Intro to Pickup: Opening

Love Systems Insider Date: November 2009

Getting Started - Opening What is opening? Essentially, it's the first 3-90 seconds of an interaction with a woman, whereby you begin a conversation. With opening, there is good news and bad news. The bad news is that opening can be very scary. Men are biologically predisposed to be incredibly nervous when starting a conversation with a woman that we don't know. There are good evolutionarybiological reasons for this (in prehistoric times, approaching an unknown woman without permission or an introduction could lead to violent retaliation from her extended family), but that's probably not a lot of comfort. So, that nervous feeling you get and the little voices that pop into your head looking for excuses NOT to talk to that beautiful woman are NORMAL. You need to learn to suppress them, but they are normal, and everyone - even Love Systems instructors - have them.

Some more bad news. We not only need to open, suppressing our built-in emotions, but we need to open well. Opening poorly can doom the rest of your interaction with a woman, and any other women who see it, making everything else you do a waste of time.

What's the good news? With practice, it's fairly easy. After learning from Love Systems, anyone should be opening successfully 99 times out of 100. Most experienced guys don't even need to think about opening anymore.

The following tips will help get you started: 1. Have a canned opener ready - This is NOT a night at the improv. Going "situational" (e.g., "it sure is crowded here" or "that's a nice purse") will rarely work. Think about it. If a 22 year old woman has been going out 1 night per week since she was 18, and got approached 5 times in a night (and these numbers are major underestimations) she has been approached 1,000 times before you came along. Most of those 1,000 guys have tried something boring and situational. Use a canned opener - something that has been repeatedly tested with women and is proven to work. If you don't have even one opener, I'd suggest Magic Bullets or the Love Systems Routines Manual. If you don't have these invaluable texts, do yourself a favor and spend the money to get them and have your openers ready before you even go to the club, coffee shop, lounge, etc.

2. 3-2-1-GO! - When you see a girl you like: GO! Open her group immediately. Failure to do this will "stale you out." Women like confidence. They don't like to be stalked. They like spontaneity. Wandering around circling her, looking at her, trying to figure out what to do next will turn her off and creep her out. Get into the habit of seeing a group of people, and GOING IN. You've already got your opener ready, right?

3. Approach at an angle - Do not walk straight up to the group. Approach at an angle, tilt your head over your shoulders, and say your piece. Done correctly (and you almost need to see it to do it properly), you raise your value significantly by demonstrating that you do not need their attention or approval.

4. Smile on the approach - Don't grin like a moron through the entire interaction, but smile as you walk to the set, and in the first few seconds of the opener. Smile with your eyes, not just your mouth. It may sound silly, but smiles can (and should) be practiced in front of a mirror.

5. Be loud enough - Everyone in the group should hear your opener. Your opener should be loud enough that it cuts across whatever conversations they are already having. Don't shout, but make it socially awkward for them not to pay attention to your opener. Practice opening - loudly - from your chest, not your throat. If you put your hand on your chest, you should be able to talk in two ways: one in which you can feel the vibrations on your hand, and one where you can't. Train yourself to speak in the way where you can feel the vibrations.

6. Don't lean in - This is connected to being loud enough. You should project your voice enough that they can hear you from a normal standing position (or leaning slightly back).

7. Engage the group - Do NOT go into a group and talk to the woman you want to meet (the target). Engage the whole group. Pay LESS attention to the woman you are interested in.

8. Playfully tease the target - Teasing is a major tool for triggering attraction. The hotter the girl, the quicker you have to tease. It demonstrates higher social value, and women are attracted to men that they perceive as having higher social status than they perceive themselves to have. I've seen some of our instructors open with teasing, and many will begin teasing the target within the first 10 seconds of their openers.

9. False time constraint - This is ABSOLUTELY NECESSARY. Somewhere in the first 30 seconds you should drop in a phrase like "I can only stay a second; I have my friends here." This will stop the group from feeling uncomfortable ("how long is this guy going to stay here") while also setting yourself up as a bit of a challenge, since if a woman is interested in you, she knows she'll have to do some work to keep your attention. Make sure you phrase it in positive terms. For example, consider the difference in what is communicated by "I have to go; my friends are here" compared to "I will only stay a second, then I'll leave you guys alone." Do those things, and you should be able to get through opening easily, in almost any social situation.

Another crucial element of opening is ending it. The opener should be something short, to grab the group's attention, and be emotionally neutral. As soon as you spot an opportunity, you should transition into attraction.

ADVANCED SECTION Once sets are opening consistently, pay attention to a few more advanced factors: 

Proximity / Approach Invitations - Very little of what women do in social gatherings is random. When a group of women walk around a room and then stop in a specific place, there's often a reason. And that reason is often a man or group of men displaying attractive qualities. If a group of women come to stand near you to talk or have a drink, it's entirely possible that they WANT you to approach. Take advantage of these opportunities.

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Blowing out other guys on the opening phase - If you see another guy go into a group (and watch carefully - make sure it's a "cold approach" and the guy didn't know the group from before that night), you can wait 30 seconds, walk in, whisper to the guy "you taking good care of my girl?" and then launch into your opener. Nine times out of ten this will disorient the guy and disarm him, while also expressing dominant alpha male qualities to the group which are very attractive to most women.

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Don't be afraid of mixed sets - Most men are afraid to approach groups with other men in them. This is a mistake. Mixed sets are actually easier, since you can direct your opening conversation at a guy or at the men in a group. If you are sufficiently interesting to the group, the women will want to get your attention. By playfully ignoring and teasing the girl you're interested in; this will drive her crazy and make her develop attraction for you. Furthermore, don't restrict yourself to mixed sets where the ratio is in your favor, like 1 man : 2 women. Sets like 1 man : 1 woman can be incredibly productive. It will be obvious early on if they are together, and, if they are not, you will have been one of the few guys with the guts to approach.

Resources:  

Magic Bullets Routines Manual Volume 1

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Routines Manual Volume 2

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Interview Series Volume 1 - Approaching & Transitioning

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Interview Series Volume 9 - Using & Creating Routines

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Interview Series Volume 14 - The First Five Minutes

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Interview Series Volume 44 - Overcoming Approach Anxiety