Lady A

A

Parenting issue

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...Women of the Mo-Kan Fall 2013

Plan the perfect birthday party Gen Z techie The College Book Volume 4, No. 3 FREE

The trouble with tantrums

Introducing new baby

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FALL

20

Plan the perfect birthday party

Inside

4

From the editor

6

Food for thought

Parents battling baby bulge – find out what should really be on your child’s plate.

8

The daily grind

Chores and incentives – how to reward responsibly.

10

In good hands

A relationship with your child’s doctor is just as important for you as it is for your little one. Find out how to start the conversation.

13 Is Gardasil right for your family?

A controversial vaccine, but are the benefits worth the risks? You decide.

15

Gen Z techie

Concerned about allowing your children access to technology? Read how other parents are handling their children’s safety in the modern age.

17

Introducing new baby

New babies don’t have to mean sibling rivalry. Get prepared now, and your bundle of joy will be all that and more.

23

The College Book

Affording higher education isn’t easy. One mom tells the tale of her journey from crisis mode to cool college mom.

About the Cover Dynamic mother-daughter duo, Lindsey and Audrey Spurlock are Atchison, Kan. residents. A wife and mother of two, Lindsey’s primary focus is on her family’s health and happiness, but she also enjoys reading in her spare time. Her oldest child, Audrey, started her first year of school this fall, and her favorite past-times are playing dress up and dancing in ballet class.

During days at home together, mother and daughter like to give each other manicures and pedicures, and enjoy the occasional road trip adventure with the family.

27 Bullying Prevention Awareness Month

28

Teething 101: Tips & Tricks

Read up on how some local parents deal with the aches and pains of toddler teeth.

30

The trouble with tantrums

Knowledge is half the battle. Understand your child’s tantrums, and learn how to stop them.

From the editor...

I

t’s been said many times before, and for many people, nothing rings truer – there’s just nothing better in this world than becoming a parent.

It feels slightly hypocritical of me to say this, as I’ll admit, I was once in the I’m Not Sure About Kids Club.

Not quite the I Don’t Want Kids Club, but close. It’s simply amazing though, the new range of emotions that accompanies having your own child. Every cliché starts to make sense, because describing it any other way just doesn’t do it justice.

Frustrations, laughter, tears, fears, smiles, so much love and new discoveries every day – it’s overwhelming at times, but I wouldn’t change a thing.

However, like many others, I was consumed with worry about becoming a first-time parent.

I felt unprepared for my entire life to change, as I knew it would, and often sought the wisdom

Katy Katy Moore

Editor, Lady A Magazine

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of family and friends, and searched through books, magazines and the Internet. What I discovered was that although there are innumerable ways to approach parenting, it’s relatively easy to find a guide in order to create your own technique. And since no child is created equal, you’ll need a style that not only works for each individual child, but also conforms to your principles and what you feel is best.

When it comes to kids, there’s no one right way, but there’s plenty of help to go around, and I hope you might find some in the stories that follow.

And as my own parents always say, “If she’s happy and healthy, then that’s all that matters.”

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6•

Fall 2013

Food for thought

Taking control of your child’s plate - and health

By Lauren Williams

A

dults are bombarded with health information on a daily basis.

But children are not afforded this luxury of information. It’s time parents stepped up.

“Children are at the mercy of their parents when it comes to what they eat,” said Sherri Wessel, physical assistant at Hiawatha Community Hospital in Hiawatha, Kan. “They control their child’s environment. Parents should educate themselves about what their children are allowed to eat on a daily basis.”

In the United States, one in every three children is overweight or obese, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.

Medical professionals and dietitians agree the severity of the situation can be decreased if parents take control of what their children eat.

“A good place to start is the importance of breakfast,” said Leah Heinen, registered dietitian, LD, at Hiawatha Community Hospital.

Heinen is among the experts who say children simply cannot skip breakfast because it really is the most important meal of the day. A

33% of American children are overweight or obese

– Centers for Disease Control and Prevention

Daily serving sizes breakfast rich in protein, such as eggs or nuts and calcium from milk, is recommended for a healthy child. Add some variety with different whole grain cereals and fruit as well, Heinen said.

Heinen advises parents to stay away from sugar and trans fat.

“Read the nutrition labels of the foods you’re allowing your kids to eat,” Heinen said. “The sugar content may surprise you. Do not allow your kids to have these sugary foods on a regular basis.”

Take the time to compare brands of the same types of foods to figure out what is healthy and what isn’t. Pay close attention to fat content; avoid trans or saturated fat, Heinen said.

“Eating healthy is something the whole family should do together,” Wessel said.

“Parents need to lead by example if their kids are going to learn the proper healthy habits. Also, limit screen time. Go outside as a family and be active.”

Proper serving sizes and portion control are important for growing children to stay healthy. The United States Department of Agriculture recommends serving sizes for children – and adults – based on a 2,000 calorie diet, with at least 60 minutes of ex-

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ercise a day. To see if your child is getting the right amount of nutrition, check the above chart.

Note that according to USDA guidelines, half of a child’s plate should be fruits and vegetables.

Examples of grains are any food made from wheat, rice, oats, cornmeal or barley.

At least half of a child’s daily grains should be whole, meaning food made from whole wheat flour, oatmeal or brown rice.

Examples of protein are meat, poultry, seafood, beans and peas, eggs, nuts and seeds. The USDA recommends staying away from fatty red meat and focusing on lean, low-fat meat. It is a good idea to eat at least eight ounces of seafood a week.

Adding variety to the types of protein

your child eats adds nutrients and balance to their diet, according to the USDA. Dairy is any milk product, including cheese or yogurt. It is a good idea to give your child fat-free dairy products, Heinen said.

“For the first time in history, the generation being born now have a life expectancy shorter than their parents,” said Wessel.

“We’re treating 11-year-olds for high blood pressure and diabetes.

“Parents need to take control.”

For more information about children’s health and tips on how to teach your child lifelong healthy habits, visit choosemyplate.gov.

A

8•

FALL 2013

The daily grind

W

Chores, incentives, and teaching your children responsibility

By Jenalea Myers

hen it comes to keeping the house in order and helping around the farm, it’s every family member’s responsibility, said Lancaster, Kan. resident Lori Scholz.

From laundry and cleaning to feeding the animals and mowing the yard, Scholz said each of her children – ages 17, 15 and 13 – does daily chores.

“We are a family that helps in all aspects,” she said. “Nothing is any one person’s responsibility. We are in it together – whatever it takes to get the job done the best and most efficiently.”

Angie Webster, of Holton, Kan., said the chores her children – ages 13, 11 and 7 – do include feeding the animals, cleaning, laundry and other tasks.

“It teaches them to be self-sufficient and to be able to take care of themselves in the future,” she said.

But Webster – who did chores like laundry, dishes and lawn care while she was growing up – said she knows chores aren’t part of every family’s responsibilities for children.

“I know within my circle of friends and family, their kids do have chores to do,” she said. “But, I also know a few who do not make their kids help out around the house, let alone clean their own room.”

Even though some parents don’t require their children to take on the responsibility

Whether inside or out, caring for the family animals is a great place to start with your children’s chores.

It teaches them the beginning stages of a solid work ethic, as well as respect for creatures big and small.

of chores, Scholz said the tasks her children do are similar to what she and her husband did when they were young.

“Trent and I both had chores growing up,” she said. “We were not given anything for doing the chores except the satisfaction that the task was completed.”

Scholz said she follows that same philosophy with her children and doesn’t reward them with money or other incentives for doing chores.

“I think children learn to accept responsibilities, take pride in what they do and learn that nothing comes free in life – nor is anything owed to you,” she said. “Also, hard work has great rewards.

Nothing is better than hearing a child reprimand an adult for messing up the newly scrubbed floor, or seeing that Dad can’t catch the steer because he hasn’t been around it and the child can walk right up to it and put a halter on it. These scenarios build self-esteem.”

However, Scholz said many parents likely do compensate children for chores.

“My perspective is that children still do have chores, but most are rewarded for performing the chores,” she said. “Or, the chores are used as a bargaining tool – if you do this, then you don’t have to do that.”

For Scholz and her family, she said chores and daily tasks are all about teaching her children responsibility.

“When children accept responsibilities and it works out great, the children can reap that personal reward all by themselves,” she said. “When they accept responsibility and it does not work out to their expectations, then they can re-evaluate and decide what needs to be changed. All of this comes without an adult or parent ‘yelling’ about it.”

Dr. Johnette Clark, clinical psychologist and community-based services supervisor at the Guidance Center in Atchison, said incentives – if given properly – for completing chores and other responsible tasks can be beneficial to children.

“Most adults don’t go to work without an incentive,” she said. “There are lots of different ways to go about it and none that are completely right or wrong. It just depends on the needs of the family.”

Clark recommends keeping both the responsibilities and the incentives appropriate for the child’s age.

“We suggest keeping it pretty simple,” she said. “You don’t want to overwhelm them and push them with too many responsibilities.”

Earning privileges – rather than money – is one option for parents, Clark said.

“Those privileges could be anything

from being able to invite a friend over or deciding what’s for dinner,” she said.

Clark said some families have their children draw or cut a picture out of a magazine of something they want as a prize for responsible behavior. They cut the picture into pieces, and each day or week as chores or responsibilities are met, children earn a piece of the picture until they have all the pieces together and earn their prize.

“Not every single chore or duty should be rewarded,” she said. “But, it’s fair to reward children for doing a good job.

Having some kind of responsibility helps children build self-worth.”

A

10 •

Fall 2013

In good hands Having an infant can be nerve-racking, especially for new parents.

Luckily, if you have questions, you aren’t alone in finding the answers — pediatricians are here to help.

By Maddie Maher

P

ediatricians can be seen as a guide and a security for parents with children from the early stages of infancy all the way through the high school years. For new mothers and fathers, it is important to build a solid foundation with their pediatrician in order to get the most they can out of the relationship.

The most important aspect of a parent and doctor relationship is trust. If there is no trust in the relationship, the pediatrician will not be able to provide the child with the necessary care and neither the child nor parent will benefit from the relationship.

The first and most important way to form trust is communication. Without proper communication, the pediatrician has no way of knowing the concerns of the parents, nor do the parents hear what the doctor has to say.

“The most important thing in any relationship is the balance between talking and listening,” said Dr. Debra Heidgen, M.D. Pediatrician at St. John Medical Plaza in Leavenworth, Kan. “I have a lot of advice to give — but so does everybody else.”

In order to make communication possible, Heidgen tries to make the patients comfortable when first meeting them.

Her technique varies with each patient, depending on the age of the child and the signals the parents and child are sending.

“If you’re not comfortable, then you’re not going to be communicating the way you should and then it’s never a good relationship, because if you’re not talking, I can’t guess everything,” Heidgen said. “My job is to give you that education to make you more comfortable.”

In order to make sure the parent does

not leave the office with any questions concerning their child’s health, pediatricians encourage parents to make a list of questions before going into the appointment.

“If you have more than a couple of questions, write them down,” Heidgen said. “If you have a list, you’ve thought of this and I want to make sure we answer everything on your list.”

Many problems that arise in the relationship with a pediatrician can be avoided before the child arrives. Setting up a meeting time or even going into a pediatrician’s office to get a sense of the atmosphere can be done prior to the child’s birth.

Karin Weber, Atchison, Kan. resident, started looking for her pediatrician during her third trimester of her pregnancy.

“It’s a good time (to start looking) because not all pediatricians are accepting new patients, so you might have to go with your next choice,” Weber said.

Meeting your pediatrician early can help ease the fears of a new parent, and finding one who fits the parent’s criteria may be easier than expected.

The best advice for mothers and fathers looking for a pediatrician is to ask around.

There are many other parents

and doctors in the area who have gone through the same process and are willing to help.

“The best way to pick a pediatrician is to talk to people,” Weber said. “I asked my OB, which is the first thing anyone should do. (And then) I would ask my family and friends in the area.”

However, not all parents enjoy the luxury of having a pediatrician practice in their hometown. Heidgen said this is not uncommon and she has many patients commute from smaller towns to her practice. There is also the option of taking your child to a family doctor.

“If you’ve been comfortable with a family practitioner your whole life … and you have no medical issues to speak of … I wouldn’t feel uncomfortable recommending family practice,” Heidgen said. “If you don’t have any health risks, your intended pregnancy doesn’t have any health risks, it doesn’t make any sense at that point (to make the extra trip).”

Weber doesn’t see anything wrong with having both a pediatrician and a local family practitioner for her 4-year-old daughter.

Weber’s primary pediatrician is in Kansas City, where her daughter was born, but realizes the inconvenience of having a doctor far away.

“You can’t always pick up in the car and drive (to the doctor), so I started asking

12 •

Fall 2013

around again,” Weber said. “I got to thinking we probably want to have a family doctor locally because you don’t want to drive to Kansas City if somebody has a cold and needs to be seen.”

When balancing both a pediatrician and a family doctor, be sure to tell each doctor about the other so they can easily communicate if a major health crisis occurs.

“My pediatrician knows that I have a primary physician that we see because we live an hour away, and my family guy knows we have a pediatrician we see for the milestones, and they’ll ask me what the other one says,” Weber said. “They sort of work in tantamount, which I think is good.”

Weber expects to stick with

both doctors as long as possible, because of the security both doctors offer, and together they are able to answer all the questions and problems that arise while raising her child.

“A good pediatrician or a good family doctor should allow you to ask all your questions,” said Weber. “That was a big deal for me, developing trust was that both of our caregivers took the time to answer questions.”

Forming a good relationship with your pediatrician or family doctor is a crucial step to getting the most out of your caregiver’s services, and forming that relationship starts with communication.

A

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Is

Gardasil

right for your family?

With the start of a new school year, parents are beginning to schedule routine vaccinations for their kids. But have they done the proper research?

T

he controversial HPV vaccine Gardasil has been a topic of discussion for parents and doctors since its appearance in 2006. According to gardasil.com, the vaccine is the only human papillomavirus vaccine that helps protect against four types of HPV, including cervical cancer and genital warts cases.

Gardasil is given as three injections over a six month period, but it “may not fully protect everyone, nor will it protect against diseases caused by other HPV types or against diseases not caused by HPV,” according to a statement on gardasil.com.

Many parents have expressed concern about the vaccine because of the injection’s cancer-causing risks. Though both the Food and Drug Administration and Centers for Disease Control report no dangerous side effects, several short-term effects are still listed on Gardasil’s website, including pain, swelling, itching, bruising and redness at the injection site, headaches, fever, nausea, dizziness, vomiting and fainting.

By Erin Hunninghake

“

... nearly $6 million to 49 victims in claims made against Gardasil ...

– The Washington Times

The website also warns that anyone severely allergic to yeast and pregnant women should not receive the vaccine.

Washingtontimes.com reports that Judicial Watch has collected documents from the Department of Health and Human Services, revealing that its National Vaccine Injury Compensation Program has compensated nearly $6 million to 49 victims in claims made against Gardasil and another HPV vaccine called Cervarix.

Around 200 claims have been filed with VICP. These claims include 26 deaths, incidents of seizures, paralysis, blindness, pancreatitis, speech problems, short term memory loss and Guillain-Barré Syndrome.

“This new information from the government shows that the serious safety concerns about the use of Gardasil have been well-founded,” said Judicial Watch President Tom Fitton.

“Public health officials should stop pushing Gardasil on children.”

The CDC made a statement in response to these claims in Gardasil’s defense saying, “there was no unusual pattern or clustering to the deaths that would suggest that they were caused by the vaccine.”

Though Gardasil has stirred up a lot of questions and complaints,

many reports concerning the vaccine have been positive.

According to mayoclinic. com, infection rates have dropped by almost 50 percent since the introduction of the HPV vaccine.

“Researchers state that the reduction in infection rates is promising and will eventually make a difference in the rate of cervical and other HPV-related cancers,” read a statement on mayoclinic.com.

An Atchison, Kan. mother of four, Linda Lykins decided the Gardasil shot would be valuable for her three daughters to receive after it was recommended by their family physician.

“You never know what is going to happen,” Lykins said. “We thought the protection from the Gardasil shot would be beneficial to our children’s health.”

Lykins said she did her research beforehand to ensure it was right for her daughters, who were then 20, 18 and 16 years old.

“We read the materials given to us and also watched the news regarding the Gardasil shot,” she said. “There were no side effects with my daughters to my knowledge other than a minor ache where the shot was given.

Nothing unusual.”

“I got the shot because my mom had heard about it and thought it would be a good idea for all of us girls to get it since we have a history of cancer in our family,” said Lykins’ daughter, Courtney Lykins. “We figured anything to protect us is a good thing to get.

“I would recommend it to other girls because everyone thinks, ‘Oh that (cancer) will never happen to me. It only happens to other people.’

But you never know if it will happen to you, and it’s better to have the protection.”

According to Gardasil’s website, only a doctor or health care professional can decide if the vaccine is right for a child. For more information on the Gardasil vaccine, visit their website or talk to your family physician.

A

Lady A

Gen Z

• 15

techie

Not sure if you’re ready for your fast-paced child of the technology generation to make an appearance on the Internet? You’re not alone!

Here’s how some parents are handling their children’s safety and privacy in the age of exposure.

By Jenalea Myers

T

enille Forbes has a basic rule when it comes to children and technology in her household: If you’re in school and living under her roof, she knows your passwords.

Forbes, like many parents, has had to establish rules for her children – ages 16, 13, 10 and 8 – for newer technology like cell phones and Facebook. For Forbes, that means complete access.

“In other words, their emails, phone lock codes and Facebook passwords are at my convenience,”

the Effingham, Kan. resident said.

“If I want to monitor what they do, I do it.”

Being an open family, Forbes said the children haven’t fought her policy.

“I would hope they understand that what they do or are involved in is ‘open’ for discussion,” she said. “Periodically, I check their phones and if I find something that shouldn’t be there, we discuss it.”

Another Effingham resident, Tiffany Ellerman – whose children are ages 12, 8 and 3 – also closely

monitors her children’s technology use on their iPads and computers.

“We have talked to our sons about limiting what they put out there and how they put it,” she said. “That is one reason we have access to their accounts and know their passwords.”

Ellerman said extracurricular activities are the main

reason her 12-year-old has a cell phone.

“I can see our 8-year-old needing a cell phone before his older brother did at the age of 10,” she said. “The involvement in sports and activities at such a young age makes it easier to need one, in case they need to get ahold of us if practice would get over early or they finish up sooner at an event that we cannot attend for some reason.”

Forbes said her children are allowed cell phones when they enter seventh grade because of sports after school. However, the Internet is blocked on the phones until age 15, and as a general rule phones are not allowed on after 9 p.m.

“In order to have a cell phone, you have to work for me or Dad to insure your bill gets paid,” she said.

“Those with cell phones have ‘extra’ chores/expectations in order for me to continue paying their bill.”

Forbes also receives a notifica-

tion when her children post on Facebook.

“I don’t want them to feel like I am invading their privacy because we have discussed this at length,” she said. “They know I do it to protect them and also because it gives me a chance to teach them right from wrong.”

When it comes to technology like gaming systems, Forbes said she limits her children’s time.

“We allow one hour a day of game time unless it’s a family board game,” she said. “And, the kids must finish their chores and homework before playing.”

Regardless of the technology form, Forbes said monitoring is a top priority for her family.

“There is no secrecy,” she said.

“The kids don’t fuss about it because they know I check up on them.”

A Coming Soon...

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Introducing new baby

Lady A

• 17

By Audrey Edwards

How to help your children adjust to life with a new sibling

W

ith the addition of a new baby, much of the family’s attention tends to center around the newborn’s needs, bringing a lot of changes for both parents and other siblings.

All these adjustments can be difficult, especially for the older children. It’s quite common for them to feel jealousy, resentment, or anger. On top of all these emotions, the older sibling may respond aggressively, or regressively; mimicking a baby by wanting a bottle, or wetting their pants to get attention.

Fortunately, parents can help lessen, or largely avoid, these complications by introducing the new baby to its older siblings in small steps. Believe it or not, this beautiful addition to the family may turn out to be the greatest gift you can give your child.

A new baby: The best gift

on the floor at her side, her very words seem to smile as she notes, “In a society Julia Edwards and her husband Andrew where it’s assumed having another child welcomed their second child into the will only divide your love and take away world not more than a year after their first from your first child, I always respond son was born. As her kids bounce about

18 •

FALL 2013

with the assurance that love will never divide, it only multiplies.

“I couldn’t imagine life without my second baby, there is more laughter, more happiness, everything increases,” Julia said.

“The joys will always outweigh the struggles.”

Andrew Jr. has happily adjusted to his little sister; he now smothers her with kisses and has dubbed her his, “precious girly.”

Julia has noticed that Andrew Jr. is better at sharing and is more patient now.

“Little Veronica is the best gift my husband and I could ever have given our son,” she said. “Even though Andrew Jr. still teases her every now and then, having a younger sibling has helped him mature tremendously. He has a new affection for her and learns new life lessons on a daily basis. He now has someone his own size to share life’s moments with.”

coming, and feel proud to be the older sibling, instead of neglected and replaced.

It’s additionally important to give your child a realistic idea of what to expect when the baby first arrives: “You will be tired yourself, and the baby will take lots of your time. The baby will not be able to do much at first, except eat, sleep, poop, pee and cry. The baby will not be a playmate, but that doesn’t mean he or she isn’t important.”

Teresa McCoy is halfway through her second trimester with her husband Daniel A healthy adjustment in Atchison, Kan. She agreed that no Having a playmate for life is great, but matter what, communication with your how do you get your firstborn used to the child is crucial when your second baby is fact he isn’t the only one who needs atten- on the way. tion and love anymore?

“They need to know that having another There are fortunately several helpful baby doesn’t mean you love them any less, steps you can take to prepare your sooneven though the new baby is very special to-be big brother or sister for the new ad- and needs a lot of care,” McCoy said. dition to the family. The article “New Baby The Edwards believed that working Sibling” from the University of Michigan with their son’s personality was the best Health System, suggests that you should way to address the news of their second tell your child about your pregnancy pregnancy. Pursuing her degree in clinical when you tell your friends, “Your child psychology, Julia combined her educatneeds to hear about it from you, not from ed foresight and knowledge of her son’s someone else.” personality when announcing the news to Just like grownups, children want to little Andrew. be included in the baby news as soon as Luckily, Andrew Jr. was proud of the it happens. If they are included immedifact he would soon be a big brother, but it ately, they will feel more connected and was a concept he was still brand new to. may better accept that there is a new baby “Explaining my physical changes as

they happened really helped as well,” she advised. “I’d let him feel my stomach and show him pictures of little babies to give him a better idea of what she would look like when she got here.

“Even though he was barely 2, it really helped him imagine and develop what a baby looks like and what his younger sister would look like, too.”

Maintaining the relationship Some parents are unsure of how to maintain their current relationship with their older child when the newborn makes its entrance.

“I made it a priority to always let Andrew Jr. know that no matter how busy I was with Veronica, no matter how much time she took up, that I always had special time for him,” Julia said. “I tried to keep him close throughout all my tasks, explaining the process of what I was doing. I wanted him to know that there was always enough room on my lap for him.”

Fathers also can play a very important role when a second baby comes into the home, helping everyone feel like a family unit. Julia and her husband try to divide up tasks when they can, but always want to include little Andrew regularly.

“My instinct as a new mom was to try and do everything myself,” Julia said.

“Designating different tasks for both the parents and your child might have been the most important thing for me and my husband.”

Atchison resident Starla Startain said that making the new big brother or sister feel like a “super” big kid also helps them

maintain that special relationship with their parents, as well as develop their relationship with their new sibling.

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“This makes them feel like they are an important part of the new baby’s needs,” she explained. “Receiving praise from mom and dad also goes a long way for the big brother or sister, it lets them know they are doing a job well done.”

Another overlooked aid for parents is the old tried-and-true standby – books. “From One Child to Two: What to Expect, How to Cope, and How to Enjoy Your Growing Family” by Judy Dunn, and “And Baby Makes Four: Welcoming a Second Child into the Family” by Hilory Wagner, make for great reads from their parenting tips, to rivalry issues, handling two children at once, and the father’s role in the family. These stacks of advice, insight, ink and paper, can be a goldmine of information for anyone searching out some good old-fashioned library research.

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Plan the perfect

BIRTHDAY PARTY Every birthday is an important milestone, but all that party planning can sometimes seem like more of a hassle than a celebration. Here are a few guidelines to help plan the perfect party for any child.

By Erin Hunninghake

Theme Every good party starts with a good theme. A child’s birthday party should reflect his or her own personality. Base the theme around the kid’s favorite movie, sport or fictional character. If you’re still stuck on choosing the perfect theme, there’s a simple solution: just ask the child what he or she wants.

“I let the kids choose the theme for their party,” said Atchison, Kan. resident Kelly Estes. “It usually turns out to be their favorite cartoon or movie.”

Once the theme is decided, you can start planning all the other details around it. The food, games, invites and party favors should all be built around the theme. This is where the creative juices start flowing.

Estes said she likes to let her kids be involved in planning their special day.

“The best part of planning the party is seeing how excited the kids get,” she said. “They like helping out and it makes it much easier on me.”

Games

socialize with one another without feeling like they’re on a strict time schedule.

When it comes to picking out games and activities for the party, an important thing to remember is keeping them age appropriate. You don’t want to choose a game that will be too complicated for younger kids, and similarly, you don’t want to pick an easy one that will end up boring older kids. Choose games that involve everyone and will keep the kids’ attention.

Games and activities should be connected to the theme. For example, if the party is car-themed, you can simply put a twist on the classic “Pin the Tail on the Donkey” game by making it “Pin the Wheel on the Truck.” You could even have a showing of a car-themed movie at the end of the party.

Try not to over-plan activities at the party. Leave some free time for the kids to just play. This will give them a chance to

Food No party would be complete without something good to eat. When it comes to kids, the easier the better, so keep it simple with a few fun snacks that correlate to the party’s theme. You also want to consider having some refreshments that the adults in attendance can enjoy.

“When the birthday party is at our house, I’ll have snacks and appetizers,” Estes said. “I usually make up bacon-wrapped smokies, dips and finger foods.”

Of course, a birthday party needs a birthday cake. This is what every kid looks forward to every year on his or her special day, and every parent needs that coveted picture of the birthday girl or boy with

colorful frosting smeared all over a giant grin.

“I usually just go to the store and let the kids pick out their own birthday cake,” Estes said. “If we don’t do that, then I let them pick one out on Pinterest and I attempt to make it.”

Party Favors Though party favors aren’t always a necessity, they are a fun token of appreciation to leave your guests with for attending your party.

Once again, these will be based on the party’s theme. For example, if it’s a pirate-themed party, you could make up “treasure bags” to give the guests. Fill little bags with chocolate gold coins, plastic necklaces and Ring Pops with a fun thank you note inside that simulates a treasure map.

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FALL 2013

Guest List Now that the party is planned, who should you invite to this special event?

The guest list will usually depend on the birthday kid’s age. Younger kids will have smaller, intimate parties with family making up the majority of the guests, while older kids will want a party full of their friends from school and daycare.

“I started out inviting all the family and close friends,” Estes said. “Now that the kids are getting older, they want to invite friends. We let them choose one or two friends to stay the night and to come to the party that we have with the family.”

For Estes, the best part of these parties is seeing her kids’ excitement as their guests arrive.

“The kids get so excited to see everyone

and all the decorations,” she said. spin and creativity can help make every Every child is unique and their birthday birthday a special one. parties should be the same. Using these few guidelines with your own personal

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The College Book A mother’s journey: Helping your child toward higher education

By Joey May

N

othing ever quite prepares a parent to send a child to college.

Whether it is emotional, physical or financial, the entire process can be stressful.

From the time our son Joshua was born, we heard the same thing over and over – “save for college.”

Well, college seemed so far away — 18 years to be exact — and we didn’t really get in a hurry to climb that particular mountain.

Then one day his senior year happened and before we knew it, we got the text message from the school: Senior parent meeting.

Yikes!

I remember looking at my husband as we started the meeting and thinking “Here we go.” What would his senior year bring? Josh had finally decided the

summer prior that he may want to go to college and, really, we had no idea how to prepare.

The thought of college opened so many doors and we had always hoped and prayed he would decide to continue education.

However, school was a tough one for our son, and classes such as algebra and biology clogged his creative mind and chipped away at his GPA. Then came the worries about finances.

How could we ever prepare for

college? Where on earth would we even start?

Our school counselor was fabulous in helping get the parents prepared.

We learned strange words like FAFSA and were encouraged to research all local schools and apply for every scholarship we could find.

We found an old Trapper Keeper in the house and it is now “The College Book,” full of everything from award letters of scholarships and letters of recommendation to brochures on campus life.

Sundays became “college days” as we tried to focus at least once a week on our list of things to do for our college-bound senior.

24 •

FALL 2013

Picking a school We live in the corner of Northeast Kansas with several reputable schools within 60 to 90 minutes away.

We started at the most logical place.

Our town is only 15 minutes away from Highland Community College. An accredited community college with a variety of programs, HCC seemed like a good kick-off to our research of local colleges, so we started the application process there as we continued looking at what other local schools had to offer. Attending HCC would keep him close to home and also give him a chance at what he wanted to do with his life. Plus, the school offered him two years of almost free education if he would participate in their music programs.

What’s better than free education?

He, however, had different ideas. Not to say he wasn’t inclined to attend a community college, but he had another one in mind.

In a different state. And it wasn’t free.

Financial worries An out-of-state school brought about a whole other set of questions and potential concerns including worries about out-of-state tuition — which, by the way, added several thousand dollars to the tab.

However, there are ways to help alleviate that particular headache.

Northwest Missouri State University promotes several types of scholarships for Midwest exchange — offered to only neighboring states. If a student’s GPA is high enough, portions of the out-of-state cost can be waived. That is another good reason to keep that GPA at an acceptable level throughout high school years.

Each and every year counts toward that cumulative GPA, which is what every scholarship sponsor, every school asks for in that final semester of high school.

Our community was fortunate enough to have 95 local scholarships offered to graduating seniors this past year. While

competition was stiff, we spent hours upon hours applying for each and every scholarship that we thought Josh could qualify for. I divided the stack of applications into several sections and every Sunday made a list of what he needed to complete that week.

It paid off, as our son was fortunate enough to be awarded three of those community scholarships. We also applied for every scholarship and grant offered through the University and that paid off as well.

After an audition, our son was awarded a music scholarship. As a side thought, we checked into the forensics program at Northwest. Josh had enjoyed theater and drama, along with forensics, winning several awards during his high school years. Next thing we knew, he had a $500 forensics line item on his award letter.

Believe me, $500 here and there adds up, and suddenly we were seeing a light at the end of the tunnel.

Then comes FAFSA FAFSA is another way of finding out what federal grants and student loans your child is eligible for.

Go to FAFSA.gov to sign up for a pin number for not only your child, but for you as parents as well. Do this in the fall.

Apply for federal aid as early in the year as possible to get a head start on knowing what funds are available to your family to help send your child to college. You will have to wait until your taxes are complete, so try and get a head start on that as soon as possible, too. Don’t wait until April — start as soon as all your paperwork is in.

FAFSA.gov is the actual government free site. Do not go to FAFSA.com — which is a paid site designed to take advantage of unknowing parents and it doesn’t really help at all.

fafsa.gov

In the end, it’s all about the student Parents can’t expect their children to know what they want to do with their lives by the time they turn 18.

At the beginning of our son’s senior year, he was pretty sure he wanted to study music. About halfway through the year, he decided he wanted to be a music teacher. By the end of the year, he decided to major in vocal music education, rather than instrumental. That took us by surprise, considering he had become quite proficient at several instruments over the course of the previous eight years. But one day he opened his mouth and sang and it was amazing, so after that we really didn’t question his choice.

During the course of the year, we visited Northwest for various reasons — to see the campus, meet the in-

That, along with a direct email to the financial aid office, has helped immensely this past six months. I recommend to develop Engineer? your contacts, visit the selected school several times and interact with people on campus so you become familiar with the school.

Teach er?

Without preparation and research into all of the things I mentioned, Northwest would be a distant dream for our son.

Throughout the year, we worked a little at a time, chipping away the list of “Things to Do” we received from the school counselor at that very first senior parent meeting.

Because we followed through, Northwest is attainable for our family and it’s up to our son to make his dream happen.

One last piece of advice: when structors, music auditions, state festiall of the refrigerators, microvals and contests and more. It is good waves, futons, shower caddies and to become familiar with the place your televisions are bought, don’t forget the child chooses to learn and live for the most important thing — basic school next four-plus years. supplies.

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26 •

FALL 2013

Your pre-college to-do calendar

August

 Review career plans and decide which type of school is right for you.  Visit some college campuses.  Narrow your college list to 3-5 schools.  Request catalogs and admissions information.  Contact your high school counselor for registration materials and test dates for the SAT and/or the ACT.  Go to www.fastweb.com and www.scholarships.com to review scholarships available to you.  Research taking the Advanced Placement (AP) or College-Level Examination Program (CLEP) exams.

December

 Request a PIN for applying for federal aid online for you and your parent by going to www.pin.ed.gov.  Print the Free Application for Federal Student Aid (FAFSA) worksheet available at www.fafsa.ed.gov and begin working on it. Do not submit your FAFSA before Jan. 1.  Apply for outside funding or scholarships.  Parents: Save your year-end payroll stub if it shows your earnings for the year. You may need it for financial aid eligibility reviews by schools.

April

 Watch the mail or your college e-mail account for college acceptance and financial aid award notifications.

Compare the financial aid awards you receive.  Make your final decision and send in a deposit by the deadline.  Check with the college you’ve chosen about the details of accepting or declining your financial aid.  Notify the other schools that you will not be attending.  Watch for important deadline at your chosen college (housing, financial aid, etc.).

September

 Meet with admissions representatives who are visiting your school.  Make a list of test names, dates, fees, registration deadlines and college admissions deadlines.  Remember that you must take tests like the SAT and ACT at least six weeks before the deadline for scores to be submitted to colleges.  Begin asking teachers, guidance counselors and employers for letters of recommendation to include with your admissions and/or scholarship applications.  Contact your high school counselor about applying for national, state and local scholarships.  Find out which financial aid and scholarship applications your college choices require and when the forms are due.

January

 Complete and submit your FAFSA online at www.fafsa.ed.gov.  Keep copies of all forms you submit.  Parents: It’s helpful to get your income tax returns prepared early —schools may request them to prove eligibility for financial aid.

May

 Take Advanced Placement (AP) examinations that are given in high schools nationwide.  Finalize summer school or summer job plans.

priority dates  Federal and Institutional Aid: Some types of aid have limited funding. Contact schools for application priority dates.  State Scholarships: Priority date information is available at www.kansasregents.org.

October

 Take the SAT or ACT exam, if necessary.  Work on admissions application essays.  Visit your top school choices.

Interview some students, faculty and staff.  Attend special programs such as college fairs and financial aid nights.  Some private universities may require that you register for CSS/ Financial Aid PROFILE at this time.

(This determines your qualification for private school aid.)  Review your application deadlines and take the appropriate steps to ensure deadlines are met.

February

 Attend a College Goal Sunday event. Visit www.collegegoal.org for a list of locations.  Check to see if your mid-year transcripts have been sent to the schools to which you have applied.  Submit your FAFSA (Free Application for Federal Student Aid) if you have not already done so.  Research taking Advanced Placement (AP) or College-Level Examination Program (CLEP) exams.  Rank your finalized list of colleges.

November

 Take the SAT or ACT exam, if necessary.  Obtain financial aid applications from your guidance office or college of choice. Read them carefully to determine what information is required and when the applications are due.  Begin preparing your college applications. Check with the colleges to find out when materials must be postmarked or submitted online.

March

 If you submitted a FAFSA, you should receive information about how to access your Student Aid Report (SAR) via email within 5-7 days or receive a paper version of your SAR within 3-4 weeks. You can also check the status of your FAFSA at www. fafsa.ed.gov or by calling the Federal Student Aid Information Center at 1-800-433-3243.  Contact each college financial aid office to make certain that your application is complete. Find out what else you need to do to establish and maintain your eligibility for financial aid.  Keep copies of all forms you submit to the financial aid office.

important websites  Early Financial Aid Estimator: www.act.org/fane/index.html  Personal Identification Number to be used as signature for Free Application for Federal Student Aid (FAFSA): www.pin.ed.gov  FAFSA online: www.fafsa. ed.gov  Scholarship Searches: www.fastweb.com or www.scholarships.com  Scholarship Scam Alert: www.finaid.org/scholarships/scams.phtml  Selective Service Registration: www.sss.gov  Loan Repayment Calculator:

www.finaid.org/calculators/loanpayments.phtml  Kansas board of Regents: www. kansasregents.org  National Association of Student Financial Aid Administrators: www. nasfaa.org/Home.asp  National Collegiate Athletic Association (NCAA): www.ncaa.org  Department of Education Student Guide: http://studentaid. ed.gov/students/publications/FYE/ index.html  The College Board: www.collegeboard.com

This October, remember ...

Lady A

• 27

By Hannah Pinkerton

C

hild bullying has been a persistent concern in schools since the pioneer days. In recent years, Kansas has stepped up to knock down such activities, but modern technology has upped the ante.

In 2011, a study using more than 20,000 students showed that 20 percent of third graders and 39 percent of fifth graders have cell phones.

Easier access to today’s technology has created an aggressive surge in text messaging, social media, and email, meaning children can be cyberbullied around the clock and under the radar, making it more difficult for schools to stay on top of the problem.

This hasn’t stopped them from trying, however.

In 2008, House Bill 2758 (HB 2758) was passed in Kansas that requires school districts to create and enforce rules to prevent cyberbullying. The bill also contains other requirements that are meant to protect students traveling to or from school-sponsored events in school vehicles.

“Prevention is better than intervention,” said Josh Snyder, Safe Schools Healthy

Students Director of Atchison County Community Schools USD 377 in Effingham, Kan. Although schools don’t have the power to control bullying situations outside of their property, they are obligated to try and keep their own environment bully-free.

According to HB 2758, bullying is any intentional act or threat that is serious enough to create an intimidating or abusive environment. It could be written, online, physical or verbal; and it can be directed toward students or staff members.

“It is our job, as the school district, to ensure that all of our students are being taken care of and feel that they are safe when they are on our property,” Snyder said.

Bullying doesn’t always happen to who you think it would.

Tyra Banks, talk show host and supermodel, was called “Lightbulb Head” in school (huffingtonpost.com). Olympian swimmer Michael Phelps was bullied for his large ears and lisp. Pop star Justin Timberlake was harassed by fellow students because he didn’t play football, preferring to be involved in music and art.

Bully victims might be able to forgive the past, but it’s a tough wound to overcome.

Teasing may be considered common, and a natural part of growing up; however, there’s a big difference between friendly teasing and hurtful bullying.

“I’ve found that in a lot of instances children don’t even know they’re bullying,” Snyder said.

Snyder pointed out that although teasing is normally good-humored, there’s a line students sometimes unintentionally cross. Even if the students were “just kidding around,” they might still have hurt someone’s feelings. When the same situation occurs repeatedly, it could be classified as bullying.

Snyder, who is working toward a master’s degree in counseling, explained that when bullying affects a child’s life at school, it sometimes makes them feel as if they can’t take part in sports or other extra-curricular activities.

Snyder has advice for parents who hear about a bullying situation that happened at school. First, get all the information you can about what happened and contact the school. Allow the school to investigate and ask them to get back to you. Ask the student how things are going, even after the investigation is complete, in case other issues come to light.

“Parents want immediate results – but we have a process,” he said. “Work handin-hand with the school.”

A

Teething 101 Tips & Tricks

By Maddie Maher

P

arenting an infant can be difficult, and it doesn’t help when the child goes through painful teething periods. Teething remedies can be found everywhere, but how does a parent know what will work and what won’t?

Because all babies are unique, they respond to different forms of remedies to help ease their pain from teething.

Teething occurs in most children within the first year, usually around the six month age, and continues until they are about three years old.

Symptoms of teething are usually mild, yet can cause pain. Typical symptoms include mild to extreme fussiness, drooling, excessive chewing on objects – especially fingers and toys – mild fevers, diarrhea and some even develop a rash around the mouth and chin.

As the tooth grows into place, it causes

soreness and swelling in the child’s gums.

Easing your child’s pain will not only give your little one comfort, but it will also help you calm the child down and make the change easier to handle.

Although teething is one of life’s unpleasant realities that all parents and children must face, there is not one all-encompassing solution to stop the pain.

Since every child is unique, so is their care. Some children take a little amount of assessment before providing the correct care for teething; others require testing many different tactics before finding a solution.

“Some of my kids seem to be really affected by it but others did not,” said Danielle Blosser, mother of five biological children and two foster children. “You just see such a range of reaction, even within a family.

So where do you start?

A great place to start is always by asking friends and family who have experienced

teething. Parents always have great advice and are willing to share their experiences with others.

The next place to look is the Internet.

Doctors and mothers from all over the world share their research and experience on the web to help other parents in this challenging task. However, when exploring the Internet, be prepared for a wide range of answers, many of which have no guarantee to work.

Meggan Young, Atchison, Kan. mother of three, said that aside from the normal fussiness, her children have not had any extreme side effects from teething.

“A dose of Tylenol will usually get you through the worst of it,” Young said.

“Teething can last a really long time but the intense times are really short-lived.”

Many websites will recommend different types of teething gel or basic Tylenol or Ibuprofen to ease the pain, but there are also many that offer home remedies to do the trick.

Although some of the remedies may

lead to a dead end, you may just get lucky, so don’t let discouragement end your search. Another advantage of many of these remedies is that they can be found in the comfort of your home.

Ehow mom, a website dedicated to helping moms (and dads) with parenting tips and tricks, recommends offering cold objects to your child, such as cold teething ring/toys, chilled washcloths and cold food.

Easybabylife.com suggests giving your child a substance with flavor – “Something really yummy (from your baby’s perspective), may also serve as a relief and comfort for a while. In addition to frozen bananas; teething biscuits or frozen waffles are some examples of teething remedies used by parents.”

Young has found teething rings to be a great success with her kids, but at times you may have to use a substitute.

“I have some little rings that I always keep in the freezer,” Young said. “One time we were at my mom’s house and we didn’t have access to teething rings for my son, and so we froze a carrot and that was enough for him. Anything that you can freeze that is safe for them to sit there and gnaw on works perfectly.”

However, while many children find relief in the cold rings, some mothers have found them unsuccessful.

“I’ve tried the teething rings and none of my kids have liked them,” Blosser said. “The babies chew on stuff, but they will chew on anything, and none of them have liked the cold.”

“For one of (my kids) I had an amber necklace,” Blosser said. “But quite honestly, every kid is different and so I have no way of knowing if it really worked — there is no way to test that.”

Many natural teething websites recommend using an amber teething necklace like the one Blosser had for

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Fortunately for today’s parents, there is a wide assortment of rings, gum massagers and other teething aids, so if you child doesn’t take to one particular style, there’s always more to choose from!

her children, to help soothe the pain.

According to amber-teething-necklaces.com, the “natural anti-inflammatory and pain relieving properties of Baltic amber are perfect to soothe teething babies.”

Mayo Clinic recommends parents rub the child’s sore gums with their fingers as a way to offer relief from the pressure of moving teeth.

Most of all, parents with teething children have to be patient and willing to try new things. Teething can be frustrating, but pain relief is the No. 1 goal.

“Sometimes teething is just a really hard time for the whole family because the baby is keeping the family up and everyone up at night,” Young said. “During that time I try to free up my schedule to take it slow for everyone.”

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FALL 2013

The trouble with tantrums Toddlerhood and temper tantrums combined are a clash of excessive emotions, teething fits, and communication barriers. The theory seems to hold true that the Terrible Twos can pack a punch up to the whopping age of four, but where do these fits come from, why at such a generalized age, and how do we handle and prevent them?

By Audrey Edwards

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or many children, tantrums are either about attention or anger. According to WebMD’s article on “Dealing with Temper Tantrums,” children will often cry, yell, and swing their arms and legs. The child may also hit, bite, and pinch out of frustration or rage. Even though tantrums are common between the ages of one and four, these anger-fueled feuds can really happen to anyone.

“A tantrum is a normal response when something blocks a young child from gaining independence or learning a skill,”

according to WebMD. “The child may not yet have the skills to express anger and frustration in other ways. For example, a temper tantrum may happen when a child becomes frustrated while trying to button a shirt or is told it’s time for bed when he or she wants to stay up.”

Crystal Avelar has been married to her husband Timothy for six years and has been blessed with four beautiful children.

Needless to say, she has encountered her fair share of tantrums. In her experience, she says tantrums stem from the need for

instant gratification.

“As children reach the toddler phase, they begin to learn important faculties of patience,” Avelar said. “When handling a tantrum, appropriately ignoring the outburst usually results in the child calming down on their own. Don’t think of it as ignoring your child personally, think of it as ignoring the angry outburst.

When they realize they aren’t getting the attention they think they’ll get, they will come around on their own and you end up winning the fight.

“My general philosophy is that it’s OK to cry, but it is not OK to scream, they cannot think that screaming will get them their way.”

Emotional ties also play into how the child may be reacting to the situation.

If they are more aggressive, a child may react in a more violent way rather than a child who tends to lay on the floor and cry uncontrollably. Avelar’s advice is to make sure you address the bad behavior first, then your child’s emotional needs.

“By placing your kid on the steps or sitting them in time out, it’s not that you’re neglecting their needs,” she explained. “It’s important for them to know that you still love them, it’s just a training process to form polite and obedient ways of handling their emotions. You’re helping them cope with how they don’t get their way, once that is covered and they calm down, then you can snuggle, talk, and work out the situation and what they wanted or didn’t like about what happened.”

At First Steps Childhood Learning Center in Atchison, Kan., they believe refocusing the child on a different activity is the key to avoiding tantrums, as well as handling one you might find yourself caught in.

First Steps owner and toddler teacher Nina Ostertag believes that consistent behavior on the parents’ part will help lessen the chance of a child’s frustration.

“With my son, if he doesn’t get enough sleep, he is more likely to have a tantrum,” Ostertag said. “They just want their way.

Making sure they have eaten and slept well will help prepare them for the daily activities with less frustration.”

With 40 children enrolled at First Steps, Ostertag knows what it’s like to have her hands full, and a consistent schedule is a significant help when dealing with toddlers.

“The toddlers fall into their daily rou-

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tine and know exactly what to expect,” she said.

“It helps start their internal clock so they know what to expect, less surprises and changes usually means happier and more predictable behavior in a toddler.”

As a preschool teacher at First Steps, Rene Hall’s advice is to always try to redirect the toddler in what they’re doing and to consistently communicate with them.

“I always tell the kids I’m taking care of that it’s OK to have feelings,” Hall explained. “Most of the time it’s about sharing. Most of the time giving them the choice of another toy or taking them to play in another location is enough.”

Tantrums aren’t always about sharing and lack of sleep though; there are many instances where it’s simply a lack of verbal skills.

“Kids who can’t talk will instead tend to point at and fuss for what they want,” she said. “Hand gestures and body language will help direct you to what they’re seeking. If they can’t talk very well or understand you, they might have a meltdown where they can’t express in any way what they think they need. This might also be from a lack of attention at home or imbalanced emotions.”

Kathy Harris, First Steps director, said she tries to work with the reason for the tantrum.

“Children are so frustrated when they can’t verbalize what they want, a tantrum is a way to get what they want without saying so,” she explained. “It’s the frustration level they’re able to reach at that age.”

Less surprises and changes usually means happier and more predictable behavior in a toddler.

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Harris said that toddlers are trying to master their world. Reassuring them that you’re going to meet their needs, but only when they calm down, is necessary for forming good behaviors.

“Parents need to know that tantrums are very normal though,” Harris said. “Specific ways parents can help limit temper tantrums is not by constantly saying ‘no.’

You can be firm in your parenting, but you need to praise and reinforce positive behavior as well as redirecting the bad behavior.”

Ultimately, the caregivers believe that if the parents stay calm, the children have a better chance of reflecting their collective attitude in the future. It’s also good to remember that if the tantrums do turn violent, it’s important to see if it’s due to a developmental delay with the child’s hearing or speech. If they are having difficulty with speech, it is very likely that the child’s abnormal frustration could be traced back to a disability.

“Be sure that you are setting realistic goals for you and your child,” Harris advised. “Parents can tend to expect more than what might be reasonable in certain stages of the child’s life. If you don’t have that false expectation of how they should act or react, things will be much easier.”

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