MY VERY
BEST 15 TIPS
TO OVERCOMING
A BREAKUP
YOU DIDN’T WANT AND LIVE A LIFE ON YOUR TERMS by Daryl Moore
T
hank you for downloading my free report on the 15 very best tips to apply after a breakup. Of the over 100 tips I have created for people, these 15 gems are some of the most effective to use following a breakup or divorce. I realize how difficult it can be experiencing a breakup, especially when the breakup wasn’t your idea. I have felt the pain of being abandoned by the woman I loved and losing my family to a divorce. According to the Holmes and Rahe Stress Scale studies, a divorce (or relationship equivalent) is only second to a death of a spouse. In a close second is marital separation. The tips included can help you to reduce the stress included in a breakup or divorce.
VITAL MINDSET To move past a breakup or divorce it is a must to have a mindset that you currently have what it takes to move on. Before utilizing the tips provided, start with a huge win on your part by adopting the mindset below. When you have it memorized and ingrained in your mind, check it off and move on to the tips provided. You have everything within you that was there when you entered the relationship. Accept that you are able to move on and that everything you need to make your life great is already a part of you.
Until we make a decision to move past a breakup or divorce we will remain stuck. Our reaction to the situation is far more important to getting on with our lives than the situation itself. A monumental piece of the equation is believing we have what it takes inside to create a better life for ourselves from here forward.
Daryl Moore
SEPARATION OF YOUR IDENTITY FROM THE EX I
n a relationship, we tend to get used to our daily exposure to the other person and we adapt to having them as a part of our world. Our minds trick us into thinking that we are nothing without the other person. During a breakup or divorce, the other person may also say things that get us thinking that we need them in order to live a fulfilling life. The truth is that we are in a state of hypnosis to think that we need another person to be whole. This simply is not true.
Tip 1:
NOT A FIT LIST. Take the time to list
all of the things that were not so great about the relationship. List all of the things that drove you crazy about the other person that Best 15 Tips to Overcoming a Breakup
is less stressful for you now that they are not around. What did you have to compromise on that was not really a part of your identity prior? What did you have to set aside in your life because of the presence of the other person? Describe your answers with emotion.
Tip 2:
THE OTHER 50. Realize that you
were 50 percent of what constituted the relationship. What did you contribute that made the relationship grow? What special qualities do you have that made the other person lucky to have you? Understand that these qualities are still there and can be applied to any relationship. 3
OVERCOMING NEGATIVE EMOTIONS Tip 3: REVERSE MIND TECHNIQUE. Start concentrating on what is still positive in your life after the breakup. Create a gratitude list of all that is good, or could be considered good if you wanted it to be. What is working in your life? What is still in your life that you can rely on? Social aspects, your career, a place to call home, a car that gets you to where you want to go, food in your fridge, a bed to sleep in…anything good counts.
Tip 4: FIVE MINUTE RULE. Apply the 5
Minute Rule to the negative emotions you are experiencing. If we allow negative thoughts and feelings to overcome us consistently, we fall into a victim role and can lose hours, days,
Best 15 Tips to Overcoming a Breakup
weeks, and even months if we aren’t careful. By being aware when negative emotions arise, we can let them pass through us quickly and get back to positive thought processes. Give yourself five minutes to address the emotion and then let it go. Keep your gratitude list close and review if needed.
Tip 5: ZAP THE 20. List the 20 percent of
the people who cause you 80 percent of your stress and bad feelings. Your goal is to eliminate those people from your life as quickly as possible. If you can’t eliminate them from your life, like family or people at work, the goal is to reduce the time around them and get around people who lift you up.
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Tip 6: INSPIRED JOURNALS. Go
to the store and purchase several spiral notebooks and writing pens that feel great to write with. Every time you have an inspiring thought about your life, capture those in your notebook. Accumulate all the positive thoughts. To imbed the thoughts in your mind even more, take time to create a computer file and type all the positive thoughts. If feeling down, pull out your notebooks or printed files and simply read your entries and put as much positive emotion into your view as possible.
Tip 8: YOUR EMOTIONAL BANK ACCOUNT. You only have a limited
number of minutes in your life to be happy and at peace. Think of a bank account. Every positive thought, emotion, and action can be considered a deposit in your account. Every negative thought, emotion, and action can be considered a withdrawal. Aim to make and keep your balance as high as possible.
Tip 9:
Tip 7:
FEAR INTO ACTION. Take out a
TRIGGER HAPPY. List all of the
items that trigger negative feelings for you. Pictures you keep around of your ex, places you go that reminds you of them, activities that you did together, shows you watched together, or even possessions you purchased together. Come up with a strategy to overcome each. Plan new rituals that don’t throw you back into negative feelings. Start trying new restaurants, take down pictures and put them away or add new pictures without the ex in them, and plan different activities that are unique to you.
pad of paper to write on. List the worst-case scenario that can happen after the breakup or divorce. Get all of your worst fears out of your brain and onto paper. Write them in detail. Most fears and worries never materialize. Still, you want to define them so you have the power to let them go. After defining the worst-case scenario, simply go to work each moment to create the opposite effect. Commit to making it a best-case scenario instead.
THE GOAL IS TO ELIMINATE NEGATIVE AND STRESSFUL PEOPLE FROM YOUR LIFE AS QUICKLY AS POSSIBLE. IF YOU CAN’T ELIMINATE THEM FROM YOUR LIFE, LIKE FAMILY OR PEOPLE AT WORK, THE GOAL IS TO REDUCE THE TIME AROUND THEM AND INSTEAD GET AROUND PEOPLE WHO LIFT YOU UP. — Daryl Moore
Best 15 Tips to Overcoming a Breakup
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ACHIEVING SELF-SUFFICIENCY Tip 10: GOING, GOING, GONE. Accept
that it is over. If you know the relationship is over, don’t have a fantasy of false hope about getting them back. This topic is important because the longer you hold their importance to your life in your brain, the more difficult it will be to let them go and move on with your own life.
Tip 11: SKILL COMPOUNDING. List all
of the skills that you will need to live a life of your choosing. If your ex did the finances, set a goal and plan to learn how to master finance. What skills are vital to the new direction you are heading in your life? You can also list meaningful hobbies to your list of skills. The more you learn, the less you feel reliance on the person who you went through the breakup or divorce with.
Tip 12:
versus brainless focuses. No matter if you own a home or are renting an apartment or room, make it truly home. Even if you are on a budget, make it exactly what you want and focus on how great it is to be home. Keep symbols of meaning all around you. I have a compass pendant that reminds me to stay “true north” in my life and it keeps me targeted on my values and goals. Make your life a reflection of where you are going ideally and not something that has you going through the motions.
Tip 13: CONTROL REDUCTION. In
order to simply your life and not bang your head against the wall, list the things in your life that you can and can’t control. Start with what you spend a great deal of time agonizing over and trying to control that is simply outside of your control. Make a pact to no longer invest in actions for scenarios you cannot control. Surrender those items and place your focus on what is within your realm of influence.
LEANING ON MEANING. Truly focus on meaning for each area of your life and simplify your life to live in meaning Best 15 Tips to Overcoming a Breakup
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MOVING FORWARD A
fter you have addressed the identity dismantling, negative emotions, and becoming self-sufficient, now is the time to start heading toward a life that is right for you.
Tip 14: MIND MAP POSTER. Go to the
store and purchase multiple poster boards and a couple Sharpie markers and find a space to go to work. Start in the center and draw a circle with the words, “My New Life” in the middle. Draw lines from the center and define all the things you must do in your new life to make it a life of your design. At this point, you don’t need a ton of detailed descriptions. Just write the area of life and then make sub topics under each that will be included in your reality. Just let the mind flow and capture it all. You can get separate notebooks to create
Best 15 Tips to Overcoming a Breakup
an action plan for each after. Just get it out of your mind and onto the poster board. If you choose, you can do a different one for each area of life. Some categories include: self care/ health, finances, travel, roles you play in life (at home, at work, as a parent, or any major area), education/skills, material goals, social/ relationships, and career.
Tip 15: EMOTIONAL BONDING. After
getting your new life on poster boards, you will have a bird’s eye view of the future you wish to create. Now is the time to sit down and get your hand moving. Write details for each item you came up with. A short and effective book of his for the goal setting process is called “BullsEye: The Power of Focus” by Brian Tracy and available on Amazon. Then you can place your focus on making a great life for yourself versus staying stuck in a life that no longer exists.
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Meet Daryl I am the author of the book Abandoned and Shattered: Surviving and Thriving After a Breakup You Didn’t Want. I truly understand the pain of being “dumped” in a relationship. After 26 years, my wife filed a sudden divorce. Right before our divorce, we experienced a house fire that consumed many of our personal possessions of meaning. A little over a year after the divorce, we lost our 14-yearold son to suicide. I am fortunate to utilize my experiences help others transition past the emotional trauma of a breakup or divorce and help people get to a life on their terms. I state with absolute certainty that a life of your choosing can be had after a breakup or divorce you didn’t want. It is my wish that my journey can help you navigate your own. Please visit my website at http://www.afterrelationship.com to learn more about my work and how I can help you overcome negative emotions and get back on your feet faster after a breakup or divorce.