Balance

Why You Need Your Girlfriends

AND HOW TO BE A GOOD ONE

Written by Jennifer Miller

Does anyone else remember how easy it used to be

to make friends? You asked someone if they wanted to swing on the swings or play in the sandbox and moments later, you were truly inseparable. Best friends forever. Cue the Claire’s friendship necklaces (bonus points to you if you remember those). Making friends seems to get a little more difficult as you get older. By high school, most of us stuck to our friend group that liked the same things we did i.e sports, cheerleading, academics, theater, or band. In college, you cling to your sorority sisters or roommates. Each passing year, your friendships change and your group seems to grow a little smaller. Entering adulthood, especially after kids, making new friends is a whole new level of terrifying. Although, when you do find these friends, it’s my opinion that these are the most rewarding friendships you’ll ever have.

So, why is it so scary as adults to try and make a new friend? First of all, meeting new people just doesn’t happen the way it did on the playground. You generally don’t go up to someone at the grocery store, gym,or Target and tell them you like their sweater and leave best friends. In fact, most of us are inclined to make as little eye contact as possible at these places and are more than happy to get in and get out, speaking to no one. Not exactly the best way to make a new friend. Friendship in your adult years also takes a lot of energy, planning and confidence. This can seem like another item on an already long to do list. However, the payoff is more than we could ever imagine.

Society likes to depict romantic relationships as the be all end all. Your partner is all you’ll ever need. Not true. As much as I adore my husband ( and my alone time), there is something magical about meeting up with my two best friends on a Tuesday night at Syringa and not noticing that 3 or 4 hours have passed in a blink of an eye. Your friendships are truly essential to your health, delivering a healthy dose of those feel good hormones which are vital to your emotional well being.

Seeing your friendships as an investment is key. And it doesn’t need to be a popularity contest. I would rather have four quarters than a hundred pennies. Quality over quantity. Finding two or three people (outside of your family) who you feel safe with and that can be an anchor for you is all you need.

So, you have the greatest friends already. Yay! How do you return the favor?

First, become allies instead of competitors. Social media loves to pit women against each other. By being each other’s biggest cheerleaders, we cultivate genuine relationships founded on mutual and unwavering support of one another. Second, be vulnerable. Brene Brown tells us being vulnerable is a super power. Vulnerability within your friend group gives us a sense of safety and belonging. Third, and maybe most important, take the time to listen, really listen. And make each other a priority. It won’t be every day you talk or every week you get together but be intentional with those relationships and carve out nonnegotiable time for each other.

If you don’t have those relationships yet, it’s ok. Start in spaces you already love. Say hello to the women on the bike next to you in spin class, or ask your funny coworker out for a glass of wine on a Friday afternoon. Good people know good people and even this small or brief interaction could lead you to your people. And remember, some friendships come and go like the trendy crop top you just bought. Others will keep you warm and cozy for years like your favorite sweater. Be thankful for both! w

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