December 13, 2021 Northern Express

NORTHERN

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NORTHERN MICHIGAN’S WEEKLY • dec 13 - DEC 19, 2021 • Vol. 31 No. 50 Northern Express Weekly • Decemeber 13, 2021 • 1

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2 • December 13, 2021 • Northern Express Weekly

letters Protect What You Value It is of utmost importance that we talk about the killing of one another, the use of weapons toward one another.

The recent Michigan school shooting reflected all of our social weaknesses: lacking effective social interventions. Long-term mocking of a young man without effective interventions in support of the student and without interventions that addressed the verbal violence. The adult/parental use of a readily available weapon as their resolution to a family dilemma.

The problem is not mental or physical differences; it is our silence in educating and preparing persons from an early age to enjoy and respect physical differences. It is not the availability of weapons, though the desire of wealth and power from weapons, individually and nationally, exacerbates our misuse of them.

Address abortion similarly. Without adequate sexual education or prevention availability, reduction of unplanned pregnancy will not occur.

Weapons, our nation’s No. 1-profit industry, clearly identifies our values. We enjoy the wealth of things more than we enjoy and respect one another.

This is another way the Republicans want to malign the federal government.

Despite each state having approved the process for electing people to office, Republicans sow their seeds of falsifying the integrity of the system.

In Michigan they are wanting GOP members to agree with their lies. They have written a survey and are asking for signatures. The Republicans have become a party of liberty and power. (By “liberty” they mean “nobody can tell me what to do!”)

Some GOP leaders keep calling Democrats “socialists” and “communists.” Prove it!

They attack any program that benefits the middle and lower classes. Providing for the “common good” makes no sense to them.

They complain the programs are taking our tax money. I would like to remind the wealthier in our society how much tax money they receive when you cut taxes.

We are all on welfare. We are all getting financial help from the government, and most of the money is not going to the poor among us.

It is undemocratic to come up with policies that make sure your party wins. I cannot believe our country will support such a power-grabbing Republican party.

Nancy Adadow Gray, Frankfort

Robert McQuilkin, Frankfort

Dear Michigan Legislators Thanks all for your conscientious service.

However, regarding an issue that’s currently (and, sadly, forever) in the news cycle, we feel strongly that the GOP-led Michigan legislature isn’t doing much of anything to address gun violence.

While we understand that the gun lobby is said to “own” many politicians, we also recognize that — due to the Oxford School Shooting this week — this moment is another tragic window during which principled officials like yourselves could support some of the least controversial proposals, which somehow can’t even gain a hearing or floor vote in Lansing.

As you know, these include strengthening background checks, limiting ammo clips for some firearms, restricting the access of minors to guns, and (importantly) implementing a so-called “Red Flag Law.” To most of us, it’s no secret that allowing the mentally ill nearly unfettered access to deadly weapons is a recipe for needless heartbreak.

And, as we know from Oxford High School, where support officers were on duty last Tuesday, merely supporting the spending of additional monies directed at “defending” the schools will not stop the next massshooting tragedy.

Please, therefore, reconsider your opposition to these commonsense policies, which could increase the safety of those we love. Thank you for considering our views.

We Don’t Need Jack Bergman After the Jan. 6 insurrection, Bergman tried to defend his vote to object to certification of the Electoral College results in a statement vowing to “stand for his belief that irregularities, discrepancies, and usurpation of state election laws demanded an investigation into the 2020 election.” He had no evidence to back up his claim.

He signed the Texas Amicus brief (lies) in an attempt to overturn the 2020 election, claiming it was “rigged.” Again, no evidence was ever produced; it was used only to push Trumps Big Lie. He also refused to hold Trump accountable for his role in the attack and released a statement opposing impeachment.

He didn’t vote in support of the bipartisan commission proposal to investigate the Jan. 6 insurrection. He refused to uphold the Constitution and the Rule of Law in both impeachments of Donald Trump.

Bergman continues to whitewash the Jan. 6 insurrection and publishes false innuendos, which he calls “red flags,” against Democrats, yet shows support for fascism, anti-choice, voter suppression, anti-Constitution, antirule of law actions.

The Republican Party does not want to take part in governing this country; it wants only to control it, and Jack Bergman does whatever, says whatever, to push the Republican agenda. Bergman participates in many House bills that are only designed to push debunked propaganda and misinformation.

Don’t listen to what he says; watch what he does. To this day, he hasn’t voted for the infrastructure bills or Voting Rights Bill, and that shows he doesn’t care about America moving forward. Michigan doesn’t need a lying representative. Save democracy!

Frank & Dottie Hawthorne, Petoskey Here We Go Again Once again, the Republican Party has acted on the false narrative of the election process being fraudulent. They want to “secure the election process.” It is a madeup argument that is not verified by the electoral commission overseeing national elections.

Tom LaMont, Kaleva

CONTENTS features

The String’s the Thing.....................................9 Shred Guide.................................................10 Bring The Heat..............................................14 A Christmas tree connection.........................17

columns & stuff

Top Ten........................................................4 Spectator/Stephen Tuttle...............................6 High Notes (sponsored content)......................7 Opinion.........................................................8 Weird............................................................8 Dates........................................................18 Film..........................................................22 Nitelife..........................................................23 Advice......................................................24 Crossword.................................................24 Astrology...................................................25 Classifieds................................................26

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Northern Express Weekly • Decemeber 13, 2021 • 3

this week’s

top ten Big Wins for NoMi’s Outdoors

Did the state’s DNR know this issue would be dedicated to outdoor fun? Sure seems like it; they just announced where they intended to spend $7.7 million from this year’s federal Land and Water Conservation Fund, and two big payouts are coming to pump up parks Up North.

First, the bustling HQ of the holiday season in downtown Petoskey, Pennsylvania Park, will receive $150,000, money that’ll be used to expand the sidewalk and area along Park Avenue, as well as for improvements to Petoskey’s Winter Sports Park, home to the city’s ice rink and sledding and ski hills.

Down in Mason County, Pere Marquette Township received an even bigger chunk of the pie, albeit for improvements residents and visitors will enjoy most in the non-snowy months: $500,000 for a fishing and boat launch, a key component of the township’s larger plan to transform a still-undeveloped 254-acre parcel along Lake Michigan into the Pere Marquette Conservation Park. The township’s vision for the land, formerly used by Dow Inc., is to become a public destination for yearround outdoor recreation.

Holiday Run-Walk Fun in TC and Glen Arbor Calling all elves! It’s a weekend of run, walk, and shop until you drop in Lower Michigan’s pinkie. On Saturday, Dec. 18, you can don your ugliest Christmas sweater for Cherry Republic’s Miracle Mile fun run (register at Cherry Republic Public House in Glen Arbor at 10:30am; the run takes off at 11am), then stick around the village that afternoon to shop small and eat local. On Sunday, Dec. 19, in Traverse City, you can do it again — a 5K this time; not timed — for the Jingle Bell Run, which starts at Workshop Brewing Co. and rolls through downtown TC. Free cookies and hot chocolate afterward; shopping and more eating, if you like, after that. runsignup.com/jinglebellrun

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You think you know the story, and after over a half-century of Beatles lore seeping into our cultural consciousness, how could you not? But you’ve never seen anything like director Peter Jackson’s (The Lord of the Rings) new docuseries composed of more than 60 hours of meticulously restored unseen footage from the filming of the still-nearly-impossible-to-see Beatles documentary, Let it Be. Taking you, fly-on-the-wall style, inside the band’s January 1969 recording sessions, Get Back isn’t about the career highlights, or about explaining the story of the Beatles to you. It’s about luxuriating in the band’s particular creative process and enveloping yourself in their camaraderie (and all the complicated dynamics that come with it), and, arriving at your own conclusions. And it all comes back, first and foremost, to their music, which is almost a miracle to behold. Streaming on Disney+

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tastemaker Polish Pierogies and Kielbasa

Missing Grandma this season? If you can’t visit her, you can take some serious comfort in the food coming out of Jozef Zebediah and Nick Easton’s Charlevoix restaurant, My Grandmother’s Table. Named in honor of Zebediah’s late grandmother, Martha DeMarino, the ever-changing poly-ethnic eatery is inspired by her approach to cuisine: “My grandmother lived in a very culturally diverse neighborhood, and she loved inviting neighbors over for dinner,” says Zebediah. “If they were from Japan or Africa or Poland — or even if they were from America, she’d ask them, ‘What is a food you miss from home?’ Then she’d gather the ingredients for these dishes and do her best to recreate them.” Jamaican Jerked Chicken, Russian Kotleti, Thai Orange Chicken, Ukrainian City Chicken, Japanese Tonkatsu, Israeli French Toast, and Cuban Black Bean Soup have all appeared on the menu (and many have become mainstays), but it’s the Polish Pierogi and Kielbasa ($16) that takes our editor right back to Busia’s carpeted Detroit dining room. The pierogies — soft dumplings of tender, butter-crisped dough stuffed with pillowy potato and cheese and just the right touch of seasoning — could stand well enough alone. But paired, as they should be, with the smoky, salty bang of well-done Polish sausage, crowned with the cool contrast of creamy dill-cucumber salad, the dish is as divine as it a portal back in time. Find My Grandmother’s Table at 115 Bridge St. in Charlevoix. (231) 437-3132, my-grandmothers-table.com

4 • December 13, 2021 • Northern Express Weekly

Hey, watch it Get Back

6

Stuff We Love: Not Crying Over Spilled Wine

Santa on Ice

Storytime with Santa; breakfast with Santa; parades, tree lightings, and carols with Santa. There are so many ways to see St. Nick in the North, but we’re betting Petoskey Ice Arena’s Santa Skate might be the only way to catch him on blades. From 5pm to 7pm Dec. 18, he and some of his North Pole pals will hit the arena’s ice, and kids and families are invited to circle round with them, plus fill up on some of his favorite treats, cookies and cocoa. $10 per person or $30 per family; bring your own blades or rent skates for $6 per person. Find the arena at 3450 M-119, just south of Harbor Springs. petoskeyicearena.com

In northern Michigan, we devote a lot of time to drinking wine.

It only seems fair that we then share with you one of the best fixes for removing red wine stains we’ve come across. The aptly named Chateau Spill Red Wine Stain Remover is roughly one iota the cost of your sofa, carpet, or shirt — $7.99 from Cutler’s in Petoskey, in fact — that works better than any salt, baking soda, or peroxide attempt we’ve ever tried (and we’ve tried many), and yet is pH neutral, contains no chlorine or phosphate, and is “100 biodegradable Surfectant Safe for colorfast washable fabrics.” But don’t take it from them or us: Wired Magazine called the stuff “unequivocally” and “indisputably” the best product for removing red wine stains. Conveniently, a single bottle fits perfectly into a Christmas stocking. Cutlersonline.com

Joshua Davis Solo Show at COH Tickets are going fast for Joshua Davis’ just-announced solo performance set for Dec. 17 in Traverse City. The Leelanau local and nationally lauded finalist of NBC’s The Voice (Season 8) has been churning out an album each year since 2015, and his upcoming show at the City Opera House is in celebration of his most recent — and first solo effort — Live from the Robin. Recorded over the span of two nights, the album documents a raw and revealing glimpse of the artist that will wow even the most ardent fans of Davis’ work.

“I’ve wanted to make this album for years,” says Davis. “And I’m so excited to share it.

I love playing solo shows. It allows me the freedom to dig deep into my songs and really be in the moment with the audience.” For tickets and details, see cityoperahouse.org.

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Served up in a coup and garnished with plenty of fresh-grated nutmeg, this timeless holiday treat will take you back to Christmases of yore (and Brasserie Amie’s bar) again and again while it’s available, all December. $11 per glass; $6 N/A. Find Brasserie Amie at 160 E. Front St., in Traverse City. (231) 753-3161. www.brasserieamie.com

Northern Express Weekly • Decemeber 13, 2021 • 5

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by Stephen Tuttle Supreme Court watchers are now predicting another expansion of gun owners’ rights, an interpretation of the Second Amendment its authors never imagined.

New York State Rifle and Pistol Association v. Bruen could give New York residents the right to carry A concealed weapon almost anywhere, at any time, without the bothersome necessity of a permit. It would eliminate the need to even apply for such a permit, essentially ending concealed weapon regulations in New York and perhaps elsewhere.

The Court endorsed individual gun rights in 2008 when the District of Columbia v.

Heller overturned most of the District’s handgun rules. Writing for the 5–4 majority in the Heller decision, Justice Antonin Scalia said their opinion would return the Second Amendment to its “original understanding” and that the “inherent right to selfdefense” was the “central component” of the amendment; not a well-regulated militia.

december 17 | 8Pm

The concerns of the Founders were not focused on individuals; they wanted a citizen militia at the ready, not a standing army, which they believed was anathema to liberty. They feared a standing army could be used to oppress citizens or to engage in foreign adventures. They would now likely think both fears had been realized.

“Just like his heroes Pete seeger and Woody Guthrie, Davis doesn’t just sing the songs, he lives the songs.”

- M Live

Alexander Hamilton said, “ ... a well regulated militia is the most natural defense of a free country.” George Washington was equally adamant about a citizen militia and supported private gun ownership for that purpose alone. He said a wellregulated citizen militia, “ ... have ever been considered as the bulwark of a free people.”

Washington was a firm enough believer in a citizen militia that he almost totally disbanded the Continental Army as soon as the Treaty of Paris was signed in 1783, ending the Revolutionary War.

Joshua Davis

Private gun ownership, for any reason, was rarer than we’ve been taught. Though no precise records exist, examination of probate records from the time would indicate no more than 20 percent of households had guns. Most colonists were not hunters but farmers who also raised livestock. Person-

6 • December 13, 2021 • Northern Express Weekly

to-person violent crime was rare enough that no one was clamoring to own a better self-defense weapon. Plus, guns at the time were unusually expensive, notoriously inaccurate, and required that some parts be imported from Europe.

The authors of the Second Amendment never intended everyone have a gun. They certainly did not want their slaves — yes, nearly all of them owned slaves — or free Blacks or indigenous Americans to own guns. The scarcity of guns in private hands was sufficient enough that in 1792 the federal

The authors of the Second Amendment never intended everyone have a gun.

Scalia either misunderstood what the framers intended or simply assigned his personal interpretation to the Second Amendment’s authors. While several of the Founders espoused the value of gun ownership by private citizens — and are often quoted by gun rights advocates today — those comments were not uttered within the context of the need for the Second Amendment. In fact, those discussions rarely mentioned self-defense at all.

Entertainment! your

spectator

government passed legislation requiring all “able-bodied” men to purchase a gun and ammunition, and to attend musters for practice. All of those guns were registered.

Gun laws and restrictions were common and unchallenged. Most states had a long list of places where guns were not allowed.

By the middle of the 19th Century, entire communities simply banned weapons.

Some of the most notorious towns of the old West, with their reputations for nearly daily gunfights, had no such thing; Tombstone, Deadwood, and Dodge City all required anyone entering town to turn in their guns.

If the Supreme Court further expands individual gun rights, as seems to be their wont, they can’t rely on the intent of the authors of the Second Amendment. Their primary interest was creating a well-regulated citizen militia, not creating a country awash in guns used for personal reasons, as is the case today. According to the annual Small Arms Survey, we have 393 million guns resting somewhat uncomfortably in 44 percent of American households.

Here in Michigan, we’re revisiting the gun rights debate after the Oxford Township school shooting. We’re pretending to be shocked but how can we be? According to the Gun Violence Archive, that was the 29th mass shooting at a school this year, a tiny part of the 651 mass shootings so far in 2021. (The Gun Violence Archive counts a “mass shooting” as any that wound or kill at least four victims in the same place at the same time. The FBI definition requires four fatalities; not just victims.)

So, we’re once again discussing potential laws that either won’t pass or won’t pass with teeth. Michigan and 21 other states don’t even require guns to be safely secured in the presence of children. Maybe we’ll change that but probably not.

We’ll go about our business and proclaim the Second Amendment sacrosanct and any gun regulation a violation. This, we’ll say, is what the Founders wanted. No, they didn’t.

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WELCOME TO OUR WINTER WONDERLAND

No matter how you feel about winter in northwest Lower Michigan, one thing is for certain: It’s here. You can either get out there and relish it, or resign yourself to being miserable for nearly half of the year. We opt for the former. That’s because our Great Lakes, which lavish so many of our trails, storybook towns, and shorelines with snow, make it especially easy to feel the love. Making it even easier? One-of-a-kind winter events held around Dunegrass stomping grounds like these: • Marquette hosts the UP200, Midnight Run, and Jackpine 30 sled dog races Feb. 17–21. The legendary UP200 is a premier event that sends 12-dog teams and their mushers charging 238 miles through the night from downtown Marquette to Grand Marias and back, drawing spectator crowds of 5,000+ annually. UP200.org • Over in Iron Mountain, Pine Mountain Ski Resort is unveiling its newly rebuilt jump for the dozens of world-class ski jumpers who’ll sail through the air for the FIS Continental Cup Feb. 5–6 — and one of the coolest winter tailgate parties this side of Iceland. KiwanisSkiClub.com • On the less extreme end of the spectrum, the Mackinaw City Winterfest is made families and folks who like to chill. Expect extraordinary ice and snow sculptures, a chili cook-off, kid activities galore, outhouse races (yes, you read that correctly), and so much more. The 28th annual happens Jan. 21-23. Mackinaw-City.com • Want to wow someone? Hit Charlevoix’s Mt. McSauba Recreation Area, where groomed hiking trails are lit by candlelight each Friday night starting Jan. 1. A sweet little skate at the on-site ice rink, followed by dinner at one of Charlevoix’s fantastic restaurants, will make it a night to remember. VisitCharlevoix.com.

• Boyne Mountain hosts their Summit-to-Stein’s Snowshoe Supper every Saturday evening from Jan. 8 until March 12. Spending the day skiing, then stretch those tired legs with an evening snowshoe from the Eagle’s Nest to Stein Eriksen’s, where dinner awaits. BoyneMountain.com.

• Want to go bigger, farther, and deeper? The UP’s Keweenaw Peninsula is home to over 230 miles of groomed snowmobile trails, multiple feet of the fluffy stuff, and gorgeous public lands, historic points of interest, and great restaurants for refueling.

Doesn’t matter if you’re sans sled. Several local businesses offer rentals and recommendations on where to go, when. Keweenaw.info As you can see, winter presents a whole new world of ways to enjoy the North’s great outdoors. With a little know-how and a few extra layers, you can find your own perfect adventure in wonderland. Need more direction? Visit any of our locations; we never tire of sharing what and where we love in northern Michigan, no matter the temperature outside.

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Northern Express Weekly • Decemeber 13, 2021 • 7

IT’S THE PLANET, STUPID! guest opinion

by Barbara Stamiris

Under 50? “It’s the economy, Stupid!” was Clinton’s campaign mantra. In 2021, “It’s the planet, Stupid!”

Today, young climate activists carry signs lamenting “There is no planet B!” As climate disasters fill the nightly news, frustration grows. A livable planet tomorrow requires action today. At the COP26 Climate Summit, world leaders made strong statements and commitments, but actions are what count.

Prime Minister Trudeau said, “Climate action can’t wait,” but he acted for big oil when he invoked a 1977 US-Canada treaty supporting Enbridge Line 5 in the Great Lakes. If upheld, the treaty would keep Canadian oil tunneling through the planet’s largest freshwater system for 99 more years during a climate crisis that has half the U.S. in drought. While 40 million face water restrictions in the West, the drinking water of 40 million is at risk around the Great Lakes. Michigan’s Line 5 has now become a national issue.

Line 5 has carried Canadian oil to export since 1953 by cutting through the US. Canada blocked oil pipelines in its own country (for environmental reasons!), so it uses the Mackinac Straits to move its oil east. At the 2018 Anchor-Strike Hearing, the Straits were called the worst place in the nation for an oil pipeline.

Twenty percent of the planet’s freshwater is at risk in the Great Lakes, yet Enbridge selfinterest keeps Line 5 operating well beyond its 50-year lifetime. Line 5 earns Enbridge almost $2 million a day. When Michigan elected Gov. Whitmer, she made her “Shut Down Line 5” pledge an order in 2020.

Last November, Gov. Whitmer revoked the Easement for Line 5, calling it “an unacceptable risk” to the Great Lakes.

She gave Enbridge six months to comply, but Enbridge defied the shutdown order and is still operating Line 5 — illegally.

Enbridge is suing Michigan to keep old Line 5 operating until the new one in a tunnel is ready — now 2028, at the earliest.

According to the agreement with former Michigan Gov. Snyder, Michigan would own the tunnel and lease it to Enbridge for 99 more years.

Why would anyone build a tunnel for a 4-mile segment of a 645-mile pipeline — putting one new link into an old chain that has leaked 33 times on land? Perhaps the answer is that Enbridge doesn’t intend to build a tunnel; it is just another way to keep regulators deliberating for years at taxpayer expense while the company continues to earn billions. The tunnel agreement allows Enbridge to back out without penalty, and no money is allocated for a tunnel in its 2020 SEC 10K filing intended for such projects.

Worse than being duped by a tunnel proposal is the possibility that Enbridge really will build a tunnel directly below the still-operating Line 5. Tunnel expert Brian O’Mara criticized the cost-cutting Enbridge plan. Instead of taking the standard number of boring samples, Enbridge skimped. The unconsolidated bottomlands are prone to sinkholes. The low center of this tunnel’s design increases the risk of an explosion, like that which occurred in a Detroit tunnel in 1971. There is simply no margin for error with the Line 5 tunnel.

Almost 70, Line 5 is dangerously frail.

It has been damaged by anchor strikes, is missing safety coatings, is subject to bending stresses, is encrusted with mussels, and requires 200 remedial supports since its bottomlands washed away. These supports suspend the pipeline, making it more vulnerable to anchor strikes. Line 5 can’t survive another decade, especially if a massive tunnel is bored below it — while it still carries oil.

The United States uses only about 7 percent of Line 5’s oil, yet bears the costs while Enbride reaps the benefits. Enbridge lacks adequate insurance for a Great Lakes accident because Enbridge Inc. denies responsibility for Enbridge Energy. It cost Enbridge $1.2 billion to clean up 40 miles of the Kalamazoo River, yet 700 miles of shoreline is at risk in the Great Lakes.

Enbridge advertising attempts to convince Michigan it needs the tunnel for its jobs, when decommissioning would provide more. Enbridge also claims that without Line 5, propane and gasoline prices would soar, but there is no correlation. Gasoline and propane prices, after all, are rising today while Line 5 operates. When Line5 was shut down for repair in 2020, an engineering study showed that gasoline prices remained unaffected.

Michigan’s Line 5 battle escalated when Canada intervened. Section V of the 1977 treaty permits a shutdown of the pipeline for safety or environmental reasons — exactly what Whitmer is seeking. Will care for the planet transcend politics and pipelines? President Biden has to choose: to act or to wait. Shut down Line 5 now or wait. Wait for the Army Corps review of a tunnel? Wait till gas prices come down?

Wait till an oil slick coats the water?

It’s water that needs protection today; not pipelines and profits. Ask any young person.

The answer: “It’s the planet, Stupid!”

Barbara Stamiris is a retired educator and environmental activist. She was an intervenor in federal hearings for the Midland nuclear plant and testified before Congress about the plant, which never opened. She is a member of Leelanau League of Women Voters, and Oil&WaterDont Mix.

8 • December 13, 2021 • Northern Express Weekly

Creme de la Weird Some news items just catapult themselves to the lead story position. On a Delta airlines flight in November from Syracuse, New York, to Atlanta, the woman sitting in 13A allegedly tried to breastfeed her hairless cat, much to the cat’s (and other passengers’) distress. Flight attendants repeatedly asked the woman to return the yowling cat to its kennel, the New York Post reported, but she refused. “Her shirt was up and she was trying to get the cat to latch ... and the cat was screaming for its life,” said Ainsley Elizabeth, a flight attendant who was on board during the incident. Finally, a message was sent through the Aircraft Communications Addressing and Reporting System (ACARS) alerting the ground crew in Atlanta that they would need a Red Coat team member to apprehend the woman at the gate. (Red Coats are specially trained to handle customer service issues, which now include cat-breastfeeding.) It’s unclear what happened to the woman or her cat after the flight landed.

Cuteness Alert The Flower Mound Rebels, a youth football team in Texas, won’t be in the playoffs this year, NBC News reported. The Rebels, composed of 7- and 8-year-olds, are “too good” for their league, boasting a perfect record and having outscored their opponents 199-6, according to Keller Youth Association Vice President Rhett Taylor.

“They are a select-level team.” He said if the team had competed in the league’s super bowl, he would have caught it from parents of other teams. Center Greyson Tanner, 8, reported being “very sad” about the ruling.

Randy Aliens Preacher and author Sharon Gilbert, 69, raised a reaction when she appeared on the “Jim Bakker Show” on Nov. 23 and described the moment when an alien visited her for nefarious reasons. “After Derek and I got married, one night, this other Derek appears in our bed. The real Derek is lying down next to me; other Derek sits right up out of him. It startled me,” she said, according to Newsweek. No doubt! Gilbert asked the “critter” who he was, “Because he clearly wanted to have sexual relations.” Along with claiming to be Derek, the creature said he was Xerxes, but Gilbert wasn’t having it. “I reached up, grabbed his face and I said, ‘You are a liar, and Jesus is real.’ And I pulled that face off, and beneath it was a reptile.” One Twitter user responded, “This is a story a 7-year-old tells when you ask them why they’re late for something.”

‘Educational’ Toy Ania Tanner, a grandmother from Ontario, Canada, found a cute singing and dancing cactus on the Walmart website and purchased it for her granddaughter, CTV News reported. The animated $26 toy sings in three languages: English, Spanish and Polish. But when Tanner, who is Polish, listened to the Polish lyrics, she was shocked: “This toy uses swear words and talking about cocaine use. This is not what I ordered for my granddaughter. I was in shock. I thought, what is this, some kind of joke?”

The Polish song is by rapper Cypis, who didn’t give permission for the use of his song

by the Chinese manufacturer of the item.

For its part, Walmart said the toy is sold by a third-party vendor and will be removed while they investigate.

Oops!

Twenty-year-old Lucy Battle of Burnley, England, nearly threw out the baby with the bathwater ... er, with the sofa, recently. Battle posted an ad on Facebook Marketplace about her sofa, with the caption “Need gone today,” but she accidentally posted a photo of her 7-month-old son, Oscar, rather than of the furniture, Leeds Live reported. “I just somehow managed to upload the wrong photo ... I didn’t expect it to go so far!” Battle said. One user commented, “Can I swap for a teenager?” But Battle isn’t budging: “I don’t want to give away my child.”

Awesome!

Swedish meatballs for everyone! A snowstorm that dumped about 12 inches in Aalborg, Denmark, on the evening of Dec. 1 forced about 30 people to spend the night in an Ikea store, Pix11-TV reported. Store manager Peter Elmose said customers and employees slept “in the furniture exhibitions and our showroom on the first floor, where we have beds, mattresses and sofa beds,” giving shoppers the chance to “pick the exact bed they have always wanted to try. It’s been a good night. All fun.”

The Tan Hill Inn in northern England -- Britain’s highest-altitude pub -- drew a big crowd on Nov. 26 for the Oasis cover band Noasis. But when heavy snow and dangerous wind conditions hit the remote pub, more than 60 people were stranded there, with the exits blocked and vehicles buried, NPR reported. People slept on the floor and mattresses and ate Yorkshire pudding while playing games and watching movies. Noasis missed their next gig, in Essex, but everyone was able to leave the inn by Nov. 29 with a great story to tell.

People With Too Much Time on Their Hands ... or, Try the Decaf Mark Smith of Cass County, Missouri, filed a class-action lawsuit in late November against Folgers Coffee Co. and its parent company, J.M. Smucker, for misleading label information about the serving sizes and quantity of coffee in its canisters. Smith says the company has “grossly misinterpreted the number of cups of coffee” that can be made from a container, calling it a “classic and unlawful bait-andswitch scheme,” The Kansas City Star reported.

Folgers rebutted by saying that the label offers two ways to make coffee, and its label uses the words “up to” when describing how much a canister could make.

Bright Idea In Greenwood, South Carolina, firefighters responded on Nov. 28 to the Morningside assisted living facility, where several rounds of ammunition, which had apparently been stored in a toaster oven, discharged and caught a resident’s apartment on fire. WSPA-TV reported that employees initially believed a shooter was on the property when they heard the shots, but the room’s resident was found unconscious and suffering from smoke inhalation. The fire was extinguished, and no other apartments were damaged.

How did a program with 12 kids of varying skill levels evolve into hundreds of students from three counties over 20 years? Though locals in the early years took to calling Sitzler the Pied Piper for her ability to stoke kids’ interest in the strings, she doesn’t take personal responsibility for the program’s vitality and staying power. “I think it’s music that draws them. I think that kids love music,” she says.

“Music draws people like a magnet; it gets at your very soul.”

The String’s the Thing

Sitzler conducting

NoMi’s Dorothy Gerber Strings Program celebrates 20 years of turning kids into musicians

By Brighid Driscoll In 2000, a musician named Karey Sitzler was working as the education director for Crooked Tree Arts Center in Petoskey. A large portion of her job was dedicated to touring local arts students through CTAC’s galleries. The other part of her job — the smaller portion, which had attracted her to the position — was conducting the art center’s youth orchestra.

“I was so excited for the first rehearsal,” she says, “and when I walked in the door, I think there were about 12 kids.”

Hardly an orchestra. And though she was excited by the challenge of the kids’ differing skill levels — some had only played a few months; others had the luxury of private lessons — Sitzler was underwhelmed by the number of students. In an attempt to fatten up the orchestra, she went to her bosses, brimming with questions.” “[I asked,] ‘Who feeds this?” she says. “’How do we build it? Where are the kids?

I’ve got to shake some bushes or something.’

They said, ‘Well, actually our schools up here don’t have [strings] programs.’”

Sitzler, aghast — and also a teacher certified in the state of Michigan — went next to the Petoskey Public Schools superintendent.

She offered up a deal: She would teach elementary students every week, for free, in exchange for a school giving her a dedicated time and space to do so.

“They thought that sounded like a great idea, so we started in Petoskey,” she says. A

vacant classroom and an hour a week were all it took for word of the strings program to sweep through the region. Other northern Michigan schools began adopting it, and by the end of its first year, says Sitzler, 17 schools had signed on to host the strings program.

HITTING THE RIGHT NOTE “It seemed like every other month I was starting another 30 kids, or 60,” she says.

“Going out to Beaver Island was the epitome of things because I think they had 69 kids in the school that year, and 63 of them were in the program. That was pretty cool.”

At the end of 2001, all of the participating students from the programs’ schools got together and put on a concert in Bay View.

The performance was unforgettable: “It was amazing. It was such a treat for me to see a little of the fruition of my work and so many people enjoying playing,” says Sitzler.

Peter and Gay Cummings were in the audience that night and were so taken with the students’ passion and talent, they were inspired to fund the program going forward, naming it after Gay’s mom, Dorothy Gerber, co-founder of Gerber Baby Foods.

ALL GROWN UP Today the Dorothy Gerber Strings Program is in its 20th year serving Charlevoix, Emmet, and Antrim counties.

Although the program has expanded over the years, its core impact has remained the same: It enables students from ages four to 18 to receive free lessons, as well as

opportunities to perform as part of small and large ensembles. Its host organization is Great Lakes Center for the Arts in Bay Harbor, and for the past four years, the DGSP Music Director has been Dr. David Reimer.

Reimer, who has his doctorate in violin performance, instructs along with a team of nine others, all of them musicians with extensive training: Trisha Berquist, Iuliia Fetysenko, Peter Tolias, Beth Deininger, Byron Farrar, Becky Palmiter, Elizabeth Bert, Maggie Stewart and Karen Jervey.

Nowadays, lessons continue to be held in school classrooms and churches around the region, but many are held inside the acoustically inspiring Great Lakes Center for the Arts. The breadth of program offerings have expanded too. Beginner, junior, and intermediate classes are available; all classes, no matter the level, run one hour, twice a week. Students who’ve never played an instrument remain at the beginner level for a year before moving through the ranks.

Students who show exceptional drive and skill may join the Dorothy Gerber Strings Youth Orchestra — though it’s not a given.

“It’s the very top of our program,” Reimer says of the orchestra. “They’re the most advanced students, and they audition to get into the orchestra. They play the most advanced music and take private lessons as well. They can come from anywhere in our program, and yes, they were beginners at some point.”

PRE(MUSIC)SCHOOL A unique aspect of the DGSP is that it also

teaches music to kids who do not yet have the finger skills to hold a pencil or write. It utilizes the Suzuki method, developed by Japanese violinist Shinichi Suzuki. Based on the belief that any properly trained child can become a talented musician, Suzuki employs many of the same techniques used in teaching language.

By starting children as young as three years old, Suzuki believed kids are able to nurture a love and proclivity toward music that will inspire talent and good character for the rest of their lives. Because of the young age of students, parent involvement is a part of the program.

Reimer, who started playing violin at age four, says that early development of skills in music can have a positive impact that lasts a lifetime. “[Music training] develops discipline.

There’s all of the cognitive development in terms of brain activity. With learning music and an instrument, you cross over between the right and left sides of the brain. A lot of people tend to think of the arts for the expressive part, but with an instrument, it’s also very logical, mechanical, and intellectual as well. You’re utilizing your hands, your ears, and then coordinating it all from your brain.

It just stimulates a lot of personal growth.”

Interested in learning more about the Dorothy Gerber Strings Program? Visit www. greatlakescfa.org/educational-programs. For interviews with past teachers and students — many of them professional musicians today — search “Dorothy Gerber Strings” on Facebook.

Northern Express Weekly • Decemeber 13, 2021 • 9

Shred Guide

Northwest Lower Michigan’s got the pow.

Get your board and go.

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Caberfae Peaks, Cadillac

By Craig Manning As we write this, snow is cascading from the sky and blanketing every surface in sight, suggesting that the long, strange autumn of 2021 might be permanently in the rearview. It’s the moment each year that confounds drivers, gives kids their first “snow day” of the season, and causes huge headaches for local road commissions and public safety departments.

For northern Michigan’s many ski resorts, though, this moment is a harbinger of something else: pure, unadulterated joy. Because, barring some freak reversal in weather, it’s officially winter sports season.

To mark the occasion this year, Northern Express is paying tribute to the less recognized members of our local ski community: the snowboarders. While most winter resorts cater first and foremost to the older and more dominant snow sport, skiing, not a one Up North overlooks the interest (and, some might say, fanaticism) of those who live to shred the gnar. Here’s your guide to eight great resorts who devote a lot of snow, energy, and terrain to boarders — and the latest on what they’ve got planned this season for all.

Let it Snow: Opened all the way back in 1934, Caberfae Peaks is one of the oldest ski resorts in the entire country. With 34 ski runs spread across 225 acres, as well as 485 feet of vertical drop, it remains a winter sports enthusiast’s playground nearly nine decades later.

Why we Love it: Standing at an elevation of 1,561 feet, Caberfae’s chairlift is the highest in Michigan’s entire Lower Peninsula. In other words, even before you get on the slopes, a run at Caberfae is already thrilling, characterized by glorious, high-flying views of the Manistee National Forest.

The Grind: If you’re a first-time snowboarder looking to learn the ropes before you shred the slopes, it’s hard to do better in northern Michigan than Caberfae. Caberfae is known for both its awesome Snowsports School (where you can learn skiing or snowboarding

Let it Snow: The Homestead got its start in the 1920s — not as a resort, but as a children’s camp (and later, as a full-fledged boarding school) that focused on outdoor experiences. In the 1970s, it was remade as a year-round vacation destination.

The close proximity of Lake Michigan renders The Homestead a popular place to be in the summer, but the resort also offers a sweet little ski operation. Snowboarders can find 16 acres to explore at The Homestead, including 13 runs and 375 feet of vertical descent.

Bear Dunes National Lakeshore that’s worth the price of a lift ticket by itself. If you love a summertime trip to the Dunes, you’ll love a winter day spent at The Homestead.

Why we Love it: “If we could give an award to the ski area with the best view in Michigan, The Homestead would be a contender.”

That strong endorsement, from a 2020 Pure Michigan video, encompasses much of the appeal of spending a day snowboarding here.

Get to the top of one of the north-facing runs and you’ll see a stunning view of Lake Michigan, Sleeping Bear Bay, and the Sleeping

Don’t Miss: Experienced snowboarders should absolutely set aside some time for a few runs down Yellow Rocket. One of just three black diamond runs at The Homestead, it rewards the effort and challenge by offering the best views of any slope on the property. Not quite up to the black diamond level yet? Try out White Trillium instead, a gentler blue square with almostequally-splendid vistas for you to enjoy.

techniques with private, semi-private, or group lessons) and for its affordable ski-and-stay packages (so you can plan a ski resort weekend without breaking the bank). Plus, this year, the resort stocked up on new snowboards, snowboard boots, and skis for its rental program, to make the learning curve a bit smoother.

Don’t Miss: Any trip to Caberfae this winter should include some time in the newly renovated Skyview Lodge. Originally built in 1962, the Skyview got a much-needed makeover both inside and out during the offseason. Bring a picnic lunch and enjoy it at Skyview to refuel for the second half of your day on the slopes. The resort even welcomes guests to bring and plug in their own crockpots, so bringing along your favorite homecooked chili is very much an option! (If you don’t want to bring a lunch, no worries: Caberfae has multiple dining options to choose from on the premises.)

The Grind: The Homestead’s terrain park, called “Bunch Berry,” offers a nice series of rails and jumps without ramping the “difficult” or “dangerous” levels up too high. It’s the perfect spot for boarders just exiting the “beginner” phase to start trying their hand at some basic tricks.

10 • December 13, 2021 • Northern Express Weekly

The Homestead, Glen Arbor

Nub’s Nob, Harbor Springs

Boyne Mountain Resort, Boyne Falls

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y Let it Snow: Opened in 1958 as just a small ski hill, Nub’s Nob has flourished over the years into one of Michigan’s most legendary ski and snowboard areas. Today, it spans 248 skiable areas, with 53 runs and a vertical drop of 427 feet. The longest run stretches for nearly nine-tenths of a mile — perfect for the more serious skiers or snowboarders.

Why we Love it: When we call Nub’s Nob “legendary,” we mean it.

Few ski areas in Michigan (or in the entire Midwest) have received as many honors and awards, including notices from the likes of Ski Magazine, Outdoor Magazine, and Transworld Snowboarding.

In particular, Nub’s Nob has been recognized for having some of the best snow of any Midwest ski destination. That’s no small thing, given that snow quality can make the difference between a fast, thrilling day on the slopes and a complete bust. Nub’s Nob — with its state-of-the-art snowmaking system, meticulous planning of how and where that snow gets distributed, and tireless grooming and servicing of its runs — provides world-class conditions for shredding, even when Mother Nature doesn’t fully cooperate.

The Grind: In 2013, when Outside Magazine highlighted “The Best Ski Resorts in the Midwest,” it gave Nub’s Nob the honor of “Best Terrain Park.” Those three words alone should put the Nob at the top of any seasoned snowboarder’s must-visit list. With literally dozens of features to try out — from rails to jumps to probably the best halfpipe you’ll find in northern Michigan — it’s no stretch to call the terrain park at Nub’s Nob professional grade. In fact, pro snowboarder Danny Davis — an X-Games gold medalist and 2014 Olympian — used to call Nub’s Nob his training ground, according to Outside Magazine.

Don’t Miss: Nub’s Nob has its fair share of legendary runs — take Twilight Zone, a notoriously mogul-ridden black diamond — but the must-try for any experienced boarders making their way to this Harbor Springs ski hill is Chute. That run alone encompasses all 427 feet of vertical drop at Nub’s Nob — a thrilling, high-speed descent that, if you’re ready for it, is about as fun as snowboarding gets.

Boyne Highlands, Harbor Springs

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Let it snow: One of the two ski resorts operated in northern Michigan by Boyne Resorts, Boyne Mountain boasts a skiable area of 415 acres, with 60 runs and 500 feet of vertical drop. It’s actually the smaller of the two Boyne resorts in terms of ski/snowboard action, but there’s an insane amount of adventure to be found in these hills.

Why we love it: It’s hard not to feel a little bit romantic about Boyne Mountain’s fascinating history. That background dates back to 1947, when founder Everett Kircher relocated from Detroit to northern Michigan to build a ski resort. He spent just $1 to buy the land, then started developing his dream, which eventually morphed into Boyne Mountain. Kircher proved to be a genuine ski pioneer, particularly in the category of chairlifts. In fact, did you know that the world’s first chairlift actually continues to run at Boyne Mountain, to this day? The lift, built in 1936 by Union Pacific Railroad, was initially installed at Dollar Mountain in Sun Valley, Idaho. 12 years later, Kircher bought that lift and transported it to northern Michigan by rail; it was the first chairlift to be installed in the Midwest. It’s been rebuilt and modified significantly over the years, but the top and bottom terminals are still in service at Boyne Mountain. So, if you ride the Hemlock lift up the mountain, you’re literally riding a piece of ski history.

It was also Kircher who came up with the idea for the world’s first triple-seat and quad-seat chairlifts. 28 years later, in 1992, Boyne also introduced the first high-speed six-seat chairlift in the United States. And the innovation continues: This fall, Boyne announced plans to replace two of Boyne Mountain’s chairlifts, Disciples Ridge and Disciples II, with “Disciples 8,” an eight-seat chairlift; it will be the first chairlift of that size in the Midwest.

The Grind: We talked a bit about Danny Davis’s ties to Nub’s Nob, but the Nob isn’t the only ski resort in northern Michigan with Olympic snowboarding pedigree. Karly Shorr, the 27-year-old boarder who finished sixth in women’s slopestyle at the 2014 Winter Olympics in Sochi, grew up spending weekends at Boyne Mountain. She was drawn, in particular, to the resort’s terrain parks. You’ll be drawn to them too, if you’re the kind of snowboarder with a taste for banks, boxes, and berms.

Don’t Miss: Look, there’s so much to do on the slopes at Boyne Mountain that it can be hard to squeeze in moments for indoor fun. But if you do reach the point where you can board no more, we suggest a visit to the resort’s on-site Avalanche Bay, which offers 88,000 square feet of indoor water park fun.

Let it Snow: Boyne Highlands, just northwest of Boyne Mountain, is actually a little bigger than its Boyne City brethren — at least in terms of skiable area. The slopes at the Highlands span 435 acres and 55 runs, and the highest vertical terrain peak of the resort — up 552 feet — is actually the highest of any ski resort in Lower Michigan.

Why we Love it: Whether you’re heading out to Boyne Highlands for a multi-day snowboarding vacation or just hitting the slopes for a single afternoon, you’ll naturally want to maximize your time sailing down the slopes rather than waiting in line for a ride up. Boyne Highlands is taking steps this season to make sure you can do just that. The resort has equipped every one its lifts with dual-frequency RFID tech. RFID, which stands for “radio frequency identification,” makes it much faster to scan a lift ticker or season pass and get on the lift — so that you can get to the top, speed back down, and do it all over again. The system functions by way of what Boyne calls “media cards,” which you can pick up at multiple spots throughout the resort and then fill up with lift tickets online. The result is an easy and touchless process that will expedite your up-and-down-the-slopes experience.

The Grind: The technology upgrades at Boyne Highlands this season haven’t been isolated to the lift ticket system. The resort has also invested in new, highly efficient snow guns, which will not only help ensure fresh powder throughout the season but also help snowmakers build better features at the four terrain parks that dot the Highlands’ grounds. Who knew that even something as timeless as hitting the quarter-pipe on your snowboard could be improved by modern technology?

Don’t Miss: One of the things we love about Boyne’s resorts is that they really strive to provide a full experience for their guests, both on and off the slopes. Boyne Highlands might not have an 80,000-square-foot water park to offer patrons (that’s Avalanche Bay, at Boyne Mountain), but it does have a fantastic family friendly tradition that it calls “The Enchanted Trail.” Described as “a magical and relaxing two-mile roundtrip walk,” this ticketed event invites you to stroll along a wooded trail illuminated by Christmas lights to a “rustic yurt,” where you’ll enjoy s’mores and warm drinks around a bonfire. It’s a sweetly beguiling experience — especially around the holidays.

Northern Express Weekly • Decemeber 13, 2021 • 11

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Shanty Creek Resorts, Bellaire

Treetops Resort, Gaylord Let it Snow: Treetops Resort offers 24 groomed runs for guests, as well as three snowboard terrain parks. The resort likes to tout itself as a “family winter playground” — a designation it earns with everything from family-friendly pricing to a varied activities list that makes good on that old mantra about there being “something for everyone.”

Why we Love it: Taking the whole family out for even just one afternoon of skiing and snowboarding – let alone a whole winter getaway weekend – can get pricy. If you’re looking to have a lot of winter fun with the whole family without triggering a concerned call from your credit card company, then Treetops Resort might just be your best-bet destination. Children six and under stay and ski free at Treetops, so long as they are accompanied by an adult.

Teaching your kids the way of the slopes just got a little more affordable.

Let it Snow: Shanty Creek Resorts is a 5,000-acre behemoth which genuinely feels more like a small town (think a quaint little alpine ski village somewhere in Europe) than a resort. Amidst the sprawl, you will find two ski hills to choose from: Summit Mountain, the older, gentler, easier, and less crowded collection of runs; and Schuss Mountain, the newer, steeper, faster, and more daring option. In other words, no matter what type of snowboarding you have in mind, you can find something to suit you among Shanty Creek’s 50 runs and five terrain parks.

The Grind: The three terrain parks at Treetops are geared toward specific types of terrain boarding, making it easier to plan your runs based on the types of stunts you want to try out.

The Chute is all about jumps, Birch Run is a rail yard, and The Yard is all about boardercross.

Why we Love it: In our expert opinion, Shanty Creek is the ski resort in northern Michigan with the homiest feel. Maybe it’s the aforementioned old-timey vibe, or the cozy dining options dotted throughout the resort (we’re especially fond of The Lakeview, which sits atop Summit Mountain and offers some true hall-of-fame-worthy views). Whatever the reason, Shanty sure feels like a good place to hunker down for a few days and enjoy northern Michigan in full winter wonderland mode.

Don’t Miss: When Treetops calls itself a “winter playground,” it isn’t kidding. Beyond skiing and snowboarding, the resort offers dog sledding, sleigh rides, a halfway-down-the-ski-hill café, snowshoeing, and a “skiable feast” – a snowshoe/cross country ski course with four foodand-drink spots along the way. Our favorite non-snowboarding activity? “Extreme tubing,” which is accurately described as being “not for the faint of heart.” If you’re one of those people who spent their childhood seeking out increasingly daring ways to get to the bottom of the sledding hill, then you’ll want to set aside some time for tubing at Treetops.

The Grind: If you’re out to hone your jumps and tricks, hit up The Monster Park, an award-winning terrain park that earns its big-ticket sponsorship (Monster Energy — as in the energy drink — put its name on the park) with some of the best rails, boxes, booters, and jumps you’ll find in northern Michigan. It’s not the only terrain park at Shanty, either: There’s also “The Natty” (which uses “all natural elements” to create features like rainbow rails, table tops, and jumps) and “Low Rider” (a beginner-level terrain park made up of “smaller elements closer to the ground”).

Let it Snow: Marking its 65th year in 2021, Crystal Mountain offers 102 acres of skiable terrain, 58 runs, and enough snowmaking machines to keep the entire area absolutely saturated in fresh powder for the duration of the ski season. You’ll also find four terrain parks scattered throughout the ski area.

Why we Love it: What’s one of the great things about snowboarding or skiing in the COVID-19 era? It’s not hard to spend the vast majority of your time outdoors, socially distanced from other people. Plus, even wearing a mask isn’t such a bad thing when you’re outside and its 15 degrees! Still, when it comes to crowded places — even ski hills — it’s always nice these days to know that someone out there is taking precautions to keep you safe.

Cheers to Crystal Mountain, then, which last year developed an initiative it calls “Crystal Clean.” According to Crystal Mountain, the Crystal Clean commitment “was developed to implement, monitor, and adjust our next generation of cleanliness standards, norms, and behaviors for Crystal Mountain’s 1,500 acres – [including] resort activities, guest rooms, meeting rooms, restaurants, and facilities.” Crystal Mountain isn’t requiring guests to wear masks in lift lines, on chairlifts, or while on the slopes.

Still, if you decide to book a room for the night or duck into the lodge for a bite to eat, you can rest easy knowing that the entire resort staff is taking care to keep you safe.

The Grind: Not much is better than a day shredding the slopes, but a night shredding the slopes might just take the cake. There’s a unique thrill to skiing or snowboarding at night — something magical about the big floodlights, the extra crispness in the air, or how much better that first beer tastes when you finish up your last run. Crystal Mountain has you covered on that front, with 27 slopes illuminated for night skiing or boarding — typically for five nights a week during the peak season.

Don’t miss: The bad news? Unlike Boyne Mountain, Crystal Mountain’s water park isn’t open for business during to the winter — owing to the simple fact that it’s an outdoor water park. The very good news? Rather than leaving all that waterpark space to collect dust (er…snow) in the winter, Crystal Mountain morphs it into an outdoor laser tag battleground. You’ll feel like you’re doing battle on Hoth.

12 • December 13, 2021 • Northern Express Weekly

Crystal Mountain, Thompsonville

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Northern Express Weekly • Decemeber 13, 2021 • 13

BRING THE HEAT WHAT TO WEAR: WINTER INSIDER’S GUIDE

By Krista Weaver

Portable Campfire

A Good Foundation

One of the most essential items to keep you warm is one few people will see, but it doesn’t hurt if it looks stylish too — especially if you like to strip down to your skivvies for your apres ski session.

Smartwool’s Merino 250 base layer tops and bottoms are 100 percent Merino wool, slim-fitting, and lightweight. They won’t bunch up under other layers, and they pull sweat away from your body, keeping you warm and comfortable in chilly conditions. Plus, they even come in an ironic palm tree pattern!

Smartwool Merino 250 Baselayer Pattern Crew, $110+, Backcountry North in Traverse City.

Wearable Blanket

Why not? Especially one as sleek, stylish, and — gasp! — practical as the NorSari.

This adjustable wrap secures easily over any type of clothing and can and should be worn by anyone, male or female, wanting an added layer of protection. The NorSari Sport’s weatherproof polyurethane shell and wool-blend lining give you maximum warmth anywhere your adventures take you — even if it’s sitting at your desk in a waytoo-chilly office. $149 Norsari.com.

Be the hit of the party at your next outdoor gathering when you effortlessly bust out a surprise campfire! At just 8 inches in diameter, the Radiate Portable Campfire fits in just about any bag or backpack. Light it as you would a candle, then kick back and enjoy the 2-to-3foot flames, 3-to-5-hour burn time, and admiration from your friends and family. No embers, no smoky smell, no mess. Eco-friendly, they’re made from recycled soy wax and paper briquettes in a lidded tin, making clean-up and safety a breeze. Odd bonus: a 30-year shelf life. $27.99 radiateportablecampfire.com

Use Your Head

A warm hat is crucial to outdoor comfort in the winter. A good one helps your body conserve heat; a bad one triggers thoughts of the Donner Party. Whether you prefer a beanie, pompom, headband, or cap, a synthetic blend or woven wool, trust the designers at Eisbar to keep your noggin and ears warm and frostbite-free.

Using only the finest quality yarns and knits, Eisbar has been the officially licensed supplier to the Austrian Ski Team for more than 50 years. It’s safe to say they know a thing or two about winter lids. Prices vary.

Don Orr Ski Haus.

Hydrate!

Splurge On Your Hands

Warm Feet for the Win

For years, the Smartwool Ski Full-cushion Over-the-Calf socks have been a top pick with skiers. Still, they’re an equally effective all-around winter sock, no matter your outdoor activity. It’s a midweight merino/ synthetic blend sock that breathes, stretches, and has padding in all the right places.

A toasty, foot-warming gift for the skier, runner, hiker, or utility line worker in your life! $17, kids (shown here); $27 adults.

Retailers include Don Orr Ski Haus.

For sub-zero conditions (or anyone who just can’t keep their hands warm) Outdoor Research’s “Lucent” mittens and gloves might be the solution. The nylon/leather design is battery powered, offers three heat settings, and EnduraLoft synthetic insulation. The combo gives you up to eight hours of powered heat, but of course, the higher the heat, the shorter the battery life, so there’s a trade-off. The other consideration is the price; at $359, heated gloves and mittens aren’t for every budget. A slightly less costly option is Arc’teryx’s Fission SV glove.

The GORE-TEX Fission is their warmest, weatherproof glove. At $199, it’s intended for severe weather but durable and versatile enough for skiing, working outdoors, fat-tire biking, or day drinking. Local Outdoor Research retailers include Bearcub Outfitters, Backcountry North; Arc’teryx retailers include Backcountry North and The Outfitter of Harbor Springs.

14 • December 13, 2021 • Northern Express Weekly

Winter “Shoes”

Whether you’re a seasoned driver or have a newbie who just got their license, excellent snow tires are an absolute must in Northern Michigan. That’s why we turn to those crafty Fins, makers of Nokian Hakkapeliitta tires — or, as they call them in Findland, tyres. Their R3s, in particular, are top-rated on ice and have a short braking distance. Solid handling on wet, dry, snowy, slushy, or icy enables your car to grip and go without slide whether you’re accelerating or unexpectedly have to hit those brakes.

Plus, reinforced sidewalls are your secret weapon against bumps and potholes — must in Michigan. Authorized dealers include Lakeshore Tire & Auto, Charlevoix; Accurate Tire and Marathon Automotive, Traverse City; and Cadillac Tire, Cadillac. Prices vary.

Frostbite and hypothermia aren’t the only risks to be aware of during frigid temps. Dehydration is a legitimate health concern too. Cold weather tricks us into thinking we’re not thirsty, but our bods lose a lot of water through the mere act of breathing (“Look! I can see my breath!”

Get it?) Plus, all the extra clothing makes our bodies work even harder than usual.

Couple this with the scientific fact that sweat evaporates more quickly in cold, dry air, and, next thing you know, you’ve got no attention span, a bad memory, and you’re in a lousy mood — just a few symptoms of dehydration. Plus, you know, chapped lips.

Remember: Women should drink eight 8-ounce glasses of water a day, and men should drink 12. Camelbak’s Powderhound makes it easy; it boasts 12 liters of storage space, a 3-liter reservoir, and an insulated “Therminator” harness so you can zip the drinking tube inside your shoulder strap. [Buh-bye frozen bite valve!] Bearcub Outfitters and Backcountry North. $105+

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231.932.0775 In The Village at Grand Traverse Commons Northern Express Weekly • Decemeber 13, 2021 • 15

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18 76

A Father. A Son. And their Christmas tree connection.

Photo by Kari Shea, Unsplash

new

year’s

eve party!

Fun! funny! delicous! menu

By Christopher J. Mundy Like most kids growing up, I loved Christmas — believing in something magical, the unknown; a man who, if you were good, rewarded you with a gift. A time to celebrate faith and reflect on religion.

(Though for most kids, it’s about the presents, and I get this.) Now as an adult, when the holidays approach, I think of Christmas trees. They hold a fond place in my heart and stir memories of years past, a connection between me and my father.

I was raised in rural northern Michigan, Wexford County: Christmas tree country. Back then, the Helsel family was known in Lake City and Manton for having the largest farms and the most trees, and the best option for a teenager to get his first paying job, trimming Christmas trees — a job that started at 6am in dew-soaked summer fields along the long country roads, where rows of little Douglas fir trees seemed to stretch for miles.

We got paid per tree: 25 cents for the smaller trees (if memory serves me correctly). As the trees got larger, more skill and detail were required, and we got paid hourly. In fall, larger trees would be painted, pruned a final time, cut, bound, and shipped downstate and across the Midwest for sale.

My high school buddies would pile into my station wagon at 5:30am, with brown bag lunches, coolers, gallon milk jugs filled with water, and our razor-sharp machetes, ready for a quick six-hour shift in the fields. Our workdays had an early start, but we were done at noon because of the summer heat, free to go fish or hang out at the local watering holes, find mischief, or even take an afternoon nap.

Yes, these were the summer days of my youth.

Risks of the job that I remember all too well: hitting an unforeseen hornet’s nest in a tree, swinging recklessly — either in a rush or from fatigue — with that machete and gashing yourself. No medics or onsite nurses in these fields. When boredom would set in, an honest wrestling match among the teenage workers would usually ensue. Good honest fun and work, the memories conjure up visions of the

1986 movie set in 1959, Stand by Me. Fridays were payday. A few hundred dollars cash for a teen in northern Michigan might as well have been a million dollars. It was well earned and well saved.

My father was an intellectual. Born and raised in Detroit, Michigan, and the oldest of seven siblings in a blue-collar family, my dad worked his way through high school and college. He earned an academic scholarship to Michigan State, would go on to earn his masters at Wayne State University, and in the late ’60s, was close to completing his Ph.D. However, in protest of the politics of higher education, academia, and the American political environment at the time, Dad decided not to turn in his dissertation.

My sister would inform me years later of the acronym ABD — all but dissertation.

Withholding his dissertation, a well-written thesis that now sits in a box in my garage, was his way of sticking up his middle finger at the establishment.

Driven by his values and principles, his choices would shape most of the rest of his life and that of our family’s life. This is what led him and my mother to northern Michigan — a 40-acre organic farm, a dirt road, a collection of animals, apple orchards, alfalfa fields, running water, but no neighbors and no cable TV. Pure, clean, good living.

My father was a dreamer and an entrepreneur, started many things but possibly finished even less. Dad brainstormed revolutionary ideas on the back of a napkin and on his yellow legal pads almost daily. I still have many a list: how to market, start-up costs, ideal collaborators and clients.

Wind, solar power, and alternative energy were some of my dad’s favorite opportunities to noodle. A formal job, my father would never have. He never punched a time clock, never wore a suit, and never had a company car. Free and happy living was his way. I used to say if Dad had a $20 bill in his pocket to make it through a day, he was happy. Sometimes, I’m not sure this was ever the case. I’m not positive, in fact, that he ever held a bank account.

In 1995, my father was in his early 50s, and jobs were somewhat tougher to come by for a highly educated man with many skills but not much of a resume.

I could see Dad scrambling, possibly desperate, although he would never show it. So when the holidays came, and a close friend named Duke Wagatha, from Mesick, offered Dad a seasonal job selling Christmas trees at his lot in Livonia, at Plymouth and Middlebelt roads to be exact, he happily accepted.

With his long beard, glasses, puffy brown coat, and winter hat, my dad looked a little like Santa. He lived in a small trailer on the tree lot for the month of December. My sister and I visited Dad at the tree lot, and even though he claimed to love the job —seeing all the families, chatting with the kids, and kicking off their Christmas season with the perfect tree — I left there sad and distraught.

How could this be the life my father had chosen? Wasn’t he lonely?

I would never get the answers to those questions; my father would pass away the next fall in Kingsley — out in the woods, in a small trailer, with no running water, no electricity, or even a cell phone. “Off the grid,” as he liked to say. As tough as it has been for me to come to terms with his life and lifestyle, I have the utmost respect for a man who let his actions and life be a symbol for his beliefs.

With my father, actions did speak louder than words. And I hope the way he worked and lived and shared with those he loved and those he crossed paths with resonates today: Live an honest life, simple and pure. Love and respect Mother Earth. And love and be a role model for our children. Life is that simple.

How ironic, yet true to the circle of life, that my first job and my father’s last are tied to Christmas trees. I still believe in the magic of the holidays, that for a month or even a day, everyone can take time to reflect, be kind, show appreciation, and give thanks for the gift of life and the precious relationships we have within it.

Tis the season.

starter Chopped Green Salad with Balsamic Vinaigrette Dressing Dinner (CHOOSE ONE) Sirloin Steak, Baked Potato, and Parmesan Garlic Asparagus Baked Salmon, Rice Pilaf, and Balsamic Glazed Brussel Sprouts Grilled Portabella Mushroom, Rice Pilaf, and Parmesan Garlic Asparagus a toast!

Complimentary Glass of Sparkling Wine

and, of course...

WORLD CLASS COMEDY!

Friday,

Mike Stan

ley

mike will also be

December 30 – DECember 31 performing Tickets still available WRY, WITTY, CUNNING, AND CRASS. Detroit native Mike Stanley is all of these things AND none. Yeah, he's pretty hilarious but, more than just coarse anecdotes about life and sex, there's an enviable amount of heart and warmth behind Stanley's humor. He’s been named "Best Chicago Stand-up Comedian" in a Peoples Choice poll done by the Chicago Reader and “Best Detroit Comedian”

by HOUR Magazine.

New year’s eve tickets - $60 & $65 DOORS OPEN AT 6:30 PM, DINNER AT 7:30 PM, COMEDY TO FOLLOW. STICK AROUND AFTER THE SHOW FOR MUSIC, COCKTAILS, FOOD, AND RAFFLES.

traversecitycomedyclub.com or call 231.421.1880 ask about hosting your next event here!

738 S. Garfield Avenue, Traverse City

Northern Express Weekly • Decemeber 13, 2021 • 17

dec 11

saturday

2ND ANNUAL LIGHT UP EAST JORDAN FOR CHRISTMAS PARADE: 5:30pm. Spring St. to Mill St. to Main St. Meet with Santa after the parade at Monarch Family Chiropractic. Soup Cook Off from 4-7pm at American Legion, Main St.

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OLD MISSION WOMEN’S CLUB CHRISTMAS COOKIE SALE & RAFFLE: 8am, Peninsula Township Hall, TC. Runs until cookies are sold out.

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2021 GAYLORD SKI SWAP: 9am-2pm, Otsego Resort Special Event Center, Gaylord.

Item drop-off: Dec. 10, 5-9pm. Pickup unsold items: Dec. 11, 2-6pm. Proceeds benefit Gaylord/St. Mary’s ski team. facebook.com/ events/308502930774354/?ref=newsfeed

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TRINITY LUTHERAN CHURCH & SCHOOL 23RD ANNUAL CHRISTMAS COOKIE SALE: 9am-1pm. Held on the corner of 13th & Maple streets, TC. Featuring thousands of handmade decorated cookies.

Come before 9am to sample a few with a free cup of coffee. tctrinity.org

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WINTER WONDERLAND: 9am-4pm, Castle Farms, Charlevoix. Mrs. Claus will be reading stories throughout the day. Explore the magical wonderland in new locations, both outdoors & in the frozen Knight’s Castle. Enjoy holiday-themed games, a craft, & hot cocoa.

Keep an eye out for Santa! $5 for ages 2 & up. petoskeychamber.com/events/details/ winter-wonderland-12-12-2021-26884?calen darMonth=2021-12-01

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A LIGHTHOUSE CHRISTMAS: Grand Traverse Lighthouse, TC. Enjoy a self-guided family holiday tour where you will step back into Christmastime of the 1920s & 30s.

Check web site for hours. $5 adults; $2 6-17; free under 6. grandtraverselighthouse.com/ events/christmas-at-the-lighthouse

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DOWNTOWN CHRISTMAS STROLL: 10am-6pm, Downtown Gaylord. Featuring Santa, local musicians, special sales, ugly Christmas sweaters & more. saturnbooksellers.com/event/downtown-christmas-stroll-0

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GIFTS TWICE GIVEN WRCNM BENEFIT: 10am-5pm. Ward and Eis Gallery in downtown Petoskey will host the Gifts Twice Given benefit to support Women’s Resource Center of Northern Michigan (WRCNM) programs & services on Sat., Dec. 11 & Dec. 18. On these two Saturdays, Ward and Eis Gallery will donate 20% of all sales to support lifesaving & life-changing services for adult & child survivors of abuse & assault who reach out for WRCNM services. petoskeychamber. com/events/details/gifts-twice-given-wrcnmbenefit-26839?calendarMonth=2021-12-01

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HIGH SCHOOL PORTFOLIO REVIEW: 10am-4pm, Crooked Tree Arts Center, Visual Arts Room, Petoskey. For 8th-12th graders.

Get feedback on your creative work in a oneon-one session with CTAC faculty. There will also be a free drawing session going on throughout the day, if you’d like to join in before or after your 20 minute one-on-one session. Free. crookedtree.org/class/ctac-petoskey/high-school-portfolio-review-petoskey

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HOLIDAY CRAFTS FOR FAMILIES: 10amnoon, Grass River Natural Area Center, Bellaire. Featuring wreath making & decorating for older kids & adults, & nature crafts for younger kids. Must wear masks. $5 for kids’ crafts, $10 for wreath making, or $15 for both. Pre-register. grassriver.org/classesand-programs.html

MERRY MARKETPLACE: 10am-3pm, Crooked Tree Arts Center, TC. Featuring a different group of over 20 artists & artisans each week. There will be fun workshops to create ornaments, décor & gifts. crookedtree.org/ event/ctac-traverse-city/merry-marketplace

december

11-19

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SHOP & SWEETS SATURDAY: 10am4pm, Glen Arbor. Shop local for the holidays while enjoying treats like hot cocoa & cookies, along with activities at participating Glen Arbor businesses.

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send your dates to: events@traverseticker.com

WREATH MAKING EVENT WITH GAIA NESVACIL: 10am, Leland Township Library, Leland. Create your own holiday wreath with locally foraged foliage. All are welcome (kids, too!) & registration is not required. Please wear a mask to indoor programs. Free. lelandlibrary.org/programs-events

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LITTLE WAVES YOUNG CHILDREN’S LIBRARY SERIES: 10:30am, Petoskey District Library. This year’s theme is “My Favorite Musical Instrument.” This month focuses on strings.

For ages 4-10. Free. petoskeylibrary.org

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IN STORE BOOK SIGNING: 1-3pm, Horizon Books, TC. Children’s author Bill O. Smith will sign his book “Chickadees.” horizonbooks.com/event/store-book-signingbill-o-smith-chickadees-december-0

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LITTLE WAVES YOUNG CHILDREN’S LIBRARY SERIES: 1pm, Charlevoix Public Library. This year’s theme is “My Favorite Musical Instrument.” This month focuses on strings.

For ages 4-10. Free. charlevoixlibrary.org

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TCHAIKOVSKY’S “THE NUTCRACKER”: 2pm & 7:30pm, Interlochen Center for the Arts, Corson Auditorium. By the Interlochen Arts Academy Dance Division with live accompaniment by the Interlochen Arts Academy Orchestra. $32 full price; $14 student. interlochen.org/ events/tchaikovskys-nutcracker-2021-12-10

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BENZIE COUNTY COMMUNITY CHORUS CONCERT: “GOOD TIDINGS OF COMFORT & JOY”: 3pm, St. Andrews Presbyterian Church, Beulah. Masks required. $10. benziechorus.org

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CTAC SCHOOL OF BALLET’S PRESENTATION OF PYOTR TCHAIKOVSKY’S “THE NUTCRACKER”: 3pm & 7pm, Great Lakes Center for the Arts, Bay Harbor. Enjoy this dynamic show with all original choreography. $35/$30 adults; $10/$5 students; $50 box seating as available. greatlakescfa.org/ events/detail/the-nutcracker

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GINGERBREAD HOUSE BUILDING & DECORATING: Beaver Island Community Center. The center will supply all of the frosting & decorations plus snacks & hot cocoa. Sign up at the BIC Center Front Desk or by calling: 231-448-2022. Sixth grade & younger will start at 3pm. 9th-12th graders can volunteer. Afterwards, watch “The Grinch Who Stole Christmas” with free popcorn. 7th-12th graders start at 5pm.

Finish with the movie “Elf.” $5 suggested donation per participant. wvbi.biccenter. org/calendar-2#event=68584488;instan ce=20211211130000

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A COLONIAL CHRISTMAS: 4-7pm, Colonial Michilimackinac, Mackinaw City.

Storytellers recount the various traditions of historic residents, a retelling of the first Christmas at Mackinac in 1679. Create crafts & play historic games on the Parade Ground. There will also be holiday snacks located throughout the fort. $11 adults, $7 ages 5-12, & free for 4 & under. Last admission is 6:30pm. mackinacparks.com/acolonial-christmas

18 • December 13, 2021 • Northern Express Weekly

Join Interlochen Arts Academy for seasonal songs, led by the Wind Symphony and Choir on Thurs., Dec. 16 at 7:30pm. This family-friendly event includes classic stories and a sing-along of holiday favorites – with Santa! Held in Corson Auditorium at Interlochen Center for the Arts. $26 full price; $14 student. interlochen.org

FRANKFORT HOLIDAY FUN: 5-8pm, Downtown Frankfort. Shopping, dining, carriage rides, caroling & more.

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WARREN MILLER’S 72ND FILM “WINTER STARTS NOW”: 5pm, Northwest Territories, Crystal Center, Crystal Mountain, Thompsonville. Hosted by the Crystal Community Ski Club. $15 online; $20 door. crystalmountain.com/event/warren-miller

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WINTER SOUNDS SING ALONG: 5pm, Michigan Legacy Art Park, Crystal Mountain, Thompsonville. A family-friendly celebration of the season, with hot cocoa & cider, a bonfire, winter hike through the woods, & a half-hour outdoor performance from TC West Middle School Madrigal Singers. $10 suggested donation per adult; children free. michlegacyartpark.org/events/winter-songs

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CHRISTMAS JOURNEY: 5:30pm, New Hope Community Church, outside, Williamsburg. Watch scenes come to life as a guide leads you through a woodland path filled with actors, scenery & live animals. Free. newhope.cc/christmasjourney

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“ENCHANTED APRIL”: 7:30pm, Glen Lake Church, Glen Arbor. The Glen Arbor Players will be staging this classical comedy drama.

Free. glenarborplayers.org

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FROZEN LANDSCAPES: 7:30pm, Gaylord High School. Featuring the Gaylord Community Orchestra. Includes Symphony No. 10

by Alan Hovhaness & Mozart’s Violin Concerto No. 5. The concerto will feature CMU violin professor Fangye Sun. Conductor’s pre-concert talk at 7pm. $10 adults; free for students. gaylordorchestra.org

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SWITCHBACK PERFORMS CHRISTMAS CONCERT: 7:30pm, Historic Elk Rapids Town Hall. Switchback has been playing its brand of eclectic Celtic & Americana music at sold-out concert halls, performing arts

centers, & festivals around the world for almost 30 years. Tickets are available at Corner Drugs in Elk Rapids, Oryana’s 10th St. location in TC, & at brownpapertickets.com. $25 advance; $30 door.

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“THE NUTCRACKER BALLET”: 8pm, Historic Ramsdell Theatre, Manistee. Presented by dancers from Manistee, Mason & Benzie counties. A meet & greet with the dancers follows the performances. $10-$30. ci.ovationtix.com/35295/production/102342 4?performanceId=10752921

dec 12

sunday

WINTER WONDERLAND: (See Sat., Dec. 11)

--------------

A LIGHTHOUSE CHRISTMAS: Grand Traverse Lighthouse, TC. Enjoy a self-guided family holiday tour where you will step back into Christmastime of the 1920s & 30s. Check web site for hours. $5 adults; $2 6-17; free under 6. grandtraverselighthouse.com/ events/christmas-at-the-lighthouse

----------------------

CLASSICAL MUSIC AT THE LIBRARY: 1pm, Traverse Area District Library, McGuire Room, TC. Learn about the Theremin with Classical IPR & TADL. A screening of the documentary “Theremin: An Electronic Odyssey” will be shown.

Free. tadl.org/event/music-the-libra ry-2021-10-10-2021-11-14/2021-12-12

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GTHC GROUP HIKE, SKI OR SNOWSHOE: 1pm. Grand Traverse Hiking Club invites you to join them for a group hike, ski, or snowshoe at Muncie Lakes Pathway. Everyone will meet for a group dinner afterwards at Peegeo’s. Meet at the Muncie Lake Pathway trailhead on Ranch Rudolf Rd. Free. facebook.com/GTHikers

----------------------

MAKE S’MORES WITH SANTA: 1-3pm, Camp Daggett, Petoskey. Kids can come to

camp to meet Santa & make s’mores around a campfire on the grounds of Camp Daggett on Walloon Lake. Free. campdaggett.org

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“THE NUTCRACKER BALLET”: 2pm, Historic Ramsdell Theatre, Manistee. Presented by dancers from Manistee, Mason & Benzie counties. A meet & greet with the dancers follows the performances. $10-$30. ci.ovationtix.com/35295/production/102342 4?performanceId=10752921

----------------------

TCHAIKOVSKY’S “THE NUTCRACKER”: 2pm, Interlochen Center for the Arts, Corson Auditorium. Join the Interlochen Arts Academy Dance Division as they present Piotr Ilyich Tchaikovsky’s ballet, “The Nutcracker.” The timeless story of Clara & her enchanted Nutcracker comes to life through dancing, costumes, scenic design, & live accompaniment by the Interlochen Arts Academy Orchestra. $32 full price; $14 student. interlochen.org/ events/tchaikovskys-nutcracker-2021-12-12

----------------------

CTAC SCHOOL OF BALLET’S PRESENTATION OF PYOTR TCHAIKOVSKY’S “THE NUTCRACKER”: 3pm, Great Lakes Center for the Arts, Bay Harbor. Enjoy this dynamic show with all original choreography. $35/$30 adults; $10/$5 students; $50 box seating as available. greatlakescfa.org/ events/detail/the-nutcracker

----------------------

CHRISTMAS JOURNEY: (See Sat., Dec. 11)

----------------------

BENZIE COUNTY COMMUNITY CHORUS CONCERT: “GOOD TIDINGS OF COMFORT & JOY”: 7pm, Frankfort United Methodist Church. Masks required. $10. benziechorus.org

dec 13

monday

A LIGHTHOUSE CHRISTMAS: (See Sun., Dec. 12)

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WHITE CHRISTMAS PRIVATE SCREENING: 12:30pm, Lyric Theatre, Harbor Springs. Join your fellow Lifelong Learners for this holiday classic movie. Register. $5. ncmclifelonglearning.com/event-4552937

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KID’S CRAFT LAB: REINDEER SALT PAINTING: 1pm & 3:30pm, Great Lakes Children’s Museum, TC. Turn watercolor paint & salt into a flying reindeer creation.

Sign up when you reserve your attendance at the Museum. greatlakeskids.org

dec 14

tuesday

A LIGHTHOUSE CHRISTMAS: (See Sun., Dec. 12)

-------------

PRESCHOOL STORY TIME: 10:30am, Suttons Bay Bingham District Library, Community Room. Start your day with stories, songs & more. Face mask required (ages 5 & over) for any of the indoor group programs for youth. Free. sbbdl.org

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BOOK SIGNING WITH JOHN RUSSELL: 2-4pm, Horizon Books, TC. John will sign his book “My Office Today.” horizonbooks.com/ event/store-book-signing-john-russell-myoffice-today

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NEIGHBORHOOD MEETING/MAKE-NTAKE MEAL: 4:30pm, NMCAA, 3963 Three Mile Rd., TC. NMCAA is giving away a boxed meal that includes a frozen turkey, frozen green beans, mashed potatoes with gravy, & a deli relish. There will also be an activity, info about NMCAA’s programs, & lessons on valuable skills. The Make & Take craft includes a holiday activity of gingerbread people decorating for Neighbors to bring home & craft with their family. This is a drive through event.

Please wear a mask. RSVP. nmcaa.net

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NMC CONCERT BAND HOLIDAY SHOW: 7:30pm, Dennos Museum Center, Milliken Auditorium, NMC, TC. $12 adults; $7 students & seniors. mynorthtickets.com

dec 15

wednesday

CHRISTMAS BIRD COUNT - LEELANAU COUNTY: 8:30am. The Christmas Bird Count is the oldest citizen science project in the U.S. CBC data is used to spot trends & influence policy. Contact Nate at nmcrane@gmail. com if you’d like to participate. grandtraverseaudubon.org

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A LIGHTHOUSE CHRISTMAS: (See Sun., Dec. 12)

----------------------

STORYTIME ADVENTURES: 10:30am, 1pm & 3:30pm, Great Lakes Children’s Museum, TC. Featuring “Ten on the Sled” by Kim Norman. Sign up when your reserve your attendance at the Museum. greatlakeskids.org

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HOLIDAY AFTER HOURS: 5pm, Treetops Resort, Gaylord. Complimentary hors d’oeuvres, hot chocolate & cider, sleigh/wag-

on rides, live music by Al Bondar, snowboard grand prize giveaway & Toys for Tots drop off location. Register. $5 members; $10 nonmembers. gaylordchamber.com/businessafter-hours

Lakes Chamber Orchestra. In addition to the familiar “Messiah” music, there will also be some selections from Johann Sebastian Bach. $30-$60. greatlakescfa.org/events/ detail/messiah

MEN’S NIGHT: 5-8pm, Downtown Manistee.

Men enjoy shopping & entertainment, & merchants feature specials, drawings & spirits.

GRAND TRAVERSE AUDUBON CLUB MEETING: 7pm, Boardman River Nature Center, TC. Annual holiday gathering with member photos & videos. Contact Kathy Flegel (flegels@centurytel.net) if you’d like to present something. grandtraverseaudubon.org

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dec 16

thursday

A LIGHTHOUSE CHRISTMAS: (See Sun., Dec. 12)

--------------

KID’S CRAFT LAB: REINDEER SALT PAINTING: 10:30am, 1pm & 3:30pm, Great Lakes Children’s Museum, TC. Turn watercolor paint & salt into a flying reindeer creation. Sign up when you reserve your attendance at the Museum. greatlakeskids.org

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BOOK SIGNING WITH TERESA SCOLLON: 3:30-5:30pm, Horizon Books, TC. Teresa will sign her book “Trees and Other Creatures.” horizonbooks.com/event/store-book-signingteresa-scollon-trees-and-other-creatures

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MERRY MARKETPLACE: 4-8pm, Crooked Tree Arts Center, TC. This will run three consecutive weekends, & each weekend will feature a different group of artists & artisans.

There will be fun holiday workshops where you can make your own ornaments, holiday decor & gifts. Free. crookedtree.org/event/ ctac-traverse-city/merry-marketplace

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MEN’S NIGHT: 5-9pm, Downtown TC. Special discounts & savings while holiday shopping. downtowntc.com/mens-shopping-night

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PAPER BAG SNOWFLAKES: 5-7pm, Crooked Tree Arts Center, Visual Arts Classroom, TC. Join Education & Outreach Director Kristi Wodek to make a large 3D snowflake using lunch sacks. All supplies included to make one snowflake. Free for members; $5 for non-members. crookedtree.org/class/ ctac-traverse-city/paper-bag-snowflakes

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“HOLIDAY CABARET” BY OTP YOUNG COMPANY: 7pm, Old Town Playhouse, TC. This yuletide take on the Broadway “Showstoppers” will feature songs from the season in a dance-filled, musical revue. Masks required while in the building. Adults: $15; youth under 18: $8 (plus fees). tickets.oldtownplayhouse. com/TheatreManager/1/login&event=371

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“MESSIAH”: 7pm, Great Lakes Center for the Arts, Bay Harbor. Presented by the Great

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SOUNDS OF THE SEASON: 7:30pm, Interlochen Center for the Arts, Corson Auditorium. The Arts Academy Wind Symphony and Choir lead a family-friendly showcase that features works by both ensembles, classic stories, & much more. The program concludes with a sing-along of your holiday favorites—led by Santa. $26 full price; $14 student. interlochen.org/events/sounds-season-featuring-arts-academy-wind-symphony-and-choir-2021-12-16

dec 17

friday

CHRISTMAS BIRD COUNT - ANTRIM COUNTY: 8:30am. The Christmas Bird Count is the oldest citizen science project in the U.S. CBC data is used to spot trends & influence policy. If you’d like to participate, contact Curt Hofer: curthofer1@ gmail.com. grandtraverseaudubon.org

----------------------

A LIGHTHOUSE CHRISTMAS: (See Sun., Dec. 12)

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MERRY MARKETPLACE: 10am-2pm, Crooked Tree Arts Center, TC. Featuring a different group of over 20 artists & artisans each week. There will be fun workshops to create ornaments, decor & gifts. crookedtree.org/event/ ctac-traverse-city/merry-marketplace

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STORYTIME ADVENTURES: 10:30am, 1pm & 3:30pm, Great Lakes Children’s Museum, TC. Featuring “Ten on the Sled” by Kim Norman. Sign up when you reserve your attendance at the Museum. greatlakeskids.org

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BOOK SIGNING WITH BOB DOWNES: 12-2pm, Horizon Books, TC. Bob will sign his book “The Wolf and The Willow.” horizonbooks.com/event/store-book-signingbob-downes-wolf-and-willow

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HOLIDAY CRAFT FAIR: 4-7pm, Old Town Playhouse, Schmuckal Theatre, TC. OTP volunteers, members, & friends will present

Northern Express Weekly • Decemeber 13, 2021 • 19

their handmade, artful creations for sale as part of this Holiday Extravaganza. There will also be an opportunity to have your presents wrapped by a Playhouse volunteer & get a photo with Santa. Immediately after the Craft Fair, the OTP Young Company will present “Holiday Cabaret” upstairs on the MainStage. Masks required while in the building.

Free. oldtownplayhouse.com

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SANTA CLAUS IS COMING TO TOWN: 5:30-7:30pm, Downtown TC. Santa will be touring Downtown TC, chauffeured by the Antique Fire Engine. Firefighters will also collect letters to Santa along the route. downtowntc.com/downtown-cocoa-crawl

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“HOLIDAY CABARET” BY OTP YOUNG COMPANY: (See Thurs., Dec. 16)

---------------------“MESSIAH”: (See Thurs., Dec. 16) ----------------------

COMEDY WITH JEFF HORSTE: 7:30pm, TC Comedy Club, TC. Enjoy topics ranging from candy corn to book bags to racial equality. Horste has performed on Comedy Central, “Hart Of The City,” “The Next Level,” “Laughs” & much more. $15-$25. traversecitycomedyclub.com/jeff-horste

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JOSHUA DAVIS: 8pm, City Opera House, TC. This musician has explored the common thread connecting folk, blues, jazz, ragtime, & country forms. Since his appearance as a finalist on Season 8 of NBC’s “The Voice,” Davis has been churning out an album a year & is currently touring in support of “Live From The Robin.” $35, $15. cityoperahouse.org/ node/417

saturday

dec 18

CHRISTMAS BIRD COUNT GRAND TRAVERSE COUNTY: 8:30am. The Christmas Bird Count is the oldest citizen science project in the U.S. CBC data is used to spot trends & influence policy. Contact Leonard Graf at bluethroat@charter.net if you’d like to participate. grandtraverseaudubon.org

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A LIGHTHOUSE CHRISTMAS: (See Sun., Dec. 12)

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GIFTS TWICE GIVEN WRCNM BENEFIT: 10am-5pm. Ward and Eis Gallery in downtown Petoskey will host the Gifts Twice Given benefit to support Women’s Resource Center of Northern Michigan (WRCNM) programs & services. Ward and Eis Gallery will donate 20% of all sales to support life-saving & life-changing services for adult & child survivors of abuse & assault who reach out for WRCNM services. petoskeychamber.com/ events/details/gifts-twice-given-wrcnm-benefit-26839?calendarMonth=2021-12-01

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HOLIDAY CRAFT FAIR: 10am-3pm, Old Town Playhouse, Schmuckal Theatre, TC. OTP volunteers, members, & friends will present their handmade, artful creations for sale as part of this Holiday Extravaganza. Immediately after the Craft Fair, the OTP Young Company will present “Holiday Cabaret” upstairs on the MainStage. Masks required while in the building. Free. oldtownplayhouse.com

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HOLIDAY MRKT SHARE:10am-3pm, Warehouse MRKT, TC. Shop local, handmade artists. In-person specials & deals. warehousemrkt.com

MERRY MARKETPLACE: 10am-3pm, Crooked Tree Arts Center, TC. Featuring a different group of over 20 artists & artisans each week. There will be fun workshops to create ornaments, decor, & gifts. crookedtree.org/ event/ctac-traverse-city/merry-marketplace

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CHRISTMAS MIRACLE MILE - AN UGLY SWEATER DASH: 11am, Cherry Republic, Glen Arbor. Run a half mile, drink a beverage, & then run another lap!

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ASTRONOMY EXPERT AT THE LIBRARY: Noon, Benzie Shores District Library, Frankfort.

Professor Manuel Bautista of Western Michigan University will join the library virtually for a presentation on astronomy & the James Webb Space Telescope. A Q&A will follow. Join at the library or from home on Zoom. cca.frankfortelberta.com/EvtListing.aspx?&class=C

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BOOK SIGNINGS: Horizon Books, TC. 122pm: Debbie Watson will sign her book “Polar Bear and the Dragon Book 2: Dream Jumper.”

2-4pm: Chris Roxburgh will sign his book “Leelanau Underwater.” horizonbooks.com/event

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WINTER WINE WALK: 12-3pm, Otsego Resort, Gaylord. Walk from the River Cabin to the bonfire at the Beaver Dam. Along the trail, visit three wine tasting stations that are paired with light food. $38. otsegoclub.com/ event/winter-wine-walk-11

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FESTIVAL OF TRAINS: 1-3pm, First Christian Church, TC. Presented by Northern Michigan Railroad Club & Great Lakes Children’s Museum. A swap meet will be held Dec. 18-19. Meet Santa. $5 (4 & under, free); $30 Festival Pass. nomirrc.wordpress. com/about/festival-of-trains

PAPER BAG SNOWFLAKES: 1-2:30pm, Crooked Tree Arts Center, Gallery, TC. Join Education & Outreach Director Kristi Wodek to make a large 3D snowflake using lunch sacks. All supplies included to make one snowflake. For ages third grade to adult.

Register. Free for members; $5 for nonmembers. crookedtree.org/class/ctac-traverse-city/paper-bag-snowflakes-1

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VISIT WITH SANTA: 1-5pm, Emmet County Fairgrounds, Equestrian Center Building, Petoskey. Holiday-themed arts & crafts. Enjoy cookies & hot cocoa while you wait to talk to Santa. Free.

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“HOLIDAY CABARET” BY OTP YOUNG COMPANY: 3pm & 7pm, Old Town Playhouse, TC. This yuletide take on the Broadway “Showstoppers” will feature songs from the season in a dance-filled, musical revue. Masks required while in the building. Adults: $15; youth under 18: $8 (plus fees). tickets.oldtownplayhouse. com/TheatreManager/1/login&event=371

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IN MEMORY OF LOIS LARSON DRISCOLL: 3pm, Interlochen Public Library, Community Room. This concert is presented by the Friends of Interlochen Public Library. Featuring David Holland, viola, & Joan Raeburn Holland, harp. Mask required. interlochenpubliclibrary.org

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SANTA PICTURES & CAROLS: 4-6pm, Torch Lake Café, Eastport (US 31/M-88). torchlakecafe.com

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SANTA SKATE: 5-7pm, Petoskey Ice Arena. $6 skate rental. Complimentary cookies & hot cocoa. $10/person or $30/family. petoskeyicearena.com

UPCOMING LIVE MUSIC LINEUP Dec 14th @ 6:30

Dec 15th @ 8:30 PM

Dec 16th @ 7 PM

Dec 17th @ 8 PM

CAROLS w/ LEANNA NICK VASQUEZ

KARAOKE

LEANNA & IVAN

4990 US-31 N - Central Lake, MI | (231) 599-1111 | TorchLakeCafe.com

It’s never too late to improve your smile Discreet and effective orthodontics for smiles of any age

www.schulzortho.com

TRAVERSE CITY

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20 • December 13, 2021 • Northern Express Weekly

RHETT & JOHN DEC 18TH @ 8 PM

WENDY BARNES DEC 19TH @ 12:30 PM

COMEDY WITH JEFF HORSTE: 7pm, TC Comedy Club, TC. Enjoy topics ranging from candy corn to book bags to racial equality. Horste has performed on Comedy Central, “Hart Of The City,” “The Next Level,” “Laughs” & much more. $15-$25. traversecitycomedyclub.com/jeff-horste

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“HOME FOR THE HOLIDAYS”: 7:30pm, Interlochen Center for the Arts, Corson Auditorium. Presented by the NMC Chamber Singers & NMC Grand Traverse Chorale. 947-7120.

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DIAMOND RIO: 8-10pm, Little River Casino Resort, Manistee. This country music band has sold more than 10 million albums, won a Grammy Award, Dove Award & six Vocal Group of the Years, plus much more. $40-$50. event.etix.com/ticket/online/performanceSale.do?performance_ id=4332772&method=restoreToken

dec 19

sunday

A LIGHTHOUSE CHRISTMAS: (See Sun., Dec. 12)

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GIFT WRAPPING BONANZA: 10am-2pm, Bellaire Public Library. Just bring your gifts, tape & scissors.

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BOOK SIGNING WITH TRICIA FREY: 1-3pm, Horizon Books, TC. Tricia will sign her book “River Love.” horizonbooks.com/event/ store-book-signing-tricia-frey-river-love

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FESTIVAL OF TRAINS: (See Sat., Dec. 18)

HOLIDAY CONCERT: PETER BERGIN: 1pm, Traverse Area District Library, McGuire Community Room, TC. Enjoy this local pianist & vocalist as he shares his talent of entertaining. Featuring songs you remember of holidays past. Free. tadl.org/event/holidayconcert-peter-bergin-pianist-vocalist

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“THE POLAR EXPRESS”: 2pm, Great Lakes Center for the Arts, Bay Harbor. Experience this cinematic adventure based on the award-winning children’s book on the Center’s 45-foot cinema screen. $3 youth, $7 adult. greatlakescfa.org/events/detail/greatlakes-cinema-series-polar-express

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“HOME FOR THE HOLIDAYS”: 3pm, Interlochen Center for the Arts, Corson Auditorium.

Presented by the NMC Chamber Singers & NMC Grand Traverse Chorale. 947-7120.

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HOLIDAY CONCERT: TLC HANDBELL CHOIR: 3pm, Traverse Area District Library, McGuire Community Room, TC. Enjoy recognizable holiday music with melodies & harmony. Free. tadl.org/event/holiday-concert-tlc-handbell-concert

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JAZZY CHRISTMAS MATINEE: 3pm, GT Circuit, TC. With David Chown, Laurie Sears & Miriam Pico. Family friendly. Proof of vaccination & masks required. Wine from Chateau Chantal, tacos from Mama Lu’s & lemonade available. $10 donation.

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JINGLE BELL RUN: 5pm. A non-timed 5K run/ walk that starts at the Workshop Brewing Co. & goes through downtown TC. Wear your holiday costume & enjoy cookies & hot chocolate afterwards. $20. runsignup.com/jinglebellrun

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Northern Express Weekly • Decemeber 13, 2021 • 21

THE POWER OF THE DOG

For Traverse City area news and events, visit TraverseTicker.com

The Power of the Dog is a film no brief plot synopsis can do justice. And it’s not because the story is so complex; not a lot happens. But the simplicity to the action belies the intensity and complexity of the character dynamics or why you won’t be able to look away. Plot descriptions are rendered all the more meaningless after stepping into a theater.

Because once you begin watching, you’ll be so unnerved by this atmospheric triumph from director Jane Campion (The Piano), you can’t help but be enveloped by its imposing world.

Leave it the inimitable Campion, a foreign female, to make a film that cuts to the heart of the American myth of machismo. Based on Thomas Savage’s 1967 novel of the same name, The Power of the Dog uses the Western genre as a starting point for its crisis of masculinity and repression, and in doing so creates a psychological thriller of the highest order: an intimate gothic chamber piece set against the vastness of the American West. With tension that makes you feel like someone is standing on your chest, this is slow-burn storytelling at its finest, and the payoff is very, very real.

Set in 1925 Montana, the film focuses on the Burbank brothers, Phil (Benedict Cumberbatch) and George (Jesse Plemons), two single men running a successful ranch operation and living together in a stately Victorian mansion where they still share the same bed, just like they did when they were kids.

JOIN US FOR THE HOLIDAYS

UPCOMING EVENTS Dec 17 - Holiday Wine Affair 5:00p - 9:00p Dec 18 & 19 - Santa Brunch 10:00a - 2:00p Visit our website for event details and holiday dinner hours. Call for reservations.

231 256-9971 | THERIVERSIDE-INN.COM | 302 E RIVER ST, LELAND

22 • December 13, 2021 • Northern Express Weekly

Far from a display of brotherly love, it’s symptomatic of their toxic dependency, even though they can barely tolerate each other (which is a generous description). The volatile and brutal Phil is the embodiment of brute strength — caked with dirt, dominating his horse, making his own rope, and commending the attention of cowpokes as he speaks with reverence about his mentor, Bronco Henry.

Far from what you’d expect from someone with an Ivy League degree in the Classics, he has reinvented himself as the roughest and toughest cowboy around.

The gentler, softer, and more businessminded Georgie Boy bears the brunt of Phil’s verbal and psychological abuse — that is, until a fateful meal at a nearby restaurant where Phil cruelly mocks the effete son of the restaurant’s widowed proprietress, Rose (Kirsten Dunst). As Rose cries in the kitchen, George is unexpectedly placed in the role of consoler, and a bond between the two develops, culminating in a surprise marriage.

Unsurprisingly, Phil despises the union and degrades Rose as a mere opportunist. She

becomes the target of his sadistic pleasures.

In a truly unforgettable scene where Rose nervously practices the piano, Phil taunts her, note by note, by devilishly playing along on his banjo. It’s a masterful piece of filmmaking that underscores how his brand of intelligence-driven ruthlessness is so much more menacing than any threat of violence.

And with her son away at college, Rose becomes a tragic, trapped, and tormented figure at a breaking point. She is the defenseless prey of an enigmatic evil until her son returns home and the film slowly and transcendently reveals its secrets, making it all too clear from where Phil’s rage stems.

As Phil, Cumberbatch is a revelation.

Watching him makes you feel like an explosion could erupt at any moment right in the room you’re in. You feel his menacing down deep, digging up feelings you have long tried to suppress. But his cruelty is not something that is unambiguously villainous; it’s something far more textured. While Cumberbatch has the showiest role, each of the four leads are equally magnificent in their own ways. All should be nominated for Oscars, including breakout performer Kodi Smit-McPhee, who plays Rose’s effete son, Peter, and whose physicality speaks volumes.

When these performances are combined with Campion’s command of visual language, each shot conveys immensity. You can understand a character on a near-spiritual level with just a glance, with one shot saying more with than some entire films manage.

Set against a beautiful yet uninviting backdrop, the grandeur of the Burbank house placed amidst a harsh landscape seems to emerge straight out of a Wyeth painting, or calling to mind the cinematic poetry of Terrence Malick’s Days of Heaven.

Under cinematographer Ari Wegner, Campion’s New Zealand makes a convincing stand-in for the American West, while also somehow lending an air of freshness to the western’s landscape. Shadows and clouds mix to set a gorgeous scene of doom and dread, and the vast expanses begin to claustrophobically close in. Johnny Greenwood’s score further unsettles with harsh strings that heighten the suspense.

It all leads to a whopper of an ending that is both wildly satisfying and exquisitely disquieting, and that pains me not to be able to discuss with everyone. Majestic, incisive, and unnerving, Power of the Dog’s gripping and visceral power cannot be denied.

nitelife

edited by jamie kauffold

Send Nitelife to: events@traverseticker.com

Grand Traverse & Kalkaska

BAHIA, TC 10: 12/11 -- Jonny & Jake 12/18 -- Matt Mansfield

MAMMOTH DISTILLING, TC 7:30-10:30: 12/15 -- Eric Clemons 12/16 -- Clint Weaner

FANTASY’S, TC DJ

ROVE ESTATE VINEYARD & WINERY, TC 12/17 – Holiday Music w/ Luke Woltanski, 5-8

FRESH COAST BEER WORKS, TC 12/17 -- Les Older, 6-9 GT CIRCUIT, TC 12/19 -- Jazzy Christmas Matinee w/ David Chown, Laurie Sears & Miriam Pico, 3 LIL BO, TC Thurs. – Jazz w/ Larz Cabot, 6-9 Fri. – Live music Sun. -- Karaoke - Shooting Star Entertainment, 8

TC COMEDY CLUB, TC 12/17 -- Comedy w/ Jeff Horste, 7:30 12/18 – Comedy w/ Jeff Horste, 7 THE PARLOR, TC 12/11 -- Blue Footed Booby, 8-11 12/17 -- Holiday Show w/ Miriam Pico, 7:30-10:30 12/18 -- Cameron Six, 8-11 THE WORKSHOP BREWING CO., TC 12/11 -- Matt Mansfield, 7

12/13 -- Big Fun Jam Band, 6 Tue -- TC Celtic, 6:30-9 Weds. -- Live Jazz, 6-8:30 12/17 -- The Real Ingredients, 7 12/18 -- DJ Ras Marco D, 12-2pm; Djangophonique, 7pm THIRSTY FISH SPORTS GRILLE, TC PATIO, 6:30-9:30: 12/11 -- 1000 Watt Trio 12/18 -- The 4 Horsemen UNION STREET STATION, TC 12/10-11 -- The Marsupials, 10 Sun. -- Karaoke, 10 12/13 -- Jukebox, 10 12/14 -- Open Mic Comedy, 8-9:30; Electric Open Mic, 10-2 12/15 -- DJ Sarah G, 10 12/16 -- The Time Bombs, 10 12/17-18 -- Snacks & Five, 10

Antrim & Charlevoix ALPINE TAVERN & EATERY, GAYLORD 12/17 -- Mike Ridley, 6-9

BENNETHUM’S NORTHERN INN, GAYLORD 12/14 -- Randy Reszka, 5-8

BIG BUCK BREWERY, GAYLORD 6-9: 12/11 -- Pete Kehoe 12/17 -- Nelson Olstrom

Otsego, Crawford & Central ALPINE TAVERN & EATERY, GAYLORD 12/17 -- Mike Ridley, 6-9

BENNETHUM’S NORTHERN INN, GAYLORD 12/14 -- Randy Reszka, 5-8

HAPPY HOUR DRINK SPECIALS

dec 11 - dec 19

Mon March 16- $5 martinis, $5 domestic beer pitcher, $10 craft beer pitcher.

FROM Tues OPEN-6PM - 4-8pm: The Pocket

Hours MondayKung 2pm-9pm 9pm-1am: Fu Rodeo Tues-Thurs 2pm-2am • Fri-Sun noon-2am

the can night - $1 domestic, Wed Monday - Get it inDec 13th - Jukebox $3 craft- w/DJ JR

Tues DecThurs 14th--$2 OpenoffMic from 8-9:30 allComedy drinks and then 10pm-2am Electric $2 Labatt drafts w/DJOpen RickyMic T Wed Dec 15th - DJ Sarah G

Fri March 20 - Buckets $8 (2-8pm) $2 domestic drafts & of $3 Beer craft starting drafts fromat9pm-close.

Happy Hour: The Chris Michels Band Then: The Isaac RyderNigh Band t!

Thurs Dec 16th - The Time Bombs Men’s Sat March 21 Ryder Band (No Covers) Fri -&The SatIsaac Dec 17th & 18th Sunday March SNACKS & 22FIVE

KARAOKE ( 10pm-2am) Sun Dec 19thKaraoke

941-1930 downtown TC check us out at unionstreetstationtc.net RIVIA TUES T M 7-9P

KET NFL TICUNDAY S EVERY S - WITH 10 TV ND ON! SOU

TO-GO OR DERS AVAILABL E 231-2524157

Sun-Tues Noon-10pm Fri/Sat Noon-11pm

Thurs 4pm-10pm (kitchen open noon-9pm) closed Wednesdays

DRINK SPECIALS (3-6 Monday-Friday): $2 well drinks, $2 domestic drafts, $2.50 domestic bottles, $5 Hornitos margarita SUNDAY - $6 Ketel One Bloody Mary & $4 Mimosas DAILY FOOD SPECIALS (3-6pm): Monday - $1 chips and salsa • Tuesday - $1 enchiladas Thursday - $5 fried veggies (cauliflower or mushrooms) Friday - $5 hot pretzels w/ beer cheese PATIO ENTERTAINMENT (6:30-9:30)

SAT DEC 18 - THE 4 HORSEMEN 221 E State St. downtown TC

BIG BUCK BREWERY, GAYLORD 6-9: 12/11 -- Pete Kehoe 12/17 -- Nelson Olstrom

Leelanau & Benzie HELLO VINO, BELLAIRE 12/17 -- Rick Woods, 6-9 MAMMOTH DISTILLING, BELLAIRE 12/16 -- Eric Clemons, 7:30-10:30 PROVISIONS WINE LOUNGE, BOYNE CITY 12/11 -- Nelson Olstrom, 6 SHORT’S BREW PUB, BELLAIRE 12/11 – Harborcoat, 8:30-11 12/12 – Reggae Sunday w/ DJs, 2-5 12/17 – Brett Mitchell & The Mitchfits, 8:30-11:30

12/18 – Breathe Owl Breathe, 6-11:30 12/19 – Yule Swing w/ DJ Franck, 4-8 TORCH LAKE CAFÉ, EASTPORT (US 31/M-88) 12/12 -- Pine River Jazz Band, 2 12/13 -- Jake Slater - Elvis Tribute Artist, 7:30 12/14 -- Christmas Carols w/ Leanna, 6:30 Weds. – Karaoke, 8:30 Thurs. – Nick Vasquez, 7 12/18 – Santa Pics & Carols, 4-6; Rhett & John, 8:30

12/19 -- Wendy Barnes, 12:30 OTSEGO, CRAWFORD & CENTRAL ALPINE TAVERN & EATERY, GAYLORD 12/17 -- Mike Ridley, 6-9 BENNETHUM’S NORTHERN INN, GAYLORD

12/14 -- Randy Reszka, 5-8

BIG BUCK BREWERY, GAYLORD 6-9:

12/11 -- Pete Kehoe 12/17 -- Nelson Olstrom

Emmet & Cheboygan BEARDS BREWERY, PETOSKEY 12/11 -- Two Track Mind, 6 12/12 & 12/18 -- Owen James, 5 12/19 – Celtic/Traditional Irish Session, 5 BOB’S PLACE, ALANSON 12/15 -- Mike Ridley, 6-9 BOYNE VALLEY VINEYARDS, PETOSKEY 2-6: 12/11 -- Michelle Chenard 12/18 -- Chris Calleja

CITY PARK GRILL, PETOSKEY 12/17 -- Annex Karaoke, 10 MAMMOTH DISTILLING, BAY HARBOR 7-10: 12/11 – Sean Bielby 12/17 -- Eric Jaqua 12/18 -- The Real Ingredients NOGGIN ROOM, PETOSKEY 7-10: 12/11 -- Dogwood Rhythm 12/17 – Zeke Clemens 12/18 – Holly Keller

ODAWA CASINO RESORT, PETOSKEY MUKWA BAR & GRILL: 12/11 -- Dennis Verrett, 9 VICTORIES, 9: 12/11 -- Detour 12/17 – Bumpus 12/18 – TC Knuckleheads THE LARK THEATER, CHEBOYGAN 12/11 -- Jill Jack Celebrates the Holidays, 6: SOLD OUT 12/18 -- Lori Cleland, Duffy King & Mike Ridley, 6: SOLD OUT

Northern Express Weekly • Decemeber 13, 2021 • 23

the ADViCE GOddESS Bed Over Heels?

Q

: I’m a 29-year-old guy with a “keep it casual” relationship history, but I can’t stop thinking about this new girl at work.

Beyond not wanting her to date anyone else, I don’t want someone to hurt her or make her sad. No other woman has ever made me feel this way. How do I know whether this is lust or the beginnings of falling in love?

— Confused

A

: It’s easy to believe you’re “in love” when you’re really just in lust. To be fair, lust is a form of love...if you broaden the field to stuff like “I love, love, LOVE your boobs in that inappropriately tight sweater.”

In other words, lust is animal attraction, so the “inner beauty” that’s elemental to loving somebody is immaterial. I know this firsthand, having repeatedly been the target of interspecies sex predators, large and small.

A giant male goat chased me across my friend’s parents’ farm, trying to mount me — while my friends looked on laughing. A previous perv was six inches high and green: a friend’s lorikeet (a kind of parrot). He ran after me on his little bird feet all around another friend’s apartment, squawking the oh-so-sensual pickup line, “Otto, bird! Otto, bird!” I bolted into the bathroom, slammed the door, and refused to come out till he was behind bars. #beaktoo

Complicating the detangling of “love or lust?” is another important question: “Love or infatuation?” Falling in love is not love.

It’s infatuation — an intense, usually lustfueled obsession with our idea of who a person is: a projection of our hopes and romantic fantasies that often has little relationship to who they really are. That said, the sheer strength and intoxicating nature of infatuation -- like being blind drunk on romantic possibility instead of Jim Beam -often leads to premature feelings of “We’re perfect for each other!”

People tend to believe the more they learn about a new person they’re into, the more into them they’ll be — a la “to know them is to love them.” However, psychologist Michael I. Norton finds that when we have the hots for someone we barely know, we’re prone to read ambiguity — foggy, partial information about them — as signs the person is like us.

These (perceived!) similarities amp up our “liking” for them — at first.

BY Amy Alkon However, as time goes by, we can’t help but notice all the dissimilarities poking up, which leads us to like them less and less -a la “To know them is to loathe them.” In other words, rushing into a relationship of any permanence is the stuff dreams are made of — if you’ve always dreamed of being financially and emotionally incinerated in a grotesquely ugly divorce.

“Buyer beware” in love is best exercised in two ways: The first is “buyer be seriously slow.” Consider putting the person you’re dating on secret probation for a year (or more). This will give you time to not just see the best in them but give it much-needed company: glimpses of the worst.

Second, explore whether your compatibility with a person is surface — “I love sushi! She loves sushi!” — or sustainably deep. The ideal tool for assessing this is the best definition of love I’ve ever read, and by “best,” I mean the most practically useful. It’s by Ayn Rand.

(And no, I’m not one of the glassy-eyed worshippers of everything she ever said or wrote, but she nailed it on this.)

“Love is a response to values,” writes Rand.

“It is with a person’s sense of life that one falls in love — with that essential sum, that fundamental stand or way of facing existence, which is the essence of a personality. One falls in love with the embodiment of the values that formed a person’s character, which are reflected in his widest goals or smallest gestures. ... It is one’s own sense of life that acts as the selector,” identifying one’s own core values in the other person.

Using this “values model” to determine compatibility requires some preliminary work: figuring out your own values, meaning the principles you care most about — the guiding standards for the sort of person you want to be. If you’re in the “gotta get started on that” stage, recognizing what isn’t love — those love fakers, lust and infatuation — should help you avoid sliding into the committed relationship nightmare zone.

Ultimately, love is nautical: It’s both the ship that launched a thousand sappy cliches and, more vitally, a lifeboat. In lifeboat form, it gets romantic partners through the worst of times, major and, um, somewhat less major — like when your bae spends your entire date night searching Hulu for a movie to watch.

Love is dropping your phone in the goldfish bowl to keep yourself from whispering, “Hey, Siri, where’s the legal line between murder and involuntary manslaughter?”

24 • December 13, 2021 • Northern Express Weekly

“Jonesin” Crosswords "Free Fifty"--that's 5x10x2. by Matt Jones

ACROSS 1 When they’re low, insurance companies are more profitable 11 Trans Am that talks 15 Central, with “of” 16 “I Am Not My Hair” singer India.___ 17 Sap 18 Haynes with the documentary “The Velvet Underground” 19 Musical work featuring historical figures, often 20 Indigo dye 21 Second-hand, alternately 22 Costar of Thora and Wes in “American Beauty” 23 Canadian actress Cooper of Apple TV+’s “See” 24 Circumvents 26 He played Tobias Funke 30 Puff ___ (venomous critter) 35 Race a motor 36 Unilever laundry soap brand that’s over 100 years old 37 Basis of the name of a short-lived, short-form streaming platform 40 Detach from the dock 41 “In ___ called malice, yeah” (The Jam lyric that’s almost the proper title) 46 “L&O: SVU” costar 47 Like two structures that map out the same way 52 30 Seconds to Mars singer Jared 53 Like the pronouns he, she, and they, grammatically 54 Rosy assertion 55 St. Vincent’s backup group?

56 Kitten’s scruff 57 The act of not paying attention, old-style 58 “House” actor Omar 59 Ferrari model

DOWN 1 Cruise liner decks with pools 2 Head of a bowling team?

3 Monk known as “the Venerable” 4 Counties overseas 5 Do some boot repair 6 Title ship in a 1997 Spielberg movie 7 Solution strength, in chemistry 8 “Do ___ to eat a peach?” (Eliot) 9 Rome’s port in the Punic Wars 10 Like some hams, at this time of year?

11 ___ Damacy (Playstation game with a ball that picks up everything in its path) 12 Like some T-shirt art 13 Spruce quality?

14 Show with the Season 1 episode “Biscuits” 25 “Be Kind, Rewind” device 27 Billy Zane’s character in the Netflix miniseries “True Story” 28 Heeler healer?

29 Japanese light novel series “___ Been Killing Slimes for 300 Years and Maxed Out My Level” 30 Like an eagle’s beak 31 Outdated headgear for a poor student 32 Children’s cold medicine brand 33 Boundaries between biomes 34 “Citizen Kane” studio 38 “C’mon, let’s do this!”

39 Municipality in the province of Padua (and not a Japanese send-off) 42 Supposed occupation of Joe Coulombe, founder of a grocery chain 43 Cigar brand whose name means “best” in Spanish 44 Gets petulant 45 Sue Ann ___, Betty White’s role on “The Mary Tyler Moore Show” 48 “An Impeccable Spy: Richard ___, Stalin’s Master Agent” (2019 Owen Matthews book) 49 Future indicators 50 North Dakota State Fair city 51 Wicker basket used in jai alai

lOGY

DEC 13 - DEC 19

BY ROB BREZSNY

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): The coming months will

be a favorable time for you to redefine the meaning of the term “sacred” and to deepen your relationship with sacredness. To spur your imagination, I offer four quotes: 1. “Recognizing the sacred begins when we are interested in every detail of our lives.” —Buddhist teacher Chögyam Trungpa 2. “When you notice something clearly and see it vividly, it then becomes sacred.” —poet Allen Ginsberg 3. “Holiness begins in recognizing the face of the other.” —philosopher Marc-Alain Ouaknin 4. “Modern culture, in its advertising of sex, is in a misguided fashion advertising its longing for the sacred.” —teacher Sobonfu Somé

LIBRA

(Sept. 23-Oct. 22): Author Barbara Sher offered this wise counsel: “Imaginary obstacles are insurmountable. Real ones aren’t.” I bring this to your attention because I believe the coming weeks will be an excellent time to identify the imaginary obstacles you’ve erected in your inner world—and then smash them or burn them or dispose of them. Once you’re free of the illusory interference, I think you’ll find you have at least twice as much power to neutralize the real obstacles.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): Prolific author Ray Bradbury liked to give advice to those with a strong need to express their imaginative originality.

Since I expect you will be a person like that in 2022, I’ll convey to you one of his exhortations.

He wrote, “If you want to create, you must be the most sublime fool that God ever turned out and sent rambling. I wish you a wrestling match with your Creative Muse that will last a lifetime. I wish craziness and foolishness and madness upon you.” Keep in mind that Bradbury was referring to constructive craziness, wise foolishness, and divine madness.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): Capricorn

author E. M. Forster wrote, “The only books that influence us are those for which we are ready, and which have gone a little further down our particular path than we have yet gone ourselves.” I propose we universalize that statement: “The only people, information, and experiences that influence us are those for which we are ready, and which have gone a little further down our particular path than we have yet gone ourselves.” I believe this principle will be especially fruitful for you to embrace during the next three months. Prepare yourself for lessons that are vital for you to learn—and on the frontier of your understanding

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Among

America’s Founding Fathers was Aquarian William Whipple (1730-1785). He was one of 56 men who signed the Declaration of Independence in 1776, instigating war with Great Britain. Unlike many of his colleagues, however, Whipple believed it was hypocritical to enslave human beings while fighting for freedom. That’s why he emancipated the person who had been in bondage to him. The coming months will be a favorable time to make comparable corrections, Aquarius. If there are discrepancies between your ideals and your actions, fix the problem.

PISCES (Feb 19-March 20): According to

Piscean author Ryunosuke Akutagawa, “People sometimes devote their lives to a desire that they are not sure will ever be fulfilled.” So true!

I can personally attest to that behavior. Is such a quest misguided? Delusional? Naive? Not in my view.

I see it as glorious, brave, and heroic. Akutagawa did too. He said that those who refrain from having inspirational desires are “no more than mere spectators of life.” In any case, I recommend you think big in 2022, Pisces. From an astrological angle, this could be the year you home in on and refine and upgrade the single most important desire you will ever have.

ARIES (March 21-April 19): Key questions for

you, beginning now and throughout 2022: 1.

What do you need to say, but have not yet said? 2. What is crucial for you to do, but you have not yet done? 3. What dream have you neglected and shouldn’t neglect any longer? 4.

What sanctuary is essential for you to visit, but you have not yet visited? 5. What “sin” is it important for you to forgive

yourself for, but you have not yet forgiven yourself? 6. What promise have you not yet fulfilled, even though it’s getting late (but not too late!) to fulfill? 7. What secret have you hidden so well that you have mostly concealed it even from yourself?

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): Taurus novelist

Anthony Trollope (1815–1882) took one of his manuscripts to a publishing company, hoping it would be made into a book and sold to the public.

A few weeks later, he got word by mail that his masterpiece had been rejected. He took a train to the publisher’s office and retrieved it. On the train ride home, he turned the manuscript over and began writing a new story on the back of each page. He spent no time moping. That’s the spirit I recommend you embody in the coming weeks, dear Taurus.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): “John Coltrane

was an addict,” wrote author Cornel West about the renowned jazz saxophonist and composer.

“Billie Holiday was an addict. [Nobel Prizewinning author] Eugene O’Neill was an addict.

What would America be without addicts and postaddicts who make such grand contributions to our society?” I welcome West’s sympathetic views toward addicts.

Many of us who aren’t addicts understand how lucky we are not to have the genetic predisposition or the traumatic experiences that addicts often struggle with. We unaddicted people may also have been spared the bigotry and abuse that have contributed to and aggravated some addicts’ addictions. Having acknowledged these truths, I nevertheless hope to do whatever I can to help you convert any addictive tendencies you might have into passionate obsessions. Now is an excellent time to launch a new phase of such work. Invitation: Make a list of three things you can do in the coming months to nurture the process.

CANCER

(June 21-July 22): Actor and model Kate Beckinsale unleashed a cryptic boast: “My best feature is unfortunately a private matter, although I’m told it is spectacular. But you can’t really walk it down the red carpet. What can I say?”

Are you imagining what I’m imagining? I bring this oddity to your attention in the hope that I can convince you to be more forthright and expressive about your own wonderful qualities. It’s time to be less shy about your beauty, less secretive about your deep assets. Show the world why you’re so lovable.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): Leo-born Edna Ferber

(1885–1968) was a celebrated author who won a Pulitzer Prize. She was witty and outspoken.

Her stories featured strong women and characters struggling against discrimination. “I never would just open a door and walk through,” she said about her career. “I had to bust it down for the hell of it. I just naturally liked doing things the hard way.” At least in the coming weeks, Leo, I urge you NOT to adopt Ferber’s attitude. In my view, you’ll be wise to do everything possible to open doors rather than bust them down. And the best way to do that is to solicit help. Cultivate your ability to ask for what you need. Refine your practice of the arts of collaboration, synergy, and interweaving.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): “No one has

ever written, painted, sculpted, modeled, built, or invented except literally to get out of hell,” wrote Virgo dramatist Antonin Artaud. That’s a ridiculous generalization, in my opinion. For example, I occasionally generate songs, stories, and horoscopes to help me escape from a momentary hell. But most of my creations are inspired by my love of life and a desire to inspire others. I’m very sure that in the coming weeks, your own motivations to produce good things will be far closer to mine than to Artaud’s. You’re in a phase when your quest for joy, generosity, blessings, and fun could be fierce and productive.

Northern Express Weekly • Decemeber 13, 2021 • 25

nitelife

dec 11 - dec 19 edited by jamie kauffold

Send Nitelife to: events@traverseticker.com

Grand Traverse & Kalkaska

BAHIA, TC 10: 12/11 -- Jonny & Jake 12/18 -- Matt Mansfield

MAMMOTH DISTILLING, TC 7:30-10:30: 12/15 -- Eric Clemons 12/16 -- Clint Weaner

FANTASY’S, TC DJ

ROVE ESTATE VINEYARD & WINERY, TC 12/17 – Holiday Music w/ Luke Woltanski, 5-8

FRESH COAST BEER WORKS, TC 12/17 -- Les Older, 6-9

David Chown

Laurie Sears

Miriam Pico

Sunday, December 19th 3 pm Doors open at 2:30

Family friendly

$10 donation

GT CIRCUIT, TC 12/19 -- Jazzy Christmas Matinee w/ David Chown, Laurie Sears & Miriam Pico, 3 LIL BO, TC Thurs. – Jazz w/ Larz Cabot, 6-9 Fri. – Live music Sun. -- Karaoke - Shooting Star Entertainment, 8

THIRSTY FISH SPORTS GRILLE, TC PATIO, 6:30-9:30: 12/11 -- 1000 Watt Trio 12/18 -- The 4 Horsemen UNION STREET STATION, TC 12/10-11 -- The Marsupials, 10 Sun. -- Karaoke, 10 12/13 -- Jukebox, 10 12/14 -- Open Mic Comedy, 8-9:30; Electric Open Mic, 10-2 12/15 -- DJ Sarah G, 10 12/16 -- The Time Bombs, 10 12/17-18 -- Snacks & Five, 10

Antrim & Charlevoix

GT Circuit

225 W Fourteenth Traverse City Across from the State Police Post

year-r

THE PARLOR, TC 12/11 -- Blue Footed Booby, 8-11 12/17 -- Holiday Show w/ Miriam Pico, 7:30-10:30 12/18 -- Cameron Six, 8-11 THE WORKSHOP BREWING CO., TC 12/11 -- Matt Mansfield, 7

Proof of vaccination and masks required

Wine from Chateau Chantal Tacos from Mama Lu's Lemonade for the kids

TC COMEDY CLUB, TC 12/17 -- Comedy w/ Jeff Horste, 7:30 12/18 – Comedy w/ Jeff Horste, 7

12/13 -- Big Fun Jam Band, 6 Tue -- TC Celtic, 6:30-9 Weds. -- Live Jazz, 6-8:30 12/17 -- The Real Ingredients, 7 12/18 -- DJ Ras Marco D, 12-2pm; Djangophonique, 7pm

ALPINE TAVERN & EATERY, GAYLORD 12/17 -- Mike Ridley, 6-9

BENNETHUM’S NORTHERN INN, GAYLORD 12/14 -- Randy Reszka, 5-8

BIG BUCK BREWERY, GAYLORD 6-9: 12/11 -- Pete Kehoe 12/17 -- Nelson Olstrom

Otsego, Crawford & Central ound s

eptic s

professional

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ALPINE TAVERN & EATERY, GAYLORD 12/17 -- Mike Ridley, 6-9

BENNETHUM’S NORTHERN INN, GAYLORD 12/14 -- Randy Reszka, 5-8

BIG BUCK BREWERY, GAYLORD 6-9: 12/11 -- Pete Kehoe 12/17 -- Nelson Olstrom

Leelanau & Benzie HELLO VINO, BELLAIRE 12/17 -- Rick Woods, 6-9 MAMMOTH DISTILLING, BELLAIRE 12/16 -- Eric Clemons, 7:30-10:30 PROVISIONS WINE LOUNGE, BOYNE CITY 12/11 -- Nelson Olstrom, 6 SHORT’S BREW PUB, BELLAIRE 12/11 – Harborcoat, 8:30-11 12/12 – Reggae Sunday w/ DJs, 2-5 12/17 – Brett Mitchell & The Mitchfits, 8:30-11:30

12/18 – Breathe Owl Breathe, 6-11:30 12/19 – Yule Swing w/ DJ Franck, 4-8 TORCH LAKE CAFÉ, EASTPORT (US 31/M-88) 12/12 -- Pine River Jazz Band, 2 12/13 -- Jake Slater - Elvis Tribute Artist, 7:30 12/14 -- Christmas Carols w/ Leanna, 6:30 Weds. – Karaoke, 8:30 Thurs. – Nick Vasquez, 7 12/18 – Santa Pics & Carols, 4-6; Rhett & John, 8:30

12/19 -- Wendy Barnes, 12:30 OTSEGO, CRAWFORD & CENTRAL ALPINE TAVERN & EATERY, GAYLORD 12/17 -- Mike Ridley, 6-9 BENNETHUM’S NORTHERN INN, GAYLORD

12/14 -- Randy Reszka, 5-8

BIG BUCK BREWERY, GAYLORD 6-9:

12/11 -- Pete Kehoe 12/17 -- Nelson Olstrom

Emmet & Cheboygan Extensive fleet of tanker trucks and professional technicians

• Septic Assessments • On Time • Satisfaction Guarantee

BEARDS BREWERY, PETOSKEY 12/11 -- Two Track Mind, 6 12/12 & 12/18 -- Owen James, 5 12/19 – Celtic/Traditional Irish Session, 5 BOB’S PLACE, ALANSON 12/15 -- Mike Ridley, 6-9

Much More than Pumping

231-228-7499

williamspumping.com

26 • December 13, 2021 • Northern Express Weekly

BOYNE VALLEY VINEYARDS, PETOSKEY 2-6: 12/11 -- Michelle Chenard 12/18 -- Chris Calleja

CITY PARK GRILL, PETOSKEY 12/17 -- Annex Karaoke, 10 MAMMOTH DISTILLING, BAY HARBOR 7-10: 12/11 – Sean Bielby 12/17 -- Eric Jaqua 12/18 -- The Real Ingredients NOGGIN ROOM, PETOSKEY 7-10: 12/11 -- Dogwood Rhythm 12/17 – Zeke Clemens 12/18 – Holly Keller

ODAWA CASINO RESORT, PETOSKEY MUKWA BAR & GRILL: 12/11 -- Dennis Verrett, 9 VICTORIES, 9: 12/11 -- Detour 12/17 – Bumpus 12/18 – TC Knuckleheads THE LARK THEATER, CHEBOYGAN 12/11 -- Jill Jack Celebrates the Holidays, 6: SOLD OUT 12/18 -- Lori Cleland, Duffy King & Mike Ridley, 6: SOLD OUT

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231-946-1131 • toyharbortc@gmail.com • Find us on Facebook Northern Express Weekly • Decemeber 13, 2021 • 27

28 • December 13, 2021 • Northern Express Weekly