16 Jokes to help you start a

16JOKES

TO HELP YOU START A CONVERSATION IN ENGLISH!

Some jokes are so bad they’re actually funny. Like the ones we’ve got for you here. If you’re feeling brave, you could use these little jokes to start a conversation at a social event such as a conference, lunch or party. So, next time you find yourself alone and you want to meet people, try using one of these 16 jokes to help you start a conversation in English! [See the next page for some exercises with these jokes.]

Where did the computer go dancing? The disc-o!

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Who can jump higher than a house? Anyone! Houses can’t jump!

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T OP T IP! Before you look at the jokes, make sure you know the words and expressions in the glossary box.

What do you call a boomerang that never comes back? A stick.

What did Winnie the Pooh say to his agent? “Show me the honey!”

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I went on a once-in-a-lifetime holiday. Never again.

What’s the best thing about Switzerland? I don’t know, but its flag is a big plus!

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What’s the most terrifying word in nuclear physics? “Whoops!”

I just wrote a book on reverse psychology. Do not read it.

My new thesaurus is terrible. Not only that, but it’s also terrible.

Why didn’t the astronaut come home to her husband? Because she needed some space.

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When’s the best time to go to the dentist? Tooth-hurtie!

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How did Darth Vader know what Luke got him for Christmas? He felt his presents. What did one dish say to the other? Dinner is on me!

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What did the duck say when she bought some lipstick? Put it on my bill!

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What do you call a hippie’s wife from a southern state in the USA? A Mississippi!

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What did the buffalo say when his son left? Bison!

GLOSSARY

a disc n a computer “disc” is a device with data on it a disco n a club where you can dance to music, usually at night a boomerang n a curved piece of wood that comes back to you if you throw it in the correct way a stick n a long, thin part of a tree that grows on its branch an agent n someone whose job is to represent an actor, singer, musician, etc. and find work for them, do business for them, etc. honey n a sweet substance made by bees once-in-a-lifetime exp a “once-in-a-lifetime” event or experience is very special and unique a flag n an object (often rectangular and made of cloth) with the colours, signs or symbols of a country on it a big plus exp a big advantage or something very positive or good; literally, a “plus” sign (+) if used in maths to add numbers whoops excl this is a word we use when we have made a mistake. It’s like saying, “Oh, no!” reverse psychology exp the idea that if you say one thing, people will do the opposite of that thing. For example, if you tell someone not to look at something, they will look at it a thesaurus n a book you can use to look for a synonym (a word that means the same as another word), or an antonym (a word that means the opposite of another word), etc. on me exp if you say that a meal is “on you”, you’re offering to pay for it. Literally, if food is “on a plate”, it is on top of that plate space n the area beyond the Earth’s atmosphere where the stars and planets are; also, if you give someone “space” to think about something or to develop as a person, you give them the time and freedom to do this lipstick n a substance (often red) that you can put on your lips to change their colour a bill n a piece of paper with information about how much you have to pay for something; also, the part of a bird’s mouth to hurt vb if something “hurts” you, it gives you pain. “Hurty” is an informal or childish adjective that means “painful”. For example, a “hurty” tooth = a tooth that hurts Mrs exp we use this expression to refer to a married woman: Mrs Smith / Mrs Peters… The pronunciation is / mɪsɪs / a present n something you give someone for their birthday or at Christmas; “presents” rhymes with “presence” = someone’s “presence” in a place is the fact that they’re in that place a buffalo n an animal like a big cow from southern or eastern Africa a bison n an animal like a big cow from North America and Europe; it rhymes with “Bye, son!”