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Chapter 2. Egypt: The Art of Getting from Here to There
Chapter 3. Technological Revolutions: Deepwater Navigation and Industrialization
Chapter 4. Enter the Accidental Superpower
Chapter 5. Buying Off Geopolitics
Buying Off Geopolitics: Ten Years On
Chapter 6. The Demographic Roller Coaster
The Demographic Roller Coaster:Ten Years On
Chapter 7. The Rise of Shale
The Rise of Shale: Ten Years On
Chapter 8. The Coming International Disorder
Chapter 9. Partners
Chapter 10. Players
Players: Ten Years On
Chapter 11. History Returns to Europe
History Returns to Europe: Ten Years On Chapter 12. The Alberta Question
The Alberta Question: Ten Years On Chapter 13. The North American Drug War
The North American Drug War: Ten Years On Chapter 14. The China Wars
The China Wars: Ten Years On Chapter 15. Migration and Terrorism
Migration and Terrorism: Ten Years On
Epilogue. The American Age
Epilogue. Ten Years After
AppendixI.NoFear:ClimateChange
AppendixII.DemographyandTrade Acknowledgments
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Introduction
I’ve always loved maps. My mom tells a story of how when I was five I unfolded a map of my home state of Iowa and started tracing roads away from my hometown, building up to the thickest, brightest line I could find and then connecting it to the next thickest, brightest line I could find until I had traced myself off the map’s edge. When I inquired what was on the other side of the Missouri River, my mom realized that I’d be leaving Iowa someday.
Map tracing turned into backpacking and route finding, which in time evolved into a mixed-discipline university experience involving everything from Korean land reclamation to Caucasus pipeline planning to German refugee policy to Australian irrigation systems and Brazilian port development. It was all about determining why development strategies that worked so well in one place were disasters in others.
Somewhat ironically, I was almost finished with grad school before I realized that I wasn’t the only person to have had such thoughts. In fact, there was an entire discipline based on the concept:
Geopolitics is the study of how place impacts… everything: the clothes you wear, the food you eat, the size and serviceability of your mortgage, how long you live, how many children you have, the stability of your job, the shape and feel of your country’s political system, what sorts of war your country wages or defends itself against, and ultimately whether your culture will withstand the test of time. The balance of rivers, mountains, oceans, plains, deserts, and jungles massively influences everything about both the human condition and national success.
Of course, you shouldn’t treat geography as deterministic. The Nazis lovedgeopolitics, but instead of using the study of geography
to shape their policies, they used it to justify their ideology. They were hardly alone. Throughout the eighteenth and nineteenth centuries Europeans of all stripes used the subdiscipline of geographic determinism to assert their cultural and intellectual superiority over the rest of humanity. At one point, geographers as a whole realized that such concepts were, well, hugely racist and the study of political geography in most forms—particularly in the United States—was largely abandoned.
There is definitely a baby/bathwater issue here. There are good solid reasons as to why nearly every major expansionary power of the past has been based in a temperate climate zone, and why all those that have lasted have been riverine-based. This doesn’t make the people of these zones better or smarter. It simply means they have more and more sustainable resources, fewer barriers to economic development, and economic and military systems that allow for greater reach. The trick is to begin with geography and see where it takes you; don’t start with a theory and use geography to justify it. It’s a strategy that has served me well in my life as an analyst, and one that I have attempted to apply to everything I study.
This means that I often find myself drawing conclusions I find unsettling. My personal ideology is green and internationalist and libertarian, which means I’m an idealistic pragmatist who falls asleep during long meetings. Aside from a few snarky footnotes that bravely survived the editorial gauntlet, my ideology is not represented in this book. I have solar panels on my house, but I see a global future in which coal reigns supreme. I’m an unflinching supporter of free trade and the Western alliance network, seeing the pair as ushering in the greatest peace and prosperity this world has ever known. Yet geography tells me both will be abandoned. I prefer small government, believing that an unobtrusive system generates the broadest and fastest spread of wealth and liberty. But demography tells me an ever larger slice of my income will be taken to fund a system that is ever less dynamic and accountable. I am not required to savor my conclusions. This isn’t a book of recommendations on what I think should happen. This is a book of
predictions about what willhappen.
At its core, The Accidental Superpower is about the advantages and disadvantages that geography imposes. How such characteristics interact to create the world we now know. How fluctuations in those interactions are about to turn that world on its ear. How the most powerful state of the ending era will evolve into something far greater in the new.
Without further ado, let’s get to the heart of the matter.
Introduction: Ten Years On
Well, maybe not quiteyet.
Welcome to the tenth anniversary edition of The Accidental Superpower!
We have all been on a remarkable journey since I first embarked on this book project. Over the past decade, the world has been through the wringer, experiencing a whirlwind of events that have shaped our lives and altered the course of history. A lotof crazy has gone down. The trends of deglobalization, depopulation, and American disinterest that were once on the horizon are now embedded firmly in the here and now. The theoretical hasn’t simply become real; the conversation has shifted to the details: How fast will deglobalization proceed, how hard will depopulation hit us, and what will the Americans truly fight for?
Doesn’t mean I got it all right, of course. There’s no way you kick out a 350-page book that is three-quarters forecast and you get it all dead-on. The biggest bitch is always timing. Inevitable is not a synonym for imminent. History may care more about the order of events than the tactical blow-by-blow, but we mere humans live in the here and now and care very much. It is undeniable that China has not cracked (yet) and the European Union is still with us (for now).
I have two things here for you. The first is a very brief rundown of my writings since:
Two years after AccidentalI published TheAbsentSuperpower, a book that brought America’s shale revolution into focus both in terms of its transformation of the American industrial experience and its impact upon the broader global geopolitic. As part of Absent I predicted that the 2020s would serve as the backdrop of three major international wars. The first of these, the Ukraine War, is now in full
swing. Two to go.
Book number three, Disunited Nations, popped out in 2020. Where Accidental provided the big American theme and Absent looked at the globe through an energy lens, Disunitedis the book for everyone else. Why the countries most believe will rule the future might not even exist in a few years, and who will very successfully rise to replace them? Disunitedbruised a great many egos.
Calendar year 2022 saw my fourth child, TheEndoftheWorldIs JusttheBeginning, released upon an unsuspecting world. You want to comprehend why the world is the way it is? You read Accidental. Need to understand the battles for the future? Turn to Absent. Want to know who will be in charge and why? Peruse Disunited. But if you plan to live in a world going through rampant deglobalization and depopulation, then it is TheEndoftheWorldthat you need in your life. It is, to oversimplify, the “economics” book. It’s one thing to talk about China this or Brazil that or Germany the other thing, but EotW dives into all the not-so-little things that make up our lives: finance, manufacturing, transport, agriculture. And it became a bestseller and the audio features seventeen hours of my silky-smooth baritone. So there’s that.1
Roughly starting at the same time The End of the World was making its splash, I steadily expanded my newsletter publication to include what is now a strong majority of videologues. Topics within are as wide-ranging as those within the books, and I’ve gotten into the habit of recording several weekly. Best part? Sign-up is free and I’ll never share your data with anyone. You can get all the deets at Zeihan.com/newsletter.
So that’s the content that’s out there now. The second item I have for you is, well, what you’re about to dive into. So, you’ve popped for this Ten Years Onedition. What are you getting for your money?
In a word, you’re getting more.
While when I scan back over Accidental’s original text I’m broadly pleased with how well it has held up, there have been shifts. Some of my anticipations have come early, some are only now cresting,
and others I’ve been simply… off. I owe you explanations. On all of them. Those explanations—where I was right, wrong, and why—is the ultimate motivation for this project.
The first four chapters in Accidental are putting history into context, and while there is alwaysmore history I could share, history doesn’t change. I believe that what I penned back in 2012 is sufficient for the task of this book. Inversely, chapters 8 and 9—“The Coming International Disorder” and “Partners”—are all about the breakdown of the globalized system, how it will reshape the human condition, and who will join the Americans in figuring out what comes next. This is very much an in-process trend; the Ukraine War, the American withdrawal from the Middle East, and the building U.S.China trade war are all testament to that. Any update I were to provide now would be outdated in the time it takes to get this revised text to publication. These chapters I’ll let speak for themselves.
Instead, I’m going to focus the discussions on the specifics. You’ll get a bevy of fresh words from me on the formation chapters, providing updates on the shift away from the Bretton Woods order, the accelerating global demographic bust, how the American shale sectors fits into the changing world of energy, and how everything from the Global War on Terror to the Ukraine War has shaped the American calculus on strategy and trade and the rest. Then we’ll dive into the status of the major players, as well as a full rundown on the five fat chapters in the book’s third act that detail the crises of the future.
I would be remiss, and a bit of a prick, if I didn’t end this beginning with some egregious thank-yous. I haven’t done any of this alone. Thank you to the folks at my publisher, Hachette, for making this possible, with special credit to my editor, Sean Desmond, for coming up with the idea of TAS10 in the first place. None of this or anything adjacent to it would have been possible without the never-ending work and support of my team: Michael Nayebi-Oskoui, Quinn Carter, Kyle Cartwright, Adam Smith, Susan Copeland, and Wayne Watters. Investigating and explaining the world is what I love, something made financially possible by my
endlessly demanding clients. And of course it is readers (and listeners) like yourself whose interest in my work enables me to do my thing. So thank you. Everyone. And finally, just so we are completely crystal, I stillLOVEmaps.
Footnote
1. For those of you reading the hardcover or electronic version, note that I didrecord the audio version of this project’s original text way back when in a bygone era, as well as all the add- ons that are in this TenYearsOnversion.
CHAPTER 1
The World We Think We Know
On July 1, 1944, 730 delegates from the forty-four Allied nations and their respective colonial outposts convened at the Mount Washington Hotel in the skiing village of Bretton Woods, New Hampshire, with a mission to do nothing less than decide the fate of the postwar world. The scores of luminaries included high-ranking bankers, economists, government ministers, and the future leaders of Canada, France, Greece, New Zealand, and Peru. They had trained in overnight from Atlantic City, New Jersey, and were greeted by a sprawling resort in disarray: Many of the rooms lacked running, potable water; there wasn’t enough ice or Coca-Cola to go around; staffing was so thin that some nearby Boy Scouts had to be drafted; and the establishment’s manager locked himself in his office with a case of whiskey and refused to come out. This couldn’t have been how the conference’s organizers and lead delegates—Harry Dexter White of the United States and Lord John Maynard Keynes of the United Kingdom, who’d been discussing and planning the conference for nearly three years—had imagined the opening days.
But despite this inauspicious beginning, the delegates set to work on the agenda White and Keynes had laid out and over the next three weeks engaged in multilateral negotiations that were responsible for creating the World Bank, the International Monetary Fund, and the International Bank for Reconstruction and Development: the institutions that helped knit devastated Europe back together and that hammered out the foundations of the freetrade-dominated global economic system that endures to this day.
At least that is how history records
it.
The banks and the fund—really, the negotiations themselves— were sideshows. The attendees had arrived in Bretton Woods knowing that they had no real leverage to negotiate or bargain with the United States; they had mainly come to hear what White and the
other Americans had to say. And what the Americans had to say shocked them all.
On the eve of the conference, White and the American delegation were fully aware that they had the upper hand going in. America was running the Allied side of the war. Everything from Sicily to Saipan was in essence an American effort fought with American equipment and American fuel. Even in terms of manpower the fronts were largely American affairs, with American troops tending to outnumber all other combatants, Allied and Axis combined, by a two-to-one margin. Only grand affairs such as the Normandy landings featured the sort of multinational resolve the propaganda lauded. In the Pacific, the Americans were carrying the war all by themselves. For the majority of the attendees at the conference, the Americans weren’t simply saviors or urgently needed auxiliary forces for ongoing combat missions, they werethe war effort.
Immensely popular in his third term as president and seen by many as a shoo-in for a fourth, Franklin Delano Roosevelt had indicated that the Americans wanted to discuss the shape the world would take once the war had ended. This in itself raised international eyebrows. Until that point there really hadn’t been a “global system” in an economic sense. Instead, various European nations maintained separate trade networks stemming from their earlier imperial ventures, in which their colonies served as resource providers and captive markets while mother countries produced finished goods. What interempire trading that occurred was largely limited to goods, whether raw materials or specific manufactures, that could not be sourced within the respective “closed” systems. Most of this crossempire trade flowed through enterprising peoples like the Dutch who excelled at brokering deals among imperial leaders. Protecting each empire’s trade were its national naval forces, and the use of navies to guard national commerce and raid the commerce of competitors was as old an industry as the use of sail and oar.
It was the naval component that signaled to many of the Bretton Woods delegates that the past they’d known was over. Even if (thanks to American help) they were able to win their homes back from the Axis, they had no navies. Building a navy is one of the most
expensive and time-consuming projects a nation can undertake in the best of times, and it wasn’t something that a country emerging from rubble and occupation could even consider. The current and future lack of naval power meant that almost all of the delegates at the conference knew full well that their countries wouldn’t be able to use trade to bootstrap themselves back to normality, as they usually might. They would, for decades to come, be at the mercy of whoever could offer them security or economic well-being or both.
Keynes and the other delegates knew they were on the verge of momentous and unforeseeable change. But at least one aspect of the brave new world to come seemed both inevitable and imminent: There was about to be only onenavy. The Americans’ late entry into the war meant that the Nazis had been able to destroy the navy of every country in the world except Britain, France, and Japan. Then, to deny the Germans control of French ships, the British had sunk the remnants of the French fleet while it was in port in Algeria. And no one had any doubt that when the Americans (to say nothing of the Russians) were finished with the Germans and Japanese, they’d be lucky to float merchant marines. As Keynes realized all too clearly, the British could still claim to have a potent navy, but it was a subsidiary force compared to the American fleet—and that was before considering that the Americans now had more troops on the ground in Great Britain than the British did. The obvious lopsidedness of the playing field may have led Keynes to write that his American counterparts “plainly intend to force their own conceptions through, regardless of the rest of us.”
For French delegates such as Vincent Auriol, future president of France (1947–54), and Pierre Mendès France, future prime minister (1954–55), the sense of relief and gratitude they felt toward the Americans for loosening the German stranglehold on their country must’ve been mixed with equal measures of disbelief and apprehension. Although they were at the mercy of friends rather than enemies, Auriol and Mendès France would be “negotiating” from a position of abject weakness, and they must’ve been wondering if their eighteenth-century predecessors had not inadvertently helped to create the monster that would now devour
them.
The tension in the Mount Washington Hotel was palpable, not simply because the temperature was high and cool beverages scarce. Auriol and Mendès France, along with the Canadians, Australians, Danes, Belgians, Indians, Mexicans, Brazilians, Bolivians, Colombians, Ecuadorians, Cubans, Peruvians, Dominicans, and others in attendance, most certainly expected White and the American team to take a well-worn page from history and unveil the details of a Pax Americana: how the United States would fold all the far-flung European imperial holdings—up to and including the territories of the European states themselves—into a global American imperial system. It was what the Soviets expected the Americans to do, and, given their pasts, likely what various European nations would have done had the roles been reversed.
Imperial designs or no, the very fact that the delegates were attending a conference in New Hampshire rather than somewhere outside Novosibirsk spoke volumes about where their hopes rested. White and the American team didn’t let the others sweat it out for long, and they presented their two-part plan with all the kindness and amused patience that comes from a position of unassailable strength. The first part alone likely stunned the conference into baffled silence: The Americans had no intention of imposing a Pax. They didn’t plan to occupy key transshipment or distribution nodes. There would be no imperial tariff on incomes or trade or property. There would be no governors-general stationed in each of the Americans’ new imperial outposts. No clearinghouses. No customs restrictions. No quotas.
Instead, the Americans said that they would open their markets. Anyone who wanted to export goods into the United States could do so. The Americans acknowledged that devastated Europe was in no condition to compete with American industry, which hadn’t been touched by the scourge of war, so this market openness would be largely one-way. The Americans suggested ideas about a new global system to reduce tariffs, but that was to be negotiated separately and later.
As startling and unexpected as part one of the plan was, part two
must have rolled the Europeans in particular back on their heels. The Americans offered to use their navy to protect all maritime trade, regardless of who was buying or selling the cargoes. Even trade that had nothing to do with the United States would be guaranteed by the overwhelming strength of the American navy. Far from proposing a Pax that would fill their coffers to overflowing with trade duties, levies, and tariffs, the Americans were instituting the opposite: a global trading system in which they would provide full security for all maritime trade at their own cost, full access to the largest consumer market in human history, and at most a limited and hedged expectation that participants might open their markets to American goods. They were promising to do nothing less than indirectly subsidize the economy of every country represented at the conference.
Either believing the deal too good to be true or that the heat had softened the Americans’ brains, the delegates quickly agreed, ratifying the terms via signature in the hotel’s Gold Room on July 22, 1944. This, however, was exactly what White and the Americans wanted. For no matter how the plan was regarded by the delegates or the rest of the world, it was firmly rooted in the United States’ unique strengths: a singular combination of geography, industry, and technological development that constituted the primary source of American power, and that in turn is the subject of this book.
The Deal with the Americans
Over the next year World War II reached its conclusion. Nazi Germany and Imperial Japan were crushed. American troops guarded Western Europe’s borders with the Soviet Empire. While American aid helped get Western Europe back on its feet, it was American markets’ absorption of every bolt, table, and car that the Western Europeans could produce that proved to be the determining factor in resuscitating their fortunes. The American economy, never touched by the bombs that devastated Europe, was larger than any that the Europeans had ever had entry to, and the ability to access that market allowed the Europeans to export their way back to affluence.
In the early years, the cost levied upon the Americans by the Bretton Woods system was easily managed. Europe was in shambles and America was economically robust. Accepting European exports without question was only a few notches above charity. But as Europe recovered, the price grew. And that was just the beginning. The Americans didn’t limit the deals made at Bretton Woods solely to their allies. The terms of the agreements were steadily expanded to countries not at the conference, to former colonies that became independent, to the defeated Axis powers, and in time to countries that were once pernicious rivals.
As more countries signed on, the price of the system continued to grow. As the Cold War ended and entire swaths of the globe changed economic and political orientations, the price grew, and as years turned to decades, the system expanded ever outward, until nearly the entire world had acceded to this American-guaranteed network. In fact, the Bretton Woods agreements are the single most important factor behind the Japanese and Korean miracles, the European Economic Community and its successor the European Union, the rise of China… and the statistical monster that is the U.S. trade deficit.
But many questions remain. Why did the Americans buck history
and offer this deal rather than take a more direct role in global leadership, as the major powers before them had done? How did the Americans get so… hugethat they could offer such a deal in the first place? More to the point, why did the Americans put themselves at such an economic disadvantage in order to offer it? Given that economic disadvantage, why are the Americans still offering this deal, seven decades after the war ended? Finally, just how strong is American commitment to the economically disadvantageous system that makes the contemporary world possible?
These are the questions that frame the contemporary world. This book is about the answers to these questions and the future they lead to.
As unhinged and precarious as Keynes and the other delegates must have felt their world had become by July 1944, it is striking how little has changed in the international system in the decades since. At Bretton Woods the United States produced about onequarter of global GDP, about the same proportion as it does in 2014. At Bretton Woods the United States was responsible for nearly half of global defense outlays, about the same proportion as in 2014. At Bretton Woods the American military controlled half of global naval tonnage, about the same proportion as it does in 2014. At Bretton Woods the United States was the only country that for the past eighty years had exited every decade with an economy larger than when it had entered, a record of the modern age that the Americans have since extended to 150 years. Courtesy of the devastation and disruption of World War II, the United States had been catapulted forward to constitute the world’s second oldest continuous government, a title it still holds in 2014.1 At the time of Bretton Woods, the Americans were the only country in the world that hadn’t had foreign boots on its soil in over a century, a record it continues to hold to the present day.
Most readers are probably unaware of the robustness and stability of this record. Some may be wondering how this record meshes with the conventional contemporary wisdom that the United States’ best days are behind it. The conventional contemporary
wisdom isn’t simply wrong, it’s laughably so. In 2014, we’re not witnessing the beginning of the end of American power, but the end of its beginning. In fact, we’re on the cusp of a shift in the international order just as profound as those delegates back in 1944 experienced. The free trade era Bretton Woods created is winding toward an unceremonious end. But there is no grand plan, no great conspiracy. Impersonal factors beyond our control are not only tearing down the world we think we know, but also haphazardly putting a new one in its place.
I’ve divided this book into four parts. The first, chapters 2 through 4, deals with how geography shapes international interactions, primarily focusing on what makes some countries more powerful than others and ultimately what makes the United States more powerful than all. In the second section, chapters 5 through 7, we’ll dive into the current moment of history and break down trends that are all—independently—coming to a head. We’ll see how they are all far past critical mass, and are now irresistible, even accidental. We’ll revisit Bretton Woods in a new context, as well as address the world’s demographic time bombs and the emergence of the shale industry as a major international factor.
The remainder of the book is reserved for the future. In chapters 8 through 10 we’ll peer forward through the years until 2030, exploring the new world about to emerge, complete with the shape of a greatly revised American alliance system and the major aggressive powers. Finally, we’ll close out with the five crises of the future, the major threats and challenges of a fundamentally new era.
For now let us focus on the why of the world as we know it. The premier tool in this regard is geopolitics, the study of how place matters. How rivers lead people to interact differently than mountains. How those differences lead to great variations in wealth, culture, and military strategy. Geopolitics strips away the ideological, the emotional, and the normative (what we want, what we feel, and what we seek), leaving only what is.
It all comes down to three geographically based factors.
The first I call the balanceoftransport. Successful countries find it easy to move people and goods within their territories: Egypt has
the Nile, France has the Seine and Loire, the Roman and Inca Empires had their roads. Such easy movement promotes internal trade and development. Trade encourages specialization and moves an economy up the value-added scale, increasing local incomes and generating capital that can be used for everything from building schools and institutions to operating a navy. Such constant interconnections are the most important factors for knitting a people into a nation. Such commonality of interests forms the bedrock of political and cultural unity. With a very, very few exceptions, every successful culture in human history has been based on a culture of robust internal economic interactions, and that almost invariably comes from easy transport.
But note that I called it a balanceof transport. Long-term success isn’t simply based on economic dynamism. Countries also have to be able to protect themselves. Just as internal trade requires more than a little help from geography—well-rivered plains preferably—so too does defense. Successful countries also have borders that are easy to protect. It does no good to have a great internal trading network if the next country over can park its tanks on your lawn. Deserts or mountains are good for such border zones. Oceans are better. It is this balance—easy transport within, difficult transport beyond—that is the magic ingredient for success.
The second factor is the ability of a country to benefit from the package of technologies known as deepwater navigation, including everything from easily portable compasses to cannon. In many ways deepwater navigation is simply a (gross) extension of the balance of transport. It adds a series of technologies that allow sailors to know where they are when they lose sight of land, as well as ensuring sufficient engineering robustness so that cargoes and crews can make it safely to their destination despite challenges natural and man-made. Economically, deepwater navigation allows countries to extend their local economies to the global level, radically increasing wealth opportunities. Militarily, countries that can operate on the deep blue sea can keep security threats far from their shores.
Third, there is the package of technologies known as industrialization: assembly lines, interchangeable parts, steam
power, and the like. If deepwater navigation extended the balance of transport to a global scale, then industrialization put it on steroids. Industrialization is about using machinery both to increase worker productivity and to marry production to higher-output forms of energy like coal and oil, as opposed to wind and water. These changes increase economic output by an order of magnitude (or more). Courtesy of industrialization, vast portions of the planet that had been chronically stuck in a technological dark age suddenly became capable of development. Such is the ultimate cause of the rise of countries like Brazil, Russia, and India.
In all three cases—the balance of transport, deepwater navigation, and industrialization—the United States enjoys the physical geography most favorable to their application. Two facts stand out. First, since the root of American power is geographic and not the result of any particular plan or ideology, American power is incidental. Even accidental.
Second, the United States wasn’t the point of origin for any of the respective technologies that created the modern world. Consequently, we need to turn to other countries and other times to show how and why these three factors arose, took on importance, and came to dominate the human condition. Then we’ll be ready to explore how and why these technologies favor the United States more than anyplace else in the world.
For the first concept—the balance of transport—we’ll have to go back.
Way back.
Footnote
1. Anglophiles will be pleased to know that the United Kingdom still far and away ranks number one.
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bagpipes and made lovely music. But he certainly could not read, and I wrote that I would not give him anything at all.”
Hans rode away to the forest
Thereupon the princess was quite pleased. “You managed very cleverly,” said she, “for of course you could not have allowed me to be carried off by such a hobgoblin.”
Hans continued to dwell in the forest, and he was very merry sitting in his tree and blowing his bagpipes. Presently it happened that another king who was traveling through the forest with his servants and courtiers lost his way, for the forest was very large. He came near enough to the resort of Hans the Hedgehog to hear the music, and he said to one of his men, “Go at once and find out what that is.”
So the servant went under the tall tree, and he looked up and saw Hans the Hedgehog perched on the rooster, and asked what he was doing up there.
“I’m playing my bagpipes,” was the reply.
Then the servant told him that the king, his master, was not able to find the way out of the forest back to his kingdom. So Hans the Hedgehog descended from the tree with his rooster and went to the king and offered to show him the right way if he would solemnly promise to give him whatever he should meet first in front of his palace.
To this the king agreed, and he gave Hans a written promise to that effect. Then Hans rode on in front and showed him the way, and the king speedily arrived safely in his own kingdom. There was great rejoicing in the palace when he was seen returning, and his only daughter, who was very beautiful, ran to meet him, and she embraced and kissed him, full of delight that her father had come home. She inquired where he had been so long, and he told her how he had lost his way in the forest and might never have gotten back if
he had not been helped by a strange creature, half man and half hedgehog, which rode on a rooster and when discovered was in a tree-top seated on the rooster’s back making music with some bagpipes. “My only trouble now,” said the king, “is that I had to promise to give the creature the first thing which met me in front of my palace. I feel very sad, because it is you who first met me.”
“Never mind,” said the princess. “Perhaps he will never come for me; but if he does, for your sake, I will go with him.”
After a time Hans decided to leave the forest and visit the two kings whom he helped to find their way back to their kingdoms. But the first king had given strict orders that if any one came into his domains riding on a rooster and carrying some bagpipes he should be chased away, and, if need be, shot, or hacked to pieces with swords. On no account was he to be allowed to enter the palace. When, therefore, Hans the Hedgehog drew near to the palace, the guards charged on him with their bayonets, but he put spurs to his rooster and flew up over the gate right to one of the king’s windows. He alighted on a balcony and called out that if he was not given what he had been promised, the king and his daughter should be punished for their treachery.
So the frightened king said everything should be done as Hans the Hedgehog wished. He ordered a carriage to be made ready drawn by six white horses, and attended by servants in gorgeous liveries. The princess stepped into it, and Hans the Hedgehog with his rooster and bagpipes took his place beside her. Then they drove away, but they had not gone far out of the city when Hans pulled the princess’s shawl off and pricked her with his quills, saying: “That is your reward for falsehood. Go back home. I will have nothing more to do with you.”
Then the coach returned with her, and Hans the Hedgehog rode away on his rooster to the other kingdom. When he entered the royal city, the guards, in accord with the king’s orders, presented arms, the people cheered, and he was conducted in triumph to the palace. At sight of Hans, the princess was a good deal startled, for he certainly was very peculiar looking, but he told her no harm would befall her
and she need not be alarmed. So she made him welcome, and he sat next to her at the royal table, and they ate and drank together.
Late in the evening Hans had a big fire made in his chamber, and at his request four trusty men were ordered to stand on guard at his door. About eleven o’clock, when he went to his room, he said to the guards, “Never in my life have I slept in a bed, and before I get into the one prepared for me here I shall creep out of my hedgehog skin and leave it lying on the floor. Ten minutes from now you four men must come in and throw the skin into the fire, and stand by till it is entirely consumed.”
Hans entered the room, took off his hedgehog skin, and got into bed. Soon afterward the four men came in, threw the skin into the fire, and watched it burn till there was nothing left of it. Hans was now wholly human in his form, but the guards, when they looked at him, were dismayed to find that he was quite black, as though he had been severely scorched. They informed the king, and he at once summoned a physician. The latter, by the use of various salves and ointments, made Hans’ skin white, and the youth became as handsome as he was clever When the cure was complete the king’s daughter was greatly pleased, and not long afterward they were married, and when the old king died Hans ruled the kingdom in his stead.
THE MAGPIE’S NEST
ONCE upon a time
When pigs spoke rhyme,
all the birds of the air came to the magpie and asked her to teach them how to build nests; for the magpie was very clever. So she had them gather around her and began to show them how to do it. First of all she took some mud and made a sort of a round cake with it.
“Oh, that’s how it’s done!” said the thrush, and away she flew, and the thrush has built her nests out of mud ever since.
Then the magpie took some twigs and arranged them around in the mud.
“Now I know all about it,” said the blackbird. So off she flew, and the blackbirds make their nests of mud and sticks to this very day.
Then the magpie put another layer of mud over the twigs.
“Oh, that’s quite plain!” said the owl, and away she flew, and owls have made their nests after that manner ever since.
Next the magpie took some twigs and twined them around the outside.
“The very thing!” exclaimed the sparrow, and off she went, and the sparrows to this day make rather slovenly nests.
Then Madge Magpie took some feathers and other bits of soft material and lined the nest very nicely with it.
“That suits me!” cried the starling, and away she flew, and ever since then the starlings have built very comfortable nests.
The magpie kept on with her work, but the birds were constantly leaving before she had finished, each thinking she knew all there was to know about nest-building. At last the only bird that remained was the turtle-dove. She now began to repeat her silly cry, “Take two, Taffy, take two-o-o!”
The magpie was just putting a twig across, and she said, “No, one is enough.”
But the turtle-dove kept on saying, “Take two, Taffy, take two-o-o!”
That made the magpie angry, and she exclaimed, “One’s enough, I tell you!”
Still the turtle-dove cried, “Take two, Taffy, take two-o-o!”
At this the magpie became so disturbed that she flew away, and always afterward, when the birds asked her how to build their nests,
she refused to tell them. That is why different birds build their nests differently.
PUSS IN BOOTS
ONCE upon a time there was a poor miller who had three sons, and when he died he had nothing to leave them except his mill, a donkey, and a cat. The division was quickly made without the help of either lawyer or judge. The eldest son took the mill, and the second took the donkey So there was nothing left for the youngest but the cat, and the poor fellow could not help feeling that he had been treated shabbily. “My brothers will be able to earn a comfortable livelihood,” he sighed, “but as for me, though Puss may feed himself by catching mice, he can’t feed me, and I shall certainly die of hunger.”
While he spoke, the cat was sitting near by and heard all he said. Immediately the creature jumped on his shoulder, rubbed gently against his cheek, and began to speak. “Dear master,” said he, “do not grieve. I am not as useless as you think. Give me a bag, and buy me a pair of boots so I can scamper through the brush and brambles, and I will make your fortune for you.”
PUSS IN BOOTS GREETS THE KING
The lad had very little money to spare, but he knew Puss was a faithful creature, and he had seen him play many cunning tricks to catch rats and mice, so that he did not altogether despair of his affording him some help. Therefore he bought him a smart pair of
boots made of buff-colored leather, and gave him the bag for which he had asked.
Puss drew on the boots, and then he fitted slip-strings around the mouth of the bag, put some bran and parsley inside, and trotted off with it to a neighboring hillside where there was an abundance of rabbits. He laid the bag on the ground with the mouth of it propped open, and hid himself in the ferns and bushes and waited. Presently two foolish young rabbits came sniffing about and crept into the bag to get some of the bran and parsley. The clever cat at once drew the slip-strings close, and the rabbits were caught. He slung the bag over his shoulder, and away he went to the royal palace, where he asked to speak with the king. The guards ushered him into the king’s presence, and Puss made a low bow, lifted the rabbits out of his bag, and said, “Sir, my noble lord, the Marquis of Carabas” (this was the title he chose to confer on his master) “has commanded me to present these rabbits to your Majesty, with his respects.”
“Tell your master that I thank him,” said the king, “and that he has given me great pleasure.”
Then he dismissed Puss with many compliments and a purse of gold, and ordered his head cook to serve the rabbits for dinner so he and his daughter might enjoy them.
The next day Puss went and hid in a grain field with the bag baited and open near his hiding-place. A brace of partridges ran into it, and he drew the strings and caught them. These he took home to his master, and he went hunting every pleasant day. He kept his master so well supplied with game that they lived in plenty, and often he carried some game to the king. Whatever it was that he presented at the palace, it was always with the message, “From my lord, the Marquis of Carabas.” So every one at court was talking of this strange nobleman, whom no one had ever seen, but who sent such generous gifts to his Majesty.
By and by Puss decided that it was time for his master to be introduced at court. He learned that on a certain day the king and his daughter, who was the most beautiful princess in the world, were to go out in their coach to drive along the riverside, and he said to his
master: “If you will follow my advice your fortune is made. Go and wash yourself in the river at a spot which I will show you, and leave the rest to me.”
The young man knew nothing of the why or wherefore of the cat’s advice, but he went to the river, and the cat took charge of his clothes while he plunged into the water. He did not enjoy the experience, for the water was cold, and he soon stopped splashing around and stood shivering with the water up to his neck, wondering what was to happen next. Just then the king’s carriage appeared in sight, and Puss at once began to shout: “Help! help! My lord, the Marquis of Carabas is drowning!”
The king put his head out of the coach window, and he recognized Puss as the cat who had so often brought him presents of game. Immediately he ordered his attendants to go to the assistance of the marquis. While they were pulling the youth out of the river the cat came up to the coach and told the king that some rogues had gone off with his master’s clothes, though in fact the cunning cat had hidden them under a big stone.
On hearing this story the king dispatched one of his grooms to fetch a handsome suit of purple and gold from the royal wardrobe. When the young man had been arrayed in this he looked so well that no one for a moment supposed but that he was some noble foreign lord. The king and his daughter were so pleased with his appearance that they invited him into their carriage. At first he felt a little shy about sitting next to a princess, but she smiled at him so sweetly, and was so kind and gentle that he soon forgot his fears. As for her, after he had cast two or three respectful and somewhat tender glances in her direction, she fell in love with him to distraction.
When the cat had seen his master seated in the royal carriage, he was overjoyed to think how well his project was succeeding. He ran on ahead as fast as he could trot until he came to a field of grain where the laborers were busy reaping. “Reapers,” said he fiercely, “the king will soon pass this way. If he should ask you to whom this field belongs, remember that you are to say, ‘To the Marquis of
Carabas.’ Don’t dare to disobey me, or I will have you all chopped up as fine as mincemeat.”
The reapers were so afraid the cat would do as he threatened that they promised to obey. Puss then ran on and told all the other laborers whom he met to give the same answer, and declared they would be terribly punished if they did not.
The king was in a very good humor, for the day was fine, and he found the marquis a very pleasant companion. So he told the coachman to drive slowly, that he might admire the beautiful country. “What a fine field of wheat!” he said presently, and he had the coach stop while he asked the laborers to whom it belonged.
Then the men answered in accord with the cat’s orders, “To our lord, the Marquis of Carabas.”
“Sir,” said the marquis, “this is a field that never fails to yield plentifully every year.”
The coach went on until it encountered a herd of cattle. “To whom do these cattle belong?” the king asked the drovers.
“To the Marquis of Carabas,” they replied.
It was the same all along the way. The king’s inquiries as to the ownership of property received this uniform reply. The marquis listened with the greatest astonishment, and thought what a wonderful cat Puss was; and the king was delighted to find that his new friend was as wealthy as he was charming.
Meanwhile Puss, who was well in advance of the royal party, had arrived at a stately castle which belonged to a cruel ogre, the richest ever known. Indeed, he was the owner of all the land and crops and cattle the king had admired so much. The cat knocked at the door, and asked to see the ogre, who received him quite civilly. He had never before seen a cat in boots, and the sight amused him. So he and Puss were soon chatting together.
“I have been assured,” said the cat, “that you possess the power to change yourself into any kind of animal you choose—a lion or an elephant, for instance.”
“Well, so I can,” responded the ogre briskly.
“Dear me!” said Puss, “how much I should like to see you do it now.”
The ogre was only too glad to have a chance to show how clever he was, so he agreed to transform himself into any animal Puss might mention.
“Oh! I will leave the choice to you,” said the cat politely.
Immediately there appeared, where the ogre had been seated, an enormous lion, roaring, and lashing with his tail, and looking as though he meant to gobble up the cat in a trice. Puss was really very much frightened, and he jumped out of the window and managed to scramble up on the roof, though not without abundance of trouble and danger because of his boots. There he clung, refusing to come down until the ogre resumed his natural form and laughingly called to him that he would do him no harm.
Then Puss ventured back into the room and began to compliment the ogre on his cleverness. “Of course,” said he in conclusion, “what you did was very marvellous, but it would be more surprising still if you who are so big and fierce could transform yourself into some timid little creature such as a mouse. That, I suppose, would be impossible.”
“Not at all,” said the ogre. “One is quite as easy to me as the other, as I will show you.”
A moment later the ogre had vanished, and a little brown mouse was frisking about the floor. “Now or never,” said Puss, and with a sudden leap he seized the mouse and gobbled it up as fast as he could. Instantly all the gentlemen and ladies whom the wicked ogre had held in his castle under a spell were disenchanted, and they came to express their gratitude to their deliverer. They were ready to do anything to please him, and at his request they agreed to enter into the service of the Marquis of Carabas.
Now the cat had a splendid castle with much treasure stored in its vaults, and he ordered a magnificent feast to be prepared. Then he hurried forth to the highway and met the king’s coach. His Majesty was looking toward the ogre’s castle. “Whose is it?” he asked. “I have never seen a finer.”
“It belongs to the noble Marquis of Carabas,” said Puss, “and I beg you to honor my master by being his guest.”
The king ordered the coachman to drive to the castle, and Puss went on ahead and threw open the gates. As the carriage was crossing the drawbridge he cried out, “Welcome to the castle of my lord, the Marquis of Carabas!”
Full of surprise, the king turned to the marquis and said, “Not even my own palace can surpass the beauty of your castle.”
Puss helped his Majesty to alight and conducted him into a spacious hall, where a group of gentlemen and ladies were waiting to receive them. The marquis came into the hall with the princess, and they all sat down to a splendid banquet. Long and merrily they feasted, and when at length the guests rose to depart, the king embraced the marquis and said: “I am charmed with your many excellent qualities, and am greatly impressed with the castle which is your home, and with the magnificence of your hospitality. It will be your own fault, my Lord Marquis, if you are not my son-in-law.”
The marquis made several low bows, and thanked his Majesty for the honor he conferred on him. Not long afterward the miller’s son married the princess, and there were rejoicings throughout the land. On the evening of the wedding day a great ball was given, to which princes and noblemen from near and far were invited. Puss opened the ball, wearing for the occasion a pair of boots made of the finest leather with gold tassels and scarlet heels. I wish you could have seen him.
When the old king died, the princess and her husband reigned in his stead. Their most honored and faithful friend at court was Puss in Boots, for his master never forgot to whom he owed all his good fortune. Puss lived on the daintiest meat and the most delicious
cream, and was petted and made much of all the days of his life; and he never ran after rats and mice except for exercise and amusement.
THE MASTER AND HIS PUPIL
THERE was once a very learned man who knew all the languages under the sun, and who was acquainted with all the mysteries of creation. He had in his private room a big book bound in black leather and fitted with iron clasps, and it was chained to a table which was screwed fast to the floor When he wanted to read in the book he unlocked the clasps with a brass key, and he never allowed any one else to read in it, for it contained many magician’s secrets. Among other things it told the names of the demons, and what they did, and how they could be summoned and made to work for man.
