LOVE IS DEAD: WHAT TO LISTEN TO WHEN YOU’RE ALONE ON VALENTINE’S DAY By Sylvie Graubard
There are all kinds of reasons to be sad on Valentine’s Day! Maybe you just went through a terrible breakup, or you’re secretly pining away over an unrequited crush, or you’re involved with someone but kind of think they suck. Don’t try to put on a brave face - instead, take advantage of this opportunity to use up as much of your self-pity as possible. My personal favorite way to feel bad for myself is to listen to people who are more articulate/talented than me sing about their own heartbreak. Luckily for us, sad people love to make music about their sadness! These eight songs cover all the bases in the saddest game of lonely baseball. They will make you feel worse, and then maybe better. “Love Will Fuck Us Apart” by Andrew Jackson Jihad Andrew Jackson Jihad are really good at making really sad songs sound deceptively upbeat. “Girls Don’t Like Me” by Boy Crush Do girls just not like you? You’re not alone! “Tablecloth” by Paul Baribeau The best way to do this song justice is to scream along, lying on your bed, drumming on the walls. “Algae Bloom” by Told Slant If listening to the scratchiest-nasaliest-scrawniest sad boy sing, “We used to walk around / Now I walk without you around / That’s hard to talk about” doesn’t make you want to cry then I don’t know what to say to you. Honestly, this entire album is incredible (and free on Bandcamp!) and eerily earnest. “No Children” by The Mountain Goats This is a real bummer of a song! There is nothing about this song that is not a bummer! “I Almost Do” by Taylor Swift I don’t care what anyone says: Taylor Swift is a brilliant songwriter. Her songs are generic enough that they are universally relatable. Do you have an ex who you are tempted to call literally all the time (specifically late at night, sitting alone in the Zen Garden, smoking a solo cig, not that this is about me) but know that you shouldn’t? So does Taylor, because she may be famous, but in reality she is Just Like Us! “Sometimes” by My Bloody Valentine Maybe you have heard this song before and thought it was incredible but couldn’t tell what they were saying. Well, look up the lyrics, because it’s fucking depressing. “Precipice” by Bad Cello This is my favorite song right now. Have a sad solo dance party!
17
