Nurture Parenting Magazine - Issue #7

photo: {Nurtu red}

by Jen

Contents Physical Development

Cover

24 Skin Safe: Products for Bubs

By Catherine Cervasio

48 Why Yoga for kids?

By Gopala Amir Yaffa

52 Healthy Homes: Raising Children in a Safe Environment

By Melissa Wittig

70 Infant Massage: The Power of Touch

By Infant Massage Information Service

72 Summer Babywearing

By Anne McEwan

74 The Skinny on Fats

By Dr Sarah Lantz

Emotional Development 6 Getting Comfortable with ‘The Talk’

By Kelly Bartlett

Mum and Dad’s Development 16 Moments of Significance: How Fathers Can Bond with Their Children

By Ben Pratt

28 Mums Guide To Feeling More Energized

By Lisa Guy

34 How to Stop Losing it with Our Children

By Rachel Schofield

41 Nurture Villages: Sharing Motherhood, Building Community

By Emma Heffernan

10 You Can Have a Baby that Cries Less

By Patrice Miller

14 Name Calling Doesn’t Have To Hurt your Child

By Naomi Aldort

20 Shifting from Control to Connection: Building Relationships that Last a Lifetime

By Bonnie Harris

23 Filling our Teens Love Tank

By Claire Eaton

37 The Alpha Child

By Dr Deborah MacNamara

42 Emotional Wellbeing for Children

By Jan Gudkovs and Jan Dugan

Intellectual Development 9 Learning an Instrument: A Guide Part III

By Tara Hashambhoy

20 Educational Disillusion

By Csilla

Spiritual 38 Family Meditation: Skills For Life

By Keean Manktelow

44 Removing Conditions on Our Love

By Jesse Pearson

58 Using Herbs through Pregnancy, Birth and Postpartum ~ Part II

By Kristin Beckedahl

62 Preparing for a Natural Birth

By Bree Taylor Molyneaux

66 Relactating & Increasing Supply

By Meg Nagle

80 United Parenting

By Arnaum Walkley

Regular Features 4 Your Photos 75 Adventures with Sam

By Sam Smith

76 Dad’s Corner

By Johnny Pillinger

78 What’s Cooking?

By Artisian Wholefoods

80 Product Reviews 81 Directory Join our facebook community and share in all our stories, questions, laughter and tears! www.facebook.com/ NurtureParentingMagazine

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Editor’s Letter I was about to write “My son is growing up so fast” but then I stopped after ‘My son’.

Where does this terminology come from?

William (27 mths) is going through the stage of ‘mine’! “My bike” “My ball” My this, my that. And I wondered where he got it from. I thought I had been raising him in such a way that we have a community of things but clearly I was wrong. I then noticed more things. When I would talk to him I would say things like “mummy’s car”, “daddy’s car”, “mummy’s knife and William’s knife” (he has a small knife while I have a bigger knife). It is all about possession.

This of itself is not so bad, the hard part is the expectation in our society that young children, after learning about “my” things, must share. And as many parents know, this normally ends in an upset!

I guess what has brought this up in my mind is a post on facebook I saw a couple of weeks ago about the African children being told that there was a pile of fruit underneath a tree in the distance and the first person to get there could eat all the fruit. The person said “go” and all the children held hands and skipped over to the tree and all enjoyed the fruit. When asked why they didn’t run to get all the fruit, they replied “how can one of us be happy if the rest are not?”. It has really struck a cord with me and since then have realised that even at 27 months old, I have unintentionally taught my son about property being his rather than communal for all to share.

When discussing with some people about William’s “my this” and “my that” and the consequential upset when another child wants to play with the item, they have shrugged it off and said “it’s that age isn’t it!”. But is it? And why if “it is that age” do we as a society not accept it an punish childrent because of it (eg. not sharing)? I often wonder whether children in counties such as Africa and Eastern countries struggle with this “my” at that age and the consequential upset.

So I have just taken a few minutes to do some research.

Grandpa!

Camping with

A study in 2003 of a central African tribe found that they are more indulgent with their toddlers than we are with our toddlers. When given an attractive object: “mothers and older siblings (3-5 years old) routinely let the toddler (1-3)have the object—and older children often asked their younger sibling for permission to play with the object. If the mother got involved, she gave the object to the toddler 97 percent of the time, without insisting on sharing or turn-taking. In the rare case when a mother had to intervene, she explained that the toddler “didn’t understand” ... Guatemalan mothers expect an older sibling to defer to the toddler for the sake of harmony and good relations. Their parenting style can be understood as a reflection of broader cultural values related to collectivism and interdependence.”

Whilst this may seem contrary to us Westerners (who have a preoccupation with requiring toddlers to share), it actually seems to work because: “the “terrible twos” are nowhere to be found in these families. Parents in San Pedro la Laguna do not report a sudden onset of negative or contrary behavior.

Instead, their children make the transition from grabby toddler to cooperative child without a hitch.”

So yes, young children may not want to share, but the upset is caused by the way we deal with it. I have known for a while that a toddler does not have the ability to share at such a young age and that expecting them to share is naturally going to end in upset, but this has helped cement that belief.

However, this is easy when you are at home and have control over the situation, but what about when you are having a playdate? I’m not sure about the answer to that one, other than to surround yourself with other like-minded parents so that your children can be free to always behave in age appropriate ways. Another idea is to also discuss these issues and how you normally deal with them with the other parent prior to an issue esculating with the children ... and yet another idea is to say no toys from home when going out on playdates ~ just enjoy the nature!

Back to ‘My son’ ~ he is not ‘mine’ ~ I do not own him, I do not possess him. He is on loan to me to raise in the best way I see fit.

But he is not ‘mine’. He is his own person.

So back to the start, ‘William is growing up so quickly!’

Nurture Australia’s

Natural Parenting

Magazine

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Maxi-mum benefits for you and your baby

Editor

Kristy Pillinger

Graphic Design Karah Edwards

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Photography

Two Acorns Photography Leecy Photography EstarA Photography {Nurtured} by Jen Atomicbutterfly Photography & Depositphotos

Issue Contributors

Naomi Aldort, Kelly Bartlett, Kristin Beckedahl, Catherine Cervasio; Claire Eaton, Jan Gudkovs and Jan Dugan, Lisa Guy, Bonnie Harris, Tara Hashambhoy, Emma Heffernan, Dr. Sarah Lantz, Dr Deborah MacNamara, Keean Manktelow, Anne McEwan, Meg Nagle, Jesse Pearson, Ben Pratt, Rachel Schofield, Sam Smith, Bree Taylor Molyneaux, Arnaum Walkley, and Gopala Amir Yaffa.

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Getting Comfortable With ‘ T he Talk’ Do you remember when your parents sat you down to have ‘the Talk’? It was an exciting but embarrasing moment! Kelly Bartlett looks at how this can be avoided simply by getting our children and ourselves comfortable with ‘The Talk’ from a young age.

It’s

never too early to begin talking with your kids about sex. In fact, the earlier you start, the more comfortable you will feel when it’s time to talk about difficult issues. Here are some age-appropriate topics parents should bring up with their children now to pave the way for less-stressful conversations about sexual health in the adolescent years.

Children will inevitably discover their genitals, and when this happens, it’s time to start the conversations about touching. Normalise self-touch by not reacting strongly to your toddler playing with his genitals. Instead, just let him know that there are appropriate times and places to do so. If it happens at an inappropriate time, Dr. Berman advises parents, “Explain that while it feels good to touch your private parts, they are your private parts and this touching should only occur in private.”

This age is also a good time to teach children that their private parts are their own; no one else should touch them other than parents or caregivers who are

too. Using nicknames sends a message that there is something shameful or illegitimate about their private parts, as opposed to something they should embrace. “When you use anatomically correct names for their private areas right from the beginning, you’ve already started the conversation,” says Lang.

AGES 3-5: FIRST QUESTIONS

When children are old enough to ask questions about how babies are made, “Parents should buck up and There’s no better time to start tell them,” says Lang. Though, she says practicing the language of body talk it’s fine to keep the explanation simple than when kids are infants. At this age, and brief. Something like, “Babies come there’s no pressure to say the ‘right’ from inside mummy’s belly,” is enough thing, and your baby won’t laugh, to start. When kids ask follow-up get nervous, or ask any questions. It’s questions like, “How does the baby get important to get comfortable in there?” continue to keep ‘Parents should not be thinking about verbalising words or bodily the answers simple and functions that may cause when they’re going to have ‘The Talk’ with direct. “Mummies have some discomfort for you. their children, but instead how they can start eggs, and daddies have According to Dr. sperm. When a sperm opening a dialog about sex right now’ Laura Berman, a sex educator, and an egg come together, therapist, and author of Talking to Your helping to clean them, or a doctor who it starts growing into a baby.” Let the Kids About Sex, something crucial checks to see if they are healthy. This child’s questions lead the conversation. for parents to do while their kids are includes people they know and love. Amy Reading books together is a great infants is to adopt a positive view of Lang, sex educator and author of Birds + way to answer some hard questions. bodily functions. Shift from looking at a Bees + Your Kids says, “More than ninety Amazing You by Gail Saltz is a perfect poopy nappy as, “Oh, isn’t that stinky!” percent of the time, child molestation book for parents to read with their to a perspective of, “Wow, you’ve been occurs by someone that child knows. children at this age. With its simple text eating well!” Dr. Berman says many Strangers very rarely molest children.” and colour illustrations, it is an engaging parents have likely learned from their She also says to let kids know that while way to open the door to talking about own upbringing to feel ashamed or other people should never touch their bodies. embarrassed of bowel movements. private parts, they shouldn’t be touching “When really,” she says, “it’s just a part anyone else’s either.

AGE 5-8: SEX AND VALUES of life!” Functions involving the genitals When kids reach school age, and by If you haven’t started teaching your are healthy and normal, not something toddlers the proper names for their age 7 at the latest, kids need to know negative or problematic. private parts, now is the time to do that, about intercourse. That might seem early,

AGES 0-2: POSITIVE PERCEPTION

Photos: Depositphotos

AGES 2-3: TOUCHING AND BEING TOUCHED

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If there’s any confusion about what names to teach your kids about their private parts, here they are.

BOYS: penis, testicles, and scrotum.

GIRLS: What they see when they look down is their vulva, specifically the labia. The vagina is completely internal; it’s only the opening that is visible.

Bath time provides an easy opportunity to practice using proper names for private parts. “Did you wash your penis?” or, “Your vulva looks a little red, does it feel OK?” Practice, practice, practice — using them in conversation will soon become second nature.

but according to Lang, it isn’t too much for them to handle.

“Adults come to the conversation with a different perspective than kids,” she says. “We know all the good and the bad stuff about sex. They don’t. Little kids take in this information like they do everything else. We’re the ones who bring discomfort, shame, or embarrassment to the sex talk party.”

The sooner the better is Lang’s rule of thumb. “Bring it up before the ‘ooh-gross!’ factor kicks in. When they are young, they are just very open and not grossed out. That being said,

it’s never too late.” What’s important is that discussions about intercourse are family-oriented. Other people shouldn’t talk to them about sex.

Let your kids know what you believe to be true about sex, relationships, and your spirituality. Kids need to know where you stand and what your family values are when it comes to sex. Lang tells parents, “The key to great conversations with your kids is combining the facts with your values.”

Other topics to bring up at this age are the ‘logistics’ of what’s coming next in their development, such as different hygiene habits that accompany body changes and puberty. Talk about how to keep their bodies healthy when it comes to sexual development.

Parents should not be thinking about when they’re going to have ‘The Talk’ with their children, but instead how they can start opening a dialog about sex right now. No matter your child’s age, there are topics that can be broached. And the earlier you start, the easier the discussions go. Start now to turn one weighty talk into a dialog for life. As Lang tells parents, “No one has ever died from having conversations about sex and you won’t either!”

Kelly Bartlett is the author of “Encouraging Words For Kids.”

She is a Certified Positive Discipline Educator and freelance writer with a focus on child development, family relationships and discipline. You can find more of her work at www.kellybartlett.net

Learning an Instrument: A Guide In this 3 part series, Tara Hashambhoy looks when to start, which instrument to choose and how parents can support the learning of an instrument A child’s music education, like any part of their life – sport, school…etc. involves the working-together of 3 parties: student, teacher and parents. Whether your child has begun learning an instrument, or is bursting to start, this is for you.

In our final instalment, we discuss how parents can support their child gain enjoyment and satisfaction from their musical learning, once they’ve chosen an instrument or begun lessons.

Photos: Life Itself Photography

JUST TO BE CLEAR…

CHOOSING A TEACHER:

Finding a great teacher who works well with your child will bring a sparkle to their eyes. Find out about the qualifications of available teachers and a bit about their careers. For a beginner or young child, you won’t need to learn from the best player, you will want a teacher with a high level of skill on their instrument, but mainly you are looking for a very good educator who strongly understands childhood development and education philosophies.

Older children and teenagers will benefit greatly by learning from a serious performer and experienced teacher.

Find someone who speaks to them creatively – who has a great interest in their favourite genre or shares musical ideas. The teacher for the older child is a teacher and a creative role model.

Music Teachers Online is a directory of professional music teachers in Australia – a useful tool when seeking a teacher http://www.musicteacher.com.au. Also check local conservatoriums and schools and seek recommendations.

COMMUNICATE REGULARLY WITH THE TEACHER

Young children benefit from having their parents attend lessons. This way, when you get home you can assist your child with practice. You know what needs to be focused on!

Older children may prefer to have the one-on-one time with their teacher, but you’re still important! Maybe talk to the teacher at the end of each lesson, or arrange a time once a term to have a chat about your child’s musical learning. Many teachers use a practice diary for their students to record the weeks goals.

Each child’s learning is unique. Consult the teacher about your involvement in lessons.

Talk regularly with the teacher about your child’s learning, you might arrange a private discussion a few times a year to get feedback.

AT HOME: PRACTICE

Your child’s music at home, and your roll in this is very individual. Some parents are actively involved in practice, sitting with their child through every practice session. This may work for you, or your child may want to work independently.

I believe that some amount of involvement in practice is important. Know the weekly practice goals and offer an ear whenever possible.

If you notice your child is having any issues with practice or motivation, it is worth discussing this with them and their teacher, possibly separately. Avoid blame at all costs - if a child is struggling or unmotivated, love and communication are the ways to help them regain a healthy love of music. A change in learning may be needed to achieve this.

INSPIRATION:

Whilst you may not be a master of the instrument your child plays, you can still help them seek inspiration. Attend concerts together, join a music library and listen to lots of CDs. It may be appropriate to encourage your child to join a band, orchestra or ensemble. Young musicians learn many social skills and musical skill from these experiences that they cannot learn when playing alone. Plus it’s fun and they’ll find friends with similar interests.

Tara is founder of “Sound Explorers” Music and Movement classes in Sydney’s Inner West. She also teaches violin and chamber music and enjoys playing and performing regularly.

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Having a baby that cries can be stressful and upsetting. However, there are a number of things that you can do to ensure that your babies crying is kept to a minimum. Associate Professor Patrice Miller looks at cultures where babies cry infrequently to understand how we too can have babies that cry less

As

someone interested in across the world do the same things that of the brain has life-long effects on both child development, I we tend to do in what I will call Euro- physical and mental health. There is welcome opportunities to informally centric cultures? What does research now even newer research that shows observe infants and children. Some with infants show are some of the that early experiences are coded into the of these observations stick in my head most effective things to do, especially body in a variety of ways, not just in the longer than others. The one I want to with respect to responding to infants’ brain. This research shows that early share with you involves a young couple crying? experiences changes how an individual’s Not surprisingly, peoples across the genes function within that individual’s in a building where we were living.

They had a new baby and were proud world do have many different customs own lifetime (a field called epigenetics) recipients of an English-style pram. I as far as how they interact with their in ways that just a few years ago we did happened to catch them on their way infants. Here we will focus mainly on not know about.2 At the same time, we in after a walk. The baby, lying in what the extent to which people hold and have also become more aware that each appeared to be the pram’s cavernous touch their babies, how different cultures individual’s vulnerability is different. interior, had just lost it during the walk respond to infant crying, and also touch Some infants and children are more and was crying her heart out. They had briefly on sleeping practices. All of these likely that others to show adverse effects not taken her out of the pram, but were are important for understanding why from early experience, with children instead trying to get the pram up the infants may cry and how crying might who are more ‘reactive’ being more stairs and get her back into the house. be responded to. sensitive to the kinds of behaviors that I felt for the young baby, their parents do and do not ‘[Research] on the effects of stress suggests engage in. Probably the who had been placed in ‘splendid’ isolation, that by not responding to infants we may be best way to think about apart from any human setting up our children for negative mental and what researchers mean by contact.

When she physical health consequences later in life’ ‘reactivity’ is that infants and became overstimulated or children who are more reactive First, though, it is useful to talk seem to be more sensitive than others to had other negative feelings during this walk, she was not yet equipped to calm about why it is important to respond to both positive and negative experiences. herself down. For her, it was the furthest an infant’s cries. The reason is that there In the context of these kinds of thing possible from a relaxing walk. I is now accumulating evidence from findings from many researchers who felt for the parents as well, who were research with both animals and humans study infants and children, it seems like clearly doing the best job that they knew that early stressful experiences will have a good time to go back to saying that how and must have been very distressed an effect on how the infant’s brain gets infants should NOT be allowed to cry by her reaction. Nevertheless, they did ‘tuned’ to respond to stress.1 These effects without being responded to. The work not seem to know that simply picking have been shown for infants exposed to on the effects of stress suggests that by not the baby up and holding her could have more serious traumas, but they have responding to infants we may be setting also been shown for infants whose up our children for negative mental and made all the difference.

This observation raised many parents may simply be non-responsive physical health consequences later in questions as to why we raise children due to such factors as depression or life. The remaining question, then, is the way that we do. Is there evidence inexperience or those who have been CAN crying be reduced? I think you that reducing how much an infant instructed to let their infants ‘cry it out.’ can feel assured that I would not have cries could be a good idea? Do people Under some circumstances, this tuning taken on writing this article if I did not

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Photo: {Nurtured} by Jen Photography

You Can Have A Baby That Cries Less

believe strongly that it can.

One place that we can turn to, is to look at how people in other cultures respond to their babies. There is a tendency for parents within a certain culture to believe that of course ‘we’ are doing things in the best way possible.

Once you become aware of the variety of ways that people care for infants and children, you begin to see that each culture carries on practices that may be adaptive for the setting that they live in, but may also just be arbitrary or no longer useful. This means that what ‘we’ do is not necessarily the right thing for babies, in some cases, and that what other people are doing is probably worth learning about.

When we examine holding and touching in other cultures, we see that Euro-centric cultures hold their babies quite a bit less than other cultures. For example, in research that I was involved in as a graduate student, we found that American mothers held their infants for about 45% of the time when the infants were 4 months old, and about 20% of the time when the infants were 10 months old.3 This can be compared to holding by !Kung San mothers in South Africa,4 who held their infants 75% of the time during their first 20 weeks of life, and more than 50% of the time until they were 50 weeks of age. These !Kung San infants, by the way, cried much less overall than North American infants that they were compared to, even though they were shown to start crying just as often. The difference was due to how quickly the mothers or others responded to their crying. Because the infants were right there with the mothers, the mothers were able to respond much more quickly.

Because the mothers were in close touch with their infants they were also likely to be able to notice the early signs of infant distress, and were more likely to respond

even earlier than mothers who were not that physically close to their infants.

Research with infants in cultures that are largely Euro-centric, such as Australia, the United States, Canada or Great Britain, has also shown that even in those cultures, when you either instruct a mother to hold their infant for more time, or when a mother is found to do that on their own, there is a reduction in how much those infants cry. Dr. Roger Barr and colleagues5 assigned mothers of normal infants to two groups. In the ‘supplemental holding’ group, mothers were asked to increase the time that they spent holding their infants, beyond holding that they were already doing in direct response to crying or while feeding. These mothers were found to hold their infants, on average, 1.8 hours more per day than the mothers who

were not asked to increase their holding.

Their infants cried and fussed on average 43% less at the peak time for infant crying (which is at about 6 weeks). A related study6 compared parents who held their infants a great deal of the time (on average 15 to 16 hours per day) versus those who held them much less.

They found that the infants who were held less cried 50% more overall.

The practical implications of the research on holding and touching is that if you want a baby that cries less, one useful thing that you can do, especially when they are in their youngest months, is to carry them and hold them as much as you can. While this kind of increased holding may become less important as infants continue to develop past about 3 months of age, touch plays an important role across the lifespan in such things as

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calming children, adolescents and adults, reducing depression, anxiety, and post-traumatic stress symptoms, reducing pain, increasing alertness, and many other beneficial outcomes, according to Dr. Tiffany Field, a psychologist at The Touch Research Institute at the University of Miami.7 In her book, Dr. Field makes a convincing case that in the United States, and possibly other Northern European related cultures, we are essentially touch deprived relative to many other cultures.

A second area that we can look at is how people in different cultures respond when their babies start to fuss or cry. To use the !Kung San mothers as models again, we know that they tend to respond very rapidly to crying, most often by breastfeeding their babies. Note, that since these mothers are already holding their babies most of the time, they don’t even have to engage in the additional action of picking their babies up when they cry! One concern of our Western parents is that responding to a crying infant could ‘spoil’ them or encourage the infants to learn to cry more in order to ‘get what they want.’ This is a topic that has been investigated by a number of researchers, and there is still no general agreement as to what the effect of responding to crying is. Based on the studies that exist, it is useful for parents to understand a few things about crying and how and when to respond. First, it seems that early crying, before about 3 months will not increase if it is responded to quickly. In fact, the main message of the research on holding infants that we just discussed is that preventing crying by holding, and calming infants by picking them up promptly when they are upset is the best thing to do with the youngest infants. For older infants who are truly and deeply upset, due to a frightening or painful event, for example, research has shown that picking them up and holding them reduces their

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stress and ultimately helps them to calm down. Researchers have actually done physiological measurements on babies undergoing stressful medical procedures,8 or toddlers being exposed to something frightening,9 and have found that these young children react much more positively to these kinds of events when they are buffered by the presence of a caregiver such as the mother.

The issue becomes more complicated when you get to infants who are past that early crying period, that is, older than 3 months or so and also when the situation is one in which the child at least initially is not that upset. For older infants and young children, there is some evidence that supports the point of view that if parents wait until their children have worked themselves up into a good cry, and only then do the parents respond, it may be that the child will be more likely to engage in more prolonged crying in the future. That is, the infant will fit the pattern of the ‘spoiled’ infant or child.. Studies of separation protest, for example, have shown that mothers of one year olds can inadvertently make separation protest more likely by starting to leave, hesitating as their children begin to protest, and then after the protest has begun in earnest, returning to console the child.10 On the other hand, research also finds that parents who are more responsive to their infants throughout the first year of life, even when they cry, have infants who are more secure in their attachment to the parent.

Being securely attached has been shown to be very important to a child’s later positive adaptation to school, to how well they interact with peers, and many other positive outcomes.

So, how can we make sense of these seemingly contradictory points of view? One argument that I have put forward, is that an older infant or young child does not usually burst out crying for no reason. There are typically a series of behaviors that happen before the child starts crying. These might include an initial change of facial expression (to a more serious expression or even a grimace), vocalisations of various kinds, increased bodily agitation, initial fussing sounds, looks to the mother, and other behaviors. These behaviors, along with the actual crying that occurs toward the end of that sequence, constitute what we can call a ‘cry bout.’ If the mother intervenes during the early behaviors in a cry bout, crying may never occur at all. Instead of learning that ‘crying’ brings attention, mothers who respond earlier are teaching their children that appealing to the mother by vocalizing and using other kinds of non-crying behaviors, should lead to a response. Rapid and sensitive responding by parents should not therefore lead to a child who cries more.

It is also important to realise that, at the same time that crying is beginning to decrease as the infant gets older, a separate communicative system of babbling, smiling and other interactive behaviors is becoming increasingly strengthened and elaborated. It is natural therefore, for infants to gradually learn to communicate what they want using non-crying gestures and then verbalisations. Parents’ responses to these positive interactive behaviours will tend to make these alternative communication methods more likely. Second, parents can use positive interactive routines to distract infants if they are beginning to become distressed.

In addition to rapid responsiveness to crying and calming touch and holding, there are other kinds of practices that make up what we have called Responsive Parenting.11 One of these is having the infant or child sleep in the parent’s own bed (bedsharing), or at the least in the parent’s room (co-sleeping).

While bedsharing has recently been seen as problematic with Pediatric organisations advocating against it (Safe Sleeping Health Promotion Programme, in Australia), bedsharing was both the way that humans evolved for thousands of years, and is still present in many human cultures.12 A number of advantages of bedsharing have been suggested by research studies. In particular, it is a separate contributor to infants being less stressed since they can be much more rapidly responded to, breast fed on demand when they wake, and comforted by the close contact with others when they sleep near the parents.

Researchers who support bedsharing do advocate for bedding and other arrangements that make this safer for babies.

In ways that we did not clearly understand just a few years ago, engaging in responsive parenting and reducing stress in infants is important. It not only has consequences for the optimal development of their brains, it also impacts their future mental and physical health. We have argued elsewhere that the need for child-centered parenting does not end after the first few months of life, but that it continues, accommodating itself to developmental changes in young children.13 For example, as children become more mobile, they will spend more time exploring away from their parents.

As long as the child initiates the exploration, and is confident of the parent’s whereabouts they will continue. If the parent initiates the separation, children will be more likely to protest and if possible to return to the parent’s side. The message in all of this is the same. A child’s distress signals need to be taken seriously by those around them.

Patrice Miller is an Associate Professor, Department of Psychology, Salem State College and has a particular interest in Infancy and Toddlerhood

References

1. Miller, P. M. & Commons, M. L. (2013). Why Not “Crying it Out”: Part 1: The Science that Tells Us that Responsiveness is Key. Clinical Lactation Journal, 4 (2), 57-61.

Shonkoff, J. P, Garner, A. S, The Committee on Psychosocial Aspects of Child and Family Health, Committee on Early Childhood, Adoption and Dependent Care, and Section on Developmental and Behavioral Pediatrics, Siegel, B. S., Dobbins, M. I, Earls, M. F., McGuinn, L., Pascoe, J., & Wood, D. L. (2012). The lifelong effects of early childhood adversity and toxic stress. Pediatrics, 129(1), 232-246.

2. Meaney, M. J. (2010). Epigenetics and the biological definition of gene x environment interactions. Child Development, 81 (1), 41-79.

3. Richman, A., Miller, P., & Solomon, M. (1988). The socialization of infants in suburban Boston. In R. LeVine, P. Miller & M. M. West (Eds.), Parental behavior in diverse societies. New Directions in Child Development, No. 40. San Francisco: Jossey-Bass.

4. Barr, R. G., Konner, M., Bakeman, R. & Adamson, L. (1991). Crying in !Kung San infants: A test of the cultural specificity hypothesis.

Developmental Medicine and Child Neurology, 33, 601-610.

Konner, M. J. (1977). Infancy among the Kalahari Desert San. In P. H. Leiderman, S. Tulkin, & A. Rosenfeld (Eds.), Culture and infancy (pp.

287-328). New York: Academic Press.

5. Hunziger, U. A. & Barr, R. G. (1986). Increased carrying reduces infant crying: A randomized controlled trial. Pediatrics, 77, 641-648.

6. St. James-Roberts, I. (2007) Helping parents to manage infant crying and sleeping: A review of the evidence and its implications for practice.

Child Abuse Review, 16, 47-69.

7. Field, T. (2003). Touch. Massachusetts Institute of Technology Press.

8. Blass, E. M. & Barr, R. G. (2000). Evolutionary biology and medical practice: Management of infant pain experience. Journal of Developmental and Behavioral Pediatrics, 21(4), 283-284.

9. Nachmias, M., Gunnar, M., Mangelsdorf, S., Parritz, R., & Buss, K. (1996). Behavioral inhibition and stress reactivity: Moderating role of attachment security. Child Development, 67, 508-522.

10. Gewirtz, J. L. & Pelaez-Nogueras, M. (1991). The attachment metaphor and the conditioning of infant separation protests. In J. L. Gewirtz & W. M. Kurtines (Eds.) (1991). Intersections with attachment. Hillsdale, N.J.: Erlbaum.

11. Miller, P.M. & Commons, M.L. (2013). Why Not “Crying It Out” Part 2: Can Certain Infant Care Practices Cause Excessive Stress? Clinical Lactation Journal, 4 (2) 62-65.

12. Jenni, O. G. & O’Connor, B. B. (2005). Children’s sleep: An interplay between culture and biology. Pediatrics, 115, 204-216.

McKenna, J. J., Ball, H. L. & Gettler, L. T. (2007). Mother-infant cosleeping, breastfeeding and Sudden Infant Death Syndrome: What Biological Anthropology has discovered about normal infant sleep and pediatric sleep medicine. Yearbook of Physical Anthropology, 50, 133161.

13. Miller, P.M. & Commons, M. L. (2010). The benefits of Attachment Parenting for infants and children: A behavioral-developmental view.

Behavioral Developmental Bulletin, 10, 1-14.

www.nurtureparentingmagazine.com.au

| 13

Doesn’t Have to Hurt Your Child

Whilst we were all told as children ‘Sticks n stones may break our bones, names can never hurt us’; but we all knew that to be untrue. However, as Naomi Aldort discusses, we can help our children shrug off names by ensuring they have the confidence to know their own truth.

In

a Family Intensive Retreat the person who sees these qualities in demonstrates this powerful emotional in my home, a girl called me. We are both seeing my stupidity. We skill: A warrior came to a temple seeking her sister ‘stupid. “I am stupid too!” I are united and often laugh with relief the old Zen master who stayed at the declared happily, “I poured my juice in and recognition of our humanity. temple after all the villagers fled in fear. the sink and washed the cup...instead of When the warrior did not encounter drinking it. And grandpa is stupid, and The fear of being hurt the submissiveness to which he was Children are people. They join a life accustomed, he was enraged. “You fool,” Beethoven is stupid and...” Soon we were singing “I am stupid, you are stupid, they that has pain as part of its curriculum. he shouted as he reached for his sword, are stupid, we are stupid,” while clapping The more we are at peace with their “don’t you realise you are standing before and adding melody to our exciting chant. varied experiences the more they will a man who could run you through The children started sharing their own feel capable of going through them. without blinking an eye!?” stupid moments and their parents and I When feeling worthy, they will actually The master seemed unmoved. “And not feel hurt by words, because they do do you realise,” the master replied had plenty of evidence of our own.

Two months later, the mother of not doubt their own worth even when calmly, “that you are standing before a these girls reported in a phone session, someone else does. man who can be run through without Can you imagine not being hurt blinking an eye?”

“Mia complains that she cannot hurt Iris any more because whatever she no matter what someone says about I will let an eight-year-old child says doesn’t seem to bother her sister.” you? Even better, being ecstatic about demonstrate how much kinder it is to let The girls’ relationship has dramatically anything they say? Can you imagine the ‘sword’ run through than to resist it. improved. Instead of ‘When feeling worthy, they will actually not feel When she realised teaching fear of hurt by words, because they do not doubt their own it, she could take words, they learned put-down without worth even when someone else does’ to be powerful, humourous blinking an eye and your child staying connected to herself even look forward to them: and compassionate.

Some parents worry that this means in the face of judgment, knowing Lorna’s phone session: raising insensitive people. Yet, being she isn’t really stupid, or, finding her Lorna (8): “I am upset. The phone rang defensive of one’s own image is not the own occasional stupidity lovable and and I went to see the caller I.D. and I same as being sensitive. On the contrary, laughable? read it out loud and I read it all wrong.

Wouldn’t such freedom be notice that the less you are focused on My older sister, Vicky, heard me and said, yourself in defense of your image, the appealing? Such confidence does not ‘your reading sucks.’ I am very upset and angry. I raged at her.” more you can stay connected (sensitive mean passivity nor surrender; instead it I said: “Lorna, lets explore what actually to the other person) and emotionally means action from a powerful place of happened. So, Vicky said your reading present. It is when we resist that we love rather than fear, peace rather than sucks and what happened out of that?” war. Notice how loving you can be when harden up and disconnect.

“Out of that I was very upset.”

Finding my own stupidity or other your confidence is unshakable; you can “And did anything else happen not in weaknesses is being fully aware and not listen to someone’s rage and you become your mind? something I could video?” at war with who I am. I can be vulnerable; a true listener.

“No. Nothing happened.” by not focusing on myself I can listen “That’s good to know. So nothing and be sensitive to the other person. I Without Blinking An Eye: happened. You are still breathing, reading There is an old Zen story which embrace my qualities and feel close to as well as you do, and living in your

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At this point Lorna was ecstatic, and without my prompting she added: “I can’t wait till she says something like this again!”

When asked “What is your secret for happiness”, the spiritual philosopher J. Krishnamurti said, “I don’t mind what happens.” Can you imagine the joy of welcoming life and of being able to see that every “sword” is an opportunity to connect and to grow in emotional strength and wisdom? Lorna questioned her own beliefs and found that her sister’s words could not hurt her at all.

Children are born unable to be hurt by words

We teach children to get hurt by words and to depend on approval. We teach it by modeling, and by putting achievement in the spot light. We teach it by praising and evaluating and telling them that certain words hurt. When we do so, we give them power over each other, causing strife and hurt.

Lorna doesn’t need her sister’s approval and is pleased with her own progress in reading. It is the thought

Photo: EstarA Photography

Name Calling

home.”

“Yes.” “So something happened only in your mind?”

“Yes. Anger inside my head.”

“Why” “Because she shouldn’t say that my reading sucks.”

“Are you sure that she shouldn’t?” “(With a crack of laughter) Yes.” “Can you really know that she shouldn’t have said that?”

“No.” “Because she did say it.” “aha.”

“And, how do you feel when you believe that she shouldn’t say it and she does?”

“Very very angry.”

“What did it mean to you?”

“That my reading sucks.”

“And is that true?”

“Yes.” “Good, so she told the truth. Now you both know the truth about your reading, and you are learning and improving right?”

“Yes. (Laughing out loud).”

“So do you need your sister not to tell you that your reading sucks?”

“No. She can tell me whatever she wants.”

“As if she asks for your permission.” “(Laughing) I know. And I can say whatever I want.”

“Wow Lorna, that’s as clear as it gets. You are in charge of no one but you.”

that her sister shouldn’t have mentioned it that lead to Lorna’s rage. She learned from adults to resent or fear judgment.

In reality, no word can hurt you because thoughts sometimes fit your perception and sometimes not: Yes, I am stupid, sometimes, and no I am not stupid in general or at other times. Yes, I am greedy, and yes I am generous. Finding all the qualities inside, I cannot be hurt when a voice point those out.

As a free and peaceful Lorna, the original conversation would have gone like this: Vicky - Your reading sucks Lorna - Yes, I know (likely laughing.)

Both girls would likely be laughing and maybe repeating the funny wrong reading or figuring it out right.

START WITH YOU

Forgive yourself for teaching your child to depend on approval. It is a beginning for all of us all the time. We are learning. Start noticing when you yourself lose freedom for the sake of seeking approval. Work on your own emotional freedom. Raising children requires that we raise ourselves. Try a new strategy: When you are being criticised, instead of going to war by defending yourself, find the grain of truth in what is being said and stay peaceful and connected. In the rare instance that you cannot find even a morsel of truth, listen to what the other person is perceiving so you can stay connected. Her/his experience is worthy

of care and love.

Model to your child that no one has to be flawless. “Yes, what I did was stupid,” “Yes, I was stingy with you,” “Yes, I was lazy,” “Yes, I didn’t do what I said I would,” and so on. Learn together with your children that all verbal ‘swords’ are illusions. Seeing them for their truth, they are gifts. This does not mean that we do whatever someone says we should.

On the contrary; unthreatened you stay autonomous and you don’t follow other’s ideas without your own approval.

When we can hear each other with joy, we bring peace to our relationships.

No victims, no bullies; the ammunition (bad words) becomes obsolete. And, notice that when the ‘ammunition’ has no power, it vanishes. You find that your child will speak kindly not because she obeys you, but because she has no need to do otherwise and she stays connected to her own good nature.

Not being hurt does not mean becoming a doormat. On the contrary, you stay unmoved, like the Zen master.

Connected to yourself and grateful for what is being said.

Naomi Aldort is the author of, Raising Our Children, Raising Ourselves and of hundreds of internationally published parenting advice columns and articles. For free newsletter, teleclasses, CDs, articles, personal and family phone sessions and speaking engagements: www.AuthenticParent.com

www.nurtureparentingmagazine.com.au

| 15

Moments of Significance: How Fathers Can Bond With Their Children

This is Part I in a series of articles by Ben Pratt on how fathers can bond with their children.

Part I looks at the background to the issue of father bonding, and then discusses ways in which a father can bond with his children during pregnancy, birth and until 2 years of age.

the history this relationship. Over the coming issues emotionally and/or physically absent of humanity, of Nurture we’ll be exploring these ideas father, which then ensures that the cycle information has never been as freely to help equip both men and women will be repeated in the next generation. available as it is now. We are more with the knowledge and tools they need The straightforward way to address educated, and more able to self-educate to help fathers be involved with their this issue on a societal level is to help than at any other time in the existence of families in the best possible way. both men and women understand how a Perhaps the most common issue father can bond with his children, so that our species. There are more books about parenting and child-rearing than you that I encounter in my work with men it can be dealt with on a personal level could read in a lifetime. With all of this is about relationships; specifically, those first. As men become more involved with available for our perusal, one could be between a father and his children. their children, expectations of fathers forgiven for thinking that being a good Whether it be relating to his own father, will change, as will the way that they are father, or at least knowing how to be a or how he connects with his children, viewed as parents, which will in turn many men simply do not know how a help to change people’s expectations of good father, is straight forward.

And yet, that’s not the case. Most father can or indeed, should interact fathers from a negative to a positive. parenting books are lucky to have one with his children.

Understanding the basis of the Part of the foundation of this failing difficulty for most men to be able to chapter that deals with how a father should interact and bond with his in modern man is historical (until the connect with their children gives us a children, as compared to the inundation industrial revolution men were actually solid base from which to move. If there of information that is no ‘assumed’ ‘when a father is involved with as many aspects mothers deal with. positive model to of a new-born child’s life as possible, and when he Where the issue base their actions for mothers is actively seeks out interaction with the child, the bond off, then fathers separating the need to develop that between them will grow naturally and healthily’ jewels from the dross, model for themselves. men are left searching for anything at all seen as the primary parent of a child There are many different things one can that can help them understand their role and with the advent of the industrial do to develop a strong bond with your revolution that role shifted to women) children, and believe it or not it begins in child-rearing and parenting.

A small but growing body of research and part of it is experiential (the rise before birth. The best summary I can is emerging in the 21st century that in divorce, and co-habitation rather give for how this works for men is the begins to address this imbalance, led by than marriage in Australia since 1975 following, which I’ll expand upon for individuals like Dr. Michael Lamb (co- has led to more children having little or different age categories:author of Conceptualizing and Measuring no relationship with their father upon Father Involvement and author of The which to found their own relationship Be physical, be loving, be deliberate, Role of the Father in Child Development), with their children). speak warmly.

Regardless of the reason, the result is Dr. Richard Fletcher (author of The Dad Factor), Dr. John Hoffman (author of that when faced with a massive barrier BONDING AT DIFFERENT Father Factors) and others. The work of to involvement from both a societal STAGES OF DEVELOPMENT these people is helping us understand the and personal level, many men will nature of a father’s role and relationship simply fold and follow the path of least During Pregnancy The way that the father interacts with with his family and how to encourage resistance. This most often results in an

16 | www.nurtureparentingmagazine.com.au

Photo: EstarA Photography

Over

the mother of his child will help define the start of his relationship with his child.

If he interacts with her in a positive and loving way, so that she relaxes and is at ease when he is with her, this will release feel-good hormones, specifically (for the purposes of this discussion) Oxytocin.

The effects of Oxytocin are still being researched, but researchers have shown that it aids in bonding between humans as well as increasing empathy. The simple act of gently stroking the mother’s hand by her partner can result in the release of Oxytocin, which will not only increase her bond to her partner, but will also help the child in utero bond to the one creating the release of Oxytocin (i.e., the father).

To further aid the development of the father-child relationship, it helps if the father talks gently whilst relaxing with his partner, as the child will learn to associate his voice with the comfort and peace that its mother is experiencing.

Be physical (touch your partner), be loving (work on your intimacy with her), be deliberate (don’t wait for her to ask, offer to care for her) speak warmly (speak words of affection and care for both her, and the life within her womb).

At Birth

As soon as is possible after birth, the father should hold the child close to his skin, and speak to it softly. The act of birth releases a flood of Oxytocin in

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the mother which stimulates lactation, as well as the retraction of the cervix and the release of the placenta.

This Oxytocin release also gives a kick-start to the emotional bond that we have come to expect between mother and child, as the Oxytocin is shared between mother and child through the placenta.

In short, what has long been recognised as almost essential for mothers to bond with their newborns is just as effective for helping fathers to bond with their children. Note that this should never be done at the expense of the mother’s bond with the child, but rather, in addition to it.

The act of birth (whether vaginal or caesarean) is exhausting for both mother

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“Especially vital is that the father, where possible, is involved in all of the aspects of the child’s life from the earliest stages”

and baby, so this is one of the most important times for a father to “step up” and be involved. If the father and mother have spoken about and agreed to try elimination communication with their newborn, then one of the ways the father could bond with the child is to begin this process now and letting the baby’s mother rest and recover. If the parents are not attempting to use elimination communication, then the father can bond with the child by checking its nappy whenever it finishes a feed (and is awake) or wakes up from a sleep (if it’s not immediately hungry), and changing it whenever necessary. By him taking on either or both of these duties it gives the father invaluable time and contact with the child that will begin a positive association for them both.

Perhaps the simplest thing a father can do to bond with his new-born child is to help the mother be comfortable and relaxed. The better her mood is, the better she can bond with the child, and the child will generally extend that bond to the father as he is involved with the mother by his caring actions.

The intimacy and bond shared by two loving committed parents cannot be understated for its importance in how the father-baby bond forms.

Be physical (touch your new baby and hold it close), be loving (see to his or her needs), be deliberate (look for ways you can make things easier for mum and bub) speak warmly (talk softly to your baby and open your heart).

The first few years (0-2)

Breastfeeding is another activity that releases Oxytocin, helping a mother bond with her child. Remember though, that this will also result in an Oxytocin release for the child, which makes the child more open to bonding with others. Where possible, fathers should be involved in the daily activities of their household, including holding the child and interacting with it physically, as skin contact greatly increases the bond between parent and child.

It is important to note that bottle feeding is not necessary for a father to bond with a child. On the contrary, it actually hinders it. By denying a child access to its mother’s breast (and the hormones secreted within breast milk) you reduce the

amount of oxytocin in the child’s system, thus making it harder for the child to connect with others. Whilst a child can bond with its parents without breastfeeding, the simple intimacy of the act as well as the oxytocin it provides is a great benefit to all involved.

Many fathers are fascinated by their new son or daughter, and will want to inspect and explore the child and its capabilities.

This is perfectly normal, and should be encouraged. Actions such as gently moving a child’s arms or legs, stroking their skin, and checking the child’s senses (does she hear this and respond, does he suckle on my finger, etc.) help a father to get comfortable with what the child is capable of and what it is comfortable with.

As the child begins to explore its environment, it is best for the father to engage with ‘rough and tumble’ play with the child (safely, of course) in addition to other activities. This is a wonderful way for fathers to bond with their children, as both father and child learn safe boundaries for play, pick up on each other’s verbal and physical cues (daddy is happy, daddy is surprised, daddy is confused, etc.) and generally learn what is appropriate and healthy physical interaction.

Especially vital is that the father, where possible, is involved in all of the aspects of the child’s life from the earliest stages. A father may enjoy playing with his child, but if he does not spend time seeing to the child’s needs, then the child will develop a false association between the father and what activities the father chooses to partake in. For example, if a father is willing to cuddle the baby and nurse it to sleep, but when it cries he passes it off to the mother, he is teaching the child that he does not want to interact with it when it is upset, which can lead to emotional strain and withdrawal by the child in later stages of development. If a father will change a wet nappy but not a dirty one, the child may associate shame with dirtying its nappy and thus not complain about it, or when older it may try to hide it.

This can lead to both sanitation and health issues, with some children going so far as developing severe constipation due to associating fear or shame with emptying their bowels.

On the flipside, when a father is involved with as many aspects of a new-born child’s life as possible, and when he actively seeks out interaction with the child, the bond between them will grow naturally and healthily. If a child learns that no matter what happens, my father will be there for me, then they learn to trust and respect that father, opening themselves up to him. If a child sees and hears that even when something is dirty or painful that their father speaks warmly and lovingly to them, then they will know that they are loved, and will return that love.

Be physical (play with your child), be loving (get involved in the mucky stuff as well as the fun stuff), be deliberate (make time for your child and give them your attention) speak warmly (encourage your child to grow, develop, and explore without criticism).

In the next issue of Nurture we’ll look at how a father can effectively bond with his children from ages 3 onwards, especially focussing on the adolescent years. May you have many ‘moments of significance’ with your children over the summer!

Ben Pratt is a stay at home dad of three children. He is also the national ambassador for Dads4Kids, a charity with a focus on getting men involved in marriage and child raising.

18 | www.nurtureparentingmagazine.com.au

Dad’s Corner One dad’s adventures of natural parenting with his little buddy, William Everytime I sit down to write the dad’s corner I think “where has the time gone ~ another three months has passed”! But I can’t keep writing it in fear of being monotomous! But it has!

We are always busy doing something, but with the warmer weather, we have cleaned the cobwebs off our boat and started taking that out again. William likes driving the boat ~ sometimes I think he could probably drive the boat better than I can! The last time we went William was sitting on my lap helping me drive and then just rested his head on my chest and cuddled me for what seemed like a long time. I wouldn’t normally mention it, but for William that is extra special! A moment I will remember forever.

We are also still doing our fortnightly camping. We have been camping near and far. We spent the Labour Day long weekend at a place called Corindi Beach. We also took my dad which was lovely for us to spend that time together. William has really bonded with him ~ especially after the trip to New Zealand.

Because William is growing up so fast, we recently bought him a balance bike to replace his tricyle. At first I couldn’t really understand the point of it and I would tell him to lift his feet up and I would push him around. Then Kristy told me I needed to stop babying him and allow him to do it himself - well, first of all he is my baby! And secondly, I feel it my role to help make his life easier ... but I did stop pushing him and in no time he started pushing himself around the way it is designed!!

I’ve found that the biggest difference in my parenting of William than my older two children is that I have become a patient person. When my older children were young I would do everything myself because for them to help would only slow me down and cause frustration. However I have learnt that 99% of the time it doesn’t matter if something takes 5 minutes or 25 minutes. William (as most children do) shows an interest in helping me with whatever I am doing, and I’m glad that I can now take the time to be able to allow him to help because not only does it make William feel like a contributing member of our family, it also brings me so much joy!

Things we have done lately together are: 1. Fitting a new horn to our boat ~ William passed me the screwdriver and the screws. I showed him which way to turn it to tighten and loosen. He just soaks up all the information like a sponge!

2. Fixing the coachlight at our front door ~ William stood up on the ladder and passed me the screwdriver and pliers!

3. Filling the water tanks on the caravan when we are camping ~ he places a hand on the bottom of the jerry can while we walk from the tap to the caravan and ‘helps’ lift it up into the water filler!

4. Gathering and cutting up palm fronds ~ William helps drag the fallen palm fronds to our cutting area and takes the pruning shears to cut the small end of the palms up while I cut the thick end!

I don’t have any regrets (they are a waste of time), but I do wish that I had of realised the pleasure that comes from taking the time with children when my two older children were younger.

t d me a n a m a i ch!

Will the bea

Me, W Gran illiam a n d beac pa on o d h ho u liday r !

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William giving me cuddles in the boat!

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| 19

Building Relationships that Last a Lifetime Are you reacting to your kids in ways you wish you didn’t? Do you start out with good intentions and then find yourself snapping? Would you like to feel fulfilled as a parent?

Bonnie Harris looks at how you can shift from control to connective parenting.

More

and more parents FINDING THE BALANCE not good enough. That makes it difficult are experiencing POINT to be effective when you want to gain the benefits of transitioning out of Humans are pendulum thinkers. your child’s cooperation without force. the reward and punishment model of We flip from one end of the parenting parenting to a connective approach. But continuum to the other (holding power PROBLEM SOLVING many find the shift too hard and fall back or giving it away) and ignore all the gray Problem solving (the connective to old stand-bys. When their children area in between. The balance point is replacement for punishment) means act out, they can’t justify connecting where connection is found. That place stating your case, hearing and because: where it’s neither my way nor my child’s considering your child’s case and coming • “Isn’t that just letting them get away way—where we actually both get what to an agreement — “How can we make with it?” we want. The balance point is where this work for both of us?”

• ”What do I do if I don’t punish? They no one’s needs are any more or any less When you’re most tempted to tell have to have consequences.” important than another’s. Sometimes we your kids what to do and how to do it, • “I was spanked and yelled at and I have to take turns getting our needs met, this is the time for questions. Try instead: turned out ok.”

• You want …, and I want …. How can sometimes it works for all.

When parents hear why and how we both get what we want?

When your child is doing something Connective Parenting works, it makes unacceptable to you, say so. “This is not • How can you get what you want sense, because it taps into a parent’s okay with me. What else can you do?” without hurting anyone else? natural instincts. There is always that, This simple phrase is so hard for so • How can we make this work for both “Ah, that makes perfect ‘Problem solving (the connective replacement of us? sense”. Parents who don’t • If you hit for punishment) means stating your case, want to raise their kids him back, then what the way they were raised hearing and considering your child’s case and would happen? Is coming to an agreement — know they have found the that getting what you answer. Then, back in the “How can we make this work for both of us?” want? trenches of day-to-day parenting, old many. We are so accustomed to being • That works for you but it doesn’t ways creep in, because it’s just easier. work for me/her. What else can you blamed and laying blame that we have We have been brought up to believe forgotten how to take responsibility for think of? that children must suffer and feel fear in ourselves—be clear and honest about It’s called compromise, making order to do what they’re told. We have to how we feel and what we want—neither an agreement, negotiating, resolving do something to them or take something holding my power over another or a problem—and it teaches your child away—a ‘consequence’, we mistakenly subjugating my wishes for another’s. important life skills of emotional think. Even parents who have learned The first step in shifting effectively to intelligence—empathy, respect, good connective problem solving will say, a connective approach is knowing that decision making, figuring things out.

“Yeah, but what do I DO?” We are so your needs are just as important as your The essence is insuring that no one loses, programmed to take away a mobile child’s, that taking care of yourself is as everyone is heard, everyone agrees. phone, give them a time out, withdraw important as taking care of your child, Cooperation naturally follows when a privilege, even though we know that and that doing so models a strong adult. there is balance—both your needs and children do their best when they feel This can be the hardest step if you were wants are heard and considered. good, that it doesn’t seem right to simply not treated with respect growing up. On Even very young children can work it out. the contrary, most of us learned we were problem solve.

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CONNECTING AND VALIDATING

All we really want is to be heard and understood. If you came home and told your partner about something hurtful someone said to you, you want your partner to acknowledge your hurt feelings—even validate you by saying he would have felt hurt too. You do not want your partner to tell you what you should have said or that you shouldn’t let such a stupid remark get to you.

In the same way, our children, who don’t yet trust their feelings, want to know that you understand so they learn their feelings are always okay and we all have them. When big emotions feel

Photo: Two Acorns Photography

Shifting From Control To Connection:

Max, aged 2 ¾, was eating lunch at the kitchen counter. He purposefully dumped his milk over, and it spilled on the floor.

His mother said, “You need to clean that up.”

“You do it,” he retorted.

Her blood starting to boil, she firmly said, “You spilled it. You clean it up.”

He looked up at her and said, “No, you clean it up.”

Wishing she could smack him, she somehow gained control and remembered what we had talked about in our last group.

She took a deep breath and said, “Ok, the milk is spilled. You don’t want to clean it up and I don’t want to clean it up. What do you think we should do about it?”

“I know!” he cheerfully exclaimed. “I’ll call Sophie (their dog). She can lick it up and I’ll clean up the rest!”

His mother’s jaw dropped to the counter. All she could utter was, “Okay.”

Max called Sophie, who happily licked up the milk, then he grabbed a paper towel and wiped up her slobber.

Problem solved, accountability reached. No blame, threat or punishment.

Under age 3. True story.

If your child says, “I don’t know” or refuses to negotiate, it means she fears she will be told what to do and made to do it or get in trouble. Children often prefer being told what to do because they don’t have to think. It takes trusting your child before your child trusts you to stay with the process.

When we punish and threaten (manipulatively coerce a child to do what you want by force or withdrawal of a desired object or privilege), we breed distrust. So children try harder and harder to get what they want when they can.

Makes sense doesn’t it?

overwhelming, it is very validating to hear a parent say, “You were really angry when I said you couldn’t have ice cream.

You wanted to hit me and I stopped you, which made you even angrier. Then you cried really hard, and I got mad too. We both got really mad, didn’t we?” In this way, the parent mirrors what happened for the child, and he feels understood and accepted. In this regulated state, he can think clearly and learns to trust. When someone names what is going on for us, it feels extremely soothing (that’s why people pay big bucks for therapy). When we feel comforted, we are in a much better place to solve problems and make amends.

After connection has been made, and feelings are calm, you can talk about what needs to be done. “Hitting me shows me you are mad. I know you know it’s not okay to do that. How else can you let me know you’re mad?”

ACCEPTANCE

We all need to belong and feel accepted for who we are, not just for how we behave.

How many of us grew up believing we weren’t good enough or didn’t meet up to our parent’s expectations? This means you didn’t feel accepted. And that makes it www.nurtureparentingmagazine.com.au

| 21

DON’T TAKE IT PERSONALLY

When we allow our children to express their feelings that means all feelings including disgust, hate, fury, jealousy.

Accept the emotion, stop the behaviour. When your no means no, don’t expect your children to like it. When parents think they have to make their children happy or accept the “no” graciously, expectations are inappropriate and unrealistic, therefore reactions are the same. If the parent takes the child’s anger personally, it causes the parent to relinquish the “no”, and the child learns that her protest works.

ALLOW FAILURE

When we try to control our children, it means we don’t trust them. It means, You have to do it my way. It means we are driven by fear (false evidence appearing real). It’s excruciating to watch your child make a mistake or fail at something when you know you could make it easier for him—excruciating and necessary.

Connection means reaching a place where you trust your child’s process more than your need to fix it for him. Children need to find their own way. We can offer our opinions and support but we cannot solve our children’s problems—nor

can we ask our children to solve ours. Self-esteem comes from guiding them to solve their own.

It is through learning from mistakes and failures, accomplishing something through difficulty, that real selfesteem emerges. When we pick our children up before they fall, we tell them they are not capable of handling the fall. It’s the ‘picking yourself up and brushing yourself off ’ that builds self-confidence.

TAKE YOUR TIME

When you parent with a controlling mindset, you must react immediately to a wrong-doing, punish and criticise.

When your child misbehaves, you must ‘nip it in the bud’ to teach a lesson—right now. This is not only ineffective, it is also extremely stressful.

Have you ever said or done something that you didn’t mean? Of course. Given time you may make amends. We don’t give our children that time—because of fear. Given time, children—and adults—are more likely to apologise and resolve the situation because they can think clearly and gain perspective.

Many adults hide behind their defensive walls protecting their failures because they fear judgement—as they did in childhood. Defensiveness fuels aggression.

So stop, breathe, and wait. When you know your button has been pushed and your child’s tension is high, do only what you need to do to keep everyone safe. If children are hurting each other, get your body between them and yell STOP. Get them separated and nothing more. When your child is talking to you in a way you dislike, simply turn away and do something else.

If he is hitting you or another child, hold his arms or pick him up to stop his action.

The key is to come back to it when emotions are calm.

Use the ‘Do-over’ consistently until your children are used to revisiting a situation. They will not want to. This is the most effective consequence you can give. Always employ the ‘no one loses’ rule so they trust they will not get in trouble.

The biggest trap to using a connective approach is focusing on the tools alone. Implementing a new skill set only works when you are calm. When stress or fear enters the picture, you snap back to old methods because your fundamental understanding of the new skill has not been established.

Your perception needs to shift 180º—from my child is being a problem to my child is having a problem. When you truly understand connection, it keeps you in a clear head even when the going gets tough.

Switching to a connective approach is hard when you were not brought up with one. Connection requires eliminating old and learning new habits. Even if you hate the habit of screaming at your kids, you have learned it well and you need to relearn a new habit. This takes time. Most importantly, it takes a new perspective. You wouldn’t expect to be fluent in a new language after a few weeks of classes. Using connective communication is like speaking a foreign language for most of us.

It can change your life and all your relationships. But go easy on yourself when you make mistakes.

Bonnie Harris is the director of Connective Parenting and has been a parenting specialist for 25 years. She is the author of ‘When Your Kids Push Your Buttons’ and ‘Confident Parents, Remarkable Kids’. For more info, go to www.bonnieharris.com

22 | www.nurtureparentingmagazine.com.au

Filling Our Teens Love Tank Claire Eaton shares simple ways to nurture our teen’s intellectual, emotional, social, moral and creative development by keeping their ‘love tank’ full We wander around the market, filling our baskets with fresh fruit, veggies and delicious produce. The smell and texture of everything we select is bursting with freshness and you are probably like most health conscious families; you’re eager to make the most of your colourful selection and enjoy the benefits. Little time goes by and our supplies are depleting and we are making our way back to the market to top up; a never ending circle of filling and emptying. One thing you know for sure; the supplies will be at the market and you will be able to fill our basket once again. There is no doubt in our mind.

Our teenagers and their insatiable appetite for food is no secret, however how often do we really give thought to our teenagers love tank and if it’s being filled? Teen love tanks need filling with unconditional parental love, just as we have a fruit basket that needs constant top ups. Teenagers and their need for a full love tank cannot be underestimated, as the benefits of feeling completely loved by our parents and family can serve as a nutritious emotional source during times of adolescent change. As teens increase their understanding of and their ability to empathize, self care, openly communicate, share, feel connected, valued and give and receive love, they are reliant on feeling emotionally complete.

Nurturing our teenagers often starts with reflecting upon on our teenage years and asking questions about how our own love tank was filled during our youth. For many parents, raising teens can unearth memories of our own adolescent journey and in doing so, provide motivation for change or continuance in the way we love and connect with our own teenagers now.

Choosing to be a nurturing parent of a teenager requires us to fully understanding that our teenagers need to have absolute safety in the knowledge that the love they receive from their parent is unconditional. Love is their precious right, not their reward.

From the age of ten, adolescents are riding a developmental rollercoaster, attempting to identify if they fit in, where they fit in and how they can contribute to the world. This process takes time, as with building a healthy body and mind through the items we place in our basket at the markets, teens are highly reliant on the love we are pouring into their love tank; which is flowing for no reason other than ‘you are my son and I love you’.

By the time our children are six, their brains are already about 90-95% of adult size; this does not mean that it is functioning as an adult brain; there is still a lot of learning and

Photo: Claire Eaton with her teen!

hard to unconditionally accept your child.

Unfortunately we attach acceptance to behaviour. Accepting your child doesn’t mean accepting her behaviour. When behaviour is wrong, your child still needs to know that you accept her, mistakes and all, so she grows with self-confidence.

“How can I accept my child when he’s hitting his sister?

I can’t accept meanness.” You don’t accept the behaviour—or meanness. What you accept is that your child is angry and upset and can’t behave differently at that moment. Feeling accepted and understood allows problem solving to follow— true accountability.

When you see unacceptable behaviour, your response needs to send the message, You have made a mistake. I know that you know that is not okay. Your behaviour is telling me that you are feeling upset, powerless, dysregulated. You do not want to behave this way, it’s just that you can’t help it right now. This behaviour tells me that you are having a problem. I will stop you until you are able to stop yourself.

Fear that our children will turn out bad if we don’t react and punish, sends the message, You are being a problem. I can’t trust you to do the right thing. Punishment and threats tell our children that they are not capable of behaving well unless we train them to do so—I don’t accept you the way you are.

remodeling to do. In order for our tweens and teens’ brains to flow through this process that can extend until they are in their early twenties, one of the most nutritious provisions we can give them is love. When teens feel loved, they feel safe, secure, comfortable, calm and appreciated. When our teen’s tank is emotionally full, their brain releases the feel good chemicals dopamine and serotonin; as opposed to the stress based response chemicals of excess cortisol and adrenalin.

When their love tank is full, teens can feel more secure to take healthy risks, step beyond their comfort zone, stretch their thinking and extend themselves physically because they know that they have a strong support crew based on love as opposed to performance, results, scores or achievement.

Deep within our teenagers is a desire to feel loved, connected, accepted and nurtured, much the same as our 2 year old son or 5 year old daughter. The main difference being, teens may have different ways of showing their desire. Teens may not sit our knee for cuddles or snuggle in our bed for stories; however that doesn’t suggest that they no longer need our love, they need it in different ways.

Teenagers appreciate time; our intentional time spent with them doing what they like to do; it is then that they feel loved as we accept and enjoy their interests. Teens like us to be around their lives rather than ruling their lives; just as we can relate to our toddler wanting us close to the sand pit so that they feel connected and safe. Teenagers also want to feel our pride when they achieve, reach goals or do their best ~ they feel loved.

Teens are looking to receive our loves in so many ways; there are no limits to the ways in which we can keep our teen’s love tank full to overflowing. Just keep pouring the love.

Claire Eaton has 20 years experience in education, is mum to a young teen and creator of ROC TEEN workshops, helping families build resilient, optimistic and confident kids and author of WINGS; a beautiful book to fill your teen’s love tank.

You can find out more at www.ClaireEaton.com.au

www.nurtureparentingmagazine.com.au

| 23

Skin Safe

Products for Bubs Babies skin is so sensitive, that is why it is important to understand what products are best to use and which to avoid. Catherine Cervasio provides a guide to the products that should be avoided when it comes to massage oils, bathing and hair products for our child.

u s i n g parent. But as some research indicates, ‘valuable’ in the care of young babies, p u r e fragranced products may not be ideal it is promoted in ante natal classes and and natural products, can play a vital for newborn skin2 and your baby’s acute, by maternal and child health nurses role in aiding relaxation and enhancing still developing, sense of smell. regularly. Parents should therefore pay With this in mind, aim to avoid particular attention to the product they experiences surrounding the arrival of a newborn whilst working to keep your products that contain any fragrance use for massage and seek out oils that are baby’s skin soft and supple without the or essential oils for at least the first pure, organic, contain the fewest amount need for harsh ingredients found in important weeks of your newborn’s of ingredients and are unscented (no many commercial baby care products. life. Avoid products which contain essential oils).

But what of the introduction of foreign detergents from the ‘sulphate’ group For toddlers unable to lie still for five smells and aromatic oils around this which may strip delicate, newborn skin minutes, gentle massage strokes can be of its natural oils and lead to dryness combined with story time and provide special time?

It has long been understood that and irritation. Avoid any added colour, an opportunity for relaxation and gentle a baby’s sense of smell is acute even natural or otherwise. Even ingredients communication prior to rest time or when first born. Therefore it would be such as petro-chemicals including evening sleep. The long, rhythmic and likely that certain smells may help a mineral oil, a common ingredient in fluid strokes of massage, combined newborn more easily associate with his/ commercial baby massage oil, are best with the soothing scents of certain pure her surroundings and offer increased to be avoided. Propylene glycol and essential oils for the older child, can be comfort and reassurance. The instrumental in helping to most important smells of all ‘Look for low-foaming products that prepare the child for slumber at this time therefore are contain a short list of simple, easy-toand provide a great way for undoubtedly those which little ones to wind down after understand ingredients.’ are present naturally – most importantly a busy day. perhaps, the smell of an infant’s mother. parabens (used to preserve products) A newborn will quickly recognise the are also worth avoiding according to MASSAGE smell of its mother and if left, is able some studies, where reports have failed to crawl toward the breast in search of to indicate a ‘safe’ level for at least one What do I use?

For massage, it is best to choose an nourishment at only hours old1 – the member of the paraben group.

There is no question the benefits organic, bland oil (preferably jojoba, infant’s father and any siblings also offer a similar bonding experience; a newborn of infant massage are many including actually a liquid wax, which most will soon associate the unique scents of increased weight gain, (particularly for closely resembles our skin’s sebum). A its mother and immediately family with the premature baby)3 improved bonding, pre-blended product that is aroma-free deeper, more routine sleeping patterns (no essential oils or added fragrance) a sense of comfort and security.

Many parents however, still associate and relief from gastrointestinal wind to containing a simple mix of cold pressed, the arrival of their newborn with the use name a few. Supervised massage is also naturally nourishing oils such as natural of highly fragranced lotions and creams, an ideal way for older siblings to bond vitamin e (non acetate form) or evening or bath product with loads of bubble, with a new baby and a great way for Dad primrose oils, may benefit dry and believing in some way these introduced to become more intimately involved sensitive skin types. These oils are rich products may enhance their baby care in the care of his newborn. Because in natural fatty acids and vitamins and experiences and are ‘essential’ to being a baby massage is now well known as can help to moisturise the skin whilst

24 | www.nurtureparentingmagazine.com.au

Photo: Deposit Photos

Massage

providing a medium for gentle, fluid movement. The natural vitamin E also helps to prolong a product’s shelf life ensuring it remains fresh for a longer period of time. This is extremely important with a totally natural, vegetable based product as without additional preservatives, a 100% natural oil product would be likely to go rancid within a short period of time. As some ‘natural’ preservatives are not yet approved for use in baby care products, and others may in fact be too harsh on infant skin if used in amounts required to be effective, vitamin E is a great alternative. Oil which has become rancid too may not be easily detected by a novice and could become a cause of irritation when applied to young, sensitive skin.

least the first four to six weeks. Later, if you wish to change to a naturally aromatic or essential oil based product, delay this until the baby is at least several months old as the benefits to newborn skin seem well worth it.

Where do I learn?

In Australia we have two professional infant massage Associations (IMA Infant Massage Australia and IAIM International Association of Infant Massage) both of whom recommend unscented massage oils for young babies. This is very much in line with UK-based research that suggests unscented products in general are best for new babies, for at

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| 25

BATHING What should I avoid?

Look for low-foaming products that contain a short list of simple, easy-to-understand ingredients. Natural thickeners include Xanthan Gum which is used in cooking. Once again, essential oil free and fragrance free for young babies is suggested by some neonatal experts. Sulphate (sodium lauryl and laureth as well as other types) have been in the headlines over recent times due to their possible links to skin irritation. These surfactants can be used in quite high concentrations and therefore may contribute to dryness. Another common ingredient in commercial babycare products is Cocoamphodiacetate which reads ‘eye irritant’ on its MSDS (Material Safety Data Sheet) so again, to avoid anything with this ingredient would be wise.

HAIR Does my baby really have dirty hair?

Babies generally have little if any hair. I encourage new parents not to overdo the early bathing and washing of hair, instead, use the bath water to gently wash your baby’s hair and scalp once every three or four days during the early weeks, or use plain water only. Because shampoos are used directly on the scalp, they have a more concentrated effect. Again, seek out sulphate free, low foaming products that include some natural moisturising oils. Reducing the frequency of washing your baby’s hair may help to avoid a dry, flaking scalp which can lead to cradle cap.

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As the market has been flooded with baby products over recent years, all claiming to offer health benefits and to be natural to some degree, it is a good idea to seek out stand-out specialists in this field who offer a choice of both essential oil free products as well as aromatic products that has a proven track record at both a retail and professional health level.

Take note of any use of essential oils or ‘aromas’ in products claiming to be ‘specially formulated for babies’ (including for newborns) and watch out for label claims relating to eczema without the presence of TGA listings, easily identified by the presence of an AUST L number.

Other problems which are rife in the skin care industry include the incorrect use of chemical names in an effort to camouflage ingredients which may not be entirely natural. Any company offering good product knowledge and with a sound background in the neonatal industry will have staff qualified to offer you all the support you require to provide your customers with the latest and most accurate information.

References

1. Advantages of the Breast Crawl: Widström et al, 1990; Christensson et al, 1992; Christensson et al, 1995; Matthiesen et al, 2001 2. “Choose emollients without fragrances” http://www.rch.org.au/ rchcpg/hospital_clinical_guideline_index/Neonatal___Infant_ Skin_Care/ 3. Am J Perinatol. (2013 Jan 15) [Epub ahead of print] Wang L, He JL, Zhang XH, The Efficacy of Massage on Preterm Infants: A MetaAnalysis.

Catherine holds a diploma in Aromatherapy and massage and has developed her own range of natural skin care products called AromaBaby.

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26 | www.nurtureparentingmagazine.com.au Available in the baby aisle of Woolworths & good pharmacies

Mums Guide To Feeling More Energised Racing after children all day is tiring, however there are things you can do to increase your energy levels. Nutritionist, Lisa Guy, looks at natural ways to increase you energy levels so you can continue to be the fun loving mum chasing after the children!

Being

a mum can be one of the most rewarding and yet one of the most tiring occupations going. When you bring your little bundle of joy home for the first time the option of resting up and getting enough sleep, to recoup and recover, is usually a pipe dream. Then if you have a little one who is not sleeping well, throw in low iron levels and being too busy to eat well, and other children to look after, it is not hard to see how exhaustion can set in.

The good news is that there are plenty of things you can do naturally to give your energy levels a muchneeded boost.

GET SOME SLEEP

Firstly, it is important to grab sleep where you can to recharge the batteries. So when your little one has a sleep in the day, make sure you have one too. The washing and cleaning up can definitely wait.

Photos: Depositphotos

GO NATURAL

Eat wholesome natural foods, preferably organic, including plenty of fresh fruits, vegetables, legumes, nuts, seeds and wholegrain breads and cereals.

A healthy diet is important to supply you with all the vitamins and minerals you need for energy production and good health. Remember that fresh and unprocessed is best. Drinking plenty of water is also very important, so aim for at least 2 Litres a day.

KEEP YOUR BLOOD SUGAR LEVELS BALANCED

The best way to keep blood sugar levels balanced is to eat smaller meals If you want to keep your energy more regularly throughout the day, levels constant, you need to keep your and have mid-morning and afternoon blood sugar levels stable. As soon as snacks. Eating protein with each meal is your blood sugar levels drop, so too does the best way to curb sugar cravings and your energy. Skipping meals, especially stabilise blood sugar levels. High fibre breakfast, and eating sugary and refined foods will also slow down the absorption ‘white’ carbohydrate foods will send of sugars from foods we eat and provide your blood sugar levels off kilter. When a slow and steady supply of glucose for we eat sugary and refined carbohydrates energy, without causing a sharp rise in our blood sugar levels, and insulin blood sugar levels.

Therefore you should choose levels, surge quickly, only to plummet unprocessed wholegrain breads and again soon after. cereals (over ‘white’ refined varieties), This will leave you feeling flat and such as: • grainy breads Common symptoms of iron • brown rice deficiency are: • quinoa • whole oats • tiredness • buckwheat.

• muscle weakness • wholemeal pasta.

That is also why it is better • lowered immune function to eat whole fruit than to have a • difficulties concentrating fruit juice that is void of its natural fibre content.

• poor memory Trail mixes made up of raw almonds, brazil nuts, walnuts, sunflower and pumpkin seeds with some dried fruits, or hummus with tired, unable to concentrate and craving vegetable sticks or wholegrain crackers sugary carbs again, which is your make excellent snacks. body’s way to try and bring your blood Protein powders can make a healthy sugar levels up again and provide you addition to a busy mums diet, great for with some energy – and so the viscous making fruit smoothies, and protein cycle goes on. Regular consumption of balls to snack on when you are out and these sugary foods will not only leave about. you lacking in energy but will increase Brown rice protein powders are your risk of developing cardiovascular particularly beneficial for breastfeeding disease, type-2 diabetes, obesity and mums as rice is hypo-allergenic and lowered immune function. www.nurtureparentingmagazine.com.au

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“GET THE TASTE FOR LIFE WITH FAB IRON”

won’t cause digestive complaints in lactose sensitive individuals.

Wholegrains are rich in fibre and a good source of carbohydrates, which will provide you with a slow, steady supply of energy throughout the day, as well as B vitamins, needed for energy production. Eating ‘white’ carbohydrate foods, on the other hand, will cause a sharp rise then drop in blood sugar levels, which will leave you feeling tired and flat and craving more sugary, ‘white’ carbohydrate foods. This is also a trigger for your body to lay fat.

THE IMPORTANCE OF IRON

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of iron without the ‘iron’ taste. FAB IRON contains an organic form of iron, which is easy to absorb and gentle on the stomach. It also contains herbal extracts and energy boosting B group vitamins.

So get the taste for life with FAB IRON. ALWAYS READ THE LABEL. USE ONLY AS DIRECTED. IF SYMPTOMS PERSIST, SEE YOUR HEALTHCARE PROFESSIONAL. VITAMIN SUPPLEMENTS SHOULD NOT REPLACE A BALANCED DIET.

Low iron levels are very common in women, especially post pregnancy.

Iron deficiency can be a major cause for women feeling tired and run-down.

Iron plays an essential role in energy production, and is needed to make red blood cells to transport oxygen to all the cells in the body. Iron is also important for strengthening the immune system to protect you from colds and flu and other infections. Common symptoms of iron deficiency are: • tiredness, • muscle weakness, • lowered immune function, • difficulties concentrating and • poor memory.

Women’s iron requirements are a lot higher than men’s, and it increases by almost 10 fold during pregnancy and breastfeeding. This increased demand is often hard to meet by diet alone, so iron supplementation along with a healthy well-balanced diet is important for mums.

Not all iron supplements are created equal though. Iron supplements made with iron sulfate or ferrous sulfate can cause digestive upsets including constipation.

The type of iron supplement you should be using is one made from organic chelated iron, which is easily digested and absorbed, and just as effective as the other type of iron, but without the unwanted side effects.

Organic iron supplements don’t cause constipation or digestive complaints. A good iron supplement will also contain vitamin C to help improve iron absorption. You should also make sure you eat plenty of iron rich foods such as: • red meat • legumes (especially lentils)

• wholegrain breads and cereals • green leafy vegetables.

Vitamin C helps improve the absorption of iron, so include some vitamin C rich foods like: • tomatoes • orange • lemon • broccoli • parsley • cabbage.

UP YOUR MAGNESIUM

Magnesium is an essential mineral that is vital for good health and vitality.

Magnesium is needed for many cellular functions in the body, particularly for the production of energy. It is also an important mineral for supporting nervous system and adrenal health.

Magnesium is considered the ‘anti-stress’ nutrient as it helps calm the nervous system and is therefore beneficial for people who are anxious, or have trouble sleeping. Magnesium occurs abundantly in natural, unprocessed foods.

People who consume large amounts of processed refined foods will risk becoming deficient in this important mineral. Best dietary sources include: • tofu, • legumes, • nuts, • seeds, • whole grains. and • green leafy vegetables (eg spinach).

You should avoid overcooking foods to minimise loss of magnesium.

BOOST B VITAMINS

B vitamins play a crucial role in energy production, helping the body use carbohydrates, proteins and fats as fuel. Without adequate B vitamins you will start to lack energy. B vitamins are important for supporting healthy nervous system and adrenal function and thus are especially important for stressed and anxious people. The best vitamin B-rich foods include: • wholegrain cereals and bread • wheat germ • nuts • seeds, • legumes • meat • poultry • salmon • eggs • milk

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• green leafy vegetables.

For those of us who lead busy or stressful lives it is also a good idea to take a good quality B complex multi-vitamin daily, to ensure you are getting a nice balance of all your B vitamins for extra energy. B vitamins and magnesium are two important nutrients needed for energy production. They are also your ‘anti-stress’ nutrients to help you deal with being a busy mum in a healthier way.

SUPER SPIRULINA

Taking the superfood spirulina can help give you a much needed boost in energy. Spirulina is a type of fresh water algae that possesses many wonderful healing and health-promoting properties.

Spirulina is also rich in energy boosting nutrients such as B vitamins, magnesium and iron, and other important nutrients like vitamin C, D, zinc and beta-carotene, for strong immune function. This nutrient dense superfood is also an excellent source of high quality protein, which helps keep blood sugar levels balanced and in-turn helps prevent drops in energy.

A good maintenance dose is around 6 tablets or capsules a day. You can also buy spirulina powder which is easy to add to juices and smoothies.

TRY SUPER GREEN JUICES

If you haven’t given a green smoothie a go yet, you must!

They are super-healthy and packed with energy-giving nutrients including B vitamins, iron and magnesium. To get started choose a handful of organic green vegies that are easy to blend such as:

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32 | www.nurtureparentingmagazine.com.au

• parsley • cucumber • spinach • chard • kale • coriander • wheatgrass.

Then select some organic fruits such as: • apples • banana • pears • berries • kiwi fruit.

Avocados also go well in smoothies, giving them a lovely creamy texture. You should add around 40% fruit to give your smoothie enough sweetness and extra vitamin C and antioxidant goodness.

Now all you have to do is throw it all in a blender with some filtered water and blend away. A benefit of blending over juicing is that your fruits and vegies will retain all of their beneficial fibre content.

For an extra energy boost add 1-2 teaspoons of spirulina powder.

LIGHT & HEALTHY TOASTED MUESLI For healthy and energy

INGREDIENTS:

2 cups of whole oats 1 cup raw whole almonds ¼ cup sunflower seeds ¼ cup pepitas ¼ cup shredded coconut ¼ cup sesame seeds 1 cup puffed brown rice 16 dates (sulfur-free), diced 1 Tbsp cold pressed coconut oil 2 Tbsp raw organic honey

METHOD:

1. Set oven to 180*C. Place grease proof paper on an oven tray.

2. Place oats, nuts, seeds and coconut in a medium size bowl.

3. In a small saucepan on low heat melt coconut oil and honey and stir together.

4. Mix honey mixture through oat mixture until all coated.

5. Pour muesli mixture onto tray and spread out evenly.

6. Place in oven for 10-12 minutes, tossing after 6 minutes.

7. Allow to cool, and then add dates and puffed rice. This muesli keeps well for the week in an airtight container in the fridge.

Lisa Guy is a homeopath and naturopath who runs ‘Art of Healing’ (www.artofhealing.com.au) and The Happy Baby Clinic and author of “My Goodness: all you need to know about children’s health and nutrition”

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It is easy to get wound up and frustrated ~ especially when you are trying to do something and there is a constant nagging or fighting. However, as Rachel Schofield explains, understanding why you lose it and putting in place mechanisims to stop losing it with your children can be easier than you think.

I snapped

I was we’re flooded with emotions rooted in brains. We might even ‘flip our lid’,2 s o experiences from the past. Tara McCay losing it with those around us. Although cross. I found myself shouting, “don’t at Hand in Hand Parenting explains, “it it might seem like the emotions we are you dare,” and roughly pushing my son can be as simple as a mum watching her having are in direct response to what is two-year-old child take a toy from an happening in the present moment, they away. I was really shocked at myself.

Our lives had been full: within a 6 older sibling that stirs up. Perhaps mum are not. Big feelings, out of proportion month period we’d had a big holiday back gets frustrated and reacts with a forceful, to the current situation, warn us that to Britain, moved to a new house and “No snatching!” Mum grabs the toy stored emotions are being triggered. welcomed a new baby into our family. My from the shocked and now crying twoSo what can we do about it? We can: eldest boy was understandably finding it year-old. She may never link her own 1. Take action to heal old hurts; and hard to adjust to all the changes in his grabbing behaviour to the times when, 2. Put in place emergency measures to life. He’s typically he’s such a gentle and as a child, she had her toys snatched by a lessen the chances of us losing it with kind child. But at that point, if I had to younger sibling. When she complained our children. set a limit with him, he would more often she was told she should get over it or than not get extremely upset and start she’d be given something to cry about. HEALING OLD HURTS spitting at me. And being spat at really Since children want to get along, she One powerful way of healing these pressed my buttons. It felt so insulting, stuffed her feelings. Mum’s knee-jerk old hurts is to find someone who can so rude, so humiliating. I lost it. I’m not grabbing of the toy from her two-year- regularly listen to us with warmth and someone who’s quick kindness. Over to anger, usually I just ‘When we’re getting flooded with emotions we really time, this is a zone out. I was really need help. Ideally we need another adult to connect deeply effective thrown by my own with us and support us with our feelings. So it may way of stopping behavior. preventing help to reach out to someone who can listen to you’ and This isn’t the kind those knee jerk of situation we readily share with other old was an act caused by restimulation reactions. parents at the park or the school gate, of an old memory”.1 In my case it was To set up this kind of listening you but it happens in every family. It happens by my son’s aggression towards me that can establish a ‘Listening Partnership’. because that’s the way our brains work: reactivated old memories of times when It’s very simple. You find someone who there’s a biological basis for the strong I’d been treated without respect as a can listen without giving advice, without child and unresolved pain caused by interrupting, without judgment as you emotions we all feel.

Because of the way our emotional the powerlessness I felt at those times. tell them about whatever is on your brain and memory function, our As an adult, being spat at by a child isn’t mind. And you take turns listening to experience as a parent is forever really too much to worry about. Saliva each other. Maybe you decide you’ll each connected to our experience of is harmless. So my intense anger didn’t get 30 minutes to be listened to and then having once been children ourselves. really match the situation. Why wasn’t you swap over. As you listen, you hold When events happen that remind us I simply amused? Why didn’t I feel the thought of how good this parent is, of something painful from our past, empathy for the obvious pain my son was how they are doing their very best and the emotional memory of that event in? When old memories get tripped up, how anything they do that doesn’t make gets reactivated. When this happens, emotions flood our brain and we have such good sense is just a reflection of our ability to think goes offline and limited ability to access our thinking things that have hurt them in the past.

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Photo: Deposit Photos

How To Stop Losing It With Our Children

And over time, as trust builds, you’ll feel safe enough to show each other your feelings, you’ll begin to laugh, cry, tremble or even rage. And after you’ve released your feelings you’ll notice that your mind starts to think better. As you release emotional tension you become freer to find new ways of responding to hot button issues. Very few of us get this kind of listening in daily life. But when we get it on a regular basis it helps release the old knots of tension inside.

We find our brain no longer gets flooded by feelings at hot button issues, we’re able to keep thinking.

Some people worry that if they let themselves cry or dive deep into their own upsets they’ll make things worse, they worry that more bad feelings will come. What’s amazing is that once we’ve had the chance to cry hard about a past hurt and we make it all the way through, clearing out the tension inside, we can actually think better and more clearly.

The practice of exchanging listening time is a powerful agent of change. Over time, it can totally change what happens instantaneously inside of you at highstress moments.

When I found myself losing it as my son spat at me, I knew I needed to take action to stop my mind getting flooded with feelings. I also wanted my son to stop spitting at me, I needed to set a limit with him. But shouting and getting angry just made things worse. So I needed to deal with my own upset before I could set a limit with him in ways that work.

So I turned to my Listening Partner for help. As I admitted to what I was doing, I laughed with embarrassment about how I’d been behaving. I cried about how I’d been hurtful to my son with my rudeness. I raged about how insulted I felt about being spat at. I remembered times I’d felt offended as a child and trembled and cried long and hard. Then I noticed that I was no longer

getting angry when my son started spitting. I was ready to set limits with him in ways that work. I stopped him from spitting by kindly and warmly holding the expectation that I wasn’t going to let him spit at me and listening to the feelings he had that were fuelling his behaviour. I had to do this a fair few times before he eventually stopped spitting altogether.

But there were a couple of weeks when my son was spitting at me and I was getting angry. I needed to use emergency measures to stop me being hurtful towards my son. I needed nonviolent ways to channel my feelings.

In my mind, we need two different types of emergency measures. We need ones for when we’re not entirely swamped by feelings; and we need other emergency measures for when we’ve completely lost it.

EMERGENCY MEASURES FOR WHEN WE’RE ABOUT TO LOSE IT (BUT CAN STILL THINK A LITTLE) 1.Get connection

When we’re getting flooded with emotions we really need help. Ideally we need another adult to connect with us and support us with our feelings. So it helps to reach out to someone who can listen to you. Maybe you can phone someone you trust. After 5 minutes on the phone with another adult you’ll likely be able to think a bit better.

2. Release some of the feelings

If we’re filled with anger or rage, it helps to release the energy maybe by jumping up and down on the spot, anything to use the energy powerfully but not scarily. When my son was spitting

And sometimes it makes sense just to take a bit of time out. Sometimes we need to separate ourselves from our children for a little while. They may not like this, but if they are safe and we are angry, especially if we have a tendency to be aggressive, it’s much better for them if we just separate ourselves for a while.

Go into another room or go outside for short while.

A mum from one of my Building Understanding Courses will close the door on the children and then walk around the house a few times until she’s calmer. She says she can hear the children crying inside, they’re not happy she’s left them alone, but it’s much better than doing something she’d regret. She says she soon calms down enough to go back and give them cuddles and find something to do to help everyone feel more connected again.

5. Lie down

at me and pushing my anger buttons, I had music for good stompy dancing, ready to go in our stereo, so I could quickly turn it on and start dancing and singing loudly. It helped move my anger in a non-violent way.

3.Upset spot3

I also set up a ’mummy upset spot’. I had my bed as a place I would go to when I was really wound up and I’d scream into the pillows or thump the bed. I set this up with my son, so he knew what it was about. I explained I didn’t like the way I was treating him and next time I felt that way I was going to go to my bed and get rid of my upset there. We played around doing it together at a time things were good between us. He really enjoyed screaming into the pillows! Then I did it a few times when I was just marginally annoyed, partly to try and get me to remember to do it when I was more flooded, but also to help my son get used to it. And then I managed to use it when he next spat at me and my temper boiled. It really helped. It got my son out of the firing line and shifted some of the powerlessness I felt.

And you can simply lie on the floor,3 if a child is doing something offtrack, you can just lie on floor (as long as they’re not doing something dangerous).

It’ll attract their attention enough that they’ll probably stop their offtrack behavior and start climbing all over you.

As you lie on the floor you might feel feelings rising in you, you might find yourself crying or laughing.

EMPOWERING OUR CHILD FOR WHEN WE’VE LOST IT

But sometimes, our emotions flood us so quickly, that we don’t manage to do anything to avoid reacting to our children in ways we wish we didn’t.

When that’s happening, we need to find ways to empower our children. Once we’ve lost it, we can’t think. But we can give our children some power in these situations by giving them things they can do that will hopefully stop our knee jerk reactions. All the strategies I’m going to describe work best if you practice them with your children ahead of time. Practice them when you feel good, goofily pretend to lose it and have them practice their response. This way they’ll be more likely to be able to take action, rather than be frozen next time we lose it.

1.Remember you love me

When I was struggling to set limits compassionately with my son’s spitting, I

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chatted with him about things he might do when I got cross and he came up with the idea of saying “remember you love me, talk to me like you love me”. It would stop me in my tracks.

2. Funny signs

A friend of mine kept losing it at the front door when it was time to go to school, so she got her children to make monster pictures they kept at the door.

She helped them to be able to hold up the pictures when she was starting to lose it. It was a wonderful reminder!

3.Connection

Another Mum I know was losing it regularly with her daughter, doing things she didn’t want to be doing. So she enlisted the help of three understanding friends. Then she made a list of their names and telephone numbers telling her to call one of them next time she lost it. And, sure enough, next time she lost it her daughter said “okay mum I’m just going to phone Dauphine” and her daughter phoned Dauphine and said “please could you talk to my mum”.

I think this is so good. It means in the heat of your anger, your child has someone to call, and you have someone you can talk to.

APOLOGIES

And when we’ve lost it with our children, apologies go a long way. It doesn’t undo the hurt we’ve caused but it helps. Children naturally assume everything is their fault. It helps to say that it wasn’t their fault. I like to say something like, “I’m so sorry I spoke to you that way, you didn’t deserve it, you never deserve to be treated like that”4 Rachel Schofield runs Building Emotional Understanding courses (online and in person) and comoderates Hand in Hand Parenting’s online discussion group. You can contact her at www.likeripples.com

References

1. Tara McCay http://www. handinhandparenting.org/article/ parenting-that-heals-painfulmemories/ 2. Daniel Seigel “Flipping Your Lid:” A Scientific Explanation http://www. youtube.com/watch?v=G0T_2NNoC68 3. Patty Wippfler http://www. handinhandparenting.org/article/ crazy-mad-what-to-do-when-yourkids-push-you-over-the-edge/ 4. Adapted from Pam Leo’s book “Connected Parenting”

The Alpha Child!

Dr Deborah MacNamara writes a two part article addressing the rising issue of Alpha Children and how you can change the relationships dynamics There is a growing problem among children that does not have a name and is insidious and far-reaching. It serves to make parenting and sometimes teaching challenging if not a nightmare. The problem is that of dominance when the natural attachment hierarchy is inverted and children do not rest in the care of adults. They instead see themselves as the ones who should call the shots and tell adults how to take care of them. Children who have risen to this alpha position are consistently full of resistance and opposition for those who try and lead them. They are very frustrated, lashing out often, and can be filled with anxiety. They steadfastly see themselves as the boss of the house and don’t understand when others try and tell them what to do as if they were in charge. The issue for children in the dominant or Alpha position is not one of strength as it is often misperceived, but is rather a sign of desperation. For some reason this child has lost faith in the providers in their life to take care and lead the way so their only recourse is to do it themselves.

There are obvious and not so obvious reasons why children lose faith in their providers. It is easy to appreciate how children whose parents are neglectful or consumed with their own pursuits and addictions can convey the message that children best take care of themselves. If these were the only conditions under which we were seeing an increase in Alpha children then the problem would seem clear cut and obvious enough. Dominance issues are also found in loving and caring homes with parents who are dedicated to helping their children grow up to be socially and emotionally responsible individuals.

What is giving rise to the increasing numbers of children in the dominant position and how can we start to make sense out of this?

In order to make headway we need to go back to the beginning and ask, what does a child need most in life? The answer is attachment, the invitation to exist in another’s presence, to be seen and loved for who one is, and to feel a sense of belonging, loyalty, and similarity to those they are connected to. The critical piece that often gets missed in understanding attachment is that its role is to render a child dependent on those around them. This means being dependent on someone for their care and well-being, an incredibly vulnerable place to be! As an adult it is easy to lose sight of the vulnerability involved in depending on another but I am reminded of it every time I get into a taxi or an airplane. I find myself questioning whether I can trust this person to safely deliver me to my destination and take good care of me. It gives a whole new appreciation to

Photo: Two Acorns Photography

4. Time out

the understanding of the ‘back seat driver.’

When we are dependent on another we scan and look for signs that our trust and care is well placed. Is there something solid in this person that we can lean against and find fertile ground? We might think we are conveying this message as parents but the question is whether it is being believed by our children? Sometimes children are born too sensitive for this world and see and feel too much, making it harder to have them feel someone is indeed big enough and can take care of all of them. They are often described as intense children and parents often remark that taking care of them feels like double the work. There are many other reasons why children seek the dominant position in their relationships with adults, whether it be from too much separation-based discipline (e.g., 123 ‘magic’ and time-outs), egalitarian parenting or when we lose our Alpha dance to name but a few.

When a child feels in charge of taking care of their needs the biggest mistake we could make is to confuse this display of strength with maturity or independence. It simply is not so, it is an act of desperation and the need to bring this child to rest in the care of others is great. The critical issue is that when children are in the lead they cannot take care of their attachment needs and also attend to the business of growing up - there is a sacrifice play to be had. Attachment trumps maturation any day and the need to survive and take care of oneself rises to the forefront at the expense of rest, play, and further growth.

The good news is much can be done to restore our rightful place in our children’s lives. Parenting was never meant to be a nightmare and there is much hope to turn it around when it has become so. Underneath dominant behaviour is a child who is desperate to depend on and be vulnerable with someone who is responsible for them. Our task is to convincingly demonstrate through our behaviour that they we are their best bet and are indeed the answer they seek. Our challenge is to regain our Alpha dance so that they can be freed from theirs.

Dr. Deborah MacNamara is a Counsellor and Educator in private practice, on Faculty at the Neufeld Institute. For more info see www.macnamara.ca or www.neufeldinstitute.com

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Family Meditation: Skills For Life

Our days are always so busy, driving here, going there. However, we can be more at peace if, as a family, we could slow down, even if it is for only a few minutes a day. Keean Manktelow guides us through starting a meditation practice with your family.

Put simply meditation is focusing on one thing, be it a candle flame, a mantra or (more often) your own breath. This focus will eventually create a state of quiet in the mind and an absence of thoughts. It is a way of becoming present and peaceful.

It takes practice to meditate successfully, which is why teaching young children to meditate is so beneficial; if they learn early they will have longer to discover the benefits.

STARTING OUT?

For the entire family to really gain benefits from meditation you all need to learn how to do it. Make it an everyday part of family life; practice it together, individually and as often as possible.

Seeing you practicing will show your child that it is a worthwhile activity and will give him the basic techniques of meditation i.e. sitting still, eyes closed, quiet. You can also talk about what you are doing and why. My daughter (age 3) is learning about meditation this way and often tries to copy me and do her own personalised mediations with me or near me. She also understands that it is a special activity that helps me to feel happier and be more peaceful.

on the floor mindfully, focussing on your body’s movements. Smile.

Do this alone or with others!

Children’s variation (2 years – teen)

A handy addition to the above meditation is to get your child to lie with her hands on her stomach to feel her breathing: as she breathes in she feels her stomach rise and as she breathes out she feels it fall.

Zigzag Breathing Variation (for whole family)

This you can do as a family or with friends.

One person needs to lie on his If you have a regular meditation back: he is the zig-. The next person lies session you will already know why on her back with her head on the first meditation is beneficial: it helps to calm your erratic mind and ‘It takes practice to meditate successfully, person’s abdomen: she is the -zag. Continue like make you feel peaceful, it which is why teaching young children to this until everyone is helps to ease worries and meditate is so beneficial; if they learn early lying on someone else’s other painful emotions; it can even help relieve they will have longer to discover the benefits’ stomach.

The point is to be pain. These reasons are no different for HOW? aware of someone else breathing: as he children. They have worries and erratic breathes in your head will rise and as he moments where they can’t switch off, Simple Mindfulness Meditation breathes out your head will fall. Focus just as adults do. If we can give them (adults start here…) on this movement, or if you are the first A very simple meditation to begin the knowledge of how to calm their person in the zigzag concentrate on the with, that needs no extra equipment, is thoughts they will find it easier to: other person’s head rising and falling • switch off at night and go to sleep to lay or sit in a comfortable position, with your breath. open to external energies (so palms easier This special meditation allows • turn off erratic thoughts that cause open and facing up), eyes closed. connection with others and helps Now focus on your breathing. In. them to feel fidgety children to realise the truth about • calm themselves when they have Out. In. Out. Do this for however long humanity: we are all inter-connected. you have: two minutes, ten…an hour… become over-excited or angry When you are ready come out of your • concentrate meditative state gently, by bringing your Stories – an introduction for the very • have confidence in themselves young (2+ years) Put simply it gives them a ‘peaceful awareness back to your body, move your Stories are a perfect introduction to place inside’ when all around can be so limbs slowly, carefully open your eyes. meditation for very young children. The Continue to get up from your position busy!

WHY MEDITATE?

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Photo:Atomicbutterfly Photography

MEDITATION: WHAT IS IT?

difference with meditation stories is that your child will be part of the story: the main character.

It will introduce your child to the concept of imagining situations and things in her head and concentrating her whole being on just doing that: all handy skills for guided meditation and eventually for breath meditation.

The ideal time is at bedtime when many families usually end the day with a storybook. If you feel imaginative enough you could try to create your own story, if not the internet has a wealth of ideas at your disposal. A helpful beginner’s book for families is Nightlights, by A. Civardi et al.

One example my daughter loved was a story about her favourite place. This can be anywhere you both know well.

Try to start the story in the same way each time. It could go something like this: …Close your eyes and relax. I’m going to tell you a story about when we went to the beach... You are standing on the sand looking out at the ocean. You can feel the grains of sand on the soles of your feet. It feels gritty and cool…

Continue the story in any way you like. I would change things each day and have various pleasant situations occur, such as going for a walk and meeting a friend or a favourite animal or playing. Above all make sure it is specific and guides your child along easily. Maybe continue something like this… …You turn your head and see something walking towards you. It’s small and looks fuzzy around the edges.

As it gets closer you realise its Fred (the dog). He is wagging his tail and looks very pleased to see you. He runs up to you and jumps up toppling you into the shallow water.

You laugh as he gets excited and licks your face. It feels warm and sticky. You splash salty water on your face to get the drool off. Then you find a stick and throw it for Fred, as you know that’s his favourite thing to play…

You can embellish as much as you like, just try to stick to tangible things, like the feel of the water and the heaviness of the stick. Introduce calming emotions and verify that this place is a safe and happy place to be.

When you are finished you can say something like…

You feel so safe and peaceful at (the beach) and you can come here in your head whenever you are feeling angry or sad or frightened. Now it’s time to say goodnight and have a cuddle and a kiss.

Guided meditations (2 years – adult)

These are meditations that use a guide to lead you through.

This could be a real person or a recording. The guide will outline all the steps to take from beginning to end and are very easy to follow.

These can be similar to stories except you are describing a place and the atmosphere around this, rather than situations.

For young children you could describe a favourite place and go into detail about what it looks, feels, tastes and sounds

Practice with Pleasure.

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Sam Smith is Hungry!

A little while ago, my wife, Audrey, said to me, “Sam, stop writing your wacky stories about us, get off your patooty and earn some money.”

“Umm, now?” I asked, looking up from the keyboard where I was in the middle of another adventure.

Her stare told me now would be a good time. Her glance told me yesterday would have been better.

But it was her glare that cemented it for me. You see, her glare conveyed an element of I’m not supporting you anymore.

Hmm. “What should I do?” I asked her.

“Write,” was her unequivocal reply. “There must be dozens of business owners about town who would love to have you writing advertorials for them – advertorials that would put a smile on the faces of their customers well before they even set foot in the door. A smiling customer is a spending customer!”

“Ooo-kay.”

I said, absentmindedly… because I couldn’t get that other thing out of my head.

“Um, Honey, about that other thing… that notsupporting-me-glare thing.

Is that as of now?”

“Yes!” You see my dilemma?

So, if you think your business could benefit from an advertorial written by me please make contact.

And hurry up! – I’m getting thin.

Call me on 0459 412 521 (For a sample of my work, see page 47 and also the blogs I have written on www. nurtureparentingmagazine. com.au)

like. To continue with the beach theme you could tell him to lie down in bed, close his eyes and relax his body. You may need to go into detail about how to do this. Get him to slow down and deepen his breathing. Then you can begin… …You are at the beach. It’s a sunny day and you can feel the sun warming your cheeks and the top of your head.

The sea is calm, with tiny little waves splashing onto the sand near your feet.

Droplets of water keep landing on them; it feels cold and your toes curl into the sand, squashing it between your toes – it feels funny!

There is a slight breeze and you can feel it blowing through your hair and tickling the hairs on your arms. There is no one else there, but you know mummy/ daddy is behind you sitting relaxing in the sand. You are safe and happy. You smile up at the blue sky…

There are many websites and CD’s specifically designed for children or adults with various guided meditations.

Mind jar meditation (2 – 12+ years)

This concept is helpful for children (and beginners) as it gives a visual prop to focus on and helps illustrate meditation as a concept.

The prop is a ‘mind jar’ (a jar of water filled with glitter) which represents your child’s mind. When calm and present her mind is clear i.e. the glitter is settled at the bottom.

When angry, upset, irritable or even just busy her mind will be clouded by these thoughts whizzing around all over i.e. shook up, the jar will be swirling with glitter.

To meditate using his mind jar, get your child to shake it up and place it at eye-level.

He will sit still and watch the glitter writhing around the jar, just like all the thoughts in his mind. Slowly the glitter will slow down, fall and settle – along with his thoughts.

Once completely still the meditation can end (gradually) and his mind will also be still.

This meditation can be done alone, as a family or as a big group (you may need to use a larger jar).

Mantra Meditation (2 years – adult)

Children often love to sing songs and rhymes, so teaching a mantra (a repeated word, sound or phrase) will be easy to pick up.

It helps focus the mind. Children may not say the mantra for very long (particularly if she is very young) and she may not say it whilst sitting still, but you may find she repeats it quietly whilst at play. If you learn a mantra and speak it in front of your child or with her she

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will be much more likely to incorporate this type of calming activity into her daily life too.

Some examples to try are ‘Ohm’, ‘Ah’, ‘Hum’ or ‘Sa, Ta, Na, Ma’. Teach your child a sound which resonates with him personally and sit with him as you repeat it together.

USEFUL PROPS/EQUIPMENT

Obviously it is possible to meditate without any special equipment; however there are a few things that may be handy for creating a special space to meditate and get children ready to begin a session.

Singing Bowl

Your child (or you) can hit it at the beginning of a meditation to demarcate it from other activities. Hit it at the end of a meditation as a signal too. At the end explain that she shouldn’t move until she can’t hear the sound of the bell anymore. Other things could be used to make a similar sound: a gong, cymbal, bell, or even a large glass bowl and wooden spoon!

Meditation cushion/stool/mat

Use these to stay comfortable for prolonged periods. This is obviously more pertinent for older people, but it can still be useful for children as a means of making meditation special: reserve a particular cushion or blanket just for meditation.

Timer

This can be any kind, although you can buy ones specifically for meditation that use nonintrusive means to signal the beginning and end of a meditation.

One thing to keep in mind when looking at equipment is that meditation doesn’t need any of these things; they can be useful but equally they can cause you to lose sight of what you are doing and why. Begin simply, with yourself, your family and a comfortable space.

MORE INFORMATION?

There are many different places you can go to find out more about meditating such as the internet and shops (such as Blue Banyon) for a taste and see which techniques fit you and your family; try some of the suggestions above or book into a class.

Really though, meditation boils down to the same thing: It’s about stilling your mind, without losing awareness (i.e. falling asleep). You can practice at anytime, anywhere, no matter what activity your body is doing.

Keean Manktelow is a freelance writer specialising in natural living. She lives with her daughter and husband and has another child on the way

Nurture Villages: Sharing Motherhood Building Community

Parenting, whilst extremely rewarding, can be isolating. However, through the creation of Nurture Villages, parenting can be extremely rewarding and also very social! Emma Heffernan (Informed Mama) describes her Nurture Village and how it has brought her more joy in the raising of her children My village (my tribe, my people, my sanity) is a group of mummy friends who connected through Nurture magazine. We live in the same geographic area, even though that area is large. We meet fortnightly at a local state forest. We converse over morning tea, sharing our joys, learning, wonderings and frustrations. Our children then lead us along walking tracks, sticks in hand, to marvel at the wonders of nature. We are not put off by bad weather, and some of the most memorable times have involved rain and large muddy puddles for our little ones to play in.

On the off-fortnights when we don’t go bushwalking, we often gather at one of our houses and have a Mama Bake session. This involves each person deciding on a dish to make, and then making enough for everyone to take some. While we cook and laugh and chat, our children play and grow – and sometimes quarrel! Our children are various ages, and it’s common to see plenty of boobs (breastfeeding) and wraps/slings/carriers (babywearing) when we gather, as we are bonded in our natural/attachment parenting styles. At the end we trek home with a bounty of meals and snacks and healthy treats. It eases some of the burden and monotony of preparing family meals each night, but more than that it strengthens the weaves in the tapestry of our village.

Recently we decided we would create homemade cosmetic and cleaning products instead of making meals for each other. We each chose what to make, sourced our ingredients and vessels, and gathered in a mummy friend’s back yard.

We shared ingredients, utensils and stories, and at the end of the day twelve of us left with exhausted children and basketfuls of non-toxic homemade goodies.

We made dishwasher powder, laundry powder, bath salts, sun cream, remineralising tooth powder, cockroach bait, chest rub, luxurious moisturiser, foot moisturiser, deodorant, lime body scrub, sugar scrub, and a foot powder/dry deodorant. (Recipes availabel at http://informedmama.com/2013/10/24/mamabake-and-mama-make/) What we have is special and I am grateful for motherhood and my children.

Afterall, it is the children that have brought our village together. If there were no children, the cohesiveness within a village is diminished because there is less protective instinct binding the villagers. If each person in a village can take care of themselves the population slowly segments and drifts. When there are vulnerable children to protect and nurture, people stop thinking only of themselves and start looking outwards. It is true that when a baby is born, so is a mother. And when a mother finds or creates her village, the journey of motherhood is shared in the most sacred of ways.

If you would love to be part of a group like this, choose a date to host an event and invite like-minded friends. The right people will come into your life, but probably not if you’re sitting at home lamenting your isolation. I say that because I have been there. Search on Facebook for Nurture Village and see if there is a group near you – and if not, why not set one up? We are not exclusive. There are new people regularly. If you plan on doing a Mama Make and you’re stuck for what to make, take a look at Pinterest or search the web for some homemade natural cleaners. One of the best websites for this type of thing is DIY Natural. www.nurtureparentingmagazine.com.au

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There has been a steep rise in mental illness in children. Jan Gudkovs and Jan Dugan, authors of The Focused Child, explore the signs to look for in your child and provide 5 ways that will help protect your child from mental illness.

Many

parents will have heard reports in the media that the incidence of mental illness in children is increasing. The findings of the National Survey of Mental Health and Wellbeing reveal that 14 per cent of children and adolescents in Australia have mental health problems.

These figures are enough to concern anyone, but for parents it can be their worst nightmare and they frequently ask “Is there anything we can do to help prevent our children from developing a mental illness like depression or anxiety?” Some mental health problems such as schizophrenia have a strong hereditary component, but many are responses to circumstances.

• Agitation – being always up and about, never sitting still or being quiet. This may mean they don’t listen or tune in to what is being said to them, and fail to follow directions.

• Nervous habits such as nail biting, sucking their hair or fingers, wanting things done in a certain order.

• Inability to settle at night or broken sleep, nightmares.

HANDLING EMOTIONAL ISSUES

There are many things we can do however to give our children a robust sense of identity, positive values that promote resilience and a way of life that is less stressful. Five of these are:

1. Build a loving relationship with your children.

This is the basis of their sense of security and safety in childhood • Problems with concentration leading and for their capacity to form lasting to giving up on study and homework, relationships in adulthood. With some or failure to understand lessons at children this is harder than it sounds. school and to memorise information Parents often have more in common like spelling or tables. with one child than another. A mum • Fatigue – not having the energy to we knew had a difficult relationship with her daughter, whereas ‘There are many things we can do to she related easily to her SYMPTOMS OF give our children a robust sense of identity, son. So how do you build MENTAL ILLNESS Parents may not be positive values that promote resilience and a this loving relationship way of life that is less stressful.’ in these circumstances? aware of the symptoms Consistently responding to their needs of mental health problems in children. engage in their normal activities, promptly helps – and the younger the Briefly the way children manifest the moping around, sleeping in. child the more important this is. This signs of emotional problems are: • Poor self-esteem – expressed responsive care makes a child feel loved in negative statements about and valued rather than coming second Anxiety themselves – I’m no good, I can’t do on our agenda. They often want attention • Withdrawal from situations that anything right etc. overwhelm or frighten them. This from us at inconvenient times. It is as can lead to isolation from friendships • Irritability – reacting to small though children test us to see where they frustrations that would not normally fit in to our schedule of priorities, just and social activities which means trouble them deeply such as delays in how important they are to us compared they don’t learn the skills necessary getting meals, over-blown reactions to the incoming phone call, getting the to succeed in life. This in turn can to mild teasing of brothers or sisters undermine their self-esteem. chores done or chatting with a friend.

• Being unwilling to engage in new • Negativity – parents can sometimes It is helpful to find out how your feel that nothing they say or do is child wants to be loved. Some want experiences or to give things a try. right. You can feel powerless when lots of physical contact whilst others This can be due to a lack of confidence every positive suggestion and don’t – what they may like is parents and fear of failing, of letting down or attempt to be helpful is check-mated. playing games or reading stories. Some disappointing someone.

Depression

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2. Address your own issues.

Your example has a powerful effect on your child’s development. Children mimic their parents’ emotional patterns.

All our behaviours are training our children, whether we like it or not. If we are constantly stressed, short-tempered, angry or impatient that is what our children are absorbing and responding to. Therefore if we want our children to be relaxed, we need to be relaxed. If we want our children to be optimistic, we need to model positive attitudes to them, and address the issues that prevent us from being that way.

3. Protect your children from overexposure to the media.

Australian National Guidelines recommend that children under two years of age watch NO television. Many households have the television on all day and children can pick up many things that will trigger anxiety just walking by, or when you think they’re not even listening or they’re too young to understand. We recently heard of an eight year old boy who had seen news stories about the Mayan prediction of the end of the world coming on 21st December last year. His parents weren‘t aware of this and were puzzled by his sleepless nights, going off his food and teariness – all classical symptoms of childhood anxiety. He couldn’t tell his mum what he was worrying about so she asked him to write about what he was afraid of and this is how she found out.

Other negative impacts of spending long hours in front of a screen (including iPads, computers and TV) are that children’s eyesight is affected, and their language development may be delayed.

4. Help your child find an area in which they can succeed.

All children have gifts and talents but they may not be in the areas of reading, writing or arithmetic - the main channels for success in school. If we can link a child up with their innate gift whether it be academic, sports, arts, or practical activities such as cooking or

Photo: Moments of Essence Photography

Emotional Wellbeing For Children

may like to spend a lot of time with you whereas others just need to hear your words of encouragement and they’re happy to do things on their own. When we get it right, our children feel deeply understood which creates trust and strengthens our bond with them.

gardening, this greatly increases their self-confidence. Because of their skill in this area they attract positive feedback from others and have a great deal of inner satisfaction, which in turn boosts their genuine self-esteem.

5. Watch out for early signs of anxiety

These include behaviours such as school refusal, not sleeping well, tummy aches, headaches or clinginess. There are different ways parents can find out what is worrying a child. With very young children, you can nominate a tree outside to be a special magic worry tree.

At night when you’re putting the child to bed, you can take turns to put your worries on the worry tree, reassuring your little one that the worry fairy will come in the night and take them away.

Mum or Dad can start with some small thing that concerns them like: I’m worrying if a letter from Nanna will come tomorrow. And then the child takes a turn and so on. Guatemalan worry dolls have a similar purpose. A child can tell their worries to the doll and put it under their pillow so they don’t have to keep thinking of it through the night. When older children are asked what worries them, they will frequently say “Nothing”. Gently probing through asking questions about the following five areas can elicit the problem. Children’s lives are not that complicated and these are the areas where their concerns are

likely to lie: 1. Their school work – how are they going at school; which subjects do they like and dislike, and why.

2. Their teacher – is their teacher fair, do they get the help they need to understand their school work.

3. Things that are happening at home – brothers or sisters may be teasing, mum or dad may be giving them a hard time and they may worry about their parents’ relationship, especially if they hear them argue 4. Physical problems like headaches – children can worry about changes in their bodies; some suffer acute ‘growing pains’ 5. How their friendships are going – are they being bullied at school, or left out of sports and games.

Telling someone about these issues can be a great relief to children. Timely attention to these concerns can head off deeper and more lasting impacts such as poor self-esteem and depression.

Jan Dugan has been a psychologist for 43 years and a student of classical Yoga for almost as long.

For the past 25 years she has been in private practice as a Counselling Psychologist.

Jan Gudkovs is a psychologist in private practice with extensive experience in stress management and personal development.

www.nurtureparentingmagazine.com.au

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Removing Conditions On Our Love It was

the first week occasionally, interest. But if there is She is a unique child, but not of school. Our one parenting goal I’ve embraced – my outrageously so. She wears her hair car crept through morning traffic in the fatherly raison d’etre – it has been my short, prefers sports to princess dolls, school drop-off chute. To my pleasant mission to teach my children to value gym shorts to pink dresses. She bravely surprise, my nearly-nine-year-old what I value, to appreciate the things marches to her own drummer, even daughter selected My Favorite Things and experiences that I deem important while knowing that her beat has an from a playlist on my iPod; a jazzy, or worthwhile. I have tackled this isolating effect. She wants badly to scatting rendition from an obscure, 1965 cause with vigor. I have seeded their belong, but, to my pleasure, she seems Al Jarreau record. She’d have probably bookshelves with timeless classics, unwilling to conform to the popular preferred Julie Andrews, but I like my dragged them into the garden to grow opinion of what’s popular. our own vegetables, spun scratchy Lester show tunes with a little soul.

But her individuality has made her She’d been obsessed with the song Young records on a 30 year-old turntable, insecure, or so I’ve always believed. And for a little over a week, since we watched taken them camping, openly lobbied for the intransigence of her insecurity has a rousing performance of The Sound of Obama, denounced war, brewed my been my most galling experience as a Music at an outdoor amphitheater in own beer, caught-and-released spiders, parent. the mountains above our California and apologised when I’m wrong (and Her mother and I routinely remind home. Her younger brother watched occasionally even when I’m not). her of her many attributes, carefully By and large, my lessons have gotten naming all the ways she is special. She her worshipfully as she sang along in the through. My son ardently insists on airbackseat. is surrounded by a gaggle of “Raindrop in roses and ‘[The joy of parenting] exists only only adoring grandparents in whisperon kittens, bricoppaettls whose eyes she can do no in the moment, in acceptance of your wrong. and warm wooom mitten, round paper packages tied up wiffstin, children as they are in the present.’

Still, she has struggled. I have drying his hands because “paper towels seen her suffering. And the origin of her thee or a few of my favorite things.”

A double smile crossed my face. come from trees.” My daughter, who suffering has eluded me.

Nothing amuses me as much as my generally avoids green food, will gladly A week or so after our musical dropnormally shy daughter’s willingness to eat just about anything that comes from off, I arrived home late to an unhappy mangle songs in the backseat when she our garden. They can quote A. A. Milne house. doesn’t realise anyone is listening. But and John Lennon. And they know that My wife and daughter were not my smile also contained selfish pride Han Solo is cooler than Luke Skywalker. speaking. Something had gone wrong.

For the most part, my efforts have The girl was crying dramatically in her that, in singing along to this particular song, she showed evidence of good turned my children into people that I room. My wife was doing dishes and taste. Or, more specifically, of my taste. not only love, but like. I’ve imagined that telling me that she’d had it with “your As the kids hopped from the backseat when they grow up, we will genuinely daughter.” and ran to their classrooms, I felt like a enjoy each other’s company.

“I know she’s tired and I know she But for all my guiding and shaping, successful parent. just needs to go to bed. I try to be Parenting has presented me with I’ve been left to wonder just how happy patient, but the attitude is just too many challenges, more than a few of they are, especially my daughter, who is much sometimes, you know?” which, if I’m being honest, I’ve failed quick to cry, slow to recover, and sorely “I do.” to meet, because of lack of ability or, lacking in self-confidence.

“It is not okay to talk to your

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Photo: Deposit Photos

Jesse Pearson looks at his own parenting and how he had innocently placed conditions onto his love for his children. Since becoming aware, he has actively removed those conditions and has found that it has resulted in a more fulfilling relationship and the blossoming of his daughter’s self esteem.

parents that way.”

“It is not. Do you want me to talk to her?”

“You can do whatever you want.

I’m done.”

I went down the hall and opened her bedroom door. She was on the floor, heaving. She had reached that point, unique to young children, where she’d decided that it might actually be better if things got worse.

I held her and petted her snotty hair until she calmed down. There was no point in asking what happened. I already knew. She’d gotten snarky with her mother. Her mother told her to watch it. She pushed her luck. And it all went downhill from there; a tired kid and an exhausted parent at the end of a long day, both exercising understandably poor judgment. It had happened before – usually with me, not her mother – and it will happen again. Asking her to rehash it would only reactivate the Sarah Bernhardt routine.

“I listened to My Favorite Things on the way home,” I said, subliminally informing her that whatever happened was over.

“The version with the boy singing?” she sniveled.

“Actually, this was a different version with no one singing,” I said, happily introducing the Coltrane rendition.

“How do you know what song it is?”

“Well, there’s a saxophone and a piano and they both play the melody. I can play it for you tomorrow if you like. I’ll bet you’d recognise it right away.”

“Okay.”

She lay silently with her head in my lap, looking up at the antique light fixture that hung unfittingly from her ceiling. I could see her mind working.

“Dad?” “Yes.” “Were you popular when you were

a kid?”

“Oh, no.”

“Did you have a lot of friends?”

“I had friends. I don’t know if I’d say I had a lot. About the same as you, I guess.”

“I don’t feel like I have friends.”

“Really?”

She began to cry lightly.

“Honey, what about…?” I listed four or five kids that I knew she played with every day at school.

“But I don’t know if they really like me,” she said thoughtfully.

“What do you mean?”

“I feel like I have to be someone else when I’m with them. Like I have to pretend to be someone I’m not.”

I looked down at my nearly-nineyear-old daughter, not knowing whether to honour her feelings or offer her platitudes.

“You know, Sweetheart, I visit your school a lot and it sure seems

like the other kids like you. I think they like you because you’re your own person, because you don’t try to be like everyone else.”

“But it doesn’t feel like that.”

“I’m sorry. But I have to tell you that you are an amazing kid. You’re smart, you’re beautiful, you’re funny, you’re athletic, you’re kind, you’re a good big sister, you like to be outdoors, you like to try new things, you like good music, you like to read, you’re one heckuva kid.”

“Then how come no one outside of my family thinks that?”

She fought back tears.

I didn’t have an answer for that.

She slowly got to her feet and climbed the ladder to her top bunk. I sang her special song and did the thing we do with the magic wand.

“Daddy?”

“Yes?” “Does it make you happy that I like that song?”

“My Favorite Things?”

“Yes.” “Oh, Sweetie. I’m glad you like it, but you don’t have to like my things just to make me happy.”

“I know.”

But I wasn’t sure that she did.

I rested my hand on her head and she closed her eyes. In the darkness of her room, I thought of all the books I’ve shared with her. All the healthy food I’ve tried to make her eat, all the music, art, hiking, plays, vegetable gardens, baseball games and a hundred other things that I value. She has tried them all. And with each one she tries, I tell her how proud I am.

But pride is a sin, as I recall, and a deadly one at that. What if what I’m doing is not exposing her to the things I value, but, in fact, preying on her desire to please, and to be liked, in order to shape her into something she might not have chosen. What if, just like with her friends, she feels like she has to be someone she is not? And what if the only difference between me and her friends is that I tell her I love her for it.

I’ve told myself that I love my children unconditionally. And in the strictest sense, that’s true. But is it possible that that is not how they’ve experienced my love? If I’m honest, I’ve made all sorts of judgements about my children. I want them to like what I like. I want them to value what I value. Have I not subtly told them, “I’ll love you no matter what, but I might love you more if you were more like me?”

What if our children are not lumps of clay to be molded?

What if they can’t be shaped and sculpted? What if they are born kiln-fired? What if the pressure applied by our loving hands is more likely to cause them to crack or shatter? What if our job is merely to give them a protective glaze and hope for the best?

What if all my loving encouragement can sometimes feel like judgement?

In the weeks since that night, I’ve made a conscious effort not to judge my daughter. This has not come easily, in part, because I have become aware that I am always making assumptions about who she is and how she should be. And when she fails to meet those assumptions, I’ve allowed my love to be replaced with judgment.

Now I am trying to replace my judgement with love. I am

letting go of my assumptions. My approval no longer has conditions. At first, I feared that I would become one of those parents I dread; the type whose children can do no wrong, who don’t correct or discipline their children even as they are poking puppies’ eyes with sticks.

But it turns out that I don’t have those kinds of kids. It turns out that my kids return kindness when they receive it. They forgive when they are forgiven. I’m not sure why I expected my children to be more generous with their love than I was with mine. I’m not sure why I expected my daughter to give herself unconditional love when she wasn’t receiving it from me. It turns out she is not unique. It turns out she is just like everyone else. She just wants to be loved for who she is.

I still make mistakes. I still miss my mark.

I get short and impatient. I bark at her when I shouldn’t. I try to get her to see things my way, to care about what I care about. But more often than not, I catch myself. I remember that she is not me.

For the first time in nearly nine years, I am seeing my daughter for who she is; not for who I’d like her to be. Not a jazz-loving, vegetable-growing, baseball-throwing, nature nugget. Instead, she is becoming the one thing I’d always hoped for (even if I didn’t realise it).

She is becoming happy.

People say that our children teach us more than we teach them. This has always sounded trite and hopeful; the kind of thing you write on a graduation card. Now I’m beginning to believe that it may be true.

My children are teaching me every day. If I am willing to learn.

• They teach me never to make assumptions.

• They teach me that expectations are the enemy of joy.

• They teach me that judgement sometimes masquerades as encouragement, and that unmasking my judgement helps me unveil my love.

Parenting exists in the space between the experience you thought you were supposed to have and the experience you’re actually having.

I am slowly learning that the joy of parenting resides in that space. It does not lie in happy memories, hopes for the future, or fulfilled expectations. It exists only only in the moment, in acceptance of your children as they are in the present.

My daughter is teaching me. I am becoming the father she deserves. And I am trying not to wonder if she appreciates it.

Jesse William Pearson is a writer and father, though rarely in that order. He lives in Northern California with his wife, daughter, dog, and crippled cat. He is currently developing a new website, www.ParentCore.com. It will launch before his kids go off to university

Adventures With Sam:

School Holiday Bravery!

Sam Smith explains how his ‘school holiday bravery’ got he and his children into some not so hot water!

Have you ever noticed that, when on holidays, you’re a bit braver?

How there’s a bit more – I-can-do-that about you? It can’t just be us.

Anyhoo, it certainly happens in our house and I put it down to the temporary lack of timetables and commitments that holidays bring – it frees the spirit and enables courage! So when the kids asked to go for a bike ride on the recent school holidays, I looked at the heavens to see how close the next ominous cloud was and, seeing it on the horizon, thought, ‘We can do that.’

So we packed some supplies for a quick picnic – some bread and cold sausages and tommy sauce – and off we set with the kids excitedly in the lead and me chugging up the rear. About 500m from our place is the Angahook Lorne National Park with plenty of trails that we are familiar with. We selected a loop that would take about an hour and determined that we would have our snack at the half-way point. Harry (11), Kate (9) and I (40… mind your own business!) had done this before and knew the route well. But, hang on… damn that ominous cloud has moved closer fast!

Up hill and down dale, over tree roots and rocks and through puddles we pedalled laughing at all of Harry’s stuntman near misses with the shrubbery and Kate’s close calls with those muddy puddles. It was fun all round. Then, with much warning, they fell. Not the kids – the raindrops.

Those first few drops always give the game away; if they are soft, nothing much will come but a light shower. However, if they are the size of your thumb you know you’re in for a drenching. Well, the Gods must have decided my holiday bravery had crossed a line for drenched we were about to become, unless…

Harry said, “Let’s make one of those bark huts the Aboriginals make.”

So we did. With a feeling of back-to-nature that only holiday bravery permits, the kids found two one meter sticks for the verticals and five more half as long again – one suspended between the two verticals and four more going from the horizontal to the ground at about 45 degrees.

(Re-read that because there are questions at the end!) We bound the joins together with a serrated-edged local grass that grows in long lengths, and shreds your hands as you tie it, then proceeded to strip some bark off Stringybark trees to act as our thatch. What an experience, I was thinking the whole way through the process!... …And it didn’t seem to matter to any of us that by the time our construction was finished we were soaking wet. With great pride and the dark cloud well passed, we sat on the ground under our bark lean-to and ate our sausages in bread smothered in tommy sauce. We were kings of all we surveyed – cold, wet kings.

Then it was back home all muddy and wet and into hot showers. I may have even had a nip of brandy – you know, for internal warmth.

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Why Yoga For Kids?

Gymnastics, swimming, dance, martial arts, basketball, soccer … There are already many choices available to parents for physical, movement-based extracurricular classes for their children. However, Gopala Amir Yaffa looks why yoga is different to those sports and the benefits of yoga for children

is an ancient encourages children to relax and have to stay out of trouble when inflicted by science that fun while they develop not only strength, peer pressure. helps to create health and well-being coordination, flexibility and balance, but But what makes Kids Yoga classes by building awareness, strength, and also body awareness, better focus and different from other movement-based flexibility in both mind and body. Yoga concentration, and self confidence. In activities incorporating music and is an egalitarian practice, bestowing its fact, a 2003 study by the University of games? benefits on every practitioner, regardless California of children in a Los Angeles First, there is no other form of school found that children who had exercise that offers such a wide range of his or her physical abilities.

Yoga postures, or Asanas, are frequent yoga instruction showed a of movements as yoga does. While practiced by people of all ages and in significant increase in self esteem, practicing Kids Yoga, we bend forward many different states of health and fitness. as well as overall fitness, academic and back, we twist and side bend, Practitioners have been long attesting performance, and even a decrease in strengthen and stretch, balance and to the benefits of yoga including stress discipline problems as students felt even spend some time upside-down. and pain relief, improved circulation more relaxed and were more aware and Besides the obvious benefits of and digestion, better body alignment, respectful of their peers. yoga in helping us be stronger and In a good Kids Yoga class, there more flexible, Kids Yoga also helps in increased concentration, deeper, more relaxed breathing, and a sense of well- is a balance between spontaneity and developing coordination, balance, and being and inner peace. The question structure, so that children learn to many other important motor skills. is: does yoga hold these Yoga can even ‘Besides the obvious benefits of yoga in helping make us a bit taller benefits for children as well? The answer is Yes, us be stronger and more flexible, Yoga for Kids by improving our also helps in developing coordination, balance, posture and stretching and more!

Kids Yoga is a fun and lubricating our and many other important motor skills. ’ way for children to develop muscles and joints. important skills in a non-competitive listen to themselves and each other as Also, a Kids Yoga class offers both environment. Even at a young age, well as express themselves creatively. really fast and active play while warming children often feel pressure at school Interweaving story, song, games and up or playing with yoga poses, and academically and socially, plus the poses, children learn in a multi-sensory quiet and focusing time while holding added pressure of competitive organised environment, exploring kinesthetic, certain poses or relaxing. Besides, as sports. It is easy for girls and boys to visual, and aural learning. time goes on, the whole practice is done Children are also encouraged to with heightened awareness to our body become overly self-critical, and lose confidence in themselves as they grow respect and pay attention to their bodies, and what parts of it are being stretched, and transform both physically and making sure each pose feels good, strengthened or relaxed during the mentally. Yoga is a great remedy; there and coming in and out of positions practice. is no judgment in a yoga class about when they feel ready (something most Bringing more awareness to our how a child does a pose or plays a game. adults have a hard time doing!). As body helps us to love and appreciate and Doing a pose ‘perfectly’ is not the aim children grow and their bodies change even be fascinated with this miraculous of yoga, which nurtures a child’s inner quickly, this becomes an important creation, as well as be more fully present skill. Listening to yourself is not just a during our day and live our life to the strength and self-acceptance.

This nourishing atmosphere method to avoid injury, but also a way fullest. Being present helps kids retain

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Photo: Jo Joy Photography

Yoga

this wonderful ability of being absorbed in the one thing they are doing now without being burdened or distracted by what happened before or worrying about what might happen in the future. It’s a way of doing things not just better, but also stress free.

Secondly, Kids Yoga exercises not only our body but also our breath and even our mind. Before, after and while in poses the children are encouraged to pay attention, regulate and deepen their breath. Having more oxygen in our body enhances our mood and our ability to focus, as well as increases our capacity to relax both our body and our mind.

Many yogic exercises, adapted to fit children, assist us in consciously training our mind to be creative, sensitive, inquisitive, expanded, focused or still at will. It’s a process for kids just as much as it would be for adults, but learning to use our mind is an indispensible skill if we want to gift our kids with a happy life.

Thirdly, the additional benefit to Kids Yoga, rather than Adult Yoga, is that it involves interaction. In the class, kids are not isolated on their own yoga mats. Partner and group poses, cooperative games, self-expression and creativity, are the more common sight in a classroom. Developing social skills is a part of, and as important as, self-development.

In a Kids Yoga class, we learn valuable communication skills, verbal and non-verbal, and realise more and more our interconnectedness and interdependence; an understanding that is essential for a healthy social life. Emotions that we process and skills that we learn in the relaxing environment of a yoga class can serve us greatly in more stressful times in our life.

And we do it all without big lectures. It is all discovered through doing. And it is, not just more beneficial, but also always more fun to do it together! Interacting simply increases

the value of the practice, and of life itself.

Fourthly, in Kids Yoga we learn not just about ourselves and about our friends, we also learn about the world around us. A central tenet of yoga practice is respect and honour: for ourselves, for each other, and our environment. In a yoga class, children often go on a magical journey around the world, and learn about other countries and cultures. And since many of the yoga poses are of animals, children also learn about different animal habitats, endangered species, and even about other global issues such as recycling! Children have an innate affinity with the natural world, and animals in particular. They understand and enjoy learning about and caring for the earth and its inhabitants, both human and animal.

Yoga has been evolving maybe since the beginning of time, but the changes and innovations yoga has experienced in the last 60 years are as massive as the changes we’ve seen in science and technology during this time period. Yoga for kids may be a new thing, but it is as natural for kids to play with as it

www.rainbowkidsyoga.net

Yoga for Kids & Families Teacher Training February 21 - 23, 2014 - Cygnet, Tasmania

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WHAT’S COOKING? With Artisan Wholefoods Recipes to cook for the kids and with the kids!

Photo: Jo Joy Photography

Baby-Led Weaning Recipe (6mth+)

is for them to run and jump. Stretching and balancing while imitating nature with your body has probably been a way to explore the world longer than recorded history.

In fact, yoga is a great tool to learn about absolutely anything! What better way is there to explore a subject then to move through it using creative yoga poses that are truly so good for you? History, geography, science, literature, and even languages can all be learnt in this supportive and encouraging environment.

In this way, yoga is a holistic practice, with an inner as well as outer focus. But most importantly (at least for the kids), yoga is fun!

Here's a great of fer f rom

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Kids Yoga cannot be taught like yoga for adults. You will need to start from where they are and teach it to them in a way that can easily be accepted and comprehended by them.

To start with, you will simply need to make them all excited about it!

Both yoga teachers and parents need to adjust their expectations when introducing yoga to kids. If you expect the kids to do the poses perfectly from the beginning, or even to do all of the poses all the time, you will be greatly disappointed.

Exploring different and creative ways to do a pose is a part of the learning process. Having space to be creative, invent new things, dive into our imagination, play and even be a bit wild are more important for a child’s evolution than meditating.

It might be less comfortable for some adults to allow this in a classroom, but letting go of our instinct to control the kids behaviour and our expectations of them doing exactly what we say all the time allows the kids the freedom they need to find who they are.

If you wish to have a supportive and fun environment for the kids to explore the ancient art of yoga, you’ll do better if you let the children co-create the class with you. Give them choices, follow their lead for a bit and they’ll let you be the leader too.

We spend most of our childhood and youth learning, but there are many important life lessons that we miss out on at school. In the main stream education system we’ll rarely receive tools that will help us be a happier or a healthier person; we don’t learn how to release tension or how to focus and, in fact, we are not even taught how to study.

Yoga is much more than yoga poses; it is a way to discover not just our bodies, but also our inner world. We experience this universe through our minds and our hearts, so being able to consciously relax, brighten, uplift and focus ourselves is a vital ability. It is never too early (or too late) to embark on this self-discovery journey of yoga!

Gopala Amir Yaffa, founder and owner of Rainbow Kids Yoga and father to 4 kids.

Rainbow Kids Yoga run ‘Yoga for Kids and Families’ Teacher Training around the country. Visit www.rainbowkidsyoga.net for further information and upcoming dates for the training program.

Poached Chicken in Gelled Stock

sliced chicken and beans in to a medium (approximately 18cm) glass or ceramic shallow serving dish. If your stock wasn’t very well gelled in the first place whisk the gelatine into the broth at this point, and then pour it over the chicken and beans.

3. Place in the fridge and leave undisturbed for a couple of hours – until it is well chilled and totally set.

At this point you can scoop pieces out as needed.

Cooking with Kids Recipe

Here are a few of my favourite combinations:

This recipe takes advantage of your own home-made and naturally gelled chicken stock. Chicken stock (home-made) is a fabulous source of bio-available protein and minerals, in a delicious and easily digested liquid. In this dish the natural gel of the broth is boosted and turned into a ‘hold in the hand’ snack for baby that is nutrient dense and yummy

1. Orange and passionfruit sherbet: 100ml orange juice, 100ml kefir or yoghurt and the pulp of 2 passionfruit (Stir together) 2. Raspberry and banana: 50 grams each of raspberry and banana, 150 ml kefir or yoghurt and 2 teaspoons of honey – puree in a food processor.

Ingredients:

1 organic & free range (preferably pastured) chicken breast or thigh 1 cup (approx) of well gelled home-made chicken or beef stock Handful of green beans, rinsed and topped and tailed.

1 tsp organic pastured beef gelatine (if needed)

Preparation: 1. Add the broth to a small saucepan, and then the chicken breast or thigh, ensuring that it is submerged under the broth.

2. Bring to a gentle simmer and poach the chicken for about ten minutes, adding the beans in the last couple of minutes. Turn off and allow to cool for a while before removing chicken and slicing into strips that baby can hold to chew on. Place

such as honey (not always needed) and turning it into delicious cooling popsicles to enjoy all summer long.

While I have given some approximate ratios below that you can follow to make your own kefir-pops, the best method is to let your tastebuds guide you. The sweetness of seasonal fruit and the variable sourness of kefir means that adding fruit and sweetness to taste is the best method. If you don’t have popsicle moulds, trays or shallow containers are a brilliant way to make popsicles, you just won’t have a stick. Pour your kefir-pop mix into a lined freezer tray, then once it is frozen, cut it up and hand it out to the kids on the provision that they head outdoors.

3. Mango: 100 grams mango, 150ml kefir and 2 teaspoons honey. Puree in a food processor.

Kefir Pops Ingredients:

If you haven’t heard of Kefir yet – or tried it – it’s time to get on that bus!! Kefir is beverage made from lacto-fermented milk and is rich in beneficial bacteria, which is great for your belly and overall immunity. Many place it in a similar family to yoghurt – but it is in fact a far richer source of beneficial probiotics than yoghurt and it is really easy to make if you can access a culture. Like yoghurt is has a trademark sourness that may be off-putting to young palettes, however this is easily overcome by combining it with fresh fruit and a natural sweetener

Artisan Wholefoods is cooking school based in the Northern Rivers region of NSW and was established in 2013

by Chef, Sustainable living writer and Organic Grower Jean Martinez. Artisan Wholefoods offers classes, courses and seminars founded in a wholefoods philosophy that embraces a holistic food circle from production to consumption, and in particular organic and biodynamic food production, local and seasonal foods, traditional food skills and overall deliciousness. For further information and updates on classes and events see: www.facebook.com/ artisanwholefoods

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Healthy Homes: Raising Children in a Safe Environment

Getting a new home or renavating can be extrememly exciting, however that excitement can lead to health issues if not done safely. Melissa Wittig from Healthy Interiors looks at the potential health issues and what products you can use to avoid them

Photos: Two Acorns Photography

The

excitement of creating is actually a gift from your nose to your 2. Energy efficiency design changes to and decorating a child’s body telling you to open the nearest Australian housing and indoor air space is one of the joys of parenthood. windows and doors until the odour consequences.

As parents we try to create spaces for is gone. The ‘new smell’ is likely to be There are currently over 38,0001 our children that have elements of fun, the product off gassing, the materials chemicals approved for use in Australia comfort and safety. As parents we never releasing unhealthy chemicals into the which are used to create products, not have enough time in a day, yet there is air, which will eventually over time forgetting products that are imported a mountain of information from global dissipate. using chemicals approved by other organisations and scientists about our The toxic materials that many countries globally. In contrast to home environments that we need to children’s products are made from are Australia the USA has over 80,0002 know about. worrying and should be a national chemicals approved for use.

We all want what is best for our health concern. A child doesn’t have to Largely, consumers have a false sense children and good health tops the eat their bedroom furniture for potential of security, believing that if a product is list. What may come as a surprise is pollutants to get into their body. What being sold that it has been tested as safe that our home environment has been is in a child’s air is inhaled, pollutants for human health – this is not true. An documented as having the potential to in and around the home can also be example of this is cigarettes, we know impact on our health, and children are inadvertently ingested through hand to science says they are carcinogenic yet one of the most vulnerable groups to the mouth action or absorbed by the skin. they are still sold and were sold for many potential pollutants lurking in years without health the home.

‘Children spend a significant amount of time warnings. What may The size of children’s come as a surprise is indoors, further to nutrition and exercise the smaller bodies that there are many home environment plays a significant role in the means they cannot products created and health of children and families’ metabolise chemical exposure sold that use chemicals that as efficiently as adults, they also breathe Materials and finishes used to build a are known to be harmful to health and more rapidly than adults and therefore home and the furnishings and products yet contain no warning, and in many particularly vulnerable to vapours. At that we buy to fill our homes, combined cases no product labelling. By contacting a time where the environment is at the with our unique lifestyle habits all the consumer hotline number on forefront of community concern there is culminate to create a healthy or not so the back of some cleaning products, some good news. What is good for the healthy home environment. insecticides or personal care products environment is generally good for us.

The modern Australian home has and requesting a Material Safety Data However do we know what is good for evolved and we have an ever increasing Sheet you will gain an insight into what us? range of products to choose from to you are using and the associated health With childhood allergies and decorate our homes with. There are risks. However detailed labels for many asthma rates rising it makes good sense currently two household issues that building materials, household items and to explore our home environment for Australian families are faced with that furnishings are largely unavailable. potential triggers. As a designer I have have the potential to affect family health: Secondly, families are being often heard people saying after their new 1. Chemicals used to create the encouraged to seal homes as much carpet has been laid or room painted products we are filling our homes as possible to achieve greater energy “I love that new smell”. That new smell with; and efficiency to reduce bills and be more www.nurtureparentingmagazine.com.au

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Available Australia Wide www.livos.com.au (03) 9762 9181

Healthy Living

Natural & Safe Surface Treatments for Timber, Concrete, Ply, Slate, Strawbale, Brick, Walls & Trims, Decks, Screens, External furniture, Cleaning and Maintaining with all ingredients fully declared.

sustainable citizens. Being an energy efficient consumer is advisable and beneficial, however when restricting passive ventilation we then need to follow through with minimising pollutants that are trapped inside our houses.

The process of chemicals evaporating into the air from products and materials is called ‘off gassing’. Documented detrimental health effects from various indoor pollutants range from respiratory illnesses, allergic reactions, asthma, skin conditions and cancers.

Indoor air quality is a health concern readily but quietly documented by national and global organisations. Construction materials, paints, stains, fabrics, carpets, furniture, foams, heating, and household products all contribute VOC’s (Volatile Organic Compounds) into our household air. Toxicity varies with the product and unfortunately we do not have sufficient labelling laws in Australia that inform consumers as to the chemicals used in the manufacturing process of many materials or emissions testing (air quality) data on labels.

The saying ’buyer beware’ rings loud when it comes to buying products for the home. Until labelling laws are overhauled parents need to think about and question the ingredients and materials in consumables to consciously create a healthy home and minimise environmental pollutants indoors.

A warning though from personal experience, once you start asking questions and are shocked at some of the findings it will change the way you perceive consumerism and beauty in the home.

WHERE TO FROM HERE?

With the plethora of decor product choices on the market it is easy to become overwhelmed with the options. The experience of shopping for decorating products can be likened to the experience of being a kid in a lolly shop, plenty of colour, texture and the potential for ill health.

Children spend a significant amount of time indoors, further to nutrition and exercise the home environment plays a significant role in the health of children and families. As parents we consider safety a priority for spaces that children are in but the health of a room is often forgotten.

To get started the following are a few tips on creating a healthy space for kids: Our Showroom: 6 London Dr Bayswater VIC 3153

Furniture

Formaldehyde is used in resins & glues to create pressed board products among many other things in the home such as furniture items; shelving, storage boxes, lounge suites, cosmetics, personal care products among others, yet is classified by the International Agency for Research on Cancer (IARC) as carcinogenic to humans.3 When selecting furniture for a child’s space opt for hardwood timber products that are stained or finished with natural oils or waxes rather than pressed wood products and polyurethane finishes.

If choosing products that are painted, opt for items that have used low volatile organic compound (VOC) paints and coatings to minimise off gassing.

Flooring

Kids spend a great deal of time on or near the floor. Hardwood timber flooring with natural based coatings are a great option. If using rugs or carpets, opt for natural fibres such as wools or seagrass with natural fibre backing material such as jute. When purchasing rugs or carpets ask if the product has been chemically treated. Opt for products that have not been treated with stain resistant, crease resistant, pest resistant treatments.

Chemical treatments have the potential to migrate into household dust and be inhaled or ingested over time.

Soft Furnishings

Fabrics are constructed using varied fibres, dyes, chemical processing and textile treatments. Opt for fabrics that are made from natural fibres such as wools, organic cotton, hemp and linen. However always ask if fabrics have been chemically treated with stain resistant, crease free, insecticide and flame retardant treatments.

Opting for fabrics that are organic and / or independently certified also assists with identifying the healthier options.

Window Furnishings

Window furnishings hang in the window and receive considerable heat.

Heat increases off gassing from materials.

Window coverings are available in a range of materials, we are fortunate to have a varied choice of timbers, aluminium, sea grasses & fabrics. Fabric selections range from natural fibres to the use of plastics including PVC. When plastics are heated they have the potential to off gas a range of nasty chemicals. If choosing timber blinds opting for a low emission natural oil or

wax finish is a good option. If opting for fabric blinds or curtains investigate what the fibre is made from, is there a plasticised block out lining and has the fabric been chemically treated.

Plastics

Plastics contain a group of chemicals called Phthalates otherwise known as plastic softeners. Some phthalates have been associated with the ability to disrupt normal hormonal function otherwise known as an endocrine disrupting chemicals (EDC). Some studies have found that phthalate chemicals can migrate from products into household dust. A study published

by Environmental Health Perspectives (Bornehag etal, 2005)4 found that children with the highest levels of phthalates in their bedroom dust were between 2 and 3 times more likely to be diagnosed with asthma, rhinitis or eczema compared with children with the lowest levels of phthalates in their bedroom dust.

Paints

The ideal time to paint is before pregnancy so that mum and baby are spared the VOC emissions from a

newly painted room. There is plenty of choice in the marketplace for interior paints, including plant/mineral based products and petro chemically derived paints all offering different characteristics. The choices are varied with different characteristics (some would say compromises) such as colour availability, application methods, durability, washability, breathability, finish, price and emissions. Opt for zero or low VOC products where possible and air the room regularly for as long as possible before use.

Toys

Consider toys made from wood, natural fibres and materials or paper rather than plastics. If buying imported toys be wary of lead, a lead test kit can be bought from the local hardware store.

Question if craft products are non toxic and what they are made from.

As a designer I see so many beautiful items but my perception of beauty has changed.

As a mum, I would have liked to have known what I now know before I had my children. Before I renovated our home and bought my babies into a newly

renovated environment many years ago with products I would now not use.

Over the past 13 years I have developed a health focused interior design business Healthy Interiors to advocate for healthy homes in Australia and share with other families information that is needed and empowering.

The Healthy Interiors website www. healthyinteriors.com.au provides a range of resources for families such as a Featured Products section and Resource Library.

If you would like further information, download the Award winning The Healthy Home App available through iTunes.

References available at www.nurtureparenting magazine.com.au/articles

Melissa Wittig is a ‘health focused’ interior designer, App author, healthy home advocate, speaker and mum. The culmination of her professional property/ design experience and role as a mum ignited the development of her businesses, Healthy Interiors and Relish designs

Taking a Look at Homeschooling Parents are increasing becoming disillusioned with the educational system. However, not many parents know of the alternative options open to them. Csilla Tottszer, author of Love Learn Live, explains how homeschooling can be a legitimate option for educating your child.

There

is a great change - they multiply exponentially. Will you child leaves his/her care. in the air, breastfeed, will you choose cloth or This artificial change is instigated especially in terms of how we approach disposable nappies, regular or organic. because in our current society the overparenting. And that is not to say that our Will you set up a traditional baby room whelming belief is that now, that is, parents or our parents’ parents didn’t try or is it going to be co-sleeping? at approximately the age of five, what Your baby is growing and now the the child needs most is ‘education’. It’s their hardest.

However, I detect a ‘quickening’ or parenting books and the ever-growing now time to leave the home to educate maybe a greater acceleration in wanting parenting techniques are to be decided because, let’s face it, the home cannot to connect with our children more on. Will you follow in your parents’ prepare the child! You were perfect deeply. I take a moment to observe footsteps and work on autopilot or is it for your child but now you will most this parenting paradigm whilst also going to be Conscious Parenting, Aware certainly not be enough. I wonder if we reflecting on my own experiences – Parenting, Attachment Parenting and have been fed a great big lie? those glorious, fumbled, awkward and the list just keeps expanding.

Remember not so long ago we Soon enough your child is reaching believed the world was flat and only at times brilliant parenting experiences – there is one thing I am absolutely sure a pivotal age - the grand age of school. recently we have returned to ‘Breast is of but that unsuspecting parents keep This is a decision that impacts at least Best’. That manufactured white liquid the next twelve years of you and your was sold to us by experts as the ultimate missing.

It is simple, there is this thing that child’s lives. So, is it going to be a public food for our infants. After all they have stands in the way of our done abundant ‘Home education really is an extension of living research parenting, like a giant and dinosaur – its name is mindfully and intimately with your child where surely technology SCHOOL. school has no chance of interrupting this process’ or the latest From the moment a science can’t possibly mother finds out that she has conceived, school, a private school, an elite school be WRONG. she pours through endless books to (if finances allow it)? Perhaps for you We have willingly believed that for make sure she eats nutritiously, exercises it will be an alternative school like our children to be ‘educated’ we need to correctly and that she does everything Montessori or Steiner. Notice something give them away to strangers. We need to perfectly to optimise the chances of the - each of these choices is a choice within give them away for hours, for days and little life growing inside her. Then she a choice. years, in fact for over a decade! We have What about the idea of no school? I accepted that as parents we will simply reads many more books and signs up for classes to ready her for the imminent did not say no education, I just said no fail and disadvantage our kids if we keep birth. Here again, she educates herself school. them close and choose to keep teaching If you are a parent, similar to the naturally. and agonises over every possible variable and outcome. Possibly, she one I described, your life and your Whether I’m on Facebook, perusing often sacrifices her own body’s needs family’s life, more specifically the main magazines as I sit waiting for my Indian just to accommodate the new precious caregiver’s and the child’s life, will change take-out, or browsing the shelves of my dramatically. It is time to abruptly and at favourite bookstore, something alarming life growing inside her.

The birth goes well (or the mother times violently change the relationship is staring me in the face. I can’t help but gets through it at least) and now the - by this I mean significantly dis-attach. notice the ever-increasing number of baby is born and the decisions continue At least six hours, five days a week the posts, articles and books on how to best

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Photo: Jo Joy Photography

Educational Disillusion:

help children prepare for and cope with school, as well as deal with the more alarming issues such as bullying.

Are schools really working for our children and is school the only option?

Is it the only solution if you want your child to be educated?

Many parents are disillusioned with schools. When they come to me for a homeschooling consultation, I feel as though I hear a tape recorder playing back the same conversation. “I gave them a child that was bright and eager to learn. I see the light in my child’s eyes slowly diminish. I can’t watch it any more, I feel like I am slowly losing my child.”

Parents endlessly try and fix these situations and are constantly trying to solve the problems within the problem.

Maybe the answer will not reveal itself until you completely eliminate something - the cause!

Here is something radical to consider—simply remove the ‘School Equation’. After all, “You can never solve a problem on the level on which it was created” (Albert Einstein).

Maybe it is time to take those parenting techniques and philosophies that so powerfully resonated with you and continue them for a little longer, past the mandatory starting school age of five or six. Maybe for your family it won’t be until the age of 7 or 8 that you choose to do the ‘academic stuff ’ at school. Or perhaps like my family, you child may choose school at the age of fourteen when their ‘peers’ truly become pivotal in their psychological growth.

That may have been what our family had chosen, but I am really quick to point out that for some children traditional school will never be the right thing, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with

that and most definitely nothing wrong with the child.

School only evolved out of a need a little over two hundred years ago. Some claim school was invented to educate the poor; others believe that it was birthed out of a necessity during the industrial revolution as a way of providing more clerks for the ever-expanding British Empire.

Regardless, a vast growing part of society believes it is no longer a necessity and that it is an out-dated mode of learning. It may be time for a revolution (or an evolution) that sees us bringing our children back home.

When it’s time to choose ‘how you will educate your child’, among all the myriads of educational options, an

option which is definitely worthy of consideration is that of learning from home.

Home education really is an extension of living mindfully and intimately with your child where school has no chance of interrupting this process. It may be best described as fulltime, private tutoring, and the parent is more than qualified for the job.

From my experience, but also the experience of thousands…YOU the parent are exactly what your baby ordered.

Csilla is the author of ‘Love Learn Live’ and has homeschooled all 5 of her children. For more info visit www.lovelearnlive.com.au

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Using Herbs through Pregnancy, Birth and Postpartum Photo: Belle Verdiglione Photography

In this two part series, Naturopath, Childbirth Educator and Doula, Kristin Beckedahl explains how herbal medicines can be used as safe and effective remedies throughout the transition to motherhood. Part Two looks at the herbal medicines that are effective after the birth.

The

i m m e d i a t e and herbalist Nicholas Culpeper noted early hours or first 1 - 2 days after giving postpartum and the of cinnamon, ‘causes speedy delivery to birth. weeks that follow, are a significant women in travail; there is scarce a better Dandelion Leaf: A balanced diuretic time of transition and adjustment for remedy for women in labour, than a that supports the kidneys as they begin both mother and baby. Herbs can help dram of Cinnamon newly beaten into a the task of re-establishing fluid balance the mother with internal and external powder, and taken in white wine.’ In The after pregnancy and birth. It’s also healing, convalescence, nourishment American Materia Medica, Therapeutics nutrient-rich making it a great addition and replenishment. They aim to support and Pharmacognosy published in to postpartum tonic teas. her both physically, and emotionally. 1919, Finley Ellingwood, M.D. wrote Ladies Mantle: Highly prized Some are specific for the initial hours ‘Midwives and old nurses have long as a herb to stop bleeding due to its after the birth, whilst some may be given a strong infusion of cinnamon to concentrated tannins, its styptic used for weeks or months following control postpartum hemorrhage.’ and astringent effects are especially Amongst holistic birth workers, it effective on the endometrium, therefore the birth. There are herbs that support the involution of the uterus back to is well known that after giving birth beneficial to reduce any postpartum pre-pregnancy size, minimise postnatal women need to be warmed; with bleeding. Through convenience as a blood loss, lessen involution pains, and warm, nourishing food and drinks, doula at homebirths, soon after the assist with the restoration of balance warm clothes, a warm bed within a birth I offer the woman a tea containing after pregnancy and birth. There are warm room. Although it may seem various herbs including Ladies Mantle, herbs to help support a ‘Herbs, like most natural and complementary Shepherd’s Purse, plentiful milk supply, Squaw Vine and and to also bring relief systems work by balancing the body; restoring the M o t h e r w o r t . equilibrium so it can function at its best.’ to swollen, grazed or Although brewing stitched perineal and/or vaginal areas, counterintuitive, this also extends to this type of tea logistically works best the application of warm compresses on at homebirths, is it very possible at any and/or irritating haemorrhoids.

The following herbs are safe to use the perineum (as opposed to ice packs) birthplace (after a drug-free birth) with at the recommended dosage during and using heat packs for the uterus the right preparation and support. afterpains. Cinnamon used as a tea is postpartum, including breastfeeding: Shepherd’s Purse: As a tea, this Alfalfa: A gentle and nutritive a wonderful therapeutic and warming herb is considered one of Nature’s best postpartum tonic; rich in Vitamin K and tonic, and tastes delicious. Consider haemostatics, with Culpeper describing many other nutrients, it helps to combat mixing with other postpartum tonic this herb as ‘helping all fluxes of blood, debility and ‘enrich’ the blood. Best used herbs for combined effects. either caused by inward or outwards Cramp Bark: This is an anti- wounds.’ It has strong vasoconstrictor as a tea during postpartum.

Cinnamon: Both Traditional spasmodic herb that eases tension and properties with a special affinity for Chinese Medicine and Ayurveda has cramps within the muscles of the uterus. women, therefore works well to curb any used cinnamon for thousands of years Great for the afterpains associated with excessive bleeding immediately after the to ‘bring warmth to a cold uterus’. This involution of the uterus, particularly birth and in the days following the birth. whilst breastfeeding. humble spice is one of the great warming noticeable Squaw Vine: Another classic herbs found in the Herbalist’s Materia Admittedly, Cramp bark is not a great postpartum herb, tonifying to the Medica. In Western Herbalism as early tasting herb, so I also mix it with others uterus it reduces postpartum bleeding as the 1600’s, English physician, botanist for palatability. It’s best used in those and afterpains. It also contains high

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levels of iron to help combat anaemia, and helps rebalance the hormones after pregnancy. It’s best used in those early hours or days after giving birth, but can also be included in a longer term postpartum herbal tea tonic.

Motherwort: I just love this poetic description by Culpeper, ‘There is no better herb to take melancholy vapours from the heart, to strengthen it, and make a merry cheerful, blithe soul than this herb. It makes women joyful mothers of children, and settles their wombs as they should be, therefore we call it Motherwort. A wonderful help to women in their sore travail, as also for the suffocating or risings of the mother.’ Hence, I use this herb frequently with women during those early days/ weeks after birth.

Nettle: One of the finest nourishing tonic herbs available.

Susun Weed describes an infusion of Nettle as a ‘dark green colour, approaching black; the taste is deep and rich.’ Nettle is indeed rich in chlorophyll, iron, calcium, sodium, potassium, Vitamin A, C, E and K all helping build the blood and decreasing excessive bleeding at birth. It also acts through the kidneys as a diuretic for any fluid retention.

Withania: A traditional Ayurvedic herb, Withania is the primary strengthening tonic used in Ayurveda. It is rejuvenating, balancing and strengthening to the nervous system. Great for rebuilding the body after birth, relieving fatigue and supporting the adaptive changes of the early postpartum weeks.

Calendula, Comfrey, Plantain, Sage, Uva-Ursi, Yarrow, Witch Hazel, Ladies Mantle, Chamomile, Rosemary, Lavender. A couple of good handfuls of the dried, loose herbs can be placed in a piece of stocking or thin muslin bag, tied off and placed into a large bowl or bucket. Pour over boiling water and allow to steep for at least 15 minutes for the herbs to infuse into the surrounding water. Add in a very good pinch of sea salt to the

USING HERBS EXTERNALLY AFTER BIRTH:

To promote rapid and healthy recovery of the perineal tissues after birth, there are some wonderful herbs new mothers can use with soothing, antiseptic, wound-healing, anti-inflammatory and astringent properties. They can be used as sitz baths, perineal sprays/washes, and/or warm and/or cool compresses. They work well for swelling, grazes, non-sutured and sutured vaginal/perineal tears, and also caesarean wounds and haemorrhoids.

Such herbs (for external use only) include infusions of www.nurtureparentingmagazine.com.au

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USING HERBS TO SUPPORT BREASTFEEDING:

There are many factors involved in the optimal breastfeeding experience. Herbal medicines may provide an adjunct to breastfeeding support by helping breastmilk production; these are called galactagogues. Breastmilk can also provide a channel for helpful remedies for baby. Herbal infusions that a mother drinks will transfer through the milk to the baby in appropriately smaller concentrations.

The following herbs are safe to use at the recommended dosage during breastfeeding: Blessed Thistle: Helps boost milk supply, and is also a digestive tonic.

Caraway: An aromatic seed used to increase milk supply.

The carminative and antispasmodic effects on the digestive system will pass through the milk to baby.

Fennel: The seeds promote the milk let-down effect, boost supply and also provide anti-colic effects to baby; similar to Caraway. In the 1600‘s Culpeper noted ‘The seed, boiled in barley water and drank are good for nurses, to increase their milk, and make it more wholesome for the child.’

Fenugreek: The seeds help stimulate the production of breastmilk, and also soothe disturbed digestion.

Goats Rue: This is a powerful galactogue stimulating both production and flow of milk. It can increase milk output by up to 50% in some cases.

St. Mary’s Thistle: Also known as Milk Thistle. As the name suggests, the seeds have strong galactagogue properties helping promote breastmilk secretion.

TO ENSURE YOUR SAFETY

Some herbs can be used with caution, whilst others must be avoided during breastfeeding. Many are not available as commercially produced herbal teas, but can be sourced as loose herbs. The following list is by no means exhaustive. If unsure, always seek the professional advice of a qualified and accredited practitioner. If self-prescribing and in doubt - leave it out!

Avoid: Andrographis, Black/Blue Cohosh, Borage, Cascara, Comfrey, Gelsemium, Mistletoe, Pennyroyal, Sage (will reduce milk production), Senna, Yellow Dock.

Use with caution: Barberry, Cats Claw, Elecampane, Feverfew, Garlic (usually fine though can cause loose stools in some babies), Ginger, Siberian Ginseng, Golden Seal, Horsetail, Meadowsweet (high in salicylates which can cause allergy), Myrrh, Nutmeg, Passionflower, Mugwort, Pennyroyal, Rue, Tansy, Wormwood, Yarrow.

Caffeine: Some babies tolerate caffeine (from any source) in breastmilk better than others. It takes a very long time for a baby to metabolise caffeine so the effects can be drawn out.

According to the Breastfeeding Answer Book,3 excessive caffeine consumption by the mother can result in a baby who shows signs of caffeine stimulation; “A baby who is being overstimulated by caffeine is a wide-eyed, active, alert baby who doesn’t sleep for long. He may also be unusually fussy.” If your baby seems particularly wakeful or fussy and there is a significant amount of caffeine in your diet, you might want to cut back or stop the caffeine for 2-3 weeks to see if it makes a difference.

Along with coffee and soft drinks, the following teas are also particularly high in caffeine: Black tea, Darjeeling, Earl Grey, Green tea, Oolong tea. Try Roobios Tea - this is safe.

Always seek the advice of a qualified and accredited Naturopath and/or Herbalist.

See these links for accredited practitioners: ANTA (www. australiannaturaltherapistsassociation.com.au), ATMS (www. atms.com.au), NHAA (www.nhaa.org.au)

References

1. Weed, S (1986) Wise Woman Herbal for The Childbearing Year 2. Hoffman, D(1995)The New Holistic Herbal 3. Morhrbacher, N (2003) The Breastfeeding Answer Book

Kristin Beckedahl is a Naturopath, Childbirth Educator, Doula and mother of two. Her Perth based practice BodyWise BirthWise, provides naturopathic services and products (including herbal products discussed in this article), holistic childbirth preparation, birth support and continuity of care throughout the transition to parenthood

The Bump:

What’s in a Name?

Photo: {Nurtured} by Jen

water. You can use this water as a sitz (shallow) bath, or soak a small soft cloth in the water and use as direct warm compress, or use the water in a spray or squirty bottle. This water can be poured gently over the area whilst urinating, helping to neutralise the urine and prevent stinging. Pat dry the area gently or allow to air-dry (hairdryer on ‘cool’ will also do the job) so the herbs remain on the skin. You can place the herb solution into an empty spray bottle, preferably one that sprays as a diffuse gentle mist, and use directly of the affected areas.

Make a fresh batch up every 24 hours.

These external remedies work best in the first week or so after birth. Aim for 2 - 3 direct applications (sitz bath or warm compress) per day in the first few days for the best results. With the addition of some pretty petals and flowers both mother and baby can enjoy the beautiful ambience of a Herbal Bath.

Pip Brennan tells us about the new not-for-profit service provided by WA Health Quite a lot, as it turns out. As anyone who has gone through the process of naming a child will know, there can be so much riding on a name, and everyone has an opinion!

For an organisation there is always so much to consider about changing your name, and you really need to have a good reason to do so! And this was precisely the situation that our organisation has found ourselves in.

If you had heard of Community Midwifery WA at all, you would most likely associate it with the homebirth program in Perth, the Community Midwifery Program. I know I worked at the organisation several months before I ‘got’ the difference.

Here’s how it works – the Community Midwifery Program began life as a service delivered from the not for profit sector, run by Community Midwifery WA. As time has evolved, the Program moved into WA Health as one of their mainstream services offered free to all women in Perth.

Meanwhile, Community Midwifery WA has been growing, diversifying and changing since 2006, when the Community Midwifery Program first devolved.

The well-known saying “if you don’t know your choices, you don’t have any” is one of our catch-phrases. So many women are not informed of all their choices, and so making an informed choice is just not possible. We are very passionate about ensuring that women know all their options before closing the deal with one model of care.

Birth, as a force of nature, does not always go to plan, but if women feel supported in their choices, and informed as the birth experience unfolds, they will generally feel better at the end, no matter what the outcome has been. Our classes are all about providing the ‘you can do it’ message alongside the ‘whatever happens, you can handle it’ message. We believe education is key, and we offer our pregnancy classes to all women in the community, not just to homebirth parents.

Alongside classes we offer midwifery advice – a chance to have a sounding board conversation with one of our midwives

– and a lending library if you want to get hold of specialist titles and really inform yourself.

Women who don’t speak English are at an even greater disadvantage when it comes to understanding what their choices are, and we have been providing a specialist education service for refugee and migrant women since 2008.

We are also acutely aware that women and their families are not particularly well supported in the first year after baby is born. We offer low cost lactation consultations with a qualified Lactation Consultant – this service is for women, wherever they are in their breastfeeding journey.

We have also developed our specialist Mother Nurture groups for mothers and babies to come together over a ten week period, to support the mother in understanding and embracing her new role. These groups are now run in North Fremantle, Beechboro, Baldivis and Gosnells.

We are also on the move, and will be joining the Cockburn GP Superclinic in July 2014 – we are looking forward to being in the same space as the GP clinic, where women are having their first appointments to confirm their pregnancy and find out about their choices. We can lure them into our office to browse our library and spend more time mulling over all their choices in childbirth.

So… given all of the above… we decided on a rather long incorporated name to capture what it is that we do now.

Community Midwifery WA was just not cutting it anymore.

So here goes…

Centre for Pregnancy, Childbirth Education and Early Parenting Support Services Inc. You will be happy to know that we thought this might be a bit of a mouthful, so we came up with a Trading As name – The Bump WA. Catchy, no?

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60 | www.nurtureparentingmagazine.com.au

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Preparing For A Natural Birth Most women dream of childbirth In contrast to what is discussed at are by caesarean, but did you know the without pain, but sadly many believe most hospital antenatal classes (i.e. these World Health Organization advises this is a far reaching concept. Instead, are the stages of labour, here are your pain caesarean rates should be no higher than 75.6% of women birthing vaginally use relief options available, here is a video of 15% ? some form of analgesia, while others caesarean birth, and here’s what you do Maybe the problem lies not in our opt for a caesarean delivery to avoid the once your baby arrives), HypnoBirthing bodies, but in the treatment of birthing ‘unimaginable pain of childbirth’. teaches couples the philosophy and women? In the concepts that: Although a joyous birth is certainly physiology that underpins pregnancy, 1. birth is painful, long and a traumatic not ‘typical’ by modern standards, it is labour and birth, and how they can use experience; and attainable for many women. this to their benefit during labour.

2. women’s bodies are incapable of HypnoBirthing®™ the Mongan Other mammals birth their young birthing their offspring without Method was founded by Marie Mongan in simple ways; the family dog will often malfunction. in 1989, after herself having four disappear to the shed or under the house This second point was recently children using (unbeknown to her at to birth her litter, while horses and reinforced by Dr Peter Dietz who said the time) self hypnosis for a calmer, less breeding mares usually birth at night “human childbirth is a fundamental painful birth. in the farthest corner of the paddock, biomechanical mismatch, the opening This method has origins dating away from noise and interruption. Any is way too small and the passenger is back as far as Soranus in 98 A.D. way too big.” Ah ok, but (a Greco-Roman physician) who ‘Although a joyous birth is certainly what about the 65 million recognised that a woman’s years of evolution that not ‘typical’ by modern standards, it is attitude and state of mind has prevented our species attainable for many women’ can affect her ease of delivery, f rom becoming extinct? warning that women who suffer from If all health professionals agreed excessive worries can find labour stablehand or vet attending a birthing with this doctor’s approach, what chance difficult. Today, science has conducted mare will advise you “leave her alone, would women really have to believe in many research studies to reinforce these stay well away”. Yet this is a long way their own capacity to give birth? ideas, something also talked about in from how women are currently treated And so we return to this idea that the 1959 classic Childbirth Without Fear, in childbirth. Have you ever wondered birth is normal, natural and something where Dr Grantly Dick-Read introduced when we as a society developed the we don’t even need to learn how to do! the ‘Fear-Tension-Pain’ syndrome. idea that birth is such an unnatural and Yes, women need to be healthy, and While pregnant, Marie Mongan dangerous event that it needs constant they need to prepare their bodies. But a discovered through the use of breathing assistance, monitoring and intervention? woman also needs to prepare her mind and positive preparation she was able to The reality is that with over 65 million (or more accurately de-clutter her mind) labour with minimal discomfort. How years of evolutionary knowledge behind so she can be calm, positive and allow you ask? Let us consider for a moment us, women’s bodies are exclusively her body to birth in the instinctual, that we are mammals, with over 65 designed to birth their babies, and to do mammalian way that animals do. million years of evolution and survival so with minimal assistance, just as for Hypnobirthing antenatal programs as a species behind us. So I question, our mammalian cousins. are specifically designed to teach who are we to think we know better than Today over one-third of women couples about the authentic, simplistic evolution? worldwide and 31.4% of Australia births nature of birth. This is greatly needed in

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Photo: Jo Joy Photography

Many women are scared of childbirth. This is mostly because they listen to other peoples birth stories and lack of the right kind of preparation. Bree Taylor Molyneaux explains how HypnoBirthing prepare you for a natural birth by helping you release your fear and allowing nature to birth your baby.

the current environment of risk averse care providers, the barrage of stories about painful, complicated births on TV, and stories from well-meaning family or friends who think it will help us in advance if we hear the ‘worst case scenario’.

Some women seem to enjoy sharing how difficult their birth experience was – without realising this often creates more worry, panic and disconnect from our natural birthing abilities, and that really, the problem is not with women’s bodies, but with the over-medicalisation of birth. Don’t get me wrong, medicine has its place. But the vast

majority of women (85% if you believe the WHO) can, given the right approach, time and environment, birth vaginally with less assistance and monitoring than currently takes place.

So what’s stopping couples from getting some independent birth education? A common reason is time and money, yet I think about it this way - if a woman spends 12 months and thousands of dollars planning her wedding, it stands to reason, that investing five weeks out of an average 40 week pregnancy for positive birth preparation is a sound investment. Especially when we consider that

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the arrival of a child is - for most parents - an event that will likely eclipse the memory of their wedding, and bring both partners closer as they transition into parenthood.

Hypnobirthing courses teaches women how to relax, reconnect to their natural birthing instincts, release fears and worries about birth, and gives their partners an active role in the birth. This restores a woman’s confidence, teaches her some techniques for labour, and reduces her likelihood of needing an epidural by 60%.

WHAT ABOUT THE ‘HYPNO’ ELEMENT OF HYPNOBIRTHING?

Pregnant? Congratulations!

Questions? Let us Help...

Navigating the Maze Having a baby can be both exciting and scary. Many of us have no idea about tests, birth choices, all those mysterious aches and pains, what to eat, how to exercise, how to parent more than one... It’s a maze!

Help is at hand at The Bump WA. We are a unique government-funded not profit organisation providing pregnancy classes, midwifery advice, lactation consultations and post-natal support groups. First baby or fifth, we specialise in listening to you and helping you decide what is best for your circumstances.

Contrary to popular belief, hypnosis is infact a naturally occurring state and one we all experience – just like a daydream or when you ‘zone out’ in the car while driving a familiar route.

It is a place our mind takes us to, allowing for the processing of information from a different perspective. This gives the conscious ‘thinking’ mind (10%) some time out, while our larger unconscious ‘intuitive/creative’ mind (90% of the mind) takes over our thinking and repetitive tasks.

A woman who is calm and focused in labour will naturally slip into hypnosis– providing her body with relaxation and allowing her mind to zone out and dial down the pain, while creating a more peaceful or stress-free environment for her baby. Her need for encouragement and external support is also reduces, as she goes inside, breathes, connects and allows her body to take care of the birthing process for her.

Sounds easy eh. Hands up any woman who wouldn’t want an easier, happier birth? Then do your family a favour and invest in independent birth education, the kind which isn’t limited by legalities and hospital policies, but instead provides women with realistic expectations of labour and birth, teaching her how she can enjoy the process more fully.

You wont regret it. After 30 hours of labour, a drug free vaginal birth and a healthy, calm baby, I sure didn’t.

Placenta Capsules“an idea that’s easy to swallow”.

Bree Taylor Molyneaux is a certified HypnoBirthing Practitioner . She has studied a range of modalities including Clinical Hypnosis and Ericksonian Psychotherapy, NLP, HypnoBirthing® Childbirth Education and Applied Sciences.

If you would like more information, go to http://www.pregnantpossibilities.com

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motheringthemother™ Tammy Halliday| www.nurtureparentingmagazine.com.au

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Relactating & Increasing Supply Mothers suffer guilt from a wide range of situations, but the most common is lactation. However, if you are lacking in your supply or have ceased breastfeeding altogether, your breastfeeding journey need not be over. Meg Nagle, IBCLC, explains how women can increase their supply and even relactate.

women find of glandular breast tissue, secretion of This is awesome and really exciting for it possible to milk, removal of milk and a woman’s many mothers to hear! The prospect of relactate and build up their breastmilk hormones.2 It is important to note that what is involved can seem overwhelming supply. It is even possible for women there are women who have successfully but the great news is that as long as there who have never been pregnant to lactate. breastfed adopted babies and women is no medical reason6 for you which Throughout history there have been who have encouraged their babies to would inhibit relactation or building many documented cases of women who breastfeed again after many months your supply, you can do it with some have induced lactation in order to feed of formula feeding with a bottle. patience and perseverance! their adopted babies, or other women’s Research shows that even women who Here are some guidelines and specific are not motivated to relactate, have steps to help you relactate, increase your babies.1 As a Lactation Consultant, it is always success producing milk if the babies are milk and/or get your baby interested in heartbreaking for me to hear women efficiently breastfeeding and suckling.3 breastfeeding: describe their guilt or frustration at This demonstrates the importance of having been told they didn’t have enough draining the breast to increase supply. 1. START EXPRESSING milk, needed to supplement or were told Research by Benitz et al. found that You can start pumping and express they could not breastfeed for various women who combined pumping with with hand expression if you find your reasons. The reality is that almost every hand expression were able to produce baby does not want to breastfeed for very woman has the physical capability to more milk than women who pumped long, is unable to latch or is not interested breastfeed and the wonderful in taking the breast. Since ‘Many women are aware that breasts news is that women who you are trying to build are supplementing with work on a ‘supply and demand’ system but your supply back up or formula or have stopped what some women do not realise is that they induce lactation again, breastfeeding can relactate, actually have the capability to make milk it is important to pump build their supply and start again after breastfeeding has decreased or frequently.

If you can breastfeeding again!

All pump and hand express stopped altogether.’ you need are some guidelines, about every 2-3 hours that is ideal. At support, patience and perseverance. without hand expression.4 If you have night you can go for longer between This article includes some information a baby who is unable to breastfeed, you pumping but try to get at least one about the physiology behind lactation might find that pumping combined with expression session in per night. When and steps to relactate and/or build your hand expression will help you produce you start expressing you might not get more milk and increase your supply any milk at all or just small amounts, supply.

Breasts are truly amazing in how more quickly than pumping alone. With just keep going! Don’t be discouraged they produce milk. Many women are some practice, hand expression is an about the quantity you express as many aware that breasts work on a ‘supply and easy and effective way to express! breastfeeding mothers with a sufficient Research by Marieskind shows that supply can struggle to express even demand’ system but what some women do not realise is that they actually have there are two paramount requirements small quantities. the capability to make milk again after for relactation: Some women find it takes a couple of breastfeeding has decreased or stopped 1. a strong desire by the mother or months to really get their supply going foster mother to feed the infant; and altogether. Factors that are important again, especially if their babies are not to milk production include: the growth 2. stimulation of the nipples.5 breastfeeding or are only occasionally

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Photo: Leecy Photography

Many

breastfeeding. Women who have never lactated or have had an extended period of time since breastfeeding might find they do not build up enough of a supply to exclusively breastfeed BUT most women will at least be able to partially breastfeed their babies and many women will eventually be able to exclusively breastfeed their babies. Keep positive! Although a lactating breast is never ‘empty’, a breast that has been drained well makes more milk. The fuller your breasts are, the less milk they will make, so keep expression by pumping and hand expression or breastfeeding as frequently as possible. You can also try expressing after you breastfeed to stimulate and drain your breasts even more.

2. START FEEDING BABY FROM BREAST

Directly feeding your baby from the breast is the most effective way to increase your supply or relactate. Offer your breast to your baby frequently when they are happy! Do not try breastfeeding when your baby is upset or irritated, as it will be nearly impossible to latch them on. If your baby is unable to breastfeed or is having trouble latching on, seek help from an International Board Certified Lactation Consultant (IBCLC) or the Australian Breastfeeding Association (ABA)to help your baby latch well. Consider feeding your baby with a Supplemental Nursing System, a dropper, a spoon or a cup, instead of a bottle. This will help prevent nipple confusion

their supply even more. The important thing to remember is that a herbal or prescribed galactogogue will only work if you take it while actively trying to build your supply at the same time. You will not see an increase if you do nothing but take a galactogogue.

5. PATIENCE AND PERSEVERANCE!

This is so important. Many women who keep persevering and gently encourage their babies to breastfeed while doing a lot of skin to skin do get results! It just takes a lot of patience, perseverance and time. It will not happen overnight. Support helps too. Ask for help with cleaning, laundry, cooking etc. while you focus on just being with your baby. Rest and just ‘hang out’ with your baby. Do not have people over unless they are doing your laundry or cooking you dinner! Surround yourself with supportive, helpful friends and family during this time.

Many women find that by doing these steps they start to see an increase in their milk supply, yet each woman will have a different experience. Some women will get back to a full supply within days, other women will only be able to partially feed

3. SKIN TO SKIN

Hold your baby skin-to-skin as often as you can, in a calm relaxed environment (lying in your bed, in a comfy chair, carrying them around in a sling at home etc.). This is an extremely important step. Although it sounds so simple, often this is how babies get interested in breastfeeding again.

4. GALACTOGOGUE

4. Some women find that by taking a galactogogue (a substance that increases milk supply), they are able to increase www.nurtureparentingmagazine.com.au

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their baby their own breastmilk even after many months.

For those of you who embark on a relactation journey, it can be helpful to get some help from an IBCLC or the ABA. An IBCLC and the ABA can help you develop a plan on how to best build your supply, support you during the process and discuss how to assess your babies weight gain and dropping formula as your supply increases.

Meg Nagle is a mum of three breastfed boys (still feeding my youngest!) and an International Board Certified Lactation Consultant. For more infor go to: www.themilkmeg.com

References

1. World Health Organization (1998) Relactation-a review of experience and recommendations for practice, Geneva.

2. Mepham TB (1987) Physiology of lactation, Open Press University.

3. Slome C (1956) ‘Non-puerperal lactation in grandmothers’, Journal Of Pediatrics, Vol. 9, pp.550-552.

4. Benitz WE, Hall JY, J Morton, Thairu L, Rhine WD, Wong RJ (2009) ‘Combining hand techniques with electric pumping increases milk production in mothers of preterm infants’, Journal of Perinatology, Vol. 29, pp. 757–764.

5. Some women will have a medical condition which affects their supply. Conditions which can affect supply include; insufficient glandular breast tissue, thyroid conditions and polysistic ovarian syndrome. There are also some situations where a baby will be unable to latch on well or effectively remove the milk from the breast. These include; tongue tie, lip tie, premature babies or those in NICU. If you suspect that your baby has a tongue or lip tie or that you might be suffering from one of these conditions seek help, as it is still possible to have a breastfeeding relationship with your baby.

6. Marieskind (1973) ‘Abnormal lactation’, Journal Of Tropical Pediatrics, Vol. 19, no.2, pp.123-8.

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Infant Massage:

The Power Of Touch Getting a massage is an extremely enjoyable activity. However, when looking at infant massage, there are so many more benefits than just relaxation. Infant Massage Information Service explains the recent research in relation to the benefits of infant massage

list is growing in the benefits infant massage provides for both parent and child. Since 2000 Heidi McLoughlin IMIS Founder and Principal has been spreading the word through her training courses offering massage and touch therapy for infants, pre-term infants, infants suffering from wind, colic, constipation and reflux.

But international research is now showing a wider range of benefits including reduced levels of jaundice in newborns, a positive effect on brain activity, the bonding between fathers, pre-term babies and even mothers with HIV.

and weight gain in newborns. Serrano, Doren and Wilson suggest that a number of factors such as mother’s heightened awareness of their newborn brought about by greater bonding and attachment as well as better recognition of their baby’s cues may have been factors.

system, aiding in the collection and excretion of waste products from the body. The stimulation of the vagus nerve also increases gastric fluids, aiding in digestion. Babies were then more likely to nurse more frequently. Massage also helps decrease the stress hormone cortisol. As a result the babies in the treatment group were found to have REDUCING LEVELS OF lower levels of jaundice than the control JAUNDICE group.

In Japan a study2 has shown how The results of the study are significant baby massage can help reduce levels of in that jaundice is a common problem jaundice in otherwise healthy full term which affects more than 50% of full newborn babies. term infants and the majority of preterm The research involved 20 babies born infants. Furthermore, treatments for with no complications who received a jaundice such as phototherapy can daily massage of 15-20 minutes twice cause side effects such as dehydration, NEWBORNS rashes and diarrhoea.

‘Parents are discovering that massage is not Mothers and babies Massaging newborns may help with weight only helping their child settle, sleep better and can also experience gain up to 2 months of reduce crying time but there are benefits for anxiety caused by age: A Chilean study1 has forced separation when Mum and Dad too’ revealed the potential benefits of infant a baby needs to undergo massage for newborns in increasing daily. The control group of 22 babies such treatment. Clearly, treatment by received phototherapy. Researchers massage does not bring with it these their weight gain.

The study involved a sample 35 monitored stool frequency and jaundice side effects and has the added benefit of infants whose mothers were encouraged levels via a jaundice metre and blood strengthening the bond between mother to massage them every day for 10-15 samples. and baby.

The treatment group were found minutes at a time, from the age of 15 to have much more frequent passing MOTHERS WITH HIV days until 4 months.

While no significant differences in of stools than the control group on the Mothers who have HIV have found weight were found when the babies were first and second days of treatment. The positive outcomes for both themselves 4 months old, there were differences researchers concluded that the massage and their babies as a result of doing between the massaged infants and the may help to stimulate infants in assisting infant massage on their babies. the passing of meconium which has control group at 2 months of age.

The study3 consisted of 17 mothers, The researchers concluded that the benefit of aiding the reduction of with 8 mothers being part of the group their findings add to a growing body jaundice. who were taught infant massage with Massage helps in increasing blood the remaining 9 being assigned to the of literature regarding the positive correlation between infant massage flow and stimulation of the lymphatic control group. Infants ranged in age

70 | www.nurtureparentingmagazine.com.au

Photo: Atomicbutterfly Photograpjy

The

from 5 to 10 weeks of age.

The mothers in the intervention group were taught infant massage strokes and information about various infant behavioural cues, interpreting the different cries of their babies as well as information about the benefits of massage for both mother and baby.

Mothers were asked to massage their babies daily for 10 weeks. Participants were then asked to complete a series of questionnaires about their levels of depression, parental stress and physical contact. Infants were measured and weighed.

Significant differences were found between the intervention and control groups regarding the level of depression in the mothers, feelings of stress and maternal confidence, which all pointed towards the positive effects of infant massage.

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new Furthermore, the babies whose mothers were trained in infant massage were significantly heavier and longer at the end of the 10 weeks than those in the control group.

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PRETERM BABIES

A positive correlation between massage therapy given to preterm babies and the development of the maturation of their electrical brain activity has been found in an Italian study.4 The research involved 20 newborns who were considered ‘low risk’ – that is those who were considered relatively healthy and not suffering from significant complications. The gestational age of the babies was between 30 and 33 weeks.

Massage therapy was started when the babies were around 10 days old and consisted of a total of 15 minutes of massage on the back, head, neck, shoulders, buttocks, legs and arms.

Electrical brain activity was measured using an EEG (electroencephalography) system.

The researchers concluded that in low risk preterm babies “massage therapy favours a process of maturation of brain electrical activity similar to that observed in utero in term infants”.

NEW DADS BENEFIT TOO

A study5 from Toronto, Canada has found that participation in infant massage classes by fathers had a significant effect on reducing the stress levels of new fathers.

Twelve fathers attended classes with their babies over a four week period, attending a minimum of three classes.

The fathers were asked to complete questionnaires regarding their levels of stress as new dads before taking part in the classes.

Interviews were carried out with the fathers which showed that an impressive 92% described their experience with baby massage as positive. Fathers reported feeling less isolated and more competent as a valued caregiver. The fathers reported feeling a greater sense of attachment with their babies as a result of doing the baby massage classes.

Parents are discovering that massage is not only helping their child settle, sleep better and reduce crying time but there are benefits for Mum and Dad too. Caregivers have reported feeling more confident, less stressed and having a closer bond with their baby after learning infant massage.

Written by the team at Infant Massage Information Service (IMIS Pty Ltd), the biggest provider of infant massage training in Australia.

For more info, go to www.babymassage.net.au

References

1. Serrano, M.S.C, Doren, F.M., & Wilson, L. (2010). Teaching Chilean Mothers to Massage Their Full-Term Infants: Effects on Maternal Breast-Feeding and Infant Weight Gain at Age 2 and 4 Months. Journal of Perinatal, Neonatal Nursing, 24 (2), 172 - 179.

2. Chen, J., Sadakata, M., Ishida, M., Sekizuka, N., Sayama, M. (2011). Baby massage ameliorates neonatal jaundice in full-tem newborn infants. Tohoku Journal of Experimental Medicine, 223 (2), 97-102.

3. Oswalt, K. & Biasini, F. (2011). Effects of infant massage on HIV-infected mothers 4. Guzzetta, A. et al. (2011). The effects of preterm infant massage in brain electrical activity. The Journal of Developmental Medicine and Child Neurology, 53 (4), 46 – 51.

5. Cheng, C.D., Volk, A., Marini, Z.A. (2011). Supporting fathering through infant massage. The Journal of Perinatal Education. 20 (4), 200 – 209.

Anne McEwan looks at the issue surrounding babywearing during the hot summer months When the temperature goes up and the sun is getting hot it can feel like you will not be able to carry your baby and the stroller with a sun shade can look very tempting. It is possible and sometimes simply needed to carry in hotter weather, everyone who has ever tried taking a stroller onto a sandy beach will know how well that works!

What do you need to know when carrying in hot weather?

• A sling counts as a layer of clothing for your child so be aware of how many layers are covering them and whether that is suitable for the temperature.

• Is the sling you are using suitable for the weather? Fake fur or fleece lined slings can be nice and cosy in the winter yet may feel uncomfortable in summer. Surprisingly wool can be a great summer choice as it is a breathable material which can keep you warm when it is cold and cool if it is hot.

• Do you have enough sun protection for you and your child?

Trousers that cover your child’s legs out of the sling may ride up and expose their legs to the sun.

• Are you comfortable? If you are uncomfortably hot when carrying your child, chances are they are feeling similar.

Adjust the way you carry or take a break and sit in the shade.

• Are you and your child drinking enough? Not exclusive to carrying of course, yet if you are dehydrated or suffering from a heat stroke you may not be as aware of how the heat is affecting you.

• Normal safety recommendations still apply. Take care especially when using a piece of fabric to shield your baby from the sun.

Special hot weather products

You will not usually need a special product to carry your child in hot weather (excepting special winter slings which may not be suitable), there are however many products available especially for warmer weather and carrying Water slings - often made out of an easy drying mesh material these slings can be worn under a shower or in the water. You may want to check with your local lifeguard team whether they allow them in the pool and be extra aware of your baby’s position and the water level.

Solarweave carriers - Solarweave is a material which gives a UPF of 50 meaning it blocks 97.5 % of UV. In addition the material feels light and breathable making it a very comfortable choice in hot weather.

Sun covers - These are used to cover both the baby and the carrier providing sun protection which can be ideal when you cannot or do not want to use a sun cream.

Photo: Leecy Photography

Photo: Atomicbutterfly Photograpjy

Summer Babywearing

In addition you may find that using a different way of carrying or a different carrier can make all the difference. With wraps, single layer carries will be cooler than ones which have 2 or 3 layers over your child. Examples of a single layer carrying method with a long wrap include Kangaroo carry, Rucksack carry and the Robyn’s Hipcarry. A ringsling is another great hot weather option and has the benefit of a tail which if long enough can be used to shield your baby from the sun.

Enjoy carrying and enjoy your summer!

Anne McEwan is a babywearing consultant and educator with over 8 years experience. For further babywearing information, please go to www.borntocarry.com

Keep your precious little ones close with a high quality European woven wrap.

Woven Wraps Australia

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www.martinandpleasance.com.au

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The Skinny On Fat We all grew up hearing that animal fats were bad for us while the vegetable oils were good for us.

However, that tale could not be further from the truth. Dr Sarah Lantz explains the science on fats and details which fats are good and which are not.

no wonder people are and cancers linked directly to diet. More As for smoking points, the more confused about it these and more researchers now agree that the refined the oil, the higher melt or days. The advice from the anti-fat camp fats we’ve been told to eat for the past 40 smoke point, which means the oil is over the last 40 years has remained fairly years – the poly-unsaturated ‘healthy’ much better for you. A fat is no longer constant: ‘Limit your intake of saturated vegetable fats, are in fact, debilitating to healthy for consumption after exceeding fats’ which ‘have been proven to raise our bodies. The fats heralded as unsafe it’s smoke point as it begins to break cholesterol and cause heart disease’. In – the saturated ones – are the healthiest, down and release toxic fumes and free response, a generation of dieticians and safest and least ‘fattening’ of fat. radicals. Basically, the longer it takes the government regulators rallied to the cry oil to smoke, the better. of low fat/no fat/fat free/low cholesterol SCIENCE ON FATS Whether a fat is safe to eat is based MY FAMILY EATS MOSTLY diets. And the wheel of the twisted dieting industry has cranked into full on two things: SATURATED FAT, AND THIS gear. They knew a tired, vulnerable • it’s smoking point when heated (the IS WHY… higher the better) marketing target in our mothers’ We are mostly made up of saturated generation and went for it: ‘Hey ladies, • it’s stability (the more stable the fat. This is what we as humans have better), which is determined by been consuming for thousands of years get liberated and at the same time we’ll what kind of oxygen, carbon, and before the profiteering diet industry take care of dinner for you’. Doesn’t hydrogen bonds it has. sound like a bad idea, but the flood gates cranked into gear. It’s what the innate opened to a range of low-fat foods or intelligence of our body knows and what Michael Pollan calls edible ‘foodlike Here is a quick run down: understands. You see, saturated fats are All fats are made up of hydrogen, structural. They are literally ‘saturated’ substances’ - no longer the products of nature but of food science with hydrogen atoms making ‘The fats heralded as unsafe – the substances masquerading them predominately stable saturated ones – are the healthiest, safest to heat, light and oxygen. as food. Instant puddings and least ‘fattening’ of fat’ They can get into our bones, teeth, began to replace slow stirred egg yolk custard, margarine replaced butter, oxygen and carbon but arranged in muscles, heart, and brain. They build polyunsaturated vegetable oils replaced different orders. Chains with carbon us. Repair us. Fatty organs such as the lard and tallow, pasturised/homogenized atom bonded to two hydrogen atoms = liver, lungs and brain love saturated skim milk in plastic carton replaced full a saturated fat (each carbon molecule is fats. These organs require significant cream raw milk in a glass bottle, white ‘saturated’ with hydrogen) = more stable amounts of saturated fats to be able to bread made an entrance, cheese came = solid at room temperature. clean and lubricate themselves. During Chains with carbon bonded to only those critical early years, children need in a box and was stored in the cupboard rather than the fridge, and a string of one hydrogen and double bonded to high levels of fat compared to adults. artificial meat products took hold of the another carbon = monounsaturated fat Pediatric clinicians note that children market including chicken nuggets and = not so stable = usually liquid at room who are on low fat, low-cholesterol diets temperature. ham in a can. failed to grow to full potential.

Chains with carbon bonded to only And look where this has gotten us as Saturated fats are also crucial for one hydrogen but with several double absorbing vitamins, calcium uptake, a population…fatter and sicker.

We are now the world champs in bonds = a polyunsaturated fat = very immune function, and cell membrane obesity, diabetes, asthma, heart disease unstable = liquid at room temperature. structure. They lead to increased

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Photo:Deposit Photos

Fat,

tolerance of the sun, skin issues like acne or eczema clear up, energy increases, food cravings diminish as does low muscle tone, and sleep comes more easily.

Saturated fats can also help you lose unwanted weight (as long as you are not eating a sugar, carb-heavy, polyunsaturated diet while also eating saturated fat). As Sarah Wilson argues: ‘We aren’t what we eat, we are how we metabolise what we eat’. The mantra we’ve been fed - that fat makes us fat - is entirely untrue. We are structurally designed to metabolise fat efficiently. It is sugars, starches and polyunsaturated fats that our bodies struggle to metabolise. Today we eat more than a

kilo of sugar a week. Just 150 years ago we ate next to nothing.

Over the years the total intake of polyunsaturated fats in our diets has increased by 2,051% and the intake of canola oil increased by a whopping 16,700%.

Only eat a small amount of monounsaturated fats…but never heat them as this can causes them to go rancid and form free radicals (unstable molecules that react with essential molecules of our body, including DNA, fat and proteins. They can result in the destruction of a cell). Monounsaturated fats include olive oil, avocado oil, and macadamia oil and they are not fully ‘saturated’. Monounsaturated fats such as olive oil have

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disease, and hormone disruption, including sex hormones.

They are found in most processed foods, including biscuits, museli bars, crackers, bread, chips, salad dressings and fried foods.

Photo: Jo Joy Photography

SO WHAT’S MAKING US FAT AND SICK?

also had a key role in human dietary history. That said, these oils are best used cold rather than heated at high temperatures.

Avoid polyunsaturated fats. These fats are liquid even when chilled. They are considered ‘healthy’ vegetable oils - but they actually come from grains and beans. Polyunsaturated fats are ‘unsaturated’ making them unstable in the presence of heat, light and oxygen, and prone to oxidation both outside and inside the body. Regardless of how many anti-oxidants you are consuming in your diet (in the form of fresh fruits, superfoods etc.) it is not nearly enough to protect the body from the prooxidant effects of these polyunsaturated oils.

Further to this, trans fats are formed by an industrial process called partial hydrogenation that turns liquid polyunsaturated oils into a hard fat. They are directly linked to a range of modern diseases, including insulin resistance, inflammation, heart

The biggest change in our diets in the last 100 years has been the significant increase in polyunsaturated oils (and trans fats) in our food supply. Polyunsaturated oils lurk in almost all processed and packaged food products on the market including chips, fast-food, crackers, and museli bars. They are also found in food staples such as eggs, chicken and meat when these animals themselves have been fed polyunsaturated corn, soybean or flaxseed oils. The surest and quickest way to fatten up livestock is to suppress their metabolisms via these polyunsaturated fats. US Cattle ranchers discovered this in the 1940’s when they fed their livestock coconut oil (a saturated fat) in order to fatten them for market. But the cattle didn’t gain weight. Instead, the coconut oil made them lean, active, and hungry. Next, ranchers tested a thyroid-suppressing drug. As expected, the livestock gained weight on less food, but because the drug was strongly carcinogenic, it was discontinued.

Ranchers then discovered that soybeans and corn caused the same anti-thyroid effect as the thyroid-suppressing drug, allowing animals to gain more weight on less food. Since then, corn and soy have been the staples of feedlot cattle. And these polyunsaturated oils do the same thing for the human body – put on weight.

The destructive health effects on the human body are also well documented: inhibiting thyroid hormone activation, down-regulating metabolism, and causing weight gain; oxidative damage to cells and tissues; suppression of the beta cells of the pancreas that are responsible for insulin response, thus contributing to the development of insulin resistant diabetes; suppression of the immune system; lowering resistance to infection and increasing susceptibility to autoimmune conditions; contribution to inflammatory conditions such as rheumatoid arthritis, acne, asthma, vasculitis, cardiovascular disease and cystitis, and; depletion of natural anti-oxidants in the body such as glutathione and vitamin E. Vitamin E depletion in particular contributes to reduced fertility.

WHAT ABOUT NUTS AND SEEDS?

Nuts and seeds are a slightly less concentrated, more natural forms of polyunsaturated fat than their extracted oils, but are still high sources of polyunsaturated fats. In the context of the modern diet being so high in polyunsaturated fats, it would be a little nuts to go nuts on nuts – this includes nut milks, nut butters, museli bars, bliss balls, almond meal, tahini, etc. Large quantities of nuts and seeds have traditionally never belonged in our diets.

AND FISH OILS?

If you haven’t been confused enough already, lets consider the Omega family. Omega 6 is found in grains, corn, and animals fed grains and corn, corn and soybean oil, and Omega 3 is found in fish, nuts etc. We should broadly have a ratio of 3:1. However, most people today consume a ratio of 35:1. To fix to this issue we are told to consume Omega 3 supplements. But this doesn’t work, as we have still got an oversupply of Omega 6’s. It is these Omega’s that promote fat storage. Omega 6 is

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also the precursor for certain signaling molecules called endocannabinoids, which literally give you cravings. They tell the body, ‘Eat more, I’m hungry!’ and ‘Store the fat you have’. A better strategy is to limit Omega 6 intake instead.

CHANGING FAMILY FAT CONSUMPTION…

• Dispose of oils that are not fit for human or animal consumption. These include oils that contain corn, vegetable, sunflower, safflower and canola, margarines, and transfat, which include packaged biscuits, crackers, cakes, chips, fried foods, muesli bars and similar snacks, including those labeled as ‘health snacks’.

• Consume traditional fats. Not only do these saturated fats provide the vital nutrients needed to grow and satisfy young bodies, they curb hunger while eliminating common cravings. When the body continually gives hunger signals, it is often a cry for vital nutrients are missing.

• Ensure you buy grass fed, preferably organic, meats, pastured eggs, cheese, butter, ghee, and clean virgin coconut oil.

Women take note…

We need clean traditional fats in our diets for fertility, pregnancy, breastfeeding, and generally to stay lean, fit and healthy while raising families. Breastmilk, particularly colostrum, is 50% saturated fat. When we were hunter-gatherers, we were often unsure where our next meal was coming from. When food was sparse, our clever bodies would store body fat until meals were more certain. Modern day low fat diets therefore tell our body that there is a food shortage. Your body however doesn’t know that you’ve decided to lose weight. Instead, the body takes the diet and decides ‘I live in a food insecure world. The next time I get food I better store more fat for next time’. Researchers consistently reveal that diets do not lead to sustained weight loss or health benefits for the majority of people.

How much fat do we eat in our family?

We would easily each go through about 2 tablespoons of coconut oil a day (for cooking and also melting into our spiced raw milk tea for breakfast), a tablespoon or two of organic butter or ghee, the fat and skin on all meat (and as a result we usually eat less meat overall – it’s the fat which fills us up most of all), a chunk of cheese, a couple of eggs, some avocado and a good drizzle of olive oil most days. As a result our blood sugars stay even all day and ours brain is clean and calm.

Bon Appétit to good traditional fats!

Dr Sarah Lantz is a mama, writer and researcher from Queensland Univeristy of Technology with a backround in public and population health and author of the bestselling book ‘Chemical Free Kids; Raising Healthy Children in a Toxic World.’ For more info go to www.chemicalfreeparenting.com.au or www.nontoxsoapbox.com

Product Reviews: Hippybottomus Cloth Nappy

Mamaway Baby Sling

Building Emotional Understanding

The hip modern cloth nappies are soft, beautifully designed, well fitting and colourful. With so many modern cloth nappies on the market, it can be confusing when searching for a brand that is not only functional and colourful, but well priced also. The hippybottomus ‘one size fits most’ nappies are functional, well fitting and colorful. As a full time user of modern cloth nappies, I loved road testing this product.

Babywearing is such a beautiful experience for both parent and child, but with so many varieties on the market it is difficult to choose one!

Mamaway have taken some of the guess work out by releasing their Mamaway Sling which is perfect for Summer (and all year round!).

It is made from 100% cotton so it breathes during those hot Summer days. It is also machine washable which is great as a well used sling needs a good wash from time to time! It also is made with a durable nylon ring tested to carry up to 50kgs! It also comes with an in-built carry pouch for convenient storage when you are not using it.

The design of the sling is to ensure comfort for both parent and baby ~ which, after using I agree with!

I had heard a lot about Hand in Hand Parenting and was interested in their gentle approach to child-rearing. When offered a position in a course ran by one of our contributors, Rachel Schofield, I jumped at the opportunity.

It was a 6 week course designed to help you understand: • The six tools needed to raise a happy, well-rounded child • The common causes of crying and its benefits • Why your child throws tantrums and how you can respond to them • How your child’s emotions work • How to heal your child’s fears • How to help an angry child become playful and compassionate It ran as a small group (in my group there was only one other woman) over a telephone conference line. This was actually really beneficial as you get to listen to other peoples issues and how they are dealing with them. Before each conference, there was some reading and activities to have tried with our children.

During the conference, we discussed our thoughts and feelings surrounding each of the topics and how the activities went with our children. I for one gained so many new insights into William (27 months) emotions that I do believe our relationship has become stronger.

$12.95

The liners are made from 100% bamboo microfiber fleece and is highly absorbent; great for sensitive baby skin.

Highbacking, contoured elastic and waterproof PUL cover means there are no leaks from those poo explosions! The multifit system allows for a custom fit, saving you money as the nappy grows with your child.

With summer here, the range of designs and bright colors are too cute not to show off! This nappy would be a great addition to any MCN stash

$74.95

There are 19 different colours and patterns to choose from, so choosing one that both parents can wear is easy too!

Positions: 3 positions (front, hip and back) Weight: Up to 50kg (which is my weight!)

Sizes: 1 size fits all (designed to fit all body shapes and sizes )

www.hippybottomus.com.au

Eco Party Box

$74.50 (for 16 piece pack) We live in an age of convenience ~ but that doesn’t have to mean social and environmental neglect. That is where the Eco Party Box steps in! This pack, which comes in a cardboard picnic hamper box is complete with everything you need for a beautiful garden party. For the food there is: • 16 small white plates (180mm) and white bowls (354ml) made from sugar cane fibre • 16 FSC certified wooden cutlery - knives, forks and spoons • 16 small compostable single-wall cups (6 ounce) • 3 large white platters • 50 x white sugarcane and bamboo mix lunch napkins • 1 x 30 litre disposable bag made from corn starch For the party side, there is: • 5 handmade 100% beeswax birthday candles • 16 biodegradable multi-colored latex balloons (colours vary) • 16 x colourful paper loot bags (measuring 165 x 90 x 45mm) • 16 x coloured tumble gemstones (4 of each - rose quartz, citrine, amethyst and aventurine).

• 16 x jiffy pots and your choice of seeds. (See below: Sunflower (Mammoth), Tomato (Roma), Basil (Sweet), Parsley (Curled), Lettuce (Simpson), Jap Pumpkin and Waltham Butternut (Pumpkin) I loved the whole concept that it is all biodegradable and compostable, but even more so, I loved the quality of the products! www.ecopartybox.com.au

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www.mamaway.com.au

Milkbar Portable Nursing Pillow $69.95

When I first started breastfeeding I would continually get cramps and the cramps turned into an inability to lift my arm above shoulder height. It was only with the use of a breastfeeding pillow that my arm stopped cramping and I could regain movement in my arm thus being able to enjoy the breastfeeding experience.

The MilkBar is a God send for mothers ~ both pregnant and those with babies. During pregnancy, it can be used as a pregnancy pillow between your legs~ for those seemingly endless uncomfortable nights!

During breastfeeding, as it is a contoured pillow, it molds around the mother’s body and is slightly elevated and wider at one end to ensure the baby is lifted up to breast height while still being able to lay comfortably on mum’s lap! This helps relax the shoulders, back and arms during feeding to prevent aches and pains associated with breastfeeding.

It has a zip-off washable cover (cotton) and washable inner pillow (polyester filling), but you can also buy additional covers in case of emergencies! But by far, the best features of the Milkbar is that it is compact and comes in a case so that you can take it anywhere! As most other breastfeeding pillows I have seen are large and combersome.

It’s non allergenic, odourless and comes in three colour combinations, brown/sand, pink/sand and blue/san. www.fertilemind.com.au

$297.00 (6 week course)

www.likeripples.com Moltex Eco Nappies provide the best for your baby – free from harmful chemicals, high performance, no compromise!

Moltex Eco Disposable Nappies

• Winner of the Peekaboo ‘Design Award’ 2013 • Outstanding moisture protection • 100% biodegradable outer lining, 40% biodegradable inner lining with 100% FSC certified wood pulp (from responsibly managed forests) • Perfect fit with secure resealable tapes • Comfort recess for newborn umbilical cord

$18.95 (newborn ~ 28 nappies)

I was looking forward to trying the new look Moltex nappies, and product information, they did not disappoint. For They were a samples & stockists call 1300 767 065 or go to www.moltex.com.au snug fit and the reusable tabs https://www.facebook.com/www.moltex.com.au did not come loose. Unless there was an earth moving seismic event, they really did a great job of catching everything. The newborn ones tested even had a comfort recess for the umbilical cord. The one thing that really stood out when using the Moltex nappies is that the odour was considerably reduced. After using a full pack there was no sign of rash or discomfort so they proved to be gentle on the skin.

Moltex has recently relaunched their eco nappy with a new look, new innovative features and a new sizing range.

On the technical side, they utilise a 3 layer absorption system, they are chlorine free, and use no lotions or perfumes.

Practically they are snug, the tabs are reusable, there is an outer leak guard, and tea leaf extract to reduce odours, just to name a few.

Moltex certainly tick a lot of boxes when it comes to choosing eco-friendly nappies. Moltex Natures No.1 nappies are predominately biodegradable and made from 50% renewable resources. Moltex also helps the regeneration of Australia’s native bushland by sponsoring “Trees for Life”. For more information check out their website.

If you are looking new nappies, you must try these. www.moltex.com.au

United Parenting Arnaum Walkley looks at ways that parents can ensure that they are united in raising their children As you experience the wondrous journey that parenting can be, it can lead you to the discovery of your own nature.

Children are mirrors and little emotional thermometers reacting to what is happening around them. They are watching, listening, learning ~ all of the time. Parents are their teachers, and so ‘walking your talk’ and being a guiding example is very important to their well being.

As you share your life with your precious little individual, you will require a personal map that both parents can navigate.

This will assist in guiding you all through the many twists and turns of your journey that lead to your destination of raising a secure, loving, independent being.

As your child did not arrive with a ‘How to’ manual or map, you will need to create your own. As a parent steering down life’s road, a positive goal to aim for is to share the wheel, and focus on creating an open and honest relationship with your partner or support person.

Staying on the same path, moving in the same direction, will assist in preventing confusion, crashes and ‘hitting the wall.’ When parents are united they utilise the same map and allow for deviations and adjust by finding a more suitable path, supporting each other along the way.

‘Conscious Parenting’ is an awareness of the roles we play within our parenting relationships, and having the courage to take the steps for new roles to form if necessary. Being in touch with our strengths and how we choose to express and react to different situations. This concept of parenting allows your child’s journey to be paved with opportunities. It allows them to develop and reinforce their sense of identity and security as they grow in a loving, nurturing, safe environment.

These following points are suggestions to enhance your skills in creating a united parenting front.

• Give yourself time to adjust to new experiences and different thoughts and feelings.

• Create a safe, healthy environment with supportive boundaries to enhance freedom of expression.

• Be responsible for your own reactions.

• Consider the concept that mistakes are an opportunity to learn how to do things differently next time.

• Forgive yourself and your partner for not being able to mind read and be perfect.

• Hold each other in respect, especially when your partner may be vulnerable. Take the wheel for awhile and offer them some ‘time out’ to fill up their tank and express how they feel, without judgment.

• Focus on each other’s strengths, and what you both desire and choose for your family. Not what you don’t want.

• If you feel scared or overwhelmed about your role as a parent, ask for love, understanding and a really big cuddle.

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• Ask specifically for what you want, your partner is not a mind reader.

INTENTIONAL DIALOGUE

Intentional dialogue is loving, compassionate communication expressed in words and action. The use of language is positive and builds self esteem and self respect for all involved.

• Use constructive questions and statements, coming from a responsible ‘I’ position and not blaming, or pointing the finger with the ‘YOU………’.

• Remember the importance of body, eye and facial expression, as well as tone of voice, in your communication.

Only 7% of communication is verbal, 38% tonality and 55% physiology.

• Be PRESENT and pay attention to your partner, NO interrupting, or jumping ahead with what you want to say back to them. Support and reassure them by using lots of eye contact and touch.

• When a situation needs to be addressed, organizing an appropriate time for both of you is beneficial. Arrange a date together if that is what it takes. If emotions are running high take time out and resolve the issue when everyone is feeling calmer.

• Seek help in healing old sub-conscious wounds and programming that can contribute to re-active behaviours that do not serve you or your family.

• Keep your sense of humor.

• Be open to change, and different points of view. Remember that your children adore you and are very forgiving if you don’t always ‘get it right’.

MIRRORING: Checking with the other person to make sure you understand them correctly. Not adding or taking away dialogue or presuming what they are saying.

VALIDATING: Letting the other person know that it is all right for them to have thoughts and feelings even if you do not agree, or it does not make sense to you.

EMPATHISING: Recognising the other person’s feelings and emotions, feel what they are feeling, and express that as well as you can.

Arnaum Walkley is a counsellor, parenting coach and accredited NLP Practitioner. Arnaum also provides a supportive and informative service for parents through Parenting Solutions (www.parentingsolutions.com.au)