Nurture Parenting Magazine - Issue #3

Nurture Australia’s

Natural Parenting

Magazine

SUNSCREEN: THE BURNING FACTS What’s in it & should you even be applying it?

RETURNING TO WORK

How to choose the RIGHT carer for your child

RAISING VEGETARIANS Do children get all they need from vegies?

HOME BIRTH

S um me r 20 12 Issue 03 $7.95

Why some women are returning home to birth their baby

SWEET POISON

What sugar really does to YOUR child

Physical

Emotional

Intellectual

Spiritual

key H edge hog Phot ogra hy Cov er ph oto: Spi

Contents Physical Development

Spiritual

12 Sweet Poison for Children

By David Gillespie

23 Milk Sharing: Human Milk for Human Babies

By Kelly Harper

32 The Burning Facts: Sun, Nanoparticles and Sunscreens

By Dr Sarah Lantz

54 Tandem Breastfeeding

31 Tips for Raising Confident and Spiritually Aware Kids

By Maureen Healy

52 Stress Relaxation: Being Great Models of Self-Care and Calm for Children

By Patrice Thomas

62 Nurturing Patience

By Kerry Spina

By Robyn Noble

64 Babywearing: When Carrying Requires Thought

By Anne McEwan

70 Raising Vegetarians

By Lisa Guy

Emotional Development 6 Discipline: Connection is Key

By Kelly Bartlett

16 Understanding Bonding and Connection

By Astra Niedra

19 Music for Nurturing and Wellbeing

By Tara Hashambhoy

20 Controlled Crying: It is not ‘safe’; It’s still mean and still unnecessary

By Anni Gethin

Mum and Dad’s Development

22 Judgement: How do we deal with the ‘elephant’ in the room?

By Claire Eaton

26 Conscious Fatherhood Preparation

By Darren Mattock

63 Returning Home: Why birth has come full circle

By Kristin Bechedahl

Regular Features 4 Your Letters & Photos 11 Ask Our Expert 27 Your Story 57 Beyond Birth

By Julia Jones

28 Handling Aggression: Part 2

43 Dad’s Corner

36 Mothers in the Workforce & the Village that Supports Them

69 What’s Cooking?

By Rachel Schofield

By Dr Deborah McNamara

44 Children & Trauma: What Helps?

By Petrea King

Intellectual Development 32 Importance of Play and Quality Learning to Promote Childhood

By Tracey Puckeridge

66 A Truely Nurturing Education Part 3

By Dr Andrew Seaton

By John Pillinger Fritattas & Avocado Sushi

51 Activity Time

By Emily Filmore

74 Organic Gardening: Give your Children Worms!

By Claire Bickle

76 Book Reviews

by Sharon Dowley

78 Product Reviews 80What’s On 81Directory www.nurtureparentingmagazine.com.au

| 3

I am quite judgemental. There, I said it!

I really try not to be (especially as the editor of a natural parenting magazine), but the truth is, I am. I see babies crying without being picked up and I wonder why their caregiver isn’t picking the baby up (surely no one wants their baby to be distressed without being held) … I see newborns in a pram and wonder why they are not being babyworn (surely everyone wants to hold their newborn close) … I hear women ‘choose’ not to breastfeed and cannot fathom why (surely everyone knows breast is best ~ provided you can breastfeed) … I hear a woman say that she is going to try controlled crying and wonder how on earth someone can listen to their baby cry out and not go and pick them up (surely everyone knows that research shows how damaging it is for a baby). I think I’ve made my point!

I know that people will be quite upset about what I have just written ~ and believe me, I’m not proud of it. But I’m hoping by writing this, two things might happen: 1. I will be able to bring my awareness to my thoughts so that I can turn it around; and 2. It may bring awareness to you as to whether you do it too!

What has brought this on in my mind is a few of the posts on Nurture’s Facebook page. One in particular springs to mind.

I linked to a blog where a woman seemed to be quite proud of the fact that she was going to leave her 8 week old baby with h e r parents so that she could go on a holiday because “it is not a vacation with an 8 week old baby”. I wrote “Well I wouldn’t.

I couldn’t even imagine leaving my 13 month old for a night” ~ to which I was told encouraged other women to judge the woman. Now, my vision for Nurture is not to judge other women, but rather to support parents and provide researched i n for m at i on on raising

children.

However, then someone posted:

“Making personal judgements about others choices is what establishes our own. It is how the human mind works, we notice, we judge the situation and we rationalize. The meaning of judgement changes with the person using the term. It can mean criticism to one, calling a spoon a spoon to another or it can merely be simple realization for one. We judge and compare our experiences against another’s to affirm our own beliefs in life. This is how we evolve and connect and it doesn’t have to be negative or offensive and on the flip side we don’t need to be defensive.

Acceptance follows judgement if you allow yourself to move past this state of ‘my way or the high way’.

Confirm your own belief system but be consciously aware enough to know that whether it’s ultimately right or wrong there are others who disagree and believe differently. Accept and move on freely knowing that their truth is as real to them as yours is to you. Many of you will judge this comment, its HOW you choose to judge it that shapes your own reality so judge away!”

Nurture Natural Parenting

Magazine

www.nurtureparentingmagazine.com.au

Editor

Kristy Pillinger

Graphic Design Karah Edwards

Photography

Spikey Hedgehog Photography & Depositphotos

Issue Contributors

Kelly Bartlett, Kristin Beckedahl, Claire Bickle, Sharon Dowley, Claire Eaton, Emily Filmore, Lisa Guy, Julia Jones, Petrea King, Dr. Sarah Lantz, Darren Mattock, Melissa Rogers, Rachel Schofield, Dr. Andrew Seaton, Arnaum Walkley, This made complete sense to me. I had tried for years to ‘not judge people’ however, it was something that ‘just happened’.

Editorial Enquires: Now I know that it is not particularly the editor@nurtureparentingmagazine.com.au judgement that I needed to change ~ it is my belief that my way is the ‘right’ way. So, Advertising Enquires: whilst I would pick my baby up when he advertise@nurtureparentingmagazine.com.au cried, and babywear my baby to keep him close, choose to breastfeed until William Feedback: self-weans and not consider a ‘holiday’ one feedback@nurtureparentingmagazine.com.au without my child, that is me – not others.

To add to this, I would also like to work Subscriptions: on my compassion and empathy ~ especially subscribe@nurtureparentingmagazine.com.au now while William is still young as I know that I am a model of behaviour for him. So Proudly printed in Australia by Webstar instead of harsh unwaivering judgement, Distributed in Australia by IPS I will try to have more understanding (eg. rather than think “why is that mother just Nurture is published four times a year letting her baby cry”, think “Oh, there must (March, June, September and December) be a reason why that mother is not picking

by Nurture Parenting Magazine Pty Ltd up her baby” (eg. could be sleep deprived, baby could have colic, mother may have No part of this publication may be post-natal depression etc). I am a firm reproduced in any form whatsoever withbeliever in self-betterment! out the written consent of the publisher.

So, as not everyone may have seen the All rights reserved. posts on Facebook, I asked Claire Eaton, one of Nurture’s contributors, to write an Content within this magazine is informaarticle on judgment in our society (page tion only and not necessarily the views of 8). I hope you enjoy it and get something the editor. It is not meant to be a substitute out of it because a world in which we can for professional medical advice. Please encourage compassion and empathy rather consult your healthcare provider if you than simple harsh judgment will be a better are in any doubt regarding any of this world indeed. information.

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Editor’s Letter

Australia’s

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Your Letters I’m not Alone!

I have just received my Winter and Spring issues of Nurture today. Kristy, your (first) editor’s note really moved me, felt like I was meant to be reading this Now! I then read the 2nd Editor’s letter, you mentioned an article by Robin Grille , “Parent Guilt” , I cried a bucket of tears of relief, thank-you for sharing your light with me and other women alike.

“Heart to Heart Parenting”, a book

by Robin Grille, was a huge part of my recovery from post natal depression, but still, I carried the guilt.

I now know it might not be too late to have a similar conversation with my son, Josh....... and yes, Knowledge is Power !

I am still lucky in a sense that my husband, David, and I both worked extremely hard in finding what feels right from within when it comes to Josh.

Listening and Trusting our instincts about breastfeeding, baby wearing, cosleeping (I’m still judged to this day for), listening to Josh’s needs instead of the nurses, doctors, friends, family and media.

I am proud to say in spite of the initial challenges, Josh has always been a content, confident, kind, funny and joyous boy, on top of that, he is also a wonderful Teacher, we are his biggest fans.

I was not planning to write a long letter, but just really want to express what an amazing shift this is for me, this world is better with people like you

and Robin.

I am especially passionate about Women coming together, sharing and reaching out to each other, using our power of knowledge and compassion in a positive way.

What a brilliant recipe to “Give Back” to ourselves, our children, family and the mother earth.

Yeh-Lee, mum to Joshua (10mths)

Write to us

& WIN! Email your letters to

Fabulous Magazine!

I have 2 children, Dimitri 25 months and Ava 4 months old and I was adamant that I had the whole parenting thing all

Below: Layth (16 months) Going for a bushwalk

editor@nurtureparentingmagazine.com.au Above: Noah (7 years) At his school Spring Festival!

The ‘letter of the quarter’ will win a selection of 100% certified organic baby products (RRP $49.95) Above: Horovitz family having fun at the beach with puppy!

I’m more Confident now!

My son (William) is now 13 months old, and before finding your magazine I did not buy parenting magazines. I felt they were all to salesy and promote a lot of propaganda about the best way to raise your child. It becomes confusing, and I prefer to trust my instincts.

I love your magazine, it is informative and relevant and it encourages “instinctive” parenting whilst providing information about a wide array of topics.

I just got the second edition, and particularly enjoyed the article entitled “Can you hear me now”. I feel this is a very important issue which has not really been raised, and it has certainly made me re-evaluate my own phone usage when my son is awake.

Thankyou so much for putting the magazine together! Im so looking forward to future issues!

Kelly, mum to Will (15 months)

Your Photos

courtesy of:

sorted. I had read all sorts of books and thought I was completely prepared...

After the birth of my first Dimitri, I struggled with the mainstream approach and suffered post natal depression. It took me 7 months to realize that attached parenting, co-sleeping, baby wearing worked for me and to be strong enough to stand up to the so many people who clearly disagreed with this approach!! I have not turned back and am enjoying every minute with both children now AND LOVE THAT I HAVE FOUND THIS MAG... Thank you!! Thank you for making me realise that I’m not alone in my parenting instincts, approach and beliefs!!

Kelly, mum to Dimitri and Ava

Send us your photos

& WIN

E-mail your photos to

Right: Tu (3 years) Picking flowers for mummy!

editor@nurtureparentingmagazine.com.au

The ‘photo of the quarter’ will win a $60 voucher to spend at

Left: Edie (10 months) snug in her baby carrier!

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| 7

Discipline: Connection Is Key Many parents are increasingly seeking non-punitive (gentle) discipline techniques. Kelly Bartlett explores how connection with your child can promote positive behaviour and provides everyday examples of ways in which parents can strengthen that connection.

t h e n is like treating strep throat with lozenges in all relationships they'll have and c o r r e c t . and sprays. The solution really lies at decisions they'll make. Here are some of Collect, then redirect. Connection before the source of the problem; antibiotics the best tools for working with kids to correction. It's been said various ways for strep, emotional connection for simultaneously solve behavioural issues by many parenting professionals, and discipline. Before asking, "What should and strengthen your relationship: for good reason. The key to successful, I do?" parents need to ask, "How is Listen: This might be the biggest long-term discipline is having a close our relationship? Am I emotionally and best action for building connection, relationship with an authority figure. available? Does my child feel connected and the first step in responding to to me?" When we address the misbehaviour. Hear them out. Don't This is where parenting begins.

When children are having behaviour relationship first, all of the "logistics" of make assumptions, don't interrupt, problems, parents frequently want to discipline are infinitely more successful. don't do something else at the same The beauty of non-punitive parenting time. Reflect on their feelings without know, "What should I do?" They turn to books, friends, articles, and classes to tools is that just by using them, parents simply saying, "I know." Prove that you find new tools to get their child's difficult are strengthening the connection heard what they said and how they feel behaviour to stop. They want something between their children and themselves. by repeating it. Ask questions: "What to do about it—to be able to articulate a That's why the tools work. They use happened then? How did you feel? What concrete plan for changing the situation. empathy, respect, and communication bothers you most about it? " Children But what parents need to understand is to bring the relationship closer together. will listen after they feel listened to. that the tools are secondary to the Focus on solutions ‘The beauty of non-punitive parenting relationship. together: Blaming and The relationship of the tools is that just by using them, parents are shaming damage a child to the parent is the strengthening the connection between their relationship and waste children and themselves. ’ time. Focusing on how to solve a foundation for all "good" behaviour. Children inherently want The attachment grows stronger, and problem together invites cooperation to behave well for those to whom they children understand a parent’s love and and respect. "Our mornings seem to be are emotionally connected. Without a presence for them; they want to behave pretty rushed and stressful. What ideas strong attachment, there is no desire to differently for someone to whom they do you have for getting things done be like, please, take direction from, or are attached. Every disciplinary situation more smoothly? What is the hardest for resolved with positive parenting tools you? What would help?" otherwise follow a parent's lead.

What this means for parents in versus punitive ones (like yelling, forced Do ‘special time’: Dedicate regard to getting through a child’s time outs, threatening, smacking, uninterrupted time with children every difficult phases of behaviour is that they removing privileges, manipulation, or day. You get to know them, and they get must focus on connecting with them— strict control) is a chance to develop a to feel known and valued (more closely building a closer, stronger relationship— closer relationship. bonded with you).

A parent-child relationship based on before they focus on what tools to use.

Show faith: Have confidence in your It needs to be ongoing, and it needs closeness, love, cooperation, and respect child to make their own decisions, fix to be the first thing considered when rather than distance, fear, control, and their own mistakes, and accomplish their responding to a behavioural situation. dominance ensures healthy emotional own goals. A child might make different Responding to misbehaviour with development. This relationship is key. It choices than you would, but your faith discipline that is strictly outcome-based sets a child up for a lifetime of success in your child generates confidence in

8 | www.nurtureparentingmagazine.com.au

Photos: Depositphotos

Connect

them and trust between both of you.

And remember, just because they make a different choice than you would have does not mean it is the wrong choice!

Make mistakes: Allowing and accepting mistakes facilitates trust.

It lets children know they can trust you enough to come to you with their mistakes, and they don't ever have to hide them. Mistakes are OK, and you’re there to help.

Kindness and firmness: Ensuring that your guidance is given with kindness and firmness reaffirms that you are an authoritative figure (firmness) who loves them (kindness). "It's time to brush your teeth (firmness), let's do it together (kindness)."

Positive time out: Helping children find time and space to calm down when they're upset demonstrates respect for their feelings. A positive time out is about helping children recognise their emotions and teaching them to manage big feelings. Some children prefer to be alone when they’re upset, while others would much rather be close to a parent for comfort. Some enjoy music or books to help them settle, others simply want to cuddle with a blanket or teddy. In either case, when a child’s input is considered, time outs can be positive and engaging as opposed to punitive and isolating.

Helping children find time and space to calm down when they’re upset— decided collaboratively between parent and child—demonstrates respect for their feelings. You are communicating, “I want you to feel better, not worse. Let’s find the best way for you to feel better.”

Family meetings: These let children know their thoughts matter. They have an important voice in the family and everyone values what they have to say.

Regular family meetings also express trust in children to help to solve family problems.

Hug: Not just hugging, but any kind of positive, physical touch helps connect parents and children (see issue 1 for more information). Every touch, pat, massage, hair stroke, squeeze, hand hold, or full body bear hug is a physical reminder that, "I love you and I'm here— right here—for you." Do this often.

Encourage (not praise): Focusing on their efforts rather than the outcome shows children that you value who they are internally, rather than simply what they can do or give you. "Wow, you sure didn't give up during that game!"

(instead of, "You won your game, good job!") (See issue 2 for more information) Connect eye-to-eye: Getting down to a child's level to talk to them is respectful and shows that you value them (rather than standing over them looking down, demonstrating that they are literally under us.)

Empower: Sharing control with children (as opposed to having control over them) helps them develop their own skills. It lets them know that you trust their judgment. "It seems that there are a few options to solve this problem.

I feel confident you'll figure out what's best."

Validate feelings: When children know that their feelings are acceptable, they're OK to move on to solutions.

Empathy communicates understanding, and children who feel understood feel securely attached.

Appreciations: Letting children know what you appreciate about them or their actions helps bring you closer together. They love that you recognise their goodness, and they feel pride in themselves. "I appreciate you letting your sister play with that toy this morning. I

know it's yours, but she really enjoyed it.

Thank you for sharing it!"

Recovery: Recovering from your own mistakes is important for letting children know that you do want to be the best parent you can for them. What better way to tell them how important their feelings are to you than with a heartfelt apology for your mistake, and an offer to work on a cooperative, respectful solution.

When your child's connection to you is strong, these positive discipline tools work beautifully. If your connection has slipped away from what it could be, these tools help get it back and help guide your child’s behaviour. When you aim for closeness and understanding first, kids are much more receptive to loving guidance.

Kelly Bartlett is the author of Encouraging Words For Kids. She is a Certified Positive Discipline Educator and freelance writer with a focus on child development, family relationships and discipline. You can find more of her work at www. kellybartlett.net

www.nurtureparentingmagazine.com.au

| 9

Judgement

How do we deal with the ‘elephant’ in the room?

Have you ever been judged because your parenting choices are different to another? Claire Eaton, author of Harmonious Homes & ROC Kids, shines a light on the ‘elephant’ in the room and shares some gentle ways to avoid judgement and step out of the judgement cycle.

Have

10 | www.nurtureparentingmagazine.com.au

PARENTS JUDGING OTHER PARENTS.

Photos: Depositphotos

you heard the common ways that parents experience that practice into your parenting. elephant in the judgment: Have you ever allowed that self room? She can be BIG, sometimes judging elephant to sneak into your completely insensitive, very opinionated JUDGING OURSELVES home and enjoy free rent? Many parents Negatively (consciously or say "yes." and almost impossible to miss! The elephant’s name is “Judgement” and this unconsciously) comparing ourselves to beast can be male, female, younger or other mums and dads or entire families How do we make the choice to stop older and everything in-between, but can take us down an unhealthy path of judging ourselves? history tells us that the elephant in the trying to be something that we are not 1. Keep our eyes open and our ears to the ground and be highly aware of the room wants to be heard, noticed and rather than being the perfect parent moment that we negatively compare adhered to. Unfortunately, this elephant for our child. Comparative judgment ourselves to others. Perhaps there’s a is most likely to be a parent who is can be an instant deflator of spirit and pattern? Or maybe the self-judgment walking the same path as you and I, as confidence and negatively influence how relates to specific topics such as we give our heart, soul and every ounce we view ourselves as a mother or father. feeding, co-sleep, working out of the Being our own authentic version of of energy to raising great balanced home, baby wearing or birth choices. motherhood is incredibly empowering children and have a bit if fun doing it.

Ask yourself why you feel that way Parents say that they felt varying and a beautiful way to embrace and and reassess your position on degrees of confidence in becoming ourselves, warts and all! In essence, that topic. There is always ample a parent; however one of the opportunity to change! commonly asked questions ‘Choosing to replace a judgemental by mums and dads is, thought with one of empathy and compassion 2. Be gentle in “How do I deal with can open the door to our personal growth and discovering what the elephant in the acceptance of others and their differences.’ underpins our tendency room, when she/he can t o harshly judge ourselves. be so loud, rude and sometimes quite when we compare ourselves to other Is it a feeling of inadequacy, hurtful?" Parents share that they try with parents in a downbeat way, we are disappointment, loss, unrealistic varying degrees of success to ignore her, essentially labeling ourselves as inferior expectations or perhaps our selfbut she often stays in the room. From and not good enough. Before we know it, esteem has dropped a little since our the mouths of mums, judgement is a we have become the loud, domineering family and lifestyle has changed? alive and kicking and many parents are and hurtful elephant in our own home~ doing their best to avoid it, ignore it, oouch! We are harshly judging ourselves 3. Practice replacing a negative deal with it or even more importantly and believing that other parents are judgement with a self-appreciation choose not to be that elephant in the better than us, have more skills and and grateful thought e.g. “I am..” “I seem to be more natural. These are false room themselves. do….” “I can ….” I love….” This Mums and Dads are curious to know beliefs which can be emotionally and can take practice and time, but if we more about judgements, whilst learning socially harmful to us and our children. stick with it and enjoy noticing how gentle and respectful ways to stop However, if you do see a parenting quickly we can evict the elephant judging others, judging ourselves and practive that you feel is a "better" way to from the room, we give ourselves being judged by others in the parenting parent, don't judge yourself ~ change! permission to enjoy parenting to its community. Let’s take a look at the most Make a conscious effort to incorporate fullest.

Have you ever been judged about your parenting choices? I can imagine that you felt a mixture of sadness, hurt and perhaps a little anger too? As parents, we are all parenting our children in a way that is unique to us; however we live in a society where we compare anything from environmental beliefs to healthy living ideals. It’s not surprising then, that elephants can attack other elephants.

Research tells us that we judge because our perception is such that ‘our way’ is absolutely correct and the way of another parent is incorrect or too diverse from

ours. We then feel that it is our place to let other parents know of our perceived discrepancy, which sometimes comes out in hurtful and insensitive ways. Have you ever been that elephant in the room?

Unfortunately coming from a place of harsh judgement can strip our parenting community of the natural chances to learn, connect and support one another.

How do we make the choice to stop harshly judging others?

1. Catch ourselves ‘in the act’ of judging others. Is there a pattern? Do certain people, particular topics of conversation or environments seem

to bring out the elephant in us?

2. Experiment with ‘not needing to be right nor wrong’ and ‘not needing to convert others to our way of thinking’ or ‘not needing to let other parents know that they must be wrong because their ways are different to ours.’ What we perceive as right and wrong is a merely a reflection of our beliefs, our own personal life story and our unique experiences, but that does not make a parenting decision the ‘truth’ for everyone.

3. Choosing to replace a judgemental thought with one of empathy and compassion can open the door to

www.nurtureparentingmagazine.com.au

| 11

Cassie has over 20 yrs experience working with children and families ✦ Parenting courses ✦ Children’s workshops ✦ Parent/Child intervention ✦ Natural parenting assistance ✦ Infant/Child massage instruction ✦ Circle of Security Parent Educator ✦ Reiki ✦ Newborn to teenagers ✦ Email, phone and in person support

AK-1212PH

Prime Healing

Parents say that it is most hurtful when elephants judge us in public, where humiliation or feelings of inadequacy can be so much stronger and deeper. Psychologist Mona Spiegel comments “It’s always easier to solve someone else’s problems than one’s own.” Could this be one of the reasons why some parents can be quick to judge other parents?

Q

How can we cope when we are being judged?

1. Be certain in knowing that elephants are everywhere, in every aspect life. Being absolutely certain of how we handle Contact Cassie ourselves in the presence of an elephant is the key to being Bach. Child and Family Studies Adv Dip. Early Childhood Our children are our future. a happy, resilient and confident parent. Elephants, like p: 0432 557 867 e: theprimes@iinet.net Invest as much time into bullies are attracted to parents who react to their tactics. www.primehealthhealing.com them as we do to ourselves.

2. Choose not to react (placing one’s tongue to the roof of one’s mouth is a sneaky little tip that helps us to stay our personal growth and acceptance of others and their calm and breathe gently) especially when we are feeling differences. This does not infer that we let go of all things emotionally fragile or annoyed by the judgement of others. that we hold strong and close to our heart. It merely 3.

Stay strong in our personal beliefs, choices and decisions suggests that we come from a place of kindness and we whilst reminding ourselves that they are based on allow ourselves to integrate our own views with those of everything that is true and important to us and our other mums and dads. We can remove the elephant suit child’s social, emotional, physical, creative, intellectual and stop trying to ‘own’ the room, the park, playgroup, and spiritual wellbeing. It can also be empowering to be mothers group or the supermarket checkout, as the little open to new ideas. Reflection can be a wonderful way to girl tantrums and the parents wish they could become explore and research new and changing ways as child and instantly invisible. parenting research develops.

4.

Depending on our individual personalities and EXPERIENCING THE JUDGEMENT OF communication style, we can choose to hear comments, OTHERS. judgements, strong advice or notice disapproving body Being subjected to blame, guilt, ridicule or exclusion language. We can respond with “thanks for your advice” because our parenting decisions are deemed ‘not to fit’ with the or “thanks, I’ll give that some thought” or just “thanks.” beliefs or parenting practices of another, can be debilitating.

Being absent of an emotional reaction allows us to stand in our power rather than surrendering it to the elephant.

This is a great foundation to becoming a more resilient IRED and confident parent in a world of varying beliefs, styles Signature:...................................................................

Date:............................... and approaches. changes Right now you may be thinking that you have dabbled in erations indicated all three judgement types. You may have self- judged, you may PROOF NO. NO CHARGE INCURRED have judged others or you have been the victim of judgement. proof required However the purpose of this information is not to judge you, but rather to bring more awareness to our natural human inclination to compare and contrast. In doing so, we shine a huge floodlight on the elephant in the room. We can then make the conscious choice as a man or woman, parent or grandparent to exit the judgement cycle. Stepping out of the cycle can be liberating, self-nurturing, whilst adding another beautiful layer to our own personal and parental growth.

Universally, we want to feel that we are raising our children in the best way we know how. We can become incredibly protective about our parenting and this being justified, it’s also empowering to know that we can be open minded and curious enough to learn, grow and explore throughout our entire parenting journey. Our curiosity and appetite to evolve as parents can be stimulated and inspired through our gentle observation of other parents, choices they make and paths followed. From a learning perspective it can be incredibly healthy to respectfully and privately critique various parenting styles from a place of acceptance and curiosity rather than jugdement. Noticing others and their unique ways, can be a wonderful catalyst for self-reflection or change and acknowledgment that we are doing our best this wonderful world of parenting.

My 2 year old is struggling with his little sister’s (7mths) newfound mobility. Although she is not yet crawling, she is grabbing him, his books, his toys etc and he does not like it. He spends a lot of time trying to push her away or snatch back what she has taken and saying loudly `No, don’t grab’.

I have tried and tried to explain about sharing, demonstrate sharing, and practice sharing with him. He has some toys that are `special’ to him and he struggles to share those, I respect that but everything else is for both of them. I empathise with him how hard it must be to have to share toys and have his sister grab things he is playing with, but am at a bit of a loss how to help him accept that she will grab his toys and be interested in playing games with him without him pushing her away or snatching back.

A

Empathising with your two year old and practising sharing with him is a great gift that one day he will appreciate. I feel it is so important for parents to focus on their positive input with their children rather than what they ‘don’t do’. Your awareness is a great asset.

Learning to share is a very complex concept for children, especially when you’re two. Your son’s behaviour is also very natural at this stage. Fostering realistic expectations regarding your son’s sharing ability is the first step. From his perspective he is already sharing Mum and Dad with his sister, and nobody asked him about bringing a baby into his family. Now he has to share his things, what’s next? However, forcing a child to share is not teaching, sharing is a skill and takes a while to learn.

1

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Ask our Experts

Photos: Depositphotos

Helping him to manage his emotions

• Lots of empathy is required with all two year olds, especially if their vocabulary is limited.

• At this stage of his development he has little understanding about how others feel, and he still feels the world belongs to him.

• The expectation that a parent may show anger or disapproval, then take a toy away and give it to another child, may increase feelings of possessiveness.

• He may see his toys as an extension of himself, and to have them taken away is very unsettling. He may not understand the concept that they will come back to him.

• Feeling secure in his ownership and also learning self mastery of his emotions as he develops will assist him to feel more secure about his position in life. Then ‘taking turns’ will evolve.

• He may need support in learning to wait, when ‘taking turns’. You also may need to wait awhile for this to happen.

• Help him find other ways to safely release any pent up frustration and anger. A good cry, acknowledging his feelings and a cuddle will help him.

• Play games to help release and deal with anger or frustration.

Some new tactics

• Learning to say quietly, to his sister “I am still playing with this” is empowering for him even though she does not understand this yet.

• Use role playing with teddy to show him how to gently ‘take back’, and talk about how others feel the same as he does, when he is the snatcher • Ask him to lovingly teach his sister about sharing. She is too young to comprehend, but this will also empower him and help him in his own understanding.

• His special toys are sacred and you can continue to respect this by having them in a special box, in a special place.

Others may only touch these when he is ‘ready to share’.

• Have a box of sharing toys. Remember he is only two so focus on realistic expectations. Practise makes, well, nearly perfect!

• When other children are coming to visit, prepare him for what may happen, put ‘special’ toys away.

• When he does choose to share, encourage his behaviour and talk about how he can help create happiness in others and himself.

• A distraction from you will help, as often his behaviour may be to seek your attention.

• Focus on the positives and ignore the unwanted behaviour, unless it is endangering to another.

• If there is an ‘incident’ calmly remove him and address the situation away from others.

• Relax, breathe, don’t take it personally or be concerned about what other parents think. Their families have learning opportunities too.

• Mum and Dad are the best role models, do you share well?

Remember the children are watching!

Every day is a new learning opportunity, and it helps to leave the past behind. Sometimes it can be one step forward one step back. With patience, understanding and a good sense of humour, your children will start to share.

Arnaum Walkley is a counsellor, parenting coach and accredited NLP Practitioner. Arnaum runs Parenting Solutions which provides practical effective solutions for everyday parenting problems.

If you have a question our experts, send it to asknurture@ nurtureparentingmagazine.com.au.

The featured question will receive a gift pack from Wot Not Naturals valued at $35.80

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Sweet Poison for our Children Sugar

makes your kids fat. It is converted directly to fat by their liver and it destroys their appetite control so that you want to eat more of everything. The more sugar they eat, the fatter they will be. But that will be the least of their worries if they eat sugar. Being fat won’t kill them but the diseases that being fat is a symptom of, will. High quality studies are starting to confirm that sugar consumption leads straight down a path to fatty liver disease then insulin resistance, PCOS, Type II Diabetes and on to depression, anxiety and ultimately Alzeheimer’s disease.

Yes, sugar will make your kids fatter today and give them rotten teeth but in 50 or 60 years time it will kill them.

THE IMPORTANT SUGARS

Carbohydrates are broken down into simple sugars by our digestive system.

There are only three important simple sugars: glucose, fructose and galactose.

All of the other sugars you are likely to encounter in daily life, including sucrose, are simply combinations of these three.

When I talk about the dangers of sugar, I mean fructose (and of course sucrose as it is half fructose).

Glucose: Glucose is by far the most

plentiful of the simple sugars. Pretty much every food (except meat) contains significant quantities of glucose. Even meat (protein) is eventually converted to glucose by our digestive system. Glucose is our primary fuel – no glucose means no us.

Galactose is present in our

environment in only very small quantities and is found mainly in dairy products in the form of lactose (where it is joined to a glucose molecule).

a smashed-out-of-your-brain, high-asa-kite kind of way, but in a more subtle, deceiving, I-can-give-up-anytime-Iwant kind of way – a bit like nicotine.

Fructose: Fructose is also relatively rare

GETTING KIDS HOOKED

in nature. It is found primarily in ripe fruits, which is why it is sometimes call ‘fruit sugar’. It is usually found together with glucose and it is what makes food taste sweet. As well as fruit, it is naturally present in honey (40%), maple syrup (35%) and agave syrup (90%).

Sucrose: Sucrose (sugar) is what we

think of when someone says table sugar.

It is composed of one-half glucose and one-half fructose. Brown sugar, caster sugar, raw sugar and low GI sugar are all sucrose.

I don’t remember my first taste of sugar and neither do you. Perhaps it was in your first feeder cup of diluted apple juice. Sugar is the only highly addictive drug that we feed to babies. By the time any of us are conscious of sugar, we are already well and truly addicted. Our brains have been hard-wired to seek out sugar as surely as the cocaine addict is wired to seek out stuff to sniff.

We don’t think of sugar as an addictive drug. We don’t have to meet chaps with questionable personal hygiene on street corners to acquire it.

There are no warning labels on products containing it. And our health authorities even recommend that we consume it (in moderation, of course). But research tells us that sugar is highly addictive. Not in

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Sugary-food manufacturers know that time-poor parents just want to know that they can feed their kids a nutritious meal or snack. They also know that the sweeter they make the meal or snack, the more likely the child is to want to eat it. The end result is foods with nutrition messages on the outside (packaging) and sugar on the inside. Your kids should be eating the same things you are (and not eating the same things you aren’t), but don’t expect them to appreciate you removing the sugar from their lives. This does not mean you shouldn’t tell them about the evils of sugar; information has been proven to make a big difference when it comes to children and sugar.

EDUCATION, PROHIBITION, OR BOTH?

A very interesting study was conducted in the UK in 2001 to see what difference a little sugar knowledge made to children’s health. In the study, 644 schoolchildren from 32 schools were divided into two groups. One group (the intervention group) was told they would be healthier if they stopped drinking sugar (in the form of soft drinks). The control group (who were at different schools) were not told; they were simply given the normal ‘don’t eat fat and exercise more’ message. In the intervention group, the sugar message

Photos: Spikey Hedgehog Photography

We all know that sugary treats are not good for our children. But do you know how harmful they really are? David Gillespie, author of “Sweet Poison” explains how sugar is actually an addictive poison and provides ways in which we can restrict the amount of sugar our children consume

was delivered on only four occasions (one lesson per term), during one of the regular weekly health and physical education lessons. That lesson was devoted to the ‘drink less sugar’ message while every other weekly health lesson was as per normal.

The control group, who weren’t told about sugar, got fatter. By the end of the school year, there were 7.5 per cent more overweight and obese kids in that group than there were at the start.

In the intervention group, there were slightly fewer (0.2 per cent) overweight and obese kids than at the start. No one was forcing the children to stop drinking sugar and they didn’t stop entirely; they just slightly reduced the amount they drank on average. Four hours invested over the course of a year had prevented a whole bunch of kids being a lot fatter than they otherwise would have been.

Armed guards and Rottweilers were not needed! The kids were simply given information about the dangers of sugar.

Another recent study out of Yale University tried a tactic most parents would be reluctant to attempt. Instead of educating children, they just removed sugar-filled food as an option. The

researchers looked at a group of 89 kids (aged 5–12) and what they ate when they were away at summer camp. Half the group were offered only low-sugar cereals (the American equivalent of Weet-Bix etc.) and the other half were offered only high-sugar cereals. Both groups had access to as much table sugar, strawberries, bananas and fruit juice as they wanted.

The Yale team wanted to know firstly whether the children offered lowsugar cereals would protest and refuse breakfast. Perhaps surprisingly, 100 per cent of the low-sugar group just ate what was on offer. (Of the high-sugar group, 1 per cent refused – obviously some aberrant child snuck in!) The interesting thing is that the low-sugar group ate a lot less than the high-sugar group – in fact, they ate half as much. On average, the low-sugar group ate the recommended serving of the cereal (one cup). But the high-sugar group ate on average two cups. The low-sugar group compensated for less cereal by adding table sugar to their cereal and drinking more juice, but even when that was included in the calculations, they ate significantly less sugar than the kids munching on the

high-sugar cereal. The researchers didn’t do it, but an interesting extension to this study would be to remove the table sugar and juice, making sure there was plenty of cold milk to drink. I rather suspect the result would be even more impressive.

My guess would be that the kids would once again eat what was on offer, perhaps eating less cereal and drinking more milk, but their sugar consumption would be insignificant.

The researchers also asked the children to rate their breakfasts out of five (with 1 being the best). The high-

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The Golden Rule: Party food is for parties This rule seems to work well with kids. Sure, they love party food, but it’s an extra-special treat for them because they don’t get it every other day of the week.

I’m no professional child wrangler, but it seems to me that you’ve got to give kids a little room to adjust.

Don’t expect them to elect you parent of the month, but remember that eventually they do adjust to the reality that sugar is no longer part of your (or their) lives. And the older they get, the more they appreciate why.

www.choodie.com sugar kids rated theirs 1.5, on average. You might have expected a less satisfied result from the low-sugar kids but their average was 1.6. The interesting thing about this study is that it did what many parents find very difficult: it simply removed the option. There was no attempt at moderation or education. The kids weren’t unhappy. And they didn’t starve. They just moved on with the new reality. Combining what these two studies tell us provokes some interesting thought. Prohibition works and education works. Combine prohibition with education and we might just have the recipe for healthy, sugar-free kids.

BUT MY KIDS AREN’T FAT

As a proportion of the population, fewer children are overweight than adults. Almost two-thirds of adults are either overweight or obese, compared with just one-quarter of children. But having any significant number of fat kids is a relatively new thing. In 1985, just one in ten Aussie kids was overweight or obese. In a quarter of a century, we’ve more than doubled that figure to one in four. Even so, if you are the parent of one of the other three in four, you might be feeling a little smug. But beware: kids don’t need to be fat to be suffering the damage done by sugar.

Growing children use vastly more energy than adults (relative to their size). Their brain size (for the first 12 or so years) relative to their body size means that they require much more pure energy than adults do. A toddler uses 45 per cent of his energy just keeping his brain running. Adults only use 25 per cent (and some of us, I dare say, probably considerably less than that!). On top of that, children need to build a body.

A two-year-old needs to consume 65 per cent of the calories of an adult woman. By the time he hits four, he requires 90 per cent, and by seven, 100 per cent. They’ll get those calories from anywhere – sugar, fat, whatever you feed them.

To eat more than they need and start to put some away for later is actually quite a feat for children. Most wouldn’t be able to accomplish it without the appetite-control-dimming effect of fructose. But just because three-quarters of them (so far) are not getting fat doesn’t mean that sugar is not doing damage.

Uric acid is still being produced, which ramps up their blood pressure and damages the kidneys. Arteries are still being filled with fatty acids that push them towards insulin-resistance, PCOS and, ultimately, diabetes. Collagen and elastin are still being messed up, pushing them towards flabbiness and low skin tone. For young girls, the protective effect of oestrogen is yet to kick in. And, perhaps worst of all, children’s appetite control is being blunted to the point where they will habitually overconsume. So when they stop growing, stand back for the fat explosion.

There is one fairly reliable way to tell whether your kids are consuming too much sugar. Researchers have known since the sixties that tooth decay is caused by a little chap called Streptococcus mutans (SM). It is one of the 200–300 species of bacteria that inhabit our mouths. SM is a little unusual, though. It’s rather like a koala in that it only really likes one thing to eat. No, not gum leaves! SM wants sugar. To be more precise, SM likes the two components of sugar, glucose and fructose, in exactly the proportions they are found in sugar (50:50). In hundreds of well-controlled studies, scientists have been able to determine that feeding sugar to SM causes it to produce plaque (the gummy coating on teeth) and lactic acid.

If you feed pure glucose or fructose to SM, it can only produce the acid; it can’t make plaque without sugar and without plaque there is no decay. (Lactic acid damages the enamel on your teeth, but it is the plaque that holds the acid against the tooth’s surface. Without the plaque, the acid is washed away quickly by your saliva.) If you want to rot teeth, the most effective way is

to provide SM with a constant wash of sugar solution (like soft drink, fruit juice or flavoured yoghurt). Eating sugar in solid food is also damaging but it is nowhere near as effective at helping SM do its job because a lot of it ends up in your tummy before SM can get to it.

SM has really enjoyed our change in diet since World War II. The amount of sugar-laden soft drinks, juice and flavoured milk we drink has risen from virtually nothing to almost 1 litre per person per day. Consumption of soft drink alone has more than doubled in the last 30 years. So, even if your child is managing (so far) not to get fat on a high-sugar diet, there’s a good chance that (unless they are a teeth-cleaning machine) they will be part of the swelling crowd of children requiring significant dental work before they are 12 years old.

GETTING YOUR KIDS OFF SUGAR

Getting kids off sugar is about discipline. Not theirs, yours. The home environment is where you have the most control. If you’ve gone through the steps above, you will have a largely sugar-free house. You will know that the kids can eat anything in your cupboard or fridge and not get any sugar. But controlling the world outside your house may prove to be a little problematic. For that, you need rules. The rules need to be logical and they need to be clearly (and repeatedly) explained.

These rules will not prevent your little darlings from sucking down some sugar when they get the chance, but it might stop them going back for seconds and overall help to moderate them towards a sugar-free palate. Of course, you have to lead by example. You can’t be seen to prohibit sweets at Macca’s and then chow down on an ice-cream cone yourself. Nor can you prohibit sweets on the way home from school and then cave in at the first checkout queue.

CONCLUSION

You can’t expect children to never taste sugar. They will go to parties and they will have treats. And, being children, they will chow down with the rest of their mates. If you’ve had them on a no-sugar (or low-sugar) diet, they won’t be used to the fructose and may well find much of the food too sweet, but they’ll still probably eat it. Don’t panic.

I’m no professional child wrangler, but it seems to me that you’ve got to give kids a little room to adjust. Don’t expect them to elect you parent of the month, but remember that eventually they do adjust to the reality that sugar is no longer part of your (or their) lives. And the older they get, the more they appreciate why.

David Gillespie is the author of Sweet Poison, the Sweet Poison Quit Plan and the recently released Big Fat Lies, all of which document the current research on the harmful effects of sugar and low fat foods Endnotes 1. The UK schoolchildren study is available in the British Medical Journal online at bmj.com/cgi/content/ full/328/7450/1237.

2. The Yale University study (on kids and breakfast cereals) does not yet appear to have been published in a journal, but you can download a summary from the researchers at cerealfacts.org/media/Sugar_Cereal_Study.pdf.

Useful rules for avoiding sugar All of these must be accompanied by a clear explanation as to why you are prohibiting sugar, set out in terms that your children will understand and which clearly affect them

1. Ensure the house is sugar-free. This must be absolute.

If you have any cracks in the sugar-free wall at home, kids (like sheep looking for a break in the fence) will exploit that weakness and soon you will be back where you started. If you are firm (and unwavering) about this, kids will accept the new reality a lot quicker than you think.

2. Make sure the lunchbox is sugar-free. Most primaryschool kids are supervised at lunchtime and are not allowed to throw food out. If they’re hungry, they’ll eat what you give them. If they don’t eat it, they weren’t hungry and they are coming home to a sugar-free house (and afternoon tea) anyway.

3. Don’t ban the tuckshop. Banning anything only seems to make it more attractive! Instead, know the tuckshop menu and help your children choose carefully. They will occasionally choose the wrong thing but that’s not the end of the world. Most kids will try hard to obey your rules and when they don’t, they’ll feel guilty about it and probably won’t make a habit of it.

4. Don’t be afraid of the new. When Pumpkin comes home with a tale of woe that Muffy had [insert name of new treat] in her lunchbox, don’t automatically say no. Check it out. It might be sugar-free or very low in sugar. You’d be surprised. And if it isn’t sugar-free, explain that that’s the reason you’re saying no; you’ll be surprised how accepting children can be.

5. Find another way to reward children. Food rewards are easy and mindless, but should be restricted to circus animals. Your kids deserve better. If they have balanced a ball on their nose for an hour, reward them with a trip to the movies rather than an ice-cream. Food is fuel, not a reward.

6. Prepare them for parties. If you know they are going into an environment where sugar consumption will be mandatory, talk to them about why it’s not a good idea to have too much. Ask them to have just one fizzy drink or juice then switch to water or diet soft drinks if they’re available. Ask them to veer towards the chippie bowl and away from the sweets. Maybe they’ll have more than one drink, but if they do, they’ll have your words ringing in their ears. Don’t prohibit them from bringing home a party bag, but do ration the consumption of the bag’s contents.

7. Don’t make a teenager stick out. Teenage kids would rather throw themselves in front of a bus than not do what everyone else is doing. Give them some secret rules that they can follow without looking like a weirdo. Tell them that when their friends are guzzling soft drink, they should choose cool, youth-oriented diet versions like Coke Zero and Pepsi Max. (If anyone asks, they can say they prefer the taste.) When they’re hanging at Macca’s, get the diet drink and the apple pie for dessert (if they must). When they’re heading for a sleepover (aka sugarthon), pack a bottle of diet soft drink and a bag of crisps as gifts for the host; that way, even if there aren’t any other low-sugar options, your child will at least have a choice. (It also teaches them that it’s nice to contribute something.)

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Bushwalk Playgroup

Understanding Bonding & Connection

There is a growing phenomena in Europe of forest kindergardens. It is a refreshing concept of having our children live, laugh and learn in a natural environment. Vicki Kearney provides a wonderful description of her bushwalk playgroup in Samford just outside of Brisbane

Natural parenting is all about bonding, connection and attachment. But what does that really mean?

Astra Nieldra explains the energy behind bonding and connecting with your chid and ways you can practice conscious connection.

Photos: Depositphotos

Many

people are aware to kiss or shake hands. But most of us unintentionally sever the connection to of the concept of will be able to feel if a hug or kiss is cool pay attention to the distraction, which bonding with their baby or child and or warm, friendly or passionate, even if might be an actual event or simply most of us manage to form some kind we don’t understand what makes it so. becoming lost in thoughts about other of bond naturally. But some people also Not only do our children feel how matters. If there are issues going on your find that the idea of bonding makes we connect (or not) with them, but life, you might regularly think about no sense to them and they go through they need us to connect with them in them and even become anxious, and the motions that appear to be what is order for them to become emotionally even though you might be physically expected but are never really sure if nourished. This type of feeding is as present with your child, you may not ‘bonding’ has taken place. To appreciate important as the actual physical food we be connecting with them. This doesn’t how bonding works it is helpful to first give them, and it is this feeding which mean you have to be focused on your understand the concept of connection. creates and maintains our bond with child 100% of the time, but that you Connecting with our children them. On a fundamental level, when you learn to handle your connection and with other people in our lives maintain a connection with your child it consciously. Doing this enables you to is something we all do but is also makes them feel as though they exist, start a connection with your child and something few of us understand. Most that they are significant, that they have then maintain it even if your attention of us know when we have a connection been validated. It makes them feel loved. is sought elsewhere - a bit like multiwith someone and when we don’t, and If children are not touched energetically tasking with your energy field. Or you we are aware that sometimes can move in and out of the quality of our ‘when you maintain a connection with your connection in a gradual connection with the child it makes them feel as though they exist, way, even letting your same person varies that they are significant, that they have been child know you are doing over time, which can this with a look or a few validated.’ be a frustrating aspect of relationships. words so they themselves We even use language to describe these by their parents and other caregivers start to learn about this way of connections such as “She was so cold then they will seek that touch elsewhere communicating. Or you might use your today”, “It was as if he wasn’t there” “I was if they are old enough to do so, or, if they connection to set healthy boundaries talking to her but she was off somewhere are still infants or young children, they such as intentionally connecting in a else” “There was a great vibe between us” will withdraw their own energy field in warm and heartfelt way as you say ‘good “The energy was flat at the party” “I feel an attempt to protect their vulnerability. night’ and then slowly withdrawing smothered by her” “He is so distant and Fortunately most parents your energy field so that you don’t cut cool” and so on. instinctively connect with their children it off suddenly, something which often Our connection with others is an to some degree, but it is helpful to be causes children to become anxious energetic thing, and because it is not more conscious of how you connect with about being left to go to sleep on their visible to most people, many people them. This allows you to adjust your own. Consciousness about connection don’t pay attention to it. It seems easier connection as circumstances change. also helps you to choose babysitters and to follow instructions on what to do with For instance, you might naturally other carers who will relate with your our physical bodies than our energetic become connected with your baby while child on this level. systems. Thus people find it makes sense you are breastfeeding or playing a game, As with learning to use any sense, to hug someone in order to feel close, or but if you are distracted you might with connection the first thing to do www.nurtureparentingmagazine.com.au

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is to pay attention to it. The more attention you pay to it, the easier it will become to control it. You can practice by looking in the mirror and imagining you are beaming out warm and welcoming energy. See if you notice how you feel in response to your own effort. Then change this and project cooler energy.

Then take it further and give out unwelcoming energy. With those different energies, practice adjusting their intensity.

Feel the difference, both in how it feels to you and in how you appear.

You can practice also by varying your energetic communication with your partner or with a friend and give feedback to each other about how you are doing. Sit opposite each other and take turns extending your energy field to the other person. Intend it to be warm and then cool. See if the other person picks up when you are extending warm energy and cool energy. Play with turning the energy up and down and pulling it back. Have your partner give you feedback on how it felt for them as you tuned your energy.

With your baby or older child, you can also practice by intentionally extending your energy field out towards them, with the energy coming from your heart area. Notice if they respond to you as you do this. With an older child you can even discuss this with them and ask for their feedback. If your child is a baby, simply look at them and hold them and extend your energy to them, or talk or sing as you do this. Babies respond so quickly to changes in our energetic communication with them that you will see the effects of your change in connection instantly.

With my own children, I know quickly when my attention, and therefore connection, wanders someplace else because my youngest daughter in particular will make very obvious attempts to get it back! If I ignore her, the attention-seeking becomes more extreme, until I re-establish my connection with her. This doesn’t mean I have to sit and gaze at her all day or even play with her for hours - I can acknowledge her, re-establish my connection with her, listen to what she wants to express, and when she’s finished tell her that I need to do a chore, for instance, but then make sure I keep a part of me in touch with her. When I do this, she quite happily becomes absorbed in some sort of play, and will let me know again if she feels the abandonment of the loss of connection. If I didn’t know about energetic connection, it would be easy to blame her for the attention-seeking behaviour. With awareness about it, I can consider whether I have been neglecting connecting with her and then fix this, rather than criticise her for simply expressing

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a very real need. I believe many problems with children ‘acting out’ arise simply because parents and caregivers don’t know about energetically feeding the children in their care.

If you find these exercises difficult or if consciously connecting with your child brings up uncomfortable feelings, then it is even more important that you pay attention to this aspect of communication. There are many reasons discomfort could be occurring: The primary part of your personality might not ‘do’ warm and nurturing connection and might be more businesslike and impersonal in your relationships with others and so heart-to-heart connection feels alien or even frightening. Many people are often ‘in their heads’, which means they are identified with the part of their psyche which thinks and analyses and does not know how to feel. There is nothing wrong with this as we all need to use our minds, but it is certainly helpful to be able to ‘get out of your head’ and relate from a different space when you need to.

Maybe you have had negative experiences in the past while being energetically in touch with someone else, or as a child you yourself were not ‘met’ energetically by your own caregivers.

Sometimes when open and personal energy feels threatening the fear is that you might become overwhelmed and will become enmeshed with your child, losing yourself. Whatever the reason, it is worth exploring, not only for your children’s benefit but for your own too. One of the most powerful selftherapies is to begin to parent yourself in the manner you would have liked to have been parented. That might involve listening to and honouring your fears and concerns, no matter how trivial they might seem to your more competent, adult self. It might mean doing something for your own inner child, such as allowing yourself to eat something you always wanted to as a child, such as fairy floss or a whole bowl of cake mixture, or maybe sleeping with a favourite teddy bear.

On the opposite end of the spectrum, if connecting with your child is no problem for you and you thrive on constant warm and open connection, consider whether you have the ability to make conscious choices about energetically separating from your child. Possibly you find it difficult to set boundaries and both you and your child become anxious when you leave them alone or leave them at school/child care/to sleep. Many parents who are often enmeshed with their child find that the only way they can separate is to forcibly pull themselves apart. This can be very painful for both parent and child, and you would benefit from learning how to gradually and gently separate energetically, and with comfort establish individual energy fields.

With an understanding of connection, it is easier to see how bonding takes place between parents and children: The greater and more frequent the connection, the stronger the bond.

For more information on parenting consciously, relationships (both between parents and children and between the parents themselves), including the positive and negative bonding patterns which affect relationships, see Astra Niedra’s book The Perfect Relationship Astra Niedra is one of the world’s foremost teachers of the personal growth and relationship healing system Voice Dialogue. She writes extensively on relationships and consciousness growth, and is author of the books The Perfect Relationship and Enlightenment Through Motherhood. Her website is www.voicedialogue.com.

Music for Nurturing Wellbeing Music can reduce stress and nurture wellbeing when in hospital reports Tara Hashambhoy Hospital can be a scary, stressful place for anyone particularly for sick children and their families. Strange environments, people, medicines and procedures can be deeply unsettling to children and terribly distressing for their families.

Doctor Catherine Crock is Physician in Charge of haematology procedures at The RCH Melbourne. She is a strong advocate for families’ needs and liaises between families and medical staff in order to design effective strategies that improve hospital procedures and alleviate unnecessary stress on patients. Giving families a voice in the hospital system helps them feel empowered and actually makes care safer – Doctor Crock says that parents who feel more integral to their child’s medical care tend to provide more feedback on their child’s condition and speak up more readily about concerns, helping doctors provide more efficient treatments. Her work has earned her great admiration and acclaim from the medical profession, patients and the wider community. The outcomes that she achieves help to create a hospital atmosphere that is friendlier and calmer for children and their families.

Dr. Crock strongly advocates music as a tool for nurturing patient wellbeing. Playing music before each operation has proved a powerful way to relax patients, lower their heart rate and help them achieve a peaceful sleep. Dr. Crock says that the way a patient goes to sleep under anesthesia is the way that they wake up: Patients who go to sleep in a relaxed way wake up relaxed and consequently spend less time in recovery.

In her theatre waiting room, Dr. Crock uses play therapy and employs a music therapist to keep her patients relaxed and engaged whilst they wait for surgery. Both these methods have proved very popular and effective with her patients. Her theatre’s gentle ways of preparing a child for surgery reduce stress for staff, patients and families. Most of her patients come for repeated surgical treatments, and the effort that is dedicated to creating caring environment allows children to become familiar with the music, games and faces, making surgery a far less fearful thing!

Dr. Crock is not alone in regarding music as a valuable medical tool; it is a view shared by many researchers, health professionals, music therapists and musicians. Dr. Ralph Spingte has researched the effects of music as a tool for reducing anxiety. He believes "...it is possible to reduce the demand for drugs and the duration of the hospital stay significantly through relatively simple psychological intervention including the use of anxiolytic music." Dr. Spingte and his team have collected data from more than 56,000 patients and believe

that "Emotional relaxation achieved by anxiolytic music is much better than that achieved by sedative drugs, both in our opinion and in the opinion of our patients. About 50% of the usual dosage of sedative and analgesic drugs can be saved…”

(The Anxiolytic Effects of Music from "Rehabilitation, Music and Human Well-being" ed. Mathew H.M. Lee (1989) MMB Music, Inc. USA) When Dr. Crock began using music during preparation for surgery, she used music from her personal collection, however she soon felt that she would need something more targeted to her patient’s needs. The Hush Foundation is the musical organization she founded to overcome this need. It has produced 12 CDs and raised over $850,000 for Australia’s Children’s Hospitals.

Australian composers have written original works for Hush Collection v.7 and up. The Hush Foundation thereby nurtures both hospital patients and Australian musical culture.

Composers spend time in the surgery and meet with the music therapist to discuss ideas and ways of achieving a piece of music that will be most beneficial to the hospital’s patients.

Wind in the Willows is the 12th recording in the Hush collection. The Hush collection is used in the 12 Children’s Hospitals, Australia-wide. All proceeds from the sales go to the Children’s hospitals to use as needed. Notable Australian artists volunteer their time to be part of this incredibly giving, inspiring project. The Hush website contains testimonials from patients and their families that prove the value of music in their hospital experiences; "The music makes me feel relaxed and safe and I don't feel scared at all. It's great to have music in the hospital!" (Zoe aged 9).

More information on patient and family-centred hospital care, Dr. Catherine Crock and her work for families can be found at the following websites: www.hush.org.au and www.aipfcc.org.au

Hush Collection (Vl 12): Wind in the Willows

Music and Literature are artfully joined in this new release from the Hush Foundation. Narrated excerpts from Kenneth Grahame’s classic tale, Wind in the Willows alternate with musical interludes by Australian composer, Mark Isaacs.

The result is a beautiful, rich and vivid encapsulation of Grahame’s famous woodland creatures, their world and adventures! www.nurtureparentingmagazine.com.au

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Controlled Crying:

It is not ‘safe’: it’s still mean, and it’s still unnecessary There has been some recent media reports that controlled crying is ‘safe’. These claims are based on a recently released study. Anni Gethin unravels the truth behind the study and provides a summary of the up-to-date research surrounding controlled crying.

crying 8 minutes, clearly led to confused and The first issue to address is the w a s very unhappy babies – and parents were conflation of controlled crying with an era in parenting advice that was on its routinely advised to use the technique the benefits of improved parental sleep way to dead and buried – like ‘bottle is at sleep time and nap times, and (such as feeling less tired and reduced best’, 4 hourly feeds or solids at 2 months; repeat again and again when it stopped maternal depression). Whilst it is true or, so many of us thought. Incorrectly, working. that parents do feel better from getting As we have learnt more about as it turns out: much to the alarm of more sleep (and coming off a 3 week the infant development community, the neurological and psychological teething jag with baby ‘paracetomol controlled crying has been given a development of babies, the consensus in makes me chuck’ Juno – I have recent new lease. Recent national news and academic neuroscience and psychology knowledge of this fact!) However, there print stories had images of desperately is that controlled crying is not just are many things that can be done to help screaming babies accompanied by distressing for babies, but contrary to babies sleep better, and so wake their headlines that controlled crying is not what humans require for optimum parents up less, including a range of kind only ‘safe’ but ‘good for babies’; new brain and emotional development. The and responsive techniques that respect research claims that parents can leave human baby, with their immature stress babies’ developmental needs. Equating their babies to cry with confidence responses and emotional systems is controlled crying with getting more that it won’t cause any long term biologically designed to develop in an sleep and reduced maternal depression harm. However, parents should not environment of consistently responsive assumes that a) there are no other ways be reassured that controlled of parents getting more crying is safe or beneficial. A ‘the consensus in academic neuroscience sleep or support, and closer look at the research and psychology is that controlled crying is b) the costs associated shows that not only is it not just distressing for babies, but contrary with controlled crying methodologically flawed, to what humans require for optimum brain are worth the benefits to and emotional development.’ it in no way demonstrates parental well being. the desirability or necessity of training It is on this second point that the parenting. The advice to parents is now babies to sleep by leaving them to cry. studies, and the media interpretations I came across controlled crying unequivocal: babies should not be left to of the studies, make interesting claims: 20 years ago when I had my first baby, cry in order to train them to sleep. This controlled crying does no harm/is ‘safe’.

Zac. Then, it was seen as a kinder sleep understanding has been reflected in a A closer examination of the Murdoch method, kinder that is than just shutting shift in parenting advice to use gentle Children’s Research Institute study the door and letting the baby scream and responsive baby sleep techniques, shows that the research does not warrant themselves to sleep (cry it out). To many even by long time controlled crying anything like such a claim. of us, controlled crying still seemed very stalwarts like Tressilian and Karatine.

The study started in 2003, with Given our advances in mean to babies – especially as parents follow up at 1 and 2 years – and the most were advised to let their babies cry for understanding infant development, it is recent study examining the long-term as long as an hour, until they vomited, hard to comprehend the research push impact on children of the technique. that it could be used on babies at any from researchers at Murdoch Children’s It involved two groups of parents age, including newborns. Even the less Research Institute and Flinders experiencing sleep problems with their brutal forms of controlled crying such University to prove controlled crying is babies. The first group were given advice as leaving babies to cry for 2, 4, 6 then something parents should do.i on controlled crying or ‘camping out’ –

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Photos: Depositphotos

Controlled

where either the parents let their babies cry initially for short periods, and then for increasingly longer periods, or stayed in the room and slowly moved away. The second group was the control and did not receive advice on controlled crying.

A major flaw in the study arises in comparing the two groups of parents as if one group all did controlled crying and the others did not. However, a whopping 43% of the intervention group rejected doing controlled crying but were still included in the analysis as if they had. And we are not told how many of the control group ended up using controlled crying. Our own experience is that many, if not most, parents who use controlled crying find out about the technique on their own, from parenting websites, TV, books, magazines, or friends. So when the researchers say there was no difference in the long term outcomes for controlled crying kids vs. control, one has to ask, whether the researchers in fact compared two groups of quite similar parents, with some using controlled crying and some not in each group.

These fatal methodological problems aside, there is also a blind spot around the immediate impact of controlled

crying: babies get very distressed when sleep trained. Our culture is dismissive of babies crying, as a walk around any suburban shopping centre will demonstrate – but controlled crying creates real distress, and the feelings of sadness, fear, confusion, rage at being left alone, helplessness and abandonment are all there.

Then when babies stop crying for their parents, the technique is said to be ‘working’. What parents are not told is that their baby’s distress does not end: “Although infants exhibited no behavioural cue that they were experiencing distress at the transition to sleep [eg crying], the infants continued to experience high levels of physiological distress, as reflected in their cortisol scores.”

What Middlemiss’s 2012 study demonstrated is that an attachment rupture is created by controlled crying: babies are still distressed but stop trying to communicate their distress to their parents.

So what about in the long term? Even assuming the methodology was sound; does the research support the claim of there being no long-term harm of using controlled crying? Here it depends on

what harms are being considered and how they are measured. In the scheme of things there are many worse things that can happen to a baby than controlled crying, viz parenting that is so damaging as to cause obvious, easily measurable long term damage. Controlled crying however, is usually used by otherwise normal loving and responsive parents.

As such you would not generally expect to see impacts at the gross level of obvious attachment disorders nor major changes to the normal daily rhythms of stress hormones. Although having said this we have heard numerous reports of controlled crying being followed by clear attachment problems, such as extreme clinginess, avoiding the mother when distressed or no longer making eye contact.

What controlled crying does is create a major stress for babies at the time the sleep mechanism is forming (the mechanisms that enables the transition to sleep) and at a time that attachment and trust in parents is developing. Thus it can be hypothesized that controlled crying would increase the risk of the following issues: • Sleep onset difficulties • Insomnia

www.nurtureparentingmagazine.com.au

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South Australian HM4MB community

Milk Sharing:

Human Milk 4 Human Babies Kelly Harper answers our questions about milk sharing and the community it fosters

Linen sheets are regarded as luxury items and are currently produced in relatively small quantities. Linen is woven from the fibres of the abundant flax plant – a completely natural and renewable resource, which uses little water in its production. It is totally biodegradable and recyclable. Linen has natural antibacterial, antifungal and allergenic properties, and it will not attract or trap dust particles. It is able to absorb a large amount of water and moisture. It is a thermal regulator, which allows baby’s skin to breathe, keeping her cool in summer and warm in winter.

Miss Molly’s bedding is made from eco–lux French flax, which is a pure and natural textile that assists in blissful sleep. This collection of pure French linen bedding is smooth, cool and crisp to touch – the perfect ecofriendly and luxurious bedding.

You can buy it directly online here at Miss Molly’s.

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responsive and gentle techniques that can help babies sleep better and parents get more sleep – which we will discuss in the issues ahead. These are not ‘one size fits all’ but are designed to work with individual babies and their families.

Increasingly State health departments, parent centres and parenting workers advise the use of use gentle and developmentally appropriate sleep techniques.

Any suggestion that controlled crying is good parenting practice is irresponsible, given it is unnecessary, unkind to babies and parents and poses a range of unexplored risks. That a methodologically flawed study did not find harms in areas where harm was unlikely to be found does not make the practice safe for the developing brain or sleep mechanism; it does not tell us whether the risk of later sleep disorders, depression or anxiety are increased; nor does it indicate whether the deep trust a baby has in their parents is damaged.

Most importantly the study’s findings do nothing to alleviate the devastation and incomprehension of a helpless baby left to cry night after night.

What are people are saying about HM4HB? “HM4HB meant that my son and I weren’t alone; that we truly did have a village who were ready and willing to help me raise him.” Diana – recipient “It means I don’t have to stand at my kitchen sink and cry as I pour my milk down it because I can’t fit it in my freezer. It’s great knowing its helping my recipient’s baby put on weight. It really is a wonderful feeling” Nerita – donor “HM4HB taught me the real meaning of Sisterhood. It’s because of this network that I was able to successfully work through our breastfeeding struggles, establish my supply, and continue this journey with my daughter. She’s now 19 months old and loves her ‘muk.’” Shawna – recipient

How it Works: The Facebook pages act as noticeboards where families requiring breastmilk put up a request and women who have extra breastmilk offer their excess. These offers and requests are reposted by the admins and the community members make their own ‘milk matches’ working out the terms of the donation between themselves. HM4HB does not screen donors, decide who gets breastmilk or assist in the matches in any way. The milksharing community takes care of it themselves. The most important thig to remember is that it is free.

“HM4HB has been a godsend! Not only have we found some wonderful women willing to share their milk to help us feed our sweet baby, but we’ve found an amazing community which offers support and advice as well as donations. After suffering through breast cancer a few years ago, all of the kindness has been invaluable!” Susie – recipient

Why Choose HM4HB? In a country where there are only a few formal milk banks providing donor milk to the youngest and sickest babies, options are limited if you are unable to give your child your own breastmilk for whatever reason. HM4HB believes that families are capable of weighing the benefits and risks of milksharing in order to make choices that are best for them.

If you have extra breastmilk that you would like to donate or you would like to find breastmilk for your child, please visit www.hm4hb.net. There you will find the link to your local community page on Facebook as well as answers to the most frequently asked questions about the network and how the pages work.

Photos: Depositphotos

The Art of Sleeping Beautifully

• Night fears • Anxiety • Not expressing needs/fears: being a ‘good’ baby /child • Less trusting of parents (especially to discuss problems, fears) • Less able to seek help from others • Difficulties with intimacy • Less trusting of intimate partners The study did not examine these outcomes, but rather looked at parental assessment of behaviour and attachment, and at the patterns of stress over the day.

Parental reporting of child behavioural outcomes is notoriously unreliable – even the most honest parents might not want to admit to difficult behaviours in their children, or on the other hand, even notice if they were overly compliant. As a consequence, parent reports are not considered an adequate measure of child behaviour or attachment outcomes.

We would not expect to see changes in daily stress patterns, but, if damage had occurred due to controlled crying, it would show up as a changed response to specific stresses, such as going on a ‘sleep-over’ or hearing a scary noise at night. We also might also expect less trusting behaviours such as a child not seeking their parent’s comfort when frightened at night.

Of course we would hope that controlled crying does not have the same impact as child neglect and abuse, given how ubiquitous the practice has been, however, not finding gross level harms does not make the practice without risk, nor ‘safe’. And of course the unpleasant truth remains that controlled crying hurts babies and parents every time it is conducted.

Fortunately there are many

What is HM4HB? HM4HB is a global network of volunteers, supporters, donors and recipients from all corners of the world that share breastmilk, free of charge, through pages on Facebook.

There are community pages for over 50 countries (including a page for each State & Territory in Australia); comprised of more than 300 volunteer administrators and thousands of community members who are the true reason HM4HB works.

The mission of HM4HB is to promote the nourishment of babies and children around the world with human milk. We are dedicated to fostering community between local families who have chosen to share breastmilk.

i Middlemiss, W, et al (2012) Asynchrony of mother–infant hypothalamic–pituitary–adrenal axis activity following extinction of infant crying responses induced during the transition to sleep. Early Human Development 88 Dr Anni Gethin is a health social scientist with a particular interest in baby sleep, and providing sleep advice to parents grounded in neuroscience and principles of secure attachment and emotional development

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The Importance of Play and Quality Learning to Promote Childhood There is a growing phenomena in Europe of forest kindergardens. It is a refreshing concept of having our children live, laugh and learn in a natural environment. Vicki Kearney provides a wonderful description of her bushwalk playgroup in Samford just outside of Brisbane

“Global Summit on Childhood” conference was held in Washington, DC, March 28-31, 2012, to raise public awareness about challenges facing childhood today.

During this summit, ACEI (Association for Childhood Education International) (www.acei.org/) and the Alliance for Childhood, launched the Decade for Childhood, a 10-year initiative that provides opportunities for individuals and organisations to disseminate knowledge, consider best policies and practices, and support a global conversation about childhood.

Steiner Education brings education to children and young adults in over 65 countries, with over 35 schools in Australia. In Early Childhood, children experience pre-school and kindergarten in a very different way to other school environments.

In a Steiner Kindergarten or Early Childhood Centre, the environment is warm, friendly and has a home-like atmosphere where the child experiences self-initiated play with natural, aesthetic materials and outdoor creative activity in the elements of nature. The children develop social and emotional skills and a sense of well-being, which is a necessary state for the ability to think and reflect. Through strengthening their physical sense of balance in play,

and baking morning teas and impromptu plays and games. While it is true that the children are protected from technological noise and computers in a Steiner kindergarten, they are not protected from energetic, lively play and robust physical activities of building, gardening or crafts and exploring the world of bush or garden enthusiastically.

The curriculum for a Steiner Kindergarten is based on the understanding that the young child learns through imitation. The openness of the young child, their reverence and their ability to absorb every nuance of what they experience, allow deep “The understanding of child learning to occur. Through imitation development grew tremendously during they learn authentic home and garden the 20th century. Today, however, we skills and develop artistic and musical feel a growing unease about ‘The Steiner kindergarten environment capacities. A growing the state of childhood. Too consciousness of the often, nations have stimulates the child’s powers of imagination world emerges through and fantasy, allowing them to transform been unable to translate the teacher’s stories and natural materials into any kind of toy.’ new knowledge into actions Kindergarten work. They that promote children’s health they not only develop neurological also experience and take in deeply as and well-being. Rapid cultural and readiness for literacy and numeracy but part of their education the gesture, technological changes combine with agealso experience the counterpart of an attitude and atmosphere created by the old problems of poverty, neglect, and inner balance at an emotional level. For teacher. The teachers strive to be worthy abuse to thwart the healthy development example, steadying the wooden tower of imitation in all that they are and all of huge numbers of children. and balancing the branch on top of the that they do.

Current conditions pose a threat to upright log require an inner calmness, There are two forces in the child childhood, and the need to address them focus, and a weighing up of possibilities. at work. The child brings the capacity is urgent. The Decade for Childhood is a Climbing, running, twirling; in this to imitate the world around them and multi-year initiative to explore what is movement a healthy sense of freedom also their own inner impulses engage eroding in childhood and to create new and of moving towards one’s goal is with the world in a unique, creative and opportunities for childhood’s future—our experienced. potent way. This connecting together human future.” www.acei.org/ The real world for the young child of what is experienced or revealed to However, there is an international between 5 and 6 is one of vegetables the child about the world on the one educational movement that focuses growing in gardens and brisk breezes, hand and on the other the awakening strongly on the quality of childhood. rain and tall trees, cutting up vegetables and strengthening of what are essential

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Photos: Depositphotos

A

individual impulses and gifts, characterises a healthy education.

Young children love to play, therefore they are offered the possibility of participating in the traditional activities that might take place in a home. Because these activities are done rhythmically, they create a feeling of well-being and a sense of security in the child. As they serve a purpose and are filled with meaning, this allows the child to enter more fully into life at a later age.

The Steiner kindergarten environment stimulates the child’s powers of imagination and fantasy, allowing them to transform natural materials into any kind of toy. If one observes children playing with toys that have a great deal of detail, one can see that there is a different quality to the play. If, for instance, children are given a plastic toy red taxi, they are likely to limit their play to activities involving a taxi. If, however, they are given a plain wooden car, the possibilities are endless, limited only by the children’s imagination.

Children who engage in socio-dramatic play (which involves make believe, transformation of objects and verbal expression) also show greatest gains in later cognitive and creative capacity, intellectual competence and socio-emotional skills. Observers have recognised twelve types of play which develop movement, creative, language, artistic and imaginative skills and expression. Creative play may correlate with later psychological adjustment.

Another important feature of a Steiner kindergarten is rhythm. Rhythm brings reassurance and continuity as well as trust in the unfolding of life. A sense that here there is time to do things beautifully is continually cultivated.

Children’s healthy habits are supported by repetition of

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authentic tasks and their memory is strengthened by recurring meaningful events such as festivals. Memory is considered to move through three phases in line with the three divisions of this stage; place memory (where events happen and the surroundings), rhythmic memory (verses, songs, movement) and picture memory (stories, descriptions creating an image in the mind).

The Steiner curriculum is interwoven with authentic home activities.

Cooking, crafts and gardening bring order and beauty; caring for the hurt

or ill, washing and sculpting are all part of Kindergarten work. The imitation of care, purpose, dedication and gratitude in these processes is as important as the work that is done.

Steiner Schooling deeply connects to and considers the transition from Early Childhood as the child moves toward the world of formal schooling.

The Steiner Kindergarten Curriculum is designed on the understanding that: • A bridge is built that gives security, trust and a harmonious and gentle transition to a school learning environment.

• The principles, practices and outcomes of Early Years Learning, are optimally enriched for the 5-6 year old child or first year of formal school attendance and can find an extension that is both age -appropriate and valuable.

• This bridge is optimal in its alignment with child development and learning research for this age which suggests that early literacy work (age 5-6) is best oral language centred and play-based until the proprioceptive system (6-7 years) is developed. In addition, left brain development

and myelination (7-8 years) as well as the development of the corpus callosum are needed for full literacy and numeracy skills.

• Research suggests that this extended transition is not detrimental to long term cognitive or literacy skills. The Steiner Kindergarten approach is in alignment with recent recommendations of the Cambridge Review, which notes that five is too young to leave behind active playbased learning and embark on formal subject-based curriculum.

It recommends extending the Early Years Framework in England for one year. It notes that in 14 of the 15 countries that scored higher than England in a major study of reading and literacy in 2006, children did not enter school until they were six or seven. On average only 16 per cent of European Union five year olds are in school.

Tracey Puckeridge is the Chief Executive Officer of Steiner Australia.

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Your Story Abby Bland tells us about the joy and heartache of receiving donor breast milk for her baby, Jett, who was born at 25 weeks gestation.

Having a premature baby I anticipated there could be some challenges as we began our breastfeeding journey, however nothing quite prepared me for the challenges we would face.

Jett was born at 25 weeks and in the early weeks of his life he had multiple bowel perforations which can be common in premature babies. He was a very sick little baby and because of his gut issue he couldn’t tolerate even the tiniest bit of breast milk. For the first 17 weeks of his life, he was sustained on TPN (Total Parental Nutrition) and I expressed 8 – 10 times daily to keep up supply so when he recovered and was well enough I would have milk there for him. During this time my milk supply was up and down, sometimes I would only pump 30mls at a time from both breasts. Whatever I pumped though I froze, then when I ran out of storage space I donated some of my liquid gold to a mother who was unable to breastfeed and fed her baby on donor breast milk.

I hoped that with time and once Jett was able to be put to the breast my supply would increase. Finally when he was 135 days old he was able to breastfeed. I put my baby to the breast and he took to it like a duck to water. Soon after, we were discharged, fully breastfeeding. I was so happy! 6 weeks later we had a hospital appointment and we were admitted the next day. Jett had lost on average 100gms a week since discharge and he was diagnosed with failure to thrive. Dr’s put it down to him having a bad latch, but I of course thought it was my supply. He was put on full naso gastric tube feeds which meant I had to pump 720mls a day. It didn’t happen. I was lucky to pump 300mls. Instead of resorting to formula, a friend of mine used social networking sites and put the call out for breast milk for us.. I had a woman respond immediately, she came to the hospital 2 days later with about 4L for us.. Over the next 9 days, we weaned the tube feeds and got Jett back on the breast, but he started losing weight again. Upon discharge, Jett was breastfeeding, but still needed 500mls through the NG tube. A scoop of prescription formula was added to fortify EBM to assist with weight gain. I expressed as much as I could, but it still wasn’t enough. I began to rely on milk donors on a daily basis. I had called the milk bank near me and they informed me they charged $80 for 1.1L!! So more posts went up on social networking sites and again

more breast milk came flooding in.

Jett was supplemented with donor milk for a total of 6 months. I have been asked many times why not formula?

Isn’t it dangerous to give a baby another woman’s milk? While it is true that my son has had formula, it was never given to him to replace breast milk. It was simply given as a calorie booster.

I never had any intention of replacing feeds with artificial milk when he can have human milk. The women that donate give full disclosure about their lifestyle, medications etc and have also shown me copies of blood tests. Women that donate their breast milk are as passionate as I am about giving human milk to human babies.

During the 6 months my son was given milk from at least 7 different women. I had a regular donor near where I live and had a few one off donations. The first time I received donor milk, it was from a woman that I had never met. I only spoke to her on the phone after she answered my call on Human milk 4 Human babies face book page. It was strange, yet, so natural.

She drove to the hospital, I met her at the door we hugged, she gave me the milk and left. She continued to donate to me and eventually we were able to catch up and have a cuppa! My regular donor is a friend of a friend. I have only met her once.

Her husband is the one that I picked the milk up from. Another donor was someone from playgroup, who upon finding out I fed bub donor milk offered her frozen stash.

Regardless of how many times I have met the women face to face, I feel like I ‘know’ them and they are all updated online with my son’s progress.

Having a low milk supply has been extremely tough emotionally. I felt like I was failing my baby, not being able to do what is ‘supposed’ to come naturally. Having a sick baby, trying to pump around the clock and still try and breast feed was very stressful and often made my supply issues worse. I will be forever grateful to the wonderful women who donated their precious milk. They gave me the gift of having one less thing to worry about. It took pressure off me in times of very high stress and they have given the greatest gift of nutrition to my son. I wish milk sharing was more widely accepted as the norm.I still struggle with supply so maintain a strict expressing schedule, as well as take prescription medication and natural galactologues. With the help of these things we are still breast feeding at 13 months and I hope to continue until we are both ready to stop. www.nurtureparentingmagazine.com.au

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Handling Aggression: Child lashes out at another child This is Part 2 of Handling Aggression. In this Part, Rachel Schofield helps us understand the underlying reason why children lash out at others and also provides ways to deal with a situation where your child lashes out at another child.

connection in more subtle ways, in our day to day lives with children.

When children feel connected, they are delightful to be with. They can share their toys, wait their turn, be nice to their brother and so on. These are the beautiful moments of family life.

If we take a quick look at the brain, we can understand how this sense of connection works and, how it affects a child’s behaviour, sometimes causing them to lash out at others. There’s a small lump at the top of the spinal column, the brain stem. It’s responsible for bodily functions such as heart rate, breathing and the fight – flight – freeze response.

If this part of the brain detects all is well, it lets the rest of the brain be in charge of

of the brain is in charge of learning, attention span, short-term memory, impulse control and judgement. So when a child feels connected, they are able to think well. They are able to share their food, let their friend go first, play happily whilst you chat on the phone and so on.

But if the limbic brain senses lack of connection (danger) the thinking brain shuts down. There is virtually no activity in the prefrontal cortex when we’re Handling children’s aggression overtaken by feelings. Children lose their brings us some of the most challenging ability to think in three ways: (i) they moments as a parent. It’s all too easy to sense there is real immediate danger; respond with annoyance or plain anger. (ii) they feel disconnected because we It seems that a child’s hostility has a way can’t pay them enough attention; or (iii) of making us lose sight of their goodness. something reminds them of a difficult We forget that more than anything they moment from the past (see want to fit in, to do the right thing, ‘when a child has just lashed out at Handling Aggression Part to love others and feel loved. another child, it’s a big signal that they 1 (Issue 2) for a detailed It can be hard to remember need help with their feelings.

We need to discussion on this). You that, even in these emotional stop the aggression ... and respond with as could be offering them moments, they are doing much love and kindness as we can’ great connection, but they their very best. When their go into mind freeze because they behaviour isn’t working, there are our behaviour. are experiencing an emotional bad good reasons.

Covering the brain stem is the limbic memory.

Children need connection as much And when a child loses their as they need food, water and sleep. We brain, the social and emotional centre and the seat of long term memory.

This sense of connection, their behaviour know that without emotionally warm part of the brain is particularly attuned becomes rigid. We can’t save children care, babies will literally die. Clinical to non verbal signals and is highly active from disconnection.

It happens often, Psychologist Robert Karen describes in children.

It acts like a radar, scanning sometimes many times a day. And it’s how in the post World War II orphanages, the world and checking: “Are these in these moments that they might hit infants kept in the clinically clean people safe?

Is someone looking out for their friend, push their little sister, or hospitals and given good food, died in me?”

If the limbic brain detects all is throw things at you.

We can, however, their droves; where as the orphans given well, then your child senses it’s safe to bring them relief by offering them the to farming families thrived, despite the grow and learn. connection they need.

If we come close dirty, germ ridden environment. It was When our children’s limbic brains are to a child in those moments, they will love that kept them alive and, loneliness happy, they are able to use their thinking laugh, cry or tantrum. And this is just that killed the hospital babies. brain, the prefrontal cortex. This part what they need to do. The laughter, tears We can also notice the power of I was a bit shocked. My son had just angrily thrown part of his marble maze right at his friend.

My image of him as a patient, cooperative child crumbled. There he was, bold as brass, chucking hard objects, and hurting his playmate. It took a moment longer than it should have for me to do something.

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and rage are the body’s way of shedding emotional tension. When we let these emotions run their course, we notice that children are naturally sunny and loving afterwards. They’re able to think once more.

So when a child has just lashed out at another kid, it’s a big signal that they need help with their feelings. We need to stop the aggression. And we need to respond with as much warmth and kindness as we can. You can do this either playfully, as described in Handling Aggression Part 1; or you can respond more seriously.

With a more serious move, you can come close, and physically stop the child doing more harm. If necessary you might need to gently hold their arm/leg to prevent further damage or get yourself in between the two children. Calling out, “stop that!” across a room rarely works as the child can’t think. Instead you could get near, stop the aggression and say kindly, “I’m not going to let you hit Sammy”. As you stay close they might struggle, laugh or cry. You stay listening to their upset and physically making sure they don’t hurt anyone or damage anything.

Dealing with aggressive outbursts between children tends to be messy business: you have two upset kids on your hands. Both have big feelings that need listening to. Unfortunately, there’s no neat and tidy way to manage this, you just do your best. As long as no-one is seriously hurt, you can choose one child to pour your attention onto. If a child is being aggressive you really need to move in quickly and stop that first off, so they’re often the one to focus on. You can acknowledge the pain of the other child, “I’ll be with you soon”, and let them snuggle up to you, as you as you focus on the angry child. Or you can try being with both, switching your attention from one to another. If one child runs off, you can stay with the child nearby until they’re done with their upset, and then go and find the other child to offer them the connection they need. They may well tell you to go away, but really deep down they want you nearby (I think we can all recall moments like that). You can say, “I’d like to stay close just now, I know things are hard”, and stay near and listen as they show you their feelings.

Of course listening to our children’s upsets, stirs up big feelings inside of us.

It helps a great deal, not only to have a

clear plan about how you’d like to handle such tricky moments, but also to build emotional support for yourself. Being a parent is deeply emotional work. It can help enormously to find a good listener who can be with you as you talk about: what get stirs up in you when your kids fight; how your parents handled sibling conflict; how you wish things could be different; how you wish you knew what to do. An amazing thing happens when we can find a warm, accepting listener who refrains from giving us advice: we feel heard and supported; we feel safe to show our inner feelings. When we’re able to gather that kind of support, we find we can be patient with our children, even in their aggressive moments. We can remember that they are doing their best.

Children feel terrible when they hurt others. Sometimes they have a hardened look of “I don’t care” but underneath they’re suffering. We all want to feel close and loved, we all want to be warm

and loving. We don’t need to add to a child’s isolation by blaming, lecturing or being cross. I think it’s helpful to say something like “I’m sorry I didn’t get here in time, I know Frankie didn’t want to hurt you. I wish I’d got here in time to stop it” And of course that is all true, we do wish we’d spotted the tell tale signs, and that we’d offered up the connection needed sooner.

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‘had I hurried him out of his feelings he would still have carried some tension inside and I would have seen more unworkable behaviour from him that playdate’

3 Tips for Raising Self-Confident and Spiritually Aware Children Maureen Healy explores three ways to help raise self-confident and spiritually aware children Just yesterday, I worked with an eight-year-old client named Ava. She is highly creative and intelligent, yet also struggles with her self-confidence. So I asked her, “Would you like to paint today?” and she replied, “I am not sure if I can do it.”

Of course, this is a clear sign that she continues to need help building her sense of outer to inner confidence. Since I also know her family as a spiritual but not religious one, I took the approach of cultivating confidence from a spiritual perspective.

Rachel Schofield runs Building Emotional Understanding courses (online and in person) and co-moderates Hand in Hand Parenting’s online discussion group. You can contact her at www.likeripples.com To receive 10% off Hand in Hand’s “No More Hitting” course, go to www.handinhandparenting.org and enter code “Nurture”

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1. Daily Dose of Spiritual Confidence (Take one everyday like a vitamin!) Just like a gummy vitamin that we give our children daily, we need to nurture in them the belief that they have power, greatness and capability in them every day. This may be an affirmation, song, prayer, meditation or something unique to your family or culture – the point is it needs to be done consistently and not sporadically for best results

INSTILLING SELF-CONFIDENCE SPIRITUALLY

Photos: Depositphotos

So back to the moment when my son lashed out: his friend had accidentally knocked over his marble maze. This had happened many times before, and usually he’d handle it pretty well. But this time was different. I don’t know for sure whether he had lost his sense of connection to me, or whether this had tripped up an emotional memory. And in a way, it didn’t really matter, what I needed to do was move in and warmly stop the aggression. Even though I had a plan in my head, about how to connectedly handle such a situation, it still took me several moments to let my shock subside and find my warmth inside.

I got close to my son, swiftly grasped the hand holding another marble track piece. I had to get myself sideways onto him, as I was holding his 3 week old baby brother in a sling across the other side. Looking softly into his eyes, I said gently, “no, I’m not going to let you throw that”. He immediately got cross, thrashing his arm.

It was all a bit chaotic, but I managed to keep calm enough, despite worrying a little about how this was for the baby, feeling a little upset myself at seeing my son so enraged. But I was pleased and confident that he was doing just what he needed to do: releasing the stuck feelings inside. So I stayed close, listening as he struggled and eventually started crying. I didn’t say much as he let out the knot of tension inside. I just kept my

warm attention shining on him as he sobbed. In the meantime, his friend had run to his own mother. My baby started crying.

I took turns reassuring the baby, “it’s all okay”, then switching my attention back to my eldest. I listened to them in tandem, not ideal, but the best I could do.

It took quite some time for my son to calm, but when he did he was much, much more relaxed. I think, had I hurried him out of his feelings he would still have carried some tension inside and I would have seen more unworkable behaviour from him that playdate. As it was, he played well with his friend, and from that day on, he was noticeably more at ease than he had been since the birth of his baby brother. It was like he’d shed a load of pressure and fear that had been getting in the way of life.

Some children get into a rigid pattern of lashing out at others, repeatedly hitting, pinching, kicking playmates and siblings. These kids need lots of help to shift the frozen feelings inside. They need us to build up their sense of emotional safety; to anticipate when they’re likely to lash out; and have us watch over them, ready to listen to feelings when they pour out. Over time we can help such children become relaxed and easy going with others.

So how do I spark self-confidence at a deeper level in children? I must be honest this isn’t a simple question or answer. Any adult can nurture a stronger type of confidence in their children, but here I want to emphasize that children begin looking outside of themselves for validation (grades, acknowledgment from parents and trophies) and the process of spiritual self-confidence is helping them go inward.

In other words, adults who nurture in children, on a consistent basis, that within them is a power, capability and greatness able to overcome any obstacles are teaching inner confidence. It is this power within that from a spiritual perspective is your divinity. You may call it God, Spirit, Christconsciousness, Shiva, the Buddha Seed or Jehovah – the name doesn’t matter, but the idea that there is an infinite intelligence that is in and around our lives that can help us is a powerful teaching for kids.

So I explained this idea to Ava and she immediately brightened up. She said, “You mean I have God within me?”

And I said, “Yes. There is a power in you that can help you succeed no matter what is happening in the outer world.”

Interestingly enough, she was also then willing and more optimistic about painting.

2. Get Inspired Together

INNER CONFIDENCE: THREE TIPS FOR TODAY

Maureen Healy is a spiritual teacher with more than 20 years of experience fostering children’s happiness. Her new book, Growing Happy Kids How to Foster Inner Confidence, Success and Happiness,” presents a model called The Five Building Blocks of Confidence that explains in everyday language how any adult can foster a deeper type of confidence in their children.. More info: www.growinghappykids.com or @mdheal

Nurturing in your children that sense of healthy selfconfidence from a spiritual perspective and awareness of their divine nature is conscious parenting. Some ideas to help you on your way are:

By becoming genuinely inspired by life and seeing that the creative force that made the daffodils come up early and butterflies emerge from their cocoons is the same powerful force inside of us – this sparks self-confidence in kids. So enjoy getting inspired together whether it is musically, going into nature or something else, but remember to reinforce the idea that that same greatness is in you, me and all of us.

3. Give More

Once children “see” how powerful they are – the path to inner confidence becomes easier and more possible.

Lizzie, my neighbor, set up a lemonade stand on a hot day this week and used all of her earnings ($55) to give to the local humane society that has 19 bunny rabbits in their care and needs help with them. She was so happy to drop the money off, see the bunnies and know they’ll be taken care of until they are adopted.

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The Burning Facts: Sun, Nanoparticles & Suncreens There is a growing phenomena in Europe of forest kindergardens. It is a refreshing concept of having our children live, laugh and learn in a natural environment. Vicki Kearney provides a wonderful description of her bushwalk playgroup in Samford just outside of Brisbane

I grew

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2. Chemical sunscreens, which absorb UV rays before they can do damage.

The US Environmental Protection Agency‘s (EPA) graph below features chemical and physical sunscreen ingredients, the type and amount of ray protection that they provide and their

class. Note how zinc oxide fares.(3) Don’t want zinc?

If you’re going to go for a chemical sunscreen, you need to know that while chemical sunscreens can protect against damage from UV rays, most also contain

a range of nasty chemicals which can be absorbed through the skin and into our bloodstream where they can accumulate in our blood, fat, and breastmilk. A study in the Journal of Chromatography found that there was significant penetration into the skin of all sunscreen agents they studied.(4) However, here are some tips to consider if you go down that track:

1. Become a label detective: always check the label.

Photos: Depositphotos

up with healthy kidney function, produces much vitamin D in your body from the Cancer optimal blood pressure and cholesterol sunlight exposure: your body will Council’s Slip Slop Slap campaign. I can levels, enhances muscle strength and self-regulate and generate what it still hear Sid the dancing Seagull singing protects against many types of cancer, needs. the jingle now, listen! ‘Slip… Slop… including breast, colon, endometrial, • Once vitamin D makes it into your Slap… Slip on a shirt, slop on sunscreen ovarian, pancreatic and prostate cancers, body, cholesterol is essential to as well as non-Hodgkin’s lymphoma. and slap on a hat’. synthesise it and make it useful Get this: we stay out of the sun to But slopping on a sunscreen, even a to your system. Cholesterol is Cancer Council one, is not necessarily avoid skin cancer, but we have a far transported in the blood plasma of always a good idea. Some do not greater chance of dying from a vitamin all animals, which is why we should protect us against harmful UV rays, D deficiency-related cancer than from be eating some animal fats to get some contain nanoparticles, and some a sunburn-related skin cancer. We it. These are the good fats that our are chock full of toxic ingredients that don’t hear about that in the SunSafe body needs to function effectively. affect our endocrine (hormone) system, campaigns, do we?

They are essential for calcium to be This means that my girls and I sit in damage our skin, and even increase the incorporated into our bones, as well the sun most days - with no sunscreen risks of cancer. How ironic! as to boost immune function, and to So this article is an exploration of on, no hat. No slipping or slopping. build a healthy nervous system and sunscreen… just in time for the sizzling Getting sun every day, for about 20 digestive tract. minutes at a time, is good for us. summer months. To start with • Mushrooms are the though I have a quick ode only vegan source of ‘Some [sunscreens] do not protect us against to our friend the sun harmful UV rays, some contain nanoparticles, and vitamin D (besides and some simple some are chock full of toxic ingredients that affect sunlight exposure. So advice: our endocrine (hormone) system, damage our skin, as a family, this means we eat some high and even increase the risks of cancer’ don’t use sunscreen quality animal fats, eggs, Our family motto: get sun, not too Now that is a little controversial! and cook with organic butter daily.

And some would say downright un- much, don’t get red.

We don’t do low-fat. When we wear Here are a few things to take away Australian, but here is my rationale. sunscreen it is only if we are outside Getting some sun, without about vitamin D: longer than 20 minutes and in the sunscreen, is good for us. In fact, • Sunlight that generates vitamin D in middle of the day. your skin cannot penetrate glass, so it’s better than good. It’s necessary, This is what I recommend when it you don’t generate vitamin D when comes to sunscreen: especially given that nearly one third of sitting in your car or in your home.

Australian adults are suffering vitamin zinc oxide is the best D deficiency.(1) In particular, doctors are • You can’t get all the Vitamin D you need from your diet. seeing the resurgence of rickets, a boneSunscreens come in two forms: weakening disease that had largely been • It takes months of vitamin D 1. Physical sunscreens, containing supplementation and sunlight eradicated.(2) either titanium dioxide or zinc oxide, exposure to rebuild the body’s bones Vitamin D exposure, which can which form a barrier (or film) on top and nervous system. only be reaped without sunscreen, helps of the skin that reflects the UV light, keep bones and teeth strong, maintains • It is impossible to generate too and

The worst offenders? Dioxybenzone and oxybenzone. These two are some of the most powerful free radical generators around as they can disrupt hormone function. A recent American study by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention in the US found that nearly all people studied were contaminated with the sun cream ingredient oxybenzone.

While human research on oxybenzone is limited, a few animal studies have raised concerns that this chemical may be a skin irritant, may disrupt endocrine function, and can lead to free-radical cell damage on the skin – contributing to cancer-risk.(5) What about para-aminobenzoic acid (PABA)? This naturally occurring www.nurtureparentingmagazine.com.au

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No chemical UV absorbers Broad spectrum protection without the chemicals Moisturising certified organic aloe vera Zinc oxide active reflector of UV-A & UV-B rays Free from titanium dioxide, sulphates, petrochemicals, parabens, glycols, and artificial fragrances & preservatives Find Wotnot in select pharmacies and health stores nationwide or online

www.wotnot.com.au www.facebook.com/ www.wotnot.com.au

chemical is common in many sunscreens, and acts as a dye that absorbs ultraviolet B (UVB) light in much the same way as oxybenzone. PABA contains a benzene ring in which electrons can shuffle between different locations within the six-sided structure. This electron dance matches that of the light waves of UVB rays, absorbing and blocking UVB energy by converting the light to heat.

PABA releases free radicals, damages DNA, has oestrogenic activity, and causes allergic reactions in some people.

Also… octyl methoxycinnamate (OMC), which is the main chemical used in chemical sunscreens to filter out UVB light. Researchers have raised safety concerns about OMC, demonstrating that mouse cells died when OMC was added at five parts per million, a much lower concentration than occurs in sunscreens.(6) A further study, which explored the effects of pre- and postnatal exposure to high doses of OMC in rats, showed that the testes weight and testosterone levels were significantly reduced in male rats.(7) Finally, while benzophenone-3 provides effective protection against UV radiation, research reveals that the substance can be found in people’s urine several days after its use. This means that it is a substance that is absorbed and stored in the body, and young children do not have the enzyme capacity to excrete it. It has also been linked to endometriosis and testosterone interference.(8)

2. Check your sunscreen rating on the EWG.

The Environmental Working Group (EWG) rates sunscreens (amongst other chemicals found in everyday products) based on safety and how well they protect against UV rays.(9) However, whilst relevant to us, the information is geared towards the US market. Australia has different regulations and the majority of sunscreens the EWG recommend are not available on the Australian market.

What about the nanotechnology?

The use of nanotechnology in sunscreens has become widespread in recent years, favoured by manufacturers because the resulting clear, easy-toabsorb creams give a market advantage.

But there is a lot of debate about nanoparticles and what they do. The fear is that they are so small they seep in through our skin cells. In 2009 the Therapeutic Goods Act (TGA) stated: • The potential for nanoparticles in sunscreens to cause adverse effects depends primarily upon the ability of the nanoparticles to reach viable skin cells; and • To date, the current weight of evidence suggests that nanoparticles do not reach viable skin cells; rather, they remain on the surface of the skin and in the outer layer of the skin that is composed of non-viable cells.

The issue is that there have not been enough studies to conclusively say that nanotechnology in sunscreens is safe

in all applications to human beings. We just don’t know.

If parents in Australia are wanting to err on the side of caution, we currently have no way of knowing if the brand of sunscreen contains the engineered nanoparticles suspected of causing damage to human cells and DNA. Currently the TGA does not require manufacturers to disclose whether their products contain them.

This is in contrast to the European Union, which gives effect to the precautionary principle, and requires manufacturers to disclose information about the safety of their products, putting public and environmental health before commercial interests.

You can check your sunscreen’s nanotechnology levels on the Friends of the Earth Australian Sunscreen Guide.

WHAT BRANDS TO BUY?

While my children and I eat a clean diet to build up an ‘internal sunscreen’, (10) then apply organic coconut oil on our skin for added protection, when we go out in the sun for extended periods of time we use Miessence Reflect Outdoor Balm (SPF 15). Although it is actually SPF 27, the Australian company can’t claim it as such because it’s not classified via the Therapeutic Goods Act (TGA) as a primary sunscreen.

Otherwise, Wotnot or Soleo can be found in most health shops across the country. Invisible Zinc Junior low irritant sunscreen with micronised zinc was preservative free and fragrance free the last time I checked.

HOME REMEDIES FOR SUNBURN

No matter how cautious we are, someone in our family always gets a little sunburnt at some stage during the long summer months. We have a few home remedies for soothing painful sunburn and they are found either in your kitchen pantry or garden.

The first one is good ole’ aloe vera. The thick, gelatinous juice of the aloe vera plant can take the sting and redness out of sunburn in a flash. Aloe vera causes blood vessels to constrict. Simply slit open one of the meaty leaves and apply the gel directly to the burn. Apply five to six times per day for severe sunburn.

Another gem is an oatmeal compress or bath, which offers wonderful relief to the skin. Simply add one cup of oatmeal to cheesecloth or muslin to make a ball, tie off the top and add it to a temperate bath. The bath will become milky and soothing to the skin.

Finally, soaking a cotton ball or soft sponge in apple cider vinegar works a treat. If you are sunburnt head-to-toe, take a bath in the stuff – simply add 2 cups of apple cider vinegar to the tub and soak for at least 15 minutes. Apple cider vinegar applied to skin effectively neutralises the burn, relieves pain, and prevents blistering and peeling. If you smell like a pickle, a little coconut oil will remove most of the odour and at the same time add moisture to your skin.

Dr Sarah Lantz is a mama, writer, and researcher from Queensland University of Technology with a background in public and population health and author of the bestselling book Chemical Free Kids; Raising healthy Children in a Toxic World. www.chemicalfreeparenting.com.au or www.nontoxsoapbox.com

Photos: Spikey Hedgehog Photography

Photos: Spikey Hedgehog Photography

Natural protection for the whole family

Endnotes 1. Daly RM, Gagnon C, Lu ZX, Magliano DJ et al. (2012) Prevalence of vitamin D deficiency and its determinants in Australian adults aged 25 years and older: a national, population-based study, Clinical Endocrinology 77(1):26-35.

2. Robinson PD, Hogler W, Craig ME, et al. (2006) The reemerging burden of rickets: a decade of experience from Sydney, Archchives of Disease in Childhood; 91:564-8.

3. Environmental Protection Agency (EPA) http://www.epa. gov/sunwise/doc/sunscreen.pdf 4. Sarveiya V, Risk S, Benson HA., (2004) Liquid chromatographic assay for common sunscreen agents: application to in vivo assessment of skin penetration and systemic absorption in human volunteers, Journal of Chromatography B, Analytical Technologies in the Biomedical and Life Sciences, 25;803(2):225-31.

5. http://www.ewg.org/analysis/toxicsunscreen 6. Rob Edwards, (2000) Sinister side of sunscreens, New Scientist, October 7. Ma Axelstad, M; Boberg, J; Hougaard, KS; Christiansen, S; Jacobsen, PR; Mandrup, KR; Nellemann, C; Lund, SP et al.

(2011). “Effects of pre- and postnatal exposure to the UVfilter octyl methoxycinnamate (OMC) on the reproductive, auditory and neurological development of rat offspring”, Toxicology and applied pharmacology 250 (3): 278–90. y 2012 which is published in Environmental Science & Technology, measured concentrations of five kinds of chemicals called benzophenones in the urine of more than 600 women who were evaluated for endometriosis.

8. Tatsuya Kunisue, Zhen Chen, Germaine M. Buck Louis, Rajeshwari Sundaram, Mary L. Hediger, Liping Sun, Kurunthachalam Kannan. (2012) Urinary Concentrations of Benzophenone-type UV Filters in U.S. Women and Their Association with Endometriosis, Environmental Science & Technology; 46 (8): 4624 9. Environmental Working Group (EWG) http:// breakingnews.ewg.org/2012sunscreen/ 10. Friends of the Earth Australia sunscreen guide: http://nano. foe.org.au/safesunscreens 11. There are a number of foods that are known to protect the skin from sun damage, particulary foods that contain phenols (antioxidents) such as goji berry, dark chocolate, tomatoes, and green tea. But there are also others such as chia seeds and spirilina.

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Mothers

in the Workforce and the Village that Supports Them

For numerous reasons, many women return to work prior to their child starting school. That means that the child must be placed into the care of another person or centre. Dr. Deborah MacNamara explores the ways in which you can make the transition as smooth as possible for your child.

Based on developmental science really should stop holding it against to work a f t e r the evidence is clear in terms of the them for trying. Our aim with young having a child is a necessity for some needs of young children. For their best children is to ensure they have primary women, a choice for others, a heartache bet in life they need at least one strong relationships in place and to help them for many. Economists argue it helps caring emotionally attuned adult with to feel at home with other people in alleviate child poverty and raise GDP whom they are deeply attached. It their attachment village that participate while feminists assert it is about equality is in the context of this relationship in raising them. While we readily agree in accessing employment and financial that developmental biases will unfold it takes a village to raise a child we also opportunities.

Sociologists claim naturally and propel them towards need to consider how we will deliver the women’s mass entry into the paid labour maturation, e.g., to explore, to play, to child to this village and/or how to build market is one of the most significant create, to question, to adapt, to come to it. We put our young children under sociological shifts in the last 100 years. know oneself. The more immature one great stress when they are not attached Jean Liedloff ’s book “The Contiuum is the more one is rendered a creature to the adults who are in charge of them.

Concept” provides an anthropological of attachment actively pursuing contact Research with young children in childlens describing the seamless blending and closeness in order to feel safe and care centers has found cortisol levels of child-care with other work. From get one’s bearings. Children can attach to (stress hormone) via mouth swabs high competing perspectives and disparate many people and even things (eg teddy enough to impair brain development corners it is hard to find our way through or blanket) but what gets missed is that (2). The cortisol levels are only decreased on this issue. It continues when the children have ‘Our aim with young children is to ensure working to be a topic filled with attachments landmines activating they have primary relationships in place and in the centers that help parental guilt, to help them to feel at home with other people mitigate the stress of defenses, and debate. in their attachment village that participate in separation from their raising them’ What gets eclipsed in primary attachments. these conversations and ought to be at children under the age of 6 are not built Separation anxiety is one of the the heart of it are the irreducible needs for separation. They typically need 6 biggest issues young children face of young children. They are some of the years to develop deep attachments with and reflects their irreducible need for most vulnerable, most dependent beings key people (e.g., parents) that will allow attachment. According to research on the face of the planet and within them them to transcend physical separation conducted by Dr Gordon Neufield, exists the greatest unmet capacity for the through a sense of psychological children need enough consistency, realisation of human potential. This connection and intimacy (1). We contact and closeness to satiate view has been reflected for centuries, cannot hurry or force this development attachment needs through the senses from Aristotle to Pearl Buck’s line - along – this is mother nature’s plan for (e.g., touch, taste, smell, hearing, seeing) “the test of a civilization is the way that helping them grow into separate beings from ages 0 to 1. They continue to deepen it cares for its helpless members”(My capable of standing apart while being their attachment with a strong invitation Several Worlds, 1954). The question able to function with others. Does this to exist in their parent’s presence from we need to ask is how do we ensure the mean we must never separate from our ages 1 to 6. By age 2 you hope to see signs irreducible needs of young children are young children? No. One of the biggest of attaching by being the same as their being met when women straddle both futilities a young child faces is that they parent (talking, preferences etc). By age cannot hold onto a parent 24/7 and we 3 they enter belonging and loyalty as home and work spheres.

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Photos: Depositphotos

Returning

evident by their fierce possessiveness for people and things they are attached to. By age 4, a child will hopefully start to attach through significance, wanting to be special or matter to their parental figures and by age 5 to fall deeply in love with them. By age 6 it should hopefully occur to them that being close to someone means they share their secrets with them. When these forms of attachment unfold over the first 6 years of life they indicate a deepening of the relationship and increasing capacity to hang on when apart (Dr. Gordon Neufeld, Hold Onto Your Kids). We can continue to deepen our relationships over a lifetime, with some of us coming to the more vulnerable levels of attaching later on in life. Our job is to release our young children from clinging to us by taking care of their relational needs and giving them someone to cling to in our absence.

It begs the question as to what a parent can do to ensure the irreducible needs of children are met when they are working outside the home? What will help satiate a young child’s profound need for attachment and soothe subsequent alarm over separation? There are three attachment rituals that are helpful: collecting, matchmaking, and bridging.

COLLECTING

The collecting dance is an attachment ritual that has existed for centuries where relationships are built through the genuine expression of warmth, delight and enjoyment. If you think of the courting ritual between lovers this collecting dance becomes self-evident. There is a need for a strong invitation to be with the other person and perhaps a twinkle in one’s eye. Our role as parents is to deepen our relationship and satiate their attachment needs through collecting them often. In other words, we need to woo our children but this does preclude our need to also say no sometimes or set limits. Getting in their space in a friendly way, feeling that warmth between us seems so simple yet activates powerful chemicals in our body such as oxytocin. In fact, there is scientific evidence that having your boos boos kissed by someone you are attached to actually does make it feel better because of the release of oxytocin (3). When we continue to cultivate our relationship it promotes the development of a deeper attachment that will help them hang onto us when apart. They don’t need to practice at separation, they just need to get more deeply attached. www.nurtureparentingmagazine.com.au

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MATCHMAKING

Matchmaking requires parents to become agents of attachment and actively build the village that will help them raise their child. We often do this intuitively when introducing our newborn to their family members. We point out their similarities, the way they are connected, and their roles to one another (e.g., great grandpa to big brother). As matchmakers, parents are the ones to introduce the child to other adults responsible for them, letting them see the warmth of their own connection. A young child should take their lead from their primary attachments, e.g., if Mummy thinks someone is okay then I ought to follow suit. Before I ever left my child with her child-care provider she came to my house, we ate together, played together, and talked. My daughter could see there was

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delight and warmth between us conveying to her a sense of trust, connection, and security. When the relationship takes between a child and another adult then we are ready to deliver the child to their care. It has little to do with providing a service and more about providing a home away from home. Many times adults are quick to match children to other children but this only courts competing attachments with adults and sets the scene for peer orientation (4).

Endnotes 1.

For more information on the development of attachment in the first 6 years of life see Chapter 2, “A Matter of Attachment” in Gordon Neufeld & Gabor Mate, Hold on to your kids: Why parents need to matter more than peers.

(Canada, Knopf, 2004).

2.

For consistent research findings on this topic see the following:

BRIDGING

When apart from their primary attachments a gulf or void opens up for children. We can help them hold onto a surrogate in our place but we can also help them hang onto us by bridging the distance. With young child a picture of their parents, a stuffy from home with the associated smells or the sound of your voice reading a story or singing to them all serve to bridge the gap. Other ways to bridge the distance include lockets with pictures of you or carrying an item on them that they associate with a parent. One of my friends gave her son a picture of her in a little bag to carry in his pocket. He said that whenever he missed her he would pull her picture out and give her kisses. From notes in lunch boxes to kisses on hands there are no shortage of ways to help children hang onto us when apart. Reminding them of all the ways we will be together (e.g., I will pick you up and we will go to the park together), instead of the gap between us, can go far in reducing the separation experienced.

Sometimes people argue it may make the child upset to be reminded of their parent but why would we ever hold it against a child for missing their parent or not want them to express this? The best sign that a child actually feels at home with someone is their capacity to express vulnerable feelings in their presence. Many children stop crying when left at daycare only to continue their tears as soon as the parent returns to pick them up. Children often stop crying because they don’t feel secure enough with someone to continue their tears with and end up holding onto this upset for the duration of the absence.

One of the best recommendations my child-care provider ever received was the trust of a little 3-year old who wept in her arms as she missed her mother. I knew then and there that she had the capacity to build the type of vulnerable relationships with children that I longed for.

The bottom line is young children don’t do separation and we should really stop expecting them to. We need to focus our energies on attachment by building our village and delivering

Sarah E. Watamura, Bonny Donzella, Jan Alwin, Megan R. Gunnar, “Morning-to-afternoon increases in cortisol Concentrations for infants and toddlers at child care: Age differences and behavioural correlates,” Child Development 74, (2003), pp. 1006-1021.

Susan Gilbert, “Turning a mass of data on child care into advice for parents,” New York Times, July 22, 2003.

the child to its care in our absence. We need to deepen our attachment with our children so they can better hold onto us while apart. We need to matchmake to those responsible for them and take the lead in bridging the distance they face when separated. Above all we need to respect their developmental needs and not push them beyond separation that is too much to bear. There are times when it is simply too much separation and no attachment rituals are going to fill a distance that is too wide to traverse developmentally. What is undeniable is each family faces their own challenges, has different support, resources, and corresponding choices when it comes to childcare and paid employment. It is also true that young children are some of the most vulnerable, most dependent human beings whose irreducible needs are only met in the context of nurturing relationships. This is not an issue of political correctness but one of developmental correctness. My wish for every parent is an attachment village to deliver their child to.

When they can count on their village, the child can count on them - whether in the home, out of the home, and in all the Photos: Depositphotos

The collecting dance also pertains to other figures in the child’s village of care. Does the child care provider, teacher, grandparent, auntie, uncle, see themselves as also having to woo the child in order to cultivate a caretaking relationship?

Do they get in their face in a friendly way and collect their eyes, work to get a smile, and some warmth back from the child? One of the challenges we face is in viewing child-care as a service.

From a child’s perspective they care very little about services and more about whether their attachments will nurture and comfort them. The people who are part of a child’s attachment network need to win their heart as this will empower them to take care in our absence. When I went back to paid work and left my young child in the care of another person I squarely judged her on her capacity to fill my shoes and build a strong relationship with my child.

Dr. Deborah MacNamara is a Counsellor and Educator in private practice, on Faculty at the Neufeld Institute. Please see www.macnamara.ca or www. neufeldinstitute.com for more information

Marie-Claude Geoffroy, Sylvana M. Cote, Sophie Parent, Jean Richard Seguin, “Daycare attendance, stress, and mental health,” The Canadian Journal of Psychiatry, August 2006.

M. Sims, A. Guilfoyle, T.S. Parry, “Children’s cortisol levels and quality of child care provision”, Child: Care, Health and Development, 32 (4), July 2006, pp. 453-466.

Harriet J. Vermeer, Marinus H. van IJzendoom, “Children’s elevated cortisol levels at daycare: A review and metaanalysis,” Child & Family Studies and Data Theory, Leiden University, The Netherlands, 2006.

Ellen Galinsky, “The study of children in family child care and relative care. Highlights of findings.” Families and Work Institute, New York, 1994.

Robert H. Bradley, Deborah Lowe Vandell, “Child care and the well-being of children” Archives of Pediatrics and Adolescent Medicine, 161 (7), July 2007, pp. 669-676.

3.

For a discussion of the findings related to oxytocin and human touch, Kerstin Uvnas Mober, The Oxytocin factor: Tapping the hormone of calm, love, and healing.

(Cambridge, MA, Da Capo Press).

4.

See Gordon Neufeld & Gabor Mate, Hold on to your kids: Why parents need to matter more than peers. (Canada, Knopf, 2004).

www.nurtureparentingmagazine.com.au

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Conscious Fatherhood Preparation There is a fundamental lack of information for men on how to prepare themselves to be a father.

Darren Mattock looks at some practical ways in which a man can consciously prepare for his new role as a ‘Father’.

Photos: Anne Higgs Photography

We

are now in the midst of in practices that are more father- isn’t Dads in Distress. Perhaps it could be ‘Thriving Dads’ instead? Imagine. I a ‘fatherhood revolution’ inclusive and father-focused; they now in Australia. Over the past few decades, recognise that supporting men to be can. That is my vision.

For dads of the current revolution, men have become more involved during involved fathers creates better outcomes pregnancy and birth, and their parenting for men, women, children, families and it’s imperative that they take ownership role and levels of active engagement communities. This shift has involved of their own fatherhood journey and make the most of the opportunities that have changed dramatically. This cultural engaging men using a strengths-based they have while this work continues to phenomena has had (and will continue approach, and reevaluating the deeply be pioneered. One such invitation and to have) a profound effect on the psyche, ingrained deficit perspectives of men and fathers that have dominated these opportunity I offer to men is conscious heart and soul of fatherhood. fatherhood preparation. So much focus The benefits of involved fathering sectors for too long.

In relative terms, we’re still in the is placed on the birth event and the have been well documented in practicality of becoming parents that fatherhood research conducted by early days of this revolution, and men often, some of the most important peak bodies, including the Australian are still faced with many deep questions Fatherhood Research Network, The about what it means to be a father, what preparation is left undone.

Here are some practical ways that Fatherhood Institute (UK), The Father their role should be, and how they can Involvement Research Alliance (Canada) play it effectively. From my experience expectant fathers can consciously and the National Fatherhood Initiative in working with expectant fathers, many prepare to navigate the rite of passage that is fatherhood: (USA). ‘supporting men to be involved fathers This extensive and growing creates better outcomes for men, women, KNOW THE body of research studies and children, families and communities’ IMPORTANCE OF books are educating and YOUR ROLE AS A DAD informing us on how important involved men seem to be walking the transition Congratulations! You’re already a dads are in supporting their children to into fatherhood path alone. One achieve better birth, child development, significant reason for this is that there dad. Your baby already knows your voice and is building an attachment to you health, social, financial, relationship, is a great divide of lived fatherhood educational and life outcomes. Dr experience that exists between fathers now. Even though you cannot physically Richard Fletcher’s ‘The Dad Factor’ of now and the generations that came see, touch, hear, smell or hold your baby, you are now playing a significant role in is an Australian book that provides before us. Another is that fatherhood your child’s life. an excellent overview of the benefits is still being redefined, and while much So know that you’re important and of involved fathers, as well as some work has been done pioneering a invaluable practical information about vision for modern involved fatherhood, step into the responsibility of fatherhood expectant fathers are typically grossly with purpose – you have a big role to being a dad and playing the role of dad. play!

From the grassroots, there’s a under-engaged and under-supported.

I’m a passionate advocate for creating groundswell of acknowledgement from START CREATING YOUR practitioners and professionals working more opportunities for men to be OWN ‘FATHERHOOD MAP’ with men and families in the health, supported and encouraged during this Take some time to reflect on the human services and community sectors time. There’s so much work to do! I want question “What is a dad?” Everyone has that dads are critical to the wellbeing of to live in an Australia where the number a different response to this question. For their children. I see this being reflected one Google search result for fatherhood www.nurtureparentingmagazine.com.au

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expectant dads, it’s the starting place on your own ‘fatherhood map’. The insights that you have into your own response will guide you in creating the role that you want to play in your child’s life.

Also, begin to create a vision of the time and space that you plan to have available to be a hands-on dad and active team parent. This will highlight the opportunities and challenges of fatherhood vision, and help you create a map that is both workable and rewarding for you as a dad, your child and your family.

START BEING AN INVOLVED DAD NOW

A great way to get involved in pregnancy and prepare for birth is to go along to the ante natal appointments and classes with your partner. These experiences can be mixed for men, so be prepared to be fully engaged, sidelined, or anything inbetween. Just keep remembering that your role is important, ask any questions you can when you have the opportunity, and most importantly, seek to build positive relationships with your caregivers. By demonstrating that you’re present, involved and supportive, you’ll have a much better chance at getting them onside and achieving the outcome you want as a dad and partner.

KNOW WHAT’S IMPORTANT TO YOU

All of us have different questions and concerns as we approach the journey of fatherhood. Take some time to reflect and gain clarity on what’s important to you. What questions do you have? What concerns do you have? What fears do you have? What hopes and expectations do you have? Be clear about what’s important to you and take action to prepare yourself to be an informed and conscious father, supportive partner and responsible team parent.

TALK TO OTHER DADS!

Before baby arrives is the ideal time to talk to other dads around you about their experiences of fatherhood, birth, and managing the transition to parenthood. Take the opportunity to learn from their experiences and wisdom. Ask questions.

These guys have been there, done it and are still doing it. They may be some of your greatest teachers, and you’ll typically gain more from these conversations than you will from any book or learning experience.

SEEK OUT LEARNING EXPERIENCES

Every man’s a different kind of learner. You’re the expert on being you, so stick with what works best for you. There are books, websites, magazines, courses, workshops, seminars, and coaching options for learning. This is the most important role you’ll ever have. Take up some, or all of them! I highly recommend finding other learning experiences than those that your partner suggests you experience. A balance of both is healthy.

Again, the most valuable learning you’ll do is by talking with other dads in your own community who have walked in your shoes before.

Balance practical preparation with emotional and psychological preparation Pregnancy and birth can be a time when men want to get very practical, for a number of reasons. Being grounded in practical reality is a great place for a man to be in the lead up

44 | www.nurtureparentingmagazine.com.au

to becoming a father, but avoid getting consumed by ticking things off your ‘to do before the baby comes’ list. Be mindful of balancing practicality with emotional and psychological preparation. Preparing for fatherhood internally is just as important, if not more important, as preparing externally.

WHAT’S YOUR FATHER STORY?

All of us have our own father story. They are positive, negative, or even neutral. Some of us carry deep wounds from our childhood, some have stories of loving, caring dads, and some have tales of heroes. Take some time to consciously reflect on your father story now. Think about the way that your dad fathered you. Take note of the things you want to carry forward and the things you want to leave behind. Add these things that you discover to your own fatherhood map.

If you can’t remember, ask your dad if you can. This can be an opportunity to learn more about your father, his story about the dad that we was to you and what shaped the man he was and is.

If you need it, seek support. This can be one of the most difficult challenges for men to face. But know that it’s worth it.

You will be free to be the dad you want to be.

INVEST DEEPLY IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP

Now is a critical time in your relationship. Statistically, most relationships fail in the first year of their child’s life. And most women’s reason for the breakdown of their relationship is a lack of support from their partner. So this is your calling.

This is the time and opportunity to invest your relationship and to grow together. Share your fatherhood journey with your partner. Have the big, important conversations that you need to have about parenting as a team, finances, managing the changes in your relationship, your role, expectations, hopes, dreams, plans, getting support, and more.

By building a strong foundation of love, respect, communication, and connection now, you’re creating something strong for you both to lean upon as you move towards sharing the birth experience, and facing the inevitable challenges of parenthood.

Darren is passionate about being an active and engaged Dad / Step Dad to his 3 kids. He is a facilitator of Building Better Dads, an education and mentoring course for expectant fathers at the Men & Family Centre in Lismore NSW, and has just joined the team of presenters at Beer & Bubs: childbirth education for dads at the pub.

beer + bubs A one-night session at the pub where dads learn how to support their partner through childbirth beerandbubs.com.au

Dad’s Corner One dad’s adventures of natural parenting with his little buddy, William Well, since the last column, our day to day lives have been busy ~ although not too busy to make sure I savour every one of William’s new developments! William has grown and changed so much in the last few months ~ it’s unbelievable! As we have not actively encouraged him to play with toys, but rather interact with the natural world around him, I have been busy doing creative activities with my little buddy. We have been doing lots of camping (I can already hear people laughing “caravans are not camping”! ~ but we love it!). In fact, while I write this column we are camping in the Gold Coast hinterland ~ William is just having his first nap of the day and Kristy is hounding me to get the column done before it goes to the printer in the next few days! (I live by the motto “happy wife happy life”!). The last few times we have been camping, William has wanted to help chop the firewood.

Although some may think this is quite dangerous, it is a natural part of life and, choosing appropriate wood to cut, is a great bonding experience for William and I. I love the way he puts his whole body into the chopping! He then helps put the kindling into place to make the fire! It is amazing to see how much he actually observed to know how to to assist!

We have also taken William on his first and second ride on our jet-ski, which he seemed to really enjoy (actually, he didn’t want to hop off). And since we have a water-oriented lifestyle, there will be many more days on the water to enjoy together over Summer!

We have still been having wake-ups during the night (which Kristy assures me will not last forever ~ not that I really mind!). We thought we were onto a winner when we started putting William in-between us when we went camping (double bed!) rather than on Kristy’s side as he only woke up once for a couple of nights, but when we got back home, it went back to his normal 2-3 wake ups again! Funnily, it doesn’t actually bother me like I thought it would - especially 15 months of it! But I just practice mindfulness and enjoy every experience William gives us.

As Christmas draws nearer we have been busy making plans for the festive season. We have decided that with William, we would like to put the emphasis of Christmas on giving rather than receiving. So Kristy and William have been busy going around to op shops buying baskets, jars and other nic-nacs to make presents. I come home each day from to see the huge mess of whatever was made that day! But the excitement on Kristy’s face when she shows me what she and William made that day is worth all the mess (I came home last Wednesday to a tray of fudge that Kristy and William made ~ I’m not sure what part William played, but she tells me that “they” made it!).

I have been watching the posts on the internet about Christmas and whether to tell your child about Santa. For me, I really want to indulge William’s imagination, so I’m a pro-Santa advocate! Also, I remember when my older two children were young, we stood outside one Christmas Eve looking up at the sky and I pointed up and said to them “Look, there’s Santa’s sleigh, can you see it?” Kelly, my daughter, said excitedly “Yes, I can see it!”. The thrill and joy in her eyes was priceless and something I will always remember.

I hope you and your family enjoy the wonderful festive season, however you choose to experience it! Just remember to have fun and enjoy watching your children grow as it happens all to quickly (I know, I now have grandkids too)!

in his William tfit!

Elf ou

Me a n Willi d am r elaxi hom ng e!

Me and William on the Jet-Ski!

at

d Me an ting m cut od a i l l i W firewo

Returning Home: Why birth has come full circle In this two-part article, Kristin Beckedahl, Naturopath, Childbirth Educator and Doula, explores the personal decisions - and the political debate - that surround the fundamental human rights issue of where, and with whom a woman chooses to birth her baby.

Despite

progress w i t h i n birthing practices in recent decades, homebirth still remains a highly contentious issue in Australia. This is due to the lack of endorsement by the Australian government and the medical profession, compounded by recent changes around national laws and the ongoing problems associated with insurance for homebirth midwives. In spite of this, women continue to choose homebirth; safely birthing their babies under their own roofs with skilled midwives by their side, every day of the year around the country.

baking and the cooking of meals to freeze. We had given the birth pool a couple of test runs, and my three year old and I had enjoyed lounging in there for long periods to escape the stinking 45-degree heat outside. He had spent many hours in there with his dive sticks and goggles, and we could even watch TV from the pool. My partner was doing his version of nesting, whilst also beginning to prepare the house for a potential cyclone! He was not committing to any long periods of time away at work as we were anticipating a speedy birth. Three years earlier after 4 hours of active labour at home saw our son born 20 minutes after I waddled through the door of the Family Birth

had started several months ago and it had been beautiful to witness its natural progression bound by a shared goal.

Around 4 pm, my Mum took my son for another “sleep-over at Nanna’s� just in case tonight was the night! I stood staring out at the backyard from the kitchen window, waiting for the kettle to boil for yet another cup of raspberry leaf tea. It seemed the ‘cramps’ had now established into a pattern of mild contractions. I heard my partner start up the lawnmower around the front of the house and heard the sound fade in and out as he paced up and down the front lawn.

By 4.30 pm he had returned inside; MY HOMEBIRTH STORY dusty, sweaty and smelly. By now, it was It was another humid becoming apparent to both ‘The next few hours were spent in the February day in Karratha, of us that I was definitely on WA’s north-west love bubble. There was champagne, nibbles, in labour. He was excited coast. The latest cyclone laughs and so much love in our lounge room and immediately asked, that evening.’ report warned that “What do you need? What ‘Severe Tropical Cyclone Freddy was can I do?� In that moment, I really now building in intensity over the open Centre in Perth! Our homebirth midwife wanted him to have a shower, but it was waters north-west of Broome, and was was also ready. We had flown her up obvious there wasn’t much time for that! forecast to track south-westerly’. In other from Perth to be with us as the local I headed to the lounge room to find a words, bound for the Pilbara coast and birthing options started - and ended - comfortable position as the contractions potentially impacting our town. I wasn’t with the town’s hospital only. were intensifying quickly. On my way, I For most of the morning I’d been could only manage to state my needs in too concerned, as I had lived in the north-west for over four years and had having bouts of cramps, niggles and one or two words, “hot packs ... drink ... survived a few cyclone seasons. I was tightenings; all signs of readiness. My pillows ... midwife ... lights, curtains ... actually hoping that the old midwives’ wonderful midwife had been over for a music�. Yes, I was definitely in labour and tale of ‘low pressure weather systems visit and, after the formal mother and it was all coming back to me! My partner help bring on babies’ would turn out to baby checks, we spent a couple of hours drew the curtains, put on my labour CD, chatting and sharing stories over tea and lit candles, called the midwife, rubbed be true and work in my favour.

I was 41 weeks and three days and biscuits. I had such immense trust and my back and kissed me all within the - although respectfully patient - I was faith in this mother figure, and was really three minutes needed to microwave the ready to meet my baby. I’d had enough excited to be sharing this profound time heat packs. After another 30 minutes of the incessant nesting, especially the of my life with her. Our relationship of intense three-minutely contractions,

46 | www.nurtureparentingmagazine.com.au

I managed to raise my head from the pillows and shout out to my partner, “FILL THE POOL!!!�

Soon after, our midwife arrived. She brought calm and love through the door with her. She was a familiar face and a good friend. I felt safe - considering the fast pace of events! She sat with me, did a couple of checks and as soon as the pool was ready helped me into the warm, cocooning water. I returned to my labour rhythms, liberated to make instinctive, uninhibited sounds in my own lounge room. I was so relaxed to know that my only job was to bring my baby through me and I had two beautiful support people to take care of everything else.

A little after 6 pm I was transitional.

Grouchy, overwhelmed, sweaty, hiccupping and shouting new demands in between my fast and furious contractions. “Fan ... bucket ... ice ... drink...� My partner and midwife continued to work in harmony. Very soon my baby’s head was being cupped by her father’s hands under the water: her first human touch.

Ruby Grace was born at 6.30pm.

As I had birthed on my knees, I turned around in the birth pool as my midwife and partner passed her up to me through the water. Time does stand still. Emotions are engulfed in oxytocin and it’s hard to integrate anything in that moment. For me, it was a fluent, intangible state of joy, filled with relief, triumph, pride, love, amazement. All I could say whilst catching my breath and clinging to my baby was, “Hello baby ... hello baby ... hello baby...�.

The next few hours were spent in the love bubble. There was champagne, nibbles, laughs and so much love in our lounge room that evening. I could see the glorious western sky and its sunset

Moments after the homebirth of Kristin’s baby, Ruby Grace

colours through the now open curtains, all from the comfort of my three-seater lounge. My 4.1kg baby girl breastfed eagerly, then slept peacefully skin to skin on my chest under warm, soft blankets.

After I had showered and changed, we hugged our midwife goodbye and made plans to see her again in the morning.

We heard the cyclone had turned away from the coast, and although the storm threat had passed, it seemed the old midwives’ tale held some truth. A hearty lamb and lentil casserole had

been heating in the oven, and soon my partner and I were sitting on our front verandah enjoying our late dinner and a glass of red, soaking in the balmy, still evening and the cicada’s songs. After a long silence of looking out at the freshly mowed lawn, I said, “Can you believe we just had a baby earlier tonight, and she is asleep in our bedroom right now?!� Still on a high, and in disbelief at the sheer pace of events, we both laughed as we clinked our glasses together.

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HOMEBIRTH IN AUSTRALIA Homebirth Statistics:

Beckii Jones’ homebirth of Ari

• 863 homebirths (0.3% of total births) • Average age - 31 years • First-time mothers - 25% of group • Subsequent babies - 75% of group * Latest statistics from Australia’s Mothers and Babies Report 2009, Australian Institute of Health and Welfare, Australian Government, Released 21 December 2011.

The very same year (2009) another 862 women in Australia birthed their babies at home with caregivers of their choice. Who exactly are these women, these families? And why are they choosing to birth this way? Do they fit the stereotypical mould our society seems to have fabricated around homebirthers?

Is it really all about rebelling against the conventional medical model, selfishly taking unnecessary risks and jeopardising the health of their babies?

Unfortunately there is a gross misconception within mainstream society that women who choose to birth at home with a midwife are uneducated, ill-informed, crazy, selfish or rogue risk-

Placenta Capsules“an idea that’s easy to swallow”.

takers. In fact, the opposite is the case.

Recent research from the University of Western Sydney found that 75 per cent of women who chose a homebirth were tertiary educated. This finding implies that women are becoming more informed about their choices and rights around birth. Even as a Childbirth Educator and Doula planning a homebirth, I was faced with prejudice, resistance and an alarming amount of ignorance.

There is certainly nothing ‘new age’ about homebirth. In fact, it could be categorised as ‘old school’. It was the original place of birth for all babies and remained that way well into the 1900s. These births were attended by lay midwives (women who had learnt the skills to support birth through many years of attending them) and often women healers. These birth attendants used plenty of patience, hot water, towels and simple home and herbal remedies.

Homebirth was a family event. Since these times, sanitation, diagnostics, antenatal care and medicines have advanced immensely, thus bringing this option for birth into a much safer realm than its rudimentary beginnings.

Thoughts about homebirth:

When asked to share the best aspects of the homebirth experience, here’s what some parents had to say.

Melissa said, “Our baby was created and then born some 9 months later in our bedroom! Until it was established or proven I needed to be in a hospital to give birth, being at home made perfect sense to us.”

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Tammy Halliday 48 | www.nurtureparentingmagazine.com.au

Adrian, with a career in Health & Safety and a confessed ‘‘cautious approach to risk” speaks of his experience with their third baby. “I felt like a major part of the event instead of being ordered around to hold this, or stand there. It was great to have our whole family together, and both of our kids had a job to do which made them feel involved”.

Emma said, “After a not so positive first birth in hospital, I was drawn to a homebirth as a way of ‘reclaiming’ my birthing power.

I felt like I was in control of all the decisions, and people worked around me instead of me working around hospital rules. It was a truly wonderful experience.”

After the birth of his second daughter at home, Simon said, “The bond between my wife and I feels inconceivably close, made more so by the distinct lack of strangers during the birthing process. It was the most amazing thing I’ve ever been involved in.”

Darren said, “It ended up being a profound bonding experience for us as a couple. I loved being able to sleep together after Charlie was born and waking up together in the morning, in our home.

At my local hospital, Dads can’t stay the night. Do you really want to be sent home after sharing the peak experience of the birth of your child?”

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So why now in the early 21st century, with all the technological and medical advances available in hospital maternity care, enhanced with private health insurance support, would a woman choose to forgo this route, and birth her baby at home?

The three key reasons women choose homebirth are: 1. To avoid what they have previously experienced with a hospital birth, or 2. To avoid what they anticipate might happen within a hospital birth, and/or 3. To have continuity of care and the building of a trustful, comfortable relationship with midwives (often of their choice) through the entire experience; from pregnancy to postpartum.

Other reasons include: 1. Being in the familiar, private and autonomous environment of their own home 2. Avoiding unnecessary interventions, time-frames, policies, protocols, shift changes, unknown staff, and baby/mother separation that occurs in hospitals 3. Being free to adopt any place or position for labour and birth; greater chance for a natural, active birth; and not having to relocate whilst in labour 4. Fathers are often far more involved, and the couple is free to choose who will be present (family, siblings), and know ahead of time who will be there 5. Less chance of infection for both mother and baby 6. Celebrating the family aspect of birth, including no baby/ mother separation.

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It would seem the majority of Australians that choose homebirth do so for various reasons. Be it social, cultural or psychological; their decision to homebirth is a very personal and significant one. It is often made as a result of experience, as well as extensive research into the benefits - and the risks.

It is a question of choice, not of ideology. Yet in the current climate that surrounds homebirth in this country, we find the government’s lack of engagement with this issue, and its unwillingness to devise necessary frameworks to support midwives who attend homebirthing women, a major cause for concern.

Part 2 of this article (in the next edition) will explore what is required for the sustainability of safe and supported homebirth

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Homebirth: Top 10 Questions

Rachel Hansen’s Homebirth of Nina

1. Is it safe? What if something goes wrong?

Here is the official Joint Position Statement: “The Royal College of Midwives (RCM) and the Royal College of Obstetricians and Gynaecologists (RCOG) support home birth for women with uncomplicated pregnancies. There is no reason why home birth should not be offered to women at low risk of complications and it may confer considerable benefits for them and their families. There is ample evidence showing that labouring at home increases a woman’s likelihood of a birth that is both satisfying and safe, with implications for her health and that of her baby.“ Midwives who facilitate homebirths are educated, skilled and highly experienced.

Their core midwifery skills are often sharpened as there is less technology present at homebirths (e.g CTG machines (1)). Naturally, there is also less or no interventions at homebirths, so the risks that often come with these are of no concern. They regularly and often unobtrusively assess the wellbeing of both mother and baby and if they suspect anything deviating too far from the norm, they use their precise clinical judgement to decide whether a transfer to hospital is called for. It is a very rare occurrence that a dire emergency appears out of nowhere in a homebirth. There are usually signs or symptoms that offer plenty of foresight to the woman and caregivers. It is often a requirement (and makes very good sense) that there be a hospital within a comfortable driving distance from the homebirth location in case of complications. Booking into a hospital in case of transfer is wise, and taking a tour of the hospital during pregnancy will also help familiarise the birthing woman and her partner with the available obstetric services.

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2. What equipment do midwives bring to a homebirth?

Midwives are equipped with the fundamental medical equipment available within hospitals. They usually use a hand-held Doppler (2) to listen to baby‘s heart rate intermittently. They record the mother’s blood pressure, temperature and can also take a urine sample for analysis if needed. They carry resuscitation equipment and oxygen and drugs (like Syntocinon (3)) to stem heavy bleeding (if any) after the birth.

They have equipment to take blood, rupture membranes, clamp/cut cords, scales to weigh the baby and local anaesthetic for suturing tears. Some carry antibiotics for IV administration if needed. They do not carry any drugs for pain relief (e.g pethidine or gas). However, as from December, Midwives that have completed a further qualification can order drugs within their scope of practice.

Placenta Encapsulation Specialist Training Course

3. What do you need for a homebirth?

The majority of women use a birth pool; these can be bought, or hired (along with all the necessary accessories) through homebirth programs. Other items that are recommended include: a comfortable bed and/or a mattress on the floor; beanbag; pillows; sheets; towels; massage oils; music; food; drinks; carer/s for siblings, heat packs, TENS machine (4); candles; fitball; herbal and homeopathic remedies; fans; heaters and anything that creates comfort and relaxation is helpful. Women are usually given a supply list by their midwife.

4. How much does it cost? Does my health insurance cover it?

Government funded Community Midwifery Programs, and hospital-based homebirth services are free (although there may be a small application fee). If a transfer occurs, you will go to a public hospital so there is no out of pocket expenses.

Independent midwives in Australia in private practice may charge anywhere from $4,000 - $6,000 for a homebirth; this includes all prenatal care, the birth and postnatal care. There are a selective number of midwives in private practice around the country that have become Medicare providers, which allows the woman to claim rebates for certain care provided however you must get a referral by your doctor to the midwife (5),.

No private health insurance offer rebates for homebirths.

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Adelaide Hills Homebirth Midwives Emma Archer 0411160380 Ros Donnellan-Fernandez 0417851883 Marijke Eastaugh 0417845612

Homebirth Questions Continued 5. Who can birth at home?

Generally speaking, healthy women with healthy babies (also caterogised as “lowrisk”) are the best candidates for homebirths. Community Midwifery Programs often have a criteria that needs to be met to be accepted onto the program. Midwives in private practice use their own professional discretion when taking on clients.

Julie Garratt 0404370701 Karen Parnis 0449120449

6. What about antenatal checkups?

Kellie Wilton 0409980745

These are done at the usual intervals with your midwife/s. Usually blood tests and scans are arranged by a GP or a hospital antenatal clinic, but the results can also be sent to your midwife.

7. Where can I find a homebirth midwife?

Photos: {Nur tured

} by Jen

Where you live in Australia will determine the availability of homebirth. There are a handful of Community Midwifery Programs available in capital cities in some states; or you may engage a private midwife; or in some cases a GP. To access the homebirth option, many women travel long distances, relocate themselves and/or their family temporarily, or occasionally cover the expenses to bring a midwife to them.

8. What if our midwife can’t get to us?

Most homebirth practitioners work with a backup or within a buddy system. This way, someone is always available on-call for you.

Brogan Harri son and fam ily

9. What happens after the birth?

Darren Matto

rlie ck with Cha

Your homebirth practitioner will stay with you for about two or three hours after the birth. The general rule is the minimum of one hour after the placenta has been birthed. If you require some simple sutures, these will be done in your home. Your baby will be weighed, measured and checked over and the midwife will check that you are well also.

There is also the general tidy-up and often the preparing of food. Your practitioner will return within 12-24 hours, but will always be available by phone for you. Most visit you in your home daily for the first week, and arrange other visits thereafter. They will also arrange the necessary paperwork for registering the birth.

10. Is it legal?

Yes it is. Homebirth has never been illegal in Australia

Kristin Beckedahl is Naturopath, Nutritionist, Childbirth Educator, Doula and mother of two. Her practice BodyWise BirthWise, focuses on naturopathy support for women’s health, fertility, preconception, pregnancy and postnatal health. For more information, please visit www.bodywisebirthwise.com.au

Jacquie Bird

Endnotes 1. ‘Cardiotocographic machine’; continuous monitoring, Electronic Fetal Monitoring (EFM), records the baby’s heart rate during labour 2. A small battery operated device, that uses ultrasound waves to detect baby’s heart rate 3. A synthetic oxytocin hormone drug that is injected (often into the woman’s thigh) to stimulate strong contractions to encourage the placenta to separate as soon as possible after birth, and/or to curb heavy bleeding 4. Transcutaneous Electrical Nerve Stimulation. A non-invasive method of pain relief by way of a small battery operated device. Electrode pads are positioned over specific skin nerve endings on the woman’s middle and lower back, and stimulated with electric pulses that interrupt pain sensations along these nerve ending

with Owen

isha

des with Tene

Davina Ged

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Me & My Shadow When I was young, my dad used to take me to the office with him on the weekend. It was my, special, alone time with him, where I only shared his attention with his job rather than my two sibs, my mom’s honey-do list, and all of the activities of home. I clearly remember listening to him sing the song “Me and My Shadow” as I followed closely behind him through the office! For some reason it always made me feel special that he sang that song for me, even if it was because I wouldn’t let him leave my side while I “shadowed” him at work. To this day, when he and I are doing a project together around my own home, the song plays in my head as I follow him around like that adoring little girl, thankful for the time we spend together, thankful for the activities we share! It goes to show that seemingly insignificant experiences (to the parent) can stick with a child into adulthood and even become a sort of anthem for the relationship.

On the surface, this activity is about taking your child on an exploration of your child’s shadow, and how it travels across the ground, as the sun makes its journey through the sky. But it is really more about giving you an opportunity to connect with your child through an experience with nature, allowing your child to feel your attention and to experience a new representation of him or herself through nature. In the interest of full credit where it is due, this activity was initially my daughter’s idea. She began setting the chair up and tracing the shadow with chalk and I decided, with her permission, to run with her idea which ended up creating a beautiful experience for both of us. What is amazing about this is that paying attention in the little moments can create the biggest bonding moments.

for the majority of the day and ask your child to stand still while you trace, in one color chalk, the outline of his feet.

This will be the placement you use for his feet repeatedly though the day. Then, using another color, trace the rest of his shadow.

2. Next, have your child assist you in drawing a little sun a few feet away in the direction from which the light came and write the time inside the sun.

3. Return every couple of hours, have your child stand in the same “footprint” and trace the outline of his shadow (also drawing the sun a few feet away) as the sun travels through the sky. Every time you do, write the time within the outline of your child’s shadow.

Each time you trace your child’s shadow, talk to the child about how the sun feels this time, is it warmer, brighter, cooler?

Help your child to use the time to explore the notion of time and the sun. Further you can use the time to help your child be creative, make funny poses so that the shadows are all different, or try to stand exactly the same each time…allow your child to help you create the activity as you go. Make it more interesting by returning the next day at approximately the same time as the first day…hopefully rain hasn’t washed away your markings!

Have your child stand once again, in the original footprints and see if the suns position has changed for the time of day.

As an additional study of the sun, we also used an object of her choice (a lawn chair in this case) and left it in place the whole day to watch its shadow travel as well.

Supplies:

You need: • A sunny day on which you plan to be home most of the day; • Sidewalk chalk (a few different colors make this even more fun), • A little bit of pavement you can return to over and over throughout the day.

• Another object (such as a chair or favorite outdoor toy) can be used, as well, to make the project more interesting

Make it:

1. Find a spot in your driveway or sidewalk that is in full sun

Emily Filmore has written a number of books focusing on bonding with your child. You can save 20% off these books if you purchase from www.withmychild.com/nurture

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Stress Relaxation: Being Great Models of Self-Care and Calm for Children Stress seems to be a normal part of our lives. It is only through taking time to relax that we can begin to think clearly. However, relaxing not only helps us rebalance, it is also a great activity to model to our children. Patrice Thomas explores ways you can practice self-care and relaxation

start doing something about now. and caring with stress creates awareness and Small changes in life can make a big for children understanding. From this awareness, difference to our wellbeing. is a rewarding and challenging labour we can begin to create small, positive of love. If not done with mindfulness for • Take some time to identify your changes in life. physical reactions to stress. Some • Aim to invite balance back into their own health and wellbeing, parents familiar symptoms might be and carers can be left feeling exhausted, your life. Stress affects us physically, nausea, tension headaches, fatigue, anxious and inadequate. Learning some mentally, emotionally and spiritually irritability, muscle tension, shoulder strategies for self-care and implementing so it makes sense to use holistic and back pain, indigestion and these regularly helps to replenish and strategies and gain a sense of control insomnia to name a few. Determine invigorate the body, mind and spirit. over how we respond to what life whether it’s possible to make a Importantly, when children observe throws our way (rather than react to positive response as soon as any adults implementing strategies for calm it). Your children will watch you with symptom appears. For example, at and wellbeing on a regular basis, they interest as your begin to respond to the onset of muscle tightness, try are learning valuable life skills from their stress more pro-actively and model doing a couple of simple stretches most important teachers. The following ways to nourish and nurture your to relax and loosen the body rather strategies are suggestions on body, mind and spirit. how adults can learn ‘when children observe adults implementing • Look after your to “water their own strategies for calm and wellbeing on a regular physical health. Do some gardens first” starting basis, they are learning valuable life skills exercise each day such with a poem adapted as stretching, Tai Chi, Qi from their most important teachers.’ from “The Tao of Women” Gong, Yoga, walking gardening, than wait for the symptoms to build

by Pamela Metz and Jacqueline Tobin : swimming. Exercise relaxes and into further discomfort and pain. energises our bodies and minds Grounded • Observe your behaviours when you and helps to “burn off ” the stress Stretching ourselves too thin, we are under stress (without being too chemicals that accumulate in our break our connections. hard on yourself – we’re all human!!). systems. Regular breaks for walking, Staying too busy, we have no time.

Drinking excessive amounts of moving or stretching the body Doing for others, we neglect alcohol, smoking, drinking too much throughout the day can also be ourselves. coffee or tea, reaching for sugar and beneficial. Include the children in Defining ourselves only through fat fixes, blaming others, yelling and any gentle exercise routines you do others, we lose our own definition. screaming and thinking negatively at home – make it a fun, family affair The wise person waters their own are all common ways we try to that everyone looks forward to doing garden first. manage stress but end up making together. matters worse in the long run.

• Adopt a healthy, balanced diet.

• Check out the causes of stress in • All of the above can leave us The concept of slow food has been your life (work, constantly worrying, feeling depleted, frustrated and around for many years now but sadly, doing everything in a rush, clutter, unappreciated, which in turn, adds we often revert to our junk food commuting and traffic woes, no to our stress levels. Identifying the habits when we are stressed or time time, lack of support, too much to causes, reactions, behaviours and poor. Start with small changes to do etc) and identify the ones you can consequent feelings associated incorporate a slow food philosophy

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Photos: Depositphotos

Raising

into your life and reap the benefits for yourself and your family. Slow food is organic, fresh, locally sourced, whole (not processed) and seasonal. A great way to start with slow food at home is to grow some of your own herbs and vegetables, whether this is on your veranda or in a small vegetable patch in the garden. Children are often introduced to gardening at preschool and school these days and are enthusiastic helpers in growing food at home. Start with easy to grow herbs and vegetables like parsley, mint, chives, spinach, capsicum, lettuce, tomatoes, and eggplant. Try making fresh juices at home – apple, celery and carrot in combination is a good juice to start with and your children will love it too.

• Learn to relax. Relaxation is the opposite of stress. When learning to manage stress, the aim is to reach the ‘relaxation response’, first noted

by Benson in 1974. This is where the body brings itself back into physical, mental, emotional and spiritual balance through relaxation and mindful meditation practices.

When we experience the ‘relaxation response’, our breathing rate slows, the sympathetic nervous system activity decreases, the heart rate lessens, blood pressure is lowered and the body’s metabolism slows down. This response brings a sense of calm and wellbeing into play.

• Implement a technique such as muscle relaxation or a guided visualisation to music. There is a wealth of CDs available to guide the listener through the relaxation experience.

Children enjoy participating in visualisation stories by listening to meditation and relaxation CDs designed for their age group or by listening to a parent or carer telling a meditation story accompanied by music. They will affirm their interest and willingness to participate in relaxation activities when they observe a close adult regularly practising this technique at home.

• Practising regular meditation helps us to literally come back to our senses and into the present moment rather than dwelling on the past or worrying about the future. Mindful meditation, when practised regularly, provides us with greater awareness,

calm, clarity and contentment in life.

• Take time out like rewarding yourself with a therapeutic or relaxation massage or aromatherapy treatment.

Massage detoxifies the body and heals, relaxes and soothes the body and the mind.

Relaxation techniques and destressing strategies provide many benefits, including: • Lowering blood pressure • Regulating breathing • Relieving muscle tension • Breaking the cycle of tiredness • Increasing stamina and energy • Improving mood • Increasing coping behaviours • Decreasing negative thought patterns • Enhancing brain function and renewal • Increasing resilience • Enhancing feelings of invigoration, rejuvenation and calm • Developing a more positive and optimistic outlook towards life (Hayward, 1999; Thomas, 2006).

Talk about how you enjoy practising self-care and relaxation techniques with your children and tell them why you are trying to implement these strategies on a regular basis. Use age-appropriate language and explanations with them and invite their comments, questions and participation. I believe we teach more by whom we are and what we do,

rather than by what we know and the things we say.

In this way, children will learn the value of slowing down in life, taking some quiet time each day to move the body and calm the mind. Most vitally, they will reap the benefits of parents and carers who are more calm, relaxed, happy, mindful and healthy in mind, body and spirit.

References: 1.

2.

3.

4.

Benson, H. (1974). The relaxation response. New York: Avon.

Hayward, S. (1999). Relax Now: Removing stress from your life.

Leichhardt, NSW: Sandstone.

Metz, P. And Tobin, J. (1995). The Tao of women. Brisbane: Element.

Thomas, P. (2006). Stress in early childhood: Helping children and their carers. Watson, ACT: Early Childhood Australia.

Patrice Thomas is an author, educator, popular presenter and director of Mindful Connections, a stress management and wellbeing practice that focuses on bringing balance, calm, awareness and optimism into the lives of adults and children.

For more information see www.mindfulconnections.com.au

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Bushwalk Playgroup

Tandem

Breastfeeding

There is a growing phenomena in Europe of forest kindergardens. It is a refreshing concept of having our children live, laugh and learn in a natural environment. Vicki Kearney provides a wonderful description of her bushwalk playgroup in Samford just outside of Brisbane

With the benefits of breastfeeding becoming more widely known, tandem feeding is becoming more common. Robyn Noble, an International Accredited Lactation Consultant, addresses some of the most common questions women have when it comes to tandem feeding their children

Tandem

“Knock

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breastfeeding is of two or more children of different ages by the same woman, usually their mother.

Amazingly, breastfeeding just one child for any length of time can be discouraged even by health professionals, so tandem feeding is not something such women might discuss openly with many people.

Oddly enough, it is generally more socially acceptable in Western countries to feed older children with milk intended for baby calves rather than the Milk of Human Kindness!

HOW DOES TANDEM FEEDING COME ABOUT?

Photos: Sweetness and Light Photography

, knock, knock. allowed to have a childhood, not a and we love to all stop, get down on May we come melted down version of adulthood. The our haunches and have a closer look. in?” I ask, tapping the old wooden young child’s work is to play. There is no Butterflies flutter by regularly and whip post with the knuckles of my hand. And hurry, no preparation for kindergarten birds call out. But it’s all part of the walk. just below on the same post, in a similar or school. At the creek, they are just This is not a teaching expedition and manner, are the hands of the little ‘allowed to be’. In fact, the more I sit therefore I do not impose my questions children, imitating so beautifully. The in observation, offering few words or on the children. We, the adults, are there as silent witnesses to their childhood, fairies always allow us into their garden, instruction the better!

It is interesting to observe each child, gently guiding them along in their the gateway to the creek. We would not think to pass without respectfully asking how she or he meets each experience or innocence. challenge. Some children go head first On our walk the child is able to move permission to play at their house!

And just beyond, lays the creek bed. into it, and others require more time, freely, noise levels are lower and silence can seemingly be experienced through Full with water in the summer and dry showing signs of anxiety.

The adults in the group are the play of light and dark beneath the as a bone in the winter, we experience the seasons of the year wholesomely and particularly aware and supportive of canopy of the trees. What does this truthfully. The trees stand tall above, not only their own child’s needs but of give to the inner nature of the child, guarding us from the hot rays of Father all the children. It is a blessing to have a this peace and tranquillity? The song Sun, our delicate skin protected. In the Dad come along each week with his little of the stream as it flows over the bed of stones singing softly and drier months we are able to ‘Outdoors in nature, the child can experience delicately, calls to the walk up the creek bed, lucky to find a puddle “real” stuff, not plastic. They can learn trust and imagination of the child. Children love in which to throw a experience wonder, revealing the magic that the world has to offer.’ the creek and they love few rocks or fish for the to swim and feel the green moss in the stagnant water.

This is the Bushwalk Playgroup, girl and last year we also had a Grand- strength in the flow of the water tugging an initiative I birthed nearly 2 years ago, dad. Men bring the qualities of physical at their bodies. Sometimes it is fast after reading about the Forest or Nature strength and a certain toughness. They and they wonder if they can make it to Kindergartens, a common practice of slip into that knowing of what little the other side. With encouragement childcare in Europe. This mixed age boys like to do when outside; they laugh from the adult and holding onto a firm group of children from babies to 5 easily, relaxing into the play of the child, hand their confidence builds with each years allows each and every child the reminiscent of their own early years. accomplishment.

The only toys we bring along are opportunity to develop at their own ‘How wonderful that Dad can take a day pace. The older child whose speech is off from his work commitments to come the little wooden boats; otherwise we make use of Mother Nature’s toys. The less developed, who prefers to walk more out and be with me!’

Outdoors in nature, the child can children have their own little knock, slowly is able to be with the younger child, not having to be measured up experience ‘real’ stuff, not plastic. They knock. May we come in?” I ask, tapping can learn trust and experience wonder, the old wooden post with the against his peers.

Claire Warden from Scotland, revealing the magic that the world has knuckles of my hand. And just below on founder of Whistlebrae Nature to offer. Often a child will spot a hairy the same post, in a similar manner, are Kindergarten speaks of children being caterpillar or a stick insect on our path the hands of the little children, imitating

Sometimes emergency or babysitting situations result in women breastfeeding their own child along with another woman’s. Close friends and relatives may agree to breastfeed each other’s children when babysitting. Since the emergence of serious viral diseases such as HIV, there has been the need for mutual assurance that these mothers are healthy and free of such infections – therein lies the advantage of knowing each other very well!

Otherwise, tandem breastfeeding comes about when a mother becomes pregnant and continues breastfeeding her older child through the pregnancy and after the new baby’s birth.

Occasionally, mothers of twins or two older children close in age tandem feed three children, including the new baby – or a mother with new twins may tandem feed one older child. Mothers often comment that there is less sibling rivalry

among these tandem feeding siblings.

Special circumstances are another reason for some women’s decisions to breastfeed longer than they might otherwise have done, including while pregnant. It may be that a breastfed child develops a major illness, is disabled, suffers an accident, needs hospital admission or endures some great trauma. The comfort of the breast under these conditions can greatly ease a child’s distress.(1) Mothers often add that it is also comforting for themselves to breastfeed in such situations, especially when there is not much else they can do.

Breastfeeding in the midst of mayhem and unfamiliar environments can be an island of peace for an upset mother and child – something “normal” when not much else is!

CAN I BREASTFEED WHEN PREGNANT?

Many women are unsure whether they can still breastfeed their older child when they conceive.

For poorly fed families on bare subsistence diets in some parts of the world, it is a tragedy for a breastfed child if his mother gets pregnant too soon for him to be able to do well without her milk. Kwashiorkor is the protein deficiency disease that disadvantages these children because the mothers’ malnourished bodies can’t sustain both pregnancy and lactation at the same time. “Kwashiorkor” is a Bantu word tragically meaning, “the evil eye of the child in the womb upon the one already

born”. The older child will battle to survive.(2) Well fed Western mothers can readily breastfeed through a pregnancy and onwards into tandem feeding both older child/ren and new infant if they so choose, without harm to any of them.

It is not surprising that breastfeeding two or three children simultaneously is OK when we know that mothers can breastfeed triplets, quadruplets and quintuplets. Over a century ago, European wet nurses commonly fed up to 4 or 5 babies at once!(3) However, in the 21st Century, fears still persist that pregnant breastfeeding women may go into early labour because of oxytocin release triggered by breastfeeding. Oxytocin forces milk out of secretory cells in the breast, making milk available to the baby. Oxytocin also contracts the uterus.

Sometimes women who anticipated breastfeeding throughout the next pregnancy find that the older child weans anyway, well before the new baby’s birth.

It may be that the older child loses interest in continuing to breastfeed because of: • a change in flavour of the milk due to the hormonal changes of pregnancy • less abundant milk volumes associated with these changes • a developmental readiness to wean

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Oxytocin is produced in huge amounts by labouring and birthing women. Without oxytocin, labour would not be possible.

Oxytocin is a short-lived contractive hormone released in short “bursts” by the pituitary gland, the small master gland of the body, situated just under the brain. Directed by the brain, oxytocin releases are also absolutely crucial to human sexuality. Without oxytocin there would be no blissful sexual experiences, no orgasm, no male ejaculation.(4) Oxytocin circulates rapidly around the whole body via the blood, is metabolised and gone within a minute or so. The difference between how much is released er for breastfeeding compared with labouring s Oliv nd with twin Naomi Dorla s) th and sexuality is substantial. Just one surge 8m and Alexis (1 of oxytocin is enough to force a lot of milk out of the secretory cells of the breast for the baby. A breastfeed consists of a series of oxytocin releases, with the baby resting briefly between each one. By contrast, we are flooded with oxytocin in many large multiple “bursts” for orgasm, labour and birth.(5) This explains why, if there is any serious concern about premature labour because a pregnant woman is breastfeeding, she would also expect to be advised of the even greater risks posed by having sex!(6)

How to prepare older child for sharing breast

Mothers who tandem feed usually don’t have problems with the older child sharing the breast with the new baby, but some forward planning is always better than suddenly thrusting an unprepared child into a new situation.

Even if the older child is not yet talking, he can be expected to understand quite a lot of words, so both parents can talk to him about “our baby” who will need lots of breastfeeds. Books can be read to him about what having a new baby in the house will be like. “Our baby” or even “your baby” helps give him a sense of shared “ownership” of his new sibling. Imaginative play with dolls and teddies about the care of the new baby,

Shannah Thun der feeding he (right) and a r daughter friends daug hter (left)

including breastfeeding, helps create a picture for him of what he can expect after the baby is born. This needs to include discussion about where the baby will be born, where the older child will be and who will look after him while mummy is having the baby. It is helpful if all of these things are discussed often, so he feels as familiar as possible with everything that is planned.

Endnotes 1.

Robyn Noble has been in the breastfeeding world for over 35 years, 21 of them as a lactation consultant. She set up Australia’s first private breastfeeding Clinic, Bayside Breastfeeding Clinic, 18 years ago. Currently, she is finishing her book on breastfeeding management which will break new ground in this field. Her aim is to make breastfeeding a pleasure for all!

on

extended

Dettwyler KA (2004) When to wean: biological versus cultural perspectives. Clin Obstet Gynecol 47:712-723 ; Britton JR, Britton HL, Gronwaldlt V (2006) Breastfeeding, sensitivity and attachment.

Clin Pedaitr 118:e1436-e1443;

Tandem feeding and colostrum

Most women anticipate birthing in hospital, which generally means that the older child will visit his mother rather than stay with her and the new baby. Colostrum appears as normal after the birth, and the newborn has more frequent access to the breast than the older visiting child. One benefit of having an older breastfed child when the milk “comes in” is that the mother is unlikely to suffer any unpleasant breast engorgement.

Another way of ensuring the newborn’s colostrum intake is for the new baby to be fed first, before the older child. But most mothers don’t find there is much need to enforce such feeding arrangements, and often have one child on each breast, feeding at the same time. In one case, a mother didn’t notice that her new baby had a suck problem till he was about 3 months old, because the older child usually breastfed along with his baby brother, stimulating the milk flow for both of them!

Whether tandem feeding just “evolves” or is planned by mothers, it is a personal arrangement between mothers and their children. It does not warrant other people’s negative opinions any more than most other parenting decisions do.

For more information breastfeeding, see:

Gribble KD (2008) Long-term breastfeeding: changing attitudes and overcoming challenges. Breastfeed Review 16(1):5-15 2.

3.

Morley D, Lovel H 1993. My Name is Today Macmillan, London Published in conjunction with TALC (Teaching Aids at Low Cost), St. Albans, Hertfordshire, England For more information on the history of wetnurses see: Australian Breastfeeding Association (2008) Breastfeeding Through Pregnancy and Beyond ABA Booklet, Mothers Direct.

Australian Breastfeeding Association (2007) Breastfeeding Triplets, Quads or More ABA Booklet, Mothers Direct; Duggin J (1994) Breastfeeding triplets – it can be done! Breastfeed Review II(10):469470; Radbill SX (1981) Infant feeding through the ages. Clin Pedaitr 20(10):613-621; Wilson-Clay B (2006) Milk oversupply, Journal of Human Lactation 22(2):218-220

4.

Odent M. (1992) The Nature of Birth and Breastfeeding Bergin & Garvey, Westport, CT, USA

5.

For more information on the release of oxytocin see: Mashini IS, Devoe LD, McKenzie JS, Hadi HA, Sherline DM (1987) Comparison of uterine activity induced by nipple stimulation and oxytocin. Clin Obstet Gynecol 69(1):7478; Stein JL, Bardeguez AD, Verma UL, Tegani N (1990) Nipple stimulation for labour augmentation.

J Perinatal 10(2):164166; Moscone SR, Moore MJ 1993 Breastfeeding through pregnancy. Journal of Human Lactation 9(2):83-88;

feeding pregnant and Kath Angus, r no ea El

graphy

Curtis P, Resnick JC, Evens S, Thompson CJ (1999) A comparison of nipple stimulation and intravenous oxytocin for augmentation of labour. Birth 26(2):115-122;

Jenn Photos:

Photo Saxena

Cox SG (2006) Expressing and storing colostrum antenatally for use in the newborn period. Breastfeed Review 14(3):11-16 s) az (3yr ) and J

Beckii

Jones

Debra

ths ri (14m with A

Sarah Smittens with twins Hamilton and Daisy (12 mths)

Dunca n Joshua with 14mth old (right) and Ch identical t wins, ristian (left)

Beyond Birth with Julia Jones

Oxytocin ~ it’s for life not just birth Cuddle chemical, love hormone or fear fighter… you may have heard of oxytocin in your childbirth education class. Indeed it was first discovered in the context of birth in 1909, and soon after found to play an important role in let down of milk during breastfeeding. For many years it was thought that oxytocin ended there. More recently scientists have discovered that oxytocins role in birth and breastfeeding is truly just the beginning. So what is oxytocin really about?

Oxytocin is love. It’s that warm and fuzzy feeling you get when you sing in a choir, drink tea with a friend, have a massage or cheer for your footy team. And it’s the difference between physical and mental health, or chronic disease and even dying of a ‘broken heart’.

Oxytocin improves physical health by lowering blood pressure, relieving pain, aiding digestion, healing wounds and reducing inflammation. It improves mental health by relieving anxiety, inducing calm and sleep, increasing mothering behaviours and improving social confidence.

The human brains receptivity to oxytocin is set during the first three years of life. As your baby’s brain grows it develops a kind of internal thermostat, an oxytocin response that colours everything your baby will come to expect from life. For example when you shower your baby with love through eye contact, cuddles and soothing words, this experience will become your baby’s blueprint for love. The brain seeks to recreate this original experience of love for the rest of its life.

The Circle of Security Project team in Washington use an interesting metaphor to show how oxytocin colours our world view. Imagine a coastal rainforest accompanied by soothing music. Now imagine that same coastal rainforest accompanied by that infamous music from the movie Jaws. People with low oxytocin receptivity in their brain see the world accompanied by Jaws music.

The good news is your brain can change! If you feel stressed or overwhelmed and you are not coping with motherhood it could be because of your own early years of brain development. If you need massive oxytocin intervention you may wish to explore your own childhood through art or play therapy. But for many mothers even small lifestyle changes can make a big difference in helping you enjoy mothering, and giving your baby the gift of love.

Your baby doesn’t need you to remove all of life’s stress and suffering, that is simply not possible. But your baby does need you to be a harbour in the storm. You need to be calm and relaxed and confident, because oxytocin is contagious, and oxytocin in the early years of your baby’s life is crucial. Take time out to boost your own oxytocin levels, so that you can give your baby the best start. Singing, massage, prayer, meditation and cuddles will all boost your oxytocin levels.

Julia works with pregnant women and new mums who want to avoid feeling exhausted and overwhelmed.

She is an Ayurvedic postnatal doula and founder of Newborn Mothers in Perth, Western Australia

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Children & Trauma What Helps?

Mansion of Emotions

Scared

Sad

Anxious

Not coping

In Part II of this two part series on Chiidren and Trauma, Petrea King explores how you can bring emotional awareness to your feelings and your child’s feelings through the use of the Mansion of Emotions and help release the feelings through a rainbow ritual.

Happy

Grief

This

second part of helping children deal effectively with traumatic experiences focuses on two particular concepts that have proved incredibly helpful for thousands of parents and children. The first of these builds emotional awareness and literacy and the second is a beautiful ritual that gives children a deep sense of connectedness to the people they love and a feeling of emotional security and safety.

that were laid down as a biochemical experience in our bodies long before we had any awareness to understand or label the feelings let alone express them in healthy ways.

In many families too, emotions were kept under control or were made as neat and tidy as possible and we might have been told to ‘stop crying’, to ‘get over it’, ‘pull yourself together’, ‘settle down’ or some other equally unhelpful strategy that just compounded our confusion and left us feeling inwardly inadequate.

If this was our experience then it is no wonder we struggle as parents in helping our own children to feel more comfortable with their feelings, let alone know how to help them express them

further trauma isn’t passed down the line to their own children.

The diagram (opposite page) and process can be very helpful in increasing our emotional awareness and this leads to less reactivity and enables us to better respond to difficult or challenging situations when they occur.

THE MANSION OF EMOTION

In Part I (Issue 2) I wrote about helping very young children identify UNDERSTANDING OUR their feelings by looking at pictures FEELINGS AS ADULTS of animals or people who might be Firstly though, many adults, as expressing the way they feel in a nonchildren, were not helped to identify or verbal way. Pointing out how another express their feelings and have limited person or animal mirrors their internal emotional awareness or feelings is a good first ‘Teaching our children what we need to learn step in the journey of literacy around them. It is common for these about emotional literacy can help us understand emotional awareness ourselves more deeply at the same time’ adults to acknowledge and literacy. in healthy ways. Teaching our children that they feel feelings that It is also useful to tell children that they cannot label or clearly identify. They what we need to learn about emotional none of us are responsible for having may describe a sensation in their body – literacy can help us understand ourselves the feelings we experience however, we a sinking feeling in the stomach, a dry more deeply at the same time. are responsible for what we do with our Be gentle with yourself if you feelings. As mentioned in Part I, we need mouth, a feeling of building pressure in the head, a lump in the throat, a have had a traumatic childhood to have agreements that we will not hurt tightening in the chest, neck, fist or yourself in which you received little ourselves, each other or property no shoulders, shaky legs, sweaty palms, emotional support or worse, if you matter how strongly we might be feeling racing heartbeat – but they are unable were emotionally, physically or sexually an emotion. to tell you what the physical feeling abused. It is not easy to teach what we The diagram (on opposite page) and represents emotionally. This may be don’t ourselves know. However, the fact process enables children from about because they weren’t helped as children that you are reading this magazine is a the age of four to witness their feelings to understand and express healthily the clear indication that you want to do a without becoming overwhelmed by feelings they encountered or they may better job of parenting than you perhaps them or simply ‘acting out’ the feeling be feelings that they experienced before experienced yourself. Parents who were they are experiencing. In time, you and they even had language to identify and/ traumatised themselves as children your child will see that there is a vast or express them. I often refer to these often need to make a concerted effort to difference between labelling yourself feelings as ‘pre-three’ feelings; feelings become more emotionally aware so that as a feeling and witnessing yourself

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Love

Joy

Grumpy

Lonely

© Petrea King

experiencing a feeling. It is useful to not label yourself as a feeling because feelings are transitory and don’t remain constant in our experience whereas the ‘experiencer’ of the feelings does remain constant.

Be aware of how you express yourself and what you attach, ‘I am ...’ to. Rather than saying, ‘I am sad … angry … disappointed … scared … happy … panicky … sick’, you might find it more useful to say, ‘I feel sad … angry … disappointed … scared … happy … panicky … sick’. This may not sound significant, yet it frees us to witness our experience rather than identify ourselves as the experience. In this way, we shift our perception from identifying with how we feel to the self that is experiencing the feeling. This is an invaluable demonstration to your children and will set them up for greater emotional awareness and literacy for the rest of their lives. Do this with all feelings including the ones we generally enjoy such as happiness, joy, satisfaction and fulfilment. In this way, we don’t make some feelings ‘good’ and others ‘bad’.

They are all just feelings and, in time, our reality becomes rock solid in the spirit of

‘I am’, rather than the changing feelings and thoughts we all experience. This is quite liberating as we recognise that we have feelings, but we are not our feelings.

Draw the Mansion of Emotion on a whiteboard or a piece of paper and ask the child to imagine that this is a big house or mansion inside their head and body. Explain that there are as many rooms in the mansion as they have feelings. There is a ‘scared room’, a ‘sad room’, an ‘angry room’ and rooms for not coping, happiness, anxiety, loneliness, inadequacy, grief and whatever feeling you think your child might be experiencing. You can use pictures of people or animals or simple pencil drawings displaying different feelings in the ‘rooms’ if they make it easier for the child to relate to. You can add as many rooms as you like to this mansion of emotion simply by drawing on more rectangles and filling them in with the word or picture describing the feeling. This Mansion of Emotion can be redrawn anytime until you and your child are familiar with the process.

In the beginning, it is often best to do this is by filling in some of the ‘rooms’ using your experience of your feelings.

You could perhaps say, ‘I am feeling very sad that Nan has died, so today I’m going to put in a ‘sad’ room’. Do you need a ‘sad room’ in your mansion?’ You could start off by drawing your own set of rooms similar to the one above.

THE PROCESS OF WITNESSING OUR FEELINGS

You will notice the circled child in the centre who is separated from the rooms as if they are a visitor who moves in and out of these different feelings and this is exactly the sense that you want to convey to the child. You can even label the person in the circle with the child’s name. You can help them understand that feelings change all the time and that they are not who the child is, but a feeling that they are experiencing.

You can then take the child through this three step process: 1. ‘This is how it feels to be me feeling sad, angry, scared, confused, lonely (or whatever the feeling might be) 2. ‘It’s all right for me to feel this way’.

(This is the step we all resist because we don’t want to feel some of these challenging feelings).

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3. ‘This is how feeling sad, angry, scared, confused, lonely (or whatever the feeling might be), feels for me’, and ask the child where they feel that feeling in their body.

The aim is simply to feel the feeling in their body rather than acting out of the feeling. This practice of awareness gives our children (and us!) the capacity to witness the feeling without identifying ourselves as the feeling. This is the first step in not reacting from the feelings that we experience. It may involve tears and cuddles and reassurance that it is not who the child is but it is a feeling that they are expressing, and it’s ok to feel it or let it out in a way that leaves them in charge of their experience.

Often behind feelings of anger are more vulnerable feelings of inadequacy, hurt or fear. It can be so helpful to recognise and express these more complex feelings rather than making anger the habitual reaction.

Sometimes too, we need to acknowledge that there are several feelings going on simultaneously. As much as possible, separate out and label the different aspects of feelings we’re experiencing. “I am feeling confused, upset and a bit angry about what has happened”. Again, this helps us be more aware of our emotional environment and less disempowered by our feelings.

AWARENESS IS THE KEY

Awareness how you express yourself enables us to liberate ourselves from the cycles of re-action. Awareness is essential to the process because it gives us the possibility of choice to make more appropriate responses, rather than habitual reactions. By guiding your children in this process you help them understand the changing nature of feelings and they will have less fear around new and sometimes challenging feelings that arise during a traumatic experience or event.

A RAINBOW RITUAL

I developed this simple ritual of wrapping my children up in a rainbow before they went to sleep when they were four and seven years of age. My son, Simon had developed terrible nightmares after his father and I had separated in fairly traumatic circumstances overseas, away from all our usual supports. Not long afterwards, I was diagnosed with leukaemia and not expected to survive. I was then separated from my children at a time when they were already feeling traumatised.

This ritual halted Simon’s nightmares and separation anxiety almost instantly and then allowed us to feel connected while I was away from them. I have since used it with thousands of families through our work at the Quest for Life Foundation in helping families deal with challenging, sad or distressing news.

We have found it to be a wonderful blessing for children and a comfort for their parents. Children live in a world of symbols and the rainbow is a beautiful image for us all of connection.

You can take as long or as little time with the ritual as seems right for the age of the child and it is generally appropriate from the age of about three. However, I know one young boy Tom who, at two and a half had been wrapped in a rainbow before he went to sleep for about three weeks, before 9/11 happened.

One night not long after, when his aunt was wrapping him in a rainbow before sleep, she asked him where he would like to send a rainbow to tonight. He replied, “To all the people in America who are hurting”. The rainbow provides a visual channel for children’s natural compassion. This quiet time together before sleep will often allow a child to disclose what is

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Rainbow Ritual When a child is ready for sleep, ask them to snuggle down into a comfortable position so that you can wrap them up in a rainbow.

You can ask the child to close their eyes so that they can imagine better.

1. Running your hand lightly over the whole of their body, from the top of their head to the tips of their toes, ask the child to imagine that you’re wrapping them up in a cloud of red - the colour of tomatoes, strawberries and fire engines. You can ask the child if they can see the colour - children can always visualise colours.

2. While still running your hand lightly over their body, you ask the child to imagine that you’re wrapping them up in a cloud of orange - the colour of mandarins, marigolds and nasturtiums.

3. Next, you wrap them in a cloud of yellow - the colour of wattle, daffodils and golden warm sunshine on a bright sunny day.

4. Then the colour green - the colour of spring leaves and new mown grass. All the while running your hand lightly over the body of the child.

5. Next you wrap the child in the colour blue - the colour of the clear blue sky on a sun filled day or the colour of the ocean.

You can ask the child again if they’re able to see the colours.

6. Then the colour of indigo - the colour of the night sky behind the stars.

7. Then you wrap the child in the colour violet - the colour of tiny sweet smelling violets peeping out amongst the flowers in the garden.

8. Finally, place your hand over the child’s heart and ask them to visualise as strongly as they can a rainbow that starts in their heart and that comes out through the air and connects with your heart (moving your hand to over your heart). Tell the child that this rainbow keeps the two of you connected all through the night.

You can make up a prayer or a poem to go with the ritual. A popular one is: I wrap you in a rainbow of light, to care for you all through the night. Your guardian angel watches from above and showers you with her great love.

troubling or pre-occupying them and the rainbow gives them a practical way of sending support and love.

After connecting up by rainbow with you, the child might like to send rainbows to loved ones, grandparents or friends in need of love or support. They can send them to people they’re separated from by distance, divorce, illness or death.

Children can be wrapped in rainbows before they’re separated from you for any reason - beginning pre or primary school, leaving for camp, staying with friends or grandparents.

Rainbows can be used in a myriad of circumstances. For instance, when passing a car accident, instead of becoming distressed about it, ask your children to visualise you’re all under one end of a rainbow breathing in the iridescent colours and peace of the rainbow then extend the other end of the rainbow to those in need.

Imagine your love and blessings flowing over the rainbow, like fairy dust, bringing peace and calmness so that what needs to be done to help gets done quietly and efficiently.

Rainbows can be sent to those affected by floods, disasters

or other distressing situations which often leave children (and ourselves) feeling helpless. They can be sent between family members if someone is feeling sooky, sick or overwhelmed.

They can be sent for exams, medical tests or treatments.

By sending rainbows, children feel they’re making a valuable and positive contribution instead of feeling powerless to help.

Wrapping children in rainbows usually ends nightmares and separation anxiety. My children are now 33 and 36 and we rarely have a conversation that doesn’t include the acknowledgment of the rainbows between us! Rainbows have been requested for job interviews, homesickness, lectures and exam preparations.

The Rainbow Ritual is always available as a free download from our website under Children at www.questforlife.com.au and has been written into a best-selling children’s book, You, Me & the Rainbow, available online at the same address. There are also rainbow ribbons with felt hearts on either end which children like to tie on their bedheads or keep in their pockets if they are living through some difficulty, going for an exam or need to feel connected to someone they love.

No matter how keenly we might want to protect our children from suffering, these practical strategies can build resilience, compassion and awareness in our children and provide them with skills for managing difficult or challenging events when they inevitably happen in life.

Petrea King is the author of children’s books, including You, Me & the Rainbow, Rainbow Kids and The Rainbow Garden, and five books for adults. Petrea is also the Founder and CEO, Quest for Life Foundation www.questforlife.com.au

A rainbow is a powerful visual image... ...that helps children feel connected and safe. Petrea King is the author of a range of resources that have developed from her work in helping children deal with challenging, sad or distressing situations.

You, Me & the Rainbow, Rainbow Kids, and The Rainbow Garden are beautifully illustrated books that take children on nurturing journeys of love and connection. Rainbow Connection, a CD for children, has four short guided relaxation practices. A Rainbow Ritual, is available as a free download from our website.

Visit our online shop today

www.questforlife.com.au/shop The Quest for Life Foundation provides services and resources to empower people with skills to confidently face their challenges, whatever they may be.

Clean Bum Crusade Social Media helping ensure the health of our children After comprehensive research into the surprising number of harsh synthetic ingredients found in conventional baby products WOTNOT Naturals was developed using a 100 percent of what is good and zero percent of what is not philosophy. Since then many products have reached the market targeting parents who want better and safer for their children, so there is clearly a demand for toxin free.

More and more articles can be found in today’s media about toxins or synthetic chemicals found in conventional children’s products and the dangers they pose to the developing generation. However, there seems to be little activity for change with regards banning these substances despite many other countries doing so. We need some action to clean up what is on the market so all our children are protected from this toxic soup not just those who can afford the time to research and money to buy natural alternatives.

“Our concern is not simply the rash that develops after using one baby wipe or product; it’s more about the accumulation of these chemicals in little bodies over time. Children are being exposed to these chemicals much earlier in life and the harsh reality is that diseases linked to these chemicals are caused by long-term exposure” says Sinead Roberts, co-founder of Wotnot Naturals.

“I think if babies were able to answer the question ‘Do you mind if we use chemicals that are banned for use on baby products in other countries’ they would say ’no thank you I’d rather not’. We need to be a voice for babies and ask our governing bodies to rethink their policies” says Roberts.

In September 2012 The Clean Bum Crusade was launched.

A social media campaign aiming to garner support from concerned parents and carers to insist that the government change the rules and clean up the products sold in this country.

The crusade will give the babies of Australia a voice for change.

By joining the crusade, supporters will be asking for an immediate ban on those chemicals already banned in other countries until an assessment can be done; a list of the synthetic chemicals under review made easily accessible by all; and, for legislation to mandate that all information required to be displayed on cosmetic and personal care product packaging be displayed clearly with products sold online so we are all better informed.

The Clean Bum Crusade campaign is: www.thecleanbumcrusade.com.au and the dedicated facebook page at www. facebook.com/TheCleanBumCrusade.

www.questforlife.com.au | 1300 941 488

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Nurturing Patience

THINGS TO BE MINDFUL OF

• Where in my day can I take time for me and fill my cup?

• What do you value?

• Which words do you choose to encourage patience?

REFLECTIVE QUESTIONS:

Patience can’t be acquired overnight.

It is just like building up a muscle.

Every day you need to work on it.

~ Eknath Easwaran

Patience is a virtue that helps us to slow down. It helps us work at our own natural pace. It allows us to respond to life’s challenges rather than react to them. Patience brings more love, calm, peace and acceptance into our life and the lives of others. Patience is not just about waiting.

PACE YOURSELF WITH PATIENCE “I don’t have enough time.” “I didn’t get everything done today.” “Come on, Hurry up. We are late.”

How often do we say and feel these things?

Patience takes on a whole new meaning when we realise it is not just a reaction to a single event – such as trying to get children in the car to be somewhere on time. Patience is also the pace we travel at through the whole day and it can effect our enjoyment of everything we do. Slowing ourselves down and guiding our children to slow down helps us to live in the moment. It allows us to embrace the ordinary and to appreciate the “everyday” chores as special moments together.

For example: meal times, baths, driving to kindy/school. These are all moments to cherish. And if you do need to move things along, which inevitably will happen, work towards doing it in a calm and patient manner. You can replace ‘We’re late!” with “Let’s work together to get there on time”. Simply using words to focus on what you want rather than what you don’t want can help create a patient feeling and experience. “I have enough time.” “Live in the moment. Go with the flow.”

NURTURING YOURSELF WITH PATIENCE

We won’t always have the answers with our parenting and we won’t always get it right. However, unnecessary feelings of guilt can be put in their place with patience. Nurturing yourself with patience helps as you try to be the best parent that you can be.

To give the best of who you are starts with caring for yourself. Most of your day is spent looking after other people.

Taking some time to look after yourself will allow you to better care for others. It will give you more patience to deal with the frustrations and annoyances that inevitably arise.

Spend time doing what makes you happy, inspired, rested and rejuvenated. This will be different for all of us. Take a nap, take 2 (two minutes of stillness or connecting with your breath), take a yoga class, meditate, go for a walk, spend time in nature, draw, watch your favourite TV show, take a bath, read a book.

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Nurturing patience for yourself is equally as important as nurturing patience in your child.

RESPONDING VERSES REACTING

A simple and effective way to encourage patience is with your tone of voice and body language. It is said that communication is 93% nonverbal (35% Body language, 58% tone) and 7% words. So it is not only what is said but how it is said that models and encourages patience.

During the week reflect on the way in which you are conveying patience in your voice and body language with your family and your self-talk.

Be gentle with yourself. When you are tired, hungry, run down, overwhelmed or low in energy you will respond differently, as do children. Allow yourself time to walk away, to accept differences, to see things in a new light, to see things from your child’s perspective, to enjoy the moment rather than rushing to be somewhere else.

ENCOURAGING PATIENCE

Catch them in the act! Look for times when you notice or recognise patience being shown or intended. When your child chooses any form of patience use meaningful phrases to help them connect meaning to their actions.

• Thank you for being so calm and waiting for me after school, I’m sorry I was a few minutes late • Thank you for showing patience with your sister when she came and played with your new toy • Thank you for waiting so patiently and peacefully, I know you are really really hungry and I appreciate that you did not whinge or complain • Thank you for your patience in helping me to slow down and take my time, I feel nice and calm now.

• Thank you for your patience while I was speaking on the phone, that was a very important phone call to me and I could see you waited so calmly.

1. How has being patient helped me to connect to my child?

2. How do I encourage my child to be patient?

3. How do I feel when I take time for self care?

4. When am I least patient?

It brings comfort to know that practicing patience isn’t just about learning to wait for things. Patience opens us up to experiencing more space in our day and creates inner calm.

Our first opportunity to role model patience can come from within, taking time to care for our body, mind and spirit. The practice of self care ripples into your parenting, showing your children that you value who you are.

And yes, as we are often reminded at the most opportune times ‘patience is a virtue’ ~ - a beautiful and wise one at that.!

Kerry Spina, is the owner of Kids in Harmony which is a creative music appreciation and values education program for children and their caregiver. She is also the creator of Harmony Cards for Kids

What is ‘Fair Trade’ Weleda Australia explains their passion for ‘fair trade’ ingredients in their products Fair trade is something Weleda was passionately committed to even before there was a popular buzzword for it. Responsible dealings with both nature and people have always formed part of the Weleda business. And so the brand sources additional raw materials through long-term partnerships with suppliers around the world. The ingredients for their formulations are everything.

Looking through the list of ingredients there aren’t any unpronounceable synthetic compounds, toxic chemicals or additives in sight. Only the purest, wild-crafted, organically and biodynamically cultivated ingredients are used.

Essentially, fair trade is an organised social movement by which companies empower small producers and promote sustainability.

With fair trade practices, a fair price is paid for the crops needed, with guaranteed quantities from year to year to help farmers and the communities around them to develop and thrive. Weleda help train and educate small farmers, assisting them in converting more farms into Biodynamic® or organic ones. The farmers get a living wage, manufacturers like Weleda get better crops, the world gets more sustainable harvesting practices and you get the most effective natural ingredients to help keep you healthy and beautiful.

Fifty per cent of Weleda’s fair trade partners currently employ Biodynamic® methods, and the company is working towards a target of 100 per cent.

All fair trading farmers are required to produce ingredients of the highest quality. This means that when you purchase Weleda products, not only are you buying superior quality, your ethical conscience can be clear. www.weleda.com.au

When Carrying Requires Thought For most parents the decision on how to carry their child revolves around their personal preference. Yet for some parents that decision requires a little more thought. Anne McEwan interviews two women that had to give extra thought before babywearing their child

MEET KATYA: Originally from the United Kingdom, Katya moved to Victoria in 2008 with her husband Mark and daughter Poppy (5). In December 2009 she gave birth to Elizabeth who was born with Downs Syndrome and hip dysplasia. Sarah said “it started a whirlwind of fact finding and reading and crying and in the end, hope - for a fantastic future for my child.”

What was it that made you question whether to carry your child and which carrier to use?

“I think I was very lucky in that Beth was my second child and I had carried Poppy from birth.

This gave me more confidence to carry her, and to know already which carriers would work best for me, to enable her to be carried safely and securely.”

How did you feel about carrying your little one, both initially and as time went on?

“I was never really concerned about Beth having Down syndrome (in relation to carrying her). I kept being told she had low muscle tone but I couldn’t see it. She was my child and I loved her; to me she appeared to be like Poppy had been at the same age. However, her hip dysplasia was a concern and I did a lot of research into which carriers were most suitable and which to avoid. Thankfully I was given a lot of expert advice, which gave me the confidence to know the safest ways to carry Beth to avoid any strain on her hips. Fortunately she received the all clear at 6 months and no treatment was needed.

Since the beginning it has www.frangipanibaby.com.au been a natural part baby slings and carriers and more of daily life. Beth enter NM at checkout to receive $5 off on purchases over $50 loves being carried,

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and has always done so. We do try to get her to walk as much as possible though, as through being constantly mobile Beth will gain more strength and stability in her walking.”

What positives has carrying given you and your little one?

“When Beth was born and we received the diagnosis I went into a shock-like state, I knew very little about Down syndrome and what it meant for my child, or my family. I found that carrying her helped to make me bond with her more closely and to feel that it didn’t really matter. She was my baby, she craved love and warmth just like any other child, and carrying her was the completely natural thing to do. Now that she is 2 ½ I don’t carry her very much, as she loves to walk (and run) everywhere, but this morning I received a new wrap and slung her up on my back. She wrapped her arms around my neck and gave me a big hug. It was so wonderful.”

How has the response to carrying been from health professionals?

“I have only ever received positive comments about wearing Beth. Beth’s Osteopath was very impressed with my choice of carriers as he only ever sees mainstream carriers like Baby Bjorn’s and he isn’t a great fan of them!”

If you could go back, what would you tell yourself about carrying?

“I feel very fortunate to have been very confident with carrying Beth and there isn’t anything I think I would change.”

MEET SARAH: Sarah lives in England with her husband Trevor and has one daughter, Taliah, who has just turned three. Taliah was born prematurely at 33 weeks gestation. Taliah is visually impaired and she has global developmental delay, which may later be diagnosed as Cerebral Palsy. As yet she does not sit unaided, but Sarah is very positive for the future.

What was it that made you question whether to carry your child and which carrier to use?

“We had always planned to carry Taliah. As she grows it requires more thought, for example, seat darts which were once a necessity are now less desirable. There is no leeway when it comes to kneepit to knee-pit, carriers must be wide enough as this helps stabilise her lower body. We like curved tops as it means she can be arms out but still supported, although recently we have seen much improvement in her head/neck/upper back so she no longer flexes backwards if she has both arms out. I have found it is more of a challenge to find suitable off the peg carriers now, especially as Taliah has very long legs, but there are many options for having custom carriers made. I am also hoping to finally get to grips with wrapping now her core stability has improved a little.”

How did you feel about carrying your little one, both initially and as time went on?

“Carrying made sense in the early days, after spending 4 weeks in the hospital it helped us to connect, helped me come to terms with what we had been through and provided the constant physical contact we both needed so much. Carrying helped us through colic. Taliah found being placed on her back very distressing for a long time because of vision and startle reflex so carrying her in a sling was the only way to get anything done.

Now, carrying is part of our lifestyle. We travel into London for private therapy for Taliah and it’s so much easier to navigate the trains. Wherever we go we have a sling. If Taliah was to use a pram she would require a special one but for now that just isn’t necessary. We’ll be carrying for the foreseeable future and now she is older she is happy to spend time on Daddy’s back too.”

What positives has carrying given you and your little one?

“Carrying has enabled Taliah to share many experiences she would otherwise have missed out on because of her difficulties. We have ponies and Taliah helps to groom and lead them and feed them treats. How many children her age do that?

Her confidence has soared as she participates in everything we do. Her verbal communication is currently very limited but carrying has enabled us to effectively interpret her signs and signals as we are constantly aware of her as if she was speaking. Taliah was very fearful, being physically very vulnerable and disorientated by her visual

difficulties, carrying has given her the support and reassurance she needed to blossom into the child she is now.”

How has the response to carrying been from health professionals?

“Our physiotherapist has recently been quite positive about how carrying has prevented high tone in Taliah’s thighs and has commented on how she is able to experience a sense of normal motion on her body as she moves forwards, backwards, sideways, spinning and dancing while her brain sorts and learns from these vital movements. The vision specialist was surprised at how socially aware she is which we attribute directly to everyone she meets coming into her visual range. “

If you could go back, what would you tell yourself about carrying?

“I wish I would have had more information in the early days, especially while Taliah was in the baby unit. I would like to have had access to better slings but I just wasn’t aware of the choice!

And I would tell myself not to waste money buying a pram!!”

The amazing similarity that comes across when talking to both Katya and Sarah is that they are both so focused on the possibilities and options rather than zoning in on something that could be viewed as an obstacle. They show that even if some extra thought is required to enable the carrying of your child, you can usually make it happen.

Anne McEwan is a babywearing consultant and educator with over 8 years experience. Anne was a babywearing trainer for Trageschule UK and www.wrapmybaby.co.uk and is currently writing a babywearing safety course for Born to Carry. For further babywearing information, please go to www.borntocarry.com

Keep your precious little ones close with a high quality European woven wrap.

Woven Wraps Australia

www.wovenwraps.com.au

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A Truly Nurturing Education ~ Part 3 This is Part 3 of a 4 part series on how to truly nurture your child’s education. In this Part, Dr Andrew Seaton discusses the need for helping children enhance their creativity and live a conscious and liberated life by seeing things in a fresh and deeper way

In

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from time to time to perceive the everyday world in a ‘non-mental’ way.

Encourage them to stop thinking, put aside what they think they know, and just give sensitive attention to a creature, phenomenon or whatever, passively, receptively, non-analytically. They can then be invited to describe or draw their impressions.

YOU MUST BE JOKING

The great value and appeal of humour, too, is that when two previously isolated contexts or mental perspectives collide in a joke, the result is a sense of being liberated from the prison of our habitual and judgement-laden ways of seeing things.

Two men drinking in a bar. After quite a few drinks, one man looks at the other and says, “I think I should tell you, I’ve been sleeping with your mother”. The second man pauses, looks the first steadily in the eyes, and says, “Go home, Dad, you’re drunk!”

Photos: Dreamstime

part one of this article, Genuinely creative acts and intuitive the modern world. One way that most I explained how a truly experiences allow us to transcend and of us have experienced this, if only nurturing education will much better dissolve the limitations of thinking and momentarily, is in appreciating great prepare a child to live intimately and habitual functioning. They open us up art. The best art, in any of its many and dynamically connected with the world. to something deeper in ourselves and varied forms, visual, musical, literary, As an example, I outlined how parents the world around us. As we cultivate architectural and so forth, contains and grandparents can give a child lots of the experience of quieting the incessant some sense of the universal that calms rich and authentic experience, engaging activity of our thoughts and emotions, the turbulent mind. in self-selected activities in real- we find a stillness in our own awareness, Truly creative art expresses profound world contexts. In part two (Issue 2), I a deeper sense of our own being. And as meaning or evokes a deeply felt response explained how parents can help children we get rid of all that static, we become in the observer. Great art does not merely develop literacy and many other valuable more sensitive to the inner, energetic attempt to represent objective reality. skills. Real world projects can provide a qualities of things and phenomena By the way in which it is represented, wonderful context for developing such around us. an image, for example, can be made to skills, because they help a child to see When, from inner stillness, we suggest another level of meaning or the skills as relevant to their own lives. put our attention fully on a person, a significance. Most people are familiar, The ability to let go of habitual ways creature, an object or phenomenon, we for example, with how departure from of seeing and doing things is crucial to come into a state of energetic unison conventional ways of depicting the night living a ‘conscious’ and liberated life. It with them, and thus are able to intuit sky in Vincent van Gogh’s painting, “The is so important to be able to let go Starry Night”, gives it a mystical ‘Learning has its place, but there quality that evokes a deeply of what we think we know and be fully present. Let us look is a more profoundly liberating and emotional response. at a few more ways in which a connecting experience than learning’ Art can help to stop our truly nurturing education can habitual thinking and unlock help a child to shake off conditioning, their structure and qualities. We perceive our conditioned ways of seeing and experience a deep sense of self-as- and relate with ‘true nature’ and with the engaging with the world. It can express a connected-with-all-life, and see things core of other people, not just through the deeper reality that unlocks the soul from more freshly and deeply. cumbersome and superficial machinery its mental prison and, in so doing, it of the intellect. As the botanist, George can unlock our creativity. Art may help BEYOND LEARNING Washington Carver, put it, ‘Anything to liberate us from the bonds of what Our usual sense of the notion of will give up its secrets if you love it we think we know, so long as neither education is that it is essentially about enough’. The reality of this deeper kind artist nor observer gets entangled in learning. However, this has been a of intelligence has been recorded by intellectualising it – analysing the mistake! Learning is just the construction countless people who have chosen not technique, the form, the content – but of a new pattern of functioning, a new to be bound by the limitations of the allows the non-mental response to be pattern of seeing things. Learning is just intellect. experienced and felt. Giving your child the construction of a new framework for a rich exposure to great art in its various our thinking and our interpretation of THE VALUE OF ART and most living forms is a valuable experience. Learning has its place, but Since most people identify with their aspect of giving them a truly nurturing there is a more profoundly liberating and thought, stopping our thinking is not education. connecting experience than learning. something we commonly practice in You can also encourage your child

In humour, two or more mental frameworks run into each other. Their ‘absoluteness’ or ‘rightness’ is challenged and dissolved, and the tension in each is released in laughter. We see them for what they are – merely constructions of the mind. Consider giving humour a regular place in your home and interactions with your child. It is not

empty frivolity. It will help to free your child from the grip of mind, so that it may remain truly open.

CONSCIOUS EXPRESSION

In part one of this article, I explained how intimately connected are the processes of our mind, emotions and body. Almost all experience that involves some ‘knowledge’ or mental component, is part of a pattern that also involves an individual’s aims, memory, perception, emotion, judgement, action and biochemical processes throughout their body. Significant stuckness or disturbance in any of these components is likely to be reflected in the others.

Left unresolved, that stuckness grows – increasing mental tension, more closed mind, more distorted perception, more blocked emotions, more dis-ease in the body.

A truly nurturing education will therefore include regular opportunities to release stuck energy. Encourage your child regularly to express their emotions, their experiences, their intentions and their beliefs in kinaesthetic ways, including free form dance movement.

Stuck energy is ‘shaken out’ through such ‘deep dancing’. Include sound in these deep dancing sessions. Use a variety of moods of specially selected instrumental and vocal music to accompany and facilitate movement.

Both within and outside deep dancing sessions, children may also use the voice to get in touch with different qualities of energy within them and to move it. Encourage them to make vocal but non-verbal sound to match the thoughts, emotions or bodily sensations they may have. Any sounds. “Ahh, oooohhhh, eeeeeer”. They might also use gibberish to express various emotions or what is going on inside. Gibberish is random, spontaneous syllables with no conventional meaning. For example, “pica taka molo ningan wola haly mic”.

Such non-verbal vocalisation can be particularly effective, since it by-passes the filtering of the intellect and allows deeply felt energies to be contacted, expressed and released. At other times, a child might also use simple musical instruments to express and release what they feel.

Like sound and dance, dramatic expression helps children to get in touch with and externalise their inner life, including their hopes and fears, their joys and yearnings. A truly nurturing education provides regular opportunities for unstructured and semi-structured dramatic play and expression.

SHHHHH

Opportunities to be silent are important, too. For example, you can show your child how, with closed eyes,

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| 69

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WHAT’S COOKING? Recipes to cook for the kids and with the kids!

FEELING DEEP CONNECTION

A truly nurturing education will give a child many opportunities to be aware with full sensory attention of their external environment, and of their connectedness to it. This includes opportunities for contact with things that awaken feelings of the magical, and of beauty, tenderness and ethereality. Such things might include babies, baby animals, flowers, fragrances, open sharing of themselves with others, deep listening to others, receptive observation and regular time communing with nature.

Experiences in nature are among the most effective in nurturing a sense of self-as-connected-with-all-life. The elements of nature and its overall grandeur and mystery speak to something deep within us. Being within nature resonates with Being within us, with our essence. It calls that consciousness forth and helps to free us from the illusion of our sense of self-as-separate.

In the next and final part of this four-part article, we will look more closely at aspects of relationship which are important in a truly nurturing education.

Dr Seaton’s is the author of “Deep Intelligence - Giving our Young the Education they really Need” His website is at www.andrewseaton.com.au

Baby-Led Weaning Recipe (6mth+)

Photos: Dreamstime

SPECIAL offer

they can note any sounds around them, without getting caught up in labeling, judging or analysing them. They can passively ‘watch’ the inflow and outflow of the breath. And they can put their attention on feeling the sensation of energy around any parts of the body. These activities help to quieten mental chatter and to cultivate complete presence in the moment.

Fritatta (Italian Omelette) Ingredients: 2 Large potatoes (approx 400g) 4 eggs 1 tbsp milk 2tsp chopped fresh parsely pinch of freshly ground black pepper Oil for frying 1 medium onion, chopped 1-2 garlic cloves, chopped filling of your choice (see options)

Preparation: 1. Steam or boil the potatoes until soft and allow to cool (or use previously boiled potatoes). Slice thinly and set aside 2. Preheat the grill to medium.

3. Beat the eggs and milk together and stir in the parsley and black pepper.

4. Heat the oil in a 20cm frying pan with a flameproof handle. Add the onion and fry gently until soft.

5. Add garlic and cook for another minute or two/ 6. Add potatoes and heat through, moving them around so that they don’t stick.

7. Pour the egg mixture over the other ingredients in the frying pan.

8. Stir once, quickly, to ensure they are

70 | www.nurtureparentingmagazine.com.au

all coated.

9. Cook until the egg is thoroughly set (test by inserting a skewer - it should come out clean) 10. Meanwhile, preheat the grill to medium 11. Put the pan under the grill for 3-5 minutes until the frittata begins to brown on top.

12. Serve warm or cold, on its own or with vegetables or a salad.

Ingredients:

Options: 1. The beauty of this recipe is that you can put almost any sauteed or pre-cooked vegetables or meat you want into it. Try chopped ham or bacon; capsicum; peas or green beans; mushrooms; broccoli or cauiliflower; tomoatoes or butternut squash!

2. Try sprinkling grated cheese on top of the frittata before you put it under the grill!

Preparation:

Recipe extracted from ‘The Baby-Led Weaning Cookbook’ by Gill Rapley & Tracey Murkett

Cooking with Kids Recipe

Avocado Sushi Sushi is a great healthy and refreshing snack or meal and your kids will love help make it!

1 ripe avocado 1 egg 1 cucumber 1 carrot Sushi vinegar Nori seaweed sheets Sushi rice Suhi mat

1. Cook sushi rice per packet instructions and allow to cool 2. Whisk the egg and cook (making sure it is fully cooked). Allow to cool.

3. Once sushi rice is cooled, lightly sprinkle sushi rice with sushi vinegar 4. Grate carrot 5. Cut cucumber into fine strips 6. Cut avocado into stick shapes 7. Place nori sheet onto sushi mat.

8. Place sushi rice the full length of the nori and 2/3 of the height of the nori.

9. Place avocado, egg, carrot and cucumber on top of the rice, going the full length of the nori.

10. Roll the sushi on the mat until it meets the other side, then hold the rolled part firmly while pulling the top end of the map (this tightens the sushi). Continue to roll on the sushi mat.

11. Repeat 7-10 for more sushi rolls.

12. Cut sushi into smaller pieces and enjoy!

Recipe by Zoe Bingley-Pullin, nutritionist for Australian Avocados’ and supporter of the Eating My Colourful Vegies and Fruit early childhood learning program which is designed to get toddlers eating a wide range of foods to ensure healthy eating habits for life

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Nutrition: Raising Vegetarians benefits of following a vegetarian diet have long been known. Vegetarians have a decreased risk of developing chronic diseases such as cancer, cardiovascular disease, obesity and type-2 diabetes. The main reason for this is that vegetarian diets are generally lower in saturated fats, and richer in fibre, protective antioxidants and healthy unsaturated fats.

It is one thing for an adult to choose to go vego, but is a vegetarian diet healthy for our kids too?

Well the answer is yes! Vegetarian diets can be a healthy diet for kids, providing them with all they need for healthy growth and development - as long as they are well planned. Children also have different requirements to adults, so an adult vegetarian diet will need to be different to a child’s; extra careful planning is required.

Not all vegetarian diets are alike All vegetarians obviously avoid meat, but did you know that there are different types of vegetarians, whose diets can differ greatly? The nutritional differences between vegetarian diets are of great importance when it comes to vegetarian children.

Lacto-ovo vegetarians avoid all animal flesh, including meat, poultry and fish. They still include dairy (lacto) and egg (ovo) products as part of their diet. Many vegetarians avoid cheese made from animal-based rennet, but can eat vegetarian cheeses which are made using rennet produced by the fermentation of a fungus. This type of vegetarian diet, if planned properly, provides adequate nutrition and will satisfy children’s nutrient requirements.

Vegans on the other hand avoid all foods of animal origin, including meat, poultry, fish, eggs, dairy, gelatin and honey. Vegans can eat a vegetable-based

substitute cheese which is usually soy based. This diet is generally not advisable for children as great care must be taken to ensure an adequate intake of protein, energy, and vitamins and minerals, such as vitamin B12 and iron.

anaemia and low energy levels. You must make sure your child is gaining weight, developing normally and is active with lots of energy.

OPTIMUM VEGETARIAN DIET FOR KIDS

Important nutritional aspects must be addressed when planning a vegetarian diet for your child. There are several nutrients for which animal based foods are the most bioavailable sources including vitamins B12, D, iron, zinc and calcium. Care needs to be taken if these foods are excluded from your child’s diet to replace them with equally nutritious vegetarian options.

The optimum vegetarian diet for kids should include a wide variety of nutritious foods for a good balance of essential nutrients, including: • Fruits and vegetables • Legumes (including hummus, lentils, peas and green beans) • Nuts and seeds (including nut butters and tahini) • Wholegrain cereals (including grainy breads, wholegrain pasta and crackers, quinoa, brown rice, buckwheat and oats) • Dairy products (milk, cheese, and yoghurt) • Organic, GM-free tofu and tempeh • Eggs Vegetarian kids will particularly benefit from an organic diet, as organic produce generally has a higher nutrient content and are free from toxic pesticide and herbicide residues (see my article in Issue 2 for more info).

PROBLEMS WITH VEGETARIAN DIETS

If not planned carefully, vegetarian diets can lead to nutritional deficiencies and health problems in children. The main problem associated with extreme vegetarian diets for kids, such as vegan diets, is not getting enough energy and protein from foods such as fruits, vegetables, and cereals. Children also become full very easily on these highfibre foods before their nutrient needs can be met. These children will risk poor growth and muscle development,

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PLANNING A VEGETARIAN DIET FOR YOUR CHILD

VEGETARIANS AND PROTEIN

Protein provides essential amino acids which are the building blocks for all proteins in the body including muscles, bones, skin, hair, and nails.

A new study published in the Medical Journal of Australia Open, has put some widely-held myths to rest about the perceived shortcomings of vegetarian diets, including theories that plant-based foods are lacking iron and protein, and that vegetarian diets are not suitable for children.

It has long been thought that a vegetarian diet lacked adequate protein, and that specific foods needed to be carefully combined in order to deliver the right ratio of amino acids the body needs. Although plant-based foods do not contain all nine essential amino acids, it is now clear that as long as you have a variety of plant-based foods during the day, you will provide your body with all the essential amino acids it needs for growth and repair. You don’t need to consume all of the essential amino acids at every meal.

It is easier for your child to meet their

Photos: Deposit Photos

The

protein needs if their diet includes eggs and dairy products. Good vegetarian protein sources include organic eggs, yoghurt, milk, cheese, legumes (hummus, falafels), nuts and seeds (nut butters, tahini), organic tofu and tempeh, wholegrain cereals, and some fruit and vegies such as avocado, spinach and potatoes. (See insert for values)

VEGETARIANS AND VITAMIN B12

Vitamin B12 is essential for red blood cell production and for cell growth and metabolism. It also plays an important role in maintaining the nervous system.

Vitamin B12 helps in nerve conduction by maintaining the protective myelin sheath that surrounds nerve fibres.

Since B12 can only be found in animal products, such as eggs and dairy, vegans must be particularly concerned with this vitamin. Although button mushrooms are said to contain some vitamin B12.

Lacto-ovo vegetarians should receive adequate vitamin B12 from milk and eggs. Vegans however, will need to consume reliable food sources of vitamin B12, such as fortified commercial cereal products or nutritional yeasts.

It is recommended that vegetarians also regularly consume B12-fortified food products. Alternatively, children’s multivitamins generally contain enough vitamin B12 to avoid deficiency.

VEGETARIANS AND CALCIUM

Getting enough dietary calcium is especially important for children to maximize bone mass during growth and to minimize the bone loss that occurs later on in life. Dairy products such as milk, yoghurt and cheese contain high

levels of readily absorbable calcium.

Calcium deficiency is generally not a concern for lacto-vegetarians who consume adequate amounts of these foods. However, children who follow a vegan diet can have problems getting adequate calcium. Although it can be more of a challenge to get the recommended amounts of calcium from a vegan diet, good sources of calcium include dark green leafy vegetables, sesame seeds and tahini, broccoli, sweet potato, chickpeas, navy beans, and calcium-fortified products, including orange juice, organic soy milk and almond or rice drinks. Calcium fortified rice and soy milks have calcium levels comparable to cow’s milk. Children following a vegan diet may also need to take a calcium supplement to boost their calcium levels during this important time of bone growth.

VEGETARIANS AND ZINC

Zinc is a particularly important mineral for children as it is involved in the healthy functioning of every cell.

Zinc plays a vital role in growth and development and immune function.

Zinc is found in a wide variety of foods.

The best vegetarian sources of zinc are milk and other dairy foods (cheese) and eggs. Lacto-ovo vegetarians should get enough zinc through these foods. Zinc is also found in moderate amounts in brewers yeast, legumes (beans, lentils and peas), wholegrains (including bread), sunflower seeds, pumpkin seeds, pecans and a lesser amount found in vegetables. Some foods are also fortified with zinc such as breakfast cereals and breads, which can make an important contribution to your vegetarian child’s zinc intake.

VEGETARIANS AND VITAMIN D

Vitamin D helps keep children’s bones and teeth strong and healthy, as it is responsible for laying down calcium in bones. Vitamin D is also involved in the healthy functioning of a range of body systems including the brain and nervous system, muscles, reproductive organs and some immune system cells.

Vitamin D is present in fortified milk and egg yolks. If your child is following a vegan diet they might not be getting adequate amounts of vitamin D, so make sure you include vitamin D fortified almond and rice milks in their diet.

The body also makes vitamin D when exposed to sunlight, so make sure your child gets their daily dose of sunshine each day.

VEGETARIANS AND IRON

Iron is an important mineral for your child’s growth and development, for strong muscles and healthy immune function. Iron, essential for red blood cell production, is found in haemoglobin, the component of red blood cells that carries oxygen to different parts of the body. The absorption of iron from animal based iron sources such as meat, chicken, fish and eggs, is much higher than that of plant based iron sources such as wholegrain breads and cereals, wheatgerm, nuts and seeds, green leafy vegetables and dried fruits. However, scientists have recently found that eating legumes such as soybeans, lentils and chickpeas is another effective way to increase your iron intake as it’s iron is readily absorbed.

A wide range of iron-fortified food products, including breakfast cereals and breads are now available and

VEGETARIAN PROTEIN-RICH FOODS

Avocado Raisins Spinach Baked potato Lentils Split Peas Chickpeas Brown rice Quinoa Amaranth Almonds, raw Pumpkin seeds Egg, medium Cottage cheese Greek yogurt Natural yogurt

Serving Protein(g) 1 cup cubes 3 1/2 cup 2.5 1 cup, cooked 5 200g 9 1 cup, cooked 18 1 cup, cooked 16 1 cup, cooked 14 1 cup, cooked 5 1 cup, cooked 8 1 cup, cooked 9 1/4 cup 8 1/4 cup 7 1 5.5 1 cup 28 1 cup 15 1 cup 12

should be used to increase your child’s iron intake. Vegetarian children must regularly consume a wide range of plant based iron sources to receive adequate iron intake. The addition of foods rich in vitamin C to a meal can greatly increase iron absorption from that meal. Ways of including vitamin C rich foods with

your meal include having a small orange juice with a meal; adding tomatoes or tomato sauce to wholegrain pasta or brown rice, and green leafy vegetables; add fruit to oat porridge; baked beans on wholegrain bread; or adding vitamin C rich vegetables to dishes.

SEEKING ADVICE

It might be helpful to see a nutritionist that specialises in vegetarian diets for children, especially if your child is on a very restrictive vegetarian diet. A children’s multi-vitamin is also recommended for vegetarian children (especially vegans), along with a well balanced diet, to ensure they are getting adequate levels of all the macro and micro nutrients they need to flourish.

Lisa Guy is a Sydney naturopath and homeopath who runs the successful practice Art of Healing (www.artofhealing.com.au) and The Happy Baby Clinic which is a unique, natural holistic healthcare centre for mothers and their babies. She is also the author of “My Goodness: all you need to know about children’s health and nutrition”

http://blissfulherbs.blogspot.com.au

Pregnancy and children’s health and nutrition specialist

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h e r b a l

m e d i c i n e

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h o m e o p a t h y

•

n u t r i t i o n

Top Pointers:

1. Ideal worm temperatures are 20-25 degrees. If the weather is very hot or cold worm activity will be less, meaning they will eat less.

2. Worms will regulate their population within the farm. In around 3-5 years a fully functioning worm farm can contain a population of around 20 000 worms!

3. Worms like a neutral pH. Add dolomite or garden lime on a regular basis.

4. Monitor your worms eating. Don’t put more food scraps in if there are still some there. Excess food will just turn mouldy before the worms can get through it.

Give your Children Worms The Wondrous World of Worm Keeping I have found that children of all ages, boys and girls always love getting involved with bugs, beetles, butterflies and worms.

Worms and worm farms are a great way to teach young minds about the importance of recycling household waste and the fabulous role in which, worms play a great part in turning this waste into garden fertiliser.

Before embarking on the adventure of worm keeping it is important for adults and children to have an understanding of the different role that earthworms and composting worms play in out environment. Composting worms are a specific group of earthworm species that prefer to be involved in the consuming of waste products such as vegetables scraps, leaf litter and so on. It is actually the bacteria that grow on these items that worms really fancy munching. They also have the ability to move more quickly over longer distances. Earthworms that we see commonly in the garden prefer to chew through soil and are solitary and slow in their behaviour. So no digging up your garden worms for the worm farm.

WHY ARE WORMS IMPORTANT?

The tunnels that worms create when chewing through soil in the garden aerate the soil, which helps with water penetration into the soil and plant root growth. Composting types of worms turn organic matter such as, your kitchen waste into microbe rich humus (soil).

HOW DOES A WORM FARM WORK?

There are many ready to go worm farms available to purchase but there are also many options for creating your own. Items such as, old bathtubs divided into two sections, double sinks, and Styrofoam boxes stacked on top of each other and even old compost bins can be utilised and turned

Worm Facts:

1. There are over 3000 types of earthworms with 350 species living in Australia.

2. If you cut a worm in half it will NOT regrow.

3. The largest earthworm is called the “Giant Gippsland earthworm” growing to 1m or more in length.

4. Worms can eat half their body weight in food per day.

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into functioning worm farms.

Conventional worm farms work by having a system of stacked trays. Here you have a bottom tray that catches and collects all the moisture and goodies that leach through your farm. This liquid is often called ‘Worm Wee’ or Liquid castings.

You then start off with just one working tray, once this tray is full you add a second working, some will even have a third tray you can add. The worms can move up the working trays as they are added to munch through the scraps you place there.

Once all trays are full of worm’s castings you can remove the very first tray (the one above the water collecting tray) and use all the lovely castings they have left behind. The majority of your worms will be in the higher one or two trays where the food scraps are.

The tray you’ve emptied now goes back on top of the second or third tray. It’s a bit like one potato, two potato, three potato more.

THE RECIPE Ingredients • • • • •

Worm farm of choice Composting worm species (red, blue or tiger worms) 500 packs are usually sufficient.

Coir peat brick – bucket and water.

Finely chopped kitchen scraps. (Preferably fruit and vegetable material to start with) Blanket – old hessian or ready-made worm farm blanket

THE METHOD:

Step 1: Place your worm farm of choice somewhere out of the rain and sun.

Rain can back up from the bottom tray and cause drowning and the sun can heat up your farm and cause cooking.

Step 2: Soak your coir peat brick in a bucket of warm water, until it has completely expanded, usually around 15 minutes Step 3: Your expanded coir peat will act as the worms bedding in the first working tray. Spread this out and place your composting worms on top.

Note you will only be adding one working tray to start with and it will take some time for your worms to fill this first tray with their castings.

Step 4: Add your kitchen scraps now. Remember to make sure that they are finely chopped up so that your worms can easily munch through them all. Large vegetable and fruit scraps can take the worms a very long time to munch through.

Step 5: Now add your moistened worm blanket. This can a ready-made bought item or a piece of old hessian. Worms like to be kept moist and have a dark environment. The blanket will encourage them to come to the surface and feed on the scraps. Keep it moist Troubleshooting: Your worm farm should never smell bad!!

Container /indirect sowing

1. Smelly worm farm • This means your worm farm has become too acidic. Add a good handful of dolomite or garden lime to the top tray and water it in.

It is good practice to do this every 2-4 weeks anyway.

• It can also mean that you have forgotten to let out the worm wee from the bottom tray and it is backing up. Drain bottom tray and you may even have to clean out whole farm and start again if this has occurred. Rain exposure can also cause a worm-drowning episode.

2. Ants or flies in the farm: • Ants are a sign that the farm is too dry. Moisten by running a full 10ltr watering can through the farm. Note you can do this anytime if you require some liquid fertiliser.

• Add more kitchen scraps to increase moisture levels, you may have been adding to much dry material such as leaf litter and the like.

• Vaseline around the legs of your worm farms will also stop ants matching up into the farm.

• Flies are generally a problem if meat and fish products have added to the farm.

Claire Bickle is a qualified Brisbane based horticulturalist, having a Diploma in Horticulture and an Advanced Design Certificate in Permaculture Design www.nurtureparentingmagazine.com.au

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children to eat, and enjoy, healthy food.

Pantley discusses the idea that patterns formed early in life may have long-reaching effects and there’s a variety of useful nutritional information included that may even have some parents re-considering their own eating habits. While not always easy, probably one of the most pertinent of Pantley’s suggestions is that meal-times should be fun. A stressed parent is not going to help a child enjoy healthy food.

The book includes a small selection of recipes from popular US chefs. Australian readers may find some of the food references a little unfamiliar (boxed macaroni and cheese, Jell-O, Graham crackers) yet overall there’s a good deal of useful information and ideas within these pages.

Book Reviews

by Sharon Dowley

Milton’s Secret

Author: Eckhart Tolle & Robert S Friedman Illustrator: Frank Ricco

Hampton Roads Publishing Co $35.00 German-born author Eckhart Tolle has been described as one of the most popular of spiritual writers, and there’s no doubt his best-selling The Power of Now, has had a profound influence on many readers. First published in the late ‘90s, it has sold millions of copies and been translated into over 30 languages. Like fellow author, Deepak Chopra with On My Way to a Happy Life (reviewed last issue) Tolle has taken his ideas and with Robert S. Friedman, packaged them into a story for children. Milton’s Secret was first published in 2008 yet it has at its core a subject that has made headlines in recent times.

Milton is a young boy who’s bright, cheerful and in love with life. When he is pushed over one day in the school yard by a bully, his world is seemingly changed forever. He becomes withdrawn, frightened and apprehensive at the thought of what this other boy might do to him at any time. The issue of bullying is far-reaching and a major concern for any parent.

Here, Milton learns, through various lessons, that it’s better to strive to live ‘in the now’ and not be perpetually anxious of what might happen in the future, because of what has happened in the past.

Milton’s Secret is gorgeously illustrated by award-winning artist, Frank Ricco. Designed primarily for 8 to 12 year-olds, it would be nice – but unrealistic - to think it held the answer for every bullied child. Fans of Tolle however will no doubt enjoy reading this with their children, and for any parent wanting to help a child overcome fears, it’s an enjoyable and positive tale.

Love is the Colour of a Rainbow Author: Kathy Parra Illustrations: Candice Keach Penguin Books $US20.00 (inc postage)

As society becomes ever more techsaturated, and children are immersed in all things gadgety from an alarmingly young age, i t ’ s important to make the effort to take time out. Getting young

78 | www.nurtureparentingmagazine.com.au

Alfie Kohn Simon & Schuster $29.95

illuminating.

Unconditional Parenting covers a lot of ground, but in essence, it’s an examination of the effects of discipline and rewards in child-rearing. Kohn argues that punishment is ill-effective in the long term and may be more psychologically damaging than Unconditional Parenting covers a lot of ground, most parents perceive. Even more challenging, he suggests that reward systems and positive reinforcement may inadvertently but in essence, it’s an examination of the effects be just as harmful, creating in children possible issues such as resentment, distance or in some cases learned compliance of discipline and rewards in child-rearing. Kohn without any moral grounding.

argues that punishment is ill-effective in the

Using scientific studies and personal stories to back his argument,long Kohnterm contents what need, above all, is andthat may be children more psychologically unconditional love. So that instead of trying to work out how to best control children, should instead be focusing damaging than we most parents perceive.

Evenabove moreall on what children need, and how we can meet those needs. Above allchallenging, he states, parents non-parents) should be treating he (and suggests that reward systems children with a lot more patience and respect. and positive reinforcement may inadvertently

be just as harmful, creating in children possible

Kohn’s book is easy to read yet brimming with fascinating ideas that will probably have you referring back to it. It may not be issues such as resentment, distance or in some for everyone. And while the second half does cover some general ideas on how to parent ‘unconditionally’, some may have cases learned compliance without any moral hoped for more specific examples. Still, for anyone who feels uneasy with traditional punishment/reward parenting styles, or grounding. simply curious about the subject, it’s a thought-provoking read.

Adult Books Adult Books The No-Cry Sleep Picky Eater Solution

The Shepherdess

Elizabeth Pantley McGraw-Hill Publishers, 2012

A guide to mothering without control

$19.95

The latest in Elizabeth’s Pantley’s series of parenting guides, The No-Cry Picky Eater Solution, casts it’s eye over the eating (and non-eating) habits of young children. And as with the author’s sleep-solution guides, there’s a good chance many parents will find in this, familiar territory.

At the basis of The No-Cry Picky Eater Solution is the reassuring truth that picky eating is not atypical behaviour.

As the author is quick to acknowledge, there aren’t too many parents who haven’t encountered at least some difficulties in getting their children to eat vegetables, to eat a variety of healthy food, or even to eat much at all.

Pantley give us the lowdown on just why children are so finicky and on what defines a truly picky-eater, before offering a variety of suggestions as to how to help our children eat well, with a minimum of fuss. This covers everything from environment to portion size and even attitude. Indeed as the author states, the effect of our own-eating habits and behaviours shouldn’t be underestimated when teaching our

Unconditional Parenting

US author and educator Alfie Kohn, has published a string of books that have challenged the way parents around the world view education.

In Unconditional Parenting, published in 2005, he turned his attention to parenting. And the result is just as provocative - and illuminating.parenting. And the result is just as provocative - and

ones outside is one thing, but with busy lives we can sometimes forget (or simply feel we never have the time) to stop, look, listen and really experience nature.

Love is the Colour of a Rainbow is about just that. Willow is a young blind girl, who through the story is introduced to the colours of a rainbow by her mother, using nature as a guide.

Willow’s mother takes her for a walk describing each colour in terms of the natural elements. Willow tastes a zesty freshlypicked tomato and decides red feels like energy. Green leaves from a garden tree brush against her face, and she knows that green feels gentle. And so on through the seven colours of a rainbow.

Love is the Colour of a Rainbow was written and selfpublished by Kathy Parra, a new children’s author who lives in Arizona with her partner and three daughters. The accompanying, pastel illustrations are by illustrator Candace Keach. For parents looking for stories to inspire an interest in the outside world, it’s a simple tale for young ones about the joy to be found in nature. Almost incidentally, it’s also a wonderful way to introduce children to discussions about blindness.

Progressive Parenting is a gentle approach to guide your children — to be their ally not their adversary.

Photos: Depositphotos

Children’s Books

EDITORS PICK

C. A. Scott

www.mostlyformothers.com www.asktheshepherdess.com

Are you looking for a gentler way to parent?

‘This engaging book does not offer ‘one size fits all’ solutions. Instead, it shows through science, wisdom and love, as well as practical strategies, how respectful, connected nurturing will help your unique and amazing child thrive from infancy through childhood.’

Pinky McKay, bestselling author of Parenting by Heart and Sleeping like a Baby.

No punishment, manipulation, bribes or consequences.

Is it possible to parent this way?

Won’t the kids turn out demanding and naughty?

How will they learn about the real world?

How will they learn to do what is right?

Packed full of the very latest research, Scott delivers a timely message about the importance of nurturing using progressive parenting, how it works, how it will help each and every mother shepherd and lead their children without controlling them. www.nurtureparentingmagazine.com.au | 79

Product Reviews: Flux Linen Sheets

Featured Reviews: Organic Hug-a-Bub

On sale now, from $199 for cot size

$99.00

Miss Molly claim that their linen sheets are “luxurious and natural bedding that takes you close to nature and makes for a sensational and blissful experience, night after night”. I was a little sceptical, however after our first night on the linen sheets, I was converted. It is amazing how much more natural the sheets feel on your skin.

They are made out of pure eco–lux French flax ~ so the quality is second to none. Linen also is bacteria resistant, ventilating, moisture absorbing and evaporating (which is great for sweaty sleepers) and has high air permeability and heat conductivity properties which means that it is breathable making you warm in winter and cool in summer. Linen also lasts much longer than ordinary cotton sheets.

These sheets come in all sizes, including cots and comes in either antique white or dove grey.

Check out www.missmolly.com.au

The I’m Toy Melody Mix is a wild rainbow activity toy that includes 10 musical instruments; a xylophone, drum, tubular chimes, triangle, cymbal, bells, maracas, castanet, double guiro, and pair of rhythm sticks plus 2 strikers and 1 scraper.

With so many colourful musical instruments, every child right from 6 months up will enjoy playing with and exploring the different noises that they can make. It is one of those rare toys that grows with your child. And for adults, the noices that can be made are beautiful, yet not overbearing to the ear!

It is a great eco toy produced from sustainable rubber wood and finished with non toxic child safe paints and laquers and presented in a natural corrugated cardboard box ~ so you know that not only are you providing your child with a wonderful safe toy, but you are also helping the enviroment at the same time!

Available at www.ecotoys.com.au

Melody Mix

by Im Toy $89.95

80 | www.nurtureparentingmagazine.com.au

Baby Carriers Ergo Baby $209.00

The Manduca is a soft shell carrier. It is extremely comfortable for the wearer as it has soft padded shoulder straps, a wide waist strap and lots of adjustments which helps distribute the weight of the baby through the carrier’s hips. It is also ergonomic for the baby as it allows the baby to sit in the natural sitting position. It comes with an inbuilt infant insert, so that newborns (from 3.5kg) can be carried. It is also extremely supportive of the babies spine and has a great feature of allowing the back support to shorten by a zip which allows smaller babies a chance to look out when you are out and about!

It is also made out of organic cotton.

Most people will need to practice a few times to be proficient at the wrap, but once proficient, you will find that the Hug-a-Bub fits so securely that you can use both hands and also bend over without feeling as though your baby will fall out.

The Ergo is a soft shell carrier. It provides comfort for the wearer by having soft padded sholders, waist support so that the weight is evenly distributed across the hips and shoulders. It also has a pocket in front to store some small items. It provides great support for the baby too by allowing them to sit in the natural sitting position.

It also has a large head cover to help the baby sleep.

You can use the Ergo from 3.2kg (newborn), however a separate infant insert, needs to be purchased. This carrier is made from sustainably grown organic cotton and dyed with certified organic dyes.

The Hug-a-Bub is available in many different colours ~ neutral, raspberry, blue and green.

The Ergo is available in many different colours and patterns.

Positions: 4 positions (all on front - no back wrap) Weight: No weight limit Sizes: 3 different sizes to suit the smallest to largest adult

Positions: 3 positions (front, back and hip) Weight: 3.2 kg (with infant insert) up to 20 kg Sizes: 1 size fits (can buy waist extender)

Check out www.babyyeti.com.au

Visit www.bebeinarms.com.au

Ellevill Trigreen

Sakura Bloom

When I first got my Ellevill, I went along to a babywearing meet to learn how to wrap. Now that I have got the hang of a few positions, I now feel like a real babywearer! It may take a while to get to know how to wrap, but once you do, you will be hooked! And the Ellevill is a great place to start. Although washing helps break woven wraps in, the Ellevill is ready to go from new!

Sakura Bloom is a ring sling. It is made from Irish linen which is naturally antibacterial, cool to wear, and perfect for all climates. Because it is made from linen is also easy to care for and becomes softer and stronger over time. Handcrafted from a layer of linen, each sling is lightweight, breathable, and easily adjustable. It also provides great support for the carrier as it has a wide shoulder cover that can be pulled right over your shoulder to help distribute the weight.

The wrap comes in a variety of beautiful colours and patterns and it also comes with an instruction booklet on the different wrap positions.

Positions: 3 positions (2 front and hip) Weight: No weight limit Sizes: 1 size fits all (designed to fit all body shapes and sizes )

The Hug-a-Bub is a wonderful wrap type carrier that keeps the baby nice and close.

Indeed, very few carriers are designed to suit newborn babies but the Hug-a-Bub is safe and suitable for even the tiniest premature baby.

$63.00

Further, the Ellevill is extremely comfortable as it has no pressure points for either child or adult and is easier than most to tie because of the lopsided ends.

The Manduca is available in many different colours and patterns.

Positions: 3 positions (front, back and hip) Weight: 3.5 kg up to 20 kg Sizes: 1 size fits all (has large waist straps to fill all adults) Check out www.fertilemind.com.au

Manduca $189.00

$98.00

As we are coming up to Summer, the Sakura will be always in my nappy bag as it is lovely and cool! It may take a few goes to get the fit right, but once it is, it is extremely comfy for both you and bub!

Visit www.frangipanibaby.com.au and www.karitreelane.com.au

Positions: Almost unlimited!

Weight: No weight limit Sizes: Many different sizes to suite all Check out : www.wovenwrapsaustralia.com.au

www.nurtureparentingmagazine.com.au

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A little bird told me...

What's On!

Directory

The ONE STOP Organic Baby Shop!

What’s on? Where to go? What do to?

A Little Bird told me; don’t get into a flap, we have a nest full of ideas and information for families. alittlebird.com.au alittlebirdkids

MLHSMALLAD.pdf 1 5/21/2012 12:38:32 PM

www.natureschild.com.au

www.alittlebird.com.au is a one-stop online resource full of ideas,

tel: 1300 555 632

activities and things to do for kids and babies. Come fly with us as we build a community of happy, healthy parents and kids via our easy-to-use website and popular Facebook Page.

Natural baby care, personal care & cleaning products — gentle on the skin ... and the earth

National Events for Kids & Bubs Planet Ark Festive Recycling December 26th - January 2nd www.festiverecycling.planetark.org How to have a clean and green festive period and recycle your festive wraps and cards.

Partnership to Empowerment: Conscious Parenting for the Child and the Family Thursdays from January 24th www.thriveparentingseries.eventbrite.com.au/ A 10 week webinar series about conscious parenting, covering issues such as parenting differently to the way you were parented and how to maintain love, laughter and connection in an insanely busy world.

Queensland

Tasmania

Woodford Folk Festival

Cygnet Folk Festival

27th December - January 1st | www.woodfordfolkfestival.com

11th - 13th January | www.cygnetfolkfestival.org

Chinchilla Melon Festival

Festivale

14th - 17th Febraury | www.melonfest.com.au

8th - 10th February | www.festivale.com.au

New South Wales

South Australia

Woolworths Carols in the Domain

It’s Christmas Pageant Parade

22nd December | www.carolsinthedomain.com

8th December - 27th January | www.adelaidefestivalcentre.com.au

Free Movies by the Boulevard

School Holiday Program: Shape your World

2nd - 13th January | www.sydneyolympicpark.com.au

14th - 18th January | www.artgallery.sa.gov.au

Victoria

Western Australia

Box World

Little Feet Festival

9th - 14th January | www.boxworld.com.au

2nd December | www.joondalup.wa.gov.au

Music Play

Western Australian Circus Festival

17th - 19th January | www.melbournerecital.com.au/musicplay

26th - 28th January | www.lunarcircus.com

Northern Territory New Years Family Celebrations 31st December | www.waterfront.nt.gov.au/events/

environmentally responsible products

www.solutionliving.com.au

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www.grassrootsecostore.com.au

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