Top Ten

31st Annual Iceman Cometh Canceled

The Bell’s Brewery Iceman Cometh Challenge, the 27-mile race that draws mountain biking pros and enthusiasts to Kalkaska from around the world each November, no matter what the weather — has been canceled for 2020. Don’t blame the pandemic, though; permitting was the big problem. The Traverse City-based Festival Foundation, which took over the event in 2019, said in a statement that despite countless hours spent reconfiguring courses, the starting line, and even the way race packets were distributed to ensure a safe race experience “ … we could not secure the needed permitting for the 31st edition of the Iceman Cometh Challenge.” Organizers asked registered racers to consider donating their 2020 registration fees for the 2021 race to help support the Foundation’s next Iceman and other events, as well as to enable it to continue giving back to the community and area organizations. Any riders with questions or concerns are asked to email icemaninfo@iceman.com for more details.

Live Concert — Drive-In Style

And the award for most clever method of hosting a live music show in the middle of a pandemic goes to … the Ramsdell Regional Center for the Arts in Manistee. On Saturday, Sept. 19, residents of Manistee and surrounding communities are invited to pull their vehicles into the old K-Mart parking lot in Filer Township (1560 US-31), roll down their windows, kick back, and listen to small-town Michigan outlaw-country crooner Sadie Bass (who was, btw, recently selected from hundreds of entrants to perform on country star Brantley Gilbert’s upcoming Kick It In The Ship Cruise). Tickets, $50 per vehicle (limit is four people per), are available until Sept. 17. Learn more about the 5pm–8m drive-in country concert at www.RamsdellTheatre. org/drive-in.

Stuff we love When “That Woman from Michigan” Drives Local Sales

Doesn’t matter what we think of Gov. Whitmer’s executive orders; she deserves a home-state high five (figuratively speaking, of course) for her hotmic humor at the UAW Local 625 in Lansing last week, in which she surprised waiting audience members with this deadpan-delivered warning during mic check: “It’s not just Shark Week. It’s Shark Week, Mother Fu••ers.” [Note to those eager to criticize the use of crude language by political leaders: She mouthed but didn’t speak the mighty Mother F-bomb.] Whether a nod to Discovery Channel’s most famous programming block (which aired the week before) or the Democratic National Convention (which aired the week she made the remark), we don’t know, but we got a darn good giggle. And some local T-shirt shops —Traverse City’s Tee See Tee and Boyne City’s Outdoor Beerdsman — are getting a real boost. Both moved immediately to crank out Whitmer’s words on T-shirts and report they’re selling the, well … you-know-what out of ’em. Find Tee See Tee’s version in T-shirts or sweatshirts, $20+, at www.teeseetee. com; Outdoor Beerdsman’s, $22+ (women’s shown here), at outdoorbeerdsman.com.

bottoms up Up in Smoke’s Tequila Sunrise

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It’s basic but bold. A classic cocktail and a mainstay on drink menus across the land, the time-tested, always colorful, and ever-popular Tequila Sunrise ($6) is a sight for sore eyes on any sweltering summer day, and at Up In Smoke Barbecue & Catering in Petoskey, this compote tastes as good as it looks. That’s because it uses Jose Cuervo Gold, with a shot of grenadine, orange juice, and a secret ingredient in creating what’s become one of their most popular bar offerings. True to its name, this Tequila Sunrise fades from the clear liquor on top down to its sweet, deep orange depths — a work of art with a kick. In a world of artsy new drinks and micro-brewed spirits, it’s always nice to fall back on an old favorite. Balance this drink’s sweetness by pairing it with one of Up In Smoke’s savory pulled meats (chicken, pork or brisket) and a helping of their delicious smoked mac-n-cheese. Find all of the above at 1208 U.S. 31 N. (231) 622-8318, www.upinsmokebarbecue.com Northern Express Weekly • aug 24, 2020 • 5

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In 2016, the problem was all those illegal immigrants voting, remember? Millions and millions of them we were told. To be fair, the voter fraud commission that President Trump launched did find one green-card holder who had tried to vote. And on average, each year, there are about 20 prosecutions for illegal voting.

This year it’s “fraudulent” mail-in ballots. But once again, it’s going to be “millions” of illegal votes cast and a “rigged” election. And once again, the fear mongers will be wrong. Five states — Colorado, Utah, Hawai’i, Oregon, and Washington — have been doing universal mail-in voting for years, and two-thirds of the rest of the states already allow mail-in voting on request. There should be ample evidence of mail-in voting fraud. So where is it? This year, all but seven states distributed mail-in voting applications to all registered voters. (No, not everybody; just to registered voters.) Since the entire illegal-immigrants-will-bevoting accusations were a bust, this year, President Trump — Fear-Monger-in-Chief — says it’s “obvious” there will be millions of counterfeit ballots. Attorney General William Barr says it’s “common sense” there will be counterfeit ballots. Perhaps either could explain how that’s going to happen. Only registered voters can apply for a mail-in ballot. When we registered to vote in the first place, we were required to show identification, list our address, and provide a signature. All of that is part of a database. Mail-in ballot applications, including our signatures, must match what is already on file. Counterfeiting a ballot would be relatively simple, or at least simpler, if there was a single, national ballot with a race or two. But there is no national ballot. Every state has its own rules, including paper weight, ballot size, font style and size, margin sizes, space between candidates, etc. A patient counterfeiter could find all that information because it is part of every state’s election laws. But if anything on that ballot is somehow off, it isn’t going to be counted. The envelope in which the ballot arrives is subject to similar rules and adds a bar code that connects the voter to information on file. That makes the counterfeiting trickier. The slate of candidates on the ballot makes counterfeiting, at least in sufficient numbers to alter a national election, almost impossible because every state has different candidates for every race below president. And not just every state. The United States has 3,007 counties; 67 parishes; 19 organized bureaus; 11 census areas; 41 independent cities, plus the District of Columbia; a total of 3,143 county equivalents. Those contain 19,495 incorporated cities, towns and villages.

Every county has a different ballot for local candidates, millages, or bond elections. Several cities within those counties also have municipal elections, requiring still more different ballots. Some states elect precinct committee members so the ballots are even different at the precinct level. Not to mention various legisla

All our industrious counterfeiters need do is figure out all the technical requirements for the ballots and envelopes in every state, solve the mystery of the bar code, accurately print thousands of different ballots with different candidates in different races and mail them in for millions of fake voters.

tive districts. Michigan alone would require counterfeiters to create at least 83 different ballots, one for each county. Not to mention 533 incorporated municipalities including 276 cities, any or all of which might have their own issues on the ballot.

All our industrious counterfeiters need do is figure out all the technical requirements for the ballots and envelopes in every state, solve the mystery of the bar code, accurately print thousands of different ballots with different candidates in different races and mail them in for millions of fake voters.

Seems neither obvious nor anything like common sense to assume such a thing could happen. And it won’t. Oh, there will be a relative handful of ballots sent to people who have died or moved, and a few people will try to vote illegally, but counterfeit ballots are the least likely scenario.

The far bigger threat comes from hackers trying to penetrate none-too-secure voting machines and the blizzard of misinformation and other divisive nonsense coming on social media from Russian and Chinese sources and domestic conspiracy theorists.

The latest threat has nothing to do with fraud or foreign interference but some rather signifi- cant domestic interference. President Trump’s attempts to hamstring the U.S. Postal Service to make mail-in balloting far more difficult — he has said that’s his intent more than once — is about as cynical as can be.

Slowing mail service won’t hurt only Democrat voters. Some people still rely on the mail to receive their Social Security and payroll checks, to get their medicine, and to send payments for their cars and homes. It will not help an already struggling economy.

The solution is simple: Avoid the rush, fill out your ballot as soon as you receive it, probably in late September, slap a first-class stamp on it, and mail it. And have some faith that our honest and ethical local officials will work very hard to make sure there is neither fraud nor corruption in this year’s elections.