Nourrir Fall 2017 Issue 12

ISSUE

12

SPRING 2017

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NOURRIR STAFF FOUNDER AND CHIEF EDITOR

Freya Boulakbeche freya@nourrirmag.com CONTENT EDITOR

Justin Hickman media@nourrirmag.com

CONTRIBUTORS

Vanessa Rochelle Lewis, Catherine Franklin, Amy Jeanchaiphum, Dori Othman, Sara Stamshror-Lott, MoonRabbit, Monica Yad ON THE COVERS

Brooklyn Wright, BOI (s) Society Photocredit, Meg Allen SUBSCRIPTIONS

nourrirmag@gmail.com www.nourrirmag.com

NOURRIR’S MISSION STATEMENT Nourrir, the French word meaning “to nourish” is a multi-media lifestyle magazine designed to feed all five of the senses - sight, sound, touch, smell and taste. We will feature food, fashion, travel, current events and women who inspire us. We don’t want to tell women how they are supposed to be, we want to give them information that will support their path, today.

With commitment to responsive and insightful storytelling, and a keen and fresh editorial eye, Nourrir dares women to not only be good enough, but exceptional. We believe in you.

media@nourrirmag.com

facebook.com/nourrirmag

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@nourrir_mag

@nourrir_mag

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NOURRIR CONTENTS STAFF

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EDITOR’S LETTER

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CONTRIBUTORS

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NOURRIR BUSINESS

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TWO BUDGETS 14 LUSTS & MUSTS

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NOURRIR SPOTLIGHT NOURRIR PARIS

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NOURRIR FASHION

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NOURRIR ASTROLOGY

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NOURRIR HEALTH

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EDITORIAL

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EDITOR’S LETTER Life can be a roller coaster. As kids perhaps we used to love a good amusement park ride; but, as an adult, are you tossing and turning, hands tightly gripping the metal bar with your eyes closed for every “scary” turn waiting for the ride to end? Or, are you living this moment with quiet resolve facing the fear and embracing the exhilaration? Have you ever noticed when you take the time to look back, that even in times of apparent calm, you always had some BIG obstacle or challenge preoccupying you that made you feel you need to grip the ride tight? And, when we flit from reactive instant to reactive instant without acknowledging that these moments constitute the whole of life, that they are the essence, unchanging change, then we are gripping the metal bar instead of lifting our arms in joy.

Each time we push ourselves past a challenge, we reach a new plateau. Placidly we sit, for a minute or a decade, examining how we made it! Then, uh-oh, a new problem to solve, let’s go! Amnesia sets in keeping us from seeing our reactiveness.

What would the world be like if we each stopped long enough for a single breath, just one intentional in and out filing of our lungs, before reacting? How would we do things differently?

Perhaps we spend too much time reacting, too much time believing life is happening TO us instead of FOR us. Perhaps, if we recognized the ups and downs as equally important, neither scary nor safe, we would have time ability to choose rather than submit.

One of the major themes of Nourrir for the end of 2017 and into 2018 are the economics of the shift that happens when we consciously act rather than react, when we choose rather than submit; be a princess, get a job but do the housework too and raise a family, don’t be too loud, too flashy, be humble and stay groomed, oh, and make sure you take his name, follow the heteronormative path and don’t try to be anything more. In this paradigm, women chose a secure and stale path, which translates into economics as well. They are not in command of their life on any level, even if they are earning money. I witness more and more women emerge to forge their own path, with their own definition of “success”, shedding the externally defined constrictions. We are not talking about women going into the so-called men’s world of stock exchange or even politics, for example, where to survive you are expected to be more “like a man” (and then perhaps crucified for it like Hillary Clinton was.) We are talking about women coming into their own, diverting from expectations and taking the economic risks to chase their dreams.

And, as women grow in their innate self-worth, as they act on their dreams more and more, they will become their own economic north. ( My feelings and personal opinion on gender are that binary gender expression is a concept, rather than a reality.

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And, that as we explore what that means, our society will see individuals for their unique beauty. That topic is for another edition.) For this edition, we explore how the dollars and cents, impact what we use in our binary language to describe women. The matrix today is defined by the rules created in a patriarchal vacuum. As we take the reigns of our life, accept the roller coaster and our own ability to navigate it alone, there will be an epic economic paradigm shift. This shift is part of the coming of the Age of Aquarius.

The Nourrir Spotlight is on Brooklyn Wright, founder of BOI Society! They are powerhouse unto themselves and we welcome a new voice in Vanessa to tell this story.

Not to mention stories on TWO women in the luxury shoe-wear industry who grace the pages of this edition with their insights, drive and amazing visuals. And, I am thrilled to share Sugar Gamers, Monica Yad and a full photo editorial. Last but not least, Moon Rabbit, will be sharing her astrological Wisdom in a new column. So many voices to be heard, so much dialogue to be shared, we are in this together and I thank these contributors for believing in our vision.

Until the gender known as women have equal economic opportunity our job isn’t done. Our job as “women” is to change the rules of the game. And, I believe as we each pursue our economic independence in the infinite variety that it will be; the paradigm will change. What do you think?

Join in this open discussion called Nourrir.

Freya C h i e f E d i t o r, Fo u n d e r

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CONTRIBUTORS VANESSA ROCHELLE LEWIS Vanessa Rochelle Lewis is a queer, lush-bodied, Black, femme performance artist, writer, actress, filmmaker, educator, facilitator, orator, and Faerie Princess Mermaid Gangsta for the Revolution. She loves to flirt, laugh, perform, crack corny jokes, and insert Octavia Butler references into every conversation. She is the former Senior Editor of Everyday Feminism and Black Girl Dangerous. She has performed in a wide variety of Queer and Queer People of Color theatre projects and cabarets, and has been featured reader at literary events all over California. She uses a combination of memoir, poetry, theatre, and feminist storytelling to advance her politix of radical love, socioeconomic justice, anti-racism, community accountability, critical reflection, healing, liberation and DORI OTHMAN Dori’s full name is Doriana, but everyone calls her Dori. She is a senior at Lane Tech High in Chicago, IL, USA. Games have always been a part of her life; they have been the driving force of everything she does. As her future draws nearer so do her dreams of becoming a Video Game Developer. Now, it is so close, she can almost touch it.

C ATH ERI N E FR A N K LI N Catherine belives that we are all artists, each withour own specific talent and story to tell. She is obsessed with food, art, design people and philosophy as well as the effects these things have on each other and our environment. Catherine is known to say “If we all act from a place of fearless love, it will lead us in the right direction.” Catherine spends her time between Montreal, Vermont and Paris.

SA R A S TA M SCH RO R- LOT T Sara is a Minneapolis based stylist that believes in the mix of “high and low” fashion to achieve a uniquely special look. Never afraid of a challenge, Sara also has an understanding of alternations, seamstress work and design to develop ne of a kind features for everyday looks to editorials. Curating one of a kind looks is Sara’s true passion and her joy shines through in her custom looks. Sara can be contacted at sara.stamschror@gmail.com. Follow her @ladydextergoesrogue

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CONTRIBUTORS AMY JE ANCHAIYAPHUM Photography, like art, is universal. Photographs tell a story that workds cannot convey. Images visually connect us to beautiful moments, always to be cherished, always to be remembered. Amy’s approach: communication and understanding is key. She succesfully collaborates and co-creates with clients to achieve stunning visual imagery. While shooting, she adapts to unique personalities, settings and conditions. She has found that the best photographs often emerge organically, when people are interacting, naturally. With more than 20 years of national and international experience, a BFA and the child of two acclaimed artists, her craft is deeply rooted. Her northern roots give her an inherent understanding of people, land and tradition.

Connect with Amy at eyelovephoto@gmail.com

MOON RABBIT Moon began practicing astrology in 1975 and received formal training through her Losa Angeles School CCRS in 1977. Since then she has maintained a full time private practice, taught astrology to beginners and seasoned students alike, participated on the board of ProSig, OPA, and STARS, and been to many national and international conferences. Next month she will finalize her professional certification through OPA. Also, in progress, is her book “Death Chart: A Memoir” where she weaves together astrology and memoir. You can find more information and book a reading (we highly recommend this!) at HTTPS://www. astrologybymoonrabbit.com/

MONIC A YAD Monica is a certified Holistic Health and Nutrition coach and pain management expert, with specialization in PTSD. She has changed her life with a holistic approach to thealt and wellness after she underwent several surgeries and trauma. She dedicated herself to become a health and nutrition coach to fulfill her passion of helping people improve, quality of life to live a longer happier life.

Her techniquest are unique for every individual client ; from creating delicious and nourishing recipes to meal plans, workshops, online classes and Reiki.

Monica moved from Teheran to London and is contemplating California. You can see her creations @nutromazing=

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NOURRIR BUSINESS Sugar Gamers

BY DORI OTHMAN

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In less than a decade, the world of gaming has managed- and continues- to rapidly change beyond our wildest dreams. For such a rapidly growing medium, it’s hard to believe that its diversity only began to shine a few years ago. Sugar Gamers, a community of nerds, geeks, and gamers alike, has been a spotlight for gaming communities since the beginning, spreading diverse gaming culture for over a decade…...BEFORE being a geek was cool.

Keisha Howard, founder of Sugar Gamers, created the community with the intent to help increase diversity and representation within geek and gamer culture. Since its creation, Sugar Gamers has expanded beyond just a group of game lovers. The organization has made huge strides by conducting interviews with significant individuals in the tech and gaming space, producing events to allow fellow

enthusiasts to connect with one another, and even running a media site that stays abreast of the new hit trends. Sugar Gamers have also voiced their presence at popular gaming and geek events --C2E2, E3, PAX, and GDC to name just a few.

Keisha has even done a TEDx talk on the intellectual merits of gaming and has been profiled by multiple popular publications.

As the world of gaming continues to grow, so too does Sugar Gamers. Recently, the company has moved into content creation and participates in campaigns with the brands they love, doing cool things from exploring the world of Esports with ESPN’s The Undefeated to documenting a road trip to E3 with Watchmojo, an exceptionally popular youtube channel.

We sat down with Keisha to get more insight into the world of Sugar Gamers and some of her upcoming projects.

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What was the main inspiration of creating Sugar Gamers?

Interestingly enough, I always had the idea for it, I just never thought it would be me to execute it. I wanted to have a group of diverse women in Chicago that was into gaming and geek culture. Surprisingly- it was a seemingly non-existent demographic in 2008. I began to get frustrated and incredulous that I couldn’t find an organization of this type to participate in. Eventually I knew that I would just have to create it myself.

What is a typical day working at Sugar Gamers like?

One thing I can say for sure... there is never a boring day! There isn’t another organization exactly like Sugar Gamers that I know of, so fortunately, when I started I wasn’t limited by trying to stick to a really rigid blueprint. Each day is an adventure. Some days I find myself sitting with our awesome team, focused on ways to stay up to date on trends in gaming and tech with our media site.

We collaborate on a lot of our team members creative projects, for example, we recently helped produce a tabletop RPG called AXON PUNK. Other days I’m repping Sugar Gamers while working with brands like WatchMojo and ESPN at cons and different events. We’ve noticed over the years that a lot of brands are really interested in meeting the individuals making a difference in this space, and bringing them on to consult on how to make sure they are maximizing their reach with their marketing strategy... needless to say, we have our plates full!

What’s aspect of Sugar Gamers do you enjoy the most?

I love being able to contribute to the lives of young women. They have such bright ideas and so much more confidence than I had in more formative years. It’s almost like they are mentoring me sometimes! Also- I enjoy meeting people in general.

And It’s not just people working in the gaming and tech spaces, it’s also individual who you would never imagine would be interested in games. This is where the magic happens. Speaking to people outside of my bubble can be such an enriching experience, as these individuals can share provocative perspectives I would have never considered. I get to have these conversations because gaming and tech is such a huge part of our culture.

What do you think the future of Sugar Gamers will look like?

I believe the future of Sugar Gamers having an organization filled with individuals with successful careers. We come together and use our collective geek expertise to help the companies and brands we love reach as inclusive of an audience as possible. We aren’t just gaming advocates. We actually love geek culture and we go out of our way to stay connected to it. We’re a pretty diverse group, and what’s naturally developed over the years not only a warm community that supports gamers and geeks, but also we have the ability to be a resource to anyone who wants to market to folks like us. Maybe you might even see a Sugar Gamers convention pop up soon!

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Project Violacea: What is Project Violacea, and what is it trying to achieve?

Project Violacea was our cyber-punk answer to the underrepresentation that exists in the geek and gaming space.

We believe instead of complaining and waiting for other individuals to tell our story, we should create our own stories with our own voices. If there aren’t images in media entertainment that reflect you- create them yourself. That’s how we came up with the hashtag #createnotcomplain. We created a cyber-punk dystopian future exist where almost any type of character can be created to save the world- or even destroy it. It’s been a lot of fun.

How did this project begin? Did anything in particular inspire its development?

It began as a pilot of a reality TV game show. However, having been on reality TV before, there aren’t any guarantees as it pertains to the success of exposure of your brand. I wanted my team to

see themselves represented as the powerful creative people that they are so we created PV as a passion project for ourselves first and as proof of concept for the TV pilot second.

What is the status of Project Violacea now?

Plans for the future?

We are currently speaking with several teams to make PV a comic book and even a Visual Novel game experience. I am beyond excited about the possibilities so make sure you stay tuned Are there any particular projects you have planned after Project Violacea?

Absolutely! Working with a team of creatives, the stream of ideas never stop flowing! The challenge is to just finish one project at a time.

Sugar Gamers continues to strive for gaming diversity in unique ways, creating a warm community for all demographics to share their burning passions.

To share the love visit, Gokeisha.com sugargamers.com

Facebook/Instagram/Twitter: @SugarGamers

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TWO BUDGETS: FRUGAL For the gal who has champagne tastes on a shoestring budget - looks for under $100 FALL THEME: APPLE ORCHARD WAGON RIDE

Fluffy Baseball Hat, $9

Oversized Drawstring Hoodie Zaful.com, $29

Flare Frilled Trousers, 25$

Top Moda, Rachel Combat Boot $27

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TWO BUDGETS: SPENDY For the woman who has capital to invest in a chic wardrobe - looks for under $1000 FALL THEME :APPLE ORCHARD WAGON RIDE

R13 Oversized Plaid Shirt, $495

Pam & Gela, Laced-up Sweatpant, $195 Le Coq Sportif, High Tops, $104

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LUSTS & MUSTS Here are four things we’re obsessed with this season - don’t say we didn’t warn you.

MUSIC

Bad Things ft. Common S N O H A A L EG R A Swedish-Perisan transplant to LA. Sound close to anyone we know?

Chanelling the range of emotions of all the juiciness of love, fear, facing challenges into some of the best samples, and oustanding vocals, Snoh is a breath of freshness. Resembling a mix between Rania of Jordan and Queen Farah of Iran, she is equally as mesmorizing in her beauty as her voice is intoxicting. Our recommendation? Close your eyes, light some candles and simply listen. And, she has just released an LP called “The Feels”. Obsessed!

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LUSTS & MUSTS Here are four things we’re obsessed with this season - don’t say we didn’t warn you.

E V EN T S

A PP S

Talkspace

TO D O

Therapy isn’t just for people with “problems” All of us can use support on a regular basis; we are restricted by insurance, stigma and time. What if there were a way to “chat” with a professional? About anything? Pay a monthly subscription fee to have access to a private professional counselor. We love this!

Top Roller Paris Rollerskate on the top of Montparnasse tower, with sweeping views from the southern epicenter of this pictueresque city. Hurry up! You only have until November 5th to make this happen.

G I F T S TO G I V E

Coeur Cupid Crystal Heart Baccarat Call us sentimental romantics, frivolous and “useless” in our choice. But, where the heart is concerned are there any frivouls gestures? Are not our eyes enchanted by the representation of love? So much so that our heart calms itself with each gaze?

Offer this to your love, lover or yourself as a gift of pure amour.

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NOURRIR SPOTLIGHT NOURRIR S

BY VANESSA ROCHELLE LEWIS

What Does Business and Economic Leadership Look Like in the Hands of a Queer, Black, Gender-Fluid Feminist: Healing, Inspiring, Fun and Liberated

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SPOTLIGHT

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I remember when Boi Society started. A friend of mine shared a link to an article featuring a few dapperly dressed, bow-tied, brown-skinned cuties and I clicked the link immediately. It took me to their tumblr page, where there was a plethora of even more well-dressed masculine of center heart throbs and their writings, and the more I scrolled, the more chapped my lips became. I was so thirsty. I was so excited. While I was accustomed to seeing fancy butches and studs in my community, day dreams, and fantasies, never had I encountered a website dedicated to that expression and experience, much less an online space dedicated to the intellectualization and development of that community. I felt like that moment was the ushering of a new day, a radical shift in the way the world understood queer people, how we understood ourselves, and I was so whole-heartedly there for it.

But as parched, dehydrated, and gluttonously appreciative as I was, it was also very clear to me that I was also a voyeur. At the time, Boi Society was a space for masculine of center queer people assigned female at birth to gather, to share community, to collectively push past the barriers and stigmas that so many of them encountered in society and their families, and to figure out how to lean into their unique fierceness and take up space. And as a fat Black femme, I recognize the importance of that sort space being fetish and objectification free, and eventually I fell back.

But trust and believed, I kept peeping, I kept appreciating, and I kept dreaming that one day I’d get to savor that moment a little more intimately.

So when I was invited to interview Brooklyn Wright and write an article about Boi Society for Nourrir Magazine, I jumped, skipped, did a psychic cartwheel, and then calmly accepted the opportunity. However, as excited as I was to meet them, I was also nervous and borderline intimidated. It would be my first time meeting up with a stranger to write an article about them and the work they do. I wanted to do a good job, to represent them holistically, and to ask the kind of questions that would allow me to access

their softest spots, their most vulnerable hopes, and their keenest insights. I wanted to create the sort of article that would invite readers to examine their own dreams and goals, and that would motivate and encourage them into the courageousness and self-confidence necessary to pursue them. And, to be honest, as a writer and visionary who left their full time drop to pursue a vision that I couldn’t stop yearning for, I wanted some of that inspiration for myself.

Fortunately for all of us, when I finally met up with Brooklyn Wright — a walking church for self-reflection, growth, financial intelligence, and resource sharing — they were heart wide open, sporting the most welcoming smile you can imagine, and unapologetically vulnerable.

The moment they saw me, so much joy flushed to their face and they opened their arms and swallowed me up in the biggest, softest, most enthusiastic hug ever. I thanked them for suggesting me for the article, expressing my joy at the opportunity to meet a new, like-minded person and make some much needed money in the process.

They laughed and said, “thats all I want from my life and one of the reasons why I appreciate the work I do with Boi Society the most; I love putting money in other people’s pockets.” I beamed, wishing that more people thought like this, that we could collectively center sharing, cooperative economics and mutual aid instead of the scarcity-driven, competitive and exploitative capitalism that most US Americans are taught is the only way to success.

But before I could begin to lather Brooklyn with the praise and celebration that was storming up in my heart, They looked down at their cell phone, grimaced, and asked me what gas-lighting means. I explained that it was when someone intentionally or unintentionally manipulates someone into questioning their perspective or experience. Their grimace deepened and they whispered a shocked, almost anguished, “wow.”

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Thats a serious accusation,” They said. “One I need to really take seriously.”

When I asked them how they were feeling and if they needed to process before the interview began, they responded with, “I think I need to do some re-searching on gas lighting and spend some time doing some self-reflection and personal analysis first. If I’m gas-lighting this person, most likely I’m gas-lighting a whole lot of other people, and thats not how I want or intend to treat people.”

They continued on to explain that they weren’t afraid of being called out for any harms they cause because that gives them the opportunity to learn how to do better and to treat other people better.

“I’m not my mistakes,” they said, “rather I’m what I choose to do about those mistakes. I am committed to growing and being the best person I could possibly be.”

I might have swooned a little at the compassion and integrity that that went into that perspective.

I wish that so many of my former partners, colleagues, friends — hell the world — could witness that moment. Being told that you’ve caused pain doesn’t make you a bad person, rather it gives you the chance to become a better person, lover, colleague, employer, employee.

Further, that sort of vulnerability and accountability disrupts the oppressive hierarchy that shows up in so many relationship dynamics, including, and pervasively so, professional ones.

Attitudes like Brooklyn’s could easily eradicate the systems of oppression that interfere with so many people’s ability to provide for themselves and their families, to simply access a safe and joyful life.

For example, the world recently witnessed Tesla fire one of their female engineers, AJ Vandermeyden, as a retributive action after they unsuccessfully sued them for sexual harassment.

When questioned about them firing, CEO Elon Musk responded with, “If you are part of a less represented group, you don’t get a free pass on being a jerk yourself. We have had a few cases at Tesla where someone in a less represented group was actually given a job or promoted over more qualified highly represented candidates and then decided to sue Tesla for millions of dollars because they felt they weren’t promoted enough.

That is obviously not cool.”

Musk’s reaction exemplified gas-lighting and illustrates why injustice and oppression are so culturally and systemically resilient. We live in a world that equates success and power with morality and trust-worthiness, and people maintain their privileged access by discrediting the character of people who advocate for fair treatment of themselves and others. Musk painted the picture as if Vandermeyden was exploiting not only he and his privileged male colleagues, but also concepts like feminism that seek to leverage the playing field for people who are systemically discriminating against. Thats gas-lighting. Thats the ultimate professional violence that keeps some groups of people wealthy at the expense of others.

What I witnessed from Brooklyn during that text message exchange, however, that was liberation.

That was justice. Thats the sort of leadership that can heal so much social trauma, that could create the sort of world where we can all access abundance, peace, joy, prosperity. It definitely restored a lot of hope in me, and teased out even more excitement about Boi Society.

There was a courageousness in their vulnerability and care, and I couldn’t help but wonder how that courage had been implemented, and if it was part of what helped make Boi Society such a resilient and deeply beloved force in our community. So, I made the audacious choice to just ask, and I applaud how honest and willing they were to speak candidly about their mistakes, and their inevitable growth:

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VRL: What are some of the critical lessons you’ve learned about economic and business leadership, as well as yourself, since doing this work?

BW: Oh God, its so much. First of all, I’ve made so many mistakes.

VRL: Let me just incorporate this next question. Can you tell me about a time you’ve had to apologize?

BW: All the time. So, first of all, anything on the internet becomes such a vulnerable thing because people can attack you at any time. People can also witness your mistakes, mistakes you might not even know are wrong yet. You know, I’ve been called a white supremacist.

VRL: Say what?

BW: Yup. Thats what someone said about me as a result of someone else’s article that I re-posted. I really had to stop for a minute and reflect. I’m glad I did. I learned some things and I was better able to understand where they were coming from.. Everyone says don’t get into politics on an online platform when you’re putting business out, and I’ve ignored that advice, and its always hurt me.

Learning can be hard. But given what we do at Boi Society, I cant ignore it.

VRL: I mean, you can’t not talk about politics. As a queer, Black, gender fluid person, your entire existence is political.

BW: Exactly. And sometimes we don’t always get it right. Once, very recently, I compared being trans to being trans racial.

VRL: Ooooh. Ouch. My ex did that once, and folks were so hurt and angry they were even in my inbox about it. I was like, I get why you’re hurt. I’m hurt too, shit.

Everyone came for your ass, didn’t they? ::We exchange knowing laughter::: BW: Absolutely. They came for my neck and deservedly so, and I don’t know that I’ve apologized for that publicly yet, but I absolutely need to. We just get it wrong sometimes. Like, so much of it is my opinion, but you know, no matter what, I’m growing and learning simultaneously. And it works the same way from an economic and business standpoint. You know, just the understanding of how much it takes to actually sustain a business, to grow a business, how to do your taxes for a business — when I’m supposed to take taxes on a t-shirt sale and when I’m not, those are things I’m learning and have learned by trial and error. You just kind of figure them out and you mess up as you go along, and hopefully you fix it and your business doesn’t die because you messed it up too badly. I’ve learned to take more risks, and as risky as we appear to be, we could totally take more risks. I’m learning to believe in the process, like I believe in myself, as it goes in.

There have been so many lessons. I can probably do a whole workshop just from the lessons I’ve learned.

By the time they were done talking, I felt like I should have been wearing my Sunday best, fanning myself, and waving my hands towards the heavens. I haven’t been to church in a month of Sundays, and you’d probably have to fight me to go back. But let Brooklyn and their humanity, their vulnerability, their commitment to growth and self-compassion be the preacher, I’d be there in a heart beat.

If I captured all the nuggets of golden wisdom that Brooklyn so easily sprouted in this interview, this would be a ten page novel. So, below are a few of my favorite bite-sized bits of their brilliance, and check out their tumblr and instagram sights.

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Name and Pronoun Brooklyn Wright is my name. Normally I will go by any pronoun, normally I am she/her, but I’m probably more they/them. It depends on the day, it depends on the person, it depends on the situation. My wife will tell you that I’ll go from she/her to they/them to he/him within a matter of minutes.

I think part of why I’m so fluid in my pronouns and fluid in how I perceive life now is because Boi Society has taken the time to represent what all bois are.

Bois will range from tomboys to studs to AG’s to stems to femmes to hard femmes, they can be cis or trans or non-binary. As I’ve taken on the stance to represent all those people, I’ve started to see all of that in me, and its given me permission to be all those things at all times.

Boi Society Origin Story Boi Society started four years ago. I’d found a friend who could do a magazine online, and I thought this was such a super cool concept They had done a mock issue of something they were working on, and this was four years ago, so it wasn’t like now where everything exist and you can make a magazine anywhere.

And I was like, yo, I could totally do this, but I want one for people like us. And they were like “you mean like a boi(s) society?” And I was like “yep, thats it!” Bet. We called it that.

Within days [of releasing our first issue] we had thousands of people following the magazine. And then, after that, I was like, crap, I guess I have to keep going….I think we’re like forty something thousand people on Instagram right now.

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So, Why Do People Need You? We’ve kind of just stood as this beacon. We’ve just been willing to say come as you are! Here are examples of what Brown and Black and Queerness can look like from a more masculine of center stand point. From the beginning, it was super style and fashion. And when you think about 4 or 5 years ago, or even ten years ago, what it looked like to be a butch or a stud meant mullets and short hair cuts. Style was definitely not part of the game.

So, when we came out and showed the possibility of what it could look like to dress that up a little bit, to clean that appearance up a little bit, it really tended to resonate with people. And we stayed in that for a very long time.

Whats Your Game Plan for the Future?

Every one expresses themselves now! We know how to put on a cute outfit and do something, but we don’t know how to be good people…you know what I mean. So now we’ve come to this place where its time to actually do the work, and now I’m figuring out what that looks like for us as a platform.

Business wise, we’ve been in a bit of a lull since I’ve come out the hospital (Brooklyn spent two months in the hospital after a motorcycle accident last summer), but I believe its time to go a little deeper on the inside of who we are as a people and what does that look like to build families, careers, what ever that is for whoever that is. How do you build a lifestyle out of being who you are.

We want to travel, give talks and teach workshops at schools and community forums. I went to talk to college students about labels, and they ended up teaching me more than I taught them. They taught me about pronouns and I taught them about fluidity. I just love having dialogue with groups of people.

I should get back into developing content for the internet….We’ll probably produce a podcast, and we’ll probably get back to interviews. It was how we highlighted our community, and we need more of that.

We like to hook up with people to produce events, and one of those events that I’m most proud of is the Dapper Ball. The first Dapper Ball was in Chicago, and it was just a place for people to come be their true selves, to be dressed in their best, and to dance and celebrate being themselves — what ever that may look like. It sold out and we could have easily done another hundred. We plan to do one in Oakland this October. They want us in Toronto. And we’ll do LA and Atlanta.

Why Did You Personally Need to Create Boi Society?

I think any time that we see somebody, and they know they are being seen, is always my proudest moment. And the times when people walk up to me, and talk to me with a Boi shirt on, its always healing and inspiring. It lets me know that I’m being seen. Like, you really see me. You’ve connected me to me and don’t even know you’ve done that. Super great.

[Before Boi Society] I don’t think I’ve ever been seen, I mean, seen for all of me. People will see me for my Blackness, for my queerness. They will see me in my gender…sometimes, not often. But very rarely did I feel like growing up that I got to show up as all of me, and it was understood, or it wasn’t a problem or misconstrued.

And with Boi(s), I show up as all part of me, and its never a problem. And the more that that happened, the more I was confident to show up everywhere. And I was still being seen. I started to understand that my fingerprints were on why I was not being seen before — I wasn’t always showing up authentically.

And the more I show up, the more it seems to be ok. We are only reflections of each other. You cant see your own glasses, you cant see your face, you cant see your earrings right now. None of that. But I can, and I can reflect your beauty back to you. And you are a reflection of me. So when you see me, it allows me to see myself. And thats why its so critical for me, and I cant see me if you don’t see me. And, thats it child.

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What Accomplishment or Choice Are You Most Proud of?

I’m most proud of the fact that I actually left my job, that I believed in myself and my dream, and that I have refused to go back. Cause thats a daily practice. I I’m most proud about every time we build community, I mean 450 queer people (at the Dapper Ball) walking around, dressed to the nines, looking gorgeous, loving themselves, smiling.

The thing about Boi society, it was for me. It as never meant to be for anyone else, and I’m very grateful that its been for everyone else. But Boi(s) allowed me to step into my greatness. I dressed up. I looked better.

I felt better about myself. I was more confident. I saw the possibility of what I could be based off of seeing all the Boi(s) did it around the world. That has been the best gift I’ve ever received from Bois.

I am in control of every moment of my life right now.

I don’t have any questions about how powerful I am as I go forward. I always go through lows, but its the education I’ve received and no one would be able to take this from me. I mean, I’m doing this in the most expensive place to live in the world. I don’t question my ability now.

The greatest thing I’ve ever seen out of this is the community I’ve built. Its hard for me to grasp how much we’ve influenced culture over these four years. I hear people using the term Boi now, and I’m like, I did that. I’m part of the way that happened. I’ve watched people change their appearance, the way they look at life, the way they engage with other gender non-conforming people in their life.

And to understand that we’ve played a roll in that; we’ve changed culture. Thats the greatest gift I can ever receive. Its about possibility for me. What changes or restricts us as people is what we see as possible. Especially as Black and Brown people, we don’t always see the possibility, especially when there is no one who looks like us in media. We’ve helped people see themselves in the media now.

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How do you manage to support yourself while pursuing your dream?

I’m glad that you asked this question because thats where I feel most passionate.

I used to be the general manager of a car-dealership when Boi Society started.

So, I’m making $92,000 a year, running a company, and very into running a sales job, and I hated it. At the same time Boi Society was beginning to flourish, getting its own voice, and starting to build traction. We had traction very early on and I quit my job to do this full time.

We’ve made money in several ways. We definitely do online products, we sell t-shirts and things like that. We’ve grown big enough to do some advertising and their’s some monetization there. I’ve also taken what we’ve done online and I’ve begun to consult for some other companies.

I really took it as my opportunity to be self sustaining. I decided to go head on and deep in. Now, please don’t get me wrong.

I’ve paid off every bit of debt I had before I quit my job. I’m a saver already and I save 10% of any money I get ahold of and that money will always go into a savings account, and thats what allowed me to push things forward. It was this understanding that at 20,000 and then 40,00 people, there was an opportunity for me to keep my head above water.

I’m not taking no trips to Cancun or anything like that, but, we pay our bills. And I get to do it being my fucking self. I don’t report to any one. I don’t have to do anything I don’t want to. If I want to meet Vanessa at 10:30 in the morning at the coffee shop, you’re damn right.

But, its really about having faith in the fact that, if I build a community, that community will support. If I love what I do, that thing will love me back.

What Are Your Economic Values and Ethics as an Organization?

I refer to myself as a referred capitalism. I was a car salesmen in the hood. I’ve always gotten money. I’ve been about money my whole life. But after I moved to the bay, talked to more people and learned more things, I’ve become very aware of how we can exploit people unintentionally. So, I struggle with that.

That’s why I also go direct to consumer a lot of the time, as opposed to getting our money from advertising — which means I’m [not] showing you a picture that may not be as authentic because it got us paid. I’d much rather produce a hat or a shirt that you could attach yourself to and give us money.

In all actuality, I want to turn Bois into a membership so that it supports itself. I can’t say I’m great at it, but I believe that people should put their money where their mouth and heart is. I believe that Bois should support Boi Society.

I’m not trying to make a million dollars doing this. I’m not even trying to make a hundred thousand dollars doing this. I am trying to get people paid, and I would like to support myself. But I want to give enough in values so that its returned. It’s hard though.

That’s the biggest place that I struggle.

How do you make enough money so that you support yourself, but that you aren’t exploiting other people?

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Are There Any Tips or Suggestions You Have for Others Who Want to Do The Same?

What ever you’re thinking that you should do that you have not done yet, do it. Don’t worry about whether it will work or not, do not be afraid to fuck it up. Fuck it up. Mess it up until it works. And don’t aim to please people. Your tribe will find you when you’re being authentically yourself.

The thing that Boi Society has done well is that we’ve been consistent. I showed up everyday. I posted everyday. It did not matter. And that grew over time. You know, we started out at zero followers like every one else, we started out at nothing. But I showed up everyday because it was passionate to me.

I think the thing is that you just have to understand that it ain’t always going to be easy. You’re working off of your own view. Its just your soul, your ingenuity. You just have to have enough faith in yourself to keep going.

Every month, I’m like, I could just get a job and it would be so much easier and I could go to Cancun and do some traveling. But at the same time, I’d give up 40-50 hours of my week and probably only make a little more than what I make now. You know what I mean?

Yes, it would be consistent. But I’d just consistently be giving up a little bit of myself in order to keep going.

I’d rather count my dollars than count my hours.

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NOURRIR PARIS Gordana

BY C ATHERINE FR ANKLIN

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It was an unbearably hot and sunny day, following the hottest night in a string of days with record-breaking temps that had taken over most of France, when I met Gordana Dimitrijevic. The city awoke to another day of oppressive heat in addition to a hangover from the previous night’s music festival celebrating the longest day of the year. As the city recovered from the carousal, the usual Parisian edge was softened by the collective lethargy, an air of sympathy lingered throughout the day.

Just before I met Gordana at her understated and elegantly chic rue de Seine boutique, I dashed into the computer repair store across the street and asked the kind monsieur if I could borrow a pen, at some point during my rushed commute mine had flown across the metro as I frantically searched my bag for my phone, luckily no one was hurt, my phone was not forgotten, and my stress abated as I saw Gordana had only just arrived. After a quick bonjour and confirmation of identities we quickly decided to go to a nearby cafe at le carrefour de l’odeon. As we jumped from side to side of the street in search of the shade and to dodge the sun, we made small talk, the unbearable heat, of course, was the first order of business in every conversation this day.

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Three weeks prior Gordana was supposed to meet with someone else for the interview and I wasn’t even sure to take this trip. But this meeting seemed predestined to me, and it wasn’t the first time our paths had crossed. Four years prior I had a mini obsession with Gordana Dimitrijevic shoes, I bought four pairs in the span of a month. I loved each one. They were original, daringly colorful and remarkably mod compared with the sober trends at the time. They all fit perfectly and were unexpectedly comfortable for heels, no need to avoid the cobblestone streets and metro stairs or change my usual fast pace. I planned evenings and outfits around them and l even looked forward to the end of the night when I took them off and admired them back in their boxes, stacked one on top of the other as a kind of piece maitresse at the end of my bookshelf.

Wearing a pair of loose fitting cotton pants with a pastel floral print that fell perfectly on her graceful frame, and an almost-black navy blue top that drew out her crystal blue eyes, porcelain complexion, and red-gold hair, Gordana is appropriately chic and a harmonious balance of contrasts. She radiates a contented warmth, a sereneness that suggests she can be at home anyplace in the world. We both ordered Perriers and she asked if I minded her smoking.

Then, Gordana began to tell me her story. She spoke from her heart in a soft and steady tone. In a very delicate yet matter of fact way she explained that she believes in being positive, the importance in having a clear vision and engaging in the present moment.

She avoids thinking about stressful things that are outside of her control and always stays true to her dreams.

Over 20 years ago a young Gordana arrived, alone, at Paris Gare de Lyon train station following a long, stressful and especially risky train ride from Sarajevo in which she illegally crossed multiple boarders in order to flea her war torn country. The relief felt upon her successful arrival quickly subsided as she took her first step into a foreign world and in starting a new life. She didn’t speak French or have a community to lean on, even her university degree in economics was of no worth. But when Gordana left the war in Sarajevo to save her family she left rich with the intangible tools and skills her culture and family had given her, and she didn’t take long to put them to use. Perhaps this is where the story of Gordana, the designer, really starts. Her creative inclinations were spurred by necessity when her mother taught her, like most Bosnian mothers did with their daughters, how to make her own clothes. Taking a special interest Gordana excelled quickly and was talented, but time and place didn’t hold any viable prospects for a career in fashion design, and her mother insisted that she first receive a proper university degree in a more serious field. But her creative appetite persisted and Gordana found herself working at a production set after graduation. Cheaper rents and labor in Sarajevo made it a magnet for western Europeans who, upon arrival, were impressed with the impeccable style and dress of the local woman, especially during a war.

But it was Gordana, with her bold fashion statements pushing the limits of the already audacious trends of the early 90’s and her sharp style, that everyone mistook for a stylist.

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As I listened and watched Gordana recount the timeline of events from her arrival at Gare de Lyon to present day I was impressed by her clarity of vision and the ease with which she spoke, always with the same sweet, wide-eyded innocence that I imagined her having in each of the feats she accomplished. There is mention of difficult moments, but her attention is on what works. She always focuses on what she wants and what she can do to make it happen. The road blocks were multiple, but her strength of character and determination lead her around them while also inspiring those on her path, with her gentle confidence and strength of character, to give her support and believe in her untraditional ways.

The rest of her story could be the plot of a heart wrenching movie with a happy ending, but Gordana gracefully condensed the past 20 years of her life into a series of key events .

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“Sometimes, the best choices are made when we are forced to make a decision.

When we are confronted by the reality of our circumstances. When our options are reduced and our time to make a move is limited. Everything that is fundamental to keeping us “alive” (theoretically or literally) rises to the surface.”

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After she (quickly) got her footing in Paris she was ready to pursue a serious career, chosing what she still loved most, fashion design.

Although she lacked formal training, and didn’t have a proper portfolio, Gordana made a strong impression on the director at the prestigious Studio Berceau assuring her that “one day you’re going to be a famous designer”.

Working with limited resources, compared to her well to-do classmates, she religiously drew with her ruler. But it was when Gordana won over the renowned Italien shoe designer, Ferreagamo, with a simple line drawing and a modest hand made model, for a comptetion at school, that she surprised herself. Ensuing this new found penchant for shoe design Gordana landed an important internship with the infamous Charles Jourdain, known for his innovative materials and trend setting designs.

The internship turned into a serious job strongly influencing her present day style and equipping her with all of the invaluable technical skills still used today. Gordanda worked hard to carve out her place and win the respect of her colleagues and superiors with her unique style, drive and strong work ethic. She was making a name for herself and promptly landed a lead design position at Mellow Yellow, helping them become one of the leading brands offering trendy, cutting edge styles at affordable prices.

Gordana’s reputation put her in high demand and she was quickly recruited to reinvent COSMOPARIS, turning it into the reputable fashion forward and recognizable Parisian brand that it is today. But Gordana wanted the freedom to make her own designs and knew that starting her own brand was the only way.

With a new plan she was ready for her next project. She completed her MBA and found a group of devoted investors. Five years later Gordana is the owner and designer, and sole decision maker or her brand.

In a time when everyone erases themselves behind somebody else’s style Gordana continues to forge her own direction, designing with a sincerity that can’t be copied or comprimised. Her success comes, and always has, from the translation of herself into her work. Effectively mixing color, shape, pattern and texture Gordana’s strong visual identity is recognizable through her mastery and fearless

use of contrasting elements with a color pallet that is always unexpected and rebellious.

When she does use black or neutral tones, they are always set apart with an unexpected, yet necessary detail.

Saturated jewel tones, graphic prints, statement embroideries, sharp angles echoing Bosnian landscapes, scalloped edges, and labryinth like straps are recurring themes used in Gordana’s designs. With mod echos of the 1960s and overall compostions that evoke Guy Bourdin’s visceral and obscure photography of the 1980’s, each collection is filled with timeless pieces that are as equally wearable and comfortable as they are aesthetically alluring. Whether it be a pair of heels, flats, sandals, loafers or oxfords; every pair has a prominent silhouette and is playfully extravagant. Floral embroideries reminiscent of traditional Bosnian dress, metallic and neon leathers used as backdrops to graphic prints, Gordana’s seemless layering of contrasting elements lend to her clear aesthetic cohesion.

When I asked Gordana what she most cares most about, for her brand in general and for each pair of shoe she replied “I want to make shoes that woman like, that they feel transformed by, and that are comfortable.” In terms of the business side of her brand Gordana has few rules, but one that she has maintained from the very beginning was keeping her role as the sole decision maker. Only Gordana has a say in how things are designed and run.

Investors are still involved in her project, but their role is silent and they respect Gordana’s business plan, which is that she has no business plan, at least not in the traditional sense. “We can project and plan as much as we want, but they are just numbers, we can make up anything that we want in a business plan, but it doesn’t mean that it is going to happen.”

Her business plan, just as she presented it in her final presentation for her MBA was to sell her dream. She runs her business the way she has lived her life for the past 20 years; always maintaining a clear long-term (and short-term) vision while staying true to her dreams and fully engaged in the present “ I avoid thinking about stressful things, like money, and I always try to stay positive” .

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For now, her boutique, which she considers to be her second child, is still in the nurturing phase. Her number one priority as both desinger and business owner is to produce a solid, well-made, high quality shoe that reflects always her aesthetic. She will lower margins if necessary, but she will not compromise on the final design. She stays faithful to her goal of growing her brand, continuously re-injecting any profit back into the business and keeping her goal of having stores world wide at the fore front of hermind.

A mix of luck, determination and good decision making, Gordana always seems to find herself in the right place at the right time, with the right people, but the one constant is her capacity to maintain a clear vision and always stay faithful to her dreams . She possesses a well preserved naivety and innocence that give her an honest and straightforward perspective which is rare and refreshing compared to the usual cynicism that often accumulates with age, hardship and business.

Gordana’s formula in life, as an artist and a business owner is about working in reverse. It is first and foremost about knowing what she wants. She pulls from her core, staying true to her vision, she focuses on what she wants and the things that she can do to make them happen. The rest, all of the details and logistics will be pieced together along the way, but without a clear final image the pieces have no direction to follow.

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NOURRIR FASHION Marion Parke: A patent or two, swaths of calf hair and some mesh later

BY FRE YA

Marion of Marion Parke set out to make a shoe that looked as amazing as all her favorite labels and didn’t hurt. Global footwear represents $53B in annual sales, with the US dominating more than 55% of those dollars. Also, with the last recession in 2009 and the slowdown in spending in emerging markets, dress shoes, however glamorized in our media, are a tough industry. Total sales comprise a small 13% of the global business; making Marion’s task even more challenging. How to break into a crowded space dominated by big names with lower cost structures?

Marion has a plan. She seems poised for greatness. She rolled into the Women’s Club of Minneapolis, her hometown, sample sale room for our interview dressed with the same je ne sais quoi American women covet in our French sisters. Her interaction with clients effortless.

But, don’t be fooled, Marion is first and foremost an astute business woman, with the chops of someone who has already created a successful enterprise; a thriving podiatrist practice. And, like all great ideas, Marion Parke shoes were born out of wanting to created the solution to a real need: comfort and glamour.

Marion Parke has created a label that is truly unique. A patented insole molds to your arch for unsurpassed, built-in, podiatrist endorsed comfort paired with Italian leather and manufacturing. Marion told me she didn’t know what came first, the love of shoes or the love of podiatry; seems a winning combo. She “knows what a foot is like,” how refreshing.

And, her shoes will induce drooling. I walked out with five pairs.

Many times entrepreneurs possess a sort of unchecked confidence or ego; mostly this is because it takes a special kind of person to survive so much of the rejection that takes place running a business. Marion possesses this confidence to be sure, but she is also humble. She made certain I understood that she was leaning on the hard work of the people in the industry she admired.

Marion said she wanted to “take her knowledge and apply it to luxury; craft and respect of craft a cornerstone.”

Between client fittings and conversations, we were able to chat minutes about a few important details to Marion.

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Freya: Choosing the entrepreneur life over “safety” can be daunting. How did you feel before making the choice to dive in 100%?

Marion: I needed to follow this dream; anyone who has that feeling that they aren’t using all their abilities or living to the fullest will understand.

You have a drive to reach your fullest potential.

I knew I had more to offer. I was constantly thinking about this idea so I decided I needed to get after it.

F: Tell us about your Vision. With so many luxury choices, what made you different?

M: In footwear production is critical, and very difficult. I knew I needed the right team who understood my concept, the patent and how to integrated it into luxury supply chain. I am not the one standing sticking the shoe together or interpreting the message to the factories and sourcing teams. I needed people that know footwear, know the industry and understood my vision. I was extremely lucky to build a team that could execute that dream.

F: So, did you have this team in advance?

M: No! I was so naive! My legal representation supporting the patent process in Italy made the initial suggestion to find a team that could liaise with the Italian factories. Now, we have the top technician...this is part of why the shoes have such an amazing fit. No entrepreneur can do everything on their own.

F: Patent pending’s in multiple countries?

M: Patent registration is a long and arduous process, we are in the pending stage. Two are out and waiting for review.

F: You have said you believed you could do better, which is common in entrepreneurs. Bill Clinton said when asked why he thought he could be president, if it was ego, was that he simply thought he could do better. What do you a think made the biggest difference in your decision?

M: I tried really hard to not say I would do it better, because all designers have their own perspective.

I say I am doing it differently. Some brands may say we are not trying to make a show that they

can wear. I was tired of standing in front of my closet but I can hardly walk from the door to the car. Can I do it in a tasteful way? Can I bring it to a luxury level, not in the comfort category, but with an “intelligent design to it”?

F: From ideation to shelf, there are many steps that require specialized skills and a certain kind of tenacity and strength to complete consistently: from supply chain issues, to Pantone challenges, size/fit, etc. Tell us about what makes the Marion Parke team unique?

M: the production team are #1. They are work miracles. They know fit and they know the industry inside and out. Surround yourself with experts.

F: What would be one strange/unique thing about manufacturing that you find fascinating?

M: Well the fact that in footwear ther are, for example, three factories that make different parts of the shoe: heel factory, the factory that puts it together is assembly there is a different factory for the buckles. There are so many balls in the air, I had no idea that was how footwear worked.

F: If a young woman were to ask you what to do to get started, what would you tell her?

M: I say all the time, don’t quit your day job! I kept seeing patients even when the business was started for over a year, and I still have the license.

I didn’t quit or put it on hold until I got my first order. Which was a year after I first started. There will be a lot of learning along the way. Maybe the idea isn’t going to work, there could be too many variables. It is wise to keep a plan B. Also, there is a lot to be said about being able to articulate the idea first.

F: Do you have mentors? If yes, tell us about how they have helped?

M: I have a ton of mentors! Both in the podiatry practice and in the footwear collection. In podiatry one of my residency directors was a woman and she was always a very hard worker and a mom.

She inspired me. My Head of production, he has taught me everything about footwear production.

They challenge me to be me.

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F: Rejection is a key part of success, what kinds of rejections did you face?

M: Trying to get buyers to give me a chance, initially trying to get into the right factory. There were literally so many factories before we found the one.

Seasonal rejections too, they will see something and the buyer hardly even touches it! Even if they already have your line.

F: What are the ways you handle the rejections?

M: I have the attitude of don’t take no for an answer!

We are persistent. It is no for now, but we will turn it into a yes in 6 months.

F: After doubling revenue expectations in the first 24 months, what has surprised you the most?

M: I hadn’t expecting to launch e-commerce and we realized that we could produce and stock and sell online. I got great advice early on before you do e -commerce make sure you have a great fit, if you stock and they don’t fit you will be stuck with inventory. We learned early that there was a great fit so we moved up the launch. We are below the standard returns level and always communicating with the customer. We work very hard with our customers so that they are happy. A dress can be altered, not a shoe! We want our customer to be comfortable online so we work very hard to get 100% satisfaction.

F: Balancing business knowledge and superior design are key to a strong company. You have spoken about this before. Which one comes first? And, why?

M: Neither one comes first! To be successful in this business you have to have a vision, and be able to articulate it. Whether it is designing a shoe or a hat, you can have a great idea but you can't manifest it you can fail. Articulation of the vision is critical.

Articulating luxury means your sourcing, production and tone and feel have to be luxury. Taste and vision down to the details.

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“Every designer has their perspective. This is mine.”

- MARION PARKE

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F: How do you want your client to feel when she/he wears your creations?

M: Empowered, I want women to not be distracted by their shoes. In some environments there are expectations that can be debilitating. So if you are going to wear a dress shoe my hope is that it doesn’t limit you.

F: Tell me about your core clients?

M: my client is ageless which is what I want. I have a 17 year old niece and a 70 year old mother who both wear my shoes. There is no particular demographic. That is what I hoped for.

F: How do you ant people to remember you?

M: I really want to enter into the industry tactfully and respectfully. I don’t say I am better. I want to remember that I came as an outsider and I did things the right way. I don’t tell people that they don’t know what they are doing; I came in as someone who had an idea and grew it respectfully and tastefully.

F: Music or silence when you work?

M: Both! I am a big rock and roll fan! Pearl Jam is being inducted into the Hall of Fame in NYC next week and I am going! Rock n roll!

F: Cappuccino or stretto? Or frulatti? Latte!

M: When I go to Italy I don’t drink coffee! I don’t do the super strong stuff. I go for the wine.

Well, we would love to join Marion for a glass of vino sometime.

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NOURRIR ASTROLOGY Women in Astrology

BY MOON RABBIT

I have been involved in the professional world of astrology since 1977. Starting then I knew of prominent well respected women astrologers, teachers, and authors, I even trained with one of them, but the first time I went to an astrology conference in 1980 I was struck by the overwhelming number of men who were giving presentations to a predominantly female audience. Not only that, but the presenters, who wore business suits, carried briefcases, and stood on stages behind podiums were a stark contrast to a small but colorful group of women who adorned themselves in astrologically themed clothes: long skirts with Suns and Moons or brocade blouses embroidered with signs of the zodiac.

It almost seemed there were two groups of astrolgers that got noticed at the conference, men interested in projecting legitimacy and women who thought of astrology as a lark. I certainly didn’t fit into either group. After losing my mother unexpectedly at 17 I went into an untreated depression. In the 60’s very little was known about treating grief, so our entire family suffered in silence.

I learned a lot about loss, grief and loneliness at an early age. Fortunately, I was an identical twin and my sister and I bonded in an even deeper way. Somehow we pulled each other through the darkness. Two years later at college I met an astrologer and got a reading. It was brilliant. Almost immediately I latched onto astrology as a point of certainty in an uncertain world. Of course, as my study deepened I realized that I would never be able to “know” the future exactly, but by that time I was passionate about astrology and using it to earn a living.

As a budding feminist, I was disappointed to find that astrology itself was unfairly biased because from its inception in Europe until the end of the 20th century the planets were primarily masculine. Of the ten planets that were used, only two of them were associated with feminine deities. Although astronomers discovered an asteroid belt between Mars and Jupiter in the early 1800’s and named the largest four in the belt after female goddesses it took until the late 1970’s for research and legitimacy to begin. Until then women, or feminine energies were represented by the Moon who was the universal mother, and Venus, the goddess of love and good fortune. Even these symbols were often presented as counterpoints to their male symbols, the Sun and Mars.

A deep cultural bias was present in the earlier books published in the 50’s and 60’s. These were the books where I learned astrology until I found a teacher. Much to my dismay the Sun, a symbol for identity and consciousness, was understood to represent a woman’s husband, and the Moon, a symbol for nurturing and emotion, was said to indicate a man’s wife.

In 2004 a book, Asteroid Goddesses, was published that changed everything. At least for me. It detailed the mythology and astrology of Pallas Athena, a warrior goddess, Ceres, a goddess of the harvest, Vesta, the keepers of the sacred flame and Juno, the goddess who presided over weddings. Finally, there was a balance in the horoscope itself.

Over time and particularly in the last ten years more and more women have moved to the stages of both National and International astrology conferences. Female astrologers have opened schools and grown their reputations. But the real change has come through the Internet. Anyone with a bit of skill and money can design a website, enter key words and make themselves accessible to the public. Search for astrologers in any major city and the women outnumber the men. These women are contributing through to the field of astrology through their individual uniqueness and style writing bringing their spiritual and personal lives into the public forum.

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NOURRIR HEALTH my life story, so far: from pain, to healing and finally a sort of genesis

BY MONIC A YAD

From Pain, to to healing and finally a sort of genesis: My story

create a makeshift sponge-like pad to protect my shoulders. To this day, my body bears scars.

Pain took on real meaning when I was the tender age of 13. The sensation tearing at my back since I was a kid I thought was “normal”, that everyone had it. Not once did the idea cross my mind to ask, until one day. That day, after so many hours of sitting in school, I had a strong urge to lay down. I asked a school friend; do you feel in your mid back that something irritates you? Her look revealed the truth, I was an ET.

In Iran, where I grew up, girls are required to cover up head to toe. My going to school was an exercise in layering: something under the framnet e, the brace, then over the brace another top to hide it...(as I was embarrassed) Another layer, my “Mantoo” a sort long coat used in Iran to cover a woman to below the knee (taken from the French word manteau, disguised the long ugly baggy trouser underneath. As if that weren’t enough, the “maghnae” black hijab that covers below the lower the breast line so as to not show the girls boobs!!!

My reality became clear at that moment: I was the only one feeling this pain. It sank in. And, accompanied me, both pain and understanding for the next 17 years. This is my story of how I faced it, acknowledged, and lived to re-emerge.

My back felt like it was snapping from the middle, all day, everyday. Basic movements, such as sitting,standing and even sleeping were uncomfortable.

After school that revelatory day, I shared the story with my mum. She quickly looked and decided to take me to an orthopedic surgeon whom, at the time, was so famous and people would have called him “Golden fingers”. Golden Fingers, told my mother he was astounded that I was living with this pain after seeing the x-ray and MRI results.

He decided my treatment was to wear a body brace: a metal contraption that went from my chin to my lower hip bone. For this to have an effect, I was to wear it 23 hours a day. The only time it could be opened and was for showering. The first two weeks were torture. With the pain as my companion, I retreated into my prison of thoughts, too difficult to convey my emotions and trauma with others. I wanted to portray an image of being the tough girl, while inside, I hid all my tears and stresses.

This brace rendered sleep almost impossible. My poor body was covered in wounds and bled during the hot summer days of Tehran. My mum had to

Disaster.

I lived in a time where there was no choice.

My teenage years were not that fun. My teachers and the other students were unaware of my condition for the first month wearing the brace.

Try to imagine me in all those clothes in class! I broke down and asked permission to remove the hijab in the classroom - After all, we were in a separate school from boys.

So by this point, you are likely wondering what was causing all this drama! Long story short, there was an EXTRA RIB growing on my left side. No big deal.

This extra rib was causing scoliosis and kyphosis simultaneously. In addition, the huge degree curve also was pushing my lung and heart cage forward and pressurizing my respiratory system. One side effect was asthma; but the symptoms couldn’t be reduced with a simple spray. I couldn’t take it anymore. Between the pain, the growing rib and all the side effects, something had to change.

We immediately went to consult with my surgeon.

After another round of x-rays and MRI, he confirmed the brace didn’t work. My spinal curve had worsened. Soon after would follow two severe life threatening surgeries!!!

Prep time was short between the decision and d-day.

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The morning of surgery #1, all of my family poured into the hospital at 5AM. My parents had to sign seven consent forms which drove my mother to tears. Her cries from the hallway telling the doctor to bring her daughter back healthy were audible all the way to my room. And, could hear the whispering nurses.

Part two took place seven excruciating days later. I begged the doctors to operate earlier as I had been completely immobile after the first: sandbags held me in position so I couldn’t move a centimeter in any direction. My body ached. No food, only water drips for seven days. Like a statue, I had to lie there without moving.

Mum agreed to sign. They wheeled me away as my family followed, Mum and Dad holding my hands.

While my mother wept, my father said to me: “be brave, you are as brave as a lion, you are my lioness daughter. Be Brave, and all will be fine. We believe in you.”

In order for the next surgery to take place, we had to wait for this very special bone powder, which they intended to transplant into my spine, as well as other metal rods and screws, to arrive. The potential complications increased and the whole surgery was far more delicate than the first one.

One small error would paralyze me.

My mind was racing. “Why me?” ”What is happening?” “ Why did I get this?” “ Would I walk again?” “Would I live?” Calm overtook the mind as they shot a powerful relaxant into my vein.

Every person involved in my surgery was aware of the danger. A team of five surgeons could possibly fail. Perhaps as I was underweight, my body wouldn’t be able to handle the intensity? Perhaps there would be major complications? Can you imagine how they must have felt? Thinking about how they faced the enormity of the task gives me goosebumps to this day.

After nine full hours of operating, they took me out.

The first thing I remember is my mum fainting when the escalator doors opened. No words could come, I couldn’t talk. My face was swollen I couldn’t open my eyes. And, a cold sweat had taken over sending droplets into my ears. My body was numb for not very long; the pain of the open cut wound kicked in.

I said to myself: “don’t look, don’t look!”

Beside me stood a massive glass, like an aquarium box full of blood. It took two full days to find out to what part of my body this blood box was attached; a hemo wag (the pipe which removes the excess blood from the body after heavy surgery) was connected to my neck, lungs and lower back. Three different drips attached to my arms and hand.

The surgeons cut me open from under my left breast to the back of my shoulder muscle like a round cut in order to be able to break that extra rib and remove it. Then, as if that wasn’t enough, they released the rest of the discs in my spine. This was only surgery #1.

Prior to #2, the doctor came to speak with me to prepare me for the following day. He informed me that during the procedure the team would rouse me and ask me to move my toes and that they needed to check my nerves before finishing. That night, I couldn’t sleep and we didn’t practice.

4 am arrived. My parents came in the full swing of prep, wanting to see me one more time before this new unknown episode. Another surgery, another long full anesthetic.

At that point in prep, I saw the smallest surgery table ever! I asked, “how are you going to fit me on those two small stools with open discs in my spine!???” His answer of, “don’t worry, you won’t be awake for that part,” wasn’t reassuring.

I couldn’t remember anything until a very big, very heavy hand slapped me vigorously on my face.

“Monica, Monica”; Repeating my name and asking me to wiggle my toes as I had been instructed to practice. My eyes opened to see a massive tube shoved in my throat, not able to move my toes and no way was able to defend myself. I couldn’t speak.

I couldn’t move my toes.

But I could feel the hammering.

Torturous sounds trying to fix the metal plates.

Screws dropping on the floor as they tried alternate sizes. The slapping continued for a many more minutes until I thought I was bruised. Until this day, I don’t understand why they were slapping me so hard and why I couldn’t move my toes despite my sincerest efforts.

Maybe it was the stress of hearing the work happening live or possibly the overwhelming sensations, but at that movement, I passed away.

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So, now I am dead. As I ascended from my body, I could see everything in the room. They were trying to bring me back. Also, I could see my parents and other family members ascending and descending stairs in agitation. My mum crying. Everyone praying. Even my deceased aunt trying to console my unknowing mother.

Everyone was praying.

I could see my back wide open from my neck to my lower back. Horrified. I was telling myself, this is your time! There was no sadness or fear of death.

There was an interesting flashing light. This was my time, I thought.

Bam. A sudden drop into my physical body. All of the room’s noises and sensations returned. The feeling of suffocation was killing me. My breath was constrained due to the huge tube down my throat, combined with the position my body was in for the surgery: head and feet hanging down across the ends of the microscopic operating table.

Despite the repetitive hammering and more hammering, no more anesthetic was administered due to my heart and lung stability. The doctors started to give me the step by step of what was going to happen. Yes, they were drilling into my bone in order to fix my spine; I could feel and hear every single detail.

Finally, they were ready to stitch me closed; the next round of torture.

For the surgery, they had cut my skin exactly on top of my spine line and placed these metallic forks- one on left and the other one on the right side- to pull my skin to the side of my body, and kept it there for the almost nine hours of surgery.

And, now they were to pull it back together and stitch me up. I could feel a couple of hands on my back trying to pull the skin together, and the doctor trying to stitch me from neck down to my sacrum. I could feel every single stitch.

There are no memories to recount from that point until late the next day. The shooting pain roused me. My mum was there praying and crying next to my bed. My tears mixed with pleading cries for morphine. At the time in Iran, there was a general shortage of morphine at hospitals. Even if they had some supply, they weren’t going to give me any as my blood pressure was so low.

No morphine + steel rods in my entire back = Excruciating Pain. That was an unforgettable night.

I was asking every single nurse was entering the room either to give me pain killers or to kill me, I could not bear the pain anymore. I just wanted to be dead.

I endured three days of constant pain until my father miraculously found some pain killers.

However, my blood results showed a very low red blood count; they had to do an immediate transfusion. The blood arrived in a frozen three pack. By the time they had attached it to my right side catheter, I could feel the sensation of the new blood, how cold it was and how cold it was making me. There were three names; one for each pack. One- a young guy. The other- a young woman and the third- a middle age man. Three people’s blood running through my body without my knowing them After 28 days of being totally bedridden, the doctor came to measure and fit me in a new brace, this one to be worn another 6-8 months. The brace was made of a heavy fiberglass material. Made to fit just me, they took my measurements and when it was ready, they had to roll me back and forth into it as I hadn’t moved at all in those 28 days.

Then, they screwed me in at the back. Joyful!

On the third week with the new cage, the doctor wanted me to move my toe and to try to walk a few steps. With trepidation and after sitting for almost a month, the moment of truth came. As I held the doctor’s tie, head spinning, I stood. How emotional, heavy, uncomfortable, painful, strange, overwhelming.

Simultaneously, I felt very weak and could not cope with the weight on my back and whole body.

Recollections of being slapped popped in my head, the struggle to defend myself to no avail and the silent tears. The surgery took time to overcome both physically and psychologically. And, I didn’t walk properly for months.

After a month of struggle, the doctor has given me the green light to go home.

I was so excited to go home, to be free, to see more than a tip of the tree from my window and to have a home cooked meal. I missed my bedroom.

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Getting there was not as straightforward as walking to the car and driving away. My brace wouldn’t allow me to bend. I felt like a store mannequin trying to fit behind a shop window. Which first; feet or head? At the same time, the pain of the wheelchair was equally unbearable. Finally and comically,my uncle and sister held my upper body while my parents help my lower body. Together, the fit me in horizontally!!! I was crying in pain and laughing at the same time.

We must have been a sight to see on the road! My dad driving so slowly trying to maneuver all the bumps. My uncle escorting us from behind to make sure that no one comes too close to hit our bumper (every Iranian driver is a little crazy and the traffic!)

After months and months being at home; suffering excruciating daily pain; not sleeping or eating well; trying to find some morphine every week from different hospitals; going to doctor to get weekly check-ups; changing the dressing every couple of days; not being physically able to shower and being totally immobile, I sunk into sadness. They even had to shave my head to be able to wash it while I was lying on my bed.

I was super depressed and did not want to talk or see anyone for months. This was a traumatic and dark time of my life. I longed to be out of that shell, to be able to be the energetic cheerful girl that I once was; but, the battle ahead was not easy.

Six months of living in this plexiglass brace before the doctors allowed me to remove it at him. My body could breath again! Every cell on my skin was smiling. My 18th birthday was around the corner.

What joy for me that I could celebrate with friends and look “normal”; but my whole body had to adjust. The bio mechanics needed to be re-learned.

My balance hadn’t fully returned, so two people accompanied me wherever I walked. But, I could wear clothes.

After six months confined to my body cage, the doctor gave me permission to remove it at home.

My body could breathe again. Every single skin cell was smiling. My 18th birthday was around the corner and I was joyful I would be able to be dressed normally again. But, my body had changed radically. I had to learn basic biomechanics.

My balance all but non-existent, two people accompanied me wherever I walked. The toll and

impact were both emotional and physical.

Two years of this struggle to win, to beat the surgeries, the conditions it caused and the recovery. I would not describe this as fun. As I was emerging from this recovery, I realized my right leg had a problem; after just a bit of walking I would have a swollen, red knee and a frozen foot. The last thing I wanted was another problem to think about. The symptoms got so severe I stopped walking properly. No other course of action was left but to have it checked; so I went.

Every orthopedic surgeon in Iran said the same thing: surgery was required to fix it. How was this happening to me? There was no way I was going to relive the same horror in the other two surgeries.

We decided to go to Belgium.

Just me and my dad.

Five days at the hospital, followed by a month at a hotel. My leg was broken in three places, rotated 25 degrees to correct it and two more metal plates into my bone. Daily visits from a physiotherapist helped to heal (as did the plentiful Belgian morphine!) Now, from my hip down to my ankle there are metal plates and screws too. I call myself a bionic woman! Or million dollar girl, as my dad used to call me.

A year later, I made the choice to leave Iran and with it my pain. The plan was to go to England for my education. I felt in the right place to take my life to the next level. And, despite surgeries (even breaking an ankle in Belgium during recovery) I never lost sight of my learning. I wanted no pity! I wanted to prove to myself I am still capable to do everything and nothing is going to stop me to be who I am!

I studied while in bed. Dictated answers to friends and family that would help while I couldn’t write.

The whole time I was recovering from my back, I attended University. I guess you could say I was thick skinned and determined, never letting it get to me or slow me down.

Unfortunately my beloved Baba (father in farsi) was against the move. How could I take care of myself in a country where I knew no one!? All I had was that I could speak English and the Will to make it happen.

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14 hours a day spent everyday over a few weeks just to figure out how to get a Visa. After finding out how, I applied. And I was accepted in less than 24 hours! Incredible! How lucky I felt, nobody could believe it. I booked my flight right after leaving the embassy, even before going home. I went to break the news.

My dad was home early as it was Thursday afternoon (Friday is the day of rest in the Islamic Republic). My passport was hidden in one hand while the flight ticket was in the other hand behind me as I walked in.

With no emotion showing on my face, my dad thought I did not get the visa! He said, “knew you won’t get it..” he hadn’t even finished his sentence and I whipped out my passport and ticket in front him and said, “goodbye daddy, your daughter is living in couple of days!”

Both my mum and dad were excited and emotional. My departure was happening.

This year, after 10 years in Britain, I became a citizen. Who would have thought any of this possible? To stay this long in the UK? TO overcome the pains and struggles of my teen years? To become who I am today?

My resilience, drive and will are how I made it happen. Several times my visa renewal requests were rejected; I Fought! I have experienced a lot and learned how to make my life better.

They say you reap what you sow. This year is the prime year of my life, then. All the seeds I have planted diligently over the past 10 years here have grown fully. It is time the time to pick as they are ripe enough!

Today I am mastering health studies and the Arts of Reiki. To integrate health and nutrition coaching to balance my life; to nourish my body and to heal myself through foods. By knowing what to eat, how to eat and when to eat is super important in order to overcome all the emotional and physical obstacles in your life. This is what I want to share, what my experience has given me: to help others heal.

My mottos: “life is delicious” - look after your precious life as you would only live it once.

“Heal your body, heal your soul” - by healing your body, your soul would be at ease. Then, you can concentrate on your spiritual growth. “spread the Love” - No matter what you do and who you see during the day, be open and try to help others in every possible way you can.

Be Love and spread your love around.

Last but not least, “Nourish your body, do not Punish it” Thank you for reading about the obstacles I have overcome.

Find me on Instagram as @nutromazing and www.nutromazing.com

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NOURRIR EDITORIAL Freya wears Marion Park and Gordana Shoes: A love story PHOTOS -

AMY JE ANCHAIYAPHUM

ST YLIST - SAR A STAMSCHROR- LOT T LOC ATION - ST. GENE VIE VE

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ISSUE

11 SPRING 2017

Can’t get enough of Nourrir? Check out season’s issue. It was a good one.

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