BADWITHLOVE
AnAlphawhogetsunderhisskin.Afamilythatdemandstoomuch.Anightthatchangeseverything. WarrenHeardsthasneverbeenlucky.Hespenthisentirelifeincompetitionwithhishighschoolnemesis,Roman Markham,whohasalwaysbeenbetterinschool,betterinsports,andbetterinlove
Workinghard,Warrenbuildsalifeoutsideofhisoverbearingfamily,buthecan’tseemtoescapeRoman Theother manisalwaysthere,pushingWarrentoprovehecanbesuccessful.Butonthecuspofrealizinghisgoal,afamily emergencyrearsuptoruineverything
Suddenly,his dreamis beingrippedaway Witha marriage contractonthe table,will Warrenlose his chance at happiness?Orwillhisbadluckwithloveleadhimunexpectedlyintohisrival’sarms?
Alpha:Canbemaleorfemale.Naturallycharismaticwithadominantpersonality,sotheytendtobeinpositionsof power.CanuseCommandtoenforcetheirwillonweakerAlphasandOmegaswhoarenotprotectedbyanAlpha. WhennearanOmegainHeat,Alpha’saredriventoprotectandmatewiththeOmega
Beta: Can be male or female Regular citizens without any atypical behavioral traits Are not affected by an Alpha’sCommandoranOmega’sHeat.
Omega:Canbemaleorfemale,andbothgendersarecapableofbecomingpregnantduringtheirHeat Omegas,up until recently, have struggled to hold onto regular jobs due to going into Heat every month. During Heat, they releaseapheromonethatattractsAlphas Thepheromonecannowbesuppressedthroughtheuseofsuppressants
NapeGuard:AbandaroundtheneckwithaprotectiveplateatthebackthecoversanOmega’snapeandprotects themfrombeingMarkedagainsttheirwill.
Suppressants:MedicationOmegastaketohelpsuppresstheirpheromonesduringtheirmonthlyHeat.
Heat: A three day period every month in which Omegas release a pheromone to attract an Alpha and are overwhelmedwiththeneedtomate.Theeffectscanbereducedbytheuseofsuppressants.
Command:AnAlpha’sabilitytoenforcetheirwillonweakerAlphasandonOmegas.Betasarenotaffectedbyan Alpha’scommand.
Mark:DuringHeat,anAlphaisdriventoMarktheir partner bybitingthebackoftheir neck TheMarkstays in placeforamonth,claimingthebreedingrightoftheMarkedOmega.ItalsostopsotherAlphasfromCommanding theMarkedOmega.IfthesameAlphaMarksanOmegathreetimes,itbecomespermanent.IftheAlphadoesnot MarktheOmega,theMarkfadesaftertheirnextHeat,leavingthemavailableforotherAlphas
Thespiceofcinnamon,cardamom,andblackteafilltheairasIopenthelargedruminthestoreroomandshovelloosetea leavesintothesmaller,customer-friendlyjarswekeepondisplayupfront Withfallsettingin,chailattesarebackonthe rise,andImakeanotetoorderanotherbarrel.Attheratewe’resellingthisblend,we’llbeoutbeforetheappleharvest blendkicksin.
AfterfiveyearsofrunningmyboutiqueteashopintheheartofRockhaven’shistoricdistrict,we’vefinallygottenoutofthe red financially. Through hard work and creative advertising, we’ve built a solid, passionate customer base, stabilized the menu,andevenopenedanonlineshoptoshipourteasaroundtheworld
Forthefirsttimeinmylife,Ifeellikemydreamcanbeareality.Withtheshop’scurrentincome,I’llbeabletopayback theloanItookoutfrommyfamilyinanotherfiveyears,sevenifIhiresomemuch-neededassistance,andthenthisstorewill trulybemine.
ThequietofthebackroomgiveswaytothebuzzofconversationasIreturntothefrontoftheshopandslidethejaroftea ontothecherryoakshelfalongsidetheotherblackteas
“Warren,we’ll needmoresnicker-doodlecookies soon,”Miacalls fromthebrewingstation.“Better makesomeapricot crisps,too”
“Gotit!”Shiftingthejaronthelefttoevenoutthespacing,Ipopintothesmallkitchenandloadatraywithcookiesfrom thefreezer
Tocutdownoncost,Imakethemathomeandbringthemintotheshop,alongwiththeotherpastriesanddessertswesell. Eventually,I’dliketooutsourcethispartofthebusiness,butit’snotinthebudget.Yet.
Isetthe timer onmyphone andshove itintomybackpocketsoI’ll feel the buzz,thenreturntothe frontjustas the bell abovethedoorjinglesamerrywelcome.
Automatically,Iturnasmileonour new customer thatturnsbrittleandforcedwhenIrecognizethetall manwhotakesa seatatatwo-persontablenearthewindow.
Thecool,fallsunlightperfectlyhighlightshisstrongjawlineandtherussethuesinhisauburnhair.RomanMarkham.Alpha assholeandmyhighschool nemesis.We’dbeenineveryclasstogether attheprestigiousprivateschool our wealthyparents shippedusofftoandbeenincompetitionwitheachothersincedayone.Healwaysscoredafew pointsbetterontests,won firstplaceineverysport,andruthlesslystoleeveryboyfriendIhadonlytodumpthemaweeklater
Ithought Iescaped himwhenwe attended different universities, but the dayafter we officiallyopened the tea shop, he showedupwithhiscriticalgaze,pointedouttheplacesweneededtoimprovetoreachaclientbasewillingtopaytendollars for ‘weeds inwater’,andsweptout.He returneda monthlater,pleasedtosee we made the changes he suggested changes thathadalreadybeenonmylistafteroursoftopening andhascomehereeverydaysince,whenhe’snotoutoftown.
Iwouldbanhimifhedidn’tbringhisrichfriendswithhimsometimes,friendswhoreturntobuyourcustomteablendsand leavethestorecarryingbagswithourlogoonthem,promotingustotheirotherrichfriends.
IfnotforRoman’spatronage,wemightstillbeinthered,anditbothersmetonoendthatI’llneverknowhowmuchofmy currentsuccesscanbelaidatthefeetofhispolishedloafers.
Miahustlesuptome,acupofteainonehandandaplatewithtwoalmondbiscottiintheother Pinkflusheshercheeksas sheglancesatRoman.“Canyoutakehisservicetoday?MyHeatiscominginacoupledaysand…”
IdraginadeepbreathandforcedownthedisappointmentwhenIcan’tsmellanincreaseinherpheromones.AsanAlpha, IshouldbeabletosenseanOmega’sHeat,evenafewdaysout,butallIsmellisteaandthebakingsnicker-doodlecookies Mybrows pinchwithconcernas Itake the tea and cookies fromher. “Do youneed to go home early? Icancover your shift”
“No,Ihavemysuppressants,soaslongasIstaybehindthecounter,Ishouldbefine.”Shegivesmeanimpishsmile.“You
can’tusemeasanexcusetoduckoutofyourfamilydinnertonight.”
Iwidenmyeyesatherinmockaffront.“Iwould never. ”
“As soonas Steve gets here, you’re gone, mister” Gently, she pushes me toward the end ofthe counter “And don’tget caughtupchattingandforgetyou’rebakingcookies.”
Aflushcreepsupmycheeks Thatonlyhappenedonce,andonlybecauseRomanwasbeingparticularlynitpickythatday It’snotlikeIgooutofmywaytotalktohim.
Withadeepbreath,IstraightenmyspineandheadforRoman’stable,mybestcustomerservicesmileinplace Threestepsawayfromhim,Roman’scoolblueeyesliftfromthetabletinhishandandmeetmineunerringly,asifheknew Iwouldbetheonetocometohistable.
Myguttightensuncomfortably,butIrefusetogivehimthesatisfactionoflookingawayfirst Thisis my business,ashopI builtfromthegroundup,theoneplaceinlifewhereIhavefullcontrol,andIwon’tlethimintimidatemehere.
Smilestillinplace,Isethisteaandcookiesonthetableinfrontofhim “Ifyou’dlikearefill,justletmeknow,andI’ll bringitout.”
Hepullstheteacloserwithonelong,elegantfinger “EarlGreywithhoney?”
I can smell the sweet, citrus bergamot from where I stand. It mingles perfectly with the clean scent of his expensive cologne.“Yes,yourusual.Didyouwantsomethingnew?”
“No,thisisperfect”Heliftsthecuptohislipsandbreathesinthesteam “Yourshophasthebestintown” “Thebest‘weedsinwater’intown,”Isay,unabletokeepthesnapfrommyvoice.
Thecornersofhismouthtwitch “Indeed”
Iturnonmyheel,readytoleave,whenhecatchesmywrist.
Goosebumpsriseallovermybody,andIinstinctivelyyankmyarmawayasIturnback,mybrowslifted.“Didyouneed somethingelse?”
“Whydon’tyousit?Takeabreak?”Hegesturestothechairacrossfromhim.“Wehaven’tcaughtupinawhile.”
“What’stheretocatchupon?”Iglancearoundattheothercustomers “Ihaveworktodo”
“Youalwayshavework.”Heturnsinhisseat,drapingonearmoverthebackofthechair.“Surelyyoucanaffordtotakea breakeverysooften”
Istiffenatthecriticism.“Notallofushavejobshandedtousbyourparents.” Amuscleinhisjawjumps.“No,juststoresboughtbythem.” Angershootsthroughme,butIcan’trefutethestatement.Notyet,anyway. Mypocketbuzzes,savingmefromsayingsomethingI’llregret,andIstompawayfromRomanwithoutanotherword. OnceIofficiallyownthisplace,thefirstthingI’lldoisbanRomanMarkhamfromeversteppingfootinhereagain Themanhasaskillforburrowingbeneathmyskin,andIcan’twaituntilhe’soutofmylifeforgood.
UneasinessrollsinmystomachasIfollowthebutlertothediningroom.
SinceImovedouttoboardingschool,thenuniversity,Ihadn’tfeltascomfortableinthefamilyhome Ithastoomuch space,toomuchopulence,forfourpeopleandtheirstaff.Twonow,sincedadskippedoutandIdecidedtorentmyown place after graduating. Imean, who needs two ballrooms inthis dayand age? Or a livingroomthatcanfita two-storytall Christmas tree and a hundred guests comfortably? Halfthe mansionis closed offyear-round, and more servants thanfamily livehere.
Myshoesechoonnew,whitemarbleflooringwithveinsofgoldrunningthroughout Motherhaditinstalledwhenmyfather abandonedthefamilytorunawaywithhissecretary.Everyonehadknownoftheiraffairforyearsnow myparent’smarriage hadalwaysbeenaboutbusiness,notpassion butitcameasashockwhenhegaveupthefamilyfortunefor love Iwasthe onlyone who didn’tresenthimfor choosinghis heartover the cold sterilityofthis house. Ijustwished he’d call everyso often.
Thebutlerstopsatthedoortothediningroom “MasterWarrenhasarrived,ma’am”
“Abouttime.”Mymothersetsdownherwineglasstostand.“Wewerebeginningtoworryyouweren’tcoming.”
Considering I’mfive minutes early, that’s a bit melodramatic But my family always worked under the philosophy that punctualityequaledtardiness.
Iwalkpastthebutlerandovertomymother,droppingakisstotheairoverherpowderedcheekbeforeIsetasmallgift bagonthetablebesideherchair.“Mother,youlookstunning,asalways.”
It’snotalie,thoughI’dsayitregardless.Mymotherhasalwaystakenprideinherappearanceanditshowsinherflawless complexion, whichshe highlights witha light dustingof makeup, and inher slender, athletic figure wrapped ina blue silk business suit that perfectlybrings out the inkyhighlights inher ravendarkhair. At nearingsixty, she outshines manyof the debutantsI’veencounteredovertheyears
Mysister mirrors her ineveryway, fromher sleekblackhair to her slightlymore form-fitted suit. And ifIlooked ina mirror,I’dhavetoadmitI’mamaleversionofherwithshorterhair.Geneticsrunsstronginourfamily.
Circling the table, I drop a kiss near my sister’s cheek as well and deposit her gift on the table. “Good to see you, Katheryn.”
“IwishIcould saythe same” She wrinkles her nose as she takes inmyhumble browncorduroys and the creampolo I woretoworktoday.“Haveyouforgottenhowtodressfordinner?”
“Comenow,dear,youknowhe’sdiligentwithhislittlehobby”Motherplucksatthetissuepaperthatholdshergift “What haveyoubroughtustoday?Anothersamplefromyourshop?”
Ifightdowntheirritationatmyteashopbeingdownsizedtoahobby.Afterfiveyearsandweeksofworkingwithouttaking daysoff,Ihadhopedshe’dfinallyrealizeI’mseriousaboutwhatIdo.Butwhenyou’rebornintoexcess,Iguesseverything youdoisahobby.It’snotlikeI need theshop.IhaveatrustthatmatureswhenIturnthirty,onlytwoyearsaway,andallI’ve everhadtodoisaskforsomethingtohaveitbedelivered
That’spartofwhyIworksohardattheteashoptomakeitasuccess.IwanttoknowthatwhatIhaveinlifeis mine and notanextensionofmyfamily
Itake myseatonmymother’s rightas she pulls outa small bagofcinnamonand orange-infused blacktea. It’s one I’ve beenworkingonallsummerandhopetolaunchitintimeforChristmas.
Shesniffsthebagdelicatelybeforeholdingitouttothebutler “Archibald,pleasemakeusapottotry Myson’steasare alwaysadelight.”
“Rightaway,ma’am”Hetakesthebagandstridesforthedoorwaytothekitchen
“YouknowhisnameisStirling,right?”Isayoncehe’soutofearshot.
Mymothershrugs.“Ican’tbebotheredtomemorizeanewnameeverytimethere’sachangeinstaff.”
Whichisexactlywhythestaffherechangessooften.EverynewemployeesignsanNDAbeforethey’rehiredsotheycan’t telloutsidershowhorriblemyfamilyistoworkfor
Katherynmoves her giftoffto the side withoutopeningit, whichIexpected and whyIgave her peppermintsugar scrub insteadoftea She’lllikelyre-giftitwithouteveropeningit,soIhopewhoeverreceivesitappreciatesmyefforts
Miahadsuggestedaspalineforthewebsite,anideaI’mstillplayingwith.Sugarscrubsareeasytomakeandstore,but wouldpeoplegotoateashoptobuythem?They’reedible,atleast,incaseanyonemistakesthemforateaadditive IpluckthewhiteclothnapkinfrommystackofplatesandsettleitonmylapbeforeIturntomymother.“So,towhatdowe owethisfamilydinner?”
ThelasttimewehadonewaswhenMotherinformedusFatherwouldnolongerbecominghome Thetimebeforethathad beenwhenNanaRosepassedaway,leavingherfortunetoherotherdaughter,muchtomymother’srage.ButAuntTheonais youngerbytwodecadesandhasfiveAlphachildrentoraise,whileKatherynandIwerebothalreadythroughschoolingbythat point.
Mother lifts her glass ofwine andtakes a daintysipbefore settingitdown “Mustwe getrighttobusiness? It’s beenso longsince you’ve bothbeenatthefamilyhome.You,withyour littleshop,andKatherynwithher flatinthe city.Mynestis empty.”
I’dhardlycallKatheryn’splacelittle SherentsthepenthousesuiteintheheartofRockhaven’spartyscene,withinwalking distanceofanyformofhigh-classentertainment.Butshestillspendsmostweekshereatthemansion.Motherjustmissesthat whileshe’soutdoingcharityworktosupportunderprivilegedballerinas,orwhateverhernewestcauseis
“Theshop’sbusy,”Isayasshetakesanothersipofwine.“Youshouldstopintoseeit.”
“Oh, no, I simply don’t have the time.” Mother blots non-existent drops from her perfect, smudge-resistant lipstick. “Betweenluncheonsandbudgetmeetings,myentiredayisgone.”
Katherynnods inagreement, as ifit’s perfectlyacceptable thatneither ofthemhas made itto mystore since itopened. Fatherwastheonlyonewhoshowedanyinterestwhenhehelpedmescoutlocationsandresearchteavendors Butnowhe’s toobusywithhisnewwifetodropby,either.
Thebutlerreturns,asilverteapotandchinacupsbalancedonatray Behindhimfollowsthehousechefwithaplatterof tinytrianglesandwichesandcupsofsoup.
NottheelaboratemealIexpectedwhenIarrived.IsMotherbackononeofherdiets?I’llhavetogrababurgeronmyway home.There’snowayI’llfilluponwhatlooksliketomatoandprosciuttosandwicheswithgazpacho.
“Thankyou,Archibold,”Mothersaysasthefoodisplacedinfrontofusandhepoursthetea.“Iwillcallifyou’reneeded again Otherwise,pleasemakesurewearenotdisturbed”
“Yes,ma’am.”Withabow,heushersthechefbacktothekitchen.
As theyleave, the knotinmystomachreturns This feels like Father’s leavingall over again Butwhatnew catastrophe couldhavestruckthefamily?
Iforcemyselftotakeaspoonfulofgazpacho,nottastingtheheartyblendofvegetablesorthetangoflimeandvinegar.The quiet clink of silverware against bowls fills the room, no one making conversation We don’t have much to talk about in general, and tension fills the space, making it even more uncomfortable. It feels like a pendulum swings over our heads, waitingfortheendofdinnerbeforeitcomescrashingdown
WhenMotherpushesherbowlandplateofuntouchedsandwichesaside,KatherynandIdothesamewithasighofrelief.
Motherpicksupherteacupandtakesasipbeforepushingthatasideaswell “Ihavenews,mydarlings,anditisn’tgood”
TheknotinmystomachtriestopushoutthesmallamountoffoodIforceddown.
Katherynbypassesherteacupandgoesstraightforherwineglass,clutchingtheslenderstemforsupport.“IsFathercoming back?”
Foramoment,Motherlooksstartled,asiftheideahadneveroccurredtoher.Andwhywouldit?Shegotwhatshewanted fromthemarriage Ahigherstationwithinsociety,numerousproperties,andchildrentocontinuethefamilyline Atlast,sheshakesherhead.“No,darling.Gregoryhasleftthecountry.” Ittakesmeasecondtoplacethename “Ouraccountant?”
Shenodssharply.“Yes.”
Kathrynrelaxes.“Well,that’sunfortunate,buthardlyworthyofcallingushometomaketheannouncement.I’msureoneof thepartners ”
“He’stakenourfortunewithhim,”Mothercutsin.
“What?”Katherynshrieks,whilethetensioninmybodyseepsaway “Howcouldhe?”
“He had unlimited access to our accounts and invested inseveral offshore businesses, whichhe now controls.” Mother givesusasolemnstare.“Wearenowdestitute.”
AsKatherynsputters,Ifightbackalaugh.“We’rehardlydestitute.Wecansellsomeproperties,cutbackonexpenses…” I trail off as Mother shakes her head. “No, darling, you are not grasping the situation. The life we lead takes funding.
Fundingthat’snow gone.Yes,wecansell afew ofour properties,butthatwill taketime,andthelonger wegowithout,the fartherwefallinsociety.”
“Katheryngivingup the penthouse inRockhavenwill save eleven-thousand a month More withouthavingto payfor all thoseparkingspotsforthecarssheneverdrives,”Ireason,andmysisterturnsredwithfury.“There’stheBentleyinthegarage thatIneveraccepted Itcanalsobesold”Iglancearoundtheexpensivediningroomwiththethreecrystalchandeliersandthe silkwallpaper.“Youcanmovetooneofthevacationhomesandsellthisplaceforafewmillion.”
“Stop” Mother holds up a hand “We are the Heardst Family Alphas, and we will not be selling off our estates just becausesomemiddle-managementstoogestolefromus.Wehaveapositiontoupholdinsociety.Peoplelookuptoustosetan example.Weweatheredyourfatherleavingusbecauseournamemeantmorethanthescandal,butifthisgetsout,everyonewill turntheirbacksonus”
Ishakemyhead.“But,ifwe’rebroke…”
“As yousaid, we have options” She reaches outand cradles the teacup inher hands “First, youwill move backto the familyhouse.Wewillselltheteashoptogetusthroughthenextfewmonths.”
“Excuseme?”Theblooddrainsfrommyface,leavingmelight-headed “That’smybusiness”
“It’sourfamily’sinvestment,andonethathasdrainedenoughofourfunds,”shesayscoolly.
“Butit’sturningaprofit!”Iprotest.“Itpaysforallofmyexpensesnow,myapartment,mygroceries,mycar ”
“Yes,your car”Her lipcurls indisgust She’s never approvedofmychoicetodriveamodestfour-door sedanover the expensivecarsheboughtmeformytwenty-fifthbirthday.“It’stimeyoustopplayingatworkingforaliving,darling.It’sfunto spreadyourwingsalittle,butthefamilyneedsyounow BothyouandKatherynareattheagetomarry,andI’vealreadymade arrangementswithsuitablematches.”
“As longas I get to keep the penthouse, I don’t care who I marry,” Katherynsnaps. “But if theyexpect more thantwo children,I’llneedmonthlybonuses.AndIwantafullstaffofnannies.”
As Mother nods inagreement,Istare atmysister inshock.How canshe be soruthless? Apenthouse isn’tworthselling yourlife
“I’ll have our lawyers put it inthe marriage contract. The manI’ve selected for youcomes froma good Alpha family, guaranteeingour linewill carryon Ihavesomeoneofmeansselectedfor Warren Ayoungmanwhowill easilyrebuildour familyfortune.” She turns to me and tsks loudly. “Don’t lookso horrified, Warren. Youalways knew you’d be expected to marryforthefamily.You’llgetalongwithyournewhusband.You’veactuallyalreadymet.”
MylipsfeelnumbasIask,“Who?”
“YoungHerold Freely. He justturned twenty.” She lifts her cup to her lips withoutdrinking. “Youremember him, don’t you?Youmetatlastyear’sChristmasparty”
“Thebanker’sson?”Ishakemyheadindenial.Thiscan’tbehappening.“He’sbarelylegal.”
“Butlegal he is” She sets her cup downwitha click “Youshould be thankful It’s noteasyto find a male Omega who comes withenoughmoneyto buyour familyname. Ifnotfor him, you’d have to accepta female, whichIknow youwould strugglewith.”
Struggle with AsifbeinggayisaninconvenienceIcanjustsetaside “Iwon’tdoit Youcan’tmakeme”
Shearchesoneperfectlypluckedeyebrow.“Stopbeingsochildish.Thisisanhonor,Warren.Andadutytoyourfamily.” “Idon’tneedthismansion,though Orourfamilyname Myshopcansupportmejustfine”Ipushmychairbackfromthe table.“I’msorrythishappened,butIwon’tbesoldsoyoucankeeplivingtoyourridiculousstandards!”
“Sit down ” The quiet Command knocks myknees out fromunder me, the weight of her Alpha control takingawaymy abilitytomove.
EvenKatherynwhimpersandducksherhead.
Istruggle againstthe need to obey,butI’ve never beena strongAlpha I’ve never evenCommanded someone and my musclesshakewiththeeffortbeforeIsagindefeat.
“Now,then,”shesaysasifshedidn’tjustsubjugateherownchildren “I’vealreadyarrangedtoputthe family’s shopup forsale,andI’veinformedyourapartmentmanagerthatyouwillbevacatingthepremiseattheendofthemonth.”
Mymindscramblesforalternativesevenasmybodyforcesmetonod
“Andbeforeyouthinkaboutrefusingyourobligations,considerwhereyou’llbeifyoufightthis.”Shefoldsherhandson thetableandleansforward.“Yourshop will besold,yourapartmentwill kickyouout.Yourbankaccount,howeverpaltryitis, belongstothefamily Yourtrustfundisgone Youhave nothing ifyouleavehere Youwillbehomelessandwithoutajob You willbeonyourown,beggingyourfriendsforaplacetosleep,andhowmanyofthemwillsupportyouoncetheylearnyouare nolongeraHeardst?”
Mykneesshake,andthoughtheweightofherCommandnolongerholdsmedown,Ican’tforcemyselftostand. Shesmilesinaperfectcurveofredlips.“Now,let’shavedessertwhileItellyouaboutyourbetrothed.”
oyouhaveanysnicker-doodles?”thecustomerinfrontofmeasks.
ShakingmyselfoutofthestuporI’vewalkedaroundinallday,Iofferheratiredsmile “I’msorry,we’realloutfor theday.Wouldyoulikeachocolatechipinstead?”
WhenIarrivedhomelastnight,Iwasn’tintherightmindsettomakeafreshbatchofcookies.I’dfallenstraightintobed andstaredatmyalarmclockuntilitbuzzedformetogetupthenextmorning
Fromthe tea station,Steve gives me a concernedlookas Iprepthe customer’s order anddirecther downthe counter to waitforherbeverage IfMiahadn’talreadyaskedforthenextthreedaysoffforherHeat,Iwouldhavecalledinsicktoday Beinghere,intheplaceIlove,knowingitwillbetorndownandmadeintosomethingdifferent,hurtstoomuchtobear.
Allnight,mymindshuffledthroughdifferentoptionsonhowIcouldsavemydreamsandmyfreedom ButevenifIcould comeupwithabusinessloanintimetobuytheplace,Motherwouldneversellittome,andIcan’tspendthenextfiveyears rebuildingina differentlocation. Ican’tafford to paybacka loan, either. The currentincome justcovers expenses and my living, witha small amount set aside for savings Yes, mybusiness projections said that would onlyimprove, but not with addingabankloanandstartingoverinalessideallocation.
And those friends Mother mocked me about? Theydon’tevenexist Sure, Ihad myfair share inschool, buttheyhadn’t understoodmydesiretoworkwhiletheytraveledtheglobeontheirfamily’sdime.We’ddriftedapartandfallenoutofcontact.
Miawouldprobablyletmesleeponhercouchforafewnights,butanAlphainanOmega’shouseisdangerouswhenthey havetheirHeat,evenanAlphawhocan’tsmellanOmega’spheromones,likeme.
I’veheardstoriesaboutthedrivetomate,theoverwhelmingneedthattheHeatbrings.AndasmuchasIlikeMia,Idon’t wantherjumpingmebecauseshecan’tcontrolherself
Betas, like Steve, have iteasy. Theyaren’tdrivenbythe same primal urges, nor are theysubjected to anAlpha’s will. CommandslidesoverthemjustaseasilyasanOmega’spheromones
If not for how readily I submit to an Alpha’s Command, I would have labeled myself a Beta long ago. It would have broughtshametoourfamily,whohasbredAlpha’sforthelastfivegenerations,butatleastIwouldhavebeenallowedtolive mylifefree.NooneisgoingtopayahugedowrytomarryaBeta.
Stevesetstheto-gocuponthehighbarandwalksover.“It’smybreaktime,butifyouneedmetostayonthefloor…” “No,gotakeyourbreak”Iforceasmilethatstrainsmycheeks “Icanhandletheshopforfifteenminutes” Behindhisgold-framedglasses,hiseyespinchinconcern.“Areyouokay?Youlookpale.Areyoufeelingsick?” Nowthathementionsit,Idofeelsick Andalittlewarm ButIshakemyhead “Ijusthadahardtimesleepinglastnight” Theworrydoesn’tleavehisface.“WantmetobrewyouacupofteabeforeIgo?” Mysmilegentlesintosomethingmoregenuine.“No,I’llmakeoneformyself.We’reslowtoday.” “Okay,ifyou’resure.”Heheadsforthedoortotheback.“I’ll beinthebreakroom,soifyouneedme,Icancomeback out.”
Iwave himawayand go to brew a cup ofblacktea Ishould probablyeatsomething, too The gazpacho fromlastnight woreoffbeforeIevenleftthemansion,andIhadn’tstoppedfor myplannedburger onthewayhome.Caffeineonanempty stomachisnevergood,butthepastriesinthedisplaycasemakemystomachrollwithnausea Whenthe bell over the door jingles, Iglance up and stifle a groanas Romanheads for his usual table. Idon’thave the mentalcapacitytodealwithhimtoday.
Quickly,Ibrew acupofearl greyfor himandusethetongstopull twobiscotti fromthecase,slidingthemontoaplate Removing the strainer from the cup, I set it aside, take his order to his table, and walk away before he can start up a conversation
Aminutelater,though,hejoinsmeatthecounter,histeacupinhand.
Ican’tfightmyfrown.“Istheresomethingwrongwithyourorder?” Hestudiesmyface.“Areyoufeelingokay?”
“I’mfine”Idraginasteadyingbreathandcatchthesmellofhiscologne It’sstrongertoday,withahintofspicinessthat catchesatthebackofmythroatandmakesmygutclencharoundthesourballinmystomach.
Browssweepingtogether,heleansacrossthecounterforabetterlookatmyface “Areyousure?Youdon’tlookwell” “Doyouneedsomething?”Isnap.
“Honey”
Unwillingly,myeyesdroptohislips,watchingastheyshapetheword,beforemyattentionjerksup.“Whatdidyousay?” Heliftshiscup.“Youforgotthehoney.”
“Oh,sorry”Ireachforthecupandalmostdropitwhenourfingersbrush
Steadyingit,Iwalkbacktotheprepcounteranddrizzleinthesweetener,thenstirtheteauntilitdissolves.Ishouldhave forcedmyselftosleeplastnight Thefuzzinessinmyheadistakingatoll InevermessupRoman’sorder WhywouldI?He hasn’tdeviatedfromitinfiveyears.
Itakethecupbacktothecounter,setitdown,andslideitacrosstohim “It’sonthehouse Sorryforthemistake”
“There’s no need for that. Add it to my tab.” His eyes sweep over me again. “Do you have time later? I thought we should ”
Ishakemyheadbeforehefinishes “Ihaveathingtonight”
Theremindermakesmefeelevensicker.I’msupposedtoreporttotheWellingtonHoteltonighttoofficiallymeetmyfuture fiancéatoneofmymother’sauctions MaybeifItalktohim,he’llcallthewholethingoff It’smyonlyhope ButthenMother willjustfindsomeoneelsewithmoneyandthedesireforafancyname.
“Warren?”Roman’svoicejoltsmeoutofmythoughts.“Whenwillyoubedonetonight?Canwegrabsomethingafter?A latedinner,orcoff ”Hecutsoff,chagrined,asheglancesattheshoparoundhim.“Ortea?”
Myfrownreturns.Roman’sneverinvitedmeout.What’swiththesuddendesiretoreconnect?It’snotlikewewerefriends inhighschool “Idon’tknowwhenI’llbedone It’soneofmymom’scharitythings”
“TheWellingtonGala?”Whenmyfrowndeepens,heshrugs.“Myparentsaregoing.Wecantalkthere,Isuppose.”
Buthadn’the justaskedme tomeetup? Didhe wantme togotothe charitywithhim? Thatdoesn’tmake sense,though RomanandIdon’tsocializeoutsideofhisvisitstotheshopforhismorningtea.
Then,IrealizeRomanwillbetheretowitnessmebeingsoldofflikethefamilystud,andmystomachheaves. Withoutaword,Iturnandsprintforthebackroom,barelymakingittothetoiletbeforeIvomit.Onlyteaandacidcomeup, andafteramoment,mystomachsettlesoncemore.
WhenIpushtomyfeet,Stevehoversinthedoorway “Okay,Iknowyou’remyboss,butI’msendingyouhome Wecan’t haveyougettingcustomerssick.”
Idon’tthinkI’msick, notreally, it’s justall the stress and lackofsleep catchingup to me ButInod inagreement “If Roman’sstillatthecounter,canyoutellhimhisorderisonthehouse?I’mgoingtogoouttheback.”
“Okay, no problem.” Steve pulls a handful ofpaper towels fromthe dispenser onthe wall and passes themto me. “You shouldstayhometomorrow,too Takesomemedsandgetsomesleep I’llcallinJessicatohelp” Jessica’sourpart-timer.She’salwayslookingtopickupextrashifts. Inodagain “Okay,soundsgood Ifyouneedanything ” “Go.”Heflapshishandtowardthedoor.“Getsomerest.”
Ashedisappears,Iruncoldwaterovermyfaceandneck,thenglanceatmyreflectioninthesmallmirroroverthesink My hazeleyeslookalittleglassy,myfacepaleoutsideofaredtingetomycheeks.MaybeIam sick.
Wipingmyfacedry,Itakeoffmyapronandheadoutthebackdoor whereIparkmycar,prayingIdon’trunintoRoman tonight
Because,sickornot,noexcusewillgetmeoutofthisgala.Onlyamiraclewillsavemefromthismarriage.
“You’reabusinessmajor,right?”Heroldasksasheclingstomyarm.
Thekidzeroedinonmeas soonas Isteppedintothehotel ballroomandhasn’tleftmysidesince,muchtomymother’s delight.
He still looks twelve, despite reassurances he justturned twenty Did Iever lookthatyoung? Idon’tthinkso He has a softnessabouthisfaceandbodythatbegsfor someonetoswoopinandtakecareofhim,butIdon’tfeel anything,nomatter how much he presses up against me. I’ve never been into small guys. Most of the ones I’ve dated have been Betas with muscularbuildswhocanmeetmyeyeswithouthavingtolookup Theydidn’texpectorseekmeoutformyAlphaness,either SomethingI’msureHeroldwillfindlackinginmethelongerwe’retogether,whichjustturnsmeoffevenmore.
“That’snotideal,ofcourse,butDaddywillteachyouwhatyouneedtoknowbeforeyoutakeoverthefamilybusiness,”he
rambleson,notevenrequiringmyinputtokeeptheconversationgoing.
Whichis good, because, seriously, who still calls their father daddy athis age? Ifhe calls me thatinthe bedroom, I’ll nevergetahard-on Itakeanotherlookathissoftcheeks Notthatthat’sapossibility,anyway WhileherattlesonaboutthefutureIwantnopartin,Iletmyattentiondriftovertheroom.
The black-tie event pulled in the upper crust of society, and they drift around the room, bidding on the charity items displayed ontables pressed up against the wall. The bigger items will go up for auctionafter the dinner service, whichis scheduledtostartinanhour Fornow,astringquartetplaysonthestage,thesoftliltofviolinsslippingthroughthecrowd
Betweenall the people and Herold, Ifeel too hotinmysuitjacketand tie, butIcan’ttake themoffuntil cocktail hour. Sweatslipsdownmyspine,andmyheadstillfeelsfuzzy,evenafterthethree-hournapImanagedtotakebeforecominghere.I wanttoescapeoutsideandcooloff,butIdon’tseethathappeninganytimesoon Myeyeslandonthebar,andIlookdownatHerold.“Doyouwantanythingtodrink?”
His mouthsnaps closed mid-word, and Ibelatedlyrealize he was still talking Notthathe’d stopped all night His lips purse, and for a moment, Isee the future we’ll have together, filled withhis endless natteringover things Idon’tcare about interspersed withpoutydispleasure ifIstep outofhis boxofexpectations Which, as he explained indetail, is Alpha arm candythatrunshisfamilybusinessforhimwhilehepopsoutbabies.
Yes, babies had alreadycome up inconversation. He wants one a year until he’s thirty, startingas soonas possible. He evenhintedwecouldstarttonightandslippedakeycardintotheinnerpocketofmyjacket Nothappening,kiddo.NottonightoranyothernightifIcanfigureoutawaytoescapethisdestiny.
Afteralongpause,hesmilesprettily “Howaboutacosmopolitanwithcherries?” “Sure.”Inodtoanearbytable.“Ifyouwanttosit,I’llberightback.”
Hewalkshisfingersupmychestthentugsplayfullyonmytie.“Don’tkeepmewaiting,lover.”
Mydickdoesn’teventwitchwithreactionaryinterest.Thiswillneverwork.
Assoonashereleasesmyarm,Ispringacrosstheroom,eyesfixedonthebar.IfIcan’tescapeoutside,Icanatleastgeta drinktosoftenthetortureofthenight
TheroomgrowswarmerthefartherawayfromtheentranceIwalkuntilmyfaceflushesfromtheheat.AsIwaitinlinefor thebar,Itrytoloosenmytiewithoutundoingit Doestheplacenothaveanairconditioner?Orcanitjustnotkeepupwiththe numberofpeoplepackedinhere?
Sweatdripsdownmytemple,andIusemycufftowipeitaway.
“WhatcanIgetforyou?”
Blinking,Ilookupandfindmyselfalreadyatthebar.Idon’trememberthelinemovingandquicklyskimthebottles.“Um, virgincosmopolitanwithcherriesandashotofwhiskey”Iwipemyforeheadagain “Doyouhaveicewaterbackthere?”
Nodding,thebartendergrabsapitcherandfillsatumblerwithicewaterbeforehemakesthedrinksIordered.AsIchug thewater,Idon’tpayattentiontowhatgoes intothecosmopolitan,or how hemakes adrinkthat’s halfvodkavirgin Idon’t caresolongasHeroldstayscompletelysobertonight.He’salreadytoohandsyformytaste.Whenthebartenderslidestheshot infrontofme,Ishootitback,thengrabthepitcherandrefillmytumblerwithmorewater.
Theboozedoesn’thelptheboilofheatundermyskin,andIpressthecoldglasstomycheekasItakethecosmoandstep awayfromthebar.
“Who’sthekid?”asmokeyvoicemurmursintomyear,andgoosebumpsriseallovermybody IrecognizethecologneasquicklyasIdothevoiceandkeepwalking.
“Are youignoringme now?” Romansteps infrontofme, forcingme to stop or runinto him “Who’s the kid who keeps gropingyou?”
“Why,youwanttostealhimfromme?”Igesturewiththeglassofwater.“Takeyourbestshot.”
“So,you’renotinterestedinhim?”Somethinglikereliefflickersacrosshisfacebeforeamusementreplacesit,andanger sparksinsideofme.
What,isitonlyworthstealingtheguysImightactually like? Iliftmychin.“He’smyintended.”
Theamusementvanishesinaninstant “Yourintendedforwhat?” “Marriage.”
WhenImovetosteparoundhim,Romancatchesmyarmtostopme.“You’renotserious,areyou?” Ilookathim,meetinghiseyessquarely “DoIlooklikeI’mjoking?” Ashesearchesmyface,hisexpressionhardens.BeforeIcanstophim,heslipshishandinsidemyjacket,fingersslipping over mychest Mypulse leaps at the light touch, mybodyreactingfar more to his accidental brushthanit has all night to Herold’sgroping.Roman’shandslipsintomypocket,andheplucksoutthekeycardmywould-befiancéslippedmeearlier. Hiseyesholdmineasheslipsitintohispocket.“Youdon’tmindifItakethis,doyou?” IrefusetolethisAlphaauraforcemetolookaway.“HaveIevermindedwhenyoutakewhat’smine?” “Idon’tknow.Icannevertellwithyou.”Reachingout,hestraightensmytie.“ThisisthefirsttimeI’vedoneitinawhile.
Howdoesitmakeyoufeel?”
Relieved.Irritated.Trapped. Ileanforward,breathinginthecitrusandspiceofhiscologne “He’lljustgivemeanotherone He’seagertostartmaking babies.So,ifyou’regoingtomakeamove,youbetterdoitfast.”
Pale-blueeyessnapuptomeetmine,andalowgrowlrumblesinhischest AthrillrunsthroughmeasIpushpasthim,mybloodbuzzingwiththehighoffinallygettingoneuponRomanMarkham.
Asthenightwearson,Herold’sclinginessandnot-so-subtleinnuendosgrateonmynerves.Itdoesn’thelpthattheheatin theroomcontinuestogrow,andImakesomanytripstothebartorefillmywaterthatIearnmorethanonepoutfrommy date.
Does he thinkI’mtryingto escape him? He’s notwrongifhe does. Ifeel stickyand uncomfortable withsweat, and my glassofwateremptiestoofasttokeepmecool
Romanhoversonmyperiphery,butforalltheopeningsIgivehim,henevertakeshischancetoswoopinandwooHerold awayfromme TheonetimeIwanthimtostealsomeone,andhechoosesnowtofindaconscience
Afterdinner,Iescapetothebathroom,drivenbyafullbladderandadesperateneedforafewminutesofsilence.
OnceItakecareoftheimmediateproblem,Ilingeratthesink,splashingcoldwateronmyfaceandoverthebackofmy neck.Myfaceinthemirrorlooksflushed,myeyesglassierthantheywereearliertoday,andIworryIreallyamcomingdown withacold.
Takingtomorrowoffisagoodidea MaybeIshouldseeifIcantakethedayafteroffaswell
Lastweek,Ineverwouldhaveconsideredit.Rainorshine,healthyorsick,Iwasattheshop,evenifitwasjustassupport intheoffice Theteastoreismybaby,myhopesanddreams Butnow thatmydreamisbeingrippedaway,I’mstrugglingto dredgeupthedeterminationtomakesureitcontinuestosucceed.
Behindme,astall door opens,andamanstumblesout,hisfaceredandhisstepsuneven Ipassedhimmultipletimesin lineforthebar,anditlookslikeallthosedrinksfinallycaughtuptohim.
Iturnoffthewaterandgrabafewofthepapertowelsfromtheneatstackinthebasket.They’resofterthantheonesatmy shop,cloth-like,andIfeelguiltythrowingthemawayafterIpatmyfacedry
Despiteanentirerowofoptions,themanstopsatthesinkdirectlynexttomineandeyesmeinthemirrorashewasheshis hands
Hiseyesslipdownmybodywithinterest.“Youhereforahook-up?”
“No.”Iturnaway.
Forthesecondtimeinoneday,amangrabsmyarmtostopmefromleaving.ButunlikeRoman,thisguydoesn’ttrytobe gentleashepullsmecloser.“Comeon,you’reobviouslyherelookingforsomeonetotakecareofyoutonight.Whynotme?” Boozewashesovermyfaceasheleansinclose,andmyskincrawls “I’mnotinterested”
“What,youdon’tthinkI’mAlphaenough?”Heyanksmecloser,andmysensesfloodwithhissour scent.“Thestallsare niceandprivatehere Come with me ”
TheCommandshiversthroughme,andmyfootinchesforwardbeforeIstiffenmymuscles.“Whatthehell,man?”Anger rushesthroughme,andIyankmyselfoutofhisgrasp.“DidyouseriouslyjusttrytoCommandmeintofuckingyou?YouthinkI won’treportthis?”
“Hey,I’mjusttryingtohelpyououthere.”Hisfaceflushesredder ashetakesastepforward.“Youcomeherelikethat, you’relookingforthis”Hegrabshiscrotchinacrudegesture “Youshouldn’tbesopicky” “Can’tyouunderstandwhenaguysaysno?”Romandemandsfrombehindme,andIspintofindhiminthedoorway,his eyesfixedontheguyaccostingme Furyfillshisface,turninghisblueeyessteely,asheCommands,“Get out, and report your actions to security. ”
Myknees tremble withthe need to obey, and the Command isn’tevendirected atme. The drunkdoesn’thave a chance. Stepsrobotic,hemarchesoutofthebathroom,leavingmealonewithRoman Westareateachotherforafewrapidbeatsofmyheartbeforehestormsforwardandcupsmyfaceinhishands.“Didhe hurtyou?”
Unlikewiththedrunk,Roman’stouchdoesn’tmakemyskincrawl.Farfromit,infact.ThefireIhadmanagedtoquellwith
the cold water flares backto life, a furnace setto burnme alive. Myalreadyweaklegs threatento buckle withthe sudden fever,andIreachforthecountertostopmyselffromslidingtothefloor.
Roman’snostrilsflareashetakesadeepbreath “Warren?”Histhumbssweepovermyface “Areyouwithme?” Iblink,myfuzzyheadstrugglingtofollowtheconversation.Ofcourse,I’mwithhim.He’stouchingme,forGod’ssake,and myskinburnshotterwitheverysecondthatpasses Ilickdrylips,mythroatparched.“IthinkI’msick.”
“You’reburningup”Onehandmovestomyforeheadwhiletheotherslipsbeneathmycollaratthebackofmyneck Thetrembleinmylegsworsens,andIliftahandtoclutchhislapel.“Ineedtogohome.”
“You don’t have that much time.” He slips an armaround my waist. “Come on. I have a roomupstairs. I’ll get some medicinesentup”
“Whyareyoubeingnice?”Idemandashehalfcarriesmeoutofthebathroom.“Aren’tyoumissingyouropportunitytoget withHerold?”
Hesnortsderisively.“Idon’twantthatman-child.”
“He’sanOmega,”IwhisperasIleanmoreofmyweightonRoman “Richfamily”
“Sowhyareyouinterestedinhim?”Henodstoacoupleguestswhileshiftingtoblocktheirviewofme. It’s a level of consideration I never expected fromhim, and it makes me answer truthfully. “We’re broke. My mother arrangedit”
Ifeelhiseyesonmeashestopsattheelevator.“Andthat’stheguyshechosefor you?”
“Katheryngets the prestigious spouse, Igetthe one willingto paythe most” Abitter laughescapes me “Marryfor the familyorgetkickedout.”
Theelevatorarrives,andheshiftsmeintothemirror-linedbox,holdingmecloseashepressesthebuttonforthetwelfth floor.“Whataboutyourteashop?Surelythatcansupportyou?”
“Owned bymyfamily. Iwas aboutto startpayingitbacknextmonth;Ihad a five-year plan, butnow itdoesn’tmatter.” EverybreathItakefillsmylungswithhiscologne,anditmakesthinkingdifficult Igroanagainsthisneck “ForgetIsaidall this.I’mdelirious.I’llgohomeassoonasItakesomemedicine.”
“We’llsee,”hegrowls,andthevibrationtravelsthroughmybody,soothingsomeoftheburn “Thatfeelsgood.”Ipresscloser.“Dothatagain.”
Therumblecomesagainashecupsthebackofmyneck.“You’regoingtobethedeathofme,Heardst.”
“Youcangobacktohatingmetomorrow,”Imoanintohisneck.“Fornow,justkeeptalking.” Hegripsmynecktightens.“Idon’thateyou.”
“Liar”
Theelevatorcomestoastop,andhisholdonmeshifts.“Canyouwalk?OrdoIneedtocarryyou?”
“We’realmostthesamesize,”Iprotest,thoughIdon’twanttopeelmyselfoffhim Theburninmyskinfeelsbetterwhen we’reclose.“Youcan’tcarryme.”
Inresponse,hebends,onearmscoopingbehindmyknees,andhehoistsmeoffmyfeetwithease.
Ashecarriesmefromtheelevator,myheadfallsback,andIgroan “Isthere anything you’rebadat?”
“Apparently, there’s one thingI’m very bad at.” He hoists me a little higher, and myhead lands onhis shoulder. “Hush. We’realmostthere”
Whenhestopstalking,therushofheatreturns,crawlingundermyskin.Hiscolognemakesitbetterandworseatthesame time,botheasingmyfeverandratchetingithigher “Whatbranddoyouwear?”
“What?”heasks,distractedashestopsinfrontofadoorandtriestopull hiskeycardfromhispocketwithoutdropping me.
“Yourcologne”Iloopmyarmsaroundhisneckandsnuggleintodragthescentintomylungs “Whatbrand?”
“Idon’twear cologne.” He fumbles the cardintothe reader byfeel andthe lockpops open.“Whydidyoucome tonight withouttakingyourpills?”
Ishetalkingaboutcoldmedicine?Ihadn’tbeensureIwassickwhenIleftfortheparty.“Iwasn’tsureIneededthemyet.” “Stupidrisktotake,”hemutters,droppingmeontothebedasifI’mburninghim,andmaybeIam “You’reluckyIcame intothebathroomwhenIdid.”
“You’rethestupidone.”Itugatthetiearoundmyneck,desperatetoescapethenoose.“IleftHeroldwideopenforyour advancesallnight,andyounevertookthebait”
“IalreadytoldyouIwasn’tinterestedinhim.”Hepausesnexttothephonetostareatme.“Hewasn’tthetypeofguyyou usuallygofor,either”
Igiveupongettingmytieoff,leavingitloosearoundmyneck.“WhatkindofguydoIusuallygofor?”
“Taller,closertoyourownsize.”Herakesahandthroughhishair.“Auburn-hairedandblue-eyed.”
Thewaythelightsintheroomcatchintheredstrandsofhishairdistractmebeforetheheatinmybodyremindsmeofmy originalgoal.
Igotoworkonthebuttonsofmyshirt.“You’realiar.YouwerestaringatHeroldallnight.EverytimeIglancedover,there youwere.”
“Soundslikeyouweretheonestaring”Hiseyesdriftdownmybaredchestbeforeheturnsawayandliftsthephonetohis ear. A moment later, his low voice fills the room. “Yes, I need suppressants and candles sent to room1215. As soon as possible”
Confused,Ipauseintheactofyankingmyshirtfrommypants.“Herold’snotinHeat.”
“They’re notfor Herold Idon’tfuckingcare aboutyour date tonight” Agitated, Romanhangs the phone up and rakes a handthroughhishairagain.“Wouldyoustopundressing?I’mbarelycontainingmyselfrightnow.”
Frowning,Istruggleoutofmyjacket.“Are you inHeat?”
“Are you mocking me? Is this some kind of elaborate joke?” He takes a jerky step toward the bed before he freezes “Warren, stop stripping. ”
TheCommandrollsovermelikeagiantlickofheat,havingthecompleteoppositeeffectonmefromwhathewants,andI fightthejacketoff.Ittakeshalfmyshirtwithit,butthetieatmyneckcatchesinthecollar.
Aknocksoundsatthedoor,andRomanpracticallyrunsfromtheroomtoanswerit
He returns as I finallysucceed inescapingthe shirt, but it’s not enough. Myskinfeels onfire, the fabric of myslacks chafingpainfully,andIreachformybelt.
“Here,takethepills”Warrenthrustsabottleofwaterandasmallpapercupatme IpauseinmystrugglewiththebelttostareatthedistinctiveblueandredpillsbeforeIlookbackupathim.“Whyareyou givingmesuppressants?”
Heshovesthecupintomyhand.“Becauseyou’regoingintoHeat.”
“No,I’mnot.”Ishovethecupbackathim.“I’manAlpha.”
“No,you’renot.You’reanOmega.”Hedrawsinadeepbreath,hispupilsblownwide.“Yourpheromonesaresostrong.If Ihadn’tlitthecandlebythedoor,everyAlphainthehallwouldbesmellingyourightnow.”
Istareathiminshock “Ican’tbeanOmega I’malmostthirty Iwouldhaveshownsignsbeforenow”
“Latentmaturity.”Helickshislipshungrily.“Likelybroughtonbystress.”Then,hepauses.“ThisisyourfirstHeat?” “I’mnot inHeat!” Isayagain, because he seems to have a hard time hearingmywords right now “Alphas don’t have Heat.”
Growling,hedropsthepillsashelungesforward,catchingthetiestillaroundmynecktoreelmein.Hismouthslamsover mine,histonguethrustingpastmysurprisedlipstostrokeagainstmine.
Myshockonlylastsamomentbeforedesiretakeshold,andIkisshimback,mymouthhungryagainsthis.Hetasteslikethe bergamot-filled tea he drinks everymorningwitha hintofsweetness thatmakes me wantto lickhimall over and discover whereelsehe’ssweet.
Whenhepullsback,Iwhimperattheloss Ineedhismouthbackonmine,needthefullnessofhistongueinmymouth Hebreathesheavily,hiseyeslockedonmine.“Tellmeagainyou’reanAlpha.”
Mylipspart,butnowordscomeout.Idon’tknowwhatIamanymore.I’veneverfeltlikeanAlpha,butI’veneverfeltlike anOmega,either WhatI do knowiswhatI need andlungeforwardtosealourlipsbacktogetherasIpullhimdownontopof me.
Idon’tlike RomanMarkham he’s beennothingbuta thorninmyside since we firstmet butas his hard bodycovers mine,Iknowhe’stheonlyonewhocanquenchthefirethatragesinmyblood.
Roman’shandsmoveallovermybody,possessiveanddemandingashelearnsmyshape.Myownhandsdivebeneathhis suit jacket, digginginto the hard muscles of his backand tracingthe groove of his spine He feels hot, too, like he’s absorbingthefirethatburnsthroughme,andIliftmylegs,hugginghishipswithmyknees,desperateforasmuchcontact withhisbodyaspossible.
My dick strains against my zipper with a need I’ve never felt before, and I grind against his hard cock, any hint of embarrassmentsweptawaybypleasureashereciprocateswithaskillfulrollofhiships.
WhateverRomanfeelstowardme,hewantsthis,too,withahungerthatmatchesmine
Reachingdown,Igrabhisfirmass,urginghimon,desperateforthereleaseonlyhecangiveme.
Heliftsoffmefarenoughforhishandstoslipbetweenusandfindsmynipples,pluckingthembetweenhisfingersuntilmy backarches.I’veneverconsideredmyselfasensitiveman,buteverywherehetouchespulseswithpleasure.Hismouthleaves minetotrailhot,wetkissesdownmythroatandchestbeforehelatchesontomynipplewithhislips,suckinghardtopullitinto hismouth Imoanandabandonmygriponhisasstofisthishair,notsureifIwanthimtocontinueorstop
Growling,histeethcloseovermynipple,andmyhipsjerkagainsthim.Hereleasesme,theflatofhistonguesoothingthe stingbefore he shifts lower, lickinga hot line downmycenter Mystrainingdicknudges at his throat, thenunder his chin, demandingattention,andtherumblecomesagain,alowvibrationagainstmydickbeforehedropspastmywaistbandtomouth atmydickthroughthebarrierofmyslacks
Hishotbreathandthelightpressureofteethagainstmyheadpullamoanfromme,andIthrusttowardhisface,myhandsin hishairdemandinghetakemeinhismouth.
Takingthehint,heyanksmybeltandpantsopenbeforehehookshisfingersinmywaistband,andIliftmyhips,eagertobe freeoftherestrictivefabric.
Hemakesquickworkofmypants,strippingthemoffmealongwithmyboxerbriefsuntilIlaynakedonthebedinfrontof him. Myhard dickhugs tightto mystomach, precumleakingfromthe tip, and he smears his thumb throughthe fluid before liftingittohismouthforataste.
Whenhe slips his thumb betweenhis lip, myentire bodyshivers, mydickjumpingfor attention. Seeingthose full lips wrappedaroundhisthumb,tastingmycum,makesmeimaginehismouthbackatmydick,lettingmesinkintotheheatofhis mouth
Thatlow rumble comes fromhis chestagainas he growls withapproval before he reaches downand grasps myknees, spreadingmylegsapartsohecansettlebetweenthem Thepositionleavesmeopenandexposed,notsomethingI’musedto feeling,butwiththefirethatburnsthroughme,afireonlyhecanease,Idon’tcare.I’llshowhimanythinghewantsifitmeans feelinghisweightonmeoncemore.
“Lookatyou.”Herunshispalmsupmyspreadthighs,andthefireinsidemeburnshotter.“Thisishowyouweremeantto be.Spreadoutbeneathme.”
Hiswordscutthroughthehazeoflustthatmuddlesmythoughts,remindingmewe’renotlovers,we’renotevenfriends
“Takeagoodlook,”Ispreadmylegswider,revelinginthewayhisgazefocusesonmyharddick,inthewayhelickshis lips,hungryforanothertasteofmycum Ifeelpowerfulrightnow,likeIfinallyhavetheupperhandwiththisman,andcan’t helpbuttaunthim.“Youwon’tbeseeingthisagain.”
His heavy-lidded gaze drags up mybodywiththe weightofa physical touch. “Now thatyour Heathas come, this will happeneverymonth”
“Wedon’tknowthisisHeat,”Idenyevenasmybodyburns.“Icouldhavebeendrugged.”
Inanswer,hereachesbetweenmylegs,bypassingmystrainingdickandsensitiveballstosliphisfingersintothecreaseof myass. Myhips jerkinresponse as he finds myentrance. Withslickease, he breaches me, and myass clenches around his
fingers,unfamiliarwiththesensationofbeingfilled.
Imoan,hipsrollinginvoluntarily,wantingsomethingbiggeranddeeper.Eyesintentonme,hepushesmorefingersintome, lettingme ride them Myballs tingle, tensionlacingthroughmymuscles, and Iwhimper inprotestwhenhe pulls his fingers free,leavingmeemptyandwanting.
Heliftshishandtorevealhisglisteningfingers Thestickyfluidcoatsmyassandthighs,too,somethingnoAlphawould everproduce.
“You’reanOmega,”hesays,pushinghomethetruth Hebringshisfingerstohislips,lickingawaythefluid,andhiseyes darken.“My Omega. ”
IshiverastheCommandrollsoverme,imprintinghisnameintomyfleshandcarvingitintomybones.Everypartofmy bodycries yes,butIlockmyteethagainstspeakingit Speakingitmakesthisreal,andthat’sjustnotanoption WhenthisHeat fades,Romanwillgobacktobeingmynemesis,andI’llgobacktohatinghim.
The reminder fades to the back of my mind, though, as Roman strips out of his suit jacket and shirt, revealing a body sculpted fromyears ofsports and workingout. Drool fills mymouthatall the hard ridges and deep valleys he reveals. No wonder he lifted me so easilyinthe elevator All those muscles put mymeager efforts to shame, but bythe wayhe stares hungrilyatme,helikeswhathesees.
Slowly,helowersthezipperonhisslacks,andhishardcockspringsfree,theveinsonhisthickshaftformingridges,and histipredandglisteningwithpre-cum Touchingmeexciteshim,andhestaresatmeashefistshimself,usinghisowncumto slickenhiscock.
Myassclenchesinresponse,mythighsgrowingstickierwithmyneed I’veneverletsomeoneinsideme It’snotsomething Alphasaresupposedtodo,andthesizeofhiscockbothscaresandexcitesme.There’snoquestionthatheplanstotakeme,to imprinthisbodyonmine,andItremblewithanticipation.
Smellingmyexcitement, his nostrils flare, and his self-restraint cracks. He grabs mywaist, roughlyyankingme farther downonthemattressbeforehepushesmykneesupandouttoexposemyentrance.Then,hisbodycoversmine,returningthat deliciousweighttopressmeintothemattress
Hegrabsontooneofmyarms,wrappingitaroundhisback,andIeagerlypullhimcloser,mymouthonhisthroatasIdrag hisdeliciousscentintomylungs Whenhiscocknudgesagainstme,allthoughtsleavemymindexceptfortheneedtohavehim insideme.
Hotkissespeppermyface.“Openyoureyes.Lookatme.” UnsurewhenIclosedthem,Iforcemyeyesopen.
Hisfacehoversovermine,hisgazeintense.“Haveyoueverletsomeonedothisbefore?”
Herubsagainstmeforemphasis,tauntingmewithoutentering
Imoan,mybodyemptyanddesperatetobefilled.“No.”
“Good”Hereachesbetweenourbodiestogripmystrainingdick “Noonebutmetouchesyoufromnowon”
Mymouthopens,maybeinagreementormaybeinprotest,buthedoesn’tgivemetimetofindoutashelineshimselfupand thrustsforwardwithahardsnapofhiships.
Amoanofpleasureripsfrommythroat,andIclutchhimtighterassensationswampsme Itshouldhurt,Iknow itshould hurt.Therewaslittleprepdone,norealtimespentstretchingmeforhisinvasion.ButallIfeelispleasureashepullsout,then drivesforward,fillingmewithhishardcock
Thenexttimehepullsback,Iclencharoundhim,desperatetokeephimdeepinside.
Groaning,hefitsmylegshigharoundhiswaist “That’sit,learnmyshape” Hesetsupasteady,hardpacethathasmemoaningandwrithingbeneathhim.
Sweatslicksourskin,andIlickthedropsfromRoman’sthroatbeforehisheadbends,andhecapturesmylips,histongue thrustingintolayclaimtomymouththesamewayhiscockclaimsmybody
Hishandonmydickpumpsfast,andtensionbuildsinmybody.Myballstingling,andIclampdownharderaroundRoman, tryingtoholdhiminsideme Ineedthatfullness,need
He grinds into me, hips swiveling, and orgasmrips throughme. Mydickpulses inhis tightgrip, cumshootingover my stomachasmyassclenchesandreleasesaroundhishardlength
He kisses me throughthe orgasm, his cockburied deep, until Ibeginto relaxbeneathhim, myrelease leavingme lightheaded.I’veneverexperiencedpleasurethatintensebefore,orsuchadesperateneedtobewithsomeone.Thefirethatburned inmybodynowsitsatalowsimmer,easedfornow,butreadytoflarebacktolifeattheslightesttouch
Mouthleavingmine, Romaneases out of myarms to sit backonhis heels. His hands move to myhips, massagingmy shakingmuscles,beforehegripsmetightandslowlypullsfrommybody Hiscockspringsfree,stillhardandnowglistening withmyrelease.Istareatit,overwhelmedwithhowperfectlyhefitinsidemybody,andthefeverinmybodyboilstolifeonce more.
Itdoesn’tmatterthatIjustcame,thatIshouldn’tbeabletogethardagainsofast.Bloodrushesbacktomydickinafeverhotstreak.
Withoutaword,herollsmeontomystomachandpartsmylegsagain.Instinctively,Ipushupontomyknees,followingthe directionofthehandsonmyhipsuntilhishardcocknudgesatmyentrance.Hisholdonmyhipstighten,andheyanksmeback toslamintomeoncemore,hishardthrustsshakingthebed
I follow his direction, pushing back into his thrusts as I tilt my ass for a better angle. My hands flatten against the headboard,offeringlessgive,somybodytakeshimdeeper,andmymoansfilltheroom,drowningouttheslapoffleshagainst fleshandthewetsoundofourbodiescomingtogether.
ThesecondtimeIcome,hedoesn’tevenstop,histhrustsdrawingtheorgasmoutasmybodydesperatelyclutchesathim Whenmylegsgiveoutafterthethirdtime,hisweightcoversmyback,hiscockasteadygrindintomyass.
Hissmokeyvoicefillsmyearwithhoneyedwords.Whathesaysgetslostinthefeverhaze,butmybodyunderstands,andI bowmyheadinacceptance
Hestrokesdownmyside,onehandsettlingbackonmyhipwhiletheotherliftstomyneck,brushingtheshortblackstrands ofhairasidetorevealmyvulnerablenape
“My Omega,”hegrowls,sendingashiverthroughmeamomentbeforehisteethsinkintomyflesh,breakingskintoleavea lastingmark
Myfinal orgasmrips outofme ona screamofpleasure,myass shovingupagainsthimindemand,andhis cockpulses, finallyfillingmewithenoughcumtoextinguishthefire.
Iwakesometimelater,thefeverburningbeneathmyskinoncemore.
Afterourfirstroundofsex,I’dbeentooexhaustedtomove,andRomanhadtuckedmebeneaththeblanketsandturned offthelights.Withtheblackoutcurtainspulledtight,onlythefaintflickerofthecandleintheentrywayletsoffanylight.
Lustcloudsmythoughtsagain,andIroll over,reachingout,tofindRomanalreadymovingtowardme,hisbodypressing mebackintothemattress Withouttheneedforwords,Icurlmylegsaroundhiswaist,mymouthseekinghisinthesemi-dark There’slessurgencythistimewhenhishardcockslidesintome,ourbodiesrockingtogethergentlyuntilItensearoundhim, myinnermusclespressingandreleasing,andhestiffens,hiscumfillingmetoeaseawaythefever
Wefallbacktosleepstilljoinedtogether,thenwaketorepeattheprocess.
Whenwe’renotsleeping,we’refucking,Romanalwaysthereandreadytoeasetheneedinmybody
Timepassesinapleasure-filledhazeoflustanddesire,untilthefinaltimeIwakeandfindmythoughtsclear.
Iblinkthe roominto focus, mynose twitchingatthe medicinal scentofthe candle thatstill burns inthe hall. Ivaguely rememberRomanrisingtolightanewoneafewtimes,usuallyreturningwithwaterthathecoaxedmetodrinkbeforethefever tookcontroloncemore,andIpulledhimbackintobed.
Atthereminder,myentirebodypulseswithadullpainthatmostlycentersonmyhipsandthebackofmyneck Iliftahand, pressingonthe ache as Itrace the ringofteethmarks.Scabs scrape againstmyfingertips and realizationdawns thatRoman Markedmeashis I’veheardstoriesofAlphasbeingovercomewiththeneedtoclaimtheirpartners,Markingthemagainstall otherAlphas.I’dneverfelttheneedwithmyboyfriends,andnowIknowwhy.
I’manOmega.
The knowledge shivers throughme, mymind strugglingto accept this new status evenafter experiencingmyfirst Heat Therehasn’tbeenanOmegaintheHeardstfamilylineinoverfivegenerations.TheypridethemselvesonbreedingAlphas.
Mygutclencheswithtrepidation Thisnewswillchangemymother’splans,butnotinagoodway Obviously,Ican’tbe expectedtomarryHerold,anymore.There’snoadvantageformyfamilyforanOmegatomarryanotherOmega.Butmebeing abletobreed…Icanpracticallyfeelthedollarsignsstampedonmyassnow.
Therearen’talotofOmegasinupper-classsociety,andevenfewermaleOmegas.WithanOmega’slimitationsatwork, and anAlpha’s natural charisma and power ofCommand, the wealthytend to be Alpha heavy, whichmeans marryingother AlphasorseekingOmegasoutsideoftheupper-class
AsanOmegamalefromanupper-classfamily,Motherwillhavethepickofgaysocietyinmarryingmeoff.Itwon’teven matter thatwe’rebroke AnOmega-Alphamarriagealways results inAlphaor Omegachildren,withnoriskofaBetababy muddyingthe waters. The onlythingthatwill slow her downis havingto waituntil after mynextHeatbefore she canstart interviewingpotentialspouses.
IpressharderontheMarkonmyneck.ItwillstaythereuntilmynextHeatasprotectionagainstotherAlphaswhomight wanttostealmeawayfromRoman.ButunlessheMarksmeagain,itwillfade,leavingmeopenformypheromonestodrawin anewpartner ThreeMarksandI’llbebondedtoRomanforlife
Mychesttightensatthethought,butIpushawayanyfeelingsIhaveaboutthat.Whathappenedheredoesn’tchangehowwe feel about each other, however tenderly he treated me Roman won’t Mark me again He only did it this time because my pheromonespushedallhisAlphabuttons.
Ifeel guiltyaboutthat, butreally, how was Isupposed to know? Omegas and Alphas usuallymature atpuberty, and that washalfalifetimeagoforme Ineedtoseeadoctorandfindoutwhyittooksolongformytruenaturetocomethrough AndI needtogetsuppressants,sosomethinglikethisneverhappensagain.
ThelittleblueandredpillsareagodsendforOmegas,helpingtoreducetheeffectsofthepheromonestheyreleaseastheir Heatnears.Beforetheyexisted,rapewasahugeissueinsociety,andOmegasoftenhadahardtimegettingjobsbecauseno
onewantedtoriskanincidentattheworkplace.
As I remember the drunk in the bathroom, nausea rolls through me at what almost happened. Thank goodness Roman intercededwhenhedid He’snotthecompleteassholeIalwaysthoughthewas,andIfeelbadIpulledhimunwillinglyintothis issue.Hecouldhavejustleftmetomyfate,buthesteppedinandwasswampedbymypheromonesinstead.
Shame adds to the guiltwhenIremember how he tried to resist, evenrequestingemergencysuppressants be sentto his room.Iwastoostupidtotakethem,forcinghimintousinghisbodytoeasemyHeat.
God,howwillIfacehimafterforcinghimtoservicemelikesomestud?
Thebedshiftsbehindmeand,panicked,Iquicklyshutmyeyes,pretendingtostillbeasleep.
Awarmhandbrushesagainstmyforehead,thenthebackofmyneck,andIwillmypulsetostaysteady,formybreathingto staynormal
Ishecheckingifmyfeverreturned?Toseeifheneedstoletmeusehiscockagaintoeasemyneed?
HisfingerslingerontheMarkheleft,gentlytracingtheroughcircle
Isheregrettingthat?Ofcourse,heis.Whywouldn’the?HenomorewantstobindhimselftomethanIwanttobebound. Atleastit’sonlythefirsttime Aslongasweavoideachothergoingforward,itwon’thappenagain
After a moment, his touchfalls away, and the mattress dips as he rolls backto his side, thenstands and leaves the bed altogether.
Icontinuetofeignsleepuntilthebathroomdoorshutsandthesoundoftheshowerdriftsout Then,Iscrambleoutofbed andfindmyclothes,yankingthemonasIkeeponeeyeonthebathroomdoor.Myheartraces,expectingRomantopopoutat anymoment I don’t want to have that awkward morning-after conversationwhere he lets me downgently I alreadyknow whereIstandwithhim;Idon’tneedtositthroughhimexplainingit.
HewaskindenoughtostickwithmeduringmyfirstHeat;theleastIcandoismakethingseasieronbothofusbystaying outofhissightnow.Itwon’tbehardtoavoideachotheraftertoday.Theonlytimeourpathscrossisatmyshopwhenhestops infortea,andsoon,thatwillbegone.
Onmywaytothedoor,Icatchsightofanotepadonthesmalldesktheroomprovides,andguiltswampsmeoncemore I’d beanassholetonotatleastacknowledgehowhehelpedme.
Pausing,IscribbleoutaquicknoteandsetitnexttothecellphoneRomanleftonthetablebeforeIgetthehelloutofthere Overthenextweek,IlosemyselfinworktokeepmymindoffthetimeIspentwithRoman
WhenIpaidfor thehotel roomonmywayout another thankyoutoRomanfor takingcareofme I’dbeenshockedto realize three days had passed since the charityauction I arrived home to worried calls frommyemployees and a furious messagefromMotherabouthow IditchedHeroldandruinedhercarefulplans.Shewasquicktoinformmetheteashophad alreadybeensold,andthatIshouldpackmythingsandpreparetomovebackhome.
She’salreadyonthehuntforanotherrichfiancéforme,andIhaven’tworkedupthenervetotellheraboutmynewOmega status.
Imadeitintoseeadoctorandfillaprescriptionforsuppressants Hehadexplaineditwasrare,butnotunheardof,foran Omegatomaturelaterinlife,andhowmyfirmbeliefthatIwasanAlphaprobablyhelpedtosuppressmyHeat.Healsoasked ifI’dencounteredaparticularlystrongAlphawhocouldhavetriggeredthechange,kindofmybody’swayofalertingmetothe presenceofagoodmate.
WhenIadmittedtogoingintoHeatwithRoman,andhowwehadatonofunprotectedsex,thedoctorwasquicktotakea bloodsample,whichcamebacknegativeforpregnancy
Myreliefhadalmostbeenenoughtomaskthetwingeofdisappointmentthenewsbrought.ItoldmyselfIdidn’t want tobe pregnant,especiallynotwithRoman’sbaby Nomatterhow muchourtimetogetherfilledmythoughts,hedidn’twantmefor real.Everythingthathappenedwasdrivenbymynewpheromones,andnowthatIhavesuppressants,thatwon’thappenagain. NotwithRoman,andnotwithanyotherAlphawhosepathIcross.
Ipauseintheactofloadingcookiesontoatraytohookafingerundermynewnapeguardandpullitawayfrommythroat. This is only the third day I’ve worn it, and the damn thing still feels like it’s choking me. I purchased it at my doctor’s recommendationasaprecautionagainstfutureunplannedMarkings NotthatIintendtofall intobedwithanyone Ijusthave toomuchtofigureoutrightnow,andthenapeguardremovesoneproblemfrommyoverwhelminglist.
ThedoortothekitchenswishesopenasMiapopsherheadin,andIquicklypullmyturtleneckup Ihaven’ttoldanyone aboutmynewstatus,andthenapeguardisadeadgiveaway.I’mjustgladwe’reheadingintothecoldseason,whereaturtle neckdoesn’tlookoutofplace.
“Boss,You-Know-Whoishere,”shewhispers Fixingmyattentiononthecookies,Inodinacknowledgment.
Her concernedgazeburnsintomyback,butshedoesn’taskwhyI’mgoingtosuchlengthstoignoreRoman “I’ll letyou
knowwhenit’ssafetocomeout.”
Inodagainandhearthedoorcloseoncemore.
I expected Roman to stop his morning visits after The Incident, but he keeps coming in like clockwork At least his consistentschedulemakesiteasytoavoidbeingonthefloorwhenhe’shere.
AsIslidethetrayofcookiesintotheoven,mypocketvibrates,andIclosetheovendoorbeforediggingitout Thedisplay showsthehousephone,andIalmostdecline,butIcan’tavoidmymotherforever.
Sighing,Ipresstheacceptbuttonandliftthephonetomyear “Yes,Mother?”
Herbriskvoicefillstheline.“Oh,good,youanswered.”
Iresistthe urge to sighagain. She knows I’matworkrightnow, butshe has the misguided opinionthat, as the owner, I shouldbeavailablewheneversheneedsme “WhatcanIdoforyou?”
“YourpresenceisrequiredonSaturdayforlunch.Katheryn’sintendedwillbecomingtothehouse,andI’dlikeallofthe familytobetheretomeethim”
Iclosemyeyesinfrustration.“I’mworkingonSaturday.”
“Thenrearrangeyourschedule,”shesayssharply “YouowemethatmuchafterhowhorriblyyoutreatedHerold Ihadto sendanapologygifttobothhimandhisfather,andyouknow wecan’taffordtheextravaganceinourcurrentsituation.” No, but she can somehow afford to continue to pay the exorbitant rent on Katheryn’s penthouse and for the expensive luncheonssheattendsdaily
Sometimes, Iwonder ifI’mreallyher son, because I’ve never feltcomfortable throwingmoneyawaywithher level of abandon BeingadoptedwouldcertainlyexplainhowIturnedouttobeanOmega ToobadI’mherspittingimageinmaleform Hergeneticscompletelyobliteratedmyfather’swhenitcametotheirchildren.
KnowingIwon’tescapethiswithoutafight,Iresign.“Whattime?” “Twoo’clock,sharp.Don’tbelate.”Thelinefallssilent,andIpullthephoneawayfrommyheadtofindthescreennow blank.
Apparently,socialnicetiesarereservedfornon-familymembers Pullingupmycalendarapp,Isetmyselfareminder. Wouldn’twanttobelatetomeetmyfuturebrother-in-law,afterall Ijusthopethepoorguycansurvivethecombinedforce ofmysisterandmotherbetterthanIhave.
Saturdayarriveswithaletterfromtheteashop’snewowner,informingmethey’llbebyonMondaytocheckoutthespace. Idon’trecognize the business name onthe letterheadanddoa quicksearchonthe internet,crossingmyfingers that maybeit’sacompanythatatleastdabblesintea.Buttheonlythingtheinternetpullsupisabusinesslicenseandlocation. They’relocalandtoonewformetogetmyhopesup.
They’reprobablylikeIwasfiveyearsago,freshfromcollegeandeagertoputtheirstampontheworldbyopeningasmall store.Thelikelihoodthey’llkeepitasateashopisslim.
Iopenthestorewithaheavyheart Thisweekendmightbeourlast,andI’llmisspartofitbecauseofmymother’sstupid desiretopretendwe’reaunitedfamily.
Atfivetoeight,IreceiveadesperatecallfromSteve,apologizingthathiscarbrokedown,andhe’llbelate Itrytoease hisworrywhile,inside,Istarttopanic.Romanalwaysstopsinfromeight-thirtytonine,andI’vesucceededinavoidingthat awkwardnesssofar.AllIcanhopeforisarushincustomersthatwillkeepmetoobusytotalktohim.
Therushincustomersarrives,muchtomyrelief,butRomandoesnot,andIfindmyeyesdriftingtohisusual tablemore thanonce,toseeifImissedhisentrance.Inthepast,whenRomanplannedtonotvisit,healwaysmadesomeoffhandcomment aboutgoingoutoftownforaweek Ithadalwaysfeltlikebraggingatthetime,butnowIrealizehowmuchI’vecometoexpect ourbriefinteractions,andnothavingthemnowputsmeonedge.
WhenStevearrivesatten,IlethimtakeoveratthecounterwhileIrestockthepastrycase Inbetweencustomers,hejoinsme,hisvoicelow.“I’msorryIwasn’therethismorning.”
“It’snoproblem.”Islidepastriestothebackofthetraytoloadthefreshonesinfront.“Icanhandletheplacealonefora fewhours”
Hisvoicedropsevenlower.“DidYou-Know-Whocauseanyproblems?”
Mylipstwitchwithanunwillingsmile “Youguyscansayhisname Itwon’thurtme” Steve’seyesshifttothetableRomanusuallysitsat.“Didhe…Areyoufighting?Ordidhe do somethingtoyou?”Thenhis eyesjumpbacktome,andheflushes.“Notthatyouhavetosay.It’sjust…Mia’sbeenworried.Ifhebothersyou,wecanban himfromtheshop.”
Warmthfillsmeattheirconcern.“No,wedidn’tfight.Thingsarejustcomplicatedrightnow.”
Steve’sfocusshiftstomythroat,andhisblushdeepens “Youdidn’tusetowear that ”Hetapsthesideofhisneckin case Imiss whathe’s talkingabout,and Itugmyturtle necka little higher. “We didn’tknow youwere anOmega. We could havesupportedyoubetter We’refriends,youknow Youcanrelyonusmore”
Eyesstinging,IlookawayasIblinkbacktears.Ihadn’trealizedtheythoughtofmelikethat.Imean,wegetalong,andI know more about their lives than I do about my own family, but I’malso their boss, and I always thought that put a wall betweenus.Maybethathadallbeeninmyhead,though.ItwasashameIwasonlyjustdiscoveringthiswhenIwasaboutto losemystore.
Steve’shandtentativelytouchesmyback “So,ifRomantookadvantageofyou,wehaveyourback,okay?We’llmakesure hedoesn’tcomeinhereagain.”
Panickedatwherehisthoughtsare,Ispinbacktohim “No,that’snotwhathappened”Ireachuptorubmyneck,andmy fingersbumpagainstthenapeguard.“Moreliketheotherwayaround.Andthingsareawkwardnowbecause…”
“You’refriendsandbeingloversistooweird?”Steveguesses. Mylipspartinsurprise “We’renotfriends”
Steve’s brows sweep together inconfusion. “You’re not?” He glances atthe emptytable again. “But, he comes inevery day Youevenhaveatablereservedforhim Andwhenyou’renothere,healwaysaskshowyou’redoing” Now,it’smyturntobeconfused.“Hedoes?”
Stevenodsslowly.“Yeah.He’sbeenaskingaboutyouforthelastweek,too.Mia’sbeenshortwithhim,ofcourse,buthe stillasks.”
Iscrubahandovermyface “SorryIputyoutwointhemiddleofthis I’llstopbeingacowardandtalktohim” Steve pats myshoulder insympathy.“The longer youwait,the more awkwarditgets.Ifyoudon’twanttobe lovers,be firmaboutit,and,ifhe’sagoodfriend,he’llacceptthatandmoveon”
Igivehimanassessinglook.“Yousoundlikeyou’respeakingfromexperience.”
“Hey, justbecause I’ma Beta doesn’tmeanIhaven’thad some awkward moments inrelationships Lovingsomeone is messy,regardlessofwhatyouare.”Acustomerwalksin,headingstraightforthecounter,andStevesqueezesmyshoulderone lasttime.“I’mheretolistenifyouneedsomeonetocomplaintoaboutrelationships.”
“Iappreciatethat”Closingthepastrycase,Ireturnthetraytothekitchen,mythoughtsswirlingwithuncertainty
Can RomanandIbe friends? We’re adults now,and all ofmyreasons for notlikinghimare rooted inwhowe were as children I’mnotthesamepersonIwasbackthen,andafterthewayRomantookcareofmeattheauction,I’mnolongersure he’sthesameperson,either.Evenifwe’renotlovers,wecouldbe something. He’daskedmetomeetupafterwork Maybehewantstotrybeingfriends,too?
Tomorrow,I’llbuckupthecouragetobeonthefloorwhenhecomesinforhismorningtea.Ifhedoesn’tflatoutrejectme onthespot,I’llseeifhewantstograbdinnerorsomething.
What’stheworstthatcanhappen,right?
I check my reflection in the small rearview mirror one more time, making sure my turtle neck covers the nape guard and adjustingthecollarofthesportsjacketIpulledonafterIlefttheteashop.IthelpsdressuptheslacksIworewhilekeepingmy outfitcasual IhavenoideawhatfamilyMother negotiatedwithtomarrymysister,butmyattireshouldbefinefor acasual lunch.
TheclockonthedashtellsmeI’mfifteenminutesearly,sorightontimeasfarasMother’sconcerned Aquickcombofmyfingersthroughmyblackhairsetsitstraight,andIclimboutofmycar.Iparkeditatthebackofthe house so itwouldn’tbe aneyesore for our guest. I’ll miss the old thingwhenit’s gone, as I’msure it’s onMother’s listof thingstodestroyinmylife ShewantsmedrivingthatridiculousBentleythat’sbeensittingneglectedinthegarageforthelast threeyears.
AcarworthyofaHeardst,shehadsaid Shewantedtogivemeadrivertogowithit,butIflatoutrefusedtheentiresetup IliveinthehistoricdistrictofRockhaven,withinwalkingdistanceoftheteashopandthelocal marketplace.Idon’tneeda fancycarwithadriver
ButthatwillchangeifImovebackhome.
MystepsslowasIpullmycellphonefrommypocketandcheckforanymessages.I’dbrokendownandcalledmyfather inthehopehe’dletmecomestaywithhimandhisnew wifeuntil Icanfindadifferentjobandanew placetolive Sofar, though, he hasn’treturned mycall. Ishouldn’tgetmyhopes up. Whenhe leftmymom, he cutties withthe Heardstfamily, whichincludedhiskids
ThebackdooropensbeforeIreachit,andIglanceupinsurprisetofindthebutlerwaitingforme.Hemusthaveseenme pullaroundback.He’stoogoodforthishouse,andIwon’tbesurprisedifhefindsapostsomewhereelsesoon,withafamily thatwillbothertorememberhisname.
“Thankyou,Stirling,”IsayasIstepinside.“Hasourguestarrived?”
“Notyet,MasterHeardst”Hegesturestowardthefrontofthehouse “MadamandMissKatherynarewaitingintheblue parlor.”
“Thankyou”Iheaddownthehallpasttheformaldiningroomandthesmallballroomtoasittingroomatthefrontofthe house.
Theblueparlorearnsitsnamefromthepalebluewallpaperthatcoverstheroom.Heavy,dark-bluedamaskdrapesframe tallwindowsthatlookoutontoasideyard,andtheantiquecouchesaredoneinthesamedark-bluefabric.Theglassandgold coffee table inthe center of the roomholds a white china teapot withsmall blue flowers. Mother and Katherynbothwear dressesinpalebluethatpopoffthecouchandaccentuatetheirlong,blackhair Motherfrownsatmygreenblazer andlookspastmetothebutler.“Archibald,pleasefetchmysononeofthebluehouse jacketsfromthedownstairsguestsuite”
“IhardlythinkmenotmatchingthefurniturewillputoffKatheryn’ssuitor,Mother,”Isay. Sheliftshernosewithasniff.“Weareafamily;weshouldlooklikeone.” Noonewholooksatuswillquestionthatwe’rerelated,butIholdmytongue Ifchangingmyjacketwillmakeherhappy, it’snoskinoffmyteeth.
IturntoStirling “I’llfetchthejacket Ourguestwillbeheresoon,andwedon’twanthimwaitingonthedoorstep”
“Brushyourhairwhileyou’reatit,”Mothercalls.“Youlooklikearagamuffin.”
LiftingahandtoletherknowIheard,Iheadbackdownthehallandtakearightattheballroom,whereasetoffourminisuitesofferaplacefordrunkgueststosoberupafterpartyingtoohard Theclosetsarekeptstockedwithvariousclothingso whoeverstaysoverdoesn’thavetodoawalk-of-shamehomethenextdayintheirpartyattire.
Ifindabluejacketinmysizeandtradeitoutformygreenone ThecollaronitlaysflatterthantheoneIarrivedin,butthe turtleneckcomesuptomychin.IfIlookclose,Icanseetheoutlineofmynapeguardbeneaththefabric,butnoonewillbe lookingforit It’smostobviousattheback,wherethestripofleatherwidenstothesizeofmypalmtosupportathinmetaldisk thatcompletelycoversmynape.ThewebsiteIordereditfromguaranteeditwasbite-resistantandtamper-proof,withalockat thebackonlyIhavethecodeto.
ImighthavegonealittleoverboardwhenIboughtit,butIhadn’tbeenthinkingclearly I’dbeeninthepanicked Oh-MyGod-I’m-An-Omega-And-Need-To-Protect-Myself mindset.
Afteradouble-checkthatmyhair’sfine,Iheadbacktowardtheblueparlor
Murmursdriftoutwithadeepervoicemingledbetweenmymother’sandsister’shightones.Lookslikeourguestarrived, andImanagedtobelatedespitemybesteffort
IpasteasmileonmyfaceasIturnintotheroom,myeyesmovingautomaticallytothecouchoppositemyfamily.
Coolblueeyesmeetmine,andIstumbleastepasRomanstands.
Panicked,Iglanceatmymotherandsistertogaugetheirreaction DidRomangrowtiredofmedodginghimattheteashop anddecidetocomedirectlytothesource?ButhowwouldheknowIwasheretoday?Though,InevertoldhimI didn’t liveat thefamilyhome He’dcomeheremorethanonceinhighschool,ashadmanyofourclassmates,soheknewwheretofindme Mymotherliftsherbrowsinquisitively,andIturnbacktoRoman,desperatetodefusethesituationasquicklyaspossible. “Roman,whatareyoudoinghere?”
Hislipspart,butmymothercutsinbeforehecananswer.“Don’tberudetoourguest,Warren.Hurryandpoureveryone teasowecansettledowntobusiness.”
Lipsnumb,Iturnbacktoher “Business?”
ShemakesanimpatientgesturetoindicateKatheryn.“Yes,ofcourse.Romanisheretodiscusshisbetrothaltoyoursister.”
Asthefloorfallsoutfromunderme,Roman’shandonmyarmguidesmetothecouch.Isitheavily,earsringingwithmy mother’swords
Roman’sthemanshesetuptomarrymy sister?Howisthatevenpossible?Then,coldrealizationstrikes,andIturn togivehimanaccusingglare.Hehadtohaveknownaboutthisbeforetheauction,buthehadn’tsaidanything. God,howstupidcouldIbe?
Hishandliftstowardme,butIscootbackasfarasthecouchwillallow,avoidinghistouch.Iwasjustthinkingwecould befriends Stupid,stupidme We’llsoonbemorethanfriends;we’llbebrothers
“Goodness, Warren, what is wrong with you?” Mother stands to pour the tea herself, passing out the cups. “First this businessattheauction,andnowyou’rebeingrudetoourguest Idoapologize,Roman Idon’tknowwhathasgottenintomy sonlately.”
Roman.Romanhasgottenintoherson.Multipletimes.Ineverypositionimaginable.
IbitebackthehystericallaughthatbubblesupmythroatandclutchthesmallteacupIholdtogroundmyselfbackinreality ArealitywhereRomanisgoingtomarrymysister.
Romantakeshiscupbutimmediatelystandstosetitbackonthecoffeetable Whenhesettlesonthecouchoncemore,he takesthemiddlecushion,hislegpressingagainstmine.“Yes,wewerejustdiscussingthisbetrothalbusiness.AsIsaid,there seemstohavebeenamisunderstanding”
“Is it the addendum?” Mother sits next to Katheryn and puts a hand on her knee. “Surely you can understand the toll childbearingputsonaperson,bothmentallyandphysically.Anadditionalmonthlyallowanceisatriflecomparedtothejoyof parenthood”
Katherynnods as she leans backonthe sofa. She delicatelylifts a hand to her stomachas ifalreadyable to imagine the multitudeofchildrenshe’llhavewithRoman
Asourknotformsinmystomach,andIclutchmyteacuptighter,willingmyselfnottopuke.Thiscan’tbehappening.Idon’t wanttobeherewhiletheybarteroverthepriceofbabies.
“I’dhardlycallten-thousandamonthperchildatrifle.”Romanholdsupahandtostopherprotest.“ButI’mnotgoingto argueoverthat.”
Asatisfiedsmilespreadsovermymother’sface “I’msogladyouseeoursideofthings” Romanfrownsandglancesatme.“I’mafraidIhaveamuchlarger issuewiththisproposal.”
“Surelyit’snotsolargeanissuethatwecan’tworkthroughit Youdidcometoday,afterall,whichmeansyou’rewilling tonegotiate.”Sheliftshercup,takingatinysip,beforehernosewrinkles,andshesetsitdown.“Goodness,Warren,ifthisisa representationoftheteayousell,it’snowonderyourbusinesswasfailing.”
Frowning,Itakeadrinkofteaandpromptlyspititbackinthecup.Coconutoilcoatsmytongue,alongwithstickysweet sugar and anoverwhelmingtaste of peppermint. Quickly, I leanforward to set the cup onthe coffee table. “That’s not tea. That’sthesugarscrubIgaveKatheryn”
“Really,youshouldlabelthesethingsbetter.”MothertakesthecupKatherynholdsandcallsout,“Archibald,pleasebring lemonadeforourguest”
“Ididn’tknow youwere planningto expand.” Romangives me a warmsmile. “Is itjustsugar scrubs, or do youhave a wholelineplanned?”
“Itwasgoingtobeanaturalspaline”Ishakemyhead “Butitdoesn’tmatter It’snotgoingtohappen”
Heleanscloser,hissmokyvoiceloweredjustforme.“Don’tbesoreadytogiveup.”
Of course, that’s when my memory decides to draw up all the other times that smokey voice filled my ear recently as Romanpushedintomybody,hishoneyedwordsfillingmewithstupidideas.
Asifhismindwenttothesameplace,Romanleansback,hisarmsspreadingoverthebackofthecouch.Outofviewofthe others,hisfingersbrushthecollarofmyturtleneck,raisinggoosebumpsallovermybody.Nowisnotthetimetopopaboner, though,andIsubtlydigmyelbowintohissidetomakehimstop
Heignoresmetofocusonmymother.“Backtobusiness.Whenyourproposalfirstcamein,Iagreedtoconsideritbecause Iwasundertheimpressionmypreferenceswereclear”
Mymother’slipspurse.“Icanassureyou,KatherynisfullycapableofbearingAlphachildren.”
Romanlifts his free handtobrushthataside while his other handslips beneaththe collar ofmyturtle neck Itrytoshift away,buthe persists,andwhenhe encounters the nape guard,his finger slips beneaththat,too,tracingthe Markstill onmy neck.“I’mtalkingaboutmysexualpreferences,Ms.Heardst.I’veneverhiddenthefactthatI’mgay,andthatanyoneImarried would,ofcourse,needtobeaman”
Mymother’seyesnarrowastheyshiftbetweenus,butRomancontinuesbeforeshecanspeak.“Iwaspleasantlysurprised thattheHeardstfamilywasseekingaunionwithmyfamily,soIwasrathershockedwhenIranintoWarrenattheWellington CharityAuction,steppingoutwithsomeoneelse.”
Mypulsejumps,thenauseaIfeltearlierbeingpushedasidebysomethingelse
Katheryn leans forward, all hint of her delicate facade vanishing. “Are you saying you thought you were accepting a proposalfromWarren?”
Roman’sfingercontinuestostrokeoverhisMark “Indeed,Idid”
“Buthe’sanAlpha.”Katherynpointsatmeaccusingly.“Hecan’tgiveyouheirsthewayIcan.”
“ThatisatopicbetweenWarrenandme”Roman’sthumbstrokesovermyracingpulse “I’dliketodiscusswithhim ” “No,”mymother’ssharpvoicecutshimoff.“Warrenisnotavailable.Iamalreadyindiscussionwithanotherfamilywho iseagertomoveforward ”
ThepleasantnessmeltsfromRoman’sexpression.“Cancelit.”
“Youdon’thaveasayinthismatter.”Motherthruststoherfeet.“IfyouarenotinterestedinKatheryn,thenwehavenothing lefttodiscuss”
Romandoesn’tbudgefromhisplacebesideme.“That’snotyourdecisiontomake,andWarrenhasalreadygivenmehis response”
Shocked,Iturntostareathim.Whendidheaskmetomarryhim?
Then,hishandmovesonmyneck,andIrealizehe’snottalkingaboutmarriage.He’stalkingaboutMarkingme,andanger simmersthroughmyblood.Hespentourentiretimeinhighschoolprovinghe’sbetterthanme,andnowhe’sgoingtoswoopin andtakecontrolofmylifejustbecauseIbearhisMark?
Shovinghishandaway,Istandandstaredownathim “Ineveragreedtomarryyou,andIsureashellwon’tbeboughtwith someagreementyoumakewithmymother.”
“Warren ”
Whenhe reaches for myhand,Ijerkitaway.“Ican’tbelieve you!Is there somethingwrongwithyour head? Is this you finallywinning?”
Hestandsslowly “You’rerejectingme?”
“What’stheretoreject?”Ithrowmyhandsup.“Youhaven’tevenasked me!”
Angrynowhimself,hestepscloserwithalowgrowl “Idid!Yousaidyes!”
Hisscentgrowsheavier,curlingaroundme,andIshoveagainsthischesttoputspacebetweenus,buttheman’ssolidasa brickanddoesn’tbudge “Youneverasked!”
Reachingup,hehooksafingerinmyturtleneck,yankingitdowntoexposemynapeguard.“Thenwhyareyouprotecting myMark?”
Breathingheavily,Istepbackfromhim “It’sa guard,youidiot Soitwon’thappenagain!”
Silence falls over the roomas we breathe heavily.Romanlooks readytothrow me downandtesthow tamper-proofmy napeguardis,andpartofmewantstopushhimtodoit Hisangryeyesdroptomymouth,andheatflushesmyneck,crawling towardmycheeks.Overthosethreedaystogether,mybodylearnedtorespondtothisman,toreachforhimtofulfillmyneeds. Determinationdarkenshiseyes,andhetakesastepforwardtoclosethedistancebetweenus “Stop,”mymotherCommands.
TheweightofthewordrollsrightoverRoman.She’snotasstronganAlphaasheis;Iknowitinthewayhefinishesthe movement,leavingonlyahand’sbreadthbetweenusbeforeheturnstofaceher “Myapologiesforyelling,Ms Heardst” Heturnsbacktome,andforamoment,Ithinkhe’llreachformetofinishwhathestarted.
Buthis hands clenchathis sides “I’ll leave for today This is a conversationmeantto be private I’ll contactyoulater, Warren.”Then,asifhecan’thelphimself,heturnsbacktomymother.“MyclaimonWarrenisineffectforthreemoreweeks.I trustyouwon’tbreachtheAlphaCodeinthis.”
HermouthdropsopeninshockasRomanspinsonhisheelandstridesfromtheroom.
Left alone with the wolves, all attention turns on me, and my mother snaps her mouth closed with a click before she
Another random document with no related content on Scribd:
Ett' yhä riemuissas
Sä heräät unestas.
Ja isäs saapuvi
Ja leikkii kanssasi
Sua kohta suudellen,
Sä tyttö pienoinen.
Sureva ystävä!
Ystävä, mi kaihoot murhemiellä, Murhemiellä sielus ystävää.
Etkö luule, hän ett' tulee vielä, Vielä tulee tuoden elämää.
Vielä
Tulee tuoden elämää, Ystävä, mi kaihoot murhemiellä.
Ystäväni, hädässäsi kerran, Kerran Herra tuskas lauhduttaa.
Armon huutohan on mieleen Herran
Herran kautta synnit anteeks saa.
Herran
Kautta synnit anteeks saa, Ystävä, niin hädässäsi kerran!
Ystävä, hän lääkitsee, tuo hellä, Hellä haavat, antaa takaisin
Valon, rauhan ja mi puute kellä,
Kellä mikä puute oisikin, Kellä
Mikä puute oisikin, Ystävä, hän lääkitseepi, hellä.
Ystävä, lain tuomiot kun palaa, Palaa omantuntos polttaen, Miss' on lääke, jota sielu halaa? Halaa lääkettä sä Jeesuksen!
Lääkettä sä Jeesuksen, Ystävä, lain tuomiot kun palaa!
Kuoleman kuvia.
1.
Hän silkkivuoteell' lepäs ja henki vaivoin vaan: "mit' tohtor' sanoo?"
Ja käteen tohtorin ain' hän tarttui kauhuissaan: "mit' tohtor' sanoo?"
Ja vuoteen luona lapset ja vaimo itkevät — kuin pyörryksissä —
He kaikk' ei kilpaa kylliks voi huutaa huoliaan: "mit' tohtor' sanoo?"
Halaa
Ja lohduttaen tohtor' nyt puhui paljonkin hän terveydestä,
Ja uutta lääkitystä hän kaatoi pullostaan; "mit' tohtor' sanoo?"
Ja kun he kaikki huusi ja tohtor' puhui juur' ja pulloon tarttui,
Niin lysähti jo sairas ja huusi kuollessaan: "mit' tohtor' sanoo?"
2.
"En elää saata ilman sua,
En ilman sua kuolla voi,
Ei hankeen kätkeä saa mua,
Oi, siellä talven tuiskut soi!
En jättää saata sua,
En kuolla voi!
Oot mulle kaikkein rakkahin, Mun elon', ilon' oot sä vaan.
Oon morsiames vieläkin,
Kuin olin ennen päällä maan!
Oi mulle rakkahin
Oot sinä vaan!
Kun sinä jäät, en kuolla voi,
Suo, että lepään rinnallasi
Ei haudassani mulle soi
Sun enää äänes tenhokas.
Mua pidä, armas, oi
Sun rinnallas!"
Sielunsa käteen Kristuksen
Stefanus sulki kuollessaan,
Kun elon maahan voittaen
Vapaana nous hän vaivoistaan;
Hän sieluns' armaallen
Soi kuollessaan.
3.
Hän lujaan puri yhteen sinihuuliansa,
Ja raivo jähmennyt ol' otsallansa;
Ei huomattu, hän tokko katseli,
Vaikk' avosilmin siinä lepäsi.
Jo loppu läheni, sen selvään kaikki näki;
Siks papin hakuun jouduttihe väki,
Mi ”rauhaa, lohdutusta” tuskaan tois
Ja Herran Ehtoollisen hälle sois.
Ja pappi paksu saapui suoraan juomingeista
Ja ystävien korttiseurueista;
Hän tuli, surkein äänin tuodakseen
Nyt rauhaa, lohdutusta sairaalleen.
Hän Uutta Virsikirjaa luki lohdutellen;
Hän synnintuskaa torjui rukoellen,
Ja antoi Ehtoollisen sairaallen: —
Ei voitu nähdä, tieskö sairas sen.
Sen jälkeen taaskin pappi riensi juominkeihin
Ja ystävien korttiseurueihin; Mut sairas äkkinauruun remahti
Ja puri hampaitaan ja — kylmeni.
Lutherin Postillaan
Oi, kuin suloinen
Ääni on, mi luota Jumalan
Evankeljumin tuo sanoman,
Joka saarnaa hyvää, lohduttaa
Rintaa herännyttä, pelkoisaa,
Kertoo ihanuutta Kristuksen,
Uskon elämää ja autuuden;
Oi, kuin suloinen!
Oi, kuin autuas
Sielu on, mi luota Jumalan
Evankeljumin saa sanoman, Ja sen rauhanaan ja lohtunaan
Rintaan sulkee riemuss', surussaan, Näkee ihanuutta Kristuksen, Voittaa uskon, löytää autuuden!
Oi, kuin autuas!
Oi tokkohan?
Sin' yönä, kun Juudas petti
Mun Öljyvuorella kerta, Rukoellen itkin mä verta
Sen yön pelastaakseni sua.
Oi tokkohan konsaan, konsaan
Sä lainkaan muistelet mua?
Kun orjantappurakruunuin
Mua piinaten ruoskittihin,
Ja parjaten pilkattihin,
Niin aattelin yksin sua.
Oi tokkohan konsaan, konsaan
Sä lainkaan muistelet mua?
Jumalan sekä ihmisten eessä,
Olin hyljätty kaikilta puolin,
Mä ristini kannoin, kuolin,
Sen tein pelastaakseni sua.
Oi tokkohan konsaan, konsaan
Sä lainkaan muistelet mua?
Ja kuollessa pyysin mä Isää, Ett' anteeks sulle hän antais
Ja taivaaseensa sun kantais, Hän ettei hylkisi sua.
Oi tokkohan konsaan, konsaan
Sä lainkaan muistelet mua?
Kas taivaan ja maan löi kauhu
Mun tuskani tuntiessa, Kun heitin mä kurjuudessa
Elämäin pelastaakseni sua.
Oi tokkohan konsaan, konsaan
Sä lainkaan muistelet mua?
Mua miksi sä pelkäät, kartat?
Vihamiehesi miks olenkaan mä?
Min toimitin päällä maan mä,
Tein lemmestä kohtaan sua.
Oi tokkohan konsaan, konsaan
Sä lainkaan muistelet mua?
Sinun eestäsi kärsin ja kuolin, Veli-raukkani, maailmassa;
Isän rinnalla taivahassa
Puhun nyt pelastaakseni sua.
Oi tokkohan konsaan, konsaan
Sä lainkaan muistelet mua?
Sinut, tuhlaripoika, mä soisin
Myös taivaaseen ilomiellä;
Sijan sulle mä laatisin siellä, Siell' aina mä aattelen sua.
Oi tokkohan konsaan, konsaan
Sä lainkaan muistelet mua?
Hyvästi. Maire, syntinen haave mun sieluni, hyvästi!
Kaunis kahle, mi teit minut orjaksi, hyvästi!
Unta lemmestä, rauhasta näin minä vaan ainiaan!
Rintaa etsin mä, jolla mä levätä saan ainiaan.
Maire haave, mä näin sua liiaksi, hyvästi!
Kaunis kahle, mi ryöstit mun eloni, hyvästi!
Oi, kuin kutsuvi lempeenä rakkaus maan ainiaan!
Vaan sen heelmä on syntiä, taistoa vaan ainiaan.
Synninsaastassa leikkivät tunteeni, hyvästi!
Yksi rakkaus vaan pyhä löytyvi; hyvästi!
Kurja sieluni, tahdotko uinua vaan ainiaan?
Ollos, koska sä tahdot, orjana maan ainiaan.
Mut ikilempeä etsivi sieluni; hyvästi!
Sen jos löydän, en jää minä orjaksi; hyvästi!
Rakkaus, rauha on Herramme rinnalla vaan ainiaan!
Oi, ett' onnessa siellä mä levätä saan ainiaan!
Uudenvuodenlaulu.
Vaikka aika rientää kurjan maan, Kristus sentään elää ainiaan; Pelkäiskö, jos hän on meidän vaan Aikain vaihettelussa.
Sydän, jos vaan sulla Kristus on, Elon aamutähti tahraton,
Sulla kyllin, sulla kaikki on Aikain vaihettelussa.
Tulkoon pimeys ja maailma,
Tulkoon kuolema ja saatana;
Oi, meill' on tuo sankar' mahtava
Aikain vaihettelussa.
Ylös Herraamme siis seuraamaan!
Hänen kauttaan voittoon riemuisaan!
Ristin mies ei lepää konsanaan
Aikain vaihettelussa.
Herran tuomiot käy yli maan, Niitä ihmisraukat katsoo vaan,
Mut ei ymmärrä he hiukkaakaan
Aikain vaihettelusta.
Kristus tulen tahtoo syttyvän,
Tulta lähetettiin tuomaan hän,
Jot' ei tunne sokeus elämän
Aikain vaihettelussa.
Mut hän tuntee heikon laumansa, Sitä suojaa ikivoimalla;
Jospa vois se hänet tuntea
Aikain vaihettelussa!
Luontokappalten huokaus.
Kuin kauan vielä helmahan yön
niin turhaan tuskamme soi
Miss' ei sydän lempivä ainoakaan sen huutoa kuulla voi?
Ja milloin kaamean vankilan tään ovet murtavi armon työ,
Valo voittavi, pelkomme haipuu pois
ja vapauden hetki lyö?
Kons' särkevä on kirouksemme
Käsi Herramme?
Mut huokaustamme ja tuskaamme ei ymmärrä ihminen,
Hän varmana synnin kahleissa maan orja on saastaisen.
Hän kuule tuskan huutoa ei, joka kaikuvi kautta maan,
Näe kyyneltä ei, joka hält' anelee vapahdusta ja rauhaa vaan.
Hymysuin hän on lempinyt syntiä vain
Ja lempivi ain'.
Oli ihmisen synti surmamme, se myrkkyä katkeraa
Koko luontohon toi, katovaisuuden on öinen hauta nyt maa.
Elämään sekä riemuun Herramme hyvän, kauniin luontonsa loi,
Viatonna silloin autuuttaan myös meidän kielemme soi.
Kuva Jumalan silloin puhtoinen
Oli ihminen!
Ken entisen rauhamme meille suo, sulo-aamumme rauhan sen,
Jumalalta kun lämpöä saimme me hänen rintaansa nojaten;
Kun ylhäältä valonsa meillekin hänen ikuinen loistonsa loi,
Ja taivaissa laulelo enkelien
Ja aamutähtien soi?
Ken jälleen tuo ajat aamumme
Ja rauhamme?
Oi sovitus, armo ja pelastus, sana kestävä ainiaan,
Soi helkkyen, Jumalan rauhaa tuo hänen maahansa huokaavaan!
Soi armoa ihmisen sielullen, siit' ehkä se herääpi,
Ja syntiäns' itkien haudastaan taas voittaen nousevi;
Hyvin kääntyvi kaikki, ja Eedenin maa
Taas aukeaa.
Kuin kauan vieläkin helmahan yön niin turhaan tuskamme soi,
Miss' ei sydän lempivä ainoakaan sen huutoa kuulla voi?
Ja koskahan tullen mahtavana
Jumalamme ja Poikansa saa
Ja synnin tuskat ja puuttehet
maast' uudesta kartoittaa?
Pyhä päivä, sä toivomme aurinko,
Oi tullos jo!
Lähetyslaulu.
(Kun. Daavidin 117 psalmi.)
Halleeluja, halleeluja!
Kaikk' kansa maan käy laulamaan!
Oi, Jumalaa nyt veisatkaa,
Hän sanassaan
Käy voittain yli meren, maan.
Hän pakanaan luo valoaan
Ja armonkin suo kallihin!
Jo kuolon yö siell' loppuun lyö,
Ja uskoen
Uudesti syntyy ihminen.
Yö pakenee ja vaikenee
Suur' päivä se, kun Herramme
Jo tunnetaan ain' ääriin maan,
Ja kirkkaana
On totuutensa loistava.
Halleeluja, halleeluja!
Ja laupeuden hän ikuisen
Suo lemmessään, ken käskyjään
On seuraava, Ol' liki taikka kaukana.
Iltarukous.
Kun maan ja mantereen
Yö mustaan vaippaan luopi, Mä katson Jeesukseen,
Mi elon valon suopi, Sun luonas, rakkahin, On päivä kirkkahin.
Sua kiitän riemuiten, Kun luoksesi saan tulla
Ja kasvos jällehen
On riemu nähdä mulla;
Sä mulle hyvä oot,
Oi Herra Zeebaoot!
Lie paljon turhuutta,
Mit' tänäpänä toimin, Sua, Herra, palvella
Ois tullut kaikin voimin, Sä tunnet, tiedät sen, Mä myös sen tietänen.
Oi Jeesus, anteeksi
Mä anon sydämestä,
Suo kalliin veresi
Pois syntivelkain pestä;
En ennen päästä sua, Kuin Herra siunaat mua.
Siis vaivun levollen
Sun turvahasi yöhön, Ja kanssas heräten
Mä nousen, riennän työhön;
Yöt päivät olet sä
Mua yhtä lähellä.
Suo, että unta en
Mä näe maallisista, Vaan ole minullen
Sä ainut aartehista,
Suo, että uneksun
Vain Jeesuksesta mun.
Mä nukun — valvomaan
Sä tahdot luoksein jäädä!
Mua kurjaa konsanaan
Sä helmastas et häädä, Vaikk' oonkin synti vaan.
Ja tuhka, multa maan.
Oi Poika Jumalan,
Kun suljen silmät illoin, Niin valon korkean
Luot sieluhuni silloin;
Oi aarre arvokas,
Hyv' yötä, Messias!
Epiloogi ystävilleni.
Oi, halveksien eroa
Ei runoilija lyyrystään,
Sen luopuin suloriemuista
Ja rientäin laulukeväästään
Vait loistovaltaa vailla
Pois varjoin kanssa lepäämään.
Jos voi, jos tahtoo tehdä sen,
Hän laulun mait’ ei tuntenut,
Eik' kuvaa puhtaan kauneuden
Hän konsaan ole ihaillut.
Jos lyyrynsä on vaiti,
Ei mitään siinä hukkunut.
Ei konsaan rikost' olla voi,
Kun runo kaunis, tos' on vaan!
Ja lahjaa, jonka Luoja soi,
Hän käyttäköhön omanaan;
Hän saa ja hänen täytyy
Vapaasti laulaa tunteitaan.
Mut yhden paljon suuremman
Kuin runo, tiedän päällä maan,
Se suur' on totuus Jumalan,
Mi kulkee pyhää kulkuaan
Ja tempaa ihmissielut
Ja päästää heidät kuolostaan.
Maan päällä sen, mi kauneint' on
Ja rinnat voittaa sulollaan,
Luo runoilija muotohon;
Mut totuus tää jos häll' on vaan,
On hänen aatteens', sanans'
Sen luomat, suomat kauttaaltaan.
Ja jos se pohjaa myötenkin
Saa tunkeuda sydämeen,
Ei silloin aikaa haaveihin,
Todellisuus jää yksikseen,
Ja tappio on hälle,
Min ennen luuli voitokseen.
Jos vihdoin hän saa elämän,
Mi kuolossa ei kuolekkaan,
Ja jos kaikk' koittaa laulaa hän,
Mi liikkuu suurta sielussaan,
Hän vaipuu rukoukseen,
Mut sanoja ei löydä vaan.
Ei runo puhdas siihen, maan
Ei käy se muotoon, määrähän!
Viel' sanoiss' soinut konsanaan
Ei laulu uuden elämän.
Mut Herran ystävänä
Sen taivaass' saapi laulaa hän.
