Motherhood & Autism

A Mother’s Guide on the Topic of Autism

By Alyssa Quintal

The journey through motherhood with a special needs child is a bittersweet experience. It’s sweet because you see the world through a different pair of eyes, you also realise love has no limits or boundaries.

After all the setbacks and limits imposed on your child, after all the chaos that comes with special needs, the one constant is love. However, it can also be a bitter experience as society still struggles with different. As the mum of an 8 year old autistic son I have grown accustomed to the stares when he is having a meltdown or the glares and burrowed frowns when he says something inappropriate as he learns about societal rules and expectations. Yet, even with all the stares and the burrowed frowns I don’t get angry or resentful. I am well aware that from the outside looking in he just looks like a boy having a tantrum or being rude. I am aware that they don’t know his story. It’s what happens when they do know his story, when I do tell them that he has autism and the way they respond that can leave me feeling sad and misunderstood.

This is the part where society can do better. Language around sensitive topics such as disabilities needs to improve and people should be cautious in the way they approach the topic. Often in an attempt to diffuse their own awkwardness on the subject people will start telling me about their friends, cousin’s brother in-laws child that has autism, or how smart autistic people are and every other stereotype about autism. All the while, I stand there holding my breath, waiting anxiously for them to stop talking because quite frankly I don’t want to hear it. I don’t need to be inspired or hear a feel-good story to make me feel better about his diagnosis and I don’t need pity because he is happy and I am happy.

In this situation there are only two appropriate responses. The first is the person can say “ok” or “cool” and move on with the conversation. Autism doesn’t need to be the topic of conversation if the person isn’t genuinely interested.

The second response is to ask me questions. I don’t expect anyone to know all about autism, and since every autistic person is different a person could ask me what autism means to my son or ask about the things we have in place for him. It’s that simple!

Sometimes when we don’t have the right words to say we should say nothing at all, or ask questions and listen and take the opportunity to be educated. Language is important and everyone needs to do better at choosing their words wisely.