'h' issue 13

2008 – Issue Thirteen – London

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Introduction

2007 - Straight to Video The Editorial team at The Hospital Magazine made A Big Mistake. We approached several writers and cultural commentators within the creative industries and asked them to cast their eyes back across the successes of 2007 and to have a look at the year ahead. A Big Mistake, because while we were expecting some type of easy-onthe-eye 2007 ‘fun review’ - after all we had a great year: the new Martini Bar and Games Room, The Hospital Club Awards, Cannes Golden Lions, our 3rd Birthday Party at Somerset House - what we received was a year of shock, confusion and disappointment. Right across the creative industries.

Universal was enveloped in its own Black Hole, PFD imploded, BSkyB savaged Virgin and anything with a digital pulse got eaten alive by Google, Facebook and YouTube. While Sony ad campaigns picked up every award, the industry watche d above-the-line advertising budgets evaporate. And while blog became the new black and the Arts Council of England hacked merrily away at its funding, magazine and newspaper publishing went almost completely free.

So 2008 is crying out for a revolution. In this issue, Janet Street Porter says if what you want is new TV creative go to the internet; Bjorn Lomborg says don’t panic about global warming - Polar Bears are safe as houses; Simon Trewin demands that publishers take risks or watch its audience drown in formulaic fiction, we uncover New Art in the UK which has quite literally gone underground and if its music you want, don’t go to EMI - its time to DIY. But Revolutionaries, take heart! Here at the Club there is plenty of fun stuff happening, so, if you tire of kicking your industry until it breaks, come and settle here for a night of drinking and high jinx. Our HQ Music Clubs are rolling out into the New Year with the best acts including the Stereophonics. Our online family is growing fast - at the same pace as its infamous editorial reputation. We are eying up Cannes for the Film, Television and Advertising Festivals and Glastonbury for the music and mud, Frieze Art Fair is on its way again, and Berlin is waiting for us.

Our first trumpet call is the CD enclosed in this issue. Eric is The Spotlight Kid and as part of our Mentoring scheme has developed some beautiful, thought provoki ng and enveloping sounds. So when the mayhem of 2008 takes it toll on you, plug him in and close your eyes.

What’s your New Year’s Revolution?

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Issue Thirteen Contributors

Contents

Rob Hinchcliffe

Rob Hinchcliffe founded the award-winning blog Londonist.com before working at Yahoo.

Currently he works for the review site Qype.com, as well as pontificating about the web for various online publications. Check out his personal blog at www.RobHinchcliffe.co.uk

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Introduction & Contents Into | Duncan Cargill introduces this New Year’s Revolution Issue.

This page!

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Features The Right to fail | Simon Trewin’s truth about the slightly warm, sticky mess that is the publishing industry.

The really inconvenient truth | Environmentalism is re-Bjorn.

Street fighting | Janet Street-Porter takes a hike; read her rambles on television.

The year of going slightly crazy | Jerry Glover puts on his gloves to fight Film.

All pets are off | Hephzibah Anderson on bookworms and other animals.

Digital wankers ate my hampster | Andrew Lasowski lets rip in his journey into journalism.

Hack to the future | Rob Hinchcliffe weaves the web of intrigue and lies.

Frock off | Sasha Wilkins gets it off her chest.

From major to minor | Mat Osmond reports on the minority view.

Mental | Emily Mann’s the daddy on all things Mentee.

Hawley F*ck | A Hawley owned subsidiary.

Sasha Wilkins

Sasha Wilkins divides her time between New York & London as a Fashion writer, editor and broadcaster. Before this she was executive fashion editor of The Observer’s O:Magazine. She has written for The Sunday Times, Elle and Vogue, amongst other publications.

Andrew Losowsky

Andrew Losowsky is editor of the book We Love Magazines, co-curator of Colophon2009 and a writer of words for The Guardian, The Times and The Independent. He is editorial director of lecool.com.

Hephzibah Anderson

Hephzibah Anderson is a critic and broadcaster who writes regularly for the Observer, Vogue and the Daily Mail.

Art 12 Underground | Sally Kindberg’s art is pants.

Light box

18 The Hospital Club’s 3rd Anniversary 19 The Hospital Club Awards

Mat Osman

Mat Osman is a musician, producer, and editor of the London edition of lecool.com.

Members’ Clubs and Events

21 Members’ Events | your guide to what and who’s going down in the club.

Film Guide 25 Five of the best | Mark Dinning’s pick of the bunch 26 Films | Coming soon to a club screening room near you.

Janet Street Porter

Janet Street-Porter is a columnist for the Independent and Editor at Large for the Independent on Sunday. She was President of the Ramblers’ Association for four years and is now Vice President. She has written about walking and the countryside for the Telegraph, the Independent, the Mail and the Express, and Vogue.

Calendars

32 Speed dates | No, not THOSE kind of speed dates!

33 Film and event Calendar | Everything you need to know, ever, all on one page.

Bjorn Lomborg

Bjorn Lomborg is the author of The Skeptical Environmentialist and Cool It. He is the former Director of Denmark’s Environmental Assessment Institute and is currently the Director of the Copenhagen Consensus Centre. He is an Adjunct Professor at the Copenhagen Business School.

Paul Rees

Paul Rees has been the Editor, or ‘Ead’itter – to give the job its mental title of Kerrang! of Q Magazine since 2002. In these digital days, he is also responsible for content on Q’s online and radio platforms.

Acting Editor:

Lydia Penke lydiap@thehospital.co.uk Deputy Editor:

Simon Trewin

David Marrinan-Hayes davidh@thehospital.co.uk

Simon Trewin has been a literary agent since 1993 and is a director of United Agents – a new talent agency. He worked for PFD and Sheil Land and is a former Secretary of the Association of Authors’ Agents. He is also a media whore, a photographer and an author of books destined for the smallest room in the house. www.simontrewin.com.

Sub Editor:

Suzanne Clode Editorial team:

Fabia Palliser, Stewart Who?, Jessica Gearhart Creative & Membership Director: Duncan Cargill duncanc@thehospital.co.uk

Jerry Glover

Jerry Glover is a screenwriter, journalist and critic, with numerous writer and producer credits for national radio and television going back to 1991. He can be provoked at jerryvglover@gmail.com.

Art Direction, Design and Artwork: topright www.topright.co.uk 01737 558 990 Repro, Print & Ad Production: Complete www.completeltd.co.uk 020 7729 6555

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Feature

The Right To Fail

by Simon Trewin

Publishing is in a mess and very soon it is going to get found out.

On the surface the industry looks healthy – 116,000 titles published in the UK in 2006 with a value of £2.5bn (up 2% on the previous year) but that figure hides the real truth – the industry is all but running on empty. As a talent agent I have big concerns for where we are heading creatively - corporate greed is devastating the longevity of our creative landscape – and I don’t just mean in the agenting world….

Publishers scream and shout about their love for authors and how they are working ‘synergistically’ with the major retailers but the truth is that they ceded real control to them all a while back and we are entering a time where true talent is all too often left far behind.

Real bookselling has disappeared too with the near-death of the independent bookseller (which has seen 25% of such stores closed in the last decade), it is the big boys on the high street and a woman called Amanda who really decide whether an author has a career or not. Homogeneity and writing by numbers is taking hold as the passion is draining out of the business.

This homogeneity is endemic and enters the process long before the book hits the stores. It now takes hordes of marketing, sales and publicity people at an acquisition meeting for an editor to be given the green light to bid on a book.

As a result, the role of the editor is

oftern being downgraded to that of product manager rather than the great nurturer of talent that they used to be. Advances have gone up as a result but, surprisingly for an agent, I don’t always think this is a good thing. I would rather a few lower level punts were taken, than a large number of eggs being put into very few baskets. The pressure on the author to produce a tub-thumping, bestselling debut has never been higher and this is affecting in a detrimental way the sort of book being produced by our young hopefuls – woe betide anyone who produces a quiet, thoughtful novel or whose first book doesn’t quite reach expectations. Infanticide is rife in literary London.

And what about the woman called Amanda I hear you ask? When the broadsheets describe the most important person in British publishing not as Jonathan Cape’s brilliant editor Dan Franklin or Canongate’s inspirational M.D. 3

Jamie Byng, but as Amanda Ross – the producer of the Richard and Judy Book Club – you know you are in trouble! YES – R+J have been responsible for millions of extra book sales but their viewers have not created loyal new fan bases that will span to an author’s next book – they have spawned a generation of literary sheep who will read what they are told by the omnipotent in-store promotions and on-screen banter and then move on to next month’s special offer. The only brand-loyalty is to Richard and Judy and to whoever can cut their prices lower on the High Street.

We are in danger of reducing our national love of reading and authors to a reality game show for a bunch of dullards: fast food for a population bombarded by instant messaging, instant credit and instant fame. What the literary landscape needs is some real investment in talent and not just in instant turnover. The right to

fail is as important as the right to succeed in the creative area and none more so than in the literary world I inhabit. I genuinely fear that publishers will cease to take any risks at all and that authors who can change the way we think about the world we inhabit won’t get a platform. What an intellectually depleted world that would be.

My clarion call in 2008 is that ALL editors should be allowed to go out on a limb and invest (cheaply) in a few oddballs, a few genre-busting tortured souls and a few unpolished talents that may, just may, go on to produce something that repays our early faith in their writing in years to come. In fact I may just have what they are looking for………

Simon Trewin is a co-founder of the literary and talent group UNITED AGENTS and he is actively seeking the mad, the bad and dangerous to know. strewin@unitedagents.co.uk www.simontrewin.com

The Really Inconvenient Truth Bjorn Lomborg, the sceptical environmentalist, shines a light on the emotional hysteria surrounding the green movement and argues that although action is needed, we’re panicking in the wrong quarters.

POLAR BEARS: CANARIES IN THE CAGE? The debate encapsulated: polar bears going extinct Countless politicians hail global warming as the pre-eminent issue of our day. The EU calls it “one of the most threatening issues that we are facing today.” Tony Blair saw it as “the single most important issue,” a sentiment that is shared by the Conservative party and two-thirds of British MPs. The German Chancellor Merkel has vowed to make climate change the top priority within both the G-8 and the European Union in 2007, and Italy’s Romano Prodi sees climate change as the real threat to global peace. While President George Bush has been reluctant to reduce America’s carbon emissions it is clear that the leading presidential contenders such as John McCain and Hillary Clinton express much more concern. Several coalitions of states have set up regional climate change initiatives, and in California the Republican Governor Schwarzenegger has helped push through climate legislation, saying

that global warming should be a top priority for the state. And of course Al Gore has presented this message urgently in his lectures, as well as in the book and movie An Inconvenient Truth.

In March 2007, while I waited to give evidence to a United States congressional hearing on climate change, I watched Gore put his case to the politicians.

It was obvious to me that Gore is sincerely worried about the world’s future. And he’s not alone in worrying. A raft of books are telling us how we reached the “Boiling Point” and will experience a “Climate Crash,” and some are even telling us we will be the “Last Generation” because “nature will take her revenge for climate change.” Pundits aiming to surpass each other even suggest that draconian cuts in individual economic and political freedom would be justified in order to avoid global warming causing a

medieval-like impoverished and collapsed society just 40 years hence.

Likewise, the media pounds us with the messages of ever worsening climate. The UK newspaper The Independent told us in 2006 how it was all over: the entire front page tells us how global warming has now crossed the tipping point, and how it will now be impossible to avoid “some of global warming’s worst predicted effects, from destruction of ecosystems to increased hunger and water shortages for billions of people.” In 2006 Time magazine did a special report on global warming with the entire cover spelling out the scare story with repetitive austerity: “Be worried.

Be very worried.” The magazine tells us the climate is crashing, both affecting us globally by playing havoc with the biosphere and affecting us individually through such health effects as heat

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strokes, asthma and infectious diseases. Beside the letters on the cover is a lone polar bear on a melting ice floe searching in vain for the next piece of ice to jump to. Time tells us that due to global warming “bears are starting to turn up drowned” and that at some point they will become extinct.

It is instructive just to look at the story with the polar bears, simply because it in many ways encapsulates the problems with many of the other scares – once you take a look at the supporting data the narrative falls apart.

Al Gore shows a similar picture to Time’s and tells us “a new scientific study shows that, for the first time, polar bears have been drowning in significant numbers.”

The World Wildlife Fund actually warned that polar bears might stop reproducing by 2012 and thus become functionally extinct in less than a decade. In their pithy statement, “polar bears will be

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consigned to history, something that our grandchildren can only read about in books.” The UK Independent tells us, temperature increases “mean polar bears are wiped out in their Arctic homeland. The only place they can be seen is the zoo.”

Over the past years this story has cropped up many times, based first on a World Wildlife Fund report in 2002 and later on the Arctic Climate Impact Assessment from 2004. Both relied extensively on research published in 2001 by the Polar Bear Specialist Group of the World Conservation Union. (Very surprisingly, the World Conservation Union has the acronym IUCN – it is the organization charged with keeping track of the worlds’ endangered species.)

Yet, what this group told us was that of the 20 distinct populations of polar bears – some 25,000

bears in all – one or possibly two were declining in Baffin Bay, more than half were known to be stable, and two subpopulations were actually increasing around the Beaufort Sea. Moreover, it is reported that the global polar bear population has increased dramatically over the past decades from about 5,000 members in the 1960s, through regulating hunting. Contrary to what you might expect and not something that was pointed out in any of the stories, the two populations in decline come from areas where it has actually been getting colder over the past 50 years, whereas the two increasing populations reside in areas where it is getting warmer. Likewise, Al Gore’s comment on drowning bears suggests an ongoing process getting ever worse. Actually it was a single sighting of four dead bears the day after “an abrupt windstorm” in one of the increasing bear populations.

In 2006 the polar bear was listed as vulnerable by the IUCN, which again made the media run stories of the polar bear’s impending demise. However, it has been listed as threatened or vulnerable almost since the inception of the endangered lists more than 40 years ago, yet the population has increased dramatically. The best-studied polar bear population lives on the western coast of Hudson Bay. It has gotten much press that it declined 17% from 1,200 in 1987 to fewer that 950 in 2004. Not mentioned, though, is that the population research covers the entire 1980s. Here, the population had soared from just 500 in 1981, thus eradicating any claim of a decline. Moreover, nowhere in the news coverage is it mentioned that 300-500 bears are shot each year, with 49 bears shot on average on the West coast of Hudson Bay. Even if we take the story of decline at face value it means we have lost about 15 bears

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each year, whereas we have lost 49 bears each year to hunting.

In 2006 a polar bear biologist from the Canadian government summed up the discrepancy between data and PR: “it is just silly to predict the demise of polar bears in 25 years based on media-assisted hysteria.” With Canada home to two-thirds of the world’s polar bears, global warming will affect them, but “really, there is no need to panic. Of the 13 populations of polar bears in Canada, 11 are stable or increasing in number.

They are not going extinct, or even appear to be affected at present.”

This is an extract from his latest book, Cool It, which is available now from Marshall Cavendish/Cyan Books priced £19.99

by Bjorn Lomberg

Street

It would be easy to say that television is sliding down the dumper, and that viewers are turned off by a plethora of reality shows. I could cite all sorts of examples that point to a never-tobe-repeated golden era, when the schedule was packed with single plays, the arts in prime time, documentaries and community programming often made by viewers themselves. You could also say that in 2007 the fragile relationship between viewer and broadcaster was mortally wounded, after it emerged that producers and researchers on phone-ins across all the major channels routinely manipulated the results of competitions. For goodness sake, it even emerged that the bloody Blue Peter cat was the subject of a major internal investigation, and life doesn’t get much more worrying than that! Having spent many years as a producer and then an executive at the BBC, I now earn

my living in front of the camera - and believe me, the events of 2007 are nothing new. I dimly remember about a decade ago there was a massive furore at the Edinburgh television festival because producers felt that their creativity was being swamped by decorating and gardening shows.

We were convinced then, just as many media commentators are now, that television was dying on its feet. Fact, these genres - reality programming or lifestyle shows that focus on a wide range of subjects from cookery to childcare - only exist as long as they deliver ratings. It’s us, the viewers, that determine what we watch, not some mysterious secret cabal of executives cloistered away in lavish offices all over London.

When we reach for the remote, programmes are ruthlessly axed - this is not a medium for the faint-hearted.

FIGHTING

by Janet Street-Porter

That being the case, over the next twelve months there will be a move away from cookery programmes - but I predict that ratings-magnets like Gordon Ramsay will still be on our screens. The challenge is to find something he actually wants to do, because as far as the female viewers are concerned, Gordon could basically read out the phone book and they’d be watching. Thank goodness Parkinson has finally retired - the talk show genre will get a new lease of life via stars like Alan Carr moving from Channel 4 into the mainstream. So far, apart from Katie Price (supported by her hubbie) on ITV2, women have completely failed to host a successful talk show on any of the major channels. Viewers prefer what I would call gay-lite, in the shape of Graham Norton, and that won’t change overnight. In 2007, I was asked to participate in a whole lot of celebrity-based reality

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shows (and turned them down) which have yet to air - the BBC has one focused around classical music and conducting. There will be more reality shows based around medicine and health and less gardening. New formats aimed at 16-24 year olds will continue to premiere on the internet, but as far as the mainstream is concerned, we will still spend 2008 addicted to soaps, phone-ins and celebrities.

The television audience is predominately old - and it’s getting greyer by the year as baby boomers become pensioners. This doesn’t mean more crumblies on the box because the last thing viewers want to look at is anyone as wrinkly and flabby as they are!

JANET STREET-PORTER’S NEW BOOK ‘LIFE’S TOO F*****G SHORTA guide to getting what you want out of life, without wasting time, effort or money’ is out January 8th, published by Quadrille, 12.99.

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The year of going slightly crazy Jerry Glover gets mad.

Had enough of global warming yet? Sick and tired of having some A-list celebrity or former presidential candidate fixing you with their chilling, deputy-headmaster stare as they lecture you about why the world’s going to fry unless you change your lifestyle? Does the mention of eco-calamity, wars without end, or world financial collapse make you reach for more absurdly escapist forms of entertainment? Do you long for a time when going to the cinema meant having a choice between different stories that made you forget about the real world, a world in which infotainment documentaries didn’t infiltrate the screens on which you seek to forget the cares of existence? You do? Well, good luck.

clothes from shredded carrier bags then fifty species of cute furry animals are going to only exist in formaldehyde jars before my kid is in college. I want it to win the Oscar for Best Picture even though I haven’t even seen it yet because change is too slow and I want things to change.

There’s been plenty of feature-length documentaries telling us how things have gone desperately astray in Western society, many of them only visible on the internet. A few get a limited theatrical or festival release before going to DVD. But 2008 is going to be the year when real-world issues are going to become a lot more visible than song and dance contests and who-owns-what crap. There’s a US presidential election coming up, and that’s going to focus plenty more minds on what’s really been going on over the past few years - and where things are heading. And that could be good news for those in the business of making films about real-world issues. Even so-called conspiracy theorists are going to have their day in the mainstream; maybe not this year, but soon. Nothing is too fantastic anymore, because the most interesting and incredible stories are true. And people like me who give a damn about anything are waking up to that.

Not me. I can’t get enough of this punishment. See, I’m hooked on feature-length documentaries. The ones telling me what’s wrong with our environments, our governments, our financial system, healthcare, military, way of life. All of them. Now that I’m a real reality junkie they are my new reality tv. I want to know all the facts about how bad the world is, and how much worse it’s going to get unless really big things change fundamentally. The facts and all the unsubstantiated conspiracy theories, for that matter. The more alarming, fearful, and challenging to my world-view the better.

Which is why I’m really looking forward to seeing Leonardo DiCaprio’s eco-guilt-trip The 11th Hour more than I am Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, Hellboy II, Bond 22, even 10, 000 BC and Cloverfield. I want DiCaprio to really fume at me for driving my ass to the garage to buy cigarette papers. I want to be thunderstruck by a roster of PhD talking heads saying that if we don’t start knitting our own

Jerry Glover is a screenwriter, journalist and critic, with numerous writer & producer credits for national radio and television going back to 1991.

He can be provoked at jerryvglover@gmail.com

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All pets are off

by Hephzibah Anderson

In publishing terms, Yemeni salmon and ants’ arseholes are so 2007, but if you thought they were going away, you’d be wrong.

We skim ahead to steal a peek at the titles likely to be big in 2008.

2001 Booker pachyderm, all the way back to Yann Martel’s on a lifeboat adrift cast is hero boy e whos winner, “Life of Pi,” with a Bengal tiger.

g ore bafflin must be m industry ss e n si u b n g ow does a artly publishin tsider, the tion of “Ulysses.” H sm u , o k e n e a sl o T all those transla n rt at o ia p ss p u a su R rties, ll th gures than a launch pa ht sales fi s ig u sl lo h u c ib su with those b inions, all spoken m here is fashion. T s, but n a lunching? th r le e ck of hemlin r, growing fi em to be se and fall lle ri se se , e st o e th b to in n s, o n-ficti e found o Its trend b n t to n e n c g so re in the Fish in d rea rhyme an g the popularity of at about “Salmon at, in wh recisely th n try explain ve Arseholes?” Or el about p v tio a o n rm t u fo a b e H ning d much in in o to -w “Do Ants e r z fa ri it? ffair and n,” the p the Yeme middle-aged love a eries ministry as ba sh id fi p with a te ons of the three-formachinati aded for a Fair was about the e h is s e tl d ti ook imal-relate 007’s Frankfurt B ted erie of an 2 g t a y anticipa a n tl z e o z m h u b a g e n ri th Yet b If to . a 08 near you elephant, expect 20 two table ve with an , and a very , you can y lo b in o g s ll to e o fa anything le boy wh d to reality TV fam own tale. out a stab e is lt h u p te ta a a rr c a novels ab es to n bo apes g o a n n o a b m f o ss family everthele olf who n memoirs hungry w there are n o the ti c -fi n In no ing zoo in de p, either. ing an ail u n ho n e R d ru a a s, m in g tabby ic h It’s not all g Chinese hedgeho c sy p with a sin about cha tryside, even living n u o c English e. on rsing hom e inspirati Island nu n trace th a c u r o fo y r d ate an copycats, nt hit, “W f a circus re terrible Sara Gruen’s curre o a fe rs li e e sh th li Pub to save d from s n ie e tr tr in a in m for this m h a young ,” in whic ts n a h p le E

other living Considering ourselves from the perspective of place in an our and lives creatures offers a fresh take on our tomes also these of many But . increasingly uncertain world U.S. election with and too, l, appea ist yield an undeniably escap ng year, fever set to monopolize the media over the comi sting projects intere more their of some ng keepi are publishers biographies, cal under wraps until 2009. In their place are politi entaries comm cal politi political histories, political memoirs, readers just not it’s But ism.

– it’s either politics or giddy escap e of cours the over levity of bit a for ng who are likely to be looki the coming year. same external For all its artistic airs, publishing is subject to the ed times, pinch ly pressures as all other businesses. In increasing job unced anno has , sbury even Harry Potter’s publisher, Bloom on out rolled be will s acces et cuts, and with news that intern competition U.S. domestic flights, publishers are facing extra challenges of The skies. the ng, readi book for in that last haven try is acutely digitization won’t go away, either, and the indus t the hard learn aware of lessons that the music business has way. must continue These are just a few of the trials that publishers our feet up and put can us of rest The . to grapple with in 2008 ehog. hedg ’s Hugh or ant eleph the hang out with Jenny

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Feature

Digital wankers ate my hamster

by Andrew Lasowski

I can exclusively reveal the new publishing device of 2008: the Conde Naff Intra-Buttock 3000. Simply slide the slimline device between your cheeks, lie back and watch the pages of your favourite magazine digitally animate from the comfort of your own behind.

Ever since the first words appeared on the Web, we have been told that print is pointless, and that technology alone contains publishing riches beyond the filthiest dreams of Robert Maxwell.

Paper? Ridiculous! Ink? Ha! Why not just coat your money in eucalyptus oil and feed it to famine-ridden koala bears, you stupid caveman. We can create animations where magazine pages curl up like real life, and smoothly animate left to right with a single click. Look at us! Print is dead!

Great. Thanks, digimorons. Why don’t we go further and do the same with food? Stick a digital mouth on the screen, and click to eat without any of that bothersome cooking or cutlery. Still hungry?

Listen up, webjunkies: print is

an experience, a sensation, a real world pleasure. Simply replicating it on screen is as pointless as using a mouse to scratch your itchy armpit.

I’m not saying that the Web has no merit. But digi and real world are different beasts, and each has their own properties. The first ever films were of things that were very familiar: a street, a train, a horse.

And then we branched out into things away from the everyday, into narrative, drama, fantasy. Only then did film become a medium of its own, and not just a glorified Xerox.

And then Reese Witherspoon was born, and suddenly we regretted the whole enterprise.

Digital needs to learn what it does best, and it ain’t pale shadows of the real world. I wish I could

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say otherwise, but 2008 is going to be yet another year of online evangelists showing us digital magazines that look and feel like the real thing, only worse. No-one will read them, but that doesn’t matter because they’ll get some media attention and executives can present graphs showing that, despite heavy debts today, they’ll make more money than God in four years time. Expect also more hopeless new tech, like that Sinclair-C5-of-a-device, the Amazon Kindle.

With the noble exception of T magazine from the New York Times, I can count the number of worthwhile digital magazines on the fingers of one foot.

Throughout next year, “digital magazine” will continue to mean

a series of hundreds of different Flash animations that try, and fail, to be like paper. Meanwhile, more and more hobbyists will actually print their own strange/funky/ hideous bespoke magazines, having enormous fun in the process, and wonder why so much money is being spent creating something on screen that readers can never actually own.

Digital will change publishing.

But right now, it’s a toddler. Print, meanwhile, is a mature and stylish adult. Please, publishers, stop giving the car keys to the wrong one, for they will drive you only around in circles.

And anyone who disagrees can stick their new digital magazine device up their arse.

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Trying to predict the future is a mug’s game, just ask any science fiction writer. Sure, we all know that eventually mankind will be enslaved by an army of evil robots, that’s a given. But as for the rest: where are the hoverboards we were promised?

And what ever happened to those snazzy silver jumpsuits or jetpacks for God’s sake? How could they deny us the jetpacks?

So when The Hospital Club asked me to write a thousand words on the future of Web 2.0, my first reaction was one of mild panic. For a start, no one seems quite sure what Web 2.0 is right now, and that makes trying to peer into the foggy future of the internet a little like trying to read the tea leaves when the mug’s still full of boiling hot water.

In case you’ve been living on Mars for the past couple of years, the term Web 2.0 refers to the next generation of online applications and communities that are turning the Web into an interactive network of platforms.

Whereas, a few years ago, the internet was a one-way street, defined by clunky browsers and primitive email clients, the 2.0 era has seen a rash of usergenerated, multimedia, opensource innovations that have democratised the way in which we consume and create.

If I was explaining all this to my gran, then I’d use examples like Wikipedia and Facebook, completely user-centric sites that have grabbed headlines for their reliance on very ‘non-internetty’ concepts such as self-governance, decentralised development and...erm, interactive Scrabble.

And therein lies the problem.

Anyone who’s ever used Facebook (or at least anyone over the age of thirteen who’s ever used

Facebook) will have experienced the ‘Facebook Deadend’; that strange and curiously hollow feeling that comes when you’ve signed up, added your friends and been infected by a virtual zombie and then...nothing. “What am I supposed to do now?” is the usual refrain, quickly followed by “What is this site for exactly?” It’s almost as if the old Web 1.0 mentality is so ingrained in our psyches that we still need a little guardian angel (imagine Bill Gates sporting a pair of heavenly wings) to tell us what to do with this interweb thingy.

concept of global positioning, take it out of the car and stick it into your phone, your camera, and your credit card, then you get a glimpse of a world where the Web is no longer bound to your PC and instead becomes something truly mobile, insanely useful, and potentially very, very scary.

Amazon’s new e-book reader, ‘the Kindle,’ was released just a few weeks ago and was immediately slammed for being clumsy to use and uglier than a monkey’s armpit.

But there was one interesting feature that stood out and that was its ability to wirelessly Because right now the Internet is communicate with the Amazon still a destination. It’s where we online store. It doesn’t sound go when we want something, to like that big of a deal, but when buy something, to ogle Britney you consider upskirt pics, or that you get watch videos of Amazon’s new e-book reader, ‘the Kindle,’ a continuous, skateboarding free and speedy dogs. And it was released just a connection to doesn’t matter few weeks ago and your Amazon how many was immediately account you different ways slammed for being can see how Facebook this may get developers find clumsy to use and uglier than a interesting. The of enticing watchword here monkey’s armpit. us back into is convenience; their hugely it’s what Apple had in mind when overvalued walled garden; they made the iPhone talk to the eventually we’ll tire of the novelty iTunes store (although the less said and move on somewhere else. about the Starbucks partnership the better), and it’s what Google So where do we go from here? were thinking about when they The clever money seems to be rolled out the latest version of on the idea of the Internet as an their mobile maps application. integrated ‘feature,’ an almost The fact that my Blackberry can invisible element in our everyday now instantly triangulate my lives that collates dozens of approximate location has the disparate morsels of information twofold benefit of making it harder in order to predict what our next for me to get lost and making me move might be and how best to feel a little like Jason Bourne every get there. time I do (there’s nothing like a flashing blue dot on a map to You can see elements of this make you feel like an international idea in current gadgets like sat spy). nav systems or the new rash of e-readers. Presently your sat nav As these devices become smarter system sits on your dashboard and smaller, the Web will move and tells you how to get from A away from the desktop and into to B in an annoyingly patronising ‘the cloud,’ an omnipresent tone. But if we extend the whole

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network available to everyone all the time. Yes, we’re inching into Arthur C. Clarke territory when we start talking about your fridge talking to your toaster, but it’s not that ludicrous a proposition when you consider Microsoft have been working towards this vision of a computerised home ever since they came up with the idea of the personal computer.

What’s the future of Web 2.0?

Well if you want the tabloid version then I could say something like ‘Facebook for pets’ or ‘speed dating in Second Life,’ but I’m going to credit you with a little more intelligence than that. The truth is: the real online revolution is going to creep up on you, without any whistles, bells or fanfare. One day the device in your pocket will just know where you are, what and who’s nearby, how you should get there, and what to expect when you do. The media you create in the form of photos and videos will rival the media you consume, and all of it will be endlessly flexible and transportable. You will create ‘data’ every time you get on the Tube, switch channels or change your ringtone, and out of this vast miasma of content will arise new methods of extracting the single piece of information that you need at any given moment.

Then, of course, the robots will rise up and kill us all... but I’ll save all that for a different article.

Rob Hinchcliffe has been messing about on the Internet since the mid-90s. He founded the awardwinning blog Londonist.com before going on to work at Yahoo. Right now he works for the user-generated review site Qype.com, as well as pontificating about the Web for various online publications. You can find his personal blog over at www.RobHinchcliffe.co.uk.

Sally Kindberg, ‘Sir Long Johns’, oil on linen, 29 x 22cm

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Art

Underground The Stockholm tunnelbana, its public underground transport system, is made up of 100 stations running across miles and miles of what are known as the Red, Blue and Green lines. It is a curious, startling, brutal, and to some, frightening place. The architecture of several of the stations leaves the crude and unfinished bedrock of the earth exposed, lending the tunnels a kind of ‘Gotham’ style glamour. Not quite Tottenham Court Road. However lining its walls are pictures, sculptures and ceramics - the Swedes call it the longest art gallery in the world – and, at the Rissne station, a fresco depicting the history of the world’s civilisation runs down both sides of the platform.

Sally Kindberg has recently graduated (June 2007) from Goldsmiths College in London where she attended the Fine Art and Contemporary Creative Theory course. At the age of 33 she was what is called, in university speak, a ‘mature student.’ Shouldn’t the passion to be a painter have started earlier when she left school? Pressed as to why she went to art school so late – most BA students have only just celebrated their 18th birthdays when they start college - she replied, a little evasively, “I was doing something else.”

She eventually embarked on a traditional foundation course in Finland at Kokkla. There, the focus was on colour mixing and life drawing – skills and practices rarely taken seriously in UK colleges - but, as she pointed out, “these were invaluable and gave me the confidence to move from watercolours into other mediums.”

Sweden has a wonderful art school, The RA Stockholm, but she turned down a place and instead headed for London. “It is easy being Swedish in Stockholm,

much more of a challenge to be Swedish in London.”

When asked where her subject matter comes from, she openly admits that she draws from her surroundings and what’s in her head – everyday experiences and dreams mixed into pictures.

Looking at them, it is pretty clear why she rates David Lynch as her favourite filmmaker. His surreal darkness is threaded through her work “It’s not just the image and the character, it’s the music in his films too – it is an all-together experience.” Her own experiences, painted simply onto canvas, are dark, critical and curious, such as ‘The Eyes of a Big Gorilla’. “They [gorillas] are big, angry, ugly creatures, but have such sensitive human eyes. When I was seven, I was brought to a zoo in England, and, while I was there, I closed my eyes and wished I could have a gorilla, a big frightening gorilla. I love their eyes, that is what makes them so frightening,” she says.

The blank stare coming out of her painting ‘Little White Dog’ is at first sight sentimental and loving, but she immediately adds “they

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are so annoying, they are dreadful with their yapping and trotting – I can’t bear them.”

It seems that she paints what she feels – like it or not, she is very honest – yapping dogs really do annoy her and she actually ‘hates’ them. The bizarre differences of language amuse her; she is hugely entertained by the words ‘Long John’ being applied to thermal underwear and finds the English habit of naming everything in this country after someone, extremely funny.

Being Swedish is an important part of Sally’s work. Identity - human, animal, language etc.

- feature heavily in her paintings.

This categorising of her subjects is why the titles of her pictures are indispensable. ‘The Still Life’ is a picture of an opened avocado on a red chopping board. However these two objects reveal the almost humorous image of a surprised face, like a clown - but a dead one.

She takes a sketchbook and a camera wherever she goes and constantly records daily life. It is

in the studio that she engineers the references of fantasy and naïve surrealism. How does she find the day-to-day activity of painting?

“You can never be sure, it is not like riding a bike; I will recognise an image that I can make work as a painting, but getting there is never simple – things go wrong all the time. I know when a picture is working; it comes to life as laughter or horror, or better still, laughter/horror.”

She lists the magic of Magritte’s morning/midnight imaginings and the camouflage and lurking animals of Henri Rousseau as inspiration, but where does all this darkness come from? After a little more probing, it transpires that between leaving school and arriving at Goldsmiths she was doing something quite different - driving underground trains in Stockholm’s tunnelbana.

Sally’s work will be in the club from 29 February.

For more information please contact Fan Zeegen info@fanzeegen.com

Frock off!

by Sasha Wilkins

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The combination of our information & technology-rich age with a warming planet means that the traditional bi-annual fashion collections no longer represent what we want to wear, when we want to wear it. Fashion journalist Sasha Wilkins argues that it’s time to change the way we present fashion to the marketplace.

The fashion industry calendar is set in stone: each year the Ready to Wear Spring/Summer collections for the next year are shown in September and October, followed

by Autumn/Winter in February and March, with the Couture presentations slotted in between in January and July.

vice versa, and the rise in buying influence of the BRIC (Brazil, Russia, India, China) countries with their differing climates means that no fashion house with a serious eye on its profit margin can afford not to have pre-Fall, pre-Summer and resort/cruise collections.

It’s already become obvious to fashion industry insiders that the current system lumbering behemoth of a twice yearly show season, taking place in four countries is rapidly becoming irrelevant.

Already high end designer stores like Matches in London are spending over 60% of their seasonal buying budget on precollections before they even attend the main ready-to-wear shows in order to fuel demand and stay ahead of the game. Catching on to this, houses such as Chanel and Christian Dior are showing full pre-season collections to editors at increasingly lavish presentations, most often in New York. All this takes up more and more working time, which would be more usefully be spent shooting or writing.

The designers are losing out as the continual desire for new trends in a highly competitive marketplace means that the High Street, especially in the UK, looks heavily ‘influenced’ by the catwalks in store a scant six weeks after the shows, and a full five or six months before the designers’ original looks hit the rails.

Retailers are already feeling the pinch: a warm Autumn and Winter, as experienced in 2007 in Europe and America, was disastrous for profits, as winter clothes lay stockpiled in warehouses. The Western appetite for global travel means we need summer clothes in Winter and

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It’s always been the case that the main R-T-W shows produce clothes that never make it onto the rails (the irritating ‘from a selection at’ credit on fashion shoots marks the show samples that never went into production), but with buyers fulfilling their order books long before the main collections show, an ever

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increasing number of looks never get an outing past the runway. For how long can high end designers justify the thousands of pounds spent on putting on shows that increasingly include clothes that will never be put into production?

Only a house with serious licensing contracts to sell their name on fragrance, makeup and, increasingly, handbags and shoes, can afford this luxury.

would argue that the spectacle, trend spotting, networking and presentation of a designer’s vision on the runway are all essential for their job, but the fact remains that it is just as often an assistant calling in the preliminary selection of looks for a shoot, which they will choose from style.com. In fact, most designers number their looks to match the running order on style.com’s show report.

Video, photographic look books and the advent of online snapshots of every single look from the shows on American Vogue’s website style.com have also meant it is no longer vital for editors to attend the shows. Of course, an editor

The other problem is that the timing of the shows means that long lead time glossy magazines are working in an increasingly truncated time period for Spring/Summer. When the S/S presentations finish mid-

October, we scramble to edit and then shoot all the S/S stories in the scant eight weeks before everywhere closes down for the Holiday season. January is pretty much for recuperating before the Autumn Winter R-T-W show season starts up again at the very beginning of February.

But then we have a full four and a half months to shoot in before everything shuts down for the whole of August, and show season starts again in September.

Perhaps the answer is for fashion houses to present say four yearly collections, which include clothes suitable for both hot and cold climates, shot on video

and distributed to the world’s press, who could then come up with their trend analyses and predictions. Then, twice a year, in February and in September there could be a fashion conference in a city which would change each season, where senior fashion editors could network, get creative and party to their hearts’ content. Of course, expecting change to happen in the fashion industry is overly optimistic. After all, this is an industry that could not even come up with a coherent onevoice response to the recent anorexic model controversy, but I live in hope.

Sasha’s tips for 2008 She doesn’t have access to the mythical fashion industry crystal ball which, if it existed, would inevitably be Swarovski, but these are some of the things Sasha Wilkins hopes you might do next year: Stop buying too-cheap clothing. Fashion editors have been muttering about investment dressing for years: the considered purchase of one perfect cashmere sweater or maybe the perfectly cut pair of trousers. In recent years those mutterings have been drowned out by the clamour for cheap, cheaper, cheapest clothing with dubious origins on the other side of the world. But finally, a voice of reason has been heard in the wilderness: George at ASDA announced in November that they will be concentrating on taking their clothing range more upmarket as they see consumer desire for low-cost fast fashion beginning to decline. Let’s hope so.

dress by American Vogue, is set to become a lot more visible when his capsule range of little black dresses for Mango arrives in stores worldwide in February. Shoe designer Nicholas Kirkwood launched his eponymous label in 2005. His architectural and very beautiful shoes are right at the vanguard of footwear design, setting the trend agenda way before any of his competitors. This summer he won the prestigious AltaRoma Vogue Italia award for accessories design. Awarded Topshop New Generation sponsorship for AW08’s London Fashion Week, 2008 will be the year that Kirkwood makes it big.

Ditch the status bags. Spending over £500, and more usually over £800, for a bag that insiders raise a sardonic eyebrow over if you carry it past its sell by date is ludicrous. Brass hardware, padlocks, straps, bells and whistles? Hackneyed. Either invest in a timeless classic that costs because it is beautifully made, and whispers not screams its origins, or go hunting in TK Maxx for a bag that is only made conspicuous by its lack of ostentation.

Look to the internet for fashion news. Newspapers aren’t the only fashion news sources online. Both talented amateurs and anonymous industry insiders are producing must-read fashion blogs: Susie Bubble of Style Bubble, Mrs Fashion, Queens Michelle & Marie of Kingdom of Style: these girls don’t just write well, they pinpoint new trends, spread industry breaking news and, above all, inspire.

Buy upcoming new British designers. London is lacking marquee names at Fashion Week, decamping as they do to Paris, Milan or New York ASAP, but my money is on a pair of designers who have been quietly getting on with what they do: making beautiful pieces without courting hype or notoriety.

Keep an eye on the relaunched fashion houses.

Halston, Ossie Clark and Schiaparelli are all due a new lease of life next year. What links these three names is how definitive they each were in their original era. Biba hasn’t had much success second time round, whether these three can be made relevant to the 21st century is a moot point. I can see no reason to revive Schiaparelli, bar fiscal ones, and Ossie Clark’s original aesthetic has been redone ad nauseam already.

Halston may be interesting: certainly there is more here to work on.

Osman Yousefzada, whose emphasis on restrained elegance, proportion and balance has seen him hailed as the re-inventor of the little black

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From major to minor?

by Mat Osman

After another disastrous year for the music industry we ask; “Where next for the record companies?”

In a year where records could be downloaded for nothing, or released by a company like Starbucks, 2007 was the time for the record industry to make some innovative decisions, time and again the major labels hid their heads in the sand and guaranteed an unhappy new year for all involved.

Why would a long-time record company guy, twenty years in the business, quit his six-figure job to manage struggling new bands? I’m in a Brooklyn studio chatting with one of New York’s most senior industry figures trying to find out.

First of all he fobs me off with the usual excuses - “It was time for a new challenge,” “It’s an exciting new role”, but after some probing he just sighs and says; “I probably could have stayed there forever, but I just don’t like to lie. These young bands would come in, waiting to hear why they should sign for a major and I just wanted to tell them; ‘Don’t bother, we’re fucked – we won’t even be here in five years – just go do it yourself’”.

This is where the record industry is today. The best and brightest see no future for the majors and are jumping ship. The revolution has already happened and the question everyone’s asking is “Where next?”

There’s no question of the year’s big event. Radiohead giving away their album for free. It may not be a model for other bands – even

their manager Bryce Edge said it was “a solution for Radiohead, not for the industry” – but it accelerated the idea that new ways of releasing albums had to be found. It was a calculated slap in the face of the majors and how did they respond? With shorttermism, pipe dreams and denial.

One of the saddest sights this year was the Virgin ‘new record industry’ conference. Their big plans? One: they’d like a cut of their acts’ income from merchandising and live work.

Sure, wouldn’t we all? I’d quite like a cut of Led Zeppelin’s live income. But I’m unlikely to get any. Why? Because I had nothing to do with the tours.

Unfortunately for their record company, neither did they. Two: make all managers in-house – basically a return to the 1950’s as a bold step forward. Three: an end to royalties. One attendee said to me “Let’s pay musicians like nurses.” In short – guarantee that the smartest new acts sign with someone offering royalties and leave the majors with those bands too untalented or badly advised

enough to give up their golden goose.

Big losers in 2008? Universal - the last round of US job cuts has got to be a worry for their staff here and the new deal to give away free music on Nokia phones is a quick revenue fix that’ll come back to bite them on the bum later. And EMI. Rarely have the mighty fallen so fast as this – at year end their album market share fell below 10% and artists as diverse as Radiohead and McCartney openly slagged the company.

Winners. Well precious few among the majors. But a good year for anyone smart, quick-moving and innovative. Expect records to come from unlikely sources - Starbucks and Live Nation are the new homes of McCartney and Madonna respectively. And expect bands to take control of their own destiny – in 2008 anyone can be a record company.

Mat Osman is a musician, producer, and editor of the London edition of lecool.com.

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Mental

The Mentees were out on parade

So as we wave goodbye to 2007, we come to the end of our second Hospital Mentor Scheme. To celebrate the achievements of our mentees this year, we had a showcase night on 7 December. The aim was to get them out into the open and let them loose on the members and the club.

The walls were adorned (as was The Hospital Club’s christmas card) with images from Joanna Dudderidge, a photographer who already has many of London’s best begging her to capture their talent on celluloid. The music was supplied by The Spotlight Kid (aka Eric Mtungwazi) and Scott McFarnon, both of whom impressed Q Magazine enough to be granted a supporting spot at our music club in the near future.

a Berlin story that is heading for greatness, showed his trailer in the screening room.

Also spotted chatting with Michael Berg (the most connected man on the planet) was Andrew Fishwick, the theatre impresario, who will be usurping Mackintosh (Cameron, not the apple variety) before we know it.

So now we are looking forward to 2008 and the third Mentor Scheme. We have learned much this year, that will help us make the programme even better.

Sarah Gurevick, whose short film ‘Calicot’ wowed audiences at Sundance and has two feature projects in development, spent her evening talking to writers and producers; and James Wallace, who has

The call for ‘The Hospital Club Mentor Scheme – Part 3’ will be out early in 2008. If you would like more information, or have any questions about this or next year’s scheme, please call Juliet on 0207 170 9140 or email her through thehospitalclub.com

A huge thank you to the mentees for putting themselves in the limelight, and a huge thanks to The Hospital Club staff for working round the evening so effortlessly.

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Hawley F*ck 1.How are you?

Ah’m absolutely fucked. Me and Chaz got off a plane from Los Angeles yesterday – just finished the American tour – so everything is looking very weird.

2. What would you want to be if not a musician?

I always liked the idea of being a carpenter; I like working with natural things. Or a fisherman, I think. But I’d like to be the only carpenter and fisherman with a roadie.

3. On your website, there is a strong implication of a lack of quality in the music industry today. How do you feel you raise the bar?

I just do what I do. And I’ve ploughed my own little furrow with me and the lads for years; I don’t take any notice of that crap. When people say modern music is bollocks they’re wrong, very wrong. It’s just modern music that you see on telly, what is really close to you and easy to access. I’ve always been one of them who will go to a record shop and root around for stuff. Things won’t happen, the Revolution will not happen if you sit there waiting for it to hit you in the face. You’ve got to go and look for it. Although,

that’s a hypocrisy because my wife has just ordered all her Christmas presents off Amazon…

4. Would you say Lady’s Bridge makes you want to cry or drink more?

All of them – it’s like I’ve said before: all great music should elicit one of five responses. If it doesn’t it’s shit, you know. There’s too much music that is just wallpaper; it’s like the world has become a huge elevator, and that is just the popular stuff. The stuff that sells by the bucket load is, in general, and I’m not being too wide-sweeping here, it is bollocks.

When Hendrix was number two, Adam Faith was number one – although I quite like some Adam Faith, so that’s not a very good example.

5. So your Dad was a musician too?

My Dad was a brilliant guitar player, (fondly) he was a great bloke. He was a professional musician up until 1972 and then the work just dried up. So he went into the steel works. Men like him, his generation, will not come back on this earth again: he could work a fourteen hour shift at the steel works and then come home for an hour and go play a gig. And he did that for twenty years.

It is what keeps me grounded; just thinking about my old man.

My dad is this positive force and he always will be. If ever I feel myself moaning about something I just think about my dad working fourteen hours and then doing a gig. You know, that’s work. I’m sat around a table with candles and mince pies.

6. Because you say Sheffield is an important place to you, do you feel a kinship with other musicians from Sheffield, like Arctic Monkeys?

Yeah, I feel a kinship with them and they’re the same. The Arctic Monkeys and Reverend and the Makers and all that lot, when you meet them they’re just absolutely sound. They haven’t lost themselves. I’ve been in a situation where I’ve got close to losing myself, and my purpose for making music. It’s not like I fiercely protect this (Sheffield), I just choose to live in Sheffield because I can’t think of anything better. I like visiting places, it’s great. I always kiss the soil when I get back. When you escape your roots you’re no longer part of the tree. Ladies and gentlemen, we are floating in space.

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Members’ Clubs and Events

Drinks Tastings

Attendance is free

Monday 21 January, 7pm, Games Room – Wine Tasting

Please join Bruce Nancarrow, wine ambassador and bon vivant to taste your way through wines from Australia, New Zealand and Argentina. He will be showing wines from Cape Mentelle, Cloudy Bay and Terrazas, so feel free to drop in, taste the wines and ask any questions you might have.

Monday 11 February, 7pm, Forest Room – Martini Tasting

Wet? Dry? Dirty? Olive or Twist? Shaken or Stirred? James Bond knew how to order his martini, but it can be quite confusing! Thankfully, the reality is refreshingly straightforward. Please join Justin Shore and Dan I’Anson from Belvedere vodka for a very interactive session on vodka and how to make the perfect martini.

Monday 17 March, 7pm, Forest Room – Cognac Tasting

If you’ve ever wondered what VSOP or XO mean, or just wanted to find out what a 200 year old spirit tastes like, please sign up for a tasting master class with Lydia Sambrook from Hennessy Cognac. We will be tasting some of the top cognacs in the Hennessy range and also trying a few very innovative ways of serving them...

Supper Club Wednesday 16 January, tbc

Wednesday 12 March, 7pm, Forest Room £35 for a 3 course meal, including half a bottle of wine.

The supper club is super. It’s a super club. It has super powers of suppleness, as found in the loins of lions, that inspire the speed with which the conversation flows and veritable feast it has to offer. The super-supple-supper club offers delicacies from soup and soufflé to syrupy sauces with shrimps and salad (normally referred to as a prawn cocktail, no?). This is not just food, this is Hospital food. Hosted by the effervescently charming Duncan Cargill, come along for some smashing food and company.

Attendance is free

Monday 3 March, 730pm, Rocket Room

This is the place to hone your writing skills alongside authors, agents, publishers and other Hospital hacks. Founded by novelist Neil Griffiths and journalist Paul Tyrrell, the Salon meets on the first Monday of every month, to close-read its members’ prose fiction and swap storytelling tips.

For Spring 2008, we’ll be joined by a variety of guest speakers, including, in January, a young author with seven novels and a library of short stories to his name. For further information, please check out our group page on the club website.

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membersbookings@thehospital.co.uk

Monday 4 February, 7.30pm, Rocket Room

To book any of these events call 020 7170 9303

Writing Salon

Monday 7 January, 7.30pm, Rocket Room

Book Club

Attendance is free, books are complimentary

Silver Bay Jojo Moyes Tuesday 29 January, 7pm, Rocket Room

When Mike Dormer heads out from London to a small seaside town in Australia to kick-start a hotel development, he expects just another deal. But Silver Bay is not just any seaside town, and the inhabitants of the eccentric ramshackle Silver Bay Hotel - the enigmatic skipper Liza McCullen, her ten-year-old daughter, and her legendary sharkcatching aunt Kathleen, as well as the crews of the local whale-watching boats - swiftly begin to temper his own shark-like tendencies. He is left wondering who really has the greater right to the bay’s waters.

As the development begins to take on a momentum of its own, and the effect on the whales that migrate past the bay begins to reveal itself, Mike’s and Liza’s worlds collide, with dramatic results. New, unforeseen hazards emerge to confront both the creatures and the McCullen women.

How close can you get, before you end up destroying what you love?

The Widow and her Hero

Thomas Keneally

Tuesday 26 February, 7pm, Rocket Room

In 1943, when Grace and Leo Waterhouse married in Australia, they were part of a young generation ready to sacrifice themselves to win the war, while being confident they would survive. Sixty years on, as Grace recounts what happened to her doomed hero, she can say what she suspected then: that for many men, bravery is its own end. The tale she tells is one of great love, lost innocence a charismatic but unstable Irish commander, dashing undercover missions against the Japanese in Singapore, and - in her eyes - reckless, foolhardy exploits. As fresh details continue to emerge, Grace is forced to keep revising her picture of what happened to Leo and his fellow commandoes - until she learns about the final piece in the jigsaw, and an ultimate betrayal.

As absorbing as it is thought-provoking, this timely novel poses unsettling questions about what drives men to battle and heroic deeds, and movingly conveys the life-long effect on those who survive them.

Serious Things Gregory Norminton Tuesday 25 March, 7pm, Rocket Room

In the early 1990s, at an old-fashioned boarding school, two boys form an intense friendship that will shape the course of their lives. Bruno Jackson, the shy and lonely son of British expats, is infatuated by the glamorous but troubled Anthony Blunden. Taken under the wing of an idealistic English teacher, the boys are encouraged to explore the ‘more serious things’ of life beyond college. But in the hothouse of the school, a slight from their mentor seems of earth shattering-importance, with fateful consequences. Years later, with the memories of that time almost buried, Bruno leads a blameless, uneventful life. The sudden reappearance of Anthony forces him to revisit the dark corners of his past – and to decide how far he’s prepared to go to assuage his conscience.

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Members’ Clubs and Events

Poker

Attendance is free

Tuesday 15 January, 7pm, Games Room Thursday 7 February, 7pm, Forest Room Thursday 6 March, 7pm, Forest Room

Someone famous once said something profound about the superior game that is poker. But let’s not get all literary. We’re not in Book Club now, Toto. Whether it’s playing poker online or poking on Facebook, close your laptop and swagger through our saloon doors. Sample our bourbon from a dirty glass, spank one of our wenches, kick those spurs on one of our veneered tables, and play the game that separates the men from the boys, the women from the men, and the boys from the girls and…

Rummy! I win.

[No wenches were hurt in the writing of this passage.]

Film Jukebox

Attendance is free

Monday 28 January, 8pm, Cinema Special Preview of the BIFA award winning new British feature, The Inheritance.

Monday 25 February, 7pm, Cinema Hospital Staff choice, Withnail and I. Monday 31 March, 7pm , Cinema Members’ choice – you decide! Voting opens 1 March 2008.

We’re all about involving you lot in what we do here and where better to begin than in our Screening Room? Starting from January our regular monthly Film Club slot will be reincarnated as our brand spanking new Film Jukebox, showing a mix of films you know you already love and films we think you’ll love. Each month we’ll draw up a shortlist of fabulous films that you’ll be able to vote for online at www.thehospitalclub.com – place your vote and the most popular film gets shown.

Attendance is free

EASTER IS COMING, and if we can’t point you in the specific direction of hidden chocolate egg, we can invite you along to Q The Music Club Live At The Hospital, as it swells impressively into 2008.

Should you have been living under a rock, it might be worth repeating the good news. Each month, Q (aka Britain’s Biggest Selling Music Magazine) teams up with The Hospital Club (that’ll be Britain’s finest members’ club) to present a band/artist of no little merit in an exclusive, stripped-down format – i.e. they’re playing acoustic guitars, as opposed to being shorn of all clothing. Upcoming gigs are: 15 January: The Courteeners/Nick Harrison 19 February: Stereophonics TBC 26 March: Seth Lakeman

See you there!

Paul Rees – Editor, Q

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membersbookings@thehospital.co.uk

HQ Music Club

To book any of these events call 020 7170 9303

Because we believe in the power of excess (and love nothing more than an excuse to party), each Jukebox will have drinks, dressing up, singalong…whatever. So if you want to unleash your inner Baby Jane or do a spot of air guitar to This Is Spinal Tap, now’s your chance!

Members’ Clubs and Events

Quiz Night

Attendance is free

Wednesday 23 January, 8pm, Games Room Wednesday 20 February, 8pm, Forest Room Wednesday 19 March, 8pm, Forest Room

One in five children can’t read or write when they leave primary school, so when they get to be your age, they certainly won’t be able to win a free iPod at The Hospital Club’s Quiz Night – unless, of course, the quiz turns out to be just one big picture quiz. The scary thought is that these children will one day be the ones ruining – sorry, running - the country. But, in the meantime, we can aspire to sinking to their level by killing off the old grey cells through drinking all the free Pilsner Urquell that’s proffered here.

Art in the Garden

Attendance is free

Art in The Garden is a community arts exhibition we are hosting which reveals the talent of anyone who lives or works in Covent Garden. There are works by a security guard from the Coliseum and wardrobe mistress from the Royal Opera House. There will be paintings, photography and much more. The Private View is on Tuesday 29 January at 6.30pm in The Hospital Club’s Gallery and the show runs until early February.

Creative Capital

Attendance is free

Monday 14 January, 7pm, Games Room

Notes from the Frontier - New Media & Telecoms Opportunities 15 February, 7pm, Games Room The World is Upsidedown – The New Models in the Music Industry Friday Tuesday 11 March, 7pm, Games Room

membersbookings@thehospital.co.uk

To book any of these events call 020 7170 9303

The New Consumers - Ageing & Immigration in Europe

Members know stuff, members do stuff, members are making stuff happen!

Members don’t often get the opportunity to meet other members. Creative Capital continues to provide exciting opportunities for members and their guests to meet and talk with experts about some of the hottest topics facing creative professionals today. Following last quarter’s highly charged evenings which looked at Venture Capital, Web 2.0 and the Games Industry, this quarter we’ll be delving deeper into three of the biggest challenges facing our industries today – the opportunities presented by the convergence of new media and telecoms; the massive implications for us all as the new production and distribution models in the music industry take hold, and the rise of the New Consumers – the implications of Ageing and Immigration on Europe in the next ten years. Creative Capital will continue to bring you face to face with the leaders in their fields.

Thanks to Pilsner for providing refreshments.

Under 30’s

Attendance is free

Friday 25 January, 7pm, Martini Lounge Friday 29 February, 7pm, Martini Lounge

We are young! We run free! Keep our teeth! Nice and clean! As a prolific poet said once. In order to keep the younger half of our members happy, we are going to ensure that they have as much fun as possible. We hope the older half of the members don’t find this ageist, but let’s face it, those cocktails are quite pricey when you’re on a pension. So, having successfully trialled this last year, we’re letting the Under 30’s loose once a month, so come and get pissed with the coolest bunch of creative yoofs in town, with their shiny white teeth.

24

Film Guide

Five of the Best

Here’s my pick of The Hospital Club’s films.

by Mark Dinning | editor of Empire Magazine

Rambo Having last year reincarnated Rocky to surprise box office success, Sylvester Stallone here brings back everyone’s favourite mullet-headed death machine with an almighty bang. On set with him in Thailand, Stallone assured Empire that this fourth outing would both “not pussy around” and “blow your fucking socks off.” The early footage we’ve seen – every blood-soaked second of it – suggests the big fella wasn’t fibbing.

No Country For Old Men After a couple of movies in the creative wilderness, the Coen brothers return with a masterpiece on a par with their previous benchmark, Miller’s Crossing. Based on the superb novel by Cormac McCarthy, this bloody, brutal Western features a standout performance from Javier Bardem. As a hitman hunting a bag full of cash, the casual aplomb with which he dispatches his victims is simply terrifying.

In The Valley Of Elah Paul Haggis’ sophomore directorial outing reigns in many of the excesses of his previous Oscar-winner – 2004’s shock Best Picture, Crash – and draws one of the standout performances of the year from eternal misery-guts Tommy Lee Jones. As the father trying to uncover the truth behind his soldier son’s savage murder, he is staggeringly restrained in a heartbreaking study of the effects of war.

Juno Written by an ex-stripper, starring the girl (Ellen Page) we last saw performing an ad hoc castration in Hard Candy and directed by the son of Ivan Reitman, this heartfelt and hilarious story of a pregnant young girl planning to give up her baby for adoption easily justifies its “This year’s Little Miss Sunshine” unofficial suffix, but more than stands on its own as a charming must-see indie.

There Will Be Blood P.T. Anderson’s astonishing follow-up to 2002’s Punch Drunk Love sees Daniel Day-Lewis even more brilliant than ever as the Californian oil baron – and sociopath - who gives birth to the US oil industry at the turn of the century. An epic study of the forces that built America, it’s an uncompromising story of family, greed, big business and religion. And also, and we don’t say this lightly, an instant classic.

Daniel Day-Lewis in

There Will Be Blood © Disney 25

27 Dresses Director: Anna Fletcher Cast: Katherine Heigl, James Marsden, Malin Akerman USA / 2008 / 100 mins / Fox Genre: Romance / Comedy

What is the saying, “always a bridesmaid but never a bride?” Jane is about to perform her 28th ‘sousbride’ duty when she finds herself falling in love with the groom. Worse still, her sister is the one getting married! Talk about family divisions; this one could ruin their relationship forever. But love is…

Alien vs. Predator: Requiem Director: Colin & Greg Strause Cast: John Ortiz, Steven Pasquale, Reiko Aylesworth USA / 2007 / 100 mins / Fox Genre: Action / Horror / Sci-Fi

Alien and predator races descend onto a small town to continue their centuries-old feud, where unsuspecting residents must band together for any chance of survival.

It does what it says on the tin: there are fights, lots of noise, blood, gore, explosions and an awful lot of saliva… yet there’s no sign of Heather Mills?

All the Boys Love Mandy Lane Director: Jonathan Levine

Alvin and the Chipmunks Director: Tim Hill Cast: Jason Lee USA / 2007 / 100 mins / 20th Century Fox Genre: Family / Animation

The squeaky-voiced trio made recording, broadcasting and merchandising history - selling 43 million albums, winning several Grammys®, and headlining numerous TV specials, and a top-rated Saturday morning series seen in over 100 countries and translated into 40 languages. Now on the big screen.

Asterix at the Olympic Games (subtitled) Director: Frédéric Forestier, Thomas Langmann Cast: Clovis Cornillac, Gérard Depardieu, Alain Delon France / 2008 / 100 mins / Pathé Genre: Adventure / Comedy / Family / Fantasy

The dynamic duo (not Batman and Robin) are back with magic potions, druid wisdom and wild boar roasts “scrunch, scrunch”. Asterix and Obelix forge their way into the Greek Olympic Games and – naturally – orchestrate it so that they are unbeatable, even by the much fitter and better trained Roman guards.

Azur and Azmar: The Princes Quest

Be Kind Rewind

Diary of the Dead

Director: Michael Gondry

Director: George A. Romero

Cast: Jack Black, Mia Farrow, Danny Glover

Cast: Nick Alachiotis, Matt Birman, George Buza

USA / 2008 / 94 mins / Pathé

USA / 2008 / 95 mins / Optimum

Genre: Comedy

Genre: Horror / Thriller

Two video store clerks run into trouble with the FBI when they are caught trying to remake most of Hollywood’s most famous films.

In all fairness, this wouldn’t be necessary had not one of the clerks developed a magnetic brain that erases video tape rendering the entire store’s film catalogue un-rentable.

Aptly tag-lined, ‘Shoot the Dead,’ Romero’s zombie film follows a group of students who run into some undead flesh-eaters whilst attempting to make a horror movie of their own. It is not, however, about the thoughts and feelings of the zombie nation: Dear Diary, I still have an insatiable appetite for soft tissue…

Charlie Wilson’s War Director: Mike Nichols

Horton Hears a Who (tbc)

Cast: Tom Hanks, Julia Roberts, Philip Seymour Hoffman

Director: Jimmy Hayward, Steve Martino

USA / 2007 / 100 mins / Universal

Cast: Jim Carrey, Steve Carell, Seth Rogan

Genre: Drama

A Congressman deftly operates the levers of power to funnel money and weapons to the Mujahedin of Afghanistan. He is aided by a collection of complex characters including a renegade CIA agent, a Houston socialite, a Pakistani dictator, and a group of Israelis who modify weapons to maintain the wink-and-nudge illusion of American neutrality - not forgetting the women - ooh the women…

Dan in Real Life Director: Peter Hedges

Director: Michel Ocelot

Cast: Steve Carell, Juliette Binoche, Dane Cook

USA / 2008 / 88 mins / Optimum

Cast: Cyril Mourali, Karim M’Ribba

USA / 2007 / 98 mins / Icon

Genre: Horror

France / 2008 / 115 mins / Soda

Genre: Comedy / Drama / Romance

A group of high school pupils invite the square Mandy Lane (Penny’s sister?) who became quite hot over the summer (and not because of the weather), to a weekend party on a secluded ranch. Whilst the festivities are in full swing, the number of revellers begins to drop quite mysteriously. She’s the cream of the chop.

Genre: Animation / Adventure / Family

A single dad falls for a stranger, then discovers she’s the stunning new girlfriend of his brother. They try to hide their mutual attraction with hilarious consequences. “Their love was brilliant, their love was pure, I saw two brothers, and then one girl… it’s a love-triangle! A love-triangle!” (to paraphrase James Blunt).

Cast: Amber Heard, Anson Mount, Michael Welch

Azur has blue eyes (‘comme Azur’) whilst Azmar has brown (‘tanned’ in Arabic). It also seems that the two boys are inextricably linked because they were nursed by the same woman during infancy. Azur is a prince, Azmar a pauper, but they are childhood friends, now separated and desperately trying to find eachother again.

26

USA / 2008 / 100 mins / Fox Genre: Adventure / Animation / Family

Another gem from Dr. Seuss and with Jim Carey playing Horton, no less. An elephant hears a cry for help from a tiny speck of dust floating through the air and, after careful enquiry, discovers a family of ‘Whos’ living there. They find common ground and become friends. After all, “a person’s a person, no matter how small”.

I Am Legend Director: Francis Lawrence Cast: Will Smith, Paradox Pollack, Salli Richardson USA / 2007 / 100 mins / Warner Bros.

Genre: Action / Drama / Fantasy / Horror / Sci-Fi / Thriller

Will Smith is immune. Not only is he immune to the fact that one of his albums was ridiculously entitled ‘Big Willy Style,’ but in this film he is also immune to a deadly virus. He desperately radios the world, like he did with said album, to find any other survivors / fans. But time is running out, and he needs to find an antidote…or just some talent, really.

Film Guide

I’m Not There Director: Todd Haynes Cast: Cate Blanchett, Christian Bale, Richard Gere USA / Germany / 2007 / 135 mins / Paramount Genre: Biography / Drama / Music

Bob Dylan really isn’t there, but this is an imaginative biography of the genius himself, played by several different actors of both sexes. Each actor portrays a separate part of the musician’s life and work, which adds to the intrigue and mystery around Dylan the man. By the end of the film, we’ll know everything.

In the Valley of Elah Director: Paul Haggis Cast: Tommy Lee Jones, Susan Sarandon, Charlize Theron USA / 2008 / 121 mins / Optimum Genre: Drama / Mystery

When soldiering runs in the family, there has to be one member that goes AWOL. A war veteran’s son disappears after returning from Iraq and his family enlists the help of a detective to try and track him down. As with most military misadventures, there is something sinistre beneath the surface of the investigation.

John Rambo Director: Sylvester Stallone Cast: Sylvester Stallone, Julie Benz, Matthew Marsden USA / 2008 / 100 mins / Sony Genre: Action / Drama / Thriller

Vietnam veterans tend to have: a) a heightened sense of injustice, b) an inner rage that only mortal enemies can reckon with, and c) humble vocations (as penitence).

So, when the self-appointed Thai fisherman, Rambo, is asked to rally around a destitute tribe, he cannot resist. Action and adventure ensue.

Cate Blanchett in

I’m Not There © Paramount

27

Jumper (tbc) Director: Doug Liman Cast: Hayden Christianson, Samuel L. Jackson, Diane Lane

Director: Mike Newell

USA / 2008 / 100 mins / Fox

Cast: Benjamin Bratt, Gina Bernard Forbes, Giovanna Mezzogiorno

Genre: Adventure / Drama / Sci-Fi / Thriller

USA / 2008 / 139 mins / Momentum

A mediocre family tree gives a young man the ability to jump from one part of the world to another; he is a ‘Jumper’. Things become difficult when other ‘Jumpers’ try to kill him in the spirit of a long-standing grudge and he must face all his mortal enemies in order to save his bounce and the world.

Juno Director: Jason Reitman Cast: Ellen Page, Jason Bateman, Jennifer Garner USA / 2008 / 92 mins / Fox Genre: Comedy / Drama

In Roman mythology, Juno is the protector of women and marriage. It is therefore unsurprising that Juno herself is concerned with finding the right home for her unborn and unexpected child. During her pregnancy, Juno meets a couple eager to have a family and she must now make an agonizing decision.

Lust, Caution © Universal

Love in the Time of Cholera (tbc)

Lars and the Real Girl Director: Craig Gillespie Cast: Ryan Gosling, Emily Mortimer, Paul Schneider

Genre: Drama / Romance

This film holds a lofty position already because it is based on a Nobel Prizewinning book. A boy and a girl fall deeply in love, but she is then married off to an older, wealthy and heartless man. Her true love is forced to wait fifty years during her loveless marriage before they are finally reunited.

Lust, Caution Director: Ang Lee Cast: Tony Leung Chiu Wai, Wei Tang, Joan Chen USA / China / 2008 / 148 mins / Universal Genre: Drama / Romance / Thriller / War

Ang Lee has delivered yet another thrilling tale of culturally shocking antics. A group of drama students put on a ‘play’ of wits; Wong must seduce a dangerous, political conspirator in WWII occupied Shanghai, whilst wrestling with her own inner demons and trying not to fall in love, or lose her cool.

Margot at the Wedding Director: Noah Baumbach

USA / 2008 / 106 mins / Verve

Cast: Jennifer Jason Leigh, Jack Black, Nicole Kidman

Genre: Drama / Comedy

USA / 2008 / 91 mins / Paramount

Amazingly, this is a story of the only man in the world who would buy a doll on the internet to connect with emotionally. Naturally, everyone thinks he’s lost it, but compared with the fiery brawls of some ‘real’ relationships, a silent significant other can be a blessing. Oscar-nominated Ryan Gosling stars.

Genre: Drama / Comedy

28

A woman’s estranged sister is getting married to someone who, in Margot’s opinion, she barely knows. Margot creates uncomfortable situations for her sibling and constantly instigates arguments, only to discover that she would much rather become close to her sister and family again.

Film Guide

Mr Magorium’s Wonder Emporium Director: Zach Helm Cast: Dustin Hoffman, Natalie Portman, Zach Mills

No Country for Old Men Director: Ethan Coen, Joel Coen Cast: Tommy Lee Jones, Javier Bardem, Josh Brolin USA / 2008 / 122 mins / Paramount

USA / 2008 / 94 mins / Icon

Genre: Crime / Drama / Thriller

Genre: Comedy / Family / Fantasy

The Coen brothers are renowned for their synopses of ‘life’ in abstract forms. A hunter stumbles upon a truckload of heroin and millions of dollars in the middle of the desert.

An assassin murders his way across the desert in pursuit and a sheriff tries to contain all this unlawful behaviour. There’s a twist, too…

Unless you believe that Mr. Magorium’s toy shop is magic, you can’t see the magic at work. This is pretty much the only rule in the enchanted Emporium and it takes an uptight accountant (non-believer) a long time to accept that Dustin Hoffman’s lisp is real and that the toys have lives and dreams of their own.

My Blueberry Nights Director: Wong Kar Wai Cast: Norah Jones, Jude Law, David Strathairn Hong Kong / 2008 / 111 mins / Optimum Genre: Drama / Romance

The story of a woman who embarks on a soul-searching trip across America, in a road movie of romantic proportions.

On her journey, and when she is feeling particularly downcast, she meets a man who shares her melancholy, but he is trapped by his own loneliness – can each overcome their demons?

National Treasure: Book of Secrets Director: Jon Turteltaub Cast: Nicholas Cage, Diane Kruger, Jon Voigt USA / 2008 / 100 mins / Disney Genre: Action / Adventure

Benjamin Franklin Gates, (a fitting title for a man in search of a ‘national’ prize), discovers that his family was involved in the assassination of President Abraham Lincoln. It is ironic, then, that his namesake was a Founding Father. Gates must find the missing pages of Lincoln’s diary, in order to solve the conspiracy.

Penelope Director: Mark Palansky Cast: Christina Ricci, James McAvoy, Reese Witherspoon USA / 2008 / 101 mins / Momentum

Romeo and Juliet had a curse on both their houses. Penelope has the face of a pig. Trying to lift her family curse proves rather difficult as it necessitates someone falling in love with her. After a string of false suitors, Penelope decides that she will face her plight alone in the world.

Fateful intervention ensues.

Margot at the Wedding © Paramount

Persepolis Director: Vincent Paronnaud, Marjane Satrapi Cast: Chiara Mastroianni, Catherine Deneuve, Danielle Darrieux France / 2008 / 95 mins / Optimum Genre: Animation / Drama

An animated account of a girl’s experience growing up in Iran; living through the war and Iraqi attacks.

We are made aware of her country’s customs and culture, the propriety of gender and how it might feel to be shipped far away from your homeland (to Europe) to grow up, when all you want is to return to a protected home.

National Treasure: Book of Secrets © Disney

29

Redacted Director: Brian De Palma Cast: Francoid Caillaud, Patrick Caroll, Rob Devaney

Cast: Mathieu Amalric, Emmanuelle Seigner, Marie-Joseé Croze

Genre: Drama / War

France / USA / 2008 / 114 mins / Pathé

A topical and brutally informative account of the conduct of American soldiers in Iraq. One incident in particular illuminates, just in case we weren’t already convinced, that Bush is a strategically-challenged brute and, more so, that soldiers should undergo a morality course, as well as weaponstraining, before any invasion.

Genre : Biography / Drama

Director: Werner Herzog Cast: Christian Bale, Zach Grenier, Marshall Bell

Actually quite a sombre film, albeit with a feel-good quality, as hopes and dreams are still fulfilled. The editor-inchief of French Elle undergoes a stroke and is forced to change his lifestyle due to his damaged physical condition.

Extraordinarily, he still manages to achieve quite a lot, despite the odds being against him.

The Good Night (tbc) Director: Jake Paltrow

USA / 2007 / 126 mins / Pathé

Cast: Martin Freeman, Gwyneth Paltrow, Penelope Cruz

Genre: Action / Adventure / Drama / War

USA / UK / 2008 / 93 mins / Momentum

A true story of the only American ever to break out of a POW camp during the Vietnam War, navigating without a compass through the Laotian jungle.

The course of events is harrowing at best and tragic at worst, as he and his fellow escapee are forced to use their instincts and patience to make it home alive.

Genre: Comedy / Drama / Romance

Savage Grace

The Other Boleyn Girl © Universal

Director: Julian Schnabel

USA / 2008 / 90 mins / Optimum

Rescue Dawn

The Kite Runner © Paramount

The Diving Bell and the Butterfly

A has-been superstar with a beautiful – albeit customary – girlfriend is struggling with his resolve to settle down with the woman he loves and his desire to find the woman he esteems above all others. When he meets said Paragon of Womanhood, can his will to be good overcome his longing to misbehave?

Director: Tom Kalin

The Kite Runner

Cast: Julianne Moore, Stephen Dillane, Eddie Redmayne

Director: Marc Forster

Spain / USA / 97 mins / Revolver

Cast: Khalid Abdalla, Homayon Ershadi, Zekeria Ebrahimi

Genre: Drama

USA / 2007 / 122 mins / Paramount

True story: a deranged son kills an even more deranged mother. Actually, it’s somewhat unfair to label Anthony Baekeland as ‘deranged,’ when he is merely acting out his emotional instability following his mother’s sexual advances towards him. The story takes place during the 1970s and covers the murder of Barbara Baekeland.

Genre: Drama

Sweeney Todd

The Other Boleyn Girl

Director: Tim Burton

Director: Justin Chadwick

Cast: Johnny Depp, Helena Bonham Carter, Alan Rickman

Cast: Natalie Portman, Scarlett Johansson, Eric Bana

USA / 2008 / 100 mins / Warners

UK / 2008 / 90 mins / Universal

Genre: Crime / Musical / Thriller

Genre: Drama / History / Romance

Another Tim Burton-Johnny Depp collaboration to intrigue us all. In true Burton fashion, a dark, twisted Victorian England is home to the demon barber and his accomplice.

They lure unwitting and shaggy-haired clients into their barbershop, chop of their hair (and heads) and bake delicious and suspiciously meaty pies.

Anne Boleyn suffered an unfortunate demise, but apparently her sister was after the same prize. Enter Mary Boleyn, yet another Tudor girl with a death wish. In this story, Henry VIII must choose between the two Boleyn sisters and, ultimately, nothing good comes of it. Let’s recap: divorced, beheaded, died, divorced, beheaded...

30

Two little boys who have been friends their whole lives are separated by one’s betrayal. Set in Afghanistan during the Taliban rule, Amir, who deserted his country and his friend, returns from America to find some sort of retribution for his moral crimes. The story begins at a kite festival, hence ‘kite runner.’

Film Guide

The Spiderwick Chronicles

Things We Lost in the Fire

Director: Mark Waters

Director: Susan Bier

Cast: Sarah Bolger, Freddie Highmore, Mary-Louise Parker

Cast: Halle Berry, David Duchovny, Benicio Del Toro

USA / 2008 / 100 mins / Paramount

USA / 2008 / 119 mins / Paramount

Genre: Adventure / Drama / Family / Fantasy

Genre: Drama

Magical happenings, akin to an Enid Blyton tale: three children move to a run-down estate where strange things start to occur. What they discover is a world of secrets that must be protected at all costs. There are some enchanted ‘visitors’ who are determined to stay put.

The fire of life, that is. A grieving widow bands together with her late husband’s best friend, who happens to be descending into a world of depression and vice. Together, and with many mishaps and setbacks, they attempt to rebuild their ailing perspectives on life. Academy-Award winners Berry and Del Toro star.

The Water Horse

Underdog

Director: Jay Russell Cast: Brian Cox, Emily Watson, David Morrissey USA / 2008 / 100 mins / Sony Genre: Adventure / Family / Fantasy

This is really a heart-felt story of friendship between a little boy and a monster from the deep waters. The former finds an egg; unclaimed, but a bit too large for a hen. The contents turn out to be none other than the unrivalled Scottish legend - Nessie.

They band together and take on all the uncongenial ‘anti-monster-ists.’

There Will Be Blood Director: Paul Thomas Anderson Cast: Daniel Day Lewis, Paul Dano, Kevin J. O’Connor

Director: Frederik Du Chau Cast: Jason Lee, Peter Dinklage, James Belushi USA / 2008 / 84 mins / Disney Genre: Action / Adventure / Comedy / Family

Here we have the story of a canine superhero, Underdog - the direct result of a crazy scientist and a chemistry experiment gone wrong. Underdog is now super-powerful and protecting Capitol City from destruction is all part of a day’s work. He even has a pretty lady (dog) to impress along the way: lovely Polly Purebreed.

Walk Hard Director: Jake Kasdan

USA / 2008 / 158 mins / Disney

Cast: John C. Reilly, Jenna Fischer, Raymond J. Barry

Genre: Drama

USA / 2008 / 100 mins / Sony

A silver miner-turned-oil-rigger lives for the pursuit of wealth and maintains high disregard for anyone underneath him, or anyone at all really. He wants to drill the land of a God-fearing family and attempts to swindle them out of their oil and money. He meets his match in the owner of the land and vengeance ensues.

Genre: Comedy

A hint of Johnny Cash in this story; Dewey Cox grapples with drug addiction(s), women, music execs, more women, his fans, confidence issues, even more women, and a chimp on his rise (and fall) through America’s popular culture. By the end he is a national icon, father to 14 stepchildren and is (or was) friends with Elvis.

Underdog © Disney

31

Speed Dates London

Our Cultural guide of what not to miss this season.

January

February

March

Fourth Plinth Commission: New Proposals- exhibition.

National Gallery, Trafalgar Square 9 January - 30 March

Vanity Fair Portraits: Photographs 1913-2008.

National Portrait Gallery 14 February - 26 May

Birds Eye View Film Festival BFI Southbank 6 - 13 March

From Beaton to Testino, this retrospective will be an undoubted sensation.

Devoted to the talents of women directors, includes a comedy retrospective celebrating ladies in silent comedy. Celluloid sisters do it for themselves.

Tracey Emin, Antony Gormley, Anish Kapoor, Bob & Roberta Smith and Yinka Shonibare are all vying for a place amongst the pigeons. Bound to spark furious debate. Models on display until 30 March.

London Art Fair Business Design Centre, N1

Who cares what New York thinks? From the shows to the parties, LFW is innovative, demented and essential.

Heralding the start of the art world year, this creative jamboree is celebrating its 20th birthday.

Bounce: One Flew Over The Cuckoo’s Nest The Peacock Theatre

Spice Girls 02 Arena until 22 January

Ken Kesey gets a hip-hop makeover as breakdance becomes an expression of freedom in the wayward ward.

Bodypopping for the mentalists.

Grotesque celebrity phenomenon or theatrical spectacular? Zigazig ah.

National

Liverpool The Musical Liverpool Echo Arena 12 January

Ringo Starr, Dave Stewart, The Royal Liverpool Philharmonic Orchestra, Vasily, No Fakin DJ’s, Echo and the Bunnymen, Pete Wylie, Ian Brodie, Shack, and The Christians. It’s a Mersey mash-up, for one night only.

The Vaughan Bequest of Turner Watercolours to Scotland 1 - 30 January

National Gallery of Scotland January’s weak daylight is kind to the art, hard on the soul. A tradition since 1900.

Europe

Neo-pop artist, critical commentator and creator of the most expensive art in the world- ‘Hanging Heart’ recently sold for $26m.

Bath Literature Festival Guildhall, Bath, 23 Feburary - 2 March

Martin Amis, Margaret Drabble and Neil Bartlett are just a few of the featured authors at this 10-day literary festival.

The best of British and international designers showcase their textiles, lighting, furniture and knick-nacks.

Jack Peñate Shepherds Bush Empire, 12 March

Indie sensation rounds of UK tour with his gripping mix of ska-tinged soul and compelling dance shapes.

¡Viva!

It’s the 14th year for the UK’s only festival dedicated to Spanish language films. Persistently rich and lively.

Artes Mundi Prize- exhibition National Museum & Galleries of Wales, Cardiff 15 March - 8 June

Celebrating international talent, eight shortlisted artists turn it out for biennal visual arts prize. Winner announced in April.

Berlin International Film Festival Various venues, 7 - 17 Feburary

Snowbombing 2008 Mayrhofen, Austria 31 March - 6 April

Okay, so Paris Hilton ruined it by attending last year, but it’s still a very grand affair.

With up to 400 films and more than 200,000 tickets sold, it’s the largest audience of any film festival in the world. Luis Buñel is honoured in a special retrospective.

Hedonistic snowboard and music festival gets messy on the mountain. Madness, Pigeon Detectives, Calvin Harris, The Cuban Brothers, Jon Carter, Annie Nightingale and Scratch Perverts provide après-slope meltdown.

Milan Fashion Week (Milano Moda Donna) - autumn winter 2008/9

Big showings for the boys, with catwalk threads from Gaultier, Paul Smith, Yamamoto et al.

2007 championed the ‘curvy’ model and brought sexy back…again. Donatella, Cavalli and Co. look busy under Wintour’s beady eye.

No Country for Old Men 18 January

The Diving Bell and the Butterfly 8 Feburary

Caramel 7 March

It’s been a while but the Coen Brothers’ latest, a tense Tex-Mex set thriller, looks set for huge awards season success. Tommy Lee Jones stars in this bloody tale of a hijacked drugs shipment.

A hugely moving film based on the true story of JeanDominique Bauby, the editor of French Vogue, who suffered a massive stroke and became a prisoner trapped in his own body. Funny, inspirational and immensely life-affirming.

Charming and sweet like its title, Caramel is a warm and witty tale of five women working in a Lebanese beauty salon.

Sweeney Todd 25 January

Depp sings! Tim Burton’s hotly anticipated musical about the murderous barber finally hits the big screen.

Music

Jeff Koons - Exhibition Baltic Centre for Contemporary Art, Tyne & Wear 4 Feburary - 27 April

London Design Week Chelsea Harbour Design Centre, 9 - 14 March

Annual Vienna Opera Ball Vienna State Opera, Austria 31 January

French Menswear Designer Collections- autumn/ winter 2008/9 Paris, France 17 - 20 January

Film

London Fashion Week BFC Tent, National History Museum 10 - 16 February

There Will Be Blood 15 Feburary

The newest film from the director of Boogie Nights looks set to do for the Old West what Boogie Nights did for the porn industry. Daniel Day Lewis is astounding as an oil prospector who will let nothing get in the way of success.

Horton Hears a Who 14 March

Based on the beloved books by Dr Seuss and voiced

by Jim Carrey (who also played the Grinch), Horton is an elephant who fights to protect the microscopic community of Whoville.

Rufus Wainwright Does Judy at Carnegie Hall 31 January

Hot Chip - Made In The Dark February DTBC

Duffy - Rock Ferry 3 March

This is Rufus Wainwright reinterpreting Judy Garland’s camp classic Live At Carnegie Hall in 1961.

The DVD for this performance, which was recorded live at the London Paladium is in shops now. A camp classic.

The UK’s answer to Kraftwork crossed with Prince follow their critically acclaimed album The Warning. The album features the single Ready For The Floor - originally written for Kylie Minogue. Ask Lydia nicely and she’ll play it for you on her club nights!

You might not have heard of her yet, but you will.

Already tipped by T4 and the Guardian, this is a girl that is going places. The forthcoming single Warwick Avenue is a mixture between Dusty Springfield, Dolly Parton and Amy Winehouse - without the drama. She is playing a four night residency at the Pigalle in January.

32

Calendars Members Event Pre-Release Screening Screening Children’s Screening Monday

Tuesday

01

07

08

January

Writing Salon 7.30pm (RR) Dan in Real Life 7pm (C)

03

Lust, Caution 9pm (C)

The Good Night 7pm (C) tbc

09

10

15

16

Creative Capital 7pm (GR) Lust, Caution 7pm (C)

Poker Night 7pm (GR)

Supper Club (tbc) Walk Hard 9pm (C)

21

22

23

17

24

Quiz Night 8pm (GR) I’m Not There 9pm (C)

28

29

30

Film Jukebox 8pm (C)

Private View, Art in the Garden 6.30pm (G) Book Club 7pm (RR)

The Diving Bell and the Butterfly 9pm (C)

04

05

06 Juno 9pm (C)

13

Writing Salon 7.30pm (RR) National Treasure 2 7pm (C)

February

02

14

11

12

Belvedere tasting (Oscars) 7pm (FR) Be Kind Rewind 7pm (C)

18

Thursday

Things We Lost in the Fire 9pm (C)

Wine Tasting 7pm (GR) In the Valley of Elah 7pm (C)

19

My Blueberry Nights 7pm (C)

20

Friday

04

Saturday

05 Alvin and the Chipmunks 2pm (C) Rescue Dawn 7pm (C)

11

12

The Kite Runner 9pm (C)

Mr Magorium’s Wonder Emporium 2pm (C) No Country for Old Men 7pm (C)

18

19

I Am Legend 7pm (C)

Underdog 2pm (C) Alien vs Predator 2 7pm (C)

25

26

Burns Night 7pm (FR) Under 30’s 7pm (ML) Awards Season special screening 7pm (C)

The Water Horse 2pm (C) TBC 7pm (C)

01

02

Margot at the Wedding 7pm (C)

Azur and Azmar: the Princes’ Quest 2pm (C) All The Boys Love Mandy Lane 7pm (C)

07

08

09

Poker Night 7pm (FR)

I am Legend 7pm (C)

Asterix at the Olympic Games 2pm (C) Charlie Wilson’s War 7pm (C)

14

15

16

Creative Capital 7pm (GR) Alien vs Predator 2 7pm (C)

Underdog 2pm (C) Juno 7pm (C)

22

23

Jumper 7pm (C) tbc

The Water Horse 2pm (C) Sweeney Todd 7pm (C)

29

01

31

Awards Season special screening 9pm (C)

21

Quiz Night 8pm (FR) Awards Season special screening 7pm & 9pm (C)

25

26

27

Film Jukebox 7pm (C)

Book Club 7pm (RR)

There Will Be Blood 9pm (C)

03

04

05

06

07

08

The Other Boleyn Girl 9pm (C)

Poker Night 7pm (FR)

Jumper 7pm (C) tbc

Penelope 2pm (C) There Will Be Blood 7pm (C)

13

14

15

The Other Boleyn Girl 7pm (C)

The Spiderwick Chronicles 2pm (C) Redacted 7pm (C)

21

22

Closed for Easter

Closed for Easter

28

29

27 Dresses 7pm (C)

Horton Hears a Who 2pm (C) tbc John Rambo 7pm (C)

Writing Salon 7.30pm (RR) The Diving Bell and the Butterfly 7pm (C)

March

Wednesday

28

10

11

12

Sweeney Todd 7pm (C)

Creative Capital 7pm (GR)

Supper Club 7pm (FR) Savage Grace 9pm (C)

17

18

19

Hennessy Cognac tasting 7pm (FR) Love in the Time of Cholera 7pm (C) tbc

20

Quiz Night 7pm (FR) Lars and the Real Girl 9pm (C)

27

Under 30’s 7pm (ML) Diary of the Dead 7pm (C)

Azur and Azmar: the Princes’ Quest 2pm (C) Be Kind Rewind 7pm (C)

24

25

26

Closed for Easter

Book Club 7pm (RR)

Persepolis 9pm (C)

31

(C) Cinema (L) Library (ML) Martini Lounge (FR) Forest Room (GR) Games Room (BB) Bellini Bar (G) Gallery (CR) Club Restaurant (RR) Rocket Room

Film Jukebox 7pm (C)

Members’ events and screenings are released for booking on the 20th of the preceding month.

Free Admission. To book call 020 7170 9303 or visit www.thehospitalclub.com If you book and have to cancel please let club reception know so that another member can have your place.

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