OUT OF BODY (AND MECHANICAL) EXPERIENCES
People Are… by THOMAS GRECO, PUBLISHER A couple of days ago, I was writing something with my iTunes on shuffle when an old Andrew Dice Clay (Am I allowed to mention his name? – I assume he was canceled for life) routine came on. It was a funny bit called “People Are Pri#ks.” And wouldn’t you know it, a few days later I realized that Dice’s words have never been more true. My wife and I were at a good friend’s son’s wedding. It was a beautiful affair with a lot of familiar faces. As I have mentioned countless times before, I am no fan of weddings. I always cite one of the reasons as the fact that I don’t drink. My wife likes her wine, and usually at weddings, she will go wild and order a mixed drink. And as usual, I was chosen to go get her the drink while she went from food station to food station, sampling the treasures of the cocktail hour. I set out to one of the two bartender stations, only to find a line about 15 people deep. I sighed and stepped in line behind a few of the bride and groom’s friends. Fifteen minutes later, the line had barely moved. Now, to call me impatient would be a misnomer. I am way, way past impatient. (Wow. Maybe I’m the pri#k?) But I digress. As
10 | New Jersey Automotive | January 2022
I inched closer to the front of the line, out of nowhere, the three partiers in front of me started calling all their friends over and asking them what they wanted to drink. What the f#$k? Now, I love my buddy. And I was not going to make a scene at his son’s wedding. I just bit my lip and crossed my arms in frustration. A nice lady behind me tried to reassure me. “We’re almost there,” she said in a friendly voice. “I don’t even drink!” I responded, kind of unfriendly. I quickly apologized and told her that I was in line for my wife, and she laughed. I turned back to find I was now only second in line. Then my young friends decided to bring even more pals over and cut in front of me! Then they had the nerve to order six drinks each! Again, I bit my lip, crossed my arms and sighed loudly. As expected, they were oblivious. A half hour after I got in line, I finally stepped up to the bartender. And I swear on my kids, my mind went blank. I couldn’t remember for the life of me what my wife wanted to drink. I started sweating because I knew the nice lady continued on pg. 40
