heading home on the WSU and arrow? Dicks Free Bus to Campus that’s who.

N.01 / V.49

Student Experience

NEXUS MAGAZINE

Food on Campus Eating on campus on a student budget can be damn near impossible, but leaving campus for lunch is a risky move, especially if you don’t want to lose your coveted parking space. We’ve compiled all of the food places on campus and close to campus into this handy list so you know exactly what’s available and where. While we’re not being privately funded for these endorsements, we will willingly accept sushi bribes for further promo. ORANGA FOODCOURT

BONGO

This is a little known treasure here at Waikato, the circular foodcourt that

Bongo is the shit. There’s no two ways about it. It’s not cheap, but as far as

you may dismiss is actually home to the cheapest coffee on campus at

a campus sushi place, you couldn’t ask for much better than Bongo. After

Kahurangi, bento boxes, and the most value for money curly fries at Sue’s

2pm the sushi gets a bit stale and scarce, but this is the standard of most

Cafe. Oranga is a go-to for us here at Nexus, the staff are friendly, and the

sushi places, anyway. Shout outs to whoever rubbed the “O” off the chalk

whole vibe is cheap and cheerful.

sign outside.

MOMENTO LAKES

MOMENTO/BONGO MS2

We lied about the cheapest coffee thing, the cheapest coffee on campus

We have to put them on here because they are campus food places, but

is actually $2 at all of the Momentos on campus, but only on Tuesdays and

they pale in comparison to their Village Green counterparts. You’d have to be

Thursdays between the hours of 2 and 3pm. The rest of the time Momento

a special kind of lazy to want to go to the MS2 cafes instead of walking the

is pretty pricey, which probably explains the crowd of mature/law students

extra five minutes to the Green.

that hang out there. They do have some okay specials, and a main factor in their appeal is that you can drink while you’re people watching.

UNIMART There’s not much to say about Unimart except that they’re a campus conven-

MOMENTO KIOSK

ience store. You’re paying for convenience. Not as budget friendly as dump-

Momento Kiosk in the library is in the prime location for when you’re stuck

ster diving in Rototuna, but what else are you gonna do when you’re fiending

working on assignments 24 hours before their due date (pro tip: try to not

for a Snickers?

make a habit of doing that so early on into your uni career). They have slices and cakes but nothing you’d really be interested in eating if you were 23 hours into your all-nighter. S.O.E. CAFE The School of Education Cafe is something we here at Nexus definitely didn’t know existed until it was pointed out to us by our designer. There are microwaves to use, free of charge, and cafeteria style food which we can’t vouch for because we’ve never been there. But free microwaves are free microwaves. PITA PIT Pita Pit is delicious and affordable to the average student with a trust fund lying around. If you’ve been living under a rock (or the Hawke’s Bay) it’s basically Subway but with pitas instead of sandwiches. Overpriced, overrated.

MEI WAH TAKEAWAY ON KNIGHTON RD Mei Wah will save your life when you’re sick of halls food, chicken burgers are highly recommended and their spring rolls are a great deal. We don’t have much to say about Mei Wah other than it’s a pretty good fish and chip place. ROYALE INDIAN RESTAURANT ON CAMERON RD This place is an institution. The best curries in Ham East right in the heart of the student run streets. You can dine in or takeaway and if you book in advance you can even BYO (just wine though). SUNSHINE BAKERY & CAFE ON CAMERON RD This place is a ray of sunshine, the nibble boxes are primo, they’ll even hook you up with extra chicken seasoning because the staff are excellent people. If you’re on a health buzz their sandwiches are sure to hit the spot, can’t go wrong with a sweet chilli sammy.

NAMASTE KITCHEN $3.50 butter chicken chips, $2 spring rolls, you can’t go wrong with a quick feed at Namaste. This little known treasure is tucked away in SUB. They make a mean butter chicken for cheap and we have it on good report that if you go after the lunch rush it’s a fresh batch and extra delicious.

The Nexus cover highlights the morning after O-Week. The student still in his toga and has been subjected to vivid artwork by his closest friends. This is poignant because it is symbolises the first issue of Nexus coming out after all of the ORI fun. These images are not meant to glamorise drinking or drug culture, but rather draw attention to the paradoxical nature of student nightlife. We believe there is beauty in the vulnerability of the photograph. They are tone setting for a new Nexus 17. We drew inspiration from the works of prolific photographer Juergen Teller. The photos were produced in a staged and controlled environment, during the day, in a studio. It is also important to note that we, as students, did not have drinking or drug culture in mind when crafting these images. We wholeheartedly believe in the artistry of this shoot. It was not created to be controversial or shock the viewer. We are passionate about the style and imagery portrayed and feel that the images have a great deal of artistic integrity.

Entertainment

Please Don’t Quote Me “No, it's really sweet.” — Brad Pitt doesn’t like it when George Clooney makes his coffee.

“Can you put the ball under your shirt or into your pants?" — Chrissy Teigen asks the really important questions.

“Bad people are very happy!” — Donald Trump explains why he’s always smiling.

“Hopeless.” — Patrick Gower describes the state of the Outback bathrooms.

What's Hot

What's Not

• Friendly neighbourhood kittens

• Missing out on mum’s dinners

• Friendly neighbourhood lemon trees

• Weak pelvic floor muscles

• Nihilism

• Allergic reactions

Crush of the Week — Samantha Hayes How could you not love a spicy redhead?

NTERTAINMEN

NEXUS MAGAZINE

Not only does Queen Sam have two degrees under her belt, but she’s a wholesome vegetarian and besties with the inspirational Patrick Gower. Starting at 17, Sam kickstarted her career by bringing an international scoop to the Nightline news team from a Megadeth concert, now she’s breaking hearts each night as the unattainable goddess

of our nation. A self-described ‘super-nerd’ from a small town family of hunters, Sam isn’t the Ponsonby Princess you might mistake her for. She knows how to fillet a snapper. And that’s impressive.

N.01 / V.49

is your

ORIENTATION 2017 STATION Find the ZM Black Thunder Team daily on The Village Green with free stuff and fun activities! Follow us on Snapchat @ZMWaikato to keep up with all the action!

Student Experience

NEXUS MAGAZINE

Remembering Hazael Mailata

Words from William

Charmaine Riley

William Lewis

On 26th January 2016 Waikato University lost one of its own, Hazael Mailata

2017 is going to be an awesome year for Waikato students. At the Waikato

(also known as H). H studied a Bachelor of Sport and Leisure Studies, played

Students’ Union we’ve already made a start on a huge work plan. Last year

rugby for the Waikato varsity team and represented us in touch for the

we spent a lot of time talking with students and developing a new vision for

Northern Tertiary Challenge. In 2015 he was a resident of College Hall and

campus. Now we have good data and evidence showing what we need to do

touched many lives in his time here at Waikato.

for a more engaging campus and student experience. This is the year that

Following the passing of H, a first service was held at the Methodist Church

we start making it happen.

on Higgins Road, to honour H and for family members and friends who reside

The most exciting job I’ve had in my first few weeks as President has been

in Hamilton to pay tribute.

signing off on a deal to massively increase WSU’s online arsenal. We have

The service celebrated Hazael’s life and consisted of scriptures and hymns from the Bible, stories from family and flatmates and last goodbyes from those in Hamilton. Hazael continued his journey to Turangi where he spent parts of his childhood. He lay in Hirangi Marae where his close friends and students of Waikato were welcomed onto the Marae before the final closing. This was followed by kai and a night full of memorable stories that identified each person’s involvement in Hazael’s life and the love they shared for him. The tales left a picture of a man who was loved by many. A huge personality, a joker with

contracted with a Canadian company to build a much broader online platform. Once up and running, students will have way easier and more interactive access to resources for clubs, information on university events and lots more cool stuff. A big part of our work plan for the next couple of months will be rolling this out. Also happening in the digital space is a project to kick Nexus up a gear or two. Expect to see more dynamic content scrolling through your newsfeed, walking past university TVs and or tuning in to podcasts. Nexus will be cooler than ever, have more content than ever and be on more platforms than ever.

the boys, a charmer with the ladies, but overall, respectful to all… And he

The second thing I’m really excited about is the progress we have made in

couldn’t resist the opportunity to take his pink shirt off.

putting together the beginnings of an ambitious but sensible plan to develop

The final service shared words of intimacy and endearment as well as beautiful Maori and Samoan singing and a final send-off led in the way of the

more student oriented spaces on campus. Students really want to see this shortage filled and we’re committed to making that happen.

most heartfelt haka I have ever experienced. “Farewell and Rest in Peace

We’ve also done some Facebook unfriending. This year the National Union

Hazael Mailata.”

of Students’ Associations didn’t quite make the cut. With so much hap-

On behalf of the Waikato Students’ Union I would like to send thanks to all of those who helped in the time of need; students who were there for him and his family and any others behind the scenes. The use of the university vans that helped transport our students to Turangi was greatly appreciated.

pening on campus, we decided not be a member for 2017 and channel all of our energy and resources locally, into producing tangible results for Waikato students. 2017 is going to be huge, and Wintec is going to pay for it!

Waikato Students’ Union would like to acknowledge Hazael Mailata as a wellloved student of Waikato University and express their condolences, he will be truly missed.

NEXUS MAGAZINE

Student Experience

H OL D FOUR

interfaculty competitions for the

“ WIL F M A LCOL M” SH IEL D

Volunteer Army

new spaces for our student clubs to meet, play, pray and practice

Develop

tools

CR E ATE

WO R K TO D E VE LO P

digital

in every faculty

to book appointments, spaces, vehicles and student support services from your computer or mobile device

WAIKATO STUDENTS’ UNION

ANNUAL PLAN 2017

MAKE IT EASIER to

find join create or

N.01 / V.49

experience

charter

representative model 12

FIND WAYS TO M AK E

O-Week

student

that informs our position on issues that are most important to you

better

D E VE LO P A

I N VE ST I G AT E AN D B U I LD A B E T T E R

clubs CR E ATE A

manage

for our students to do more with us on the internet including forums for advice and support, events calendars and club management

roopu

platforms

C R E AT E A

D E VE LO P

off campus parking and

late night studying

SAFER

C R E AT E

cheaper

food options

Exposure

NEXUS MAGAZINE

Aussie legends Peking Duk hit the big time in 2014 with their single ‘High’ that featured on nearly everyone’s Summer Go Pro video. Since then they’ve been the quintessential soundtrack to frothing of all kinds. We had a chat to Adam and Reuben prior to their Outback gig to get the lowdown on everything you probably didn’t need to know about them. FIRST THINGS FIRST, WHAT SHAMPOO AND CONDITIONER DO YOU USE? A: I've been asked this a lot but it's funny because I genuinely never use any shampoo or conditioner. The only time my hair is washed with shampoo or condisho is when my lady that cuts my hair washes it for me. I got that natural maintenance going on apparently. HOW DO YOU CONSTANTLY BRING SO MUCH ENERGY TO YOUR SHOWS? R: Lots of sushi or french fries followed by beers and tequila. Perfect combo for energised sets. HAVE YOU BEEN TO HAMILTON BEFORE? WHAT WAS YOUR FIRST IMPRESSION? A: Hahaha Hamilton is fucking wild. I love it there. I can't say too much but they definitely know how to party. WHAT’S IT LIKE TO PLAY TO A CROWD AS HUGE AS COACHELLA? R: Coachella was incredible. The whole festival is just an experience unlike any other. Everyone should try do it at least once in their life. WHAT CAN WE EXPECT FROM YOUR HAMILTON GIG? A: A sweaty, exciting, wet and enticing mess. A lot of banging music too, maybe some duk exclusives for you legends too! KEEN TO POP ROUND FOR PRE-DRINKS WITH THE BOYS? FREE FUNNEL ON ENTRY. R: Yeah lads. For sure. We'll save the funnelling til after the set tho we still wanna be able to speak on stage.

NEXUS MAGAZINE

Exposure

WHERE DO YOU SOURCE YOUR THREADS FROM? A: KAPPA KAPPA KAPPA. We just did a collaboration with the iconic Italian brand. We designed jackets and t shirts with them which is one of the funnest things we've had the pleasure of being a part of on this journey so far. You can cop it online at www.gluestore.com.au. When I'm not flexing too hard I'm always wearing Wrangler jeans, Doc boots and Ksubi anything is my jam. They are legends that create amazing clothing. HOW DO YOU SPEND YOUR DOWNTIME? R: We sometimes go to LAN cafes and play Counter-Strike. Other times theme parks, go karts or firing ranges are the fav right now. HOW’D YOU END UP AS ALTERNATIVE HOUSE/EDM ARTISTS? A: We sort of fell into where we are now. We just love creating music, whether it be rap, rock, pop, disco or anything with that good thing. PLEASE EXPLAIN WHAT ‘A HEAPS GOOD AS FUN TIME’ IS? R: It is what it is. A heaps good as fun time. DO YOU THINK YOU’RE STILL THE SAME GUYS AS WHEN YOU STARTED OR HAS THIS EXPERIENCE CHANGED YOU? A: We'll never switch sides. Canberra taught us that. DO YOU EVEN GET EXCITED TO PLAY THESE SMALLER GIGS? R: Hahahahah absolutely. Small shows are the sweatiest and most fun by far! BEST AFTER-GIG EXPERIENCE? A: Hotel parties are always fun. The other night we managed to fit about 30 people into a 10 person fitting room. When Dan Carter invited us to come party with him and the All Blacks lads for his farewell that was a really fun time. Love those dudes. WHO WOULD BE YOUR DREAM ARTIST TO COLLABORATE WITH? R: Probably Kanye. WHERE DO YOU SEE YOURSELF IN 10 YEARS? A: In Barbados with Rihanna. WHY IS AUSTRALIA SO SHIT COMPARED TO NZ? R: Australia is alright... You just gotta know where to find the good stuff.

N.01 / V.49

Arts

Peter Dornauf

ARTS

Ungerechten Entlassung

NEXUS MAGAZINE

New Zealanders seem to like killing things: wild animals, old heritage buildings, university degree courses. As of now you won’t be able to take a module in German language, literature and culture. They killed it late last year. It was

taken out, lined up against the wall and shot. Unceremoniously. I say that because apparently the lecturers first discovered the outcome of their undignified fate when the IT people informed them that their computers were being decommissioned. Classy.

Being part German myself, I felt the loss. Whatever happened to the “vision statement” of the university itself about “international connectedness”? I think that got the bullet too. Actually we all know that these sorts of things are paid lip service only. No surprises there.

So if you’re wanting help with German stuff, Friedrich Nietzsche, (philosophy) Peter Handke, (literature), Rudolf Bultmann, (theology), Anselm Kiefer (art), Fritz Lang, (film): sorry; no can do.

Well, perhaps just this one last time, for old time's sake. Stick it to the man.

One of Nietzsche’s big ideas was disdain for the “herd”. Submission and conformity is the herd morality that the phi-

losopher despised, best exemplified by the bourgeoisie whose numbers were multiplying during the late nineteenth

century at the time Nietzsche was writing. The Übermensch were men and women who had the capacity to rise above mediocrity, achieve self-mastery and eschew playing the game.

University administrators know how to play the game. Utility and functionality reign supreme.

Peter Handke’s great work, A Sorrow Beyond Dreams, is a semi-autobiographical novella, an account of his mother’s life, a woman who lived at a time and in a culture that prized conformity and imposed it on women with a stringency that eventually broke her spirit. She couldn’t or wouldn’t play the game and committed suicide as a result.

God was dead, according to Nietzsche, but theologian, Rudolph Bultmann brought him back to life, sort of, in the twentieth century, with his demythologising program. It amounted to stripping religion of all its supernatural elements to make it palatable for the secular age. Not everyone could perform this particular reductive game.

Anselm Kiefer wrestled with the dilemma of a post Holocaust age, creating tortured canvases that were both laments about the past and hopes for a better future. Life was not a game.

Fritz Lang in his 1930 film, Metropolis, created a dystopia before it actually happened in history. Images of an underworld of oppression and conformity. An allegory game of things to come. He that hath has ears, let him hear.

NEXUS MAGAZINE

Columns

Half-Cut Counsellor Cereal Offender Half-Cut Counsellor

Dear Vibrating Vicky, Self-love is a very important part of any student's regime. For some of us,

Half-Cut Counsellor is our new advice column, a slightly dysfunctional guidance guru, here to answer your burning questions about your unrequited love for a person in your lectures or how to passive aggressively tell your flatmate to fuck off. Email any life questions to hcc@nexusmag.co.nz DDEAR HALF-CUT COUNSELLOR,

our own digits do the job, but there's a few lonely lovers that need some technical support. Unfortunately, some vibrators can be a loud and furious! Understandably, this can be an issue when you're living within the incredibly thin walls of a uni hall. Masturbation is a great stress relief and as the year goes on, it'll be imperative to figure out whether your solo is able to be heard by your neighbours studying for their exams. To disguise the whirring of your gears, you could pump some funky tunes. Of course, choose music that won't destroy the mood. Does soft R'n'B cause your toes to curl and your nips to invert? Then opt for a lovely ballad or a smooth jazz solo. Romance in your pants. Note that this technique will only work when you're not at risk of incurring

I RECENTLY MOVED INTO HALLS AND I'M LOVING MY TIME HERE! THIS IS A BIT AWKWARD AND I'M A BIT EMBARRASSED ABOUT IT, BUT I'M REALLY NERVOUS MY VIBRATOR IS TOO LOUD AND PEOPLE NEXT TO ME OR OUT IN THE HALL CAN HEAR IT. DO YOU HAVE ANY TIPS ON A QUIETER VIBE OR WHAT I CAN DO TO CHECK? THANKS

the call of a pesky RA or annoying your floor mates. If the rumour mill starts to flow with gossip of your suspected self-stimulation, you could walk out of your room using an electric toothbrush. They sound somewhat similar, however it won't disguise the sneaky moan. The length of time you spend "brushing your teeth" may spike some suspicion - no matter how much you care about oral hygiene, nobody brushes their

SINCERELY, VIBRATING VICKY

teefies for a solid half hour. Alternatively, you could just own it! Female masturbation is nothing to be ashamed of. In fact, it's a topic that should be spoken about more. The more open the discussion around a subject becomes, the more likely that subject will shake the taboo. I say, tinker away with your twat and enjoy your status as a lady boss.

N.01 / V.49

Columns

NEXUS MAGAZINE

Tinder Tales Early Childhood Teaching 103 & Biology 101 Anonymous DOCTOR MARTEN

FEVERED FRANK

20 / M / GAY

19 / M / STRAIGHT

This guy and I matched on Tinder and things were going pretty well, he

So at the start of last year I got with this pretty questionable Tinder gal once

was about a year younger than me and he seemed innocent and naive, but

or twice. It was pretty foreign to me because she was only in it to bangarang,

normal. We shared interests in fashion and art so we had a lot to talk about.

nothing more. Then the next week, all at once I started feeling very sick.

We moved to chatting on Snapchat and one day I got photos of these new

Turns out it was glandular fever (totally unrelated to this girl).

Doc Martens he’d bought that he was super excited about. I’d only told him

She pestered me for the next week to "hang out" even though I insisted I

a few days before I had a pair so I wasn’t sure if he was inspired or trying

was miserable and she'd get sick. I don't think she understood how glange

to impress me.

works because she offered me head so she "wouldn't get sick". Being a good

Throughout the day he kept me updated with pictures of him wearing these

guy Greg, I declined.

black leather Docs WITHOUT socks. Progressively he started to experience

A week later, after not talking, I received a Snapchat telling me she had

blisters and bloody ankles from wearing them, but he was still very chill

glange too - even though I had done my best to prevent it. She still hated me

about the whole thing. Weird.

for it and all the rest.

At the end of the day he sent me a video of him tugging at the shoe trying

All in all I'm just surprised it was her catching something from me in the end.

to get them off. I replied with “Maybe untie the laces?” and he replied “No, because then it will be harder to put them on tomorrow”. Confused, I asked him if he knew how to tie laces, he replied “No. It makes me pretty special, I can’t tell the time either.” Safe to say, we never spoke again.

NEXUS MAGAZINE

Columns

Pass the AUX Playlist_01 Jacqui Swney If there’s one thing we all deserve in this life, it’s some quality

country with your windows down and reminisce about that ex

tunes to fill the void that your dwindling bank account and one

that you don't actually have. It starts out with the all-too-catchy

remaining square of toilet paper has created inside you. Hopefully

hum that any decent indie band abuses at one point or another,

some of these tickle your fancy and help you struggle through just

the hum that sticks around the entire day and begs you to play

a little bit easier. Or, if they’re not quite your cup o’ tea, you can at

its song just one more time. (Okay I played it like 27 more times,

least use this column to wipe your a$$ when you inevitably run out

damn stop hassling me). The Brooklyn-born band just pumps out

of TP in your shitty student flat.

the summer vibes all around. Their Beach Boys reminiscent sound

Enjoy the summer grooves folks.

laced with angsty undertones makes for some smooth listening, and more upbeat songs like “Let’s go Surfing” and “Kiss me again” actually make you dance subconsciously while maintaining the

SEASON 2 EPISODE 3, GLASS ANIMALS:

same chilled out feel. 8.5/10 solid summer listening.

When it comes to mixing catchy synthetic beats with lyrics that make you wish you were the girl that people sing about, Glass Animals manages to conjure up on finely blended tune. Their recently released album “How to be a Human Being” features eleven deliciously crafted songs, each written about an actual human being. Among this clusterfuck of people-inspired anthems is Season 2 Episode 3: an ode to that girl whose life will never actually be fully together. It’s essentially a goodbye love letter to the quirky, lazy, stoner chick that eats mayonnaise from the jar when she’s getting blazed and uses cookies as coasters. She somehow still manages to get a groovy song written about her. 11/10 inspiring AF.

DAYS, THE DRUMS: This song is so breezy it’s just begging you to drive through the

N.01 / V.49

YOU’RE NOT GOOD ENOUGH, BLOOD ORANGE: Blood Orange has submitted to an 80s pop revival, and it’s been done totally right. Found on the album “Cupid Deluxe”, even the album cover has turned fluro, perms, and terribly unflattering bikinis into an image that makes you believe they’re cool. The song itself stays true to the funky bass lines and metallic guitar riffs that just scream 80s pop music, all the while infusing it with modern production making it all the more groovy. The layered vocals create some seriously dreamy harmonies that just belong with the music they’re singing to. Blood Orange, You ARE good enough.

to a doctor

out of hours for

FREE

You can also look up doctor-approved health information on topics, conditions, treatments and research.

www.smarthealth.org.nz

Columns

NEXUS MAGAZINE

WUG Life Waikato University Gaming Society Tom Featonby FORZA MOTORSPORT VS HORIZON

COMPETITION

For when your parent’s hand-me-down 1996 Toyota Corolla just isn’t satiating

Want to win stuff? Head to the WUGS Facebook page (www.facebook.com/

your need for speed, Turn 10 studios gives your Forza. The first question you

WUGamingSociety), follow the instructions on the pinned post and you

need to ask yourself is, am I a car racing game purist or am I a filthy casual?

could win yourself some awesome Forza goodies thanks to Xbox NZ.

The Forza Motorsport series, of which we’re at number six now, is a racing car

MY SUMMER CAR

simulator. There is still a shit tonne of fun to have here (including mastering the art of drifting) but if you haven’t played many racing car games before you’re going to want to turn on every single assist known to man (steering,

What the hell is this game? What do I do now? What am I doing with my life? Where are my pants?

braking, abs, traction control, weak opponents, the list goes on and on). If

My Summer Car has you pondering the very fabric of your existence. The

you love cars this game is a must. There were over 450 cars at launch and

main goal of this game, not that anyone ever tells you this though, is to build

it’s only gone up since then with DLC car packs. All meticulously modeled

a car. Oh and I suppose like any art imitating life, the other main goal is to

and just spectacularly good looking. The real fun here is the competition,

not die. The car is in bits when you first start off, really really small bits. Any

with yourself and with others. Shave fractions of a second off your best lap

mechanics here? No? Then you’ll probably want to head to our faithful friend

times and most importantly get the bragging rights over your mates and that

the interwebs. So you build a car and you try not to die. Good luck my friend.

sweet sweet feeling of achievement.

I hope you packed plenty of patience. This game is unlike any other I’ve ever

For those of you who are more keen to just have stupid fun, pick Forza Hori-

played. Is it fun? Please tell me when you figure that out, I’m still deciding.

zon 3. The Horizon series excels at fun just as much as the Motorsport series excels at realism. FH3 lets your inner bogan shine, giving you the choice very early on of hooning around Australia in a Holden ute. You’re the host of a car festival. You compete in races and complete challenges, like racing a jeep that’s connected to a helicopter, to make your festival bigger and unlock other areas of the map. It is open-world racing at its best. Just want to find jumps to muck around on, do burnouts, donuts and smash fences? Let your mullet flow free; choose FH3.

NEXUS MAGAZINE

Cooked Cooking

COOKED COOKING Hung Munch Uncle Yam INGREDIENTS: Lukewarm Blue Powerade Singular free-range egg Half a loaf of $1 bread Heinz ‘Seriously Good’ Aioli Slab o’ Colby Cheese Unusual crust around your fingernails Whatever else is in your fridge Roughly 10 litres of water An intense feeling of self-loathing A mildly damaged liver Tater patties

5. Toast two pieces of bread. Use the rest of the loaf to mop up your tears. 6. Remind yourself that you’re not actually craving a cigarette, you only smoke when you’re drunk or in social situations so you’re still not a complete degenerate. 7.

Put a slice of cheese on one of the pieces of toast and grill. Try not to burn it like the bridges you burnt last night.

Awaken.

2. Say the phrase “I am never drinking again” three times for good measure. 3.

Consume water, glass optional. Straight from the

tomato sauce. Or whatever the fuck you want. It’s all pointless in the end isn’t it? 9. Make sure your flatmates are still asleep and go

running tap is recommended for maximum piece-of-

out for a cigarette, if nobody sees you did it really

shit effect.

happen?

Walk to the dairy to purchase Powerade. Lament

10. Heat a minimum of 3 litres of canola oil, fry an egg

upon the drunk texts you sent on the walk back

and as many tater patties as your cholesterol levels

home. If you are physically unable to move, pester

can handle.

someone until they get one for you, or drink more water.

8. Slather the other piece of toast with aioli. Or

N.01 / V.49

11. Assemble your sandwich. Consume.

Snapped

NEXUS MAGAZINE

Snap nexusmag your shenanigans! The best snap each week (with the yellow border) wins a voucher from our mates at BurgerFuel. Claim it from the Nexus office in SUB.

YOU WONâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;T FIND YOUR UK FLIGHT CHEAPER THAN WHAT WE CAN OFFER! STA TRAVEL WAIKATO Waikato Uni, Knighton Road 07 856 1300 waikatouni@statravel.com Terms and conditions apply, ask instore for full details.

Blind Date

NEXUS MAGAZINE

Blind–

Brought to you by House on Hood Street. Each week Nexus attempts to make a love/sexual connection. If you're keen for a date on us, email editor@nexusmag.co.nz Do your mates constantly give you shit for never getting laid? Do you prefer crying to Ed Sheeran rather than getting yourself off? Do you have a deep sealed fetish for steamy coitus in disabled toilets? Sounds like you need a significant other who’s just as socially challenged as yourself. Feeling nervous before you’ve even signed up? Take a deep breath and close your eyes. Think of Nexus as your date, email editor@nexusmag.co.nz as if we’re the ones you’re trying to sleep with. Tell me how you want to make me feel Make my loins tremble Get too drunk and start telling me about your ex Fill me up with butterflies Bore me with personal anecdotes while I call my fuckbuddy to pick me up Gently dance your tongue down my neck You want Nexus as much as we want you. Just flick us a dirty message with your full name, age and gender preference. We guarantee you’ll meet the perfect match.

Date

NEXUS MAGAZINE

Puzzles

Horoscopes Aries MARCH 21 — APRIL 19

Libra SEPTEMBER 23 — OCTOBER 22

The Super Bowl went to overtime, and saw $227 million spent on po-

Hey you, the one who doesn’t even go to uni anymore, but still reads

tato chips. I can promise you now that your lecturer will only do one

Nexus… I know we’re rad, but it’s time to move on. And stop wearing

of those two things.

your Batman tie to job interviews.

Taurus APRIL 20 — MAY 20

Scorpio OCTOBER 23 — NOVEMBER 21

As Venus orbits closely this week, your emotions may be drawn to the

This week, the stars have aligned to tell you that no matter how good

surface. If you feel the tears rolling over Vinnie on Shortland Street,

an idea it seems at the time, if you mix jager, vodka, and rum in the

just blame it on the stars.

same night, you will throw up.

Gemini MAY 21 — JUNE 20

Sagittarius OCTOBER 23 — NOVEMBER 21

Your RA said it, and so did your mum, but this time it’s the universe

You’re a big uni kid now, nobody makes you bleed your own blood!

speaking, and the universe speaks the truth: No matter how hot your

"Oh, I don't think I'm a lot dumber than you think that I thought that I

new flatmate is, it’s not worth it.

thought I was once.”

Cancer JUNE 21 — JULY 22

Capricorn DECEMBER 22 — JANUARY 19

I don’t care how much slipping, slopping, or slapping you do, but the

You’re a water sign, but unfortunately that doesn’t give you any kind

stars insist on some wrapping - the Tron only just lost the Chlamydia

of immunity from the radioactive water in the uni lakes. Or the giant

capital title, and we don’t want it back!

eel. Or the killer koi.

Leo JULY 21 — AUGUST 22

Aquarius JANUARY 20 — FEBRUARY 18

So you’ve signed up to UniRec? If you grunt like a dying oxen each time

If you’re in Bryant Hall, here’s how to get onto the roof: from the 3rd

you lift, or stop for a selfie break after every set, then you’ll fit right in!

floor of Y block, pick the cleaners cupboard lock with a knife, and then jump up, across the beam, and up!

Virgo AUGUST 23 — SEPTEMBER 22

Pisces FEBRUARY 19 — MARCH 20

Mercury is in retrograde, and your mum’s sitting at home missing you.

Error 404: Horoscope not found. The planets are not aligned for you,

Just because you’re off at uni now doesn’t mean you’re too old to call

nor the stars shining bright. Try again next week.

her up and have a chat.

Wordfind

ADVOCACY

HOGAN

UNIREC

ARTS

KINGITANGA

WAIKATO

BONGO

KNIGHTON

WSU

BRYANT

LAW

CLUBS

LECTURES

COLLEGE

MANAGEMENT

DIRECTORS

MOMENTO

EDUCATION

NEXUS

ELT

ORIENTATION

ENGINEERING

PAKNSAVE

FRESHER

POWERPOINT

GARDENING

QUIGLEY

GOON

SCIENCE

HAMILTON

STUDVILLE

N.01 / V.49

Puzzles

NEXUS MAGAZINE

Sudoku 9 2 8

5 9

2 5

8 7

1 5

3 9

EASY

6 1 5

5 8

gravel”? 2. Which "Family Guy" character is paralyzed from the waist down? 3. What protein is responsible for giving blood its colour? 4. Which is the only independent state smaller than Monaco? 5. Who was the first victim of the “Ferndale Strangler” on Shortland Street?

3 5

6 5

MEDIUM

1. What is the Maori name for Hamilton, meaning “long stretch of

Trivia

4 2

9 5

5 5

DIFFICULT

Word Twist S

How many words can you make from these letters? The letters must touch horiontally, vertically, or diagonally and cannot be used more than once in a word.

Simple Puzzles for Simple People

5. Claire Solomon 4. The Vatican 3. Haemoglobin 2. Joe Swanson 1. Kirikiriroa 42

Usually When you Get this high Its Illegal

Hamilton's First Trampoline Park Book your session at leapnz.co.nz PH: 07 850 4222 42 Sunshine Ave, Te Rapa

New Flat? No Worries!

ZERO BOND UR ACROSS ONGE** ENTIRE RA

Rent everything you need!

Whether you’re moving into a share-house with friends, or your home needs a facelift, Mr Rental has everything you need to feel right at home!

COMPUTING

ENTERTAINMENT

WHITEGOODS

FURNITURE

+ MORE!!

Call 0800 111 313 or visit mrrental.co.nz Before considering MrFlex as an option, please refer to the MrFlex Terms and Conditions Booklet. Enquire instore for more details. Credit check criteria apply. Brands and models may vary. Accessories are for illustration purposes and not included. **A deposit means the ‘Security bond’ under the Mr Rental T&C’s Full T&C’s available on application. Can only be used on a new pre-rented MrFlex Indefinite Period Rental Agreement.

U S W & S XU

HUMAN R E T T E B A ENTS BE S E R S TOURS P U P U S M A W C — V — NEXUS NEXUS T Y T H R T I A E P W L M 1 FOA ZING RAC UP CAL 0 A E 1 K M R A A A — W B D ZM KEOVER E WOW — Q & BAN A B M T I B T V T — N S U N F U W X S L — TOP TO MPI — NE ZM NEXU S A N E O UB CRAW H T R D G E @ I E H T V N I A T @ S A PRE — TE MAT US PAK N T X E H G N I L — E REAKERS S D B R E N D G R O R O O U C N B E R G SPAFTA ONSTER S ON & EG C M A — B ? — P L A RD BEAT E IL A L Y H K C H T C I & A S W B — ET NEXU R STAGE N YOU G A A B C K H C G A I L PARTY OP — B HOW H O R O D I P L Y E R H E FUEL S RECOV U X E BURGER N M Z BAR 101