New Times 55 Fiction 2014

55 FICTION

2014

JULY 3 - JULY 10, 2014 • VOL. 28, NO. 49 • W W W.NEW TIMESSLO.COM • SAN LUIS OBISPO COUNT Y’S NEWS AND ENTERTAINMENT WEEKLY

We like short stories and we cannot lie

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GET HAPPY, GET SAD, AND GET EVERYTHING IN BETWEEN WITH THIS YEAR’S 55 FICTION WINNERS

BY NEW TIMES STAFF

AN ODD PAIR

For the second year in a row, we invited guest judges to wade through the stacks of 55 Fiction entries and impose order on chaos, selecting the very best to print in our 27th annual 55 Fiction issue.

The judges were District 3 supervisor and former Cal Poly English lecturer Adam Hill; vinyl collector and longtime bookworm and bookstore employee Ken Samuels; and New Times Managing Editor Ashley Schwellenbach—unless, of course, you disagree with their selections, in which case: A pack of wild monkeys broke into the office and made the selections for us.

Sally loved to argue so she became a lawyer. With such a demanding career, she didn’t have time to search for love.

Fortunately, it found her in the park one sunny afternoon. She’d thought she would fall for a professional type. Instead, she fell for a mime. With one gesture, he could disarm her entirely.

L. G. KELTNER

THE CAT CLOCK In the attic was a cat clock who switched its tail and rolled its eyes. Spooky enough, but then it started ticking backwards, blinking its shifty, shiny eyes. I’d go out and everything that had already happened was just about to happen.

Spooky turned terrifying when things started disappearing as the cat clock grew fat

ALYSSA ROSE

San Luis Obispo

EVERLASTING LOVE I was impressed, seduced, first by his intelligence, knowledge.

Why the sky is blue, IALA-B, dianadromus fish, Afghanistan, fumaroles It ignited my passion, stoked my love, engulfed my life.

Chomsky, Cabernet, 401K. Adiabatic, Theolitic, Chardonnay.

Ten years later, he’s perfect, and I realize, as I look into his eyes Lord how I hate this man.

DON MACRAE Avon, CO

THE EDITOR The sidewalk lining Central Avenue is packed, a queu of restless vagrants stretching around the corner. “Try substituting the word ‘struggling’ for ‘having a hard time,’” she says.

“It’s all about economy of space.” To the next in line, “’Spaceship’ should be one word.” She shakes her head tiredly. So many panhandlers, so little time.

ON AND ON IT DRONED Five performers were speaking five phrases over and over, one after another, so that all one hundred and twenty possible permutations of those five phrases would be formed.

The audience squirmed. Some left quietly.

Finally it was over.

A few kind souls clapped lightly. Then, from the back of the auditorium, someone shouted MORE!

BRETT CLAY MILLER Broomfield, CO

DANIEL W. VANARSDALE Lompoc

EITHER/OR: A LOVE STORY. CIRCLE GIRLS Behind the red barn, as the summer sun descended, the circle girls yearned for their roots, but their budgets dissolved into grains of corn.

In fact, I heard they failed to see the wounded wildlife within themselves.

MARNIE PARKER San Luis Obispo

ILLUSTRATIONS BY COLIN O'SHAUGHNESSY TUCKER

Eleanor spent much of the party sorting shit from Shinola: Screenwriter or paralegal?

Flirt or nympho? Witty or off-putting?

Starving artist or bulimic?

Finally looking away, she opened the bathroom door: Lipstick on highball glasses.

Needle playing dust on the turntable.

Eleanor, pausing, would now vaccilate between scratching her watch and winding her ass.

LISA MESSNER FUNK San Luis Obispo

GUERRILLA GARDEN I was preoccupied watering when a uniformed man approached, demanding, “Is this your garden on My Property?!”

Who is this guy, Mr. Railroad?

And why did it take three years to realize I had planted a garden here?

The flowers enraged him; he threatened to throw us all in jail as they sparkled, dancing.

ALYSSA ROSE

San Luis Obispo

COUNTING FINGERS AGAIN Geraldine feeds the wolves ice cream, steak, hands full of scrambled eggs. Long tongues, sharp teeth wrap around her fingers, release and lunge again. A nip, a bite. She counts lumpy fingers. The pack forms around her, sweeps her into the darkness. She has frosted sugar cookies. With sprinkles. Her pockets are full of them.

MARY STEBBINS TAITT Grosse Pointe Farms, MI

HIGHCHAIR She sets a plate of his favorite foods on his highchair. She smiles lovingly throughout dinner.

Afterwards, her husband settles her in bed, then cleans up. Routinely, he dumps the untouched food into the trash and crawls in next to her. He prays to their departed son, and counts out his elderly wife’s morning medicine.

ONCE, A BIRD

AMANDA GALLAGHER

Daddy pulled a dried baby bird from his ear, once.

We were gathered around the table, chewing on corn flakes. He tried to hide it in a napkin, then his lap, but I noticed. He took us to the park that afternoon. I watched his eyes well up with tears while gazing at the trees.

Wallingford, PA

YOUSSEF ALAOUI Morro Bay

FOR A FRIEND He dragged the Cross through the streets, up the Hill, then nailed Hands and feet. No one gave him a Smoke or something to drink.

But I’ll Bet He would have liked a Final smoke I imagine. Him, nailed up there with a Cig dangling from His lips (from Mary M). I forgive You fucks.

LEE HAMMERLUND Morro Bay

55 FICTION continued page 15

55 FICTION continued from 13

YOURS TO LOOK AT, FOREVER KNOCKED OUT OF HIS WITS After his head injury he began to hear things. When no one believed him, he stopped talking about it. But it left him in constant awe. Everyone was singing. The trees, rocks, animals, bugs, everything. People thought he was crazy and avoided him, but he merely pitied them in their bland, ordinary world.

Sprites scattered the living room when I entered this morning. Emptiness filled it, as if everyone stopped talking. I will buy that bus ticket today.

And marriage? Take this photo.

Place it somewhere, your favorite mirror. I will hover among layers of powder and memory. Your window, I’ll float in tree limbs and storm clouds.

YOUSSEF ALAOUI Morro Bay

ALYSSA ROSE

San Luis Obispo

THE DARE Although secretly terrified, he couldn’t refuse, being only twelve. He was famous for taking on any outrageous or dangerous dare.

But this Redwood was an ancient behemoth hundreds of feet tall with spirals of branches no thicker than twiggy fingers.

Eventually, he did it. The problem was, he lost all desire to go back down.

ALYSSA ROSE

San Luis Obispo

ILLUSTRATIONS BY COLIN O'SHAUGHNESSY TUCKER

THE FIRST TIME They went to the beach to embark on her maiden voyage. It was almost dainty, rustling on the narrow blanket, delicately avoiding the sand. Afterwards, he swam; she explored his wallet.

Found the photos of the wife, children, the ring squashed by the credit cards. Would they ask how he got sand in his hair?

GREY HARLOWE CICADAS’ LULLABY It was about this time of day late evening. August night, hot, and the cicdas were just tuning up.

Like any orchestra, they fiddled to find pitch, while he fiddled the lock.

Ratcheting up the racket, they eventually become the mellow backdrop of nightfall, a lullaby while fading into sleep.

Then came the scream lullaby’s harsh climax.

GARY KATONA Los Osos