Josephine December 2010 by NPG Newspapers

Josephine December 2010

St. Joseph’s women’s magazine

Drinks of the season Get into the spirit of the holidays with these beverages

from the

More inSide: Keep up your social life on limited funds Give yourself the gift of holiday serenity

Get noticed at work Keeping your head low and not standing out isn’t always a good thing

Good cookin’

Eight dishes everybody should know how to prepare

SaMe oL’ SaMe oL’ How to keep from having the same argument over and over

editorial: (816) 271-8594 toll-free: (800) 779-6397 advertising: (816) 271-8527 fax: (816) 271-8686 josephine@ newspressnow.com

Our staff Editor Jess DeHaven jess.dehaven@newspressnow.com Presentation editor Paul Branson paul.branson@newspressnow.com Photo editor Todd Weddle todd.weddle@newspressnow.com Designer Kevin Krauskopf kevin.krauskopf@newspressnow.com Writers Sylvia Anderson Tamara Clymer Shea Conner Jennifer Gordon Jennifer Hall blake Hannon Kristen Hare Christina Hazelwood Heckman betsy Lee Rachel McCoy Stacey Mollus Megan Rau Alonzo Weston Erin Wisdom Photography Eric Keith Jessica Stewart

|12/10

Josephine

St. Joseph News-Press P.o. box 29 St. Joseph, Mo 64502

the regulars

editor’s note

events calendar

the 5

average joe

getting real

meal time

inside

cover girl Many of us have our hands full at this time of the year, and Ashley Voltmer is no exception. In addition to dealing with the usual holiday hustle, Ashley’s also busy as a student and a stay-athome mom to son Perrin, 1½. She’s studying pharmacology online and is hoping to begin attending classes in a year or so at the University of Missouri-Kansas City with the ultimate goal of becoming a dermatologist. While she says “doing extracurricular activities with everything else is difficult right now,” Ashley does enjoy painting, drawing and photography. Those hobbies may seem unusual given her educational plans, but Ashley, who had considered a career as a graphic designer, says the combination actually works well. “Art and science kind of go hand in hand, so it’s not as strange a combination as it might sound,” she says. Ashley, husband Andy and Perrin live in St. Joseph.

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| Josephine magazine |

December 2010

Cheers! Special drinks for the holiday season

On notice Getting the attention of your supervisors doesn’t just have to be for the bad stuff

Need a boost? These tips can keep your energy up

Bridges built to last Area women have a strong support system in a 35-year-old card group

Cookin’ good Eight great dishes you should know how to make

’Tis the season Stressed out? Here are some holiday gifts to give yourself

Going broke gracefully Maintain the social life you want on the money you have

A fighting chance Disagreements are going to happen, so learn to make them productive

editor’s note

he holidays are upon us, and with them come many things we all look forward to — spending time with friends and family, special things to eat and drink and, of course, presents. But those things also mean planning get-togethers, baking and shopping for everyone on your list. So along with all that seasonal cheer, you’re also likely experiencing some pretty unhealthy stress. You can’t bring in Santa’s elves to help out, but there are some things you can do to fit in all the things you have to and still enjoy yourself at the holidays. You don’t have to do it all yourself to make the holiday magic, and you deserve to enjoy the season, too. Tamara Clymer has tips in her story on page 20 to make this time of year a little more merry. Another way to make things merry is with a few festive drinks. Our Betsy Lee collected a couple of special recipes from local drink makers that are perfect for the holidays. You can check those out on page 10. This is the time of year when people are going out a lot more to celebrate with friends, but for those who have lost jobs, had hours cut or are just trying to save money, those dinners, movies and concerts might be out of reach financially this year. If your group of friends is used to doing certain things and one or more members now find

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their circumstances changed, it can create awkwardness on both sides. But there are ways to navigate these changes so that people aren’t left feeling embarrassed — and they don’t involve not getting together at all. Jennifer Gordon has ways you still can celebrate but not break the bank. You can find that story on page 22. Something else that can destroy the festive atmosphere of this time of the year is having a fight with someone you love — especially if it’s one of those fights you’ve had time and time again. If you’re finding yourself stuck in an endless loop of the same arguments with your husband, child, mom or friend, turn to Christina Hazelwood Heckman’s story on page 24. There you’ll find tips from the experts on how to get out of those ruts and move forward in your relationships in a healthy way. After all, this is the season for peace on earth.

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2010 december area events

SUN

MON

TUE

If you would like to list your event or meeting in the calendar, please e-mail your information to josephine@newspressnow.com.

Dec. 7

Dec. 6

Dec. 5 • 2 p.m., third annual Christmas concert to prevent child abuse, Clair United Methodist Church, S.E. 68th Road and Frederick Boulevard. $5 adults, children under 12 free with adult. Proceeds benefit the Northwest Missouri Children’s Advocacy Center. Call 232-1744 for tickets.

• 9:45 a.m. and 6 p.m. (weighins at 8:30 and 5:45), TOPS (Take off Pounds Sensibly) a nonprofit, weightloss support and education group, East Hills Church of Christ, 3912 Penn St. Call Kay at 364-5354 or Sharon at 232-6339 or e-mail sradtka @stjoelive. com for more information. Every Monday in December. • 7 to 9 p.m., St. Joseph Camera Club, Rolling Hills Consolidated Library.

• 6:30 p.m., Pony Express Chapter of Cowboys for Christ, Pony Express Saddle and Bridle Club, north of K Highway on County Road 371. Call 2387503.

Dec. 21 • 6:30 p.m., Pony Express Chapter of ABWA meeting. Call 232-7462.

Dec. 28 • 10 a.m., Welcome Wagon Social Club of St. Joseph, monthly meeting, Rolling Hills Library, 1904 N. Belt Highway. Call 279-1947. • 7 p.m., Young Living Essential Oils presents free natural health seminar, Chillicothe Housing Authority building. Call (660) 7070097.

December 2010

WED

THUR

Dec. 1 • 7 a.m., Indoor farmer’s market, 3821 Eastridge Village. Every Wednesday in December. • 7:30 a.m., St. Joseph BNI weekly meeting, Pony Express Museum. Call 262-9684. Every Wednesday in December. • 6:30 p.m., Scrap & Chat, at Belt branch, 1904 N. Belt Highway, of Rolling Hills Consolidated Library. Club gatherings are open to the public. The library provides long tables and an Ellison diecut machine for scrapbook enthusiasts to use. Additional date on Wednesday, Dec. 15.

| Josephine magazine |

Dec. 9 • 6:30 p.m., St. Jo Women On The Go, Moila, dinner, $12. Call 279-4583 for reservations.

FRI

SAT

Dec. 3

Dec. 4

• 5 to 8 p.m., Friday Night Wine Tastings, Smooth Endings Fine Wines, Spirits and Cigars, corner of Belt and Beck, (816) 7494WINE. Every Friday in December except Christmas Eve.

• 7 a.m., Indoor farmer’s market, 3821 Eastridge Village. Every Saturday in December except Christmas Day.

Dec. 16 • 5:30 p.m., Third Thursday Wine Tasting, Albrecht-Kemper Museum of Art. Cost is $10 per person. Call 2329750. • 7:30 p.m., Pony Express Saddle and Bridle Club monthly meeting, north of K Highway on County Road 371. Call (816) 669-3478

Dec. 23 • 6:30 p.m., St. Joseph Aglow Community Lighthouse, East Hills Library. Call 390-8081.

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The

tips for life

rent right Money. Whether you’ve been in a car accident or have to catch a flight, chances are you may have to rent a car. But you can hit the road without breaking the bank by being smart at the counter. Make sure to decline rental car insurance coverage, since chances are your car insurance covers a rental car (consult your agent just to be sure). Also, unless it’s absolutely necessary to get something bigger, reserve a compact car. It’s the cheapest option. Plus, if they happen to be out of compact cars, they’ll upgrade you to a mid-sized vehicle at no additional charge. And have them fill up the gas tank before you drive away with it and fill it up before you bring it back. The rental car company will charge you exponentially more to top off the tank than a regular gas station would.

stay close

Beauty. Coloring your hair at home rather than going to a salon can save big bucks — but it also limits your color choices. Fitness magazine notes that when doing your own color, you should stay in the same color family; forget trying to go light blond if your strands are cherry red. “At-home kits don’t have the strength to change hair that much,” says Jason Backe, master colorist at Ted Gibson Salon in New York City. Pick a kit that’s within one to two shades of your natural tone, and look for one that’s free of potentially damaging ammonia, such as Garnier HerbaShine Semipermanent Color ($7.99, drugstores).

December 2010

trouble sleeping? try jasmine Health. If you have trouble sleeping but don’t want to use prescription or over-the-counter sedatives, consider jasmine. According to Dr. Andrew Weil on drweil.com, researchers have found that the scent of jasmine is as effective as Valium and similar drugs for relieving anxiety, promoting more peaceful sleep and reducing anxiety upon waking. Particular jasmine fragrances were even shown to have the same neurochemical mechanism of action as barbiturates. Get the benefits by taking a warm bath or shower with jasminescented soaps before bedtime or placing a diffuser containing jasmine in your bedroom.

| Josephine magazine |

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tell me whatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s on your mind What is he thinking? Our Shea Conner has this tidbit to share with the female population: Men are not creatures of subtlety. Thatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s why some of us own singing fish novelties and paint our faces at sporting events. With this in mind, one fundamental holiday tradition must be changed. Ladies, please stop giving us hints about the gift you desire for Christmas. Just tell us. Not only will you definitely get the present you want, itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ll spare you and your significant other an argument later down the road. If you still want to be surprised, ask him to buy you two gifts. Tell him the one you definitely want and give him the choice for the other gift. That way, youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re still satisfied even if he buys you a dud.

take time out Relate. During a hectic time at work, that loving feeling might get pushed aside or neglected. To reignite the spark with your significant other, Marius Panzarella, a contributor for datingsupport.com, suggests taking time off for a romantic dinner. For a few hours put that presentation out of mind and focus on your partner. Compliment your better half on something you might have been too preoccupied to notice before or on a trait of theirs other people might have overlooked. The appreciation will improve your relationshipâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s intimacy.

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By Betsy Lee • Josephine magazine

Ahh! The holiday season. The carols! The mistletoe! The cookies! And, of course, the drinks!

Eric KEith/Josephine magazine

A Mistletoe Martini from Foster’s Martini and Wine Bar in downtown St. Joseph.

Cheers

Special drinks for the holiday season 10

December 2010

| Josephine magazine |

Very few holiday parties would be considered complete without some holiday beverages on the menu. In fact, this type of celebrating at the holidays has been around for thousands of years. The medieval Greeks enjoyed mulled wine, still a holiday favorite. “People like holiday drinks because it’s something different,” says Nathan Karr, owner of Foster’s Martini and Wine Bar. “It gives you a chance to get into the spirit.” Karr says ingredients like peppermint schnapps, Irish cream and Kahlua become popular during the holidays. Adding a little Irish cream to coffee can turn a simple caffeine fix into a luscious holiday treat. Using peppermint schnapps is a bit trickier. Serving it over ice, or even snow, is perfect for those who don’t mind the slightly medicinal taste. But for those who enjoy a more tame taste, try adding it to hot chocolate. Or serve it with vanilla rum and some chocolate liqueur for a taste experience akin to eating a candy cane. Mulled wine is also a favorite hol-

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holiday drink recipes

‘‘

mistletoe martini 1 part Captain Morgan 1 part Midori 1 part Blue Curacao 1 part coconut rum 2 parts sweet and sour mix 2 parts pineapple juice 1/2 part grenadine Place all of the ingredients, except the grenadine, in a martini shaker or separate glass. Shake well. Pour into a chilled martini glass. Add the grenadine slowly. It should stay separate from the rest of the drink.

— Nathan Karr, Foster’s Martini and Wine Bar

luna truffle cappuccino Ingredients for the truffle 1 cup heavy cream 1¼ pounds semi-sweet chocolate 1 stick of butter Cocoa to sprinkle over finished truffles

People like holiday drinks because it’s something different. It gives you a chance to get into the spirit. — Nathan Karr, owner of Foster’s Martini and Wine Bar

iday treat. Many grocery stores sell a mulled wine spice kit, which can be added to simmering red wine. But it’s easy to put together your own recipe that suits individual tastes. Cinnamon sticks, cloves, allspice, orange zest and even ginger can be added to the wine to make a great tasting drink. Luna’s Fine Dining chef and owner Ralph Filipelli has some additional advice. “When getting the zest off of an orange, be sure to not get much of

the white rind that is under the zest as it is very bitter,” he says. “And use whole cinnamon sticks rather than ground cinnamon, so you get the flavor and then remove the sticks.” Holiday drinks, like mulled wine, are often sweeter than traditional alcoholic beverages. According to Filipelli, this makes them more appealing to those who don’t typically partake. “Less of an acquired taste than most standard bar drinks,” he says.

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Ingredients for the drink 1 shot espresso 1 shot Kahlua Cocoa to top drinks In a heavy saucepan, melt the butter and the cream. Bring to a boil. Remove from the heat and whisk in the chocolate pieces. Chill overnight. In the morning, scoop the mixture into the desired sizes and form into balls. Coat them lightly with cocoa. When ready to prepare the drink, add the warmed espresso and Kahlua and one truffle. Dust lightly with cocoa to finish.

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frothy the snowman 1 part butterscotch schnapps 1 part Kahlua 7 parts fully loaded cream Place all of the ingredients in a martini shaker or separate glass. Shake well. Serve in a cocktail glass over ice.

— Nathan Karr, Foster’s Martini and Wine Bar

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Although big moments such as interviews, performance reviews and major projects may be more memorable, everyday moments at work are actually more consequential ... — Dr. David McMahan, assistant professor of communication studies at Missouri Western

On notice Getting the attention of your supervisors doesn’t have to just be for the bad stuff By Kristen Hare • Josephine magazine

ffices and workplaces are a little bit like schools, aren’t they? There’s no bell in most offices, but you are expected to be in your seat at a certain time. There’s lunch and recess (think of coffee and smoke breaks.) And there are people who do well and get noticed for it, and people who don’t do well and get noticed for it. The latter isn’t too hard to figure out. If you’re not doing your job or not doing it well, you’ll most likely have problems. But the former is also worth paying some attention to. In her line of work, Dr. Jeanette Westfall, principal at Benton High School, gets to deal with both the students and the employees. For the employees, the first thing that matters, she says, is that they do the job they’re hired for and that they do it well. “A lot of people do extra things really well and that’s wonderful,” she says. But it doesn’t help if you’re not doing the job you were hired for. “They have to shine with the foundation piece, too,” she says. Teachers, for instance, need to excel

in the classroom. And if they’re also great coaches or mentors or take the extra time to work with students, that’s great. But they need to do their primary job well. When they’re able to do that, the extra stuff just helps them stand out. And there’s some research behind that idea, too. Dr. Marilyn Hunt is an associate professor of communication studies and chair at Missouri Western State University. She teaches courses on organizational communication, and it’s also her research field. In her research, she’s come across a theory, called Leader-Member Exchange, that looks at the unique relationships supervisors develop with their subordinates. Those relationships are two-way, she says, but whether employees end up in the in crowd or the out crowd is based on some similar things. Successful employees share personal information with their supervisors, she says. “There’s a sense of wanting to engage your supervisor with a little more personal-ness.” Employees use contractual tactics, meaning they do at least the minimum of what’s expected and more often go beyond that.

| Josephine magazine |

December 2010

“So they meet and then exceed the basic expectations of the job,” Hunt says. And finally, they’re willing to challenge their supervisor if they see something that’s not right. Supervisors, it turns out, appreciate respectful honesty and candor. Also, don’t forget the everyday importance of communication, points out Dr. David McMahan, an assistant professor of communication studies at Missouri Western. Like a marriage, communicating with your supervisor is a relationship and it isn’t built on the big stuff as much as they everyday stuff. “Although big moments such as interviews, performance reviews and major projects may be more memorable, everyday moments at work are actually more consequential when it comes to creating impressions for supervisors,” he says in an e-mail interview. So if you make it onto your boss’s good side, does that mean you’ll be out with our co-workers? Maybe. There will always be people who resent success when another person has it, Hunt says, but again, one thing she values in her own department is the employees who work to bring people together, not separate them. After all, no one wants to work in a tense environment. Not even your boss.

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| Josephine magazine |

December 2010

Need a boost? These tips can keep your energy up By Sylvia anderSon Josephine magazine

Todd Weddle/Josephine magazine

my diet since it is toxic to the adrenal glands,” he says. “I love the taste of coffee, but ...” We’re not the only ones looking for energy. According to a report in First for Women, we are in the midst of an exhaustion epidemic. Tiredness has become the norm, effecting women in particular. A poll by the National Sleep Foundation found 80 percent of women are tired during the day and to compensate, 48 percent stop exercising, 39 percent spend less time with loved ones, 37 percent give up healthy eating habits and 33 percent stop having sex. So what’s the answer? “To increase your energy, it is first important to decide why you might be tired,” says Diane Waddell, a nurse practitioner with Heartland Complementary and Integrative Medicine in St. Joseph. She says fatigue can be caused by many stressors, whether physical, mental, emotional or spiritual. It can be from obvious things such as lack of sleep, being overworked, excessive exercise (partic-

My favorite commercial jingle is the one with the lyrics, “The best part of waking up is Folger’s in your cup.” That’s so true, at least for me. Without coffee, I’m like the walking dead. My mind and body move in slow motion and the fog never lifts. Unfortunately, after my morning buzz, I’m on the hunt for another energy booster. Jim Fly, owner of Pony Espresso and A-Z’s FreshAir Fare Natural Market in St. Joseph, can relate. Although he eats right and is knowledgeable about health issues, he still struggles with fatigue. Coffee may be the culprit, he’s decided. (A hard decision, since Pony Espresso is a coffee shop.) But they also serve other beverages, which he is now drinking, such as green tea and a special coffee called GANO, a mixture of low-caffeine coffee and reishi mushroom, that customers claim has helped their health. “I’ve made a personal decision to cut back on caffeine and eventually eliminate it from December 2010

| Josephine magazine |

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ularly in the heat, causing dehydration) or illness. “A fever or even working hard to breathe uses up a lot of calories,” she says. Depression is often manifested by fatigue or at least increased sleep. Anemia and thyroid problems often cause fatigue and need to be diagnosed with a blood test. “Fighting” pain can cause a lot of fatigue as well as depression. Surprisingly simple things, too, such as not eating enough, can cause fatigue. And even habitually just not exercising enough can cause some lethargy — or at least complacency not to choose to exercise, she says, which can cause deconditioning, and our muscles could become weaker. Once you discover the problem, she has these suggestions for getting the energy boost you need:

water intake (ideally filtered in something like reverse osmosis) and decreasing foods/fluids that have lots of synthetic additives. Eating fruits and vegetables and complex carbs as opposed to highly processed foods can make a huge difference. • Uninterrupted sleep is key. If you can’t sleep, see a professional to make sure you do not have sleep apnea, narcolepsy or other problems (including poor sleep hygiene.) • If you are depressed or anxious, take a good multi B vitamin that combines both B12 and B6, something like a B50 or a B100, which is a good choice particularly for menopausal women.

• Exercise at least 30 minutes daily, preferably in the morning before eating. It improves mood, musculature and metabolism.

• Take a good multivitamin such as Emergen-C, which is a good immune boost as well as an energy booster. Other “good” vitamins include those that are more bioavailable and come in powdered form, which are taken as several capsules daily or are mixed with water.

• Stressed out? A simple detoxing can be helpful. This can be as easy as increasing

Fly already has noticed some improvement in his energy levels when he

adds ribose to green tea. It’s a special kind of sugar that produces ATP, the body’s energy molecule, he says, and something Dr. Oz, of “Oprah” fame, puts in his green tea. He’s also enrolled in a year-long certificate program through the Institute of Integrative Nutrition in New York, considered one of the best holistic nutrition programs in the country. “One of the things that they emphasize is learning to “slow down” so your body and mind can heal,” Fly says. “Joshua Rosenthal, founder of the program, believes that beverages that are very high in caffeine exert extreme effects in the body, providing quick energy to be sure, but over time having the opposite effect. He too recommends transitioning with green tea if you simply can’t live without morning coffee.” As far as any dangers of drinking small amounts of coffee, the jury still seems to be out, assuming you’re in good health overall. So maybe with these energy tips, just one cup will do.

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Bridges built to By Erin Wisdom Josephine magazine

They call it a bridge group, but a love of card-playing isn’t what’s kept it together for 35 years. Rather, the nine St. Joseph-area women who meet the third Monday of each month around card tables have been united by childrearing, by struggles with spouses, by joys and by losses — in general, by life and the bonds that form from sharing it together for so long. “We don’t play that high a quality of bridge,” says Melladee Perry, a retired teacher who’s been a part of the group since it began in 1975. “But we’re really good eaters and talkers.” The group began when one of its original members was going through a divorce and one of her friends thought the socialization would be good for her. The women that have joined since — connected as neighbors or sisters, by lifelong friendships or their husbands’ jobs — have found it to be good for all of them and have found, too, how unusual a longtime support system like theirs is. You’d also be hard-pressed to find a group more committed to its monthly meeting. “In 35 years, we’ve only missed one month,” notes group member Sharon Koranda, who is retired from KCP&L. (That month fell during a snowstorm last winter, and although the women have braved their share of snow, making it to that particular meeting would have entailed driving to the home of a member who’s moved to Kansas City.) In the past, winter weather meant turning to Kay Cameron — a counselor at Savannah Please see Page 18 The Forever Bridge Buddies group, seated from left to right, includes Pam Schron, Melladee Perry, Judy Gerber and Nancy Rohr. Standing are Jane Close, Janet Jenkins, Sharon Koranda, Kay Cameron and Jane Bolin. Jessica stewart/Josephine magazine

o last

Area women have a strong support system in a 35-year-old card group

High School and teacher at Missouri Western State University whoâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s belonged to the group for â&#x20AC;&#x153;onlyâ&#x20AC;? 33 of its 35 years â&#x20AC;&#x201D; and to her 1982 diesel Oldsmobile station wagon. And Ms. Cameron has turned to the other women in the group, as well, plenty of times. â&#x20AC;&#x153;The best part has been being able to talk without pretending everything is hunky-dory,â&#x20AC;? she says. â&#x20AC;&#x153;I donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t have to pretend my life is perfect.â&#x20AC;? Three years ago, life was anything but perfect for group member Judy Gerber. She lost her grandson to muscular dystrophy that year, after watching him suffer horribly in his last year of life. â&#x20AC;&#x153;I could call them up, and weâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;d cry together,â&#x20AC;? Ms. Gerber says. But there have been a lot of laughs, too â&#x20AC;&#x201D; and a lot of food. In the beginning, theyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;d make it all themselves. But as their children grew up and moved away and purse strings loosened a bit, they began a new tradition of eating out before each bridge game. They still make desserts, though. These treats are an especially big deal during their December meeting, when they celebrate Christmas and exchange gifts. Even on the brink of an ice storm a few Decembers ago, they managed to eat and open presents before the weather worsened â&#x20AC;&#x201D; although they did have to skip the cards. But somehow, no one seemed to mind much â&#x20AC;&#x201D; since, after all, the cards have never been what itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s all about. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Those of us with daughters, our daughters are almost envious of the relationships we have,â&#x20AC;? Ms. Koranda says, adding that sheâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s read articles speculating that one reason women live longer than men may be the relationships they form with each other. â&#x20AC;&#x153;We donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t have to hold everything in; we can talk feelings, not just sports and jobs. ... We have just bonded together.â&#x20AC;?

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By JENNIFER HALL Josephine magazine

parents’ house and on your own. Once you’ve dealt with the fact that pancakes and pot roast may not be on your menu, try making a feast for yourself. Cooking isn’t rocket science and there are some basic dishes that everyone should know how to make. Start off simple. Learning how to cook pasta and operate the oven can pave the way to fantastic recipes. The following basic dishes can keep you fed.

Macaroni and cheese. Simply prepare macaroni according to the directions on the box. Add some butter, milk and Velveeta and voila. Kick it up a notch and add some peas and a can of tuna. Either one can be made into a main-course meal or a side to a meat dish. Sprinkle some corn flakes onto the prepared macaroni and cheese and bake for a bit to create a different take.

Chocolate cake. While it’s great to think outside the box when learning to cook, sometimes it’s easier to just do what it says. Most store-bought cake mixes are just as yummy as the ones made from scratch. You still have to follow directions and add a few ingredients. Most grocery stores have a variety of flavors. No one will know the difference.

Spaghetti, with or without meat. Since we’re starting off simple, get a great store-bought jar of spaghetti sauce. Open and add to cooked spaghetti. Adding browned hamburger, a side salad and buttered toast can make this a full meal. Sprinkle a little garlic seasoning and Parmesan cheese on the toast for added flavor.

BLT. Bacon, lettuce and tomato. Need I say more? Take a little of each and stack on some toast. Add a little mayo, or even a fried egg, to spice it up.

Grilled cheese sandwich. There’s nothing easier than buttered bread, a few slices of cheese and a frying pan to create a classic. Buy a can of tomato soup to complete the hearty dish. French toast. Making this alternative to pancakes can be a bit messy, but it’s well worth the trouble. Who knew dipping a piece of bread into a combination of egg, a little milk, cinnamon and sugar could be so yummy? Just take the bread straight from the mix to the pan. Turn into a gourmet chef by adding anything from syrup and whipped topping to peaches, caramel or chocolate. newspressnow.com/josephine

Chili. This is one of those dishes that everyone has a recipe for — and every recipe is different. The basics are ground beef, chili beans, tomatoes and chili powder. It’s a recipe that allows for variations according to taste. Add some diced jalapenos or Rotel for some kick or a squirt of ketchup and brown sugar for a sweeter taste. Onions and parsley add more flavor, too. Meatloaf. Who can’t throw a bunch of stuff in a bowl, mix it up and put it in the oven? While there are more than a few ingredients and a longer baking time, it’s still relatively simple. Just add enough meat for everybody, some onions, Worcestershire sauce, crackers, bread, eggs, milk, ketchup and mustard. Bake for about an hour.

| Josephine magazine |

December 2010

’Tis the season Stressed out? Here are some holiday gifts to give yourself

he kids are screaming, the kitchen is a mess, your youngest just spilled grape juice on your living room carpet, the hubby can’t find his socks and your inlaws will arrive in a few minutes for a dinner you’ve barely even started. Not a great way to start the holiday season. It’s supposed to be the most wonderful time of the year, but the stress of the season often zaps all the joy. There’s never enough time to

Josephine magazine

get everything done, and you can forget about perfect. This year we have some ideas that may help. We’ve compiled a list of Christmas presents you can give yourself to help ease the holiday stress. Some of these gifts are relatively inexpensive while others can cost you a pretty penny, but all of them could help you save your sanity, which during the holiday season can be priceless.

SHOP SOLO

KEEP IT SIMPLE One of the joys of the holiday season is baking cookies with the kids, but which is more fun for them — the baking or the decorating? If you’re running a little low on time, consider ordering some plain cookies from your local bakery that you can decorate at home. It will save you some precious time and still give you that special time with your little ones.

By TAMARA CLYMER

December 2010

Who says you have to take your little shopping buddies along to the mall? If the hubby or another family member isn’t available to watch the kids for free, Lynda Swafford says you shouldn’t be afraid to call up your favorite sitter. The mom of seven says she really only needs someone to 2 watch the youngest three, but when it comes to Christmas shopping she and her husband, Tom, like the quality time it gives them. They can take their time picking out just the right gifts for their brood — and it helps keep it all a secret. “I have to have a baby sitter,” Lynda says. “If they don’t see what they’ve got, they’re going to blab to their siblings about what mom and dad got for them.”

| Josephine magazine |

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WRAP IT UP

Speaking of gifts, wrapping those packages is a real time zapper. You can spend hours the night before Christmas wrangling reams of wrapping paper, going through yards of tape and inevitably losing the scissors at least a dozen times before getting those gifts just right. While the personal touch is nice, do the kids, or anyone else, really notice the extra effort? Chances are, not. This is where nonprofits can come in handy. You can usually find them at the local malls and shopping centers offering present-wrapping services for a small price. Take advantage of it. Not only will you save yourself some time, you’ll more than likely be donating to a good cause. What is more in the spirit of the holiday than that?

GET ORGANIZED

Having trouble keeping track of all of the holiday activities? Consider enlisting the help of a professional organizer. They can help you not only get a handle on all the extra holiday activities but also clean out and organize your closets, cupboards and junk drawers to make room for all of the new gifts coming into your home over the next month.

GET PROFESSIONAL HELP

5 CLAIM SOME YOU TIME While you’re doing for everyone else this holiday season, don’t forget to do something for you. Who doesn’t need an hour of pampering? A pedi-mani appointment or an hour booked with a massage therapist can do wonders for your sanity. And when you’re done you’ll be ready to tackle that ever-growing holiday to-do list.

Admit it — you’ve dreamed of it. With all of the craziness of the holiday season, who wouldn’t love to have someone come in and clean your house top to bottom? Maybe it’s time to follow that dream. Connie Capps, owner of On the Spot Cleaning, says she gets a lot of calls this time of year from people who just need a little extra help. “They find that they’re overwhelmed around the holidays with everything else they’re doing,” she says. “So I just kind of go in and take the load off of them. That way with the shopping and the family coming in and having to make the meals and stuff, they don’t need to worry about having the time to clean everything real thoroughly and make sure everything is ready.”

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Going broke

gracefully By Jennifer gordon • Josephine magazine

Everybody’s working for the weekend. You don’t want to be the one working to stay in. Weekends are a time to unwind no matter how much you have to spend. Maybe you can’t afford dinner and a movie, but you can suggest other costconscious options that can keep both your wallet and your social schedule full. Check entertainment listings in the newspaper to find inexpensive events around town. “There’s always a festival or free stuff going on,” says Dave Hinde, financial advisor for Hinde and Company in St. Joseph. A discount movie at Plaza 8 instead of a new release also saves on costs. Potlucks can make a night at home more interesting, says Dr. Rebecca Travnichek, a family financial education specialist and county program director for the University of Missouri extension in Savannah. Sharing favorite dishes splits the cost of dinner, and when you’re the one in charge, you can supply the piece of the potluck that falls in your price range.

“If you sit down and make an effort to kind of plan out what you want for the evening, especially if it’s a theme party, then don’t hesitate to call whoever you’re inviting and say, please bring this. Or would you please bring that,” Travnichek says. Skip the movie theater and plan a movie night. One friend could rent the flick, one could supply the popcorn and one could bring over soda. Or bring out your friends’ competitive sides with a board game night. For daytime fun, get out of the house. Outdoor activities like going to the park, biking or hiking provide free entertainment with the added perk of exercise. Your friends might appreciate the cheaper options as well. “Most of the time you’re not the only one in a financial crunch, and nobody wants their best friend to know that, either,” Travnichek says. Sometimes a dinner out is unavoidable, like a friend’s birthday, for example. If your friends choose a restaurant that’s out of your price range, opt for a salad with protein in lieu of a main

dish. If you get a chance to vote, suggest places to dine that offer coupons or dinner specials where two people can split an appetizer and each get an entree for $20. Should anyone give you a hard time for your budget-friendly choices, deflect any inquiries with an honest albeit vague answer. “To put a positive slant on it, say ‘I’m saving money for a particular financial goal I have.’ Maybe it’s to buy a gift for someone or buy a better car. You’re being cost-conscious now and saving money for things in the future,” Travnichek says. Here are some more cheap entertaining ideas Travnichek shares with her clients: • Go to an “all you can eat” buffet. It might

not be the healthiest idea, but if you skip the meal before, you can take full advantage of the restaurant’s spread. • Get take-out instead of eating in the res-

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A fighting chance Disagreements are going to happen, so learn to make them productive

“

ow many times do I have to tell you?” If you feel many of your disputes begin this way, you may be trapped on a bitter merry-goround of unresolved issues. Without taking the time to get to the bottom of a problem, some fights just keep coming around. According to Dr. Phil, how you argue can determine the long-term success or failure of your relationship. “Disagreements are going to occur,” Dr. Phil says. “The question is, do you go into it with a spirit of looking for resolution or do you go into it with a spirit of getting even, vengeance, control? You’ll never win if you do that. If you make your relationship a competition, that means your spouse has to lose in order for you to win. It’s not a competition, it’s a partnership.” Lynda Gaug, a licensed school counselor, says resolving an issue usually involves improving communication. “If possible, use ‘I messages,’ which are less volatile, such as, ‘I feel angry when you are 20 minutes late,’” she says. “‘You messages’ usually fan the flames more with statements like, ‘You always stay out too late.’ In some instances, it might be helpful to communicate with an impartial person present who can help keep things on track.” An article at goodhousekeeping.com lists three guidelines for handling arguments. Although it was written for married couples, the techniques can be used in any relationship.

Step 1: Take a Seat. You may be tempted to start ranting about the numerous times you have told your partner that what he just did ticks you off, but instead ask him to have a seat with you so you can talk. That will give you time to calm down, and it will let him know the issue at hand is serious and needs to be discussed. Step 2: Uncover the Subtext. Once you’re seated, no matter what the conflict is, fight the impulse to blame your partner. Your goal is to figure out what your partner was thinking. Ask neutral questions like, “What happened?” Speak with a calm, inquisitive tone, as if you have no idea what the answer is. Work hard to keep the anger, frustration and impatience out of your voice. Step 3: Offer Solutions. The final step is the one that most couples skip when they fight. That’s a big reason they keep having the same fights. In this step you must each come up with a few possible solutions. Research shows that people are more likely to follow through on a plan if they feel as if they participated in creating it. Recurring fights about small matters can mean there are deeper issues. If the above techniques don’t help, it’s probably time to seek professional counseling. “Everyone who comes into a mediation thinks they are the wronged party,” says Annette Lantz-Simmons, associate director of The Community Mediation Center of Kansas City. “Getting people to see someone else’s point of view is the trick, and it usually happens in mediation, but not always.”

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| Josephine magazine |

By Christina hazelwood heCkman Josephine magazine

Lantz-Simmons says that it often becomes hard for people to work through issues on their own. “It takes a certain maturity and patience that a lot of people don’t have,” she says. “A mediator helps to slow down the conversation. Sometimes it takes a third party to help people follow the rules. It takes making a plan to move forward together. The more the parties are in charge of the process and the outcome, the more restorative the experience will be. They will gain satisfaction and confidence in their ability to be responsible for themselves.” Many issues can be resolved by improving communication between parties who are willing to make an effort, but in some cases, walking away might be the only option. “Life is compromise, and compromise is a difficult but necessary life skill to learn,” Gaug says. “There are instances where we cannot even compromise, and we must walk away or learn to live with things that we perceive to be unfair. That is when we need to have a good friend with whom to vent our anger about the unfairness of life so we can learn to ‘let go.’” Letting go and walking away might be easier said than done. “If people agree to not deal with the issue, it usually comes back again and again,” Lantz-Simmons says. “Sometimes people have to be willing to just walk away from a disagreement, but there is the whole face-saving thing that comes up. Kids have huge facesaving issues and have added peer Please see Page 26

December 2010

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pressure saying you have to fight back so you donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t look weak. In some cultures the most important thing in any kind of a situation is to save face.â&#x20AC;? The drive we have to not look bad in front of others stands as a potential hindrance when it comes to avoiding fights. Sometimes adults just feel at a loss when dealing with conflicts with children. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Almost every issue can be resolved with careful talking and listening,â&#x20AC;? Lantz-Simmons says. â&#x20AC;&#x153;When children and youth are involved, it puts a different spin on it, because kids have to have a say in how things are resolved. Adults have to step out of the authority role and invite kids to participate in solutions that involve them. Thatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s the sticking point for a lot of adults. Mediation levels the playing field and puts people on equal footing.â&#x20AC;? When it comes to small children, a change in strategy may be all you need. â&#x20AC;&#x153;I think with children, if you are having the same fight, you need to change tactics,â&#x20AC;? Gaug says. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Perhaps be more assertive, not aggressive, and follow through the first time you say something, so they know you mean what you say. With all the people in our lives, I think we need to learn how to listen and communicate fairly â&#x20AC;&#x201D; as we would want to be listened to and communicated with. It does take a bit of patience, some practice and willingness.â&#x20AC;?

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average joe

Male vs. female Women shouldn’t be trying to tell us what masculinity is

Alonzo Weston is a columnist and

reporter for the St. Joseph News-Press. The St. Joseph native has served on the News-Press staff for more than 20 years. He and his wife, Deanna, have two children and a dog. The St. Joseph native is also a sports junkie who doesn’t pick up after himself. If you’d like to suggest an idea for this column, contact Alonzo at alonzo.weston@ newspressnow.com.

December 2010

recent Newsweek magazine cover claims that the traditional male is an endangered species. The words “Man Up” are shouted out in big black and red letters. The illustrative photo shows a bareback man holding a poloshirt-wearing young boy in his arms. I’m not sure a guy holding his son needs to be told to “man up.” After all, he’s holding his son, not a skillet. Men are supposed to be good fathers and role models for their sons. But from what I understand, the cover and accompanying article are trying to say that we’re losing the traditional, flannel-shirt-wearing, pipe-smoking, family-leading male. He’s now defined by whatever women think he should be at the moment, First they want a guy who cries, cooks and changes diapers. And when they’re done remaking him in their image, they discard him for another one they can mold and shape to their liking. The male today is no longer the family breadwinner. He’s more often than not the butt of sitcom jokes. Women and kids constantly upstage him in movies. And if he doesn’t act like Ben Stiller or Hugh Grant, he’s less than an ideal mate. Today, guys are called “retrosexuals” if they like wearing hunting clothes, boots, jeans and carrying a gun. He’s no longer a man but a label. Some even think a good way for guys to recapture their manhood is by watching shows like “Dirty Jobs,” “Ax Men” and “Deadliest Catch.” What’s entertaining about work? I’m sorry, but watching other guys work has never made me feel manly. It makes me feel lazy instead. You can bet it was a women’s idea to have NFL players wear pink in October for breast cancer awareness. In that same month, the NFL tightened its rules on tackling. Next thing you know the NFL will be adopting bantam league rules. You know, each player dressed out must play at least five plays

| Josephine magazine |

per half and no cussing of any sort. Bronko Nagurksi is turning over in his grave. Look, I’m all for increasing breast cancer awareness. I just find it hard to believe that having NFL players wear pink will make guys think, “Oh, I must remember breast cancer,” when their No. 1 fantasy football pick gets knocked out for the season. Will we see women on the LPGA tour or in the WNBA wear baby blue for prostate cancer awareness? When will we see that little item? Men have to take it upon ourselves. That’s why there was a movement this month called the Movember Foundation that asked men worldwide to grow mustaches in November to promote prostate cancer awareness. The idea originated in Australia in 2003 with, you guessed it, a bunch of guys drinking beer in a bar. “Over a few beers we were talking about men’s fashion and how everything manages to cycle back into style and then the conversation turned to bringing them back, and after a few more beers we set down the challenge to bring the moustache back,” Adam Garone, one of the co-founders of Movember, said in a news article. Of course, no guys I know talk about men’s fashion, especially in a bar. But in order to survive in today’s world, men are being asked to redefine themselves. From what I gathered from the Newsweek article, the new man changes diapers and doesn’t turn his nose up at traditionally female jobs like nursing and clerical work. Susan Faludi, an author quoted in the Newsweek article, said men in the past didn’t have to wear rugged clothes and do dirty jobs to feel like men. They just were. “Conceiving of masculinity as something to be, a part to play, turns manliness into something ornamental and about as masculine as fake eyelashes are inherently feminine,” she said. Dang it. There goes another woman explaining manhood for us again.

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am musically motivated. When I hear a song being played, I “feel” every beat and find it hard to sit still. As the melody works its way through my body, a unique wiggle starts in my toe area and quickly spreads to my head, with a heavy emphasis of movement in the booty area. Because of this “sensitivity to song,” a sad, tear-jerking tune can make me wail like a basset hound until the tears pouring from my eyes cause my mascara to run down my face, making me look like Alice Cooper. Growing up, we had music playing in our house continually. It was always in the background and although we heard it, we never sang along. We were taught you listened to the song but you left the crooning to the experts. I assumed that was what every home was like — until I met my husband. He was raised in a family where they had a philosophy that was the opposite of mine. He was told, “Sing and sing loudly, despite your expertise. God gave you that voice and if he doesn’t like the sound of it, he will change it.” They shamelessly sang along with music on the radio, television and even elevators and were the loudest vocalists when singing the “Star Spangled Banner” at every ball game. I always admired those who could ignore their amateur abilities and securely stand and sing as if they were classically trained. People who bravely belted out their solo, despite the fact that they were out of tune or singing the wrong lyrics, maintaining their confidence even after they were informed the words to the Rolling Stones tune were “I’ll never be your beast of burden,” not “I’ll never leave your pizza burnin’.” Or, after being corrected that the line in the Elton John classic “Tiny Dancer” was not “Hold me closer, Tony Danza.” Despite the lack of encouragement

from my non-vocalizing family, by the time I was in eighth grade, I had pretty much convinced myself I was going to be the next Linda Ronstadt. I would practice singing in front of the mirror for hours, my hairbrush as my microphone, only taking a break to practice my signature so I would be ready when fans asked for my autograph. I was feeling pretty good about my career choice until one fateful evening, while sitting alone in my room playing “Silent Night” on the keyboard. That dark night, in my head, my crooning sounded better than anything ever sung by Barbra Streisand. I was feeling it, when suddenly my brother burst into my room. Through his hysterical laughter, he explained how he came into the room because he thought someone was in there killing a cat. At that instant, my golden voice was silenced and my dream was dead. Now, the holidays are here and there are so many opportunities to share our souls in song. We have school plays, church programs, mall music and everyone’s favorite, caroling. (Caroling is the perfect stage for the wannabe singer. There, you have a captive audience and, because there is a lot of eggnog flowing, your listeners are less likely to criticize.) This is the time of year that you can stand with a crowd and sing a Christmas carol or completely massacre a song while harmonizing with your intoxicated neighbors and still be invited in for cookies and hot chocolate because filtering a song through the joy of the Christmas season makes every tune sound like angels are singing it. Take a page from my in-laws this holiday season. Sing whether anyone wants to listen or not. Everyone has their song to sing, even if they think the line in “Frosty the Snowman” goes “In the middle we can build a snowman, then pretend that he is nice and brown.”

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| Josephine magazine |

getting real

Carrying a tune Musings from a frustrated singer

Stacey molluS is a humor columnist

who believes laughter is the best form of exercise and happy people are the best looking people. She loves her family, chocolate, clothes that are stretchy and things that sparkle. You can contact her at queenofchocolates@live.com or follow her on Facebook at “Queen of Chocolates.”

December 2010

meal time

A hearty meal that’s perfect for wintertime

McClatchy-Tribune

By Linda Gassenheimer McClatchy-Tribune

This is the perfect time of year for meatloaf and mashed potatoes. My secret is to bake meatloaf on a sheet pan, which allows hot air to circulate all around the meat for quick cooking. While it’s in the oven, you can whip up tasty mashed potatoes. Don’t be put off by all the garlic; boiling tames its flavor. Alternatively, cut two 6- to 8-ounce potatoes in half, bake them with the meatloaf and serve with sour cream and chives.

Nutrition information per serving Meatloaf • 466 calories (22 percent from fat), 11.7 g fat (4.5 g saturated, 5.0 g monounsaturated), 216 mg cholesterol, 42.7 g protein, 46.0 g carbohydrates, 2.8 g fiber, 313 mg sodium.

December 2010

Mashed potatoes • 203 calories (27 percent from fat), 6.1 g fat (3.5 g saturated, 1.6 g monounsaturated), 20 mg cholesterol, 5 g protein, 35.4 g carbohydrates, 3.7 g fiber, 54 mg sodium.

| Josephine magazine |

maple syrup-glazed meatloaf Vegetable oil spray 1/2 cup chopped/diced frozen onion 1/2 cup chopped/diced frozen green bell pepper 3/4 pound extra lean ground beef 2 teaspoons ground sage 1/2 cup plain bread crumbs 3 tablespoons maple syrup (divided) 1 egg white Salt and freshly ground pepper Heat oven to 400 degrees. Line a baking sheet with foil. Microwave onion and green bell pepper one minute on high in a bowl to defrost. Mix in beef, sage and bread crumbs. Add 2 tablespoons maple syrup, egg white and salt and pepper to taste; mix well. Shape into two loaves, about 4 by 6 inches, on prepared pan. Bake 10 minutes. Remove from oven, drizzle with remaining syrup and bake three to five minutes, until meat reaches 145 degrees. Makes two servings.

garlic whipped potatoes 3/4 pound red potatoes 16 medium garlic cloves, peeled 2 tablespoons heavy cream Salt and freshly ground pepper Scrub potatoes (do not peel) and cut into 1-inch pieces. Place in a large saucepan with the garlic and add water to cover. Bring to a boil and cook, covered, 10 minutes. Set aside 1/3 cup cooking water and drain potatoes. Mash them, beating in the cream, reserved water and salt and pepper to taste. Makes two servings.

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