Sympathy & Understanding 2010

Sunday, August 8, 2010

Sympathy g n i d n a t s r e d n &U Cutler-O’Neil-Meyer-Woodring helps families deal with loss

Hoy-Kilnoski Funeral Home coming soon to Bluffs

Maher-Livingston has served area for over a century

See Page 2F

See Page 3F

See Page 4F

Is your need for

LIFE INSURANCE GROWING? LIKE A GOOD NEIGHBOR

Judd Knispel State Farm Agent

STATE FARM IS THERE.®

Providing Insurance and Financial Services.

1860 Madison Avenue #2, Council Bluffs • 712-325-0256 • judd@juddknispel.com A special supplement to The Daily Nonpareil

2F Sunday, August 8, 2010

SYMPATHY AND UNDERSTANDING

The Daily Nonpareil

Cutler-O’Neill-Meyer-Woodring helps families deal with loss MIKE BROWNLEE Staff Writer mike.brownlee@nonpareilonline.com (712) 325-5732

The loss of a loved one is always tough, no matter the circumstances. Matt O’Neill of Cutler-O’Neill-Meyer-Woodring funeral home said that it’s his job to take care of the planning and implementation of a funeral, so that the family can focus on more important things.

“We’re kind of an event planner for the family. We take care of all the calls to the cemetery, the clergy, the flower shop…” O’Neill said.

O’Neill, a vice president at the funeral home, said a variety of decisions and actions go into planning a funeral.

“Do you want a memorial service, a church service, chapel service, celebration of life service?

Burial or cremation?” O’Neill said.

“There’s a whole gamut of possibilities. Whatever fits the families’ needs. Everybody has a different idea, so we try to facilitate the family needs.”

O’Neill explained older clients tend to go with the church or chapel services, a more “traditional” funeral experience, while younger clients are often apt to have a celebration of life service or simple ceremony at the funeral home.

A celebration of life service has the most possibilities. O’Neill said people select a wide range of ways to honor a loved one in the ceremonies.

“They might have family and friends get up and tell stories, have refreshments available. They have them at a funeral home or maybe Bayliss park hall. Any place where people could gather.

Submitted photo

Matt and Steve O’Neill stand outside Cutler-O’Neill-Meyer-Woodring funeral home. The brothers help families plan services for loved ones who have died.

The V.F.W. hall, American Legion post or a restaurant. Many have a video of the diseased,” O’Neill said.

“Basically they’re having a party.”

O’Neill remembered on such celebration that featured wine and cheese on the menu, with jazz playing in the background and balloons floating about.

“People just celebrate,” he said.

Meetings with families general

last about an hour or hour and a half, O’Neill said, with everyone from only a spouse and children to extended family helping with the planning.

“We ask the family what kind of service they want,” O’Neill said.

“They give us their ideas, what kind of music they want played.

They bring in clothing and a nice picture of the deceased, give pall-

bearer names. They select a coffin or urn. Discuss having a video or not. We put together memory videos.” Dealing with family and friends going through the process is delicate, O’Neill said.

“You have to play it by ear.

You’re going to run into some families where it’s a blessing that the family member passed away because now they’re at ease.There

are others, based on how the death occurred, where you have to be very sensitive and gentle. Once you sit down with them you have to see how they’re handling things,” he said.

“A lot of families we have a personal relationship with. We’ve been in town our whole lives.

They’re relieved they know whom they’re working with.”

The Daily Nonpareil

SYMPATHY AND UNDERSTANDING

Sunday, August 8, 2010 3F

Hoy-Kilnoski Funeral Home coming soon to Bluffs CHAD NATION Staff Writer cnation@nonpareilonline.com (712) 325-5738

As a negotiator, Iowa State Patrol Trooper Mike Hoy has to use a level of compassion, understanding and the ability to listen. Those are the same qualities he hopes to bring to his job as funeral director.

Hoy will select a contractor this week to begin work on the Hoy-Kilnoski Funeral Home.

The funeral home will be located at 1221 N. 16th St., the site of the former Hardiman’s Greenhouse.

After selecting a contractor, Hoy said he hopes to break ground this month and have the funeral home open next spring.

“It will be the facility that I would like to have built,” he said. “It will do everything that no one else can do right now.”

The 19,000-square-foot facility will cover an entire block and have 98 spots of off-street parking available.

The main entrance will feature a large, open-air lobby with a water feature and a skylight allowing the sun inside.

Three equal size chapels will be able to be converted to seat a gathering as large as 400 people.

The funeral home will also feature a separate play area for children.

A 120-seat reception area will also allow families to hold lunches after memorials right on site.

The room will also be used for non-funeral events such as grief support recovery groups and other informational gatherings.

“Many times families choose to have a lunch after the memorial and before a burial. This means a lot of leaving and regathering. In the evenings it is also hard to find a reception place,” he said.

“With our reception area we will be able to usher attendees right from the memorial into the reception.”

Hoy also kept the building’s surroundings conscious in the design.

“We didn’t want a red brick building with white pillars; I wanted the building to tie in with the Lakin Campus,” he said.

Submitted drawing

A contractor will be selected this week to begin work on the Hoy-Kilnoski Funeral Home. The funeral home will be located at 1221 N. 16th St., the site of the former Hardiman’s Greenhouse. Mike Hoy and his grandfather, Bud Kilnoski, will own and operate the funeral home.

“I really like what the community leaders have began on North 16th Street.”

While Hoy has spent the last 10 years as an Iowa State Patrol Trooper, he said his true calling has always been in the funeral service industry.

While a patrolman, Hoy went back to school to become a licensed funeral director.

The Hoy-Kilnoski name also pays tribute to his grandfather, Bud Kilnoski, who will help with some of the day-to-day operations.

“I was raised by my grandparents; my life wouldn’t be the same without him,” Hoy said.

Kilnoski gave Hoy his start in funeral services at the age of 14 at Meyer Funeral Home.

Hoy said he was working for

Kilnoski at Bud’s Hobby, another business owned by Kilnoski, prior to moving to the funeral home.

“I was a pretty clumsy child, and every time I turned around I was breaking something,” Hoy laughed.

“One day, he said, ‘That’s it,’ and took me to the funeral home, where I started washing cars.”

He advanced from washing to cars to finding his true calling.

“We treat gains in our lives different than losses – births and baptisms are celebrated,” he said.

“Losses are different. We don’t want a funeral to be ‘just another funeral’ but ‘this’ family’s funeral.”

D S I F I E S S C L A

Providing Insurance and Financial Services.

Serving Clients since 1978

Fred Hill State Farm Agent 2015 W. Broadway Council Bluffs, IA 51503 Bus: 712-323-2880

Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there.®

328-1811 • 535 W. Broadway • Suite 300 • Council Bluffs

4F Sunday, August 8, 2010

SYMPATHY AND UNDERSTANDING

The Daily Nonpareil

Maher-Livingston has served area for over a century TIM ROHWER Staff Writer Timothy.rohwer@nonpareilonline.com (712) 325-5752

Maher-Livingston Funeral and Cremation Services has been there to comfort people in need for more than 100 years.

And, at the same location.

“This has been a funeral home for over 120 years,” said co-owner Mike Maher.

Located at 121 S. Seventh St., Maher-Livingston offers traditional funeral services, as well as those at the gravesite.

Cremation is available for those preferring that choice, as well as memorial services.

The staff has years of experience of handling the details and knowing the proper procedures to make those difficult moments easier to take.

“We try to take as much out of their hands as possible,” Maher said.

“We try to take as much burden from the family as possible.”

It’s important to have professionals handle the details, according to Maher, because when one thinks of it, a funeral is in many ways like a wedding, but with a much shorter preparation time.

For example, there’s the service arrangement and its location, then the minister, priest or other clergy member must be notified.

“We work closely with the clergy in town,” Maher said.

The music, including live musicians if wanted must be arranged, as well as the food for the fellowship afterwards.

There’s also the need for the obituary to be published so that friends in the area know the details.

However, while the preparations for a wedding can be done over of months, “we do the same thing in two or three days,” Maher said.

The facility has a casket selection room, though he and his staff can help with the selection on the computer.

“The software is easier to use to narrow down the option,” Maher said.

He and his staff, which includes three fulltime professionals, will inquire about certain aspects of the person to make the services a celebration of life, according to Maher.

“What music did he or she like?”

Maher said, adding that more and more services are performing the individual’s music preference be it happygo-lucky rock or country or even rap.

The staff might suggest a slide show of the individual’s life, he said.

Or, for example, if the individual enjoyed quilting, then the placement of quilts around the casket could be a loving tribute, he added.

Maher suggests that everyone consider a pre-arrangement of funeral services for themselves or family members in advance.

It would not only save money, but make the process go easier during those emotional, hectic days, he said.

Staff photos/Cindy Christensen

At top, Maher-Livingston Funeral Home, located at 121 South 7th Street, was originally built as a doctor's office in the late 1800's and was later turned into a funeral home at the turn of the century. Above, the chapel was added on in 1965 and recently rennovated in 2009.

Let one of these churches BROADWAY United Methodist

Worship Services: 8:00 & 10:30

11 South 1st Street ● 322-7741 www.BroadwayUnitedMethodist.com Sunday Worship: 8:00, 9:30, 11:00 Spanish Service: 6:00

Praise Worship: 2nd and 4th Sunday at the 10:30 AM service

AM

PM

Sunday School: 9:30 and 11:00

Sunday School & Bible Class: 9:15 AM

AM

Nursery Provided. Handicapped Accessible.

Pastors: Marvin D. Arnpriester, Ruben Mendoza and Chris St. Clair

AM

2100 S. 11th Street

Pastor Ronald Rosenkaimer

323-6445

help you find God’s strength FIRST BAPTIST Corner of 6th and 1st Avenue

c o n n e c t . g r o w. s e r v e .

322-2569

9:45

AM AM AM

Offering Grief Share Counseling. Call for details.

Sunday Worship Service: Contemporary: 8:30 AM Traditional: 11:00 AM Sunday School:

Sunday Services: Traditional: 8:00 Contemporary: 9:30 Contemporary: 11:00

(712) 328-2606 www.firstchristiancb.org 20794 Highway 92

AM

after the loss Worship Times: Traditional Service: 8:00 and 11:00

NEW HORIZON

PRESBYTERIAN CHURCH 30 Valley View Drive

712-323-7129

AM AM

Church School: (For Children & Adults!)

10:00 AM Family Praise Service: 9:00

WWW.NewHorizonPC.org

AM

DODGE CHRISTIAN CHURCH

Worship Times:

3200 Avenue C

(712) 322-8725 information@dodgememorial.com www.dodgememorial.com

Sundays at 10:30

AM

Sunday School: (For ALL ages!)

9:30

AM

of a family member or close friend.

OF

STEPHEN MINISTERS SAINT JOHN LUTHERAN CHURCH

Everyday People Serving God Every Day Sunday School: 9:30

AM

Sunday Worship: 10:30

AM

Twin Cities

Wednesday Youth: 6:30

PM

4220 Gifford Road

Weekly Bible Studies:

Our Mission: Sharing Jesus’ love with the hurting in the trenches of life ●

SERVICES

●

5:30 PM Saturday 8:30 & 11:00 AM Sunday SAINT JOHN LUTHERAN CHURCH 633 Willow Ave., Council Bluffs, IA 51501

(712) 323-7173

CHRISTIAN CHURCH 366-9112

Call for times & locations

SYMPATHY AND UNDERSTANDING

6F Sunday, August 8, 2010

The Daily Nonpareil

Support groups can help with the grieving process TIM JOHNSON Staff Writer tjohnson@nonpareilonline.com (712) 325-5750

Something about sharing sorrows with other people makes them more manageable.

Too often, people feel like they must grieve alone, said Dick Sladky, facilitator for a support group sponsored by CutlerO’Neill Funeral Home that meets at The Center.

They think, “I’m the only one going through that type of thing, so nobody else would understand,” he said.

In a support group, while everyone’s situation may be a little bit different, they can still relate to the pain other members feel, he said. Sharing their stories helps keep them from feeling socially isolated.

Becky Henkel, facilitator of a group that meets at St. John Lutheran Church, has found the same thing.

She offers information about coping with grief, and group members share with each other, she said.

“We have a discussion period and do a lot of sharing and caring,” she said. “One of the first things we do is share our stories.”

The group was launched in April 2009, Henkel said.

“I did it after the loss of my own husband two years ago,” she said. “Someone else in the congregation experienced a need, and I agreed that was needed.”

She had done some grief support in graduate school, and her pastor encouraged her to lead

the group.

“I did a lot of reading and attended a couple workshops on grief and end-of-life care – and I continue to do that,” Henkel said.

Leading the group was emotionally difficult, at first, Henkel said.

“I was rather fearful of starting it … but the group gave me so much (support) that it outweighed whatever concerns I had or fear of doing the whole thing,” she said.

While most participants in the past have been St. John members, the group is open to anyone, Henkel said. Some members have formed friendships and keep in touch between events.

“The first group I had when I started gets together periodically to see how the others are doing,” she said.

Sladky encouraged people who have suffered a loss to participate in a support group and share their grief.

“To ignore it and think you can get through it just by doing nothing is just not realistic,” he said.

Sladky’s group meets on the second and fourth Tuesdays of the month from 4:30 to 6 p.m. at The Center, 714 S. Main St. The group is sponsored by Cutler but open to everyone.

Henkel’s group meets Tuesdays at 7 p.m. at St. John Lutheran Church, 633 Willow Ave. Sessions are held for nine weeks at a time, with the series being offered several times a year, she said. The group is currently between sessions.

Staff photo/Cindy Christensen

Dick Sladky, the facilitator of a grief support group held at The Center, listens to stories of those dealing with the loss of of loved ones.

Delivered RIGHT to YOU Call today to subscribe!

535 W. Broadway, Suite 300 • Council Bluffs, IA

328-1811

The Daily Nonpareil

SYMPATHY AND UNDERSTANDING

Sunday, August 8, 2010 7F

Finding and buying the right cemetery plot DENNIS FRIEND Staff Writer dennis.friend@nonpareilonline.com (712) 325-5746

Many people find the notion of shopping for a final resting place distressing.

Tony Sondag can offer a word or two of reassurance. Sondag sells cemetery plots for Walnut Hill Cutler Cemeteries Inc., which operates the Walnut Hill, Ridgewood, Cedar Lawn and Memorial Park Cemeteries in Council Bluffs.

He said purchasing a burial plot can be done far ahead of time or at the time of a loved one’s death, but the best approach is to purchase the space before it’s needed.

Find out about cost and availability of adjacent plots. Sondag said someone may decide to buy a plot, and “often other family members will buy a space pre-need.

Most people want to be near family.”

Maybe they want to be near a road so people won’t have to walk too far,” Sondag suggested.

As with buying other property, location matters. Plots in a rural cemetery generally are less expensive than those in an urban setting.

Family preferences and reasonable prices play a role, but Sondag said preferences even extend to areas of an individual cemetery.

“Maybe they want to be near a road so people won’t have to walk too far,” Sondag suggested.

Sondag said potential clients needn’t worry about the setting at Walnut Hill, Ridgewood, Cedar Lawn and Memorial Park because “all our cemeteries are on a hillside” so all the spaces will have a nice view.

Three of those cemeteries have flat markers while the fourth allows upright markers.

The funeral home often can arrange to purchase the plot, but Sondag said, “Most people like to work directly with a cemetery. We can find out if there are other family members there, and we can find out how close we can get them to another family member.”

Less expensive options may be available, Sondag said, so “It’s a good idea to ask for prices. You know what you’re getting that way.”

For instance, a cremation will allow the ashes of two people to be buried in one space, and “the aver-

Staff photos/Cindy Christensen

At top, several plots are outfitted with large monument style tombstones on the rolling hils of Walnut Cemtery, located at 1350 East Pierce Street. Above, There is also the more subtle option of an inground stone. age space starts at $750 and can go up,” Sondag said.

Most people still choose a traditional funeral.

Other factors may add to the costs.

For instance, “there are costs in digging the hole,” and opening and

closing fees can vary. Sondag said payment plans often are available.

“Once they buy the plot, it’s theirs. They own it,” which means

the plot can be sold or the ownership transferred.

“I’ve seen plot for sale on Craig’s List,” he said.

8F Sunday, August 8, 2010

SYMPATHY AND UNDERSTANDING

The Daily Nonpareil

F

rom the first call, Maher-Livingston Funeral Home is dedicated to providing personal, professional and caring services.

Mikee Maher

Mattt Livingston

Terrii Musgrave

Regann Webb

Beaa Hamlingg & Kittyy Lewis

Donaldd Friedricksenn & Donaldd Rowland

If you have experienced a loss or are considering pre-arrangements, our desire is to assist you in any way possible.

Committedd too Servingg Thosee inn Need.

121 S. 7th Street • Council Bluffs, IA • 328-1144 www.maherlivingstonfh.com