A 1950s childhood in Moss Side Tajo the Umpire By David Hulson.
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Before I even got to the front door I could tell it was Eric on the other side of the door ,because he has quite a strange knock "colonel Bogie". Hi Eric I said as I opened the door. I've got my bat ,have you still got the corky said Eric waving his home made cricket bat. Hang on a sec I said , Roger where's the corky I shouted . Front room in the sideboard came the distant voice of my brother from the upstairs loo. Roger I shouted back ,were playing cricket in the entry across the road are you coming . Give me five minutes he shouted back. Okay ! I shouted back. Running into the front room I retrieved the corkie. Shut up shouted Mum from the kitchen. Playing cricket Mum with the boys. Alright , watch the windows and don't forget to call for Tajo ! . Do we have to I replied ,he can't even talk real English like what we do yet . Don't argue , call for him said Mum. Come on Eric I said as I slammed the door shut. Where are the boys Eric . Over in the entry he said pointing with his home made bat.
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As we crossed the street Alan and Barry were dragging two steel dust bins into position . Well that's the stumps set up said Garry who kicked a can towards Steve who In turn dribbled it past Mike and shouted Goal ! as it hit a dust bin. Roger turned up ,and as usual took charge , Garry and I are the captains , I'll have Barry,Eric,and Mike that's my four. Okay I take Dave, Steve,and Alan and that's my four said Garry. Awww hell I said ! Mum said I've got to call for Tajo and ask him to play. He can be an umpire said Roger . But he's polish and doesn't understand the rules of the game smirked Steve. Stevie said Roger nobody understand the bloody rules of cricket anyway so what does it matter, go get him Dave. Okay I said, five minutes later I returned with Tajo . Me I am here ,what I do said Tajo. Dave said my brother tie your pullover around his waist . I did as I was told . Now we've got an umpire smiled Roger patting Tajo on his back. Okay take you're positions shouted Roger I'll bat first he said taking the bat of Eric. What me do said Tajo.
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You hold the pullovers said Alan and point. Point where, said the bewildered Tajo. Don't worry you'll get the idea said Alan. OUT ! Shouted Gary as the corkie hit the dustbin with a resounding clang. No way I wasn't ready screamed Roger. Look Roger said Garry,You were in your crease and holding the bat ,and you were bowled out ,isn't that right Tajo. Who me said Tajo. Just put your finger in the air Tajo and say OUT ! ,said a smiling Garry. OUT ! shouted Tajo, like this is right yes. Yup , spot on me old mate . This is bloody daft said Roger throwing the bat to the ground and walked out of the entry. Well he's gone to the pavilion to rest smirked Steve. Well that makes you the captain of your team now Barry said his brother Garry. Eric you take the place of Roger responded Barry. Alan was to bowl now from the street end, no not underarm Alan,but it was too late, the ball rolled along the entry and Eric took a swipe at it but it rolled past him into the street , RUN he shouted to Mike let's make this count . 4
"Have you ever seen two boys run towards each other at speed and smash together And Neither one knowing which way the other was going to side step the collision. Double out shouted Gary ,as both members of the opposition ended up on the stone cold paving of the back entry as Gary touch the dust bin with the retrieved ball. Say it Tajo he said say it. OUT ! OUT ! I play good now yes ,smiled Tajo. You certainly do me old pal ,well that's three for nowt ,and there's only you now it's up to you Baz said his laughing brother. Okay said Barry picking up the bat, but none of that girlie underarm bowling , It's not allowed . Tajo !----- Shouted Mrs Cinkoviack. I go mama want me go shop now , and with that the umpire was lost. Bloody hell said Eric to Mike this is the worst ever game ever ,even the umpire is against us and he doesn't understand the rules or even speak English. Come on bowl the ball shouted Barry tapping his bat on the ground,I'm ready for anything .
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Alan did his run up and let fly . Me I is back shouted Tajo, mama said I can play. Alan's ball bounced along the ground ,but just as Barry went to hit it . Tajo shouted OUT ! I learn good yes. What the hell blurted Barry ,I didn't even touch it. You heard him Barry ,you're out said Garry laughing, he is the umpire. But he doesn't even understand the game said Barry throwing the bat to the ground. Who does Barry ,who does .
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