Northern Express - December 06, 2021

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NORTHERN MICHIGAN’S WEEKLY • dec 06 - DEC 12, 2021 • Vol. 31 No. 49 Northern Express Weekly • Decemeber 06, 2021 • 1

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2 • December 06, 2021 • Northern Express Weekly

letters Another Civil War? The “Civil” War was America’s bloodiest war, brother against brother, neighbor against neighbor. The issues involved closely reflect the issues separating brothers and neighbors today. More than 750,000 Americans died — 2.5 percent of the population. With today’s population numbers, 2.5 percent would be 7 million people.

When it ended, no minds were changed, just the political control over the geography involved. We gained nothing, learned nothing, from that devastation. That is proven as the descendants of those issues are still separating us today.

When the people with guns surrounded our state capitol, it seriously confused me.

Why were all the assault weapons necessary?

It confused me again to learn it all had to do with the governor’s attempts to keep us alive. Those people were there to take control of the government and make the governor stop trying to save our lives.

I realize we were raised by a mindless mass entertainment industry that conditioned us to think first in terms of weapons and violence to cope with ideas and issues we don’t fully understand. We have been solving our mutual problems through our elected representatives for over 200 years; we have to bring back the integrity of those institutions.

I recently lost a very close friend to a sudden heart attack. I was shocked by how deeply it affected me and how time hasn’t softened the blow or filled the space created by his passing.

We can fight another Civil War. Some say it’s unavoidable. But how many brothers and neighbors do you want to watch die?

There are no winners in war. People can be beaten, but that is not going to change their minds. The injustice they would feel in defeat would only make them more committed to their cause.

Please, take the weapons and violent attitudes out of the stupidity of modern politics!

Bob Wallick, Cross Village Kudos I just wanted to comment on the opinion piece by Isiah Smith, Jr., “Running Out the Clock,” and the essay by Kathleen Stocking, “Looking for the Invisible Infinite in the Footprints of Wolves” [both featured in the Nov. 29 issue]. I thought they were both so beautiful and inspiring. They brought me to tears and were so enjoyable to read while drinking my coffee, looking out at the snow.

Thank you.

Bethany Newell, Traverse City Bergman Doesn’t Represent Us As the recently-passed bipartisan infrastructure bill gets implemented and you begin to see the results — from roads and bridges to broadband internet, public transportation, and renewable energy — please keep in mind that your “representative” in Washington, D.C., Congressman Jack Bergman, voted against the bill.

In fact, only 13 Republicans in the House had the integrity to do what once was routine: work with the other party to get something done to help the American people. Jack Bergman was not one of them.

Those who voted to help their constituents are now receiving death threats and being

ostracized by the leaders of their own party, for having the gall to work with Democrats and let a Democratic president (of the American people) have a win. Bergman is part of the radical, authoritarian, antidemocratic wing of the party, which seems more interested in scoring political points, skewing elections in their favor, and riling up their base than in actually doing something that would benefit their constituents.

So when Bergman starts touting all the wonderful things he has done for his district, and all the federal dollars coming in to do these projects, remember that it’s happening in spite of his vote; not because of it. And when election time comes next year, let’s send somebody to Washington who’s interested in representing their constituents and getting things done to benefit us.

Dean Conners, Cedar My Shortlist My litmus test is this: Are you a danger to yourself? Are you a danger to others?

Here is my shortlist, which rises to a level of danger where solution-based remedies are needed immediately.

1. Unregulated bio-labs and biowarfare ravaging our planet.

2. Nuclear power: Like viruses, you can’t see the lethal fallout coming.

3. 5G: Man, I wish my ears would stop ringing. All 5G towers must be converted to solar and wind collectors that will in turn pave the way to shifting energy investment from carbon emitters to carbon-neutral and begin to restore the health of our planet.

4. Roundup and all weed killers and harmful pesticides that many other countries have banned because they recognized the wisdom of working with nature rather than against it. Duh. 5. Air flights, space flights, and space trash. Pretend I am the Earth talking.

Get your act together, humans, and stop mucking up me and my atmosphere!

6. Big pharmaceuticals and medical institutions have evolved into objectifying humans for profit while plying invasive, expensive procedures that cause other medical problems rather than actually practicing sustainable healing that works and is much less expensive.

7. Guns and bigotry: I grew up near Oxford, Michigan. Need I say more.

8. Vaccines: Quite frankly, they are not working. More conversations are needed rather than an autocratic attack on our free speech. The feds are using our taxes to fund a toxic remedy regime while continuing to deny millions who have recovered from Covid from verifying our bodies’ natural immune response by garnering the correct antibody test (IgG S1, S2, N, quantitative protein serum) for vaccine development only. One of the many lies being plied is that unvaccinated people are spreading the Covid virus when the vaccinated are having breakthrough infections — infections being the operative word — which is the real culprit spreading Covid.

The neoliberal Democrats are going to lose big in 2024 if they fail to listen to all of the science.

Charlene Verschaeve, Cedar

CONTENTS features

Angeline Boulley..............................................9 Champagne Problems...................................10 Hospitality Sweet...........................................11 Holiday Soundtrack......................................12

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columns & stuff

Top Ten........................................................4 Spectator/Stephen Tuttle...............................6 Opinion.........................................................7 Weird............................................................8 Dates........................................................18 Film..........................................................20 Nitelife..........................................................23 Advice......................................................24 Astrology...................................................25 Crossword.................................................25 Classifieds................................................26

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Northern Express Weekly • Decemeber 06, 2021 • 3

this week’s

top ten TC Central’s Josh Burnham a contender for two national football honors Christmas came early this year for Traverse City Central football phenom Josh Burnham. The national Maxwell Football Club named him one of 16 semifinalists for its prestigious National High School Defensive Player of the Year award.

That honor comes on the heels of the announcement that he’s also in the running for the Butkus Award, which is given to the top linebacker in the country.

Whether Burnham wins either award, he’s got a lot to hang his hat — er … helmet on already. The 6-foot-4 linebacker was a key weapon in TC Central’s run to the Division 2 championship this year, which took place at Detroit’s Ford Field Nov. 26. Though Macomb County’s De La Salle kept the Trojans from taking the championship title, Burnham’s season tally added up to more than 1,300 yards rushing and a place in the upcoming All-American Bowl, which counts among its past players 13 future Heisman Trophy finalists and 74 Super Bowl champions.

Despite 16 scholarship offers from Division 1 universities around the nation, Burnham — who was born on St. Patrick’s Day 1992 — committed to play, on his March 17 birthday last spring, for Notre Dame next fall.

2

tastemaker Cellar 152’s Brauhaus Pretzel & Beer Cheese

There’s something about the dark skies and early nightfall that makes evenings inside sound especially inviting in December.

Of course, no proper hidey hole would be complete without a healthy stash of snacks, and maybe a few libations to boot. That’s where Cellar 152 Pub and Provisions in Elk Rapids comes in. Originally established in 2015 as a destination wine bar, this underthe-radar retreat has since expanded to include an eclectic full-service menu with a focus on handmade and specialty fare. But before embracing that long winter’s nap, be sure to — literally — get your hands on their Pretzel and Beer Cheese. A shareable tapa intended for two, this classic Bavarian “Brauhaus” pretzel is brushed with butter right after baking, lovingly sprinkled with just enough kosher salt, and smartly served on a banana hanger with a generous pool of an aged cheddar blend spiked with Moosehead Canadian Lager. Pair one with a hearty pint — and many extra napkins because you’re sure to be scooping this stuff up without restraint. $14 at Cellar 152. 152 River St., Elk Rapids. (231) 264-9000. www.cellar152.com.

4 • December 06, 2021 • Northern Express Weekly

You’ll have a bluegrass Christmas Ya like a wee bit of the Celtic music, do ya, Lad? Then take a dooter on down to the Historic Elk Rapids Town Hall on Saturday, Dec. 11. The much-lauded Brian FitzGerald and Martin McCormack, of the duo Switchback, are bringing their multiple-award-winning brand of eclectic Celtic, bluegrass, and Americana Roots music to the village just in time for some toe-tappin’, heel-stomping, ear-lovin’ fun. Haven’t a baldy notion who they are? Switchback has been playing at concert halls, performing arts centers, and festivals around the world for almost 30 years. Trust us, this one is a big deal. Tickets are available at Corner Drugs in Elk Rapids, Oryana’s 10th St. location in Traverse City, and at brownpapertickets.com.

4

Hey, read it Early Morning Riser

If you’ve ever experienced small-town life, you know that tattle is part of the package. Somehow, 26-year-old Jane does not. The heroine of Katherine Heiny’s newest novel, “Early Morning Riser,” Jane’s just arrived in Boyne City, Michigan, pursuing her first adult teaching position. Here, Jane’s Boyne City is a modest ’burb bursting with secrets (most notably her own). After falling for Duncan, the local lothario, Jane’s inclined to cut and run. But when an accident singlehandedly shatters the perfect relationship she had envisioned, Jane is forced to abandon her long-held beliefs about what — and who — holds the key to real happiness. A tender tale rendered with plenty of humor, “Early Morning Riser” is sure to send more than a few readers north for the winter. (Heiny, by the way, didn’t come upon her Boyne City setting by accident; thought she resides in Bethesda, Maryland, she is a former resident of BC.)

5

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Get Crackin’: Nutcrackers

Would it, could it, should it be Christmas without a performance of The Nutcracker Ballet? We think not. Luckily, you and your little mouse soldiers have options all over the region: • The Ramsdell Regional Center for the Arts has three performances left: two 8pm performances Friday, Dec. 10 and Saturday, Dec. 11, and one 2pm performance Sunday, Dec. 12. Dancers from Manistee, Mason, and Benzie counties will perform.

Something special to note: The original ballet, scored by Pytor Tchaikovsky and staged

by Russian choreographer Marius Petipa, premiered in 1892, nearly the same time the Ramsdell was built. Even cooler, the “Dance of the SugarPlum Fairy” solo that audiences will see on the Ramsdell stage is the original Marius Petipa choreography. It was gifted to the current production’s director, Ingrid Bond, through Carol Greenaway, a Frankfort native and former professional ballerina, who learned it from the legendary Alexandra Danilova. ramsdelltheatre.org.

• Crooked Tree Arts Center School of Ballet’s presentation of the ballet will feature alloriginal choreography; you can see the school’s performances at 3pm or 6pm Dec. 11 and 3pm Dec. 12 at the Great Lakes Center for the Arts in Bay Harbor. www.greatlakescfa.org • Interlochen Arts Academy Dance Division will present their performances at 7:30pm Dec. 9, 10, and 11, plus two 2pm performances Dec. 11 and 12. www.interlochen.org/ concerts-and-events

Stuff We Love: Stink Stoppers As many inhabitants of our crowded pre-pandemic office can attest, one spray of Poo-Pourri Toilet Spray works wonders for eliminating the odors of No. 2. But while a plastic bottle with the word “Poo” on it might be fine for a casual office environment, it doesn’t exactly scream “classy” in one’s well-appointed guest bathroom. A more understated option to set near the sink before your next gathering: These Full of Fire Matches we found at Poppy Things in Suttons Bay. With 100 tall (3 ½-inch) wooden matches set inside, the apothecary-like glass bottle sports a label made for striking and a sophisticated subtlety no plastic-bottled poo spray can match. What’s more, the match heads come in an array of super-chic colors; choose from teal, soft pink, powder blue, black, or white. Pair your pick with a pretty ashtray and exhale (and inhale) with ease; your bathroom is ready for anything — even Uncle Bubba. $19 at www.poppythingsshop.com.

Yes, Virginia, there are professional carolers Free, open to all, with easy social distancing on a snowy outdoor “stage” illuminated with thousands of lights and decorated trees — the Sashay Quartet’s upcoming holiday caroling performance promises to draw and delight all generations of holiday revelers.

The quartet wowed a crowd with songs on the lawn of the Old Art Building in Leland last year. By popular demand, they’re coming back to do it again at 5:30pm Saturday, Dec. 10.

The Sashay Quartet — made up of Jill Steckley, tenor; Deb Densmore, lead; Lori Phillips, baritone; and Jill Watson, bass (all members of the all-female, award-winning Grand Traverse Show Chorus) — has been performing since 2005. The setting for their songs couldn’t be better: The Old Art Building’s front lawn is covered with thousands of lights and many Christmas trees adorned with “Peace” ornaments decorated by community members. For additional information, call the Old Art Building at (231) 256-2131.

8 casual worship @ 9a | traditional worship @ 11a ONLINE ANYTIME AT: tccentralumc.org | facebook.com/cumctc

bottoms up Stella’s Hot Buttered Rum Few things fend off November’s chill quite like a swig of something spiked. For the ultimate internal thaw, cozy up to a cupful of hot buttered rum. With recipes preceding the American revolution, this traditional cocktail is a bar-backed staple, but we suspect none do it more authentically than Trattoria Stella in Traverse City. Helmed by Advanced Sommelier Amanda Danielson, Stella’s legendary bar program has been catering to palette and presentation since opening its doors in 2004; and from frothy top to creamy base, their Hot Buttered Rum is no exception. To build the drink, bartenders begin with a scoop of house “butter batter” — that’s a baking-inspired compound butter with brown sugar, fresh vanilla bean, and a warming spice blend of cinnamon and nutmeg. From there, they add in a shot of caramelly Angostura 7-Year Rum and enough hot water to fill a footed coffee mug. Stirred and garnished with a healthy dollop of homemade whipped cream, this cold-weather cureall is best savored slowly — or until the feeling returns to your fingers. $14 at Trattoria Stella.

1200 W. 11th St., Traverse City. (231) 929-8989. www.stellatc.com

Northern Express Weekly • Decemeber 06, 2021 • 5

CONSPIRACIES EVERYWHERE

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by Stephen Tuttle This will one day undoubtedly be referred to as the Golden Age of Conspiracy Theories.

There is hardly a subject you can mention that does not have one or more groups claiming some manner of conspiracy exists sure to threaten us all.

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There are so many outlandish conspiracy theories, some of which we’ll get to in a bit, that we often overlook the fact there are real conspiracies in addition to the theories. Real conspiracies — a covert plan by some group to

The very beginning of the 20th Century was such a time. The second industrial revolution was in full swing, and technical advancements, including the early efforts at automation, conflicted with the influx of people from rural America to cities. Conspiracy theories, especially concerning the significant influx of immigrants, were abundant. All of it was destructive and almost none true.

Conspiracy theories, especially concerning the significant influx of immigrants, were abundant.

All of it was destructive and almost none true. do something illegal or harmful —have their own rich history, reality rather than theory.

When Julius Caesar heard rumors a conspiracy was afoot, it turned out to be more than just a theory; 60 members of the Roman senate, led by Marcus Brutus, secretly plotted the successful assassination of their leader.

The Nazis took conspiracy theories to horrific depths. Looking for a scapegoat for their economic woes, they settled on Jews and others outside the mainstream. Their propaganda machine promulgated a litany of false conspiracy theories that led directly to the very real deaths of millions.

A bit more recently, there were conspiracies aplenty during our Revolutionary War, and there had to be. A majority of residents in the colonies were loyal to the British or ambivalent so planning for the actual uprising was a clandestine affair. The Brits conducted their own conspiracies, including the one involving Benedict Arnold. Less than a century later, leaders of what became the Confederacy conspired to organize a secession that led to the bloodiest war in our history. In the modern era, Watergate and Iran-Contra were very real conspiracies.

The 1950s gave us the conspiracy theories of Senator Joe McCarthy who saw communist plots everywhere, from Hollywood to the Department of Defense. The assassination of President Kennedy gave birth to dozens of theories, all involving nefarious conspiracies.

Some blamed the mafia, some the CIA or Cuban exiles, or Cuba itself. Theories still abound because it seems inconceivable to most that an insignificant cipher like Lee Harvey Oswald could so dramatically change history on his own.

Real conspiracies rarely have the drama, even explosiveness, of a conspiracy theory, the belief that some group is secretly responsible for some event or circumstance that has negatively affected some other group.

The best of these from antiquity takes us back to Rome in July 64 CE. The slums of the city were tightly packed, flimsy wooden structures, so when a fire started, it spread out of control quickly and burned for days. A third of the city was wiped out and hundreds died.

The rumors began that Emperor Nero and his cronies had conspired to intentionally burn the city so they could rebuild it the way they wanted. He was out of the town when the fire started, but it was said he sang in celebration when he heard Rome was burning.

In fact, there was no evidence Nero had any involvement in the fire nor did he celebrate the destruction. But, not to be outdone, he created his own conspiracy theory, blaming Christians for the fire. Grotesquely, he then crucified or burned at the stake many of those he falsely accused of being arsonists and conspirators.

Conspiracy theories tend to abound during periods of discontent, confusion, or misunderstanding. When something doesn’t

6 • December 06, 2021 • Northern Express Weekly

seem quite right, it’s easy enough to conjure up a conspiratorial villain.

Now everything is a conspiracy. There is the QAnon conspiracy theory that a cabal of Democrats and Hollywood leftists are dedicated to the kidnapping, sexual abuse, torture, and killing of children with some cannibalism thrown in for good measure.

Donald Trump is the king of conspiracy theories — it seems almost everybody is out to get him. There was the “deep state” conspiracy that apparently involved the State Department, Department of Justice, the intelligence community, the military, the Food and Drug Administration, and even the FBI. That has been replaced by the election fraud conspiracy theory that would necessarily have involved hundreds, perhaps thousands, of people: Republican and Democrat officeholders, Venezuelans, Chinese hackers, vote-counting machine manufacturers ... it’s a long and odd list.

Inevitably, some of the loudest conspiracy theorists are now turning on each other, creating conspiracy theories within their conspiracy theories. And that pillow guy, still pushing the election fraud theory, is claiming GOP attorneys general are conspiring against him.

The conspiracies are everywhere. At least that’s the theory.

DEMOCRACY IN CRISIS

guest opinion

by Tom Gutowski In their 2018 book, “How Democracies Die,” Harvard University political scientists Steven Levitsky and Daniel Ziblatt say that nowadays, democracies seldom die abruptly. Today’s aspiring authoritarians use mostly legal methods abetted by occasional violence, or threats of violence, to slowly hollow out the system, leaving a shell of democracy without the substance.

According to Levitsky and Ziblatt, wannabe autocrats can be identified by four behaviors: rejection of established norms, denial of the legitimacy of opponents, encouragement of violence, and desire to curtail the civil liberties of opponents and the media.

Donald Trump has exhibited all four behaviors.

He pushed birtherism, reveled in chants of “lock her up,” urged then-Attorney General Bill Barr to arrest Joe Biden, attacked the press and the judiciary, claimed the last election was rigged before it was even held, talked about tightening libel laws so he could go after his critics, refused to concede, encouraged his supporters to beat up protestors, heaped praise on dictators, and encouraged the Jan. 6 insurrection. And, of course, there’s the megalomaniacal “only I can fix it” thing.

Whether or not Trump runs in 2024, Trumpism maintains a firm and tightening grip on the new, radical GOP. Moderate Republicans have resigned in droves rather than get primaried from the right. We now have Republican QAnon supporters in the House of Representatives, while Liz Cheney was removed from a leadership position for telling the truth about the 2020 election. Few GOP leaders have the courage to stand up to Trump or to the conspiracy theorists.

Part one of the radical GOP strategy for regaining the White House consists of focusing almost entirely on culture-war issues: mask and vaccine mandates, what gets taught about race and racism in K-12 schools, immigration, and police reform. The purpose isn’t to generate constructive dialogue, but rather, to stoke enough fear and outrage to send their voters running to the polls, and to demonize Democrats — because if you can convince your base that your opponents are out to “destroy the American way of life,” there’s no limit to what you can get away with.

Even a violent coup attempt begins to seem reasonable and patriotic.

Part two is obstruction. If Democrats are for it, the GOP is against it. When Republicans are in power, they routinely raise the debt ceiling, but when a Democrat is president, they’re horrified by the very idea. Republicans wanted an infrastructure plan while Trump was President, but once Biden passed one, some Republicans called the plan communist and asked minority leader Kevin McCarthy to punish the 13 GOP Representatives who voted for it. Several of those 13, including Michigan’s Fred Upton, even received death threats. Jack Bergman voted against the bill despite the substantial benefits that it will have for Michigan.

This obstructionism isn’t just gamesmanship; for the radical right, it’s a strategic imperative.

Anytime you admit that anything your opponents do is good, you risk diminishing your ability to demonize them. Ideally, the other side has to be all wrong, all the time, with no exceptions.

Part three is voter suppression, using methods that disproportionately disenfranchise minorities and favor Republicans. The excuse — the lie that the 2020 election was stolen — has been thoroughly debunked. Nevertheless, under the guise of protecting election integrity, hundreds of bills in multiple states aim to reduce the use of mail-in ballots, stiffen ID requirements, reduce the number of drop boxes and polling places, curtail registration drives, and intimidate election officials with threats of criminal prosecution for minor technical violations.

For example, one of the bills in Michigan would ban in-kind contributions to election clerks.

This innocent-sounding provision would end the use of donated election sites, like churches, which could reduce the number of polling places in Michigan by an estimated 20 percent.

For Traverse City area news and events, visit TraverseTicker.com

This and other provisions could become law despite not having majority support and despite Gov. Whitmer’s veto; if enough voters sign the deceptively named “Secure MI Vote” petition, Republican legislators can bypass Whitmer and approve the laws. Voting rights advocates say that if they succeed, the result would be one of the most restrictive sets of voting laws in the country.

Part four of the plan is to drive out honest and experienced local and state election officials, Republican as well as Democrat, and replace them with party activists who parrot the lie about the 2020 election being stolen. In a few states, the legislatures are also trying to take power away from election officials and vest it in themselves. The officials who are being systematically removed or disempowered functioned as the guardrails of democracy in 2020. By 2024, much of the electoral machinery may in the hands of people far more interested in getting the outcome they want than ensuring the fairness of the process.

One of the forces driving out honest election officials is intimidation. Some officials report being on the receiving end of a veritable barrage of threats. Nationwide, one-third of all election officials report feeling physically unsafe, and no wonder. According to a recent poll, 80 percent of Republicans continue to believe that the 2020 election was stolen, and 30 percent say they’re willing to use violence to “save” America.

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For American democracy to die, all that’s required is for enough citizens to assume that its survival is inevitable. It isn’t. If you’ve been on the political sidelines, watching, now is the time to get actively involved. Maintaining a healthy democracy isn’t a spectator sport.

Tom Gutowski earned a PhD in History from the University of Chicago before entering the insurance industry, from which he retired a few years ago.

Northern Express Weekly • Decemeber 06, 2021 • 7

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High Standards The 10-foot-tall artificial Christmas tree that the town council installed in the Grimsby town center in England left locals underwhelmed, Grimsby Live reported -- to the point that the council had the expensive decoration removed. Snarky comments included one from a resident who said he had a bigger tree in his house, and another called it “an insult to Grimsby.” The council responded that the tree cost more than 1,000 pounds but said it had been installed too early, and the traditional live tree from a nearby farm would be installed on Nov. 25. The fake tree will be reinstalled for a Christmas market.

Least Competent Criminal Jerry McDonald of Chattanooga, Tennessee, was with an acquaintance when he passed out from drinking. His friend, trying to help out, took McDonald’s phone to text his boss that he wouldn’t be in to work that afternoon. But instead, the friend found alarming texts in which McDonald detailed a plan to kill an unnamed woman and take her money: “Please kill her babe, please. I’m begging you. There’s over a million in her dad’s safe. I’m saying I won’t get caught,” McDonald had texted, according to NewsChannel9-TV. But, of course, he did get caught, and now is held in the Hamilton County jail on $75,000 bond.

Canada may want to rethink opening its border to Americans after Vivian Richards, 48, of Oakland Park, Florida, tried to smuggle 56 guns into Sarnia, Ontario, in the trunk of her car on Nov. 1. Richards was referred for secondary inspection, DH News reported, after officers of the Canada Border Services Agency looked in her trunk. Along with the firearms, they found 13 overcapacity magazines, 43 pistol magazines and 100 rounds of ammunition. She faces several charges, including possession for the purpose of weapons trafficking.

Terrifying AND Gross Seizures are frightening enough, but seizures caused by tapeworms add an element of “eww.” According to doctors in Massachusetts who recently described the case in the New England Journal of Medicine, the otherwise-healthy 38-yearold man had had dead tapeworm cysts lodged in his brain for decades -- a relatively rare form of infestation called neurocysticercosis. When these cysts become stuck in the brain, they can cause pressure, inflammation and neurological symptoms that are sometimes confused for brain tumors. But symptoms may not manifest for years. This man’s cysts caused no problems until three years ago, when he fell out of bed, “shaking and speaking gibberish,” then had a two-minute seizure on the way to the hospital. Luckily, he was discharged after five days of treatment and remains in good health today.

8 • December 06, 2021 • Northern Express Weekly

Rock On Missouri man Kyle Scheele, with the help of friends, made a cardboard cutout of himself “jamming out with a pizza guitar” and advertising something called the “Kyle Scheele Meal.” He then placed the cutout in a local gas station and waited to see how

long his prank would last. But after the fake ad went viral on TikTok, convenience store chain Kum & Go made the Scheele Meal real. It included a Red Bull and a pizza sandwich, “which is just two pieces of pizza smashed face-to-face,” Scheele said. The promotion ran for about a week, with Kum & Go donating $2 of every $5 meal to the charity No Kid Hungry.

Do You Hear That?

Residents of Barwell, a small English town, have been dealing with an unexplained noise for about a year. It’s been described as “a humming noise,” a “low-frequency droning sound” and a “horrible din” that never stops. Resident Ange Redshaw said, “At night, even lying on the pillow, you can feel the vibration, it’s that loud. During the day, I can hear it over traffic noise.” And now it seems to be spreading: Brian Heath, a resident of nearby Stapleton, says he has heard the “slow, rolling, rumbling sound” for a few weeks. “It’s quite a heavy noise ... You can feel the pressure on your body,” he said.

No cause has yet been identified.

Nope In Aswan, Egypt, recent inclement weather -- including “vicious rain, dust storms and snow” -- has forced hordes of scorpions from their usual hiding places and into homes and streets. BBC News reported that three people have died so far from scorpion stings, and 450 have been injured. The injured are being treated with antivenom. Health officials have even had to recruit doctors who were on vacation to help with the influx of patients.

Lost and Found A lost ring will soon find its way home -- after 70 years. Kelly Stewart of Richfield, Utah, found the ring in 2019 while using his metal detector in the yard of an abandoned home. It’s a 10-karat gold ring from the 1943 class of the Colorado School of Mines, inscribed with the initials “R.W.D.” Kelly found a 1948 yearbook from the school on eBay, which revealed the ring’s likely owner: Richard William Deneke. Deneke is nearing his 100th birthday at a nursing home in Georgia, and Stewart plans to mail the ring back to him. “I think it’s amazing,” Deneke told Stewart in a phone call.

A special bear is back home where he belongs. Stuffed bear Teddy was the first gift Ben and Addie Pascal of Jackson Hole, Wyoming, sent to their daughter Naomi before adopting her in 2016. Naomi, now 6, brought Teddy on family trips to Ethiopia, Rwanda, Croatia, Greece -- and, last October, to Glacier National Park in Montana. By the time the family realized Teddy was lost, snowfall had closed the higher elevations of the park for the season. Ranger Tom Mazzarisi found Teddy on a trail and couldn’t bring himself to throw out the toy, instead keeping it as a mascot on his dashboard all winter.

Nearly a year later, the Pascals’ family friend Terri Hayden visited Glacier and spotted a stuffed bear in a ranger’s truck.

After confirming it was Teddy, Mazzarisi returned the bear -- along with a junior park ranger badge and ranger hat.

Meet the Storyteller behind “Firekeeper’s Daughter” A conversation with Angeline Boulley

Decades in the making, author Angeline Boulley’s debut novel started with a “What if” idea she had in high school and didn’t begin crafting into a book until age 44. “I had this realization about how quickly time was passing,” she says, “and that I still had some dreams I wanted to accomplish.” Since publication, “Firekeeper’s Daughter” has hit bestseller status and, following a bidding war, which Barack and Michelle Obama’s Higher Ground Productions won, is being made into a series that will be available on Netflix in spring 2022.

By Anna Faller For indigenous author Angeline Boulley, storytelling has become almost second nature. A longtime communication liaison for local tribes, Boulley honed her storytelling skills in fairly demanding medium: writing grant applications for the various Native American tribes with whom she worked.

“That was my storytelling training because you’re creating compelling narratives for people who don’t know anything about your community.”

But while she was busy telling others’ stories, Boulley forgot to tell her own. In fact, the inspiration for her book arrived decades ago, when she was just 18.

“I was a high school senior,” she says, “and one of my best friends attended a different high school. She told me about a new boy in her senior class, and she thought he might be my type.

Spoiler alert: He wasn’t. In fact, he wasn’t even a student. Instead, the “new kid” was actually an undercover officer, sent to the high school to pose as a student and find the suppliers from a recent drug bust.

“I remembered thinking, what if he and I had met?” she says, and then adds the question that drove her imagination on: “What if he needed my help?”

The possibilities evolved into a premise Boulley couldn’t quite shake. “The idea that really stayed with me was, why would some undercover drug investigation need the help of an ordinary 18-year-old Ojibwe girl?” she says. “That was the idea that stuck in my mind.”

And it lingered there for the next few decades, long after Boulley graduated high school, earned her degree from Central Michigan University, and carved out an impressive career in Indigenous education.

Her work included serving as the education

and assistant executive director for the Sault Ste. Marie Tribe of Chippewa Indians (of which she is also an enrolled member) and most recently, as director for the Office of Indian Education (OIE) at the U.S. Department of Education.

As Boulley worked with local tribes on making their members’ educational dreams a reality, she also began to see how her imagined plight might play out — but in fiction.

“All these years of working in tribal communities [helped me] answer that question of why an Ojibwe young woman might be involved in a situation like this,” she says.

So, at 44 years of age — a full 26 years after the idea first came to her — Boulley set out to finish the story.

A fictionalized story inspired by Boulley’s own tribe, “Firekeeper’s Daughter” follows Daunis Fontaine — a character Boulley initially based on herself — whose biracial background makes being ‘accepted’ both on and off her reservation feel futile.

But when a new and potent form of meth hits uncomfortably close to home, Daunis is forced to go undercover, where the stakes are — literally — life or death.

The scintillating crime-novel package is mostly, and intentionally, says Boulley, cosmetic. “To have [the novel] be this ‘indigenous Nancy Drew’ story seemed like a good hook,” she says frankly. But when readers break beyond the commercial appeal of the book’s framework — and they will, quickly — they’ll find layers of racism, justice, and loss.

“It’s a deeper journey, at its heart,” Boulley says. “It’s just dressed up like a thriller.”

For the author, the lynchpin of the book is one of finding — and claiming — indigenous identity. Though Boulley herself has a lighter complexion, she says her family’s skin tones run the gambit; she and

they are no stranger to bigotry’s bite, even within the Native culture.

“Seeing how [prejudices like] colorism impact identity, and seeing the struggles that native students, including my own children, had in different communities made me [realize] that the deeper story was a young person claiming their place as a native person, as well as in their community.”

Of course, that ‘place’ is contingent on representation, particularly in conventional media. Boulley says it wasn’t until she was a senior in high school that she first read a story with a Native protagonist. “I had already [finished] it by the time that I realized and wondered why that was,” she says. Unfortunately, the story was outright offensive, playing into common cultural tropes, “where the beautiful Indian maiden, who was the daughter of a chief, ran off with some white guy with a pickup truck.”

Though she didn’t have the language to express her complicated emotions of finding and then finishing the tale, Boulley said she remembers feeling deeply dissatisfied — and maybe even a little betrayed. “I thought I would feel overjoyed about the story,” she says, “but the representation was problematic.”

It’s this flagrant fault in mainstream society that Boulley aims to fill, both for her slighted teenage self and the multitudes she represents. “[The book] is very relevant, because it touches on justice — who gets it, and who doesn’t,” she says.

But more than that, she hopes “Firekeeper’s Daughter” is a reminder that identity is a shared experience. And if we can’t find ourselves in books, how will we know what that is? “I wanted a story that [both] my students and former students could see themselves reflected in,” says Boulley, “and one that my daughter could read in high school. We are not relics of the past. Native people are still here, living vibrant, dynamic lives.”

The Host: Holly T. Bird A 1999 graduate of DePauw’s College of Law, Holly T. Bird began her career as a hearing officer for Chicago Public Schools, before private practice brought her back to northern Michigan. In 2010, she was appointed to her current position, serving as associate supreme court judge for the Nottawaseppi Huron Band of Potawatomi Indians. In addition to her legal endeavors, Bird served as co-executive director for the Water Protectors Legal Collective in support of the Standing Rock Sioux Tribe at NoDAPL and also founded and serves as executive director for the MI Water Protectors Legal Task Force. She lives in Traverse City with her husband and three children.

The Event

Indigenous educator and New York Times bestselling author Angeline Boulley joins the National Writers Series for a virtual event at 7pm Thursday, Dec. 9 to discuss her debut novel, “Firekeeper’s Daughter.” You can order it at Horizon Books for $16.10. Virtual tickets are $10.50. For more information, ticket sales, and registration, please visit Upcoming Events at nationalwritersseries.org.

Northern Express Weekly • Decemeber 06, 2021 • 9

Champagne Problems Northern Express tucks into a tasting to pop the rumor of a worldwide bubbly shortage — and guide you to some of the best Champs available

By Krista Weaver Before we lose our collective minds, don’t. There will be Champagne for the holiday season this year, but the wine industry is no exception to the logistical issues plaguing nearly everything else on the planet right now.

The hardest hit are perennial faves Veuve Clicquot and Moet & Chandon. If either of these is your go-to bubbly, you will likely be hard-pressed to find a bottle to bust open at your holiday soirees. “I haven’t had Veuve Clicquot since Memorial Day Weekend,” says Tali Morrison, wine and media manager at Burritt’s in Traverse City.

“Even pre-pandemic, Traverse City’s Midwest locale puts us at a disadvantage for inventory in the first place,” says Morrison. “Add to that: everyone is drinking more Champagne, and it starts to compound. In a sense, there is a shortage but for particular things. It also depends on how those companies want to market and sell, and where they’re pushing the majority of their resources and allocations. I am still getting Veuve but what I’m getting, I’m setting aside for those customers on our waitlist for Veuve Clicquot. That being said, this is a fantastic time to try new things.”

Morrison suggests several lesser-known but equally high-quality bruts at similar price points to Veuve and Moet. Bonus: They’re in stock! So, open your mind and your mouth because, no doubt, there’s a bottle here that’s sure to add some sparkle to your bubbly repertoire.

Laurent-Perrier La Cuvee, $62.59 Burritt’s most recommended as a Veuve replacement. This Brut from Champagne, France, blends Pinot Meunier, Pinot Nero, and Chardonnay grapes for a fresh, citrusy flavor and subtle effervescence that pairs equally well with poultry or midnight kisses. The still family-owned Champagne Laurent-Perrier has been blending Champagne since 1812, so you can rest assured the family knows what they’re doing.

Joseph Perrier Blanc de Blancs, $79.89.

The favorite supplier of the late Queen Victoria and King Edward VII, Joseph Perrier has been impressing bubble heads since 1825 with both barrel- and bottle-aged blends. Like Veuve Clicquot, this is also a Blanc de Blanc, so the blends are very similar. Morrison describes this bottle as a very mineral-driven, clean, crisp, and fresh classic: “Think of it as Veuve’s older, slightly more sophisticated sister.”

10 • December 06, 2021 • Northern Express Weekly

Christian Coquillette Saint-Chamant Blanc de Blancs Brut, $64.09.

“Everything that’s classic about champagne,” says Morrison. “Big bubbles, big mousse, big brioche. A little more yeasty than Veuve but a really fun bottle.” This 100% Chardonnay sparkler is described as “lemon curd spread on a croissant” and shies away from the acidity that some drinkers find overpowering. The head of the estate for 70 years, sadly Christian Coquillette, passed away in 2020 (non-Covid related, FYI) with his son, Stephane, assuming its control (more on him below). Still, their quality product and organic farming practices continue with all vineyard work and harvesting done by hand. Fun fact: The United States was the first to receive wines from this estate outside of France.

Even more fun? Buying six bottles gets you the case price. Happy New Year!

Stephane Coquillette Cuvee Diane Blanc de Blancs, $64.09 The son of Christian Coquillette, Stephane should be thought of as the exact opposite of the big brioche of his father’s Saint Chamant. The Cuvee Diane and his Cote d’Or are very similar to one another, says Morrison. “Lean, crispy, and very refreshing — like mineral water — they feel like tiny little caviar bubbles rolling off your tongue and then falling off the sides in little silky curtains, like lace made out of silk and caviar.” And, frankly, we won’t even try to improve on that luscious description.

Stephane Coquillette Inflorescence Cuvee, 51.00.

According to Morrison, even more so than the Cuvee Diane, this blend of Chardonnay, Pinot Noir, and Pinot Meunier grapes is “on your tongue and then gone.”

Inflorescence is a new addition to Coquillette’s grand line of high-quality, small-production Champagnes. Showing a coppery rose-gold in the glass (thanks to the higher percentage of red grapes), it has hints of cherry, raspberry, warm spice, and Stephane’s tongue-tingling minerality. Utterly delish!

If you’re still wary of replacing your familiar and famous Veuve Clicquot or Moet & Chandon with one of these options, know, A) You have no choice, sorry. And B) Morrison is here for you.

“I’ve tried most of these,” she says. “If I haven’t tried them, I’ve educated myself about them. This means, if you tell me what you like, I will find you something. Yes, it’s scary to try new things, but you don’t have to worry because I’ve tried them for you.” In other words, she’s the proverbial canary in the Champagne mine.

To be honest, we were more scared of a fullon Champagne shortage than of picking the “wrong” bubbly this holiday season. (Note: there is no “wrong” bubbly.) Also, remember, it’s only a champagne if it comes from the Champagne region of France; anything else is a sparkling opportunity and both local and international winemakers have a plethora of options available to you. So, get out there and pop some corks — and not just exclusively at the holidays. Every day we wake up should be a reason to celebrate, right?

Now go be fabulous. Cheers!

Hospitality Sweet Welcoming touches for your out-of-town guests

By Krista Weaver Whether you have a dedicated guest room or a living area that doubles as one, there’s no need to go all “Boutique Hotel” lavish to provide visiting friends and family with a gracious space. With even a few unexpected touches, you can ensure they’ll stay comfy, relaxed, and feeling right at home in your home this holiday season — or year-round. (On the other hand, skip this article entirely if you don’t like them or prefer their stay is short. We kid. We kid.)

Answer Before They Ask “What’s your WiFi password?” A simple picture frame on the nightstand is a smart and stylish solution for sharing all the deets they need to feel right at home in your corner of cyberspace.

Use it for clearly displaying your WiFi username and password, instructions and/or codes for your smart TV, front door, or garage, or even just a personal welcome message or pic taken on one of your adventures together. Any pretty frame will do; we liked this one, made from recycled sand-cast aluminum, that we found for $49 at The Lake House in Charlevoix.

Quench Their Late-night Thirst While intended for holding an entire 25-ounce bottle of wine (and we’re certainly here for that too), this glass-free, leak-proof canteen works equally well as a bedside water carafe. It’s perfect for those parched, 3am wakeups in a strange house with no idea where you are or what you’ve done the night before … or so we’re told). Filled with a cold bevy, it maintains the temperature for a full 24 hours. Leave it bedside with a bottle of aspirin, and your guests will be happy, hydrated, and ready for Round Two. Assorted colors. Nest, Traverse City. $42.50

A Good Night’s Sleep For a few nights, it hardly matters whether you pop guests on an air mattress or a kingsize Tempur-Pedic. But even a few hours with the wrong pillows can mean the difference between bright-eyed and bushy-tailed or an emergency call to the chiropractor and a neck brace. A good rule of thumb: Top your mattress with a variety of options. We suggest two firm and two soft pillows per double bed; two or three semi-squishy throw pillows (a bolster for the neck, a weighty square and rectangle for between the knees or along the mattress edge will do the trick for guests of all aches and ages); and, of course, an ultracozy extra blanket for afternoon naps and extra-chilly nights. Either way, they’ll feel like they’ve just checked in to The Ritz. We found this ruffle Chinchilla faux fur throw at The Quiet Moose in Petoskey for $379.

Feel free to use our WiFi

username: TheHenleysHouseRocks password: BrilliantRutabaga1225

Lull Them to Sleep Cover all the nighttime basics with this combination two-speed personal fan (hello, sweaty sleepers), flashlight, and USB charger. The fan can run for 12 hours at high speed, keeping guests cool while satisfying their need for a little white noise; the flashlight keeps them from tripping on those zero-dark-thirty bathroom breaks in an unfamiliar space, and the USB port keeps their phone charged so they can text you when they’re ready for their morning coffee. Or, better yet, to ask if you’re ready for your cup. The PAL-360, $25, is made in the USA and available at Votruba’s, Traverse City.

It’s The Little Things Likely, your guests traveled a long way, possibly through dicey weather, risking life and limb, to see you. Even if they didn’t, don’t leave them to wash their hair with that sub-par, two-in-one shampoo/conditioner combo favored by no-tell motels. Nobody looks or feels their best using that swill.

Instead set out some travel versions of a few high-end hair and body products. An easy, inexpensive way to make a simple shower feel that much fancier, plus, it’ll help your guest feel vibrant and touchably soft in all the selfies they’ll, no doubt, take inside their beautifully appointed guest quarters. We found an assortment of travel-size Pureology products at Studio 415 in Traverse City for $7.50 each.

Northern Express Weekly • Decemeber 06, 2021 • 11

Cue Up the Holiday Soundtrack New releases to fatten up your festive playlist

By Ross Boissoneau ’Tis not only the season for hosting parties, overindulging and exchanging gifts, it’s also the time when we all want to gouge out our ears at the first bars of Mariah Carey’s “All I want for Christmas” and Wham’s “Last Christmas.”

Do yourself and any impending holidaydinner guests a favor and don’t ask Alexa to play Christmas music. Curate a playlist of your old favorites and plug in some new releases too. If it’s long enough, you won’t have to hit repeat even once in an evening.

Here’s a list of new releases — warning: some do feature remastered classics, so curate accordingly — to fatten up and add variety to your season’s soundtrack: Thanks to the wonders of technology, we have a host of new/old music from the master, Nat King Cole, and many other stillliving stars. A Sentimental Christmas with Nat King Cole and Friends: Cole Classics Revisited includes a number of songs released during the crooner’s lifetime, with the bonus of special guests. Johnny Mathis trades lines with Cole on the opening “Deck The Hall/Joy to the World.” Kristen Chenoweth adds holiday wishes to “The Very Thought of You” and Gloria Estefan joins in with a duet on “A Nightingale Sang in Berkeley Square.” You can question the decision to resurrect Cole and join his voice with contemporary singers, but you can’t quibble with the results, especially when the legendary singer is paired with John Legend.

He’s not dead, but Steve Perry has been mostly absent from the music scene since

leaving Journey (twice). It’s likely that has whetted the appetite of his fans, but The Season is probably not the album they were anticipating. Perry says he was inspired to make the record based on the songs he heard while his grandmother was cooking holiday meals, keeping them simple. The understated accompaniment — piano, drums, strings, acoustic bass — is leagues away from “Separate Ways” or “Faithfully.”

But the voice, even with a hint of rasp, recalls the glory days of Perry’s arena rock days, and is perfectly suited to this material.

In another version of rock stars gone traditional, the remastered and expanded Winter Carols by Blackmore’s Night features the guitar maestro of “Smoke on the Water” exploring the sounds of the season, Renaissance-style. Ritchie Blackmore and wife Candice Night started the band after his final departure from Deep Purple, and among other folk/baroque recordings released Winter Carols in 2006. This version has been enhanced with five additional tracks. The band – a project, really, with the two principals the only consistent members – is in fine form. Though he’s mostly traded in his Strat for acoustic guitar, hurdy gurdy, mandola, mandolin, even nyckelharpa (look it up – I did), Blackmore does occasionally break out the electric guitar to great effect, as on “Hark the Herald Angels Sing/O Come All Ye Faithful.” The opening “Coventry Carol” is brand new, or at least their version of this 16th Century favorite is. Fine and festive.

If that wasn’t enough of a left turn, then try Christmas from India. Celebrated violinist

12 • December 06, 2021 • Northern Express Weekly

L. Shankar has played with everybody from Peter Gabriel to U2, Bruce Springsteen to John McLaughlin. It appears that the seasonal fare in the Indian subcontinent mirrors that of the Western world, as he takes on typical holiday fare. A dolorous intro to “Jingle Bells” hints that while the tunes may be familiar, the arrangements are hardly traditional, what with tabla and violin leading the way. While it includes “Deck The Halls and “O Holy Night,” Shankar also opts for more recent pop classics: Mariah Carey’s “All I Want for Christmas Is You,” Band Aid’s stirring “Do They Know It’s Christmas” and Wham!’s “Last Christmas” appear as well.

Country crooner Steve Holy gives listeners his twangy take on holiday music on A Christmas to Remember, and there are favorites all around. “I’ll Be Home for Christmas,” is the first Christmas song he learned the words to and the first he recorded for the album. “Santa Claus Is Back in Town” is his homage to Elvis, and “Bringing in a Brand New Year,” originally popularized by blues great Charles Brown, fits right in as well. Boogie-woogie, anyone?

Matchbox 20 frontman and occasional Santana vocalist Rob Thomas updates his “A New York Christmas 21” as part of a set of originals and favorites. Save Some Christmas is the title of both the album and single. He gets assists from Brad Paisley and Bebe Winans among others for this set of smooth holiday songs.

Kelly Clarkson’s When Christmas Comes Around is an ode to the big, brassy pop-country sound she helped popularize.

Nowhere is that more apparent than

“Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree.” The disc is split among traditional tunes and originals. Among the latter, she duets with Ariana Grande, Chris Stapleton and Brett Eldredge. But it’s the more intimate “Merry Christmas (to the One I Used to Know)” where Clarkson shines.

Eldredge himself has a new disc out this year. Mr. Christmas goes even bigger and brassier than Clarkson, starting right off the bat with “It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Year.” The title tune is an original by Eldredge and frequent collaborator Ross Copperman, while classics like “Jingle Bells” and “God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen” get a warm, symphonic treatment whether the songs deserve it or not. Highly recommended.

Jan Daley’s Home For Christmas is one of those discs that almost assuredly won’t get the airplay, online or broadcast, that it should. Yet it’s every bit as smooth as Cole’s.

It’s jazzy, but not abstruse enough to scare off those whose definition of jazz begins and ends with Kenny G. Heavily orchestrated in places, in others she’s accompanied by just piano and bass, as on “The Best Gift.”

Big bands are also bringing the joy.

Bandleader and arranger Steven Feifke and lyricist, vocalist and trumpeter Benny Bennack III joined forces for Season’s Swinging Greetings. It kicks off with the enjoyable original “I Think My Girlfriend is an Elf ” and hits a host of high notes (literally and figuratively). Another original, “When Christmas Time Comes Around,” features a gorgeous flute solo; both could easily become holiday staples.

The Chicago-based Pete Ellman Big

Band features 12 holiday favorites on The Twelve Grooves of Christmas; the title track makes it a baker’s dozen. All-star vocalist and Chicago native Kurt Elling stars on “It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Year.” The title track weaves together holiday classics and jazz standards in a variety of styles – swing, Dixie, classical, Latin – for a zesty holiday mashup. Best of the rest is “You’re A Mean One, Mr. Grinch” featuring the way-downlow sounds of bass saxophone and contrabass trombone. Dynamic performances abound, and Ellman’s disc is also a fundraiser for the GIFTS program (Giving Instruments for Teaching Students), benefiting Chicagoland youth musicians.

Norah Jones keeps the jazz vibe going on I Dream of Christmas. Her easygoing approach here is so laid back it occasionally seems to shift into reverse. Half the tunes are originals, complementing classics like “Winter Wonderland” and “Run Run Rudolph.” Not the disc for your zesty holiday parties, it’s more appropriate for late nights and that last cup of egg nog while watching the snow falling to the ground.

Another young veteran of the jazz(y) scene is Kat Edmonson. Her voice and delivery transport the listener back to cabarets and the era when the Great American Songbook wasn’t a relic but the pop of the day. National Public Radio praises her “twinkly throwback charm.” Her versions of “White Christmas,”

“O Christmas Tree” and lesser-known fare like “The Christmas Blues” on Holiday Swingin’ are fun and festive if you appreciate vintage pop (Edmonson’s description of her style). Recommended if you’re a fan of Scott Bradlee’s Postmodern Jukebox.

Keeping it vintagey is José James’s approach as well. While Edmonson’s style harkens back to the popular sounds of the 30s, James updates it by some 20 years on Merry Christmas From José James. A fan of John Coltrane, McCoy Tyner and Miles Davis as well as soul, r&b and hip hop, the singer favors an uncluttered approach to holiday classics, similar to Sinatra or Cole.

His easygoing approach is perfect for the likes of “Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas” and the lesser-known “The Christmas Waltz.” “Christmas in New York,” one of two originals, celebrates a holiday where “A gift is almost anything, the joy that love can bring, it’s the smile on faces everywhere.”

Steve Wariner’s new holiday release indeed Feels Like Christmas Time. It’s twangier than Clarkson or Eldredge but not many country artists would feature a flute. Nevertheless, Wariner does on the opening title track, one of six tunes he wrote or co-wrote. By turns folky, countryesque and always Christmas-ey, Wariner’s voice blends easily with most any accompaniment featured, from guitars to backing vocalists.

He eschews vocals altogether on a solo guitar

version of “It Came Upon a Midnight Clear” and a medley of “Away in a Manger,” “O Little Town of Bethlehem” and “We Wish You a Merry Christmas.”

The pristine harmonies of the Uptown Vocal Jazz Quartet are a joy. While the title Fools For Yule might have you assuming this one is a jokey performance, it’s anything but.

This is a stirring, heartfelt set of jazz vocal takes on classic holiday tunes, buoyed by originals by leader Ginny Carr Goldberg.

Perfect for fans of the Hi-Los or Manhattan Transfer. Or anyone who enjoys light, engaging harmony.

So we’re left with one question: How Does Christmas Sound? Saxophonist Kirk

Whalum offers a few suggestions on his album of the same name. It includes instrumental takes on lesser-known holiday fare like “A Babe Is Born” and “Lift Every Voice and Sing,” alongside more familiar tunes like “What Are You Doing New Year’s Eve?” A lilting “God Rest Ye Merry, Gentlemen” features his lustrous flute. Nephew Kortland (vocals) and son Kyle (bass) appear on the title track, while younger brother Kevin sings along with Take 6 on “Seven.” Both tunes are originals written or co-written by Kirk.

Kevin also sings on “Thorns in the Straw,” while Chantae Cann’s vocals are featured on “Mary, Did You Know?”

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Northern Express Weekly • Decemeber 06, 2021 • 13

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Whether they need to stock up on essentials, or feel like treating themselves, Oryana gift cards can cover all the bases for your loved ones this holiday season.

14 • December 06, 2021 • Northern Express Weekly

dec 04

saturday

43RD ANNUAL HOLIDAY CRAFT SHOW & BAZAAR: 9am-3pm, Boyne City High School.

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VICTORIAN SLEIGH BELL PARADE & OLD CHRISTMAS WEEKEND: Manistee, Dec. 2-5. Today includes a Holiday Craft Bazaar, Sleighbell Breakfast, Spin the Xmas Prize Wheel, Manistee Jingle Bell Jog 5K Run/Walk, Sleighbell Saturday!, Victorian Sleighbell Parade Day Fun at Downtown Delights, River Street Carriage Rides, Candy Cane Stilt Walkers, Santa’s Headquarters, Grinder Gordie w/ Meadow Breeze Farm, 32nd Annual Sleighbell Parade, & 18th Annual Jingle Bell Jam. facebook.com/ManisteeSleighbellParade/ events/?ref=page_internal

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HOOP’S PET FOOD PANTRY HOLIDAY PET PORTRAIT FUNDRAISER: 9:30am2:45pm, Square Deal Country Store, TC. Pet photographer Taylor Featherstone will be taking photos by appointment. To choose an appointment time, go to calendly.com/ dickeyklee.

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CADILLAC GARDEN HOLIDAY HOME TOUR: 10am-3pm. Purchase tickets for $15 at Brink’s Custom Framing/Art Supply in downtown Cadillac or at one of the homes for $20. There will be four artfully done homes in Christmas decorations: Cardinal Nest, 7451 E. M-55; Anderson Home, 227 Petrie Rd.; Schoenesee Home, 7605 Amberwood; Walters Home, 170 Forest Lawn Dr. Proceeds go to the Sound Garden upkeep.

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CRAFT SHOW: 10am-3pm, St. Mary of Hannah Catholic School, Kingsley. Entry is a food item for the local food pantry.

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HOLIDAY MERCHANT OPEN HOUSE & HOT COCOA CONTEST: Downtown Charlevoix. Merchants will have entertainment, samples, snacks, refreshments, special sales, raffles & more.

From noon to 5pm, area restaurants invite you to sample & vote for your favorite hot cocoa. Cocoa stations will be set up at participating downtown stores & restaurants. charlevoix.org

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LAKE ANN HANDMADE MARKET: 10am-3pm, Lake Ann Elementary School.

Featuring many treasures crafted by locals.

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LIGHT UP THE NIGHT & SOUP COOK OFF: Downtown Bellaire. Kids scavenger hunt, Christmas carols, ornament making, free movie, craft show, parade of lights, live nativity, & Santa & Mrs. Claus. Soup tickets are limited. bellairechamber.org/light-up-the-night-soupc o o k - o ff / ? u t m _ c o n t e n t = J a m i e & u t m _ s o u r c e = Ve r t i c a l R e s p o n s e & u t m _ medium=Email&utm_term=Light%20 Up%20the%20Night%20%26%20Soup%20 Cook%20Off%26nbsp%3B-%2

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MERRY MARKETPLACE: 10am-3pm, Crooked Tree Arts Center, TC. Featuring a different group of over 20 artists & artisans each week. There will be fun workshops to create ornaments, decor & gifts. crookedtree.org/event/ctac-traverse-city/ merry-marketplace

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SLEIGH RIDES TO THE NORTH POLE: SOLD OUT: 10am-2pm, Northern Michigan Equine Therapy, Boyne City. Take a sleigh ride to the North Pole on a horse-drawn sleigh to meet Santa & enjoy hot cocoa, cookies & crafts at Santa’s Workshop. Meet the therapy horses, NMET staff & volunteers.

Tickets are $15 per person & must be purchased before the day of the event. Sleigh rides are every half hour between 10am 2pm & require reservations. Please email: nmequine@gmail.com to reserve your spot. nmequine.org

december

07-12

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THIRD ANNUAL HOLIDAY OPEN GALLERY: 10am-4pm, Silly Sister’s Pottery, Rapid City. Featuring Denni Moline (the Silly Sister), Jan Toscano (the Silly Sister Wannabe), & Wendy Petera, The Traveling Squirrel, Exciting New Local Photographer.

Free. facebook.com/dennimoline

send your dates to: events@traverseticker.com

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“A MICE CHRISTMAS”: 11am, Bellaire Public Library. Enjoy family & children’s poetry & fun as you listen to “A Mice Christmas” read by local author Leland James.

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HAVE A HEART ART MART & FUNDRAISER: 11am-5pm, Arts for All Studio, TC. Browse handmade & one-of-akind art & gifts created by 25+ local artists at Arts for All’s own pop-up art market, the Have a Heart Art Mart & Fundraiser. Artists donate 50-100% of their profits sold to Arts for All. Also, Real Estate One’s Charitable Foundation is doing a 50% match to all profits made. Arts for All of Northern Michigan provides arts & cultural experiences to connect people of all abilities. artsforallnmi. org fb.me/e/2do73aoKO

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MANISTEE FESTIVAL OF TREES & HOLIDAY DÉCOR: 11am-8pm, Ramsdell Regional Center for the Arts, Ballroom, Manistee. Presented by the Lakeside Club. Proceeds benefit the Manistee County Humane Society’s Homeward Bound Animal Shelter & the Youth Armory Project. manisteechamber.com/?mc_ cid=c19b7e58c2&mc_eid=93b2834b7d

Turn up the holidays with gypsy swing band Hot Club of San Francisco, as they present “Cool Yule” at City Opera House, TC on Fri., Dec. 10 at 8pm. With gypsy jazz reminiscent of Django Reinhardt and the Hot Club of France, this band will play many of your holiday favorites and some rarer seasonal gems. Tickets: $32, $25, $15. cityoperahouse.org/events

Enjoy a craft show & bake sale, kids activities, visiting alpacas & more. Santa will be on hand to receive your holiday wishes as well. Proceeds will benefit Bethany Christian Services. $10 suggested donation.

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A VISIT FROM SANTA: 1:30-4:30pm, Classic Motor Sports, TC. Before he arrives at 2:30pm, there will be time for Letter Writing to Santa & Make-and-Take Activities. Elves will provide hot cocoa & cookies. Free.

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CHRISTMAS IN THE VILLAGE: 2-4pm, Heritage Village Chapel, Mackinaw City. Hosted

by Mackinaw Area Historical Society. Enjoy a historic journey through Christmas of the past. Hear the story of the Chapel & share in a traditional service as it was back in the late 1800s. Refreshments after the service.

MEET SANTA: 11am-2pm, Jim Wernig Chevrolet, Gaylord. Drop off your Toys for Tots donation & get free photos with Santa, goodie bags, treats & crafts. Also register to try to win a new bike! facebook. com/events/577572473485951/?active_ tab=discussion VILLAGE TREE DECORATING: 11am2pm, Rec Center, 507 W. Central Ave., Mackinaw City. See Santa & his elf.

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TC TRACK CLUB FARMLAND 5K & FREE FOR ALL BIKE RIDE: 11:30am, Rasho Farm, TC. Featuring a classic Europeanstyle turf grass course with knee high barriers including straw bales, fallen logs, & wood & stone fences. The bike event is held immediately following the run & has cyclists hitting the running course for several laps on any bike you choose. 5K Run & Free for All Bike Ride: $35. Farmland Run & Bike Combo: $50. runsignup.com/farmland5k

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CHRISTMAS IN THE VILLAGE: The Village at GT Commons, TC. A weekend long celebration filled with Santa & Mrs. Claus, shopping specials, carriage rides & much more. Merchants are also featuring stocking stuffer items, $20 & under. Free / carriage rides, $5 adults; $3 children; free for under 3. thevillagetc.com

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HOLIDAY WREATH MAKING: 1pm, Beaver Island Community Center. Deck the halls with your own handmade Christmas wreath . Greens & basic supplies provided. Bring your own bows & any decorations you may want. Reservations appreciated. Free. wvbi. biccenter.org/calendar-2#event=68584487;i nstance=20211204130000

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MEET SANTA AT MASONIC CENTER CRAFT SHOW: 1-6pm, TC Masonic Center.

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IN STORE BOOK SIGNING: 2-4pm, Horizon Books, TC. Lynne Rae Perkins will sign her book “The Museum of Everything” & others. horizonbooks.com/event/store-booksigning-lynne-rae-perkins-museum-everything-and-others

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POET JENNIFER SPERRY STEINORTH: 2pm, Leland Township Library, Leland. Enjoy a reading & discussion of Steinorth’s book, “Her Read: A Graphic Poem”; a hybrid text of poetry & visual art. Steinorth will describe the format of erasure poetry & invite attendees into conversation about issues in the book.

Free. lelandlibrary.org/programs-events

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LIVE HOLIDAY CONCERT: The Bay Theatre, Suttons Bay. “Strings of the Traverse Symphony Orchestra” performs holiday favorites. Join a festive sing-along at the end of the show. 3pm: Matinee concert with Santa. 7pm: Evening concert. Adults, $25; 12 & under, $12. thebaytheatre.com

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ORNAMENT MAKING: 4pm, Bellaire Public Library. Create ornaments for your Christmas tree to take home. Materials will be provided. Free.

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CHRISTMAS JOURNEY: 5:30pm, New Hope Community Church, outside, Williamsburg. Watch scenes come to life as a guide leads you through a woodland path filled with actors, scenery & live animals. Free. newhope.cc/christmasjourney

ANNUAL MERCHANTS HOLIDAY OPEN HOUSE: 6-9pm, Harbor Springs. Enjoy shopping, refreshments & holiday treats.

Main St. will be closed to allow the community to stroll between stores. Live music by the Petoskey High School Steel Drum Band.

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COMEDY WITH MICHAEL HARRISON: 7pm, TC Comedy Club, TC. Michael performs at clubs all over North America, Asia, Australia & Europe. He has also been featured on TBS, NBC, MTV & Bravo. He selfproduced, starred in & wrote several shorts, & shot his own nationally syndicated half hour comedy special. $15-$25. traversecitycomedyclub.com/michael-harrison

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FRANKFORT COMMUNITY TREE LIGHTING: 7pm, Rotary Park, Frankfort. Also sing along as the community sings Christmas carols, visit with Santa & Mrs. Claus, & enjoy many more activities throughout town. Enjoy free coffee & hot cocoa at Petals & Perks before &/or after the event. 231-352-7251.

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SWINGSHIFT AND THE STARS: Nonprofits AC Paw, COGNiTiON & Love Thy Neighbor are participating this year for your donation.

New this year… the virtual experience “Beyond the Competition” will allow you to watch, vote & donate to your favorite nonprofit from the comfort of your very own screen. Airing Dec. 3-4 at 7pm & a 3pm matinee on Dec. 5. Free; viewing donation requested. swingshiftandthestars.org

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“THE SAVANNAH SIPPING SOCIETY”: 7:30pm, Old Town Playhouse, TC. Filled with laughter & misadventures, middle-aged women successfully bond & find the confidence to jumpstart their new lives. Performances are Thursdays, Fridays, Saturdays & Sundays from Nov. 18 - Dec. 4, starting at 2pm on Sundays & 7:30pm on all other days.

Adults: $28; youth under 18: $15 (plus fees). tickets.oldtownplayhouse.com/TheatreManager/1/login&event=357

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IAA JAZZ ORCHESTRA & JAZZ COMBO WINTER CONCERT: 7:30pm, Interlochen Center for the Arts, Dendrinos Chapel & Recital Hall. $9-$12. interlochen.org

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NMC JAZZ BAND WINTER JAZZ ENSEMBLE SHOWCASE: 7:30pm, Dennos Muse-

Northern Express Weekly • Decemeber 06, 2021 • 15

um Center, Milliken Auditorium, NMC, TC. A swinging evening of music with director Laurie Sears & guest soloist Bill Sears, featuring the music of Basie, Ellington, Kenton, Jobim & more. $12 adults/$7 students & seniors in advance. mynorthtickets.com/events/nmcjazz-bands-presents-winter-jazz-ensembleshowcase-12-4-2021

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TOGETHER AGAIN: 7:30pm, United Methodist Church, Petoskey. Presented by the Little Traverse Choral Society. Featuring Benjamin Britten’s “A Ceremony of Carols” & songs of the season. $15 adults; $5 students; free 12 & under. littletraversechoralsociety.org

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WINTER SONGS & CAROLS: 7:30pm, Grace Episcopal Church, TC. Manitou Winds’ annual concert celebrates the entire season of winter with songs of Advent, winter solstice, & Christmas intertwined with poetry & prose. Free. manitouwinds.com/ upcoming-performances

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POLAR EXPRESS COMES TO ELK RAPIDS: Polar Express Train Display at 211 River St., 10am-3pm. Live reindeer at the Christmas tree, 11am-2pm. Polar Express movie at Elk Rapids Cinema: Fri., Sat. & Sun. Pick up your magic ticket = 6 punches for a jingle bell.

Children’s Book Reading: 2pm at ER Harbor Wear. Free. elkrapidschamber.org

dec 05

sunday

SLEIGH RIDES TO THE NORTH POLE: SOLD OUT: (See Sat., Dec. 4)

--------------

CHRISTMAS IN THE VILLAGE: (See Sat., Dec. 4)

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THIRD ANNUAL HOLIDAY OPEN GALLERY: (See Sat., Dec. 4)

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HAVE A HEART ART MART & FUNDRAISER: 12-4pm, Arts for All Studio, TC. Browse handmade & one-of-a-kind art & gifts created by 25+ local artists at Arts for All’s own pop-up art market, the Have a Heart Art Mart & Fundraiser. Artists donate 50-100% of their profits sold to Arts for All. Also, Real Estate One’s Charitable Foundation is doing a 50% match to all profits made. Arts for All of Northern Michigan provides arts & cultural experiences to connect people of all abilities. artsforallnmi.org fb.me/e/2do73aoKO

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VICTORIAN SLEIGH BELL PARADE & OLD CHRISTMAS WEEKEND: 123pm, Beyond the Mirror, Manistee. Today includes the Ladies Holiday Bazaar.

facebook.com/ManisteeSleighbellParade/ events/?ref=page_internal

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FESTIVE FARM & PHOTO OPS STROLL & SIP: 1-5pm, Martha Wagbo Farm & Education Center, East Jordan. Enjoy the sights & sounds of the holiday season on the farm, including holiday refreshments.

Free; donations accepted. facebook.com/ marthawagbofarm/events/?ref=page_internal

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SWINGSHIFT AND THE STARS: (See Sat., Dec. 4)

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TOGETHER AGAIN: 3pm, First Presbyterian Church, Harbor Springs. Featuring Benjamin Britten’s “A Ceremony of Carols” & songs of the season. $15 adults; $5 students; free 12 & under. littletraversechoralsociety.org

---------------------CHRISTMAS JOURNEY: (See Sat., Dec. 4) ----------------------

“IT’S A WONDERFUL LIFE”: 6pm, The Bay Theatre, Suttons Bay. $1. thebaytheatre.com

monday

dec 06

HEALTHY HOLIDAY SUBSTITUTES: LET’S MODIFY THOSE RECIPES: 2-3:30pm, Interlochen Public Library. Dianna Teasdale will show you how to use substitutions to lighten up favorite holiday recipes. Bring a copy of your favorite recipe to see how it can be modified. 231-276-6767.

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“ELF”: 6pm, The Bay Theatre, Suttons Bay. $1. thebaytheatre.com

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COLLABORATION: AN EVENING OF LIVE ART & MUSIC: 6-8pm, Higher Art Gallery, TC. Featuring The Jeff Haas Trio & artist Michael Novak. $12 Goodwill offering. higherartgallery.com/tickets

tuesday

dec 07

PRESCHOOL STORY TIME: 10:30am, Suttons Bay Bingham District Library, Community Room.

Enjoy stories & songs. Free.

sbbdl.org

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IN STORE BOOK SIGNING: 12-2pm, Horizon Books, TC. With children’s author Kristy Kurjan, who will sign her books “Dream Sweet Dreams” & “I Spy a Pig in a Plane.” horizonbooks.com/ event/store-book-signing-kristy-kurjan-dreamsweet-dreams-and-i-spy-pig-plane

Give a gift of Silver!

Gift Certificates too.

Open Daily thru Jan. 1 • Fri & Sat all Winter!

112 North Main Street • Leland, MI 49654 • (231) 256-7747 • follow us: facebook.com/tampicolelandmi

16 • December 06, 2021 • Northern Express Weekly

THE HOMESTEAD JOB FAIR: 1-6pm, The Homestead, Glen Arbor. Hiring for the 2021-2022 ski season. Looking for cooks, servers, bartenders, lift operators, instructors, shop keepers & many others. Those hired get free skiing & riding for themselves & their family, summer work, & more. thehomesteadresort.com

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HEALTH & WELLNESS: LIVE YOUR BEST LIFE PROGRAM: GRIEF & THE HOLIDAYS: 2-4pm, Interlochen Public Library. Facilitated by Advanced Grief Recovery Specialist Sharon A. Neumann.

Please bring a photograph of your loved one or a special item that connects you with your loved one to share. A comfort kit will be given to each participant. 231-276-6767. Free.

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NORTHERN MI REMOTE WORKERS MEETUP: HOLIDAY POTLUCK: 5:307:30pm, Gaylord Arts Gallery. Connect with local Remote Workers for a night of food, friends & fun. RSVP. meetup.com/NMiRemote

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TC NEW TECH: 5:30pm, City Opera House, TC. Up to 5 presenters will take the stage to highlight a new tech product or business venture they are working on. Each presenter will be allowed 5 minutes to present & 5 minutes of Q&A. The goal of the meetings is to facilitate networking & interaction among technology enthusiasts in northern Michigan. An optional informal social hour is coordinated after the meeting for further discussion & networking.

Registration required. Free. cityoperahouse. org/node/416

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“NATIONAL LAMPOON’S CHRISTMAS VACATION”: 6pm, The Bay Theatre, Suttons Bay. $1. thebaytheatre.com

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GRAND TRAVERSE KENNEL CLUB MONTHLY MEETING: Harrington’s By The Bay, TC. 6pm dinner & socialize; meeting starts at 7pm. Public is welcome. Grandtraversekennelclub.com

dec 08

wednesday

GT MUSICALE PRESENTS CONCERT & HOLIDAY BAZAAR: First Congregational Church, TC. The bazaar starts at noon & will have baked goods, pies, & homemade items. At 1pm the TC West Senior High School “Choralaires” will perform a concert of “Holiday Selections.” This is a fundraiser for GT Musicale & supports music scholarships for local young musicians. Free.

HOLIDAY CHRISTMAS BUSINESS AFTER HOURS: 5-8pm, Keyhole Bar & Grill, Mackinaw City. Cash bar + prizes. $10 members; $15 not-yet-members. mackinawchamber.com/event/holiday-christmas-bahkeyhole-bar-grill

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PARALLEL 45 THEATRE 2022 SEASON ANNOUNCEMENT PARTY: 5:30pm, The Little Fleet, TC. Hear about P45’s 2022 Summer Festival season, the Reading Series, & upcoming offerings for the youngest theatre fans. There will be appetizers, & you can purchase a season ticket package at a special, one-night-only discount, & get first access to the best seats on the best nights for you. Find ‘P45 2022 Season Announcement Party’ on Facebook. Free.

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“A CHRISTMAS STORY”: 6pm, The Bay Theatre, Suttons Bay. $1. thebaytheatre.com

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HOLIDAY JAZZ CONCERT: 7pm, Charlevoix Public Library, Community Room A+B. Featuring the Steve Stargardt Trio wsg Claudia Schmidt & Bill Sears. charlevoixlibrary.org/ event-detail/holiday-jazz-1

dec 09

thursday

HIRING BLITZ: 2-6pm, Otsego Resort, Gaylord. On the spot interviews for front desk clerk, housekeepers, linecooks/prepcooks, servers/bartenders/server assistants, & many more positions. otsegoclub.com

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IN STORE BOOK SIGNING: 3-5pm, Horizon Books, TC. John Russell will sign his book, “My Office Today,” which captures his “best of” photo collection & the personal stories behind them. horizonbooks.com/event/store-booksigning-john-russell-my-office-today

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MERRY MARKETPLACE: 4-8pm, Crooked Tree Arts Center, TC. This will run three consecutive weekends, & each weekend will feature a different group of artists & artisans.

There will be fun holiday workshops where you can make your own ornaments, holiday decor & gifts. Free. crookedtree.org/event/ ctac-traverse-city/merry-marketplace

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BENZIE AREA CHAMBER “OFF THE CLOCK” EVENT: 5-7pm, The Garden Theater, Frankfort. Enjoy fare from Stormcloud Brewing Co., live music by NuClassica, libations & more. There will be a Holiday Wacky Wardrobe Contest. $5/person for Chamber members. business.benzie.org/events/ details/benzie-area-chamber-off-the-clockevent-15899

Eco-Friendly Clothing Handmade Home Decor Local Jewelry Paper Goods Local Artist Prints

326 N. Saint Joseph Street, Suttons Bay, MI www.poppythings.com

HOLIDAY GIFT TAGS & ORNAMENTS (FOR ADULTS): 5-7pm, Crooked Tree Arts Center, Visual Arts Classroom, TC. All materials included. Register. $5 members; $10 non-members. crookedtree.org/class/ctac-traverse-city/holiday-gift-tags-ornaments

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HOLIDAY SWIRL: 5-7pm, Crooked Tree Arts Center, Petoskey. Enjoy hearty appetizers & mini sweet treats prepared by City Park Grill of Wineguys Restaurant Group. Mix & mingle to holiday tunes as you shop the Holiday Bazaar before it opens to the public.

CTAC Members receive 20% off all art & gift sales. For ages 21+. $25 CTAC members; $30 not-yet members. crookedtree.org/ event/ctac-petoskey/holiday-swirl-0

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LADIES’ NIGHT: 5-9pm, Downtown TC. Special discounts & savings will be decided by each business. downtowntc.com/ladiesshopping-night

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HARBOR SPRINGS HISTORICAL SOCIETY PRESENTATION: 5:30pm, Harbor Springs History Museum. Nub’s Nob’s former President & General Manager, Jim Bartlett, shares the history of the ski resort, which began to take shape when Nub & Dorie Sarns first glimpsed the site in 1957. Jim Bartlett has been a part of the Nub’s Nob story for 40 years. Register. $10. harborspringshistory.org/events/?action=evrpluseg ister&event_id=32

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LOCAL AUTHOR MAE KELLER: 6:308pm, Traverse Area District Library, TC. Mae is the author of “The Farrants of Glen Haven and Empire - A Story Restored.” Enjoy this evening of local (family) history of Glen Haven & Empire with direct descendants of the Farrant family. Free. tadl.org

AN EVENING OF JAZZ FEATURING THE BILL SEARS QUARTET: 7pm, GT Circuit, TC. Doors open at 6:15pm. Wine from Chateau Chantal & edibles from Good Bowl. $10 suggested donation. gtcircuit.org

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NWS: ANGELINE BOULLEY: 7pm, City Opera House, TC. This Michigan author penned the instant #1 New York Times bestseller “Firekeeper’s Daughter,” a thriller about a Native teen who must root out the corruption in her community, no matter the cost. (Soon to be adapted by Netflix!) Guest host is Holly T. Bird, founder & Executive Director for the MI Water Protectors Legal Task Force as well as the Co-Executive Director for Title Track. In light of Munson’s recent elevation to Pandemic Response Level Red, the NWS is asking that all in-person attendees provide proof of vaccination & wear a mask throughout the event. $25, $20, $15. cityoperahouse.org/ node/400

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“ENCHANTED APRIL”: 7:30pm, Glen Lake Church, Glen Arbor. The Glen Arbor Players will be staging this classical comedy drama.

Free. glenarborplayers.org

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TCHAIKOVSKY’S “THE NUTCRACKER”: 7:30pm, Interlochen Center for the Arts, Corson Auditorium. Join the Interlochen Arts Academy Dance Division as they present Piotr Ilyich Tchaikovsky’s ballet, “The Nutcracker.” The timeless story of Clara & her enchanted Nutcracker comes to life through dancing, costumes, scenic design, & live accompaniment by the Interlochen Arts Academy Orchestra. $32 full price; $14 student. interlochen.org/events/ tchaikovskys-nutcracker-2021-12-12

friday

dec 10

MERRY MARKETPLACE: 10am-2pm, Crooked Tree Arts Center, TC. Featuring a different group of over 20 artists & artisans each week.

There will be fun workshops to create ornaments, decor & gifts. crookedtree.org/event/ctac-traverse-city/ merry-marketplace

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PAPER BAG SNOWFLAKES: 11am-1pm, Crooked Tree Arts Center, Visual Arts Classroom, TC. Join Education & Outreach Director Kristi Wodek to make a large 3D snowflake using lunch sacks. All supplies included to make one snowflake. Free for members; $5 for non-members. crookedtree.org/class/ ctac-traverse-city/paper-bag-snowflakes

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LUNCHEON LECTURE: CHANGES IN AMERICAN POLITICS: 11:30am, NCMC Library Conference Center, Petoskey. Scott LaDeur, Ph.D., professor of political science at NCMC, will offer his analysis of the forces behind the shifting tides in American life. Registration required. $15; includes buffet lunch. ncmclifelonglearning.com/event-4465751

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IN STORE BOOK SIGNING: 2-4pm, Horizon Books, TC. Author Stephen Lewis will sign his books “Dementia: A Love Story” & “Murder on Old Mission.” horizonbooks.com/event/storebook-signing-stephen-lewis-dementia-lovestory-and-murder-old-mission

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LIGHT UP INTERLOCHEN: 3-7pm, Tom’s Food Markets, Interlochen. Presented by the Interlochen Area Chamber of Commerce & Friends of Interlochen Public Library. Featuring a 20-foot mega pixel tree with synchronized

light & sound, pre-packaged treats, beer & grilled food tents, carriage rides, live reindeer & an appearance from Santa Claus. Free.

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VILLAGE OF ALANSON DOWNTOWN MERCHANT OPEN HOUSE: 5-8pm. The evening will begin with a Chili Cookoff on River St. Downtown merchants will open their doors to offer warm holiday greetings & the Petoskey Steel Drum Band will perform at 6:30pm on River St.

---------------------CHRISTMAS JOURNEY: (See Sat., Dec. 4) ----------------------

PROFESSIONAL CAROLERS PERFORM IN LELAND: 5:30pm, Old Art Building, front lawn, Leland. The Sashay barbershop quartet returns with a caroling performance.

The Sashay Quartet is a local group of four women who are also members of the allfemale Grand Traverse Show Chorus. Free.

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HOMETOWN CHRISTMAS LIGHT PARADE & TREE LIGHTING: 6pm, Mackinaw City. Santa will ride atop a fire truck as the parade proceeds along Central Ave. to Marina Park where he will join in singing carols led by members of the Mackinaw Area Arts Council prior to the lighting of the Christmas tree. There will be cookies & cocoa after the tree lighting.

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TC FIGURE SKATING CLUB CHRISTMAS SKATING EXHIBITION: 6:30-8:30pm, Centre ICE Arena, TC. Enjoy this fun family evening of skating & Christmas music. A used dress/skate sale & bake sale will also take place. Free. centreice.org

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BENZIE COUNTY COMMUNITY CHORUS CONCERT: “GOOD TIDINGS OF COMFORT & JOY”: 7pm, St. Andrews

2022

DAT FOR ES AVAIL WED A DING BLE S

Business Card Design Concept: 3.5” x 2” Business Card Design Concept: 3.5” x 2”

* Facials * Lashes * Brows * Waxing * Body Wraps *Teeth Whitening & More!

Side 1 Side 1

= black

2021 Dates Available for Weddings and Private Events!

= black = pantone color 556c

LASH & BROW STUDIO

= pantone color = Contour path / outline (will556c not print)

231-944-5372 - www.tcstudio8.com 231-883-5444 231-883-5444 | party@pinehalltc.com party@pinehalltc.com = Contour path / outline (will not print) 2774 N Garfield Traverse City 231-883-5444 party@pinehalltc.com 1776 High Lake Rd. | Traverse City 1776 High Lake Rd Traverse City, MI 49696

1776 High Lake Rd Traverse City, MI 49696 Side 2

Northern Express Weekly • Decemeber 06, 2021 • 17

Presbyterian Church, Beulah. required. $10. benziechorus.org

Masks

---------------------“ENCHANTED APRIL”: (See Thurs., Dec. 9) ----------------------

TCHAIKOVSKY’S “THE NUTCRACKER”: (See Thurs., Dec. 9)

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HOT CLUB OF SAN FRANCISCO: COOL YULE: 8pm, City Opera House, TC. A gypsy swing band who will play many of your holiday favorites & some rarer seasonal gems. $32, $25, $15. cityoperahouse.org/events

dec 11

saturday

OLD MISSION WOMEN’S CLUB CHRISTMAS COOKIE SALE & RAFFLE: 8am, Peninsula Township Hall, TC. Until cookies are sold out.

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2021 GAYLORD SKI SWAP: 9am-2pm, Otsego Resort Special Event Center, Gaylord.

Item drop-off: Dec. 10, 5-9pm. Pickup unsold items: Dec. 11, 2-6pm. Proceeds benefit Gaylord/St. Mary’s ski team. facebook.com/ events/308502930774354/?ref=newsfeed

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TRINITY LUTHERAN CHURCH & SCHOOL 23RD ANNUAL CHRISTMAS COOKIE SALE: 9am-1pm. Held on the corner of 13th & Maple streets, TC. Thousands of handmade decorated cookies will be for sale at this event. Come before 9am to sample a few with a free cup of coffee.

Special order requests can be sent to Diane Ford at: dford1050@gmail.com or 941-3487 or Charlene Lutes at: c.anne.lutes@gmail. com or 231-499-9259. tctrinity.org

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WINTER WONDERLAND: 9am-4pm, Castle Farms, Charlevoix. Mrs. Claus will be reading stories throughout the day. Explore the magical wonderland in new locations, both outdoors & in the frozen Knight’s Castle.

Enjoy holiday-themed games, a craft, & hot cocoa. Keep an eye out for Santa! $5 for ages 2 & up. petoskeychamber.com/events/ details/winter-wonderland-12-12-202126884?calendarMonth=2021-12-01

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DOWNTOWN CHRISTMAS STROLL: 10am6pm, Downtown Gaylord. Featuring Santa, local musicians, special sales, ugly Christmas sweaters & more. saturnbooksellers.com/ event/downtown-christmas-stroll-0

OFF-SEASON

SPECIALS! TUESDAY NIGHT PASTA NIGHT 2 pasta dinners & a bottle of wine for $52 not available 12/28

WEDS NIGHT DATE NIGHT

Buy one entree, get one 1/2 off * not available for take-out * not available 12/29 Open Tues - Sat @ 5:30 4566 W. MacFarlane Rd 'Burdickville' trattoria-funistrada.com reservations* 231-334-3900

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GIFTS TWICE GIVEN WRCNM BENEFIT: 10am-5pm, Ward and Eis Gallery in downtown Petoskey will host the Gifts Twice Given benefit to support Women’s Resource Center of Northern Michigan (WRCNM) programs & services on Sat., Dec. 11 & Dec. 18. petoskeychamber.com/events/ details/gifts-twice-given-wrcnm-benefit26839?calendarMonth=2021-12-01

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HIGH SCHOOL PORTFOLIO REVIEW: 10am-4pm, Crooked Tree Arts Center, Visual Arts Room, Petoskey. For 8th-12th graders. Get feedback on your creative work in a one-on-one session with CTAC faculty. There will also be a free drawing session going on throughout the day, if you’d like to join in before or after your 20 minute one-on-one session.

Free. crookedtree.org/class/ctac-petoskey/ high-school-portfolio-review-petoskey

enjoying treats like hot cocoa & cookies, along with activities at participating Glen Arbor businesses.

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WREATH MAKING EVENT WITH GAIA NESVACIL: 10am, Leland Township Library, Leland. Create your own holiday wreath with locally foraged foliage. All are welcome (kids, too!) & registration is not required.

Please wear a mask to indoor programs.

Free. lelandlibrary.org/programs-events

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LITTLE WAVES YOUNG CHILDREN’S LIBRARY SERIES: 10:30am, Petoskey District Library. This year’s theme is “My Favorite Musical Instrument.” This month focuses on strings.

For ages 4-10. Free. petoskeylibrary.org

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IN STORE BOOK SIGNING: 1-3pm, Horizon Books, TC. Children’s author Bill O. Smith will sign his book “Chickadees.” horizonbooks.com/event/store-booksigning-bill-o-smith-chickadees-december-0

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LITTLE WAVES YOUNG CHILDREN’S LIBRARY SERIES: 1pm, Charlevoix Public Library. This year’s theme is “My Favorite Musical Instrument.” This month focuses on strings.

For ages 4-10. Free. charlevoixlibrary.org

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TCHAIKOVSKY’S “THE NUTCRACKER”: 2pm, Interlochen Center for the Arts, Corson Auditorium. Presented by the Interlochen Arts Academy Dance Division with live accompaniment by the Interlochen Arts Academy Orchestra. $32 full price; $14 student. interlochen.org/events/ tchaikovskys-nutcracker-2021-12-10

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BENZIE COUNTY COMMUNITY CHORUS CONCERT: “GOOD TIDINGS OF COMFORT & JOY”: 3pm, St. Andrews Presbyterian Church, Beulah. Masks required. $10. benziechorus.org

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CTAC SCHOOL OF BALLET’S PRESENTATION OF PYOTR TCHAIKOVSKY’S “THE NUTCRACKER”: 3pm & 7pm, Great Lakes Center for the Arts, Bay Harbor. Enjoy this dynamic show with all original choreography. $35/$30 adults; $10/$5 students; $50 box seating as available. greatlakescfa.org/events/detail/ the-nutcracker

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GINGERBREAD HOUSE BUILDING & DECORATING: Beaver Island Community Center.

The center will supply all of the frosting & decorations plus snacks & hot cocoa for all participants. Sign up at the BIC Center Front Desk or by calling: 231-448-2022. Free hot dogs & drinks for participants. Finish with the movie “Elf.” $5 suggested donation per participant. wvbi.biccenter.org/calendar-2#event=6858448 8;instance=20211211130000

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A COLONIAL CHRISTMAS: 4-7pm, Colonial Michilimackinac, Mackinaw City. Storytellers recount the various traditions of historic residents, a retelling of the first Christmas at Mackinac in 1679. Create crafts & play historic games on the Parade Ground. There will also be holiday snacks located throughout the fort. $11 adults, $7 ages 5-12, & free for 4 & under.

Last admission is 6:30pm. mackinacparks. com/a-colonial-christmas

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FRANKFORT HOLIDAY FUN: 5-8pm, Downtown Frankfort. Shopping, dining, carriage rides, caroling & more.

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WARREN MILLER’S 72ND FILM “WINTER STARTS NOW”: 5pm, Northwest Territories, Crystal Center, Crystal Mountain, Thompsonville. Hosted by the Crystal Community Ski Club. $15 online; $20 door. crystalmountain.com/event/warren-miller

MERRY MARKETPLACE: 10am-3pm, Crooked Tree Arts Center, TC. Featuring a different group of over 20 artists & artisans each week. There will be fun workshops to create ornaments, decor, & gifts. crookedtree.org/event/ ctac-traverse-city/merry-marketplace SHOP & SWEETS SATURDAY: 10am-4pm, Glen Arbor. Shop local for the holidays while

18 • December 06, 2021 • Northern Express Weekly

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WINTER SOUNDS SING ALONG: 5pm, Michigan Legacy Art Park, Crystal Mountain, Thompsonville. A family-friendly celebration of the season, with hot cocoa & cider, a bonfire, winter hike through the woods, & a half-hour outdoor performance from a local high school choir. This year’s performance will be TC West Middle School Madrigal Singers. $10 suggested donation per adult; children free. michlegacyartpark.org/events/winter-songs

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CHRISTMAS JOURNEY: (See Sat., Dec. 4) “ENCHANTED APRIL”: (See Thurs., Dec. 9)

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FROZEN LANDSCAPES: 7:30pm, Gaylord High School. Featuring the Gaylord Community Orchestra. Includes Symphony No. 10 by Alan Hovhaness & Mozart’s Violin Concerto No. 5. The concerto will feature CMU violin professor Fangye Sun. Conductor’s pre-concert talk at 7pm. $10 adults; free for students. gaylordorchestra.org

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SWITCHBACK PERFORMS CHRISTMAS CONCERT: 7:30pm, Historic Elk Rapids Town Hall. Switchback has been playing its brand of eclectic Celtic & Americana music at sold-out concert halls, performing arts centers, & festivals around the world for almost 30 years. Tickets are available at Corner Drugs in Elk Rapids, Oryana’s 10th St. location in TC, & at brownpapertickets.com. $25 advance; $30 door.

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TCHAIKOVSKY’S “THE NUTCRACKER”: (See Thurs., Dec. 9)

dec 12

sunday

WINTER WONDERLAND: (See Sat., Dec. 11)

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CLASSICAL MUSIC AT THE LIBRARY: 1pm, Traverse Area District Library, McGuire Room, TC. Learn about the Theremin with Classical IPR & TADL. A screening of the documentary “Theremin: An Electronic Odyssey” will be shown. Free. tadl.org/event/music-the-libra ry-2021-10-10-2021-11-14/2021-12-12

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GTHC GROUP HIKE, SKI OR SNOWSHOE: 1pm. Grand Traverse Hiking Club invites you to join them for a group hike, ski, or snowshoe at Muncie Lakes Pathway. Everyone will meet for a group dinner afterwards at Peegeo’s. Meet at the Muncie Lake Pathway trailhead on Ranch Rudolf Rd. Free. facebook.com/GTHikers

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MAKE S’MORES WITH SANTA: 1-3pm, Camp Daggett, Petoskey. Kids can come to camp to meet Santa & make s’mores around a campfire on the grounds of Camp Daggett on Walloon Lake. Free. campdaggett.org

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TCHAIKOVSKY’S “THE NUTCRACKER”: 2pm, Interlochen Center for the Arts, Corson Auditorium. Join the Interlochen Arts Academy Dance Division as they present Piotr Ilyich Tchaikovsky’s ballet, “The Nutcracker.” The timeless story of Clara & her enchanted Nutcracker comes to life through dancing, costumes, scenic design, & live accompaniment by the Interlochen Arts Academy Orchestra. $32 full price; $14 student. interlochen.org/ events/tchaikovskys-nutcracker-2021-12-12

----------------------

CTAC SCHOOL OF BALLET’S PRESENTATION OF PYOTR TCHAIKOVSKY’S “THE NUTCRACKER”: 3pm, Great Lakes Center for the Arts, Bay Harbor. Enjoy this dynamic show with all original choreography. $35/$30 adults; $10/$5 students; $50 box seating as available. greatlakescfa.org/ events/detail/the-nutcracker

----------------------

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Northern Express Weekly • Decemeber 06, 2021 • 19

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HOUSE OF GUCCI If you’re anything like me, you’ve already been endlessly quoting Lady Gaga from the House of Gucci trailer and the already iconic line, “Father, Son, and House of Gucci.” As a result, much has already been made about Gaga’s performance and whether her accent is truly Italian or not.

And this debate is entirely emblematic of what you can expect from House of Gucci, because while the accent sure as hell isn’t accurate, it is perfect. Likewise, the film isn’t really funny, but you can bet you’ll be laughing. And even though it is deeply silly and imperfectly constructed, I couldn’t help but love every minute of it.

business-savvy side of the empire, as they fight over the company’s direction.

The joy of House of Gucci comes from the in-betweens. It isn’t a great film, but it is endlessly engrossing. It inhabits the spaces between good and bad, camp and seriousness, tragedy and comedy, and it simply revels in it. There is magic to be found if you enter this space and give yourself over to the decadence and ridiculousness.

Less of a film and more of a work of powercasting, House of Gucci made some choices in actors that might feel stunty, but they give us what we want from them. You’ll love everyone and hate everyone. Your allegiances are constantly shifting. There is no hero, no villain; only losers. The winner is you.

As you might be able to gather, it is hard to nail down what kind of movie House of Gucci is. It so many things at once, and there is no real through-line. Based on Sara Gay Forden’s nonfiction bestseller, “The House of Gucci: A Sensational Story of Murder, Madness, Glamour and Greed,” there are elements of true crime, soap opera (heavy on the opera), family melodrama, corporate intrigue, pop trash, and more.

It’s ostensibly the story of the eponymous luxury brand, Gucci: the fall of the family and the rebirth of the fashion house.

Because before it was a sparkling gem in a multinational corporation’s assets, it was an independent family-run business. We are introduced to the legendary family in the late 1970s through another outsider, Patrizia (Lady Gaga), who meets, lightly stalks, and woos Gucci heir, Maurizio (Adam Driver).

The couple is a study in opposites. She is brash, bold, and ambitious, the stepdaughter of a man with a ground transportation (read: trucking) empire. He is a shy, dorky, and sheltered law student who stands to inherit 50 percent of a storied fashion house.

But their passion, at least in their early days, as seen in one of the hottest sex scenes of the decade, is completely in sync.

Scan to learn more.

nmc.edu

20 • December 06, 2021 • Northern Express Weekly

Even after they’re married, Patrizia never fits in with the rest of the family; she is a Gucci in name only. Maurizo’s father, Rodolfo, who exudes an old-school elegance, disapproves of Patrizia. And Rodolfo is also at odds with his brother Aldo (Al Pacino), the more

And so Uncle Aldo aides the couple’s perfect entre back into the Gucci fold as they curry favor even over Aldo’s own son, Paolo (Jared Leto), the family idiot. Fat and bald, Paolo is the dullard son who fancies himself a designer. He manages to make The Godfather’s Fredo look accomplished.

As Patrizia pushes Marucio towards his destiny, what follows is betrayal, psychic intervention, corporate malfeasance, shady deals, and even murder.

Gaga is electrifying In a highly self-aware performance that is both garish and sympathetic — she is the living embodiment of a fake designer handbag. Even with his gawkiness and oversized glasses, Adam Driver has never been sexier. Pacino screams like only Pacino can. His father-son dynamics with Leto are oddly endearing.

And in a film filled with scenery-chewing actors, Leto manages to steal the show in his unflattering purple corduroy suit and with lines like “I want to soar like a pigeon.”

True to its subject matter, everyone in the film is outfitted in incredible costumes that capture the time and further the story.

Director Ridley Scott succeeds where his other look into the schemes of wealthy families, All the Money in the World, failed so miserably. Here, he gives us something that is not only intriguing but also entertaining.

Scott is incredible at so many things, but one area he struggles with is comedy, and that is why the camp often feels so unsure on its feet. It’s also not the most satisfyingly structured film. It builds and builds, and then it kind of ends with a whimper. And there is a very questionable and very random use of pop music.

Yet the film manages to escape these shortcomings by getting by on the appeal of its gaudy charm. There is a better version of the film in here, but there is also one that could’ve been a great deal worse, so I choose to bask in the scintillating and shameless spectacle in which much of the experience comes from its landing so squarely in the middle.

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Wine from Château Chantal

Edibles from Good Bowl

225 W Fourteenth Traverse City Across from the State Police Post

GT Circuit $10 suggested donation

22 • December 06, 2021 • Northern Express Weekly

Available online or in-store.

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nitelife

dec 04 - dec 1212edited by

jamie kauffold

Send Nitelife to: events@traverseticker.com

Grand Traverse & Kalkaska

BAHIA, TC 10: 12/4 -- Jazz Cabbage 12/11 -- Jonny & Jake

ROVE ESTATE VINEYARD & WINERY, TC 12/10 – Holiday Music w/ Chris Smith, 5-8

FANTASY’S, TC DJ

TC COMEDY CLUB, TC 12/3 -- Comedy with Michael Harrison, 7:30 12/4 -- Comedy with Michael Harrison, 7

FRESH COAST BEER WORKS, TC 12/10 -- Mike Moran, 6-9 GT CIRCUIT, TC 12/9 -- The Bill Sears Quartet, 7 LIL BO, TC Thurs. – Jazz w/ Larz Cabot, 6-9 Fri. – Live music Sun. -- Karaoke - Shooting Star Entertainment, 8 MAMMOTH DISTILLING, TC 7:30-10:30: 12/8 – Eric Clemons 12/9 – Clint Weaner

THE PARLOR, TC 12/4 -- Blair Miller, 7-10 12/8 – Wink Solo, 8-11 12/10 – John Pomeroy, 7-10 12/11 – Blue Footed Booby, 8-11 THE WORKSHOP BREWING CO., TC 12/4 -- Jakey T Solo, 7 12/6 -- Open Mic, 7 Tues. -- TC Celtic, 6:30-9 Weds. -- Live Jazz, 6-8:30 12/10 -- Harborcoat, 7

12/11 -- Matt Mansfield, 7 THIRSTY FISH SPORTS GRILLE, TC PATIO, 6:30-9:30: 12/4 -- The Pocket 12/9 -- The 4 Horsemen 12/10 -- The Time Bombs 12/11 -- 1000 Watt Trio UNION STREET STATION, TC 12/3-4 -- Glostik Willy, 10 12/5 -- Karaoke, 10 12/6 -- Jukebox, 10 12/7 -- Open Mic Comedy, 8-9:30; Electric Open Mic, 10-2 12/8 -- DJ Coven, 10 12/9 -- Matt Mansfield, 10 12/10-12/11 -- The Marsupials, 10 12/12 – Karaoke, 10

Leelanau & Benzie

Antrim & Charlevoix CELLAR 152, ELK RAPIDS 12/10 -- Blair Miller, 6

12/11 -- Nelson Olstrom, 6

HELLO VINO, BELLAIRE 12/7 -- Doc Woodward, 7-9 MAMMOTH DISTILLING, BELLAIRE 12/9 – Eric Clemons, 7:30-10:30 PROVISIONS BOYNE CITY

WINE

LOUNGE,

SHANTY CREEK RESORT, BELLAIRE THE OTHER BAR: 12/4 -- Mike Ridley, 7-10 SHORT’S BREW PUB, BELLAIRE 12/4 – The Marsupials, 8:30 12/7 – Open Mic Night, 6:30-11 12/10 – Abbie Thomas Trio, 8-10:30 12/11 – Harborcoat, 8:30-11

Sun. – Reggae Sunday w/ DJs, 2-5 TORCH LAKE CAFÉ, EASTPORT (US 31/M-88) 12/5 -- Sunshine String Band, 2 12/6-7 -- Christmas Carols w/ Leanna, 6:30 Thurs. – Nick Vasquez, 7 Fri. – Sat. – Leanna Collins & Ivan Greilick, 8 12/12 -- Pine River Jazz Band, 2

Otsego, Crawford & Central BENNETHUM’S NORTHERN INN, GAYLORD 12/7 -- Pete Kehoe, 5-8

Singer/songwriter Abbie Thomas has a pop-soul flair with pure emotion and raw truth behind her music. She brings her trio to Short’s Brew Pub in Bellaire on Fri., Dec. 10 from 8-10:30pm.

BIG BUCK BREWERY, GAYLORD 6-9: 12/4 -- Nelson Olstrom 12/11 -- Pete Kehoe

25th anniversary 1997 - 2022!

RANDY’S DINER IS THE PLACE FOR OUTSTANDING BURGERS! $5 off on your curbside Wet chili burrito RANDY’S DINER order IScarryout THE PLACE FORofOUTSTANDING BURGERS! only $5.99 $30 or more. $5 off your2nd curbside Wetafter chili burrito 25%onoff entrée 2pm. carryout order of only $5.99 $30 or more.

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CICCONE VINEYARD & WINERY, SUTTONS BAY 12/12 -- Rhett & John, 2-4:30 DICK’S POUR HOUSE, LAKE LEELANAU Sat. -- Karaoke, 10-1

LAKE ANN BREWING CO. 12/4 -- Wink Solo, 6:30-9:30 12/11 -- Chris Skellenger & Paul Koss, 3-6 ST. AMBROSE CELLARS, BEULAH 12/4 -- Blake Elliott, 6-9

STORMCLOUD BREWING CO., FRANKFORT 7-9: 12/4 -- The Still Wonder (Duo) 12/11 – The Real Ingredients

Emmet & Cheboygan BEARDS BREWERY, PETOSKEY 12/4 -- Greg Vadnais Quartet, 6 12/5 -- Charlie Millard, 5 12/11 -- Two Track Mind, 6 12/12 -- Owen James, 5 BOB’S PLACE, ALANSON 12/8 -- Mike Ridley, 6-9 BOYNE VALLEY VINEYARDS, PETOSKEY 2-6: 12/4 -- Lou Thumser 12/11 -- Michelle Chenard

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Northern Express Weekly • Decemeber 06, 2021 • 23

National Writers Series Please welcome bestselling author

ANGELINE BOULLEY

In person at the City Opera House (+ livestreamed) DISCOVER THE DEBUT NOVEL THAT IS SETTING THE WORLD ON FIRE

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e’re closing our fall season in a big way, with an appearance from the breakout Michigan author of the decade: Angeline Boulley.

the ADViCE GOddESS Bark Ranger

Boulley’s stunning debut novel, Firekeeper’s Daughter was an instant bestseller when it was released in March of this year. Booklist calls it “an incredible thriller, not to be missed.”

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UPCOMING LIVE MUSIC LINEUP Dec 6th & 7th @ 6:30

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: I’m a divorced guy in my 40s using dating apps. I’m keenly aware of what I do and don’t want in a woman and make it clear in my profile. For example, I write, “If you’re in a weird co-dependent relationship with a five-pound dog,” we are not a match. A friend looked at my profile and was all, “Man, you have to delete that.” I see no problem with what I’ve written. Who’s right?

— Constructive Honesty

A

: Admittedly, when people advise women, “Find a man who’s like a dog!” they mean like a big loyal-to-the-death black Lab, not a purse-sized poodledoodle that spends a quarter of its life getting foofed up at Monsieur Marcel, the doggie hairdresser.

Of course, because a woman has a tiny ridiculous dog doesn’t mean she’s rife with psychological shortcomings. Including that bit in your profile — and especially as you worded it — says a few things about you, none of them lady-magnetizing. And sure, you wrote, “IF you are...” (in some sort of unhealthy relationship with your micro dog).

However, even women who are emotionally together (and maybe even dog-free) are likely to swipe left or knock your profile into the little trash can icon.

Most problematically, this remark and other similarly cutting ones in your profile suggest you’re an angry guy: a big flashing skull-’n’crossbones “STEER CLEAR!” for women.

“Anger-prone individuals are volatile and frequently dangerous” — to the point of violence, evolutionary social psychologist Andrew Galperin and his colleagues explain.

Women, on average, are smaller, physically weaker, and thus more physically vulnerable than men, which is likely why they err on the side of overperceiving signs that a guy might be a Mr. Angry. In fact, per the Galperin team’s research: “A single instance of angry behavior” in “new acquaintances” is enough to provoke this keepaway motive — even when their anger seems justified by the situation at hand!

SUNDAY, DEC 12TH @ 2 PM | PINE RIVER JAZZ 24 • December 06, 2021 • Northern Express Weekly

Your sneering about behavior being “weird” and “co-dependent” is another red flag — suggesting you view life through pukecolored glasses and are quick to think the worst of total strangers. That’s Bigotry 101: using one infobit about an individual to leap to all sorts of ugly assumptions about them.

It’s toxic, irrational, and unfair — and, if it’s your go-to thinking, perhaps something to work on changing, lest you pay an

BY Amy Alkon unintended price (both in an ugly-first view of others and in others seeing you as a person to block, delete, and/or avoid).

By the way, “co-dependent” is an insulting term that’s in need of either retirement or scientific validation. It’s generally understood to describe two individuals in a persistent dysfunctional dance. The “enabling” individual temporarily eases the suffering of the other person (or pet!) — in ways that, in the long term, are harmful to both. “Codependence” was flung on the public by selfhelp authors — without any scientific basis: no evidence for the long lists of its supposed symptoms. It’s now promiscuously applied to shame people — to the point where showing none of the supposed symptoms gets used as proof of one’s co-dependence!

That said, you’re wise to try to proactively shoo off women who are wrong for you, as it could keep you from wasting your time and theirs on the phone (or worse, on a happy hour date that flies by like a week of medieval torture). However, there’s a way to tell the wrong women, “Yoohoo, move on!” without coming off scolding or demeaning (and in turn throwing out the babes with the bathwater).

Probably the best constructive yoohoo is subtle fact-stating, like mentioning you’re an atheist to discourage interest from those on Team God. Similarly, in the “who am I?” portion on a dating app, a 40-something, Johnny Depp-alicious hottie of a guy posted, “Living a plant-based life,” suggesting he doesn’t just eat vegan; it’s major in his identity.

If, like me, you are committed to “steak-based living,” you know to give a big sad pass to Mr. Pirates of the Cauliflower-ribbean.

It’s tempting to try to escape the emotional toddlers by announcing you’re seeking someone “psychologically healthy” or “emotionally solid.” Probably pretty useless.

Those who have an unhealthy relationship with their dog — or their mom, crystal meth, or tennis — are often the last to know or admit it.

Ultimately, you might simply accept that you’ll likely end up on a date or two with women you’d do anything to avoid. Keep first dates casual — like meeting for coffee for an hour — and your disasters will at least be Hobbesian: nasty, brutish, and short. Finally, I must say — while typing this with my tiny, “My Little Pony”-like Chinese crested curled up asleep in my lap: Five pounds of dog may elicit laughs — till it’s cleanup time and you need a single sheet of Kleenex instead of a backhoe.

lOGY

DEC 06 - DEC 12

BY ROB BREZSNY

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): A fashion company called Tibi sells a silver mini dress that features thousands of sequins. It’s also available in gold. I wonder if the designers were inspired by poet Mark Doty’s line: “No such thing, the queen said, as too many sequins.” In my astrological estimation, the coming weeks will be a fun time to make this one of your mottoes. You will have a poetic license to be flashy, shiny, bold, swanky, glittery, splashy, sparkling, and extravagant. If expressing such themes in the way you dress isn’t appealing, embody more metaphorical versions.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): In the first season

of the animated TV series South Park, its two creators produced an episode called “Make Love, Not Warcraft.” The story lovingly mocked nerds and the culture of online gaming. Soon after sending his handiwork to executive producers, Libran co-creator Trey Parker decided it was a terrible show that would wreck his career. He begged for it to be withheld from broadcast. But the producers ignored his pleas. That turned out to be a lucky break. The episode ultimately won an Emmy Award and became popular with fans. I foresee the possibility of comparable events in your life, Libra. Don’t be too sure you know which of your efforts will work best.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): Nobel Prize-

winning Scorpio author André Gide (1869–1951) had an unusual relationship with his wife Madeline Rondeaux. Although married for 43 years, they never had sex. As long as she was alive, he never mentioned her in his extensive writings. But after she died, he wrote a book about their complex relationship. Here’s the best thing he ever said about her: “I believe it was through her that I drew the need for truthfulness and sincerity.” I’d love for you to be lit up by an influence like Madeline Rondeaux, Scorpio.

I’d be excited for you to cultivate a bond with a person who will inspire your longing to be disarmingly candid and refreshingly genuine. If there are no such characters in your life, go looking for them. If there are, deepen your connection.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): “I have pasts inside me I did not bury properly,” writes Nigerian poet Ijeoma Umebinyuo. Isn’t that true for each of us? Don’t we all carry around painful memories as if they were still fresh and current?

With a little work, we could depotentize at least some of them and consign them to a final resting place where they wouldn’t nag and sting us anymore. The good news, Capricorn, is that the coming weeks will be an excellent time to do just that: bury any pasts that you have not properly buried before now.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): In February

1967, the Beatles recorded their album Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band in London.

A man claiming to be Jesus Christ convinced Paul McCartney to let him weasel his way into the studio. McCartney later said that he was pretty sure it wasn’t the real Jesus. But if by some remote chance it was, he said, he didn’t want to make a big mistake. I bring this to your attention, Aquarius, because I suspect that comparable events may be brewing in your vicinity. My advice: Don’t assume you already know who your teachers and helpers are. Here’s the relevant verse from the Bible: “Do not neglect to show hospitality to strangers, for by so doing some people have entertained angels without knowing it.

PISCES (Feb 19-March 20): According to

Professor of Classics Anne Carson, ancient Greek author Homer “suggested we stand in time with our backs to the future, face to the past.” And why would we do that? To “search for the meaning of the present—scanning history and myth for a precedent.” I bring this to your attention, Pisces, because I think you should avoid such an approach in the coming months. In my view, the next chapter of your life story will be so new, so unpredicted, that it will have no antecedents, no precursory roots that might illuminate its plot and meaning. Your future is unprecedented.

ARIES (March 21-April 19): Aries filmmaker

Andrei Tarkovsky (1932–1986) was experimental and innovative and influential. His imagery was often dreamlike, and his themes were metaphysical. He felt that the most crucial aspect

of his creative process was his faith. If he could genuinely believe in the work he was doing, he was sure he’d succeed at even the most improbable projects. But that was a challenge for him. “There is nothing more difficult to achieve than a passionate, sincere, quiet faith,” he said. In accordance with your astrological omens during the next 12 months, Aries, I suggest you draw inspiration from his approach. Cultivating a passionate, sincere, quiet faith will be more attainable than it has ever been.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): “All journeys

have secret destinations of which the traveler is unaware,” said philosopher Martin Buber.

How true! I would add that the traveler is wise to prepare for the challenges and opportunities of those secret destinations . . . and be alert for them if they appear . . . and treat them with welcome and respect, not resistance and avoidance. When travelers follow those protocols, they are far more likely to be delightfully surprised than disappointingly surprised. Everything I just said will apply to you in the coming weeks, Taurus.

“Jonesin” Crosswords "What the H"--is it Cockney? Probably not. by Matt Jones

ACROSS 1 ___-Magnon (early human) 4 Soda can meas.

7 ‘70s music genre 12 Muscle near a lat 13 Certain Greek consonants 15 “Let’s keep moving!”

17 Student financial assistance that makes you groan?

19 Brazilian Carnival city that’s a World Heritage Site 20 GPS instruction 21 Burden on a German opera composer?

23 Tale with the Trojan Horse 25 “I just thought of somethin’” CANCER (June 21-July 22): Many 26 “Either that wallpaper goes ___ do” (Oscar sportswriters regard Michael Jordan as the greatest basketball player ever. He was the Most Wilde’s last words) Valuable Player five times and had a higher 27 “Romeo and Juliet” locale scoring average than anyone else who has ever 29 Delta follower played. And yet he confesses, “I have missed more than 9,000 shots in my career. I have lost almost 300 games. 31 Relative of a joule And I have failed over and over and over again in my life.” He 32 “Eighth Grade” star Fisher says the keys to his success are his familiarity with bungles and 35 One of a deadly seven his determination to keep going despite his bungles. I invite you 36 American publishing pioneer who’s not feeling to meditate on Jordan’s example in the coming days. so well?

39 6-point plays, for short 41 Elgort of the upcoming “West Side Story” remake LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): In his poem “Song of Poplars,” Leo author Aldous Huxley speaks to a 42 Org. that holds Renaissance Fairs stand of poplar trees. He asks them if they are 45 Get ready early? an “agony of undefined desires.” Now I will pose 48 Long-lasting lighters the same question to you, Leo. Are you an agony of 50 “This Side of Paradise” singer Ocasek undefined desires? Or are you a treasury of well-defined desires?

I hope it’s the latter. But if it’s not, the coming weeks will be an 51 Magnus Carlsen’s game excellent time to fix the problem. Learning to be precise about the 54 Goes bad nature of your longings is your growing edge, your frontier. Find 55 Someone who seeks out either British singer out more about what you want, please.

Murs or a vitamin and supplement company?

58 Prefix before directional VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Black is your 59 Swiss psychologist who studied object lucky color for the foreseeable future. I invite you permanence to delve further than ever before into its mysteries 60 Booboo for an extended amount of time? and meanings and powers. I encourage you to celebrate blackness and honor blackness and 62 Flashing effect that may require a warning nurture blackness in every way you can imagine. For inspiration, 63 Monetary unit of Chile meditate on how, in art, black is the presence of all colors. In 64 “Sister Act” extra printing, black is a color needed to produce other colors. In 65 “___ Boomer” (1980s TV dog drama) mythology, blackness is the primal source of all life and possibility.

In psychology, blackness symbolizes the rich unconscious core 66 Chihuahua of cartoons from which all vitality emerges.

67 “___ up to you” GEMINI (May 21-June 20): Gemini sleight-

of-hand artist Apollo Robinson may be the best and most famous pickpocket in the world.

Fortunately, he uses his skill for entertainment purposes only. He doesn’t steal strangers’ money and valuables from their pockets and purses and jackets. On one occasion, while in the company of former US President Jimmy Carter, he pilfered multiple items from a secret service agent assigned to protect Carter. He gave the items back, of course. It was an amusing and humbling lesson that inspired many law-enforcement officials to seek him out as a consultant. I suspect that in the coming weeks, you may have comparable abilities to trick, fool, beguile, and enchant. I hope you will use your superpowers exclusively to carry out good deeds and attract inviting possibilities.

DOWN 1 Processing speed measured in some desktops 2 Mundane 3 Tinting reddish-yellow, as with earth tones 4 Hockey Hall of Famer Bobby 5 “Eternals” director Chloe 6 “I Got You Babe” singer 7 ‘50s music genre 8 Post-wedding relatives 9 Hefty swallow 10 Dessert mentioned in “The Godfather” 11 Words before “our mobile app”, for delivery services 14 IKEA storage box series that sounds destined to jam up?

16 “Beyond the Sea” singer Bobby 18 Tiny buzzer 22 Gives a snotty look 24 “Hamilton” highlight 28 Nothing antithesis 30 Neighbor of Syr. 33 Bond preference?

34 Quarterback Book of the New Orleans Saints 36 NetZero, once 37 Candy from a character?

38 Yale alums 39 Structure of three stones, like some parts of Stonehenge 40 Reveal to a customs inspector 42 Italian ice cream with multiple flavors 43 Really hard snack to eat?

44 Distributes, as tasks 45 Stage accessories 46 “Things Fall Apart” novelist Chinua ___ 47 Ladders’ partners 49 It may have a shallow end 52 Eight-sided message at a four-way intersection 53 Ninja Turtles setting 56 Bela Lugosi’s role in “Son of Frankenstein” (spelled differently from other appearances of this character!)

57 Gain in status 61 365 billion days

Northern Express Weekly • Decemeber 06, 2021 • 25

N O RT H E R N E X P R E S S

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Northern Express Weekly • Decemeber 06, 2021 • 27

28 • December 06, 2021 • Northern Express Weekly