Novel Magazine #09

novel #09

THE 2012 ISSUE JULY/AUG 2012

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When we heard that 2012 would herald the Jubilee, the Euros and the Olympics many of us may have anticipated the end of culture as we know it, envisaging Royalists, hooligans and Nationalists uniting in a trident of counter-intelligent flag-waving, violence and sheeple herding. The more sensible among us know, of course, that these events are a smoke screen intended to distract the proles from their ultimate demise as something (nobody seems certain what) incredibly drastic will occur on the 21st December 2012 when the Mayan Long-Count calendar comes to an end, apparently.

I’m pleased to say that although there is some discussion of the above events in this issue of Novel our contributors seem to have adopted the same degree of skeptical cynicism I have in the composition of this issue’s editor’s corner. I’m even more pleased to announce that the other editors and I have man-

aged to find plenty of cultural activity to discuss in NewcastleGateshead in July and August that has nothing to do with idolisation or competitive sport, instead focussing on things like artistic merit, intrigue and creative talent. Mental eh?

Maybe I’m being unfair. It’s difficult to deny the creative talent of a footballer like Christiano Ronaldo or my admiration for the grace and dexterity of athletes. This year’s Games are being hailed as the Cultural Olympiad with an immense number of arts and culture spin-off events, many right here in the North-east, being held to promote the ‘spirit of the games’ and, as you’ll see, I condone aspects of this Cultural Olympiad movement but I can’t help but side with my sub-editor, who has composed two brilliant articles in this issue, with regards to my attitude towards the Olympics, and the Jubilee, as a whole.

WORDS BY LEE HALPIN. IMAGE BY RAYCHEL MAUGHAN.

CONTENTS /// THE 2012 ISSUE THE OLYMPICS HIT THE STREETS

ART ///

THE VIEW FROM ON TOPSY OF BALLAST HILL SLOGANEER STREET ART MAKING HIS MARK MOZART PARTIES

MUSIC ///

POST-APOCALYPTIC MUSICAL LEGACY LAST WALTZ & DADA, SECRET PARTIES

NIGHTLIFE /// PHOTOGRAPHY /// FILM /// FASHION THEMED ///

WHERE WILL YOU BE? WHAT’S THE THESIS PROMETHEUS? THE MESOAMERICAN CATWALK 2012 PROPHETS ECHOES OF Y2K MAYAN PROPHECY - MORE FICTION THAN FACT THE UNSPORTING OLYMPICS

GAMES ///

ZOMBIE INVASION

CONTRIBUTORS THE 2012 PROPHETS, STEVE BEALE, MATT FERGUSON, GEOFF LEOPARD, JOE LUNEC, RAYCHEL MAUGHAN, COCO NASIR, MAISIE ROBINSON, GAVIN SHEPARDSON, PAYOD PANDA, MICHAEL TEASDALE, RALPH THOMPSON

CHIEF EDITORS KERRY KITCHIN - kerry@novelmagazine.co.uk LEE HALPIN - lee@novelmagazine.co.uk DESIGN & CREATIVE DIRECTOR KERRY KITCHIN - kerry@novelmagazine.co.uk SUB-EDITOR JOE TURNBULL - joe@novelmagazine.co.uk MUSIC STUART HEATHER - stuart@novelmagazine.co.uk http://soundcloud.com/stuheather GAMES MICHAEL FINNIGAN - finniruse@googlemail.com Twitter: @Finniruse

www.novelmagazine.co.uk http://www.facebook.com/novelmag twitter @Novel_Magazine Novel issue 9. Published bi-monthly by Novel Magazine, all rights reserved. Printed in the UK. Reproduction in whole or in part without written permission is prohibited. Opinions expressed in articles are those of author and do not express the opinions of the publisher.

A FUN PACKED DAY AT the

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SUPERBOWL “move in, move on, join us now” THE WALTZER “open your knees and feel the breeze”

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www.novelmagazine.co.uk

STREET OLYMPICS

Track and Field yes, but what about Cypher and Lino?

The Urban Games is like the Olympics but for Jehst fans. Read more about the coolest aspect of the Cultural Olympiad which takes place right on our doorstep. Words

by Lee Halpin.

wondering, will I even watch the men’s 100m final this year? Such feeling was pre-empted by teenagers across the North-East in 2009 who felt that London being awarded the Olympics would have little or no impact on their lives.

Their sentiments were taken into account by Newcastle based youth development charity Solar Learning Services CIC who then responded by organising an alternative Olympic-style sports event celebrating the sports and art forms that young people told them they were passionate about.

Three years ago they held the first Urban Games in NewcastleGateshead, creating an arena for young people to compete in the fields of Break Dance, Parkour (Freerunning), BMX’ing, Battle Rap, Skateboarding and DJ’ing.

I’ve been looking for my ‘in’ on this year’s Olympic Games. In the past I’ve been able to engage with the Olympics via a very narrow selection of events. I’d watch the men’s 100m, 200m and 400m, the women’s 100m and 200m (finals) and maybe, if I was stoned*, or there were no potential sexual partners logged on to facebook at the time, I’d watch the triple jump or one of the throwing events.

I am a shameless devotee of hip-hop and in particular the rapidly popularising culture of battle rap, spending far too many hours a week tuned into the youtube channels of rap battle leagues such as dontflop and kingofthedot. Thanks to an article in issue 3 of novel about skateboarding and BMX’ing I also like to engage with the sub-cultures that operate around those sports too and admire the skill and flare that abound within them.

I have also been aware of a resounding feeling amongst my under 25 yearold peer group that this monumental event, this multi-billion pound spend of a project isn’t really happening to us; it’s not meant for us. I’ve been

Like many inner-city dwellers I feel more engaged by competition outside of traditional sporting categories, by activities I first witnessed and took part in away from institutional constraints, outside school, in the streets. I’m more

excited by Urban Sport and feel I can relate to it in a more direct and intimate way than I can with athletics. In a nutshell, I’d rather watch a BMX’er hit a ramp at 30mph and land a backflip or a skateboarder hit a half-pipe at similar speed and rotate 900 degrees with massive air before landing back on the ramp than I would a 1500m runner run round a track or a shot-putter throwing a shot-put (I would like it to be noted I didn’t just choose the shittest events in way of comparison to make my point - I could have used dressage or curling but I didn’t do that). To conclude: the Urban Games is a positive thing to me.

This year’s Urban Games will be held at the Discovery Museum, Times Square, near the Centre for Life, and at Monument, from August 17-19. If you want to be involved in any way, as a competitor, a spectator or a volunteer then visit www.theurbangames.org.uk It is a credit to the organising bodies and charities that have made the urban games possible that they have entered into serious dialogue with young people and responded to their demands with millions of pounds worth of funding. In any article discussing the merits of this project, NE Generation, Solar Learning Services CIC, Legacy Trust UK and the Cultural Olympiad programme deserve recognition. * I was 21 and still in university during the last Olympic games. I now recognise cannabis as a demotivating substance that will rob you of your drive and ambition. Say no to drugs.

GOT THE GRAFFITI BUG Novel and graffiti art have been happy bedfellows from the word go. So when we came across a novel piece of graffiti a date was inevitable. We met local artist Topsy in a bar in the Ouseburn valley and the following article is the result of our fleeting love-affair.

Words by Lee Halpin.

I follow graffiti and occasionally defend it as an art form. Graffiti can be a hard thing to defend, though, and even I - who on an almost daily basis scale walls and fences, or tilt my neck at awkward angles, peering out the window on various modes of transport to catch a fleeting, dynamic glimpse of a four or five letter word – can become bored by it. Sometimes I demand more than a one word tag, written in street calligraphy and would like to see an artist risk their liberty for something more. That’s why a unique piece of thought provoking graffiti is exciting to me and can reaffirm my belief in the validity of this art form. Introducing, TOPSY and the Scarab Beetle.

TOPSY is the moniker of a local artist who amongst other creative endeavours produces graffiti. His graff, though, is image based; his tag is a scarab beetle. On first sighting there is, perhaps, nothing more intriguing about this image than the word ‘GRIM’ (the most commonly seen tag currently on display in the North-east). On closer inspection one can decipher that the legs of the beetle are formed from depictions of the Tyne Bridge, the Millennium

Bridge and the Sage Music centre; the body itself is a rippled portrayal of the river on which these landmarks rest. Architecture and landscape have been used to form a character, or tag.

tion are relevant to NewcastleGateshead as it reinvents its identity following the collapse of the old heavy industries of the past, (coal mining and ship building), and starts to strengthen the cultural sector.

There is another layer of intrigue to Topsy’s tag in answering the question: Why a scarab beetle?

I first saw TOPSY’S Scarab Beetle on a garage wall from Ballast hill in Byker. From this vantage point the relevance of the image becomes perfectly apparent. When you stand in Ballast Hill Park and look over the wall you can see the elements that make up Topsy’s tag in the background. It offers a representational foreground to the wave of regeneration energy that has travelled down the river and is moving along the Ouseburn behind it. The latest manifestation of this change is of course the Toffee Factory which we welcome.

The image isn’t random or arbitrary. The scarab was used as a symbol in ancient Egypt to represent renewal and endurance or in other words regeneration. There are a number of stories that try to account why the ancient Egyptians thought of the scarab in this way and elevated it to the status of one their Gods. One of the notable behavioural traits of the scarab is that it rolls balls of dung that are much bigger than itself across the ground. This activity of rolling the balls of dung became associated in the minds of the ancient Egyptians with the sun being rolled across the sky. The pharaohs seem to have generated a belief that the sun was rolled across the sky every day by an invisible giant scarab beetle called Khepri. These themes of regenera-

I’m not trying to say that a piece of graffitiart like TOPSY’s is superior to other graffiti artist’s work; that’s not a discussion I want to generate. I do, as always, want to draw Novel reader’s attention to the work of interesting artists in the North-east. TOPSY, Novel readers, Novel readers, TOPSY.

WE WANT MORE-LY

Very often there is no poetry in mundane moments; walking to the shop for a pint of milk, standing at the platfiorm, but sometimes an artist like Morley brings romance to these scenarios.

New exhibition by LA street artist at Outsiders gallery. Words by Steve Beale and Lee Halpin.

California sloganeer Morley will be writ large this summer with his first ever solo art show at The Outsiders Newcastle gallery.

Morley began his artistic journey daubing and wheat-pasting encouraging slogans designed to appeal directly to the jaded residents of his adopted home city, Los Angeles USA. ‘I promise you youre not just a waitress’ he urged struggling actresses in need of an identity boost: While the children of the free love generation were compelled, ‘Let’s fall in love like our parents aren’t divorced.’ On January 2nd 2012 beleaguered entertainment industry wannabees making their first commute after the holidays found giant maps of LA with the legend, ‘You are exactly where you need to be.’ But he isn’t just community-minded: Morley’s an incurable romantic. ‘I love you because we hate the same stuff’ and ‘When I’m with you I don’t feel awkward dancing to the fast songs’ are just two examples of his sweet-talking skills. His refreshing, topical philosophy has also struck a chord with LA’s most successful residents, and a Morley mural is the latest poolside must-have.

Morley draws a portrait of himself next to each slogan, demystifying the outdated concept of the outlaw street artist and breaking down the barriers between him and his constituents: “I wanted my audience to know who it was that was writing to them,” he says. “Rather than a disembodied voice, I wanted them to see the words as coming from a kindred spirit and a comrade in arms. The audience I look to reach is primarily people who think like me and suffer the same doubts and fears. If you’re ridiculously attractive and have lived a life free of rejection or the torment of an uncertain future, you’re probably not going to get what I do, and thats okay. Nevertheless, I’m often surprised by how universal so many of the things I struggle with are.”

When confronted by the authorities in the middle of a put-up, he makes polite apolo-

gies and, apparently, they let him off: “Police generally suspect that someone sneaking around at 2am with a bucket of glue is up to no good, but in the middle of the day, it’s easy to confuse me with someone who’s not doing anything wrong,” he says. This deferential attitude hasn’t stopped Morley from building up a reputation for courage. Some of his bold installs include ‘I love you enough to pick you up from the airport’, on the Underground platform embarking for Heathrow at London’s Piccadilly Circus underground station, during a busy Saturday afternoon.

While Morley’s a humble guy who downplays any status as a fine artist, slogans and text have played a surprisingly significant role in modern art, from the Surrealist Rene Magrittes ‘Ceci nest pas une pipe’ to Dada poetry and Pop Art, plus more recently the work of Barbara Kruger or Gilbert and George. In art criticism terms, Morley is an example of post-postmodernism eschewing the irony and moral relativism of the past few decades in favour of a stylised and stirring contemporary redux of traditional values.

Graffiti artists though have employed slogans for millennia, as seen upon Roman ruins. “It took a while for me to convince myself that my words might have value as street art,” says Morley. “Later I discovered that it was precisely what I was insecure about that set me apart from other artists. From a car driving 30 miles-an-hour down a city street, its difficult to retain much else.”

Morley’s first art show includes canvases bearing slogans ideal for contemplation indoors: some employ subtle colours and others are presented on backgrounds consisting of found materials. Slogan art also comes on cubed boxes to stand alone.

Especially memorable though are Morley’s keepsake boxes – assemblage cabinets with glass doors bearing a Morley slogan, painstakingly embellished inside and containing sentimental found objects. A wide range of affordable Morley collectibles will also be available.

LEAVING HIS MARK

Imogen Reed has written for the novel website and makes her print debut in novel with a review of Turner Prize winner Mark Wallinger’s latest exhibition at Baltic Centre for Contemporary Art. There are 10 types of people in the world, those who understand binary and those who don’t. Image courtesy of Anthony Reynolds.

Perhaps most famous for his Trafalgar Square fourth plinth sculpture, Ecce Homo, and State Britain, his recreation of Iraq war protester Brian Haw’s protest display, the twice Turner Prize nominated artist Mark Wallinger is back with an incredible display at Baltic Centre for Contemporary Art. Whilst hosting last year’s Turner Prize and now exhibiting a big name such as Wallinger must have cost Baltic a fortune, exhibitions and events like this are helping to secure its reputation as one of the UK’s leading contemporary art galleries.

Wallinger’s latest exhibition, SITE, his largest in the UK for over a decade, is running until 14 October, and is the perfect introduction to the world of conceptual art for anybody who has struggled to understand the medium. Without any of the over-intellectualised or pretentious angles that many other leading artists are guilty of, Wallinger’s witty and thought provoking method of playing with words, numbers and meanings is clearly demonstrated in three new commissions on display at his Baltic exhibition.

1000000000000000 Wallinger’s first new commission at the former flourmill is a clever play on numbers where he finds a way of representing the impossible. In an old Chinese proverb, a peasant is offered a reward by an Emperor for his loyal service, so the peasant asks for rice; one grain for the first square of a chessboard, two for the second, four for the third and so on. The Emperor agrees but fails to see that by the time he reached the last square on the chessboard it would be millions of billions of grains of rice. How do you represent the numerical conudrum this proverb presents in a work of art?

Wallinger finds a way. Laid out before the visitor are 65,536 pebbles, all laid out on an immense chequerboard floor. This seemingly random number is in actuality quite ordered because its binary representation is 1000000000000000 (a million billion).

Mark 2012 Playing with the meaning of his owm name, Mark 2012 is a slideshow of photographs showing several thousand chalked inscriptions of his name, ‘Mark,’ on various brick walls around London. Marking ‘Mark,’ on walls can be seen as more than just a pun, it could also be seen an opinion regarding the narcissistic nature of modern graffiti tagging, or an suggestion of the futility in trying to leave a mark in a city as big and chaotic as London. It is certainly another example of the brand of thought provoking humour he can bring to his work.

Construction Site Perhaps the piece that will receive the most attention will be Wallinger’s new film, ‘Construction Site’. The film is a mixture of comedy with visual and verbal puns. It arguably shows off Wallinger’s love of playing with meaning more so than any of his previous works. The film depicts workmen on a scaffold tower, absurdly located in the middle of a shingle beach, and every bizarre action that follows is equally absurd. With slapstick mishaps involving lost buckets, comic sight gags and appearances of seagulls and speedboats to bring attention to the surrealness of the premise, ‘Construction Site’ demonstrates Wallinger’s exceptional comic timing and ability to play with the nuances of meaning. Absurdity lies at the heart of the film, and at an hour in length, Construction Site is worthy of the price of a cinema ticket but with free admission into Baltic, it would be absurd to miss it.

MOZART PARTIES

Mozart Parties consists of 23 year old Music graduate, James Bennett.

Bennett lives in the Lake District where he mostly looks out of his windows and produces a unique blend of shoegaze pop and electronic music.

Stuart Heather managed to catch up with James whilst the song-writrer was in London on business.

People generally visit the Lake District to get away from the hustle and bustle of the city and collect their thoughts.

James Bennett, also known as Mozart Parties, has lived and composed in the small town of Kirkby, Lonsdale since moving there from London in 2009. On listening to Mozart Parties tracks like ‘Where Has Everybody Gone?’ and ‘Wish My Thoughts Away’, it is easy to draw parallels between Bennett’s location and his music – both are laid back, a little old fashioned and with a dreamy carelessness of the sort that nostalgia is made from. And Bennett is quick to acknowledge the peaceful setting of Britain’s most picturesque region as a major influence on Mozart Parties’ musical output: “When I first finished uni it was Summer (2010) and I didn’t have anything to do. I was living in this peaceful retirement village out of the way from anywhere and so I was really isolated and had a lot of time to concentrate on my music. When you’re looking

out of the window and all you see for miles is grass and trees it puts you in a different mindset. I just got into a zone where I was writing music and recording every day and really enjoying it because there was nothing else to worry about”.

This is the period in which Bennett penned his biggest single to date: ‘Black Cloud’. The piece was written, recorded and produced entirely by Bennett, playing all the instruments himself, and was then picked up and eventually released by Merok Records. To my surprise, Bennett tells me that the track that was pressed and released

by Merok was the same sound file as the one he produced in his bedroom over the Summer, meaning it didn’t have to be re-recorded and Mastered. He explains to me: “After a very small touch up from an engineer it was released.

That was what the guy at Merok heard and that’s what they wanted to put out. My style is lo-fi

SKAT - INTOLERANCE I:CUBE - IN ALPHA FUNCTION - OBSESSED (SCB EDIT) RIVA STARR AND RAMON TAPIA - FREEDOM SCHOOLBOY Q - DRUGGIES WIT HOES AGAIN Bennet’s delight his music has also been lauded by Pitchfork.com.

The interest in Black Clouds was all organic - there were no quirky marketing campaigns, no aggressive PR drive – it was a simple case of word spreading about a unique and interesting piece of music. But this type of exposure can have its dangers, as Bennett tells me:

Mozart Parties’ tracks are on Youtube and Soundcloud. For more information and news visit his Facebook or Tumblr pages.

MIX-TAPE

MOZART PARTIES - WHERE HAS EVERYBODY GONE? ARIEL PINKS HAUNTED GRAFFITI - ONLY IN MY DREAMS JULIA HOLTER - IN THE SAME ROOM BLOOD DIAMONDS FEATURING GRIMES - PHONE SEX SONGS ON CIRCULATION AT THE NOVEL OFFICE LAUREL HALO - THAW

When you’re looking out of the window and all you see for miles is grass and trees it puts you in a different mindset

So, that is exactly how he will be spending his summer. Bennett chose not to take his Mozart Parties live outfit (for performances he has a band) to any festivals this Summer, instead trying to get into the same working frame of mind as he was two years ago when he went through his most successful song writing period.

He describes this as “taking a break from the administration for a while”, and calmly looks forward to the end of the festival season in September. Until then, he’ll be enjoying the peace and quiet of the Lake District.

#09

Either way, the track generated an instant buzz on blogs and social media and attracted attention from the Guardian, who made Mozart Parties their New Band of the Day back in December. To

“I want to avoid Mozart Parties just becoming a buzz thing off the back of Black Clouds so I’m taking some time to concentrate on making a consistent body of work, hopefully four or five tracks that can get the same level of interest.”

novelmagazine.co.uk

and quite warm anyway, so it didn’t need professional recording and Mastering to make it super tight and crisp.”

the world were to end in 2012, what MUSIC’S Ifmusical legacy would the human leave behind? Words by JUDGEMENT race Stuart Heather.

DAY

On 21st December 2012, a 5,125 year cycle in the Mesoamerican Long-Count calendar comes to an end and this means, according to various religious doctrines, New Age theories and internet sites, that the world will end on that date. As one might have already guessed, examining the sources for this is amusingly bizarre - some light reading into the idea informs me that one of the most influential scholars responsible for the prediction “conceived it over several years in the mid-1970s while using psilocybin mushrooms and DMT”. Thankfully, eschatological claptrap is quite low on our concerns list in the Novel office, and on the 21st December we will probably be more worried with our staff Secret Santa than bracing ourselves for the forthcoming apocalypse.

it comes to music, only changes in standards and conventions.

Imagine, however, that the human race did indeed reach its terminus on 21st December of this year. To some future alien race studying the history of humanity, 2012 would then be the curtain call of civilisation - the point of closure for all that our race has achieved during our 50,000 year tenure. All human progress would build up to this one moment, making 2012 the culmination of all of humanity’s efforts to strive for perfection. In the sphere of music, this might prove a little embarrassing, not least because on the 21st December the official chart number one, as good a gauge of human taste as any, is more than likely to be the insipid debut single of X-Factor’s 2012 winner – hardly the pinnacle of man’s mastery over the great art form of music.

on the 21st December we will probably be more worried with our staff Secret Santa than bracing ourselves for the forthcoming apocalypse.

This hypothetical situation raises the issue of musical progress – how can it be said to exist if, as in the scenario above, that which is new is of a poorer quality than that which is old? Of course, this is a somewhat facile way of approaching this highly subjective issue, but it nonetheless seems safe to say that there is no relationship between a piece of music’s newness and its quality or importance. Indeed, by most standards, there is little indication that musical techniques, complexity or expressiveness have developed or improved at all during the past five or so centuries. This would lead to the conclusion that there is no such thing as progress, in a chronologically linear sense, when

While this may at first appear a pessimistic way of looking at the history of music, it needn’t be regarded as such. Indeed, if instances of musical excellence crop up arbitrarily, what is to say that the next true musical genius won’t emerge tomorrow?

The past century has certainly had its share of exceptional musicians – Miles Davis, Stravinsky, John Lennon – and there is nothing to suggest that musical genius is in anyway endangered.

There are further reasons to be optimistic. I have so far been musing purely on the ‘music itself’ – that is, the actual notes, melodies, harmonies and everything else ,which is

purely musical. It may be impossible to definitely prove or quantify any kind of ‘progress’ in changing musical forms over the years, yet if we turn our attention to all of the other elements central to the musical experience we can certainly observe definite progress. Music is part of a wider culture of human activity and as such is affected by advances in technology, education, philosophy, science – in fact, any kind of wider cultural change that one could think of has a bearing on the art form.

For instance, progress in racial equality in modern societies has broken down barriers to musical styles from all manner of different ethnic backgrounds, thus leading to the very multicultural picture of today’s music. Consider, as two notable cases, Debussy hearing Javanese Gamelan music for the first time at the Paris World Fair in 1889 and the influence that Ravi Shankar had on the Beatles after meeting George Harrison. The history of music in the twentieth century would look very different, and

blander, if this kind of cross-cultural influence was not encouraged by progress in wider social and racial tolerance. Conversely, and perhaps more importantly, music can transcend intolerance and other cultural divides and thus encourage or catalyse wider understanding, learning and multiculturalism.

When different cultural groups can express themselves freely through music, their audiences can begin to identify with them in the unique way that this type of expression makes possible.

Another area where it is possible to observe tangible progress and an enormous impact on music’s place in society is in the field of technology. Digital technology and the internet, the most recent truly great technologies, are now at the heart of how music is produced, discovered, bought, shared, stored, listened to and discussed. While technological advances in the 21st century have occurred at an unprecedented pace, it has always been the case that invention and discovery have fed into the world of music. This goes far further back in time than the digital and internet based technologies which have now become irreplaceable – Edison’s phonograph in the 19th century, the clavichord in the 15th century and as far back as the Ancient Greeks with the influence of Pythagorean frequency ratios on musical tuning. Indeed, art itself can be concisely defined as the process of using tools for creative purposes, and technological progress can be defined as replacing imperfect tools with more efficient ones. It then follows that technological progress and new methods of artistic expression will always go hand in hand.

Improving standards of education lead to a greater historical awareness that encourages us to engage with the past. The music of today is then effectively all of the music which is available to us through the extraordinary technologies mentioned above, allowing one to listen to music that is 500 years old at the touch of a button. Considering this, those alien historians might not be entirely unimpressed by our musical efforts if the world were to end in 2012.

Album Reviews: The album art of Laurel Halo’s most recent release Quarantine is enough to reveal that the music within is not going to be in any way straightforward or simple.

The cover, designed by Japanese artist Makato Aida, has the form of a cute, Manga style pop-art poster but the content is far more grizzly, featuring pretty schoolgirls engaged in extreme violence. The juxtaposition of the innocent and fun with the gruesome and shocking proves unsettling but with a strange kind of aesthetic appeal.

It is difficult to tell where the irony lies – does the macabre content mock the cutesie form or is it vice versa?

LAUREL HALO QUARANTINE

JULIA HOLTER EKSTASIS

Halo’s music on Quarantine strikes up a similar tension of anxiety and comfort. On the track ‘Thaw’ the listener is transported from an ugly distorted noise to an ambient blend of sonic elements , followed by some extreme digital pitch bending and finally arriving at a beautiful repeating pentatonic synth melody - all in the space of little more than a minute. Similarly, on ‘Joy’, the connotations of the track’s title are contrasted with

Julia Holter’s first album, Tragedy, was apparently based on Euripides’ play Hippolytus. The Ancient Greek nomenclature continues with her new release, Ekstasis, a word meaning the philosophical idea of having a total, outside sense of perspective on an object or issue. Perhaps Holter uses the concept to here refer to her work process, or perhaps it is part of her desire to journey to new areas through music. Indeed, as Ekstasis was mostly produced in Holter’s bedroom, this theme may represent the desire to ‘get out’ of something that she felt trapped by. This could be Holter’s body or her bedroom, or it could be the tedious predictability of much of today’s ‘bedroom music’, which makes up the large part of internet listening.

While Holter’s lo-fi ‘in the box’ production style and use of classic bits of retro gear is certainly typical of much bedroom music, what really separates Ekstasis is its imaginativeness and its attention to detail. Basic, predictable pop structures are never entertained for long, and Holter is not afraid of creating moments of musical stasis. Some of the most mesmerising moments of the album are long, beatless passages with no direc-

the fraught mood of the track, which is more schizophrenic than jubilant.

Then there are Halo’s vocals, perhaps the most interesting element of the album. They are at once beautiful and grinding, organic and dehumanised, relaxed and deeply insecure.

This is best demonstrated on ‘Tumor’, where, when Halo sings for the second time the line “one thing is clear, nothing grows in my heart there is no one here”, there is such spine tingling emotional charge that the dispassionate content of the lyric is entirely, and presumably deliberately, unconvincing. Halo’s unique vocal delivery adds a sense of the unrestrained to the album that would otherwise mostly consist of faceless electronic textures. But that is not a slight on the music; the synthesised beds of sounds – particularly on ‘Airsick’, ‘Thaw’ and ‘Light + Space’ - provide the subtle atmosphere for Halo to deliver her vocals so strikingly.

Highlight: Thaw

tion. In the last two minutes of ‘Our Sorrows’, for instance, her haunting, siren-like chants swirl around with ambient synthesisers to create a mood that is deeply pensive and hypnotic.

‘In The Same Room’ ends the same way, which is particularly interesting as this is the track that would otherwise be the most conventional and identifiable to the typical sensibilities of popular music.

With the exception of the first few minutes of ‘In The Same Room’, Ekstasis moves at a subtle and gentle speed, making it an immersive experience that it is difficult to remember in vivid detail. This is not to say that the album is any way uninteresting, as Holter touches on so many different textures and sounds that each song has a its own appeal – I doubt that many albums of 2012 have featured even two of a harpsichord, saxophone and vocoder. Ekstasis is one of those albums which is best enjoyed by listening to it from start to finish, and whose real beauty lies in doing this several times over.

Highlight: In The Same Room

THE RAVE TUNNEL

How a phenomenon such as a rave tunnel has remained an esoteric piece of knowledge in little-village-Newcastle is beyond us. Dada and last Waltz, the secret keepers, talked to Ralph Thompson.

Walk through the city of Newcastle in the dead of night and who knows what strange rituals could be taking place behind its multitudinous succession of closed doors. Depravity? Cottaging? Frottaging? Or even the occasional secret rave. Newcastle DJs/Producers Last Waltz have been throwing Dada parties for almost 3 years now and for the last 2 the chances are they’ve been happening right under your nose.

After leaving the standard nightclub arena behind, Dada have been orchestrating off-the-grid parties in unusual and unique spaces, which have included spots like a rooftop bar in an industrial estate, Newcastle’s Jazz Café, a Tudor Coffee cellar and a former bedroom showroom. Over their 3 year lifespan they’ve managed to bring to Newcastle some of electronic music’s biggest names (Magda, Ewan Pearson, Ivan Smagghe, Tiefschwarz) as well as throwing sell-out parties with some of its best kept secrets (Chris Duckenfield, Pete Herbert, Phoreski, Felix Dickinson, I-F).

Their promotion is deliberately low key and they rely on word of mouth and lo-fi, self-drawn, photocopied posters and flyers, which have the added benefit of deterring the orange hordes of Newcastle’s chemically enhanced, deep v-neck and shit-catcher crowd.

The next Dada is taking place on Saturday July the 28th and it promises to be unmissable for several reasons. First of all, it’s the last one to ever happen in their most recent home, The Old Music Hall, before it gets developed into (another) city centre hotel.

150 years old, genuinely derelict and full of mind-bending Victorian architecture, the Old Music

Hall (or the Rave Tunnel as it’s affectionately known) is situated down the New Yorkesque back lane between the somewhat fruity Vineyard wine bar and the bastard-hive, The Attic, on Collingwood Street. Again, you’d be forgiven for not knowing there was a party happening there, even after following the curve of the lane to the unassuming plain double firedoors. Or should we say you would be forgiven were it not for the stupid levels of bass growling from behind said doors.

The other reason to get excited is that to ensure the unique space gets the wake it deserves, Dada / Last Waltz have managed to secure 2 of Japan’s foremost House & Disco legends for headline duties, both of whom are playing only 1 other UK date on this, their 2012 European tour.

The tour is officially for Ene Records, one of the most exciting leftfield house labels to surface in recent years (to those in the know at least) and features label boss Chida, whose most recent release on ESP Record-

ings, Danca, proved a favourite last year in the world’s more discerning clubs (even seeing its inclusion on Lord A. Weatherall’s Masterpiece mix earlier this year). Chida is joined by another huge Japanese producer, The Backwoods. Also known as DJ Kent and part of the seminal Japanese Disco outfit, Force

150 years old, genuinely derelict and full of mindbending Victorian architecture of Nature (alongside KZA). The Backwood’s music consistently appears on the playlists of some of the world’s foremost selectors, with a notable recent inclusion on DJ Harvey’s latest official Mix CD. Both artists will be supported, as at any Dada, by the promoters, Last Waltz, who seem set to be a North-east breakout success, judging by the response for their recent releases on labels

such as Mule Musiq’s Endless Flight imprint and the vinyl only World Unknown records, not to mention the hype that’s already building for their imminent release on what is possibly the hottest new UK house label of the moment, Futureboogie.

As Hunter S. Thompson wrote: ‘With a bit of luck, his life was ruined forever. Always thinking just behind some narrow door in all of his favorite bars, men in red woolen shirts are getting incredible kicks from things he’ll never know.’ Don’t be that guy.

Dada takes place on July the 28th at The Old Music Hall.

Tickets are available via www. notjustaticket.com Join www.facebook.com/lastwaltzdjs for more info on Dada (including maps) as well as release and gig info for Last Waltz Last Waltz also run the record label www.objectofdistraction.com

...Photograph by Joe Lunec

...Editing and superimposed devastation by Payod Panda

WHAT ’S THE THESIS PROMETHEUS?

Novel Games editor Michael ‘Finn’ Finnigan doesn’t just sit around all day playing on his games console like some lazy, student, stoner, bum ...he watches films too.

No matter what you thought of Prometheus one thing is for sure: It sparked debate in a way that few films have in the last decade and it seems to have been a polarising experience for many people.

From my own perspective - I know, I’m very self-involved – I expected to come away from Prometheus with answers to questions that had plagued me ever since watching the first Alien over 15 years ago.

Things like, who was the Space Jockey and what was his ship doing way out in the middle of space? Whilst those questions were answered to some degree I think I speak for all of us when I say we walked out of the cinema with far more questions than we had going in.

Prometheus is a film that explores the relationship between creator and creation and the main focus of that relationship is firmly placed on the human race and the mysterious Engineers, but with all the mysterious alien malarkey going on its easy to forget that we are privy to a much clearer view of that relationship through the eyes of David than we are with his human masters.

So I want to know what Spaihts, Lindelof and Ridley were trying to tell us about the machinations of the Engineers; Did they create life on earth just to destroy us millions of years down the line? Why did the “invitations” direct human travelers to a desolate planet filled with biological weapons? Read on to find out, but be warned there are spoilers throughout.

In perhaps the most telling scene the one where David uses semantics to trick science officer Holloway into unwittingly offering himself as the first human test subject for the goo - he asks: “Why did your kind create me?” to which Holloway replies: “Because we could.”

David is clearly dissatisfied with the answer but, perhaps, Holloway’s answer was to spare David from the

David is unusual in the Alien franchise because he is neither good nor evil, neither Bishop nor Ash, and from the very outset we see that he knows far more than he lets on.

truth and perhaps himself to some degree, the truth that we created him to serve us. That said, can we conclude from this scene that the Engineers created the human race either because they could, or more likely because we served some purpose to them?

2000 years prior to the events of Prometheus, though, something happened on LV-223 (the moon Prometheus lands on) that resulted in the deaths of all but 1 or 2 of the Engineers. Those lucky few managed to escape into hyper-sleep, but the result was that their plan to eradicate humans from the universe was put on hold.

As a result the human race is able to run unchecked at exactly the point where the Engineers decided we no longer align with their divine purpose and that coincides with a point in history where we began to develop our own advanced technology. Do you remember when David rather bluntly states: “Doesn’t every child want to

see their father dead,” and from that can we extrapolate: Doesn’t every father fear there will come a time where his child will overthrow him?

The beginning of advanced technology is surely a precursor to revolt.

For many these conincidences go further than their suspended disbelief is willling to stertech but, for me, this

The beginning of advanced technology is surely a precursor to revolt. realisation transforms the purpose of the cave paintings. Whilst Elizabeth Shaw was certain they were an invitation, perhaps she fails to see that they were also an elaborate fail-safe mechanism that would alert the Engineers to the technological advancement of one of their projects, which may have either advanced quicker than expected or for whatever reason, like the infestation

on LV-233, been left unchecked for a long period of time. If that wasn’t the case why didn’t the Engineers leave a map to their home world instead of a military installation full to the brim with biological weapons? It’s up for debate.

When we finally do come face to face with our creator his reaction is one of disbelief. The last thing he remembers is plotting a course for Earth; you see this in the holographic representation of the galaxy that David activates, and then putting himself into hyper sleep to reassume his mission when he is awoken. To his surprise the human race has managed to travel across space, in seemingly an instant, entered the control chamber of his spaceship bypassing codes and security, and been able to awaken him, but it isn’t until David speaks, using the Engineer’s native language, that he realises what a danger the human race has become. And he throws a hissy fit killing all but the two most interesting characters.

That leaves Shaw and David to find out why the Engineers first created us and what we did to warrant the destruction of our species. I can’t help but feel Shaw’s desperate to find answers because of the death of her mother and father. Regradless we’re left with a rather unusual partnership.

Unusual because David is no longer playing by the rules of Peter Weyland, which is highlighted when he asks Shaw: “I want you to do something for me,” and hopefully through that partnership we will be given the answers we’re looking for.

Nevertheless Damon Lindelof believes the answers are there in this movie.

He said in a recent interview with io9: “I do feel like, embedded in this movie are the fundamental ideas behind why it is the Engineers would want to wipe us out.” But what do you think motivates the Engineers. Let us know on the Novel website and if you liked my article or just want to discuss it personally I’d love to hear from you on Twitter: @Finniruse.

APOCALYSPSE WOW

Forget their remarkable mathematical dexterity; forget their ability to chart the cosmos and measure time accurately; forget that they were one of the most advanced civilisations ever to grace the planet...and check out these threads! Words by Emma Pearson.

As I’m sure you are now aware, it is widely believed that an ancient Mayan prophecy states that 2012 is the year that the world will come to an end. Although it may be disheartening to think that the nation that brought us Tacos and Ugly Betty were pre-occupied with the doom of the human race, there is one positive thing to come out of the imminent apocalypse that is the return of Maya-inspired fashion.

Think Mayan fashion and immediately animal skins and loin cloths spring to mind.

The traditional dress of the early civilisations of Central and South America was indeed woven and worn loose, however Mayan fashion was anything but simple.

The beautiful colours, delicate weaves and elaborate jewellery adorned by the Mayans, Aztecs and Incas has cemented these ancient civilisations a firm place in fashion history.

Men wore loincloths with a tunic, shirt or cloak in colder weather. Women wore skirts with a scarf tied over their breasts and Aztec and Inca women wore wrap dresses or ankle length tunics. None of the clothing was fitted to the body and holes for the head were simply left when weaving.

The cut and shape of the clothing may seem rather unceremonious, but Mayans, Aztecs and Incas took fashion very seriously and calling the fashion police was no laughing matter. In each culture the type of material and the decoration applied to garments indicated the wearer’s status in society. Dressing above one’s status would result in serious punishment, ranging from slavery and imprisonment, to cutting off the offender’s hair.

The Aztecs passed a law which forbade poor people from wearing cotton. Incan people also took material very seriously and only wealthy Incas were allowed to wear a specially woven cloth from baby alpaca wool called cumbi. In ancient Mexico the poorest Incas were limited to simple loincloths woven from plant fibre without decoration, whilst wealthy members of society dressed in brightly coloured and intricately patterned clothing adorned with meticulous embroidery, feather, shells and beads.

What really gave these civilisations their iconic fashion status was their obsession with decorating and accessorising the body. The jewellery worn by the Mayan, Aztec and Incan people was vibrant, innovative and rich in variety. Mayan men wore earplugs, lip plugs and nose ornaments made from bone, wood, shells and stones. They favoured elaborate necklaces, anklets, bracelets and headgear made with jaguar and crocodile teeth, animal claws and feathers. Mayan women wore jewellery of the same material but in a less elaborate style, quite the reverse of today’s society. Aztecs and Incas were skilled metal workers, creating intricate

gold and silver jewellery that was worn with feathers, leather, shells and stones.

Permanent decorations were also very common. Privileged Mayan infants had their skulls squeezed to elongate and flatten the heads. Crossed eyes were also encouraged by hanging a ball from the centre of a child’s forehead. Facial tattoos and decorative stones drilled into the teeth were also commonplace.

Many of the unique characteristics of these cultures disappeared with the Western invasions; however one thing that the Mayans did not foresee was the impact that their fashion would have in modern times. Although loincloth-donning and skull-squeezing are yet to make a comeback, traditional Central and Southern American dress has re-emerged this season with Mayan symbols, Aztec prints and decorative jewellery making an appearance on the world’s catwalks and high streets.

The beautiful colours, delicate weaves and elaborate jewellery adorned by the Mayans, Aztecs and Incas has cemented these ancient civilisations a firm place in fashion history.

Modern representation consists of strong graphic prints combined with warm earthy tones, like browns, deep reds and oranges, embellished with natural accents like straw and wood.

The Aztec print trend in particular is very popular this season, having vaulted the gender barrier and worked its way into both female and male attire. These fashion-forward pieces give you instant street-style flair with a cultured edge, stirring up dreams of far off lands and ancient civilisations. Incorporating a few statement patterns into an outfit adds new dimensions and adds instant street-savvy exotic style.

Natural accessories like leather and feathers are another ancient South American trend that has worked its way onto the runway. Shoes and bags finished with exotic skins and intricate weaves pay homage to traditional Mayan fashion and are great for both festival fashion and boho luxury.

Whether the world will end on December 21st, or if we will meet our maker in a different fashion, we can safely say that this year will be a year of cutting edge trends, innovative designs and overall ultimate apparel. If 2012 is the year that it all comes to an end, we will most definitely be going out in style.

THE

2012

PROPHETS What does the date 21/12/2012 mean to you?

Meet three people for whom that date holds a profound significance.

Images by Coco Nasir & Kerry Kitchin.

When we heard the term ‘2012 prophets’ we immediately asked, who are they? What are they prophesising? And how can we talk to them? Using our dodgiest contacts in the underworld of esoteric knowledge and sub-cultures, we were able to track down and probe three individuals describing themselves as ‘2012 prophets’. We asked them simply to articulate their thoughts regarding the significance of the year 2012 and the date 21/12/2012, as well as the reasons or causes of their beliefs.

Name: Mike Age: 24 Occupation: Student Lives: in Heaton My own beliefs on the year 2012 and the evolution of human society arrived to me solely through the use of powerful psychedelic substances including LSD, Ecstasy, Salvia Divinorum, Candyflips and DMT. Psychedelics have the ability to allow us to begin to completely re-evaluate previous notions of reality by utterly deconstructing the cultural information that we unwittingly inherit from previous generations; such as adherence to often destructive social norms and belief systems regarding the nature of who we are, should, or more often shouldn’t, be.

A most intriguing aspect of the psychedelic experience is that contrary to the

way in which most of our information is automatically mediated by our culture, the information and knowledge offered by psychedelics tends to come from within. This knowledge tends to regard the actual nature of reality and who we really are, already are, or could be.

The widely reported similarities amongst so many differing people’s subjective ‘trips’ upon taking these drugs have led me to completely trust in the divine essence and significance of psychedelics in relation to human lives. There are certain recurring themes and this knowledge, often offered by infinitely complex inter-dimensional beings including goddesses, DMT machine elves and other such ‘alien’ entities, often concern a wide range of closely related concepts.

The themes in question generally include the ideas that we are all part of a unified collective consciousness of

infinite possibility and that love, awareness, creativity and letting go of our personal inhibitions and reliance on the ego are powerful forms of liberation.

Completely immersing ourselves in such values helps us move towards our rightful place in a pre-destined sustainable, harmonious and technologically advanced utopian society.

Another common theme inherent to all psychedelics is the complex geometric visual patterns called ‘fractals’ which tend to engulf your vision. It seems strange that people have to be taught how to do the most basic of maths, yet their brains are able to calculate the forms of these geometrically perfect symmetrical patterns which are found throughout nature and created by supposedly inanimate matter.

If you look into the nature of fractals there are three immediately apparent and interesting properties; they are infinite, each part represents a part of the

whole, and there appears to be some kind of order to them.

This relates directly to the information offered by psychedelics. Essentially, we are an infinite universal consciousness, one in which every person represents a part of the whole and rather than the chaos that could ensue from infinite possibility, there is a fractal; controlled order which epitomises beauty, and our own divine journey to help manifest this beauty into reality.

I believe that in 2012, a year in which many of the predictions regarding the collapse of the financial system and global uprisings against corrupt governments have came to fruition, psychedelics will continue to play their role in the evolution of humankind at, arguably, the single most important crossroads in human history.

Two of the most important substances

to have emerged in modern human society are LSD and Ecstasy. These mind expanding drugs have respectively led to two of the most important and progressive cultural movements of our times; the hippie movement of the 60’s and the emergence of electronic music culture.

thing of all; utopia. We can be free, when we realise we already are...

My belief is that both of these drugs, as well as various other psychedelics, will continue to play their vastly important roles at a continually exponential rate in order to further aid the progression of human culture into something more beautiful; beauty being arguably the most immediately obvious aspect of true nature. This has been the way ever since the universe’s conception; matter has gradually become more and more complex, advanced and ever increasingly beautiful.

21/12/12 relates to a very special planetary alignment where the earth, sun, and centre of the Milky Way Galaxy will align. This happens every 26,000 years, and has been confirmed by NASA five years ago. NASA are aware of a black hole that 2-3 years ago started bursting gamma rays from its centre. Look this up for yourself - all the NASA satellites have images of it. It looks like a violet hour glass with the Milky Way in the centre.

Incidentally, these thoughts are similar to those offered by Terrence McKenna, the man originally responsible for the idea that 2012 would lead to a global shift in consciousness for humans. This was popularised in his ‘Timewave zero theory’, whereby he claimed that information and matter would become vastly more complex... more novel. Ideas all offered to him by inter-dimensional, fractal machine elves whilst experimenting with DMT...

For me the writing is on the wall: we are everything that ever was and is; a universal thought experiencing ourselves subjectively and we are on a united journey to pure perfection.

The next step is to evolve the human form into something of complete grace; a sonic species working in adherence with the knowledge offered by psychedelic substances in order that we can collectively flip society into the sweetest

Name: David Age: 25 Occupation: Entrepreneur Lives: in Whitley Bay

From 21/12/2012 energy from this black hole is going to directly hit the Earth, using our wonderful sun as a massive lens to shower these gamma rays over all of us!

Look up Greg Braden, he goes deep into these things. Basically, these gamma rays being filtered through the sun will affect our DNA and obviously our DNA is what forms the body we are trapped in; it’s the code that tells us to have blue eyes or dark skin. We have a 12 stranded helix of DNA in our bodies with only 2 connected, the other 10 are labelled “junk DNA” when in fact these “junk DNA” are the keys to all of our true potential sensory capabilities, such as telepathy.

We can’t say exactly what each one does but as the 2012 solar flares continue to hit us it is opening us up to what we can really be. Already so-called super kids in China have 3-4 strands of DNA connected which has vastly enhanced their sensory-abilities and intelligence (sic). Google this shit it’s unreal!!

I couldn’t give a fuck about people who

label me a conspiracy theorist! I’m at the point now where I’m so sure of what I have seen I know there is more to life than I’m being told.

Name: Thomas Age: 24 Occupation: House Music party promoter and DJ Lives: Between Newcastle and London The Maya prophecy isn’t as many perceive ‘the end of the world’ - it’s more the end of the world as we know it. We’ve come through a period of darkness, perhaps epitomised by the global financial crisis, and 21/12/2012 marks us being back in a place in the universe and evolutionary process that allows us to start searching for new truths, new systems and new laws, and with that comes a reconnection of humans. The development of technology such as the internet has climaxed just in time creating a global communication system that will allow humans to share truths and information in a way never previously possible. Wikileaks is a prime example of the way in which new truths are being disseminated via the internet.

Anyone expecting something like a giant BANG to happen isn’t getting the point. We’re moving into a future where we care about each other and look after one another again as nature intended instead of being governed by greed and corruption.

Practising reiki and proven meditation are the best ways to gain knowledge of the forces that are gathering. Science will catch up in its own time.

DEBUNKING FROM THE BUNKER

As I frantically and feverishly scrawl this article for the aptly named 2012 Issue of Novel I am holed up and hunkered down in a bunker, the location of which is top secret. The suffocating walls are stacked high with Tesco own-brand baked beans and instant noodles (Legal Disclaimer: other brands are available). You see lads and lasses, my dear Novel readers, the Apocalypse is coming and there’s nowt we can do about it.

Sure enough in 1666 a colossal conflagration consumed London for three days, destroying as many as 80,000 homes. Although only six deaths were recorded, the ‘same sect’ Nostradamus was referring to could easily have been the poor, as their deaths were rarely officially documented at that time.

Since time immemorial we have glumly predicted our inevitable demise and time after time we have been spectacularly disappointed when the world hasn’t come to an end. The most famous soothsayer is of course Nostradamus or Michel de Nostredame as his mates liked to call him, who has been credited with some of the most astounding predictions of historical events. Writing more than a hundred years before the event he foresaw the Great Fire of London:

In the year 1999 and seven months From the sky will come the great King of Terror...

The sky will burn at forty-five degrees.

Fire approaches the great new city

The blood of the just will be demanded of London, Burnt by the fire in the year 66 The ancient Lady will fall from her high place And many of the same sect will be killed

Reporting from his top secret bunker, Joe Turnbull directs his head-slappping facioutiousness at the doom’s day forseers, from Nostredamus and Y2K to 2012 and the Mayans.

Illustration by Gavin Shepherdson

More recently Michy De apparently foretold the 9/11 attacks:

Guess which great ‘new’ city falls at 45 degrees latitude? That’s right, New York. Granted, his timing was out by 26 months, but I think we can allow him a margin of error predicting something nearly four and a half centuries later. A major theme of Nostradamus’ predictions, or quatrains as they were called, was of an impending invasion of Europe from ‘the East’; no doubt a reference to all those workshy, benefitscrounging immigrants who keep coming over here, taking our jobs (please read that sentence carefully before writing to complain)! Unfortunately, Nostradamus made no prediction of

apocalypse in 2012, instead opting for 3797 as his date for the end of the world. Annoyingly, I don’t think my supply of supermarket baked beans will last that long.

Remember the whole Y2K fiasco?

Who could forget? The computerpocolypse heralded by lazy programming which had only used double-digit dates. The theory was that when the dates changed from 99 to 00 logical errors would occur as the ascending numbering assumption would suddenly

...it’s a highly credible and very real armageddon and it’s coming soon become invalid. In laymen’s terms, planes were going to fall out of the sky and nuclear bombs would detonate spontaneously. I think we all came across at least one paranoid reveller at a millennium New Year’s party who was convinced the Y2K bug really would be the end of civilisation as we know it.

Alas, the technological seers were no more accurate than all the clairvoyant oracles before them.

Personally, I think the award for best apocalyptic prediction has to go to the writers of the BBC’s excellent satirical mockumentary Twenty Twelve. In its first episode Twenty Twelve predicted the end of time. Well, rather, they spookily predicted that there would be an almighty cock-up with the Olympic clock, with the episode being broadcast just four hours before the real-life Olympic countdown-clock stopped.

You couldn’t write this stuff. Oh wait...

That brings us nicely to the 2012 doomsday prediction. ‘What’s it all about?’

I hear you cry dear readers, and I can honestly say having thoroughly researched it (I’ve googled it at least seven times), that it’s a highly credible and very real Armageddon and it’s coming soon. The 21st of December to be precise. Which is exactly six months to the day that I’m writing this article.

Coincidence? I think not. Essentially, this date marks the end of the Mayan ‘Long-Count’ calendar which is pretty much good enough for me. For those of you that don’t know, the Mayans were an extremely advanced ancient civilisation whose mathematical and astrological acuity are almost unparalleled.

Now you may be thinking that just because that date marks the end of their

calendar it doesn’t necessarily mean that it marks the end of the world, perhaps it merely means the calendar would start again. Well you’d be wrong.

Because despite the fact that there is literally no evidence the Mayans predicted the end of the world on this date, I read somewhere on the internet that the magnetic poles are going to switch on that date which will cause untold natural disasters and billions of deaths. Plus there are some videos on YouTube which clearly show the ‘sound of the apocalypse’ and that’s all the proof I need.

Besides, do you really think it’s just a happy coincidence that the Jubliee, Euro 2012 and the Olympics all happened to fall on the same year? Of course not. Clearly it’s a conspiracy by the establishment to keep all us plebs occupied while the powers that be stockpile resources in secret bunkers for when the inevitable end comes. But you foolish sheeple are probably just too blind to see that. The way I see it, by the law of probability alone this has to be apocalypse that delivers. In the unlikely event that the world doesn’t end on the 21st of December please email me joe@novelmagazine.co.uk if you’re interested in buying 500 tins of Tesco own-brand baked beans. They’re no Heinz like but they aren’t that bad.

THE END OFA CYCLE The Mayan Long-Count Calendar will soon come to an end. Many groups and cultures are interpreting this chronological landmark but what do the Mayans themselves actually say about it?

Regular contributor Michael Teasdale reports. Illustration

by Matt Ferguson.

The old man wrinkles his brow and a smile creases his lips. The question is familiar and he has become used to fielding it.

‘In this crazy, Western culture,’ he explains, ‘when something comes to an end it’s always negative, but this is not the case in the Maya culture. We understand that at the end of one cycle we need to pray for something better in the next.’

The speaker is Humbatz Men, self proclaimed shaman and day-keeper of the Mayan Council of Elders. He is conducting an interview via YouTube, addressing, once again, the question of why so many of us now associate the Maya with prophecies of impending doom.

There are questions hanging over Men’s authenticity, online accusations denounce him as an opportunistic Mexican named Cesar Mena Toto, yet, authenticity aside, his frustration over the modern fictionalisation of the Maya still adequately illuminates the pseudo-understanding many now hold towards this ancient civilisation.

When I mention to friends that I am writing about the Maya, I receive my own glimpse into this window of confusion.

‘Didn’t they predict the end of the world in 2012?’ Asks a friend.

‘Yeah, it’s in their calendar,’ agrees another.

Everybody seems to know something, but nobody seems sure what.

Delving deeper into the facts, it’s easy to see just how much of our knowledge actually originates from science fiction. Over a decade ago, when The X-Files named 21/12/12 as the date of its projected alien invasion, it set a precedent within sci-fi for plundering Mesoamerican culture for interesting artefacts, in this case the Mayan ‘LongCount Calendar’, and embellishing them with fictional properties. Ten years of pop-culture mythology have followed, injecting this potent blend of myth making into Western consciousness, culminating with the ultimate piece of historical reinvention; Roland Emmerich’s, bandwagon-jumping, disaster flick, ‘2012’.

Yet, in the background, lurks the one thing that we can be certain will end on the date in question: The Mayan ‘Long-Count Calendar’. Removed from its fictional qualities, the calendar is a real historical document; one that can only be properly understood by looking more closely at the Maya themselves and, in particular, the way in which they conceptualised time.

The Maya were an advanced Mesoamerican civilisation, skilled in the use of written language and adept in math-

ematics and astronomy. Like the Aztec and the Inca, the Maya believed that the flow of time was cyclical, with naturally recurring patterns that could be used to predict the success or failure of future events. Such cycles were a dominant theme in their creation accounts and became a preeminent theme in their society, influencing the ascension of rulers and the battles that marked their history as a people. If a successful battle coincided with Venus in its ascendency, then the Maya could calculate when this astronomical phenomenon would next occur and plan future battles to synchronise accordingly. For this reason it was of critical importance that they were able to plot and calculate these cycles with pinpoint accuracy.

Informed by their astronomical observations, the Maya built calendars around ‘counts’ of variously alternating length. A 365 day solar count, or Haab, was mapped into a calendar containing 52 cycles. This ‘Calendar Round’, mirroring the life expectancy of an average Mayan, was an effective tool for plotting and recording

Delving deeper into the facts, it’s easy to see just how much of our knowledge actually originates from science fiction. linear events within a generation.

However, when the Maya needed to plot events over longer periods of time, something greater was required. It is this ‘Long-Count’ calendar which has entered into our modern consciousness and whose end has become so closely associated with an apocalypse.

Perhaps the basis for this paranoia lies in the question of why, unlike the Gregorian calendar, the Long-Count has a fixed end date at all? The answer is, almost certainly, mathematical.

The sequence by which the Maya calculated and recorded time is complex but can be broken down as follows: One day was called a K’in.

Twenty K’in made one Winal. Eighteen Winals made one Tun. Twenty Tuns made a K’atun and, finally, Twenty K’atuns made one B’ak’tun. For those still following, this makes one B’ak’tun equivalent to approximately 394 solar years. Again, following the cyclical interpretation of time, there were thirteen B’ak’tun’s within one Long Count. As each one ended the Maya celebrated the end of a cycle and the beginning of another.

The ‘Long-Count Calendar’ begins at

a fictional creation date now identified by academics as corresponding roughly to the 11th of August 3114 BC. It ends thirteen B’ak’tun later at the now infamous date of 21/12/12. This misinterpretation of the ‘Long Count’ as a countdown is most likely what first set alarm bells ringing among conspiracy theorists. Our inherent fear of the cessation of millennia-spanning practises appears to have enhanced our paranoia that this ancient civilisation was counting down towards some huge event. The problem, of course, is that in reading the calendar in this way we are viewing it through modern eyes; eyes used to appreciating time as a linear construct, with a firm beginning, middle and end. However, as we’ve already seen, this isn’t how the Maya viewed time and, as a result, isn’t necessarily how we ought to interpret their calculations.

So what did the Maya think would happen when the final B’ak’tun ended and the cycle of the ‘Long Count’ was complete?

It’s difficult to answer with any firm degree of certainty. The Spanish Conquest of Yucatán during the 16th

century saw almost all Mayan texts destroyed. Those that remain; the famous codices of Madrid, Dresden and Paris, do not provide any firm answers, although scholars tend to agree that apocalypse is not on the cards but rather that, as one calendar ends another will begin; such is the nature of cycles.

Removed from its fictional qualities, the calendar is a real historical document; one that can only be properly understood by looking more closely at the Maya themselves.

‘For the Maya, it was a huge celebration to reach the end of a cycle,’ concurs Susan Noble of Mesoamerican research organisation FAMSI and, despite his apparent dislike of Western organisations offering their interpretations, Humbatz Men appears to agree.

‘What happens when the calendar

ends?’ he asks rhetorically, ‘Another cycle begins…it’s never-ending, it’s not about finish [sic] everything. One calendar has a connection with another.

Look at my eyes,” he grins with the allure of a hypnotist “I am Maya, these other things…they are just stories.”

Maybe this is our problem; we love stories so much that we have come to prefer them to the truth. In this case, the stories win an easier victory because, whatever Fox Mulder might have to say about it, the truth, in this instance, simply isn’t out there; it was burned and incinerated by Spanish flames five centuries ago and now exists only in fragments and the inherited folk tales of the Mayan people. It’s why we face up to 21/12/12 knowing only what the ‘Long-Count’ almost certainly isn’t, instead of what it is.

“Many mistakes exist in this system and we need to remove them.” says Humbatz Men, offering his last word on the matter.

Perhaps this is something for us to reflect on as we approach the end of the cycle and look forward to whatever comes next.

PATRIOT GAMES As Olympic fever sweeps the nation not all of us are reaching for a flag and joining the throngs. Joe Turnbull is among many relatively unheard members of society who feel angered by the event.

Picture the scene: we are surrounded by an 11-mile, 5000 volt electric fence whilst as many as 13,500 armed troops guard the streets. Specialist facerecognition surveillance cameras are everywhere. Up above, unmanned drones silently patrol the sky, ready at a moment’s notice to give the order to a nearby-stationed aircraft carrier to deploy its fighter jets. In the shadows and amongst the people there are up to 1000 armed FBI agents. Where are we? Guantanamo? Of course not. The Pentagon? Nope. Some military superprison in Afghanistan? Not even close.

We are, of course, in central London during the Olympic Games. Staggeringly, all of this amounts to the biggest mobilisation in British history since WWII. You might be wondering how much this truly shock-and-awe inspiring flexing of military muscles is costing the public purse. In purely financial terms, the extremely conservative estimate is £553 million, though in reality it will probably end up being more than double this figure. But it’s not just about the money. Eight months ago, in this very publication, I wrote a piece about the causes of last year’s riots, concluding that some of the biggest contributing factors were marginalisation, cuts to opportunities, fear and resentment of the security services and a culture of greed of violence. The Olympics seems hell bent on aggravating all four.

London Olympic GamesAct 2006... allows the use of force by private security companies to expel protestors.

It’s as if working class London is being air-brushed out of the picture for the Olympics, feeding in to the already existing feeling of marginalisation. The lavish security budget could surely save most of the youth services currently being axed which would offer opportunities for young people. If a few bobbies on the beat intimidate some sections of the community, what reaction will an army of soldiers provoke? As for

a culture of greed and violence, the profiteering of private security and defence firms sums it up perfectly.

How do you think the poor people of London will feel to be locked down in their own city, swamped by troops and police, all for the sake of protecting the corporate sponsors and foreign dignitaries from the threats that are presumed to come from somewhere within their ranks? I think I’d be feeling more than a little bit pissed off. Would it just be rubbing salt into the wounds to point out that one of the seven ‘Olympic and Paralympic Values’ is equality?

I balk at the notion when the Olympics is granting its corporate sponsors, such as Visa, Coca Cola and McDonald’s tax exemption on the £2.7 billion they will make from the games. That’s £600 million in lost taxes; roughly the same amount that has been siphoned-off from the Lottery Funding of grassroots charity groups to the Olympics.

Naturally, supporters of the Games will point to all the positives the games will bring, like promoting healthy lifestyles.

Personally, I think spending up to £24 billion on 17 days of sport at the same time as threatening the very existence of the National Health Service by cutting £4 billion less than that from its budget, at best sends mixed messages about healthy living. Not to mention the fact that McDonald’s is setting up the biggest fast-food ‘restaurant’ in the world, especially for the Olympics.

They’ll probably argue that the Olympics promotes the values of self improvement and inclusion. At the same time millions of unemployed people and would-be students put off by tuition fee hikes are being denied the chance to elevate themselves. The 11-mile electric fence to me symbolises how the Games are exclusive on two levels. The rich and famous will be chauffeured from one exclusive luxury to the next in expensive cars down special Olympic traffic lanes, creating even worse congestion for the rest of London. And of course the fence ‘keeps out’, or excludes, the undesirables, the ‘feral underclass’ in a bid to construct a glossy and TV-friendly image of London.

Indeed, supporters of the games will say it is a chance to paint the Capital City in all its glory, to showcase what London is capable of. To me, the extreme security measures merely serve to make London look like a paranoid, totalitarian mini-state on steroids. This feeling is only exacerbated when you take into account the draconian London Olympic Games Act 2006 which was rushed through. Amongst other things, it allows the use of force by private security companies to expel protestors.

...extreme security measures merely serve to make London look like a paranoid, totalitarian mini-state on steroids.

Of course, The Olympics is not the first expensive celebration of the British calendar this year, with the lost output from the Jubilee bank holiday costing the ailing economy some £1.2 billion. Now don’t get me wrong, I think all the hardworking people fully deserved their day off. I just think it’s a little ironic that they had that day off to celebrate the 60 year reign of a woman who has never worked a day in her life. Will anyone spare a thought for the unemployed jobseekers that were bussed in from outside London to steward the event and had to spend the night sleeping under London Bridge before working a 14 hour shift, with no access to toilets, all for the grand sum of...nothing? What a lovely message. These poor people had to literally be slaves for a day to facilitate the celebration of the biggest bastion of inherited privilege, the Monarchy!

So excuse me if I don’t burst into a rousing rendition of ‘God Save the Queen’.

You can call me miserable. You can call me a bitter cynic. But what both the Jubilee and the Olympics demonstrate so spectacularly for me is that as a society we really need to look at where our priorities lie.

It’s as if working class London is being air-brushed out of the picture for the Olympics, feeding in to the already existing feeling of marginalisation.

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SORE THUMBS

If there really has to be an apocalypse in 2012 I think we’re all rooting for one of the zombie variety but if you can’t wait any longer, resident Gaming Editor Michael Finnigan thinks you should check out DayZ. Read on to find out why.

DayZ is a persistent, open-world Zombie game that puts you in the shoes of a single survivor, washed up on a beach in a post-Soviet country called Chernarus. You spawn with nothing but a can of beans, a few bandages and all you have to do is survive, but that’s easier said than done.

I trust no one now, I’ve just been burned too many times and I’ve gotten to know myself better as a result: If there ever was a real world zombie apocalypse I would quickly become the type of world weary survivor that has lost all faith in humanity.

DayZ is incredibly unforgiving. My first attempt lasted all of five minutes.

The problem: I didn’t realise these zombies were the running kind, not the lethargic, idiotic kind, and I quickly died. My second attempt was a little more considered. I explored for a bit, dodged a couple a hairy situations and when I finally felt comfortable enough to try something new, I shot a zombie in the head and unintentionally brought a hoard of 20-30 zombies down on my ass and then watched them rip my broken body to shreds as I tried to crawl away from the horror.

[I] watched them rip my broken body to shreds as I tried to crawl away from the horror.

My third and final attempt – that day – I came across my first survivor. We ran to each other like long lost lovers, skipping and jumping in animated flourishes and once the excitement had passed we set about exploring the world. We looted a few stores, I found a compass, a map, and even a shotgun and as we set off to leave the city and frolic in the country surviving on nothing more than wild-boar and moonlight he shot me in the back and took all my stuff.

That said, DayZ is a game that thrives on people’s experiences rather than thrilling gameplay. You’ll find that it is the unique characters that inhabit the world that make it an exciting game to play. I’ve heard incredible stories that quickly go viral and are being featured on every big gaming website of note.

Just to give you an example, there is one story doing the rounds at the moment of a team of players who go around taking new survivors hostage and forcing them into doing menial tasks that are a little too dangerous even for veteran players… and making them pose for photos as well.

Other stories where crazed lunatics run around in circles, spouting gibberish and freaking “regular players” out so

much so they are forced into shooting them and continuing to shoot, despite being attacked by actual zombies.

And the list goes on.

DayZ also has a real 24-hour day and night cycle and a weather system that will affect your health. Get caught up in a shower and your body temperature will plummet. That’ll cause you to catch a cold, and without a set of heat packs to warm you up you’re going to succumb to a virus that will ultimately kill you. But there’s more. Get hit by too many zombies and you’ll need a blood transfusion to top your stores back up.

Break a leg and you’ll need morphine.

Narrowly escape death and you’ll need painkillers to calm your nerves.

It is these various innovations that truly connect you to the world, in a way that I’m not sure I’ve ever experienced in a game. It is truly remarkable.

All in all, DayZ is the kind of game that is only possible as a result of the modding community. It is also a refreshing reminder that games are FAR too easy.

When you give it a go for yourself, maybe consider getting your heart check-up before because it’s going to be pounding as if it were going to explode. And remember, when the apocalypse arrives - later in 2012 apparently – DON’T. TRUST. ANYONE.

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