STUDENT GYM MEMBERSHIP

1. Choice selection.

2. Choice people.

3. Outrageous amount of space.

4. Mirror room great for krump practice.

5. Friday night pick-up basketball.

6. Get ankles broken at Friday night pick-up basketball.

7. Seriously big weights room.

16. Table tennis duels (to the death of course).

17. Member of the Month honours.

18. Punching bags able to withstand karate chops.

19. Limited edition lanyards.

20. JTR.

64. Cause headaches with uneven weight plates.

65. Reply to emails, check the weather and finish that script you’ve been working on these past few years between sets.

66. Finally beat your dad in an arm wrestle.

91. Very lit Zumba classes (think Outback dancefloor).

92. Outdoor pools for bomb practice.

93. Indoor pools not for bomb practice.

94. H.I.I.T.

95. Debut your latest Gymshark haul.

122. Women’s Weights. 123. Super cool and nice trainers.

124. 1x ice cold drinking fountain whose location shall remain anonymous.

125. Get your butt kicked by REV instructor Steph (either one).

126. Finally beat your mum in an arm wrestle.

148. Excuse not to study. 149. Summer bod maintenance.

150. Learn powerlifting. 151. Surprise yourself.

152. Aggressive pre-town pump.

153. Crack the honours board top 10.

177. Sasa’s legendary bootcamps.

178. Foam rolling for the muscle knots but actually the chinwags.

179. Post workout feeds at Bongo.

180. 180 windmill dunks in the sports hall (if unable to dunk please see #181).

181. 180 windmill layups in the sports hall.

199. Showers with decent water pressure.

200. Underestimate the stairmaster.

201. Die on the stairmaster.

202. Crack a muscle-up.

203. Get called to reception by Vanessa.

204. Test out the new gym playlist to determine if Taylor Swift can withstand the force of a bodyweight deadlift.

205. Forget your gym towel for the 23rd time this week.

206. Get a new training program.

207. Train for parkrun.

255. Social Sport league.

256. Did we mention a place to krump?

257. Mental wellbeing.

258. Physical wellbeing.

259. Weights room used to be a nightclub (ask James).

260. Steptember.

261. Not Les Mills.

262. Crowd DJ.

263. ‘Most Smiley Reception Staff’ award winner 3 years in a row.

264. Big ol’ sports hall.

291. Flex the 1998 West Ham home kit you spent your entire course related costs on.

292. Update your experience on Linkedin with your latest bench.

293. Master the skipping rope.

294. Catch a Muski basketball training camp.

295. Spot a mate (in the weights room).

296. Spot a mate (at the front desk).

297. Spot a mate (at Kahurangi when they swore they were too sick to come to the gym).

310. Plenty of space to krump if you wanted to.

311. Gym tag in a pleasant shade of orange.

312. Yoga.

333. Try get crocs past security (reception).

334. Start a fitness IG.

335. Get sponsored by Sportsfuel.

336. Become wildly famous.

356. Pre-season training.

357. Spot a Silver Fern.

358. Rationalise the 5 coffees a day by rebranding them as ‘pre-workout’.

359. Forget headphones to better appreciate true devastation.

360. Your knees.

361. Let everyone know on Snapchat that you gym.

362. Stress relief.

363. Fall in love with someone at reception.

364. Body Blast.

365. Hit a milestone.

366. Learn to krump.

367. Acquire Steph Curry range at practice.

368. Showcase Rudy Gobert range at the game.

369. Damn you fine.

370. Good lighting.

371. Free exercise consultations.

372. Drop-in volleyball.

373. Grow muscles in strange new places you didn’t know could grow muscles.

374. Start a diet.

375. Abandon diet.

376. Realise balance is key.

AVAILABLE UNTIL 31 MARCH 2023. TERMS & CONDITIONS APPLY. 12 MONTH, 6 MONTH AND FLEXI-TERM CONTRACTS ALSO AVAILABLE.

382. Opportunity to obliterate your panda dunks via calf raises.

383. Bring a buddy with bring-a-buddy.

384. Squash courts.

385. Eat a PB (sandwich), then hit a PB (squat).

387. Lose count of your reps.

395. Cardio.

396. Improve your strength and stamina for that drunk wrestling league you and your mates seemed to have started.

397. Decent backdrop for a BeReal.

398. Test out the latest batch of your pre-workout homebrew.

399. Content.

400. Kick Box.

413. Grunt a bunch.

414. Spend 45 mins just on the warmup.

415. Skip core.

416. Skip class for a (group ex) class.

417. UniRec swag.

418. High Performance room for medium and low performers as well.

419. Catch-up with mates.

420. Discover your playground.

28 Reviews

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Editor Jak Rāta editor@nexusmag.co.nz

Designer

Stien Huizenga design@nexusmag.co.nz

Media Designer

Jordan Fritz jordan@nexusmag.co.nz

Deputy Editors

Tehana De Klerk tehana@nexusmag.co.nz

Darts & Crafts

Horoscopes

Cooked Cooking Puzzles

Seamus Lohrey tehana@nexusmag.co.nz

Staff Writers

Yashanshi Kala

Joel Collins

Te Ao Māori Editor

Kae’sharn Hose

Social Media

Leilani Goodall

Cover Art

Jordan Fritz

Contributors

Dave Snell

Marātea Mohi

Kat Jones

Oliver Dunn

Kaihautu Rāta

Dr. Sex Bing

Nexus is a magazine made by students, for students. As such it’s sometimes controversial views don’t actually represent those of the Nexus Editor, the writers, or the sponsors.

Location

The Nexus office is located down the hall at the WSU, usually with Alexa playing terribly dated music.

Printing

The Forest Stewardship Council® (FSC®) is an independent, not for profit, non-government organization established to support environmentally appropriate, socially beneficial, and economically viable management of the world’s forests. FSC® vision is where the world’s forests meet the social, ecological, and economic rights and needs of the present generation without compromising those of future generations.

It’s been a year since we first heard about Russia’s invasion of Ukraine. Data shows approximately 500 innocent children’s death and almost 1,000 injured by explosive weapons. While in the past people were insensitive and made (somewhat) viral TikToks on Ukraine for laughs, the truth of the situation is in no way laughable. The UN Children’s Fund announced that more than 800 health facilities have been damaged or destroyed. Additionally, schools were damaged, impacting 7.8 million children, out of which more than 5 million cannot access education.

“Manstabbedtodeathin Wyomingbygirlfriend–26 February 2023”

On Wednesday, February 8th, around 3:30pm, there was a fatal crash in Whangārei, killing one individual. Now, just over two weeks later, upon reaching no recent lead, police are appealing for witnesses. The police department is seeking information from anyone who saw a “white Toyota Yaris hatchback or a blue Toyota Hilux prior to the crash to get in touch”. While this isn’t pertinent to anyone local to Waikato, the statement still stands.

Andrew Moore, a shearer, died on Monday in hospital after receiving severe stab wounds on his left side by his girlfriend in rage. Moore’s girlfriend, Monique Sullivan, has been charged with second-degree murder and is currently in jail in the rural town of Kemmerer. The Kiwi couple was heavily drunk at a party, when during an argument, the girlfriend felt “angry” and stabbed Moore with a kitchen knife. With a bond of $500,000 and under the Wyoming law, her charge is defined as “killing purposefully with malice,” indicating she’ll serve 20 years to life in prison if convicted.

Police finally release the name of the victim involved in a fatal crash, a 37-year-old Carla Murray from Christchurch. The crash that took place at an intersection of Withells Rd and Rangitata Highway (State Highway 1), at about 3:45am on February 18th left three people seriously injured.

Finance Minister Grant Robertson announces that businesses impacted by Cyclone Gabrielle can get up to $40,000. This is to assist them with immediate costs of the damages. If the amount does not prevent the businesses from further loss, it is possible that they [the businesses] will be able to apply for more later. Furthermore, the Minister also indicates future announcements on funding support.

Early morning + lectures = D’s—the other kind of d…

A new study in Singapore showed students performed worse when lectures/school start at 8am. Teenagers’ (the annoying scumbags who think they’re cool after getting 30 likes on Instagram) sleeping patterns shift during puberty, and so do other things. And yet somehow, these imbeciles are being prioritised; now, a 9:45 start to school is recommended! Wtf about us? Does this ring a bell UoW? Y’all hear this? Cancel my 8 and 9 AM classes. I don’t want that kind of a D.

Lectures

Brent Rivera is finally getting cancelled?

The lad who inspired our PM to endorse “spread your legs” by making his sister spread her legs as they go down the escalator said some shitty stuff recently. The cringy YouTuber with the most basic ass hairstyle makes fun of another YouTuber over using an iPhone for recording videos. Yeah, the same Brent Rivera- who could endorse Viagra with that surname- is still friends with a girl that called him out on his failed bedroom techniques. Him. Yeah, he had the audacity.

Nepobaby(Bieberwife)alivingjoker

26 but still needs her husband’s ex to keep her relevant on social media, Hai-low has lowered her non-existing standards once again. Apart from being besties with women her husband has explored on various occasions before, the ‘model’ is a natural bully. An old video surfaces on the internet where Bieber’s wife trolls a successful and self-made woman, causing Selena Gomez to really say, ‘it ain’t me’.

Net-flexcannolongerflex

The ‘Wednesday’ cast’s photos as the new profile icon isn’t enough to keep users from cancelling their Netflix subscription. The downfall of the company’s ‘strategy’ has stirred the news a lil, with the stock falling 5%. Turns out, people don’t want to pay extra to watch ‘Love is Blind’. Besides, Stranger Things isn’t out anytime soon. For those that like it. For those.

Titanicdudewitha21yrold. Again

Leonardo DiCaprio- who is actually a Scorpio- spotted with a 21 year old. Partying. If he was younger, I’d love to be delusional and say ‘I had a chance’ as a fellow 02’ kid. But what can I say, the model is stuck in the 90s vision. Someone pass her my lens cleaner. She has 4 years left though, so ain’t too bad, I guess, eh.