Nina Pacheco Entertainment Editor Entertainment@nexusmag.co.nz
Ruby Tocker Columns Editor Columns@nexusmag.co.nz
Maia Elanora News Editor News@nexusmag.co.nz
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Joe Laybourn
Sarah Smith
Alex Eaglestone
Frankie Van Jaarsveld
Riley Hunt
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Temepara Smith yell@nexusmag.co.nz
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too hungover to title this
Twelve hangovers and too many nights at the Don later, we’ve finally made it to the party themed issue. I think it’s fair to say our writing team are overqualified for this issue – more than half our pitches start as drunk rambles. But what even is a party? Is a sesh a party? Is the Outback a party?
A party requires the company of at least two substances. If you’re drinking at the sesh or smoking at the drinks; those are parties. Town is never a party. I don’t care if it’s 1am at Wonderhorse, unless someone’s at risk of losing their flat bond; not a party. If noise control isn’t called, firstly you’re lame and secondly, not a party. Having a DJ doesn’t make it a party unless you can smell sweat from down the road. You know what’s less cool than not having a DJ? Having a DJ playing for a crowd of two. If someone’s playing an acoustic guitar at 3am and no one’s listening; party. If people start trying to skate inside, maybe tail drop off a fridge, that’s a party. Broken limbs; party.
If someone’s on the clock, selling a little something, that’s a party. If everyone’s trying to sell something, that’s not a party, it’s a street corner. If only men are present, unless there’s leather, not a party. A girl’s nights only a party if there’s cocktails or tequila (shoutout Ayla). If the only topics of conversation are “What are you drinking?” and “How’s work”, that’s a (boring) social gathering; also, not a party. If there’s no arguing it’s not a party but if there’s only arguing, your flatmates ex has arrived. If everyone’s talking about their sobriety, not a party that’s an AA meeting. You know what? Your birthday? Not a party. Bear with me, any function with an underlying social dynamic, birthday, wedding reception, etc. isn’t a party it’s an event. If you’re pressured to praise or congratulate someone, instead of worshipping a Guinness, the whole vibe is off.
There’s a paradox where if everyone’s dancing, that’s a disco not a party, but you also can’t hear anyone talking (remember, loud music) so if everyone’s sat in a circle quietly, that’s not a party either. You’re left having to navigate the precise balance between dancing then getting bored, only to be still bored the moment you sit in silence, so you go and have a smoke because it’s all too stressful. The right balance of guest to activity goes something like 30% dancing, 30% smoking outside, 15% on the couches, 10% spilling tea in a bedroom, 5% vomiting ON the toilets, 5% passed out on the driveway, and 5% writing for the next issue of Nexus.
It’s only a party if there are multiple genders, a smörgåsbord of drugs, loud music, it’s no one’s fucking birthday, and you’re skating inside a shitty Hogan Street flat. If you can tell I wrote this drunk, then I guess I’m at a party now.
The Nexus office is located on the top floor of the SUB Building. Or we’re getting our fifth coffee.
NEXUS NEWS
No Longer Nameless: Serial sex offender loses bid to remain unidentified after 4 years
RUBY TOCKER
COLUMNS EDITOR
CONTENT WARNING: THE FOLLOWING STORY CONTAINS INFORMATION ABOUT SEXUAL ASSAULT THAT MAY BE HARMFUL TO SOME READERS.
22-year-old Auckland man Luca Fairgray has been identified as the convicted perpetrator of sexual offence against a minor in 2023.
Fairgray had sought to continue his name suppression following the conclusion of his trial on February 28th. The victim-survivor’s attempt to appeal the offender’s name suppression faced backlash from Fairgray’s lawyer aiming to uphold his anonymity.
Fairgray was found guilty of three counts of sexual contact with a minor and a further count of supply of cannabis. The girl was aged 13.
During the trial Fairgray’s lawyer had not disputed the fact that their client had entered into a sexual relationship with the victim-survivor but claimed that she had told him that she was 16.
Mr Fairgray’s lawyer had also put forward the argument that their clients Autism and social issues were a factor in his actions. Stating further that the jury needed to consider Fairgray’s condition or risked discriminating against him on the basis of disability.
Kate Green, reporting for Scoop, quoted Justice Ellen France, “As the High Court said, ‘any of his victims told him to stop. One in particular was screaming out in pain before he stopped.’ This was not a case of missing some social cues.” “The offending took place over an extended period of time and involved a number of victims - therefore, it could not be a case of “a teenager who has made some terrible mistakes”.
The Crown accepted he struggled in some social situations but otherwise was very intelligent and capable. Fairgray was remanded in custody by Judge Evangelos Thomas until sentencing on March 31st. Sexual connection with a minor carries a maximum sentence of 10 years. Fairgray had appealed all the way to the New Zealand Supreme Court to have his name suppression order remain intact postconviction but had failed at each stage of the appeal process.
Shortly after being named publicly, it came to light that in 2021 Fairgray had pleaded guilty to 10 charges against him involving six teenage girls including rape and sexual misconduct and was sentenced to 12 months home detention and 12 months supervision. The earliest offence had happened when both Fairgray and his victim-survivors were 14-years-old.
AUCKLAND HIGH COURT
However, because of Fairgray’s appeal process he was able to keep his name suppressed until last month even after subsequent new charges were filed.
Three of the victim-survivors in the 2021 case: Rosie Veldkamp, Mia Edmonds, and Ellie Oram – successfully applied to have their name suppression lifted in order to speak publicly about what happened to them and protect other women.
Again from Kate Green of Scoop, Edmonds shared All we really can do is hope that eventually, his name will come out, and anyone who is able to see that will feel more empowered to speak up if they’ve been through something like this.”, and from Veldkamp, “It has been an injustice to allow females to cross his path without knowing who he is and the disgusting crimes he has committed with no remorse again and again.”
Green reported from the judgment, “There may be other victims who might come forward if [he] is named,”.
“The victims are also concerned about the potential there will be other complainants in the future, absent any ability to warn young women about [his] previous offending.”
With the repeated sex offender being 22 until his name suppression was lifted, the sentiment of those harmed by Fairgray’s malice is a hope that protecting potential victimsurvivors will supersede the anonymity of those perpetuating harm for the youth of Aotearoa. With a commitment to rehabilitating and reintegrating young offenders, it would require continued precedent and a specific provision of the Criminal Procedure Act for New Zealand to more often lift name suppression when a young offender’s case is heard outside the Youth Court.
Where to get help: DOWN WITH THE SICKNESS
If it’s an emergency and you feel that you or someone else is at risk, call 111.
If you’ve ever experienced sexual assault or abuse and need to talk to someone, contact Safe to Talk confidentially, any time 24/7:
• Call 0800 044 334
• Text 4334
• Email support@safetotalk.nz
• For more info or to web chat visit safetotalk.nz
On campus student health offer support and a place to chat in person. Urgent appointments are also available:
• medcent@waikato.ac.nz
• (07) 838 4037
If you feel unsafe on campus, you can call UniSafe: • 07 838 4444 (Hamilton and Tauranga)
As any of our readers staying in the College Hall would know, the past two weeks have seen an outbreak of Covid-19 taking hold on campus. The University has taken steps to assist students through providing them alternative meals so that they can isolate and are being provided with free access to Covid-19 testing kits to stay on top of it. Though far from anything that might send us back into the dark ages of Zoom courses, it’s important that we understand how the virus functions and what steps we can take as a community on Campus to help protect each other. To that end, Nexus got in touch with Jo Thomas and Joanne Knight to better explain particulars about Covid-19 to us.
They told Nexus that, if you’re developing symptoms associated with Covid-19, you should test yourself and inform your RL or Halls Manager of the result ASAP! This will help them be clear of what’s going on with you, and help the University keep track of what needs to be done. You should stay home or in your room if you are sick, even if the test for Covid-19 comes up negative: You don’t need to spread any heeby jeebies around, and you also don’t need to risk making your situation worse. If you do have Covid-19, you can expect to recover from your symptoms between 2-4 weeks, and any activities you were doing that were impeded by Covid-19 should be all clear within 12 weeks. It’s important to note that not everybody experiences Covid-19 the same, and although YOUR recovery may not take so long, Covid-19 can remain spreadable for up to 10 days after symptoms begin. You should practice social distancing whenever you’re in a crowded place, and spend your time away from others in clean, ventilated spaces.
You also shouldn’t share drinking receptacles, vapes, food, or utensils, but you shouldn’t really be doing that anyways. Your risk of infection increases significantly in an environment like the halls, where you are sharing a living space with several dozen people on your floor alone, so it’s important to stay vigilant and keep constant ventilation and maintain strict hygiene both in regard to your body and also the surfaces you interact with. We got through it as a country before, I’m sure we can tackle it on campus.
Fuck-Goff (Apparently)
Phil Goff has served as our High Commissioner to the U.K from 2022. Served in the past tense, as he was sacked from the job by Foreign Minister Winston Peters following Goff’s remark that “President Trump has restored the bust of Churchill to the oval office. But do you think he really understands history?” on the 6th of March, which was followed by Peters describing the situation as “untenable”. But why is it that Goff had to be sacked so quickly, and what buttons had such a comment pushed? I wanted to know, so I reached out to someone smarter and less abrasive than me, Associate Professor Patrick Barrett, to tell us more. Patrick said that although Goff’s comments on Trump’s behavior “Were not wrong[...]What was questionable was saying them in his role as New Zealand’s High Commissioner.” He added on that “Helen Clark said it wasn’t a sackable offense, [...] though it does send a
message that this government is not going to criticise Trump’s decisions.” It looks like this is Peters continuing put his foot forward as a serious Independent, and not just a hang-on of Luxon’s coalition. The fact that Peters did this without consulting the Prime Minister, from where Patrick stands, “says something about the relationship between them.” It’s not Patrick’s opinion that this has anything to do with the historical relationship between Goff and Peters. That all said, this appears to be Peters enforcing respectability politics as a method to keep the relationship that Aotearoa has with the United States as amicable and smooth as possible, as he is due to visit America in the coming weeks and likely wants to avoid any factors that might serve as speedbumps in the way of foreign relations.
Christopher Luxon’s Interview with Mike Hosking
Christopher Luxon’s interview with Mike Hosking on Tuesday the 25th of February has generated a lot of public attention, mainly as Luxon yet again avoided answering yes or no questions. Hosking initially asked Luxon about the government’s work in supporting the police to make progress on disrupting gang activity. However, the bulk of the interview was made up of a discussion around the resignation of National Party Minister Andrew Bayley, following a second incident where he displayed inappropriate conduct. Hosking repeatedly questioned the Prime Minister on whether he would have sacked Bayley, and Luxon, consistently referring to the fact Bayley had made the decision to resign himself, avoided acknowledging that he would have fired him if he hadn’t resign. This has got old Luxie in a lot of hot water, as the public voices their frustration at having a leader who avoids giving clear answers. Luxon has since commented on the interview saying, “maybe I could have got to a ‘yes’ much quicker”.
Sex Education Star Sentenced to 15 years
Sex Education Star sentenced to 15 years for attacking five victims. Actor Alexander Westwood has been convicted of 26 crimes against children and pupils attending his acting tuition. He has been jailed for sex offences, including raping a schoolgirl who attended his acting lessons.
The 24-year-old is from Shropshire, has been sentenced to 15 and a half years by Judge Neil Chawla at Wolverhampton Crown Court. The actor appeared on the Netflix series ‘Sex Education’ and BBC’s ‘Doctors’ series. He was found guilty in December of multiple sexual offences against two young children, two teenage girls, and a woman. Between November
2020 and September 2021, Westwood had a relationship with an acting student of his, where he sexually assaulted her repeatedly. The actor had threatened to tell the girl’s school principal if she stopped her acting lessons with him and made her sign a contract owing him between £18,000 and £36,000 if she broke it.
11 of the sentences for Westwood’s 26 counts were reduced by half as he was a minor when the offences were committed. Judge Neil Chawla issued restraining orders with regards to all five victims and there was applause from the audience in the court when the sentencing was revealed.
MAIA ELANORA
STAFF WRITER | YELL@NEXUSMAG.CO.NZ
ALEX EAGLESTONE
SHORT NEWS FOR TALL PEOPLE THE VELVET IN-THE-GROUND
QUIGLEY CHEAPSKATE?
The velvetleaf weed has been spotted in three more sites across the North Island! Coming right in before the annual crop harvest. It’s no shocker that when you take on an alleged Green Fairy, Marijuanaut, & Cannabishop with the name Gandalf, you suddenly find one of the country’s most invasive weeds cast upon you like a plague. Waikato council says that this is a “wakeup call.” Yes, a wakeup call indeed! A call for the government to look at where the real epidemic lies: Nexus afterparties.
As a token of good will to struggling pupils, Vice Chancellor Quigley has handed out Lumpfish caviar as a way to show that students DO deserve decent food.
As diligent journalists, we found out the jar of caviar only costed the Vice Chancellor $7 dollars. Also, I didn’t really like it that much.
SPEED BUMP
Continuing the trend of the coalition government’s noble ‘War on Children’, about a dozen school zones in the Hamilton area are set to shift from permanent speed limited zones to variable speed zones. The change, including the installation of electronic signs, will cost about $10,000 dollars to implement in key sights. Thankfully, this government has tapped into a real life GTA infinite money glitch; the age-old tradition of sacrificing society’s young to Moloch. Hail HIM!
NEWSMAKER OF THE WEEK
ADAM SANDLER
In the recent Oscars, Adam Sandler carried out a skit with Conan O’Brien, poking fun at Trump’s argument at the Oval Office with Volodymyr Zelensky. In the interaction, O’Brien questioned why Sandler wasn’t wearing a suit, to which Sandler replied that he was a ‘good person’, paralleling Trump’s argument with Zelensky, in which he belittled and made fun of him for his casual attire.
A thousand words -
Photo of Cyclone Alfred’s affects- courtesy of SBS News
ATHLETES WITH SOME INTERESTING MUSIC CAREERS
1
2
3
John Cena Has an iconic entrance song. We all know it. But it’s hard to listen to because you can’t even see him rapping. Outside of a wrestling arena, the song is a little odd to listen to.
Manny Pacquiao Arguably did the “athlete music career” right for once. Made a few albums to play as his entrance music. Though, the songs remain forgettable and took a lot of digging to even find one.
JOE LAYBOURN
SPORT
4
Antonio Brown Giving very much SoundCloud rapper. CTE defiantly got to him when he made his album Paradigm.
Shaquille O’Neal Number one bag chaser. The only song to really go far was because Biggie carried.
5
Jacques Villeneuve Biggest music career flop. Selling a whopping 800 copies…. The saddest part is, he is now a joke in the F1 community.
SPORTS CRUSH OF THE WEEK
Carlos Sainz Jr.
STAFF WRITER | YELL@NEXUSMAG.CO.NZ
HOW TO PLAY: KING’S CUP
Everybody has their own drink, preferably a fresh one.
The king’s cup is placed in the middle, you should get a tall, tall glass for this. A cereal bowl can also work.
Players draw from a deck of cards, their effects are as follows:
Ace (Race): Players must crawl on their hands and knees to, and then back from, a chosen point. The last player to make it back must drink.
Two (You): The player that draws this card chooses someone else to drink and can make the target drink from their own beverage.
Three (Me): The player that draws must drink.
Four (Floor): The last player to touch the floor drinks.
This man is on his revenge arc. After being unceremoniously replaced by Lewis Hamilton in the Scuderia Ferrari Formula 1 team for 2025, Carlos Sainz has topped the pre-season testing charts in a Williams. The smooth operator is on a rampage, even in a certified back marker car. And of course, with that famously gorgeous hair he even filmed a L’Oréal commercial while he was at it.
Five (Guys): All guys take a drink.
Six (Chicks): All girls take a drink.
Seven (Heaven): Last person to touch the highest object, or the person who touches the lowest object, drinks.
Eight (Mate): You choose someone, whenever you drink; they drink, vice versa.
Nine (rhyme): One person says a word, moving counterclockwise everybody must say a word that rhymes. First person to take too long or not rhyme takes a drink.
Ten (Them): The enbys don’t get off scot free from five or six, anybody who doesn’t identify as a guy or gal takes a
Jack (categories): You have to decide a category of things. The person on your left, then their left, etc, must name something that fits into that category. First person to stammer or blank takes a drink.
Queen (questions): Whether it’s truth or dare, or torturing your mathematically illiterate friends, if they fail to answer your question correctly, they must drink. If they get it right, you must drink.
King (‘s Cup): Come up with a rule, such as having to have one eye closed, or having to rhyme everything you say. The first three times king is drawn, the drawer pours a bit of their drink into the king’s cup. The fourth person to draw king must then drink the accumulated concoction.
CENTRE
ALEX EAGLESTONE
STAFF WRITER | YELL@NEXUSMAG.CO.NZ
OTHER: WHY YOU SHOULD CARE ABOUT SPORT
Sports. There’s so many of them, right? Football, Rugby Union, Rugby League, Formula One, Netball, Cricket, Basketball… Some are more popular than others, and most people have a sport they consider their own. Maybe you follow Football because that’s the way of your family. Or you just love Rugby League because of the chaotic format, the wicked tries, and heartthrobs who play it.
Some of you have never followed a sport, because one hasn’t piqued your interest. Regardless, in this globalised era of ours where sport is a dominating part of the culture; sport can be utilised to build community and a fun way to consume media.
Attaching a sport to your identity or interests can broaden your horizons. You’ll extend your circle, build character, and have a new topic of conversation up your sleeve. With the insane popularity of sport, a thousand of disciplines, and plenty of team options, why wouldn’t you select a team to call your own. Pick an English Premier League team. Follow an FPL driver. Get behind a Super Rugby team. By doing that, you’ve now got something to follow and get invested in, but also, something to socialise for. You’re now a sports fan.
From here, the world is your oyster, endless possibilities of social activity have opened up to you. Start by keeping track of how your team is doing. Buy season tickets if your team’s home pitch is local, invite your friends over to watch the game, or go to the pub and watch it there. Watch a documentary. play fantasy sports games with your friends. Buy a shirt, hang up a poster, even get a tattoo. Gamble, though you probably shouldn’t.
The point is a sporting interest allows you to walk into a whole world of social activity, from casual conversations to intense get together and it doesn’t get much better than that.
Damien McKenzie:
Muscles-86: Man is strong. Looks like he has a decent push/pull/legs going on. Respect.
Grinning-99: Manages to merge a psycho-killer look with sexy. It works for me.
Business Expertise-75: He’s the co-founder of Grins Vodka Soda, so he knows more than a thing or two about how to make the skills pay the bills.
Photography-22: The type of guy to offer to take the photo of the group, only to turn the camera on himself and spam selfies. He thinks it’s really funny but it’s kinda not.
Nicknames-99: He’s DMac. He’s Damo. He’s The Smiling Assassin. He’s also hot as fuck but that’s not a nickname.
Special Skill: Being legitimately 5 foot 7 and still looking tough as fuck.
Weakness: Being born on the same day as Hitler and being born in Invercargill. Don’t know which one is worse.
WILD ODDS
Sacramento Kings will win the NBA Championship before the Los Angeles Lakers win their next title.
The Hurricanes will win Super Rugby this season.
Nick Kyrgios will compete at Wimbledon without arguing with the umpire or breaking a racquet.
IS THIS A SPORT?
Is Buzkashi a Sport?
Buzkashi is an Afghani sport which was banned by the Taliban for 20 years. The easiest way to describe this “sport” is capture the flag if the flag was a headless goat. Players must grab the carcass and get it to a certified area to win. This game gets very physical as players fight over the goat in order to win. The goal is to assert dominance and prove you are a warrior.
Considering its origins in traditional Afghani culture, and the sport’s evolution from rural pastime into televised competition Nexus concludes: Buzkashi is a sport.
CAMPUS FASHION CAMPUS FASHION CAMPUS FASHION
Identical twins and identical bags and glasses, too bad yall weren’t really matching tho, that would have been funnier.
TROUBLE
CAMPUS FASHION CAMPUS FASHION
CAMPUS FASHION
Meet Seamus
WSU Vice President
If your life had a soundtrack who would be the featured artist?
Leif Vollebekk
What is your death row last meal? A grape
If you could only achieve one thing this year as Vice-President, what would it be?
Heaps of wellbeing kaupapa set up to outlast me
What is your go to Karaoke song? Down with the Sickness by Disturbed
Who would play you in the story of your life?
Dwayne Johnson
STUDENT PRESIDENT | PRESIDENT@WSU.ORG.NZ
I’ve always enjoyed a good party—whether at a house, in town, or wherever the night takes me. Be that a night belting out karaoke at Billie’s or a session at House on Hood. But as I’ve gotten older, experienced more (and ideally become more mature), I’ve noticed the venues, the vibes, and even the reasons for partying have changed alongside me.
After earning a business degree and spending a handful of years at the University of Waikato, I’ve found myself in spaces I never expected. Post-internship galas, corporate Christmas parties, and networking events have started replacing the student house parties of my first years—along with weddings and baby showers. From sipping on bubbles in the Beehive, to drinks at the home of the Chair of the Reserve Bank, as well as the ViceChancellor of the University of Waikato, Neil Quigley. The scene has changed for me.
You can spot the shift in a few ways—the conversations, the dress code, the social cues. Instead of downing cheap shots, it’s sipping politely on a cocktail. The Air Forces and graphic tees have been traded in for dress shoes and collared shirts, and the biggest change? Figuring out that just because the drinks are free, doesn’t mean you should really make the most of it.
Of course, there are pros and cons. At these high-end events, drinks are usually free, and you don’t have to worry about the kind of drama that comes with student parties. But at the same time some things never change. Be careful to remember which audience you are talking to because you may end up at a very different Book Club than you thought, and mutual frustrations still bring people together, whether it’s commiserating over a tough work week or my One NZ Warriors getting smoked in their last game. In any arena, people always love a little gossip.
But one thing I’ve realised is that, despite the suits, black ties, and polished professionalism, the people in these spaces are still just people—no different from you or me, just a little older. They were all once first-years, high schoolers, teens, and deep down they still want to relive the glory days of yesteryear.
WSU
TEMEPARA SMITH
Lectured with Kyle Barrett
What crowd do you tend to go to at a party?
Depends on where and what the party is for. Normally I go with smaller crowds as you get better banter and can hear one another. There’s an old joke about the real parties happen in the kitchen, and it is true.
How important is going out for you?
I go through phases where I like to have a few in the pub, and then when it’s colder, I tend to stay in. I miss the ‘ye olde’ pubs from Glasgow – the proper inn-type places – that are great in winter (and summer, and spring – any time of the year, really).
Are you a house party or pub/club guy?
I like a decent pub. Haven’t really been to a party in a long time, to be honest. Not sure what that says about me. Clubbed a lot in my younger days but I think that’s behind me now.
What’s your funniest party story?
A friend of mine mistook where the bathroom was at a house party. And all I will say is that a family heirloom was mistaken for a commode. When they found out what had happened, their response was, “Well, that’ll decrease the value a bit.” I fell over laughing.
What’s your alcohol of choice?
Jameson’s straight if I’m out at a pub, or a negroni/dry vodka martini if I feel fancy.
If you had to go out with one of your colleagues, who would it be and why?
I always go for a drink with my mate Bill Cochrane. He’s never let me down. And we literally spend hours talking both utter nonsense and politics.
Favourite party song?
“Road Rage” by Catatonia – absolute banger. Either that or “Tubthumping” by Chumbawamba.
Where are your go to spots in Hamilton to go out?
Used to be the East Side Tavern (RIP) and occasionally the Hillcrest Tavern. Now, I mainly go to Neat (if I have the coin).
What was the best party you ever attended? And what made it so memorable?
My friends threw me a going away party before coming to Aotearoa. So many people turned up I began bawling my eyes out. Much love from whānau; was a major step for me to move overseas.
Is party culture better in Scotland or Aotearoa? Scotland. It’s a different vibe – even though there’s many similarities. You become part of small groups of random people, even if it’s just for one eve. And you remember that for the rest of your life. Not had that here, yet…
What is an underrated artist/band for partying/ clubs?
Sweeping Promises or Pulp. Can’t get enough of either.
What do you do in your free time that doesn’t involve drinking?
I box, read, and make documentaries. Not all at the same time.
Are you the dancing type when going out? If so, what’s your go-to dance move?
I used to. I was a bit of a headbanger back in the day, so was always jumping up and down on the spot like a total idiot. Still have whiplash. Wasn’t too bad at the “Time Warp” either.
If you could invent a new cocktail, what would the ingredients be and what would you call it?
I concocted a cocktail that was Speyside malt, dash of vermouth (sweet) and a smidge of Campari. I call it a “Barrettvardier”.
Who would be your dream party guest, dead or alive?
Rosa Luxemburg. That would be one hell of a night.
If you had to join one celebrity party circle, who would you join?
I am obsessed with the UK “Taskmaster”. I think being in that crowd would be insane, particularly from series five.
Where is the most random place you’ve ended up on a night out?
I once ended up in Norwich where it turned into a pub crawl around all the key areas that were filmed for Alan Partridge. I felt my life was complete at that point.
I know how much you love David Lynch, how are you coping with his death?
Still shocked, in all honesty. I know he wasn’t well, but for me he was an important part of my formative years. I will treasure all the work he made, and I still get to introduce and annoy students with it until I retire. That’s a special gift I will always be grateful for.
What is your go to hangover meal?
We do a thing in Scotland where we deep fry a cheap pizza (called a Pizza Crunch). That has saved many a hangover. Here, I am addicted to Mi Goreng noodles. And miso soup is surprisingly effective.
Do you feel like your profession promotes a hedonistic lifestyle?
Depends on what is hedonistic for people. The days of the pub going crowd on a Friday seem to be gone. But that doesn’t stop people having a party or two.
Do you have a go to outfit for going out?
Always the black t-shirt and jeans, though that’s just what I wear in general.
Do you think partying is an important part of student life?
As long as it’s safe, but absolutely. Only young once and appreciate the people you get to spend time with now – it does go by quickly!
How
to be a Safe Party Girl
NEWS EDITOR | NEWS@NEXUSMAG.CO.NZ
Doing a little key and having a little line is all fun and games... until someone takes too much, and you all end up in ED. Experimenting with drugs and partying is a natural, yet taboo, stage of this strange phase of life we’re in.
Teens to twenties is the only time of life where your body functions well enough to party till 4am, then be present in your 9am lecture. However, taking this too far can lead to extensive consequences. The most important part of drugs, drinking, and partying is that you ensure you and those around you are safe. This is the most crucial part, and often the most forgotten. Many young people become of age and instantly begin partying every weekend. This is completely normal but seeing blackout girls be carried home by sober guys (who will do God knows what to them) is a horrible sight to see, and yet a much too common one. It is incredibly important that everyone looks out for themselves, and those around them.
These are the basic safety rules that essentially boil down to having respect and care for the people around you. They are things like sticking with the people you went out with, checking in on your friends, going home if someone’s had too much, and looking out for drunk people who are alone. These are non-negotiables that should always be followed, the easiest way for someone to get into trouble while clubbing is when they are left alone.
‘Teens to twenties is the only time of life where your body functions well enough to party till 4am, then be present in your 9am lecture.’
MAIA ELANORA
Having a medical examination after a sexual assault can be reassuring and make you feel at ease. This experience is incredibly traumatic, and it is important to ensure your body and mind are safe after an incident like this.
The most important thing to note here is that having a medical examination performed does not mean you have to involve the police. These examinations can simply help the victim to ensure they are not physically hurt in any way.
A medical examination will help to assess injuries, sexually transmitted infections, pregnancy, and psychological needs. This will include preventative treatment in the case of an STI, preventative treatment for early pregnancy if wanted by the victim, and funded counselling if wanted through a claim with ACC. The victim of the incident can also choose to get an examination that includes collection of samples for evidence. This is called a ‘forensic examination’. This is ideally performed as soon as possible after the assault. This also includes making a statement to the police, this statement does not have to be made at the same time as the forensic examination though, giving the victim as much time as they need. The clinician can store the evidence instead of giving it straight to the police, to give the victim time to process and decide their course of action.
Specialist sexual assault medical services can be accessed through a variety of ways. The service can be accessed without a referral, or through a referral from the Police, GP, Sexual Health Clinic, Hospital, or through Oranga Tamariki if the victim is under the age of 18.
How to Get a Rape Kit Drug Testing
What to Do if you Get Roofied
Spiking drinks is unbelievably common, more than most people assume it is. You can never be too careful while out clubbing; you have to remember you are essentially partying with a group of strangers.
Spiking a drink means to put alcohol or drugs in someone else’s drink without their permission or knowledge. If you suspect you or someone else has been spiked, you should alert a trusted person (such as a friend, or a staff of the venue), keep a close eye on anyone who may have been spiked, call an ambulance if their condition deteriorates, and contact police as soon as possible.
Symptoms of ‘being roofied’ are sudden changes in mood, behavior, alertness, and intoxication level. Other symptoms that the victim will feel are nausea, vomiting, drowsiness, headaches, dizziness, balance issues, paranoia, panic, hallucinations, weakness, impaired breathing or speech, and slow response time. If you feel these symptoms or see someone near you experiencing these symptoms, it is crucial that you find help.
Drink spiking is often linked with sexual assault and robbery crimes. An offender will spike a drink to lower someone’s defenses. Research suggests that 1/3 of drink spiking incidents are associated with sexual assault. Drink spiking is illegal in New Zealand- this includes if the drink is not consumed, or if the victim is not harmed. This crime is not limited to just putting drinks in an alcoholic drink- spiking also includes putting alcohol in a non-alcoholic drink and putting more alcohol in an alcoholic drink.
‘Know Your Stuff NZ’ is a drug testing programme set up to ensure people have safe using experiences. This organization offers drug checking services at festivals and events all across NZ. They also host regular drug checking clinics in Auckland, Waikato, Christchurch, and Dunedin. They can test most powder, crystal, liquid, or blotter form substances. The only drug they are unable to test is cannabis as it is plant material. A sample the size of a match head is taken for the test. They are hosting a drug checking clinic at 16 Vialou Street, Hamilton Central, on the 18th March from 10am-12pm. All testing is free and confidential.
Many offenders will use prescription or illegal drugs such as benzodiazepines, amphetamines, and liquid ecstasy. Drugs used in drink spiking will often have a sedative effectmeaning the victim may experience passing out, trouble controlling their body, blackout or memory loss, or falling unconscious.
To reduce the chances of spiking, it is best to party with trusted friends, buy your own drinks, avoid accepting drinks from strangers, and keep an eye on your drink. It can also help to watch the bartender as they prepare your drink, to ensure there is no tampering from them or others.
‘Ensure that you research the drugs you are taking and understand the effects it has on your body.‘
Helplines
Safe using
There are many drugs easy to overdose on, and many drug combinations that are easy to overdose on. It is essential to party life that you know the safe amount to take of your drugs, and which to not mix.
There are a few drug combinations especially lethal, these are: alcohol + opiates (Oxycontin, Percocet, Vicodin, etc), alcohol + benzodiazepines (Ativan, Valium, Xanax, etc), cocaine + heroin, and alcohol + cocaine.
It is also essential that you are aware of how much it takes to overdose on each drug. There is unpredictability of how much it takes to overdose, as this can fluctuate based on body proportions, experience (whether one has a low or high tolerance), levels of activity, how the substance was used (smoking, snorting, drinking or injecting) and mixing drugs.
The minimum dose of cocaine that is considered lethal is 1.2g, but users with hypersensitivity to the drug have suffered overdoses of as little as 30mg. 1.2g is about a third of an 8ball, or an incredibly fatty line. The limit for MDMA (or ecstasy) is not a clear overdose amount, as doses vary with different users, and different batches. However, mixing MDMA with other drugs, high body temperature, and dehydration can make an overdose more likely.
Safe use is ensuring that you take small doses and work your way up. It takes time for your body to react to the drug you have taken, and you need to make sure you’re giving your body that time. The easiest way for people to take too much is when they keep taking more because they ‘can’t feel it’. Your body needs time for drugs to kick in, and the amount of time varies with each drug. Ensure that you research the drugs you are taking and understand the effects it has on your body.
Partying is fun, and experimenting with drugs can be an interesting way to learn more about yourself, those around you, and the world. However, you must keep your wits about you when having new experiences. Keep a look out for yourself, and those around you.
Healthline - health advice from professional healthcare providers 0800 611 116
Women’s Refuge Crisis Line - women living with violence, or in fear, in their relationship or family 0800 733 843 (or 0800 REFUGE)
National Rape & Sexual Abuse Crisis Line - support after rape or sexual assault 0800 883 300
24/7 HELP LINE - support for sexual abuse survivors 0800 623 1700
Alcohol and Drug Helpline - for people dealing with alcohol or drug problems 0800 787 797
Victim Support - support for people affected by crime and traumatic events 0800 842 846
An annihilated Dylan sits in the light of the Ruakura McDonalds. The fluorescence pokes at my eyelids like a witch’s finger, wreaking all sorts of fucking havoc on my brain. What I remember – not a lot, and not anything I want to - is a collage of poor and LED-lit late-night decisions which led me first into Town, drinking until it hurt, then to the computer rooms of the University library, and then for an early morning hike to what Google told me was the nearest McDonalds. I gotta go back to Uni today, and I make the long walk in my fucked jeans and the same shirt I spilled a too-expensive drink on the night before. The party’s been over for eight hours, but I can still feel Shake It by Taylor Swift in my ears.
Campus is quiet and still; I am cool and opiated. I like to stand on the edge of the parking lot and meditate on the sound of it all; of the birds, and the rolling of tyres, and on the feeling of a cold blue Hamilton morning that takes me back to Hinau street, four years old. A dart would do me good. I have a spare shirt in my car, which I throw on, and then I face the day.
I mess with my hair all the way up the stairs, all the while dodging Dominos vouchers and people asking for directions. At the same time, braced against the staircase’s huge concrete flanks, I wonder if any of these people know who I am. I feel like a douchebag when I wonder this, and then I feel like less of a douchebag as I find myself in a heap, sitting across from my friend S, who is like if Neil Quigley was born in 2006.
“YOU GOT MANY LECTURES?” HE ASKS.
“English today.” I grumble. He can tell that thinking about the actual university part of university is being rejected by last night’s mental recoil. So, he switches topics to girls, like that’ll make me feel any better. Like it’ll make me think any less.
“How’s Courtney?” S asks me. I think to myself; the girl I’d been talking to on Tinder for short of a week. . . How is she?
“Courtney...” I trail off.
“Tinder Courtney. Twenty-year-old Courtney. Your mature lover.”
“Yea, fine. She wanted to know about my job.” I scratch incessantly at my collar and pat myself down. A cigarette would do me good. “My very serious, very high paying job.”
“You ask her about Insta or snap or anything else?”
“She’s not too big on the whole me being eighteen thing. I think.” I answer his question without really answering it.
“How do you know? When did she last get back to you?”
“About two, yesterday.” I realise this is probably why the night is a blur of sound and vision.
S’s lips part to show a toothy grimace, letting out a fake and prolonged hissing noise, his face is stretched out and looking the way it always looks when something about me and a girl isn’t going well, which is often. Not that this is gonna become a Diary of a Virgin column or anything, but I can only avoid touching on my emotional misadventures for so long.
“So what are you gonna do, then? Keep using Tinder and shit? Or just... IDK, look for love on campus?”
“I’m just gonna drown myself in my work, I think.” I watch a guy walk past wearing a shirt with an off-centre PNG of a Joy Division shirt on it.
“I’M TOO FUCKED TO DROWN MYSELF IN MY WORK.”
We sit there for a little while longer, not really saying anything worth much, thankfully talk is cheap, because last night burnt me down to eight bucks. I slip downstairs with the water feature.
I’m too fucked to drown myself in my work. There’s a part of the ocean where two currents meet, and they’re both ocean, but they don’t mesh. That’s kind of like trying to drown out the static of a hangover with a moodle quiz’s wall of blue light. You can’t. I’m, all of a sudden, behind a table at clubs day. Handing out copies of Zero and One and slamming back lukewarm Oreo coke. It’s not good. It’s really not. You can pretend that it’s vanilla coke, but when you’re clutching your gut and holding back vomit on the drive back to Cambridge, you’ll know that pretending is a cope. I’m organizing a strike to stop having Oreo cokes forced upon freshers.
Recorded lectures turn into a wall of buzzwords and deadlines, and I worry about a dozen things that don’t matter while course outlines and answers are placed right in front of me. I got an 100/100 on an icebreaker though, so that’s gotta count for something. That big, bright 100 scrapes the static from my mind like tuning to the right channel and suddenly I feel like an academic weapon. Steady clarity. I just need my life to be a constant pop-up loop of graded icebreakers and I’ll be set. That’s why I love dating apps, they’re just icebreakers; over and over again.
HOW TO SURVIVE A PARTY AS AN INTROVERT
SPORT & REVIEWS EDITOR
They tell you the best part about ‘study life’ is partying every night. While socialising yourself with your new Uni friends is important, it’s fucking hard. I’m sure we’ve all gotten ourselves into the situation where you agree to go to a party because you didn’t know how to say no, or you were feeling particularly social when you said yes. But now that it comes down to actually going, you have regrets. All you extroverted people out there will have no idea what I’m talking about but for us introverts hiding in a corner wondering if that one person we spoke to a few times is an acceptable person to spark conversation with, this advice is going to save you the next time you find yourself at a party.
Before we begin the real advice, firstly I say: don’t go! There’s nothing worse than being stuck at a party you don’t want to be at, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with saying no. Do not bide into peer pressure, that shit is so 2020. However, if you want to make friends, extend your circle, or just have a fun night here is some actually serious, helpful advice.
In case you came alone or with an equally as introverted friend, it’s best to bite the bullet and start a conversation as soon as you can. The more you sit and wait to try to build the courage to talk to someone, the harder it’s going to be. Though it’s terrifying, it’ll pay off. Find a familiar face and ask them how they are. Even better, if someone you know is talking to someone you don’t know, join the conversation and boom, you’ve made a new friend for the night.
With partying comes alcohol. If you are the type of person to get more anxious the more you drink, lay off the beers a bit for the night. On the other hand, if alcohol is your liquid courage, then have a few to take the edge off before the party or in the early stages of the night.
It’s important to mention, not everyone is going to be a friend. It is not your fault if someone you try to talk to is being an asshole, they are simply just an ass. If you aren’t vibing with the conversation, find a new person to talk to. The dicks at the party are not worth your time.
Leaving the most important piece of advice for last, have an out. If you aren’t feeling it, or something goes wayward, have someone to call to get you out of there asap. Whether your ‘out’ is a pre-arranged excuse or a good ole Irish Goodbye, having someone on speed dial to pick you up is a must. Being stuck at the party makes everything 1,000,000 times worse. Don’t wait for your other friends to be ready to leave, leave when you are ready to.
Hopefully you can survive your next party with my very, very, helpful advice. Take this advice with a grain of salt, listening to your body is the upmost important piece of advice someone can give. But, put yourself out of your comfort zone. You never know what could happen and what cool people you could meet.
LANS MCGALL
HOW TO PARTY LIKE AN ABOLSUTE GODDESS 101 CHOICE SAYS ABOUT YOU
You’re hot, but you’re insane. You’re the type of person to show up to the function with a 1L Smirnoff bottle and just straight raw-dog the entire thing way too quickly then be confused about why you blacked out. Also, give
You’re invited to everything, which is surprising because you hijack the speaker at least once per function to play club music. No matter what you’re wearing, your 10pack is part of the outfit and will not be leaving your side.
You probably drink every weekend. You’re not the best at making decisions, but you are the best at making cocktails in the friend group! Because of this, you pulled up to the function with a bottle of tequila, orange juice, Sprite, and grenadine, and best believe no one’s allowed to stay
You’re probably financially responsible, considering the price of soju. Somehow, after having two bottles— followed by sips of other people’s drinks and licking the residue out of a mysterious baggie—you suddenly realize you chatted up the Uber driver, danced with your ex-best
Is this something you would honestly drink by choice? Or is this just a last resort because you spent your whole paycheck on food, and now you have just about $10 left and promised to pay your friend back for the Uber on
You’re either a baddie in STEM or you hang out mostly with engineers. I can see you being the first one to throw up and pass out (with the bottle still in your hand), and somehow, at 1 AM, you arise from the dead and
Step 1 - Get off from work at 6 pm in the evening absolutely famished – for a drink with your best friends, after dealing with rude and entitled customers all day. Fueled with the fury of a thousand suns and determined to have a good time, you make your way to your mate’s place to pregame. You’re such a big girl now!
Step 2 - Drink as many blue raspberry Cruisers you can possibly shove down your gullet while sitting in the backseat of your friend’s dad’s car; a red Ford Ranger. Then, looking at a street of empty kerbs, quietly realise you arrived at your destination far too early as you wait outside a dishevelled, barely standing student flat in your best shoes, ever so slightly buzzed. So grown up.
Step 3 - Finally start to ‘party’. The carpet is sticky and, by proxy, so are you. Awkwardly lean against a wall with sharpie marks, unusually-shaped holes, and a magic touch of the landlord special, as you slowly become deserted by your only pal at the function. Drinking yourself through a conversation with a guy as he attempts to flirt by mansplaining about his newest discovery, socialism. “Ever heard of Karl Marx?”, he spits. Drake is crooning in the background. A truly harrowing experience.
Step 4 - Shitfaced, you begin to people-watch, and notice a familiar face on the verge of tears rush towards the bathroom. You vow to yourself that you’ll never be that girl. But you will. Inevitably. Somehow, you end up sitting on bitingly cold tiles, next to the girl whose guts you used to hate with all your might. Yet, you are now no longer blinded by your former teen angst. You straighten her septum ring as she pours her heart out to you, in a drunken haze, and it’s not as weird as it should be. It feels quite beautiful in a vulnerable way actually. You almost forget about the unhealthy codependent friendship you both went through together as you walk out to rejoin the party, pinky to pinky.
Step 5 - Wake up the next morning with mysterious bruises on your legs, wondering how you earnt these new, precious purple badges of honour, and how the fuck you got home from the night before. With a pounding headache, you make an oath to never take another glance at a bottle of vodka ever again, while scanning items at the counter. On your meal break, you get a text, “hey what r u doing this weekend? xx”.
RED FLAGS VS GREEN FLAGS
– FLAT PARTY EDITION THE HUNGER GAMES DOES NOT NEED A STAGE ADAPTATION
We’ve all been there. You walk into a flat party, only to realise there’s a horde of business students gathered around a dude trying to mix some shitty DnB on secondhand decks. That’s the point at which I turn around and find somewhere else to drink. Here’s a list to refer to when deciding to stay or turn away.
GREEN FLAGS
The music – A mix of niche underground artists and shit you know is ideal.
Hot people – Someone to flirt with. If there isn’t some level of sexual tension within the party something is missing.
Too many political conversations – I love to discuss the socioeconomic state of the world... But chill out a bit maybe.
People smoking outside – Someone to bum a cigarette off is essential.
Drugs and shit, just not fucking meth - I’d expect any decent party to have drugs going around, just not fucking meth.
Variety of people – A mix of friends and strangers add levels to the party. Who knows where this could go, strangers are unpredictable.
A larrrrge supply of alcohol – Bring your own, but also, no one will notice if a few beers go missing from the fridge.
Sober someone - It’s always smart to have someone sober who can sort shit out.
RED
FLAGS
Too many engineers - Fuck engineers, stop trying to convince everyone you aren’t a nerd.
Too nice a flat - The shittier the flat, the cooler the party.
Guns, knifes, etc - Get out. This is not the U.S..
Baby oil – P. Diddy. Need I say more?
Short sleeve button up/jorts combo - It’s the hive mind of basic dudes’ default outfit. I’m just mad it looks half decent.
That’s it, the not so all-inclusive guide of what to look for, and what to avoid. For the most part it boils down to whether it feels right. Trust your gut, go meet some new people, and make some sick memories in a stranger’s house.
I fear we’ve missed the point. I fear the temptation of a cash-grab and readapting reliable IP has overshadowed the inherently anticapitalistic and rebellious themes of the original story. Aside from the fatigue of seeing so many remakes and beating so many dead horses, did no one stop to think about how creating a “Thrillingly theatrical” show using this story shows an insanely low level of media literacy?
Recently, we were presented with our first look at “The Hunger Games: On Stage” and it looks like it will shape out to be an intense and spectacular piece of theatre. However, I am truly baffled how the borderline whack-you-over-the-head-withthe-moral-of-the-story approach of the books was so lost on the producers of this show.
Listen, I’m a theatre kid at heart and I absolutely love the Hunger Games. I love me a good, thrilling play and I truly believe the original hunger games books will be considered classics in the future, but holy shit do we really need this that badly? It
feels insane to me that not one of the people involved with this stopped and thought, “huh, isn’t it strange that we’re making a spectacle of children murdering each other… just like the big bad evil guys in this dystopia do?”
“Spectators will feel like a part of the action in this dynamic in-the-round venue, developed with groundbreaking entertainment in mind.” Now I don’t know about you, but that genuinely sounds like something Seneca Crane or Caesar Flickerman might have said in the first hunger games book. Instead, that quote comes from the official Hunger Games: On Stage website.
In the end, making profitable theatre is a tall order. So, truly, to all the team behind this, may the odds be ever in your favour and as one Instagram commentor said: “I hope there’s a tap number.”
SARAH SMITH
COVERED
ARTIST OF THE WEEK: TOBIAS
WHO WAS YOUR BIGGEST INSPIRATION AS AN DJ?
Flume and Diplo were the introduction into music production and Djing for me. They were groundbreaking in their sound and ability to be involved in so many different genres. I had lots of local influence from seeing all the Djs play in town too. Troy DeSilva was the first guy I saw yell “3 2 1 lets go” into a mic while Djing. His presence during a set was something I always strived to achieve.
GIVE YOUR BEST ESTIMATION: HOW MANY UNFINISHED BEATS DO YOU HAVE?
Waaaay too many! When I was teaching myself music theory I’d make a beat for every scale I was learning on the keyboard. I’d also make so many mashups. Most of them were recreating what I did Djing the night before. I never ended up using any because I found it more fun to do the mashups live.
WHAT’S
YOUR
ULTIMATE PIZZA TOPPING?
Probably just the classic pepperoni. HOW DO YOU UNWIND AFTER A LONG DAY?
Playing fetch with my dog is my favorite evening activity. After Djing I do like a long quiet drive. Windows down, radio off, maybe a podcast or something.
DESCRIBE YOUR DREAM PROJECT.
I’ve always like the idea of starting a touring party. Start with a monthly gig in the tron, build some hype, take it to other cities and boom (if someone wants to take this idea feel free).
HOW WOULD YOU DEFINE YOUR MUSICAL STYLE?
Fun, energetic, silly.
IF YOU COULD ONLY LISTEN TO ONE ALBUM ON REPEAT, WHAT WOULD IT BE?
Mac Miller - Circles (the first album I ever got on vinyl).
The WSU and Nexus are lucky enough to have worked with Tobias for a number of years now. Not only was he a consummate professional at events and Orientations but a genuine and funny guy. Like all retiring DJs we don’t know what the future holds. We assume they go back to playing Skyrim and Fortnite in their parents spare room. Bevan Nichols disappeared without a trace and doesn’t take our calls, so I guess this is goodbye? Well done Toby take a break, you have earned it - James Raffan, WSU Engagement Manager.
REVIEWS REVIEWS REVIEWS
PRISCILLA
THE NEXUS-NEBESKY SCALE
Our patented review scale goes from -5 to +5. Zero is I don’t give a fuck and -5 is I will hate this till the day I die.
At 14, Priscilla Beaulieu is introduced to Elvis Presley through a military officer. She’s a schoolgirl, barely a teenager, but to him, she’s someone he can mould. He brings innocent Priscilla into his world, tells her what to wear, how to speak, when to sleep. At first, she thinks it’s love, but slowly, everything that made her stand out gets stripped away.
This movie doesn’t just show the relationship of Priscilla and Elvis, it makes you relive her experience. Not through big dramatic scenes, but through the way she cries like a little girl pleading for comfort. The way she stops expressing opinions, stops laughing too loudly, stops reacting in ways that might upset Elvis. The way she learns to shrink herself, physically and emotionally so she doesn’t challenge him, so he doesn’t get angry, so she remains exactly what he wants her to be. The way she turns from a bright, excited teenager into someone lifeless next to him.
We always see women in films suffer in ways that feels unrealistic. Yelling, throwing things, being overly dramatic. But Priscilla gets it right. Suffering, for so many women, isn’t about a loud rage. It’s about disappearing while everyone around you is fine with it, as long as you still serve a purpose in their life. It’s being a sponge for someone else’s emotions, constantly giving, never receiving. It’s not about her happy ending. It’s about what she lost before she had the chance to become herself.
JACKBOX PARTY PACK 10
DYLAN JARRETT
FEATURE EDITOR | FEATURES@NEXUSMAG.CO.NZ
The Jackbox Party packs are a collection of games which allow a group of players - all connected through one main screen - to participate in a series of simple and engaging minigames that involve some sort of prompt and vote system which requires players to obtain as much points as possible. Previous Jackbox Party packs have included all-time heaters like Quiplash, Monster Seeking Monster, and Fakin’ it!
The Jackbox series’ lack of any real limitations, besides of course the scaffolding of the rules and the limitations of your friend group’s ability to laugh at you answering a prompt with “Fuck” jammed in there, makes it grounds for drunk AND sober nights where everything collapses into an orchestra of laughter.
So then why does Party Pack 10 feel so lackluster? It’s hard for such simple games to be bad, which they aren’t, but compared to previous installments, the tenth pack feels just... Ehhhhh... And I think it’s because Jackbox Games are losing steam, they don’t really know what else to do. Tee K.O. 2 is far from the first time they’ve brought in a game from a previous pack (look at how many times Quiplash has popped up), but in a sea of newer minigames that feel uninspired at times, I find myself thinking that maybe they just had to shoehorn in one of the classics.
They should leave the Jackbox Party series as it is, ten packs of late-night fun to wind down to, or wind up your friends with. I wish I had more to say about the installment, and I wish they had created a tenth pack that feels like the culmination of every previous pack. I can’t say I care too much for Jackbox Party Pack 10.
TLDR - Priscilla’s life with Elvis: sad, complicated, aesthetic vibes, kinda heartbreaking.
TLDR - A disappointingly average tenth instalment to an otherwise charming series.
REVIEWS REVIEWS REVIEWS
NOMADOLOGY: THE WAR MACHINE
TOBY BROCKELBANK
EDITOR IN CHIEF | EDITOR@NEXUSMAG.CO.NZ
This is the densest and most cryptic book I have ever opened. It took me two years, on and off, to read this only 147-page A5 bible of postmodernism.
Gilles Deleuze & Félix Guattari’s enigmatic piece draws on an array of metaphors, attempting to convince you to join their polycule – sorry, I mean rhizome. From the role of numeracy in organs of state, to the arcane symbolism of metallurgy and the blacksmith, or a critique of the hylomorphic model, D&G take a very long time saying ‘being is cooler than following’ and convincing you movement and speed are NOT the same. The untranslated French terms offer nuance such the pouvoir-puissance dichotomy lost under the English umbrella of “power”.
Guattari’s work at the experimental La Borde psychiatric clinic, where he died of a heart attack, is felt throughout with its discussion of exterior thought. Professor Deleuze, a more traditional academic, combined their balance of theory and praxis trace creative lines of escape.
Nomadology’s sociological and anthropological angles explain how diffusion of prestige can ward of formation of a state, and touch on geographic determinism. Against Hegel, it offers territorialisation as the process of the avant-garde, opposed to the recursive logic of Hegel’s dialectic.
Honestly most sentences require several rereads to understand, as the incredibly unconventional images of thought in the piece necessitate a recalibration of your mental framing, and a grasping of esoteric terminology. But D&G’s whole point was to find your own meaning from their chaos so buy a fucking copy.
SINGLE SENTENCE REVIEWS
Most successful ragebait in human history. Beababoobie please stop falling for it and drop another banger.
Yeah that was a fucking lie. The Tony Stark of suicide’s files are literally never seeing the light of day.
Basically holy water, chug this back throughout the day and absorb all the knowledge from your lectures.
Fuck you Tom.
WHAT WILL YOU HAVE AFTER 500 YEARS?? Season 4… I’ll finally get season 4.”
HAVE SOME OTHER
Beabadoobee vs NBAYoungBoy
Epstein files drop
Olmeca Tequila
Chlamydia
Invincible Season 3
DON’T QUOTE ME
ED SHEERAN
“The one that’s like the most meme-able lyric is “when your legs don’t work like they used to before”
“And that came by my grandma had lost her ability to walk”
Oop
RUPAUL
“I believe the children ar ar future”
Okay seal
LADY GAGA
“I would say that my nachos are mine, and I invented them, and I’m proud of them.”
Period. Stream Mayhem.
MAGIC 8 BALL
Will Kanye stop tweeting?
It is decidedly so.
Kanye please, Kanye please, oh, let this be true. How desperate are we to learn on Elon and ask for a ban? We’ll forgive you for the plane crashes.
Will Trump and Zelensky bro it out?
Yes.
Maybe Zelensky sacrifices Eastern Ukraine as a Slavic Riviera?
Did Billie Eilish deserve the Album Of The Year Grammy?
Don’t count on it.
We’ve got a Future, a Taytay, a Billie, and a Charli fan at the Don table so even Nexus are not in agreement.
CRUSH OF THE WEEK
THE DARE.
Whoever got to be on stage kissing him at the Grammys is living my dream. Something about the suit is oddly kinda alluring. Heart eyes.
HOT OR NOT
Drake
Don’t worry Drake fans! after all the Kendrick shit, Student Health’s counselling is half off.
OTT baby gender reveals
Can someone remind me why this must be such a big deal?
Maccas
Fucken hell if you thought Hawai’ian pizza was bad, Maccas decided to invent the worst thing since mustard gasHawai’ian burgers.
Smashed Avocados On Toast
Is this a valid struggle meal?
Homeless Shelters
We’re uni students, let’s be real here. This is gonna be all our future homes.
TOP 30 PARTY SONGS
Rest of the songs on our Spotify
PAPARAZZI
Lady Gaga
SONGS 2
Blur
LUTHER
Kendrick Lamar with sza
VON DUTCH
Charlie xcx
SOMEBOBY TOLD ME
The Killers
HELLO
Martin Solveign & Dragonette
VERY APE
Nirvana
PAPER PLANES
M.I.A
FEMININOMENON
Chappell Roan
WHAT YOU WAITING FOR?
Gwen Stefani
HUNG UP
Madonna
SPICE UP YOUR LIFE
Spice Girls
HOLLABACK GIRL
Gwen Stefani
FAMILY AFFAIR
Mary J. Blige
THE WAY I ARE
Timbaland
WOMANIZER
Britney Spears
PUMP IT
Black Eyed Peas
AFRICA
Toto
MO MONEY MO PROBLEMS
The Notorious B.I.G
BUDDY HOLLY
Weezer
Winner
This is what we got sent to our DM’s last week, don’t forget to send us more cool, stupid and funny shit to our DM’s and you might be feature on next week’s mag. (winner gets free shit)
Hangover Cure
LANS MCGALL
SPORT & REVIEWS EDITOR
Ingredients
Can of coke no sugar
Electrolytes (Gatorade, Powerade, etc)
Wicked lunch box from KFC (or comfort take away meal of choice)
2 Paracetamol
2 Ibuprofen
Toast- as much as you can eat
Butter
Water!!!!
Method
Crack open your can of coke- it is high in phosphorous. No sugar is better when hungover.
Water down your electrolyte of choice- the premade bottles have too many electrolytes, so you end up peeing half the electrolytes out.
Butter your toast- carbs and fats are going to be your friend to help absorb the alcohol and protect your stomach.
Using your very, very important water, take ibuprofen AND paracetamol.
Once you’ve consumed the actually helpful food and drinks, setting down with your comfort food of choice (mine of which being kfc wicked wings and watch an awful romcom to take your mind off your never-ending pain.
Rolling 101 from a AucklanderSouth Paper,
RILEY HUNT
STAFF WRITER | YELL@NEXUSMAG.CO.NZ
Wagwan Whānau, now that we’re getting into the swing of things, I think it’s time we cover the art of rolling the perfect J. That’s right, ART- rolling a joint isn’t just a skill but an expression of yourself. Pull up to South Auks and ask any local dealer, and they’ll tell you, “The perfect joint is the deciding factor in an average session or a South Auckland sesh.” So whether you’re new to Hamilton and just getting hooked or a seasoned vet, this guide will have you rolling like the best tweakers NZ has ever seen.
Step 2: Getting some marijuana
You ever spot a house with a traffic cone outside and wonder what it’s for? If you are wondering, I need to ask you how long you’ve been in NZ, cause that’s just a gorgeous glowing sign for a place to get some pot. Rock on up to the nearest house you can see like this, or if you’re fancy with it, message up the Facebook group you’re in to ask for any free dealers (you stoner). Now once you start completing the transaction, if you want to keep going the good old South Auckland way, use all the bennie money on your bud. Trust me, this is crucial for the authenticity of all further steps.
Step 1: Getting money for the devil’s lettuce
Now how will you make some gorgeous joints if you don’t even have the green to start? Now if you properly wanna do this the South Auks way, you’re gonna wanna hop on the bene. Just hit WINZ with the “Eh bro… I’ve been handing my CV in everywhere, but nuk jobs have come up, you know, brother? Ooooh, and I totally forgot cuz, I gotta pay like $500 rent, and it’s kinda hard without a job, ay.” And you’ll basically be guaranteed enough money to get all the twenties you want, and in the worst-case scenario, check out those old baggies and couches for any old weed we forgot last time. Once we get our lovely green, we can head to step 2.
Step 3: Gathering the Instruments
You’re halfway there; soon you’ll be able to watch Inside Job and The Midnight Gospel as they were meant to be viewed. High off your fuckin mind. Now that we’ve used all our bene money cause in the horniness for the weed we forgot, we actually needed some for the actual parts of a joint. We’re gonna have to use that Kiwi ingenuity that we South Aucklanders have perfected when it comes to drugs, ram raids, and tweaking out.
Rolling Papers: Whatever’s Closest—Anything that kinda well, sorta works. Ol reliables like a good receipt, newspaper, or even a maccas bag. If you really wanna feel like a homeless tweaker, use some leaves.
Grinder Put In The Work, Earn That Shit—If you’re really in this shit to be like a South Aucklander, you need to be in it for the love of it. Who needs some piss-easy grinder when you can be a real, poor, desperate druggie and use your fingers or scissors.
Filter Fuck I’m Sure It’s Good Enough (Optional)—A Filter? Nah, brother, you’ll be fine enough with some ripped-off folded cardboard, maybe a business card you tore up. Maybe even that 30 over speeding fine you still gotta pay off. Hell, if you’re not a pussy, you don’t even need one.
Step 4: Prepping that weed for a Michelin 3-star sesh
Fuckin on stoner you’re finally ready to start prepping for the best sesh of your life. Now it’s time to get your hands or scissors and get in there and break that bud apart. If you wanted, you could even turn off all those 5 brain cells of yours and go full caveman and rub it between your palms. Now remember we’re in South Auks now, so we’re not looking for finely done grinding but for chunks that are just smaller than the original large chunk. We’re too broke and too lazy for allat other shit.
Step 5: A bonafide South Auckland Crutch
Alright, cuz, now it’s onto making our filter to make sure we get the best sesh we can, unless you’re a lazy son of a bitch that wants to rawdog their joint and get the occasional chunk of weed lodged down their throat, then skip ahead to step 6. In South Auckland we got a lot of trash, so since you and I, and the tweakers and stoner of South Auks are tidy Kiwis. We’re gonna use the rubbish around us, like some old cardboard, business cards, or anything papery but solid (remember, only legends bite off a bit of a maccas straw and use that) and fold it up into our lovely crutch.
Step 6: Giving our pot the body of a Greek god while we pray it works
If you’ve managed to steal some real rolling papers from your last ram raid, then fuckin good on you, ya legend. But for the rest of us not trying to get fucked over by the ungodly amount of coppers in South Auckland, look around in your car, your home, or wherever you are and look around for something that could possibly resemble paper. Maccas bags, old lotto tickets, and some old receipts will be Tu Meke, brother. Just make sure to watch out for that ink; don’t wanna be smoking the wrong chemical and end up in a long sleep, innit?
Now this is where the true skill comes into play. If whatever you have right now that you’re calling paper is barely holding together, treat it like your baby… Actually, if you’re trying to be like a South Aucklander, maybe not. Treat it gently! Give it the love it deserves; roll it back and forth with your fingers. Please try not to let half your weed go crashing down in slow motion to your car’s carpet as you sob and get ready for another trip to the Z. Once you’re all packed up (or let’s be real, as close as you can get with the Leaning Tower of Pisa, this thing’s gonna end up as), lick the edge and pray to whatever god you believe in most and hope to everything it sticks.
Step 7: The South Auckland love touch
I know this step is a little confusing cause I put South Auckland and love in the same sentence, but trust me, love can be found there… But only in their drugs. Now if your J is looking a bit rough, no stress at all. Nothing the signature South Auks Love Touch (trademarked) can’t fix. Give it a bit of spit, an extra layer of paper, or, hell, if you’re feeling fancy, a bit of honey. After that, you’ll be good as gold. And if it’s a bit too loose, grab that shoelace tip or the back of a pin and push that shit down.
Step 8: A spark and a gamble
Down in South Auckland we don’t just enjoy some good ol’ weed but some gambling too. So fuckin light that baby up and take a worried, gentle pull. If our joint is burning evenly, ya won, you legend. If it’s canoeing, you lost, you sucker. But don’t worry, just lick up your finger and tap the fast-burning side and hope even more… If it doesn’t stay lit, luck is really not on your side, and maybe South Auckland isn’t for you… Iight, Whānau. I hope we all know how to roll a real stoner joint now. The creativity, the lack of resources, the ingenuity of it all. It truly is an art to roll in the South Auckland way. At the end of the day, it’s all about the sesh.
Now I’m going to go scavenge and try to enjoy some Midnight Gospel.
ARIES
March 21 - April 19
Find a new outfit. Also stop going to the gym secretly at 3 am, I promise people aren’t watching you while you work out.
TAURUS
April 20 - May 20
People pleasing isn’t always a bad thing, until you’re not taking your own advice.
GEMINI
May 21 - June 20
Underrated, over hated, only applies for the girls and the gays though. Men, u suck.
CANCER
June 21 - July 22
Stop wearing sunglasses inside. Everyone knows it because you’re blazed. Also, it’s been 2 months, come on, go to the gym.
LEO
July 23 - August 22
Now is your time to heal your sense of security. You’re okay by yourself.
VIRGO
August 23 to September 22
Stop trusting everyone after 5 seconds of meeting them. The world is bad and scary, it’s not the fairytale land you think it is.
LIBRA
September 23 - October 22
Please, for the sake of everyone around you get diagnosed. Also no one understands your references. I know they’re funny though.
SCORPIO
October 23 - November 21
Friendly reminder that your friends exist.
SAGITTARIUS
November 22 - December 21
Your ex isn’t thinking about you - you broke up 2 years ago. Also please stop the self-deprecation.
CAPRICORN
December 22 - January 19
Stop talking to yourself while watching Instagram reels, your flatmates think you’re schizophrenic.
AQUARIUS
January 20 - February 18
Chill on the substances, please. Take care of yourself and stop overworking.
PISCES
Feburary 19 - March 20
I know you think you’re being a good friend, but you don’t have to get involved in every fight.
Emoji Trivia Solve the Equation!
SUDOKU
wordfind PLACES TO VOMIT
Untitled
PARTY THEMED
Across
Down
1. - what the day your born is called 3. - hit with a stick and candy comes out 5. - common birthday food 9. - you "pin the tail" on this
Down 1. what the day your born is called 3. hit with a stick and candy comes out 5. common birthday food 9. you “pin the tail” on this
except for the maze. you should not need answers for a maze.
