Brides 2014 by New Times Media Group, San Luis Obispo

2014

IT’S A NICE DAY FOR A ... WHETHER YOU WANT YOUR WEDDING TO ROLL OUT A RED CARPET [6], SAVE SOME GREEN [19], OR TURN IVORY TR ADITION UPSIDE-DOWN [45], MAKE SURE IT’S A COLORFUL ONE.

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NICE

FOR A …

he term white wedding has certain old-fashioned connotations. Nice day for a traditional wedding. Nice day for a woman to wear a white dress which, of course, comes with its own set of implications. Nice day for an (insert your color of choice) wedding felt more inclusive, and is certainly appropriate considering the Supreme Court’s June 26 ruling to uphold a lower court’s ruling that Proposition 8 was unconstitutional made California the tenth state to legalize gay marriage. But what we really want to express with this issue is that if the couple in question is committed and determined, any day can be a nice day for any style wedding you choose. Whether the journey begins with a quiet proposal at the place you first met or a giant blowout at the Fremont [6]; whether you buy the biggest ethically sourced diamond you can find or opt for ink as an expression of your commitment [9]; whether you’re

new to the wedding industry, or a photographer who’s documented many a special occasion for other couples [13]; whether your budget is $5,000 or $100,000 (just be sure you have one and you’re in agreement on your expenses) [19]; whether you’re throwing on a brand spanking new dress or creating something very much your own [23] or maybe even eschewing a dress altogether and searching for just the right pantsuit [45]; whether you manage to avoid tripping, burning, or cutting yourself before the wedding or whether you arrive adorned in bandages and a cast [28]; whether you had to wait and love and have faith that Proposition 8 would, eventually be overturned [30]; and whether you went for the giant fairytale wedding or favored an approach best described as organized elopement [40], it’s your day. Do it the way you want. Ashley Schwellenbach Managing editor

Special thanks to Leslie Huft for making the peacock rainbow cake on the cover. Cover photo by Henry Bruington. 2014

1010 Marsh St.

San Luis Obispo, CA 93401

(805) 546-8208

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PUBLISHERS Bob Rucker Alex Zuniga EDITOR Ashley Schwellenbach CONSULTING EDITOR Ryan Miller PHOTOGRAPHERS Steve E. Miller Henry Bruington

CONTRIBUTORS Ashley Schwellenbach Anna Weltner Glen Starkey Jono Kinkade Rhys Heyden Ryan Miller Tally Meyers Trever Dias Steve E. Miller

ONTENTS

6 9 13 19 23 28 30 40 45

PRODUCTION Jenny Gosnell Dora Mountain Brendan Rowe Leni Letonjua ASSITANT ART DIRECTOR Heather Walter

Big gooey yes!

Tattoos are forever Two photographers shoot the breeze Wedding bills

Not your grandmother’s wedding dress Something borrowed, something bruised Violet riot

Wedding by stealth

Say “yes” to the pantsuit EDITORIAL DESIGNER Jenny Gosnell ADVERTISING Tracey Joyner Scuri Katy Gray Nicole Dewey Rhonda O’Dell Kevin Izuka Jennifer Olson Kimberly Rosa

Please call (805) 546-8208 to make your reservation for the next issue of BRIDES.

R ESERVATION DEADLINE: January 22, 2015

P UBLISHED:

February 12, 2015 Brides is published every February throughout San Luis Obispo County and Northern Santa Barbara County.

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BIG GOOEY

T H E WOR L D ’ S BE S T PROP O S A L! B Y G L E N S TA R K E Y

romantic dinner at a fancy restaurant, a drop to one knee, and a jeweler’s box opened to reveal a diamond solitaire is one way to propose to your paramour, but come on! Cliché! One local man found a better and much more elaborate way to ask, “Will you marry me?” Brook Thompson from the local band The Mighty Fine decided he had to make his proposal to Britnee Tanski unforgettable, so he lured her to the Fremont theater under the pretense of seeing an early matinee, but instead of a Hollywood blockbuster, the screen lit up with a music video Thompson had made to The Goo Goo Dolls’ song “Come to Me.” The video featured more than 60 of Britnee’s family and friends holding a chalkboard with the song’s lyrics as well as Brook holding the chalkboard with the words “Britnee Jean Tanski, will you marry me?” written on it. After the video, the lights went up and Britnee realized the theater was full of all the people from the video. And to top it off, Brook actually got The Goo Goo Dolls to participate! The couple met through friends and their first date—a blind one at that— turned into a 14-hour event with coffee, bowling, a movie, lunch, the beach,

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and dinner. They discovered they’re both Disneyland fanatics; they’ve gone 11 times in the last year, plus a trip to Disneyworld! It didn’t take long for the two to realize wedding bells were in their future. They’re to be married on Sept. 28 at the Jack House, by the way. “I’ve seen a lot of those cool proposal videos on YouTube, and when I first started planning this, I thought maybe I’d write a song and record it, but then we went to see The Goo Goo Dolls and Matchbox 20 at the Mid-State Fair, and they played a new song, ‘Come to Me,’” Brook said. “They put the lyrics on a big screen behind them so the audience could sing along,” Britnee added.

“I look over and I see the friends we came with are crying,” Brook said. “And I’m crying,” Britnee added. “At that point I knew what I was going to do,” Brook said. “That was the catalyst. I knew this was our song.” “We used to say, ‘If we get married, that’s our first dance,’” Brook said. Of course, to pull this off without Britnee finding out was going to be difficult, especially since he had to enlist her friends and family to participate. By that point, he and Britnee were spending a lot of time together, so Brook started making up stories about extra band practice, weird work hours, whatever excuse he could come up with to get away and

shoot some footage. All told, the film took him three and a half weeks to complete. “So many people ignored me,” Britnee recalled. “I remember going to my friend Megan, and she asked, ‘How’s Brook?’ and I said, ‘I don’t know. I never see him.’” “I lied through my teeth, saying I was working or whatever,” grinned Brook, clearly proud of himself for DRESS continued on page pulling this off. “Whatever I could do 6 to buy a few hours of time.” “I thought he was going to break up with me,” Britnee said. Finally, the big day arrived. Brook told Britnee he was “hiking” with his

PROPOSAL continued on page PHOTO BY STEVE E. MILLER

SHE SAID “ Y ES!”

Brook Thompson got the answer he was looking for when he proposed to Britnee Tanski during an elaborate ruse in the Fremont theater.

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younger brothers and asked her to meet him at Fremont for an early matinee. As Britnee was walking to the theater with her friend Amanda, Amanda called Brook as they passed Boo Boo Records—the signal that they were almost there. All their family and friends had already arrived and were sitting in the dark theater. Brook met the girls out front under the ruse that he had their film passes. “When I walked in, it was dark, and we sat in the back, so I didn’t realize who was in the theater,” Britnee recalled. To get the full effect, Brook even spliced a few trailers into his video— spoof trailers from the film Tropic Thunder.

See

“I thought, ‘Is this a joke? This looks like the most stupid movie ever,’” Britnee said. “Then I heard the opening chords to ‘Come to Me,’ and I thought, ‘Are they using this in a movie?’ As soon as I saw my brother on screen holding the chalkboard with the song lyrics … well, my brother’s not a movie star. I broke down and sobbed the whole way through.” “I just wanted something special for us,” said Brook. “This will be something we can show our kids,” Britnee added. And that, readers, is how you propose to the one you love. ∆ Glen Starkey is a New Times staff writer. Contact him at gstarkey@ newtimesslo.com.

T H E V I DEO!

Go to http://youtu.be/-mIJn 5MIRk0 to see the video Brook Thompson created to propose to Britnee Tanski, and visit http://youtu.be/u61AcT-x2tk to see a short film of the proposal itself.

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DI T CH T H E G OL D A N D SI LV ER F OR I N K BY TR EV ER DI A S

iamonds and gold may be the time-honored choices, but some couples opt for a more permanent means of symbolizing their matrimonial bonds to one another. According to tattoo artist Louie Campopiano, approximately four to five people inquire about wedding ring tattoos each month at Traditional Tattoo’s Foothill location in San Luis Obispo. A quick Google search reveals a litany of interesting wedding ring tattoo designs from simple bands to more elaborate configurations embellished with braiding, Celtic knots, and so on, as well as many designs that do not resemble actual rings. A meaningful symbol, a spouse’s name or initials, or the date of the wedding are few of the more common non-ring designs. The reasons for getting a wedding ring tattoo can be as diverse as the designs and the couples who choose to get them. Atascadero resident Eric Boege got his at the suggestion of his wife Kim after a friend of hers noticed he wasn’t wearing his wedding band. Unfortunately the ring no longer fit, but Kim found a remedy to that situation. Craig and Denise Dingman of San Luis Obispo got their first tattoos at the age of 62 years young when they had their wedding rings done in ink. They were married in 2012 and wanted a special way to celebrate and commemorate the fact that they found love later in life. Mike and Erin Wurm of Upper

Lake, who eloped to Spooner’s Cove in Montaña de Oro on Earth Day in 2010, oneupped the whole “till death do us part” notion, electing instead for more of a “to infinity and beyond” sentiment, each getting infinity symbols on their ring fingers. Along those same lines, Inky and Kris Wine of Arroyo Grande, who were married on Halloween in 2003, got the Kanji symbol for “forever” tattooed on their fingers. When you’ve garnered the nickname “Inky” due to a fondness for the artform at hand, a wedding ring tattoo is probably just in the cards for you. If you are thinking about going with the tattoo option for your wedding ring, there are a few things you may want to consider. First, some tattoo artists will advise against it and may even choose not to do the tattoo. Fingers are not necessarily seen as an ideal location for tattoos due to the fact that the constant movement, the continual contact with the other fingers and everything else in the world, and the ability of

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INK Y A ND KRIS W INE PHOTO COURTESY OF MIKE AND INKY W INE

the skin to regenerate more quickly in the area can lead to blurring and fading of the tattoo. Of the four to five people who inquire about wedding ring tattoos at Traditional each month, Campopiano estimates that only about 10 percent go through with it. Nevertheless, like choosing a spouse, ultimately it is a personal decision and many people, probably including some tattoo artists, choose to get them anyway. Cost is another factor to consider. At Traditional Tattoo the shop minimum is $60, and Campopiano estimates that the average wedding ring tattoo would be around $80 to $100. That’s less than the average simple gold wedding band and certainly less than a nice icy rock. The amount of pain involved may be a concern as well. While the fingers can be more sensitive than other areas, Campopiano suggests that it’s not a major factor because the small size of the tattoo means the process will be over relatively quickly. Not to be a pessimist, but

given that the divorce rate in the United States is about 40 to 50 percent according to the American Psychological Association, it may also be prudent to know a few things about tattoo removal. R.N. Linda Peterson of San Luis Obispo Dermatology and Laser Clinic estimates that no more than half a dozen patients had laser removal treatments for ring tattoos in 2013, though she wasn’t certain if they were specifically wedding ring tattoos. A consultation for tattoo removal at SLO Dermatology and Laser Clinic is $100, and the minimum cost per treatment is also $100 for tattoos up to two square inches. A majority of tattoos take between eight and 12 treatments for removal, and the necessary intervals between treatments can be as long as three months. Though patients are able to use an anesthetic cream on the tattooed area prior to the treatment, and a cryospray is used during the treatment to chill

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the skin and decrease discomfort, the procedure is still painful. On the bright side, wedding ring tattoos are small so the treatments only take about 10 minutes each.

PHOTO COURTESY OF ER IC BOEGE

As someone who isn’t married and never has been, allow me to offer my unsolicited, uninformed advice: If you feel it’s absolutely necessary to express your love and commitment to your significant other through a permanent

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marking on your body, which can only be removed through a costly, time-consuming, and painful process, consider going with the proverbial name tattooed on your ass. That way if things don’t work out, you won’t have to see it all the time and constantly be reminded of your past (at least not without a little effort), and given the

locale of the artwork, you can just think of it as more of an insult. ∆ Intern Trever Dias wrote this very compelling story and can be contacted through Managing Editor Ashley Schwellenbach, who may or may not agree with that last statement, at aschwellenbach@newtimesslo.com.

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S U BH E A D SL O C OU N T Y FAVOR I T E P HO T O GR A P H ER BR I T TA N Y A P P TA L K S W E DDI NG S BY STEV E E. MILLER

N Y

BY HELEN A N N THOM A S

why I do what I do! EW TIMES How NT When did you get engaged? many years have you APP It was Oct. 20, in the evening photographed weddings? after I worked a wedding faire all day BRITTANY APP at the Madonna Inn. When I came Thirteen years now … my home Steven had made dinner and business anniversary is Jan. 1. had candles lit, music was playing and NT How many weddings have you photographed? APP At the start I was doing 40 to 50 a year but now it’s more like 20. I’d say a total of around 300 to 400. NT Have you ever had an angry or unhappy client? APP I had a bride once that was not thrilled with her photos, which made me sad on a lot of levels. I was so thrilled with her images that I was about to make a portfolio album from them … but, honestly, I think she was expecting a more traditional photographer. Two months later I offered to do a re-shoot for her at the location. We did all the traditional poses that I was not aware she wanted in the first place, and they walked away happy. This was 10 to 11 years ago, and luckily there has not been another incident since. I am very thorough with my clients now in regards to my style and their desired image checklist, so that I can deliver the best possible product. LIFE NT Who was your happiest TAKES A client? NEW TUR N APP [long pause to think] Brittany App’s fiancé Steven The most recent wedding I Anzel, a bicycle mechanic, shot was in November and my had her wedding ring made clients were beyond happy. I from a wheel bearing aim to make all my clients my from a bike. happiest clients, though, that’s

dinner smelled scrumptious. NT How did the “question” come up? Did he get on one knee? APP He came around the side of the table and started kissing me, then got down on one knee. He was adorable.

I was in the middle of a bite and I couldn’t answer right away and it took me a few seconds … with a huge grin on my face, I finally answered and shouted YES!!! NT Are you going to hire a wedding

PHOTOGRAPHER continued on page 14 PHOTO BY STEVE E.MILLER

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PHOTO BY BRITTANY APP

photographer or are you going to wear a Go-Pro on your head? APP Oh, totally Go Pro all the way … head mount, chest mount, and bouquet-cam. No no no … totally kidding. We have already hired a wedding photographer team—Mason and Megan Schroder. Mason sailed with me on the first Semester at Sea Voyage in 2008 [study abroad program that circumnavigates the globe] where I was the shipboard photographer. Mason was one of the photography students on board. We stayed in touch

PHOTOGRAPHER

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after we left the ship. Megan lived in SLO, and Mason moved to SLO after he was done with school. He interned with me for a little while as an assistant photographer and helped with editing and graphic design for my business. He quickly got too busy with his own photography and off he went. We hired them, in equal parts due to their style and skill with the camera, and their sparkling and genuine personalities. Honestly those two are like an explosion of sunshine all the time, and that’s exactly what Steven and I want around us at our wedding. And as a photographer myself, this transparency is of the utmost importance. I try to be open, honest, and playful with my clients all the time so that they feel as comfortable as possible. Mason and Megan have got this down beautifully. NT Would you pay a photographer the same amount that you charge for shooting a wedding? APP I would, yes. I’ve been a working wedding photographer most of my career, and I didn’t want the “bro” deal. Plus, my parents, partly joking,

partly serious, said “Brittany, no selfies at the wedding.” NT What type of advice would you give people who are looking to book a wedding photographer? APP Look at as many images and portfolios as you can. Find some you really like. Good places to start with that are the local bridal faires and/or local wedding groups like ccwp.com. Once you find some photographers you really like, don’t worry about price … just yet. Talk to the photographers who are at the top of your list—if you enjoy them over the phone (or in person), request a price list. If they fit within your budget, schedule a time to meet with them in person if possible. See if you jive. Personality

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is AS important as image quality and style. Your photographer will be with you all day on your wedding day, and the more comfortable you feel with them, the more honest and candid the photos will be, and in the end, the happier you will be with the final product. And remember, have fun! This is your day … design it however you like, and invite vendors along for the ride who complement your personalities. ∆ Steve E. Miller is a confirmed bachelor and worked as the New Times Media Group staff photographer. Send comments to Managing Editor Ashley Schwellenbach at aschwellenbach@ newtimesslo.com.

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bills WEDDING

SLO COU NT Y IS A GR EAT PL ACE TO GET M A R R IED, BU T T Y ING THE K NOT W ILL COST YOU A LOT BY R H YS HE Y DEN

n many ways, planning a wedding is much like the seminal children’s book If You Give a Mouse a Cookie. Want to get married? If you’re going to all that trouble, you’re probably going to invite guests. If you have guests, you’re going to have to feed them. If you want to feed them, you’re going to have to pay a caterer. Once the caterer has fed the guests, they’re going to want to sit down, and, well, chairs don’t come cheap … . The circular, woven pattern of wedding planning is almost endless, and every strand seems to end in sweet, sweet money. For those who avoid the county courthouse, stealth weddings, or elopement, spending some cash is an unavoidable reality of getting hitched. Looking to gain some insight into the economics of San Luis Obispo County nuptials, New Times spoke with several local wedding planners who, between them, have planned hundreds of weddings. Overall, the planners said that SLO County has recently developed into a wedding hotspot with abundant out-of-county ceremonies. Prices still aren’t at hoity-toity Los Angeles or San Francisco levels, but, on average, the planners said SLO County weddings have roughly 150 guests and cost somewhere between $25,000 and $40,000 in total. “The thing about San Luis Obispo is that it’s a huge wedding industry for a relatively small town,” said Korinna Peterson, owner of Le Festin Events, a local wedding planning company. “There’s good weather, awesome venues, and it’s a

and as large as $160,000. “The budget is ridiculously important,” Peterson said. “Before you get carried away and start signing contracts, make sure you’ve taken everything into account— because most couples don’t.” Paradoxically enough, Peterson said one of the most important things a couple can do to cut costs is hire a wedding planner. Taking into account her personal relationship with numerous vendors and years’ worth of SLO wedding knowledge, Peterson said she almost always offsets her fee, usually saving the couple additional money as well. Asked to identify the major cost drivers of local weddings, Peterson (and the other

perfect midpoint between L.A. and San Francisco.” Peterson has been planning weddings since 2006, and said she averages about three weddings per month—sometimes more during the busy summer REHEARSAL DINNER season. She’s planned HONEYMOON SUITE weddings with budgets as small as $15,000,

planners) said that the venue is almost always the top cost, followed by catering. After that, it depends on the nature of the nuptials. “The venues and caterers really have it made,” said Megan Clark, who has run her wedding planning company, Captivating Events by Megan, since 2011. “There’s really high demand here in SLO, so they can almost charge whatever they want.” Clark, who keeps on her laptop meticulous records and photographs of all the weddings she has planned, showed one wedding with a day-of cost of just more than $32,000. For that ceremony, the venue and the catering cost $5,000 each, taking up

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PRESENTS

12% RINGS 34% 27% INVITATIONS

misc.

TOTAL: $4,150

cake reception TOTAL: $9,850

pre-wedding TOTAL: $12,350

$36,150 WEDDING BUDGET

DRESS TUXEDO

photo flowers catering venuelimo video

9% music 18% dj

alcohol flowers favors

services TOTAL: $3,450

officant coordinator

ceremony

TOTAL: $6,350

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almost a third of the total cost. “That’s nothing,” Clark said. “I’ve had weddings where those two elements have taken up half of the cost.” Peterson said that the venue and catering usually take up between 34 and 40 percent, on average, for her weddings. Other costly elements at Clark’s wedding included separate hotel expenses ($3,200), the rehearsal party ($2,250), flowers ($2,000), and alcohol ($1,500). Clark said that planning weddings with a healthy budget—even though there are often more elements and complications—is actually easier than planning low-budget weddings. Pinching every penny and dealing with lackluster vendors is every planner’s nightmare. “I will work with every type of client, including people with low budgets, but you have to be realistic,” Peterson said. “It does almost always

come down to money, and you get what you pay for.” Recently, two societal trends have drastically affected the wedding business—the Internet, and reality television. While the planners said that both have brought new ideas

brainstorm, but they are also tired of (once again) unrealistic expectations as well as 11th hour, Pinterest-fueled revisions. Perhaps the most important item at the end of the wedding day is the most basic one: Who’s footing the bill? “I would say it’s about 50/50,” said Laura Robertson, co-owner of Touch of Style Events. “A lot of the parents pay for the wedding, but we have a lot of couples paying for their own wedding too.” Ultimately, though weddings may be a costly investment for those planning the full shebang, the planners said their clients are almost always satisfied. “It’s supposed to be the happiest day of your life, so I think that’s good reason to spend the money,” Clark said. ∆

an eye roll. “They’re ridiculously unrealistic, and brides who watch them develop unfair expectations. These are weddings that are overthe-top and cost hundreds of thousands of dollars.” The big player in the online

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and added glamour to the business, the negatives often outweigh the positives. “I cannot abide by wedding reality TV shows,” Peterson said, with

wedding world is Pinterest, with its sumptuous photos and many wedding-obsessed users. The planners said that Pinterest can be a good place to start and

Staff Writer Rhys Heyden can be reached at rheyden@newtimesslo.com.

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NOT YOUR GR ANDMOTHER’S W EDDING

S T E P I NSI DE A L I T T L E SHOP I N A S M A L L T OW N T H AT M A K E S ON E- OF-A-K I N D DR E S SE S F OR A V ERY BIG DAY I N A PER S ON ’ S L I F E BY JONO K INK A DE

hen the time came to start figuring out what to wear at her wedding, Stacy Foster had the general gist, but didn’t quite know how it would work. She wanted something vintage, something classic, something in line with her personal day-to-day style. Foster recalled a distinct memory that brought her back to her

childhood growing up in Ashland, Ore., looking in at the window of a shop with vintage dresses on display. So Foster looked around for new, vintage-style dresses, tried a few on at a wedding shop, but nothing really jumped from the rack. Then Foster’s mother-in-law-tobe offered her the dress she wore on her wedding day in 1964. Everything about the dress was classic and vintage.

“Long sleeve, satin, big bouffant, huge veil, classic Catholic-wedding kind of a dress,” Foster told New Times. But there was a catch. “It didn’t fit me the way it was, and I didn’t want to destroy the dress.” Foster’s mother followed suit and handed down her wedding dress from

SE A MLESSLY FROM PAST TO PR ESENT

1978, from an era where the trend was a bit more relaxed, with capped sleeves atop a gown that was long, layered, and made of silky fabric. Stacy thought maybe she could combine the two, and turn them into something new, and she began searching the area and the Internet, with little luck. Then one day Stacy told a co-

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When Stacy Foster wanted to have her mother-in-law’s and mother’s wedding dresses redesigned for her own wedding, she found the needle in the haystack in Jennifer Blue.

PHOTO BY STEVE E. MILLER

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worker about her hopes to blend the two dresses, and her co-worker, who lives in Santa Margarita, told Stacy about a shop in town that does just that—takes vintage wedding dresses and redesigns them. And so, Foster found Something Blue. Or maybe it found her. That seems to be part of the process that has brought Jennifer Blue, owner and designer of the store, located in the heart of Santa Margarita, to where she is now. And in this case, it was part of how Stacy Foster, whose middle name just happened to be Blue, came to wear her redesigned wedding dress. “It seems like everything in my life has been an evolution, just synchronicity of being in the right place at the right time,” Blue said. The shop came about in that style for Blue, who began making her own clothes at age 9. After that, she started making clothes to sell, eventually got formally educated in fashion design, and garnered quite the experience along the way. Before opening the business, Blue was commuting down to Los Angeles working as a fashion designer, and doing some custom work out of her home in Santa Margarita. Then one day her husband noticed a little space right on the strip for rent, the

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storefront left vacant when one of the ubiquitous antique shops in Santa Margarita went out of business. She called the building owner, and the rest is history. “I wasn’t planning to open a shop, it just appeared one day, and in two days I had the store,” Blue said. Blue had experience with evening gowns, which translated well to wedding dresses. And the demand was present after the area increasingly became established as a popular wedding destination, thanks to a relative proximity to major metropolitan areas, an idyllic country charm, and plenty of wineries available to host the after-parties. On one Friday afternoon Blue sat at a large design table, doing detailed work on one dress while her design assistant, Barbara Cully, a retired teacher at Atascadero Junior High School, worked on another. Perhaps there are few better testaments to the shop’s locale than the fact that you could take a few steps onto the sidewalk outside and see the horses Cully keeps at her place on a hillside pasture just past El Camino Real. Every once in awhile Cully will ride her horse down to the shop and tie it up to a post out front, a site not completely uncommon in town.

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Inside the shop, it isn’t out of the ordinary for Blue to pick up the phone some days and answer a call from Los Angeles, New York City, Boston, or Canada. Blue made one dress for a bride who was accompanied by her mother-in-law during the fittings, while her mother participated on Skype from New Mexico. Day to day, Blue alters new wedding dresses that at first don’t quite fit. But her true passion—and the source of her notoriety—is the restyling of found gowns or sentimental hand-me-downs from a previous generation. “What I love, love, love to do is the restyling of existing gowns,” Blue told New Times. “Taking old dresses, and making new dresses out of those elements, it makes my heart sing.” Blue doesn’t just work with white—or often the creamy, offwhite, ivory-ish colors the older gowns have settled into with age—other colors and designs find their way into her shop from

“W H AT I LOV E, LOV E, LOV E TO DO IS REST Y LING OF EXISTING GOW NS. TAKING OLD DRESSES, A ND M AKING NEW DRESSES OU T OF THOSE ELEMENTS, IT M AKES M Y HE ART SING.”

–Jennifer Blue , owner and designer at something Blue . white. Older dresses have a certain characteristic to them, Blue says, characteristics that are brought out as the dress ages. “It’s got a patina that you can’t find in other fabrics,” Blue said. “It’s like a painting, when it ages it mellows.” Blue is currently working on restyling six gowns. All in all, since the shop opened in 2000, Blue has done about 2,000 designs, alterations, and custom dresses, with 140 done in 2013. She only does about one to four custom dresses

time to time. In addition to the redesigns, Blue has made a few unconventional wedding dresses from scratch, she’s made a couple of red dresses, a blue velvet dress for a New Yorker, and, recently, Blue has been commissioned to make a dress in the steampunk style. Exactly what a steampunk wedding dress entails is top secret for now, as Blue adheres to the custom of keeping unseen the gown of a bride-to-be until her wedding day. But more often than not it comes back to the classic shades of

from scratch a year, partly because they are incredibly involved to make. As for redesigned dresses, she usually does about eight to ten a year, with hopes to do more. Who knows what’s on the horizon, especially with a collection of about 60 dresses in the back room, with their future yet to be determined.

PINK POLKA DOTS?

Over the years working with brides, when it comes to the styles of marriage, Blue has seen some trends both loosening and forming. Footwear has gotten colorful at times—Blue has seen brides wear shoes in shades of pink, blue, red, polka dots, and sparkly-black iridescent. Grooms are less likely to wear matching suits or colorcoordinated elements, instead, creating their own outfit. “Kind of like we’re getting married next Saturday and I’ll look in my closet to see what looks good,” Blue said. This modulation in tradition and

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style can at times be an affront to the rigid formalities that often underlie the wedding ceremony. When asked if there are ever some unhappy parents, or clients torn between the old and the new, Blue said it does happen from time to time, but things usually work out. “It’s a little tense sometimes,” Blue said. “The daughter that wants [a redesigned dress] is generally pretty strong and stands her ground. And I just provide a comfortable place and try to be neutral.” For Stacy Foster and her family and family-to-be, however, that dissonance didn’t seem to be present. After all, both her mother-in-law and her mother gave her their dresses. And that was just the start of it. “With Jennifer creating my dress, it has unfolded to be the seam of our whole wedding,” Foster said. “Her design and style is super unique, and I feel she uses a feeling of who I am

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PHOTOS BY STEVE E. MILLER

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in addition to using her eye and style.” Foster’s husband, Jeff Hurt, wore the suit Foster’s father wore in his 1978 wedding. Their Feb. 8 wedding was on the beach in Cayucos and the reception at the Vet’s Hall, where her parents were married. Their wedding date was a week after the anniversary of Hurt’s parents, and a week before that of Foster’s parents. While talking to New Times about her experience with Blue, the still-bride-to-be went by Stacy Foster. Now Mrs. Hurt,

Stacy said the experience was a wonderful lead up to the big day, as she felt that the process and the product Blue created was well fit for her style, and that Blue did an incredible job. “In just entering into her shop I could see right away that her style matched what I was going for,” Hurt said, adding that she had no idea about Blue’s extensive fashion background until getting to know her and reading articles about her. “It’s hard to imagine I may only get to wear it once.” ∆

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SOMETHING BORROW ED, SOMETHING

I N J U R I E S D ON ’ T S T OP, EV E N F OR A W E DDI NG BY RYA N MILLER

guy in San Luis Obispo—let’s call him Shawn—was getting married this past summer. And, as guys do, he decided to get his groomsmen gifts to show his appreciation for their standing with him during the wedding ceremony: pocketknives. His sister told the story: The morning of the wedding, he was messing around with one of the knives, and his friend bumped him, and the blade went right into his wrist. “It was squirting blood,” she said. “He was freaking out.” This wasn’t a life-threatening injury, though, so it wasn’t a wedding-stopping injury. He ran to a local drug store for bandages and tape, stopped the bleeding, wrapped up his wrist, and covered the nowscabbing slice with a handsome watch. None of the guests who didn’t already know about the cut saw anything amiss. Gravity and anatomy don’t care a fig that you’re about to exchange vows in front of hundreds of your friends and family members. Thus—despite the fact that you’re in a rented tux or expensive white gown, that you’ve shelled out serious cash for food and f lowers

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TOE TO TOE

Jim Richards injured his foot during his bachelor party a week before his San Luis Obispo wedding in 2000, making formal footwear at his wedding a painful no-go. Black Tevas gave his swollen toe the room it needed, and the sandals were so unobtrusive as to be almost unnoticeable. Almost.

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PHOTO BY JENNY ASHLEY/COURTESY OF JIM AND AMANDA RICHARDS

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and a reception hall, that a wedding day is likely the most plannedfor and prepped-for and tightly scheduled 24 hours of your life—if you drop a heavy box, it will fall. And if it falls on your foot, there will be consequences. Usually accompanied by a crunch. As humans, we fumble plates, trip, fall off of ladders and down stairs, get into fender benders, chip teeth, step into gopher holes, slip on ice, bite our tongues, spill hot coffee, abruptly stand up into spaces too short for us, nick our skin while shaving, bang our elbows into corners, bark our shins on coffee tables, step on glass and nails, choke, cut ourselves, stab ourselves, crush fingers under heavy loads, and otherwise mangle any parts of our body capable of being mangled—and that’s on a good day, one without stress and pressure and heightened hormone levels. Even on our best, most careful behavior, we can’t control the universe. And we’re rarely so selfcontrolled.

‘W HEN THE

W EDDING DAY

CA ME AROU ND

AND I GOT THOSE R ENTAL SHOES AND TR IED TO

STICK MY FOOT IN … IT HURT

R EALLY BA D.’

Jim R ichaRds

Jim Richards attended Cal Poly in the late ’90s and, a few years after graduating, married fellow Mustang alum Amanda Morehouse. His bachelor party happened a week before their wedding and involved a paintball excursion, which itself included a game in which his groomsmen and other various friends took potshots at him while he was clad only in his underwear

and a Pleather jacket. Full disclosure: This reporter was a member of the bachelor party group and witnessed the following carnage firsthand. Remarkably, no one was seriously harmed by the high-velocity f luidfilled pellets zinging through the air that afternoon in 2000. After dinner at Last Stage West— where several of the guys took to the stage to play some guitar and harmonica tunes—the group went to Avila Beach for some ultimate Frisbee in the dark, with glow sticks lighting up the two teams and the disc. In mid-January, 2014, Richards remembered the evening well. Specifically, he recalled jumping to catch a pass at the same time as another of his friends. “We collided in the air and fell into the sand,” Richards said. “I stood up and fell back down because I’d broken my toe.” For the following week, he wore open-toed shoes, hoping his injury would heal enough, but he’s no Wolverine.

“When the wedding day came around and I got those rental shoes and tried to stick my foot in … it hurt really bad.” Fortunately, he had a pair of black Teva sandals, which he wore throughout the day—up until the ceremony. Right before he walked into the Mt. Carmel Lutheran sanctuary, he switched to the formal footwear and toughed it out, doing his best not to limp “too much.” He put his Tevas in the getaway car so they’d be ready for him as soon as he left the ceremony, and he wore them throughout the reception and for the rest of the evening. His now-wife Amanda chimed in: “I remember thinking it was a little inconvenient, but it really didn’t stand in the way.” “Did people notice?” Jim mused. “Yeah, I think so. Yeah. But it made for a good story.” ∆ Executive Editor Ryan Miller is not the friend who broke Jim’s toe. In fact, he’s never broken anyone’s toe, groom or otherwise. Send comments to rmiller@ newtimesslo.com.

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H APPILY EV ER AF TER

In October 2013, Danielle Dutro and Lacey McNamara were married at the SLO Little Theatre, where they first met in 2007.

riot

V IOLET

T WO ( M A R R I E D) C OU PL E S , A U N IC OR N , A N D A BOAT H E L P A NS W ER A N I M P OR TA N T Q U E S T ION B Y A SH L E Y S C H W E L L E N B AC H

he only thing more difficult than explaining love, it turns out, is assigning it a color. There are many types of love, you see. Every couple encounters their very own set of obstacles. And still, people marry. They drop down on one knee and make a case for themselves as a forever partner. Then, if they’re successful in their suit, the couple sets a date and chooses the colors they feel best represent their union.

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We set about asking not only the question of what color love takes, but what color does love under the added hardship of legislative impediments take? What color is love that has endured the trials of time and public opinion? And does that change when it ultimately triumphs? To explore this difficult question, New Times tapped two recently married couples to tell their stories. Before we start, I should note that these

couples have a few things in common: Both were featured in previous Brides issues: Danielle Dutro McNamara (then Danielle Dutro) and Lacey McNamara let New Times shoot and feature their engagement photos in February 2012 and Adaire Salome-Keating (then Adaire Salome) and Kim SalomeKeating (then Kim Keating) had their engagement photos featured in our February 2013 Brides issue. Both couples are newlyweds. Adaire and Kim tied the knot in July 2013, and Lacey and Danielle married in

October 2013. Both couples overcame legislative obstacles to their union. Proposition 8— California’s ban on same-sex marriage— was in effect when both couples became engaged. And Adaire and Kim faced another hurdle in Don’t Ask Don’t Tell, which prevented them from making their relationship public at the risk of ruining Kim’s career in the Navy. And that’s where the similarities end.

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ANNIE GOT HER GIRL

Lacey and Danielle met at the SLO Little Theatre, on the set of Annie Get Your Gun; Lacey was playing Annie Oakley, and Danielle was a chorus girl. It was Danielle’s first show at the Little Theatre, and Lacey’s second, and despite the fact that Danielle had never had a girlfriend before, they bonded over their shared love of theater. “After one of the rehearsals, we decided to go out to coffee,” the couple narrated in an email introducing themselves to New Times before the engagement shoot. “We stayed until the coffee shop kicked us out, and then we spent another hour chatting in our car. We became best friends during the run of the show and officially became a couple shortly after.” They moved in together after a year, and began teaching voice and piano lessons out of their home, all while participating in local community theater. Lacey grew up in Templeton,

as part of a musically inclined family, and Danielle was raised in San Diego but moved to San Luis Obispo to attend Cal Poly as a music major. And though the duo describes Lacey as the more grounded of the two, while Danielle’s bedroom growing up was populated by unicorns, Danielle insists that it was Lacey’s understanding of what it meant to be a creative person that helped her realize Lacey was the one. “From the very beginning, we went through so many ups and downs,” Danielle explained. “She had seen me at my absolute worst and at my best and it didn’t freak her out. She was just the perfect person for me, because I’m a theater person, my emotions are very big, and she knew how to handle that.” It took four years of dating before they decided that it was time to tie the knot. Lacey, who describes herself at the type of person who gets impatient talking about something without actual action, was the first to propose. They

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FILE PHOTOS BY STEVE E. MILLER

U NICOR N WOMEN

Danielle Dutro and Lacey McNamara had their engagement photos featured in New Times’ 2012 Brides issue, back when Proposition 8 was still on the table.

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were visiting Danielle’s family in San Diego and on the final day of their trip, Lacey took Danielle to a nice lunch at a golf course. Then, she walked her to a picturesque spot on the course—the perfect location for the perfect proposal. Only to have an old man on a golf cart chase them off the grass. “We went back to the car,” Danielle narrated, “and she said ‘wait, goshdarnit.’ I don’t even remember what she said. So she asked me in the car at brunch. It was pretty funny.” Lacey remembers exactly what she said. “So we went back to the car and were getting ready to leave. ‘Wait!’ I yelled, as Danielle was starting the car. I took off her sunglasses and looked her in the eyes. ‘Danielle, this isn’t how it was supposed to go, but I need to tell you how much I love you. I love you more than I can say, and I know that you are the one that I want to spend my life with. I even have the hardware to prove it.’ At which point, I pulled out the ring, ‘Danielle Dutro—will you marry me?’ We both started crying and she said, ‘Of COURSE I will!’ We were so excited and hugging and crying and laughing that I almost forgot to put the ring on her finger! Even though things didn’t go exactly as planned, it was certainly a day that I will never forget.” But it was important to Danielle that Lacey receive a proposal of her own as well. A few months later the couple was at Disneyland—an annual tradition for them. “It’s her favorite place,” Danielle

THE GR E ATEST A DV ENTUR E OF THEM A LL

Adaire Salome and Kim Keating had their engagement photos featured in New Times’ 2012 Brides issue, back when Proposition 8 was still on the table.

explained. “It’s her happy place.” She even had a spot all picked out. Unfortunately, there was a character hanging out at her intended proposal place, along with a large crowd, and rather than attract attention she frantically searched for another spot, dragging Lacey across Tom Sawyer’s island. They ended up on the Fantasmic stage, where Danielle asked Lacey to marry her. “I think she had a pretty good idea what was

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happening,” Danielle admitted. Originally, their plan was to marry the following fall, but neither set of parents was entirely supportive of the marriage and they decided they’d have to wait an additional year in order to save enough money for the wedding they wanted. Then they had to discuss whether and how to proceed with the wedding if Proposition 8 hadn’t been overturned by the time their wedding day arrived. They considered having the wedding but saving the ceremony for when it would finally and truly be legal. But, ultimately, Danielle and Lacey decided that they wanted their wedding to be their special day, whatever did or did not happen with Proposition 8 in the meantime. So,

FILE PHOTOS BY STEVE E. MILLER

they went for it. And while they were determined to set about planning their wedding whether Proposition 8 was in effect or not (and at that time it was), the couple wasn’t quite capable of completely avoiding its shadow. “We had a lot of people ask us why we were doing it if it wasn’t legal,” Danielle admitted. “That was the hardest part, really. It was just a public declaration of our love. Whether or not it was legal, in our minds it was the same. It seemed very hard for people to understand why we would do it if it wasn’t legal, if it wasn’t real. The legal protections were nice, but they’re kinda the cherry on top of the sundae that is the commitment.”

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On June 26, the Supreme Court upheld the earlier determination by the Ninth Court that Proposition 8 was unconstitutional. During the tense days waiting for a decision, Lacey and Danielle tried not to focus on the decision. They insist they were busy with the usual tasks that preoccupy any engaged couple: choosing a cake, deciding what to wear, trying to keep everything within budget, etc. But when they finally heard that Prop 8 was really and truly gone, they admit that they cried a little. Two and a half months later, on Oct. 12, they became the first couple to get married on the very stage where they first met. They knew that there were some people in the audience who voted yes on Prop 8, but the fact that those same people were there to support them somehow mattered more.

And for the most part, marriage didn’t change much for Lacey and Danielle. There’s that nice stash of benefits that attend the institution of marriage. They can now visit one another in the hospital should one of them fall ill. But in terms of their day to day struggles and triumphs, they’re much the same couple as they always were. They’d been together for so long before they decided to marry that most of their friends already treated them as they would any other established couple within their circle. The marriage did silence the last few family members who would occasionally make comments to the effect that the couple, however serious they were, might not make it.

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PERFECT TIMING

Adaire Salome and Kim Keating were married in July 2013, less than one month after the Supreme Court struck down California’s Proposition 8.

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And Danielle admitted that there are moments when the enormity and joy of her commitment comes into focus. “We’ve been living together for so long, but every once in awhile you have that realization, wow, you’re my wife. You’re not my fiancé, you’re not my girlfriend. It feels more grown up. I’m not gonna lie, it was very scary for me when we got engaged. That finality seemed very scary to me. Now that we are married I’m going oh yeah, duh, of course I want to be with her. Maybe by the time you’re ready to get married it’s a comfort to know you’re only gonna be with one person for the rest of your life.” And fittingly enough, their first show as a married couple is a production called Some Enchanted Evening at the SLO Little Theatre. Danielle auditioned and will be performing in the show, while Lacey will be the musical director.

THE PEACENIK AND HER SAILOR

Adaire and Kim met through an online dating site in May 2009. Adaire lived in Shell Beach and Kim was

stationed in Honolulu with the navy. Kim tends to be grounded and pragmatic, while Adaire has (according to her own words) “a flair for the dramatic.” It was Adaire who made the first move. “I loved her profile, her sense of humor, her reference of the movie Goonies and ’80s music, and of course, her freckles and smile,” she explained. “I may or may not have referenced marriage and hiring a caterer that first month.” In August, Kim asked Adaire if they could be exclusive, and one month later, over Labor Day weekend, they met in person for the first time. And six months later, the navy sailor proposed to her liberal activist girlfriend. “On February 20, 2010, we danced slowly on a lifeguard stand on Oahu’s Sunset Beach, under a drizzly, moonlit sky, and I asked her to marry me,” Kim wrote in an email from Monterey, where she’s currently stationed. “We had just spent a wonderful day at the Polynesian Cultural Center, and it was a beautifully romantic way to cap the evening, six months after we declared ourselves a couple.”

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Adaire also remembers that day as incredibly romantic, but she remembers something else about their trip to the Polynesian Cultural Center a conflict between Kim’s military career and their relationship. “She had made arrangements for us to visit the Polynesian Cultural Center, which is an all day event of epic proportions,” Adaire narrated. “We walked around with a tour group old enough to be our grandparents. This was two and a half years before Don’t Ask Don’t Tell was repealed and we still had a lot to be worried about in showing public affection or hand holding anywhere where other sailors might see her. She was out of uniform that day, and we took advantage of our senior tour group as good ‘cover.’ We held hands and enjoyed going from village to village, taking in the deep cultural history of the Polynesian islands. The glitch was that in each village, before a talk, they would give thanks to those in the audience who were serving in the military. They would ask every veteran or service member to stand up and either say their name or just be acknowledged for their service. Kim had been holding my hand and snuggling with me all during the

tour. She is a very proud Navy sailor, but she couldn’t stand up to be acknowledged, because it risked her whole career. I could see how that was a deep conflict within her and how unfair it was to not be allowed that acknowledgment. That conflict would hit us over and over again for the next three years.” They talked about marrying in secret, but ultimately the potential risk to Kim’s career was too great. At that point, she was eight and a half years into her 20-year commitment and was up for board in 2010 when she made Chief Petty Officer. They took turns visiting one another every three months, and Kim acknowledged that Adaire’s visits to Hawaii were much more stressful in terms of their fears of being outed. In public, they avoided holding hands and using terms of endearment. Then, on Sept. 20, 2011, Don’t Ask Don’t Tell was repealed. “Three days later we attended my command’s Khaki Ball together and were greeted with open arms and supportive words,” Kim recalled. The repeal gave them the freedom to plan their wedding, and was especially helpful when Kim was stationed in Korea for a year in 2012. In total, three years and five months elapsed between Kim’s

proposal in Hawaii and their wedding at the Monday Club in San Luis Obispo. They planned their wedding on separate continents, putting together guest lists, reserving their venue, and creating savethe-date cards by phone and Skype. “Some things proved more challenging than others,” Kim acknowledged, “but in the end, it was a perfect wedding with perfect guests, flowers, decorations, food, and bride.” Some couples plan their weddings rain or shine. Kim and Adaire planned theirs whether the Supreme Court upheld or struck down Proposition 8. But Adaire acknowledged that they did have a contingency plan in the event that Proposition 8 was upheld and gay marriage remained illegal. They would still marry in July in San Luis Obispo, but afterward they would hop a plane to a state that had legalized gay marriage and get married there as well. “The whole time we have been together, we tried to make plans according to what we were ready for as a couple, and not have our relationship status dictated to us by what was legal in our state or country,” Adaire explained. “But I have to say that the status of being a legally wed couple and that legally binding term of marriage

versus domestic partner is like weighing marbles to feathers. The status and solemnity of marriages carries a weight that domestic partner can never match. We aren’t unique in any of this. Generations before us have lived together as a married couple and were married in their own quiet services with or without their family’s blessing.” On June 26, the Supreme Court upheld a lower court’s decision that Proposition 8 was unconstitutional within minutes of also issuing a ruling that the Defense of Marriage Act was unconstitutional. And less than a month later, Adaire and Kim got married. While Kim describes the day as perfect, Adaire calls it “the best damn wedding.” “We were so sure of our love and commitment to making it work, we were caught up in our own magical adventure of it all and determined to have the best damn wedding anyway. And it was, by all accounts, the most beautiful day of unblemished love and outpouring by every family member and friend in attendance that day! My parents won’t stop talking and gushing about it even six months later. It truly was perfect.”

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SO, BACK TO THE QUESTION OF COLOR …

So there you have it. Two couples. Two weddings. Two tales of patience and determination. So what color would the couples assign their own stories? Adaire opts for violet, arguing that it symbolizes the coming together of her own liberal blue perspective and Kim’s conservative red background. “In the middle, we have both learned a lot from each other and been colored by each other’s narrative and experiences. I have a much deeper and fuller understanding and appreciation of the military than I ever did, and Kim might have been influenced by my liberal activity leanings.” She theorized that Kim would choose blue because it was her favorite color, the color associated with the Navy, and the color of the ocean that separated them through much of their relationship. She was half right. Kim opted for violet and blue, the

couple’s wedding colors. “Although rainbow would be a fitting ‘color’ given that our was a lesbian wedding, I still like violet and blue. They are our colors,” she said. As for the couple that met, fell in love, and married on the stage of the SLO Little Theatre? “Our wedding colors were sky blue and deep royal purple like a deep plum, so either of those fit us,” Lacey said. “Our bridal party, they were dressed in rainbow colors. So we literally had a rainbow wedding.” But Danielle went a slightly different route. “Of course I’m going to say purple because that’s my favorite color,” she said. “I think purple defines us because it’s an exciting color and an unusual color but it’s also a sophisticated color. We’re a little bit of an unusual couple, but I also like to think we’re a sophisticated couple.” ∆ Managing Editor Ashley Schwellenbach knows new friends are silver and old ones gold. Send aluminum foil to aschwellenbach@newtimesslo.com.

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WEDDING BY

T H ESE L O CA L COU PLES ’ ‘ SECR E T ’ W EDDI NGS S T UCK I T TO T H E M A N B Y A N N A W E LT N E R

he exclamation point runs rampant through the forums of weddingwire.com. “Engagement pics!!!” one forum is titled. “100 Days and Counting!” squeals another. “What is your mother wearing!?” another is eager to know. The excitement is palpable, and so are the nerves. Finally, one user—bella628— spells it out: “anyone else tired of planning???!!” The question mark to exclamation point ratio means trouble. Within minutes, the forum has blown up with responses. “I suggested just eloping so we could get on with our life together.” “I’m ready to elope myself after this LOL.” “I was burnt out about a month into it.” “I’m overrrrrr it!” These are, of course, interspersed with commentary from more enthusiastic bridesto-be—this being a popular wedding planning site after all: “I love planning so much I don’t want it to end! I also love it so much I’m actually thinking of moonlighting as a wedding planner!” But bella628 had hit the nail on the head. The extravagant wedding-as-yearlong-

project is not for everyone. And going by the exclamatory intimations of weddingwire.com, some brides seem to pine for just the opposite: simple, economical, discreet, and low-profile. A covert operation. A stealth-attack marriage. A ninja wedding, if you will. Owing to their very nature, there aren’t a whole lot of experts

to consult for an article on such unions. No wedding planners can weigh in on color schemes, decorative trends, or other such dos and don’ts. There generally aren’t many caterers, wedding singers, or event rental companies involved in a wedding only a handful of people know about. The whole idea is to keep it intimate.

The only experts, really, are the couples themselves—couples like Dan and Kathy Ernst, owners of Grand Central Music Store in San Luis Obispo. On Dec. 12, 2013, a Thursday, Dan and Kathy were wed at Madonna Inn. “They didn’t know about it or anything like that,” Dan was quick to explain in a phone

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NINJA N UP TI A LS

Not every wedding has to be a project. Sometimes it’s more romantic to trade in the pomp and circumstance for an under-the-radar ceremony, as some local couples can attest. (Speaking of under-the-radar: These sweet ninja cake toppers, the handiwork of New Jersey craftswoman Kathy Bocchino, can be found for $50 at etsy.com/shop/ knottingwood.) PHOTO BY K ATHY BOCCHINO

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interview. “We just rented the room.” The Inn may be known as a prestigious and costly location for weddings and receptions, but there’s no rule that says guests can’t just sneak in a quick poolside wedding between breakfast that morning and horseback riding that afternoon. So that’s just what they did. That’s not to suggest that the Ernsts hadn’t thought the whole marriage thing through. Much to the contrary: The pair had been living together for four years to the day, and had been engaged for almost as long. But several unexpected life events—a death in the family; the groom’s illness—had insinuated themselves, forcing the couple to postpone their nuptials. The idea for their “stealth wedding”—both Dan and Kathy, when I spoke to them, quickly adopted this term—struck when the couple took a vacation to Tahoe last November.

“Everyone was teasing us, saying, ‘You’re going to come back married,’” laughed Kathy. “And we thought, ‘That’s not such a bad idea.’” They approached Andy Morris—DJ, wedding officiant, Grand Central Music employee, and good friend—and asked “How about Thursday?” according to Kathy. The couple booked a room— the event’s biggest expense— purchased f lowers on the way, and picked out a good spot by the waterfall. Happy coincidences seemed to attend all that happened that day: By the pool that morning, the two met another couple who were celebrating their anniversary— and, bizarrely, were just checking out of the room Dan and Kathy were about to stay in. Seeing the f lowers, the woman said, “Those are pretty, what are you doing?” Kathy remembers. “I said, ‘We’re pulling a stealth wedding! Shh!’” The couple offered to ser ve

Perfect Views

as impromptu photographers, providing Dan and Kathy with an album full of images from that day. Andy, Dan and Kathy’s officiant, abandoned his standard sermon in favor of a spontaneous speech that better suited the spirit of the moment. “He really just talked from the heart. We both thought we were going to be able to say something to each other, but we were just blubbering,” Kathy continued. “I’m tearing up even now. Andy just captured everything.” The entire ceremony lasted about 10 minutes, she said. The couple didn’t invite any guests—they had decided it was the only way to ensure that there were no hurt feelings, they explained, or frustrations over a short-notice invitation—and Kathy even waited until the day of the wedding to inform her adult children. Looking back, however, the pair appears confident they made the right decision. “We just wanted to make it

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off icial without making a fuss,” Kathy explained. “We just made it about us that day, instead of the guests.” Does she ever feel jealous of other couples’ pomp-andcircumstance weddings, I asked. “No. I’m completely happy with what we had,” Kathy said, and I completely believed her. Other local couples have gone stealth for different reasons. Take, for instance, local writer Fantasia Merry weather and her wife, grad student Ellowyn Tinsley.* Fantasia and Ellow yn were engaged in 2009 following the brief legalization of gay marriage in California, after dating for seven years. “In 2008 when it was made legal in California, and everyone was rushing to San Francisco and everything to get married, we thought, it’ ll be around. We’re not quite ready yet. We don’t want to rush into a wedding,” Fantasia

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said. “We’re ready to get married emotionally, but we don’t want to rush into the ceremony; we want to take time and plan it correctly. Well, lo and behold, Prop 8 passed and it wasn’t legal anymore. So then we had to wait.” After the Supreme Court deemed Prop 8 unconstitutional last summer, mak ing gay marriage legal once again in California, Fantasia and Ellowyn decided not to take any chances. They planned a wedding to take place in the winter of 2014—but wed in secret last September, “ just to get it in the books,” Fantasia explained. “We kept the secret because we still want—when we have the bigger wedding—we want people to come and not say, ‘Oh, you’re married already. We don’t need to come.’” At this point, Fantasia and her wife have wound up telling most of their close friends and family members—though not all of them, which is why I’m referring to the couple by ridiculously fake names. The civil ceremony lasted a half

hour, and each woman invited one close friend to serve as a witness. “It was great fun. We had our very good friends from L.A. come up and be with us. It was so cool. It was great, and they liked being in on the secret-ness of it. It was just the four of us. And we ended up with a really cool officiant, which was just the luck of the draw,” Fantasia recalled. Then there was the problem of keeping it a secret for more than a year. “I’ve told now most of the people—so I’m ruining your storyline!” Fantasia admitted with a laugh. “The idea was, we would go into it, just tell our very closest friends who we wanted to be our witnesses, and then as it got closer, I can’t remember how it came up with each person, but we would be like, ‘We can’t keep a secret from X,’ you know.” ∆ *Some names have been changed. Arts Editor Anna Weltner can be reached at aweltner@newtimesslo.com.

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PHOTO COURTESY OF SAR AH BEST

ooking through the window of a small room hidden inside Disney’s Fantasy cruise ship, a select group of people witness something more beautiful than the whimsical structures of the boat or even the miles of open ocean in front of them. They are witnessing the beginning of a new life chapter for two people in love. On Oct. 27, 2013, SLO residents Sheryl Flores and Sarah Best only paid attention to each other and the captain of their ship, who steered the brides from lives as bachelorettes to a life of partnership. All of the planning, hard work, and stress led to the magical moment where they both were able to utter the words “I do.” Flashback three months earlier: After a year and a half of planning, Best still hadn’t found her outfit of choice. Unlike her fiancé who was in bride mode for the majority of the engagement—planning their wedding/honeymoon aboard their own Disney fantasy followed by a trip to Disney World, plus color schemes, and bridal-party care packages—Best took her time to

pantsuit SAY ‘Y ES’ TO THE

F I N DI NG A DR E S S M IGH T BE E A S Y, BU T NON T R A DI T ION A L OP T IONS CA N BE T OUGH B Y TA L LY M E Y E R S

find an ivory pantsuit to match her lovely bride. “I took for granted how easy I thought it would be,” Best said. For the big day, the ladies wanted to incorporate old traditions with a modern twist, making their wedding as unique as they are. Each would have a surprise for the wedding day: Flores was denied the viewing of her ring, and Best was denied the viewing of her bride’s customdesigned Stephanie James vintage dress. For a significant other wanting to match her partner, not knowing the exact shade of the dress made suit shopping that much more difficult.

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“I wanted to look kind of sleek. I wanted something kind of nice and flowing and feminine, but I wanted to be comfortable,” Best said. “And I didn’t want it to feel like I was marrying a man,” Flores joked. Calling and visiting bridal stores, on top of tux rental shops, Best found the customer service she received to be subpar and would often be rudely scooted away. At one particular area shop, Best felt like anything but a bride searching for her wedding suit. “They were not nice at all,” Best said. “The guy actually broke away from us to go watch a basketball game.” “And just left us there,” Flores added.

Best was left wondering why it was so difficult to find a dress suit and why she felt shunned everywhere she turned. “It was awkward calling people,” Best said. “When I first started calling, I wasn’t telling people I was a lesbian bride. I just told them I was looking at a pantsuit and, still, I felt like I was constantly hitting a wall.” Flores, however, had the opposite experience finding the gown of her dreams. She knew she wanted a vintage, ’20s style v-neck at tealength and she only had one designer in mind: Stephanie James. Based in Costa Mesa since 2005, James specializes in vintage style wedding gowns. Because she knows

how special a wedding dress can be to a bride, she takes time with the bride to design a gown that expresses the bride’s personality and body shape. Flores’ experience was also eased by the fact that James is gay friendly. “She didn’t skip a beat. The experience with her was just amazing,” Flores said. “She was so sweet. I didn’t feel any different.” Because Best felt less comfortable shopping alone, Flores did “most of the leg work” to hunt down the perfect suit that would compliment not only her dress color, but her future wife’s style. “Because I didn’t actually have

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a dress to match up with—it was literally being cut out and made for me—it was the hardest part,” Flores said. Falling in love with a Carolina Herrera pantsuit she found online, Flores only ran into dead ends trying to find it, even after visiting Herrera’s Beverley Hills location. It’s sold out. It was only meant for a runway piece. That will be one arm, one leg, and a big toe, please. Panic began to set in. Not wanting to spend more than $4,000 with a budget of $1,500, and wanting Best to be fully clothed on the big day, the women settled for a Calvin Klein suit from Macy’s online (even Macy’s in Santa Maria did not have the pant suit in-store) hoping the color wouldn’t look tacky when paired with the dress. It was a perfect match. The only issue was that it was made for a woman twice Best’s height. She would have to take her

wedding suit somewhere she knew it was in safe hands. She decided to take it Fitting Image on South Broad Street, a 22-year-old business run by husband and wife Gary and Kitty Williams. “They did a great job. My suit looks fantastic,” Best raved. “In fact, they do pressings, too, for wedding attire, so when we do our reception [this summer] I am going to take it there rather than a dry cleaner, because they did such a great job and I trust them.” Kitty, as part owner of Fitting Image, prides her business on being precise and efficient as well as providing top grade customer service for every one of her clients. “I try to take each situation without evaluations and criticism or judgment,” Williams said. “And I try to tailor the garments for that person and make it special for them and not what I think needs to be done.” Tailoring and repairing garments from formal wear to wetsuits, Fitting Image boasts a staff of 13 who have customers keep coming back. “I expect for my staff to be discrete, professional, and treat every person with respect,” Williams said.

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PHOTOS COURTESY OF SAR AH BEST

IT A LL WORK ED OU T IN THE END

Sheryl Flores and Sarah Best both found the outf its they wanted for their special day … w ith a little extra effort.

“We bend over backwards to make it right for them.” With veils purchased, vacation clothes packed, and wedding wardrobes complete, the brides sailed off to the Caribbean to get hitched. After two years of planning and hoping their vows would be recognized by the state of California, the couple was relieved that gay marriage was made legal almost exactly four months prior to their big day. “We were actually able to go in and actually get a marriage license, which in itself was weird,” Flores said. “We didn’t know how they were going to act,” Best added. “Being gay, you never know how people’s responses are going to be. But they were nice, too.” According to Williams, at the peak of the season in mid-summer, wedding wear alterations make up 40 percent of her business, and in the past two years, there has been a slight increase in alterations to women’s suits. Other than large department

stores that carry seasonal garments, it’s tough to find local bridal stores that cater to a woman who does not feel comfortable in a dress on her big day. Although there isn’t a high demand for women’s formal suits, the customer base is definitely present. “I would say finding the garment is probably the hardest part,” Williams said. “I think the bridal shops should entertain getting some selection at this point.” Knowing how much trouble the couple went through to find a suit for Best to wear on one of the most memorable days of their lives, James contacted Flores in December to let her know that she was inspired to create a new line of feminine pantsuits for brides called the “Love is Love Collection.” The couple hopes that more options for women like Best will be made available in 2014 so prospective brides don’t have to go through what they did. “It shouldn’t have to be that hard,” Flores said. ∆ Intern Tally Meyers can be reached via Managing Editor Ashley Schwellenbach at aschwellenbach@newtimesslo.com.

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