Josephine Feb 2011

Josephine February 2011

St. Joseph’s women’s magazine

Have a heart We tell you how to fix six factors that can cause heart disease

Valentine’s treats without the guilt Sweets for your sweet that don’t break your New Year’s resolutions

MORE INSIDE: Sometimes you just have to end a toxic friendship Five pieces every woman’s wardrobe needs

The art of the return

How to get your money back

gifts of affection Pay attention to find that gift from the heart

from the

editorial: (816) 271-8594 toll-free: (800) 779-6397 advertising: (816) 271-8527 fax: (816) 271-8686 josephine@ newspressnow.com

Our staff Editor Jess DeHaven jess.dehaven@newspressnow.com Presentation editor Paul Branson paul.branson@newspressnow.com Photo editor Todd Weddle todd.weddle@newspressnow.com Designer Kevin Krauskopf kevin.krauskopf@newspressnow.com Writers Sylvia Anderson Tamara Clymer Shea Conner Jennifer Gordon Jennifer Hall blake Hannon Kristen Hare

|02/11

Josephine

St. Joseph News-Press P.o. box 29 St. Joseph, Mo 64502

Christina Hazelwood Heckman betsy Lee Stacey Mollus Megan Rau Alonzo Weston Erin Wisdom Cathy Woolridge Photography Eric Keith Jessica Stewart

Cover photography

by Todd Weddle

newspressnow.com/josephine

the regulars

editor’s note

4

events calendar

6

the 5

8

average joe

28

getting real

29

meal time

30

inside

cover girl Like many people, Kristen McGuire expects to spend Valentine’s Day with her significant other — and someone else special in her life.

“I’ll probably be hanging out with the boyfriend and the dog,” she says.

The dog is her 70-pound lab-bloodhound mix, Emmie.

“She’s like my child — my big child,” Kristen says.

An Illinois native, Kristen came to St. Joseph by way of the University of Missouri, where she attended classes. She’s been in town for about three years, working previously at a veterinary clinic and now at Nestle Purina, where she takes care of dogs.

When she’s not working or taking care of animals, Kristen likes to read, go hunting and spend time with her friends and sisters.

| Josephine magazine |

Februar y 2011

Not Ceasing Photographer turns criticism into career boost

10

Sweet treats Enjoy Valentine’s Day sweets without all the guilt

14

Fabulous five Essential pieces to every woman’s wardrobe

16

Have a heart How to fix six things that raise your risk of heart disease

18

A no-hassle house Tips to help you de-clutter and organize

20

Toxic friendships Bad relationships can leave you feeling beat up

22

Show your affection Gifts that say ‘I love you’ aren’t difficult

24

Return recommendations Pointers on getting your money back

26

3

editor’s note

See a New You in the New Year.

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By Jess Dehaven If you’re anything like me, you’ve got closets and drawers (and baskets and maybe even storage tubs) filled with clothes. Yet on any given day I often find myself standing in the bedroom staring at it all and wondering what in the heck I’m going to wear. Being overwhelmed with choices can be a bit ... overwhelming. If you struggle with this issue too, check out Jennifer Gordon’s story on Page 16 about the five essential items every woman should have in her wardrobe. If you’ve got these timeless items at hand, putting yourself together in the morning can be a little easier.

Also in this month’s issue, Cathy Woolridge has a guide for getting your house in order. No doubt many of you have made that a resolution this year. Turn to Page 20 for tips to de-clutter and get organized. You’ll even find ideas for handling all that excess clothing you’re wading through each morning.

And of course Valentine’s Day is just around the corner. If you don’t want to put a dent in your resolution to lose weight but still want to indulge in a sweet treat, Betsy Lee has some ideas in her story on Page 14.

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Visit all of our wonderful Hy-Vee departments: FLORAL • KITCHEN • ITALIAN • CHINESE • DELICATESSEN PRODUCE • BAKERY • SALAD BAR • DAIRY • FROZEN MEAT & SEAFOOD MARKET• PHARMACY • HEALTHMARKET • WINE & SPIRITS

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2011 february area events

SUN

MON

Feb. 7 • 9:45 a.m. and 6 p.m. (weighins at 8:30 a.m. and 5:45 p.m.), TOPS (Take Off Pounds Sensibly) a non-profit, weight-loss support and education group, East Hills Church of Christ, 3912 Penn St.. Call Kay at 3645354 or Sharon at 232-6339 or e-mail sradtka@stjoelive. com for more information. Every Monday in February.

• 7 to 9 p.m., St. Joseph Camera Club, Rolling Hills Consolidated Library.

TUE

WED

THUR

FRI

SAT

Feb 1

Feb. 2

• 6:30 p.m., Pony Express Chapter of Cowboys for Christ, Pony Express Saddle and Bridle Club, north of K Highway on County Road 371. Call 2387503.

• 7 a.m., Indoor farmer’s market, 3821 Eastridge Village. Every Wednesday in February.

• 7:30 a.m., St. Joseph BNI weekly meeting, Pony Express Museum. Call 262-9684. Every Wednesday in February.

• 6:30 p.m., Scrap & Chat, at Rolling Hills Consolidated Library’s Belt branch, 1904 N. Belt Highway. Club gatherings are open to the public. The library provides long tables and an Ellison die-cut machine for scrapbook enthusiasts to use. Additional date Feb. 16.

• 6:30 p.m., Divorce Recovery Relationship class, Grace Evangelical Church, Room 209, free. Activities for children and teens and a nursery.

Call 387-7424 for information. Every Wednesday in February.

Feb. 15 • 6:30 p.m., Pony Express Chapter of ABWA meeting.

Call 232-7462.

Feb. 4 • 5 to 8 p.m., Friday Night Wine Tastings, Smooth Endings Fine Wines, Spirits and Cigars, corner of Belt and Beck, (816) 7494WINE, $5 per person. Every Friday in February.

Feb. 5 • 7 a.m., Indoor farmer’s market, 3821 Eastridge Village.

Every Saturday in February.

Feb. 14 • 5:30 p.m., Show Me Women Who Care giving circle, quarterly meeting, St. Joseph Library at East Hills Theater Room.

Call 262-2461 or email showmewomenwhocare@gmail.com for information.

If you would like to list your event or meeting in the calendar, please e-mail your information to josephine@newspressnow.com.

Feb. 10 • 6:30 p.m., St. Jo Women On The Go, Moila, dinner, $15. Call 279-4583 for reservations.

Feb. 17 Feb. 22 • 10 a.m., Welcome Wagon Social Club of St. Joseph, monthly meeting, Rolling Hills Library’s Belt branch, 1904 N. Belt Highway. Call 279-1947.

• 7 p.m., Introductory session to Creighton Model Fertility Awareness and Appreciation, Heartland Medical Plaza. Course is designed to help couples cooperate with their fertility in family planning. Call 232-2258.

• 7 p.m., Young Living Essential Oils presents free natural health seminar, Chillicothe Housing Authority building. Call (660) 707-0097.

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| Josephine magazine |

• 5:30 p.m., Third Thursday Wine Tasting, Albrecht-Kemper Museum of Art. Cost is $10 per person. Call 232-9750.

• 7:30 p.m., Pony Express Saddle and Bridle Club monthly meeting, north of K Highway on County Road 371. Call (816) 669-3478.

Feb. 24 • 6:30 p.m., St. Joseph Aglow Community Lighthouse, St. Joseph Library at East Hills. Call 390-8081. newspressnow.com/josephine

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The

5

tips for life

lip service Beauty. Not all lips are created equal, so it should come as no surprise that not everyone can wear the same lipstick equally well. Oprah.com notes that, as a rule of thumb, women with thin lips should avoid dark shades, since they make lips look narrower. (A natural shade of gloss will make them look fuller.) Conversely, women with full lips can be judicious with the shine. Stuck with a color that seems too intense? Use a lip brush to mix it with a clear gloss.

buy used

go nuts

Health. When you’re looking for an afternoon snack, don’t hesitate to go a little nuts. Really. Nuts are loaded with heart-healthy nutrients. They also are a good source of protein and fiber, both of which are helpful for controlling hunger if you are trying to take off a few pounds. Almonds, pecans, walnuts and hazelnuts are thought to be particularly healthy. But even snacking on favorites such as cashews and peanuts (which are technically beans) is a good choice. Just don’t go crazy, as you’re still looking at plenty of calories and (in many cases) tons of salt.

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Money. You may find yourself itching for a new gadget that’s financially out of your reach. But if you’re not stuck on getting something new, you often can get the item you’re looking for at a lower price if you buy refurbished.

Items like phones, digital cameras, computers and other digital equipment made by reputable companies undergo factory refurbishment and even come with warranties, making them almost as good as new and available at a price that won’t have you breaking the bank.

| Josephine magazine |

newspressnow.com/josephine

saying sorry

time for an upgrade What is he thinking? We asked our Shea Conner to share a manly thought with Josephine’s readers. Here’s what he had to say: With the Super Bowl near, men inherently — maybe even subconsciously — start thinking they need a bigger TV than they already have. You’ll hear little tidbits like, “Joe just got a 55-inch plasma. It makes this 48-inch look like a munchkin TV.” Or “This old thing is such a hunk of junk.” Hmm, he didn’t say that when he bought it LAST YEAR. While we do enjoy the glow of high-definition so amazing you can see every whisker of Ben Roethlisberger’s five o’clock shadow, the main reason we want a new TV is because we want to impress our buddies. When a man has the biggest, most technologically advanced TV in town, he feels like the Old Man in “A Christmas Story.” It’s a major award! With this in mind, do yourself a favor: Hide the credit cards. You’ll thank me when the special man in your life walks into Best Buy and starts salivating.

Relate. Admitting you’re in the wrong in an argument can be tough, but it happens to the best of us. Shallon Lester, a blogger for Glamour.com, offers these tips for making an apology sincere (and a little easier): • Instead of a head nod, repeat the complaint to show you’re listening and you understand the problem.

• Avoid bringing up problems you have with the person in the conversation.

• Include a solution in your response to or a plan for how to avoid the problem in the future.

• Let it go. After you’ve reached a consensus in the disagreement, move on and don’t mention the argument again.

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This photo was part of Lana Cease’s 1950s Renaissance-styled shoot with vintage influences from 1950 to Renaissance art. It’s described as perfect for the holiday season with a pink and gold color scheme and inspiration from Renaissance art.

Photo courtesy of Cease Fire Studios

Not Ceasing Maryville photographer turns criticism into career boost

By Erin Wisdom • Josephine magazine

A

s the saying goes, you can either get mad or get even.

Lana Cease got mad. But then the Maryville, Mo.,

photographer did something about it — and was rewarded with a wellknown wedding website opting to feature some of her photos.

“Someone said something awful to me. He said ‘You’re nothing special,’” Cease says of the incident that spurred her to submit photos to the online magazine Wedding

Chicks, www.weddingchicks.com, Please see Page 12 Lana Cease, owner of Cease Fire Studios in Maryville, Mo., recently had her work published in the online magazine Wedding Chicks.

Submitted photo

newspressnow.com/josephine

| Josephine magazine |

Februar y 2011

11

Photo courtesy of Cease Fire Studios

CONTINUED FROM Page 11 which provides wedding ideas and information on vendors for brides-to-be. “ ... I wanted to prove him wrong. Now, I can say ‘Thanks for making me mad.’”

Cease is the owner of Cease Fire Studios, which she operates from the two acres she lives on with her husband and younger son. They call the land Cease Fire Ranch, even though the only livestock they own are chickens — 21 of them. As unlikely a place as this might seem for a photographer whose work is now featured alongside that of prominent photographers such as Jessica Claire and Jasmine Star, the rural setting served as a perfect site for

12

Februar y 2011

a styled photo shoot combining a piece of Renaissance art with a dress and headpiece from the 1950s.

Cease had these pieces on hand and — with the help of area vendors who supplied flowers, jewelry and hair and makeup services — put together a vintage scene infused with pink and gold on the gravel road in front of her house. She also incorporated into the table setting a bottle of wine, crystal glassware, a set of antique Noritake china and numerous other small details. For a model, she used a young woman from Iowa whose senior pictures she’d shot and whom she describes as “a perfect ’50s pin-up girl.”

She submitted a gallery of

| Josephine magazine |

photos to Wedding Chicks and received an e-mail the next day that they wanted to use them. Cease’s photos were posted on the site Dec. 15, along with a post describing Cease’s styling as “vintage pink goodness” that “would be wonderful in both an outdoor country wedding and also in a grand ballroom.”

Of course, Cease hopes this exposure will serve as good advertising. But even more so, she sees her inclusion on the website as validation of a talent and career that weren’t cultivated in a classroom. She describes herself as entirely self-taught in both photography and photo editing, with 20 years of practice beneath her belt — practice that began with

newspressnow.com/josephine

a point-and-shoot camera given to her by a high school boyfriend.

From it she graduated to a 35-millimeter, then a digital point-andshoot and finally a digital SLR. Shortly after getting that SLR (a Canon 30D that now serves as a back-up to her Canon 50D), she shot her sister’s 2007 wedding.

“She just does things I’ve never seen,” says her sister, Amber Reed. Reed owns Rockin’ Rollers salon in Lenox, Iowa, and did hair and makeup for the shoot Cease submitted to Wedding Chicks. She notes that, although she didn’t realize at the time her sister had big plans for the photos, she’s not surprised by how well received they were — simply because “she just does everything 110 percent.”

After shooting her sister’s wedding, Cease gradually saw interest build in her work. By fall 2009, she’d built enough of a client base

that she shot six weddings in six weeks (all in a walking boot, as she’d broken her foot during a previous shoot). It’s work she’d dreamed of doing for two decades, in the midst of jobs like the one she held previously, as the office manager of a glass shop in Kansas City.

Her work now — photographing engagement portraits and weddings, along with some maternity, newborn, family and senior-picture shoots — is certainly different. And sometimes, she admits, it does feel like work. But with weddings especially, it’s a wonderful kind of work that captures moments and the heart behind them.

“It happens one time, and once that moment’s passed, it’s over,” Cease says. “ ... It’s cool to see people who really, truly love each other, and I get to be a part of that.”

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Sweet treats Indulge yourself without breaking your resolution to eat better

By Betsy Lee • Josephine magazine

your recipes instead of chocolate sauces.

Just six short weeks after ringing in the New Thawed or fresh Year, we’re faced with the ultimate temptation: berries over an angel food cake are Valentine’s Day. a scrumptious treat, with virtually no fat and a limited It’s a 24-hour homage to love — and number of calories. Smith recommends decadent chocolates, candy hearts and fresh pineapple, blueberries or chercheesecakes. For those with a vow to ries. eat healthier, the holiday can be a chalSugar also can be a concern for the lenge. health conscious. Sheri Caldwell, diBut never fear, say area pastry chefs, etitian with Hy-Vee, says that avoiding substitutions can keep Valentine’s Day sugar substitutes is important. treats in line with your diet.

“There is also research that suggests First, says Jennifer Smith, owner of that artificial sweeteners may interfere Cookie Cakes in St. Joseph, use fruit in

14

Februar y 2011

| Josephine magazine |

with the body’s ability to sense calorie consumption and may possibly lead to weight gain,” she says.

Instead, Caldwell recommends cutting down on sugar in nearly every recipe. In fact, the chefs in the Hy-Vee bakery say that most recipes taste the same if sugar is cut by up to half. Oils and other fats, such as butter, can be reduced in a similar fashion. Fats also can be substituted easily.

“Try pureed beans, Greek yogurt, pureed prunes or applesauce,” Caldwell says. “Sometimes you can substitute some liquid oil for some or all of the butter to reduce saturated

newspressnow.com/josephine

fat and cholesterol.”

But in pie fillings, when nothing but sugar will do, Caldwell suggests Splenda.

Splenda is calorie-free and is easier on the metabolic system for diabetics.

Other holiday treats require little substitution. For example, holiday kabobs, completed with fresh fruit and various cheeses, are a beautiful and healthy treat. Or create easy heart breadsticks by rolling prepared bread dough in cinnamon and sugar before

baking in the shape of a heart.

For kids, try rolling up cream cheese and jam on a tortilla. Or making popcorn balls with dried fruit, chocolate or red hot candies inside the balls.

And if all else fails, indulge. Just don’t over-indulge.

“I believe when you try and deprive yourself, in the end you over-indulge; it is one day out of a whole year,” says Cheryl George, owner of Delish Bakery.

Recipes

Low-fat peanut butter cookies 1 can sweetened condensed milk 3/4 cup all-natural peanut butter 1/4 cup fat-free egg substitute 1 teaspoon vanilla extract 2¼ cups reduced-fat biscuit mix 1/4 cup sugar, optional (to sprinkle on top before baking) Mix the milk, peanut butter, egg substitute and vanilla with a mixer on a low setting until smooth.

Add the biscuit mix and blend well. Cover and chill for at least three hours. Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Drop the dough by teaspoonfuls 2 inches apart on a cookie sheet coated with nonstick spray. Sprinkle with sugar and bake the cookies until lightly browned, about 10 minutes.

Makes approximately 40 to 50 cookies.

Todd Weddle/Josephine magazine

Healthy baking tips from Hy-Vee dietitians • Add dried fruit for more nutrition and sweetness.

• Substitute unsweetened applesauce for 1/2 the oil in baked goods.

• Use low-fat dairy products instead of full-fat options.

• Try whole-wheat pastry flour instead of white flour in your favorite recipes.

• Use thawed or fresh berries instead of frosting.

Chocolate cranberry cluster

10

1½ cups semisweet chocolate chips 1 cup dried cranberries 1/2 cup raisins 1 cup cornflakes, slightly crushed 1/4 cup butterscotch morsels

Featuring: • Miche Purses • Sipada Sterling Jewelry • Rock Darling & Trendy Jewelry

Line two cookie sheets with parchment or waxed paper. Combine the dried cranberries, raisins, cornflakes and butterscotch morsels in a large bowl. Melt the chocolate on stove top over medium-high heat. Stir constantly to prevent burning. Pour the melted chocolate over the dry ingredients. Stir to combine. Drop clusters of the mixture by the teaspoonful onto the lined cookie sheets. Refrigerate until firm, about 15 to 20 minutes. Store the clusters in the refrigerator or in an airtight container for up to two weeks.

Makes approximately 30 cookies.

Forgotten cookies 2 egg whites 1/4 teaspoon cream of tartar 1 teaspoon vanilla 3/4 cup sugar 1 package (8 ounces) chocolate chips 1/4 cup chopped nuts (optional) Preheat oven to 350 degrees. With an electric mixer, beat egg whites, cream of tartar and vanilla to soft peaks. Add sugar gradually. Beat to stiff peaks. Fold in chocolate chips and nuts, if using. Drop by teaspoonfuls on foil-covered cookie sheet. Put in oven, then turn the oven off.

Leave overnight in oven with door closed. Makes 24 to 36 cookies, depending on size.

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5 Fabulous

Essential wardrobe pieces every woman should own

By Jennifer Gordon Josephine magazine

Behind every great wardrobe is a great foundation. Timeless clothing building blocks will lend the savvy fashionista an effortless style and safely deliver her through cringeworthy trends such as acid-wash jeggings and fur-rific boots.

And don’t be afraid to pay a little more for your wardrobe staples because they’ll pay for themselves.

“For items you’re going to use over and over again, definitely buy higher quality, especially if you consider cost per wear,” says Dress Barn store manager Vicki Patterson.

denim dreams

If “What Not to Wear” has taught u the value of a pair of good-fitting dar pair almost anything with dark denim cated look and dress it up for the offi heels.

Denim is not a one-cut-fits-all pie for the perfect pair will prove. Wh jeans, focus less on the latest tren style that is suited for your body “I’m not big on the skinny jea like that,” says part-time Fashio sociate April Todorovski. “I’m m person because I like how your sh but the actual cut depends on the p body shape.”

dress barn | seven7 premium denim | $49

the immortal LBD “Always,” Patterson says of the fashion-world staple.

There’s a reason we keep coming back to the little black dress over and over.

Opt for a modest cut with your LBD. A thick strapped, V-neck dress that hits a little below the knee will flatter any figure. Liven it up with colorful jewelry, shawls, sheer wraps or shrugs.

For a dress that’s a little more original, shop around for what looks good on your body type. As with jeans, how it looks on you is more important than following a trend like a oneshoulder strap or a pocketed mid-section.

dress barn | little black dress $59.99

Keep these five must-haves classic or jazz them up with contemporary accessories.

Photography by Todd Weddle Josephine magazine

cozy cardigans

us anything, it’s rk jeans. You can m for a sophistifice with a pair of

Every woman needs a button-up sweater or two because cardigans can be the most versatile pieces in your wardrobe.

“They go with everything,” Patterson says. “You can wear them any day of week, loose and flowing or belted with jeans or dress slacks.”

Longer-length cardigans will transition warmer-weather dresses to seasonal temperatures and winterize colorful cami tank tops and sleeveless shirts. Pair the cardigan with a metallic-tinted scarf for a more modern look.

ece, as the hunt hen shopping for nd and more on a y type. ans or anything on Bug sales asmore of a boot-cut hoes are covered, person and their

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dress barn | long knit cardigan | $32.99

silver shine Sometimes what a look needs is the right piece of jewelry. Longer-length necklaces add modern flair to suit jackets and banish a frumpy-librarian association from a cardigan ensemble.

Unlike a top or pair of earrings, necklaces also are easy to tack onto any outfit in your rotation.

“I think silver goes with everything,” Patterson says.

Simple-style tiered necklaces will keep a paisley or floral pattern from becoming too busy, and the reverse is a true for a plainer outfit. Reserve a clunkier, statement piece with beads and charms attached for a solid-color sweater or little black dress.

dress barn | layering necklace | $14.99

blazer glory A fitted blazer isn’t just for suits anymore.

Wear the tailored look with a pair of jeans and heels for a dressier dinner out or a girls’ night. If you want a jacket strictly for a more casual look, a style that reaches below the hip will work well with jeans, Todorovski says. For a jacket that goes from day to night, look for the universally flattering hip-length styles.

dress barn | jones studio separates fitted blazer | $69.99 newspressnow.com/josephine

| Josephine magazine |

Februar y 2011

17

Have a heart Six things dramatically raise your risk of heart disease.

Here’s how to fix them.

By Kristen Hare Josephine magazine

18

Februar y 2011

| Josephine magazine |

newspressnow.com/josephine

Broken heart. With heart. From the heart.

There are countless expressions about that vital organ that have to do with health, love and even sincerity. What they show, perhaps, is how important the heart is, figuratively.

But it’s pretty darn essential in the literal sense as well. And while there aren’t cute expressions about keeping your heart healthy, there is a simple list of risk factors that’s easy to remember.

The following things raise your risk of heart disease:

• Smoking.

• Diabetes.

• High blood pressure.

• High cholesterol.

• Family history of heart disease.

• Obesity.

“Anything that you can do that modifies those will help you,” says Dr. Jane Schwabe, a cardiothoracic surgeon with Heartland Regional Medical Center.

Sadly, though, many people wait until they make it on to that list.

Joy Umphress, manager at Plaza Fitness, says many people start coming in in their 40s or 50s, when they’ve already developed problems.

“The ideal thing is to educate people from an early age and they start taking care of this,” Umphress says.

Luckily, that’s pretty easy to do.

Going hand-in-hand with the list of six risk factors is a list of things to make and keep your heart healthy.

• “Quit smoking,” says Dr. Schwabe.

• Get 30 minutes of exercise at least four days a week.

• Keep your weight under control.

“Not model-thin,” Dr. Schwabe says, “but your normal body weight.”

• Eat a low-fat diet.

• See a doctor regularly to get your blood pressure and cholesterol checked and manage diabetes, if you have it.

While the list is a simple one, many people have problems changing lifelong behaviors. Dr. Schwabe recommends taking things one step at a time. Don’t tackle your entire lifestyle. Instead, pick something, like quitting smoking, and focus on that.

“Because it can be overwhelming,” she says.

The same goes for getting active, Umphress says. Take it slow.

But first, get cleared by your doctor, she adds, and if you’re just starting out, she recommends working with a personal trainer to make sure you’re doing things right and not overdoing it.

“At least in the beginning.”

But you don’t have to join a gym to get and stay fit, Dr. Schwabe says.

“It doesn’t cost anything to walk,” she says.

Go to the mall or Walmart, just get out.

And the good news, says Sheri Caldwell, dietitian at the St. Joseph Hy-Vee store, is that changing one behavior has a ripple effect on your entire health. Boosting physical activity will increase your metabolism, which can get your body at a healthy weight, which can help

newspressnow.com/josephine

| Josephine magazine |

manage diabetes and lower your risk of heart disease.

What you eat also matters, she says.

“Eating is something that should be enjoyable,” but at the same time, you want to get the most out of the food you’re eating, Caldwell says.

Her suggestions include eating more fruits and vegetables at every meal, including a half-cup of beans a day, which are high in soluble fiber that’s good for your heart.

Fruits and veggies are also high in nutrients, filling and low in calories, helping with weight loss. They also offer different antioxidants and phytochemicals.

Caldwell recommends adding beans into salads, soups or making dips and choosing a rainbow of colors like dark leafy greens. Skip the creamy-based dressings and go for vinegar and oil instead.

Whole grains are another heartfriendly food that are absorbed slower into the bloodstream, which helps regulate blood sugar for people with diabetes.

Caldwell recommends looking for cereals, breads and pastas with five grams of fiber and less than 10 grams of sugar.

Cut out foods that have trans fats and saturated fats and go for the good oils, such as extra virgin olive oil and canola oils, instead. Foods like tuna and salmon are also high in heart-friendly omega 3s.

Finally, watch your stress levels, all three women agree. Stress can lead people to the behaviors that lead to the health issues on the list, Dr. Schwabe says, like smoking or overeating. Find healthier ways to manage that stress, she recommends, and avoid the behaviors at the heart of heart disease.

Februar y 2011

19

no-hassle house 20

Februar y 2011

| Josephine magazine |

Tips to help you de-clutter and organize

By Cathy Woolridge Josephine magazine

newspressnow.com/josephine

Don’t you hate it when you can’t find something in your house? You know it’s somewhere in your home, or at least you think it is. Honey, if that’s you, then it’s time to put your house in order.

And help is on the way. that room.

• In the laundry room, have lots of shelves and hooks for sorting.

We asked local professional organizer Lisa Doyle for advice on how to de-clutter your castle. Although a counselor by trade, Doyle, a Cosby, Mo., resident, began her business, Angel on My Shoulder Professional Organizers, in 2005.

“I like to be organized and like things streamlined,” she says.

Doyle says that unless you have help, it’s wise to tackle one room at a time in your home to avoid becoming overwhelmed.

“Another good rule of thumb,” she adds, “is if you have more than two books or magazines on getting organized, then hire an organizer.

You have the desire, now get the help.”

A professional organizer can provide motivation, ideas, a helping hand and is a cheerleader.

“Organizers are not magic but motivators,” she says.

When considering hiring a personal organizer, don’t be afraid to ask for a free estimate, which Doyle says professional organizers should be willing to provide.

Now, if you decide to tackle the clutter on your own, Doyle offers these room-by-room tips to get you started.

kitchen/laundry room

• In the kitchen, place items you use the most at waist or easy arm reach level. If possible, put items used once a year in storage, then make a list and attach it to the inside of a cabinet door noting the location of the stored items.

bathroom • Doyle says her most helpful item is a clear hanging shoe organizer for the back of the bathroom door.

That way smaller items that you use will be within arm’s reach when you need them.

• Categorize items in clear containers and mark the container.

home office • Have files for everything and mark them with big block letters.

“Filing is a three-step process,” Doyle says. “Have a bin for things that you need to do something with ... things that don’t belong in the big vertical file (garbage basket).” Once a week, separate the bin into an “action” file with bins marked “to do,” “to pay,” “to read,” “to call,” “long-term to do” and “keepsakes.”

Tackle items in the “action” file at least once a month.

save ‘I might need that’ flyers, ads or similar junk,” Doyle advises.

bedroom • Store anything you wear for special occasions in another location and make sure to keep a list of what is stored and where.

• Store items under your bed. If you don’t mind the height, use bed risers to get even more storage space.

• Store out-of-season items high in the closet or under the bed.

• Store anything that doesn’t fit and mark the container. Or consider giving the items (and other things in your closet you haven’t worn) away. “If you haven’t worn it in a year, get rid of it. You are not likely to wear it again,” Doyle says.

garage • Use enclosed storage and shelves for storage.

• Have a large garbage can so it’s easy to throw stuff out.

• Use large hooks to hang things and mark what they should be used for. That way everyone in the family knows where things should be kept.

once the house is in order • Follow the systems you created.

Doyle says that if you are not following your system, change it so it will work for you.

“As your life changes, so will your systems,” she says, “Don’t be afraid to go with it.”

• To help with paper clutter, sort mail next to the garbage can. “Don’t

• Have things in the kitchen or laundry room that are specific to newspressnow.com/josephine

| Josephine magazine |

Februar y 2011

21

Toxic friendships Bad relationships can leave you feeling a little beat up

By Tamara Clymer • Josephine magazine

unhealthy relationship.

We’ve all heard the horror stories of good friendships Whether gone bad. A simple misunderstanding reaches a critiit’s a friend with quescal mass and both sides are left with hurt feelings tionable and a broken heart. morals, one But what if the friendship wasn’t a who focuses so much on herself that healthy one to begin with? What if it your relationship becomes one-sided or was toxic — a relationship with one side someone who subtly puts down things constantly belittling the other, making or people you value, the result is the fun of choices and, in extreme cases, same — after you see her, you end up attempting to control the other. feeling worse than before.

Unfortunately, it can sometimes be “An encounter with a toxic friend hard to tell when you’re in one those can leave you not liking who you are,” bad-for-you friendships.

Taylor says.

Dr. Shirley Stuber Taylor, a licensed Some other warning signs include a psychologist with Heartland Regional friend trying to control what you’re doMedical Center, says one way to tell is if ing, where you’re going and who you’re hanging out with your friend leaves you hanging out with, or if she flat out feeling unsettled, frustrated or angry. treats you poorly. Vikki Crouch, a bibliIf so, it’s a pretty good sign you’re in an cal counselor at Frederick Boulevard

Baptist Church, says those are huge red flags that should send you running in the other direction.

“They don’t want to take any responsibility that any of this is their issue,” she says. “It’s always somebody else’s issue.”

There are different levels of toxicity in these bad relationships, from the friends who bring you down with a pessimistic attitude to the ones who dump trouble into your life with lies and deception. Dr. Taylor says toxic friendships usually get their start in people who have unresolved issues in their past. If they haven’t had their eyes opened to what a healthy relationship is, they may find themselves drawn to the same types of personalities.

“If we have had alcoholic or abusive loved ones in our life, there is a tendency to be repeatedly drawn to that sort of

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person,” she says. “The same is true of being drawn to people who are overly dependent and needy. Something strikes a chord in us that is familiar and we unconsciously go there.”

Unfortunately you can’t always figure out a relationship is toxic from the start. In fact, some friendships become unhealthy over time, having started out just fine because one of the parties was overly gracious and accommodating.

But no matter how you find yourself in one, Taylor says how you handle it depends on how the relationship is affecting you.

“Sometimes you encourage the other person toward making changes,” she says. “Sometimes you simply walk away, even if you have years invested.”

Crouch agrees. She says unless the other person wants to change, it won’t get better — it needs to be dealt with in order to improve. The problem

comes when the other person is a family member or a co-worker. Then, handling the relationship gets a little trickier.

“I would say the best general rule is to come out and say, ‘What’s the problem here? Are you upset with me?

Have I offended you?’” she says.

That way you’re not putting the blame on the other person. You’re just asking the question, which opens the door for the next step, if necessary.

If they’re not willing to change after you’ve addressed the issue, it may be time to move on.

“You can only do your part. That’s all you’re responsible for,” she says.

“The old adage ‘Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me’ is bunk,” Crouch says. “Words can kill, and people in relationships use words that can really damage a person. Friendship is supposed to help each other. If it isn’t, then you need to look at that.”

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Februar y 2011

| Josephine magazine |

newspressnow.com/josephine

Show your affection Gifts that say ‘I love you’ aren’t difficult, if you’re paying attention works at a clothing store in Kansas City. “Why would For most of us, buying a gift for someone you not? If you get is meaningful. You would think that the something stupid, she may not say it act itself means you care, but what gifts but she’s hurt and truly say “I love you”? you end up being the insensitive jerk.”

“AnyBut to get it right the first time, the thing that is key is to just pay attention. This goes personal,” for you too, ladies. says Melissa Be thoughtful.

Carter of St. Is there a place they’ve said they Joseph. would love to go?

From engraved bracelets and flowYes, everyone dreams of spending a ers to a wine night or an overnight month touring Italy. However, think stay at a bed and breakfast, the posof your budget. Take your loved one sibilities are endless. to a museum he’s mentioned, a vine“I always appreciate something yard nearby he was excited to hear that obviously had some thought about or that big game that happens behind it,” says Carter. “I guess the to be taking place in the area. old cliché that it’s the thought that Or is there something they’ve counts is true. It just means more.” always wanted?

While women tend to be more pasCarter says she always wanted a sionate about their purchases, men musical jewelry box. You know, the can get it right, too. one that has the dancing ballerina “I think some of us want to get the every time you open it. Her hubby right gift,” says Paul Lowrance, who listened, and the childhood dream

By JENNIFER HALL • Josephine magazine

was a wedding gift from him five years ago.

“See, that was a gift,” she says.

“That small little box meant more to me than a dozen roses every day to the office for the rest of my life.”

Just knowing her size or who his favorite NFL player is can be monumental. Those little details, Lowrance says, can actually make a relationship sink or swim.

He says a former girlfriend got him tickets to a professional football game. Great gift if you were a Kansas City Chiefs or Oakland Raiders fan.

“She was trying and that’s what mattered,” he says. “We didn’t break up because of that, but had she gotten me tickets to a (Denver) Broncos game, now that would have been awesome. Just because that means she really knows me. She knows what I like.”

Carter says buying a loving gift doesn’t take that much effort if you put a little heart into it.

“It’s easy if you know what you’re looking for,” she says.

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Return recommendations

Photo illustration

Knowledge, persistence key to getting your money back 26

Februar y 2011

| Josephine magazine |

newspressnow.com/josephine

Terror takes many forms,

‘‘

but few things give people that sinking feeling they get when they buy something that doesn’t quite work right.

Maybe it’s too small. Maybe it’s too big. Maybe it’s defective or the commercial made it look a lot easier to use.

Either way, shoppers are faced with a decision — keep the disappointing product or face the often arduous process of returning (or exchanging) it. And that brings up another set of issues: Will the store take it back without the receipt?

Will the store take it back if it’s opened? When’s the latest I can take it back?

When it comes to returns and exchanges, a little bit of knowledge goes a long way. Use these tips the next time you buy a dud and would like to take it back.

know the return policy Return and exchange policies vary from store to store. Some merchants do not return or exchange merchandise. Some only issue instore credits, while others offer full cash refunds. Policies may differ for seasonal, clearance or sale items.

According to the Better Business Bureau, stores are only legally required to refund or exchange defective or misrepresented merchandise. The same goes for any online retailers.

Most major retailers have 30-, 60- or 90-day return policies, so it’s important to return or exchange the item before those deadlines. If the store doesn’t print its return policy on the receipt, check the store’s website or make a request to the cashier.

“If the return date is not printed on your receipt, ask the sales clerk

We want to help people, and we’d rather just help them right here in the store. But if they didn’t like the answer we gave them, we can direct them to guest relations.

— Jamie O’Neal, leader on duty, St. Joseph Target store

to mark and initial the return date on the store receipt,” says Steve J. Bernas, a spokesman for the Better Business Bureau.

keep the receipt and original packaging What is the most common reason a return is rejected? Jamie O’Neal, the leader on duty at the St. Joseph Target store, has a quick and simple answer.

“Usually, it’s because they don’t have a receipt or a gift receipt,” she says.

Shoppers who don’t present their receipts can usually only hope for store credit or an exchange of the same item at best. Receipts prove that an item was purchased at that particular store and was not stolen or purchased at another retailer.

It’s also important to return items in their original packaging if possible. It proves that ownership of an item never took place. At nearly all major retailers, those who return an item in its original packaging with the receipt in the store’s grace period are guaranteed to get their money back.

newspressnow.com/josephine

| Josephine magazine |

some items can’t be returned Any item proven to be defective can be returned for a full refund with only a few exceptions: DVDs, CDs and video games. O’Neal says a retailer can only exchange these items for one of the same title once they are opened.

Another item that retailers generally won’t take back is an unwanted gift card. The Better Business Bureau suggests visiting third-party websites that allow consumers to resell gift cards for cash. Most charge a small fee and offer between 50 and 90 percent of the gift card value.

demand satisfaction (politely) Let the representative know what you’re looking for: repair, exchange or refund. Bernas says it doesn’t hurt to mention your loyalty to a business, either.

If a retailer isn’t honoring a published policy, present the issue to a store manager. O’Neal says this usually leads to some kind of resolution, but there are other options.

“We want to help people, and we’d rather just help them right here in the store,” O’Neal says. “But if they didn’t like the answer we gave them, we can direct them to guest relations.”

If the issue isn’t resolved in the store or through a customer relations program, buyers are encouraged to file a complaint with the Better Business Bureau by visiting www.bbb.org. Another option would be to write a letter to the retailer’s head office.

Most importantly, remain polite.

O’Neal says customers who get angry or attempt to bully store employees are usually shown the door before they can reach their desired outcome.

Februar y 2011

27

average joe

Token affection Better pay up — the bill comes due every February

Alonzo Weston is a columnist and

reporter for the St. Joseph News-Press. The St. Joseph native has served on the News-Press staff for more than 20 years. He and his wife, Deanna, have two children and a dog. The St. Joseph native is also a sports junkie who doesn’t pick up after himself. If you’d like to suggest an idea for this column, contact Alonzo at alonzo.weston@ newspressnow.com.

28

Februar y 2011

few weeks from now, guys will scramble to get that special woman in their lives a commercial token of their affection. It’s not enough that he’s shown genuine love through various acts during the year. He fixed her car and the sink, took her out to dinner several times, listened to her vent and sat through a dozen chick flicks, to name a few. Now he has to spend a wad of cash on flowers, candy and other ephemeral junk. And if the poor guy doesn’t, he’ll be the object of disdain among her family, friends and co-workers.

Somehow a mere commercial token of love that wilts and gets thrown away after a few weeks takes precedence over the real thing. It’s like a bill that’s been paid only to come due again next Valentine’s Day. I like how they celebrate Valentine’s Day in Japan. The women buy gifts for the men on that day. The women get their gifts a month later on what is called White Day. In South Africa, a Valentine’s Day celebration comes with lots of food and drink and can last up to a week.

In Denmark, Valentine’s Day is called “Gaekkebrev.” On this day the guy is supposed to write a love note to his beloved but not sign his name to it.

The lady who gets the note is supposed to guess who sent it to her. If she guesses right, she gets an Easter egg. That’s right, an Easter egg.

Guess wrong and I suspect there could be a fight or grounds for divorce.

I really don’t care about getting anything on Valentine’s Day. I certainly don’t want any balloons or

| Josephine magazine |

flowers sent to work.

I remember one time years ago when I worked in a factory and the foreman came back and told me with a funny grin that he had something for me in his office. At first I thought it was a pink slip or some crap detail.

But sitting on his desk was a balloon bouquet with the words “I love you.

Happy Valentine’s Day.” It was from my wife and I thanked her. But the guys laughed about it for months, even bringing it up over beers several years later. I politely told my wife I appreciated her sentiment but to never send me anything like that to work again.

Another time, my wife bought me a men’s Valentine’s Day gift basket from a grocery store. The basket had items in it that somebody thought men were supposed to like. There was a quart of beer, a cigar, two soonto-be-obsolete VHS tapes featuring Chuck Norris and Sylvester Stallone, a pack of disposable razors and a year-old hot rod magazine. I just drank the beer and kept the razors.

I remember interviewing this old couple, now deceased, who had been married for 60 years. Valentine’s Day wasn’t a big deal to either of them.

Robert Thompson told me he seldom bought his wife, Marie, anything on that day. One time he did buy her a plush white bear holding a red Valentine’s Day heart. She kept that gift for years.

“Maybe I buy a little trinket once in a while,” Mr. Thompson told me. “But the only thing that ever comes in our house on Valentine’s Day is the love between us. No card or gift can ever match that.”

newspressnow.com/josephine

everal years ago, author and public speaker Dr. John Gray wrote an eye-opening book titled “Men are From Mars, Women are From Venus.”

In it, he explains how men and women are from seemingly different planets when it comes to communication and lifestyle and how words can have different meanings after being processed in the brains of males and females.

Dr. Gray is a certified family therapist, so he speaks as an expert in the field of relationships. I feel I too can speak as an expert because I have been with the same man for 32 years and have never been arrested for domestic assault.

I have learned from our many arguments that ended with the question “What were we fighting about again?”

Sometimes we need to move beyond what we heard and try and figure out if that is really what the other person said.

Let me state a few examples of phrases that get scrambled when going from an estrogen site to a testosterone site:

‘How much longer?’ When we are getting ready to leave the house, my husband will yell up the stairs to me, “How much longer until you’re ready?” I reply, “Just a few more minutes.”

The word “few,” in my vernacular, means “within the hour.” To my hubby, it means 4 minutes and 58 seconds.

(Interestingly, the miscommunication surrounding this word is not just when females say it to men. It is equally confusing when the wife asks the husband, “How much longer until the football game is over?” He replies, “Just a few minutes.” In that instance, he is correctly using the female form of the word “few.”)

getting real

this one to your own personal interpretation, but just know that when a woman says the words snuggle, cuddle or massage, there are NO hidden motives and it should not be considered a romantic invite.

‘What are we having for dinner?’

If a male says this phrase, it means he wants to know what the woman will be in the kitchen preparing for him to eat. If a woman asks the same question, she wants to know what the male would like for her to pick up at the drive-thru.

Sometimes it is not the words themselves that are the issue; it may just be the sensitivity to them. A woman can tell a man he has put on a few pounds and is beginning to look like he is nine months pregnant. He would proudly pat his belly and say, “Yeah, baby! This is good livin’ right here.”

Yet a man can say to his pregnant wife, “Oh, you poor dear. Your ankles are so swollen they look like they could pop.” She would burst into tears because what she heard was, “You are fat and ugly and I don’t love you anymore.”

There are so many things that get lost in translation when it comes to men and women that I could write a book, but I think Dr. Gray beat me to it. But I can’t end without pointing out three phrases that are rarely misunderstood. Use them wisely.

The first is “I’m sorry.” These words actually reverse any problems created by a previous word fiasco.

The second is “You were right.” It’s a real argument stopper. This phrase can be used truthfully, or you can use it if you are just tired of listening to the nagging and you want the arguing person to shut up.

And lastly, “I love you.” These words cannot be misunderstood because they are not heard with ears. They are heard with the heart.

Choose your words carefully A lot gets lost in translation between men and women Stacey molluS is a humor columnist who believes laughter is the best form of exercise and happy people are the best looking people. She loves her family, chocolate, clothes that are stretchy and things that sparkle. You can contact her at queenofchocolates@live.com or follow her on Facebook at “Queen of Chocolates.”

‘I just want to cuddle.’ I will leave newspressnow.com/josephine

| Josephine magazine |

Februar y 2011

29

meal time

Fresh seafood elevates spaghetti Italian dish’s simplicity will delight

McClatchy-Tribune

helpful hints • Crushed red pepper can be found in the spice section of the supermarket.

• Buy pre-shelled shrimp.

• Minced garlic can be found in the produce section of most markets. One crushed garlic clove can be used instead.

30

By Linda Gassenheimer • mcClatchy-Tribune

While visiting Elba, a tiny, picturesque island off the western coast of Italy, I tasted a wonderful pasta dish made with fresh shellfish, white wine and spaghetti. Spaghetti del Pescatore (Fisherman’s Spaghetti) is the kind of simple dish that makes Italian food so enticing.

I have adapted the recipe, using clams and shrimp, but any shellfish, including mussels or lobster, may be substituted.

Februar y 2011

| Josephine magazine |

spaghetti del pescatore 1 pound fresh clams 1 teaspoon minced garlic 1/8 teaspoon crushed red pepper 1/2 cup dry white wine 3/4 pound peeled and deveined shrimp 1 cup low-sodium, low-fat tomato sauce 1/2 cup chopped parsley Salt and freshly ground black pepper 1/4 pound spaghetti (1½ cups cooked) 2 teaspoons olive oil Place a large saucepan filled with water on to boil. Scrub clams and place in a medium nonstick skillet over medium-high heat. Cover with a lid and cook until shells open, about two minutes, shaking pan several times.

Remove clams to a bowl, leaving the juice in the pan. (If juice is sandy, strain through a sieve lined with paper towels.) Add the garlic, crushed red pepper and white wine to the skillet. Boil to reduce liquid for about one minute. Lower heat to medium and add shrimp and tomato sauce.

Simmer, uncovered, two minutes or until shrimp are pink; remove from heat. Sprinkle with parsley and add salt and pepper to taste.

Return clams to skillet and set aside, covered. Cook spaghetti in boiling water eight to nine minutes. Drain and toss with olive oil, salt and pepper to taste and sauce. Serve on plate and top with clam sauce. Makes two servings.

Nutrition information per serving: 566 calories (14 percent from fat), 9.1 g fat (1.4 g saturated, 4.0 g monounsaturated), 270 mg cholesterol, 48.6 g protein, 59.2 g carbohydrates, 4.3 g fiber, 300 mg sodium.

newspressnow.com/josephine

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