Hello, Sunshine: A Creative Writing Portfolio

hello, sunshine NINA MARTINEZ | ST. EDWARD'S UNIVERSITY

Table of Contents POETRY Mijita So there's this guy The Sermon of the John

FICTION

Well, hello there

Luke: A Day in the Life

It's nice to see you.

Nina here. Nina Catherine if you're my mother.

I'm from the sweetest town in Texas- Sugar Land. My parents met here in middle school, went to the local high school together, and found their way back to each other at the beautiful SEU red doors. I owe my everything to them. I have an older brother Matthew and my sweet rescue pup, Fitzgerald (Yes, F. Scott FItzgerald).

"Hello, Sunshine" will give you a lil' taste of my life. Each piece shows a different side of me, Some pieces are silly and out of this world, but each hold meaning to me. I hope you enjoy my personal favorites "Mijita" and "Hold Her Hand", as they're both tributes to my biggest hero, my father. From my interesting side-thoughts to some special memories and relationships of mine, I hope this will bring a lil' sun to your cloudy days.

So go ahead and stretch your legs in that recliner, turn on some tunes and read away.

Welcome to the family! It's a pleasure to have you here.

NON FICTION Hold Her Hand: A PTSD Survival Guide

Poetry

SO

THERE'S

THIS

GUY

 So there's this guy And we're kinda talkin' Yea, he held the door open for me yesterday Oh, no, I don't know his name Well, hmm, I mean He looked at me when he held it open Oh, he said hi Yea we are talking He said hi to me Maybe he's the one Anyways, bridesmaid?

Lookin' Back So there's this guy

Assigned to recall a phrase we say often or are known for saying, "So there's this guy" took a bit of time to come to mind. I thought of the little sayings like "Oh my stars!" and "Bless your heart", until one late night at the library with my suitemate Sara and she mockingly said " 'So, I met a new guy' that's so Nina." And, well, she was spot on. This poem came quickly, as do most things when making fun of yourself (who doesn't love that). So I went on to summarize a conversation I frequently have with Sara and my best friend Maggie. It was just a draft. "Y'all, listen to this," I continued to share the poem. "That's it. That's the one," Sara said.

I barely changed a thing about that piece.

My peer editor advised me to remove one line, "I think I'm in love," as it ruined the flow of the poem. The style is a quick, one-sided conversation with me and my friend. It lacks most punctuation to signify the rapidness and excitement of the exchange. "So there's this guy" embodies the inconsistency of relationships for most young adults in their late teens.

Mijita My father sat me in the old plaid chair In the butter yellow living room.

The textured walls, those ugly, ugly walls enclosed us- a hug.

He said mijita, as I was on his lap, You will never be able to do it all.

And it is ok.

He was not trying to discourage me.

No,not at all.

He was reminding me of my hubris and how it hurts me I said But dad, Why do you do it all?

How do you do it all?

I don't, mijita, he softly said.

“I may do more than you,I had to do so”, he said “I did not have a life of choosing You do.

Use this gift."

My father grew up much poorer than I But that,That was all material-wise In Spirit In Faith In Hope In Wisdom In Love He was- the richest man alive And my father, He granted me a life where I did not have to do it all.

Lookin' Back Mijita

For my hero, my dad, "Mijita" tells the loving story of an unbreakable bond between a father and his daughter. My dad is about to wrap up his doctoral studies to earn his Ed.D. For a while, I've wanted to tribute something to him and when assigned to write whatever was on our minds that day my pride for him flowed into words.

I am the closest thing to a perfectionist, so when asked to just write for three classes straight without edits, man was I freaking out. I would keep asking Beth to read my work and tell me what it needed and she would constantly say no. My goodness am I glad she told me no because I don't think the piece would have turned out the way it did.

A freestyle ode with a warm yet truthful tone, you could call it. The poem revolves around the word "mijita," a kind, loving phrase in Spanish my father calls me. Describing the room and chair are vital details to understanding the environment I grew up in. The decision to write only his words in quotes signifies the importance and wiseness of everything he said. "Mijita" displays the sacrifices my parents made to gift me with a beautiful life.

Woah unto thee, You whose knees tremble in the line for the John.

You raise to your toes to see And what do you see?

An eternity of women, waiting to also use said John.

Your many tinkles in the past, Oh, you spoiled soul, Ye who have a John dedicated to you, and you alone.

One which you share with your brother every now and then, But no, never an eternal line of women with the same cause.

I have sent Lucifer to help you, but he decided to cross over and tempt you instead.

Be strong, steadfast and firm.

Hold in the pee of your bladder, for you will be fulfilled and released soon.

You have heard, and it has been said of the women who snuck into the wrong loo.

She trembled all the way through the stalls, past the urinals, and made her way to the seat.

But the reek of men, and urine, and heavily-applied cologne made her weak.

What was she to do?

She felt stuck. She was relieved, however, she faced a new problem now.

For when one problem is fixed, another arises.

She had made a mistake, but she had to exit at sometime.

So, she prayed to me and I answered.

She was given the strength to leave the room with her head held high, after washing away her sins and germs.

She was looked at- many faces did she receive.

But she knew I was on her side.

I say to you, child of mine: Patience is a virtue, but if you cannot wait, ask I -The Lord your God- to deliver you, And help you exit with confidence and strength.

THE SERMON OF THE JOHN

Lookin' Back The Sermon of the John

Asked to think of a time we snuck in or out, the first moment to come to my mind was sneaking into the men's restroom after Church in the parish hall. To put a twist on the already awkward and humorous story, the decision to write it in a biblical style was hard to pass. "The Sermon of the John" explains all of the insignificant fears children have when sneaking into a place they should not be, yet depicting it in a serious voice.

Words like "ye," "thee." and phrases "be steadfast and firm" were pulled from typical biblical stories and verses. Common in the text "The Sermon on the Mount" found in the the Book of Matthew added an extra push toward the style. The piece relies heavily on Shakespeare-era English, making it even more humorous. Turning a bizarre story to have a serious tone made writing this piece incredibly enjoyable.

Fiction

LUKE I looked out the window: foggy, rainy, cl oudy.

Yes, now this is what I cal l my kind of day. It was a Monday evening, around 4 PM, I had one cl ass and then I had to sprint toward the newspaper budget meeting.

I threw on my reporter coat- it makes me feel official . In case you were wondering- yes, it has coattail s.

I checked myself in the mirror, ran my hands through my dark bl ack hair and said, now let’ s fucking get it.

So, I sat down in this meeting and man is it sl ow. News?? No one wants to write about news, I don’ t get that. These editors stand up here l ike they actually enj oy writing about the news. Disgusting.

Ooh Life and Arts, here we go. Now this is my section. I’ m not sure if I’ l l write this week though. We’ l l see. The editors asked as al ways, “any pitches we missed?” I raised my hand, they coul d real l y use this one, it could hel p the paper.

I told them about this show I had heard of to which someone had offered me free tickets to and a backstage pass- I am so l ucky. They said, “great will you take it?”

Phhhhsst. Will I take it? Hel l no! I can’ t sit here doing their j obs, giving them amazing pitches and they expect me to write it too. Over my dead body. Damn, I don’ t know what they woul d do without me.

Viewpoints. Here we go. You see these are the good sections.

Journalism- giving your opinion, now that’ s the type of j ournal ism I signed up for.

“Netflix is remaking Pokemon Mew Two. Are these remakes necessary?

Why so many new ones? Any Pokemon fans out there? Luke, great. ”Aaaaaactual l yyyy, it’ s Mew 2, the number, don’ t spel l it out. And they remake it because we have new technol ogy now and new story lines, it’ s their j ob to remake it.

“Sooo, you’re gonna write about it?”

W h a t ? N o . I d o n ’ t k n o w w h e r e t h e y g e t t h e s e b i z a r r e i d e a s.

L i t t l e d i d I k n o w , t h a t w o u l d b e m y la s t b u d g e t m e e t i n g fo r a w h i l e . T h i s n e w p a n d e m i c h a s a l l s t u d e n t s b a c k h o m e t u n i n g i n t o c la sse s o n l i n e .

I ’ m c u r r e n t l y t a k i n g “ J o u r n a li s m i n F i lm . ” M y fa v o r i t e p a r t o f th i s co u r se is that we get to write reviews about movies. That is the type of j o u r n a l i s m I w a n n a d o . W h a t d i d I s a y ? I t ’ s a ll a b o u t m y op i n i o n a n d h o w s o m e t h i n g m a d e m e f e e l . R e a d e r s d e s e r v e t o k n o w h o w I fe e l .

S o t o d a y w e ’ r e d i s c u s s i n g “ A ll t h e P r e s i d e n t ’ s M e n ” , s o m e fi l m a bo u t th e W a t e r g a t e s c a n d a l … I t w a s p r e t t y n e a t . I m e a n i t w a s n ’ t m y fa a a vo r i te , but I did enjoy that the men were in control of the newsroom. I mean, if i t w a s t h a t w a y o n c e , i t s h o u ld s t a y t h a t w a y . W h y c h a n g e ? B u t o h m y g o o d n e s s t h e s e l i b e r a l , e q u a l r i g h t s w o m e n i n m y c la s s w o n ’ t sto p a t t a c k i n g m e b e c a u s e I f e e l t h a t w a y . T h e r e w e r e s o m e w o m e n i n th e m o v i e . I t ’ s n o t l i k e t h e y f o r g o t a b o u t t h e m . J e s u s , c h i ll o u t.

W e l l , n o w t h a t t h a t ’ s o v e r , I h a v e t o p r e p a r e fo r m y n e x t c l a ss. I t’ s a n o t h e r j o u r n a l i s m c l a s s , y ' k n o w o p i n i o n s a n d s u c h . W e z o o m i n th i s c l a s s s o s o m e t i m e s I l i k e t o c h a n g e m y b a c k g r o u n d t o t h a t o n e sce n e i n “ F r o z e n 2 ” w h e n t h e b r i d g e i s c o lla p s i n g , o r li k e a b u r n i n g ba ck gr o u n d . I t h i n k i t r e a l l y a c c u r a t e l y e x p r e s s e s h o w I fe e l i n s i d e , a n d e ve r y o n e needs to know that.

A n y w a y s , m y p r o f e s s o r j u s t s a i d i n c la s s t h a t s o m e t i m e s he ge ts sh a k y .

S o I s h a r e d a t i p w i t h h i m t h a t h e lp e d m e . I t o ld h i m “H e y i t’ s o k a y , I ’ m j u s t a s s h y , p r o f e s s o r . I w o u ld p r a c t i c e d r u m m i n g t o b u i ld m u scl e i n m y legs and biceps. It really helps it.” Oh well, I hope it helps him too, t h o u g h . W e l l , c l a s s i s o v e r n o w . I t h i n k I ’ ll g o w r i t e m y o p i n i o n o n w h y w o m e n s h o u l d s t a y o u t o f t h e n e w s r o o m a n d le t u s m e n ke e p th i n gs rolling.

The Memory Jog Luke

While a fiction story, the tiny details in "Luke" are all true. From random quotes and sayings like "drumming helps me professor," to offering help with a story and then turning it down, the short-story takes a quick dive into how I believe his typical day would go.

I have never personally spoken to Luke, making him the perfect character to write about. I knew enough about him from watching his interactions and hearing stories of him, but not enough to get every detail spot on.

Professor Beth recommended I write this in first person as a monologue from his point-of-view. At first I was hesitant because I did not know him well, but that is the beauty of imagination- being able to fill in the blanks with whatever comes to mind. The introduction of him loving dark, rainy days could be 100% false, but after choosing a dark, mysterious character, decisions like those were only fitting to how I was painting him. "Luke" is a fiction short-story that walks through his day noting and commenting on every thought.

Non

Fiction

Hold

can. And when you’re in love, man does it make it so much easier to do, and he sadly succeeded.

Her

Hand: A

PTSD

Survival

I saw it ending eventually, but I never once suspected it would go down the way it did.

Guide

E v e r y f a t h e r wa n t s t h e daughter, his angel, possession; and I a n y t h i n g t o p r o t e c t my

best for his and prize wo u l d do daughter.

I had a feeling about that boy. The f i r s t t i me h e s h o we d u p a t my o f f i c e , t h e wa y h e s a i d my n a me , “ Mr . Ma r t i n e z ” - I c o u l d t e l l h e wa s the end-all-be-all of Eddie Ha s k e l l s .

B u t t h a t d a u g h t e r o f mi n e , s h e wa s i n l o v e . I wo u l d t e l l h e r I d i d n ’ t l i k e h i m, i n f a c t t h e wh o l e f a mi l y t o l d h e r t h a t , b u t ma n wa s s h e blindsided. So, I supported her in o t h e r wa y s t h a t I c o u l d .

I never saw her getting hurt, I n e v e r b e l i e v e d i t wo u l d h a p p e n .

S h e a l wa y s p u t h e r f o o t d o wn wh e n s h e s a w s o me t h i n g wr o n g .

S h e wo u l d a l wa y s s t a n d u p f o r herself or others.

We never wo r r i e d a b o u t h e r i n t h a t a s p e c t b e c a u s e s h e n e v e r p u t u p wi t h bullshit. Nothing slid by her if it wa s d i s r e s p e c t f u l .

But, sadly there are controlling p e o p l e i n t h i s wo r l d a n d t h e y i n s e r t p o we r o n y o u l i k e n o o n e

Six months into the relationship, she started changing and it was scary. She got really quiet, she got very defensive, she made excuses for everything he did.

But one night, she got in a minor car accident and she finally had something to blame everything on. So she did. You could see her taking it out on herself even more, things that were never her fault.

And for six more months, this is what she did. She said the accident was why she was depressed, was why she would cry herself to sleep, was why she was afraid to get out of the house. Her mom and I got her into therapy, got her a psychiatrist, got her on meds. She told them it was the accident, therefore, it was the accident.

But a year passed and things got worse.

They weren't dating anymore, but she would sob and scream in the middle of the night, telling us she had flashbacks- we assumed of the car flip. She would get pulled out of class for staring off into the distance, and her legs would shake so much- everything made her panic.

My daughter suffers from PostTraumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), and it is scary to know she has to live with it everyday. But we’re getting her through it.

That little scrawny boy took a lot from her. He controlled her in every possible way: physically, sexually, emotionally- but I will not let him keep that control over her for the rest of her life. That’s what PTSD is, and goddamn is it hard to overcome.

So for all you parents out there, all you guardians, caretakers, friends, loved ones, this is a survival guide to PTSD from the outside.

PTSD makes her feel alone.

Remind her she’s not alone.

Remind her she’s loved. Remind her that she won’t have to be alone from now on. Remind her everyday if you can.

PTSD does not give or take break. It does not let her rest.

a

Her mind is currently on replay and it will remind her of the scariest, hardset, most abusive of times.

If she can’t talk, she can’t talk.

Trauma is not easy to talk about.

It will beat her up until it can’t anymore. It is relentless, but she is even more resilient It took Nina a year to tell us, her therapist, her psychiatrist, her best friend.

You cannot force her to talk about it. When she’s ready, be ready to listen.

Trauma is told in bits and pieces for survivors. It is not easy to regurgitate all at once, and you need to be respectful of that.

There are days you can tell she’s hurting, but it will hurt her even more to tell you why.

So support her, comfort her, make her feel “normal” again, as she says. When she was little, we would drive down Highway 90 listening to George Strait with the windows down. So, we drove down Highway 90 and did just that.

Negative self-perception that leads her to believe it was all her, she could’ve done more, she could’ve stopped all of the times, when in fact, none of it was her fault.

As much as you want everyone who knows you yell “IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT” all at once, remind her of how much of a fucked-up human being he was instead.

You saw how he disrespected her, and at the end of the day you will not allow him to keep that control over her mind anymore.

She will unknowingly place herself in relationships that are not right for her.

You can ask all you want of why she does such a thing, but at the end of the day you were not in her shoes, so you won’ t really know. But what you do know, is that an entire year of abuse is uncomfortable, yet all that she really knows is because of him. Be patient with her, it is nearly impossible to undo all that happened, so surround her with people who show healthy love, and just hope.

Lastly, while most of the days she had with him were hell, she does keep some good memories sacred. This leads to what is called a distorted perception of the abuser.

“I miss him,” she would say to us. She used to tell her best friend Maggie that all of the time, in fact he still does. A lot of the times our responses would be “have you lost your goddamn mind?, Why the hell would you say that? He ruined your life!” It’ s normal and remember she gave her whole heart to that boy and he tore it to pieces. But at the end of the day, he will sadly be her first love. Just remind her it’ s not her last and it gets better.

PTSD can take over her life, but it is not her life. It is an aspect of her life that will never define her, and the more you help her through it, the less it will totally consume her.

Behind the Words Hold Her Hand: A PTSD Survi vial Guide

My mom and dad were hands down my biggest supporters before and after I was diagnosed with PTSD. While my mother was very vocal about her concerns, my father was particularly quiet. In an attempt to understand his thought process throughout the recovery, "Hold Her Hand: A PTSD Survival Guide" holds the reader's hand throughout the process of helping a loved one with PTSD. Originally written in steps to signify how organized I believed my father's thoughts to be, the numbers were eventually moved out to add to the flow. While a guide, it's not a step-by-step because everyone's journey is different and seldom follows steps- I know mine didn't. This was by far the hardest piece to write. Having to recall the emotions throughout the hardest portion of my recovery was incredibly difficult, but also very healing. Our first piece to write in the class, the tone throughout the story appears to be sentimental yet pragmatic. Throughout peer edits, we decided to keep the conversational style making a difficult topic much more casual.

Thanks for tuning in! I hope you enjoyed every word you read. Can't wait to have you back!

From one of my favorite, honest writers, may I leave y'all with this:

"Write Hard and Clear about what hurts" Ernest Hemingway

And of course, a VERY special thank you to Professor Beth Eakman: Thank you for teaching me creative writing is more than making up stories, it's digging deep into your imagination to share your thoughts with others in the purest form of art.

Y'all take care!