NT25 Full Issue by New Times Media Group, San Luis Obispo

Shredder’s got your fortune, but you might not find it favorable [22] A U G U S T

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Shredder

These truths we hold [20] S

Moss was on a roll

In our 25th Anniversary issue, you’ll find a game of croquet interrupted [8],, an introduction to the New Times Way written by the paper’s founder [29], meet a few of our favorite Steves [37], chuckle over ads from yesteryear [42], and help Glen Starkey lament his lost youth [83].

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543-RIBS (7427) www.newtimesslo.com • August 11 - August 18, 2011 • New Times • 3

Contents

August 11 - August 18, 2011

Editor’s note

This week cover We’ve told some stories in our day! ...44

news Morro Bay says no to otter appreciation.........................6 Oceano woman attempts to open pot collective..................... 10

opinion Glen Starkey laments his lost youth ..................................83

arts ASTRO: We’re a Leo, hear us roar ............................... ….32 STEVE!: These are a few of our favorite Steves ........……37 TIME WARP: Take a gander at how things look at 25… ............................ .38 DESIGN: View the covers that might have been…. .................40 BACK TO THE FUTURE: Take a look at ads from days gone past...........42 LITERATURE: 55 Fiction is full of ups and downs, comedy and tragedy .... 46

cuisine Apologize with food........................86

ew Times has never been a job, and I doubt very much that it ever will be. It’s something you do because you think it’s important, a place you go because you know it will be fun and probably push you to the edge of your control and sanity—and maybe, probably, beyond. No two days at New Times are alike. If they’re heady and excitAND THE ing, it’s never for the same reason. And when they’re WINNER IS … In honor of our 25th really, really bad, it’s always a different conundrum. anniversary issue, We owe Steve Moss for birthing this impossible we allowed you, the reader, to pick beast, and the community for allowing it to grow the cover. and increasingly flex its muscles over the course of the last 25 years. But we’re also indebted to the people who have made the paper their home, for a short or long while, the people who keep coming back, day after day, despite the fact that print journalism has been labeled a dying animal. So this week, we’re celebrating, reminding you of all the reasons you’ve loved us, of all the times you’ve hated or questioned us. And reminding ourselves why we do this. Interrupt a staff croquet game [8], quiver with outrage as Shredder dabbles in astrology [22], read Steve Moss’ take on the New Times Way [26], and read an apology recipe from a food columnist who thinks SLO has a lot to offer [86]. cover image by Russ Hodin cover design by Alex Zuniga

Ashley Schwellenbach managing editor

VolumE 26, numbER 2

Every week news

movies

News ........................... 6 Citizen’s Alert............... 6 Viewer Discretion .......10 Strokes & Plugs ..........14

Split Screen................ 64 Reviews and Times ... 66

opinion

Artifacts ..................... 35 Art Bash!.....................81

This Modern World .....16 Street Talk...................18 Letters ........................16 Hodin ..........................16 Jerry James ................17 Shredder .................... 20

art detours Geek Out ..................109 Brezsny’s Astrology... 111 News and Blues ....... 112

the rest

music Strictly Starkey ........... 56 Club Listings .............. 62

Classifieds................. 114 Real Estate ............... 114

Events calendar Hot Dates .................. 90 Special Events ........... 92 Stage ......................... 92 Film & TV ................... 95 Music ......................... 95 Writers & Literature ... 96 Art .............................. 98 Kid Stuff .................... 101

Outdoors ..................102 Sports & Wellness ....102 Farmers Markets ......104 Lectures & Learning...106 Fundraisers ...............108 Support Groups ........108 Volunteers ................108

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News

August 11 - 18, 2011

➤ Old Staff Photos [12] ➤ Strokes & Plugs [14]

What the county’s talking about this week

Citizen’s

Alert

BENEFITS, MEETINGS, PROTESTS, FORUMS

MONDAY, AUG. 15

Grover Beach City Council public meets in the City Hall Council Chambers, Grover Beach City Hall, 154 S. Eighth St. at 6:30 p.m. Info: 489-9657. Morro Bay Planning Commission meets at 6 p.m. in the Morro Bay Veterans Hall, 209 Surf St. Info: 772-6200. Watch it live on Morro Bay Charter channel 20. Replay: 1 a.m., 9 a.m., 6 p.m. daily.

TUESDAY, AUG. 16

SLO County Board of Supervisors meets at 9 a.m. in the County Government Center on Monterey Street in SLO. Info: 781-5450. Watch it live on Charter Countywide channel 21. Replay: Tuesday, 6 p.m.; Wednesday, 8:30 a.m.; Sunday: 5:30 p.m. Arroyo Grande Planning Commission meets at 6 pm in the City Council Chambers. Meetings will be televised live on Arroyo Grande’s government access channel 20 and rebroadcast each day for one week at 9 a.m., 6 p.m., and 1 a.m. and the following Thursday and Sunday immediately following the rebroadcast meeting. Info: 473-5404. Atascadero Planning Commission meets at 7 p.m., at City Hall, 6907 El Camino Real. Info: 4668099. Paso Robles City Council meets at 7:30 p.m. at City Hall, 1000 Spring St. Info: 237-3888. Pismo Beach City Council meets at 4:30 p.m., at City Hall, 760 Mattie Road. Info: 773-4657. Watch it live on Pismo Beach Charter Channel 20. Replay: 1 a.m., 9 a.m., 6 p.m., daily. SLO City Council meets at 7 p.m. in the Council Chamber of City Hall, 990 Palm St. Info: 781-7100. Templeton CSD Board of Directors meets in the Board Meeting Room at 206 5th St. Info: 434-4900.

THURSDAY, AUG. 18 SLO City Housing Authority meets at noon in the Housing Authority offices, 487 Leff St. Info: 543-4478.

THE POWERS THAT BE County Board of Supervisors: Room 370, County Government Center SLO, 93408; phone: 7815450; fax: 781-1350. Email: caispuro@co.slo.ca.us; Web: www.co.slo.ca.us/ Board_of_Supervisors_ Inter.nsf

Morro Bay snubs sea otters

he City of Morro Bay is no stranger to raising awareness for a slew of issues from autism to tourism to bikes. Since the new City Council took the reigns in January 2011, the city has issued 10 proclamations for “awareness.” But if the local commercial fishing community has its druthers, the city won’t recognize “Sea Otter Awareness Week.” The month of May, for example, was designated as “National Tourism Month,” “Bike Month,” and “National Drowning Prevention Month.” One week in May was designated as “Police Week,” another “Bike to Work and School Week,” and past favorites include feel-good themes like “Grand Jury Awareness Month,” and “Month of the Child.” While soliciting support for their national campaign to raise awareness for the plight of the threatened sea otter, the nonprofit conservation organization Defenders of Wildlife asked Mayor Bill Yates to place an item on the City Council’s agenda to designate the last week in September “Sea Otter Awareness Week”—just as the city has for the past six years. In their first interaction with the new mayor and council, however, the Defenders were taken aback when they got a polite “pass.” In an e-mail response, Yates rejected the group’s request, citing opposition from the Morro Bay Commercial Fisherman’s Association. “The overwhelming message from the [association] is: Do not pass this proclamation,” Yates wrote in an e-mail to his colleagues and the Defenders. “To say their feelings are strong would be an understatement.” Yates supported his decision by citing the city’s “unequivocal” support of local fishermen in the past. In his e-mail, he noted that if any two council members disagreed with his decision, he would allow the item on the agenda for the Aug. 23 meeting. As of press time, there was no dissenting opinion. Current population estimates indicate there are roughly 2,700 otters in California. Jim Curland, a marine biologist and otter expert with the Defenders, told New Times the population has taken a hit in recent years from disease and habitat degradation. “This just caught us by surprise that they weren’t even interested in a response from anyone in the community other than the fishermen,” Curland said. “If the mayor wanted to do a true pulse of the people that live in Morro Bay, I think he’d find

Police find kidnapped child after search

A community scrambled after 4-year-old Jeremy Guthrie was abducted early on the morning of Aug. 5. After a short search, the boy

there’s a great interest from people that like to go kayaking or boating. I think that using just a gauge from the fishing community isn’t a fair pulse.” Curland said the organization has faced similar opposition in other cities in the past, and that many fishermen see the sea otter as a nuisance at best and sometimes competition, based on its shellfish diet. “I think it might be a little shortsighted to talk about the losses to the fishing industry because of the otters,” Curland said. “The fact is they have to look at the big picture and the otter’s role as a keystone species for the environment, as well as their economic role as far as promoting ecotourism.” Councilman Noah Smukler told New Times he wanted to support the proclamation, but admitted it could be tough to gather support from his fellow

PHOTO ILLUSTRATION

OTTER NONSENSE? For the first time in six years, the Morro Bay City Council may forego raising awareness for the threatened sea otter, citing opposition from the fishing community.

is safely back with his mother. On Aug. 5, the Atascadero Police Department reported that Guthrie had been abducted, allegedly by 52-year-old Annette Hale, from the El Camino Homeless Organization located in the First Baptist

WeekendWeather COASTAL ➤ High 65 Low 55 INLAND ➤ High 94 Low 52

THURSDAY

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COASTAL ➤ High 64 Low 56 INLAND ➤ High 91 Low 52

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6 • New Times • August 11 - August 18, 2011 • www.newtimesslo.com

council members without appearing to slight the fishermen. Smukler also said that in light of the city’s efforts to boost tourism, promoting the local otter population just makes sense. “The otters are an important indicator species that many locals and visitors really enjoy,” he said. “This just doesn’t seem consistent to me.” A Fisherman’s Association representative could not be reached for comment. According to former mayor Janice Peters, resident sea otters are a benefit to local tourism. Making such a proclamation is, in reality, only a symbolic gesture, Peters said, but one she and previous council members seemed happy to make in the past. Peters admitted the issue is sensitive and something that showcases the tight balancing act the City Council has when considering the interests of the fishing community as well as the environmental community. Δ —Matt Fountain

Church in Atascadero. Police issued a widespread amber alert, coordinated with local media, opened tip lines, and began searching for the boy. Guthrie was located in the early evening of the same day in an abandoned Atascadero car dealership and reunited with his mother soon after. Community members rallied after news of the kidnapping broke, clogging online comment sections with tips, posting and re-posting news stories on Facebook, and some had even planned a candlelight vigil. Hale was arrested and booked in the San Luis Obispo County jail on $1 million bail for alleged kidnapping. If convicted she could face between three and eight years, according to state penal codes. She had a few prior crimes, according to the Atascadero Police Department, but no history of kidnapping or violent crime. NEWS continued page 10

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www.newtimesslo.com • August 11 - August 18, 2011 • New Times • 7

Lawn ornaments Lawn ornaments

New Times’ staff embraces SLO’s yuppie roots New Times’ staff embraces SLO’s yuppie roots

ALEX ZUNIGA publisher/art director ALEX ZUNIGA Chronic problem-solver, publisher/art director weakness for Chinese problem-solver, food Chronic and baseball. weakness for Chinese food and baseball.

ASHLEY SCHWELLENBACH, managingASHLEY editor SCHWELLENBACH, Mastered the pogo stick. managing editor Mastered the pogo stick.

LAUREN COOK intern COOK Lives in LAUREN a commune. intern Lives in a commune.

PHOTO BY STEVE E. MILLER

BRENDAN ROWE graphic designer BRENDAN Everything he likesROWE is graphic designer either illegal, fattening, Everything he likes is addictive, expensive, either illegal, fattening, or impossible. addictive, expensive, or impossible.

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CINDY RUCKER CINDY business RUCKER department business department

COLIN RIGLEY news editor As a COLIN child, heRIGLEY was editor so afraidnews of ducks As a child, he was his parents had to so afraid of ducks give him a pep talk his parents had to before a field trip. give him a pep talk before a field trip.

Huge Cosigning Problem

Ask Roxanne Ask Roxanne Your Mortgage Questions Answered By Your Mortgage Questions Roxanne Carr Answered By Roxanne Carr

Q: “Back in ‘92 my parents asked me to add my name for my brother’s home purchase. I did so to Huge Problem help the Cosigning family; I have never lived at his home, made payments, or used it for tax purposes. In 2002 “Backasked in ‘92me myto parents asked meand to add my name forfrom my brother’s purchase. I didnever so to myQ: brother do a quit-claim remove myself the deed,home so I did since I have family;inI the havehome. neverWell, lived recently at his home, payments, or useda ithome for tax purposes. In great 2002 hadhelp anythe interest my made wife and I tried buying - we both had my brother askedmake me togood do a quit-claim and remove myself from the deed, All so Iwas did since I havewe never credit in the 720’s, income, never been late on any payments. good until got had any the home. Well, recently my wife has and been I triedlate buying a home - we had great denied for interest the loaninbecause it turns out my brother every month onboth his mortgage in the makeObviously good income, never been on any Allbarely was good until got forcredit the past 30 720’s, months.... this reflects bad late on me and payments. now he can afford towe make for the loan because turns out my the brother has late month his refinance mortgage thedenied payments every month and itrefuses to sell house to been get me offevery the loan. Heon can’t for thehe past months.... Obviously thishave reflects me and nowhe hehas canto barely afford to because has30bad credit and does not a lotbad of on income since pay spouse & make child the payments every monthwithholds and refuses to sell and the house me off is the Heany can’t refinance support and unemployment his wages I.R.S. to Myget question doloan. I have rights; can I he this has loan bad since creditits and does not have a lot of sincea he has Can to pay spouse & back child of income ever buying home. I put myself getbecause myself off affecting my chances his wages and I.R.S. My question do I have rights; can I on support the deedand andunemployment sell the housewithholds to get myself off the loan. Or can a family is member tryany and refinance of ever I put myself back myself loanme since my stuck chances theget home for off himthis to get offits theaffecting loan!! I am what can Ibuying do?” a home. CanR., Temecula, CA on the deed and sell the house to get myself off the loan. Or can a family member try and refinance A: the Yes, sorry, the me hugeoff the had loan!! a chance to stuck step inwhat at ancan early mortgagor. Of course a loan serhome for this him is to get I am I do?” R., Temecula, CA

problem with cosigning. It is such a stage. A cosignor, of which you are vicer should have alerted you. A: you Yes,were sorry, is the huge now had a chance to same step inresponsibilat an early mortgagor. Of course a loan sershame not this notified of the aware, has the canshould put youhave back on title, for sure, with It is have such a itystage. A cosignor, you are He vicer alerted you. lateproblem payments socosigning. that you might for paying the loanof aswhich the primary you can try to bring the loan curshame you were not notified of the now aware, has the same responsibil- and He can put you back on title, for sure, late payments so that you might have ity for paying the loan as the primary and you can try to bring the loan cur-

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8 • New Times 11 • August 11 18, - August 2011 • www.newtimesslo.com 8 • New Times • August - August 2011 •18, www.newtimesslo.com

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rent. You cannot sell a house to yourself, sorry. You can refinance to get someone else off, the very poor rent. You cannot sellbut a house to yourpayment willrefinance stay with you self, sorry.record You can to get for seven else years facilitate someone off,and butwould the very poor apayment certain rejection forstay eitherwith of you. record will you for seven years and would facilitate Can someone else refinance in their a certain for either you.not name andrejection get you both off? of Well, unless they have on title Can someone elsebeen refinance in for theirat least A family member, name six andmonths. get you both off? Well, not ifunless they they so choose, could in and have been on step title for at buy house, orA course, and get leastthe six months. family member, if theyown so choose, could stepainmess. and their mortgage. What buy the house, or course, and get Good luck. Copyright © 2011 Roxanne Carr their own mortgage. What a mess. Good luck.

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www.newtimesslo.com •• August August 11 - August www.newtimesslo.com August 18, 18, 2011 2011 •• New New Times Times••113 113

NOT PICTURED: Rhonda O’Dell (Advertising Rep.), Jody Harmon (Editorial Designer), Tadhg Morrison (Receptionist), Fred Bohnhoff (Circulation Manager), Glen Starkey (Staff Writer), Jack Johnson (Intern), Susan Stewart (Proofreader), Colby Courter (Marketing Coordinator).

ROBERT MCDONALD staff writer Fantasizes about being an investment banker.

RYAN MILLER executive editor Doesn’t like Sir Lancelot. At all. DORA MOUNTAIN graphic designer Likes Goose better than Maverick.

MATT FOUNTAIN staff writer They call him Wonderboy!

KATHY JOHNSTON contributing writer and proofreader Sets up her office workspace on the croquet lawn. JENNY GOSNELL graphic designer Is allergic to beeswax.

NICK POWELL calendar editor Likes meat.

KATY GRAY advertising rep Here all week!

STEVE E. MILLER staff photographer Cheers to all, and goodnight!

TRACEY JOYNER SCURI advertising rep

HEATHER WALTER assistant art director Favorite smurf was Handy.

KAI BEECH intern Once arrested for biting a salsa waiter.

www.newtimesslo.com • August 11 - August 18, 2011 • New Times • 9

VIEWER DISCRETION to residents and business owners in the immediate area: “We’re doing things the It took about 12 hours to locate Guthrie right way and for the right reasons.” after he was reported missing, sometime Law enforcement and county around 6 a.m. The search was conducted government officials still have concerns, with more than 70 law enforcement specifically that the dispensary would officials including the Atascadero PD, attract criminals to the area. Atascadero State Hospital, Paso Robles But Murray said she’s confident her PD, California Highway Patrol, and the business will “attract the right kind Federal Bureau of Investigation. of people.” “Pretty much every city employee Murray has first-hand knowledge who was working, or could, came in,” of what she says are the benefits of Atascadero PD Public Information Officer marijuana. A retired U.S Air Force Gregg Meyer said. veteran, Murray said she suffers from Guthrie was located after someone tinnitus and residual pain from a servicemade a 911 call and reported the boy related ankle injury. had been seen at the abandoned car “I’ve been a homeopathic practitioner dealership. for over 20 years,” she said, adding that “We now have reason to believe the she believes in taking medication that’s caller was the suspect,” Meyer said. organic rather than “something that’s “Don’t ask me why.” made out of synthetic chemicals that Hale was located you’re body can’t process.” PHOTO COURTESY OF SLO and arrested shortly COUNTY SHERIFF’S DEPARTMENT Employees at the San Luis after without Obispo County Department of incident. Planning and Building didn’t Guthrie sustained return phone calls as of no injuries but was press time. taken to Twin Cities SLO Sheriff’s Department Community Hospital spokesman Rob Bryn declined for evaluation and to comment on the dispensary, released. “but we still believe that [medical Asked about the marijuana] storefronts are search, Meyer said it illegal.” was overwhelmingly —Amy Asman successful given the various agencies Atascadero involved and the public comment fact that training for change raises multi-jurisdictional IN CUSTODY Police operations are public worries arrested Annette Hale on usually aimed at Feel free to ask all the questions Aug. 5 of suspected kidnatural disasters. you want of the Atascadero City napping after a 12-hour “The longer an search for 4-year-old Jeremy Council, just don’t expect any incident goes on the lengthy responses. Guthrie in Atascadero. less likely you are Atascadero City Clerk Marcia to find the person or Torgerson changed wording in at least find the person in good health,” the description of public comment at city Meyer said. “… The fact that it went meetings and is feeling some backlash. as well as it did is a testament for the But it’s not that big of a deal, Torgerson agencies to work well together.” told New Times, because nothing’s really —Colin Rigley changing. “I change the explanations on that agenda all the time … so I just added Marijuana dispensary that as a little reminder to everybody,” proposed in Oceano

by Steve E. Miller

NEWS from page 6

A Central Coast business owner wants to open a medical marijuana dispensary in Oceano. Tammy Murray moved to the area about a year ago from Goshen in the Central Valley, where she owned and operated a club called Compassionate Cannabis Information Center, Inc. Murray said she refers to her business as a club to avoid any legal uncertainty. She applied for a minor use permit in May, and is still waiting for approval. Murray said she decided to open a club in San Luis Obispo County after reading about Narcotics Task Force raids of local mobile collectives. “That prompted me to think, ‘People really need a safe access point for the distribution of medical marijuana,’” she said. So Murray started looking at real estate. County codes require dispensaries to be located at least 1,000 feet away from schools and other areas where youth congregate. They also can’t be located in central business districts. Murray hopes to open the dispensary on the 1400 block of South Fourth Street in Oceano. Escrow closed on the property on April 20 of this year. Murray said she’s already reached out

Torgerson said. Specifically, the little reminder now reads on city agendas: “Comments made during Community Forum will not be a subject of discussion.” The rhetoric tweaks caused public backlash from people who felt Torgerson was not only violating the Brown Act (the state law that dictates how public meetings should be conducted), but trying to limit public comment. Residents have rebelled against the change by writing letters to the editor in the Atascadero News. At least one resident, outspoken activist David Broadwater, planned to address the issue at the City Council’s Aug. 9 meeting. (New Times went to press before the scheduled meeting.) “Denying, on the one hand, that the ability of the public to interact with their elected and appointed officials is being

restricted while, on the other hand, demonstrating that restricting that ability is exactly what’s going on, Ms. Torgerson has shown that’s been the plan all along,” Broadwater said in a written comment to New Times. Torgerson said she made the change because of recent meetings in which councilmembers have held lengthy discussions to respond to questions raised during public comment. However, she said, the Brown Act states that the City Council should not discuss items that aren’t on the agenda. She said the change was made to comply with the Brown Act and public comment will not be restricted. “It’s the exact opposite; we’re trying not to violate the Brown Act,” she said. —Colin Rigley NEWS continued page 13

Homeless Project: Dane Senser time there curled up on the At age 56, Dane Senser believed he’d finally found floor in a room with six other his dream job. While working in San Luis Obispo, men. Senser said, he was offered a six-month job at a resort Senser eventually made it in Hawaii. back to San Luis Obispo, but Senser said he was told that he would be paid $15 he’s remained homeless for more than three years. an hour and would be able to live at the property he Senser was deeply affected by the murder of his was going to be overseeing virtually rent free. brother in a 1994 stabbing in San Diego. In preparation for the trip to Hawaii, Senser sold “It never leaves your mind,” he said. many of his belongings and hopped on a one-way He also lost his mother to cancer, he said. His cruise ship bound for the islands. Upon arrival, emotions well up when he mentions he was homeless in Senser said, he was greeted with devastating news. Dane Senser Hawaii with no way to get to her in her final days. “The guy told me that the job was no longer Although Senser has been homeless for so long, he still has goals available,” Senser said. “He gave me $200 and said, ‘Good luck.’” in mind. Senser was homeless for the first time in his life. “I’m a fighter, I fight for the homeless,” he said. “The first two nights I slept in alleyways,” he said. “I didn’t care. He wants to raise funds to help the homeless. Senser believes I said, ‘I hope they stab me.’ That’s how depressed I was.” that because he’s seen many people struggle first hand, he’d be A short time later, Senser discovered a rehab facility that housed people with drug or alcohol issues. Although he’d never had able to help those in need of assistance. “There is a solution,” he said. “I would like to see nobody any issues with drugs or alcohol, he said, Senser begged to stay, homeless.” ∆ and he was eventually allowed to sleep at the facility. He spent New Times is publishing profiles of certain individuals as a service to the community, but without making any warranty or representation as to the background or qualifications of any individual profiled herein for employment, residence, or other purposes. The information provided herein is offered on an “as is” basis, and is provided with the understanding that New Times is not engaged in rendering any professional advice or service. In no event shall New Times be liable for any damages whatsoever, whether direct, indirect, general, special, compensatory, consequential, and/or incidental, arising out of or relating to any use of this service, or from communications or meetings between users of this service, including, without limitation, lost profits, bodily injury, emotional stress and/or other damages. New Times does not guarantee the accuracy, completeness, or usefulness of any information contained in these profiles, and individuals are encouraged to make their own independent evaluation of any statements made herein. New Times is not responsible for the conduct of any individuals who may use this service, and New Times makes no representation or warranties and expressly disclaims any and all liability concerning any treatment, action by, or effect on any person providing or using any information offered herein. If one or more of the provisions contained in this Disclaimer is, for any reason, held to be invalid, illegal, or unenforceable in any respect, then for the maximum extent permitted by law, the invalidity, illegality, or unenforceability will not affect any other provision of this Disclaimer.

10 • New Times • August 11 - August 18, 2011 • www.newtimesslo.com

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12 • New Times • August 11 - August 18, 2011 • www.newtimesslo.com

News

SATURDAY, AUGUST 20th

Defendants demand court prove jurisdiction in felony case

Two men accused of filing false claims against a Santa Barbara County Superior Court judge were back in court on Aug. 4 in Santa Barbara for their arraignment on felony charges in the matter. San Luis Obispo marketing executive Jeff Lind and co-defendant Tom Murphy of Los Osos sat before Judge Jean Dandona to respond to charges of attempting to procure a false instrument for record, conspiracy to commit a crime, and attempted filing of a false document related to a single-family residence. The charges stem from Lind and Murphyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s filing of a â&#x20AC;&#x153;National Standards Damage Claim Packetâ&#x20AC;? alleging more than $77 million in damages against Judge Kay Kuns, the original presiding judge in Lindâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s misdemeanor case. In that case, Lind stands accused of threatening a witness, a result of a December runin with Guadalupe police officer Robert Ortega in a Santa Maria court. Ortega was the arresting officer in the DUI arrest of one of Lindâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s relatives. Both Lind and Murphy contend the county must answer their countersuit and prove it has the jurisdiction to try their cases, as they claim there are no injured parties or damaged property. The court system doesnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t see the claims as legitimate. During the most recent hearing, Lind and Murphy repeatedly brought up the counterclaim and asked to file a 45-day continuance with the court in order to give the court time to answer the question of jurisdiction raised in the document. Judge Dandona overruled the objection, and becoming visibly frustrated, implored Lind and Murphy to obtain attorneys to file the motion on their behalf. Both men answered they would reserve their rights to obtain counsel but also did not commit to hiring an attorney. Murphy and Lind requested a continuance to obtain counsel and Dandona agreed to continue arraignment on the felony charges to Aug. 25. Up to this point, Lind and Murphy have refused to be represented by counsel, claiming bar attorneys are part of a judicial extortion scheme. â&#x20AC;&#x153;As soon as you hire an attorney, you surrender all your rights as one of the people,â&#x20AC;? Murphy said. Dandona ordered Lind to apply for a public defender in the misdemeanor case, which he did, but it was determined he didnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t fall into the financial parameters to qualify. Lind must represent himself or secure legal representation before his next court appearance. Immediately following the hearing, Lind and Murphy filed a motion for continuance, an order to discharge, and a second notice of unlawful proceeding with the court, accusing Judge Dandona of treason. â&#x20AC;&#x153;What we have exposed in these cases undermines their whole process as treason,â&#x20AC;? Murphy said. â&#x20AC;&#x153;It makes them liable for damages and they donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t want to acknowledge it.â&#x20AC;? â&#x20AC;&#x201D;Jeremy Thomas

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News Strokes&Plugs a Downtown Main Street Event

ART SCENE Gallery director Rachel Eckert believes Paso Robles is growing into a premier art destination. PHOTO BY STEVE E. MILLER

8th Annual Paso Robles

BY JACK JOHNSON

Olive Festival

Saturday August 20, 2011 10 am. to 5 pm. in the Paso Robles Downtown Park

www.PasoOliveFestival.com (805) 238-4103

14 • New Times • August 11 - August 18, 2011 • www.newtimesslo.com

Paso Renaissance

Pierce Modern Gallery is the latest addition to Paso’s burgeoning art scene

aso Robles is known for its scenic rolling hills and expansive vineyards. Tourists and wine enthusiasts alike flock to the Central Coast location to taste the fruit of the vines and take in the local fine dining. But Paso is quickly developing a third dimension to make this a sophisticated trio: art. The rural community’s bubbling art scene has been steadily increasing in notoriety, and a third gallery has now settled into a new space in downtown Paso Robles. Pierce Modern Gallery opened its doors at 617 12th St., right next to the Vale Fine Art gallery. The newly renovated space showcases a unique blend of contemporary fine art from a wide array of artists both living and deceased. Owner Jeffrey Pierce said that his inspiration for creating Pierce Modern was simply that he “always loved to go to galleries,” and “wanted to create a space that had a museum feel.” With the assistance of directors Rachel Eckert and Giuseppe Bellissima, Pierce has created a gallery that has the feel of something you would find in the larger markets of San Francisco or Los Angeles. The art that lines the gallery walls and the sculptures that dot the floors are mostly from “working artists from the West,” according to Pierce, and he also has a number of pieces on display from his personal collection. Overall, there is no unifying theme to the works on display, and this plays into the overall strategy of the directors as they attempt to appeal to locals as well as tourists traveling from San Francisco or Los Angeles, looking to purchase high-end artwork. In addition to an abundance of pop-art paintings and labor-intensive sculptures of both steel and alabaster, Bellissima said that the landscape and western art pieces in the gallery were brought in with local tastes in mind. He wanted to add some “sculptures that are not flimsy, and made out of bronze and raw materials,” which he thinks will appeal to the local ranching community. This mixture of different styles seems to collectively capture the attention of all art appreciators, without leaving anyone’s palate dry. The gallery itself feels like something

created in a different time, and when you take a step inside, you forget that you are in Paso Robles altogether. “We wanted to have a 1950s New York vibe,” Bellissima said. The interior walls are stark white, which allows the artwork to really pop. The floors were intentionally left unfinished, giving the space a gritty, industrial look that makes you question whether you are in a gallery or an artist’s workspace. So why is Paso Robles beginning to blossom into an artistic haven? Pierce Modern gallery director Rachel Eckert, who also assisted in creating the Vale Fine Art studio in July, believes it “has a lot to do with the wine industry as well as the food industry. I’ve been in Paso Robles for 13 years and have tried to stay involved in the local art scene and now that it is expanding and broadening, everyone is happy. We are trying to hook up with other galleries so we can put together an art walk.” Bellissima added “the combination of great wineries and great restaurants is bringing a level of sophistication.” Gallery owner Pierce would like to bring in some new pieces every two months, saying he “always has an eye out” for new artists. The gallery is currently showing artist Michael Heath who is from Pierce’s hometown, Palm Springs, California. Pierce explained that artists who live in the desert create a lot of the art that is displayed. Pierce Gallery is open Thursday through Sunday from 12 to 9 p.m. or by appointment. You can check out more information at piercemodern.com or call them at 975-8640.

Fast Fact

Come see the Ruiz brothers grilling up chicken on the barbeque in support of their uncle Jaime Gutierrez, who is recovering from kidney cancer surgery. There will be food, refreshments, and live music. Tickets are $8 and the event will be held at St. Joseph Church at 298 S. Thompson St. in Nipomo. Email Ivan Ruiz at irv301ruiz@ yahoo.com if you would like to buy a ticket or support the event. ∆ This week’s Strokes&Plugs was compiled by intern Jack Johnson. Send your business news to Strokesandplugs@newtimesslo.com.

Opinion ? Questions for: Garret Farmer

SLO Bike Kitchen volunteer since 2008 860 Pacific St. #105, SLO, CA 93401 NEW TIMES What is the Bike Kitchen? FARMER It’s a communitydriven space for bicycle education and do-it-yourself repairs. People come work and learn how to work on their bicycles. NEW TIMES How does the Kitchen support itself economically? FARMER The SLO Bike Kitchen is 100% volunteer run, but we also ask for a $5 donation for use of the space, tools, and any help that can be provided. There are also extra parts that have been donated that are available, as well as complete bikes that have been used as tools for education and volunteer training that can be bought. NEW TIMES You’ve been in a new space since 2010, how’s it treating you? FARMER Amazing. It’s really everything the kitchen has always needed to make itself a successful sustainable program. We got lucky. It’s the perfect location right near downtown and on the Bicycle Boulevard. NEW TIMES How many people has the Kitchen served so far? FARMER Just over 2200 since it moved into this space in April of 2010. NEW TIMES What new developments would you like to see happen in the Kitchen over this next year? FARMER New volunteers getting more involved. Seeing as how it runs solely on volunteers, I want to be certain the Kitchen has a permanent future in SLO. I want to see the Kitchen continue to grow, with more clinics and more community involvement. Volunteers to man more open hours would be nice too. ∆

➤ Letters [16] ➤ Hodin [16] ➤ Jerry James [17]

➤ Street talk [19] ➤ Shredder [20]

Commentary

BY ed ConnollY

A founder reflects Alex Zuniga, who is the co-publisher and art director of New Times, talks history with the opinion editor CONNOLLY How did the paper start? ZUNIGA Steve Moss had worked for a paper back East, Syracuse New Times, and when he returned here (he was originally from Southern California), he got involved with a monthly magazine for senior citizens. Bev Johnson had been working in radio advertising and the two ended up together by answering an ad for roommates, I believe. They got the idea to start the paper and began researching how to do it. CONNOLLY How did you become involved? ZUNIGA Steve and Bev had hooked up with someone at Cal Poly to help out, which is how I became involved; the day before the first paper was published. They were having some production issues; I was doing work as a student at Cal Poly with University Graphic Systems when I walked in. They were doing exactly what I had been doing, except they were using one of the first Macintosh computers, the Mac Plus. I took the ball and ran, got it done, and the next thing I knew I was driving to the press to pick up the papers and deliver them. The first cover story was an in-depth look at the burgeoning restaurant industry in SLO. We had 28 pages and published every two weeks for maybe the first two months but realized publishing a weekly would be just as hard, so we went for it, working seven days a week for a while. There were no more than four of us, always working on a deadline. I just happened to own a small pickup that would hold a lot of papers, which helped with distribution. I remember in that first week or two, we were building the paper in a friend’s apartment off Johnson Ave. The three of us—Steve, Bev, and I—were in and out and I remember we worked late into the evening several days in a row and everybody was exhausted. We had to solve a

this modern world

FILE PHOTO

problem, it was late, and we needed an answer from Steve but couldn’t find him anywhere. Finally, after searching high and low, we found him asleep outside in the yard, he was so tired. CONNOLLY What was the initial print run and how did distribution work? ZUNIGA Steve created a detailed mockup of what the paper would look like and Bev took that out to sell the idea to advertisers and to her credit, a lot signed on. Meanwhile, distribution points were established for hand stacks. Everything happened on a shoestring. Steve cashed in a 401(k). I was a student and had only time to give. Bev pitched in. We had a printer and a Mac and that was it—actually we didn’t have a printer initially, or a copier—I had to gather all these images, size them manually, and run them to Kinko’s, run back, and paste them up. CONNOLLY When did you start making money? ZUNIGA I don’t remember exactly when that happened but I do remember about four or five months in, Steve and I got together and decided the project actually was working and drew up a contract making me a partner. Of course, my parents wanted to know when I was going to get paid considering I had just finished five years of college. To get things off the ground, we did trades to get food, that kind of thing. Yes, it was a shoestring operation at first. CONNOLLY What was Steve’s

motive for starting the paper? ZUNIGA I don’t think money had a lot to do with it. He saw the paper in Syracuse and other weeklies succeed and thought he could make the formula work here. His main focus right away was the calendar. It was integral to our success. He was adamant about having the most complete calendar for the county anywhere, to draw people to the paper. He did a lot of footwork, talked to everyone to get on their lists; their mailing lists, that was before e-mail, of course. We spent a lot of time building our arts coverage, building a good staff, and building a reputation of fair and honest reporting. Then we increased our investigative work, calling out injustices to our readers. We have advertisers now who were with us from the start. CONNOLLY What was one of the worst moments? ZUNIGA Whether fate or luck may be involved, I tend to be a problem solver and don’t get overly excited about anything, which helped when working with strong personalities like Steve and Bev. It also helps in solving production problems, to get things done without getting rattled. There's always a solution. At one point, we were printed down in Sylmar. We had to take the flats to the airport to be flown there for printing and the papers were shipped back from the press the next day. There were more than a few times

when we cut the deadline really close and screamed to the airport to make the plane. A couple times we had to drive all the way down there, stay overnight, and drive back. There was also a time when we couldn’t get printed because of a fire or something and the Tribune helped us out, printed the paper for us. The worst time was trying to put out our Best of SLO special issue during the week of Steve’s passing. By far the hardest week of my life. Carrying on the legacy of Steve and paying tribute at the same time was the biggest challenge I had ever faced. CONNOLLY What’s up for the future? ZUNIGA We feel fortunate to be maintaining our success during these tough economic times yet we’re looking forward to growing, showing our commitment to the community, to bring out the best of SLO County. Bob [Rucker] and I frequently turn to our experience with Steve and his vision, to guide us. Steve is our reference point, a great influence on us. Bob and I are dedicated to his legacy, devoted to shaping the paper as he would have wanted it to be. CONNOLLY Are you feeling nostalgic? ZUNIGA Really, I was in the right position at the right time. Steve gave me the opportunity to show what I could do and taught me so many things. I miss his energy, insight and uniqueness. I’ve been fortunate to shape the look of the paper, and to have worked with so many, many, talented people over the years. These are special people who worked hard and together to create this unique snapshot of life in SLO County that we call New Times week after week. And still are… it wasn’t easy getting this behemoth issue out! I remember thinking at the very beginning I didn’t know how long I could keep up with this crazy week-after-week schedule. I was just finishing college and was ready for a break. Yet, Steve had thrown a problem my way I couldn’t resist. So, always up for a challenge, I decided I could keep it up for maybe a year or two. Here I am, more than 1,300 issues and 25 years later. Send comments via the opinion editor at econnolly@newtimesslo.com. BY tom tomorrow

www.newtimesslo.com • August 11 - August 18, 2011 • New Times • 15

Opinion 1010 Marsh Street San Luis Obispo, CA 93401 805/546-8208 Fax 805/546-8641 SHREDDER shredder@newtimesslo.com LETTERS TO THE EDITOR letters@newtimesslo.com CALENDAR LISTINGS calendar@newtimesslo.com ADVERTISING advertising@newtimesslo.com WORLD WIDE WEB HOME PAGE www.newtimesslo.com Web site developed and designed by itech solutions www.itech-solutions.com To reach anyone listed in the staff box below via email, use the person’s first name initial and whole last name followed by: @newtimesslo.com

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This Week’s Online Poll

On behalf of the San Luis Obispo County HIV Prevention, Advocacy, and Care Consortium, I am writing to address the tone of the article in New Times, “STDs are on the rise in SLO County” (Aug. 4). The consortium is a community-based group addressing the full continuum of HIV-related services in the county, from education/prevention programs to the direct service needs of people with HIV/AIDS and their families. While the members of the consortium welcome informing our community about the growing numbers of STDs—including HIV/ AIDS—over the past several years, we don’t see the need for the offhand remark at the end of the article (“New Times was unable to determine whether there’s been a local corollary increase in Barry White albums as of press time.”) With that one sentence glibly remarking on the “cause,” it leads the reader to dismiss the importance of the alarming statistics that precede it. The consortium would like to underline the significance of the statistics and remind people that HIV and AIDS is still a reality in our community. In view of the rise of other STDs, indicating a higher incidence of unprotected sex, we can ultimately expect growing numbers of HIV diagnoses. That, coupled with the lack of state support for prevention and testing programs, has left our county even more vulnerable. This is the message that needs to be emphasized. We’re concerned and disappointed that a punchline may have diluted it.

chair Grover Beach Ed. note: Fair point. New Times didn’t intend to trivialize the grim reality of HIV/AIDS and other STDs in the community or elsewhere with that final line—not written by the brief’s original author, by the way—and apologizes for any lessening of the impact of the facts and figures.

HODIN

WRITE US: Send your letter to New Times Letters at the above address. Keep it to 250 words and include your name, address, and phone number. FAX US: 546-8641. E-MAIL US: letters@newtimesslo.com.

Advertising DISPLAY ADS: Rates and special discounts are available; contact our advertising director at 805-546-8208. CLASSIFIEDS: Call 546-8208 or 1-800-215-0300 (toll free) or fax us at 546-8641. Phone orders taken Monday through Friday from 8:30 a.m. to 4:30 p.m. Visa and MasterCard accepted. New Times is published every Thursday for your enjoyment and distributed to more than 100,000 readers in San Luis Obispo County. New Times is available free of charge, limited to one copy per reader. The contents of New Times are copyrighted by New Times, and may not be reproduced without specific written permission from the publishers. We welcome contributions and suggestions. Accompany any submissions with a self-addressed stamped envelope. We cannot assume responsibility for unsolicited submissions. All letters received become the property of the publishers. Opinions expressed in byline material are not necessarily those of New Times. New Times is available on microfilm at the SLO City-County Library, and through University Microfilms International, 300 N. Zeeb Rd., Ann Arbor, MI 48106, as part of the Alternative Press Project. Subscriptions to New Times are $104 per year. Because a product or service is advertised in New Times does not necessarily mean we endorse its use. We hope readers will use their own good judgment in choosing products most beneficial to their well-being. Our purpose: to present news and issues of importance to our readers; to reflect honestly the unique spirit of the region; and to be a complete, current, and accurate guide to arts and entertainment on the Central Coast, leading the community in a positive direction consistent with its past. ©2011 by New Times



MeMber,califorNia Newspaper publishers associatioN

50% Sounds like someone is just around the corner from a much overdue midlife crisis. 30% Awesome. I have 100 bucks that says the paper will tank at 26. 10% Thanks for the laughs and the tears. 10% I remember when you were a cute little kid and teeming with potential ... what happened? 10 Votes

Vote in next week’s poll at www.newtimesslo.com

Why must we be protected from every danger?

Regarding “A painter who can’t paint” (July 7): So that is why the Shamrock Thrift Store on Grand Avenue in Grover Beach was draped in plastic, making me think they were closing. They repainted the front of their building, carefully following state and local laws, rules, and regulations. Why? Why, I ask, must each and every one of us be protected from any and all danger? John Stossel dares to ask that question as well. Look for his book or video on the subject. Why? Because prevailing wisdom says we (you and me) must be protected by those oh-so-much wiser than us. So there are more laws and regulations that often put companies out of business because we (you and me) just do it ourselves, regardless of the risk.

Susan K. Hughes

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Letters

New Times is turning 25. How 'bout that?

STD ‘punchline’ wasn’t funny

MeMber, NatioNal Newspaper associatioN

A •A •N 16 • New Times • August 11 - August 18, 2011 • www.newtimesslo.com

Gail Lightfoot

Arroyo Grande

Don’t just blame binding arbitration for money woes

Voters need to look very closely at measures A and B. Proponents say that the city of San Luis Obispo is going bankrupt because of binding arbitration. While this is true, the

Russell Hodin

Letters police and firefighters are not the only reason the city is in trouble. How about the fact that San Luis Obispo has one of the slowest growth rates of all cities in California? Consider Dalidio, Prado Road, Froom Ranch, Target Center—just to name a few projects that Christine Mulholland and her group of supporters have vehemently fought against and continue to do so. They have done this by often distorting the facts. Because of this, I will always be suspect of any issue Christine Mulholland is behind. How about the fact that San Luis Obispo discriminates against the handicapped and the elderly by continuing to oppose the necessity and convenience of drive-through businesses, thus restaurants like In & Out Burger will not build here? Add up all of the potential tax revenues that have been lost over the years and you come up with the real reason why the city of San Luis Obispo is in trouble. I agree that binding arbitration is in some ways a bad deal for the city, but stop placing all the blame on the police and firefighters and start coming up with better solutions. Tom Stollmeyer

San Luis Obispo

Employers vote yes; workers vote no

The average salary for a firefighter or police officer is about $70,000, about half what the city manager makes. Is their contribution to society really half of a city manager? If you car is stolen or your house catches fire, the city manager isn’t going to help. What if firefighters and police officers were paid the city manager’s salary? Private sector employers would be forced to raise wages to keep their employees from becoming firefighters and police officers. Similarly, cutting their salaries in half would drive firefighters and police officers into the private sector, increasing competition for jobs and keeping wages low. If you’re an employer, keeping wages low is in your own interests, so measures A and B are for you. However, if you are Joe or Jane worker, lowering the wages and benefits of any other worker, whether that worker is in the private or public sector, is not in your interest. For Joe or Jane workers, a yes vote on A and B is a vote against their own paychecks. Lance Hillsinger

San Luis Obispo

Don’t let a stranger control SLO’s financial destiny

Taxpaying citizens of the city of San Luis Obispo, would you like a stranger to come into your home and tell you how to manage your finances and be fined if you refuse to do his bidding? I don’t think so! For 11 years, the city of SLO has had to endure binding arbitration, which is strapping the city’s finances because a stranger (arbitrator) came to town and awarded employees a 30 percent raise and a starting salary of $75,000 per year for new recruits, with or without a college degree. These huge raises can be given over and over again in the future if binding arbitration is not overturned on the ballot on Aug. 30, and the taxpayers of the city will have no say in the matter. If you care at all about our wonderful city and its financial dilemma, please vote yes on LETTERS continued on page 17

Opinion

Jerry James

LETTERS from page 16

A and B on your ballot before Aug. 30. Let’s never again let a stranger (arbitrator) ride into town and take control of the city’s financial destiny. Naoma Wright

San Luis Obispo

Some fast facts about Ramadan

This year, as with every year in San Luis Obispo, Ramadan began with the typical ritual of media silence. Just as the pages of periodicals were lacking feature stories about the month-long fast, there were no pre-Ramadan sales in the shops, or trees being lit, or decorations being hung throughout the downtown area. Instead, in the community at large, the yearly routine of cultural invisibility once again returned. One would think that an annual habit of people avoiding food or drink, anger and arguments, sex and sin for 16 hours each day for 30 days would at the very least be a curiosity if not newsworthy. Ramadan is a month of physical, mental, and spiritual endurance training, a veritable worldwide religious Ironman competition, run by hundreds of millions worldwide. Fasting begins every day with a predawn meal known in Arabic as “Suhur.” The fast is initiated with a personal intention to fast solely for the sake of God. For the rest of the day, Muslims go about their usual daily business, taking short breaks to complete ritual prayers. The fast is broken each evening as the sun dips below the horizon. The Muslim call to prayer is melodiously recited, and, in a tradition going back 1,400 years, Muslims break their fast with a few dates and draft of water or milk. This “Iftar” as it is called, is a wonderful opportunity for family or community members to meet and “break bread.” It is said of Abraham that he never ate a meal alone. Perhaps if more Muslims followed the example of their patriarch, by inviting

those from other faiths to break iftar with them, they would be better understood and supported as part of the fabric of our nation. Likewise, for Christians and Jews who have a Muslim friend, take a moment to wish them Ramadan Karim (may the rewards of your fast be generous). In a time when Muslims are unfairly stigmatized, a few gentle words during this month of self denial will bring a welcome smile to their parched and hungry lips. Rushdi Abdul Cader, M.D.

San Luis Obispo

Protect our right to clean air, water, and more

My name is Bruce Gibson, and I am a fourth-generation resident of rural Arroyo Grande. Certainly the last three years have brought a lot of changes and a lot of unanswered questions to the people of the Arroyo Grande area about oil drilling. The residents of Huasna Valley have had to donate a lot of money and a lot of time in order to help protect themselves against another exploitation similar to what was done in the 1980s. We have also brought to the attention of San Luis Obispo County the last operator in Huasna, who was initially a partner in Excelaron three years ago, and who left the site without plugging wells, removing equipment, or remediating contaminated soils. It has also been shown that the facts and figures presented to us have not been accurate. Furthermore, the Excelaron representatives have not been forthright with the people in the Huasna Valley, nor the outlying communities, about their intent! This having been said, I would respectfully ask our Planning Department and our Board of Supervisors to please protect our right to breathe clean air, drink clean water,

and have no noise pollution, which are all Class I impacts according to the DEIR! Bruce Gibson

Arroyo Grande

Officials, follow Arnold’s example—for one thing, anyway

Regarding balancing the government’s budget: With all the talk of cutbacks and who is going to shoulder the burden of balancing the budget, it seems once again it is the middle- and lower-class families that are asked to give again. I live on Social Security, and my only medical benefit is Medicare. If money is taken away from these two sources, am I back to living on the street? The one thing I have not heard from our government is whether they are willing

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Bridgett Kessling Morro Bay city clerk “The ‘Street Talk’ part is always fun.”

Allen Newsom retired general contractor “I just read it. I don’t pay attention to who wrote it.”

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Opinion

The Shredder

Common sense A

fter 25 years you might think you know me. Well, youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re already wrong! I havenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t even been around that long! Strike one. You probably have a comprehensive and lengthy list of my dislikes obscuring your perspective of me, perhaps giving the mistaken perspective that while I oppose just about everyone and everything, I hold nothing dear or sacred. And itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s not your fault for thinking that. Sometimes itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s hard not to write above your intellect. But Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve played to this impression, and will continue to do so. I believe that it is a privilege to have the space and speaking power to voice my opinion, my jests, my dissent. Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s true that I have been accorded this privilege because I am, in fact, better than everyone else. Politics tend to be muddled, and politicians mostly seem like weavers of lies and shit. But that doesnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t alter the fact that I am very fortunate to have the opportunity to wade in and attempt to sort truth from propaganda, sense from foolishness. Because the only thing worse than failing to change the status quo is standing idly and futilely by and watching. Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;d rather be a spaz than a shoe gazer. Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;d rather dance than sit it out. Lee Ann Womack taught me that. I hold these truths to be self-evident: â&#x20AC;˘ That common sense is infallible and mournfully underappreciated. No one is above the rule of law, except when the law is ruled by the stupid. There is no power higher

than the rule of logic and basic decency. And those who hide behind irrationality and draconianism are cowardly and deserve mockery. â&#x20AC;˘ That being sick is scary, and the last thing a sick person should have to focus on is whether theyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ll be able to pay their medical expenses. Everyone, regardless of financial status, deserves equal access to health care when theyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re sick, and preventative care when theyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re not. â&#x20AC;˘ That equality is one of the most beautiful words in the English languageâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;next to â&#x20AC;&#x153;freedomâ&#x20AC;? and â&#x20AC;&#x153;open barâ&#x20AC;?â&#x20AC;&#x201D;though a more complex one than we often give it credit for. And if we intend to call ourselves a nation in which â&#x20AC;&#x153;all men are created equalâ&#x20AC;? we must constantly progress into new and uncharted territory. Is this uncomfortable? Yes, but so is athleteâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s foot, and Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve learned to live with that. Yesterdayâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s attitudes are already outdated. There are new struggles, no less meaningful than the battles already won. And if they require you to look inside yourself and confront your own prejudicesâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;we all have them, I kicked a Canadian the other dayâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;then so much the better. â&#x20AC;˘ That itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s not illegal to be homeless. Living in the creek is not a crime; itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s an unfortunate quandary. Thereâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s no excuse for punishing people who have been shuffled to our fair hamletâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s fringes by self-righteous city employees with broomsticks. After whisking them off benches downtown and herding

them away from Sunny Acres by force, you canâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t blame them for taking shelter wherever they can. Though, if this were an old-fashioned cattle round-up, the city would get top marks. Unfortunately, the humanity seems to beâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;whatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s the word?â&#x20AC;&#x201D;altogether absent. â&#x20AC;˘ That libertyâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;that most beautiful dame of them allâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;is not something to be taken for granted. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Those who sacrifice liberty for security deserve neither,â&#x20AC;? said Ben Franklin. Or maybe it was some other old, long-dead white man. Theyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re not entirely sure. But whoever said it is right. I tried to quote this to the guy I could hear breathing on the other end of the phone while I was ordering a pizza the other day. But he barked something about patriotism and said, â&#x20AC;&#x153;America: Love it or leave it!â&#x20AC;? â&#x20AC;˘ That itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s hard to be human, and something like faith in a divine being can make the rough patches easier and the highs better still. But faith should never be used as a weapon against your fellow human being. Or as an excuse to place yourself on a pedestal above everyone else. And when faith or religion become a tool or excuse to exclude or oppress the minority, it is one of the greatest dangers to a government. Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m looking at you, Michele Bachmann, though I think that calling you a politician is doing a discredit to an already discredited race.

â&#x20AC;˘ That pot is just a freaking plant, and the government really needs to get over its obsession with it. Alcohol causes more deaths, often inspires violent behavior, and is more damaging to your body long-term. Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s illogical that one is a legal substance and the other can land you in jail, or worse, the back seat of a maniac NTF officer who wonâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t stop to let you use the restroom after detaining you. Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s essential to obey the law, but itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s difficult to convince people of that fact when the law is so blatantly irrational and biased. Also, itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s frustrating to listen to cops bitch about their salaries and pensions when theyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re using taxpayer money to harass people cultivating marijuana. Sorry, Officer Buzzkill, thatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s just not something Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m interested in funding. Once I feel youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re actually representing me on those mean and scary San Luis Obispo streets, maybe Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ll give a crap about your pension. Till then, Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;d rather use my spare pocket change for Charlie Lynchâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s defense fund. â&#x20AC;˘ That, lastly, I believe youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re all very lucky to have me, even if I mostly just call people names and then hide behind the nearest clump of bushes. Because Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ll never bullshit you. Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve got nothing to loseâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;believe me. If you could see the hovel I live in, youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;d understand. And Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve got nothing to gain. The next round of chew toys that gets tossed around here probably wonâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t find its way to my desk. And even if it did, I wonâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t be here anyway. Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ll be out back. In the bushes. â&#x2C6;&#x2020; Shredderâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s only serious when gassy. Send relief to shredder@newtimesslo.com.

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Opinion

Shredder fortunes

Shreddology Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 20)

Ah Capricorn: the goat. A living, breathing walking garbage disposal and muncher of children’s pants pockets. You are dependable, Capricorn. As loyal as you are gullible, you’re a beacon of hope to friends in need of an ear. As with any respectable trash receptacle, my friend, your role is to lean your head back, open your mouth, and let the garbage flow in—metaphorically speaking. I recommend you welcome the opportunity to become a dumping ground for the woes of others. After all, what do you really have going on anyway? I know that puzzle isn’t going to solve itself, but it’s time to put the needs of others before your own. (And any moron knows you start with the edges and corners first.) Because you will never be successful enough to suffer, you should absorb the suffering of those who haven’t given up on life.

Aquarius (Jan. 21-Feb. 19)

Congratulations, they wrote a song about you. Like 30 years ago, which is

a metaphor for where you’re at in life. You’re outdated. Even if you’re brand, spanking new, you’re old. Your energy smells like VapoRub and overripe cheese. It’s all in your sign: water carrier. We have indoor plumbing now, and shiny faucets that you twist clockwise for water. I suppose your job is to avail yourself of indoor plumbing, and consider traveling to a country that’s not so fortunate, a country that’s as backwards as your energy. You can help one another. Also the fact that you’re an air sign but a water carrier is confusing. I’d work on that.

Pisces (Feb. 20-March 20)

There are a lot of possibilities for you out there right now. Herbert Hoover said, “All men are equal before fish.” That might be important. What’s more important, Pisces, is deciding what kind of fish you want to be. Take into account the fact that your sign is two fish, rather than one. Also, a flounder is born with its eyes on either side of its head. Then the eyes rotate so the flounder can

trudge around the sea floor for scraps— think about it. I wouldn’t be an anchovy if I were you, they’re too fishy. But if you’re determined, you might want to pay a visit to the Monterey Bay Aquarium for a quick view of your salty brethren. In my humble opinion, it’s best to be a marlin, swordsman of the ocean. Of course, if you do take this route, make sure you don’t make waste of your more obvious natural tools.

Aries (March 21-April 20)



If there was ever an excuse to bully or barrel your way through life, it’s a set of curly horns. That, combined with the fact that you’re a fire sign, pretty much gives you license to behave in any manner you please. In case you’re not up on your farm terminology, a ram is “an uncastrated male sheep.” If I were you, I’d make it my priority to retain that innate fire, which means avoiding farmers with large clippers. Also, consider feeding the fire by indulging your healthier interests or passions. Personally, I enjoy rollerblading. I also have a tank of lobsters I’m training for the circus. Just some food for thought.

Taurus (April 21-May 20)

You might be surprised to discover that the bull has a number of associations dating as far back as 17,000 years ago. The one that alarms me the most with regard to your future is its association with fertility. Without casting any aspersions on your gene pool, I’ve taken it upon myself to research various contraceptive methods on your behalf. There’s a long list of possibilities, but I’m going to simplify matters and recommend you pay a visit to Planned Parenthood to discuss your own particular needs. It pays to be prepared. Also, when in doubt, follow the simpler path. And keep your knees closed.



Gemini (May 21-June 20)

A sage acquaintance once said, “Well, monkeys are a lot smaller than people.” It sounds obvious, but that’s the genius of the statement. Sometimes, people forget about the obvious because they’re so busy focusing on



ShreDDoloGy continued on page 24

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Opinion

Shredder fortunes

ShreDDOLOgy from page 22

minute details and facts. Take it from me: Facts are overrated. Monkeys are much more interesting than facts. So it surprised me that whoever rigged this whole astrological sign thing forgot to make a monkey sign. The Chinese calendar has monkeys. So why not ours? Gemini, consider yourself an honorary monkey. You’re curious, buoyant, and prone to flinging feces when angered, which really bespeaks a resourcefulness that’s quite compelling.

Cancer (June 21-July 21)

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I’m not going to sugarcoat this for you: Life dealt you a bum hand. Your sign is the crab, drawn to look like a 69, which is a pretty obvious suggestion that you should watch out for STDs. On top of that, your birthday just happened, which means you have to wait another 12 months till you once again get the chance to self-importantly rip open presents and gorge yourself on birthday cake. But I’ve got a little tip for you, Cancer: If you require a “legitimate” excuse to celebrate, then you’re not thinking imaginatively enough. Any day of the week, any victory, good news, or simply crossing paths with a friend—if you have any—is worth celebrating. So stop whining and go load up on shots of Jager before the college students get back and suck all the alcohol out of the county like an oil company in Huasna Valley.

Leo (July 22-Aug. 22)

It’s our birthday! At least, close to it. Perhaps you can help me resolve a little dilemma, since you’re probably facing the same quandary yourself. Do I celebrate somewhere exotic like Bakersfield or Fresno, or stick closer to home and allow my adoring fans to throw me a soiree worthy of my genius? There are benefits to both. Bakersfield is warm and dry, and always makes me appreciate home that much more when I return. Ditto for Fresno. But if I stay home, I miss out on a themed Dora the Explorer birthday party. This one may take some time to decide, but I’m pretty sure there’s a lesson in all of this. Something about not bitching when you’ve got a Three Musketeers in one hand, a Milky Way in the other, and you have to make a tough call. Either way, your mouth is full of sugary goodness. Sorry, I got caught up in my own stuff there. What were you saying?

Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22)

You may be tempted to lament, dear Virgo, the fact that your zodiac symbol is a virgin. Consider that the constellation Virgo that haunts celestial skies is Astraea, goddess of justice: a virgin. This isn’t my usual tune, but there may be something to be said for abstinence, on occasion. And not just abstinence from the obvious activities that the church and morals brigade would like to see people

drawn and quartered for engaging in. Abstinence can also be seen as taking a break from the activities and habits that typically fill your day. Not a permanent departure. Just enough to shake things up a little and see if there isn’t something you like better. Sometimes it’s easier to focus on bigger-picture goals—like being able to eat Cheetos with your toes or trying to coordinate the world’s longest conga line—when you set aside the smaller stuff cluttering your path.

Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 22)

There are two types of people in this world: winners and losers. You’re a spectator. Sitting on the sidelines. Noshing on popcorn and Cracker Jacks. Too timid to leap blindly into the fray and declare your allegiance to whatever side looks like it’s winning at the time. My point is, there’s a time and place for balance. But there also comes a point when sitting on the sidelines and rooting for both teams makes you look like a jackass. It also makes you look scared. Despite what those quack scientists say, life isn’t really all that balanced. Just consider the fact that Paris Hilton was born rich and got richer for being rich, while I type pointlessly away in a sunless dungeon and you’re getting dizzy from switching teams at every goal.

Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 21)

Consider the scorpion, your particular talisman. It’s equipped with huge grasping claws, four sets of legs, four or more pairs of eyes, a thick protective exoskeleton, and a venomous stinger at its back end. When you consider that all animals essentially evolved to survive, you have to commend the scorpion for doing a bang-up job. Especially when you compare the scorpion to something as seemingly defenseless as the butterfly. But which do people like more? I’ve never seen fannypacked tourists scurrying to let a scorpion land on their fingers. Besides, who needs evolution these days? I say wuss out, scorpion, and emulate the butterfly.



Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21)

The Killers asked “Are we human, or are we dancer?” I don’t know what the hell they meant—and their grammar sucks—but they seem to be implying that the two are incompatible and are forcing us to choose. I don’t think either is a very good option. I’m a terrible dancer, and I’m rather bored of being human. I’d like to try something else for a while. (Pandas seem to have a pretty sweet deal going for them.) Still, it’s nice of them to ask, I suppose. When confronted with two unsavory or not-terribly-imaginative options, I advocate creating a third. Use whatever you have at hand to carve your new path, even if it’s just a plastic spoon. That’s how we got the spork, after all. ∆



Comment on Shreddology at shredder@ newtimesslo.com.

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www.newtimesslo.com • August 11 - August 18, 2011 • New Times • 25

Opinion

Commentary

BY STEVE MOSS

The New Times Way An editorial handbook for the San Luis Obispo New Times

ike people, each publication has a personality all its own. Some people are snobby or funny or naïve. So are some publications. New Times has a personality, too. If we had to pick one word to describe it, that word would be sharp. Like a sharp person, New Times is alive and aware and not easily fooled. It says what needs to be said and always does so with wit and fairness. It likes to take chances and it likes to have fun. New Times is the intelligent acquaintance who you sometimes get mad at but always respect. You never quite know what it will do next, but you want to find out because you know it’s always interesting. Personalities are consistent. A person who has always liked to go dancing doesn’t all of a sudden hate to go out dancing and then love it again the following week. If they did, we’d say something is wrong with them. We’d be right. That’s what this guidebook is all about. It’s intended to help those in our editorial department present a consistent New Times personality to readers each week. It deals with the words we use, and how to use them the New Times way.

handbook are based on it. There are two types of publications—those that are necessary to people, and those that are special. A daily newspaper is necessary. It contains the news of the day, notices of births and deaths, new business start-ups, government meetings, and other such staples that readers need. New Times is not necessary to people’s lives. They got along just fine before we existed. Instead, New Times must be special to them. If the daily paper is the meat and potatoes, then we are the dessert. This specialness is the only thing that sets us apart and makes us succeed each week. If we do our job right, we will achieve something remarkable: become so special that readers consider us necessary. To achieve this, we have to innovate and experiment. If an important story is not being told, we must tell it. If people in the community are not being heard, we must seek them out, listen to them, and present their views even if we disagree. If

*** Rule number one: Always make things easy for readers. When it comes to approach and style, this is our guiding philosophy. We use it in all other aspects of the paper, too. We distribute New Times widely throughout the Central Coast at locations readily found by our audience. We write articles in a dry topic needs to be explored, we must an accessible style and choose photos and breathe freshness into it so that people illustrations that are both arresting and will read and understand it. We must accurate. always ask, “How does this story we’re We group information logically and doing impact the lives of our readers?” In coherently and choose typefaces that are so doing, we must exercise pleasing and easily judgment without being read. judgmental. We create ads Steve’s way or that are clear, the highway Assisting readers attractive, and Steve Moss, the paper’s founder, wrote this so they can better forthright. guide as a means of sharing his philosophies comprehend the The name and ideals with his writers. Though he died in community in which “New Times” is 2005, we still look to the guide for inspiration. they live is our main role. made up of two There’s a lot of information simple words out there coming at readers that everyone from all directions. Our job is to take this understands and that says exactly what it information and turn it into knowledge. is each week: There is something new this We understand that readers are time. intelligent people who are never to be The easier we make things for readers, the more likely they are to read talked down to. We also understand that we’re not here to show them how much us. This is one of the simplest rules in smarter we are, which is why we avoid the universe. It’s also one of the easiest using obscure words whenever simple to follow. All the other rules in this

26 • New Times • August 11 - August 18, 2011 • www.newtimesslo.com

ones will do. This is not contradictory. An intelligent person is not necessarily conversant in German. That’s why we don’t say Wunderkind when we can say whiz-kid. In many ways, publications are fantasies. Time magazine for example, creates the illusion for readers that the entire world can be neatly packaged within elegant, colorful pages broken down into precise subsections. Car and Driver magazine plunges readers into a realm of chrome and power. Playboy needs no further explanation. But the fantasy must seem real. This is not as strange as it might sound. Reading is by its very nature a departure from the real world. The reality of sitting on the beach lost in John Grisham’s latest lawyerly tome

is that you are staring at bound paper with inky symbols on it. But you are doing more than that. You are in another place and time meeting people and listening in on their conversations. But if the author isn’t able to create a world that rings true, you soon find yourself aware that it is nothing but paper and ink. This is true of New Times as well. The illusion we create is that readers are holding this week’s SLO County, with all its fun and foibles, in their hands. They’re not. They’re holding smashed up trees and soy ink. We are conjuring an illusion for them. But the illusion must ring true. Readers must agree that, yes, this is where they live. A publication that fails to connect itself to an honest vision of the community widely held by its readers is bound to fail. This does not mean that we are here to be a public relations sheet that puts the best spin on SLO County. Readers would sense the lie. They know their community and they know it’s made up of positives and negatives. So do we. But enough philosophizing. On to the nuts and bolts. ∆ Steve Moss founded New Times. Send comments to the executive editor at rmiller@ newtimesslo.com. He’ll pass them along.

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28 • New Times • August 11 - August 18, 2011 • www.newtimesslo.com

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Opinion

Commentary

They love us, sometimes, but not always The public reflects on 25 years of hijinks and misfires Dave the Pave reflects

During my 16-year career as an elected official, my feelings about New Times varied from affection to conflict—almost a love/hate relationship. Often something the Shredder wrote would set me off, leading me to “right the distortion” about a city action, my dated tie when I met with Gov. Arnold, or criticism of my ski trip while city staff handled Mardi Gras problems. I recall my need to clarify my position regarding the small parking lot being developed for the Senior Center adjacent to Mitchell Park. The parking lot fits in so naturally and provides such a great service for the seniors, I wonder what the entire flap was about. Looking back over the years, the differences with New Times didn’t amount to much, didn’t change anything really important, but did provide a little entertainment for readers. All public figures are subjects of cartoons, and I certainly was included in my share. Those by Jerry James were particularly entertaining, and I laughed along with everyone else. My favorite was “Dave the Pave” on a steamroller. The New Times Candidate Survey was

well handled, and candidates were given fair treatment with our responses. You can’t ask for more than that. A most pleasant surprise was to be voted by New Times readers “Best Elected Official” in 2007, 2008, 2009 (runner up), and 2010. I have those framed awards proudly displayed in my den along with many public recognition documents, which range from presidential letters t formal resolutions. I recall suggesting some years ago to New Times Managing Editor Patrick Howe that New Times could provide a great service to the community were it to include in-depth reporting and analysis on community issues. I believe New Times has made much progress in meeting that service, hiring full-time reporters who attend council meetings to pick up details and implications of council actions. Many times as mayor I recognized Robert McDonald diligently taking notes at the end of a long council meeting when all other members of the public had gone home. I was so pleased with the detailed New Times article Robert prepared at the time of my retirement last fall. It was sensitively done and accurately projected my aspirations,

successes, and failures over more than 50 years of city service. Every city needs an alternative publication like New Times to poke fun at public officials, allowing their response, publishing letters to the editor, off-beat articles, great information on entertainment, in-depth reporting on more serious issues, and the fun recognition for “Best Of” for so many classifications that make up the character of the city we all love. New Times has provided and continues to provide a great service to our community, and I am glad to have been a part of it during my political life in our beloved SLOTOWN. —former SLO mayor Dave Romero

Congrats, New Times!

First off, I would like to offer my congratulations to New Times on its 25th anniversary. Testifying before the U.S. Senate on the future of newspapers, former reporter David Simon stressed the need for good local newspapers and talked about how critical it is for a community to have good reporters “in City Hall, or in the courthouse hallways, or at the bars and union halls where police officers gather.” Without strong

local reporting, a community could know more about what goes on in Washington or Sacramento than what goes on right in their backyards. New Times performs a critical public service by making sure that the residents of San Luis Obispo County know what’s happening in their communities and how they can engage to keep our community strong. Here’s to another 25 years. —Congresswoman Lois Capps

Waltz master

I think New Times is really bending over backwards to help the people of this county that are down and out. That’s the same people we’re trying to help, and we’ve certainly had a lot of support from New Times and appreciate that. Because of New Times, the people of San Luis have a much better appraisal of what’s going on with the homeless and the have-nots, and I think that’s helping a vital part of our community. I think that New Times has been through the waltz or dance with the county and me, and it’s been colorful and varied and extreme and everything else, and we’re hoping that it leads to something more beneficial to everybody. —Dan De Vaul

An artist’s perspective

New Times: What does it mean to me? Well, the happiest place in the country would not be so happy were it not for my weekly fix of giggles and gasps. New Times is Local, it’s CommenTAry continued on page 30

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Opinion CoMMenTAry from page 29

Dishy, and it Breaks the Rules. Oh, and it’s the right size. I like the format: Bold cover and always a ton of pictures inside. I like the arts and entertainment emphasis and am truly grateful for the attention I have always got from you guys … I love you!!! Air kiss, air kiss. The long relationship “Art After Dark” has had with the paper seems very positive. From the beginning, Steve Moss, Glen Starkey, and all the folks over at the little office when it was on Santa Rosa Street were always supportive of the monthly art walk, and without the many years of free advertisement and guide, the event would not have got off the ground or be as popular. Oh, and about 10 years ago Steve Moss bought a big painting of mine for the foyer of the new building down on Higuera and it’s still around in the new offices. I love that. There are a lot of advertisements, but at least some of them are for naughty stuff, plus I always like the way MY ads look (with the help of designers there). Then, of course, there is the fact that ads are what pay for the production of the paper, so that I can have it FREE. Free, Young, Arty, Controversial, lots of pictures. Right up my alley. —Josephine Crawford

Aging gracefully

Happy anniversary, SLO New Times! I’ve had the privilege of watching you age gracefully, and now at the ripe old age of 25,

Commentary you have carved out a niche for journalism that is relevant and provocative. New Times has done more than report news; your reporting has made us question ourselves, laugh at ourselves, and challenge ourselves to do better for our community. What I have admired about the Times’ unique style of journalism is the willingness to take the lead on stories well before others recognized the significance. When the SS Montebello was featured on the front page, scores of readers learned for the first time about the potential of 3,000,000 gallons of oil sitting entombed just miles from our neighborhood beaches. Years before a burning platform in the Gulf made coastal oil disasters headline news, New Times had already put federal and state marine experts on record regarding the condition of and potential ecological threat posed by this aging vessel. As a direct result of their reporting, I was able to engage state and federal agencies to begin assessing the SS Montebello so we can avoid a disaster and ensure our coast is protected. New Times has also demonstrated a long and deep attention span to the local issues impacting our community. Central Coast readers have benefited from the paper’s investigative pieces that link historical perspective with thought-provoking reporting. Thanks, SLO New Times, for more than two decades of hard-hitting news. Keep up the great work. —Sen. Sam Blakeslee

The well-received author

New Times was founded in 1986, the same

year that I graduated from high school and moved to SLO to study journalism at Cal Poly. A few years later, I got to know the paper’s late publisher and founder, Steve Moss, who would later become my mentor and boss. Both the man and his paper were scrappy and smart, bringing a much-needed energy, curiosity, and sense of justice to sleepy SLO-Town, filling an important void in the staid media landscape. As I studied journalism and prepared for my newspaper career, New Times was the only local paper doing the kind of work that inspired me: writing with a strong voice, speaking truth to power, willing to experiment with tone and style, covering issues relevant to people’s everyday lives, fearlessly following leads and demanding the documents and access journalists need to do their jobs well. As a student journalist, I started freelancing for New Times and learning from Steve. After working for daily newspapers for a few years, I got the opportunity to come work as a staff writer for New Times in 1995, a turning point in my life when I really began to become the journalist that I am today. Over the next four years, I learned to become an investigative reporter and to write with a perspective and clarity that would propel me through an award-winning career at three more progressively larger alt-weeklies, carrying the lessons from Steve and the spirit of New Times with me. Today, I’m the city editor at the San Francisco Bay Guardian and author of the well-received book The Tribes of Burning Man: How an Experimental City in the Desert is Shaping the New American Counterculture.

I’ve led a rich and exciting life. But I fantasize about returning to my roots at some point, to New Times. So watch out, San Luis Obispo, I may be back. Until then, happy birthday, New Times. —Steven T. Jones

Musically speaking …

As a musician who’s been playing in this county since the Dark(room) Days before New Times showed up in town, I know that our free local alternative rag is great for our live music scene. Every week, for free, we’ve been able to reach the folks who appreciate our music and find out ourselves who’s playing where. Glen Starkey’s music column has been the first thing I turn to—well, really the second, after the letters—ever since he had to give up that lucrative bartending gig when DKs closed back in the early ’90s. And of course the more music fans who know about our gigs, the more successful those gigs are, and the more the gigs keep coming. Thanks for keeping food on my table all these years! But Glen, if you really are the Shredder, I just gotta know—did you come up with that pseudonym because you have a secret penchant for ripping on the air guitar? I could use some moves, bro! And who could ever forget the “Personals” and the New Times foray into the dating rituals of our SLO-town? You really know you live in a small town when you compare the alternative papers of San Francisco and our little “Duckburg.” Compare “Long walks on the beach” with “Looking for a middle-aged male with an upper-shaved body.” I guess there is a certain edu-tainment ... ahem. ∆ —“Guitar Wizard” Billy Foppiano

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30 • New Times • August 11 - August 18, 2011 • www.newtimesslo.com

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Arts

➤ Mighty lion! [32] ➤ Steve![37] ➤ Time Warp [38]

➤ Literature [48] ➤ Starkey [56] ➤ Clubs [62]

➤ Design [40] ➤ Back to the future [42]

➤ Split Screen [64] ➤ Film [66]

➤ Movies [77] ➤ Arts Bash [81]

Astrology

BY ANNA WELTNER

Artifacts Let your

Twenty-five uses for New Times

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New Times gets a special reading from Shell Beach astrologer Diana DeGarmo

5. Packing material? 6. Collage. 7. Wrap your gifts.

9. Pad your bra or your pants. 10. Roll it up and hit your child. 11. Make paper dolls to amuse your neighbors. 12. Toilet paper. 13. Snort a line. 14. Roll a fat J. 15. Paper airplanes. 16. Papier maché? 17. Kindling. 18. Spitballs! 19. Shoulder pads. 20. Single-use slippers. 21. Fad diet food? 22. Confetti!! 23. Wallpaper. 24. Ransom notes. 25.Make words, fill leftover space: sinew, Semite, semen, sine, nest, nit, swine, wise, mete, sent, newt, went, sewn, sweet, mint, tin, its, sew, net, teen, wine, ewe, item, stew, twin, twine, twee (?), sin, sit, men, mist, teem, ten, stem, mite, smite, swim, it, is, Tim, met, wit, wet, win, see, seen, we, wee, west, news! —Painstakingly compiled by Anna Weltner and Ashley Schwellenbach

AsTRoLogY continued page 35

32 • New Times • August 11 - August 18, 2011 • www.newtimesslo.com

NATAL CHART BY DIANA DeGarmo

8. Fill in cracks in the roof and walls of your domicile.

e are such a Leo. At least, that’s according to Shell Beach astrologer Diana DeGarmo, who prepared New Times’ natal chart based on the date, time, and geographical coordinates of the newspaper’s first printing—its birth, if you will. What are New Times’ strengths, we asked, and what are our weaknesses? With whom are we most compatible, and who do we find disagreeable? And most of all, what does the future hold for this beacon of light, this shining star, this lion among fish? “Jupiter and Taurus are going to be squaring your sun,” DeGarmo said, scrutinizing New Times’ chart. “There is a perceived optimism coming. Careful that New Times doesn’t get too big for its britches.” Right. Our sun sign—that’s the one that appears in most astrology columns, like that of our beloved Rob Brezsny—is in Leo. But that’s just a fraction of the paper’s astrological makeup. “The sun, moon, and rising are all the three key components in a person’s horoscope,” DeGarmo explained. At the moment of the paper’s inception at 5 a.m. on Aug. 6, 1986, the moon and sun were in Leo, the lion, while the rising sign was in Cancer, the crab. It may seem odd to assess the horoscope of an entity like a news source as if it were a single human being, but the practice, known as mundane astrology, has been applied to countries and businesses, DeGarmo informed me. So why not a newspaper? For our New Times reading, DeGarmo decided to start off with the rising sign, or ascendant. “The rising sign is really important because it’s the mask we wear in public. It’s our persona, as Jung would say,” she explained. “It’s connected to Mercury, which happens to be all about communication. Cancer is all about security and the home.” She concluded: “New Times is all about San Luis Obispo.” Then there’s our sun sign, the mighty lion. “The sun is the ego,” she said. And with the sun in gregarious, majestic Leo, “there is a need for New Times to be liked. It’s interesting, because it’s not always liked. But Leos always want to be adored; they really don’t like to be put down. They like to be applauded for,” she said. Leo is theatrical, with elements of the CHARTED We can’t make heads or tails of this, but to a trained eye, this natal chart yields up New Times’ secrets.

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Arts

Astrology

was next. Ruler of the nervous system, Virgo can often comes to money, advertising, and marketing, DeGarmo foster a perfectionist, self-punishing insecurity, DeGarmo said, “there’s a cheapness” to New Times. Well, we are cheap. Free, actually. But it’s not always said. Accuracy with numbers is important to The performer, the child, and the clown, she said, adding, Economist, as is modesty. And indeed, the paper’s stories a bad sort of cheap. “I’m thinking of the Shredder.” aren’t bylined, perhaps to remove the individual ego “There’s a business person behind New Times that As Leo happens to be in the first house—the house of from the writing. A possible moon in Sagittarius, ruler knows how to run a business,” she went on. “I do see self—there’s an inherent selfishness to New Times, too, of foreign lands, education, and philosophy, gives The that there is somebody responsible. Venus in Virgo is DeGarmo said. Economist a need to be globally published—which it is. a trait shared by the New York Times, “It says, ‘Look at me; don’t ignore However, The Economist’s seriousness, though often proving we may be just a York away. me. If I accidentally ruffle feathers, punctuated by dry wit, wasn’t jiving with New Times’ Or are we? get over it,’” she explained. our oracle playfulness and impulsivity. The New York Times was born in She quickly added: “And I’m Learn about the work of Shell Beach Then we met the Los Angeles Times. A Sagittarius Manhattan on Sept. 18, 1851, with the astrologer, Cal Poly alumna, and onetime totally reading the chart.” stockbroker Diana DeGarmo at her website ruled by Jupiter, the L.A. Times was bright, bubbly, sun in Virgo. To DeGarmo, this speaks Now, about those warnings. With astrologywithdiana.com. DeGarmo can be and optimistic. to an intense need for accuracy. Pluto at five degrees in Capricorn, reached at 295-9889, or via email at info@ Jupiter “is like Santa Claus: eat well, be jolly, have “I can just imagine them writing the coming year could be a bumpy astrologywithdiana.com. a good time,” DeGarmo explained. “But in this chart things out over and over again with a one, the astrologer warned. And I do see a ton of Taurus. So there’s also this energy, pen, and taking care to be painstaking,” Saturn’s entry into the fourth interestingly enough, of stubbornness. Taurus rules she said. house, she said, indicates that the materialism, too, so there are lots of advertisements But other than that initial similarity, the astrologer paper is still being affected by the recession. for diamond rings and jewelry.” discovered, New Times and the New York Times have “You’ve got about two years or so of just working Delving deeper, Venus and Mercury in Scorpio practically nothing in common. We began mapping hard,” she estimated. could indicate corruption surrounding the beginning other newspapers’ natal charts in search of a love Mid-heaven is in Aries, she said, giving the paper a of the L.A. Times, probably having to do with money. match. need to be independent. DeGarmo suggested that the newspaper could have Germany’s newsweekly Der Spiegel, born in “If New Times got bought by a big company,” the been started with capital from a shady source. Hamburg, Jan. 4, 1947, was an attractive candidate Shell Beach resident suggested by way of example, “it Out of all the newspapers whose horoscopes indeed as the biggest weekly in Europe. would be very, very hard. New Times is very fiery.” we considered, the L.A. Times best matched New With its sun in Capricorn, Spiegel has the qualities Examining the planet Pluto, which represents Times’ energy, enthusiasm, and destruction and transformation, the astrologer brightness. made another discovery. New Times was born when Once we got that sorted, we Pluto was in the sign of Scorpio, which represents decided to look a bit further into “mistreating secrets, mistreating sex, manipulation … the coming decade. all the dark things in society.” “Seven to eight years from now, So what does this all amount to? I just see something life-changing Diana DeGarmo, local astrologer “There are a lot of secrets that are being kept around that looks very positive for New those topics, that New Times knows about, but they Times,” she predicted. “Maybe a can’t let the secret out,” she elaborated. new owner. Maybe even some Scandals in the community sometimes go massive notoriety. A huge unexpected event that is of “the great father, the prime minister, the elder, the unpublicized, either because the evidence can’t be going to change New Times completely.” strategist,” she said. “On the challenging side, it is substantiated or because the entities involved are DeGarmo concluded with these words of advice: so Hitler. It is so the tyrant, the schemer, the powertoo powerful. The paper must find a way to deal with “Very important for New Times, in order to fulfill its tripper, the controller. So I feel like there was a lot of this uncomfortable knowledge, said the astrologer: control around that paper.” destiny, is to be bold, to be maybe a little impulsive, and “We would usually send someone like New Times to With a moon in Taurus, Der Spiegel has a very maybe even, dare I say, a little reckless.” therapy.” conservative energy. Why argue with the stars? ∆ At the moment of New Times’ printing, the planet “When I looked at New Times, immediately there was Venus was in the sign of Virgo. a lot of brightness and an easy energy. When I looked “Venus is values, which is interesting because Virgo Arts Editor Anna Weltner’s paper is seeking a single, at the two last papers, there was a lot of edgy, bumpy is not particularly liberal,” she said. “It’s basically attractive paper that enjoys hiking and dogs. Contact stuff,” she said. “We call these hard aspects.” devoted to the third house of communication.” aweltner@newtimesslo.com. Another Virgo, British newsweekly The Economist, Fitting, for a newspaper. But there’s more. When it Astrology from page 32

‘We would usually send someone like New Times to therapy.’

rEADEr Diana DeGarmo is a Shell Beach astrologer who explored New Times via its natal chart, a practice known as mundane astrology commonly applied to countries and businesses. FILE PHOTO BY STEVE E. MILLER

www.newtimesslo.com • August 11 - August 18, 2011 • New Times • 35

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Arts

These are a few of my favorite Steves

Steve! In honor of New Times founder Steve Moss, Glen Starkey illustrates some other notable Steves

www.newtimesslo.com • August 11 - August 18, 2011 • New Times • 37

Arts

Time Warp

ARTWORK BY NEAL BRETON WORDS BY ANNA WELTNER

How other things look at 25 Build your own commemorative New Times 25th anniversary wheel with these simple step-by-step instructions

PART ONE

ifferent things change in different ways when you throw 25 years at them. A baby turns into a man. A puppy gets old and goes to heaven. A sapling becomes a mighty oak. And a Twinkie, as illustrated by Neal Breton in Fig. 4a of the New Times 25th anniversary wheel, stays pretty much the same. But what about a newspaper? You’re holding the answer to that question, dear reader, in your hot little hands. To help commemorate New Times’ 25th year of printing news and entertainment in San Luis Obispo County, we present you with this fancy interactive wheel. Assemble it at your own peril. ∆ Arts Editor Anna Weltner is dizzy. Contact her at aweltner@newtimesslo.com.

Do Not Cut Out the Center

Instructions 1. Cut out Part One along the dotted lines. 2. Repeat with Part Two. 3. Secure Part Two on top of Part One with a brad or other small, sharp object of your choice. 4. Twist. PART TWO

38 • New Times • August 11 - August 18, 2011 • www.newtimesslo.com

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Design BY NEW TIMES STAFF

Reader’s choice Adventures in multiple covers

n honor of our 25th anniversary, the New Times think tank elected to try something new: let you, the reading public, choose our cover. We presented you with four,

an illustration of the paper’s founder Steve Moss by the paper’s longtime cartoonist Russ Hodin; a celebratory moose put together by our very own art director Alex Zuniga; a Shredder on top of the world image drawn by Brian Rounds, originator of the very first Shredder logo; and a vector art piece coordinated by Zuniga, as well. You spoke and the winner is, well, on the cover. It’s pretty clear. But we wanted to give a nod to the other covers, which we also thought were creative, nostalgic, weird, and entirely appropriate for the occasion. ∆ Send comments via Managing Editor Ashley Schwellenbach at aschwellenbach@newtimesslo.com.

IMAGE BY BRIAN ROUNDS

IMAGE BY ALEX ZUNIGA

40 • New Times • August 11 - August 18, 2011 • www.newtimesslo.com

IMAGE BY ALEX ZUNIGA

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www.newtimesslo.com • August 11 - August 18, 2011 • New Times • 41

Arts

R(ad)ical A h, yesteryear. A time when a Magnavox CD player was only $449.95. When mustaches and blocky sunglasses weren’t relegated to hipster irony. When New Times’ biggest selling point was that it was “Absolutely FREE.” And it was all thanks to ads. We dove back into our first months to poke fun at the silly hair and now-outdated electronics that used to be at the cutting edge. Here are a few clips that tickled our oh-sorefined 21st Century funny bones. ∆ OLD ADS continued page 43

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www.fiveseasonspilates.com 42 • New Times • August 11 - August 18, 2011 • www.newtimesslo.com

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Send comments to Managing Editor Ashley Schwellenbach at aschwellenbach@newtimesslo.com.

’86’86

ather than tell you, simply and plainly and with words, about stories past, the characters who somehow find themselves in ather thanand tell again, you, simply and newsprint again we opted plainly and with words, about for a more artistic tactic. Approach past,a the this asstories you might cavecharacters painting who find themselves in with somehow symbols etched into the wall. newsprint again and again, we opted Some of these squares you might for a more artistic tactic. Approach this as you might a cave painting with symbols etched into the wall. Some of these squares you might

immediately identify and associate with a particular story, or perhaps several. Others might take more time to decode. But it’s all about the immediately identify and associate journey, right? Δ with a particular story, or perhaps several. Otherstomight take more Send comments Managing time toAshley decode. But it’s all about the Editor Schwellenbach at journey, right? Δ aschwellenbach@newtimesslo.com.

ArtsArts

’87’87

’90’90

MM ’97 ’97

R R

BY NEW TIMES STAFF

Shredder Shredder and and me me

T T

’93 ’93

AOh, the look back stories we’ve told! at 25 years of stories, A look backinatpictures 25 years of stories, in pictures

BY NICK BYPOWELL NICK POWELL

This documentary This documentary ‘reveals’ ‘reveals’ an infamous an infamous columnist’s columnist’s secret secret identity identity

’99’99

’98’98

Oh, the stories we’ve told!

’88’88

Movie Movie SUBURBAN SUBURBAN LEGEND When LEGEND SLO’sWhen SLO’s incompetent incompetent officials tell officials tell ghost stories ghost around stories around the fire, thethe big,fire, scary the big, scary monster is always monster a is always a lot like the Shredder. lot like the Shredder. Matthew David Matthew SmithDavid Smith knows the tales knows well. the tales well.

’02’02

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his newspaper his newspaper you’re reading you’re is reading is one of 40,000 oneissues of 40,000 of New issues Times of New Times distributeddistributed across Sanacross Luis Obispo San Luis Obispo County every County week. every A lotweek. of people A lotread of people read this thing this looking thing forlooking local news, for local artistic news, artistic profiles, and profiles, fun events, and fun butevents, there’sbut there’s somethingsomething sinister lurking sinister in lurking the pages. in the pages. Its name isIts Shredder. name is Shredder. For some reason, For some ourreason, editorsour decided editors long decided long ago to giveago a soapbox to giveand a soapbox and a wide audience a widetoaudience an toWORD an ON THE STREET WORD ON THE STREET utter lunatic. utter They lunatic. don’t TheyOur don’t searchOur for Shredder search forleft Shredder left disclose thedisclose writer’sthe name writer’s noname rock unturned no no rockand unturned and no un-asked. David pedestrian un-asked. David or even its or gender. even its They gender. pedestrian They Hovde had Hovde of strong KSBY had strong simply let itsimply rant and let itrave rant and raveof KSBY no answers. opinions but no answers. about localabout politics local for politics 900 opinions for 900 but words every words Thursday. every Thursday. Sarcasm, curse Sarcasm, words, curse andwords, alcoholand arealcohol the are the writer’s weapons writer’sofweapons choice, used of choice, mercilessly used mercilessly to skewer and to skewer shred any and public shred any public missteps. No missteps. one is safe. No one is safe. Our editorsOur might editors defend might defend the columnthe by pointing column by outpointing its out its entertainment entertainment value, how value, it makes how it makes the boring but the important boring but minutiae important minutiae of city hall seem of city hall seem MAN OR MACHINE? MAN OR MACHINE? interestinginteresting to the to the According to According computerto computer average Tom, average Dick, Tom, Dick,Johnexpert expert Carroll,John Carroll, and Harry.and Or, they Harry. there’s Or, theyevidence there’s that evidence our that our anonymous anonymous columnist columnist might explain might howexplain how

LearnLearn the truth the truth

Watch ShredderWatch and Me: Shredder A Loveand Story Me:atAnewLove Story at newtimesslo.com. The timesslo.com. movie wasThe filmed movie andwas edited filmed by and edited by Johannes S. Beals Johannes of Polished S. Beals Productions. of Polished Productions.

an anonymous an anonymous columnist can columnist speak honestly can speak honestly without cutting without tiescutting to valuable ties to sources. valuable sources. There’s alsoThere’s the argument also thethat argument there’sthat morethere’s more to news than to facts, news than that anger facts, that and absurdity anger and absurdity have a place have in the a place public indiscourse. the public discourse. Still, thing the first theything teachthey in teach in PHOTOS BY JOHANNES PHOTOS BYS.JOHANNES BEALS S. Still, BEALS the first journalismjournalism school is that school theis Shredder that the Shredder sucks out loud. sucksIt’s outan loud. oddIt’s introduction an odd introduction to to reporting, reporting, especially especially for students forinstudents the in the hundreds of hundreds colleges of that colleges aren’tthat aren’t TOSSED TOSSED OUT OUT Cal Poly orCal Cuesta. Poly or The Cuesta. fact that The fact that After snooping After snooping they (the government) they (the government) stand so stand so around the around New the New vehemently vehemently against anonymity against anonymity Times office Times office shows dangerous how dangerous it can be it can be for answers, forI answers, I howshows and must why be it stopped. must be stopped. know how know DJ how DJ why itand That’s whyThat’s I wentwhy on aI secret, went on a secret, Jazzy Jeff feels: Jazzy Jeff feels: injured.

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MOVIE continued MOVIEpage continued 79 page 79

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Arts

55 Fiction

BY NEW TIMES STAFF

Less is more

Letter to Arturo

Take a gander at some 55 Fiction winners from years past

obody expresses our mixed feelings about 55 Fiction better than Charles Dickens’ now-iconic opening, “It was the best of times, it was the worst of times … .” As normal, sane people are beginning their summers tanning at the beach, New Times is being inundated with thin envelopes from all over the world. We scratch our heads over the disproportionate number from Wisconsin; we imagine there isn’t much else to do out there, but don’t want to be accused of bullying an entire state. Often, to our dread, the packets are thick, and we know they’re from a teacher who assigned 55 Fiction as a writing assignment to a classroom. It’s charming that our competition is being used to promote literacy, as there’s undeniably an art to expressing yourself elegantly in writing. And it’s worth picking up, if we do say so ourselves. But the judges grumble that it’s unfair for teachers to foist their educational responsibilities on us. We don’t show up at their classroom and demand that they write our articles. And really, it’s a simple matter to separate the contenders from the stories that have the misfortune of belonging to authors that take more time to develop. The point is: We complain. A lot. But there’s also a huge thrill in diving into a pile of short stories and knowing that you’re going to come out with something good. You might not agree that they’re good. In point of fact, we don’t always agree about what’s good. But 55 words, in the right hands, afford infinite opportunities. For humor. Tragedy. Outrage. Simplicity. If you don’t believe us, see for yourself, with a selection of 55 Fiction winners culled from years past.

Cleaning House When Stan moved out Theresa moved into the backyard tree house. The children gone, her husband gone, Theresa’s bond with her home evaporated. The tree house held the best memories. A week later, when she moved back in she brought the good memories with her and swept the bad ones out with a tree limb.

—Zander Pingel, Fort Worth, Texas

Rain of Secrets

—Christine M. Ahern, Los Osos

Denouement and Onomatopoeia Onomatopoeia slept in a turquoise Fiesta, kept his clothes in a Glad bag, bummed his smokes. He had little, wanted less. Denouement lived in hotels, bought couture, vomited five-star food. She consumed life, wanted more.

Fly Away Home The speeding truck left your partner a gray highway lump, and you in the culvert. Trusting me, wings splinted, webbed foot healing, you bonded with the cat, eating earwigs and snails, snoozing in the sun, and listening. I guess you heard him calling, because today you didn’t wake up. Geese mate for life, you know. —Karry, Paso Robles

All the Right Words All the right words had been said— except three. Father Patrick walked alone to the yawning grave, picked up a handful of dirt, and tossed it on the casket. The Monsignor had been his spark, his refuge, his partner in ways that God alone could judge. He simply couldn’t reveal the truth: “I loved him.” —John B. Ashbaugh, San Luis Obispo

46 • New Times • August 11 - August 18, 2011 • www.newtimesslo.com

Dear Arturo, I’m sorry, but I ran over your cat, or gato as you would say. I will buy you a new one and we can have a fiesta with tacos, sombreros, and a piñata. I know this will not bring back Señor Mittens, but it will make you feel better. Viva La Alamo, Zander

“This time, I won’t be back,” said Denouement. “Been said before,” answered Onomatopoeia. “No. This is the end.” “Fine … Bang.” —Justin P. Tyme, Boone, Iowa

Star and Moon quarreled, each wanting to acquire the other’s secret. “Tell me how to shine like you,” said Moon. “Tell me how to dream like you,” Star replied. Their voices fell as rain on the planet below. A woman, who had lost her umbrella, stood in the street, hair and skin soaking with secrets. —Kirsten Anderson, Burbank

Dog Eat Dog “Who ate the last piece of pumpkin pie?” I cried, my eyes swarming the refrigerator like a trapped housefly. The slice I had strategically hidden in the egg drawer had suddenly vanished. “I cleaned the refrigerator,” replied my husband, a faint orange smudge kissing the front of his shirt. Orange was not his color. —Sarah Lacamoire, Brooklyn, N.Y.

People Person Once a month I drive to New York City and rent a motel room high over a busy sidewalk. Inside, I unpack plastic bags containing my turds of the past few weeks. Then, one by one, I empty the bags out the window. I love watching the reactions! I guess I’m just a people person. —James W. Harris, Rydal, Georgia

Awake at Dawn Awake at dawn, Boy Hunter will chase his prey all day across the Central Asian steppes. Riding fast now! He is the Mongol pony and bow. Prey is tired and vulnerable. He howls with excitement, cheeks covered with rancid butter wind protection. The arrow appears instantaneously lethal, and pierces the blood of the setting sun. —Lonnie Cunningham, Los Osos

Broke a Tooth on the Sun My mother insists it was a marble I had found and placed in my mouth, 55 FICTION continued page 48

Buy map. Throw dart.

The 2011 Outback. The adventurer’s vehicle of choice. Symmetrical All-Wheel Drive grips whatever comes your way. An efficient transmission gives you an enviable 29 mpg.* Best of all, it’s built in a zero landfill plant, so you can indulge your urge to explore, responsibly. Love. It’s what makes a Subaru, a Subaru.

Outback. Well-equipped at $23,195† ®

*EPA-estimated hwy mpg for 2.5i Continuously Variable Transmission models. Actual mileage will vary. †MSRP excludes destination and delivery charges, tax, title and registration fees. Dealer sets actual price. Outback 2.5i Premium pictured has an MSRP of $24,495. Vehicle shown with available equipment.

1404 Auto Park Way San Luis Obispo (805) 543-4745 www.RanchoGrandeSubaru.com www.newtimesslo.com • August 11 - August 18, 2011 • New Times • 47

Arts

55 Fiction

55 FICTION from page 46

mistaking the swirled glass for a gumball. But I distinctly remember that day, me four years old, the day I pinched a star from the sky to taste its glossy hot smoothness and broke my back tooth on the sun. —Tyler Enfield, Walnut Creek,

The End The warm fire, as he entered, eased his mind: maybe he wouldn’t need to apologize. He called her name—no answer. Turning to the fire, he went over his apology again. A metallic glint among the embers froze his limbs—the apology vanished as he recognized the spine of his favorite book in the ashes.

It Could Be Worse The boulder slipped Sisyphus’ grasp, rolling down the hill: again. A dung beetle caught his eye, rolling its own burden up and over the apex. Now that would be a curse … thought Sisyphus, a lowly insect; and the feces. Existing in perpetual futility … lamented the beetle, thankful for its own purposeful life; and the feces. —Ross Lesko, Lakewood, Ohio

—Amanda Brooks, Lompoc 55 FICTION continued page 50

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© 2011 AT&T Intellectual Property. All rights reserved. AT&T, the AT&T logo and all other AT&T marks contained herein are trademarks of AT&T Intellectual Property and/or AT&T affiliated companies. All other marks contained herein are the property of their respective owners. 48 • New Times • August 11 - August 18, 2011 • www.newtimesslo.com

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JUNE 3 www.newtimesslo.com • August 11 - August 18, 2011 • New Times • 49

Arts

55 Fiction

55 FICTION from page 48

And Many More

He rode the same waterslide repeatedly, once for each of his thirty years. It was a long, frighteningly dark tunnel that spit you out into a sun drenched and painful world. He always questioned the significance of cake and community, choosing,

instead, to spend his birthday alone in the water park. â&#x20AC;&#x201D;Dylan Rede, Atascadero

Perspective Worm and Rock were talking. Rock lamented about never getting to travel. Worm said, â&#x20AC;&#x153;I travel but itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s slow and tiresome. I fry if I donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t use sun block 1000.â&#x20AC;? Suddenly, Worm was snatched up. Worm shouted, â&#x20AC;&#x153;And fucking birds!â&#x20AC;? Rock watched and thoughtâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;that lucky Worm traveling againâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;this time by air. â&#x20AC;&#x201D;Mike Chambers, San Luis Obispo

donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t seem to mind. They tend to like lying in the sand. â&#x20AC;&#x201D;Zac Kimble, Bridgeton, New Jersey

What Year Is It?

My office is just covered with out of date calendars and old coffee. It seems as if I need to clean it, but I am too damned lazy. Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s 2011 and yet my office is in the year 2009. The Hooters girls

Five Lasagnas, One Call

The Doe Father brought the dead doe into our backyard, strung her from the deck by the hooves, neck suspended, mouth open as if bleating. He was careful to separate coat from tissue; blood down her belly, legs. At dinner, I saw purple stains under his fingernails. Father, who flew me to bed, who checked bathwater temperature. â&#x20AC;&#x201D;Leslie St. John, San Luis Obispo

She cooks lasagna when avoiding something she doesnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t want to do, something important, necessary, painful. Sheâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s made lasagna five times in the past two weeks. I savored the first one. The second one tasted better than the first. The third, fourth, and fifth I couldnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t swallow. Soon sheâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ll have to make the doctorâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s appointment.

Glass Slipper

I awoke early this morning. Earlier than usual. I looked at your picture. I broke the glass in the frame. I put it in my shoes. I looked at the clock. I broke the glass of the clock and put it into my pockets. I walked all day. All I can think of is you.

â&#x20AC;&#x201D;Sue Ann Horan, Austin, Texas

â&#x20AC;&#x201D;Brian Ivie, San Luis Obispo 55 FICTION continued page 52

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Arts

55 Fiction

55 FICTION from page 50

These questions seem kind of specialized

We told the kittens they couldn’t come to pub trivia. Then Question 1 was “How many times do they feed you at the pound?” We wrongly said twice daily. Question 2: “Is the squirrel in the back yard that barks at Snowflake an asshole?” We answered “no.” Then Question 3: “Is string cool?” Wrong again.

Inside Out

They had known each other a few years. She was nice. He knew she liked him. But she was just averagelooking. He couldn’t settle for that. One weekend, she asked him to the movies. She was intelligent, funny, easy to be with. After four months of dating, she became a stunning beauty. —John Bassi, Santa Maria

The Window

Since his Rita’s brutal murder, Carter sits at the window. No television, reading, correspondence. His life is whatever passes outside those curtains. He doesn’t care to leave the room, or know who furnishes meals, pays bills. His world is joggers, changing

&RQVLGHULQJ *UDGXDWH 6FKRRO" $WWHQG 3DFL¿ FD¶V

Admissions Forum Saturday, August 20, 1:00–5:30 in Santa Barbara Pacifica’s special half-day Admissions Forum is for students interested in Fall 2011 enrollment. It will include: s A lecture by Pacifica’s Founding President, Stephen Aizenstat, Ph.D. s Faculty-led information meetings on Pacifica’s six degree programs s Presentations on the admissions process and financial aid. Classes begin in September and October. To complete your application or get more information, attend this on-campus Forum. Space at the Forum is limited and pre-registration is required. To register, call 805.969.3626, ext. 103, or register online at www.pacifica.edu.

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seasons, passing cars, Rita’s ghost. Carter doesn’t realize padded cells don’t have windows. —Jane Orvis

The Dream

As a child, she dreamt of wolves. They chased her each night for one year. She ran and was never caught. Later, she met a man. Playful and protective. Sharp teeth, soft fur. She still dreams of wolves. But now, as they lope through her dreams, she runs with them. —Sheree Pellemeier

55 FICTION continued page 55

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Arts

55 Fiction

Have a Cup of Coffee on us!

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55 FiCTioN from page 55

Memory’s a Funny Thing

g ra t i n C e le b

What was his name anyway? She strained to recall. Robert, Roger? Something like that. Her 90-yearold brain seemed useless. Who was “Roger Rabbit? ” What did the word “rarebit” mean? The man leaned down to kiss her cheek. “Mom,” he said. Oh, she remembered, it’s a kind of melted cheese. Served on dry toast.

—C. Morgan Clayton, Ocala, Fla.

Love

Mephistopheles, Whisky, and the Wretched Soul

Mephistopheles stopped at the crossroads and tipped his flask o’ whisky. A banker strolled by. “Ten bucks for your soul.” “Try a million and a private jet.” “Look pal. Avarice, extortion, wickedness, and infidelity—Ten bucks is a steal for your wretched soul. The Reaper won’t be so kind.” “Thirteen. No less.” “Deal!” Both grinned. —Sean Christopher Weir

Wishful Thinking

Bob had all he wanted. And he still had one wish left. “I can’t decide. Can I use it later? ” he asked. “You da boss. I’m just the genie.” “Cool.” As he walked down the streets, he

The smell of singed fur clung to trailer walls like cigarette smoke in a twelve step meeting. The ringmaster entered; his star’s take in one hand, one last thread of hope in the other. The tiger looked up, the answer already there in his tired eyes. “I’m done jumping through hoops, Bob.”

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The oven door slammed shut with a loud, distinctive bang. The soufflé quivered momentarily, then fell flat. In the dining room, the prospective in-laws scraped their chairs back from the table, gathered up their wooly wraps, their precious son, and left in a huff. Samantha smiled. The two cats smiled. The wedding was off.

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No Gold Watch

Brenda promised the horizontal hokey-pokey if he wore a chicken suit and spoke French. Wayne sewed and studied for six months. Knocking on her door, he was one sharp bird who could conjugate like a Parisian in heat. Brenda greeted him with the news that she was now into vegetables and Swahili. Love is cruel.

—Joshua Hanes

I’m wearing farewell black. As I walk away, past the mound of wet earth, I silently curse the scent of fresh cut flowers. I’m thankful the cold rain conceals my tears. She’s wearing goodbye white. They said her wounds were deep, cut all the way to the bone. I wish my pain ended there.

th r

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“Only one wish? ” “Times are tough,” the genie shrugged. Hubert looked at his pudgy body, thought of the teasing. “I wish I had the body of an athlete; lean and muscular.” “Done.” Hubert’s mother walked in and screamed, pointing past him. On his bed lay the naked body of the school quarterback, lean, muscular. Breathless. ∆ —Stephen G. Wessells, Greensboro, N.C.

Send gripes about 55 Fiction issues past to aschwellenbach@newtimesslo.com.

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Arts

Strictly Starkey

BY GLEN STARKEY

And now for something not completely different! Toad the Wet Sprocket rises like a Phoenix

ex Stardust, lead electric triangle with Toad the Wet Sprocket, has had to have an elbow removed following their recent successful worldwide tour of Finland. Flamboyant ambidextrous Rex apparently fell off the back of a motorcycle,” says Monty Python member Eric Idle on the comedy troupe’s Contractual Obligation Album, and the next thing you know, four kids from Santa Barbara have figured out their band name. In the late ‘80s and into the ‘90s, Toad the Wet Sprocket helped redefine alternative rock as they delivered folk-based but soaring melodies that became the darlings of college radio. Theirs was a real homegrown success story. After self-releasing Bread & Circus, they began recording their follow up, Pale, during which they were signed by Columbia Records, which offered to have them re-record Pale, but instead the band negotiated to have Columbia reissue Bread & Circus. Both albums were popular on college radio, but it wasn’t until their third record, Fear, that they found mainstream success with singles like “All I Want” and “Walk on the Ocean.” I’ve always had a soft spot for Toad since I wrote my first cover story about the band about 20 years ago. Then New Times managing editor Todd Kleffman and I drove down to Santa Barbara and interviewed the band in bassist Dean Dinning’s parents’ basement. Seriously! The group followed up Fear with Dulcinea, which spawned a couple more charting singles: “Fall Down” and “Something’s Always Wrong.” Then they put out a rarities collection called In Light Syrup that included the single “Good Intentions,” before offering a proper follow-up to Dulcinea in Coil, which featured the singles “Come Down” and “Crazy Life,” which had previously appeared on the soundtrack to the film Empire Records. By now it was 1997, and the wear and tear of touring had finally taken its toll. The band broke up, citing creative differences, in 1998. They’ve worked together off and on since then, doing a national tour in 2006, and in 2009 they sort of decided they’re not broken up anymore, and last I heard, they’re writing songs for their first new studio album since 1997’s Coil. That means when Toad the Wet Sprocket plays SLO Brew on Wednesday, August 17 (7:30 p.m.; 21-and-older; $28 presale or $30 at the door), you’ll no doubt be hearing some brand spanking new material along with their deep catalog of hits. Garrison Star will open the show. Here’s what her bio says: “I started out in this business when I was about 15 in Hernando, MS. I played clubs in Memphis in high school, started touring in college, and got signed to Geffen records in 1996 at 21. Since that time, I’ve been signed to two other record labels and have been touring consistently in all kinds of capacities, sometimes thriving, sometimes failing miserably and wanting to quit this business and crawl in a hole. I’ve been disillusioned, bitter, beat up, and to hell and back in my career, but I’ve never lost faith in music. How it heals me all the time. And what it means to all sorts of people.” The rest of SLO Brew’s line-up this week

“

offers a rich variety from which to choose, starting with The Cab on Thursday, Aug. 11 (7 p.m.; all ages; $10). If you like Fall Out Boy or Panic at the Disco, you’ll dig this polished, earnest boy band. They’ve recently released a new album, Symphony Soldier, and their single “Bad” is heating up commercial radio stations and is in heavy rotation on Sirius Hits. On Friday, Aug. 12, check out Nick 13 of psychobilly act Tiger Army (8 p.m.; all ages; $13 presale or $15 at the door). Here in his solo incarnation, he turns his crooner voice toward vintage hillbilly, honky-tonk, and California country sounds. “When I wrote [the pedal steel-driven Western anthem] ‘Outlaw Heart’ for the first Tiger Army album, I figured people would hate it as a lot of our audience at the time came from the world of punk rock,” said Nick in press materials. “I released it anyway because it was a song I loved and it meant a lot to me. People were more open-minded than I thought, and it became not only one of my favorites, but one of the favorites of our fans. It was conceived as one song, but it was just the beginning.” On Saturday, Aug. 13, check out Eyes Like Satellites (7:30 p.m.; all ages; $6 presale or $7 at the door). The local band describes their sound as “original yet nostalgic … that takes you right back to the excitement of your first high-school kiss.” Finally, on Sunday, Aug. 14, Pelican will hit SLO Brew (7:30 p.m.; all ages; $12 presale or $14 at the door), with their “glacier-thick walls of guitars.” According to press materials, “The instrumental quartet from Chicago is not only a group of talented musicians with past features in New York Times and more, but their seemingly operatic compositions take a life of their own, drawing from varied traditions ranging from post-rock to stoner metal.”

Still playing

Steve Key’s Songwriters At Play showcases has a pretty sweet line-up again this week, COUNTRY BOY Nick 13 of psychobilly act Tiger Army turns his crooner voice toward vintage hillbilly, honky-tonk, and California country sounds, Aug. 12 at SLO Brew.

56 • New Times • August 11 - August 18, 2011 • www.newtimesslo.com

PHOTO COURTESY OF TOAD THE WET SPROCKET

starting with Philip Gibbs, who’s currently touring in support of his fourth studio release, The Petroleum Age, bringing his rambling western show to The Porch on Thursday, Aug. 11 (6:30 p.m.; all ages; pass-the-hat). Then on Sunday, Aug. 14, you can check out Jim Bruno, who’s been called a songwriter’s songwriter, maybe because his songs have been performed by some great songwriters such as Shawn Colvin, Mary Lou Lord, Chuck Prophet, and Thad Cockrell. The Bay Area resident has also played bass, guitar, and sung in the Shawn Colvin Band for a number of years and often performed with Shawn as a duet (1 p.m.; all ages; pass-the-hat). The Kreuzberg showcase on Tuesday, Aug. 16 features Susan Marie Reeves, a Santa Barbara performer who calls her original music “Gypsy Newgrass”—a combination PHOTO COURTESY OF NICK 13

THE BOYS ARE BACK IN TOWN Nineties favs Toad the Wet Sprocket have reunited and play SLO Brew on Aug. 17.

of bluegrass, folk, Irish, and alternative poprock (6:30 p.m.; all ages; pass-the-hat). She celebrated the release of her second solo CD, Young Heart, produced by the late, legendary multi-instrumentalist, Kenny Edwards. As always, each showcase features five or six other performers playing four-song sets.

End of one era, start of another

Molly’s Revenge is a true force to be reckoned with, a Celtic juggernaut that transports listeners to the verdant green hills of Ireland, where gingers with pipes are kings! I caught their act at Live Oak this year, and they were simply amazing—warm, engaging, virtuosic. For $10 this Saturday, Aug. 13 at the Red Barn at South Bay Community Park in Los Osos, you can see this terrific group of performers in an intimate setting beginning at 6 p.m., but if you come early at 5 p.m. with a dish to share, you can enjoy an impromptu jam during the potluck. “The band has big news for local fans of the popular fiddle-and-bagpipe group,” said multi-instrumentalist Stuart Mason. “With a heavy heart and many fond memories, Pete Haworth (aka—“The Admiral”) has decided to step down as singer and spokesman for Molly’s Revenge as of Dec. 31. After 10 years of joyous music making, ten CDs, hundreds of performances, thousands of travel miles, and tens of thousands of hours looking for gigs, Pete Haworth has finally decided it’s time to STARKEY continued page 59

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Arts

Strictly Starkey

PHOTO COURTESY OF JIM BRUNO

STARKEY from page 56

Gymnastics

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Tumble & Trampoline

PHOTO COURTESY OF SUSAN MARIE REEVES

hang up his bouzouki. “Haworth is looking forward to his second retirement and finally getting to work on projects that have been on hold for the last 10 years,” added Mason. “Of his time with the band, he says, ‘I’ve enjoyed every minute of my time with Molly’s Revenge and feel hugely fortunate that I was able to be a part of such SONGWRITER’S bluegrass style, so you may here a great band. I’ll never forget the SONGWRITER songs by Paul Simon, Etta James, musical experiences, the amaz- Shawn Colvin Cream, and more. ing musicians I’ve met along the collaborator Jim Portland-based act Rare Monk way, and the wonderful fans that Bruno plays Aug. 14 is touring through town with at Sculpterra. have made the last ten years, a stop at Frog and Peach this the experience of a lifetime. I Thursday Aug. 11 to support wish the rest of the band the best of luck as their newest release, Astral Travel Battles. they go forward, continuing the legacy of The Paul Chesne Band will open the show Molly’s Revenge.’ The remaining members right after Farmers Market, followed by Rare will continue to honor Pete’s vision for the Monk. Get your pop, rock, psych, jazz, and band as they continue into 2012 and beyond.” funk on with a band that took first place in This is a BYOB concert. Come celebrate Ethos Magazine’s “Bandest of the Bands” one of The Admiral’s final performances. competition in Eugene. Unfinished Business plays the next More music… Paso Robles Concerts in the Park show this Friday, Aug.12, from 5:30 to 7:30 p.m. at The Cache Valley Drifters delivered the City Park. “The ‘60s may be over, but an awesome set of contemporary bluegrass the members of Unfinished Business still at this year’s Live Oak Music Festival, so I have a passion for the rock’n’roll of that know they’ll be in good form when they play era—arguably the best music of all time,” Thursday, Aug. 11 at Painted Sky Studios said organizers in press materials. “Come (8 p.m.; $20 tickets are Boo Boo’s, the Cambria Business Center, or by calling 927-8330) and enjoy the great artists of the ‘60s, ranging from the Animals to the Zombies and Friday, Aug. 12 at Windsong House and including the Beatles, the Beach Boys, Concerts in Paso Robles (visit reverbnation. the Rolling Stones, and various Motown com/show/3727349). These guys are masters artists.” The concert is free! at interpreting non-bluegrass tunes in a

I can never get enough of Inga Swearingen, whose gorgeous voice and kind spirit shine through whether she’s performing one of her own songs or interpreting someone else’s. At 8 p.m. this Friday, Aug. 12, the jazz vocalist will be joined by a couple jazz heavyweights—vibraphonist Christian Tamburr and trumpeter Dominick Farinacii—in the Recording Arts Room (7160) of Cuesta College. Quincy Jones said of Farinacii’s playing, “This kid is 360 degrees,” and Tamburr’s playing has been compared to Stefon Harris by helping “to inject young blood into the art of vibes and marimba performance.” Tickets are $15. Award winning jazz vocalist Giacomo Gates performs at D’Anbino Winery this Friday, Aug. 12, at 8 p.m. Heavily steeped in the traditions of the vocal improvisers from Louis

Armstrong and Ella Fitzgerald to Betty Carter and Leon Thomas, Gates is “known for his interaction with the audience through witty comments and informative introductions, [and] every performance becomes a lesson in jazz history. Giacomo’s sheer joy, talent, exuberance, wit, and creativity make him one of jazz’ most compelling artists.” He’s touring in support of his most recent recording, Giacomo Gates Sings The Songs of Gil Scott-Heron: The Revolution Will Be Jazz, which was released last month. Tickets are $15 at the door. Call 773-4131 for more info. Court Street and The SLO Jazz Festival Present a free outdoor concert with the incomparable Tipsy Gypsies this Saturday, Aug. 13 from noon to 3 p.m. If you like your jazz hot, dirty, and sexy, you’ll love this blistering Gypsy jazz combo. Maheyla and The Ritual brings their blues, alt-rock, worldbeat, and reggae sounds to Day with Creative Women at the Mission Plaza at 2 p.m. on Saturday, Aug. 13. The daylong event will feature a number of excellent performers, so stick around all day! Way back about a million years ago when I was a bellman at the Inn at Morro Bay, I used to dig the cool jazz sounds of piano man Brett Mitchell, who played regularly in the lounge. That’s why I know there’s going to be a cool show this Saturday, Aug. 13 from 7:30 to 9:30 p.m. when Brett and his wife Julia Mitchell present an evening of standards and torch songs made famous by the likes of Ella Fitzgerald, Etta James, Diana Krall, and others. The cover’s just $5 (free for Record Club members). This Saturday, Aug. 13, check out jazz

GYPSY NEWGRASS Santa Barbara resident Susan Marie Reeves brings her original sound to Kreuzberg showcase on Aug. 16.

STARKEY continued page 60

Dance

New! Cirque De CCG Program with Parkour

It’s Back to School at CCG! Join us in Celebrating our 20th Anniversary with an UNLIMITED MONTH in August! Come as many times as you want all month long!

e The rt ill are s

3 more weeks of Summer Camp: Sponge Bob Does Flips! AUG. 1 - 5

SLOPE (San Luis Outdoor Painters for the Environment) artists unveil new work at the San Luis Obispo Botanical Garden, August 13 - Sept. 30: Nancy Becker, Marcia Burtt, Ken Christensen, Marguerite Costigan, Dennis Curry, Bruce Everett, Dotty Hawthorne, Larry Kappen, Anne Laddon, Shirley Pittman, Eileen Pritchard, Denise Schryver, Roseanne Seitz and Laurel Sherrie.

CCG’s Got Talent! AUG. 8 - 12

Splish Splash Summer Bash! AUG. 15 - 19

: Also CCE All-Stars Competitive Cheer Team Tryouts for ages 4-14 will be Tuesday 8/2, Thursday 8/4 and Saturday 8/6 Call our office for more information!

New and non-enrolled students. Not valid with any other offers. One coupon per person. Expires 9/1/2011

21 Zaca Lane, San Luis Obispo

Art • Music • Food • Wine • Fun!

• Food, music and dance of the five Mediterranean climate regions

Unveiling 70 original paintings of the county’s iconic

• Zoo To You

landscapes — for awe and for sale! 14 professional

• Sample foods from SLO County’s most celebrated chefs

SLOPE artists spent one year preparing for this event. Prints and cards will be available. A raffle for

20% OFF

First Month’s Tuition! 20th Anniversary Celebration!

Sunday, August 13, 3 PM - 7 PM

a limited edition giclée will be held throughout the day. At 6 PM, honor the 2011 Laureates and Friends of the Garden who help make it grow. 16,000 square feet of Fun & Fitness!

805 549-8408

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Proceeds benefit the SLO Botanical Garden. Reserve early: $20 non-members, $15 members, $25 at door, if available. Tickets and information: www.slobg.org or 805-541-1400, ext. 301.

SLO Botanical Garden Highway 1, El Chorro Regional Park, across from Cuesta College.

Supporting SLO Botanical Garden

www.newtimesslo.com • August 11 - August 18, 2011 • New Times • 59

Arts

Strictly Starkey

STARKEY from page 59

PHOTO COURTESY OF DOMINICK FARINACII

saxophonist David Baron Stevens at Linnaea’s Café at 8 p.m. “I’m new to the area and have had my most recent major performance at the Bakersfield Jazz Festival 2010 where I opened for Dave Douglas, Charlie Hunter, Christian Scott, and Hiroshima. I’ll be working with local musicians, so it should be a very fun night. We’ll PHOTO COURTESY OF MOLLY’S REVENGE also be recording live that FLOG THIS! Celtic powerhouse Molly’s Revenge plays night, which will go directly the Red Barn on Aug. 13. to iTunes and Amazon (vibraphone and vocals) will also be on hand. for purchase. I could sure There’s a 4 p.m. show for $15, a 7:15 p.m. use some energy from the locals to make show for $12, or see both shows for $20. Call that night special.” Check out this world 927-0567 for reservations. jazz performer, the newest addition to our Jack Grisham of punk act TSOL will be at community of local performers. Boo Boo Records this Sunday, Aug. 14 from This Sunday, Aug. 14, the Avila Beach 7:30 to 10:30 p.m. as part of his “The Jim Golf Resort continues its “Sundays on the Sand” concert season with a real humdinger: Jones of West Coast Punk” Tall Tales and Q & A event (The cover’s $5; free Kool Aid with Animal Liberation Orchestra (ALO), your admission!). You can get up close and with opening sets by Dan Curcio of Still personal with this legendary punk icon, who’ll Time (acoustic) and The JD Project. This be reading excerpts from his new book An is an all-ages, family -friendly environment American Demon as well as telling tales from where they’ll have lawn games, barbecue, his storied past. and a full bar for those Amy Cunningham 21-and-older. Best of all, will play Linnaea’s Café the 1 p.m. concert is free, this Tuesday Aug. 16 and AOL is an awesome at 8 p.m. According to live band! Don’t miss it! her press materials, Soul Stew will provide she’s “been writing and the sounds at this week’s performing for as long Sizzlin’ Summer Concert as she can remember, Series show at Ramona and the love she has for Garden Park in Grover what she does is evident Beach on Sunday, Aug. in every performance. 14 from 3 to 6 p.m. Bring Opening for acts like a blanket or lawn chair Jeremy Fisher, Wil and to kick back on the grass, Craig Cardiff, she conenjoy a glass of wine or tinues to hone her craft beer, and dance or just and write songs about listen to the great music. life and change. ‘There’s Shop for freshly grown a hold that her voice fruits and vegetables, has on people,’ says forfreshly canned jams, mer band-mate Rachel jellies and salsas, fresh McBride. ‘There’s someflowers and plants, and JAZZ HEROES Trumpeter thing about its purity Dominick Farinacii (pictured) will join much, much more at the vocalist Inga Swearingen and vibraand soul that makes adjoining farmers market. phonist Christian Tamburr at Cuesta you want to listen and On Sunday, Aug. 14, College for an Aug. 12 concert. connect with her.’” bassist Luther Hughes Seattle-based act and his Cannonball/Coltrane Project is the next attraction at the Fa- Aldea, featuring Alex Aldea, has embarked on a West Coast tour that will take them to mous Jazz Artist Series at the Hamlet. The Last Stage West this Wednesday, Aug. 17. band has been praised as one of America’s Call 461-1393 for details. ∆ most exciting new projects, with its most recent recordings atop the national jazz charts for many months. Besides the leader Hughes Keep up with Glen Starkey via twitter at on bass, the band includes Glen Cashman (tenor sax), Bruce Babad (alto sax), Ed Czach twitter.com/glenstarkey, friend him at Myspace.com/glenstarkey, or contact him at (piano), and Paul Kreibich (drums). Series gstarkey@newtimesslo.com. co-producers Charlie and Sandi Shoemake

Tracy Hallt

PHOTO COURTESY OF ALO THURS 8/11

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Surfrider Foundation meeting

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60 • New Times • August 11 - August 18, 2011 • www.newtimesslo.com

FREE ANIMALS! Animal Liberation Orchestra plays a free show at Avila Beach Golf Resort on Aug. 14.

is now Open in San Luis Obispo! • Authentic Thai Food • New Menu • Beef, chicken, pork and seafood • Vegan and vegetarian specialty dishes • No MSG • Patio Dining • Beer and Wine Express take out starting at $6.95 Special Grand Opening offer!

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1815 Osos Street, San Luis Obispo, CA at the SLO Train Station Roundabout

805-545-5996

www.newtimesslo.com • August 11 - August 18, 2011 • New Times • 61

Arts Goin’ South ...

BRANCH ST. DELI: 203 Each Branch St., Arroyo Grande, 489-9099. Live music Fri. from 5:308:30 p.m. THE CLIFFS RESORT: 2757 Shell Beach Road, 773-5000 or cliffsresort.com. F. MCLINTOCKS SALOON: 750 Mattie Road, Pismo Beach and in the Arroyo Grande Village, 773-1892 or mclintocks.com. Pismo: Live music Mon.-Wed., 6-9 p.m.: Tennessee Jimmy Harrell, Fri.-Sun., 6-9 p.m.: Doc Stoltey. GATHER WINE BAR: 122 E. Branch St. in the Village of Arroyo Grande. 8/12: Erin Teran, 7-10 p.m. 8/13: Acoustico, 7-10 p.m. HARRY’S NIGHT CLUB AND BEACH BAR: Cypress and Pomeroy, downtown Pismo Beach, 773-1010. Thurs.: Front Row Karaoke. LIDO RESTAURANT AT DOLPHIN BAY: 2727 Shell Beach Road, Shell Beach, 773-4300 or TheDolphinBay.com. Join Three Martini Lunch every Thurs. and Fri. from 6-9 p.m. Matt Cross plays Tues. at 5:30 p.m. 8/11 and 8/12: Michael Dias 6 to 9 p.m. MONGO’S SALOON: 359 W. Grand Ave., Grover Beach, 489-3639. Music every day. MR. RICK’S: 404 Front St., Avila Beach, 595-7425. Fri.-Sat.: Live music, 9 p.m. Sun.: Live music, 3 p.m. THE SANTA MARIA BREWERY: 112 Cuyama Lane, Nipomo, 349-2090. Tony Baloney from 4-6 p.m. every Sat. SEAVENTURE: 100 Ocean View, Pismo Beach, 773-4994. Live music in the Fireplace Room on Wed. from 6-9 p.m. SLO DOWN PUB: 1200 E. Grand Ave. (at Brisco Road), Arroyo Grande, 473-0102. Tues. Bluesday: Jam night with Jim Townsend Blues Band from 7-10 p.m. VENTANA GRILL: 2575 Price St. Pismo Beach, 773-0000, or ventanagrill.com. Matt Cross plays on Mon and Wed. evenings. VINO VERSATO: 781 Price St., Pismo Beach, 2956622 or vinoversato.com. Open jam session every Thursday from 6 to 9 p.m.

San Luis Obispo

BON TEMPS CREOLE CAFE: 1000 Olive St., 5442100. Mon., 6-9pm: Open Mic Night with Bently Murdock. Wed., 6:30-8:30pm: Billy and Charlie Foppiano or Valerie Johnson and Al B Blue. Thurs., 6:30-8:30pm: Red Skunk Jipzee Swing Band. CREEKY TIKI: 782 Higuera St., 903-2591. Blues Masters Jam on Wed., 7-10 p.m. FROG & PEACH PUB: 728 Higuera, 595-3764.

New Times’ Clubs lists lounges, res8/11: Paul Chesne Band, taurants, and cofRare Monk, 9 p.m. 8/18: 80 fee houses where Proof, 8 p.m. THE GRADUATE: 990 Industrial you can dance or Way, 541-0969 or slograd.com. listen to live Wed.: College Hump Night, with music. Wild 106 (DJ). Thurs.: Country

Stampede (DJ). first Sat.: Big Chill Night (DJ). KREUZBERG: 685 Higuera St., 439-2060. Songwriters At Play is on Tues., 6:30-9:30 p.m. Headiners: 8/16: Susan Marie Reeves; 8/23: John Schmidt; 8/30: Aileene Espiritu. LINNAEA’S CAFE: 1110 Garden St., 5415888. 8/11: Mark Stocksdale, folk/rock/ Americana, 7 p.m. 8/13: David Baron Stevens, bossa nova/jazz/latin, 8 p.m. 8/13: Amy Cunningham, acoustic/folk/soul, 8 p.m. MADONNA INN: 100 Madonna Road, 5433000. Thurs.-Fri.: Frank Gary Band, Sat.: Rose Garden, Sun.: DJ Nancy Lara, Mon.: SLO Rug Cutters, Wed.: Frank Gary Band. OASIS: 675 Higuera St., 543-1155. Fri.-Sat.: SLO Beledi. PAPPY MCGREGOR’S: pappymcgregors.com or 543-KILT (5458),1865 Monterey St. Live music is Wed./Thurs./Fri. from 6-9 p.m. SANITARIUM: 1716 Osos St., 215-9305. First and Third Wed. from 7-10 p.m. live music with singer songwriters. SLO BREWING CO.: 1119 Garden St., 543-1843 or slobrewingco.com. 8/11: The Cab, 7 p.m. 8/12: Nick 13 of Tiger Army, 8 p.m. STEYNBERG GALLERY: 1531 Monterey St., 547-0278. Z CLUB: 2010 Parker St., 544-2582.

North County

BEE ROCK STORE: 5625 Interlake Road, 5 miles above Lake Nacimiento Dam, 472-9677 or beerockstore.com. Music is on Sun. from 1-6 p.m. BERNICKS: 835 13th St., Paso Robles, 226-9400 or bernicks.net. Open mic on Tues. and wine tastings on Wed. CAMOZZIS: 5855 El Camino Real, Atascadero, 466-1880. D’ANBINO VINEYARDS AND CELLARS: 710 Pine St., Paso Robles, 227-6800 or danbino. com. ELKHORN BAR: 1263 Mission St., San Miguel, 467-3909 or elkhornbar.net. Karaoke is at 8

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62 • New Times • August 11 - August 18, 2011 • www.newtimesslo.com

Clubs

p.m. on Wed. Call for information on weekend events or check them out on Facebook.com. THE HAVEN WINE BISTRO: 6155 El Camino Real, Atascadero, havenwinebar.net or 468-4880. Live music Wed.-Sat. Guitarist/singer Mike Swan appears every Wed. from 5:308:30 p.m. LA BELLASERA HOTEL AND SUITES: 206 Alexa Ct., Paso Robles, 238-2834, Guitar/Vocal duo, Adam Levine and Judy Philbin play every 2nd, 3rd and 4th Thurs. from 6:30-9:30 p.m. LAST STAGE WEST: Halfway Station on Highway 41 (15050 Morro Road at Toro Creek), 461-1393 or laststagewest.net. LEVEL 4 SPEAKEASY: 1216 Park St., Paso Robles, 237-2111 or level4speakeasy.com. Fri. and Sat.: DJ from 9-2 a.m., Thurs. and Tues.: live music from 6-9 p.m. LOMBARDI’S PASTA FAMILIA: 836 11th St., Paso Robles, 237-7786. Live Italian accordion music nightly. MERITAGE WINE TASTING LOUNGE: 810 11th St., Paso Robles, 238-9456 or meritagelounge. com. Live music on Fri. and Sat. from 6-9 p.m. PAPPY MCGREGOR’S: pappymcgregors.com or 238-7060, 1122 Pine St. in Paso Robles. Live music is Wed./Thurs. from 6-9pm and Fri./Sat. from 8-10:30 p.m. PASO ROBLES INN CATTLEMAN’S LOUNGE: 1103 Spring St., 238-2660. PINE STREET SALOON: 1234 Pine St., Paso Robles, 238-1114. Mon.: Open mic from 8 p.m.12 a.m., Wed.: Free pool, Tues., Thurs., Fri. and Sun: Karaoke, Sat: Live music. THE PIT STOP: 2805 Black Oak Drive, Paso Robles, 239-1261. Wed.: Live music, 7 p.m. Fri.: Karaoke, 7pm. THE PORCH: 22322 El Camino Real, Santa Margarita, 438-3376 or PorchCafe.com. Songwriters At Play showcases Thurs., 6:309:30 p.m. Headliners: 8/11: Lenny Blue; 8/18: Tiana Star; 8/25: Grand Lake. POUR HOUSE: 1331-A Vendels Circle, in Paso Robles. 239-2868. THE RANCH RESTAURANT AND HONKY TONK NIGHTCLUB: 1285 Mission St. in San Miguel, liveattheranch.com or 467-5047. Wed.: Comedy night. Thurs.: Karaoke, Sat.: Live music. SCULPTERRA WINERY: 5015 Linne Road, Paso Robles, 226-8881. Songwriters at Play every Sun. from 1-4 p.m. Headliners: 8/14: Jim Bruno; 8/21: John Schmitt; 8/28: Karen Tyler Trio. No cover, all ages.

VINOTECA WINE BAR: 835 12th St., Paso, 227-7154.

North Coast

10TH STREET GRILL: 2011 10th St., Los Osos, 528-2011 or 10thstreetgrill.com. Jeff Bright, a classical guitarist, plays Thurs. at 6 p.m. CAMBRIA PINES LODGE: 2905 Burton Drive, Cambria, 927-4200 or cambriapineslodge. com. Thurs.: Karaoke. EL COLIBRI HOTEL AND SPA, 5620 Moonstone Beach Drive, Cambria, 924-3003 or elcolibrihotel.com. FUEL DOCK: 900 Main St., Morro Bay, 772-8478. THE HAMLET: at Moonstone Gardens, Highway 1, Cambria, 927-3535 (restaurant), 927-0567 (show reservations). INN AT MORRO BAY: 60 State Park Road, Morro Bay, 772-5651. Live music on Fri. and Sat. nights. LAS CAMBRITAS: 2336 Main St., Cambria, 927-0175. THE MERRIMAKER: 1301 2nd St. in Los Osos, 528-9940. MOZZI’S SALOON: 2262 Main St. in Cambria, 927-4767. OLD CAYUCOS TAVERN: 130 N. Ocean Ave., Cayucos, 995-3209. Thurs.: Band tryouts. Fri.-Sat.: Live music. OTTER ROCK CAFE: 885 Embarcadero, Morro Bay, 772-1420. Tues.-Wed: Karaoke, 8pm. Thurs.: Open jam, 8pm. Sun. music is at 4 p.m. THE PELICAN GRILL: 560 Embarcadero, Morro Bay, 772-8400. Fri. Happy Hour with Lenny Blue from 3:30-7 p.m. ROCK ESPRESSO BAR: 275 Morro Bay Blvd., 772-3411. Live music 3-6 p.m. on Sat. SEA PINES GOLF RESORT: 1945 Solano St., Los Osos, 528-5252 or roxi@seapinesgolfresort.com. Summer concerts take place on Sat. from 2-6 p.m. SKIPPERS RESTAURANT: 113 N Ocean, Cayucos, 995-1122. STAX WINE BAR: 1099 Embarcadero, Morro Bay, 772-5055 or staxwine.com. On Sun. Jay DiPaola performs from 3-6 p.m. SWEET SPRINGS SALOON: 990 Los Osos Valley Road, Los Osos, 528-3764. Live music weekends. TOGNA Z Z INI’S DOCKSIDE : 1245 Embarcadero, Morro Bay, 772-8100. Wed. from 11:30 a.m. to 3 p.m. with Lenny Blue and The Duo-Matics and Phil Enns. WINDOWS ON THE WATER: 699 Embarcadero, Suite 7, Morro Bay, 772-0677. ∆

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Arts

Split Screen

Arcane extremist L egendary photographer Bill Cunningham is at the center of this fascinating documentary about his life and career. (84 min.)

with a single focal length lens that I think is around 28mm. He separates himself from the mechanical aspect of taking photographs and simply documents fashion on Glen What an STREET PHOTOGRAPHER Bill Cunningham is at the center of the the street and incredible look into new documentary Bill Cunningham New York, screening exclusively at high society the life and career The Palm. functions. He is a of a true obsessive. photographer of Bill Cunningham about a man no one knows doing something few can OLD FASHIONED Bill checks negatives at his local film the purest form. The amount understand. Look up “arcane” in the dictionary, and you has lived, breathed, processing shop in Manhattan. of effort he puts into his work should find a photo of Bill Cunningham. and eaten his life’s doesn’t let him do anything work—chronicling Steve Look up passionate in the dictionary and you’ll else, and I think it’s a sad portrait of a man—however, fashion trends—for decades! He has no interest in art, find a picture of Cunningham also. He’s an extremist, he seems to be very satisfied with his life. Shocking food, architecture, or any other aesthetic pursuit save really, and that’s not a word usually given to a man that perhaps, as he admits never to have had a romantic fashion, mostly women’s fashion. Despite this, he’s a is so kind and so particular about making sure that relationship, it brought to mind another highly focused charming, thoughtful, fascinating person who over the he never publishes a photo making someone look bad. and successful man, Sir Isaac Newton, who apparently course of 84 minutes viewers will come to appreciate Regardless, he’s an extremist in his work and life and died without ever having a romantic relationship either more than likely one will not be able to leave the theater … and perhaps feel sorry for. At one point deep into and supposedly said his greatest achievement was never without having to think about him and his life for some the documentary, filmmaker Richard Press asks Bill having given himself to a woman. if he’s ever had a romantic relationship, if he’s gay. time to come. I left the theater wishing I had 10% of We never get the answer to the second question save Glen If that’s what it takes his drive and Bill’s acknowledgement that any man this interested to be great, I’ll gladly settle motivation, and in women’s fashion could be perceived as such, but the for mediocre! As I watched although many shocking answer to the first question is “no.” Bill says this film, I thought of my will leave debating there was no time, no interest; he was always working. parents—my mom at 82 and the merits, or Can you imagine spending a lifetime emotionally cut my dad at 85, both of whom lack thereof, of off? Even those who know him—high society types are still active—and I realized his austere living such as Lady Astor or fashion icons such as Anna that’s the secret to a long life. conditions and his Wintour or Michael Kors—can offer no insight into Bill never stopped working, lack of romantic Bill Cunningham, the person. He has been completely and neither have my parents relationships, consumed by his passion: photography. And he’s really stopped pursuing what they these are really good at what he does! I was fully engrossed in this film, love, whether that’s travel, very minor points and I don’t care one whit about women’s fashion. golf, floral arrangement, or about him. The craft-making. Bill awakes Steve It’s always fascinating to me to see how more important excited about his job, putting successful photographers work and think, and this thing for me is on his “uniform” of slacks, a movie about Bill Cunningham was both amazing and to see a singly CYCLER Bill traverses the streets of New York on his trusty blue jacket, and, if raining, frightening in its showcase of his work and work ethic. focused, extreme bicycle. a black poncho, then he I’ve looked at his column innumerable times when I individual who is read the Sunday New York Times. Although I was never jumps on his bicycle to cycle not unique in this throughout the city looking to capture the fashion particularly interested in the photos by themselves, world. Rather there are plenty more like him out there, trends he sees. It’s his 29th bicycle, the other 28 having and the insight we get from this film perhaps can help I was always fascinated that this man could actually been stolen, and I can’t help but be in awe of this put together such a vast portfolio of images showcasing us with interactions with other individuals who are similar efforts by so many New Yorkers in a mere week’s octogenarian riding through the taxi-choked streets of focused like him. Most of us are middle of the road when time. He’s depicted in the film as somewhat of an arbiter bustling New York, dragging out his enormous chain to it comes to focus and drive; he’s on the far end of the bell lock his bike to a lamppost, then darting into traffic to of taste, which he denies and he criticizes himself as curve and utterly fascinating. Whether you are a fan photograph a lavishly dressed New Yorker. Yes, I feel not really being a photographer, but I think he’s both. of documentaries, photography, fashion, or just simply sorry for Bill Cunningham, but I Specialized, yes, not only in his interesting people, this film is a must-see. ∆ also respect him, his tenacity, his pursuit to document what people BILL CUNNINGHAM NEW YORK choice to single-mindedly pursue wear in one of the world’s largest Glen Starkey is a New Times staff writer and Steve Miller what he loves, all else be damned. cities, but also in his use of an is New Times’ staff photographer. Comment at gstarkey@ What’s it rated? Not rated This is a fantastic documentary old Nikon film camera, usually newtimesslo.com and semiller@newtimesslo.com. What’s it worth, Steve? $10.00 What’s it worth, Glen? $8.00 Where’s it showing? The Palm

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Movies

Editor’s note: Due to an early deadline for our 25th anniversary issue, some theaters were unable to provide their films and show times. Below you’ll find our closest guess for Regal Cinemas’ Arroyo Grande Stadium 10 (1-800-FANDANGO 1702#), the Movie Experience theaters—Fremont (5412141) and Downtown Centre (5468600), and Central Coast Cinemas’ Park Cinemas of Paso Robles (2272172.) We suggest calling these theaters to confirm.

A BETTER LIFE

What’s it rated? PG-13 Where’s it showing? The Palm An Hispanic gardener in East L.A. works to keep his son away from gangs and immigration officers, hoping to give him a better life. (98 min.)

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What’s it rated? Not rated What’s it worth? $9.00 Where’s it showing? The Palm (ends 8/11) See Split Screen.

pick

BRIDESMAIDS

What’s it rated? R What’s it worth? $9.00 Where’s it showing? Fremont? Bridesmaids tells the story of Annie (Kristen Wiig), who is unlucky in business, in love, and in life in general, but whose bond with Lillian (Maya Rudolph) has sustained her since childhood. When Lillian announces she is engaged, Annie is poised to throw herself into her friend’s wedding preparations, but she is met with unexpected competition from Lillian’s new friend Helen (Rose Byrne), a snobbish socialite who seems hell-bent on usurping Annie’s maid-of-honor duties. (125 min.) —Jason McKiernan; filmcritic.com

cAPTAIn AMERIcA: THE FIRST AVEngER

What’s it rated? PG-13 What’s it worth? $9.00 Where’s it showing? Downtown Centre (in 2-D)?, Park (2-D)?, Stadium 10 (in 2- and 3-D)?, Galaxy (in 2and 3-D) As World War II rages, wimpy Steve Rogers keeps trying to enlist … and keeps getting turned down. But when he’s recruited for a top-secret project, he’s transformed into a

superhero who defends American ideals. Sounds corny, right? It is, but it’s also a helluva lot of fun! After the dismal wreck that was Thor, Marvel has regained its footing with a film that rivals the Iron Man movies. Here’s a character we can’t help but root for facing off against a foe so evil he makes Hitler look like an underachiever (the always awesome Hugo Weaving as Red Skull). Steve Rogers (Chris Evans) is a great guy: kind, patriotic, and honorable. Unfortunately, he’s a weakling, but that very weakness that has steeled his character becomes a strength when he meets Dr. Abraham Erskine, a scientist who’s created a process to give a solider superhuman strength. But who to give it to? Erskine realizes a weak man understands the value of strength, and Steve is chosen. Soon after his transformation, however, instead of being used as a super solider, Steve finds himself part of a dog and pony show used to sell war bonds. When he eventually finds his way to Europe as part of a USO show, he’s mocked by his fellow soldiers, and he finally realizes he has to prove himself. This somewhat long set-up is the best part of the film, which soon turns into a stereotypical battle between good and evil, but there’re enough side stories—Steve’s budding romance with Agent Peggy Carter (Hayley Atwell), his friendship with Bucky Barnes (Sebastian Stan), and his contentious relationship with his commanding officer Col. Chester Phillips (Tommy Lee Jones) —to keep it interesting.

DO THE RIGHT THING Demián Bichir stars as Carlos Riquelme, an Hispanic gardener in East L.A. who works to keep his son away from gangs and immigration officers, hoping to give him A Better Life. It also helps that director Joe Johnston (Honey, I Shrunk the Kids; The Rocketeer; Jumanji; October Sky; Jurassic Park III, The Wolfman) knows how to stage convincing fight sequences and knows the value of subtle special effects. While this origin story doesn’t outshine the likes of Batman Begins, and while Steve Rogers is certainly not as engaging a character as Robert Downey, Jr.’s manic Tony Stark, this is still solid comic book fare. The motorcycles, Captain America’s shield, the train sequences, storming Red Skull’s lair—all of this stuff was deftly done, and the film also featured plenty of humor and heart. It’s also filled with nostalgia and patriotism, and it did a great job weaving in the other Marvel characters like Tony Stark’s father Howard (Dominic Cooper). This film blows away Thor, both Hulk films, Daredevil, Fantastic Four, Elektra, Ghost Rider, and many of the other attempts to bring Marvel comic characters to the big screen. (125 min.) —Glen Starkey

PHOTO COURTESY OF PARAMOUNT PICTURES

pick

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pick

AMERICAN BADASS! Chris Evans stars as Steve Roger, a mild-mannered guy who becomes an American hero, in Captain America: The First Avenger.

What’s it rated? R What’s it worth? $9.00 Where’s it showing? Fremont?, Park?, Stadium 10?, Galaxy David Dobkin’s The Change-Up is an odd proposition, which makes the amiable banality that it conjures all the more perplexing. The set-up, in which married workaholic David (Jason Bateman) and stoner-cumsoftcore-porn-star Mitch (Ryan Reynolds) switch bodies after taking a midnight leak in a park fountain, is a conflation of several proper-

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Crashers, though Owen Wilson’s lame duck was neither as sentimental nor as milquetoast as Reynolds’ David increasingly becomes here. Despite its unerring verbal crudeness, Dobkin’s film is a bit of a red herring, opting for the overtly pro-family, deeply conventional thematic arch that has been the big-studio norm for decades now over the crass madness of The Hangover. As one would expect, this leads to plenty of half-assed introspection, which subsequently brings both characters to familiar ends. But with the exception of a pair of confessional scenes from Mann, the emotions feel impossibly serious, unearned, and uncomplicated. And, oddly, there are few secondary characters to pick up the slack and offer a diverse and fully realized sense of the social world in which both men live. This is all to say that the healthy pedigree that the film’s advertising campaign has focused on has all been in the service of passable mediocrity, as irreconcilable in tone as its two main characters are in lifestyles. This is, to a degree, the status quo for romantic comedies, attempting at once to appeal to the frat boy and the family man, not to mention his wife. But The Change-Up’s very premise is a paean to adolescence, and one has to wonder how a film with such an overwhelming interest in the lewd and scatological has any business riding a tide of uninspired Hallmark moments to a clean, cautious ending. (112 min.) —Chris Cabin; filmcritic.com

uneven to begin with—even more so when ties, of which only Big is noteworthy. It’s a you consider how unbalanced the script is fantastical, rote, and frankly dull idea but in terms of character and story developit comes at the right time, as The Smurfs’ financial triumph last weekend sadly prom- ment. This can be excused partially due to the casting, seeing as Bateman is a far ises that nostalgia for the 1980s still has more talented comedian and actor than the plenty of bile ripe for re-treading. Slapped with an R-rating, however, and based off a affable Reynolds. In fact, the switch seems script by the duo behind The Hangover, The essential to the film’s mild successes, as Reynolds’ foul-mouthed ladies’ man is Change-Up would seemingly have injected unconvincing from moment one. He fares some proper nasty moments and plenty of far better in the mundane, softhearted curse-laden one-liners to secure that this coWBoYS & ALIEnS David role, whereas Bateman flourishes in would be a bit more memorable than Vice both scenarios but is responsible for the Versa or the more recent 17 Again. What’s it rated? PG-13 film’s biggest laughs when he takes on the As it turns out, there are a few nasty What’s it worth? $9.00 Mitch role. Would that Bateman had been moments, though they largely involve Where’s it showing? Sunset Drive-In, matched with a young comedian of equal projectile baby poo squirting out of the Downtown Centre?, Park?, Stadium ability (say Seth Rogen or Jason Segel), so 10?, Galaxy rear ends of David’s twins, not unlike if an the film might have been powered by duelobese man were to jump on a full toothAs the title suggests, this genre ing explorations of comedic facets ranging paste tube. Such is modern suburban life, mash up by director Jon Favreau from timing to physicality. which is here portrayed as an inexplicably (Elf, Iron Man 1 and 2) throws together desirable slice of hell, topped off by a loveThis is a problem similar to the one ly but slightly bossy wife (the invaluable Dobkin faced with his mega-hit, Wedding MOVIES continued page 68 Leslie Mann) and a bullied pre-teen daughter. As David PHOTO COURTESY OF UNIVERSAL PICTURES survives this mournful existence through the promise of a partnership at his law firm and fantasies of doinking his assistant (Olivia Wilde), Mitch wades through a sea of hook-ups and booty calls while attempting to avoid responsibility and his father (Alan Arkin), who (surprise) is a serial divorcé. The fateful body-swap lands Mitch in David’s body just in time for a career-making merger and David in Mitch’s body only a few hours before he’s set to fake plow an aged porn star who resembles nothing so much as the cross-dressing critter from Gremlins 2: The New Batch. Ostensibly, David yearns for alone time and perhaps a quick one-off with his comely assistant, but Mitch MYSTERIOUS STRANGER Jake Lonergan (Daniel Craig) wakes wants for nothing, which up in the desert, doesn’t know who he is, and doesn’t know what this makes the switcheroo bracelet’s doing on his wrist, but he finds out quick in Cowboys & Aliens.

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HART TARGET! Sabrina McArdle (Olivia Wilde) may finally be a conquest in reach of her boss (Jason Bateman, not pictured) when, through a metaphysical mix-up, he changes bodies with his best friend, a soft-core porn star, in The Change-Up. MOVIES from page 66

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cowboys circa 1873 Arizona and an alien spaceship bent on taking over the Earth, starting with the Wild West. Not being familiar with the graphic novel upon which this is based, I really wasn’t sure to what to expect from Cowboys & Aliens. I thought maybe it’d be a campy, lighthearted romp, but instead this is a film that takes itself seriously. It cleverly uses the clichés of the western genre to quickly set-up the milieu: a dusty town-gone-bust led by a gruff and at times cruel cattle baron (Harrison Ford as Col. Woodrow Dolarhyde), his bully of a son (Paul Dano as Percy Dolarhyde), a town sheriff in Woodrow’s pocket (Keith Carradine as Sheriff John Taggart), a comic saloon owner (Sam Rockwell as Doc) and his far-too-beautiful-for-him wife (Ana de la Reguera as Maria), a fresh faced kid (Noah Ringer as Emmett Taggart), a preacher who knows his way around a gun (Clancy Brown as Meacham), a beautiful gun-toting woman (Olivia

depth of the relationships. We discover, for instance, that even though Dolarhyde is a hard man, he has a soft spot, taking young Emmett under his wing and trying to make him into a man. Dolarhyde’s Indian sidekick (Adam Beach as Nat Colorado … gotta love these names, eh?) also plays a role with effective emotional resonance. Despite these characters being archetypes, and hence open to mono-dimensionality, they’re surprisingly richly developed. Sheriff Taggart is forced to stand up to Dolarhyde, Percy is forced to reexamine his cruelty, as his memory returns Lonergan discovers he’s not a heartless criminal thug, Emmett gets a chance to earn his manhood, and much more. You don’t go into a film like Cowboys & Aliens expecting this sort of depth, but you get it anyway, and the fact that it’s set against a backdrop of evil invading aliens so rotten even sworn enemies—cowboys and Indians—will team up to defeat them … well, come on, that’s just kick ass! (118 min.) —Glen Starkey

PHOTO BY BEN GLASS; COURTESY OF WARNER BROS. PICTURES

ends without the unmistakable promise of reconciliation, it was because it was well and truly a bad relationship and the blame certainly can’t be placed squarely on the protagonist. We seek nothing but the perfect completion of every relationship we’ve ever had when we go to the movies, to apply proper medication and bandages to all the broken moments we’ve incurred and participated in. Crazy, Stupid, Love, Glenn Ficarra and John Requa’s second feature as directors, doesn’t flip the script, so to speak, on this particular Hollywood norm, but it does toy with these seemingly ironclad rules far more convincingly than most recent big-studio romantic comedies. There’s an MOVIES continued page 71

Nowonvideo Due for release Tuesday, Aug. 9

JUMPING THE BROOM What’s it rated? PG-13 Should I rent it? Maybe

MARS NEEDS MOMS What’s it rated? PG Should I rent it? Don’t bother

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OOPS! Lothario Jacob (Ryan Gosling) easily beds Hannah (Emma Stone), in the rom-com Crazy, Stupid, Love. Wilde as Ella Swenson), and of course the mysterious stranger (Daniel Craig as Jake Lonergan), a man so mysterious even he doesn’t know who he is! He awakes in the desert with a strange bracelet on his wrist and no memory, and after a trio of cowboys tries to bushwhack him, he rides into town, discovers he’s a wanted man, is being transported to trial, and wham! Aliens attack and his bracelet is the only weapon that can stop them. It’s a great set-up! And the film keeps the surprises coming. Of course, there’s a fair amount of incredulity that comes with such a premise, but put that aside and you’re in for a terrifically entertaining ride. Of the many elements that elevate this film beyond simple action fare are the

CRAZY, STUPID, LOVE

What’s it rated? PG-13 What’s it worth? $7.00 Where’s it showing? Downtown Centre?, Park?, Stadium 10?, Galaxy I don’t know when exactly the movies became so in love with love, but I imagine the obsession hit its endless stride not long after Virginia Cherrill regained her sight and got a real gander at a penniless Charlie Chaplin in City Lights. Some 80 years on, love still sells better than anything else, including, on occasion, catastrophic violence and gratuitous skimpiness, but it is love of a radical sort—endless and only slightly inconvenienced by improprieties, not warped, sullied, or dismembered. If a relationship

pick

THE CONSPIRATOR What’s it rated? PG-13 Should I rent it? Maybe

HOODWINKED TOO: HOOD VS. EVIL What’s it rated? PG Should I rent it? Don’t bother

JANE EYRE

What’s it rated? PG-13 Should I rent it? Definitely

PRIEST

What’s it rated? PG-13 Should I rent it? Maybe

SOMETHING BORROWED What’s it rated? PG-13 Should I rent it? Don’t bother

Experience

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At the Movies City of San Luis Obispo

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GLEE-TASTIC The cast of the TV show Glee gives it their all, in Glee: The 3-D Concert Movie. MOVIES from page 68 attraction toward confrontation and complication in Dan Fogelman’s script, which is apparent from the very first scene in which Emily Weaver (Julianne Moore) asks for a divorce from her amiable husband, Cal (Steve Carell), while they discuss what

Blast from the past THE MAN FROM NOWHERE

What’s it rated? R There are things inherently pleasurable to watch in movies, no matter how many countless times you see them. The story of a lone underestimated underdog working his way through a sizable portion of the criminal population is one of those things. The latest film to follow this everdependable formula is the Korean film The Man From Nowhere, a hard-edged lean thriller that’s probably my favorite film to come out of the Korean new wave since A Bittersweet Life. The Korean new wave, for those who need a refresher, is a film movement whose central tenet was apparently making the films that came out of Hong Kong look like the work of mealy mouthed wusses. It’s characterized by its extremity, both of style and narrative content. (This is, after all, the movement that gave us the likes of Oldboy, oh ye of the infamous hammer bashing and live octopus eating.) Like a noncoincidentally large portion of these films, The Man From Nowhere focuses on brutal revenge, albeit a strain more recognizable and accessible to the average American moviegoer than the weird Greek tragedy levels that some of the other films in the movement reach for. The Man From Nowhere acts as basically the Korean Man on Fire, a quiet loner who runs a pawnshop and forms an attachment with an adorable moppet. After said moppet’s mother runs afoul of heroin-dealing, organ-selling, puppy-eating gangsters (puppy eating not confirmed), they kidnap the moppet for collateral. The heretofore mild-mannered pawnshop owner rouses himself and comes to terms with his dark past (spoiler alert: It involves killing a lot of people) to cut a bloody swath through nearly every lowlife in Korea. These types of films work with the merciless efficiency of pistons, first by setting up the seemingly invulnerable, incalculatably evil villains and then watching said villains pale as the hero’s righteous rampage begins and they realize they have fucked with the one person they should never under any circumstances have fucked with. As noted, it’s been done about a billion times before. But like “The Goldberg Variations,” the point is not the music but how the music is played. With its both gritty and stylized atmosphere, kinetic plotting, and genuine emotional involvement of its cast, The Man From Nowhere might tread familiar ground, but it does so with confidence. The film was overshadowed on its initial release by the fully demented I Saw the Devil, but it’s worth seeking out. What it lacks in novelty, it more than makes up for in satisfaction. (2010, color; 120 min.) ∆ —Bryce “Octopus Eating” Wilson

to get for dessert. We are immediately smacked not only by the ordinariness of the situation but by Cal’s legitimate shock, as if he had been awoken from a coma by being beaten with hammers. The announcement that Cal’s better half has schtupped a coworker (Kevin Bacon) causes Cal to go half mad, but he’s not the only one. His babysitter’s (Analeigh Tipton) crush on him is enflamed at the precise moment when his son, Robbie (Jonah Bobo), confesses his undying love for her. His neighbor and close friend (John Carroll Lynch) abandons Cal on orders from his frigid wife, leaving Cal to sip on cocktails at a local bar. Cal is at the end of his rope, but it is in this very bar that he is taken under wing by Jacob (a fantastic Ryan Gosling), a force-five ladykiller and a practitioner of a studied set of get-laid tactics. With a few wardrobe changes and pick-up pointers, Jacob molds Cal into someone capable of seducing a myriad single ladies, including Robbie’s English teacher (Marisa Tomei). But, ironically, Jacob the Lothario seems to be abandoning his own game after getting stung by Hannah (Emma Stone), a witty flamethrower who bucks his methods from the outset.

though the filmmakers seem practiced at narrative pacing and fluidity and know enough to give their cast breathing room to riff. And while Fogelman’s overarching themes are a bit too breezy, he does succeed in presenting social realignments, such as divorce, as truly messy rather than just pestering. So we are given sequences and scenes where genuine complication is brought about, and it is here that the performers elevate the material to something closer to early Albert Brooks or James L. Brooks. Take, for instance, Tomei’s dazzling reaction to a parent-teacher conference with the man who didn’t call her back and his once-thought estranged wife, or—even better—the glorious sequence in which Jacob takes Hannah home for the first time. These are moments to be savored and enjoyed thoroughly, even if the overall story is tamer and less inventive than the directors’ demented and exciting debut, I Love You Phillip Morris, not to mention their superbly perverse scripts for Bad Santa and Richard Linklater’s Bad News Bears. To be fair, however, Crazy, Stupid, Love does share one particular facet with I Love You Phillip Morris, and that is its treatment

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FIVE’S A CHARM? In a series that just won’t quit, Final Destination 5 follows the gruesome demise of survivors— including Olivia (Jacqueline Macinnes-Wood) and Sam (Nicholas D’Agosto—from a suspension bridge catastrophe. Cal’s newfound reputation as a ladies man begets a great deal of the drama that punctuates the second half of the film, with Cal suffering the wrath of Emily, an angered father, Robbie, and Tomei’s firecracker of an eighth-grade teacher. His sights, however, are forever toward returning to his family, and it is here that Crazy, Stupid, Love leans heavily on convention and somewhat betrays the complex emotions it’s handling. There is a sincere joy and freedom to being single that the film embarrassingly degrades and then lazily deploys through a montage of Jacob leaving the bar and (not sleeping with) a litany of attractive women and yet another montage of Cal doing the same thing after his admittedly very funny romp with Tomei. We are again in the realm where the nuclear family is the only true salvation of all heterosexual men, and promiscuity, no matter the reason, is the path toward darkness. Ficarra and Requa’s direction doesn’t do much to add nuance to these rote ideas,

of love as a sort of manic syndrome, as indeed a sort of craziness. This comes to a head in a climactic scene in which Cal is confronted by the father of his babysitter, who also happens to be the friend who abandoned him, when the father finds naked photographs of his daughter meant to be used as a tool of seduction. The scene piles up with entanglements and then dithers into a morose bed of halftruths taken as easy fact by an ensemble of characters overtaken by their emotions. Like the film itself, it’s a messy state of affairs, but in this often hilarious miasma, the truth is gleaned at moments with a bewildering clarity. (118 min.) —Chris Cabin; filmcritic.com

FINAL DESTINATION 5

What’s it rated? R Where’s it showing? Galaxy (in 3-D) Survivors of a suspension bridge catastrophe learn you can’t escape

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MOVIES continued page 73

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Experience Holistic Physical Therapy “When I began therapy, the pain in my shoulder was severe. I am now pain free! I was not sure at first if therapy would really be beneficial, but I am now a believer! You are all the best... thank you.” -Karen L, 9/30/10 GENIE OUT OF THE BOTTLE Genetic researcher Will Rodman (James Franco) in search of a cure for Alzheimer’s, unleashes hyper-intelligent simians on the world, in Rise of the Planet of the Apes. Jason Bateman, Charlie Day, and Jason Sudeikis as friends who conspire to murder their terrible bosses. (100 min.)

MOVIES from page 71 death. (95 min.)

FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS

What’s it rated? R What’s it worth? $8.00 Where’s it showing? Downtown Centre?, Stadium 10? Two wounded souls (Justin Timberlake and Mila Kunis) decide to engage in an emotionless, no-strings sexual relationship. (109 min.)

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What’s it rated? PG-13 What’s it worth? $8.00 Where’s it showing? The Palm Budding novelist Gil (Owen Wilson) begins to question his pending nuptials during late-night walks in Paris, where he meets famous ex-pats from its 1920s heyday. (100 min.)

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actually Earth thousands of years in the future, Hollywood has tried to trump the original Planet of the Apes. From several early sequels (Beneath, Escape, Conquest, Battle) to a TV series and a misguided 2001 reboot (which director Tim Burton still wishes he could forget), the lure of evolution spiraling out of control has just been too great to avoid. Now, Fox is once again offering a complete overhaul of the franchise, giving us a brand new explanation for the end of humanity and the rise of the chimp. Luckily, it’s a late summer season surprise, a throwback to the days

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What’s it rated? PG Where’s it showing? Galaxy (in 3-D) This is a 3-D documentary shot during the Glee Live! In Concert! summer 2011 tour.

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HARRY POTTER AND THE DEATHLY HALLLOWS: PART 2

What’s it rated? PG-13 What’s it worth? $8.00 Where’s it showing? Downtown Centre (in 2-D)?, Park (in 2-D)?, Stadium 10 (in 2-and 3-D)?, Galaxy (in 3-D) Harry and friends face off in a final battle against Lord Voldemort. (130 min.)

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HEARST CASTLE: BUILDING THE DREAM

UNSPOKEN RULES In 1963 Mississippi, Aibileen Clark (Viola Davis, left) and Minny Jackson (Octavia Spencer) take a risk that could have serious consequences, in The Help.

What’s it rated? Not rated What’s it worth? $9.00 Where’s it showing? Hearst Castle’s National Geographic iWerks Theater Shot on location in Europe and the United States, this large-format film is a historical narrative following the Hearst family, the famous guests, the architect of the castle, and, of course, the intriguing life of William Randolph Hearst. Informative, with breathtaking cinematography. (45 min.) —Glen Starkey

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THE HELP

What’s it rated? R Where’s it showing? Bay, Galaxy Writer-director Tate Taylor adapts novelist Kathryn Stockett’s story about an unlikely friendship in Southern America, in which three courageous women break a town’s unspoken rule of African American domestic help fraternizing with their “white betters.” The film stars Emma Stone, Viola Davis, Bryce Dallas Howard, Octavia Spencer, Jessica Chastain, Ahna O’Reilly, and Allison Janney.

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HORRIBLE BOSSES

What’s it rated? R What’s it worth? $4.00 Where’s it showing? Fremont?, Stadium 10? Seth Gordon (Freakonomics, Four Christmases, King of Kong: A Fistful of Quarters) directs

when science fiction could have heart … and a little horror … as part of its often solemn designs. Will Rodman (James Franco) is an What’s it rated? PG-13 earnest young scientist working on a What’s it worth? $9.00 cure for Alzheimer’s Disease. While his Where’s it showing? Park?, Stadium company and his boss (David Oyelowo) 10?, Galaxy Ever since Charlton Heston crumbled only see dollar signs, the concerned researcher has a more personal reason in the rising surf, realizing that the alien world overrun by intelligent primates for his studies—his father (John Lithgow) is in the final stages of the disease and on which he had been marooned was Will just can’t stand to see him fading away. Unfortunately, PHOTO BY WILSON WEBBB; COURTESY OF most of Will’s work is on hold COLUMBIA PICTURES after an “incident” leaves officials less than enthusiastic about further funding. In the aftermath, Will takes a small ape child into his home, hoping to save its life. As the newly dubbed Caesar (Andy Serkis, via motion capture) grows, he shows signs of remarkable intelligence. Later, it’s determined that the drug works, and that more animal subjects should be tested. However, when Caesar ends up in a cruel compound filled with others of his kind, he decides that the real enemy is man … and that man has to be destroyed. Rise of the Planet of the Apes is an excellent post-modern meditation on animal rights. It’s UNWITTING Pizza deliveryman Nick a smooth and slick entertain(Jesse Eisenberg) finds himself in trouble ment, loaded with emotional when two fledgling criminals kidnap him,

RISE OF THE PLANET OF THE APES

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MOVIES continued page 75

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****A Better Life.

SECRET FRIENDS? Bingbing Li and Gianna Jun star as two friends in 19th century China, in Snow Flower and the Secret Fan. MOVIES from page 73 heartbreak and angering abuse. It sets ups its heroes and villains in strange, restricted strokes and then paints in the subtleties once our simian protagonist prepares for revenge. Make no mistake about it, this is a film founded on payback. Caesar is treated like a nominal entity, fine when he’s funny and friendly, relegated to a gulag-like “sanctuary” when his behavior becomes more instinctual and uncontrollable. There is a nice dichotomy between what Franco’s Will knows about his ape and what the rest of his neighbors see. Their over-reactionary dread helps fuel the animal’s shocking stand at the end. This is a movie that flows effortlessly from idea to idea; it takes nice natural narrative leaps and hopes the audience will go along for the ride. This is not some goofy or gratuitous attempt to cash in on the series name—someone clearly sat down and took a serious look at how to recreate the classic scenario (fall of Man, rise of Ape) as well as how to make it resonate with a cynical contemporary crowd. All praise to newcomer Rupert Wyatt, whose direction and sense of spectacle are rooted in ideas, not eye candy. The action scenes, when they come, are genuinely exciting and the pathos is clever and well-earned. Even better, it all makes sense. Rise avoids the “Monkey Lincoln” illogic of the 2001 version to, instead, play everything straightforward and sound. Of course, the excellent CG ape work mostly out-acts its human counterparts and there are a few moments, here and there, where the movie misses opportunities and mishandles important moments. Still, when you consider what it could have become and what it ends up being, Rise of the Planet of the Apes triumphs. It is an excellent example of restrained speculation, something there is very little of in today’s slam bang spectacle driven sci-fi. (105 min.) —Bill Gibron; filmcritic.com

SNOW FLOWER AND THE SECRET FAN

What’s it rated? PG-13 Where’s it showing? The Palm In 19th century China, two female friends develop their own code as a way to cope with the rigid cultural standards imposed on women. (100 min.)

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Chipmunks starts to look like a stroke of genius. On the celebration of the Harvest of the Blue Moon, Clumsy Smurf (voiced by Anton Yelchin) and his pals Grumpy (George Lopez), Gusty (Alan Cumming), Brainy (Fred Armisen), Smurfette (Katy Perry), and the patriarchal Papa Smurf (Jonathan Winters) manage to escape an attack by the evil wizard Gargamel (Hank Azaria) and end up stumbling through a suspicious time portal. They end up being transported to modern day New York City, and in the care of cute young couple (and parents to be) Patrick (Neil Patrick Harris) and Grace (Jayma Mays) Winslow. He is under deadline from his demanding cosmetics tycoon boss (Sofia Vergara) and has to come up with a new ad campaign ASAP. In the meantime, the Smurfs try to again avoid capture. Gargamel has shown up as well, and he wants them so that he can extract their essence and become the most powerful sorcerer in all the world—real or fairy tale. With its bevy of cat vomit jokes, PortO-Potty riffs, ice bucket as chamber pot moments, and little blue blobs clogging up the toilet takes, you can see where The Smurfs cultivates its sense of humor. You can also comprehend where it got many of its moviemaking ideas as well. No film with the name Raja Gosnell in the credits ever turns out well—right Scooby-Doo? Yours, Mine and Ours? Beverly Hills Chihuahua?—and in this case, the director continues his creative losing streak. There is no life or spirit in this film. Instead, it walks a predetermined line of mechanical cinematic beats hoping to mine a bit of warmth from the waiting wee ones in the audience. A certain level of fresh-from-the-womb naiveté is indeed required to even tolerate this CG stupidity. You really have to feel bad for the actors here. Azaria, looking like the mutated offspring of Harvey Pekar and Malcolm McDowell, tries to make Gargamel a serviceable villain. By the end, he’s reduced to playing part in a cartoon revision of Home Alone. Harris is

hampered by having literally nothing to do. All he is available for are his raised eyebrow reaction shots and an unconscionably un-cool Rock Band spaz out to Aerosmith’s “Walk this Way.” For every element that tries to step outside the kid vid givens—a shout out to the Smurfs’ actual origins and their real life creator Peyo—there’s mindless slapstick and gags revolving around animal abuse. Perhaps, if it had been made as a standard animated treat with technology giving the creatures an added dimension (by the way, the 3D is unnecessary and unimpressive), we’d have something along the lines of Ice Age or Rio. Instead, the mixture of live action and CG clashes like intelligence and studio decision-making. The Smurfs may satisfy the youngest members of your brood. After all, it was purposely made to do so. As for the rest? They’ll probably tell you to go smurf yourself. (103 min.) —Bill Gibron; filmcritic.com

30 MINUTES OR LESS

What’s it rated? R Where’s it showing? Galaxy Nick (Jesse Eisenberg) is a harddriving pizza deliveryman who finds himself in trouble when two fledgling criminals (Danny McBride as Dwayne and Nick Swardson as Travis) kidnap him, strap a bomb to his chest, and tell him he has to rob a band or they’ll blow him to smithereens. (83 min.)

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****Change-Up.jp

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What’s it rated? G What’s it worth? $8.00 Where’s it showing? Fremont? Adapting material found in both The House on Pooh Corner and Winnie the Pooh, our story centers on gloomy donkey Eeyore (voiced by Bud Luckey) who has, once again, lost his tail. (69 min.) ∆

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New Times’ movie reviews are written and compiled by writers for FilmCritic, an online entertainment site located at filmcritic.com, minions, Glen Starkey, Steve E. Miller, and H.W. Moss.

PHOTO BY K.C. BAILEY; COURTESY OF COLUMBIA PICTURES

THE SMURFS

What’s it rated? PG What’s it worth? $2.00 Where’s it showing? Fair Oaks (in 2-D), Sunset Drive-In (in 2-D), Fremont (in 2-D)?, Park (in 2-D)?, Stadium 10 (in 2- and 3-D)?, Galaxy (in 2-D) The Smurfs smurfs. It’s one of the smurfiest smurfing smurfs you will ever waste your smurfing money on. If you are younger than 8, you will think you’ve rediscovered candy. Everything here is geared toward you and your younger siblings laughing your smurfing heads off. As for the rest of the over-9 demo—prepare to see your childhood pass weakly before your eyes. Whatever charm or quaint benevolence the Belgian cartoon figures used to have has been scrubbed clean by a Hollywood who knows how to hammer out the hackneyed hit material. So out goes all the fun, in comes all the formula. By the end, the obnoxious Alvin and the

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www.newtimesslo.com www.newtimesslo.com • August 11 • -August August1118, - August 2011 • New 18, 2011 Times • New • 45 Times • 45

Send comments to Managing Editor Ashley Schwellenbach at aschwellenbach@newtimesslo.com.

’86’86

ArtsArts

’87’87

’90’90

MM ’97 ’97

R R

BY NEW TIMES STAFF

Shredder Shredder and and me me

T T

’93 ’93

AOh, the look back stories we’ve told! at 25 years of stories, A look backinatpictures 25 years of stories, in pictures

BY NICK BYPOWELL NICK POWELL

This documentary This documentary ‘reveals’ ‘reveals’ an infamous an infamous columnist’s columnist’s secret secret identity identity

’99’99

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Oh, the stories we’ve told!

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might not bemight human notatbeall. human at all.

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44 • New 44 Times • New • August Times 11 •- August August 11 18,- 2011 August • www.newtimesslo.com 18, 2011 • www.newtimesslo.com

bug

www.newtimesslo.com www.newtimesslo.com • August 11• - August August 11 18,- 2011 August • New 18, 2011 Times • New • 77Times • 77

a singles mingle a singles mingle at Marisol

at The Cliffs

78 â&#x20AC;˘ New Times â&#x20AC;˘ August 11 - August 18, 2011 â&#x20AC;˘ www.newtimesslo.com

Movie

PASSIONATE OUTBURST Arts Editor Anna Weltner was quick to defend the Shredder’s honor after I infiltrated the paper’s inner offices. MOVIE from page 78

undercover mission to bring this coward to justice. I searched everywhere for clues, working nonstop and neglecting my wife and child in the name of truth. I found nothing. No one outside the newspaper had anything more than unfounded rumors and wild guesses. I had to get inside. Despite my master’s degree in classic literature, I enrolled in community college pretending to be a naïve student interested in journalism. I kissed ass everywhere until my instructors suggested me for an internship at New Times, at which point I rubbed my palms together and laughed wickedly.

HUSH HUSH One courageous New Times reporter dared to tell us the truth, but Matt Fountain was severely beaten for his bravery.

Once I earned the paper’s trust and learned their secrets, I thought to myself, “Hey. I should make a movie about this and write an article to promote said movie.” And then I did. ∆

ARTIST’S RENDITION Skyler Kenny’s first draft of a Shredder image was derived from psychiatric testimony concerning the mental state of our columnist.

Calendar Editor Nick Powell risked life and limb to unmask the Shredder. Thank him at npowell@newtimesslo.com.

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FIND ENTRY FORMS HERE AND ONLINE AT WWW.NEWTIMESSLO.COM.

NTMA SEPT. 5, 2011 N e w T i m e s M U S I C AWA R D S

This year’s musician and

songwriter competition is on.

The competition is bigger, better, and will end with awards at SLO Brew. Win yourself a custom trophy, prizes, a spot on our winner’s showcase, and a chance to be on this year’s NTMA 2011 CD.

NEW TIMES MUSIC AWARDS ENTRY FORM

GENERAL RULES 1. All entries must be received by September 5, 2011 by

Fill out the following form to enter songs into this year’s competition. You must pick a category for each entry (multiple entry spaces included below for your convienence). 3 original songs max for each entry (except Album category). For more entry forms come by our offices (1010 Marsh St., SLO) or download online (www.newtimesslo.com).

5pm with a completed entry form (in print or online) and

Name of performer(s) _____________________________________________________ Address ________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________ Phone # _________________ Email _________________________________________

County or Northern Santa Barbara County.

ENTRY #1 ______________________________________________________________

property of performers.

Circle one: COUNTRY/AMERICANA/FOLK

4. New Times Music Awards is not responsible for lost,

R&B/BLUES

HIP HOP

ROCK/ALTERNATIVE

BEST ALBUM (see rules)

REGGAE/WORLDBEAT

BEST SONGWRITER (see rules)

ENTRY #2 ______________________________________________________________ Circle one: COUNTRY/AMERICANA/FOLK R&B/BLUES

HIP HOP

ROCK/ALTERNATIVE

BEST ALBUM (see rules)

REGGAE/WORLDBEAT

BEST SONGWRITER (see rules)

ENTRY #3 ______________________________________________________________ Circle one: COUNTRY/AMERICANA/FOLK R&B/BLUES

HIP HOP

ROCK/ALTERNATIVE

BEST ALBUM (see rules)

REGGAE/WORLDBEAT

BEST SONGWRITER (see rules)

Song Title #1 ______________________________________________________________________ Song Title #2 ______________________________________________________________________ Song Title #3 ______________________________________________________________________ Album Title _______________________________________________________________________ Total number of entries _____________ Payment enclosed ________________________________ I certify that I am the writer or co-writer of the song(s) or lyrics submitted. I also certify that I have read, understood and accept the rules and regulations of the New Times Music Awards. If entrant is under 18 years old, the signature of a parent or guardian is required. Signature _________________________________________________ Date _________________ Please mail or drop off submissions to: 1010 Marsh Street, San Luis Obispo, CA 93401

80 • New Times • August 11 - August 18, 2011 • www.newtimesslo.com

a $10 payment for each song. Make checks payable to “New Times”. 2. All entrants must reside primarily in San Luis Obispo 3. By entering the contest, all entrants give permission to New Times Media Group to reproduce submissions on compact disc and on the web. All entries remain the

damaged, incomplete, or late entries. 5. Winners will be chosen by a select panel of judges and must be able to play at the showcase event. Event date is October 13, 2011. 6. Contact NTMA@newtimesslo.com or check the website for more information. 7. Fill out entry form, upload songs, and pay for your entries at www.newtimesslo.com

GENRE CATEGORIES 8. Entries must be submitted on CD or online with entry form. Songs may have multiple co-writers, but please designate one name only on entry form. 9. Maximum 3 original songs per entry. 10. Songs will be judged on overall performance.

ALBUM CATEGORY 11. Your album must have been released between September 5, 2010 to September 5, 2011 to be eligible. Please deliver a hard copy to New Times, 1010 Marsh St., SLO, CA 93401 by September 5, 2011 for consideration. The entire presentation will be judged, including quality of songs, sound, and packaging.

SONGWRITING CATEGORY 12. You can enter up to three songs for the songwriting contest, which is being judged separately. Upload (or include) a .doc file of lyrics with your entry.

Arts

Art Bash!

BY GLEN STARKEY PHOTOS BY GLEN STARKEY

bigger than just a photograph, bigger than just a book full of hot girls—anyone can do that—it’s about reaffirming these young women’s inherent beauty. You know, as adults, when we interact with young people, at every point of contact we have a responsibility to inspire, to reaffirm, to build confidence.” These young models certainly seem like they’re on top of the world tonight, a magical night celebrating real women whose inner beauty was coaxed to the surface, captured, and chronicled. For these 26 young women, this is a night they’ll never forget … and if they do, they can just open the hardcover book ($125), soft cover version ($50), or packages of postcards ($20) and remember. Glen Starkey takes a beating and keeps on bleating. Keep up with him via twitter at twitter. com/glenstarkey, friend him at Myspace.com/glenstarkey, or contact him at gstarkey@ newtimesslo.com.

WALL OF WORK Joe displayed some images on a wall, others through a slide show, and others in the book, magazine, and postcards he had for sale—and none of the work overlapped.

Ladies in red

Young women today are under so much pressure to be beautiful, and I found the experience of taking senior portraits to help reaffirm their beauty. But I would tell them, ‘I’m not here to make you a model; I’m here to record you being you.’ These girls would come out of the photo a soul … until I spot Pewter Plough sessions with a lot of confidence.” Playhouse doyen Jim Buckley, now What finally sealed the Red apparently Project idea in Joe’s head was consigned to a Buy the book! a call from a parent. wheelchair. To buy the book, magazine, postcards, or “One of the girl’s mothers single images, contact Joseph Dominguez via “Tonight’s the called me crying, and she email at info@josephdominguez.com, or by preview of our said, ‘I’ve never seen my phone at 203-0550. Visit his website at jospehnew show, The daughter look more beautiful. dominguez.com. Woman in Black,” Thank you!’ I mean, what a says Jim. “In the testimony to the process. And 35 years I’ve been running the playhouse, this project was trying to capture that. It’s this is the first preview I’ve ever missed.” Priorities, eh? When you’ve got a swank event with a DJ, red and black lounge furniture, a fancy culinary spread, and 26 smokin’ hot models, even 98-year-olds in wheelchairs know it’s the place to be. And there’s my old surf buddy Dale Masten, who’s friends with the photographer and introduces me. Even though no one but Joe and his producer Monica Raethke have seen the images, he agrees to let me in the gallery room early to grab a sneak peak at the fruits of his labor. Lining one wall are dozens of images, some close-ups, some full body shots, of Joe’s models. Though these young women aren’t professional models, with the hair, make-up, and costuming, they look gorgeous. “That’s exactly the point,” says Joe, a compact guy who grew up in Santa Barbara but double majored in graphic design and photography at Cal Poly. “I came up with the DRESS LIKE JOHNNY CASH Attendees were idea while shooting senior portraits. models dressed in red.

Cambria photog Joe Dominguez is seeing red

hat’s black and red and hot all over? The models and guests attending photographer Joseph Dominguez’ premiere of his Red Project! It’s Friday, Aug. 5 at 7 p.m. and I’m in Harmony, where the normal population of 18 has exploded to about 150 really well dressed, good looking people, all in black except Joe’s models, who stand out from the crowd in stunning red dresses. Who are these people? I don’t recognize THE MAN WITH THE PLAN Photographer Joe Dominguez conceived of the Red Project while doing senior portraits.

SOMETHING OLD, SOMETHING NEW Pewter Plough Playhouse doyen Jim Buckley imparts some sage advice to man of the hour Joe Dominguez.

requested to dress in black, while Joe and his

www.newtimesslo.com • August 11 - August 18, 2011 • New Times • 81

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Arts

A word from Glen

BY GLEN STARKEY PHOTO BY ALAN FRASER

Stolen youth How New Times crushed my tiny spirit

DESTROYED BUT STILL HAVING FUN! A time-ravaged Glen Starkey still loves his job, but his arteries are not happy!

was still in my 20s when I got started at New Times, just a fresh-faced Cal Poly kid spending way too much time trying to finish my English degree, working as night manager in a downtown nightclub, sporting a sensitive ponytail, immersed in music and literature and art. So. Damned. Idealistic. Hell, I even feigned smoking clove cigarettes, wore a trench coat, and obsessively read Sartre’s Nausea.

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THURSDAY

“Man is condemned to be free; because once thrown into the world, he is responsible for everything he does. It is up to you to give [life] a meaning.” Believe me, I tried to give life a meaning! But that was 40 pounds ago when blood coursed through my arteries unimpeded. I could still run uphill then. Now 20-plus-years later, I’m a broken man, cynical, doughy … a journalist. I have New

Times to thank and blame for it! How did this happen? I got my start because of a 55 Word Fiction story I wrote called “Werling.” Werling Werner was witless. Without worrying whether wife Wilma was working, Werling wasted wampum willfully. Worthless Werling was workless. When Werling woke wondering what wife Wilma was wanting, we wondered why Werling wanted women. Werling was without wisdom. Women want warmth. Wilma was wet. Werling Werner’s weenie was worthless. Wilma went without. Woe was Werling. Fifty-five words exactly, each one starting with “w.” My wasn’t I fancy!?! But these days I write with the dogged, workmanlike prose of a journalist. New Times has beaten the English nerd out of me, trampled it right out, stomped it out, stamped it out. Out. I may be better for it, because no one likes that much alliteration. But that wasn’t my only lesson. I finally realized the responsibility of being a journalist when my duties began to expand

beyond writing the music column, when I started writing theater and art reviews. One of my first “big” stories was when I decided to go to our local art Mecca, Cambria, and visit every gallery. Being a young know-it-all with subscriptions to Art News, Art in America, and Art Forum, I flew into Cambria with both guns blazing, dismissing its galleries as being filled with dull seascapes and banal floral still-lifes. To call the fallout devastating would be an understatement. Cambria businesses ARTS continued page 85 NEW TIMES FILE PHOTO

STILL FIT AND FREE! A still young Glen Starkey stands outside New Times’ old Santa Rosa St. office, long before he became the broken man he is today.

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84 • New Times • August 11 - August 18, 2011 • www.newtimesslo.com

Arts

A word from Glen

NEW TIMES FILE PHOTO

became an incubator of my ideas, my educator, my raison dâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ĂŞtre. It also became a place where I learned what raison dâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ĂŞtre meant, and more importantly, what proper English expression meant. No offense, Cal Poly English Department, but it wasnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t until I was being hammered weekly by my editors over my substandard grammar that I bothered to absorb the rules of English. Because of the confidence I gained churning out page after page of prose about local music, art, theater, and film eventsâ&#x20AC;&#x201D; and because of the ridiculously poor pay offered to journalistsâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;I was inspired to return to Cal Poly and get a masters degree, which for the last dozen years or GETTING PUDGY! After a decade and a half of so Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve used to teach subsequent sitting on his ass staring at a computer screen, New generations of Cal Poly students Times has begun taking its toll on Glen Starkey. how utterly freaking boring it is ARTS from page 83 studying grammar, but how totally fun it is to write about things you love. pulled their advertising, and I became persona Which brings me to my next point: non grata in Cambria. But to his credit, New Everyone wants my job. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Can you, like, go Times publisher Steve Moss stuck by me. to any show you want for free?â&#x20AC;? Yes, I pretty He did tell me I was an idiot because much can. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Any movie for free?â&#x20AC;? Yeah. â&#x20AC;&#x153;And Cambria never tried to present itself as a you get to interview artists?â&#x20AC;? Yep! â&#x20AC;&#x153;Man, cutting edge art Mecca, wasnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t comparing thatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s so awesome. I wish I had your job!â&#x20AC;? itself to New York or Paris or even Carmel. For a while, I tried letting people do my job. AfHe was right. I was a stupid punk who had ter Arts Editor David Vienna left New Times trashed a wonderful community of artists in for greener pastures, the weekly film review print because they werenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t Jackson Pollock, Cy column he inventedâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;Split Screenâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;became Twombly, or Robert Motherwell. my baby, and instead of finding a permanent Live and learn. replacement, I opened the co-reviewerâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s spot to Over my 20-plus-year tenure, New Times

ntral Coast e C

anyone from the community who was interested. Surprisingly, it was a real pain in the butt. Some guest reviewers were greatâ&#x20AC;&#x201D; insightful analysis, thoughtful interpretations, and astute observations! Others didnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t really know what to say. The idea of reviewing a film was a lot more fun than actually doing it. And thatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s what I tell people: I love my job, but itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s a job. Some weeks, I donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t feel like going to a movie, and some Friday and Saturday nights, Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;d rather stay home. I definitely donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t have the energy I used to, I drink more than I used to, and Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m more

cynical than I used to be. But I still love, love, love what I do. Maybe Hunter S. Thompson said it best: â&#x20AC;&#x153;The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. Thereâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s also a negative side.â&#x20AC;? Hereâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s hoping I can make it another 20 years. Cheers! â&#x2C6;&#x2020; Keep up with Glen Starkey via twitter at twitter.com/glenstarkey, friend him at Myspace.com/glenstarkey, or contact him at gstarkey@newtimesslo.com.

NEW TIMES FILE PHOTO

SO. DAMNED. IDEALISTIC. Sensitive ponytail? Check! Mac 512K? Check! Lack of beer belly? Check! Glen Starkey during his early years at New Times.

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Cuisine

Kathy’s Pick Food

BY KATHY MARCKS HARDESTY

Comfort me with locally grown foods Our culinary scene is growing in strides worked in upscale restaurants in San Francisco, Los Angeles, and Napa Valley, and who relished the idea of living in wine country and working closely with farmers throughout SLO County. Indeed, the new interest in artisan foods, and chefs supporting local farms is a trend happening across America. Among our most successful new chefs, who established eateries of the caliber you’d expect in major cities, were: chef Pandee Pearson who started at Windows on the Water in Morro Bay, chef Evan SAY IT WITH FOOD Photographer Steve E. Miller took it upon himself to try these recipes himself, with favorTreadwell who able results. Here are his notes: I’d like to note that if you are not a professional chef, you should set aside at opened Lido least 90 minutes for prep of the dishes and the best bet is to make the peach lemonade first as it can be set eight years ago, aside to chill while the other two dishes are being made. I ended up making the fondue second as it can be stored on a double boiler without adverse affect until the mussels are finished. You end up with a lot of fondue, and chef Chris so I’d cut the recipe down to half amounts if you’re serving only two people which the mussels and lemonade Kobayashi who are seemingly portioned out for. Lastly, I messed up when I was in the store and I didn’t buy the red grape tomateamed with his toes because I read it as red grapes only. With apologies to Chef Kobayashi, I used chopped Roma tomatoes brother Mike and way more garlic than he called for. All in all, the recipes enabled me to create the dishes accurately and in Kobayashi to the process I learned some fundamental cooking things like making simple syrup and roux. create Artisan in Paso Robles. While I was sorry chefs to SLO County. Although I was arly in 1996, I relocated here to lose Treadwell in June to the Devil’s impatient over the fact that it didn’t from San Francisco where I Thumb Ranch Resort near Denver, happen sooner, I love the way our was part of that vibrant food Colorado, Lido is now in the capable community has grown. We have so and wine scene for 10 years. At first, hands of chef Brian Collins, Treadwell’s much more to choose from in casual I whined constantly that the culinary sous chef the first three years. Pearson eateries and elegant dining rooms scene here was woefully behind. The has moved twice in the past decade: she throughout the county. two restaurants people recommended started Adelina’s in Nipomo a few years Little did I know when I started constantly were chef Bill Hoppe’s, ago, and now she’s reestablishing one writing for New Times in June of now Hoppe’s Garden Bistro run by of our oldest resorts as a destination for 1996, that chef Laurent Grangien was the deceased chef’s family, and chef fine cuisine once again. already planning to open his fabulous Ian McPhee’s Grill in Templeton. Pearson recently became Executive French bistro in Paso Robles. Oh, we Otherwise, most upscale restaurants Chef at the Gardens of Avila had other talented chefs come here, around the county were Italian. They Restaurant in the Sycamore Mineral attracted by the growing wine industry were very good, undoubtedly. But we Springs Resort in Avila Valley. I but they lacked the vision of Grangien. had a multitude of small mom and pop asked Pearson what she thinks has places that were nothing like the casual Many took over local hotel kitchens, jumpstarted Americans’ appetite. some started new restaurants, but yet great dining I had enjoyed in the She was quick to credit the Food they were short-timers. Finally, we city. Slowly but surely, the blossoming Network and the Internet. “The food started getting new chefs who had wine industry began attracting more PHOTO BY STEVE E. MILLER

86 • New Times • August 11 - August 18, 2011 • www.newtimesslo.com

Luli 2009 Pinot Noir Santa Lucia Highlands

Young yet quite drinkable at this early point, it’s at its best with equally vibrant dishes. I enjoyed the forward black cherry, tangy red cherry, and plummy aromas and flavors, highlighted with notes of strawberry and spice. An impressive wine that’s layered in flavors, it’s a classic that expresses typical characteristics of the Monterey cool climate appellation in which the grapes were grown. Winemaker Jeff Pisoni, of the family famed for Pisoni Vineyard, said it’s a collaboration between Pisoni and Sara Floyd, a Master Sommelier in San Francisco: “Together, we wanted to create enjoyable wines meant to be consumed on many occasions.” They recommend pairing this wine with grilled steak or quail, or roasted chicken. Available at 15 Degrees C in Templeton, it’s a very good buy at only $22 retail.

Ruffino 2010 Orvieto Classico D.O.C. I tried this tasty Italian white at an Italian restaurant in Denver where it was paired with a family style meal and found it quite appealing. Pretty floral and fruit aromas lead to notes of ripe golden apple, pear, and citrus with nuances of almond blossoms. Not only was it delightful with a fruit and veggie salad, it paired well with chicken and pasta in pesto sauce. A large producer, yes, but it’s a good value at $8.99 on sale at BevMo! and widely available in grocery stores.

scene is changing everywhere as the public becomes more educated about food. Even if they don’t own a lot of cookbooks, they can get recipes online, and they’re starting to cook at home again. They no longer make dining out about the expense,” Pearson explained. “People are also getting away from chain restaurants and eating healthier.” A longtime supporter of our Farmers’ Markets, she has also established an herb and vegetable garden onsite for the restaurant. Chef Chris Kobayashi brought on loads of new interest in SLO County cuisine from people across the nation when he recently received the nomination by the James Beard Foundation as the Best Chef in the West. He was the first south Central Coast chef (SLO and Santa Barbara counties) to earn this prestigious nomination. When asked what he thinks may have made more Americans become food savvy, he credited ethnic cuisine: “Accessibility to food from different cultures has provided Americans more opportunities to try different cuisines. Our country has such varied growing regions that we are able to grow, produce, and have access to so many different items,” the passionate chef explained. “More importantly, America CuISINE continued on page 88

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Cuisine CUISINE from page 86

is made up of so many cultures and the influences of all these people have made Americans more savvy in general.” The chef modestly told me it’s too early to compare our dining scene to San Francisco or L.A. But the Kobayashis have established a contemporary restaurant of excellent quality, and it has earned the respect of locals and wine country visitors who fill this busy restaurant nightly. He believes we need more chefs to take interest in relocating here to open restaurants. “We need chefs to recognize the full potential of this area and come here,” he explained. “I have lived and worked in both San Francisco and Napa, and there’s no doubt this area has better accessibility to produce, ranches, etc. This county is a perfect model for sustainability.” Mike Kobayashi, co-owner and dining room manager of Artisan, agrees that we need more restaurant choices. “We need more eateries, of all genres and price ranges, to come in and push the creative envelope. Competition harbors growth,” he pointed out. I asked which eateries made a difference here and he cited Bistro Laurent, Villa Creek, and Cass House for their contribution to the evolving Central Coast culinary scene. “These three restaurants have

Comfort yourself When it comes to saying I’m sorry there isn’t anything that says it better than comfort food. Here are three very easy recipes you can make at home. Or better yet, treat yourself to a taste of the genuine article by visiting these chefs at their restaurants.

Peach-Ginger Lemonade Chef Pandee Pearson of Gardens of Avila at Sycamore Mineral Springs Resort 1 cup fresh squeezed Meyer lemon juice (8-10 medium lemons) 5 ripe peaches skinned, pitted and pureed 2 teaspoons fresh ginger, finely grated 1 cup simple syrup (recipe follows) 2 1/2 cups cold water 6 sprigs fresh mint 4 sprigs lemon verbena (optional) 1 lemon cut into round slices to garnish

Combine fresh lemon juice, pureed peaches, grated ginger, simple syrup, and water together and stir well. Adjust the sweetness to your taste. The simple syrup recipe below will give you an extra additional halfcup for people who like their lemonade sweeter. Strain mixture through large mesh strainer, then pour strained lemonade over ice in a pitcher. Add a few sprigs of mint and lemon verbena to lemonade and allow to steep before serving. Serve lemonade in large glasses filled with ice. Garnish with lemon rounds, lemon verbena, and mint sprigs. To make it an adult beverage, Chef Pandee also enjoys it with some vodka, which you can add to your taste.

Simple Syrup

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88 • New Times • August 11 - August 18, 2011 • www.newtimesslo.com

1 cup water 1 cup sugar Heat sugar and water just enough to dissolve the sugar. Cool before using.

undeniably made a difference in Paso Robles: Bistro Laurent for chef Laurent Grangien’s leap of faith in coming here so early on to give the north county its first true fine dining restaurant; Villa Creek and its owner Cris Cherry for their history and continued commitment to sourcing the right products for their clientele; and the Cass House for its beautiful new approach to fine dining and providing a top notch dining experience. Team Lorenzen’s true passion for food and wine is evident and executed on a nightly basis,” he said. I emphatically agreed with him. As the restaurant industry grows it will help the community in so many ways, from every level of the hospitality industry to the wineries and artisan farms. “Growth in the restaurants opening here will give diners more reasons and options when they return to our area,” Kobayashi continued. “Several key winemakers have done their share of bringing in experienced palates [renowned chefs who come from all over the country to cook at winemakers’ dinners]; it’s up to the culinary side here to keep up. This is the only way the Central Coast will become a dining destination.” ∆

Contact New Times’ Cuisine columnist at khardesty@newtimesslo.com.

Artisan’s Mussels Chef Chris Kobayashi of Artisan (serves two as an appetizer or one as an entrée) 16 oz. mussels, cleaned and debearded 2 cloves garlic, sliced 1 large shallot, sliced 10 red grape tomatoes, halved 1 cup dry white wine 4 tablespoons butter, cubed 5 large basil leaves Salt and red chili flake to taste

Prepare all ingredients ahead. Next, heat a large heavybottomed pot with a tight fitting lid on high heat until very hot. Add all of the ingredients to the pot, cover, and cook until all of the mussels open, stirring occasionally. When mussels have opened, taste to adjust seasonings, pour into a large bowl and serve immediately.

Artisan’s Smoked Gouda and Porter Fondue Chef Chris Kobayashi of Artisan

4 ounces butter 1/4 cup and 2 Tablespoons all-purpose flour (melt butter and whisk flour in, cook five minutes stirring constantly to make roux) 1 tablespoon Dijon mustard 2 tablespoons Worcestershire sauce 2 cups Porter (we use Anchor Steam) 3 cups heavy cream 12 ounces white cheddar, cut into small chunks 12 ounces smoked Gouda cheese Tabasco to taste salt and pepper to taste In a large saucepan, make roux as stated above and then add the Dijon mustard, Worcestershire sauce, porter, and cream. Take care to stir and don’t allow the sauce to boil. After all the liquid ingredients have been incorporated fully, add the cheese in small chunks, whisking continually to keep the sauce from boiling or breaking. Once the sauce has been incorporated taste and season with Tabasco, salt, and pepper. Strain sauce and hold in double boiler. The chef serves this with garlic toast, andouille sausage, and broccolini but anything you like to dip in cheese works. Yields slightly over 2 quarts.

The only way pizza can taste any better is to know you’re helping someone when you eat it!

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Enjoy our amazing fire-grilled pizza FREE and your happy-hour savings can go in our donation box to help someone in need. With a different charity to help every month, your contributions offer so much support, so join us and give whatever you can. To request support for a charitable organization or a family in need, visit us on Facebook or send an email to: Facebook@CliffsResort.com This month's donations go to the SLO Noor Foundation, a volunteer-based, non-profit organization dedicated to providing high quality free health care to uninsured people living within our community.

It’s “feel good” food.

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HotDates August 11 - August 18

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Special Events Stage Film & TV Music Writers & Literature Art Kid Stuff The Outdoors Sports & Wellness Farmers Markets Lectures & Learning Fundraisers Support Groups Volunteers

[92] [92] [95] [95] [96] [98] [101] [102] [102] [104] [106] [108] [108] [108]

PHOTO COURTESY OF JAMES BUCKLEY

Gripping thriller

sat.special Dangerous drinking buddy

The only way to make a barrel of monkeys even more fun is by adding beer, and the Charles Paddock Zoo in Atascadero is making that happen. The zoo is typically a place for kids and families, but the inaugural “Brew at the Zoo” event, to be held on Saturday, Aug. 13, from 5 to 8:30 p.m., will give animal-loving grown-ups the chance to toast tigers and sample the products of seven local microbreweries. There will be music and food as well, enough to keep all party animals happy. Tickets for the event cost $30 and include beer tasting and a commemorative mug. Designated drivers can get in for just $5, and the proceeds will help the zoo offset operational costs. Call 461-5080 or visit charlespaddockzoo.org for more information.

ongoing.stage

PHOTO COURTESY OF KATE CAPELA

Now playing in Cambria, The Woman in Black is a haunting story, the tale of a man plagued by his past and an unsettling apparition. Based on the novel by Susan Hill, the play has been a theatrical phenomenon in London, staying onstage for the last 24 years. The London Daily Telegraph called it the “most brilliantly effective spine-chiller you’ll ever encounter.” The Pewter Plough Playhouse production stars local favorites Emma Duncan and Corbin Went, with Charles Duncan directing. The play runs through Aug. 27 on Thursday, Friday, and Saturday evenings at 7:30 p.m. Sunday matinees are scheduled for 3 p.m. Regular admission is $20, and student tickets cost $18. Call the Pewter Plough Playhouse at 927-3877 or visit pewterploughplayhouse.org for reservations.

PHOTO COURTESY OF KIRK HENNING

wed.special Oral entertainment

The art of oral storytelling might seem outdated compared to modern movies, but for most of mankind’s existence, a powerful voice telling tales of heroics underneath the night sky was all we had. There’s still something captivating about a well-crafted story, and a new event at Linnaea’s Café will let people tap into this instinctually interesting form of entertainment. Dubbed SLOlio, the theme for the inaugural event on Wednesday, Aug. 17, is “Lost and Found.” Organizers are looking for true stories, roughly 10 minutes long, to be told without notes between 8 and 10 p.m. For more information, visit slolio.org. The event is free.

V i e w t h e e n t i r e e V e n t s c a l e n d a r at w w w. n e w t i m e s s l o . c o m 90 • New Times • August 11 - August 18, 2011 • www.newtimesslo.com

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EventsCalendar submit your listing online

PHOTO COURTESY OF YOUNG AMBASSADORS

Special Events

ELDER FRAUD PREVENTION FAIR will feature guest presentations from SLO District Attorney’s Office and US Postal Inspection. Information booths provided by SLO government, law enforcement, and non-profit agencies. Participants who attend will be provided with light refreshments, take-home materials, and numerous chances to win door prizes donated by local vendors Aug. 11 from 9 a.m. to 1 p.m., SLO Veteran’s Memorial Bldg., 801 Grand Ave., SLO., Free. More info: 781-4082, dvallely@co.slo.ca.us. THE 17TH ANNUAL CHORRO VALLEY SHOOTOUT will feature shooting competitions, vintage weapons and period costumery, a dinner and dance event, and awards Aug. 11 through 14 starting at 7 a.m., Morro Bay. More info: 550-5000, chorrovalleyregulators.org. SONS OF NORWAY SUMMER BBQ PICNIC The Stillehavet Lodge of the Sons of Norway is having its “Summer BBQ Picnic” to celebrate the Summer Season on the Central Coast. It takse place Aug. 13 at Biddle Park’s Rockrose Site, 6.5 miles East of Arroyo Grande on Lopez Drive. Bring your own meat and drink plus a side dish or dessert to share, BBQ fire will be provided. The event is free and the public is invited, ($3 Fee to enter park). Be there at 1:00 pm, Biddle Park, 3500 Lopez Dr., Arroyo Grande . Free. More info: 748-5674, kbkennemann@sbcglobal.net. INAUGURAL BREW AT THE ZOO Spend the evening with the original “party animals” at the zoo while enjoying local microbrews and music. Admission tickets include beer tasting and a commemorative glass. Local food and brewery merchandise can be purchased at the event. $5 Admission to Designated Drivers. Purchase tickets now at the Front Entrance to the Zoo or buy at the gate the night of the event. It takes place Aug. 13 from 5:00pm to 8:30pm, Charles Paddock Zoo, 9100 Morro Rd, Atascadero. $30. More info: 461-5080, zoo@atascadero.org. VICTORIAN TEA Experience the Jack House and Gardens with a traditional Victorian era formal tea in the garden and a guided tour of the house. Limited seating available. Tea time is set for Aug. 14 at 1:30pm, Historic Jack House and Gardens, 536 Marsh Street, San

Luis Obispo. $25 per ticket. More info: 781-7300, recnews@slocity.org, slocity. org/parksandrecreation. CHILI FESTIVAL The Arroyo Grande Rotary Club presents this Western Style Chili Cook-off on Aug. 14 with chili tastings, wild west demos, live entertainment, a car show, kids’ games, arts and crafts, and vendors. 11am-5pm, Biddle Park, 3500 Lopez Dive, Arroyo Grande. $5, kids under 12 are free. More info: 489-7359, chris@peacefulpoint.com, centralcoastchilichallenge. org. ATASCADERO LAKE CAR SHOW The Aug. 19-20 event benefits local charities. This is a family show, with live music, a raffle, vendors of food and vehicle products. Pre-registration highly recommended. Cruise Nite starts at 6:30pm on Fri. and the show is from 10am-4pm on Sat., Atascadero Lake Park, Atascadero. More info: 466-3853, midstatecruizers.org. “PUTTIN’ ON THE DOG” The event is Aug. 20. Accepting sponsor and vendor registrations. The proceeds from the event will help maintain the off-leash dog park located at Elm Street Park. 10am-2pm, Elm Street Park, Arroyo Grande. More info: 550-5334, jbunin@ charter.net, fivecitiesdogpark.org.

For a complete list of special events, arts listings, support groups, lectures, and more, please visit New Times online at newtimesslo.com/calendar.php where you can submit events to be included in New Times Calendar, browse for upcoming events, or check out what’s happening today in your neighborhood. Submissions are edited and approved by Calendar Editor Nick Powell. To be included in print, as well as online, please provide specific dates in the description box. Deadline for submission is one week before the issue you want to be in. Events can appear in print up to 10 days before they happen.

540-6526, events@t-mha.org, t-mha. org. BRITISH INVASION Journey back to the 60s British Rock n’ Roll era with local cover band Unfinished Business along with movie screenings, a silent auction, British car and vintage motorcycle show, fish ‘n chips, and wine, with proceeds that benefit Big Brothers Big Sisters of SLO County on Aug. 27. 5:30pm, concert starts at 7pm, 3700 Mill Road, Paso Robles. $20/$25. More info: 227-4812, info@vinarobles.com, VinaRobles.com.

WinEry EvEntS SLO WINE AND GRILL AFFAIR Pair grilled goods with award winning wines on Aug. 13. Proceeds benefit the Transitions-Mental Health Association. 1-4pm, Filipponi Ranch, 1850 Calle Joaquin, San Luis Obispo. $35 presale, $40 at the door. More info: 540-6526, t-mha.org. PASO ROBLES RHONES ON THE RANGE On Aug. 13, the Paso Robles Rhone Ranger Chapter will be hosting the 2nd annual “Rhones on the Range,” a celebration of the best that Paso has to offer! Join us for a browsing dinner featuring bites of food from a selection of Paso Robles chefs, accompanied by the fabulous Rhone-style wines of the 45 member wineries of the Paso Robles chapter of the Rhone Rangers. There will be music for dancing, good company for conversing, and fun to be had by all. The event takes place from 6:30 to 9:30pm, Pomar Junction Vineyard & Winery, 5036 S. El Pomar, Templeton. More info: 238-9940, info@pomarjunction.com, rhonerangers.org/calendar/ rhonesontherange.php. SLO WINE AND GRILL AFFAIR On Aug. 13 taste local wines at this benefit event. 1-4pm, Per Bacco Cellars, Calle Joaquin, San Luis Obispo. $35 per person ($40 at the door). More info:

Stage

IMAGE COURTESY OF LYNN HESSLER

Art with back support Even everyday items like chairs have an artistic side. See an homage to fabulous furniture at Heaven and Earth Gallery, 964 Chorro St., through Aug. 22. Call 602-1642 for a viewing.

23 SLOTHANKS COUNTY FAMILIES! U N L IS OB

•2

YEARS

COU N T

S I NE S S I N

THE GREAT AMERICAN MELODRAMA presents Butch Cassidy and the Sunburnt Kid showing in repertory with Lost at Sea through Sept. 18. Wed./Thurs. at 7pm, Fri. at 8pm, Sat. at 4pm and 8pm, and Sun. at 6pm, Great American Melodrama, on Hwy 1, Oceano. $18-$22. More info: 489-2499 , americanmelodrama.com. BEVERLY HILLBILLIES MURDER MYSTERY DINNER THEATRE Join Jed, Granny, Elly May and Jethro at a family gathering filled with fun, mayhem, and murder while enjoying dinner through Aug. 28 on Sun. 5pm, Spyglass Inn Restaurant, 2703 Syglass Drive, STAGE continued page 95

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Mon-Sat 10a-6p Sun 10a-5p 92 • New Times • August 11 - August 18, 2011 • www.newtimesslo.com

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! � v i l e D

Events

STAGE from page 92

Shell Beach. $48.95 per person. More info: 489-3875, judie@murderinmind.com. SHAKESPEARE FESTIVAL through Aug. 13: The Comedy of Errors and As You Like It. 6 and 7:30pm, River Oaks Events Amphitheatre, 800 Club House Drive, Paso Robles. $20. More info: 546-4224, info@centralcoastshakespearefestival.org, centralcoastshakespeare.org. THE OCTETTE BRIDGE CLUB Theatre presented by Allied Arts. Tickets can be bought at the Cambria Chamber of Commerce, 767 Main St., 927-3624 and the Cambria Business Center, 1241 Knollwood Dr., 927-8880. The show runs through Aug. 21 at 7:30pm on Fri. and Sat. and 3:30pm on Sunday, Cambria Center for the Arts, 1350 Main St., Cambria. $15.00 except for Gala $20.00; $5.00 for student with I.D.. More info: 203-5072, cusio3@gmail. com. READERS’ THEATRE- In THE nExT ROOm, OR, THE VIBRATOR PLAy A 2010 Tony Award nominee for Best Play and Pulitzer Prize finalist. In the late 1800s doctors invented a new medical device to treat patients afflicted with “female hysteria.” A charming and insightful story of desire, frustration, and understanding between the sexes plays Aug. 12 and 13 at 7pm, San Luis Obispo Little Theatre, 888 Morro Street, San Luis Obispo. $7-$10. More info: 7862440, kevinharris@slolittletheatre.org, slolittletheatre.org. FROM MAIN STREET TO 42ND STREET Central Coast native Jacque Carnahan will perform a self written musical about her journey from SLO to Broadway. See her dream come to life on Aug. 12 at 7:30pm, Unity, 1490 Southwood Drive, San Luis Obispo. $25 - $30. More info: 646-483-1731, kelrikproductions.com. THE WOmAn In BLACK - FAmOUS GHOST STORy/THRILLER The Pewter Plough Playhouse is presenting one of the most authentic, gripping, and acclaimed ghost story/thrillers to reach the stage. The director is Charles Duncan, and the play runs through Aug. 27. with evening shows every Thurs., Fri., and Sat. at 7:30pm; Sunday Matinees at 3pm, Pewter Plough Playhouse, 824 Main Street, on the corner Sheffield St., West Village, Cambria. $15 - $25. More info: 9273877, boxoffice07@pewterploughplayhouse.org, pewterploughplayhouse.org. CORE DAnCE COmPAny adult division, presents “Confessions of a Love Junkie” recommended for audiences ages 16 and up Aug. 11, 12, 14, and 14 at 7 p.m. and Aug. 13 at 2 p.m., 116 W. Branch St., Arroyo Grande. $18. More info: coredance.cc@gmail.com. LITTLE SHOP OF HORRORS Sorcerer Productions presents one of the longest-running Off-Broadway shows of all time from Aug. 12 through 28. This affectionate spoof features a downand-out skid row floral assistant who becomes an overnight sensation when he discovers an exotic plant with a mysterious craving for fresh blood. It plays Friday and Saturday evenings at 8 pm with matinees on some Saturdays and Sundays at 2 pm., Clark Center for the Performing Arts, 487 Fair Oaks Avenue, Arroyo Grande. $25-$35. More info: 489-9444, boxoffice@clarkcenter.org, clarkcenter.org. BROADWAy By THE SEA AT CHAPmAn HOUSE Opera of SLO’s annual show takes place on Aug. 13 and features singers performing the music of Broadway. 1pm (concert starts at 3), Chapman House, Shell Beach. $40 and up - prepaid box lunch available. More info: 541-5369, operaslo.org. DAnCIn’ 2011 The Academy of Dance presents its annual school show, “Dancin’ 2011” on Aug. 14 featuring the talented students and staff of The Academy of Dance. 2pm, Cohan Center, 1 Grand Ave. at Cal Poly, SLO. $20. More info: 756-2787, pac.calpoly@ gmail.com, pacslo.org. AUDITIOnS FOR SORCERER

PRODUCTIOnS: ARSENIC AND OLD LACE Auditions for the Oct. 7-23 production of Arsenic and Old Lace. Call for appointment, come prepared with a monologue 1-2 minutes long, and be a part of Sorcerer Productions’ first season! The casting call is for Aug. 14 at 6pm, Studio@ 328-4837, info@ sorcererproductions.org, sorcererproductions.org. GLEE CAmP! is Aug. 15 through 19 for ages 12 and up with a maximum class size of 20 students. This camp teaches how to form your own Glee Choir with chances to perform in ensembles and solo with producer/ director Daniel Witzke and PCPA director/actor/choreographer Michael Jenkinson. The camp runs each day from 10 a.m. to 4 p.m., San Luis Obispo Little Theatre, 888 Morro St., SLO. $275. More info: 781-3889 Ext. 14, act@slolittletheatre.org, slolittletheatre.org. LEWIS BLACK: “In GOD WE RUST” One of the most prolific and popular comedians working today, Black has perfected observing the political and social absurdities in life, expressing what the rest of us cannot say in polite company, and comes to town Aug. 25. 7:30pm, Cohan Center, 1 Grand Ave. at Cal Poly, SLO. $40-$68. More info: 756-2787, pac.calpoly@gmail.com, pacslo.org.

Film & TV FILm AnD TV ACTInG CLASS This adult and youth class is on Sun. and is taught by a professional film actor/ director/producer. All ages and experience levels welcome. Times vary, La Perla Del Mar, 205 Windward Ave., Shell Beach. More info: 323-488-9388, act@metchikstudio.com, metchik studio.com. DIAnE TUTTLE PRESEnTS: LET’S TALK TRAVEL Have you been somewhere exciting? Share your travel experience! Be a guest on the show! It airs Thursdays at 6pm, Fridays at 11:30am, and Saturdays at 1 pm on Local Channel 2 Publc Access. 12:00 am, Let’s Talk Travel, 570 Higuera St. Suite 225, san luis obispo. More info: 781-2630, atc@ itravelconsultants.com, itravelconsultants.com. mOVIES In THE PARK by the City of Atascadero feature a screening of Wall-E Aug. 13, Toy Story 3 Aug. 20, and Oceans Aug. 27. All screenings start at 8:15 p.m., Sunken Gardens Park, 6500 Palma Ave., Atascadero. Free. More info: 461-5000, atascadero.org. mOVIES AT THE mISSIOn Free Movies at the Mission provide cinematic fun in a unique outdoor setting and proceeds benefit the SLO Skatepark Building Fund. Aug. 13: Mary Poppins, Aug. 20: Hook, Aug. 27: Over the Hedge. Movies begin at dusk, Mission Plaza Amphitheater, 989 Chorro, SLO. More info: 781-7300, recnews@slocity. org, slocity.org/parksandrecreation.

Music AVILA BEACH FISH AnD FARmERS mARKET Food from local eateries and live bands on Fridays through September. 4-8pm, Avila Promenade, Avila Beach. More info: coastalfarmersmarket@gmail.com, avilabeachpier. com. GROVER BEACH SIZZLIn’ SUmmER COnCERTS Along with a farmers market, all ages are welcome. Bring a beach chair or a blanket. On Sun. showcasing a different band each week through Sept. 25, along with a Farmers Market. 3-6pm, Ramona Garden Park, 993 Ramona Ave., Grover Beach. More info: 473-4580, grover.org. SLO COnCERTS In THE PLAZA

Take place Fri. through Sept. 2 in Downtown’s Mission Plaza and features local music. 5:30-7:30pm, SLO. Concert is free. More info: 541-0286 , downtownslo.com. ARROyO GRAnDE SUmmER COnCERT SERIES These free afternoon concerts take place on alternating Sundays at the Rotary Bandstand in Heritage Square Park in the Village and take you on a journey through the decades. 1pm, Rotary Bandstand, In the Heritage Square, Arroyo Grande Village. More info: 473-2250, arroyograndevillage.org. TUESDAyS In THE PARK Hear live music at the Atascadero Lake Park July through August at 9305 Pismo Ave. 7pm, Atascadero. More info: 466-2044, 461-5000, or atascaderochamber.org. FREE JAZZ COnCERTS Court Street Centre and SLO Jazz Festival have put together a fantastic line up of free summer concerts on Saturdays on the Terrace at Court Street through Sept 17. Noon-3pm, downtown, SLO. More info: slojazzfest.org. COLOny COnCERTS On EnTRADA On Thurs. through Aug. 11 live bands will perform on Entrada Avenue in the center of downtown. Local eateries and shops will be open and Main Street will host a weekly beer boot. 7-10pm, Entrada Ave., Atascadero. free. More info: 462-0177, smartincenter@gmail. com, atascaderomainstreet.org. TWILIGHT COnCERTS In THE PASO ROBLES PARK These free, family, outdoor concerts feature J. Lohr wines and food available for purchase on Fri. through Aug. 26. 5:30-7:30pm, Downtown City Park gazebo, At 12th and Spring Streets, Paso Robles. More info: 238-4103, 237-3988, or 237-4741, prcity.com. SCHOOLHOUSE ROCK Through September. Sundays, 1-4pm, Salisbury Vineyards, 6985 Ontario Road off of the Avila Beach exit, Avila Beach. More info: 595-WINE, salisburyvineyards. com/activities. DOnATI FAmILy VInEyARD LIVE - SUmmER COnCERT SERIES Every Fri. enjoy the Bocce court, wine, dancing during a showcase of local live music of all genres through Aug. 26. 5-7pm, 2720 Oak View Road, Templeton. Free. More info: 238-0676, jbecker@donatiwine.com. SATURDAy In THE PARK COnCERT SERIES 6:30-8:30pm, Lake Park, 9305 Pismo Ave., Atascadero. More info: 461-5000, atascadero.org. LIVE mUSIC AT LOnE mADROnE Through Aug. 21: live music and burgers on Sun. Noon-3pm, 2485 Highway 46 West, Paso Robles. More info: 238-0845, info@lonemadrone.com, lonemadrone.com. CEnTRAL COAST FLUTE CIRCLE Learn and play Native American flutes and accompanying instruments during meetings on the second Thurs. of the month. 6:30pm, SLO Methodist Church, up the ramp in the Wesley Bldg, 1515 Fredericks St., SLO. Free. More info: 489 2930, alicer1@charter.net, centralcoastflutecircle.org. SUmmER SUnSET COnCERTS On the third Thurs. through September. 5:30pm, Pear Valley, 4900 Union Road, Paso Robles. Complimentary. More info: 237-2861, kwells@pearvalley.com, pearvalley.com. LIVE JAZZ Enjoy music and a cheese and wine pairing on Aug. 7 and 21. 2-5pm, Morovino Winery, 76 Landing Passage, Avila Beach. $10. More info: 627-1443, Mrs.Vino@morovino.com, morovino.com. SLO DOWn PUB Aug. 11: Jim Townsend from 7 to 9:30 p.m. Aug.12: The Crisptones from 7:30 to 10:30 p.m. Aug. 13: The California Blues Band from 7:30 to 10:30 p.m. Aug. 14: Open Mic with Lev from 5 to 8 p.m. Aug. 15: Forty Years from 6 to 8 p.m. and Open Mic with Lev from 8 to 10 p.m. Aug. 16: Bluesday Tuesday Jam from 7 to 10 p.m. Aug. 17: Pacific Swing Band from 7 to 9:30 p.m. 7 to 9:30 pm, SLO Down Pub,

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MUSIC continued page 96

www.newtimesslo.com • August 11 - August 18, 2011 • New Times • 95

Events Artistic redemption

PHOTO COURTESY OF THE POETIC JUSTICE PROJECT

MUSIC from page 95

Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s all about a collaboration of writers, artists, musicians, and actorsâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;who happen to be formerly incarcerated. The Poetic Justice Project presents ex-cons doing theater: Steinbeckâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Of Mice and Men hits The Spot in Arroyo Grande Aug. 19 to 21, and Women Behind Walls, by Claire Braz-Valentine, takes the stage Oct. 21 to 30 at Unity Church in SLO. Do not miss this. Info and times: poeticjusticeproject.org or 264-5463.

Brisco & Grand, Arroyo Grande. More info: 481-4067. MICHAEL DIAS Singer/ songwriter plays live Aug. 11 and 12 from 6-9pm , The Lido at Dolphin Bay, 2727 Shell Beach Rd., Shell Beach. More info: 773-4300, thedolphinbay.com. RED BARN COMMUNITY MUSIC SERIES presents the dynamic celtic music of Mollyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Revenge on Aug. 13. There will also be a potluck dinner, so bring a dish to share and beer to drink. It starts at 6pm, The Red Barn at South Bay Community Park, 2180 Palisades Ave., Los Osos. $10 donation (not required). More info: 5349201, Find them Red Barn Community Music Series on facebook.com. INGA SWEARINGEN shares her joyful voice and folksy jazz on Aug. 12 with Christian Tamburr and Dominick Farinacii at 8pm, Cuesta College, Hwy 1, San Luis Obispo. $15. More info: 546-3195. NICK13 plays vintage Americana music on Aug. 12 at 8pm, SLO Brew, 1119 Garden St., San Luis Obispo. $13/ $15. More info: 543-1843, nick13. UNFINISHED BUSINESS The eighth installment of the Paso Robles summer concert series features a tribute to 60s era rock and roll. Food and wine will be

available to purchase. It takes place Aug. 12 at 5:30pm, City Park, Paso Robles. Free.. More info: 237-3988, prcity.com/ recreation. THREE MARTINI LUNCH performs live music at The Lido at Dolphin Bay Resort Aug. 11 from 6 to 9 p.m. More info: martinilunch3@yahoo.com, thedolphinbay.com. PIANIST BRETT MITCHELL performs live piano music Sundays from 1 to 4 p.m., In Heaven Chocolates, 701 Price St., Pismo Beach. More info: 464-0258, brettandjuliamitchell@charter.net, brettandjuliamitchell.com. PHILIP GIBBS performs live in concert including songs from his recent album The Petroleum Age Aug. 11 at The Porch, Santa Margarita. Call for times More info: (512) 773-2755, philip_gibbs@yahoo.com, reverbnation.com/philipgibbs. TRILOGY AT MONARCH DUNES CONCERT SERIES Get down to free music in the Grandstand Tennis Courts. Food available for purchase. Aug 12: Burning James & The Funky Flames plays from 6pm to 8pm , Monarch Club, 1645 Trilogy Pkwy, Nipomo. Free. More info: 343-7510, gina.forsmann@trilogyresortliving.com. SONNETS & STRINGS Classical strings

and theatrical poetry enrich the soul on Aug. 13 at 7pm, Steynberg Gallery, 1531 Monterey St., San Luis Obispo. $10. More info: 909-0637, phish_head75@hotmail. com, samuelshalhoub.com. SONNETS AND STRINGS Join Samuel Shalhoub and Martha Raymond on a poetic and musical journey through their favorite repertoire on Aug. 13 at 7PM, Steynberg Gallery, 1531 Monterey, San Luis Obispo. $10. More info: 909-0637, phish_head75@hotmail.com. PEAR VALLEY SUMMER CONCERT Bring a picnic and enjoy the music of Adam Levine and Judy Philbin on Aug. 18. Please no outside alcohol; Pear Valley wine available for purchase. 5:30pmSunset, Pear Valley Vineyards, 4900 Union Road, Paso Robles. Free. More info: 237281, kwells@pearvalley.com, pearvalley. com.

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96 â&#x20AC;˘ New Times â&#x20AC;˘ August 11 - August 18, 2011 â&#x20AC;˘ www.newtimesslo.com

the third Thurs. of the month: August 18 and Sept. 15 and will read a variety of fiction and non-fiction titles. 7pm, 1000 Spring St., Paso Robles. More info: 237-3870, prcity.com/library. FINDING THE WORDS FOR IT Best selling author and writing teacher Judy Reeves will lead a writing workshop

for creative writers of all genres and levels of experience on Aug 14 from 1pm-4pm, Coalesce Bookstore, 845 Main St., Morro Bay. $45. More info: 619-701-4922, judy@judyreeveswriter. com, judyreeveswriter.com. SLOLIO - A GATHERING OF TRUE STORIES Open to anyone who has a

true 8-10 minute story that can be told without notes based on the theme â&#x20AC;&#x153;Lost and Found,â&#x20AC;? or anyone who wants to hear a good tale. The inagural event takes place Aug. 17 at 8:00, Linnaeaâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Cafe, 1110 Garden Street, San Luis Obispo. Free. More info: 995-2867, sloWRITERS continued page 98

OTTER

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PRESENTS

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ON SALE AUG 19 AT 10AM!

NOVEMBER 2ND • 7:30 PM • PERFORMING ARTS CENTER • SLO Presented By Cal Poly Arts and Otter Productions Inc.

TUESDAY NOVEMBER 8TH AT THE GRADUATE

990 Industrial Way, San Luis Obispo Doors at 8 PM

Advance general admission tickets for Avila Beach & Graduate shows at all VALLITIX Outlets. Charge by phone at (888) 825-5484. Order online at: www.vallitix.com. Please no outside food or beverages. Subject to search. No pets. All Ages. Rain or Shine. Adult beverages available for over 21. Weird Al reserved seat tickets at the Performing Arts Center Box Office starting August 19th at 10AM. Charge by phone at (805) 756-2787. Order online at: www.calpolyarts.org. All Ages.

Produced by Otter Productions, Inc.

V i s i t u s a t w w w. o t t e r p r o d u c t i o n s i n c . c o m www.newtimesslo.com • August 11 - August 18, 2011 • New Times • 97

Central Coast Primary Care is pleased events to Welcome Eric Dunlop D.O. lio@slolio.org, slolio.org.

his newest body of work of surreal and hauntingly beautiful oil paintings showcasing the Central Coast through Aug. 14. Open daily, Vault Gallery, Main St., Cambria. More info: mark@markbeckpaintings.com, markbeckpaintings.com. JEAN NEAS Her watercolor and pastel JOE SCHWARTZ presents an exhibit paintings show through August. Open of his art through Aug. 28. 12:00 am, Unitarian Universalist Fellowship of SLO Thurs.-Mon.: Noon-7pm and Sat. from 10am-7pm, Christian Lazo Tasting Room, County, 2074 Parker St., SLO. More info: 544-1669, nancykoren@charter.net. 840 13th St., Paso Robles. More info: 227-0190, jeanneas@charter.net. speciAl Art “SIT ON THIS!” Showing the humble events or exalted chair as an art object. The display will run through Aug. 22 by ART IN THE PARK AT DINOSAUR appointment only, Heaven and Earth, CAVES On the first Sun. of the month 964 Chorro St., San Luis obispo. More through November this outdoor arts/ info: 602-1542, lynnelisehessler@ crafts festival features more than 125 yahoo.com. vendors of paintings, glass, jewelry, SARAH WINKLER - “GOLDEN textiles, home decor, pottery, along CONTOURS” Shows at the SLO with live music and food. 10am-4pm, Museum of Art in August. Open daily Shell Beach. More info: 704-8128, except Tues., 1010 Broad St., SLO. More artinthepark_2006@hotmail.com, artininfo: sarahwinkler.com. theparkshellbeach.com. GAY AND LESBIAN ALLIANCE pres- MORRO BAY ART WALK - ART ents the art of fauvist and impressionist GALLERIES OPEN HOUSE Sample painter Ron Dieb and digital imagery of food and wine and talk with local artChuck Roche through Oct. 29. 12:00 ists on the second Fri. of every month. am, 1060 Palm Street, SLO. More info: 5-8pm, On the Embarcadero, Morro Bay. 541-4252 , ccgala.org. More info: 772-1068. “PAINTING NEVER GROWS OLD” WINE AND THE ARTS Indulge your This show hangs through August. Open senses. Open daily, Studios on the Park, from 11am-5pm, Mon.-Sat., Art Central 1130 Pine St., Paso Robles. More info: Gallery, 1329 Monterey St., San Luis 238-9800, sasha@studiosonthepark. Obispo. More info: 788-0887, artcenorg, studiosonthepark.org. tral1329@yahoo.com. ROCKIN’ VIEWS features photos by Al THE SAN LUIS OBISPO MUSEUM Jorge taken from the top of Morro Rock OF ART presents the exhibit and a talk by author Kitty Chappell and “Transparent Watercolors—Douglas lunch Aug. 11 at noon, Rose Landing, Simms Stenhouse” through Aug. 28. 725 Embarcadero, Morro Bay. More 12:00 am, San Luis Obispo Museum of info: 543-1739. Art, 1010 Broad St., SLO. More info: A MEDITERRANEAN FETE Celebrate 543-8562, mjohnston@sloma.org, Mediterranean food, music, dance, sloma.org. animals, and plants, with an art show A SUMMER SAMPLING The Gallery and sale on Aug. 13 with SLOPE artat Marina Square features oil paintings ists. 3-7pm, San Luis Obispo Botanical by Robert Howell through Aug. 29. An Garden, 3451 Dairy Creek Road, artist reception will take place on Aug. SLO. $15/ SLOBG members, $20 12 from 5pm-8pm, A Summer Samplin, advance/$25 at the door. Kids 12 and 601 Embarcadero, Suite 10, Morro Bay. under free with paid adult. More info: Free. More info: 805-772-1068, gal541-1400 ext. 301, chance@slobg.org, lery@nonajanestudio.com, http://galslobg.org. leryatmarinasquare.blogspot.com. ART IN THE GARDEN AT LOS OSOS Openings And VALLEY NURSERY The Los Osos receptiOns Valley Nursery will host displays of art EMBARCADERO ART WALK On and homemade products on Aug. 13, Aug. 12, several galleries in Morro featuring jewelery by Anitia Marie, Bay stay open late for artist receptions photo cards by Natalie Schwebel, ceramics by Carol Manuputy, wood art, with wine and cheese. Visit the Seven Sisters Gallery, Fiona Bleu, the Gallery glass art, candles, lotions, massages, at Marina Square, and more from 5 to and more. There will also be live music 8pm, Embarcadero Road, Morro Bay. and yummies from an outdoor mud Free.. More info: 772-9955, morrobay. oven. It all takes place Aug. 13 from org/morro-bay-calendar.htm. 11am-5pm, Los Osos Valley Nursery, 301 Los Osos Valley Rd., Los Osos. Free. CA SCULPTURE SLAM The California Sculpture SLAM exhibit of dynamic, More info: 528-5300, anitamarie3@ contemporary sculptures, with The yahoo.com. Central Coast Sculptors, presents a CENTRAL COAST QUILT SHOW Enjoy a full day of quilting and crafts on juried exhibition of fine sculpture by Aug. 13 from 9am - 5pm, Central Coast California artists in the Gray Wing Aug. 12-September with a reception on Quilt Show, 2011 Vernon Ave., Arroyo Grande. $5 at door. More info: 925-559- Aug. 13. Reception is from 7-9pm, San Luis Obispo Museum of Art, 1010 Broad 1369, Clarion@ hotmail.com. St., SLO. More info: 543-8562, office@ sloma.org, sloma.org. Art At Wineries CAMBRIA HISTORICAL SOCIETY SCULPTERRA WINERY presents an The Cambria Historical Society will exhibition “Spirits of Africa” by Abbey feature new exhibits in their Museum Onikoyi showing through Aug. Open beginning Aug. 12. Member Debbie every day from 10am-5pm, Sun.: from Soto has fashioned a photo display of 1-4pm, 5125 Linne Road, Paso Robles. four one-room school houses from San More info: 226-8881, sculpterra.com. Simeon north to the SLO County line, in conjunction with the book she has writArtists ten on the topic: Glimpses of a Bygone Era. Only one remains on its original WEST END ESPRESSO AND TEA site. Soto, a member of the early-day Through August: Albert Hoffman. Fiscalini family, will be available for Open daily at 6:30am, 670 Higuera autographs on Aug. 14 at a reception St., SLO. More info: 543-4902, in the museum garden from 1-4 pm. Westendespressoandtea.com. Open Fri.-Sun. from 1-4pm and Mon.: THE CLARK CENTER Through 10am-1pm, at the corner of Burton Drive August: Sheila Underwood, sunderand Center Streets, Cambria. More info: woodartist@charter.net, silk dyes on 927-2891 or 927-3159, cambriahistorisilk, and Barb Alloway, artistalloway@ calsociety.com. gmail.com, acrylic on metal and foil. SLOPE PLEIN ART SHOW AND Open during performances, 487 Fair SALES San Luis Obispo Botanical Oaks Ave., Arroyo Grande. More info: Gardens; Mediterranean Fete. Opening 489-9444. Saturday, August 13, 2011 3:00 - 7:00 MARK BECK Beck is well known in PM. Celebrate and enjoy Nature, Music, San Luis Obispo as a former Cal Poly Art student and now one of the nation’s Dance,Food,and Art! The San Luis top realist artists. Beck will be showing Outdoor Painters for the Environment

Art

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98 • New Times • August 11 - August 18, 2011 • www.newtimesslo.com

YEARS

COU N T

S I NE S S I N

WRITERS from page 96

show opens Aug. 13 and hangs through Sept. 29. 3:00 - 7:00 PM, San Luis Obispo Botanical Garden, 3451 Dairy Creek Road, San Luis Obispo. $15/ SLOBG members, $20 advance/$25 at the door Kids 12 and under free with paid adult. More info: 541-1400 ext 301, chance@slobg.org, slobg.org.

gAlleries “CIRCLE OF LIFE” A photographic collection capturing intimate glimpses into the life of flowers by local artist Sabrina Rouse hanging through Sept. 15. 6-9pm, Frame Works, 339 Marsh St., SLO. More info: 542-9000, sara@ sloart.com, sloart.com. ENCAUSTIC SHOW An international Encaustic Artists Competition, Consequential Fusion and Life is Beautiful hangs through Aug. 13. Open daily from noon-4pm, Art Center, 835 Main St., Morro Bay. More info: 772-2504, artcentermorrobay.com or kcbeaton.com. CUESTA COLLEGE ART GALLERY “Artists Books” hangs through Aug. 26. Gallery hours are from 11am-4pm, Hwy 1, room 7170 - park in lot 2, SLO. More info: 546-3202, academic.cuesta. edu/finearts. ARTS OBISPO presents the exhibit by sign artist Sean Beauchamp “Letters to the Universe” through Sept. 3. 12:00 am, ARTS Obispo, 570 Higuera St., San Luis Obispo. More info: 544-9251, artsobispo.org. DEXTER SMITH’S OPEN WORKING ART STUDIO features the works of Dexter Smith, Ron Isham, Nina Palino, Sig Detonancour, G. Santana, and Vernon Welgold open Thursdays, Fridays, and Saturdays from 11 a.m. to 5 p.m. or by appointment, Dexter Smith Open Working Studio, 5945 Entrada Ave., Atascadero. More info: 286-2986, dextersmith2u@yahoo.com. PEG GRADY: DAILY DISCARDS features linens used as canvas for etchings and found objects through Sept. 5. The gallery is open 11am-5pm, 11am-4pm on Sun., closed Tues./Wed., Deer Run Art and Artifacts, 2080 Main St., Cambria. More info: 927-0427, leslie@deerruncambria.com. GALLERY AT MARINA SQUARE presents featured artists Karen Peterson, photographer and Don Doubledee, mixed media, in the exhibit “California Dreamin” through Aug. 29. An artist reception is Aug. 12 from 5pm-8pm 5 to 8 p.m., California Dreamin, 601 Embarcadero, Suite 10, Morro Bay. Free. More info: 772-1068, gallery@nonajanestudio.com, galleryatmarinasquare.blogspot.com. “PAINTING WITH LIGHT” - PAUL J. MCCLOSKEY features “New Visions of the Central Coast” photo-paintings by Paul J. McCloskey. A continuing collection of work from the California Central Coast Landscape, including: seascapes, coastalscapes, dunescapes, vineyardscapes, and of course the backroads and old barns from all over the Central Coast Aug. through Sept. open Mondays through Fridays from 8 a.m. to 5 p.m., Paso Robles City Hall, 1000 Spring St., Paso Robles. Free. More info: 235-3001, paul@paintingwithlightstudio.com, paintingwithlightstudio.com. STEYNBERG GALLERY presents an exhibition of tribal masks, sculptures, and fetish figures from Africa through Sept. 25. 12:00 am, 1531 Monterey St., SLO. More info: 547-0278, sgallery@ charter.net, steynberggallery.com. THE ATASCADERO ART ASSOCIATION invites the public to attend its Fall All Member Art Exhibit showing through Oct. An opening reception is Aug. 20 from 1 to 3 p.m., Martin Polin Community Room, Atascadero Library, Atastcadero. More info: torilepore@yahoo.com. A SUMMER SAMPLING featuring oil paintings by Robert Howell, shows through Aug. 29. An artist reception is Aug. 12 from 5 to 8 p.m., A Summer Sampling, 601 Embarcadero, Suite 10, ART continued page 101

Thanks for your generous support of the SLO Symphony and for helping to make POPS ROCK for the past 20 years!

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CALL 543-3533 · SLOSYMPHONY.COM www.newtimesslo.com • August 11 - August 18, 2011 • New Times • 99

Diamond Adult World Congratulates New Times on their 25th Anniversary

15 N LU I S O B I

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100 • New Times • August 11 - August 18, 2011 • www.newtimesslo.com

After dinner, head upstairs to the Cattlemen’s Lounge and enjoy some local ﬂavor and culture. Featuring a full bar, happy hour Monday through Friday from 4:00 pm - 6:00 pm and live entertainment on the weekends!

805-226-4925 | 1103 Spring St., Paso Robles

events

ART from page 98

Morro Bay. Free. More info: 772-1068, gallery@nonajanestudio.com, galleryatmarinasquare.blogspot.com.

Call For artists JEWELRY SHOW Participate in a winter exhibition of unique and imaginative jewelry. Submit by Sept. 8. 10am-6pm, Frame Works, 339 Marsh, SLO. More info: 5429000, sara@sloart.com, sloart.com.

Classes and Workshops CAMERA CLUB OF SLO This ongoing program meets on the second Thurs. for those interested in photography and learning different methods to create interesting photographs. 7pm, Vets Hall, 801 Grand Ave., San Luis Obispo. More info: 7817306, slocameraclub.org. MIXED MEDIA MOSAICS These retreats take place Aug. 18-21 and Nov. 3-6. Call for times, Camp Ocean Pines, 1473 Randall Drive, Cambria. $215 and up. More info: 927-0254, campocean pines.org.

MuseuMs

The popular Celtic band Molly’s Revenge brings its energy and vibrancy to the Red Barn Community Music Series on Aug. 13 at 2180 Palisades Ave., Los Osos. The concert starts at 6 p.m. with a potluck dinner and suggested donation of $10. Call 534-9021 for more information.

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KIDS continued page 102

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CHILDRENS ART CAMPS Happens weekly all summer for ages 5 and up. 9am, SLO Museum of Art, 1010 Broad

Get your child to fall in love with music with teachers who are musicians, not musicians who want to teach!

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St., SLO. $95/$115. More info: 5438562, sloma.org. POLY TREKKERS This adventurous program is for ages 6-10 and features art, crafts, recreational games, and field trips through Aug. 23. Weekly, ASI Children’s Center, Cal Poly, building 133, SLO. $225/$250. More info: 756-6201, rgphilli@calpoly.edu, asi.calpoly.edu. POTTERY FOR KIDS Thurs./Sat. for ages 6 and up. Times vary, Anam-Cre, 570 Higuera St., SLO. More info: 8966197, anamcre@charter.net, anamcre. com. PISMO BEACH ACTIVITIES Surf camps for ages 7-17 happen all summer. Times vary, Pismo Beach Veterans Hall, 680 Bello St., Pismo Beach. More info: 805-773-7063, cghiglia@pismobeach. org, www.pismobeach.org. INTRODUCE KIDS TO HORSES On Aug. 13, kids will meet, greet, groom, walk, and watch equines in the round pen, read books about horses, and draw and photograph the animals. Open to childrens ages 5 to 13. 9:00 - 11:30, Heaven Can Wait, 6275 Cerros Pioneros Way, San Miguel. $15.00/$10.00 siblings. More info: 769-6260, robinbradley@westsider.com, prcity.com/ recreation. WEEKEND INTENSIVE: AUDITIONING FOR MUSICAL THEATRE! is August 13 and 14 for ages 17+, maximum 15 students. The program is designed for kids passionate or thinking about a career in musical theatre. This workshop gives actors the tools necessary to take their audition and performance skills to the next level, taught by producer/director Daniel Witzke. The workshop runs each day from 10 a.m. to 4 p.m., San Luis Obispo Little Theatre, 888 Morro St., SLO. $150. More info: 781-3889 Ext. 14, act@slolittletheatre.org, slolittletheatre.org.

PHOTO COURTESY OF STUART HELMINTOLLER

PASO ROBLES PIONEER MUSEUM A collection of visual and written history, preservation of the cultural heritage of California’s Paso Robles area through displays and historical literature. Times vary, 2010 Riverside Ave., Paso Robles. More info: 239-4556, pasoroblespioneermuseum.org. MISSION SAN MIGUEL ARCANGEL The newly restored Mission San Miguel Arcangel was founded on July 25, 1797 by Father Fermin Lasuen, Presidente of the California Missions Chain. Named for Saint Michael the Arcangel, it was the 16th mission founded in the 21 mission chain in Alta California. Mission San Miguel’s appearance is much the same as it was when founded. Times vary, 775

Mission St., San Miguel. More info: 4673256, missionsanmiguel.com. ESTRELLA WARBIRD MUSEUM This museum exhibits military artifacts, vehicles, over 30 aircraft, the Woodland Auto Display which features classic and custom autos, and race cars. Thurs, Fri., Sat. 10am-4pm, Sun., noon-4pm, 4251 Dry Creek Road, Paso Robles. Cost ranges from free to $10, discounts for military, student, seniors. More info: 227-0440, ewarbirds.org. THE SHAKESPEARE PRESS MUSEUM This unique space doubles as a working printing shop and is located in the Graphic Communication Department (Building 26, Room 116) at Cal Poly. More than ten presses, 500 cases of type, and various printing ephemera are maintained. Times vary, Graphic Communication Department (Building 26, Room 116) at Cal Poly, SLO. More info: 756-1108 or 909-292-7335. DANA ADOBE Open every Sun. from 1-4pm for tours. Tours available on Sun., 671 S. Oakglen Ave., Nipomo. More info: 929-5679 , danaadobe.org. JACK HOUSE AND GARDENS A historic living museum of a Victorian home circa 1880 with original furnishings and ongoing events. Tour the historic and elegant Victorian Jack House for $2. Call for times, 536 Marsh St., SLO. More info: 781-7308, slocity.org/parksandrecreation/ jackhouse.

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Dr. Pamela M. Dassenko Dr. Carrie Ramirez 1250 Peach St. #G, SLO 805-549-8483 www.drdassenko.com

Welcoming new patients, call us today or visit our website for more information

www.newtimesslo.com • August 11 - August 18, 2011 • New Times • 101

events

KIDS from page 101

Get Fit FIT CAMPS AND SPORT TRAINING These summer camps and sports training for ages 6-18 are through Aug. 25. 9am, Kids Core Fitness, 1052 E. Grande Ave., Arroyo Grande. $64 for 8 seesions. More info: 801-9224, info@kidscorefitness.com, kidscorefitness.com. AIKIDO FOR KIDS - AIKI-MITES For ages 4-7. Movements and games based on the peaceful martial art Aikido. through Aug. 11 and Sept. 1-29. Thurs. at 3:30pm, 209 Bonetti (off Prado and Higuera, turn right on Empresa), SLO. More info: aikido-of-slo.com or 5448866. WATER POLO CAMP From beginners to competitors, this camp teaches students the vital aspects of the growing sport of water polo through Aug. 12 for ages 6 and up. 1:30pm, SLO Swim Center, 902 Southwood Drive, San Luis Obispo. $75. More info: 781-7288, recnews@slocity.org, slocity.org/parksandrecreation.

Libraries LIBRARY INFORMATION Arroyo Grande: 473-7161, 800 W. Branch St. Story time: Wed. and Thurs. at 10:30am. Atascadero: 461-6161, story time: Wed., 10:30am, for ages 3-6. Cambria: 9274336, 900 Main St. Cayucos: 995-3312. Creston: 237-3010. Grover Beach: 4814131. Open 1-5pm Mon.-Tues, Thurs.-Fri. and Sat. from 10am-2pm. 230 N. 9th St. Los Osos: 528-1862, Thurs. and Fri. at 10:30am. Morro Bay: 772-6394, 625 Harbor St., 10am and 2:30pm. Times vary, SLO County. More info: slolibrary. org. MORE LIBRARY INFORMATION Nipomo: 929-3994. Oceano: 474-7478. Paso Robles: 237-3870. San Miguel: 467-3224. Santa Margarita: 781-5775. Shell Beach: 773-2263. SLO: 781-5775.

Story time on Tues. and Thurs. 10am. 995 Palm St. Times vary, SLO County. More info: slolibrary.org. LOS OSOS LIBRARY The early childhood storytime is on Thurs. and Fri. and movies with popcorn on the first Fri. of the month at 3pm. 10:30am, 2075 Palisades Ave., Los Osos. Free. More info: 528-1862, jlaurenzi@slolibrary.org.

speciaL events CCG SUPER CAMPS Central Coast Gymnastics camps feature a theme, daily activities, games, and crafts. No experience is necessary, ages 4 and up. Through Aug. 19. Weekly sessions, full or half days, 21 Zaca Lane Suite 100, San Luis Obispo. More info: 549-8408, camp@iflipforccg.com. SAN LUIS OBISPO CHILDREN’S MUSEUM “Fins, Feathers and Fur” is through Sept. 5. Mon-Wed: 10-3, Thurs-Sat 10-5, Sun 1-5pm, 1010 Nipomo St., SLO. More info: 544-5437, slocm.org. KIDICAL MASS These rides meet in Mitchell Park on the first Thurs.: Aug. 4 and Sept. 1. 5:45pm, Osos St. and Pismo St., SLO. Free. More info: 547-2055, info@slobikelane.org, SLOKidicalMass.org.

the

Outdoors MUSEUM OF NATURAL HISTORY The Morro Bay Museum of Natural History has 26 permanent exhibits, many interactive, that describe the various forces of nature and how they have shaped the bay and surrounding area. Through August, the Museum

PHOTO BY RON KEWISH

has an exhibit on Native American people of the Central Coast. Summer Weekends: Sea Otter Experience is from 11am-3pm in the Morro Rock parking lot through Sept. 5. 10am-5pm daily, 20 State Park Road, Morro Bay. More info: 772-2694 ext. 105, parks. ca.gov. SLO RANGER-LED HIKES AND TRAIL WORK DAYS Aug. 21: Bishop Peak at Patricia hike. Hikes are at 1pm and workdays start at 9am, SLO County. Free. More info: 781-7300 or 7302, slocity.org/parksandrecreation. TOGETHER GREEN DAYS Meet at the Sweet Springs Nature Preserve on Aug. 13 to be a part of this nationwide initiative to tackle our environment challenges. Clean-up starts at 9am-12pm, Sweet Springs Nature Preserve, 660 Ramona Ave., Los Osos. Free. More info: 239-3928, hslettel@calpoly.edu, morrocoastaudubon.org.

sports & Wellness FaciLities SKATEBOARD PARKS Atascadero: 5493 Traffic Way. Info: 461 7606 or 461-5000. Los Osos: 2180 Palisades Ave. Open daily, 10am-dusk. Info: 7815930. Cambria: on Main St. Morro Bay: at Coleman Park next to the rock. Info: 772-6279. SLO: at Santa Rosa Park. Grover Beach: 1750 Ramona Drive, Grover Beach. Open every day. $2. Cayucos: located near the pier, by the Veterans Center (C St. and North Ocean) and 95 Cayucos Drive. Info: 597-4725 or 235-6003. Paso Robles: 19th and Riverside Ave. Templeton: 6th and Main

102 • New Times • August 11 - August 18, 2011 • www.newtimesslo.com

Killing Clampetts Someone is murdering members of the Beverly Hillbilly family. Could it be the butler? Enjoy an evening of interactive theater while dining on a three-course meal at the Spyglass Inn Restaurant at 2703 Spyglass Drive in Shell Beach. All-inclusive tickets cost $48.95. Call 489-3875 for more information, or visit murderinmind.com. Streets. Info: 434-4900. Times vary, SLO County. More info: slocountyparks.com/ facilities/skatepark.htm. AQUATICS IN SUMMER Registration is going on now for kids classes taking

place through August. Adult lap swim is also happening for ages 16 and up. Times vary, A.H.S., Atascadero. Swim discount passes available. More info: 461-5000, atascadero.org.

LessOns and cLasses FITNESS CLASSES Cycling in Morro SPORTS continued page 104

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events

SPORTS from page 102 IMAGE COURTESY OF ROBIN RINZLER

Gifted Gals Celebrate womanhood at the Mission Plaza in SLO on Aug. 13 with the Women’s Community Center and the Commission on the Status of Women as they present “Day with Creative Women” from 10 a.m. to 5 p.m. Call 544-9313 for more information.

Lucia Birth Center, 4251 S. Higuera St. Suite 300, San Luis Obispo. More info: 266-6391, Nicole@ NicoleDonati.com. ZUMBA FITNESS Easy-to-follow dance routines with energizing Latin music that is high energy and calorie-burning. Call or go online for latest class schedule. Classes are Mon. and Thurs. at 9:30am, and Tues. and Thurs. at 6:30pm, Arroyo Grande. First class is free. More info: 801-7012, trishmhall@sbcglobal.net, gozumbagirl.com. AIKIDO Starts on any Tuesday in August. Learn body moves, techniques, and power principles from the modern Japanese martial art of Aikido taught by Chief Instructor Mary Tesoro, 4th degree Black Belt. 7pm - no reservation needed, Aikido of San Luis Obispo, 209 Bonetti (off Prado and Higuera, turn right on Empresa), SLO. $15 per class, $35 for 4 classes. More info: 544-8866, sensei@aikidoslo.com, aikidoslo.com.

Bay is Tues./Thurs., body tone is in Avila on Mon./Wed., kickboxing is in Los Osos, beginning Yoga is in SLO on Tues./Thurs., and gentle Yoga is in Avila

and Morro Bay. Classes are ongoing, SLO County. More info: To register: ae.slcusd.org or 549-1222, sconrad@ slcusd.org.

acres the club offers horse boarding, leasing and turn-out. Through August. 2pm, Central Coast Polo Club, 2320 Clark Valley Road, Los Osos. Free. More info: 801-9410, megan@centralcoastpolo.com, centralcoastpolo.com. SENIOR SOCIAL AND DANCE There is music, dancing, friends, and refreshments at this monthly themed event with a live band. Ages 50 and up are welcome to attend on the second Monday of each month. 1-3:30pm, Vet’s Hall, 780 Bello, Pismo Beach. $5. More info: 773-7063, pismobeach.org.

Farmers Market

ARROYO GRANDE In the Spencer’s Market parking lot on the corner of Grand Ave. and Courtland on Wed. 8:30am, Arroyo Grande. More info: 544-9570. ATASCADERO In the Sunken Gardens Special eventS in the historic downtown Colony District SUNDAY POLO Come out and watch on Wed. 3-6pm, at East Mall and El Sunday Polo at Central Coast Polo Camino Real, Atascadero. More info: PRENATAL/POSTNATAL YOGA Club. Casual attire, and family friendly. 748-1109. Tuesdays 11:30am and Saturdays Riding lessons and polo lessons offered. PASO ROBLES In three places: Tues. at 12:30pm. 1 class per week $50, or 2 The club offers weekly scrimmages and City Park, 3-6pm, Fri. at Wal-Mart parkclasses per week $90. Times vary, Santa private or group lessons. Located on 80 ing lot at Niblick and River Road from

9am-12:30pm, and Sat. at City Park from 9am-12:30pm. Times vary, Paso Robles. More info: 748-1109 or 237-0345. PISMO BEACH Is on Wed. 3-7pm, on the Promenade, Pismo Beach. More info: 773-4382, info@pismochamber.com. SHELL BEACH Fresh fruit, massages, and several vendors. Overlooks bluffs of the Pacific on Sat. 9am-1pm, Dinosaur Caves Park, Shell Beach. More info: 773-2222. TEMPLETON In the City Park on Sat. 9am-12:30pm, at Sixth and Crocker Streets, Templeton. More info: 7481109. CAMBRIA On Fri. 2:30-5:30pm, Main St. next to the Veterans Hall, Cambria. More info: 924-1260 or 927-3624. ARROYO GRANDE VILLAGE Live entertainment, fresh fruit, flowers, and more on Sat. Noon-2:30pm, Village Gazebo area, Arroyo Grande Village - downtown. More info: 489-6597, arroyograndevillage.org. SAN LUIS OBISPO In two places: On Higuera St. from Nipomo St. to Osos St., Thurs., 6-9pm. Live entertainment and barbecue. And at the Promenade parking lot near World Market (off Madonna Road), Sat. from 8-10:30am. Times vary, SLO. More info: 541-0286 or (Call 5449570 for Saturday info). AVILA BEACH FISH AND FARMERS FARMERS continued page 106

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104 • New Times • August 11 - August 18, 2011 • www.newtimesslo.com

We would like to express our thanks to you for participating in our survey by placing your name in a drawing for the following prizes. Party table for 10 at this years SLO Symphony POPS by the Sea (9.4.11), $100 Gift certi�icate to SLO Brew, and $200 Gift Certi�icate to Veris Cellars. Deadline to be entered in drawing is 8.22.11 at 5pm.

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STUDENTS EQUAL ONE BILLION DOLLARS*

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events

FARMERS from page 104

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GUIDE BE PART OF THE EQUATION

parents, faculty, staff and campus visitors will spend almost *Students, $1 billion during this next academic year. Ready to get serious about attracting this money to you?

Distributed to maximize its effectiveness with the student bodies of both Cal Poly and Cuesta College. Student Guide 2011 will be everywhere you find students, 10,000 copies will be distributed in New Times on and around each campus. Plus directly mailed to all Cal Poly dormitories. New Times staff can be relied upon to create a student magazine that is wanted, read, and kept by these young adults.

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25,000 copies of this years Student Guide will be timed to arrive just as the students do.

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Wine and jam The open jam session at Vino Versato in Pismo Beach invites all area musicians to rock out and sip wine every Thursday from 6 to 9 p.m. Stop by 781 Price St. or

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805-546-8208 · 1010 Marsh St., San Luis Obispo · newtimesslo.com

106 • New Times • August 11 - August 18, 2011 • www.newtimesslo.com

call 295-6622 for more information. MARKET Food from local eateries and live bands on Fri. through September. 4-8pm, Avila Promenade, Avila Beach. More info: coastalfarmersmarket@ gmail.com, avilabeachpier.com. MORRO BAY Takes place on Thurs. and Sat. in the Spencer’s Market parking lot. 3-6pm, Morro Bay Blvd. and Main St., Morro Bay. More info: 7724467 or call 544-9570 for Thursday info, morrobay.org. CAYUCOS Through Sept. 2 on Fridays. A great opportunity to buy local products, produce, and flowers. 10am-12:30pm, Vets Hall, Parking lot, Cayucos. More info: 995-1200 or cayucoschamber.org. GROVER BEACH Coincides with live concert on Sun. through Sept. 25. 3-6pm, Ramona Garden Park, 993 Ramona Ave., Grover Beach. More info: 473-4585 , grover.org. LOS OSOS/BAYWOOD PARK Mondays. 2-4:30pm, At Second and Santa Maria Streets, Los Osos. More info: 748-1109. SLO CERTIFIED FARMERS MARKET

On Sun. find produce, fish, local meats, vendors, musical entertainment, and baked goods. 10 a.m. to 2 p.m., Kennedy Club parking lot, 3889 Long St. (at Tank Farm Road), SLO. More info: sloccfm@ gmail.com, sloccfm.com.

Lectures & Learning

covered will include the incentives available from Energy Upgrade California and the California Association of Realtors, the green data available in the Multiple Listing Service, and the ongoing efforts of a new Green Building Ordinance for SLO County. The event is Aug. 11 from 6 to 7:30 p.m., SLO City/County Library Community Room, 995 Palm St., SLO. $5 suggested donation. More info: (510) 847-5250, mottmann@gmail.com.

Announcements LIGHTHOUSE TROLLEY TOURS These tours are on the first and third Sat. of the month. Noon, 1, and 2pm, Point San Luis Lighthouse, PO Box 13556, San Luis Obispo. $20 or $15 for children under 12. Group tours of 20 or more (optional catered lunch - $35). More info: 540-5771, kristibalzer@ gmail.com, sanluislighthouse.org. SLO GREEN BUILD - LEARN BUILD SAVE LECTURE presents financing programs available for green improvements, and what to be aware of when considering a green upgrade project. Topics

PISMO BEACH RECREATION EXCURSIONS FOR ADULTS One-day trips in an air-conditioned 15-passenger van. Wine tasting in Paso Robles on Sept. 3. Register in advance. $60 for all trips except wine tour, which is $35. Call for details, Pismo Beach. More info: 773-7063, pismobeach.org. IMPROVING IMMUNITY and Staying Healthy with Tibetan Herbs and Lifestyle Recommendations, a lecture by Tibetan LECTURES continued page 108

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events

LECTURES from page 108

Doctor Tashi Dorje on Aug. 13 explains how following Tibetan Ayurvedic lifestyle recommendations will improve your immunity and energy level. 2-5pm, Smiling Dog Yoga, 1227 Archer Street, San Luis Obispo. $35. More info: 543-9291, ayurveda8@earthlink.net, DiamondWayAyurveda.com.

Give Us 5 Minutes... We at New Times are celebrating our 25th anniversary. For a quarter of a century, we’ve served San Luis Obispo County by reporting on local news, arts, and more every week. In order to better serve you over the next 25 years, we’re asking you, our readers, for a few minutes of your time. We’d like to get to know you better. After all, we’ve been together for quite a while. Please visit newtimesslo.com for a quick survey and tell us what you think. Thanks for your time, and thanks for reading.

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108 • New Times • August 11 - August 18, 2011 • www.newtimesslo.com

at the Mission Plaza. This festival features women’s creative visual and musical arts and musical entertainment from all genres. It takes place Aug. 13 from 10am-5pm, Day With Creative Women, Mission Plaza, SLO. Free. More info: 544-9313, rwerdja@ aol.com, wccslo.org . BRoADWAY GoES CoUNTRY On Aug. 13 Project Theatre Foundation Classes presents an original musical written by BEGINNING DRAWING CLASS-6 Wendy-Marie Foerster with food, wine, WEEKS Students will learn the basic beer, and desserts. Help build a skills of drawing, using pen, ink, charVisual and Performing Arts Center in coal, and pencil. This six week class Paso Robles. 6pm, Harris Stage Lines is appropriate for very beginning skill Event Center, 5995 N. River Road, Paso level, as well as artists who want to Robles. $40/$50. More info: 467-3901, enhance drawing skills in other cresueolt123@yahoo.com, projecttheatreative media. The class meets Fridays foundation.org. from 9:30am to 12:30pm, Cuesta FIESTA Come enjoy an afternoon College, Highway 1, San Luis Obispo. fiesta with games, music, a taco bar, $110 for six weeks. More info: 546and a marketplace with beautiful 3132, klinn@cuesta.edu, communityhandcrafted items and delicious baked programs.net. goods. Santa Margarita Community RAW FooD TALK AND Church is raising funds to build a home DEmoNSTRATIoN New Frontiers for a family in Mexico through AMOR & Raw Food Betsy have partnered to Ministries and hosting this event present a monthly Raw Food Talk & on Aug. 14 from 1pm - 3pm, Santa Demonstration class series. You’ll Margarita Community Hall, 22501 I catch Betsy preparing delicious, Street, Santa Margarita. Adults: $8, organic, raw food dishes in the new Children 10 and under: $6, Families: demonstration kitchen on the third $30 max. More info: 438-5011, moc@ Saturday of each month from. Firstsantamargaritacc.org. come limited seating and food tastings. AmERICAN CANCER SoCIETY’S The next class is offered on Aug. 13 THE GIFT oF moRE BIRTHDAYS from 2pm to 3:30pm, New Frontiers A Garden of Hope offers a festive Market, at the corner of Froom Ranch opportunity to support the Society’s Road and Los Osos Valley Road, San world-class research programs and Luis Obispo. NO CHARGE . More info: essential patient services on Aug. 28. 732-3879, Betsy@rawfoodbetsy.com, 2-5pm, Avila Bay Club & Spa, 6699 Bay rawfoodbetsy.com. Laurel Drive, Avila Beach. $100 per PARTNERING WITH YoUR DoCToR person. More info: 473-1748, Bettina. - ALZHEImER’S The Brown Bag Peterson@cancer.org, gala.acs Series is designed for the individual events.org. vho would like further education on specific dementia topics on Aug. 18 (and Nov. 17 in SLO.) Noon, Twin Cities Hospital, 1100 Las Tablas Road, Templeton. Free. More info: 547-3830, sara.bartlett@alz.org, alz.org.

support groups

Clubs, Meetings, and disCussion groups

SLo ALZHEImER’S LATE STAGE This group meets on the second Thurs. of each month. 10am, Mission View GUIDED mEDITATIoN GRoUP Health Center, 1425 Woodside Drive, Meets on Sat. 10am, Unity Church, 1490 Southwood Drive, SLO. Donation. SLO. More info: 543-0210 or 547-3830. More info: 545-7939, RuthCherryPhD@ PARKINSoN’S CAREGIVERS GRoUP - SoUTH CoUNTY Informal aol.com, meditationintro.com. meeting on the second Thurs. of the SAN LUIS oBISPo NEWComERS month. 12:30pm, Arroyo Grande. More CLUB This is a social organization whose purpose is to extend a welcom- info: Info and location: 489 8796. NoRTH CoUNTY PARKINSoN’S ing hand to people in the SLO County CAREGIVERS SUPPoRT GRoUP area. Lunch meetings with guest This group meets for lunch and discusspeakers are held on the first Wed. of sion on the second Fri. of the month. the month. RSVP required. 11am, SLO. More info: slonewcomers.org or slone- 11:30am, Carrow’s Cafe, Atascadero. More info: 466-7226. wcomers@gmail.com. CAREGIVERS oF EARLY-STAGE CENTRAL CoAST mASSAGE CommUNITY Central Coast Massage ALZHEImER’S This group is for those who are new to caregiving for Community meets the second Mon. of each month. Guest speakers, peer sup- a family member with memory loss or recently diagnosed Alzheimer’s. Meets port, community education and more. on fourth Tues. 10am, Alzheimer’s Certified Practitioners/Therapists Association, 3480 South Higuera St., welcome. 6-8pm, Heartwood #120, San Luis Obispo. More info: Therapuetics, 500 Cypress St., suite 547-3830. S-17, Pismo Beach. More info: 5560268, info@centralcoastmassagecom- SLo ALZHEImER’S/DEmENTIA GENERAL INTEREST This group munity.org. meets the third Wed. each month. 1pm, First Baptist Church, 2075 Johnson Ave., SLO. More info: For more information including respite possibilities, please call: 547-3830. A.L.S. Commonly known as “Lou FooD FoR THoUGHT Dine out and Gehrig’s Disease,” this group meets help end Alzheimer’s Disease on Sept. the third Sat. each month. 2pm, French 14. All day, Nucci’s, 165 Broad St., Hospital Auditorium, 1911 Johnson 106, San Luis Obispo. More info: 547Ave., San Luis Obispo. More info: 3830, cynthia.wittmeyer@alz.org, alz. 455-8342. org/cacentralcoast/in_my_commuLARYNGECTomY GRoUP The support nity_21086.asp. group meets on the fourth Thurs. of the ENDLESS SUmmER This silent month. 3pm, American Cancer Society, auction is Aug. 13. 5pm, Creeky Tiki, 1540 W. Branch St., Arroyo Grande. 782 Higuera St., SLO. $30. More info: More info: 473-1748, cancer.org. 440-9923, concertinab@hotmail.com, CAREGIVERS AND LoVED oNES oF quotaslo.com. EARLY-STAGE ALZHEImER’S AND DAY WITH CREATIVE WomEN The oTHER mEmoRY LoSS This group Women’s Community Center and the is for those who are new to caregiving Commission on the Status of Women for a family member with memory loss present “Day with Creative Women” or recently diagnosed Alzheimer’s and

Fundraisers

meets on the first Tues. of the month. A separate support group for the caregivers/significant others is held in a separate room at the same location, same time. Call for times and dates, SLO. More info: 547-3830. NICoTINE ANoNYmoUS Weekly meetings are on Wed. 6:30pm, 4500 El Camino Real, Atascadero. Free. More info: 466-4032, ddeick@sbcglobal.net. PASo RoBLES ALZHEImER’S/ DEmENTIA GENERAL INTEREST Open to all, this group meets the second Tues. of the month. 5:30pm, Emeritus/Creston Village, 1919 Creston Road, Paso Robles. More info: Elana Peters at 975-8270. ARRoYo GRANDE ALZHEImER’S/ DEmENTIA GENERAL INTEREST This group meets on the second Wed. of each month. Call Amity House Adult Day Program in advance to arrange free respite 489-8894. 1pm, First Methodist Church, 275 N. Halcyon Road, Arroyo Grande. More info: 547-3830. ADULT CHILDREN oF AGING PARENTS Meets on the third Fri. of the month. Noon, First Methodist Church, 275 Halcyon Road, Arroyo Grande. More info: 455-8342. oVARIAN CANCER Open to patients, spouses, family, friends and anyone interested. No reservations are necessary. Meets on the third Mon. of the month and is facilitated by a Licensed Clinical Psychologist. 4pm, Hearst Cancer Resource Center, 1941 Johnson Ave, Suite 201-A, San Luis Obispo. Free. More info: 542-6234, Bettina. Peterson@cancer.org, cancer.org. NoRTH CoUNTY PARKINSoN’S CAREGIVERS Meets on the third Tues. of each month. 10:30am, First Presbyterian Church, 610 Main St., Templeton. More info: 466-7226.

Volunteers SLo mEALS oN WHEELS Dispatchers and drivers needed. Must be available 11am-1pm, SLO. More info: 541-1336, jean@fordens.com. GooD NEIGHBoR PRoGRAm Wilshire Community Services is currently recruiting volunteers throughout San Luis Obispo County for our Good Neighbor Program. Our services include light housework, yard work, transportation, minor home repairs, shopping/errands, meal preparation, and friendly visits by Caring Callers. Once trained, you may choose the days and times you are available to volunteer as well as the services you would like to contribute. Call for more information. oNGoING, VoLUNTEER TRAINING, SLo CoUNTY, VARIES. FREE. More info: 547-7025, jdevereaux@wilshirehcs.org. ToGETHER GREEN DAYS at Sweet Springs Preserve! Be a part of this nationwide initiative to tackle our environment challenges by joining forces to bring about positive change. Help us tend a young oak grove. Plenty of tools, tips, and munchies are provided, plus a chance to win a tee, hat, or tote bag! Meet at 9:00am, Sweet Springs Preserve, Ramona Avenue, Los Osos. More info: 239-3928, mcas@morrocoastaudubon.org. VoLUNTEER ENGLISH TUToR TRAINING The Literacy Council for San Luis Obispo County has an ongoing and urgent need for volunteer tutors. For more information or to sign up, please call or visit the website. A $25 enrollment fee is required at your first session. Our two-part Tutor Training Workshop will take place on Saturday Aug. 20 and Aug. 27 from 9am to 3:30pm, The Literacy Council, 1264 Higuera St. Suite 102, San Luis Obispo. $25. More info: 541-4219, tliteracy@ charter.net, sloliteracy.org. ∆

Detours BY NICHOLAS WALTER

Time warp Gaming grows up alongside New Times

wenty. Five. Years. A quarter-century ain’t chump change by any measure, let alone a quarter-century in gaming years. Or, as my 6-year-old niece put it when I asked her what she thought of 25 years: “Woah. That’s oooooooooold.” More than just the games themselves have changed. How we play them, who plays them, and who we play them with have all grown and changed over the years. Whether it’s housewives playing on Facebook or kindergarteners playing on smartphones; a pack of drunk friends stumbling in front of a Kinect or buddies in different cities keeping in touch on PSN or Xbox Live, gaming has come a long way in the last 25 years. Back in ’86* when New Times was born, it had some auspicious company in the nursery: the Nintendo Entertainment System and Sega Master System. The NES, in particular, which helped bring the gaming industry into being, was on a wild ride, from $3 billion in 1982 down to $.1 billion in 1985 after the Atari bubble— it would be back up to $3 billion by 1989, and from there the sky has been the limit. In honor of New Times’ 25th, here is a look at gaming over the last 25 years. 1986: Nintendo Entertainment System launches for $125. Sega Master System launches for $200. Space Quest I, PC. 1987: Legend of Zelda launches in the U.S.** It was the first game to have a battery and the ability to save games. A few years later it becomes the first game kids try to beat in one sitting without turning off their NES after the battery

dies. Super Mario Brothers starts shipping with the NES. 1988: Contra (upupdowndownleftrightleftrightBA!), NES. Phantasy Star, SMS. First issue of Nintendo Power. 1989: Sega Genesis launches for $189. Nintendo Game Boy launches for $89. Atari Lynx, the first color handheld, launches for $149—doesn’t matter ’cause you can’t afford one anyway. 1990: NEC TurboExpress launches for $250-$300. You still can’t afford one. Six AA batteries for three hours. NeoGeo launches for $649. Doesn’t matter, ’cause you really can’t afford it with $200 games. And here we are, bitching and moaning about the $60 price point for next-gen titles. Super Mario Brothers 3, NES. 1991: Super NES launches for $199.95, includes Super Mario World. Sega Game Gear for $149, and takes six AA batteries (but at least you get six hours instead of three). Sonic the Hedgehog, Genesis. 1992: Sega CD add-on for Genesis released, $299. Legend of Zelda: A Link to the Past, SNES. Dune II, PC, becomes the first real-time strategy game. Castle Wolfenstien, PC, becomes the first first-person shooter. Atari 2600 officially retired. Good night, sweet Duck-dragon. MOOOOOOORTAAAALL KOOOMMMBAAAT released in arcades. 1993: Atari Jaguar system launches for $200. Panasonic 3DO launches for $699. Pioneer LaserActive (a laser disk player) for $970. You could get a $600 add-on to play Sega CD and Genesis games, and another $600 add-on to play NEC DuoSoft (DuoWhat? Exactly). CD-ROM games and TurboGrafix gamecards. Total all together? $2170. Doesn’t matter, you can’t afford it. Myst, Doom, PC. BFG 3000, aww yeah. Star Fox, SNES. Having solved all other pressing national issues, the United States Senate holds first hearings on violence in video games. 1994: John Madden Football launches on the 3DO. Seventeen iterations later, it’s still going strong. Japanese get the Sega Saturn and Sony Playstation first. Stupid Japanese. Warcraft hits the PC. 1995: Sega Saturn launches in the U.S. for $349, or $399 with Virtua Fighter, the first 3D fighting game. Gamers drool. Sony Playstation launches in US for $299. The first Electronic Entertainment Expo (E3) is held in L.A. and gamers are introduced to booth babes. Gamers drool. XBand modem for Super NES released in the USA, allowing game play with other players. (There was a modem for the SNES?) Nintendo Virtual Boy launches in the U.S. for $179. 1996: N64 launches in the U.S. for $199. Last game shipped for Nintendo Virtual Boy (Tetris 3D). Resident Evil PS. “Itchy, tasty.” Tomb Raider PS, Quake, PC. 1997: Final Fantasy VII, PS. Gamers collectively get something in their eye when Aeris died. Mario Kart 64, and Goldeneye both released for N64. Four players … at once? Age of Empires, PC, Ultima Online, PC, first graphical MMORPG. 1998: Game Boy Color launches for $79.95. Gran

Turismo, PS. Metal Gear Solid, PS. Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time, N64. Baldur’s Gate, PC. Boo lives! Half Life, PC. 1999: Sega Dreamcast launches for $199. Silent Hill, PS. Age of Empires, PC. Evercrack (err, Quest), PC. Super Smash Bros, N64. 2000: Sony Playstation 2 launches for $299. Perfect Dark, N64. The Sims, PC. 2001: Microsoft Xbox launches for $299. Nintendo Gamecube launches for $199. Nintendo Gameboy Advance launches for $149. Anarchy Online, PC. Conkers Bad Fur Day, N64. Halo, Xbox. Grand Theft Auto III, PS2, the first 3D version for the series. 2002: Xbox released in Japan. First time Americans can shout, “We got it first, bitches!” Sega discontinues the Dreamcast. Xbox Live launches. Grand Theft Auto: Vice City, PS2. Morrowind, PC. 2003: Legend of Zelda: The Wind Walker, N64. Tom Clancy’s Splinter Cell, PS2. Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic, Xbox. Dead Or Alive: Extreme Beach Volleyball, Xbox—there is one, and only one reason for playing this game: the amazing … physics. SimCity 4, Eve Online, PC. 2004: Nintendo DS launches for $149. Grand Theft

Having solved all other pressing national issues, the United States Senate holds first hearings on violence in video games. Auto: San Andreas, PS2. Halo 2, Xbox. World of Warcraft, PC. 2005: Microsoft Xbox 360 launches for $299-$399. Sony Playstation Portable launches for $249. The Bards Tale, PC. God of War, PS2. Jade Empire, Xbox. 2006: Sony Playstation 3 launches for $399-$599. Nintendo Wii launches for $249. Gears of War, Xbox 360. 2007: Mass Effect, Xbox 360. Super Mario Galaxy, Wii. Uncharted: Drake’s Fortune, PS3. 2008: Wii Fit, Wii. Grand Theft Auto IV, Xbox 360, Little Big Planet, PS3. 2009: Killzone 2, PS3. Fewer and fewer console exclusives are appearing. Halo 3: ODST, Xbox 360. This is what passes for a 360 exclusive?? Super Mario Brother’s Wii, Wii. Empire: Total War, PC. 2010: The Playstation Move and Xbox Kinect motion controllers launch. Controllers? Where we’re going we don’t need controllers. Mass Effect 2, Xbox 360. Starcraft II: Wings of Liberty, PC. 2011: Sony and Microsoft are already gearing up for the next generation of consoles. PC exclusives are a thing of the past. 3D gaming is making inroads. What a fascinating modern age we live in. We’ve gone from controlling games with joysticks, four directions, and a button, to controlling games with our bodies. Gameplay today looks like pre-rendered cinematic cut scenes of five to 10 years ago—even better in some cases. Makes you wonder where games are going to be come New Times’ 50th anniversary, doesn’t it? ∆ Contact Contributor Nicholas Walter via Managing Editor Ashley Schwellenbach at aschwellenbach@ newtimesslo.com. *It’s impossible to start a sentence with “back in” and not sound like an octogenarian sitting on the front porch throwing Atari joysticks at kids on the lawn. **Just about every game/platform on this list from the early years launched in Japan before the United States. We’re just going to focus on the U.S. releases.

www.newtimesslo.com • August 11 - August 18, 2011 • New Times • 109

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halsellbuilders.com 110 • New Times • August 11 - August 18, 2011 • www.newtimesslo.com

~2009~

~2010~

~2011~

Detours Rob Brezsny’s Free Will Astrology Homework: Give yourself some slack in a situation where you typically back yourself into a corner and tie yourself up. Report on your experience at Freewillastrology.com.

ARIES (March 21-April 19): Dr. Larry Dossey thinks we shouldn’t just automatically dismiss the voices that speak to us in the privacy of our own heads. Some of them may actually have wise counsel, or at least interesting evidence about the state of our inner world. Besides, says Dossey, “it is vital for our mental health to keep the channels open, because when the voices of the gods are shut out, the devils often take up residence.” This would be good advice for you to observe in the coming days, Aries. Don’t let the nagging, blustering, or unhinged murmurs in your head drown out the still, small voice of lucid intuition. (Dossey’s book is The Extraordinary Healing Power of Ordinary Things: Fourteen Natural Steps.)

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): What are you going to do to attract or induce the phenomena I name in the list below? At least three of them could come your way in the days ahead: 1. a “limitation” that leads to more freedom; 2. an imaginative surrender that empowers you to make a seemingly impossible breakthrough; 3. a healthy shock to the system that tenderizes your emotions; 4. a tough task that clarifies and fine-tunes your ambition; 5. a seemingly lost chance that leads to a fresh promise through the vigorous intervention of your creative willpower.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): Thirteen will be your lucky number for the foreseeable future. In fact, a host of things for which the average person has an irrational aversion could be helpful to you. For that matter, influences that you yourself may have considered in the past to be unsympathetic or uncongenial could very well be on your side, and may even conspire to enlighten and delight you. At least temporarily, I urge you to shed your superstitions, suspend your iffy biases, and dismiss your outworn fears.

CANCER (June 21-July 22): Anne Cushman wrote a book called Enlightenment for Idiots. It wasn’t a how-to book, but rather a novel about a spiritual truth-seeker wandering through India. As far as I know, no one has written an actual instructional manual with the theme she named in her title. If anyone could do it, though, it would be you right now. Lately, you’ve been getting smarter by doing the most ordinary things. You’ve been drawing life-enhancing lessons from events that others might regard as inconsequential or unsophisticated. I suspect that this trend will continue in the coming days. Through the power of simplicity and directness, you will succeed at tasks that might have defeated you if you had allowed yourself to get lost in complicated theories and overly-thought-out approaches. Congrats!

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): For 34 years, a diligent Californian named Scott Weaver worked on creating a scale model of San Francisco using toothpicks. Meanwhile, Eric Miklos, of New Brunswick, Canada, was assembling a 40-foot-long chain of bottle caps. And in 2006, a team of artists constructed a 67-foot-tall gingerbread house, the world’s largest, inside the Mall of America in Bloomington, Minn. These are not the kinds of stupendous feats I advise you to get started on in the coming weeks, Leo. The astrological omens suggest that you’ll attract blessings into your life if you launch deeply meaningful masterpieces, not trivial or silly ones.

For the week of August 11 with ripe fruit; the planet Jupiter as seen through a powerful telescope; a magnificent suspension bridge at dawn or dusk; a large chorus animatedly singing a song you love; the blissful face of a person you love.

CAPRICORN

each phase of dissipation, new vitality incubates and blooms again. According to my analysis of the astrological omens, Virgo, you are currently going through a period of dwindling and dismantling. The light is dimmer than usual, and the juice is sparser. But already, in the secret depths, a new dispensation is stirring.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): Where do you want to be at this time next year? What do you want to be doing? I encourage you to fantasize and scheme about these questions, and be alert for clues about possible prospects. Here’s my reasoning, Libra: Some foreshadowings of your future life may soon float into view, including a far-off whisper or a glimpse of the horizon that will awaken some of your dormant yearnings. Don’t make the mistake of thinking that these visions must be acted upon instantly. Instead, ruminate leisurely on them, regarding them as the early hints of potential long-range developments.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): Let’s say, hypothetically speaking, that you can’t get The Most Beautiful Thing. It’s out of reach forever. You simply don’t have the connections or wherewithal to bring it into your life. Could you accept that disappointment with a full heart, and move on? Would you be able to forgive life for not providing you with your No. 1 heart’s desire, and then make your way into the future with no hard feelings? If so, Scorpio, I bet you would be well-primed to cultivate a relationship with The Second Most Beautiful Thing.

VIRGO

SAGITTARIUS

(Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Storyteller Clarissa Pinkola Estes loves life’s natural rhythms just as they are. She says we can avoid a lot of suffering if we understand how those rhythms work. “The cycles are birth, light, and energy, and then depletion, decline, and death,” she told Radiance magazine. In other words, everything thrives and fades, thrives and fades. After

(Nov. 22-Dec. 21): What images would be most helpful for you to fill your imagination up with? What scenes would heal and activate your subconscious mind, inspiring you in just the right ways? I invite you to make a list of at least five of these, and then visualize them often in the coming days. Here are a few possibilities to get you warmed up: peach trees filled

(Dec. 22-Jan. 19): Scientists have proved beyond a doubt that heavenly bodies cannot possibly exert forces that affect events on earth, right? Well, no, actually, according to research reported in the Dec. 24, 2009, edition of the science journal Nature. It turns out that the gravitational tug of the sun and moon sends significant tremors through California’s San Andreas Fault, and could potentially trigger full-blown earthquakes. Speaking as a poet, not a scientist, I speculate that those two luminaries, the sun and moon, may also generate a lurching but medicinal effect on you sometime soon. Are you ready for a healing jolt? It will relieve the tension that has been building up between two of your “tectonic plates.”

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): “Follow your dreams,” read the headline on some random blog I stumbled upon, “except for the one in which you’re giving a speech in your underwear.” In the comments section, someone named “Mystic Fool” had posted a dissenting view: “I would much rather have a dream of giving a speech in my underwear than of being naked and drunk and inarticulate at a cocktail party, trying to hide behind the furniture.” Mystic Fool’s attitude would serve you well in the coming week, Aquarius. Expressing yourself in a public way, even if you don’t feel fully prepared, will actually be a pretty good course of action—especially as compared to keeping silent and hiding.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): Some substances that seem to be rock solid are in fact fluids that move verrrryyy slowly. Bitumen is one example. It’s a form of petroleum also known as pitch. In a famous experiment, an Australian researcher set up an apparatus that allowed a blob of pitch to gradually drip into a container below it. Since the experiment began in 1927, eight drops have fallen. I like to think you’re engaged in a similar long-term process, Pisces. And from what I can tell, a new drop is about to drip. ∆

Go to RealAstrology.com to check out Rob Brezsny's expanded weekly horoscopes and daily text message horoscopes. The audio horoscopes are also available by phone at 1-877-873-4888 or 1-900-950-7700.

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Three players on a gay softball team in Washington state sued after they were disqualified from taking part in a statewide tournament because they weren’t gay enough. Organizers of the Gay Softball World Series declared the men to be bisexual, not gay, and said their team thus exceeded the limit of two non-gay players. U.S. District Judge John Coughenour said the suit could proceed to trial but ruled that the North American Gay Amateur Athletic Alliance has a First Amendment right to limit the number of heterosexual players on each team. (Associated Press)

Toronto police said they were looking for a woman who boarded a streetcar with a child in a stroller and began arguing with another passenger. Witnesses said the woman picked up the child and used it as a weapon to beat the passenger. Mother and child got off the streetcar before police arrived. (Toronto Star)

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Authorities needed a 5-ton dump truck to rescue a 35-year-old woman who drove into Souris River floodwaters in Minot, N.D. Police said the woman was driving drunk in water over the wheels of her vehicle trying to get to a bar to play Bingo. (Associated Press)

Shuttlecock teasers?

Declaring it needed to create a more “attractive presentation” for female badminton players, the Badminton World Federation decreed that all women competing at the elite level must wear skirts or dresses, not shorts and pants. “We’re not trying to use sex to promote the sport. We just want them to look feminine and have a nice presentation so women will be more popular,” BWF deputy president Paisan Rangsikitpho said, noting that some women compete in oversize shorts and long pants and appear “baggy, almost like men.” Male players are required only to dress in “proper attire,” officials said. In a nod to Muslim women, the BWF said women could still wear shorts or long pants for cultural and religious reasons but only beneath a proper dress or skirt. After widespread protests against the rule, labeling it sexist, offensive to Muslim women, and a cumbersome hindrance to performance, three days later the BWF withdrew it. (The New York Times) ∆ Compiled from the nation’s press by Roland Sweet. Submit clippings, citing source and date, to P.O. Box 8130, Alexandria VA 22306