MAYA RILEY
Copyright © 2020 by Jessica
Campagna / Maya Riley
Editing: Jess Rousseau with Elemental Editing
Cover Design and Formatting: Jessica Campagna
All rights reserved.
No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means, including information storage and retrieval systems, without written permission from the author, except for the use of brief quotations in a book review.
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Foreveryonewhohaseversaid,“Fuckthisshit.”
CONTENTS
Stay In Touch
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
Chapter 14
Chapter 15
Chapter 16
Chapter 17
Chapter 18
Chapter 19
Chapter 20
Chapter 21
Chapter 22
Chapter 23
Chapter 24
Chapter 25
Chapter 26
27. Three Weeks Later
Also By Maya Acknowledgments About the Author
www.mayariley.com
www.facebook.com/mayarileyauthor
www.instagram.com/mayarileyauthor
www.facebook.com/groups/mayasmaniacs
Glass rained down around me as I threw objects in my frustration. They shattered against the walls, and the shards embedded themselves into the carpet for unknowing feet to find. I knew something was wrong all this time, but I turned a blind eye, and now here I was, home alone, seeing pictures on social media of my fiancé getting a little too close for comfort in the arms of someone who wasn’t me.
A loud beeping cut through the veil of shattering glass, and I turned my reddening vision to my phone. It was still sitting calmly on the coffee table ready to fuck up my life some more with another notification.
Being the masochist I sometimes was, I walked over and opened the alert. This time the picture that came through showed his lips pressed firmly against the cherry red lips of yet another girl. How many girls did he play around with on his so-called business trips?
My eyes zeroed in on the sign above his head. It said “Wiley’s,” and there was only one in existence—and it was in the next town over. When he kissed me goodbye three days ago, he said he would be across the country for the next few days.
I focused on my labored breaths as my mind worked out a proper Lee reaction. I began mentally kicking myself for not coming to this conclusion much sooner.
My fingers turned white as I gripped the phone so hard the case threatened to crack under the pressure. Taking a deep breath and
then exhaling, I set the phone down gently after grabbing a screenshot and emailing it to myself. It would be used as leverage, because I had no doubt Todd would have it removed the moment he found out. With a blinding calmness, I sat down at the computer, opened up the email, hit print, and then stood up and got to work.
I emptied the closet of all the clothes I could fit in the large suitcase, being forced to choose between several of my favorite outfits. There was only one suitcase in this house since he had the other one on his “business trip,” so I would have to make do. I packed up everything else I couldn’t bear to part with. Once my things were thrown into the bed of my truck, I got to work on his things with the care of a pissed off ex-fiancée.
Judging by the progression of the posts online, he was only getting started, so I had plenty of time before he came home. I could do some real damage in that time, and if he was lucky, the house might even remain intact.
Ifhe was lucky.
Standing in the doorway with my arms folded over my chest, fingers tapping on my upper arm, I looked around at the new furniture, floral paintings, and sheer curtains. I’d spent a lot of time decorating this place, making it the perfect home for us to build our life in. But I should’ve known better. In a way, I guess I did. All the pieces were now fitting together.
All those evenings supposedly spent at work, all those female “coworkers,” “business meetings,” and late-night “business chats”— the signs were all there. The red smudges on the collars of his white shirts, and the notes he left in his lunchbox that were snatched away before I could read them, claiming they were nothing but work ideas on sticky notes. It took everything in me to not rip my hair out at all the signs I’d ignored, but damaging myself wouldn’t do much to hurt him right now, and man, did I want the bastard to hurt. I had full confidence that if he was here at this moment, he’d be lying in a pool of blood with a knife in his chest. Luckily for him, he was away, and I was left alone with my thoughts to paint my emotions all over this damned house, and what a hell of a mosaic it was about to become.
This was going to take a little something extra.
Crossing the room, I went into the kitchen and boxed up the entire alcohol cabinet. I was going to need all of it a hell of a lot more than he would. After depositing the full box into the bed of the truck, I got to work undoing everything I’d done in this house.
I grabbed his favorite bottled iced coffee drinks—really, though, this wasn’t real coffee, another run away sign I missed and threw them against the wall, coating the area in a sticky liquid and chipping the soft gray paint upon impact. I began to wonder how he would start his day out tomorrow without them, but then I stopped myself. I didn’t care now, and I never would again.
Not about him.
With the largest kitchen knife we—I—owned, I slashed up the couch we used to sit on together when we watched our favorite shows. I cut strips in the fabric of the chair he would nap in after a long day. I approached the mattress we used to make love on, which had barely seen action in months—until now, when I used it as target practice for my stabbing skills until the only thing he had left to sleep on tonight was a broken box spring.
I threw the emptied plastic containers across the room once I was done with them and carefully backed up into the living room. Cooking oil now coated the kitchen floor, and he wouldn’t see it until he walked in and fell. Every article of clothing he had was now deposited into all of the metal bins we had. Every single article of clothing.
He always took great pride in his appearance, more than what would normally be socially acceptable. He took greater care of his suits than he did me. I mocked the words out loud that he’d said to me countless times. “Appearance is everything, Lee.” I grinned at the thought of his face falling when he saw them, and I lit the match on the little box in my hand before throwing it on top of the gasoline I’d spilled into each trash can.
Flames roared to life, and my grin widened. I was a little psychopath wrapped up in a ball of fucking sunshine.
The instant heat warmed my skin and fueled my ire, I was practically brimming with energy and eager to do more.
He would be doing the walk of shame as he went clothes shopping. I could see him now, strolling into the store with ruffled hair and smelling like smoke while he searched for new clothes to be able to change out of the ones that would undoubtedly be covered in touches from Miss Cherry Lips.
With a large brush, I painted the words “Fuck You” on every wall I could until the paint ran out. With a small, handheld lighter, I burned the same words in large letters in the carpet across the length of the living room floor. I left my mark in every way I could until the printer stopped printing, and I no longer had any more paper to refill it with.
Taking large stacks of the printed pictures, I deposited them all over the house, threw a bunch outside for the wind to spread, and set the rest of the stack on top of my truck.
I took a moment to send off the last message I would type for a while, letting my boss know I wasn’t going to be coming back to work. Sure, it was undeniably the worst way to quit your job, but I could explain it later as a moment of insanity. Standing there in the darkened driveway while flames roared to life through the windows, I didn’t give a shit how this could affect my future job prospects. It wasn’t as though I expected to work in retail for the rest of my life anyway. They’d find someone to replace me on day one, most likely. I racked my brain to make sure I wasn’t forgetting anything, but there wasn’t anyone else I needed to alert right this moment. It was only my mom and me, and all she would be worried about was if she should try and get her money back for the dress she’d bought for the wedding. I was never good at keeping long-term friends since I’d moved a lot and apparently had worrying anger issues that didn’t go over so well with the pearl clutchers, and anyone else in my life was shared with Todd. There was no doubt they’d happily choose his side since they’d known him longer. Only a small handful would be worth responding to later on.
Why the hell did I let myself get dragged into this situation in the first place? Oh yeah, that was right. I was blinded by the fake sunshine and rainbows, thinking I could finally have a normal life. I
should’ve known normalwas never for me. I was nothing but chaos, and it was time to set it free.
After gathering every piece of material he’d always loved more than me and then tossing them into the burning bins, I set my phone on silent and placed it into my pocket, opened all the doors and windows to welcome every wandering animal that would hopefully run in once the fire died down, and stepped out of the house for the final time.
Without even looking into the rearview mirror, I drove away with papers flying off the truck as I left my old life behind.
I DROVE THROUGHOUT THE NIGHT, only stopping for food and gas. The adrenaline carried me through two states before I finally reached the coast, but I wasn’t calm yet. My heart was shattered, but even more so, I was upset with myself. I didn’t know how I could move on, because if I ignored all these signs before, then would I do it again? Now I would most likely overanalyze everything for everyone and never allow another person in.
Fear was the greatest killer of joy, and it nearly held me back. Currently, I was catapulting myself in a random direction with no idea where I would end up.
Sometimes the best way to protect yourself was to close your mind and heart off to others, because the moment they caught a glimpse of your soul, they’d have every opportunity to destroy you, and they would use it without hesitation.
The piece of shit would never be able to hurt me again, and neither would anyone else. As I drove, I built walls around my heart to fight away the fear, and I welcomed the darkness with open arms.
As frustration grew within me, I put added force onto the gas pedal. I would drive until I literally couldn’t drive anymore without going into the ocean. I’d always wanted to live on the beach, but he never did. All he ever had were excuses. One excuse after another about why we shouldn’t live our lives and take chances. Although
maybe those excuses were only for me, because he sure as hell had no problem taking chances on other women.
Well, fuck you, Todd.
Now all he had left were his excuses. His excuses and metal bins full of the ashes of his most prized possessions.
My fingers tightened on the steering wheel of my blue pickup truck, grateful that was the one thing he was never able to touch. He kept trying to convince me it didn’t have much life left in it, to give in and let him buy me a new, more reliable car, but I was never able to give this one up. I refused to drive in anything but this truck, and I would continue to do so until the day it literally fell apart into pieces that were beyond impossible to fix.
My knuckles whitened as I tautened my grip on the steering wheel, grinding my teeth as my reason for leaving crossed my mind for the millionth time. Pictures of their closeness replayed through my thoughts like a bad movie I couldn’t look away from. The bastard should be home tomorrow. I had no doubt this was another “extra late night at the office,” and he most likely went home with that trollop. He’d see his house in the morning. It was his house now, no longer ours. I wanted nothing to do with the burning memories. All I wanted was my freedom, and that was something I was going to fight tooth and nail for.
The engine sputtered as I rolled to a stop where the gravel met the sand. Exhaling out a breath I didn’t realize I’d been holding, I loosened my grip and peeled my hands off the steering wheel so I could exit the truck. I didn’t wince at the sting from how attached they were to the vinyl. I was so disconnected, my hands could be on fire and I probably wouldn’t notice.
Slamming the rusty door behind me in my anger, I reached into the bed of the truck and pulled out the first bottle of rum I could reach from the top of the box. I took a big swig of the coconut flavored liquid, gulping it down in tune with the gravel crunching beneath my short ankle boots. I didn’t have the energy, or the will, to dig through my suitcase for my sandals.
The chilly ocean breeze brought out goosebumps on my arms, and I regretted not grabbing a jacket to throw over my t-shirt too,
but only for a moment. I didn’t care about staying warm, or much else aside from this bottle to numb my thoughts. If I drank enough, then it would keep me warm and I wouldn’t need a jacket. With that reasoning, I took another drink.
It was difficult to walk on the beach with boots, so I took them off and deposited them in the sand. The location was a straight line from where the truck was parked, so if I wanted to, I could easily get them back. Although I would likely forget about them in the morning if they weren’t stolen by the time I woke up. They weren’t my priority in this moment though, since all I could think about was that damn girl’s cherry red lips. It was probably the same lipstick I’d cleaned from the collar of his shirt during his last ‘business trip.’
Hell, why did I care? Why did I let my thoughts keep wandering back to theories of possibilities for why my life was now in ruins? I left that life behind me, literally burning in a trash can. Now, I was free. I could do whatever I wanted, which apparently included drinking on the beach. I didn’t know what I would do tomorrow, but tonight I had myself, my pickup truck, and this bottle of rum. The trifecta of whothefuckcares.
I walked up and down the shoreline, the crashing waves singing a lullaby to calm my racing heart. Small critters skittered across the sand and over my toes, and I barely caught the outlines of their bodies in the moonlight. I’d heard about sand crabs taking over the beaches at night, and I took a good guess that those creatures were probably what those might be.
My feet were barely kissed by the waves as they rolled in, greeting me as I drank a path down the shoreline. I hadn’t been to the ocean in years, and it was exactly what I needed to help wash away every regret in life that weighed me down like bricks on my chest. With the weight of grief I would soon be carrying, it would sink me in the depths of the ocean.
Digging my toes in, I kicked sand into the air around me and the wind threw some of it right back into my face, which seemed fitting for my current situation, and my nails dug into my palms. “Real fitting, don’t you think? Kick a girl while she’s down and throw sand into her face when he walks away. This is fucked up!”
I parted my mouth from the bottle long enough to occasionally scream my anger and frustration into the otherwise silent night, throwing my problems out for the waves to take away and hopefully never bring back. I was done. I was finished trying so hard for others who only fucked me over anyway. Well, fuck you. And fuck everyone else who dared to get in my way or even come into my life.
My body swayed with my unsteady balance until I eventually gave in and dropped to the sand, wanting to bury myself beneath it like a sand crab and maybe only come out at night to drink and scare the shit out of unsuspecting strangers.
I’d always heard the saying about living the life you want without regrets.
Now, I was filled with a lifetime of regrets and had nowhere to go from here. Maybe rock bottom even had a basement, and if I buried myself deep enough in the sand, I would find it. I chided myself for not doing something sooner.
Granted, if I had left sooner, I wouldn’t have gotten to light the asshole’s shit on fire before leaving, so I guess it all evened out in the end.
I threw my head back and laughed at my own thoughts, the sound clashing harshly with the soothing waves.
Intheend.
Was this really the end, or would it be more of a beginning? Wrapping my lips around the top of the bottle, I tilted it for another chug.
Only time would tell.
Something crawled across my arm, tickling the hairs on my forearm. It stopped for a second before skittering away. I barely registered it was there, but I didn’t care. I was numb.
Sunlight stabbed my retinas countless times over, even after I shut my eyes again in an attempt to block out the sharp light. My head felt like a ton of bricks when I lifted it, and I coughed and sputtered as sand fell from my mouth. The small granules were not very appetizing.
Something tugged at my hair, and I swung my hand around to shoo it away. Blocking the sun from my eyes, I opened them in time to see a seagull flying away after it failed to eat my hair like a French fry.
“Fuck,” I groaned as I rolled over, squinting while I slowly adjusted to the blinding light. My eyes nearly popped out when I saw a little boy’s head leaning over me, and then I sighed when it helped block out the sun. “Uh…”
Condensation from his popsicle wrapper sizzled on my heated skin where it fell on my forehead before a middle-aged woman grabbed him by the arm and pulled him away. I saw her disgusted looks and heard the judgmental mumbles before they both disappeared from sight.
Funny, since kids normally loved me, even though I could never figure out why. I didn’t think I was that scary, but then again, I wasn’t always a fucking delight.
My hand closed around a glass bottle when I went to push myself up, and memories from the night before flooded my mind.
“Shit.” The words sounded chalky coming out of my dried mouth. I rubbed my throbbing temples and then groaned when I realized I must have spilled the rest of the rum out on the sand. I didn’t have nearly the level of a hangover I should have for drinking the whole bottle. What a waste.
Lifting it up, I saw there were still a few sips left, and since there was so little, I thought what better way to get rid of it than to down the rest first thing in the morning. I had no plans or anywhere to be right now. The world was now my oyster and this rum was my damn pearl. Or were pearls only in clams? Fuck it, I made my own rules now and oysters could have fucking coal if I wanted them to.
After swallowing the last few drops of what was left of my liquid breakfast, I stood up and walked down the beach. The sand was still cool from the night before, soothing the soles of my feet as I walked. I located my boots close by, grateful I didn’t manage to lose one of the only two pairs of shoes I’d brought with me. Carrying my ankle boots underneath one arm, I deposited the empty bottle into a trash can and strolled along the shore, dipping my toes into the freezing water of the ocean to help wake me up. The sun must have only just risen, and there were people arriving with their arms full of towels and coolers, ready to claim their spots on the beach for the day.
Holding my hand against my forehead to block the sun from my eyes, I looked around in awe. It was much easier to see things now that the sun was out, and for the first time I noticed the long row of condos that lined the beach. I admired them, wondering what it took to be able to live in one. How amazing it would be to wake up on the beach every morning, preferably in a bed without a crotch full of sand. I squirmed at the thought, wondering if I should try and find a shower somewhere, wash out in the ocean, or settle for grabbing another bottle from the back of the truck and forget about it. Right as I was about to turn around and head to the truck to sleep off the rest of last night’s booze, I saw a sign with the words “For Rent” glittering in the early morning sun. I spun forward so fast that cold
ocean water splashed up to my calf as I took off. When I reached the porch, I began pounding on the door with my fist.
This would be perfect. I’d always wanted to live on the beach, and I was now in the process of figuring out what the hell to do with my life. After all, when life throws you a sign, you follow it. This was how I was going to turn my lemons into margaritas.
The knocks vibrated through my fist, but I kept going. I was too impatient to stand there politely and wait for the owners to wake up.
I was so focused on pounding on the door that I barely registered it had opened until a woman was dodging my still pounding fist. “Oh—whoops, sorry.”
“Can I help you?” She tucked a strand of dark hair behind her ear with a huff and crossed her arms over her nightgown. Curlers were coming loose in her hair, and I could see gray peeking out at the roots. She clearly wasn’t pleased with being rudely awoken at whatever time of the morning this was, but that wasn’t my problem right now.
“I’d like to rent your condo.”
She arched an eyebrow as she looked at me like I’d been abducted by aliens and then abandoned right away. “I’m sorry?”
“I’m not. I’ll take it. How much to be able to start moving in today?”
The woman blinked, and she stood there frozen as she tried to decipher my words as though I was speaking a foreign language. I raised my fingers and snapped twice in front of her eyes until she blinked out of it. I was well aware it was possibly the rudest thing to do right now, but I didn’t really care. I would like to find a toilet and a shower stat. Plus, it would be nice to put my bottles in the fridge.
“You’re not serious, are you?” She looked me up and down with an expression of disgust turning up her lips.
Confused, I glanced down at myself and groaned. I had a vomit stain right in the middle of my t-shirt, which stood out against the onyx black. This wasn’t the least presentable I’d ever shown up to an interview, but it was still annoying as fuck.
“Look, lady.” I reached into the top of my shirt and pulled out a wad of hundred-dollar bills from my bra. I’d taken every dollar I
could find in the house before I left, and this seemed like a worthy cause to use it. “I’m desperate here. I left my cheating dick of an ex, drove through the night until I literally couldn’t go any farther—on account of the large body of water out there—and I’m looking to start over. Please. It’s either this, or I walk up and down the shore all day everyday drinking and scaring away the tourists by making an ass out of myself. Let’s just be glad I’m wearing clothes this time, because I can’t guarantee that will be the case every day.”
After thinking it over for a minute, she cleared her throat and took the wad of cash from my hand. Licking her thumb, she counted it out. “This is enough to get you one month here. What do you plan to do after that?”
Shit. This place was more expensive than I thought. Although, if it was cheap, everyone would live here.
I shrugged. “I really have no idea. Maybe get a job and see what happens. Hopefully I can find one by then.”
Her eyes flashed. “Is this all you have?”
I nodded. “I really hadn’t thought very far out, it was all kind of in the moment.”
“What about food and utilities?”
“I have a box full of booze in the truck, and as for utilities, I suppose I should go out and find a job as soon as possible.”
She exhaled a deep breath, and I bit my lip, expecting her to turn me down. Hell, I would’ve turned me down. If she did, then I would continue to drive down the coast until I found someone who wouldn’t judge a person by a little vomit on their shirt who pounded on their door at sunrise. There were worse things to wake up to.
“I’ll give you two months on this with utilities included. After that, I expect you to start paying for the rest. If you can get a job and prove you’re working, and at least trying, then I’ll see what we can work out in two months from now, and maybe I’ll extend it.” She took a few bills from the pile and handed them to me with a pitiful smile. “You’re going to need food. I wouldn’t suggest living off alcohol for two months. Please, grab a vegetable or at least a bottle of water or something. I’ll even leave you some food in the fridge. There isn’t much, but it’s at least something.”
The widest grin I never thought would be possible right now spread across my face, and I nodded in agreement. This was a much better deal than I could have hoped for. I didn’t even care if she only did it out of pity, I was going to take the kindness and do what I could to make up for it—after drinking off this hangover, of course, since that would be the next fucked up logical step. You know, to celebrate.
Despite the grin glowing on my face, I was still pissed off and a bit fucked up in the head.
“Thank you, ma’am. Can I grab my stuff and move in now?” I tucked the bills back into my bra. I’d find a better hiding spot for them later. If I could find a job, maybe I’d even go a little crazy and get a purse.
“Yes. It should only take me a few minutes to grab my things, I’m already mostly moved out. I’ll have the key for you when you return with your stuff.”
“Thank you, thank you so much.” With a squeal to startle even me, I turned around and strutted across the sand back to the parking lot. I screamed out in pain when hot asphalt threatened to blister the soles of my feet and dove back into the sand to put my boots on before continuing to the truck. I would possibly need to soak them later if they blistered badly.
Balancing the heavy as shit box of booze on one shoulder, and wheeling my large suitcase behind me, I cursed all the way back to the condo. I made a mental note to find another way there because rolling a suitcase through this long ass stretch of sand while also balancing an incredibly heavy box with one arm was damn near impossible. I gasped when the box tilted a little too far in one direction and saw my life flash before my eyes—which might have been a little dramatic, but fuck it and then a pair of blue eyes deep enough to rival the ocean appeared on a man who practically saved my life as he held the box in his arms.
Well, actually, he saved my booze, but close enough.
“Whoa there, you alright?”
“I’m perfectly fine, thanks for saving me.”
His eyebrows twitched for a second, and I realized what I’d said. “I mean, thanks for saving the box, that would’ve sucked to have to clean up.”
“No problem. Mind if I carry something for you?” He looked down at my suitcase, the wheels buried in the sand and probably no longer able to spin. “Want me to get that? The box might be easier to carry.”
“Sure.” We swapped, and I was grateful to not have to drag the suitcase along anymore. If I managed to get my life together, I might have to buy another as a backup.
Not sure what to say and not being one for small talk, I began walking, intending to keep silence between us. The last thing I needed was to be distracted by another guy. That was what got me in this situation in the first place.
After lifting the suitcase onto his shoulder like it was nothing but a sack of flour, he kept pace beside me.
“I’m Chase.”
“Natalee—well, I go by Lee.”
“You new around here?”
“Yup. I live in that condo there.” I gestured with my head, unable to keep the smile from my face when looking at the condo that was now my new home. The smile faltered when a thought occurred to me. I just told a complete stranger where I lived. Not only that, but that I was also new here and just moving in. This whole doing it on my own thing wasn’t off to a great start. I fully expected to be murdered tonight, but hopefully I’d at least live long enough to enjoy this place for a day.
“Cool. I’ve lived here my whole life. If you need anything, don’t hesitate to ask. I’m usually somewhere around here.”
“I’ll keep that in mind.” Now that I was freaking myself out with the mental images of this stranger hacking away at my arms with an axe, I picked up my pace. Maybe I could change the locks. I didn’t know who else would have a spare key to this place.
We reached the steps, and he opened the door for me before I could set the box down to get it myself. I nodded in thanks and stepped inside with him following in behind me.
Dammit, Lee, you really need to stop freaking yourself out. You’re a strong, capablewoman who’s ableto take on anyguy and any situation. Worst case scenario, drinkyour problems away later andcomplainabouttheadviceyougaveyourself.
As we both set the items down, I made a mental note to pick up a pocketknife next time I went shopping.
“Oh, you’re back, good timing.” The woman descended the stairs with a medium-sized suitcase in tow, now wearing jeans and a blue t-shirt. Her hair was still as much of a mess as before, apparently she didn’t think wasting time to brush it was necessary. She stopped in front of me. “Here’s the key, this is the only copy, so don’t lose it. I’ve written my phone number down along with some local emergency numbers in case you need anything, they’re on the magnetic notepad on the side of the fridge.” She rattled off the different phone numbers she left along with menus for takeout, and I nodded along. It wouldn’t do well to tell her I didn’t intend to use my phone much while I was here. I had no doubt it was blowing up with messages by now.
“And I see you’ve met Chase.” She handed me the key and smiled at the man by my side. “Be nice and keep her out of trouble. I don’t really know why, but I really like this one.” She tossed a glance at me before moving toward the door.
“Oh, uh, lady?”
“You can call me Miss Morris.”
“Miss Morris, I was just wondering…is this really the only key? Nobody else has one at all?”
She shook her head. “I can guarantee you that’s the only key. The locks were changed when I moved in here over twenty years ago, and I never made a spare. Which probably wasn’t the smartest thing to do, but we never had a need to.”
I sighed. At least I knew there wouldn’t be some random weirdo lurking around town who would try to get in here. As it stood, I was currently the biggest weirdo here. Damn, I really needed a shower.
Then I raised a brow. “We?”
She shook her head. “My husband and I. He passed away, and I just can’t keep up with these different homes myself anymore. I’m
hoping to sell it if the right buyer comes along.”
My attention perked up at that. If there was a possibility of living here, and buying a place that was all my own, I might be interested. I’d never owned my own place.
Miss Morris continued on before I could get too lost in my thoughts of what-ifs, which was probably for the best, because who runs away from home and immediately buys a condo on the beach? It was entirely possible I wouldn’t even like it here.
“I also left a map and some menus on the kitchen counter, and I will be back later on some time to check on you, but right now, I have some place I want to be. Have a great day, guys.” With a wave and a flash of dark curls, she was out the door before I could say a proper goodbye. It was better that way, I wasn’t really great at saying farewell unless I was telling someone to fuck off.
I clasped my hands beneath my chin and looked up at the man with stunning blue eyes that were framed by flowing locks of dark hair. Holy shit, they were easy to get lost in.
Focus,Lee.Hecouldbeaserialkiller,youneverknow.
Clearing my throat, I did my best to get rid of him. “Thank you…”
“Chase.”
“Chase. Thank you, Chase, for helping me, but I should probably shower and unpack.” I unclasped my hands and gestured to my vomit stained outfit, waiting for him to catch on that I was kicking him out in the most polite way I could muster.
“Oh, yes, of course. Sorry about that.” Instead of heading to the door, he made his way to the kitchen and wrote something on the notepad on the side of the fridge.
Thisisit,thisiswhenheleaveshisserialkillernotetellingmeto getoutofhistown.
I held my breath when he stepped back, only to see a phone number added at the bottom of the list, and I scrunched my eyebrows.
“In case you need anything and don’t know where to look, you can get ahold of me here. I don’t always have my phone on me, especially when I’m training, but I’ll always respond.” He held his hand out, and I stared at it for a moment before taking it tentatively
and shaking it. “I’ll see you around, Lee. Best of luck in your new home, and welcome to North Isle.” With a grin to rival my own from earlier, he disappeared through the door, and I quickly locked it behind him.
Turning around, I leaned my back against the door, taking in everything that happened today. In less than twenty-four hours, I was single, had driven a few states away to the coast, and was now the proud new owner—for two months at least—of a condo on the beach. I had no idea how I lucked out like this, but I was going to do everything in my power to make sure it stayed this way.
Chase
LEAVING the new girl behind was much harder than I thought it would be. When I first saw her struggling to drag a suitcase through the sand, a sure sign that she was new around here, I thought I would help for a minute and then go back to work without another thought. Now I couldn’t seem to shake her from my mind, and it had nothing to do with her looks, although that sure didn’t hurt things, especially her eyes that were as deep of a blue as the ocean. It mostly had to do with how much she seemed to care about the box, and all it did was bring back unpleasant memories.
I didn’t want to be that guy who saw a woman struggling and made it his mission to save her. I didn’t want to have anything to do with anyone who wanted to travel down the same path as Chelsea did.
Though on the other hand, I couldn’t stand by and watch another life self-destruct if there was even the slightest chance I could step in, do something, and make a difference. She was heading down a path of ruin, and I might very well be the only person around who understood how bad it could be.
I ran a hand down my face and sighed. Of course, I couldn’t just walk away, the thought of what-if would eat me alive. I couldn’t be
there for Chelsea, but maybe I could be there for Lee.
The question was, how close would she let me get and would she even want help? Something about her struck me that she wasn’t the type of girl who wanted saving, that she might prefer to be her own white knight.
“You okay, man?”
I was so lost in my thoughts I didn’t even notice Larsen was coming my way, and I coughed, trying to gather my thoughts back together. “There’s a new girl.”
He gave me a knowing smirk as he fell into step beside me. “A new girl?”
“It’s not like that, man. She just moved into the Morris condo, and I have the feeling she may be another Chelsea.” My voice broke on the name. It had been three years, but the wound was still as fresh as though it had happened this morning.
His face paled slightly as a knowing look crossed his features. “I see.”
I breathed out a sigh. “I don’t know what to do. I should just walk away, that’s what I said I would do every time I ran into a situation like that. But I don’t know, I can’t seem to.” I shook my head. “I don’t know her at all, but I feel like she was calling out for help and didn’t realize it. There was a familiar pull that I don’t know if I can ignore without at least trying first.”
“Want me to stop by later and check on her?”
I nodded. “Yeah, if you could.” I knew I was going to regret this. It was better to walk away now before getting attached and crying at another funeral for someone who was sprinting down the same path of self-destruction. Even if she didn’t know it yet herself, she had more of a rocky path ahead of her than she was aware of.
Giana waved at us and immediately let the sleeve of her oversized cover fall down to expose her bare shoulder and the hot pink strap.
“Don’t look now,” I warned Larsen, “but Giana is looking.”
He groaned at my words, and I snickered.
“Man, she’s been after me for ages.”
“I’m aware. She’s tried with me a few times too. Things were fun long ago, but I’ve moved on.”
“As have I, man. I don’t know how else to tell her. I’ve tried being nice and being blunt. Obviously neither have worked.” His voice lowered when she sauntered over to us with a big smile on her face, taking up what little space was left that wasn’t being covered by the massive sunglasses.
“Hey, G,” I greeted her with an annoyed, friendly tone. She nodded at me with a small smile, but her eyes were focused on Larsen. They always were, and I was grateful yet again I wasn’t him.
“Looking good, Lars.” She eyed him up and down as though she hadn’t just seen him the day before looking exactly the same as he did now. Her long, manicured nails put indents in his skin as her fingers wrapped around his forearm, clearly trying to claim him. I did my best to hold back a chuckle. I really did feel sorry for the guy, but I also didn’t want to call any extra attention to myself than I’d already gotten. If her dad didn’t practically own this beach, it would be easier to ignore her. Unfortunately, neither of us wanted to leave the place we loved so much and the jobs we lived for.
“What do you want, Giana?” His jaw ticked as he stared straight ahead, ignoring her as much as he possibly could. She wasn’t going to let him get away that easily though.
“Thought you might want to hang out later. Take a boat out and see where the night takes us.” She walked her fingers up his chest, then her hand fell away when he started moving again. She had to do a hop-skip to keep up.
“I’m afraid I’m busy all day and night.”
Her mouth turned down in a pout before she turned to look at me, and I rushed to shut her down.
“Me too, I have things all day, I won’t be able to make it,” I blurted, trying to help take some of the attention off of him.
She tossed her hair over her shoulder and kept up with us. “It wouldn’t have anything to do with the new girl, would it? I saw you talking to her. What a train wreck.”
I ground my teeth together to keep from saying something I would most certainly regret. “We have to go. If you could just not
follow us, that would be great.”
Her mouth shut at my stern words, but it was enough to get her to release Larsen’s arm as we turned into my condo. I needed to get away and gather my thoughts together before heading back out on the waves.
Igave up holding the towel around my body as I emptied my suitcase, looking for clean clothes, before I finally let it topple to the floor. I lived here now, this was my home. If I couldn’t decide on what to wear when staying in, then why should I need to wear anything to begin with? Todd always had preferences—or rules, rather about always being clothed when walking around the house. Some shit about modesty. Cursing, I dropped the towel to the floor at the top of the steps and went downstairs to search through the kitchen. Fighting the urge to cover myself up out of habit, I rustled through the cabinets, seeking something to snack on.
Miss Morris left a few things behind, which I was grateful for now that my stomach was rumbling, and I really didn’t feel like finding my way to a store.
The first thing I’d done once the other guy left and I was alone here was add some of my bottles to the fridge to get cold, and then I placed the rest of them in a cabinet. There was no ice here other than the little tray I already knew I’d never remember to add water to.
All I had with me was rum and whiskey. Maybe I could find a liquor store around here to broaden my horizons.
I knew I should probably unpack my suitcase and hang up my clothes at some point, but that was future Lee’s problem. Today, I
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sexe féminin, sur la traditionnelle tendance à son abaissement; et, incitait des écrivains à protester contre le préjugé assignant aux femmes une activité sociale inférieure à celle de l’homme.
Parmi ces précurseurs du féminisme, Poulain de la Barre s’est fait remarquer. En son livre de L’Egalité des Sexes publié en 1673, il réclame avec énergie pour les femmes, l’égalité complète des droits politiques et sociaux avec les hommes.
«Il est, dit-il, aisé de conclure que si les femmes sont capables de posséder souverainement, toute l’autorité publique, elles le sont encore plus de n’en être que les ministres: Que pourrait-on trouver raisonnablement à redire qu’une femme de bon sens et éclairée présidât à la tête d’un parlement et de toute autre compagnie? Il faut reconnaître que les femmes sont propres à tout »
Au XVIIe et au XVIIIe siècle, des femmes furent ambassadrices: Mme Delahaye-Vanteley fut envoyée à Venise, Mme de Guébriant à Varsovie
En 1789, les femmes du Tiers-Etat adressèrent une pétition au roi pour demander que les hommes ne puissent exercer les métiers de femmes: tels que couturière, brodeuse, modiste.
L’Assemblée Constituante, en avril 1791, par un décret-loi, donna aux femmes le droit d’héritage, en supprimant les droits d’aînesse et de masculinité dans le partage des successions. Mais en abolissant les privilèges féodaux et coutumiers, cette même Assemblée Constituante enleva à une catégorie de femmes, le droit qu’elle possédait de se faire représenter aux assemblées politiques.
A la suprématie nobiliaire, succéda alors la suprématie masculine, les ex-détentrices de fiefs, de même que les «vilaines» furent exclues de l’affranchissement général, c’est-à-dire que la majorité de la nation fut mise hors la loi et hors l’humanité.
En excluant les femmes des affaires publiques, on causa la faillite de la révolution; car on faussa son principe égalitaire et on la priva des agents qui pouvaient faire rapidement triompher ses idées.
Les Françaises auxquelles on refusait leur part des conquêtes du mouvement révolutionnaire, avaient en participant à l’effervescence générale contribué à faire s’établir le conflit entre la nation et la royauté. Souvent, elles avaient donné le signal de l’action, en sonnant le tocsin dans les clochers.
En 1788, à la Journée des Tuiles, on avait vu les Dauphinoises mêlées aux Dauphinois, lancer en guise de projectiles des tuiles contre les soldats du roi qui s’opposaient à la convocation des EtatsProvinciaux.
Ces femmes, avaient les premières compris que Grenoble devait garder le parlement dans ses murs, sous peine de déchoir et de voir se restreindre sa prospérité. Aussi, elles s’en étaient constituées les gardiennes, montant la garde, veillant en armes, autour du château de Vizille où siégeaient les Etats du Dauphiné qui préparèrent la révolution.
Quand on convint d’obtenir de la cour, le retrait des troupes. Ce fut à une de ces si vaillantes femmes et à un colonel, que fut confiée la mission d’aller s’entendre, à ce sujet, avec le comte de ClermontTonnerre. On affirmait ainsi, que le maintien du parlement à Grenoble, était dû au sexe féminin.
La petite fruitière Reine Audru et la fameuse Théroigne de Méricourt reçurent, disent les historiens, un sabre d’honneur, en récompense de la vaillance dont elles avaient fait preuve, à la prise de la Bastille le 14 juillet 1789.
REVENDICATION DES FEMMES EN 1789
En voyant proclamer l’égalité des droits entre le seigneur et le vassal, le noir et le blanc, les femmes réclamèrent l’égalité des sexes. Elles adressèrent pétitions sur pétitions pour demander l’abrogation des privilèges masculins, la cessation de l’abus qui les empêchait de siéger à l’Assemblée Nationale, à l’Assemblée Constituante, à l’Assemblée Législative.
Les femmes firent déposer sur le bureau de l’Assemblée Nationale ce projet de décret:
L’Assemblée Nationale[3] voulant réformer le plus grand des abus et réparer les torts d’une injustice de six mille ans décrète ce qui suit:
«1º Tous les privilèges du sexe masculin sont entièrement et irrévocablement abolis dans toute la France».
«2º Le sexe féminin jouira toujours de la même liberté, des mêmes avantages, des mêmes droits et des mêmes honneurs que le sexe masculin.»
Nombreuses furent les femmes qui demandèrent leur part de la liberté et de l’égalité, que tous proclamaient. Mais, ce fut surtout la brillante improvisatrice Olympe de Gouges, qui formula avec précision les droits du sexe féminin, en sa fameuse déclaration des «Droits de la Femme.»
Déclaration des Droits de la femme et de la citoyenne
«La femme naît libre et demeure égale à l’homme en droit. Les distinctions sexuelles ne peuvent être fondées que sur l’utilité commune
«Le but de toute association politique est la conservation des droits naturels et imprescriptibles de la femme et de l’homme. Ces droits sont la liberté, la prospérité, la sûreté et surtout la résistance à l’oppression.
«Ce principe de toute souveraineté réside essentiellement dans la nation qui n’est que la réunion de la femme et de l’homme. Nul corps, nul individu, ne peut exercer d’autorité qui n’en émane expressément.
«La liberté et la justice consistent à rendre tout ce qui appartient à autrui. Ainsi l’exercice des droits naturels de la femme n’a de bornes que la tyrannie perpétuelle que l’homme lui oppose. Ces bornes doivent être réformées par les lois de la nature et de la raison.
«La loi doit être l’expression de la volonté générale. Toutes les citoyennes, comme tous les citoyens doivent concourir personnellement ou par leurs représentants à sa formation. Elle doit être la même pour tous.
«Toutes les citoyennes et tous les citoyens étant égaux à ses yeux, doivent être également admissibles à toutes les dignités, places et emplois publics selon leur capacité et sans autres distinctions que celles de leurs vertus et de leurs talents.
«La femme a le droit de monter à l’échafaud, elle doit avoir également celui de monter à la tribune
«La garantie des droits de la femme est pour l’utilité de tous et non pour l’avantage particulier de celle à qui elle est accordée
«La femme concourt ainsi que l’homme à l’impôt public; elle a le droit, ainsi que lui de demander des comptes à tout agent public de son administration »
Olympe de Gouges mourut sur l’échafaud en 1793 à l’âge de 38 ans. Elle avait été traduite devant le tribunal révolutionnaire, non point pour avoir revendiqué le droit des femmes; mais, parce qu’elle avait trop pris fait et cause pour les partis politiques; s’était
alternativement déclarée royaliste ou révolutionnaire et avait osé attaquer Robespierre.
La belle Liégeoise, Théroigne de Méricourt, qui le 5 octobre 1789, avec sa redingote de soie rouge, son chapeau d’amazone et l’épée nue au côté, séduisit le régiment de Flandres, aida à faire la royauté prisonnière de la révolution.
Cette courtisane si populaire qui n’aimait que les hommes austères, enthousiasmait les révolutionnaires et personnifiait pour les Français, la liberté.
Afin de lui enlever son prestige, des ennemis politiques n’hésitèrent pas en 1793 à relever ses jupes et dit Michelet à la fouetter comme un enfant, devant la foule lâche qui riait. Cet outrage rendit folle Théroigne qui mourut à la Salpêtrière en 1817 sans avoir recouvré la raison.
Les femmes de la révolution, s’employèrent bien plus à élever encore l’homme au-dessus d’elles, en soutenant ses plus hardies prétentions, qu’elles ne se dévouèrent à procurer à leur sexe l’égalité avec le sexe masculin.
Des femmes cependant étaient puissantes, elles étaient écoutées de l’élite masculine qui se pressait dans leurs salons; mais, ni Germaine Neker (Mme de Staël)—que la politique absorbait et qui inspira à son père l’idée du suffrage universel. Ni Mme Roland (Manon Phlipon) qui poussa son mari dans la voie républicaine et fut autant que lui ministre de l’Intérieur—ne songèrent à tirer leur sexe de l’asservissement.
Pourtant, l’heure semblait si favorable, que les étrangères ellesmêmes luttaient pour l’affranchissement féminin.
En même temps que la Hollandaise Palm Aëlders envoyait à toutes les villes de France sa brochure revendiquant le droit des femmes qui lui fit décerner par la ville de Creil la médaille et le titre de membre honoraire de la garde nationale; l’Anglaise miss Wolstonecraft publiait son livre: La défense des droits de la femme
où il est dit: que la femme devient un obstacle au progrès, si elle n’est pas autant développée que l’homme».
L’acte originel de la république est dû à Mme Keralio-Robert[4] . Cette femme de lettres qui avait déjà appelé les femmes à l’action publique; et, avait été l’inspiratrice du parti républicain fondé par les sociétés des deux sexes, improvisa sur l’autel de la Patrie au Champ de Mars le 17 juillet 1791, la pétition républicaine pour ne reconnaître aucun roi.
Les femmes spoliées de leurs droits, eurent pour défenseurs Condorcet, Siéyès, l’abbé Fauchet, Saint-Just... Malheureusement, les protestations de ces hommes de principes furent étouffées par Mirabeau, Danton, Robespierre qui ne considéraient la femme que comme un instrument de plaisir charnel.
Condorcet secrétaire de l’Académie des sciences, demanda publiquement en 1788 que les femmes participent à l’élection des représentants[5] .
Cet illustre philosophe qui réclama l’abolition de la royauté, la proclamation de la république, posa le principe de l’égalité de la femme et de l’homme qu’il regardait comme la base de la question sociale. Condorcet fut donc en France un des précurseurs du féminisme; et, sa statue quai Conti recevra avant longtemps, les périodiques hommages des femmes reconnaissantes.
Le 3 juillet 1790, Condorcet publia son fameux article sur l’admission de la femme au droit de la cité dont voici un passage:
«Au nom de quel droit, au nom de quel principe écarte-t-on dans un état républicain les femmes du droit public? Je ne le sais pas. Le mot représentation nationale signifie représentation de la nation. Est-ce que les femmes ne font point partie de la nation?
«Plus on interroge le bon sens et les principes républicains, moins on trouve un motif sérieux pour écarter les femmes de la politique L’objection capitale elle-même, celle qui se trouve dans toutes les bouches, l’argument qui consiste à dire qu’ouvrir aux femmes la carrière politique c’est les arracher à la famille, cet argument n’a qu’une apparence de solidité; d’abord il ne s’applique pas au peuple nombreux des femmes qui ne sont pas épouses ou qui ne le sont plus; puis, s’il était décisif, il faudrait, au même titre, leur interdire tous les états manuels et tous les états de commerce, car ces états les arrachent par milliers aux devoirs de la famille.»
Les droits des hommes résultent uniquement de ce qu’ils sont des êtres sensibles susceptibles d’acquérir des idées morales et de raisonner sur ces idées Les femmes ayant ces mêmes qualités ont nécessairement des droits égaux Ou aucun individu de l’espèce humaine n’a de véritables droits, ou tous ont les mêmes; et celui qui vote contre le droit d’un autre, quels que soient sa religion, sa couleur ou son sexe a dès lors abjuré les siens.»
En plaidant aussi bien pour les femmes ce grand esprit n’espérait point se les rendre sympathiques, au contraire:
Je parle de leurs droits à l’égalité disait-il et non de leur empire. On peut me soupçonner d’une envie secrète de le diminuer, et, depuis que Rousseau a mérité leurs suffrages, en disant qu’elles n’étaient faites que pour nous soigner et propres qu’à nous tourmenter, je ne dois pas espérer qu’elles se déclareront en ma faveur. Mais il est bon de dire la vérité dût-on s’exposer au ridicule.»
Les idées de Condorcet furent exprimées dans plusieurs cahiers de doléances; celui de Rennes notamment, demande d’admettre les procurateurs des veuves, dont les maris auraient le droit de vote, à être électeurs et éligibles. Mais, les requêtes de ces précurseurs du féminisme ne furent pas entendues.
Quand dans les réunions publiques quelqu’un parlait d’appeler les femmes à exercer leurs droits; aussitôt, des cris et des hurlements couvraient la voix de l’orateur et si l’on ne pouvait lui enlever la parole, la séance était levée.
La cabale des clubs contre les droits de la femme, fut bientôt répercutée au sein de l’assemblée législative: La loi du 20 mai 1793 fit exclure les femmes des tribunes de la Convention, et la loi du 26 mai 1793 leur défendit d’assister aux assemblées politiques.
Trois journaux: l’Orateur du Peuple, Le Cercle Social, La Bouche de Fer, soutenaient le droit des femmes, aidaient les femmes à organiser des réunions. Labenette dans son journal, Les Droits de l’Homme, demande l’admission des femmes dans les assemblées. «Pendant que vous vous tuez à délibérer, elles ont, dit-il, déjà saisi toutes les nuances qui vous échappent.»
Parmi les clubs de femmes La Société Fraternelle des Patriotes des Deux Sexes, défenseurs de la Constitution dont Mme Roland était membre, se fit surtout remarquer par ses protestations contre les décrets de l’Assemblée Constituante.
La société des Femmes Républicaines et Révolutionnaires que présidait l’actrice Rose Lacombe et dont faisait partie Mme Colombe imprimeur de la feuille de Marat, dépassait les hommes en violence, quand il s’agissait de prendre une détermination[6] .
Le 28 brumaire 1793, Rose Lacombe accompagnée d’une députation de femmes révolutionnaires coiffées comme elle de bonnets rouges, força l’entrée de la séance du conseil général de la commune—à ce moment, la pétition orale était admise—cependant, en voyant ces femmes, le procureur général Chaumette s’écria:
«Je requiers mention civique au procès-verbal, des murmures qui viennent d’éclater; c’est un hommage aux mœurs, c’est un affermissement de la République! Et quoi! des êtres dégradés qui veulent franchir et violer les lois de la nature, entreront dans les lieux commis à la garde des citoyens et cette sentinelle vigilante ne ferait pas son devoir! Citoyens, vous faites ici un grand acte de
raison: l’enceinte où délibèrent les magistrats du peuple doit être interdite à tout individu qui outrage la nation! ...Et depuis quand est-il permis aux femmes d’abjurer leur sexe, de se faire hommes? Depuis quand est-il d’usage de voir les femmes abandonner les soins pieux de leur ménage, le berceau de leurs enfants, pour venir sur la place publique dans la tribune aux harangues, à la barre du Sénat, dans les rangs de nos armées, remplir les devoirs que la nature a répartis à l’homme seul? A qui donc cette mère commune a-t-elle confié les soins domestiques? Est-ce à nous? Nous a-t-elle donné des mamelles pour allaiter nos enfants? A-t-elle assez assoupli nos muscles pour nous rendre propres aux soins de la hutte, de la cabane ou du ménage? Non, elle a dit à l’homme: Sois homme! les courses, la chasse, le labourage, les soins politiques, les fatigues de toute espèce, voilà ton apanage. Elle a dit à la femme: Sois femme! les soins dus à l’enfance, les détails du ménage, les douces inquiétudes de la maternité, voilà tes travaux.
«Femmes imprudentes qui voulez devenir des hommes! n’êtes-vous pas assez bien partagées? Que vous faut-il de plus?
Vous dominez sur tous nos sens; le législateur, le magistrat sont à vos pieds. Votre despotisme est le seul que nos forces ne puissent abattre, puisqu’il est celui de l’amour...
«Autant nous vénérons la mère de famille qui met son bonheur à élever, à soigner ses enfants, à filer les habits de son mari et alléger ses fatigues par l’accomplissement des devoirs domestiques, autant nous devons mépriser, conspuer la femme sans vergogne qui endosse la tunique virile et fait le dégoûtant échange des charmes que lui, donne la nature contre une pique et un bonnet rouge. Je requiers que le conseil ne reçoive plus de députation de femmes.»
La proposition de Chaumette fut adoptée.
En même temps que la femme était en la personne de l’actrice Rose Lacombe, traitée par Chaumette d’être dégradé; la femme était élevée au rang des dieux, en la personne de Mlle Maillard, actrice de l’Opéra, qui remplissait le rôle de déesse de la liberté, dans la fête de la raison célébrée dans l’église de Notre-Dame de Paris.
Rose Lacombe protesta contre la décision du Conseil général de la commune; et elle parvint à entraîner beaucoup de femmes à demander leurs droits.
Ces femmes étaient souvent battues par les très royalistes dames des halles. Un jour que les républicaines, vêtues en hommes, reprochaient aux marchandes de poissons de s’abstenir de porter la cocarde nationale. Celles-ci les assaillirent et les fouettèrent publiquement.
Les réunions des républicaines finirent par inquiéter le comité de sûreté générale, qui chargea un de ses membres de révéler le fait à la Convention.
Le Conventionnel Amar monta à la tribune et dit:
«Je vous dénonce un rassemblement de six mille femmes, soi-disant jacobines, et d’une prétendue société révolutionnaire...
Plusieurs, sans doute, n’ont été égarées que par un excès de patriotisme; mais d’autres ne sont que les ennemies de la chose publique et n’ont pris le masque du patriotisme! que pour exciter une espèce de contre révolution.»
«Les droits politiques du citoyen sont de discerner, de faire prendre des résolutions relatives aux intérêts de l’Etat et de résister à l’oppression. Les femmes ont-elles la force morale et physique qu’exige l’exercice de l’un et de l’autre de ces droits? L’opinion universelle repousse cette idée...
Et puis la pudeur des femmes leur permet-elle de se montrer en public, de lutter avec les hommes et de discuter à la face du peuple sur des questions d’où dépend le salut de la République? Voulez-vous que dans la République française on les voie venir au barreau, à la tribune aux assemblées politiques comme l’homme, abandonnant la retenue, source des vertus de ce sexe?».
Il est curieux d’entendre ces révolutionnaires invoquer des lieux communs et des préjugés surannés, pour maintenir les privilèges de sexe, après que tous les privilèges de caste ont été abolis. C’est
d’autant plus révoltant, que dans l’épopée révolutionnaire, des femmes se sont montrées à la hauteur des plus grands hommes et souvent les ont inspirés et dirigés quand elles n’ont pas agi ellesmêmes.
Après le discours d’Amar, un seul homme se leva des bancs de la convention, le député Charlier qui soutint énergiquement que les femmes avaient le droit de se réunir pour s’occuper des affaires publiques. «A moins, dit-il, que l’on constate comme dans un ancien concile que les femmes ne font pas partie du genre humain, on ne saurait leur ôter ce droit commun à tout être pensant.»
Mais la cause des femmes était perdue d’avance; la convention resta sourde aux objurgations de Charlier et décréta que toutes les sociétés de femmes, quelles que soient leurs dénominations, étaient supprimées et dissoutes.
Ceux qui dénient le droit commun aux autres, tiennent suspendue au-dessus de leur tête la menace d’être à leur tour exclus du droit commun. Les hommes, qui supprimèrent les clubs de femmes, eurent tous leurs clubs fermés par Bonaparte.
Les femmes qui voulaient que la révolution s’accomplisse au profit des deux sexes, faisaient preuve de bien plus de sens pratique que les Jacobins, qui en leur fermant les portes de la révolution, rejetèrent les femmes dans la réaction.
Cependant, la liberté eut encore des militantes: En 1799, sous le Consulat, des femmes qui s’honorent du titre de «citoyenne» refusent d’être appelées de nouveau «madame» et font acte d’indépendance en s’assemblant rue de Thionville pour discourir sur leurs droits méconnus[7] .
