OUT OF BODY (AND MECHANICAL EXPERIENCES

People Are…

by THOMAS GRECO, PUBLISHER

A couple of days ago, I was writing something with my iTunes on shuffle when an old Andrew Dice Clay (Am I allowed to mention his name? – I assume he was canceled for life) routine came on. It was a funny bit called “People Are Pri#ks.” And wouldn’t you know it, a few days later I realized that Dice’s words have never been more true. My wife and I were at a good friend’s son’s wedding. It was a beautiful affair with a lot of familiar faces. As I have mentioned countless times before, I am no fan of weddings. I always cite one of the reasons as the fact that I don’t drink. My wife likes her wine, and usually at weddings, she will go wild and order a mixed drink. And as usual, I was chosen to go get her the drink while she went from food station to food station, sampling the treasures of the cocktail hour.

I set out to one of the two bartender stations, only to find a line about 15 people deep. I sighed and stepped in line behind a few of the bride and groom’s friends. Fifteen minutes later, the line had barely moved. Now, to call me impatient would be a misnomer. I am way, way past impatient. (Wow. Maybe I’m the pri#k?) But I digress. As I inched closer to the front of the line, out of nowhere, the three partiers in front of me started calling all their friends over and asking them what they wanted to drink. What the f#$k? Now, I love my buddy. And I was not going to make a scene at his son’s wedding. I just bit my lip and crossed my arms in frustration. A nice lady behind me tried to reassure me. “We’re almost there,” she said in a friendly voice. “I don’t even drink!” I responded, kind of unfriendly. I quickly apologized and told her that I was in line for my wife, and she laughed. I turned back to find I was now only second in line. Then my young friends decided to bring even more pals over and cut in front of me! Then they had the nerve to order six drinks each! Again, I bit my lip, crossed my arms and sighed loudly. As expected, they were oblivious. A half hour after I got in line, I finally stepped up to the bartender. And I swear on my kids, my mind went blank. I couldn’t remember for the life of me what my wife wanted to drink. I started sweating because I knew the nice lady

continued on pg. 40

Big. Gray. Available Today.

The Spanesi® 106 EXT Structural

Straightening Bench is designed for larger and longer vehicles. The 106 EXT easily accommodates large work vans, light and medium duty trucks, and full-size SUVs.

The 106 EXT is included in OEM certification programs around the globe. Contact Spanesi Americas for a current and complete list of programs.

Spanesi Americas, Inc.

123 Ambassador Dr. STE 107 Naperville, IL 60540

106 EXT

Structural Straightening Bench

106 EXT Structural Workstation Includes:

7 Crossbars 14 Mounting Locations Bench With Rack Gears Lift With Control Box Loading Trolley Positioning And Ascending Ramps Pulling Column Universal Jig System Loading Capacity 5,000kg (11,000lbs) Length 6m (19.7’) Width (Up To) 2.1m (7’) Pulling Force 10 Tons

224-SPANESI (224-772-6374)

www.spanesi-americas.com

facebook.com/spanesiamericas