Nexus Issue 10 by Nexus Magazine

WAIKATO’S FREE STUDENT MAGAZINE

Auteur House

introduces

Gabby Hayes Gucci goes

HIP HOP

Issue Ten May 21st 2012

want to be a

muso?

We show you how

C-Ball

HATES THINGS 1

ey team. Welcome to the Nexus Music edition. Hopefully you’re all well aware that it is NZ music month, as per the May usual, and are getting stuck in enjoying all that kiwi creativity that’s on show. Every year we celebrate the musical talent grown right here in New Zealand, and it seems we’re only getting better at it. Brooke Fraser, Gin Wigmore, Six60 - They’re all hitting it big. Gone are the days when local music was the simple, hillbilly cousin of American mainstream. Praise be. Although I did ﬁnd this copy of NOW 70 on my boyfriends shelf just today.... I don’t quite know what to say now. So anyway, this music thing. What’s so great about it? Well, for one, there are sooo many genres these days, from screamo, through sugary pop, to rap, there’s something for everyone. We’ve got you covered. As soon as you ﬁnd a piece of music that gets you, you’re away and dancing. I can’t think of a non-cheesy way to describe the effect music has on people, but I’m sure you know what I’m talking about... unless you are severely emotionally stunted. Because music is an emotional thing. It can take you from wallowing in self-pity, to get up and go. If you’re feeling overwhelmed, chuck on your favourite album and let it all go. Studying for a 35% test? Bach or Gershwin. Getting ready to party in 2009? BEP - “I’ve got a feeling”. Your 138th boyfriend just broke your heart? You know the drill... ADELE. Another one of the things I love about music is how it represents something completely arbitrary, unique, and ocassionally odd to each person. When I hear the Spice Girls, I think of primary school, and childlike innocence (Really, how did my mum explain ‘2 become 1’?...) And then when I catch Rihanna’s ‘Disturbia’, I feel a bit High School, thinking of

countless afterballs and bright blue vomit (thank you, Pulse). Marina and the Diamonds puts me right back in Central Auckland, struggling to figure myself out and make ends meet. Now, if anybody else heard these songs or artists, they would probably be having a completely different trip down memory lane. It depends entirely where you were, literally and figuratively, when you chanced upon a particular song or artist. And that is amazing. That music can reach people in all these different ways and mean so many different things is just... cool. Now, on to a curlier aspect of the music biz... Piracy. What’s the go with that? Well, hands down, I think we all agree it’s not good for the industry. Sure, sometimes it’s hard to part with your hard earned dollars when you see these super-famous celebs with all that cash money. But, in most instances, they worked hard to get there. And bottom line, downloading music without paying for it is still an official branch on the theft tree. There are a lot of up and comings

who need your support to make it and not pilching their hard work is the ﬁrst step. You can further this by actually purchasing their music, showing verbal and physical support for the industry - especially in little ol’ NZ during May- and not putting up with trashy youtube copies. It works out for everyone! And it’s not like music is exceptionally expensive.... I know people who spend more money on coffee. So while you’re out and about being hip, cool and with it this wonderful month of May, consider the music you listen to, the way it makes you feel and who/what it reminds you of. Some songs will remind you of the most bizarre things and others will take you back to the best moments of your life, whether 5 years ago, or last week. Take a moment to put these tracks on and they’ll see you through the next few weeks as A semester draws to an ever-stressful close. And don’t forget to support local acts as May winds up, by popping into concerts, showing your support and at least giving their music a listen. Finally... pay for your music! You’d hate it if you were the one being ripped off. Editorial

Editors Alix Higby and Sean Goulding Design Katrina McIntosh (design@nexusmag.co.nz) Design Interns Anna Bennett, Eva Hou, Shaun Jay Advertising Tony Arkell (ads@nexusmag.co.nz) News Daniel Farrell, Ime Boates, Lauren Bernard, Mackenzie McCarty, Brenda Kidd, Sam Hema, Kathleen Payne, Jess Ranstead Managing Editor James Raffan (james@nexusmag.co.nz) News Wintec Photographers Heather Meyrick, Brenda Kidd, Sam Hema, Kathleen Payne, Jess Ranstead Special thanks to www.waikatoindependent.co.nz Contributors President Sapphire Gillard, Amber the Advocate, Mr. Minty Fish, Something Hip, Hoory Yeldizian, Dr Richard Swainson, Mel Matthews, Courtney Quinn, Alice and Anne, Kevin Pryor, Kylie from YWRC, Jill from CAB, Julia Gabel, Craig Barrett, HP, Nick Marryatt, DC, Lauren Kerr Bell, Anil Nair, Skippy, Pseudonym and the glorious indestructable 8 ball.

What’s Inside? Features 16 18 19

The NZ Music Industry HP Interviews Chatchy Something Hip’s Top 5 Live Music Venues

News 6 9

The Nexus News Desk Short News

Opinion 3 5 10 11 12 25 26 29 30 31 36

Editorial How Saph Sees It Left vs. Right Sports Thoughts Lettuce Mr. Minty Fish Auteur House How To The Secret Lives of First Years Antisocial Media Verbose Verbiage

Lifestyle 20 22 23 28 36 38 39

Lick that Spoon Conscious Consumers Half Baked with Mel Off the Rack Cereal YWRC, CAB, Ask Amber Sam’s Garden

Nexus is a member of the Aotearoa Student Press Association (ASPA). THE VIEWS EXPRESSED IN THIS PUBLICATION ARE NOT NECESSARILY THE VIEWS OF NEXUS MAGAZINE, THE WSU, APN, THE EDITOR, ANY OF OUR ADVERTISERS, OR ANYONE ELSE IN PARTICULAR.

Entertainment

Nexus Ground Floor, Student Union Building, Gate One, University of Waikato, Knighton Road, Hamilton. Phone: 07 856 9139 Email: editor@nexusmag.co.nz

Competitions

14 24

8 Ball and Horrorscopes Puzzles

Reviews 32 21 37

Books, Game, cafe, ﬁlm and Comic Reviews

WSU’s Winter Woodstock Wednesday W Card

he student loan and allowances changes have been hitting the news a lot recently. The main changes pretty much mean you will only be eligible for an allowance for the first four years of your study (if you were eligible for one to start with), and that the student loan repayment rate will move from 10% to 12%. The repayment rate is effectively a tax increase on graduates, and cutting student allowance accessibility will dissuade an entire group of people from coming to university. Some people see no problem with the changes as increasing the repayment rate will mean they get rid of their student loan faster. I think it is important to note that these changes do impact on the likelihood of people undertaking post-graduate study: if student allowance eligibility runs out after four years, then people are definitely less likely to do a Masters or PhD. Whatever your viewpoint is, get out there and debate it. Universities are supposed to be places of discussion and deliberation – so get out there and start deliberating! Discussion and debate are integral parts of university campuses and help contribute to an active and vibrant university culture - even if you’re neither for nor against the student loan changes, it’s always interesting to go down and watch a protest or a debate on campus! WSU can play a role in helping you discuss your view. If you need a room to organise a debate, then come to us and we’ll help you book one. If you want to meet up with other people who share the same points of view as you so that you can sign a petition on something, then come talk to our clubs’ co-ordinator: there’s heaps of issues-focussed clubs at uni! Similarly, Nexus is always interested in publishing interesting articles, debates or even just rants written by students on a particular issue, no matter what political persuasion the writing is. Last week, for instance, featured an article on how student loan changes would affect a current, older student. If you’re got a bit of a flair for writing and are keen to see your arguments put in print, email editor@nexusmag.co.nz and contribute! Whatever you do, make sure you get out there and share your view about the issues you are passionate about. Don’t just think “I don’t know any people who share my view” or “organising this is just going to be way too difficult”. Instead, make use of your students’ association: come up to WSU and see how we can help you out.

come inside memberships from $7.50 per week.

Winston Peters speaks out at Media Bites By Mackenzie McCarty, Wintec Student Writing for www.waikatoindependent.co.nz

Hamilton business leaders challenged to dig deep By Brendan Kidd, Wintec Student Writing for www.waikatoindependent.co.nz

NZ First leader Winston Peters spoke candidly today about the state of the nation’s news and political reporting to a Wintec media lunch in Hamilton that included journalism students, politicians and media personalities.

A Salvation Army leader has challenged the Hamilton business leaders to keep an open mind about beneﬁciaries. The call came as the Salvation Army launched the annual Red Shield Appeal at a breakfast for the Chamber of Commerce at the Combined Ministries Centre in Hamilton.

Photo: Heather Meyrick

Mr Peters’ wide-ranging talk included his thoughts on the John Banks saga, Rupert Murdoch’s recent scandals, a disdain for political polls, and his own NZ First party. Even guests were not immune to the politician’s infamous jabs, with TV3’s Patrick Gower singled out for not giving NZ First “adequate” coverage running up to the recent election.

However, Peters stressed his belief in the importance of good reporting. “I happen to believe [journalism] is a very important profession.” He also described the growing importance of social media both in regards to how politicians now use them, and how media use (and occasionally misuse) them to gain story leads and information. With typical good humour and stinging sarcasm, Mr Peters described New Zealand media in general as lazy in terms of gathering correct information. “After all, why spoil a good story with the facts?” Regardless of the criticism Peters was well received by the crowd, which largely consisted of media representatives as well as personalities such as Sir Colin Meads and Dame Margaret Wilson. Guests laughed and bantered with the politician, and in a closing statement Peters made one concession: “A lot of media people are good company.” Wintec editor in residence Steve Braunias, who organised the event, took the occasion to bring down the curtain on Media Bites, which he has renamed Wintec Press Club. Two more events will be held this year.

News

In conjunction with the launch of the Salvation Army’s annual appeal, the corporate breakfast was held to raise awareness of Army services within the greater community.

Photo: Brenda Kidd

In his opening address, the Army’s LieutenantColonel Wilfred Arnold

challenged his audience. “If you are tempted to be cynical about beneﬁciaries, or about welfare assistance, let me ask you to dip into your own knowledge.” “In the 2011 Budget, 170,000 new jobs were forecast by the government over the next four years.” “Yet only 21,000 jobs have materialized over the last year.” “You know these things, you are the business leaders of our community.” His message found favour with Chamber of Commerce CEO Sandra Perry. “That is a very, very humbling story,” she said. “Most of us here would have known bits of the puzzle, but not all of the puzzle. Thank you very much for telling that story to us.” Statistics show that many more families are seeking help to provide basic needs since the economic decline in 2008. The Salvation Army food bank has seen a 40% increase in the number of food parcels distributed since 2008.The Red Shield Appeal runs until the end of July.Txt CHOICE to 2454 to make a $3 donation or, if you would like to be further involved, go to http://www.salvationarmy.org.nz

New Zealand DJ Releases Debut Album By Sam Hema, Wintec Student Writing for www.waikatoindependent.co.nz Critically acclaimed music producer and turntablist DJ CXL (Peter Tibble) has ﬁnally released his debut album, Represent. The project blends hiphop, RnB and scratch music creating a sonic platform of highly polished music, with a number of big names like Scribe, K One and J Williams on the album.

Photo: Sam Hema

DJ CXL’s debut album has a good mix of RnB, hiphop and scratch music. Peter, from Rotorua, says Represent has been two years in the making.

“I called the album Represent because it is my life journey. I didn’t put the album together to focus on a particular demographic. I just wanted to create music that moved people,” he says. Peter has been in the industry for more than 15 years. He joined the group Ill Semantics in 1998 as a DJ and music producer. The group released two successful albums and gained a reputation throughout New Zealand and Australia for their high-energy live shows. These days, Peter spends most of his time traveling the world as DJ CXL playing at various clubs and festivals. He also works as a part-time tutor at The Music and Audio Institute New Zealand (Mainz) sharing his knowledge with the next generation. Asked about his creative process, Peter says: “I’m all about feel, my music is based around old school samples. You can ﬁnd some real gems and when you do, that’s when the creativity kicks in. I get all excited, especially if I can ﬂip the sample from its original sound to something new, that’s the real joy.” In the future Peter hopes to produce more beats for other artists and push his music out to the world. “I want to play at festivals rocking different genres of music and just enjoy life.” Peter wants his listeners to feel proud to be from New Zealand. “This album is packed with local talent. If I can inspire DJ’s and producers as well then I’d be stoked.”

Masterchef winner Nadia Lim treats hundreds at “ladies night” By Kathleen Payne, Wintec Student Writing for www.waikatoindependent.co.nz Hundreds of women ﬂocked to Te Rapa last night for bubbly, giveaways and cooking tips from Masterchef’s Nadia Lim. Women braved the cold and lined up outside Heathcotes to be one of the ﬁrst 150 through the door and receive a “goodie bag” at a “Ladies Night” event. Packed with top cuisine magazines, make-up, samples and a free hairbrush, this was no run of the mill handout. The demonstrations and tastings were scattered across the store, but Photo: Kathleen Payne everyone knew who the real star of the show was. Half an hour before her cooking demonstration, all the seats in front of the 2011 Masterchef winner were full. Ms Lim entertained the crowd of 250 with anecdotes of her kitchen disasters, as she sipped away at her bubbly. “Always cook with a glass of wine. It makes you feel better about your food,” she said. She shared behind-the-scenes gossip of Masterchef, saying there was no bitchiness among contestants. There has been a resurgence of home cooking because of Masterchef, Ms Lim said. “That’s the best thing about Masterchef. If you can teach kids how to cook now, they won’t have to rely on fast foods. “It’s the best way to change the health of the nation.” As a dietitian, Ms Lim’s mission is to combine health and nutrition with good cooking. Her cookbook is so popular it has gone to reprint. The attentive audience was treated to bruschetta with beef, caramelised onion and blue cheese followed by a pear tart and pineapple and basil dessert. And the women certainly enjoyed seeing Ms Lim’s husband, Carlos Bagrie, clean up after her. “The evening was really nice, I hope they do it again soon! I especially liked Nadia’s pineapple dish,” said audience member Mackenzie McCarty. The big turnout meant many were too late for registration and missed out, but Heathcotes spokespeople said the event would be repeated.

NZ mobile to gain a fourth G (will it ever become a G6?) By Daniel Farrell, Nexus News Team Telecom announced last Monday that they would be trialing an LTE network by the end of the year. LTE, a 4G mobile technology, is the latest technology in wireless communication. It was ﬁrst released for consumer use in December 2009, when it was commercially released in Stockholm and Oslo. Since then, it has been released by Telstra in Australia and a number of carriers in North America, as well as being tested in much of Europe and Asia. Telecom’s announcement was not unexpected by technology analysts, with some having picked a number of months ago that 4G technology would be released in New Zealand by the end of the year. On Monday, there was some fears that mobile carrier 2degrees would be left behind, due to it being assumed 2degrees is using all the radio spectrum that they have licenses for. However, that was found to be untrue on Tuesday, when it was said by the Telecommunications Users Association of New Zealand that 2degrees does have unused spectrum which they have ready to use. It is a surprise to some commentators that 2degrees hasn’t already released LTE technology, given their network can support it and it would be a case of a simple software update to release this technology.

Go ahead.. be a quitter! By Daniel Farrell, Nexus News Team A campaign calling for people to give alcohol a 12 week break is getting praise from the Waikato Alcohol and Drug Community Support Trust. The “Hello Sunday Morning” campaign, which started in Australia, is said to help people determine if they have an actual addiction. A number of people asked if they could manage it said they wouldn’t be able to do that, saying anything from saying they spend a lot of time in town so they couldn’t avoid it, to others saying that they think 12 weeks is an awfully long time. You can ﬁnd out more details about the Hello Sunday Morning campaign at hellosundaymorning.com.au.

Labour wants to marry you! Ime Boates, Nexus News Team No, people this is not some avant garde marriage proposal from the party you may have loved for years and dreamt about, coming up to elections. Labour does want you to get married just not to them, rather to the man or women of your dreams.

News

Labours youth sector is inviting John Key to the table of equality when it comes to same sex marriage and adoption. This ﬁre was reignited in Labour’s tender breast after Barack Obama’s statement on ABC News endorsing the expansion of the right to marriage to gay and lesbian couples. While John Key has mentioned nothing about endorsing Obama’s statement the Prime Minster did politely promise not to ‘roll back’ any of the gains made for lesbian, gay, bi- and transsexual, queer and intersex couples. So sleep soundly student population our Prime Minister won’t reverse any equality granted, he just won’t ﬁght for it.

SJS Bouncing Back By Lauren Barnard, Nexus News Team The latest release of Student Job Search’s four-monthly figures shows that students are reaping increasing benefits from membership to the service, despite fewer job matches actually being made. While monetary gains are definitively on the rise – with a total of $1,404,205 earned through work found on the SJS database, representing a nearly twenty-seven percent increase on the returns seen this time last year – job placement numbers are down by a comparative 24%. “I believe that our placement numbers are down because we don’t have enough jobs listed... we need to encourage even more employers to use the system. It’s easy, flexible, and students are great workers.” Said Waikato Student Union President Sapphire Gillard. It seems well worth applying regardless of the diminished placement figures, however, as the average job placing brokered by the website reportedly earns its lucky recipient a cool $2,988. To put that into Hamiltronian perspective, it’s the equivalent of four hundred and ninety-eight handles of beer at Agenda, or nine hundred and ninety-six boxes of condoms if you thrust your shame aside in favour of your libido and scam a prescription from the Student Health Centre. Since the regional SJS offices were closed in late September last year, the non-profit enterprise has been restructured as a largely online presence. Owned 100% by kiwi students – through the WSU and its sister unions throughout the country – Student Job Search continues to prove itself a reliable source of employment for even the most destitute of instant-noodle-fueled learners.

Grandmother and granddaughter bond over tattoos By Jess Ranstead, Wintec Student Writing for www.waikatoindependent.co.nz A grandmother-granddaughter duo has decided that ink can run in the blood, as the old follow the footsteps of the young to a tattoo parlour. In 2010, Huntly local Katie Robinson got her ﬁrst tattoo for her 18th birthday courtesy of her grandmother Margaret Wallis, 64. In late December the pair drove to Ngaruawahia studio, Ink’d Up, where Katie had a soaring butterﬂy tattooed onto the middle of her back. Photo: Jess Ranstead

After seeing the ﬁnal product, Margaret, known to her friends as Marg, decided to act on her dream of getting a tattoo. “I think they’re awesome. Just awesome.” Margaret has already picked out the pattern for her tattoo, and gets excited when talking about it, but has not shown anyone, and does not plan to, until she gets it done. The pattern is to go on her shoulder, and is a creeping vine with leaves representing her mother and father. Katie has had two tattoos done at Ink’d Up and, after seeing the work, Margaret has chosen to have her tattoo done by Ziggy, the owner of the parlour. Katie’s tattoos are her soaring butterﬂy on her back, and a rose on her ankle with a silver fern as the stem. “The one on my ankle is for my mum and dad, and the one on my back is for freedom.” When asked about her grandmother’s decision, Katie said “if she wants one she should go for it”. Katie chose Ink’d Up after seeing tattoos Ziggy had done for her friends.

Pot found, but not at my house Police in Hawke’s Bay have discovered more than $1 million worth of cannabis from properties linked to the Mongrel Mob. Head of the Easter District Organised Crime Unit senior sergeant Mike Foster said police yesterday found 1053 cannabis plants and 10 kilos of cannabis material at four properties in Napier and Hastings. Police in Hamilton have yet to discover the $36 worth of cannabis the dodgy guy on the green tried to sell us the other day.

Huntly puts people in a coma Four Waikato men have been accused of producing a date-rape drug known as “coma in a bottle” – in what is believed to be the ﬁrst manufacturing operation of its kind in New Zealand. The police raided an alleged production lab in Hunlty West last week. The raid prompted residents from East Huntly to issue a statement saying it was only a matter of time before the uncivilised yokels from Huntly West turned to a life of crime. Everywhere else in the country we wondered why the press were dividing Huntly into two parts when each is equally terrible. Let’s be honest though, it has to be the worst place to manufacture a “coma drug” because surely just being in Huntly would make you want to fall asleep and never wake up.

Vaccuum gives pleasure. Really? Says every teenage boy ever According to our friends at the Waikato Times and psychologist Chris Skellett, Vacuum cleaners may hold the key to happiness. Which is a reasonably misleading headline for any 15 year old boy whose parents have just left the house for an hour. Skellett suggests that reading a women’s magazine might not make you happy, but vaccuming has a built in achievement principle. When we asked the average Nexus reader if our magazine made them happy they said “it does when you talk about tits, drugs and how to make a bong out of stuff.” No Nexus reader we spoke to knew what vacuuming was. In a related story “ Vacuuming makes women happy.....told you so mum”

Weird Fact for the Week The Nobel Peace Prize medal depicts 3 naked men with their hands on each others shoulders.

News

LEFT vs RIGHT This week our left and right sides talk about fracking. Let us know who you think won at lettuce@nexusmag.co.nz

he most important point to remember when discussing mining and fracking is that it is foreign companies doing it. The profits gained from mining and selling our resources goes overseas to make foreigners wealthier. Even Solid Energy the state owned coal miner and last significant New Zealand owned mining company will soon only be 51% Kiwi owned, if the government gets it way. The government sells increased mining, drilling and fracking as a way of closing the income gap with Australia, but we know that the largest mining companies are Aussie owned and therefore they will get most of the financial benefits. I worked at the Waihi gold mines for a time, about half of the well paid workers were actually based in Australia. They worked in New Zealand for 6 to 9months and then went back to Australia to spend all of the money that came from our gold. But I can hear people saying that if we don’t get the profits from mining and even a decent chunk of the wages go overseas, we must still get some benefit from the wages of New Zealand miners. Why then is Waihi one of the poorest towns in New Zealand, they have two gold mines worth of miners living there, if mines make people wealthy than they should be rich. Huntly has a lot of coal and coal miners and is also one of the poorest towns in the region. The West Coast of the South Island has both types of mine and is still one of the poorest regions in New Zealand. In terms of money New Zealand will be left with a relatively small slice of the returns from mining. But we are left with the environmental impacts of mining. It is us that have had to clean up the mine sites throughout New Zealand, we have to deal with the environmental destruction, we have to put up with the dust and the noise and the chemicals in our water, and in terms of fracking the increased risk of small earthquakes. It isn’t a plan for a sustainable future, it isn’t a plan for an economic recovery. It isn’t going to make us much in the way of jobs or money and it will cost our environment dearly.

Opinion

et’s be honest, New Zealand has a bit of a complex. We’re so damned afraid that our big brother, Australia, might have a bigger penis than us. But we also have a complex about taking penis enlargement drugs. No, this isn’t a weird ad on the side of your video on RedTube. This is metaphorical. The ‘penis’ is the economy and the ‘penis enlargement drugs’ is mining. We complain that fracking will cause earthquakes and pollute water. So will becoming a third-world country. Okay, so living on the street and having malaria and stuff isn’t going to cause earthquakes, but it will pollute your water supply. That’s certain. The effects of fracking aren’t so certain. So how about we all take a chill pill and go with the option that’s not certain to fuck shit up. If we’re so worried about being dwarfed by Australia (though let’s be honest, it’s a country with about 28 times more land than us and ﬁve times the population, so.......) how can we just write off mining? I did an interview with Gareth Hughes of the Green Party last year on Contact FM. This was around about the time the mining in national parks thing came up. I asked him about mining and he said that he thinks New Zealand should not be mining at all. Australia’s GDP is seven times higher than ours. Why is that? They have the smarts to use the resources they’ve got. The left doesn’t even want us to be exploring for resources. Not only are we not allowed to extract them according to the left, we’re not even allowed to look at what we’ve got. How does that make sense. How can you make an informed decision about things like mining if you aren’t even looking at what you’ve got? But that’s exactly it - they’re not after an informed decision. They’re after a “this is the opposite of what National thinks” decision. I’m sorry to be blunt, but that’s just fucked.

Sports Thoughts MANCHESTER CITY CAN LICK MY BALLS

o biting though, that shit is just unacceptable. I’m sorry for the extremely crude nature of this week’s title, but it had to be said. If anything, Football in general should go ahead and tongue the coin purse, because after the events that unfolded in the final match of the English Premier League between Manchester City and Queens Park Rangers, I stand vindicated with my opinion that soccer make like Christopher Reeve and just go die somewhere. The final match of the season was set up to be an absolute thriller, with City requiring a win against QPR to rise above their mortal enemies Manchester United and lift the Barclays Premiership trophy, in turn winning their first title in 44 years. Unfortunately, that disease in Football that can only be called ‘being a bunch of diving wimps who cry at the thought of breaking a nail’ struck once again, and in my opinion, ruined the finale completely.

is most deﬁnitely not a pussy, Tevez should harden the fuck up. Better yet, he should’ve been sent off. Instead, the referees decided to completely ruin the whole game and embrace insanity,

For those of you that didn’t watch the game, it was evenly poised and extremely tense going into the second half, as the scores were level at 1 apiece. In true Football fashion though, someone had to take a dive and ruin the whole thing. Who better than (ironically) Manchester United’s cast off obnoxious douche bag of the year contender Carlos Tevez, who seemingly fell to the ground in agony early in the second half as if he’d been brutally hurt by Queens Park Ranger midﬁelder Joey Barton. Replays suggest there was no contact whatsoever, and even if Barton’s limp arm managed to brush Tevez, I’m still bemused as to how that warrants falling to the ground in sheer agony. Considering there is a sport called boxing where one get’s punched in the face repeatedly by someone who

The only positive about how crass this decision was came when Barton then decided to stand up for anyone like me who is sick of watching melodramatic actors taking dives and ruining spectacles. He lifted a knee into one City player’s thigh, who obviously dropped to the ground instantly as if he’d been shot, then moved his head near another City player’s face, causing the commentators to shit their pants over a head butt. Really? There are Montana Mountain Goats laughing their hooves off (get it, because sometimes they butt heads so hard their hooves fall off) at how pathetic this whole scenario is. Barton is such my idol, that on his Twitter afterwards he apologised, then stated that he didn’t believe Tevez falling over was a send off offense, and that because of it, he tried to take a City player with him.

sending off Barton because apparently standing near someone who falls over warrants a red card.

Respect. Make him Prime Minister. The sad thing is – I truly admire Football and the players that seemingly run without stopping. They are absolute machines of endurance and skill, yet all too often as a viewer you have to stomach the Hollywood dives that get rewarded with penalties. In this case, Queens Park Rangers were reduced to ten men, and despite scoring soon after to make it 2 – 1, they lost the game in the 5 minutes of added stoppage time when City came back gloriously to score two quick ﬁre goals. It was a stunning end, but one that was marred by crappy refereeing, Carlos the douche bag Tevez, and a bunch of wimpy City fans that were crying when the score was 2 -1. What about, I couldn’t quite fathom. There was another 30 odd minutes to go, they were down by one goal, yet had an extra man advantage and a team full of far superior players. Talk about a strong supporters unit. I’d love to see them manage a year supporting any New Zealand sports team. Better get the Johnson’s baby oil ready, because as far as I’m concerned you can add City fans to the list of people or intangible things that should lick the bag. They mope around the place yabbering about how Manchester United is evil, simply because they are consistently the best, because City is of the people and for the people. United is so rich and fake right? Ironic, considering Manchester City was bought a few years ago by the Abu Dhabi United Group, who in turn invested tonnes of money, bringing in the best players, coach and structures cash can buy. Way to go Manchester City, you working man’s club you. Go set another British Transfer Fee record, and hate on United for doing what you yourselves are doing now.

Lick it.

Opinion

Nexus wants your Lettuce! Write about anything you like, as long as it’s under 250 words. We’re like FOX News, in that we’ll publish anything if it’s funny. Your name won’t be attributed to your letter if you choose, and pseudonyms are ﬁne (we still need your real name). Send them through to lettuce@ nexusmag.co.nz before 5pm on Wednesday for a chance to be included in the next issue. Also, we won’t edit anything you send us, because it’s funnier that way.

READ: WE DIDN’T WRITE THIS, AND IT’S THEREFORE NOT OUR FAULT. LOVE, 12 NEXUS

To all the women around campus, Toilet etiquette: If you pee on the seat – CLEAN IT UP If you pee on the ﬂoor – CLEAN IT UP Don’t throw toilet paper everywhere, were not in primary school now. (and we need to think about the environment!!) FLUSH!! I was in the library toilets, and in one of the cubicles there was pee all over the seat, ﬂoor, and everything imaginable. Makes you want to spew, right? We are WOMEN, clean up after yourselves, no one else should be responsible for your mess. You know who you are, if you can’t be bothered, go squat (in private) in the bush, it would be a lot nicer for the rest of us! Frustrated toilet user, who is looking forward to having cleaner toilets around campus!!

nexus nexus nexus... What happened to you. When did you decide to turn into a pink (“magenta” apparently) barbie magazine. The whole thing just looks silly. The middle page is just sore to look at, if that is pop culture i want nothing of it. Who the hell are half the people on it anyway. Please ﬁx the mag, i remember in 1st and 2nd year when i would want to read it in my Monday morning lectures. Now i leave it till Friday as a last resort for a boring tutorial. On a lighter note. Jaimie Hutton, you are extremely

talented. The cover looks amazing. Question: Would you be able to make me a Led zeppelin or jimmi Poster for some amount of $$$. email: djt29@ waikato.ac.nz cheers

Dear Edmund John Ram, I myself am writing on behalf of myself, as I am concerned at some of what is going on and believe some atheists will share my view. I like to think myself as a militant atheist, left-wing profiteer who is doing my darndest to make this country a better place. I am against partial asset sales also. You talk of profiteering socialists, yet you say that they government is selling our grandchildren’s birthright to a corporation when we could be making lots here and now ourselves? Sounds like a profiteer to me. You preach standing up for the poor, yet you seem so willing to put down atheists? Would you stand up for a poor atheist who agrees with asset sales? Again, I am against partial asset sales, but I am not lacking in humility like you are. You say we should stand up for the poor and “not allow them to dictate whether or not we sell things off”. Aren’t you trying to dictate whether or not we sell things off? What gives you the

Heading Congratulations you are this week’s winner! Come to the Waikato Students’ Union building to claim your prize! ‘divine’ right to pass judgment on such a matter where as others can not? Also, us kiwi nonbelievers have had our ‘ﬁlthy’ hands on our assets for a long time now, so you need not worry about other ‘dirty’ nonbeliever hands getting on them. And no, I don’t think you speak on behalf of the Christian community, as I don’t speak for the campus’s atheist community. Yours in reason, Chris.

So remind me how these two things are at all related? In Matthew 7:1, in the New International Version of that book you seem to like so much, Jesus says “do not judge, or you too will be judged.” Perhaps keep that in mind next time you ramble on about the “neo-liberal evolutionary theorists”, and then say that all Christians should be sharing your views. You want to be Godly? Stop preaching a biased message and actually be good to people instead. Yours in Life, Sick of hearing bullshit.

Dear Edmund John Ram, Thank you so much for your insight into what the Christians across campus are thinking. Thank you also for the fact that your little spiel was entertaining enough that I actually got off my ass and wrote this reply to you. Please consider the following: 1) no one has the right to speak “on behalf of the Christian community on campus” unless they have in fact accurately represented the said community. Simply assuming that other Christians share your view does not constitute any form of accuracy. 2) Using the fact that you believe in a Christian God as a basis for spouting your own political views doesn’t make you better than anyone else, left-wing or right. It makes you manipulative, opportunistic and quite frankly, disappointing. If you want me to believe that asset sales are bad, then convince me yourself, don’t ask your God to do it for you. 3) “Matt”? Really? The guy wrote a gospel and you can’t even put his full name in your rant? That’s just lazy. 4) I’m fairly sure that the national voters of this country are not all of the same religious persuasion. Therefore talking about letting “unbelievers get their ﬁlthy dirty hands” on our assets is just a little bit stupid. There are already unbelievers all over the place.

Dear University of Waikato administration staff, Thank you for showing zero courtesy and being quite rude to me every time that I’ve had to deal with you guys! I agree that you people are better than me and, therefore, I understand that you reserve every right to talk to me like I’m an idiot. I also believe that you should work at strangely speciﬁc hours of the week (i.e 8:30am to 12pm on some days, 1pm to 4pm on others) to make things as inconvenient as possible for everyone. It is your right to be as unhelpful as you can be because it’s not like it’s in your job description to be polite. I understand that respect is overrated, so thank you for doing what you guys do best and showing me none. You’re right. I don’t deserve it. Cheers B-to-the-izzay P.S - Thanks for making me feel like an idiot because I didn’t put a tax code on a form. I was confused about what I needed to write down and, instead of being helpful, you instead tell me that “I should know these things by now”. You’re right. I should know these things by now. ‘Asking for help’ is for little girls.

Dear Waikato Students, Mad props to Something Hip who encouraged our generation to question what society is like now and open our minds to different ideas. I think we have gloriﬁed drinking as we imagine it gives us more attractive attributes. In many places, and especially in Hamilton, many of us spend our weekends drinking to excess, going to town and dancing in dark rooms playing music too loud to talk over. Imagine if we banded together for a positive cause and changed some part of our course, university, region or country for the better? I want New Zealanders to be known for their positive and creative endeavours rather than our excessive drinking habits. I encourage people to take a little breaking from drinking and sign up to hellosundaymorning. com to evaluate whether their relationship with alcohol, and maybe other areas of their lives, are making a positive difference to themselves and the people around them. HSM provides the platform for you to accept responsibility for your drinking habits and gives you the chance to reﬂect on what you’re getting from your relationship with alcohol. Dai Henwood and Mikey Havoc support the movement too. People often say that you have to stop being so hard on yourself - you deserve to unwind and get smashed after some hard work or good behaviour – but really, Hamilton isn’t so bad that we need to drink to erase our memories. We are so privileged to be experiencing beauty on a daily basis living in New Zealand, attending Waikato University, and should make the most of opportunities that are offered here. If you don’t enjoy something in your life, change it. One love, The Green Encourager.”

Music is one of life’s greatest contradictions. They say it soothes the savage beast, it doesn’t. Musicians would come and play in my court all day and existence has never known a beast more savage than I. They say that true artists are tortured and yet I see them driving around in their expensive cars snorting the really expensive coke and bedding supermodels. It seems like they have never known searing pain or torture. They played the radio the other day and I felt torture worse that any man’s blade has ever inflicted. Then I dreamt about slowly killing One Direction after months of keeping them locked up, and putting knives into their sides like a failed magician’s trick gone wrong and it soothed me. Happy NZ Music Month and…. I will kill you all. Hey, you seem to be getting angrier every week is everything alright with you and Mrs 8 ball? Definitely yes. I was once rich and powerful. Women would flock to me and men would obey my every command. Now I am the weak and feeble plaything at the bottom of a toy box in a student magazine. All of my successes and past triumphs count for nothing. When people mention me it is usually as a punchline to a bad joke. What could I possibly be angry about. Now I know how Don Brash must feel. Do you always have to wear bowling shoes when bowling? My answer is NO. Even with the shoes the overzealous bowler risks falling on his face and making a spectacle of themselves in front of the general public. If anyone laughs take the bowling ball and beat them till they bleed. Everyone I know has tried drugs should I? Reply Hazy try again. The room is also hazy because all the kids are trying drugs. It’s like your mum used to say if all your friends jumped off a bridge would you? It depends on the bridge, if it is a motorway one then no if it is the kopu-hikawai maybe. Whatever you do you have to deal with the repercussions and if you’re a first time drug user you should have a ready supply of noodles, toast and episodes of tiny toons at hand just in case. Oh Magnificent 8 ball does the boy in my Tuesday morning ACCT102 Workshop in TC.4.15 like me? No.

Email your questions through to 8ball@nexusmag.co.nz

Aries: One night stands are for people who try too hard. Three night stands are what the cool kids are doing now. Play safe but get in the game. Taurus: One of your tutorials this week will contain your soulmate. And that kid’s is ACTUALLY how I met your mother. Gemini: Jumping in the lake at the University will appeal to you. It is toxic and will cause long term health issues but may hold the keys to enlightenment. It may also hold Excalibur and possibly a dormant strain of the black plague. There is only one way to ﬁnd out. Cancer: Aries will avoid you at all costs. They know what they did. Leo: Either reduce or increase you addiction to nicotine now is not a time for quitters. That time came three weeks ago and you missed it. Sucks to be you. Virgo: Mercury and Venus collide, well… collide is probably a bit strong. They hooked up at a party in your sign. This event causes a chain reaction prompting you to consider, at least for a moment, taking up womens studies or shaving your head. Libra: This week you have 99 problems and a bitch may in fact be one. Scorpio: Love is in the air, but so is fear, loathing, Jealousy and mistrust. Choose wisely. Sagittarius: You have been contemplating a change of career for some time. Law is really appealing but do you have the practical skills to work as a BP forecourt attendant after graduation? Capricorn: The ﬁre signs are in control this week. Or at least they must be because every time you urinate there is that burning sensation. Go see the Uni Doc and ask him if he knows Kimbra because he never gets sick of that. Aquarius: You will make out with a member of the University Debating Society. (NB: This Horror-scope has been sponsored by the University Debating Society – Thanks debsoc) Pisces: NZ’s Got Talent? You’ll be the judge of that.

here are few questions I lack answers to when it comes to hip hop, but one issue I can’t get my head around is why so many people can’t see past the achievements of dead rappers like Biggie and 2pac. Although inﬂuential artists who left behind great legacys, Biggie and 2pac are in the same respect an aging and ever-decreasing inﬂuence on the progessive movement which is Hip Hop. Not only have new and diverse artists like Lil Wayne and Tinie Tempah come to the fore, but the teenage age-bracket which plays such an important role in determining which artists become popular and which don’t is no longer a generation which has grown up listening to Biggie and 2pac. Instead their generational equivilent of 2pac is YMCMB (Young Money Cash Money Baby), a well-known hip hop record label containing artists such as Lil Wayne, Drake, and Nicki Minaj. It is fair to say that teenagers of today’s society will listen to and be more aware of the achievements of this group of artists rather than listening to 2pac or Biggie. Much of the reason as to why such an aura surrounds 2pac is

not just because he was killed in the prime of his career, but because his

What has happened to hip hop since the likes of Biggie and 2pac died? What if the hologram of 2pac performing at Coachella earlier this month was really him in person? What if people stopped living in the past?

death occurred under a great cloud of conspiracy. There are various accounts of who is responsible for 2pac’s death depending on who you ask and there is also a popular yet unproven belief that he didn’t die and is still alive today; hence why more people read into him performing as a hologram than what I thought was neccesary. I think it is this type of aura which makes many individuals rate his music higher than that of his living modern-day counterparts, because they don’t have the publicitybeneﬁt of a long-winded conspiracy surrounding their death. To reinforce this statement take a look at 50 Cent’s rise to fame. He took the fast lane to fame by releasing a catchy ﬁrst single, “In Da Club” and playing on the fact that he had been shot nine times. It worked wonders for his career and I could imagine that his legacy would emulate that of 2pac’s, just 15 years later, if he were to get killed tomorrow.

Hip hop is merely a genre of music - all artists rap about the same sort of stuff except they just add their own swag to it; you either like it or you don’t. So I find it particularly frustrating when people swear by the music of someone like 2pac, but then go on to claim that Drake’s music is shit or Lil Wayne raps about stupid topics like money, hoes, and cars. Are you tryin to tell me that 2pac’s material diversified much more than the content of today’s rappers? I saw a meme the other day that went something like “2pac, dead 16 years and gives a better performance in 5 minutes than today’s rappers that are alive”. So he was that good was he? To anyone who agrees with that, do you even listen to hip hop music, or do you just hate on every rapper that isn’t dead? I bet if I checked your ipod I would find a handful of hip hop artists and a whole lot of dubstep or rock. Whichever way you have it, don’t make big statements about things you’re not even qualified to comment on. The ultimate understanding of hip hop should be that it is a progressive movement. YMCMB and MMG (Maybach Music Group), among other current labels, are shaping the hip hop genre, culture, and industry, just as 2pac and Biggie did when they were alive. There is no good or bad because ‘doing it big’ in the 21st century is the same as doing it big the century before, but as ever, there’s always a hate it or love it.

Opinion

As a young lass in the 90’s I always thought being a rock star/musician seemed like such an interesting job.. Partying every night, driving your BMW into your ten million dollar mansion’s swimming pool, entering rehab (that’s if you didn’t die and become a rock ‘n roll icon, hmm maybe not so appealing!) and becoming cryogenically frozen for a while, awakening to writing a best selling memoir and comeback album, all the while raking in the cash for your retirement years. The reality for even the most well known NZ bands is in stark contrast to our famous overseas counterparts who get to enjoy their fruits of success with reckless abandon. Being a NZ band means that if you want to make it in the music biz overseas, determination, a will to succeed and working your ass off to get there are your strongest assets. NZ musicians and bands are that rare and strange breed; they truly do it for the love of it. This is not to dismiss your childhood dreams of owning every guitar ever made and an amp that goes up to eleven. One great hit can change your destiny- just ask local gal Kimbra! But it comes with a lot of hard work and determination.

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So if you are in a band and you dream of making it overseas, or even in your own country, we thought we would ask music industry experts for some advice they can bestow on new and upcoming bands, based on their experience of working in the New Zealand music industry. “Get a song played on the radio”. That is the advice from NZ On Air’s NZ Music Manager, Brendan Smyth. “And make a music video and get it played on music television and on You Tube”.

“Get a song played on the radio”. That is the advice from NZ On Air’s NZ Music Manager, Brendan Smyth. No doubt by now everyone has heard the Justin Beiber story and his discovery on Youtube. Ok, this might be a bad example! But it does highlight the importance of using social networking and video sites to promote your band. Just ask local artists Dick Dynamite and the Doppelgangers. After making a music video last year and promoting it heavily online the band reached over 90,000 hits and generated new fans from all over the world. Now you might think, “ok, we can deﬁnitely do that, we are social media geniuses

and we even have friends with decent cameras. Youtube fame and fortune here we come”! But Brendan also asserts that “broadcasting … whether that is on the radio or on television or on line … is still a very efﬁcient and effective way of reaching a lot of people with your song. It’s hard to get a song played on the radio, just because there is so much competition for airtime, but a radio hit can propel an artist’s career like pretty much nothing else”.

This is where it gets tricky, think about how many CDs or promo singles radio programmers get sent daily. How do you make yours stand out? Given our experience of going through many emails and CD promos sent to Contact FM, this is where we can offer some advice. Generally speaking commercial stations will not pick up a band’s song if the band submits it to the station. Promoting songs to commercial radio is usually done by record companies or by well-connected and established band managers. However, this is where you need to research the station. Is the station suitable for your band’s song? Do they have a speciality show that caters for your bands style of music? Student stations across the country have a more open policy for music submissions than commercial stations. Many student stations pride

themselves on “breaking” a band into the public arena before they have hit the big time. But even student stations have a deﬁned sound, often favouring alternative /indie music. Checking the station’s music format and its compatibility with your band’s music is really essential. 95Bfm programme director Pennie Blair also offers her advice for music submissions “ When submitting tracks for play list to a radio Programme Director, always make sure the production of good quality, and you include a blurb about yourself &/or the band so the PD knows the context & history of the artist being submitted. Good sound quality enables the tracks to be added to radio computing software, where as those under 256kbps may be rejected.” She also stresses “ Don’t get disappointed if the track you submit for playlist doesn’t get selected – sometimes it a matter of it being the wrong time or wrong ﬁt with other tracks on the playlist. Keep on sending them through, and even if they don’t make the general rotates, they get given to DJs who host specialist shows who may like them. Sometimes they get picked up at a later date – there are always more opportunities, so don’t give up!” Writing a captivating and fantastic bio is also important component to help promote a band. When a programmer has read a lot of bios, those that are concise, illustrate a band history and what they have done or are hysterically funny, are the ones that get a programmer’s attention! No programmer wants to read a three-page essay on how brilliant you are (even if you are the best thing since NME’s last ‘band of year’!) and why you should get airplay. The song or CD you sent should speak for itself! But letting a programmer know a bit more about you in one page is normally the best way. Some bands even include quotes from reviews. One of our personal favourites from Contact FM, came from local band The Shrugs, which included the simply stated quote “This album is actually quite good” from the Cheese on Toast NZ

music site - effective and straight to the point. One NZ band even sent a beanie they knitted and for that effort they got ﬁrst listen on the pile. Another band even sent an amazing comic book a band member had drawn and printed. Hand made gifts do not necessarily guarantee airplay, but they may get you noticed at least. Ultimately the music will always do the talking with station programme directors.

If a band is at the stage where they are getting regular airplay that in itself is a positive sign and means you are doing something right. Someone out there wants to help support your music. Looking at potential funding opportunities that can help your band develop further is always a good step to take. Ariana Odermatt, Arts and Music Advisor for Creative NZ stresses the importance of seeking out funding information: “If you are looking for funding for contemporary popular music, check out which government agency funds what and which funder has the best ﬁt with your project. In this area, Creative New Zealand’s focus is mainly on live performance, albums and some international touring. Te Mangai Paho, NZ On Air and the New Zealand Music Commission focus on different areas.” It is understandable for bands to express some trepidation when approaching NZ music funding agencies. If it is something you are not familiar with, how exactly do you go about it? Ariana offers this: “Take a look at our funding guide and give us a call if you want to talk it over before you apply.” This sentiment applies for all NZ music funding organisations, a quick website search, a phone call or email can give you information you need and help with ﬁnding the funding application most suitable for your band. They can offer their expertise.

In his parting words, Brendan offers this tip “look out for theaudience. co.nz … which is a new music and new artist discovery site that is launching at the end of May. It is a partnership between Amplifier and NZ On Air to help all new artists build momentum for their music”. This new site is a very exciting development for underground New Zealand bands and offers a great level playing field for artists to be heard. The site specifically focuses on unreleased songs and up and coming artists. Each month the most popular song on the site will receive NZ On Air funding. To keep up dated with new information on the audience head to their face book page.

“Yeah, we saw them first in 2012, playing a local venue in Hamilton! No, no, I swear….it’s the truth!” So there you have it, hopefully some helpful tips to get you started on your road to success. Ultimately, it doesn’t matter how much good advice you get from others, the best tool for success, local, national or international is to get out there, play the gigs and make yourself heard! Don’t be shy; if you don’t promote yourself, then you can’t expect anyone else to know about you or your music. Maybe one day we might see you on the cover of Rolling Stone, with your guitar amp that goes to 11 and we can say we saw you first. We can become one of those people in the future who says “yeah, we saw them first in 2012, playing a local venue in Hamilton! No, no, I swear…. it’s the truth!” By Lauren Kerr Bell

Feature

It’s a strange thing calling someone you have never met to discuss music. Thankfully for me Hamish from Hamilton band Chatchy was more than happy to talk to me about his band starting out, the Hamilton music scene and killer dance moves. In fact he was fairly Chatchy (sorry pun required, I have no self control). The 7 piece group (formally Out of Time) consist of guitarists, a drummer, keys, synth and a horn section and take inspiration from kiwi-landers like Kor a The Black Seeds and Fat Freddy’s Drop. Dub and reggae groups do tend to have larger numbers in the band, but Hamish said having many hands does indeed make funky work. He explained that everyone contributes their ideas to a song and that each member’s points are valued. He indicated a fair bit of democracy plays out at the song construction stage where differing ideas are played through and members can say what they like better. Getting the right sound is really important to the band, especially as they are starting out. That right sound has been noticed by people in the right places and the band have won the Waihi Battle of the Bands as well as a competition with York Street Studios to record their ﬁrst single. The song Running Away came out a few weeks ago and has an accompanying music video which already has stacks of Youtube hits. Hamish appeared really pleased with the end result. The band have also have gone back to the studio to produce what they hope to be an

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album by the end of August. I ask a little too expectantly about an EP, but unfortunately I’m told there isn’t one as of yet. If people like what they hear, they’ll just have to come to gigs. Drats aye….

Make a point of supporting our local gigs, then, who knows we might even get some more. It’s gigs where Hamish insists the band are really on form. Groups like Fat Freddy’s Drop, Shapeshifter and Kora have some fantastic stage shows that the band would love to emulate. Hamish admitted that the band have even been working on a few dance moves. He insists that they are rubbish at dancing, but I have my doubts. We discuss Joe Lindsey, trombone player for Fat Freddy’s who’s presence on stage is something between a horror show, a comedy and full on funk. With Hamish and fellow horn player Matt Bizzle looking towards the likes of Lindsey for inspiration, I can envision Chatchy’s shows are well worth the investment. So if gigs are where it’s at, then where do we catch Chatchy? Well, that’s a little bit of an issue. Hamish admits that starting out as a band in Hamilton is hard. The band want to be playing constantly, but ﬁnding venues and setting up shows does appear to be a bit of a sticking point. I suggest that Hamilton’s punk,

hardcore and metal elements might be taking away some of the punters. Hamish laughs this off and takes the opportunity to discuss how the band are putting a rockier edge on the existing dub and reggae sounds. He hopes that there is something for everyone when you come to a Chatchy show. He also explains how great it has been to have the support of local act, Knights of the Dub Table. The two bands have played a few sets together and Hamish suggests it’s always a good night with the Knights on the bill. The next chance to see the lads is at Flow bar on Vic Street on May 26 where they’ll set up along side a bunch of other local acts to celebrate NZ Music month. Hamish hopes that it will be this summer when things will really take off though with summer festivals and hopefully some more recording under their belt, the band will be making a real go of it. Until then, we might be able to get a few gigs in with the lads and make sure that they have the support they deserve. Nothing warms up a half frozen Hamilton winter like some funky sounds from a great local act. So check them out when you can, make a point of supporting our local gigs, then, who knows we might even get some more.

the likes of Greg Stack, Piece and Kaon on Control Alt Delete nights, the dance kids have been having their faces melted on the regular now. Statics Indie / alternative vibe can be felt as soon as you walk through the door, and no matter what night of the week you can expect to hear a dj spinning tunes or a full 5 piece band playing on stage and they wouldn’t have it any other way.

Possibly the coolest layed out bar in town, House is known for it’s indoor outdoor ﬂow from the Deck all the way to the balcony. Whether you want to hide away in a corner on a comfy couch, sit out around a table and enjoy a beer with your friends to having a boggie on the dance ﬂoor, House can provide you with this space all on the same night. They have live bands every Saturday, a popular favorite being the Vegas Brown brothers and boast some of the hottest local dj’s on their Student night Wednesday’s ‘SKINT’ with support from Fevah FM. With their brand new outdoor bar this is the perfect place to bring your group of friends and enjoy Houses homely atmosphere. There is also the option of popping around the corner to Hamilton’s premier cocktail bar known as Grand Central, and you bet, you’re still in the same building, because that’s what House is all about.

Flow bar for a long time now has been that place you go when you’re after something a little different / underground / left of center and away from the bullsh*t that goes on in the cbd. It has always prided itself on staying away from the club hits and cheesy DJ’s and remained

true to it’s roots of the underground sound. It has provided Hamilton with some of the best live music and entertainment over the past four years. From hosting events such the York Street Band Experiments to just about every big name Dj this country boasts, Flow Bar has had them on their sound system. Tikki Tane, David Dallas, P-Money, Majik Johnson, Optimus Gryme to name a few are all names that have headlined on sell out nights where H-Town’s true underground club has been wall to wall with punters getting down to something you will never hear on the radio or played three times in a row at the Outback.

A recent new comer to the Hamilton night scene, Static has already made a name for itself as possibly the hottest bar to view the massive pool of top quality bands we have on offer not only here in H-Town but also from Auckland too. Already drawing big name bands such as The Datsuns, Guitar Wolf (Japan) and Die!Die!Die! (Auck), Static has now moved to launching a fresh dance party known as Control Alt Delete. This night is already proving to be popular amongst the dance music scene, and can already be seen to be building momentum. With Bevan Nichols as their resident DJ on a Saturday night and already boasting

Probably Hamilton’s premier night club, Agenda is a popular pick for many town goers that are keen to shake a leg on a dance ﬂoor that is unique compared to many in this town. With elevated stages smoke, lights and one of the best sound systems in town, when Agenda is pumping it’s the place you want to be. With resident DJ Bones Taucher on the decks Agenda prides itself on offering the mainstreams what they like but with a punch only Bones can provide. Bringing strong electro remixes and the latest dubstep sounds Agenda has always had the goods. In recent times promoted gigs have taken place with the likes of Justin Sane, Control Alt Delete (Aus) and the upcoming headliner this month Dan Aux, Agenda are once again taking it to the next level offering two zones for punters to choose from. In the short time Agenda has been around it has made a large footprint on the Hamilton night scene.

Hamilton’s maximum capacity club without doubt has to go to Altitude. With the ability to host large crowds they have been able to bring huge names to our humble town such as Shihad, Six60, I am Giant just to name a few. Also major stake holders in the massive street party Soundscape they have now for many years provided Hamilton with some of the biggest names and events we have ever seen. Aside from the large events they play the music you want to hear and serve the drinks you want to drink. The huge dance ﬂoor, huge sound system and amazing lighting make Altitude ... The Place to Party!

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Competition

We (the general public) are inundated with so many issues on a daily basis. What makes it so difficult sometimes is that while I empathise with the plight of the exploited African farmer, or would recycle in town if there were more appropriate receptacles; sometimes the seeming absence of affordable, viable actions to participate in leaves me feeling, well, more powerless than before. Issues are filed as mere statistics and we are wedged into seeming states of apathy in the absence of alternatives. I am the Waikato Coordinator for Conscious Consumers New Zealand. While it sounds very official, I primarily act as a liaison for a. cafes that are doing awesome stuff to make sustainable change, and b. consumers who are aware of issues and want alternative options, so they are able to be part of the solution. I wanted to share with you a little about Conscious Consumers (CC) Waikato. Firstly we are a not for profit social enterprise and we are interested in change-making. Essentially we start by inviting cafes to participate; we need alternative venues for our conscious consumers to go to. These cafes then earn badges which we audit to ensure compliance. There are nine basic categories: accept customers BYO keep cups, eco-friendly, eco-packaging, fairtrade, organic, recycling seasonal produce, free range and composting (this includes sending leftover food to charities who can use it – which is blimmen primo in my book - rather than dumping in the bin),. Cafes need to have a minimum of four badges and can work towards all badges if they wish. We then try to promote our cafes and send ‘conscious’ consumers their way. My request to you is a relatively inexpensive one, would

Lifestyle

you choose to frequent/switch to a CC cafe? You would be supporting them and the effort they are making to reduce the impact that they are having on our earth, and you can drink your latte (long black in my case) knowing you are supporting something excellent. There are links to Hamilton’s participating cafes at www.consciousconsumers.org.nz, addresses and which badge they have. If you are like me you will lose this link though, so here is the list so far: Momento, Just Food Cafe, ZINC, the River Kitchen, The Provincial Chip Co. and Rocket (plus if you are

Join Waikato Fair Trade Collective for an afternoon of

Free Fair Trade Goodies Fun Activities Films Music Presentations by Oxfam Trade Aid Freeset and more! Thursday 10th May 11-5 Tuesday 15th may 11-5 Meet us at the

Ground floor of the Library

Raglan check out The Shack). If you call in, let them know you are there because of CC -, they are happy to know people notice. You can also join our mailing list on our website if you want to be kept up to date, including our exciting plans to expand to restaurants, takeaway joints, bars and caterers in early 2013! I think, as a society, we are making a shift away from consumerism that exploits the land and one another – I invite you to be part of that change. By Kirsty Proctor

ome at me food related ideas!

Today I couldn’t decide what to write about, so what you’re going to get is a random selection of food related stories, because that’s all I’ve got. Fair-trade I hope you all went to Just Food Cafe in Te Ara Hou Village on Sunday. There was a Carrotmob; so 50% of their takings go straight to PNG fairtrade farmers, which I think is tops. Coffee! Currently my favourite places to get coffee are: Scott’s Epicurean – rich, velvety, and delicious. Rouge Cafe in Cambridge – love the decor in this place, coffee was I-wanna-sit-in-thischair-and-cradle-this-cappuchinofor-hours-while-staring-into-space good, and perfect after stufﬁng myself with sushi at one of my newly discovered favourite sushi spots next door: Cambridge Sushi – NOM. The FirePot Cafe in Gordonton Village – Love the Laroma coffee here, as I have said in the past I looooove Laroma coffee because it tastes so damn chocolatey, FirePot does it justice. Currently not my favourite places to go for coffee: Red Cherry on Cambridge Rd– I used to love this place, but the coffee has gone downhill big time, haven’t had a good coffee here in a while. Hazel Hayes – don’t get me wrong, I love the food at Hazel Hayes, and the iced coffees are amazeballs, just haven’t loved my cappuccinos here. Most franchise coffee places – same old, same old, don’t do it, franchise coffee rests on its laurels ...have almost never found a good franchise coffee – unless I made it, heh. Cupcakes + Fejoas = Delicious! My Fejoa tree (ok, my land-lords

fejoa tree, but lets not split hairs, is he coming to pilfer its fruit? NO!) started giving me fruit the other day, and now I have a bowl full of fruit sitting on my counter begging to be used. I did the only logical thing and made cupcakes. I pretty much used the same cupcake recipe I gave you a few weeks back: 1/2 cup flour+1 teaspoon baking powder, 1 egg, 2 Tablespoons margarine, 8 teaspoons brown sugar, drizzle of maple syrup, 1 frozen banana (because I always have banana in my freezer- they make amazing smoothies), softened and the insides of 2 fejoas mashed. I like to place my bowl in the sink in a little warm water and put the marge in first to soften while I get everything else in there. Seriously, just bang everything into that bowl and whisk – just until mixed. If it’s looking a little dry add a dash of milk, if it’s a little wet sprinkle in some flour. Spoon the mixture into 6 paper patty cases in a muffin tray and bake at 200C for around 10-15 minutes; until they spring back when poked. Voila! You just made amazing cupcakes all by yourself, and now you can eat all of them, because they are filled with fruit they are totally healthy right? Put whatever fruit you want in these in lieu of fejoas and banana, but try to keep to the same kind of quantities; if you add too much your cupcakes will become sludge. Hamburger Patties After all the fancy things I have thrown into my hamburger mix over the years in an attempt to make them delicious, I have discovered that the simplest method is actually the best. In around 300 grams of mince add

a decent pinch of salt and pepper, a dash of soy sauce and a sprinkle of ﬂour. Mix and shape into two patties about 2cm thick and put into a hot pan – I thank the in laws for my awesome cast iron griddle pan at this point, gives my patties that fun grilled line look – after giving them a few minutes on one side I like to ﬂip them and immediately put my pan into a hot oven, hopefully your oven was already on for some reason: perhaps cupcakes? After about 5-8 minutes your patties will be cooked, juicy, and amazing, TRUST ME. I have seen that ‘Hamburger seasoning’ or some such product at the supermarket, and I don’t understand why anyone would need that stuff. Anyways, I best get back to working on my assignment, it may or may not be my wedding anniversary tomorrow, and I may or may not want to spend my entire day shopping at Nosh and making amazing food for dinner with the husband, ciao!

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o it’s like... if you were a hipster, would you not NOT call yourself a hipster? On that note, an ungroomed beard looses all validity the second you groom it to look ungroomed; and if you get a bar girls number, don’t ask her why she gave it to you. Also, if you like someone, stop banging their mates to prove it. So it’s like, how did our heater get ripped out of the wall and if he only txts/calls/Facebooks you after 4pm then he wants your vagina and not your hand in marriage. Life’s basically an early 2000’s dance movie, because you just got served. What you can’t see right now is that I’m break dancing to prove a point.

roughly 3 “Oh, I’ll just have a wee read, shall I?” based jokes and they’re afraid that if you could actually physically hold more than 2 of the 43 books they PVA’d to the walls then you’d have ammunition to crack at least 5 more and basically you can fuck right off. I also recommend the Beef Burger seeing as you’re taking your entire life to order. It’s just a burger for fucks sake, make faster life choices. Bar 101 - As a rule, you can get on the bar and back down again before anyone providing it’s at the end by the cigarette machine and you’re not wearing colours that scream “I’m sneaking on to the bar now” in the blacklights. I’m assuming you’re reading this at quiz night or $2 dinner though which may change certain variables but as Drake says, “You’re only kicked out of Bar101 once a night, that’s the motto, n*gga Y.O.K.O.O.B.O.A.N” so I mean, hey, may as well. Oh and as for your next shot, White Sambuca and Apple Sourz.

I want to buy you a puppy. I want to let you fall in love with that puppy. I want to steal the puppy away, and then I want to sell it on Trademe.

L et me take you on an emotional journey of the heart, mind and soul. Picture; if you will; a bench. On this bench lay a pile of Nexus magazines. Journey’s over. That was just my segway into saying that you all read the Nexus in different places and now I’m going to tell you how your irrelevant life choices reﬂect your personality. Sorry what’s that? I couldn’t hear you over the sound of Dr. Phil’s producers not calling me because I have no real facts to base any of my yarns on and I’m not a Psychologist.

CBD- Here’s a hint; the books are glued to the shelves. It’s not that they anything against you being able to read; it’s more that either you or your friends have already made

Library MomentoYou’re the worst type of person. $4.80 for a glass bottle of Coke. You don’t even sell Iced Mocha Frappe’s. You’re not a cafe, you’re a lie.

The real Momento- Compliment the guy serving you on his rings. They’re fucking amazing. You know the one, he has like 12 on every ﬁnger and he’s ﬁerce and fabulous and if he serves you then you know that the blessed Lord doth shineth on you today. In terms of your inner psyche, you’re more than likely enjoying an Iced Mocha Frappe; because this is a real cafe; and don’t give a HoneyBadger-fuck about anything other than the milky substance all up in your throat. “That’s what she said.” It really was though. She was giving head at the time.

Doctors- Here’s a weather forecast. Pregnant. “That’s not the weather. Shame.” Ummm.. Baby shower. Obviously. MCOM239- So it’s like... why are you not all sleeping together; you’re an insanely good looking bunch of people. Obviously you’re a “bros before hoes” type of kid and didn’t realise that getting budster with your paper mates was effectively a self cock block. Congratulations, you’re more than likely heading home to masturbate over your poor life decisions. Ok I’m out. This is the closest I could come to formulating a focussed piece of writing so in the words of Britney Spears, “I used to be hot until I had kids and they fucked up my body and now it doesn’t matter how much I earn because I obviously can’t ﬁnd a hair stylist that can stop my hair from looking greasy.” Let me leave you with some unfortunate, unedited and uncomfortable Facebook statuses on my news feed at the moment. -“ if ran away i wonder how long it would take people 2 notice.” -“ Just had an awesome night of worship...Rocking out to, this is my freedom dance my sin is washed away, you made me free.... I love worshipping the Jesus :D” -“u dno da hert I fel an da payn I heal an da wound I peal and da love I eat as a meal” You kids truly stick with me through even the shittest of my yarns. You’re perfect and I love you so much that sometime’s it feels like hatred. I want to buy you a puppy. I want to let you fall in love with that puppy. I want to steal the puppy away, and then I want to sell it on Trademe. Our ﬁghts are just real cute and fucked up like that. Yours forever/until you realise that by “I sold your puppy on Trademe”, I really meant that I accidently lost him on a walk last week, MMF.x P.S. mmf@nexusmag.co.nz, that’s the email, n*gga Y.O.K.O.O.B.O.A.N. P.P.S. That asterix isn’t fooling anyone. Lez be honest. P.P.S. It’s cool, I don’t know what the fuck I just made you read either.

Auteur House By Dr. Richard Swainson

ny who have ever watched Mel Brooks’ classic send up of westerns, Blazing Saddles, will remember the grizzled, bewhiskered ‘old timer’, a white bearded geriatric who speaks exclusively in what another character calls “authentic frontier gibberish”. When I first saw the film on reissue, about ten years after its original release, I thought this Gabby Johnson figure lampooned more a generic type than a specific actor or his trade mark role. A little later on, when experiencing the first of John Wayne’s untold low budget ‘series’ westerns of the 1930s, I came across the artist known as George ‘Gabby’ Hayes and the penny dropped. Gabby Johnson was a direct parody of Hayes. There was precious little exaggeration involved. The western ‘sidekick’ role - a comic foil and sounding board for the hero - is an archetype with origins as old as drama itself. Hayes didn’t invent it nor was he the first to play it. However, a combination of forceful, unsubtle playing and sheer repetition meant his version of the old timer sidekick is the most recognisable in the genre, especially if your tastes run to the mass produced, B-grade cinema of the 30s and 40s, films that were made rapidly, often with low production values, which were the equivalent of television in their day. Like almost all actors who specialise in such parts Hayes was no where near as old himself as the characters he played. He also had no personal connection to the American west and didn’t even know how to ride a horse until he was 50. A successful vaudevillian in his youth, Hayes had

Opinion

retired from show business at age 43 but when his fortune was wiped out by the stock market crash of 1929 a return to acting became a necessity. The new sound medium suited his talents and he had the good fortune of meeting a sympathetic producer soon after relocating to Los Angeles.

stunts are performed for real. There were no back-projection or blue screen options in those days - or on those budgets - the actors and stuntmen just put their bodies on the line.

Hayes co-starred with Wayne in 15 films altogether, although In private life Hayes was a not always in a sidekick well spoken, well read and capacity. He also teamed up with intelligent man, an investor fellow western icon Randolph Scott and entrepreneur. His acting six times. What really turned him range was actually quite broad and into an institution though were the in his early films - not all of which short features he made first with were westerns - he played a variety Hopalong Cassidy (the character of different roles. It was not until name of actor William Boyd) repeatedly teamed between 1935 and with the young 1939 and thereafter “...I came across the John Wayne that with singing cowboys the old timer part Roy Rogers and Gene artist known as George crystallised. Wayne Autry, 1939 through ‘Gabby’ Hayes and was then a leading 1946. In the Cassidy the penny dropped. man but one stuck in Gabby Johnson was a films his recurring the B-grade ghetto character was known direct parody of Hayes. of “series westerns” as Windy Halliday. There was precious little after the commercial In the later movies exaggeration involved.” failure of his first - numbering around starring vehicle. 40 - he played Gaby Whitaker. Auteur House is privileged to be in a position of being able to rent With the advent of television in the particular title that changed the 1950s the bottom fell out of the the genre’s history forever. Hayes’ B-western market. Hayes made his debut performance as the old timer last film in 1950 but then embraced sidekick came in 1934’s The Lucy the new medium. Acting as host Texan and we proudly stock it. It for a children orientated series is an unusual western in other called The Gabby Hayes Show, he ways too in that affords Hayes the introduced the stories to camera, opportunity to show off some of his telling tall tales in character, but did old vaudevillian schtick when his not feature in them himself. The character is forced to shave off his show ran from 1950 to 1954 and not-yet-trade-mark beard, dress up was briefly revived in 1956. Hayes in drag and pretend to be a woman. then retired permanently, playing The climax also harkens back to the with his money and hanging out at silent era, with an extended, dialogue the country club. He died in 1969, free chase scene involving a model-T at age 83, four years before Brooks’ Ford, a railroad handcar and horses. affectionate parody of him hit Hayes apprehends the villain whilst the screen. still wearing a dress. It’s actually quite good, especially given that the

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The most important thing you can do, is be yourself, and dressing so that other people have a true impression of you is just as important.

have ever graced the interwebz! A nice young chap photographs the ladies he meets on the streets of NYC, and through the power of the internet, lets us appreciate just how wonderful they are. This is proof that Appearance, unfortunately, does in fashion endures, and is accessible to fact play a large part in our identity. anyone at any age – whether you’re People’s first impressions are more 19 or 90. If you need inspiring, well often than not based on how you then epicness is just a click away. look and our identity is comprised Check out some of our fashion of our perceptions of ourselves as sites and blogs like Calivintage, well as how we think others see us. The Clothes Horse, net-a-porter, So, even if you feel like a wannabe Modcloth, ASOS, Polyvore and of millionaire who’s going to be the course lookbook.nu. These sites next big thing, if you look like a should hopefully show you that hungry student who just got caught fashion comes in all different forms, in the rain – it doesn’t exactly and just because give the rest of you flatmates us much hope “On the whole, people who don’t approve that you will in say demeaning things about of your love for fact invent that [fashion], because they feel in jewel-bright jetpack. The most some way excluded or not harem pants – important thing part of the “cool group.” Just does it really you can do, is because you like to put on a pair matter? As long be yourself, and of J Brand blue jeans instead as you walk out of dressing so that of something basic from Kmart the house feeling other people have doesn’t mean you’re a dumb epic, then a true impression person. There is something who cares? of you is just as about fashion that can make As comfy as a important. Now, people very nervous.” – Anna rainy day outfit we’re not saying Wintour (editor-in-chief of of a hoodie and that you need to American Vogue) ugg boots is, we look like Barney hope that we’ve Stinson 24/7, encouraged you to get out of your but don’t be afraid to wear that nice comfort zone and use fashion as a dress to uni once in a while. Take medium to express yourself – who for example, those lovely old ladies you are and what you like. at advancedstyle.blogspot.com. What do you mean you have no idea Love, what we’re talking about? These are Alice & Anne. the most fabulous old ladies who ppearance, unfortunately, does in fact play a large part in our identity.

TTENTION: This week the usual take-the-piss-esque advice of this column is being replaced by a public service announcement. Hopefully you will all take this on board. And quite seriously at that, as in no way am I joking when I tell you not to do these things. They are all based on real life events, and I’m sure all you other hospo workers out there know exaaaactly what I’m talkin’ bout, Willis. I just want you all to grow up into the type of diner that I enjoy serving. That’s all. 1: If you decide you don’t like the $150 bottle of Penfolds Bin 389 Cabernet Shiraz ‘06 you ordered after tasting it (WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU), under no circumstances should you throw it into the Auckland Harbour. Use your words, and maybe we’ll help you out. 2: Same goes for chairs you ﬁnd uncomfortable. Just to be safe, if you’re the long-lunch-hourbusinessman type who gets rowdy after a couple of drinks, don’t dine next to an open body of water. Or large, plate glass windows. 3: If you have an allergy, with any degree of severity, tell your waitress. Or the bar staff. Or the table next to you. Just tell someone! As peoplehating as I get after 6 shifts in a row serving other people food when I’ve got a million assignments due, I don’t want you to get sick and die. If you have not communicated your dietary requirements and food comes out with something you are allergic to in it, don’t look at us like we’re trying to poison you. WE ARE NOT MIND READERS. We will happily ﬁx this for

you, so don’t be a reproachful little dick. Getting really speciﬁc here; if you’re allergic to something like nuts, but your husband decides to order a dish for himself that clearly contains nuts, don’t get mad at us because you can’t kiss him now. That’s weirdly inappropriate and out of our control. Maybe he hasn’t had nuts since he married you, and I think that’s a bit mean.

do during the day??) That’s not a real cocktail, you are a fool, I feel sorry for your children, and I think I’ll overcharge you (I’m kidding. I’ve never done that...) Drove me bat shit crazy when I was waitressing in Auckland/studying physics (that quantum shit, even) and people did the condescending bit. Bitch, please. Here are some things you CAN do:

4: Don’t go out for dinner in a mood. You should be enjoying yourself, people! Settle disagreements at the door. I hate trying to get an order out of a couple who are taking snipes at each other over the wine list the entire time. “Fine, Judy, order the bottle! You were always a boozer.” “Oh, that’s rich coming from you Gary..! Remember last friday?!” Got other shit to do, people. Move along.

1) Be happy. Happy people are way more fun. And waitresses go out of their way to do strange but nice things for happy people.

5: Don’t joke about walking out and not paying for your meals, especially if you’re a bit of a dodgy looker to start with. This is not funny unless I know you and can hunt you down. I have to do that awkward laugh thing and now I’ve gotta keep an eye on you... 6: DON’T TREAT YOUR WAITRESS LIKE SHE’S JUST GRADUATED KINDERGARTEN. Honestly. Some people are just the judgiest pieces of poo. I do not need you to describe the ingredients in a “screwdriver” as though I was seriously going to serve you a piece of hardware. I am perplexed as to why you are making something so simple, so complicated... It has not “made the day more interesting and challenging” (Do you know what I

2) Complain if you’re not happy with something. Fair enough, man. Some of these prices are ridic. And if the service is shit, let the manager know. Just don’t get abusive, cos that’s awkward for everyone. 3) Tip your waitress if she’s particularly fantastic. Go oonnnnn. ;) So I know most of you are poor students, so this kind of appalling behaviour doesn’t exactly apply right now, per say. But I know some of you have rich parents who possibly abuse their wait staff so next time you’re out with them, tell them to back it up. And when you do have lots of money from your incredibly employable degree you’ve got there, remember that waitresses are people too. Same goes for retailers. Just respect other people! PLEASE. I’m trying to get through the next 2 years without a criminal record here, help me out. And feel free to hit me up at alix@nexusmag.co.nz is you want to offer some feedback/column ideas/ unnecessary abuse. Go on, make my day.

Mo Money, Mo Problems. For all you premature residents still smothered in your youthful radiance and overwhelming innocence; appreciate it, it will not last long. Soon your moisturized complexion will dry and your well oiled brain will shrivel and fry like the rest of us.

hard to become them. I bet, maggot Maggie and waster warren never meant to be such entertaining night time entertainment but somehow, 2 drinks became 8 which glided into 12. There is nothing wrong with getting a little drunk..every weekend...but tipsy does not mean Dear first year mortals in your on the edge of black out and black valiant enthusiasm and pride. I outs are not fun. Those alluring know as the saturday nights flutter sugary lolly water drinks are cheap by there will be queries lurking but lethal as hell. Easy to drink, half in the back of your minds as you the price of a mixer, yummy but explore the meaning of ‘one-drinkcause insane hangovers. Two bottles too-many’. Just in case you have of wine on the table + drinking been living under a rock while games ÷ Two girls - dinner x 2 receiving home schooling; the most bottles of beer + 3 vodka shot = a important thing you should know, messy night. A bottle of wine is nasty girls, is the power of the morning but mixing it with spirits and beer after pill. In Hamilton, surprisingly, is an automatic surrender. Mixing it’s free. It can be taken up to 72 alcohol is a bad, bad idea. Not bad hours afterwards from the pharmacy like I’m about to have a sick night in on campus. The town I don’t have sooner you take it the the most important work tomorrow; bad more effective it is. like I’m gonna join thing you should No, you can not go the maggot Maggie and get it for your club. Eating dinner know, girls, is friend because she has is most important. the power of the already been in twice We get it you are a morning after pill. this week. Although ruthless thrill-seeker there are no long term who lives life on the side effects; It is NOT good to take it edge but skipping dinner is a bit regularly or instead of your normal drastic. At least scoff some toast or contraception. As you know, the ECP carbs of some sort to soak up the pill doesn’t protect against STI’s alcohol. Drink water as much as you which float around like Brazilian can and take neurofen before going hand cream salesmen in the mall; to sleep. You will be thankful in sneaky and determined. Regular STI the morning. If you can even have tests and check ups are a must. a cup of tea but that is pushing it a bit when brushing your teeth is From one disaster aversion to a struggle. Above all-have fun and another; the difference between make sure your a good time rather a good night and a date with the than a vomiting ball and chain. sidewalk can get surprisingly blurred. You know when you see These issues sound petty but trust that poor girl wilting against the wall me they are likely to occur and it while friends beg her use her legs is a whole lot less stressful if you more appropriately? Or that guy tackle them properly. The next issue rapping in slow motion while I had was money. If you receive a spitting through his teeth as he student allowance or your parents ricochets from one stable body to cover your rent then it’s sweet, all another? Yeah, well, it is not that sorted. But even after that there

are loads of other things that will pollute your wish lists and drain your bank account. Unnecessary clothes shopping, entertainment and alcohol are the main culprits. Buying drinks in town with your eftpos card is dreadful. It’s so easy to swipe. Make the most of drinking at home or in the halls with alcohol from the store. Take cash with you so you know your limit and how much you are spending. It is harder to hand over cold, hard cash then your card so you are more likely to think twice before shouting your ﬂoor to a round. Once your cash is gone, it’s gone; just make sure you have enough for the taxi home. If you don’t get an allowance and are struggling to cover your rent the best thing is to go and talk to the accommodation services and explain your situation. They are on your side and have been doing it for a long time so they are understanding; but you need to get on top of it rather than let all the payments snowball. Most banks have an overdraft limit option for your debit card. It lets you go into overdraft to a set amount and, unlike a credit card, you have a fair amount of time to repay it. Just be careful, don’t over do it. Make sure you have a way to get back to zero. But whatever you do, do not get a credit card. Just don’t. The banks will make is sound great but just don’t. From the scary realization that money trickles in only to pour out in minutes; to the trial and error of ﬁrst year life. Appreciate your zesty liveliness and stamina as qualities which make many mid-life crisis laborers envious. Make the most of every second as a student and regret nothing. Mistakes and mess ups are apart of being a student; so be a good student and make memorable mistakes and epic mess ups. By Julia Gabel

One cannot help but notice the prevalence of social media in modern society. It seems that even 80 year old Grandmas have facebook accounts, apparently taking their hip complaints to cyber space. Now you even have people acting like twits, tweeting the spoilers away of movies that just have come out. Social media sites such as Facebook are adroit at indulging our narcissistic streak. Most of the status updates or tweets involve the most mundane of conversations that people have on a regular basis. But it seems to me that the conversation is not the important aspect, but rather our self-indulgence, the feeling that there is an audience out there that you can list your aspects of personal life in exchange for attention. And in many conversations many people admit being addicted to social media. Especially Facebook. In fact I wouldn’t be surprised if someone got into an accident, when he/she finally manages to find his/her cell phone, instead of informing the authorities, posts on twitter ‘just been in an accident. Roll On The Floor Dying My Ass Off.’ That is what surprises me about social media. I theorise that primarily people seek an audience in social media, the ‘social’ connectivity is a by-product. I mean you have facebook friends whom for the most part are as empty and meaningless as our lives. Then you have people with 1500 Twitter followers. Even Jesus only had 12 followers. But unlike the Apostles who watched Jesus comfort the lepers and illuminated the lives the blind, Twitter followers have the privilege to watch comments such as the poster eating enchiladas and how they hate the morning traffic…. Exciting stuff. To me the most interesting aspect of this whole phenomenon is how social media has simplified human interaction. In the context of social media and the internet, it is much easier to be an asshole. Yeah sure, you have the pictures of people to work with, but basically what you view is a wall of text bereft of emotion. On the other hand, in a real life conversation it is more organic. The words do not for the majority of the conversation in my opinion form part of the conversation, but the emotions and body language associated with the dialogue. The interaction is ever evolving, and being an asshole does produce a visceral reaction from your peers. And I do blame facebook and Twitter for proliferating the use of txt language in our vernacular. Even worse, they are used out of context. ‘LOL, I am washing the dishes.’ LOL I am walking the Dog. NO! Why are you laughing out loud for the most mundane of activities? Context People. Another thing I have noticed is the tone of conversation in the internet. The short sentences are filled to the brim with emotion. It is not uncommon to see this in Facebook or Twitter. LOOK! I AM TYPING IN CAPS LOCK AND THIS MEANS IAM OUTRAGED AND ANGRY AT SOMETHING! A complex emotion such as anger with real life ramifications is reduced to a keyboard function in the context of an internet war between a Star Wars and Star Trek nerd over which franchise is the best. (Star Trek is better, because I still can’t get rid of the acrid taste of Phantom Menace from my mouth). Now don’t get me wrong, I do not hate Social media. While we here in western countries usually use Facebook or Twitter to post pictures of our tattoos in places that will soil young minds, or the occasional airing of dirty laundry by celebrities which is lapped up by the public whose exciting flashpoint in their lives is to drink themselves to a stupor to escape the general drudgery of their lives, people in Tunisia and Egypt have deposed Ben Ali and Hosni Mubarak by primarily harnessing the connectivity and simplicity of use of the social media outlets. In fact, there is a whole grassroots opposition to censoring the internet or seriously corporatize it. The whole SOPA saga serves as a reminder. Internet and up to an extent social media remains the last vestige of freedom of speech. The final sanctuary against wholesale corporatisation. I would rather suffer through a hundred ‘grow your penis four more inches’ ads than three degree ads (I still love you Rhys Darby). The internet is a laissez faire market place of ideas. Unadulterated, unregulated. I love the idea of social media. The whole world coming together in attention hoarding and trolling specific individuals. I am an old fashioned guy, so I prefer the complexity and nuance of real life human interaction complemented by the insanity of the internet.

Opinion

REVIEWS The album itself feels as though PNC is on the verge of discovering something, if not himself. On Go PNC starts his questioning. Referring to money, drinking and “Maria Tutaia looking women” his chorus asks “This is what we’ve been dreaming about, well ain’t it?” While the album doesn’t have anything on it as poignant as his beautiful song Halfkast, there is a feeling he is balancing between an American rap star life and being the boy from Palmerston North.

The best song on the album is Take It All utilising a loop from Adele’s song of the same name. PNC’s sharpest delivery is on this track, possibly inspired by the competition of having some of NZ’s ﬁnest alongside him. David Dallas and Louie Knuxx, shine with stellar versus of their own while up and comers Jordache and Perceive assist as well. So as far as freebies go, this is a pretty solid one. If you’ve got the time, download it, what harm could it do?

Under the Inﬂuence by PNC In celebration of the government raising student loan repayments, I thought it was time to plug some free music. Yes, free is also my favourite price and it appears I am 2% more inclined to discover free music all of a sudden. So when PNC started drip feeding singles for free download, I was interested. Finally the album Under the Inﬂuence was available in its entirety for free download. And what an album. PNC’s fourth offering is

Reviews

a varied and interesting hip hop album. It has some honest and no nonsense verses and concepts intermingled with catchy beats and hooks. However, it’s PNC’s ﬂow that is the key to this album. He transverses slower tracks like As I Fly and quicker numbers like To the Stars with an ease and conﬁdence and never forsakes groove for choppy vocals. One of the stand outs on this album is when he does both at once on Stranger Part I and II. The song is split between a smooth vibe where it appears PNC is just starting to gain some insight and then an aggressive tirade where all insight has quickly evaporated. He hasn’t tried to hide behind being cool or aloof and therefore the song comes across as much more genuine.

Written by HP

“The album itself feels as though PNC is on the verge of discovering something”

Introducing Camus by David Mairowitz

living if we acknowledge that there’s no God in the universe. A lack of divine purpose means that the universe is essentially meaningless, yet humans have an innate desire to find purpose in what they do. ‘The absurd’ then refers to the human quest to find meaning in life that doesn’t exist. Despite years of passionate involvement in World War Two, the Algerian conflict, and an intellectual break with Jean-Paul Sartre, Camus never lost his fascination with ‘the absurd’ and wrestled with the concept his entire life. For him there was only one serious philosophical question – to choose life or not. In other words whether or not to commit suicide.

‘What is the use of a book that has no pictures or conversations in it?’ remarks a bored Alice in one of the most famous opening passages in literature – from Alice in Wonderland. Lewis Carroll’s sentiment is an excellent one, and it’s what makes the ‘Introducing’ series of books so good. There’s plenty of illustrations and speech in a series that covers the major intellectual bases of Western thought. From Cultural Studies to Evolutionary Psychology, the ‘Introducing’ series is a much better way to dip your toes into a new subject than Dikipedia. As well as schools of thought like Marxism, the series also introduces individuals who have started a whole new way of thinking by themselves. In this instance we have Albert Camus, often called a communist, or an existentialist, but an original thinker in his own right, who tried to resist such easy labels.

Now if this sounds pretty heavy and depressing, you’re not alone. Camus’ writing prompted his followers to pre-date goths by dressing in black, thinking morose thoughts and not putting milk in their coffee. It wasn’t all bad news though. Happily enough Camus’ work reveals he did ﬁnd answers to his questions, and didn’t end up taking his own life. He just died in a car crash instead.

Written by Kevin Pryor

Fifty Shades of Grey by E.L. James

Soft core porn in a book. These were the first words someone used to describe this book to me. And safe to say, I was instantly intrigued. Although knowing the book initially started as an online Twilight fan fiction put me off a bit, I thought what the hell, I’ll give it a go... Anastasia Steele is a clumsy college student about graduate, who is roped into interviewing entrepreneur and billionaire, Christian Grey for the college’s student newspaper. After literally falling through his office door and into his arms, she spirals into a complicated and enticing ‘relationship’ with this handsome, mysterious and deeply disturbed ‘God’ of a man. From private helicopters to the “Red Room of Pain”, Ana is dragged into a world she has never even known existed, with a man who is fifty shades of fucked up. Wow, just wow. This book is actually a decent read. The writing style is simple and flows well. While Fifty Shades of Grey does have slightly clever and humorous moments, it’s not filled with complicated words and sentences, so it makes for really easy light reading. It only took me a day to get through... To be honest I struggled to put it down. While the book is simply written it doesn’t in any way skimp on the detail. The way James uses Ana’s subconscious and ‘inner-goddess’ to really illustrate the internal conflict she constantly seems to be in is rather enlightening. And yes, the erotic, BDSM inspired sadomasochistic sex is also vividly described in intricate detail. I can see why some would call it soft-core porn in a book. Anyway, I am off to go and buy ‘Fifty Shades Darker’ and Fifty Shades Freed’. Yea it’s a trilogy, and I really want to know how this all ends.... I would imagine with more erotic sex... A lot more.

Written by Courtney Q

Camus’ contribution to Western thought was the concept of ‘the absurd.’ By this he meant that in logical terms, it is absurd to go on

Reviews

playing on easy difﬁculty ﬁrst, to get used to the game.

Deadly Premonition

The voice acting is rather B-grade, but it is competent enough. The soundtrack is great, but it adds to the weird factor when it starts playing happy up-beat music when you are examining a corpse. All in all, if the game was judged on its individual parts, it would be terrible. But somehow the bad graphics, the bad voice acting and the bad controls all come together amazingly well. If you want this game, you will have to buy it from overseas. 9/10

Written by Craig Barrett

I doubt that many of you have heard of this game. This is a Japanese open-world survival horror game from Japanese director SWERY. Don’t worry though, this is a GOOD survival game unlike recent releases (I’m looking at you, Resident Evil 5). You play as FBI Agent Francis York Morgan, investigating a gruesome murder in the small town called Greenvale. The story is the main drawing point here, as it’s full of deep mystery and deceit, as every character you meet seems to have a hidden agenda. The story takes a while to get going, but when it does you will be intrigued. I am going to make a note here: This game actually caused me to question reality at some points. You start the game ﬁghting these zombie-like things that bleed purple blood and that jump inside York’s body through his mouth to kill him. The game gives no explanation as to what they are or why they are there or why York keeps to referring to a Zach person who is never there (although this is explained near the end of the game). The game has an interesting pulse mechanic. As York performs actions, his heart rate increases. If his heart rate goes too high, you cannot perform actions. I recommend

Reviews

American Vampire by Scott Snyder and Stephen King

When I grew up vampires were killers. Sarah Michelle Gellar taught me vampire were predators; Blade taught me that they could be heroes. But constantly, they were ruthless. Undead, rotten, and lethal. Nothing without a pulse was ever supposed to be pretty. Synder, the man behind Watchmen, picked up his pen with the intention of reversing the recent

trend of confused, love-struck saps, and bring back the ‘stone killers’ vampires were supposed to be. Set in the roaring 1920s of America’s post-war cash train, the plot broadly reads as a story of greed in the growing nation. The first few pages instantly set the two scenes taking you from a moonlit gravesite and to a gilded Los Angeles movie studio. The writers have clearly invested a lot in grounding the story into a solid historical foundation that creates a real grounding that allows for more fantastic stretching of certain graphic panels, which would otherwise undermine the credibility of the story. The artwork changes distinctly between settings, focusing on heavy black lines and clean block colours for the present Los Angeles, then switching to more shading and rougher lines for the flashbacks when the story gets a bit messier. The style is a familiar Vertigo style, similar to that of V for Vendetta though much cleaner due to the more modern printing methods. This style allows for exaggerated sketches that would look ridiculous in the modern western style, a point that is exploited brilliantly in certain scenes. The cover graphic is beautiful, a different style from the rest of the piece, but intriguing and brilliantly sets the tone. I took this book on a limb wanting to find something different, and it did not disappoint. The artwork was sharp, and the storyline was a great ride. This isn’t an epic, there are no flying, destroying superheroes like the avengers, so, if you’re looking for that you will be disappointed. It’s an easier, fun story. That being said there has clearly been a huge amount of work put into the story and graphics which is easy to appreciate, and the quality of the physical production of book really supports that. Every aspect - quality. Give it a go.

Written by DC

Monroe) playing an Irish Author with writers block.

The Way

The majority of you will only know Emilio Estevez as the guy from the Mighty Ducks films if at all but once upon a time he was a member of the brat pack and one of Hollywood’s brightest young actors staring in teen angst films like the breakfast club, repo men and young guns. His father Martin Sheen (The West Wing) was already an established presence in Hollywood following his star turn in Apocalypse Now and his brother Charlie was just a few hookers and some coke away from worldwide fame. The brief history lesson might seem a strange way to start a film review but “The Way” is all about the relationship between father and son. Written and directed by Estevez the film depicts Tom (Sheen) a grieving father whose son died in severe weather in the Pyrenees while trying to walk the Way of St. James (also known as the Camino de Santiago), a pilgrimage of hundreds of miles that ends in northwest Spain at a cathedral where the Apostle James is said to be buried. Tom decides to complete his son’s pilgrimage spreading his ashes as he goes. Along the way he meets a few neurotic characters including a scene stealing James Nisbett (Cold Feet,

This film is Estevez’s first since nearly bankrupting himself after directing and producing the commercial failure “Bobby” about the life of Bobby Kennedy. Having seen both films it is clear how much his experience with “Bobby” had changed him as a director. While the biopic had taken six years to make “The Way” was completed in 40 days of filming and wasn’t weighed down by history or expectation. The result was a movie that felt personal and allowed me to instantly connect with the character. Perhaps the real stroke of genius was casting both he and his father in the roles of father and son. The obvious chemistry combined with the ability to write so well for Sheens distinct delivery resulted in dialogue that was authentic but allowed for just the right amount of sentimentality without overselling it. As great as the characters and the dialogue are though I can’t help but feel this movie never really went anywhere. It wasn’t a weighty tale of morality or self discovery and you get the feeling that even at the end of the movie Tom hasn’t really found what he was looking for not that I expected everyone to run off and find Jesus at the end. Would I watch it again? Sure. Will it make my top 10 for the year? Probably not.

Dora’s Cafe 105 Collingwood Street Dora’s is my local. There is possibly something inherently biased about critiquing the cafe you go to almost every day, where you know the staff well enough to order simply by walking in the door and saying “hi,” and your tacky cartoon sketches are pinned to the notice board. But why should this little gem of an eatery miss out on a review, just because I happen to spend half my paycheck there every week?

Dora’s excellent muesli. Photo: Mackenzie McCarty With this attitude in hand, I order a bowl of their self-proclaimed, “probably the best in town,” macadamia nut muesli ($10.50), which I have never tried. It is most definitely the best I’ve had, and I’m not just saying this because I hope Misty will make me a free long black ($3.50). Macadamia nuts, pumpkin seeds, sunflower seeds, cashews, and other bits and bobs all toasted in honey and served with creamy plain yogurt and berries, yum. It’s gluten free as well, if you swing that way. My friend takes on the salmon bagel ($10), which is basic and comes with cream cheese and capers. The bagel itself isn’t amazing or anything, but then again, you need to fly to the States if you want amazing bagels. You get plenty of salmon though, and lots of cream cheese. The espresso here rarely fails to impress and if Misty, the barista, is in a good mood, it comes with cheeky comments and a heavy dose of banter. Grant, the manager, is a sweetheart. You get the feeling when you walk into this place that you’ve entered something special, a community of sorts. Don’t come here for exotic food, fancy plating, or chic décor. Come here because you want genuine warmth and a reliably good coffee. It’s kind of like eating at home, only much better. In a class of its own.

Written by Wintec Journalism student, Mackenzie McCarty waikatoindependent.co.nz

Reviews

Cereal I walked into the silent lecture hall to find half a dozen (or maybe it was only six) students around a very large internal combustion engine that had been bolted to a table. Two questions and the spring-loaded door struck me. The first question was, why would there be an engine in a linguistics class? And my second questing, how did they manage to drive the table in here without a warrant? A very fleeting thought came to me that this was in fact not my linguistics class, and these students were obviously anthropologists. I backed out quietly and slowly into the hall. I looked at my timetable, which told me that I was half an hour too early, that I was at the wrong classroom, on the wrong floor, that I shouldn’t consume too much salt and that I’d meet a beautiful stranger at midnight. The classroom was a floor above me, but as I was in the Education building I needed to take the elevator down two storeys. Slaying a dragon, asking for a key from a wizard and an element of time travel would also be required; however I bypassed all of that because it was O week. Finding the correct class, I walked in and took a seat in the nearest row to the door. I looked around at my fellow students. Here was the typical bunch of students that I grew accustomed to seeing in almost all of my lectures to follow. There was the stereotypical hot Asian chick, and the stereotypical pimply-faced young guy who forever ogles stereotypical hot Asian chicks. There was Tom who spoke with Jane, the I’m-not-emo-but-l-look-like-one guy, three girls who looked and dressed exactly the same, the young guy who insists on wearing a cap who would be later known as “captain obvious”, and the clueless looking mature student in the nearest row to the door. There was a clank at the window of a grappling hook, followed by the climbing-in-the-window sound of someone climbing through the window. “Am I late?” asked the new arrival. “Ah, the window - Wish I thought of that”, came a voice from the back of the room, “I had to slay a dragon to get here”. The door opened and a monstrously tall skinny student walked in and sat next to me. He proceeded to take out a laptop and a 1960s fondue cooker from his backpack. “Wow, I haven’t seen one of those for years” said I. The Skinny shot a look at me, puzzled. “It’s called a l-a-p-t-o-p”, said he, “I guess you didn’t have them in the 1940s when you were at school, hu”. He then turned his fondue cooker upside down and rested a textbook against it. I was going to make a lot of friends in this class. By Skippy

Opinion

Verbose Verbiage

Recently added to the standard list of abbrevs, ‘totes’ is defs not very presh! I ﬁrst heard it used a couple of years ago. In a conversation with a friend of a friend, I casually asked, “Are you glad to be back?” With a ﬂick of the hair and a stumble of the high heel, she replied, “TOTES!” I paused and then cringed, and not because of her lisp. It took me a moment to work out what this monstrous abbreviation stood for. But as soon as I did, the connotation was violently ingrained in my mind. If you’re anything like me, you can understand how gross the word sounds. While it does the unnecessary job in chopping one syllable off a three-syllable word, it makes the speaker sound horribly uneducated! Like blurting out “Bah!” not with the intention of impersonating a sheep, but simply to add your two cents. An angel recently revealed to me that the word we seek to destroy is, in fact, its very own weakness. In order for it to destroy itself, we (those of you who care, and I) must become wielders of the word and master it. But unlike the heathens who use it with as much fervour as they would ‘loathe’, our job is to be perpetually conscious for when it ought to be used. Sarcasm. Sarcasm is the key. Pretend you’re a guy who hasn’t shaved in a while. “When was the last time you shaved?” a friend asks. “This morning,” you reply through the coarse tendrils of your beard. “Re-really?” “Totes!” See what you’ve done? You’ve appealed to his folly. Not all people are as gullible; most would probably reply, “No, seriously, take my hedge trimmers.” But for those who don’t, sarcasm is called. If you strictly use ‘totes’ in such contexts, they’ll learn that you only say it when you’re being sarcastic. And if you’re fortunate, it’ll rub off on them. Conversely, the recipient of your sarcasm may share your hatred for the word. Thus, using ‘totes’ in this way will spark a warm conversation about how stupid it sounds, after which you will have discovered another member in the legion of Totes (God-willing, poor grammar) Haters. It’s win-win. It’s imperative to note, however, that ‘totes’ cannot be used at just any time where sarcasm is called. The blatant sarcasm must always begin from you with the word in question. Naturally, ‘totes’ is transformed from the absurd abbreviation for ‘totally’ into a light-hearted insult while justly undermining the integrity of the word itself, as well as its heathen hosts, all in the hope that they’ll see the error of their ways and repent. Let us all unite to repair the sundered veil which separates light from darkness! By Pseudonym

www.wcard.co.nz

s the Educator Coordinator of Young Workers’ Resource Centre I am regularly chatting to job seekers and listening to the challenges, successes and predicaments they face.

I have solutions? A positive attitude with a belief that things will come right is what comes to mind but this is much easier said than done. I suspect we as a community including families, businesses, organisations, institutions and future leaders need to work together to ensure all policies are effective and support young people in to jobs with opportunities and fair pay. The policies and decisions now will impact young people in years to come.

Many young people in Hamilton are looking for work and/or are underemployed (meaning they are not working as much as they would like). When calling Student Job Search about a job; one student watched the job disappear from the internet that left 22 jobs; two of which were au pair jobs in the USA. Equally and perhaps more so; qualified graduates are having trouble finding work that is relevant to the industry they would like to work in. Often graduates are settling to continue onto Masters studies (then finding they are over qualified) or settling for roles that do not require any of the skills they have spent three years refining and $30,000 on. Most of the time Graduates are prepared to start at the bottom and work their way up, but even this seems to be impossible, with little jobs available and most of them requiring relevant experience. For young people who have to stay in Hamilton because of family, responsibilities this can be even harder. In the weekend 6000 people went to the jobs in Aus expo. However heading to Oz could be a difficult decision for students. Feeling a infinity to New Zealand and a responsibility to give back to the county that enabled students to become skilled seems to feels like a priority. Not to mention the threat of interest on the student loan. However what I have noticed is as time goes on the possibility of long term unemployment or un-filling employment becomes a reality and then more graduates decide to make the move. This is a student issue; the question is where does the problem come from, is it youth that are just nor up to standard? Or is it the labour market failing to provide quality opportunities for young people? Do

hey haven’t eaten properly for days. Estelle and Eugene haven’t been budgeting and have run out of money for food. They have heard it is possible to get emergency food but don’t know what to do. The Citizen’s Advice Bureau Hamilton provides advice and information from four locations. They are at 55 Victoria St (Mon-Fri 8.45am-5pm), 70 Kent St Frankton (Mon-Fri 9am-4.30pm), Garden Place (Mon-Fri 11am-2pm) and the Cowshed at the University (Thurs 11-1pm). They also have legal and consumer services available where you can get more specialized help. Book an appointment at WSU. Phone the CAB on 0800 367 222 (0800 FOR CAB) or look at the CAB website “http://www.cab.org. nz”www.cab.org.nz The University ﬁnancial advisor can help -make an appointment at the Accommodation Ofﬁce. Contact the Citizens Advice Bureau as they have a list of agencies and know what is required to get a food parcel. Which ever option is chosen, it will require attention to budgeting.

oing flatting for the first time can be an exciting experience, and for most first year students this would be a new sense of independence and responsibility. But, to maintain a positive environment in your household there are a number of different facts that you may want to take on board - this could also be explained as knowing your rights and responsibilities as a tenant as explained on the Department of Building and Housing website. The Residential Tenancies Act 1986 says you must: - Pay the rent – Even if you’re unhappy about something to do with the place, you still have to pay the rent on time. - Keep the place reasonably clean – It doesn’t need to look perfect, but it does need to be reasonable. - Tell the landlord if something needs to be fixed - If something breaks down or goes wrong, tell the landlord straight away. It is the landlord’s responsibility to repair and maintain the place. It is your responsibility to tell the landlord about any problems. It’s a good idea to put it in writing for the landlord as well, and keep a copy. - Be a good neighbour – Don’t disturb other tenants or neighbours. Remember: It’s your home! The landlord owns the place, but while you rent it, it is your home. This means the landlord has to respect your peace and privacy. The landlord can come inside, but only at certain times: - To inspect the place – but no more than once every four weeks and they must give you 48 hours’ notice that they are going to do an inspection. (or in the case of a boarding house tenancy, 24 hours’ notice) - To fix something – they can come inside to do the repairs after giving you 24 hours’ notice. - In case of emergency. If the landlord wants to come inside for some other reasons then they need your permission by law. If it happens to you, talk to the Department of Building and Housing or visit their website for more information. If you’re having difficulties in your household then book an appointment with Amber on 07 856 9139 or email her at advocacy@wsu.org.nz

never thought I’d get in a fight with an elderly lady at a supermarket. It wasn’t a dirty town fight or anything, no punches were thrown, there was no pulling of hair or calling of names. It was just me and an elderly woman in the fruit section of a supermarket. Ironically, it was about something called ‘ethical choice’. Ethical choice is a sticker that Dole put on their bananas. It doesn’t mean anything. It is just a sticker they printed because ‘ethical consumption’ is cool. Dole aren’t especially ethical, so instead of changing the way they do things, they printed a bunch of stickers that say ‘ethical choice’ and their website. No independent verification of anything they claim ‘ethical choice’ offers, no certification system, no evidence of anything ‘ethical’. It is green-washing at it’s finest.

situation. Then I saw she had that ‘miscreant youth causing trouble’ glint in her eye. ‘Who gave you permission to do that?’ she demanded. Um. Who gave Dole permission to treat people so badly and print a sticker claiming otherwise? Why does the right of a transnational corporation to not have it’s advertising tampered with come before the rights of people and the destruction of ecosystems? Why should I be more accountable to a company than the company is to people? She is technically right, I did not have ‘permission’ but in basically every other way she is wrong. People matter more than permission. People matter more than proﬁt.

As with a lot of things it was mega profits for ‘middle men’ that got the banana trade started. Captain Lorenzo Dow Baker bought 160 bunches of bananas for one shilling So, I was happily taking the stickers per stalk in Jamacia in 1870 and sold off the bananas when this lady asked them for 2 dollars a bunch in me what I was doing. I foolishly Jersey City. Profit is the motive embraced the opportunity to talk to for the ‘Ethical choice’ sticker, her about the atrocity that is Dole it is hijacking the idea of ethical Bananas; the low wages workers consumption as a means to alleviate receive (think less than $3 for a 12 poverty which lies behind fair trade, hour day in some cases), dangerous without providing any social or pesticides being used extensively environmental benefit. Why should (the equivalent we accept that of 65kg of behaviour from People matter more pesticide per any corporation? worker per year than permission. People Why not reclaim is used in one matter more than profit. our consumer Costa Rican power instead plantation), Human Rights Watch of relegating ourselves to a discovered child slave labour with passive position of acceptance where children as young as 10 working 12 we are complicit in allowing trade hour days, there are accusations of injustices to continue. extra judicial killings of employees who try to form representative What does consumer power even groups to ask for better working mean when there are 5 transnational conditions, deforestation and a companies controlling more than history of starting coups against 80% of the global banana trade? governments (United Fruit The big five are Dole, Chiquita, Del Company- the parent company to Monte, Noboa and Fyffes. What does Dole- in Guatemala, 1954). She consumer power mean when there looked shocked. I was kind of is more than 105 million tones of pleased, as it is a really shocking bananas produced every year, the

majority of which is from plantations that are estimated to receive less than 10% of the profit with which to cover costs, including wages? What does consumer power mean when our decisions need to be based on our bank accounts, so the real cost of cheap bananas is paid for in poor social conditions and environmental degradation? What is consumer power without meaningful choice, as even where ethical products exist not everyone has the luxury of being able to afford them. Consumer power is not equally distributed, lower incomes mean ‘ethical choice’ may be the only choice. Captain Planet (nearly) said it...by our (consumer) powers combined! Fortunately, the strength of consumer power is not solely dependant on one persons spending but is in the collective demand for products that have independent ethical certifications. Choosing fair trade whenever possible has an immediate impact on the producers livelihood, and contributes to a wider impact on the behaviour of corporations. The good news is that there is a fair trade banana in New Zealand- a truly ethical choice. All Good Bananas are sourced directly from a small cooperative of 430 farms in El Guabo in Ecuador. The farmers are guranteed a stable minimum price and a fair trade social premium which the community decides democratically how to spend. So far they have built a 24hour medical center, provided school supplies to the community, build a school for children with special needs, and are investing in environmentally friendly farming methods to stop polluting their water and reduce soil erosion. Fair Trade is the only ethical trade initiative that holistically encompasses the diverse issues faced by small scale producers in developing countries and empowers one end of the global supply chain to assist the other. That isn’t just the exercise of consumer power, it is the creation of producer power. All Good Bananas are all good. And you don’t just have to take their word for it. They have an independent certification. A label, not a sicker. Lifestyle