Opinion

POST-PANDEMIC WORLD: TEXT MESSAGING WITH MY BEAGLE

guest opinion

by Gary Howe

“Evidence of the impact of pets on mental health is mixed, with some studies either finding no effect or a negative impact on mental wellbeing.” — Roxanne D. Hawkins, Brodie, Z.P., “The role of human-pet attachment on people’s mental health over time during COVID-19 lockdown.”

“As much as we made dogs, I think dogs probably made some part of us, too.” – Neuroscientist Gregory Berns, “Neuroscientist Reveals What Dogs Are Thinking.”

Beagle: Hey! Hey! Hey! Me: What’s up? Beagle: I need a treat. Me: I’m at work. We’ll talk later. Beagle: Now. Now. Now. When are you coming home? Me: Later. 3 to 4 hours. Beagle: So, is that soon? Like now? Me: No. Go lay down. I can’t text now. Beagle: I thought you worked at home. You’re always home. Did I do something wrong? Me: You didn’t do anything wrong. You’re a good girl. It looks like the pandemic is over, so I need to actually go to work. Beagle: That’s dumb. I protest that you leave me alone. Who’s going to give me treats? Me: You’ll be fine. I’ll be back soon. Go lay down.

Beagle:

(20 minutes later)

Beagle: Alert! Alert! Alert! Me: What is it, girl? What’s wrong? Beagle: Big brown truck. Someone came up to the porch and knocked on the door. I yelled at them. They left. But they left a box. What do you think is in it? Treats? Me: It’s the UPS driver. I don’t know what’s in the box. I’ll open it when I get home. Beagle: You’re just going to leave me here with it on the porch? What if it’s a bomb? Me: It’s not a bomb. Beagle: Could be. You don’t know what it is. Me: No. It’s not a bomb. I ordered something over the weekend, I think. Beagle: You think? You don’t remember buying something only a few days ago? It could be beef treats for me. Me: Yes, I suppose so. I was surfing online. I might have bought a few things. I don’t remember. Beagle: You’re weird. Am I a good dog? Me: Yes. You’re a good dog. Beagle: Treat! Treat! Treat! Me: Later.

(Four hours later)

Me: Hey, what’s going on, Beagle? Beagle: ZZZZZZZ Me: Good dog.

(One Hour Later)

Me: It’s Cherry Festival week. I’ll be a little late. Beagle: Cherry Festival? You mean, with the super loud birds? I’m not too fond of those things. No. No. No. Me: You mean the Blue Angels? They don’t have those this year. It’ll be quieter. Beagle: Good. Will there be boom booms at night? Me: On the Fourth of July, yes. Beagle: Ugh. I’ll be under the bed. Me: Maybe we will go to Lake Michigan and skip them. Beagle: Good. What about flying dogs? Are they in town? Me: Yes, Ultimate Air-Dogs are back. Beagle: Those dogs are weird, but I like them. Why do they want to go in the water? It makes no sense. It gets in your ears and itches. But they can jump so far. Me: We’ll go watch them. It’s pretty cool. OK. I have to go — I have to go to a meeting. Beagle: Dumb. I could go for a treat right now. Me: You’ll have to wait. I said I’d be late. Beagle: Grrrrrrrrrrr. Me: Hey, watch your attitude.

(20 Minutes Later)

Beagle: Alert! Alert! Alert! Me: What now? Beagle: Something weird happened. The garbage erupted all over the kitchen floor. I don’t know what happened. Me: Erupted? Did you get into the garbage? That’s a bad girl. Beagle: No. No, I only tried to clean up. I swear. I ate the stinky chicken and licked the take-out containers. I was a good dog. I don’t know what happened before I came along. Me: Stay out of the kitchen. I’ll be home soon.

(70 Minutes Later)

Beagle: Treat! Treat! Treat! Me: On my way now. Beagle: Good. I’m bored. Let’s go for a long walk in the woods. W.A.L.K! W.A.L.K! W.A.L.K! Me: I’m tired. I don’t know. We’ll see. Beagle: You’re always tired. I need walks. It would help if you had more walks. Have you looked in the mirror? Me: You get plenty of walks but maybe a short one. And, yes, I know. I gained some pandemic weight. I work out. I’m trying. I don’t have energy when I’m always leaving the house for work. People are exhausting. Beagle: I agree. People — they’re everywhere. Stay home with me. Me: Somebody has to work. Despite all the bad stuff last year, it was great working with you all day. But that’s all over now. I need to go out more. I have meetings. Responsibilities. Beagle: Without me? That doesn’t sound very good. Me: It’s OK. I’m lucky. I have a job, a house, and my health. A lot of people are struggling with one or the other or all three. Beagle: You also have a beagle. Me: That I do. You’re a good dog. Beagle: Treat! Treat! Treat! shop online at thelimabean.net 231-271-5462 Downtown Suttons Bay Open 7 days

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