Student Guide 2014

STUDENT GUIDE 2014

A NEW TIMES SPECIAL PUBLICATION

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Stale tortillas and budgets PHOTO BY TOM FALCONER

S

adly, there’s no equation for a happy, successful collegiate career. Some things—like tests and moving day—you can prepare for, even if infinite planning doesn’t eradicate the challenge entirely.

Others—problems with roommates, finding a way to be physically active without being part of a high school sports team, homesickness—are more likely to creep up on you.

That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t try to prepare. It just means that college is full of surprises and adventures and personal growth, and who ever heard of an adventure that didn’t involve at least a marginal amount of discomfort?

Fortunately for you, the New Times crew has been there. We’ve sat in a dirty apartment with a sink full of filthy dishes and made the decision to use a stale tortilla rather than wash the plates. And that’s just the beginning of the admittedly pathetic life hacks we’ve assembled for your reading and giggling pleasure [6]. And we’ve struggled to put together the perfect soundtrack to our college years, so that now you don’t have to [11].

And just when you thought you were the only college student with a roommate who drove you crazy, we’re providing stories, and advice, from other students who have been there and have the passive aggressive Post-It notes to prove it [15]. Of course, there are other more pleasant souveniers from your college years, but if you’re thinking of making a tattoo one of them, you should read this expert advice [19].

We know it’s totally not cool to listen to the tour guides, but that doesn’t mean they’re not right— about some things at least [30]. On the other hand, videogames are the coolest thing on the planet, and a great way to meet people and sort out your issues [33]. You might be surprised to learn just how much crazy stuff Cal Poly owns, some of it physical and some of it intellectual [38]. But while we’re on the topic of ownership, now’s the time to develop and stick to a budget, though you probably won’t like it [40]. But if you’re trying to save your pennies, Cal Poly’s public surplus actually has some cool stuff [42]. Not surprisingly, it’s also time to develop good study

Publishers Bob Rucker, Alex Zuniga Executive Editor Ryan Miller Managing Editor Ashley Schwellenbach Art Director Alex Zuniga Assistant Art Director Colin O'Shaughnessy Tucker Marketing & Events Coordinator Dora Mountain Contributors Trever Dias, Ben Simon, Tram Nguyen, Ashley Schwellenbach, Adriana Catanzarite, Cliff Mathieson, Ryan Miller, Colin Rigley, Jessica Peña Graphic Designers Brendan Rowe, Eva Lipson, Jenny Gosnell, Leni Litonjua Dora Mountain, Colin Tucker Photographer Tom Falconer Proofreading Andrea Rooks Advertising Director Jason Gann Account Manager Colleen Garcia Advertising Executives Jason Gann, Rhonda O’Dell, Megan Shehan, Tracey Joyner Scuri, Katy Gray, Heather Welsh, Elisa Baro, Kimberly Rosa, Georgia Shore

habits, which is almost as unpleasant as developing a budget, but an important skill nonetheless [47].

And lest you succumb to anxiety over how much you have to learn, remember that you’ve worked hard to get where you are and a little more hard work won’t hurt. In fact, you never know where it might lead.

Ashley Schwellenbach managing editor

STUDENT GUIDE 2014

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STUDENT GUIDE GUIDE 2014 2014 6 STUDENT PHOTOS BY TOM FALCONER

Half-ass life hacks When life hands you a sink full of dishes, reach for a tortilla

BY TREVER DIAS

Y

our college years are a time when you may experience, among other things, a shortage of cash and an abundance of laziness, and every now and then you may need to improvise to make it through the day. To help you out with that (sort of), we’ve compiled the following list of life hacks that have at some point been utilized by the clever members of the New Times staff, or by somebody we know, or that we just stole from the Internet and repackaged as our own.

Tortilla plates are the new bread bowls Washing dishes is never enjoyable, but it’s especially unpleasant when you’re hungry. If you find yourself in the catch-22 of being too hungry to wash dishes, but lacking a clean plate

to put your food on, check to see if you have any tortillas that have exceeded their shelf life. They may be too stale for consumption, but just stale enough to make for a fairly durable plate. Not to mention, you won’t have to wash it when you’re done.

Ramen to Roman Ramen is a college staple for obvious reasons, but it can get old pretty quickly. If you want to take your ramen to another level by giving it some Italian flair, just throw some leftover ketchup packets into the noodles instead of the little flavor packet that comes with it (that’s right, Italy). You can also cook this in a coffeemaker if you just leave the coffee out, add the water, and put everything else into the pot. Whether this is taking ramen to the next level, or dropping it down one, you can be the judge of that.

LIFE HACKS continued page 8

RAMEN TO ROMAN

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STUDENT GUIDE GUIDE 2014 2014 8 STUDENT LIFE HACKS from page 6

No filter Unfortunately, sleep must often be sacrificed in college, and coffee is typically the go-to coping mechanism for sleep deprivation. If you find yourself in need of some coffee but lacking a filter, find a sock that you don’t plan on wearing again and use that as the filter. Just make sure it’s a clean sock. Although, either way this

one is kind of gross. Plus, tea is better for you and you don’t need a filter.

PHOTOS BY TOM FALCONER

Bag it up Try pouring milk straight into a bag of cereal if there is only one bowl’s worth of cereal left. This is not only helpful if you are out of clean bowls, but also if you just want to save yourself from having to wash another one. Just make sure that if the bag is recyclable you rinse it out before recycling it.

TOWER OF BAGEL

THE HOODIE TROUGH The hoodie trough Procrastination will most likely get the best of you at some point in your collegiate career, and you may find yourself in the unfortunate position of having to pull an all-nighter in order to get that term paper done that you put off until the last minute. Glued to your computer, frantically typing away, you will eventually get hungry but won’t have time to stop working and eat.

So what do you do? Enter, the hoodie trough. This sad yet effective technique consists of simply putting a hoodie on backwards, filling the hood with the sustenance of your choice, and feeding hands-free like a filthy animal.

The broke and the beautiful Beauty products may become a luxury when you’re on a student budget, but you can make the most of it by using certain items to serve multiple purposes. For instance, lipstick can be used as blush, chap stick can be used on dry spots instead of lotion, toothpaste can help treat acne, and foundation can help cover your roots, if it matches your hair color.

BAG IT UP

Burnt noodles If you have a stove, barbecue, or fire pit that needs to be lit, but you don’t have one of those extra-long lighters or

fireplace matches, just light a piece of spaghetti on fire with a cigarette lighter or regular-sized matches, and use that to start your fire.

Don’t forget to floss Dental floss is the sort of thing that gets sacrificed when you're trying to save money, assuming that you'd even remember to buy or use it. Tea may also be sort of unnecessary given that you could just drink the water you use to make it. However if you happen to have some tea bags and no dental floss, you can use the string from the tea bag to floss if you're in dire need.

Tower of bagel Day-old bagels are often available at a discounted price from cafés and coffee shops, and usually they are not sold in a re-sealable package. If you purchase some and need a place to store them, try repurposing a plastic cylinder of the sort that blank CDs and DVDs are sold in, and just stack the bagels up on the center column and put the lid on. ∆ Calendar Editor Trever Dias can be reached at tdias@newtimesslo.com, and would like to dedicate this list of life hacks to his friend and life hack enthusiast, Mr. Jono Kinkade.

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Seven lifetimes under a groove Music your ears and mind will thank you for

BY BEN SIMON

I

n the Cameron Crowe film Almost Famous, the main character’s older sister instructs him to “listen to [The Who’s album] Tommy with a candle burning and you’ll see your entire future” after leaving home. Incidentally, it was Simon & Garfunkel’s Bookends LP that inspired her to see the world in the first place. Tommy and Bookends have more in common than meets the ear, as they both detail the aging process in an honest and sometimes cynical narrative.

Of course, as they were both released in the late 1960s, there have been so many more artists to reach out to the youth and “set them free.” Enclosed in this article are seven more recent albums with the potential to guide your life.

Green typifies independence with not only her empowering lyrics but also her unrivaled ability to perform infectious melody after infectious melody with no accompaniment but a drum machine.

She is also a gifted artist in media beyond music, with a stylized caricature of herself adorning the album’s cover and

Andrew Jackson Jihad: People That Can Eat People Are the Luckiest People in the World Though this album’s title might be viewed on the surface as a (quite convincing) case for of cannibalism, this folk-punk fusion band’s views on people are much more positive, complex, and humorous than one might expect, often placing them in the realm of satirical writer and secular humanist Kurt Vonnegut, who coined that same title in his novel Hocus Pocus. The songs of Andrew Jackson Jihad are a social learning experiment which instruct listeners to “Rejoice” and teaches them how to survive. Regardless of how socially active or exempt you become during your years at college, you will encounter an often overwhelming spectrum of people with varying minds, bodies, and other attributes, and they aren’t always what they seem. With lyrics like “people are wasteful, they waste all the food/people are hateful and people are rude/but God, I love some people sometimes/because people are very, very special,” I can only wish every freshman was handed a copy of this album by their residential advisor while lumbering into the dorms.

Colleen Green: Milo Goes to Compton “Independence” is one of those words you will (and probably should) have drilled into your head by the time you enroll at Cal Poly or Cuesta. Twentypage essays won’t write themselves, and your friends won’t write them either.

Indie pop songstress Colleen

OPEN YOUR EARS These music recommendations might or might not help you see your entire future if you listen to them with a candle burning.

distributing original, witty, zine-sized comic books at her live performances. As indicated by not only the album’s name but also those of her tracks, Milo Goes to Compton takes hints from a long legacy of indie and punk bands including the Ramones, the Descendents, and the Young Marble Giants, while remaining

11

starkly individual in its unifying musical themes. Colleen Green’s output can easily be compared to Best Coast’s, only with more bite and fewer songs about boyfriends.

Mac DeMarco: Rock and Roll Nightclub This record’s late-night fuzzy funk makes a listener want to savor every moment. Tracks that try your ability to keep from tapping your feet include “Moving Like Mike,” and “I’m a Man,” with its “stepladder” chord sequence admittedly swiped from George Harrison’s solo magnum opus All Things Must Pass. But if there’s one caveat to Rock and Roll Nightclub, it’s that it only lasts 26 minutes—keeping it at that awkward transition point between extended play and full-blown album, much like the four years of college will go MUSIC continued page 12

12 STUDENT STUDENT GUIDE GUIDE 2014 2014 MUSIC from page 11

by in a blink of the eye or the scratch of a completed groove. Luckily there’s more: DeMarco released two albums since this one, including the aptly named 2 and Salad Days, the latter of which came out in April and puts an electronic twist on an already idiosyncratic package of sound. It has also come to my attention that a perpetual Rock and Roll Nightclub outtake called “Young Blood” about Patrick Swayze’s 1986 hockey movie of the same name was released on the website of Cartoon Network’s Adult Swim programming block.

They Might Be Giants: Nanobots Nerds today don’t realize how lucky they have it. Once upon a time, prescription glasses made you “four eyes” instead of trendy; The Hobbit was considered the literary equivalent of Dungeons & Dragons instead of a cash cow milked beyond the scope of its 350 pages; and an unabashedly geeky and eclectic pair of New Yorkers, both named John and collectively known as They Might Be Giants were dismissed as a mere novelty act. But more than 30 years have gone by and TMBG have outlived most of their “college rock” contemporaries, with their most recent effort, 2013’s Nanobots, nearly on par with their early career’s cult classics Flood and Lincoln.

Over the course of 25 tracks, the Johns discuss a cornucopia of edumacational themes, from Nikolai Tesla to the replicants of Blade Runner, with even one-minute wonders like “Insect Hospital”

becoming the hungriest of earworms upon repeated listens. During my senior year at Cal Poly, I was fortunate enough to take an entire class on The Beatles from Dr. Craig Russell, an experience I would recommend without question. But since TMBG’s limitless gift and enthusiasm for wordplay and wit constantly leave another interpretation of each song where your ears don’t go, I have mathematically proven that formal educational study of the Johns’ discography would take 133.7 units, well beyond the scope of a four-year degree.

Ty Segall: Sleeper Chuck Palahniuk famously defined “insomnia” as a state in which “you’re never really awake, but you’re never really asleep,” and that’s scarcely a state in which you’ll succeed in college. Sure, it’s usually regarded as insulting for music to be said to “put someone to sleep,” but Ty Segall’s Sleeper is one catchy set of young adult lullabies. Cuts like “Sweet C.C.” and “Crazy” borrow significantly from music of the past, sounding distinctly British Invasion or 1970s glam like an acoustic set by T. Rex or David Bowie, hardly the expected material of a San Franciscan garage punk rocker. Still better known for the raw psyche-sludge of previous releases, I can only hope that Sleeper is more than a detour and Bowie-esque “phase” in Segall’s already prolific discography.

Norah Jones & Billie Joe Armstrong: Foreverly Having served as a student assistant for University Archives and Special

NEW SHOES!

Collections at Cal Poly’s Robert E. Kennedy Library, I can safely state that San Luis Obispo has a rich and unique history spanning several centuries that many more populated American cities would envy. Whether historical ignorance deems us doomed or not, historical knowledge is essential, even in music. When Norah Jones and Billie Joe Armstrong of Green Day decided to collaborate, they could have settled for something like “Dookie Sunrise,” but instead they wisely covered an impactful set of songs by folk harmonists The Everly Brothers, best known for instantly catchy 1950s singles like “Bye Bye Love” and “Wake Up Little Susie,” which would later serve as the primary inspiration for the more ambitious (and ultimately divisive) folk group Simon & Garfunkel.

Examination of songs like “Long Time Gone” reveal a timeless tradition of romantic songwriting that continues to this day in every American genre, and both the sweet, sincere vocals of Norah and the unexpectedly Dylanesque drawl of Billie Joe aid in the nostalgic experience of listening to Foreverly.

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“Weird Al” Yankovic: “Weird Al” Yankovic I know what you’re thinking. “Just because we live in San Luis Obispo where ‘Weird Al’ recorded his first single ‘My Bologna’ in a Cal Poly restroom while DJing at KCPR doesn’t mean that the poster child for male adolescent-oriented parody songs about

ENT D U T S NT S! U O C DIS

food is an appropriate addition to a list of albums targeted to young adults in order to shape and/or change their lives.” Well, while I can’t say that it wasn’t a bit of a stretch to find a way to fit Mr. Yankovic into my musical curriculum (and I can vouch from experience that the majority of “Weird Al” concert goers are out-of-shape 35-year-old men and not 12-year-old boys), it turns out that the album that has the most association with Al’s Cal Poly years is perhaps not coincidentally the most relevant to young adult interests. Tracks like “I’ll Be Mellow When You’re Dead” ideally capture an individualistic persona who refuses to become figuratively enslaved by the passing trends and shallow lifestyles that surround him. “The Check’s in the Mail” is a snarky tune from the point of view of a sleazy, soulless business (perhaps record) executive, the kind whom many graduates may find themselves playthings of.

Even “Buckingham Blues,” despite its inevitable datedness by a good 30 years, demonstrates biting social satire worthy of a Mustang Daily or Cuestonian piece by contrasting Prince Charles and the late Princess Di’s lives of luxury with 12-bar blues. And as for the album’s closer “Mr. Frump in the Iron Lung,” um … . ∆ Contributor Ben Simon compiled this article. Send comments via Managing Editor Ashley Schwellenbach at aschwellenbach@newtimesslo.com.

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Roommate nightmares Advice for incoming students on how to deal with difficult roommate situations

BY TRAM NGUYEN Editor’s note: The student interviewed for this story elected not to include her full name.

A

nightmare or a life lesson?

Eight girls were randomly put together in a fourbedroom, two-bathroom apartment in Poly Canyon Village. Some people warned Amber that kind of living situation is insane, but she considers it a life lesson instead.

One problem these girls faced was the trash filled up so fast that it needed taking out twice a day.

But not everyone remembered to do their trash duty, “and so we would constantly have to nag and nag and nag them to do it,” Amber said.

One day, one roommate snapped and they all got into a big argument, which led to a two-hour group meeting with their CA. “Everything blew up that everyone had been holding back,” Amber said.

“The issue was no longer about the trash. It was just about the little petty issues that everyone had with themselves and with others.”

Those issues include: tapping, not putting things away, eating others’ food and using others’ belongings without permission, etc.

Amber said if it’s just peanut butter or crackers, it’s not a big deal, but when it comes to someone’s last yogurt or last apple, it’s a different story.

“For me it’s not really about the money,” Amber said. “It’s more about the convenience of when you want an apple, and it’s no longer there.”

Another issue was roommates talked to each other with a condescending attitude. Amber’s example is when someone called her “darling” or “babe” with an underlying message of condescension.

She said it’s not about what they say

but how they say it.

“You know how sometimes when people will say certain things that are just rude enough that you can’t call them out on it because you will look like a bad person, but it’s still rude that you can’t forget about it?” Amber explained.

During the meeting, Amber got yelled at, which she was not used to and could not stand.

“I have never actually cried [since coming to Cal Poly] but during that incident, I was very close to crying,” Amber said.

She felt the tears but held back and removed herself.

Some saw her behavior as “passive aggressive” and didn’t like it, but her rule when it comes to being argumentative is no yelling or cursing, Amber said.

After everyone had spoken their minds, the CA came up with a trash duty schedule—a solution that didn’t please anyone, because “[the trash] was the one thing that set off everything, but that wasn’t the real problem,” Amber said.

After that day, the tension among the girls elevated: Those who did their trash duty avoided talking with those who didn’t.

“We just kind of ignored them,” Amber said. “We wouldn’t go out of our way to be rude, but we wouldn’t go out of our way to be friendly like we used to be.”

Eventually, the tension eased over time and the girls finally learned to love and trust one another.

They shared snapchats of the best and worst moments of their day in a Facebook group chat. They were so engaged in listening to one another’s stories that it was hard to study at home sometimes.

They even took time out of their busy schedules to come to church for an hour and a half when a roommate got confirmed as a Catholic, “because that’s how much

we cared,” Amber said.

The happiest moment that Amber shared with her roommates was when they all went out together on the Halloween night, she said.

“Honestly, we didn’t even care about dancing with guys or finding a guy there because all of us girls were together,” Amber said.

While packing up on her last night in Poly Canyon, Amber said she felt sad about going home and seeing her roommates leave the apartment.

“Do you ever get that feeling where you’re like—when you’re away from Cal Poly, you feel like you’re not at home, but when you’re at Cal Poly, you feel like you’re away from home?”

Amber said.

One of the roommates sent the whole group a message before she left: “The memories I’m taking with me will last me a lifetime. I love you all. I could not have asked for better roommates. All the things I learned from each and every one of you will come with me. All those laughs, cries, fights, they have all helped me grow.

And I’d like to thank you all for that.”

Amber’s advice Have a meeting in the beginning of the school year to establish ground rules.

Amber: “I know that alcohol and other drugs are prohibited in the dorms, but that doesn’t stop people, let’s be honest.”

Reevaluate the rules after the first weeks of school.

Amber: “Sometimes before you even start classes, you won’t know how things will be in the apartment or the dorm room.”

Keep in mind not everyone comes from the same place as you.

Amber: “There are roommates that are not as fortunate as you. You shouldn’t be flaunting all your money in their face ... . You shouldn’t talk about politics or religions.”

Talk about having people over when establishing ground rules, and readdress it when it’s about to happen.

Amber: “Because things change and you just always want to be on the same page with the roommate.”

Be flexible.

Amber: “You can’t force them to do anything. You’re all adults. You’re not their parent.”

Be prepared for hurtful moments.

Roommates will sometimes talk about you behind your back.

Amber: “Sometimes you get opinions you never ask for.”

Some roommates don’t like you as much as you think.

Amber: “That’s kind of like ‘ouch.’”

Last but not least, you and your roommate may like the same person.

Amber: “Boys will always be in the picture.”

The stress coming from roommate nightmares Dr. Belinda Morrill is a clinical psychologist who used to work at a center for stress and anxiety disorders in New York back in the ’80s. She currently works as an adjunct psychology professor at Cal Poly.

Morrill said the degree of stress coming from roommate nightmares is varied among individuals. In general, women tend to cope with stress better than men because they often have a better social support network.

Women are also more likely to seek help from friends and counselors than men are, she added.

Morrill said a nightmare roommate can be considered a chronic stressor that triggers physiological effects on the body like changes in hormones.

In fact, chronic stress elevates white blood cells, which are good for a body in the short term. But in the long term, they start to stick inside the arteries and contribute to high blood pressure and heart disease, Morrill said.

Chronic stress also weakens a person’s immune system, causing the person to easily get ill. Sometimes, it can also trigger an episode of mental illness, which is not uncommon among first-year students, Morrill said.

Chronic stress also results in negative thoughts. For example, when a person has been chronically annoyed by his or her roommate’s partying too much, as soon as they hear the stereo going on at 11 p.m., ROOMMATES continued page 16

STUDENT GUIDE GUIDE 2014 2014 16 STUDENT ROOMMATES from page 15

they will start to think maybe their roommate is throwing another party.

“The negative thoughts will also trigger the chemical reactions in the body,” Morrill said, “so it makes it worse.”

Under stress, some people drink and smoke more, eat sugary food, avoid coming home, and get little sleep.

For most nightmare roommates, seeing that their roommate is annoyed by their behavior doesn’t bother them at all, because “if you don’t like it, move out,” Morrill said. “What bothers them is that person is nagging them.”

Instead of having to nag your roommate, what other options do you have?

roommates and ask them how they feel about parties, housekeeping, quiet hours, etc.

Morrill: “One of the best ways to avoid [nightmare roommate] situations is to find out the situation you’re getting into.”

Don’t talk with your roommate in the middle of their inappropriate behavior or crazy party: Ask to talk with them when they’re not engaged in anything important to them. If they don’t have time, ask when they will have the time.

Morrill’s advice “When people come to live together, it’s like two people just getting married,” Morrill said.

In fact, she sees coping with roommates as an opportunity for college students to learn communication skills.

Pick your own roommates and interview them: Have a good, long talk FILE PHOTO with your potential

Morrill: “Don’t do blaming, because it will make the person defensive.”

Example: Tell them you want to have the house quiet from 10 p.m. to 6 a.m. so that you have enough sleep to study well, and ask if they think that’s reasonable.

Change something about yourself: Sometimes your roommate just has a bad little habit that you can’t stand such as talking too loud or keeping the light on to study while you’re sleeping, etc.

Morrill: “This is when you change something about yourself.”

Example: Instead of confronting your roommate, buy a sleeping mask.

Medication vs. body-calming techniques: Some people can’t take much stress and just have to take medication, but in the long run, medication doesn’t help people learn how to cope with stress, Morrill said.

She recommends meditation, yoga, and progressive relaxation training instead, because they reduce both the physiological and mental effects of stress and help prevent problems with mental illness.

Say positive things to yourself: Negative things that we say to ourselves can make us even more stressed.

Morrill:“As soon as you say, ‘I can’t stand this,’ you’re going to make it a zillion times harder for you to cope with it.”

Take care of yourself while dealing with the stress: Exercise, have a good

diet, watch how much you drink, and don’t smoke.

Know your parents: Parents will always take your side even when you only exaggerate your conflict with your roommate, Morrill said. This may cause your parents to think your roommates are horrible and tell you to just move out.

Morrill:“Parents are not going to be able to see it from a college student’s viewpoint.”

If you have a conflict with your roommate and don’t feel the need to talk with your parents yet, talk with friends, CAs, and counselors instead.

“It’s possible that you just have an impossible roommate.”

Morrill: “What does happens is we have a fair number of people on the campus who do have mental illness, so they’re going to be doing some things that are really outside the realm of what anyone would find acceptable.”

Some roommates can be both stressful and dangerous, Morrill said.

Have a room change: When other people also see that your roommate has unusual behavior, it proves a room change is necessary, Morrill said.

Last but not least, learning to cope with roommates is “good practice for marriage,” Morrill said. ∆ Tram Nguyen can be reached via managing editor Ashley Schwellenbach at aschwellenbach@newtimesslo.com

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19

Ink smarts An A-type personality dishes some tips for your first tattoo

BY ASHLEY SCHWELLENBACH

N

ow that you’re 18 and no longer living under your parents’ roof and by their rules, you’re free to indulge in many of the behaviors previously forbidden to you.

Congratulations on your liberation!

And yes, I can confirm that eating cupcakes for dinner every night is every bit as glorious as you imagined it would be. Also, if the place you’re renting has space for a trampoline and you have enough cash, I highly recommend indulging yourself. Having a trampoline in your yard as an adult is both an excellent workout and sign to the world that while you’re prepared to take on important dietary decisions—such as which type of cupcakes to eat on any given day— you’re not willing to be saddled with the staid reputation of a mature adult who drinks tea and retires to bed promptly at 9 p.m.

But there are some indulgences with more permanent consequences than a few extra calories or sprained ankle from jumping on a trampoline with too many people—some of them not entirely sober.

You’re now legally old enough to get a tattoo. But as countless Buzzfeed lists—many of which employ the term “tramp stamp”—can attest, just because you can doesn’t mean you should.

Getting a tattoo requires an investment of time, thought, and money. If you don’t have an adequate supply of these three resources, it might be best to wait until you’re better prepared.

And no, I’m not arguing that your Aunt June is right and tattoos are marks of the devil that will leave you unemployed and living in your parents’ basement for the rest of your life. I’m merely advocating getting a tattoo that’s thoughtful and beautiful enough to enable you to defiantly stare down Aunt June over the Thanksgiving dinner table with both pride and dignity.

Stumbling into the first tattoo parlor you find and asking an employee what you can get for $50 is not likely to yield very artistic results.

In fact, you risk offending the very person you’re asking to jab needles into your arm.

At the opposite end of the spectrum, if you happen to be an A-type personality control freak like myself, you’re probably going to need to

calm down and accept that unless you’re planning to wrestle the tattoo gun from your tattoo artist’s hands, certain aspects of this process are going to be beyond your control. Take your time finding the right artist for you, and then be patient with scheduling and consultations. Follow your artists’ aftercare instructions and, at the risk of sounding like a complete snob, don’t choose something out of a book sitting on the table in the waiting room. Come up with a design that’s meaningful and personal, and make sure you’re mentally prepared for the fact that there will be some pain involved—possibly a fairly intense amount depending on the part of your body you choose to have work done. (Your tattoo artist should able to give you a briefing on the more sensitive areas beforehand.)

But why take my word for it?

DUST-UP Gary Why not ask for Ellsworth, aka advice from people who make a living Sawdust, owns transforming a tattoo shop in ordinary skin Grover Beach and into a beautiful canvas? recommends seeking

classical inspiration Gary Ellsworth for your tattoo.

(Sawdust) owner, Sink or Swim Tattoo 951 W Grand Ave. Grover Beach 481-9400 bloodygoodtattoos.com So you want to get a tattoo? I’ve been tattooing professionally for almost 12 years, and I have owned my tattoo shop for 10 of those years.

Here’s what I recommend you do to get the best possible tattoo: First you need to decide what you’d like for your subject matter. It isn’t necessary to have finished artwork to take with you to the shop; that’s the artist’s job. If you find an artist that you trust to tattoo you, shouldn’t you trust them to draw the design as well?

You will get much better results if the design was created by the artist, rather than ask them to replicate a style or design that isn’t in sync with their style or approach to art. But you do need a solid idea or direction that you want to head in.

Some reference images are good in order to explain how you visualize TATTOOS continued page 20

PHOTOS COURTESY GARY ELLSWORTH

20 20 STUDENT STUDENT GUIDE GUIDE 2014 2014 DOUBLE D Danny Derrick of San Luis Tattoo Company cites the notion that it’s easy to do a cover-up of a bad tattoo as one of the greatest public misconceptions about his trade.

PHOTOS COURTESY DANNY DERRICK TATTOOS from page 19

your tattoo, but you really will get the best results if you allow the artist to do his/her job. This is what we study and refine every day of our lives, and an artist worth his/ her salt should be able to draw up something custom for you.

If you are looking for inspiration, I strongly urge you to look to the classic sources: music, books, poetry, movies, and your own personal life experiences. If you search on Google, on Pinterest, etc., you’re only going to find someone else’s inspiration. Which is great for them, but not necessarily personal to you and your life.

Images are best for tattoos. This is art we are dealing with, not literature. Short phrases and words are fine, but avoid lengthy paragraphs that spell out too much. We’ve all heard the expression “a picture is worth a thousand words” and this is so much truer in tattooing. Images have a much stronger impact, aesthetic, and flow than multiple lines of words.

Your next step is finding the artist.

Not all artists are created equal. We all have our specialties, preferences, and personal style. While one artist may be the best at one style, they may not be the best choice for another.

The key is to find the artist that does the style that YOU like. Check

portfolios and websites for examples of their work. In addition to this, I strongly recommend that you meet with the artist to see if you like them personally. This can mean the difference between having the best experience getting the tattoo of your dreams, and having a good tattoo but an uncomfortable memory associated with it. You have every right to choose who does your tattoo, don’t settle for the artist that’s available right now if you’re not comfortable with him/her.

Plan ahead! Having an appointment set up ahead of time allows for planning on both your part, and the artist’s part. It really helps to be mentally and physically prepared for a tattoo. You can get your head in the right frame of mind to receive a tattoo. I really helps to have a meal beforehand to make sure your blood sugar is at a good level.

Hydration is another key to getting a good tattoo. The more soft and supple your skin is, the easier it is for the needles and ink to do their job. Drinking plenty of water and applying lotion to the tattoo area in the week leading up to your appointment are key.

You should also discuss the length of time the tattoo will take, and the estimated cost. Make sure you have sufficient time and money on hand, TATTOOS continued page 22

STUDENT GUIDE 2014

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and if the shop and/or artist accept credit cards. It should be noted that the price of the tattoo should not be your determining factor when deciding on the artist, or the details of the tattoo. Get the tattoo you want from the artist you want. If you don’t have enough to get it done right, then it’s best to wait until you do. Saving a few bucks now is not worth a lifetime of regret. And what’s $100 over the next 10 years? Ten bucks a year to have a tattoo that you love, versus saving $100 on a tattoo that you just are OK with?

On the day of your appointment there are a couple things to keep in

ART BY GARY ELLSWORTH

mind. First, be on time. Not early, not late, on time. Second, it’s usually OK to bring a friend with you, but avoid bringing a whole carload of people.

Most tattoo shops aren’t large places, and too many people hanging out gets crowded and quite noisy, neither of which is desirable to artists that are trying to concentrate while applying permanent art.

You should plan your outfit accordingly. Wear comfortable clothing that allows for easy access to the tattoo area. Your phone can be great for distracting your mind from the pain of the tattoo, but please turn the ringer off, and if you need to take/make a call it’s best to take it ART BY DANNY DERRICK

ART BY JASON HUDSON

outside; again this can interfere with our concentration. Do your best to sit as still as you can. We know very well that tattoos can be painful, but a tattoo that has flaws from you moving will hurt for a lot longer.

A great tattoo relies upon two parts: Your artist rendering it accurately and cleanly, and you taking proper care of the tattoo while it heals. After your tattoo, your artist should provide you with an aftercare sheet that outlines the do’s and don’ts of proper aftercare. It is of utmost importance that you follow their guidance explicitly in order to avoid rough healing, potential infection, and to protect the longevity of your new tattoo.

Don’t be afraid to ask questions.

Take your time deciding on your tattoo idea and the artist, there’s no rush to get a tattoo. With some planning and forethought your tattoo experience will be awesome.

Danny Derrick Owner, San Luis Tattoo Company 390 Higuera St., Suite E, SLO 704-9772 dannyderrick.com The best way to choose the right tattoo artist is to look at portfolios of the artists and choose the one whose style is most like the type of tattoo you already had in mind.

The worst way is to try to make an artist conform to what you are wanting when their strengths are in a completely different style.

All artists’ prices are going to vary a bit. Most artists charge by time using an hourly rate. Professional, quality tattoos can range from $120 to $300 per hour. If an artist charges more per hour than others, it may be because they work more quickly and can do the same amount of work in less time or they may have more experience, which is more valuable.

Either way, you get what you pay for.

Avoid cheap tattoos. If the price is low, then most likely the quality will be low as well.

Keep in mind, the artist is only charging for the time while the tattoo is being done. They do not charge for the time spent drawing, researching, preparing, and cleaning up after your tattoo. Those four practices typically take much more time to do than applying the tattoo.

Flexible is best. For me, the best tattoos I do are the ones for which I was given the most freedom. If you’ve chosen the right artist, then all you’ll need to do is to give them a brief description of what you want.

One sentence or less should be enough. When the idea is too specific, the artist won’t have the freedom to make sure you’re getting something readable as well as something that will hold up well over time.

Please avoid bringing in/sending photos of tattoos and asking to have them replicated. Not only is it unoriginal, but it’s stealing. I wouldn’t want other artists copying my work, TATTOOS continued page 26

STUDENT GUIDE 2014

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26 STUDENT GUIDE 2014 a2014 However, the most important is to keep the tattoo clean. Especially during the first few days of healing. A tattoo is a wound just like any other and is susceptible to infection, so don’t expose it to bacteria. Unclean bath towels, sheets, clothing, and hands can be the source of an infected tattoo, so be cautious and keep it clean.

Keep your tattoo out of direct sunlight, and avoid soaking it in any bodies of water, (i.e. hot tubs, oceans, lakes, baths, etc.). However, you do need to wash the tattoo daily with a mild soap and water. Just keep the water exposure brief.

I wish clients wouldn’t give me photos of what they want their tattoo to look like. If you chose me because of the work in my portfolio, the tattoo will look as if I did it. Don’t take your artist’s personal style of tattooing out of the equation.

I don’t have any specific story, but in the past clients have ruined their tattoos by moving during the process.

In order for the artist to do their best work, they need a very still surface to work on. Imagine writing in a moving car vs. writing at a desk. Don’t move, and you’ll have a better chance of the tattoo coming out clean.

STYLE MATTERS Jason Hudson suggests shopping around for an artist with the right style rather than price tag.

PHOTO COURTESY JASON HUDSON TATTOOS from page 22

so I won’t copy theirs.

Painful areas will vary from person to person, but in general the most sensitive areas tend to be: tops of feet, armpits, ribs, collar bone, back of the knees, elbows, scalp, palms, and inner thighs.

As far as aesthetics goes, I’d say anything placed incorrectly (backward, upside down, etc.) looks bad. The artist will know what the proper placement is for the area you’re getting tattooed, so ask their advice before telling them where and how to place the design.

Misconceptions?

That you can cover any tattoo.

Not only that, but with whatever you want. Tattoo cover-ups are very difficult to accomplish successfully, and they require the artist to have full control of what is going over the old tattoo. Even then sometimes your best bet is to have a few laser sessions to lighten the tattoo before attempting to have it covered.

Aside from that, many people assume that any image (painting, photo, sign) can be tattooed on them. This is very wrong. For a tattoo to be done properly, the design must be drawn by an artist following tattoo theory. If you want to be able to tell what your tattoo is in 10 years, it must have black shading and it must have black outlines.

Starting with a week before the tattoo appointment, start using lotion daily on the area you are going to have tattooed. This makes the skin easier to tattoo and will result in a better tattoo. The night before, start mentally

preparing for the tattoo. Drink lots of water (dehydrated skin is difficult to work on).

Get a good night’s sleep. Don’t get drunk the night before. Then, eat a good breakfast the day of. If you are a hairy individual, it would be appreciated if you took trimmers to the hair (down to 1/4-inch) in that area the day of your tattoo. This makes shaving much easier for the artist and saves both of you time.

Each artist will recommend slightly different aftercare instructions.

Jason Hudson Tiger Rose Tattoo & Piercing 590 Dolliver St., Pismo Beach 556-0491 Really take the time to look at as many artists’ work as possible; now you can see most artists work on Facebook, Instagram, Tumblr, etc.

Look at the line work, look at color saturation, look at the design. Really look. If possible, see healed work.

Strong tattoo work will really speak for itself.

If you are looking for a “deal,” more often than not you will end up with subpar work. Know that this is your body, and try to have some concept of the permanence of your choice. Price should not be a factor in the work that you want, ever.

ART BY DANNY DERRICK

If you’re bringing in reference material, it is good to have a flexible frame of mind. Trust us, we are not trying to shoot down your ideas, and we are here to help cultivate a beautiful idea with you and for you. If you don’t trust your tattooer, then you shouldn’t be getting tattooed by them.

As far as pain goes, this will vary with every person, although there are certainly some hot spots that kind of get to most people: ribs, fingers, feet, hip, etc.

A lot of people have this skewed idea of time. If you are in some kind of rush, it’s probably not the time to get a tattoo. Drawing time, set-up time, and procedure time are not something you want rushed.

Typically, most artists do not draw for free. I will not draw up a tattoo for you without a deposit. This is my job and, while it is fun, I do not want to draw something that you “might get.”

You are not allergic to red pigment (or other color for that matter). While in some rare cases a person can be allergic to certain pigments, it is not likely. Go to a reputable shop and they should be using quality pigment. The pigment I use is hand mixed and made by a tattooer in this country.

Also, tattooing is not easy.

Don’t get a sunburn before your tattoo!

Bathe yourself; don’t wear a gallon of cologne/ perfume.

Dress with the tattoo you are planning to get in mind, wear something that can allow the artist to comfortably reach the area of the tattoo. Wear something that can possibly get stained with pigment and not be a huge loss; don’t wear your designer jeans to get a tattoo on your waist.

I prefer to shave the person prior to tattoo, to avoid razor burn/cuts to the area. Don’t be afraid, we are professionals.

Should you schedule a consultation beforehand? Should the tattoo artist send you the artwork so you can look at it before your appointment? If so, how many days before the appointment should the artist send your work?

This will be different for every artist. I do not send or give artwork to customers prior to a tattoo. Some artists prefer to set up a consultation, especially if it is a bigger, more involved piece.

I try to tattoo as much as possible, and I don’t finish until there are no more tattoos to do. I don’t like having the responsibility of a very scheduled life, so I certainly don’t like having a waiting list or being booked out far.

Aftercare will vary from artist to artist.

I recommend keeping your bandage on for one to three hours, followed by a wash with clean hands, warm water, and an unscented antibacterial hand soap. You can then let your new tattoo air dry; you do not want to rub a towel across it.

TATTOOS continued page 28

STUDENT GUIDE 2014

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28 STUDENT GUIDE

AVOID PARTY

REGRET

Nobody likes a party that ends with a huge fine or an arrest on their criminal record.

The start of school is a Safety Enhancement Zone, which means FINES ARE DOUBLED for noise, open container, unruly gatherings and urination in public. Be smart to avoid these major party regrets:

NOISE VIOLATION Fines starting at $700

ART BY JASON HUDSON

PUBLIC URINATION Fines starting at $700

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HOSTING A PARTY WITH MINORS DRINKING Misdemeanor and fines in excess of $1,446

DUI

TATTOOS from page 26

Arrest, loss of license and fines starting at $5,000 Learn more at respectSLO.com or facebook.com/respectSLO

I recommend using Aquaphor for my non vegan customers and coconut oil for my vegan customers. You will want to apply this one to three times a day with clean hands. You will apply a very small amount and RUB IT IN very well. Wash your tattoo one to three times a day.

After two to three days you can switch to a plain white unscented lotion if you’d like. You do not want to soak your new tattoo. Keep it out of direct sunlight, and do not pick any scabs!

Not following your artist’s aftercare instructions can lead to a badly healed tattoo with dull or patchy color, loss of

ART BY JASON HUDSON

color, and you can possibly cause an infection. Try to avoid touching your tattoo unless you are washing it or applying ointment.

I think a lot of people do not follow the instructions, unfortunately. I see a lot of people applying entirely too much ointment and not rubbing it in well. Your skin is alive, it needs to breathe!

I wish people would stop using Yelp. ∆ Managing Editor Ashley Schwellenbach is happily tatted. Send requests for photos toaschwellenbach@ newtimesslo.com.

STUDENT GUIDE 2014

29

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To try, or not to try Maybe, just maybe, the tour guides were right.

BY ADRIANA CATANZARITE

I

t’s the one piece of advice that’s always given to incoming freshmen: Get involved with campus activities. Cal Poly offers a wide variety of activities, clubs, classes, and events through Associated Students Inc. It’s always said that there’s something out there for everybody. And if there isn’t, just start your own! It’s that easy!

Now if you’re anything like me, you’ll immediately roll your eyes at the exaggerated pep of the tour guides who deliver these statements.

And if you’re like me, you’ll end up spending your sophomore year staring at your bedroom wall, cursing yourself because you were too stupid to listen.

CLAY STATION The whole point of college is to try new things, without feeling embarrassed.

Don’t kid yourselves by trying to be all cool and aloof. The tour guides are always right. Always.

That’s where high school and college really differ. You have to actually make an effort to meet people and experience new things. It’s not cool to be apathetic and anti-establishment anymore. It’s time to get rid of your James Dean attitude and be a team player.

You are the only one who can make sure that your undergraduate career starts off right. Not your parents,

TRY continued page 31

PHOTO BY HENRY BRUINGTON

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STUDENT GUIDE 2014

31

don’t give up trying new things just because you’re embarrassed. or your roommates, or your RA. So what if that hunk of clay that’s Nobody’s going to sit around and supposed to be a pot flies off the hold your hand and make sure the wheel and smacks you in the face? others include you in their reindeer Now you know games. It’s all up to what to do to you, and it’s absolutely make sure THE GUIDE TO terrifying. that doesn’t But it’s also happen again.

STUDENT LIFE exciting. There are See? Learn by If you want so many different doing! Also, your more information possibilities. humiliation Seriously, it’s almost can be used regarding different ridiculous. Cal Poly's as a hilarious clubs, recreation or ASI has an entire anecdote in years craft center classes, to come. directory of clubs that span so many For all the you can go to asi. hobbies and interests platitudinous calpoly.edu. it’ll make your head lectures that spin. The gargantuan are foisted upon recreation center has incoming college fitness classes ranging from Krav students, I can guarantee you, at Maga to Zumba. You’ll never have to least one of them has a grain of worry about the infamous Freshman truth to it. They didn’t just spring 15, unless it’s because you gained out of the mind of some over15 pounds of pure, unadulterated caffeinated tour guide trying to muscle. put the pep in the step of incoming The Craft Center, located in the freshmen.

University Union, offers more than So remember: Join clubs! Be 10 different classes that let you involved and actually talk to people! really get your creativity on. Even The world really is your oyster! Go if you don’t discover that you’re forth and conquer! secretly a prodigy at pottery or flame For God’s sake, just do it. ∆ working, at least you can say that you actually tried something.

Intern Adriana Catanzarite can be Another tip that I wish was given reached via Managing Editor Ashley to me, or that I wish I actually Schwellenbach at aschwellenbach listened to: For the love of humanity, @newtimesslo.com.

TRY from page 30

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PHOTO BY HENRY BRUINGTON

Required gaming The four video games that will help you make it through college

BY CLIFF MATHIESON

A

s college students, we’re sailing out into the scary real world for the first time. We no longer have the sage(ish) wisdom of our parents to look to in our time of need. We’re lost at sea. Where can we turn for guidance? For stability? Our teachers are too busy and distant; our friends are; just as confused as we are; advice from the Internet will probably do us more harm than good.

There is a lighthouse on those rocky shores of adulthood, though. It’s video

games. They can give us something solid—clear goals in a life full of unclear decisions. Since we directly interact with them, games can teach us more about ourselves and how we fit into the world than perhaps any other art form.

And for those of you who think you’re too “cool” for video games: You’re not.

There are four video games that should be required for any college student. They, more than any others

I can think of, will give you the tools you need to ford through the tumultuous waves of doubt and confusion into the calm, clear waters of success and enlightenment. Plus— they’re fun!

The Legend of Zelda: a Link Between Worlds The best attitude to come out of high school with is one of wonder. You should be excited! There’s a whole world out there to conquer! No other game series captures that attitude of wonder quite like The Legend of Zelda. It’s so easy to graduate from high school feeling jaded, like you know everything. The Legend of Zelda: a Link Between Worlds completely rejects that idea. When you’re playing, it’s impossible not to get excited about exploring and adventuring.

In the game, you play as a little green-hatted guy who’s leaving his parent’s house for the first time and facing the big scary world. Sounds familiar, right? (Well, except for the green hat part, probably.) Instead of “leveling up” like you do in most action rpgs, in Worlds you advance in the game by getting better items and by just getting better at playing

GAMES, GAMES, GAMES The right video games mirror the challenges of adulthood and setting off on your own for the first time. (lesson No. 1: You can’t improve at something without practice).

One aspect that makes Worlds unique among the Zelda games is that, rather than finding items and weapons buried in the game’s dungeons, they are all available to buy or rent at a special shop. Renting gives you the item at a big discount but there’s a caveat: If you die, you lose the item (lesson No. 2: It’s better to save up and pay in full than rent or pay in installments).

Instead of laying out a set path or sequence of events for players to follow, Worlds sets all of the game’s dungeons before you and lets you choose where to go. Just like in real life, your path is never set out for you. That’s one of the scariest things about being out in the real world.

The choices you make now will affect VIDEOGAMES continued page 34

STUDENT GUIDE GUIDE 2014 2014 34 STUDENT as valuable as treasure) way.

Another aspect that sets Worlds apart from the other games in the series is its unique wall-merging mechanic. While you normally traverse the game’s world in a topdown 2-D fashion, wall-merging allows you to become a drawing on a wall and walk around like a sidescroller. A lot of the game’s puzzles revolve around this mechanic and require the player to look at the game in a whole new way (lesson No. 5: Think outside the box). In your college career—and especially in the workplace afterward—what sets you apart from your peers is your ability to solve the problems that others can’t. If you can look at something from a perspective that never even crossed anyone else’s mind, you have a huge leg up.

VIDEOGAMES from page 33

the rest of your life. Worlds teaches, though, that it can be fun to have the world wide open to you. You choose your own path and follow it on your own terms; there’s something liberating about that kind of freedom.

When you embrace the freedom to choose your fate, it stops being intimidating and becomes exciting (lesson No. 3: Go into the world with an open mind).

Worlds doesn’t just set up a big world with only a few dungeon destinations to populate it. Each nook and cranny is filled with little secrets and hidden treasures. You might make your way down a river and find a weird hobo with a useful item under a bridge that you’ve walked over a hundred times, or blow up a random wall and find a giant snail creature from another dimension with a huge quest for you.

These bits of strangeness that are lurking, waiting to be found, make the game’s world feel alive. There is always a reward for experimentation and keen observation. The game tries to instill a sense of curiosity in its players, which is something great to take to heart in your day-to-day life.

Life is so much more fulfilling if you pay attention to the little interesting things that are all around you (lesson No. 4: Stop and smell the roses). The real-life rewards may not be treasure, but they’re valuable in their own (not

M

e ak

Katamari Forever College is a place for experimentation. You no longer have to follow your parents’ rules, so now it’s time to expand your mind. What better way to do that than to play the psychedelic freak-out of a game called Katamari Forever? The Katamari series is a franchise based on rolling up the world. You play a tiny galactic prince who rolls around a magic magnetic ball. When you roll over something smaller than you, it sticks to the ball, which steadily grows. You start out barely the size of a golf ball and grow bigger until you’re rolling

up burgers, cats, bikes, people (who flail wildly and scream as you roll them up), cars, buildings, the heads on Mount Rushmore, Kaiju and giant robots, mountains, islands, countries, planets, and eventually the sun (lesson No. 6: Through persistence, big things can come from humble beginnings). The reason you’re rolling is that your father, the King of the Cosmos, got trashed one night and accidentally destroyed all of the stars and planets in the galaxy. You have to roll up junk on Earth so he can turn it into new planets and stars. It is actually quite a bit weirder than it sounds.

Katamari is the closest thing to a mind-altering drug in game form that’s out there today. It barrages you with so many vivid colors and off-putting sounds, it puts you in a trance. Once you start rolling, the rest of your troubles melt away. Rolling becomes your world. No ball you’ve accumulated is ever good enough for your father, the King of the Cosmos, but his harsh words don’t discourage you, they just fuel your next rolling rampage (lesson No. 7: Don’t let the bastards get you down). Actually, trying (and failing) to impress your deadbeat parent is a central theme for the Katamari games, but after a while you learn that it doesn’t matter what your parents think about you. What really matters is having a good time and making yourself proud.

Each jazzy bleep of Katamari’s

amazing eclectro-bop soundtrack draws you deeper into the addictive game. In a stressful world full of studying, homework, and tests—not to mention worrying about postcollege job prospects—it’s really nice to come back to the dorm or the apartment and blaze up a nice, relaxing game that will take the edge off, if only for an hour or two. College is hard and demanding, but if you spend all of your time heaping stress on yourself, you’ll burn out in no time (lesson No. 8: Take time to relax, you deserve it). What better way to max and relax than to spend the evening rolling up the world?

Mariokart 8 Since your parents are no longer as readily available, you’ll need to cultivate another support system.

You’re gonna need someone to drive you to the airport or help you move eventually, and there’s no way your parents are going to want to do that now that you’re no longer their responsibility. Even if you never move or travel, you’ll at least need somebody to complain to about your crappy job or terrible teachers.

It’s harder than it seems like it would be to make and keep friends.

You may have a class with someone cool and interesting, but how do you take it to the next level? Here’s a couple of possible plans of attack; let’s VIDEOGAMES continued page 37

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STUDENT GUIDE GUIDE 2014 2014 STUDENT VIDEOGAMES from page 34

see which one sounds better: “Hey [cool person’s name], you seem like a cool person. Why don’t you come over to my place and be my friend?”

Or: “Hey [cool person’s name], wanna come over and play some Mariokart?”

I guarantee that the second option will work better than the first on anyone who would actually make a good friend.

One of the harder things about having friends is finding things to do together. Mariokart is accessible enough that basically everybody already knows and loves it, so inviting a group of buddies over for some food, drinks, and Mariokart is easy and fun. Even people who never play video games have a great time with it.

The concept (hold the go button and follow the track) is easy enough that even the dumb guy in your econ class could enjoy it. Hanging out alone can be relaxing, but life is so much more fun when you’re spending it with other people (lesson No. 9: Don’t be a recluse).

All of the Mariokart games are basically the same, but Mariokart 8 gets the spot in the list because it’s the most polished and best looking in the series.

MK8 is simply stunning on a nice, big HDTV. The gameplay itself has a lot of smaller lessons to teach the college gamer. The blue shell teaches us that, no matter how good we are, there is always a chance that misfortune will

befall us (lesson No. 10: Enjoy success while it lasts). It is a totally (un) proven fact that 98 percent of dropped banana peels will just hit the racer who deployed it. Thus, the banana peel teaches us two lessons: If you put negativity out into the world, it will come back to bite you, and don’t litter.

The same goes for the green shells, which seem like they’re deviously programmed to always bounce back into your face seconds after you throw them.

Probably the most important thing that Mariokart has to teach, though, is that old cliché: It’s the journey that matters, not the destination. Unlike most competitive games, Mariokart is a blast to play even when you’re losing. There’s always a chance that you’ll get that item you need, or that someone else will slip up. Even if neither of those things happens, just zooming around the beautifully designed courses is really fun whether you’re in first place or last (lesson No. 10: Winning isn’t everything). And bonding with your peers over a little friendly competition is reward enough itself.

So go out there and ask your cool classmate to play some Mariokart (remember, nerd is cool now); you just might make a life-long friend.

Dark Souls 2 The Souls series of games has a reputation for being punishingly difficult. While the games are hard,

writing them off as “too tough” would be missing a fun, rewarding, and deep experience. Dark Souls 2 is probably the best game allegory for becoming an adult that exists today.

In DS2 you play an undead adventurer who is dropped in a mysterious land filled with terrible challenges. Your quest is to kill the king and become un-undead. Behind a façade of fantasy rpg mechanics (you level up, use a sword or spells, find items) is a game full of parallels to the experience of moving out.

You start out confused with only a few belongings, no money, and no experience. You’ve got a vague indication of your general goal but no idea how to attain it. The only way to progress is to pick a path and go with it. Whatever you choose, it won’t be easy. There are a few people around, but no one will tell you how to succeed, that’s something you need to find out for yourself.

Sometimes, through no fault of your own, you’ll fall prey to an unforeseen trap or ambush, but it’s a learning experience. Next time around you’ll know to avoid that mistake.

No matter what you do in DS2 (or in life, for that matter) it takes lots of time and persistence to make headway.

But if (and only if) you put your all into it, you will make progress (lesson No. 11: Going at things half-assed won’t get you anywhere). You’ll slowly answer some of your questions and also uncover even more mysteries. Of course, in DS2

37

the challenges are giants and dragons instead of rent and relationships, but the principle of the thing is the same.

Discovering the secrets of DS2 is so rewarding because of the challenge.

If all of the answers were handed to you immediately, they would lose their gravity. Similarly, if you knew the meaning of life as soon as you were 4, living would become a lot more bland.

The mystery is part of what makes it exciting. And there aren’t many points in life more mysterious than that space between graduating high school and figuring out what you want to do with your life.

Learning how to deal with things when the odds are stacked against you is one of the most important lessons DS2 teaches. Since you’re controlling the main character, you get to see firsthand how you respond to adversity. It’s like life after graduation lite. You can see if you like how you deal with hardships and work to change things if you don’t.

Like real life, DS2 can be a bit of a slog at times, but its subtle beauty keeps you from giving up on it even though you sometimes would rather throw in the towel. If you’ve got the strength of will to make it through Dark Souls, you can make it through college. ∆ Cliff is hiding in the corner playing Phoenix Wright on his special edition gold 3DS XL. You can reach him via Managing Editor Ashley Schwellenbach at aschwellenbach@ newtimesslo.com.

STUDENT GUIDE GUIDE 2014 2014 38 STUDENT

Property, patents, and papers

PHOTOS BY PATRICK KAMMERMEYER

Cal Poly has its hands on more than meets the eye

BY RYAN MILLER

Y

our college certainly owns the buildings, from the dorms to the classrooms, that dot the campus.

And students probably feel like the school owns them during the slam of finals week. But there’s more in Cal Poly’s account than the obvious—including some inventions, some rare manuscripts, and a forest.

Yes, Cal Poly owns a forest.

Consider that while you note the graffiti etched into the desk you sit in on the first day of English 101.

LAND

Hikers into Poly Canyon will find that the trails and fields extend for what feels like miles, but the college’s properties aren’t all geographically contiguous.

According to Interim Media Relations Director Matt Lazier, Cal Poly is second only to UC Berkeley when it comes to land holding in the state, and it’s one of the largest land-holding universities in the nation.

The main campus is 1,321 acres, with only 155 of those devoted to the campus core. Adjacent to the campus sit the San Luis Creek Ranches, which make up 1,614 more acres. Nearby but not contiguous are the Western Ranches, adding another 3,043 acres.

There are two parcels in Santa Cruz County: the 500-acre Valencia Property and the 3,200-acre Swanton Pacific Ranch. Dubbed “the living laboratory,” this area includes livestock operations, row crops and apple orchards, and 1,600 acres of second-growth redwood and Douglas fir forest.

A document detailing the chronology of Cal Poly’s land acquisition shows that as of 1982 Cal Poly owned just a bit more than 6,014 acres. The total as of today sits at 9,678.

Cal Poly also owns more than 3,000 feet of pier at Port San Luis—though Unocal owns the land at the base of the pier and the Harbor District and California Coastal Commission control the water under it.

IDEAS

Not everything Cal Poly owns is tangible. Some of it is potential.

“We have 17 patents issued, and we have 10 that are patent pending,”

said Bradford P. Anderson, currently serving as Cal Poly’s interim vice president for Research and Economic Development.

The school licenses those patents externally to third parties who want to make use of them. Cal Poly gets interest from people who want to, say, construct a needle array and employ a method of introducing biological substances into living cells using that needle array.

“One of the things that rises from

STRUCTURED LEARNING This architectural drawing by Palm Springs School modernist William F. Cody is housed in Special Collections, which also holds work by architects Julia Morgan and Mark Mills.

NOT A TEXTBOOX Reference, Outreach, and Instruction Specialist Laura Sorvetti helped a student assemble World Without End by California book artist, Julie Chen. The piece is housed in Robert E. Kennedy Library’s Special Collections and Archives. research is the potential for intellectual property, innovation, and inventions,” Bradford emphasized.

A list of patents extending back to 1993 includes some puzzlers for the non-technical among us (“Optical method for measuring velocity using a dynamic grating” and “Atomic Tiles; a learning platform for Lewis Dot theory”), some that can be figured out with a little thought (“Polymeric Splint and Rapid Setting Polyurethane” and “Procedure for RFID tagging of reusable plastic containers”), and some very self-explanatory items (“Fiber optic data communication system” and “Field Water Purification System”).

The patent-pending items fall more into the technical category, with descriptions like “Isolation of Carbon Nanotubes by Chemical Functionalization” and “Process for Extracting Lipids from Microalgae.”

“We’ve got some neat stuff in CAL POLY continued page 39

STUDENT GUIDE 2014 CAL POLY from page 38

progress,” Anderson said.

Having someone to help parse the jargon is helpful in understanding the scope of what’s hopefully in the pipe for Poly’s patents.

“One that is a patent pending involves the extraction of protein from milk, and it can be used to enhance protein content in foods,” Anderson said. “What’s unique about it is the method of extraction that’s used, which is a proprietary trade secret right now.”

The benefit to this, he explained, comes in what nutritionists call “satiation,” which is the feeling of being full. Adding this milk-derived protein to food can change how we eat.

Consumers may only snack on a handful of chips, for instance, “instead of eating a full bag to feel satisfied.”

Anderson joked, adopting the tone of someone contemplating a pile of salty potato slivers: “I really only wanted those 10 chips that constitute one full serving.”

He explained that there have already been campus trial runs of this protein, which was added to baked and snack goods.

Cal Poly’s diversity of focuses and student base allows for this sort of experimentation, and faculty managers frequently engage their students as helpers in class assignments—or even hire them as paid assistants. And such opportunities aren’t solely in engineering.

Current patents also came from biology,

horticulture and crop science, industrial technology, computer science, chemistry and biochemistry, and physics.

“They range all across the board, and the reason for that is because of the just tremendous diversity of talent on our campus, and so it’s not concentrated on any one single discipline,” Anderson said.

“Cal Poly calls itself a comprehensive polytechnic university. Instead of saying we’re only engineering, only science, only chemistry, that creative edge reaches out across our faculty.”

STUFF Jessica Holada, director of Special Collections and Archives at the Robert E. Kennedy Library, explained that her dominion is comprised of 200 manuscript collections (note that’s not manuscripts, but collections of manuscripts) that “document the environmental, agricultural, architectural, cultural, and ethnic history of California, particularly of the Central Coast.”

The materials function as support documents and artifacts for curriculumbased teaching and learning, and are made available to community researchers and visiting scholars.

The University Archives portion of Holada’s domain documents more than 100 years of Cal Poly history.

“There are over 12,000 rare books, including a teaching collection of more than 700 artists’ books that illustrate the book as technology and art form,” Holada wrote in an email. “Together, the collections contain myriad formats—

from handwritten letters, architectural drawings, and photographs to audiovisual materials and oral histories. We currently have 6,500 items available online, and we’re adding roughly 100 new digitized or born digital items each month.”

The director specifically noted two standout elements of the collection: book arts and architecture.

For the latter, Cal Poly holds numerous architects’ papers. The prize of the collection may be work by Julia Morgan, who, Holada explained, “designed Hearst Castle and more than 700 other structures over the course of her prolific career.”

Holada went on to note that Morgan was a woman of many firsts: the first to graduate in civil engineering from UC Berkeley; the first accepted to study architecture at the École des BeauxArts in Paris; the first to be licensed to practice architecture in California; and the first to win the American Institute of Architecture Gold Medal—though that honor came posthumously in 2014.

The collection is also home to papers from William F. Cody—“a significant contributor to the ‘Palm Springs School’ of architecture”—and the Carmel-based Mark Mills, “whose organic structures made of concrete, stone, wood, and glass were placed on stunning, seemingly unbuildable sites along the Central Coast.”

“Having collecting strengths in architecture and the book arts create excellent parallels for teaching,” Holada wrote. “Both disciplines are concerned

$

35f

39

with structure, materiality, and human interactions (we enter buildings with our minds and bodies just as we “enter” books with our minds and hands). The Julie Chen book pictured in the photograph is a splendid example. Readers are invited to literally assemble or construct her books to experience them.

“Like architecture, books are products of engineering and book arts are often collaborative, not unlike the practice of architecture. One person may be the author, another is the illustrator, one is the printer, and another is the binder. All of them are working together to create a unified but personal experience with text, type, pictures, paper, etc.”

Holada noted that in May, one student “stitched together” a batch of photos taken in 1907 to create a panorama and posted it online.

“I can’t go without mentioning how essential student employees are to our operation. … His blog post is a great example of how one student applied his skills to share items from our collection and demonstrated their potential as objects for study and experimentation,” Holada wrote.

All of the Special Collections and Archives materials are non-circulating, but are available for perusal by the public. Visit Monday through Friday, 10 a.m. to 4 p.m. ∆ Executive Editor Ryan Miller owns a lot of Star Trek memorabilia. Send comments to rmiller@newtimesslo.com.

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To your credit A brief guide to ballin’ on a budget

BY ADRIANA CATANZARITE

B

udgeting money is pretty much the last thing any incoming college freshman wants to think about.

And that’s because it’s the least exciting thing about the oh-so magical transition from a naïve teenager to a slightly less naïve teenager on the verge of adulthood.

Also, it’s scary to dwell on. Because believe me, once you take that first step toward planning a budget, you start to realize how everything—from mundane things like paper towels or dish soap, to doctor’s copays and gas—costs money.

Suddenly the panic sets in. Now you’re in full-fledged hysterics, spiraling into the deep, dark world of credit card statements and endless parades of bill payments. In a sad attempt at self-preservation, you decide to tuck it into the corner of your mind reserved specifically for things you never, ever want to think about. But as soon as you graduate college, you realize how completely ill-advised and idiotic that plan was. Because now, you’re an adult. And in case nobody told you: Being an adult sucks. Especially if you’re broke and swimming in a sea of debt and misery. And so, your triumphant exit from education ends with

you moving back in with your parents.

Dumbass.

This whole debacle could have been avoided if you had just ignored your panic-stricken thoughts, pushed past the manic sobbing and uncontrollable hyperventilation, and made yourself a comprehensive plan for your finances.

Sounds super sexy right? Well it’s not.

But I promise it will pay off—no pun intended—in the end. Are you pumped?

Good. Let’s get started.

Be smart First of all, the problem with budgeting doesn’t lie with coming up with one.

Rather it’s getting yourself to actually stick with it. But remember, just because you’re on a budget doesn’t mean you can never have fun. Just don’t be a dumbass about it. Give yourself a weekly spending limit for your various social activities, and for the love of God don’t overspend.

But if you happen to underspend that

week, make sure you reward yourself for being so stingy. Save about half of the money that you didn’t spend for future expenses, and use the other half to treat yo’self!

Be realistic That being said, you will not be able to do absolutely everything you want. You’re going to have to make some very difficult choices about how you want to spend your time and your money. Do you want to go line-dancing, or do you want to feed yourself? These are the decisions you will have to make, and you have to COMMIT TO THEM. Yes, it’s going to suck, but what the hell did you expect, man? You’re on a budget. And spending money you don’t have is much worse than crying yourself to sleep a couple nights a week.

The temptation of credit cards Ah, credit cards. Where would we be without that magic little piece of plastic? Well, I’ll tell you where you’ll be: not in debt. Credit cards are tricky little bastards. They pretend to be your best friend, helping you buy all of the things you’ve always wanted, and then BAM! They turn around and stab you in the back with their interest! Et

tu, Visa? Et tu? How do you avoid this gross betrayal? Simple: Don’t trust your credit card. I don’t think I’m exaggerating when I say that if it had the chance, it would destroy you and everyone that you love. So don’t use them for your ill-advised shopping sprees at Forever 21, or your $50 Starbucks coffee.

Just use them for necessary things like groceries, or emergencies like unexpected car repairs. And make sure you pay off your credit card bills in a timely manner.

Track your expenses Everyone needs to do this. Tracking your expenses is something that, while time and soul consuming, will definitely save your ass in the long run. And I can attest to that because I refused to do it for three years and it royally screwed me. So just nut up and plan your weekly/monthly budget.

You can use Excel spreadsheets, online budgeting calculators, or even good ol’ fashioned pen and paper, it doesn’t matter.

Having a comprehensive outline of your budget will help monitor your spending habits and keep you from being swallowed by the giant debt monster of giant debt.

In conclusion Now I’m going to add something else.

Get your phone. Call your parents. Thank them—profusely!—for putting up with this terrible ordeal for the past 18 years for you.

Because now you know the terrible, evil, and completely unavoidable world that is financial planning. Now you have crossed a threshold. From this day forward, you will never, ever be able to go back to the golden days of ignorance and allowances. It’s all downhill from here kids. Congrats! ∆ Intern Adriana Catanzarite and her credit card are in the middle of a rough patch. Send comments via Managing Editor Ashley Schwellenbach at aschwellenbach@ newtimesslo.com.

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STUDENT GUIDE GUIDE 2014 2014 42 STUDENT

Old is new again How to get cool stuff cheap through public surplus auctions

BY COLIN RIGLEY

PHOTOS COURTESY OF CAL POLY AND PUBLIC SURPLUS

SCOPE IT alking into the Cal Poly batches of four old OUT With two public surplus warehouse iMacs were going days left in the feels like walking into from the high auction, this the back room of a mad scientist’s end of $154.37 to binocular scope laboratory. the lowest of $26, was selling for High shelves are stacked floor to with about two $13.01. ceiling with computer monitors, office days left in the equipment, and any number of knick auction. knacks, odds and ends, and doodads.

Auctions start There are batches of electronic out at no more than $5, and there is equipment, used furniture, and if no minimum amount an auction must you’re lucky, sometimes lasers. reach before the items are handed One of the craziest items Cal Poly over. Additionally, students get to Facilities Operations Manager Kevin take the first crack at new auctions Shaw remembers dealing with was before they go out to the general an industrial-scale laser beam back public. when the university began selling In one auction, a lucky bidder items through the Public Surplus walked away with former Cal Poly website (publicsurplus.com).

President Warren Baker’s Chrysler “The auction just started going New Yorker for less than $2,000. crazy. We got a call from our security “It was a beautiful car, man,” department that said, ‘You gotta Shaw said. get rid of this,’” Shaw remembers.

New items come in every day, “We said, ‘How come?’ They said, he said. Such items can range ‘Because it could blind a pilot from the from used university computer ground.’” equipment, to old lab equipment.

The auction was later closed, and One auction for a binocular scope there were some potential worries was going for $13.01 with about that the highest bidder had less-thantwo days left. There is often plenty noble intentions with the laser, but it of furniture and office equipment is just one example of the variety of for bid, and as of press time an items that literally anyone can buy, so unopened tripod was up for sale. long as he or she can register for free Cal Poly began selling surplus at publicsurplus.com, and come to the equipment through publicsurplus.com warehouse to pick up the item or—as in about 2000, Shaw said. Along with is often the case—items.

As of this writing, a number of PUBLIC SURPLUS continued page 44

W

CHILL OUT Want a chiller? Even if you don’t know what it is or what do with one, this chiller was selling for $147.06 with six days left.

STEADY SHOT With public surplus auctions, it’s possible to get items such as an unopened Manfrotto tripod and head, for $10.50, as of the auction price two days before closing.

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STUDENT GUIDE GUIDE 2014 2014 44 STUDENT PUBLIC SURPLUS from page 42

other public institutions throughout the state and country, Cal Poly uses the site as a sort of eBay to dump unwanted, outdated, or sometimes damaged items. While the university doesn’t make a profit from the stuff sold, using public surplus auctions is a good way to offload things.

Shaw doubts whether most people are aware of the service, but he encouraged anyone who’s interested in an item to call and make an appointment to take a look.

While you’re at it, there are auction sites for many other local public institutions, including both the county of San Luis Obispo and Cuesta College. Though Cuesta had no auctions listed as of press time, anyone with $1.25 could walk away with 35 adult chairs from the county.

Anything that doesn’t sell from Cal Poly is recycled, if it can be recycled.

Other items are discarded. Anything that can fit in the warehouse is held there; other, larger items are kept

elsewhere on campus. However, items cannot be purchased directly from the warehouse. Instead, potential buyers have to go online, put down a bid, hope for the best, pay within seven business days, and pick up the item or items within three business days of payment.

Of course, there’s a catch: There is no guarantee that anything purchased actually works. Some auction items are detailed based on their condition. Many are more mysterious, and listed as an “unknown” condition. Shaw suggests assuming that “none of this stuff works.”

Still, the low price barrier makes it less punitive if you end up with a clunker.

There are other items that can’t go on the fritz, like a pallet of 300 bricks that was going for $5, as of press time.

Shaw noted that bricks typically sell elsewhere for about $2 to $3 per brick.

He recommends checking the site once per week to see what’s new. (You can go to publicsurplus.com/sms/ calpoly,ca/browse/home and click “View New Auctions” at the bottom left corner

of the page.)

“We’ve had some great stuff on there,” Shaw said. ∆ Senior Staff Writer Colin Rigley can be reached at crigley@newtimesslo.com.

YOUR MAC The Cal Poly public surplus site listed about a half dozen batches of four iMacs that ranged from $26 to $154.37 with two days left in the auctions.

The auction just started going crazy. We got a call from our security department, they said, “You gotta get rid of this.” We said, “How come?” They said, “Because it could blind a pilot from the ground.”

Kevin Shaw, Cal Poly Facilities Operations Manger

PHOTO COURTESY OF CAL POLY AND PUBLIC SURPLUS

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STUDENT GUIDE 2014

Damn it, cram it!

A guide to studying for the lazy, unorganized, and Netflixaddicted student

BY JESSICA PEÑA

I

t’s 3 a.m., and you smell. You haven’t showered in six—scratch that—seven days. There are scraps of paper stuck to your body in places you didn’t even know existed. Is that a Taco Bell receipt glued to the back of your knee, cemented by a putrid alchemy of sweat and tears? Are those the voices of actual humans around you, or is there a family of high-pitched weasels that live in your head? Do you find yourself nodding off, only to crash awake, screaming, “JAMES BUCHANAN: THE BACHELOR PRESIDENT!”?

If you answered “yes” to any of the above, then you’re reading the right article. You’ve probably stumbled upon it, in a desperate haste, in between those trips to Taco Bell. Because, let’s face it. Don’t lie. You have a test tomorrow, and you’re procrastinating.

You’ve found out which Friends character you are on Buzzfeed (you were Ross; that was a low moment), and now, there’s no excuse. You have to study. So, if you have to procrastinate, then you might as well know the secret to studying. It’s six easy letters that spell out one very childish acronym.

Write it and repeat it. P.O.O.P.I.E.

Plan I believe it was Albert Einstein who once said, “Plans? What are those?

Stop bothering me, and let me finish my strudel in silence!” Well, forget him, because that sour attitude got him absolutely nowhere. Instead, listen to me. If you want to be at least moderately successful, you have to plan out your study routine. Whether you use Post-Its, Google Calendar, or have your plans tattooed on the back of a small child, carve out a time exclusively dedicated to study every week. Like when eating an elephant, the whole thing is going to go down a lot easier if you do it bit by bit.

Outline Remember that scene, at the end of Shawshank Redemption, when Tim Robbins bursts forth from his prison escape tunnel and gloriously embraces the rain with open-armed freedom? That is the exact same

feeling you get when completing an outline. For serious. Early on in the study process, streamline your notes, highlight what’s important, annotate what to remember, and organize all that information by subject. This way, when test time for Puppet History 101 rolls around, you’ll have a clear and coherent understanding of where the information is that you need, what you might be missing, and why each 3-by-5 card, bullet point, or Roman numeral about Sesame Street matters.

Outside Turn off your Netflix—that is the first step. Procrastination is a natural part of any study process, but there are limits. You can only excuse watching That 70s Show as 20th century American history research for so long.

You need to go outside. Even if it’s just a walk around the block or a stroll past Paul Rudd’s house to not stalk him for the 20th time, going outside will clear your mind and stave off the desire to procrastinate. Not to mention, it has been scientifically proven that moving around helps increase brain activity.

So, get out of bed, and get out there!

People I think it's generally agreed upon that people are the worst. They wear Uggs in the summertime and they’re responsible for placing Ryan Seacrest on my television. People are awful.

But people can also help you. Studying in a group may not be for everyone, but a collective revision session will benefit everyone involved if done right. Getting together to outline, ask questions, and go over potential test subjects can boost your understanding of the material in a way studying alone can never achieve. If you’re forced to explain something to someone else, that’s the test to whether you know it or not. And there are usually snacks at these things.

Initiate There’s no way to sugar coat this, no cheap trick or ploy to pull out here.

If there’s a test, you have to study. If you’ve been carefully taking notes, revising every week, and discussing the material with your classmates, the last thing to do is to just hunker down and get to it. Choose a quiet location, like the library or a cemetery, whip out your books and notebooks, and dive into the stuff. Do what you’re comfortable with, whether that means quizzing yourself or re-writing notes.

Just remember the essentials: Eat well, no all-nighters, and, for the sake of the general public, take a shower.

Eat cake Whoa! What’s that? You aced your exam in the Chemistry of Chocolate?

Congratulations! Now, you can use all that knowledge you gathered about confectionary goodness, and buy

PHASE ONE: CONFUSION

47

PHOTOS BY TOM FALCONER

Most attempts at studying commence with an acute and unpleasant sense of bafflement.

PHASE TWO: FRUSTRATION After confusion, you will begin to experience distinct feelings of annoyance and urges of defiance.

PHASE THREE: DEFEAT The last stage of studying arrives with deep and cynical anguish. This will pass, and, when it does, have some cake.

yourself some sweet, sweet cake. Enjoy it. You’ve earned this. When in the depths of neon-highlighted despair, remember the light at the end of the test-taking tunnel. You can always eat cake. And then, when you’re finished eating your cake, take that sugar high and ride it to your next A! So,

let these tenets of the well-respected P.O.O.P.I.E. principle digest. It shall be your duty. ∆ Jessica Peña is a very mature grown up who has been to college, so don’t question her. If you must, email her at jpena@newtimesslo.com.

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