2 minute read
Lean on Me
LEAN ON ME
‘Mum-Ghosting’ - the phenomenon explained - why it can happen and ways to help you better understand and overcome it all as a mama.
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Being pregnant and knowing you’ll soon become a mum can be very exciting. But the minute you find out you’re expecting, your responsibilities might change drastically from those of your friends’, if you’re the first one to have a baby.
Suddenly you have this tiny human being growing inside of you. You have to eat healthily, you have to get rest and soon you won’t be able to move as easy as you used to. But the ‘negative’ parts of motherhood aren’t limited to the changes in your body. You might feel that your friends are abandoning you too.
This phenomenon is called ‘mum ghosting’.
SO WHAT IS ‘GHOSTING’?
‘Ghosting’ is when you suddenly end a personal relationship with someone, without any explanation. So ‘mum-ghosting’ is when your friends seem to disappear when you find out you’re pregnant, or you give birth.
One thing to remember is that you’re not the only person this happens to. It’s very common that people just suddenly end a relationship without any explanation. They’ll still send you a message, but then that might be the last you hear from them. The term ‘ghosting’ implies that there is no explanation for this disappearance.
WHY DO PEOPLE GHOST?
Most instances of ‘mum-ghosting’ happen without any explanation. Here are possible reasons why a friend might have ghosted you:
They can’t relate to your situation – It might be because you’re the first of your group of friends to be pregnant/give birth. Therefore they don’t know anything about leaky breasts or swollen feet.
They might be ‘grossed out’ – Let’s face it: Being pregnant or having children can be quite yucky. Your friend doesn’t want to get into something she might later regret.
They don’t ‘like’ children – Being around a screaming baby or constantly walking on eggshells to not wake the baby can be tough for someone who hasn’t been through it.
They think you’ll only have time for the baby – It can be tough the first few weeks, and you’ll probably only sleep and feed the little one. Your friends might not get this and they might think that this is how it’s going to be from now on.
They feel uncomfortable – For someone who’s not used to seeing someone else’s boobs when she feeds a baby, it can be quite uncomfortable. And when the baby is hungry, you need to feed her so taking out a boob while having coffee with a friend won’t be everyone’s cup of tea (excuse the pun).
The last thing you want to do is panic - in fact it’s the worst thing you can do! Easy said than done right? Yep! You might hear less from certain friends, but you’ll also become closer to others, or make new ones amongst the other mums you meet at hospital appointments or breastfeeding groups.
If you miss one of your friends, just get in touch! They might have stepped back because they’re worried you may have moved on. Don’t be afraid to make the first move and arrange a coffee date, invite them to meet your little one, or enjoy something you’ve loved together in the past.
Not sure where to start? You could always join local birth clubs, mum groups in your area or through the hospital you birthed in and get in touch with other mums of babies the same age. Remember there’s always someone who feels just the same as you!
