NUVO: Indy's Alternative Voice - December 2, 2015

THISWEEK Vol. 26 Issue 21 issue #1221

06 ISRAEL/PALESTINE

08 BOB

ED WENCK

ewenck@nuvo.net

COVER

30 SLEATER-KINNEY

14 POP UP ART

17 HOLIDAY THEATER!

AMBER STEARNS

MANAGING EDITOR

NEWS EDITOR

@edwenck

astearns@nuvo.net

08 NEWS

Bob signs off Half of the Bob and Tom show — the one in the Dodgers hat with the last name “Kevoian” — announced his retirement during his Hall-of-Fame induction speech. NUVO sat down with Bob for a lengthy Q&A.

Bob signs off..................................... P.08 Radio lingo 101................................. P.09

NEXT WEEK

EMILY TAYLOR

@amberlstearns

ARTS EDITOR

etaylor@nuvo.net

Israel/Palestine.................................. P.06 VOICES Leppert on politics with no Plan B.... P.04 Krull on guns and public safety......... P.05 Hoosiers in Paris for COP21............... P.23 Sex Doc.............................................. P.35

SARAH MURRELL

FOOD EDITOR

@emrotayl

06 ARTS

Although Syria is the global focus of aggression and religious persecution, there is still conflict between Israel and Palestine​ in Gaza and the West Bank. Contributing writer Dan Grossman records the reflections of a Hoosier whose visit to the region reaffirmed her work to campaign for peace.

smurrell@nuvo.net

14 FOOD

A group of graduate students is using a pop up art show to research gender during December’s First Friday. We also have a roundup of holiday shows in local theater and a list of films on Netflix that you’re likely to see at the Oscars.

Pop up art.......................................... P.14 Holiday theater................................. P.17 SCREENS Ed Johnson-Ott on waiting for Star Wars................................. P.18 Oscars on Netflix............................... P.19

WHAT’S HAPPENING ON THE WEB

THE COCKTAIL GUIDE Not just recipes! Indy’s best bartenders portray the “spirit” of a spirit they pour — what would Irish whiskey look like if it became a sentient being?

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Vol. 26 Issue 36 issue #1236

BRIAN WEISS, ENGAGEMENT EDITOR

bweiss@nuvo.net

@bweiss14

Here’s what’s hot on NUVO.net currently: An open letter to Gov. Pence from Earth Charter Indiana regarding his position on Syrian immigrants. And all the details on how to celebrate Prohibition repeal properly on Dec. 5th — with copious amounts of beer, of course.

KATHERINE COPLEN

@likesquirrel317

SENIOR EDITOR/MUSIC EDITOR

kcoplen@nuvo.net

@tremendouskat

20 MUSIC

This week, it’s all about finding great places to dine out when you’re doing your shopping, and treating yourself to a good homecooked dinner when it’s all done. Catch our review of Castleton Mall food on page 20, then find some good options for mall-centric dining, and a complete how-to on getting a delicious, restaurant-style steak.

Shop and eat..................................... P.20 Mall food........................................... P.20 Restaurant steak............................... P.22

28

Our feminist super heroes Sleater-Kinney let us talk their ear off before their Old National Centre show on Friday (pssst: check out the contributions from Girls Rock Indy, too!).

Plus: Brett does the Gear and Beer thing with Big Colour; Kyle talks conscious reggae with Kingly T before his album release, I chat up Walk The Moon about their Indy connections — and yep, Soundcheck still has literally dozens of great concerts for you to hit up this week.

Sleater-Kinney................................... P.30 Kyle and Kingly.................................. P.32 Gear, beer, Big Colour........................ P.28

FREELANCE CONTRIBUTORS

LETTERS TO THE FUTURE (RE: COP21)

NUVO — in print and online — is publishing excerpts from the “Letters to the Future:” “a national project involving … authors, artists, scientists and others willing to get creative and draft letters to future generations of their own families, predicting the success or failure of the Paris talks—and what came after.”

CONTRIBUTORS EDITORS@NUVO.NET FILM EDITOR ED JOHNSON-OTT COPY EDITOR CHRISTINE BERMAN CONTRIBUTING EDITOR DAVID HOPPE CONTRIBUTING ARTISTS WAYNE BERTSCH, MICHELLE CRAIG

CONTRIBUTING WRITERS BRETT ALDERMAN, DAN GROSSMAN, LAUREN KASTNER, RITA KOHN, JOHN KRULL, MICHAEL LEPPERT, KYLE LONG, LISA GAUTHIER MITCHISON, SAM WATERMEIER

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VOICES O

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BLOCKING THE VIEW OF THE EXIT

As someone who has spent many years implementing public policy, I call that a plan for mass hysteria.

Next, let’s discuss the refugee blockade plans in 29 states. It’s a sound-bite, Twitter- post plan that wasn’t thought out. At the top of the list of its problems is the obvious lack of authority to block the program. President Obama could ignore the Tweets, and go on about his day. He could also instruct the federal agencies to implement the program via Washington. In Indiana terms, there are only a couple of people in state government working on this entire program anyway.

Gov. Rick Snyder from Michigan was the first to announce his plan to block refugees. His language is significantly softer now than it was on Black Monday (Nov. 16) — and it was pretty soft to begin with. But in many states that followed where citizens have celebrated the fearful announcements as some kind of Christian victory against Islam, America is just starting to seem Politicians no longer develop a Plan B like someplace other than America. because Plan A was never even a “plan” If governors were actually concerned about in the first place. their states’ safety and security, could they have expressed that in a civil communication to the president Politicians no longer develop a Plan B without the inflammatory, and ignorant, because Plan A was never even a “plan” blockade “plans?” Yes, they could have. in the first place. Plan A is becoming Would the possibilities for a Plan B have more like a “meme,” designed to rile been better? Yes, they would have. up blindly loyal folks who will insist Finally, Indiana is at the beginning of the punchline is a brilliant display of a legislative civil rights battle. It is a fight thoughtful leadership.

First up this week is Donald Trump. He between the religious community (again, see above) and the LGBT community. won’t rule out requiring Muslims to have And more importantly, it is not the “beIDs designating them as such and he ginning.” While many don’t realize it, our is also looking “very, very closely at the Mosques” — since, in his mind, so much hatred is coming from those houses of worship. If 10 years ago someone had told me the leading Republican (or Democrat) presidential candidate was suggesting such things, I would have been on the edge of my seat waiting for the inevitable news of said candidate’s political destruction. For those who don’t see the problem with Trump’s stance, substitute “Christian” — or “Jewish” — for “Muslim” in the sentence above and think about it.

Then imagine it as a reality. ne of the first things the passengers on a commercial flight are told is to find the location of the nearest exit. Nice opener, I always thought.

“Welcome to our comfortable and safe vessel designed to magically deliver you hundreds or thousands of miles away from here where your dreams can come true! But if the magic fails, frantically scurry for the door over there!”

Plan B is usually less desirable than Plan A. But when there is no Plan B, especially in politics, that’s when the really bad things happen.

A political columnist Tweeted this earlier in the week: “How can a nation with more access to information than at any point in history be filled with so many people who have no clue?” My answer to that is that too many people get information from sources that deliver it with our biases built in and even then, we rarely read past those first 140 characters.

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MICHAEL LEPPERT EDITORS@NUVO.NET Michael Leppert is a public and governmental affairs consultant in Indianapolis and writes about politics, government and anything else that strikes him at IndyContrariana.com.

current predicament in Indiana isn’t Plan B, it is more like Plan E or even more appropriately, Plan F. Are there opponents to the idea of protecting the LGBT community as a class who believe that the public opposition to it will continue to grow? If so, they aren’t paying attention. The issue is trending away from them and will never return.

At the same time from the religious freedom perspective of the debate, didn’t Indiana pass the Religious Freedom Restoration Act last session? Twice? Why yes, we did.

Since the infamous March 29 ABC News episode, “This Week,” when Gov. Mike Pence defiantly refused to say that RFRA did not create a license to discriminate against gays, Indiana has been done with Plan A. A good exit strategy should have been developed immediately. Eight months later, the resolution to that historically significant screw-up in our history still is not within sight.

It’s as if a dark cloud is blocking the view of the exit.

There are a few things that I believe which are either already true, or eventually will be true. The United States of America will always protect its citizens’ freedom of religion. All religions. Its people will also not tolerate discrimination against identifiable classes of people, including those born and raised elsewhere, and those who are lesbian, gay, bisexual or transgender.

For those Americans troubled by this, it is time for you to begin looking for that elusive exit.

So back on that commercial flight, imagine Donald Trump, or any of the blockade governors making the announcements. They might say: “Fire up the engines! We are going to Vegas! Let’s pray for the best.”

And then nothing else. n

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I

VOICES

THE NERVE OF SOME PEOPLE

ndiana lawmakers have a long list of people from whom they don’t want to hear about guns and gun violence.

Marion County Prosecutor Terry Curry told me once that prosecutors tried to talk with the Indiana General Assembly about the consequences of Indiana’s lax gun laws, some of the loosest in the nation.

“They (state legislators) have made it clear that they’re not interested in hearing what we have to say,” Curry said.

And why should legislators listen to the state’s prosecutors? The prosecutors are just the folks who have to try the cases and enforce the state’s laws. What could they possibly have to contribute to a discussion about guns and public safety?

Police officers and police chiefs have told me they have attempted to talk with our lawmakers about firearms and violent crime. “The legislators pretty much patted us on the head and told us not to worry our pretty little heads about it,” one police officer said to me with a snort.

And why should legislators listen to the state’s police officers? The cops – such as the one who just died in the domestic terrorist attack on a Planned Parenthood office in Colorado Springs – are just the people getting shot at while they try to protect us. What could they

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BRINGING COMEDY TO INDY FOR 34 YEARS

JOHN KRULL EDITORS@NUVO.NET John Krull is director of Franklin College’s Pulliam School of Journalism, host of “No Limits” WFYI 90.1 Indianapolis and publisher of TheStatehouseFile.com.

contribute to a discussion about guns and public safety?

The list of people from whom our legislators do not want to hear about guns is likely to grow even longer.

Indianapolis television WISH and Ball State University added some questions about guns to their Hoosier Survey.

That poll revealed that Hoosiers are worried – really, really worried – about guns and gun violence.

More than four out of five of the state’s citizens want to see universal background checks on potential gun purchasers and would like to prevent people with mental illnesses from having access to firearms. More than half would like to see a federal database of firearm ownership and a ban on assault rifles.

Not that this is likely to make much of a difference.

Lucas and other legislators have made it clear that the citizens of Indiana won’t have much of a voice in shaping their state’s gun laws.

After the mass shooting in Oregon, Lucas told a reporter for an Indianapolis radio station that no amount of public concern about guns and gun violence was likely to sway What could they possibly have the state’s lawmakers because the NRA owns our legislature. Lucas to contribute to a discussion boasted that 73 percent of the members of the Indiana House of about guns and public safety?

Representatives have “A” ratings from the NRA – which receives the overwhelming majority of its possibly have to contribute to a discusfunding not from its members, but from sion about guns and public safety? firearms manufacturers. Those gun comVictims of gun violence also struggle panies are less concerned with questions to find a sympathetic ear when they visit of constitutional principle and public the Statehouse. safety than they are with preserving the Shannon Watts, a Hoosier who cash flow that accompanies the unfetlaunched the group Moms Demand Actered sale of deadly weapons. tion for Gun Sense, visited the Indiana And why should legislators listen to General Assembly last year, only to be the state’s citizens about guns and gun insulted and bullied by Indiana Rep. Jim violence? The state’s citizens are just the Lucas, R-Seymour – the lawmaker who ones who pay the taxes, cast the votes also happens to be the National Rifle Asand establish the sovereignty that gives sociation’s chief cheerleader in Indiana. government its authority.

And why should legislators listen to Come to think of it – these prosecuthe state’s moms, dads, friends and famtors, police officers, moms, dads and ily members of people who have been ordinary citizens have a lot of nerve. affected by gun violence? They are just It’s almost as if they think their state the ones who worry and fret, grieve and government actually belongs to them. n suffer. What could they possibly have to

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PARIS CLIMATE TALKS

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BUILDING BRIDGES IN ISRAEL/PALESTINE

World leaders from more than 190 countries have convened in Paris for the long-awaited United Nations Climate Change Conference.

Will the governments of the world finally pass a binding global treaty aimed at reducing the most dangerous impacts of global warming … or will they fail in this task?

Letters to the Future, a national project involving more than 40 alternative weeklies across the United States, set out to find authors, artists, scientists and others willing to get creative and draft letters to future generations of their own families, predicting the success or failure of the Paris talks — and what came after.

Some participants were optimistic about what is to come — some not so much.

— EDITORS My Endless Sky Dear Future Robinsons, Back around the turn of the century, flying to space was a rare human privilege, a dream come true, the stuff of movies (look it up), and an almost impossible ambition for children the world around.

But I was one of those fortunate. And what I saw from the cold, thick, protective windows of the Space Shuttle is something that, despite my 40 years of dreaming (I was never a young astronaut), I never remotely imagined.

Not that I was new to imagining things. As you may know, I was somehow born with a passion for the sky, for flight, and for the mysteries of the atmosphere. I built and flew death-defying gliders, learned to fly properly, earned university degrees in the science of flight, and then spent the rest of my life exploring Earth’s atmosphere from below it, within it, and above it. My hunger was never satisfied, and my love of flight never waned at all, even though it tried to kill me many times.

As I learned to fly in gliders, then small aircraft, then military jets, I always had the secure feeling that the atmosphere was the infinite “long delirious burning blue” of Magee’s poem, even though of all people, I well knew about space and its nearness. It seemed impossible to believe that with just a little more power and a little more bravery, I couldn’t continue to climb higher and higher on “laughter-silvered wings.”

My life was a celebration of the infinite gift of sky, atmosphere, and flight.

But what I saw in the first minutes of entering space, following that violent, life-changing rocket-ride, shocked me.

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Erin Polley makes connections between Peace and Justice Issues in the Mideast and at Home

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B Y D A N G RO S S M A N DG R O S S MA N @ N U V O . N E T

hile Governor Mike Pence denies asylum to Syrian refugees and Donald Trump talks about building walls on borders, Indianapolis resident Erin Polley is building bridges between Israel/Palestine and the Hoosier state.

Polley is the Program Coordinator of the Indiana Peace Building Program, under the auspices of the American Friends Service Committee (AFSC). On Dec. 8, she will give a talk at the University of Indianapolis on her September trip to Israel/Palestine with an AFSC delegation.

During the trip the delegation visited the Gaza Strip — which is still reeling from the Israeli incursion and bombardment in the summer of 2014 — and the West Bank, which is under Israeli occupation.

“The purpose of sending staff there was to deepen our understanding of our organization’s role in this work,” says Polley. “But also to make connections with the work that’s happening in the United States in terms of militarization of US society and the work that we do on the U.S./Mexico border, the work that we do in the private prison industry, and the work we do with youth and farmers….

So that’s why I went is because the AFSC is helping facilitate those connections.”

Polley, who had never been in the Mideast before, found the militarization in Israel a shock.

“As an outsider it was very challenging for me to be around that all the time, seeing 18-year-old soldiers at every street corner in Jerusalem carrying weapons.”

Even more of a shock was her 24-hourlong visit to the Gaza Strip on her third day in Israel/Palestine. This coastal strip, 25 miles long and in some places no more than 4 miles wide, has one of the highest population densities in the world, containing more than 1.5 million people. And its people, fenced off from Israel and Egypt — and the rest of the world — are reduced to recycling cement rubble to make construction materials because of Israel’s blockade.

Israel claims that this blockade is necessary to prevent Hamas from rebuild-

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ber who lived there. The neighborhood had been devastated by Israeli bombardment the previous summer.

“We were just driving around, and [our guide] was showing us particular neighborhoods and he said, “Let’s see if this guy’s out working,” says Polley. And we stopped in and said hello and he showed us what he was working on and saw that they were starting to clear out the rubble right next to where he had set up his open air shop.”

SUBMITTED PHOTO The blacksmith’s shop as well as his Erin Polley is the program coordinator for the home had been destroyed by Israeli bomIndiana Peace Building Program, a program of bardments and his family was living in a the American Friends Service Committee. shipping container. He had received an AFSC microloan to replace his equipment. ing smuggling tunnels and obtaining They visited a youth group, Palestinian weapons for attacks on the Jewish state.

Youth Together for Change, facilitated by Hamas, which governs Gaza, is considAFSC. The young Gazan participants were ered to be a terrorist organization by the between the ages of 18-23.

U.S. and most western countries. But “They were sharing their stories left-of-center critics contend that Israel about people who had been killed and is putting Gaza “on a diet,” (as was said been put in prison,” says Polley. “Some of us were getting really emotional “The purpose of sending staff there and one of the young said, “Why are was to deepen our understanding of women you crying for us? This is our organization’s role in this work.” our life. This is our reality.

Why are you crying? You — ERIN POLLEY, live in the United States.

This is happening in your INDIANA PEACE BUILDING PROGRAM name.’ All that we could say to that is that we were crying because we recogby senior Israeli advisor Dov Weinglass in nize the humanity of people in Gaza.”

The AFSC delegation stayed overnight 2006), so that Gazans will blame Hamas at a hotel along the Mediterranean shore for their predicament. in which they were required to stay by On the third day of their trip, Polley the Israeli military. and the AFSC delegation crossed into “We came out at eight in the morning to Gaza at Erez from Israel. have breakfast. It was a beautiful scene,” After a briefing with the UN outlining says Polley. “It was like being on vacation, the catastrophic state of Gazan infraand then my colleague Jennifer Bing pointstructure, they went into the Shejaiyah ed out that where we were was right on neighborhood with an AFSC staff mem-

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the beach where the Bakr boys were killed, right in front of our hotel. I think it was our hotel or the hotel next to it was where the US journalists were who witnessed the entire thing happen. That just said to me how blatant…this assault on Gaza was.”

(As reported in the New York Times on July 16, 2014, the Israeli military labeled the airstrike that killed the four boys a “tragic outcome,” which they claimed was aimed at Hamas militants.)

Polley thought that Gaza would be the most difficult part of the trip for her.

That actually came a few days later in the West Bank city of Hebron, where she saw direct interactions and confrontations between Palestinians, Jewish settlers, and Israeli Defense Forces (IDF) soldiers.

They visited a formerly open-air market that is now draped with tarps and wire mesh because the settlers who live above the market often dump trash out their windows. And then they had a runin with an Orthodox Jewish man.

This particular man made a practice of blowing his shofar [ram’s horn] over the Muslim call to prayer. It was part of his daily routine as he walked near the Ibrahimi Mosque and the Cave of the Patriarchs, holy to both Muslims and Jews.

One of the women in Polley’s group, an Israeli, went up to the man as he was blowing the horn and asked him in Hebrew, “What are you doing?” He responded by pushing her and blowing the horn in her ear. IDF soldiers intervened and told the AFSC delegation to walk away.

The carnival-like atmosphere of the scene struck Polley, as there were numerous American Jewish tourists who had recently pulled up in tour buses outside a visitor’s center.

“After they [the tourists] saw this conflict he followed us out to the street so we were walking away and he blew the shofar in our direction and all of these people and children were standing in a line behind him blowing whistles and making sounds all directed at us,” says Polley.

The AFSC delegation also met up with two Italians living near Hebron who worked for Dove International. The Italians worked escorting children back and forth to school, and frequently found themselves asking children their ages, as IDF soldiers detain any Palestinian children over the age of 12.

Polley was able to assess to some degree the political outlook of the Palestinians who she met. Most with whom she talked don’t believe in a two-state solution to the Israeli-Palestinian conflict anymore, she said.

Indeed, most Palestinians believe in a solution that would allow the Palestinian right of return to pre-1967 Israel

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PARIS CLIMATE TALKS C O N T I N U E D F R O M P A G E 06 If you look at Earth’s atmosphere from orbit, you can see it “on edge”—gazing towards the horizon, with the black of space above and the gentle curve of the yes-it’s-round planet below.

And what you see is the most exquisite, luminous, delicate glow of a layered azure haze holding the Earth like an ethereal eggshell. “That’s it?!”

I thought. The entire sky—MY endless sky—was only a paper-thin, blue wrapping of the planet, and looking as tentative as frost.

And this is the truth. Our Earth’s atmosphere is fragile and shockingly tiny—maybe 4 percent of the planet’s volume. Of all the life we know about, only one species has the responsibility to protect that precious blue planet-wrap. I hope we did, and I hope you do.

Your ancestor, — STEPHEN K. ROBINSON

Destroyed buildings in Gaza show physically show the conflict (below), while the actions of people (a Jewish man blowing his shofar at others) show the emotional strife (above).

according to a 2014 Washington Institute survey. It is a solution that Israeli historian Benny Morris says would effectively mean the end of Israel as a Jewish state.

But it’s not like the two-state solution track between Israel and the Palestinian authority has gained any ground in the two decades since the Oslo Accords were signed. In this peace vacuum, as it were, the nonviolent Boycott, Divest, Sanctions [BDS] movement was founded. In 2012, AFSC became a supporter of this movement. And this movement, at the very least, means to show Israel that there would be economic repercussions for continued Israeli occupation of the West Bank as well as de-facto occupation of Gaza.

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It’s a movement, however, that has been criticized by some supporters of the two-state solution. Historian Norman Finkelstein, for one, who spoke in Indianapolis in March, sees BDS as disingenuous because its end goal—he claims—can only be a one-state solution. He views it as a pie-in-the-sky solution to which the Israelis would never agree to implement.

He favors the two-state solution—two states for two peoples—that is in accord with international law.

Whatever the endpoint of the BDS founders may be, it cannot be denied that it is a peaceful movement in a hyperviolent region, an example of “economic activism [that] can keep us accountable to our values and affirm our common humanity,” as explained Shan Cretin, the General Secretary of AFSC in a Wall Street Journal op-ed dated Nov. 10, 2015.

There certainly wasn’t any endpoint in sight on Sept. 14, 2015, the last night of Polley’s stay in Israel/Palestine.

“That night we went out to dinner at the Notre Dame of Jerusalem that has this beautiful rooftop that you can oversee all of Jerusalem,” says Polley. “You see the [Dome of the Rock] all lit up and then you see drones flying around it. That was the only thing that I saw different or changed.”

But there had been, indeed, a change.

That day police had been sent in to stop Palestinians from attacking far right Jews visiting the Al-Asqa Mosque compound.

And violence elsewhere resulted, both in Israel and the territories, consisting of Palestinian stabbings of Israelis and the inevitable Israeli retaliation.

September 14 was the start of a whole new round of violence in Israel/Palestine, but unfortunately there was nothing really new about it. n

Stephen Robinson is a former astronaut whose tenure included four shuttle missions and three spacewalks. He is now a professor of mechanical and aerospace engineering at the University of California, Davis.

Rather than a future…

I am sorry. For what we did to the air, what we put in the water, and what we did to the trees. I’m sorry that we did not think ahead, that we didn’t think about your future and only thought about the money changing hands, about the money we would save and forgot to calculate the true cost of it all. We let our choices back you into a corner with little choice but to solve the problems that we ourselves created. We are killing ourselves to lower prices only to raise the price for you and make your lives harder, make your health worse, and leave you with less of a future.

Most of all, we left you with nothing to hope for, only a battle for your immediate future and forcing you to fight for the chance that generations after you will be able to survive. Money and greed and selfishness took over the minds of people with the opportunity to set up and change things for a better future, and spent more time and energy silencing those fighting for the future rather than fixing the problems that were already beginning to appear.

Instead of a future, we have gone and left you with a struggle, and for that I cannot apologize enough.

— KELCIE HOLLINGSWORTH UNITED STATES To write your own letter, visit lettersforthefuture.org.

Go to nuvo.net through Dec. 11 for more letters and updates on the UN Climate Change Conference from NUVO correspondent Lauren Kastner. Conference updates and new letters will be posted daily throughout the duration of the talks.

NUVO.NET/NEWS Visit nuvo.net/news for complete up-to-date News, Voices and more.

NUVO // 100% RECYCLED PAPER // 12.02.15 - 12.09.15 // NEWS 7

I

n 1983, two morning radio guys moved from Petoskey, Michigan to a much bigger market: Indianapolis.

Bob Kevoian and Tom Griswold began a run on an Indy rock station — Q95 — that may be completely unrivaled in its longevity and success. That run will end for Bob as 2015 comes to a close.

On November 5, Bob and Tom — and the rest of the show, including Kristi Lee and Chick McGee — were inducted into the National Radio Hall of Fame. During his induction remarks, Bob announced his retirement: “When I was a teenager, I was a real smart ass. I didn’t get along with my Dad. And he said, ‘If you continue this behavior, you’ll amount to nothing. But you will make it to the Big Mouth Hall of Fame.’ I made it, Dad. I always thought you had to die or be retired for five years to be considered for any hall of fame. Thank god I’m not dead, but I am going to retire at the end of this year and walk away from the mic. Thank you for this great honor.” — Q95.com

THE

EXIT

INTERVIEW

A Q&A with

BOB KEVOIAN

as he retires from the Bob and Tom Show on Dec. 17 B Y E D WE N CK EW EN CK@N U V O . N E T

In 1995, the Bob and Tom show transitioned from “local behemoth” to “syndicated juggernaut.”

Yours truly had a front row seat for the rapid expansion of the show — I worked down the hall from Bob and Tom as half of the Wank and O’Brien Show on X103 (now known as Alt1033) from 1996 to1999. As some voices came and went (Pat Carlini and Mark Patrick, just to name two), the nucleus of the show remained constant: Three dudes and a woman making fun of the news of the day, hosting touring comedians and sprinkling the drive-time slot with sketches (both pre-produced and live, “on-the-fly” bits).

The show — which will continue after Bob departs (“Do you know how many bits my voice is on?” he reminded me just after our interview) — is heard on

On hanging ’em up NUVO: First of all, congratulations on the Hall of Fame induction.

BOB KEVOIAN: Thanks very much. [It was] a big surprise, y’know? Something you don’t expect. … We got into radio because it was fun, and when I met Tom it became even more fun, because we could actually joke around and laugh, and make others laugh.

NUVO: Why [are you retiring] right now?

BOB: Well, I’m also gonna be 65 this year. That’s usually the age everyone shoots for. A friend of ours said, “Why did you decide this year?” I said, “Well, you know, they didn’t pull 65 out of a hat.” There’s a reason people retire at 65 … the body starts to change, things start to change. I find I have a tough time recalling certain things.

NUVO: What do they give you? A plaque, a yellow jacket, a tattoo of Marconi?

BOB: We got a glass thing that says “Hall of Fame.”

NUVO: Tell me about getting the call that you’re going to be in the Hall.

BOB: Believe it or not, I found out on Twitter from a follower that said we were nominated. I had no idea we were nominated. … Then I got a phone call two days later: “Hey, you’re in.”

NUVO: Had you decided that you were going to retire before the Hall thing came?

“We actually thought we’d come down here, fail horribly and go back to Michigan.”

—BOB KEVOIAN

over 150 radio stations, produced over 50 compilation CDs and DVDs and racked up 5 “Marconi Awards,” radio’s answer to the Emmys or Oscars. It’s also spawned TV shows and comedy tours. The show’s done a lot of charity work too, including 8 COVER STORY // 12.02.15 - 12.09.15 // 100% RECYCLED PAPER // NUVO

a famous bet with former Colts center Jeff Saturday that Saturday would never score a touchdown. During the AFC championship game in 2007, Saturday fell on a fumble in the end zone — and cost Bob and Tom $5,000 donated to Saturday’s charity of choice.

Kevoian — avid guitar player, radio Hall of Famer, sporting his signature ‘stache and Dodgers ball cap — brought me in for a sit-down interview in the Bob and Tom studios right after a show on a recent Friday.

BOB: I’d been kind of throwing it around ... it was, “Maybe this is the right time to do it.” And it is.

NUVO: Tell me about the moment when you sit down with Tom and Kristi and Chick … and say, “Hey guys, this is it.”

BOB: Well, I did it with Tom. I didn’t get the opportunity to do it with Chick and Kristi. They found out that evening.

NUVO: What was their reaction?

>>>

<<< BOB: They were, I think, as surprised as everyone else.

Early Bob — and Tom NUVO: Who did you listen to growing up?

BOB: Casey Kasem, Wink Martindale, Bob Eubanks — all the guys that were in radio in Los Angeles, where I grew up, they all became game show hosts. (LAUGHS) … [Also] the boss jocks, Sam Riddle, Machine Gun Kelly, Robert W. Morgan — all those guys were who I listened to … I never dreamed of being in radio.

NUVO: So how do you fall into radio?

I served him a drink — he went to a J. Geils concert and came there after the show … and he heard me talking to a guy who was a jock in Boyne City, talking about how crappy his cart machines were, and [Tom] said, “Are you in radio?”

I said, “Yeah, I do a shift,” and he goes, “Can I come by and look at the trades?”

He came by the next day, looked at the trades, my station manager came in, they chatted, he got hired that afternoon as my program director and we’ve been in radio ever since.

was Indianapolis, so we made the trek.

I said, “Well, we’ll drive down and talk to the guys.” We came down here, they were wonderful to us, and they made us an offer that shocked us — “Really?”

NUVO: To get you out of Petoskey, the competition marketed you guys to other stations around the country, is that correct?

BOB: Yeah, I was making seven grand a year in radio!

“Elvis Duran, who’s out of New York, he was inducted into the Hall of Fame … at an after-party he goes, ‘Thank you! I’ve stolen more stuff from you guys than you could ever imagine.

Thank you so much!’”

—BOB KEVOIAN

BOB: By total accident. Total mistake. I was working sound for a group called The Young Americans. We were in Petoskey, Michigan, doing summer stock … and I loved the area so much, I wanted to move there. In order to move there, I had to find work. I went to the radio station, which is right on 31 — as soon as you’re driving in to Downtown Petoskey, you pass this radio station. I asked if they needed someone to spin records for their disc jockeys. [The station manager said,] “No, our disc jockeys do that themselves. Do you want to be a disc jockey?” I said, “Well, sure — what do I have to do?” And he gave me some AP copy, sent me into the production room, says, “Read this, gimme your tape and I’ll let you know.”

I got hired the next day and I’ve been in radio ever since.

NUVO: What was Tom doing in Petoskey?

BOB: We were both at [W]JML — he worked there all day long. I did not. I worked there six-to-ten — then I got out and tended bar and played in a band and I did all these other things. When Tom first came to Petoskey — I guess he grew up going there with his family, and he would spend summers there. He worked in radio in Florida for a year and then I met Tom at a place called Bar Harbor.

PHOTO COURTESY OF THE BOB & TOM SHOW

Bob and Tom, sometime during the “satin jacket” era.

Note the vintage “Vogue” t-shirt.

BOB: They did. We had no idea it was going on. Tom and I were doing very well — we had a 44 share in the mornings of adults 12-plus.

NUVO: For the uninitiated, that’s 44 percent of people who were listening to the radio were tuning to you guys in a single city. That’s like Ed-Sullivan-with-TheBeatles numbers.

BOB: It was. For the most part on Sunday nights, everybody watched Ed Sullivan, Monday through Friday, everybody listened to us in Northern Michigan. [Our competitors] were making tapes of us and sending them out to these conventions. Our tape got heard at a convention in Miami with a bunch of program directors, and we started getting phone calls from all over the United States. “How the hell did you find out about us?” The closest

NUVO: You care to share what the original offer was?

BOB: Twenty-thousand dollars a year each.

NUVO: So … that was an upgrade over Petoskey — and enough to live in Indy and be comfortable.

RADIO LINGO 101

Playin’ the hits and talkin’ dirty

Read this first: this handy reference list of terms used by radio grunts will make certain wonky parts of the interview crystal-clear.

NUVO: You have a really distinctive and infectious laugh. I know you hear that criticism sometimes: “Oh, those guys?

All they do is laugh at their own material.” Was there ever any criticism that bugged you?

12-plus: The broadest demographic measured (until recently); all radio listeners, male and female, aged 12 to dead. The broadest demo has expanded to all potential consumers from the age of six on up.

BOB: There’s been bad things said about us, and [the reaction’s always]: “Apparently, he’s not a fan.” There’s nothing you can do about it.

Break and/or stopset:

When the music stops and the talent starts talking.

NUVO: What was the station like — and the market like — when you got here?

BOB: It was music-heavy.

NUVO: How many records [did you play] an hour?

BOB: When we got here, ten records an hour. (EDITOR’S NOTE: Rock song?

Three to five minutes. Commercial S E E , B O B , O N P A GE 1 0

Cart: A cartridge of continuous looped tape (like an old 8-track cassette) that contained either commercials, station IDs or even songs.

A “cart deck” or “cart machine” was the slotted device that played these tapes.

The tape would stop when triggered by a tone recorded onto the tape that the deck could recognize.

Consultant: Usually some jackass from a city 2,000 miles away who’s been hired by management to tell a radio host how to talk to a market the consultant usually knows nothing about.

Jock: Disc jockey — once upon a time people played records, not computer files.

Flanking station, flanker: a station designed to

“split” the competition, to keep a demographic from leaving a cluster of stations. Part of X103’s initial success was its ability to attract 18-to-34-yearold males who didn’t listen to Q95 as Q’s audience aged. Both Q and X were (and are) owned by the same company, along with 1260 WNDE.

Marconi: Guglielmo Marconi, the guy who invented radio, and whose name graces the industry’s biggest trophy.

Trades: Trade publications; actual printed matter that once contained “help wanted” ads.

NUVO // 100% RECYCLED PAPER // 12.02.15 - 12.09.15 // COVER STORY 9

BOB,

THE SHOW As the guys mention on their website: “Show parodies, songs, bits, and more are produced by a large staff of writers, musicians, artists, performers, and misfits.” That central core of misfits includes:

 BOB KEVOIAN

Bob’s an LA native and graduated from Cal State Long Beach.

TOM GRISWOLD  Tom spent time at Columbia University after growing up in Cleveland.

 CHICK MCGEE

The Ohio native left the show briefly, but returned — and now hosts his own podcast with Jess Hooker (which is pretty damn funny, if you’re interested).

KRISTI LEE 

Kristi’s been with the show as News Director since 1984.

She’s from Indy and went to IU.

 DEAN METCALF

On-air producer, Electric Amishman, voice of many callers, and all-around nice dude.

RON SEXTON 

F R O M P A G E 09

breaks? Maybe ten to 12 minutes. Good luck saying anything if you’re running heavy on the epic classic rock dinosaurlength tracks.) And they had a contest — “Q95 guarantees five in a row or you win $5,000.”

NUVO: So that was an expensive mistake if somebody lost count.

BOB: That gave us hardly any time to show our personality.

NUVO: When do they start expanding your breaks?

BOB: After that contest ended …

NUVO: “This is a bad idea! Didn’t help us at all!”

BOB: Yeah, let’s hire a personality-driven morning show who can’t say anything because we’re in the middle of this huge contest. After the first year, we were still getting to know Indy, and playing a lot of music and trying to be funny …

NUVO: And I’m sure nobody in the market’s taking you seriously.

NUVO: You started syndicating in’95.

It was Frank Wood who was running the shop at that point. (EDITOR’S NOTE: Wood’s company, Secret Communications, was purchased by the outfit that was eventually swallowed up

by Clear Channel — now iHeart Media — for an amount of money rumored to be in the neighborhood of a “shitload.”)

Was it his idea?

BOB: Yeah. In fact, Elvis Duran, who’s out of New York, he was inducted into the Hall of Fame … at an afterparty he goes, “Thank you! I’ve stolen more stuff from you guys than you could ever imagine. Thank you so much!” It’s flattering, but it’s also, like, “Let’s syndicate!” We started, we got Evansville, we got Fort Wayne — they were our first two. It just blew up.

NUVO: That’s still massive.

BOB: At one point, yeah, we had one of five listeners.

NUVO: In addition to the comics that are on the show, there’s a lot of heavily produced stuff. I know when Dave O’Brien and I were doing the show down the hall from you guys [on X103] we’d spend a day producing a three-minute bit and then we’d go “Oh, great! Now what are we gonna do for the other three hours and 57 minutes that we’re on the air?” Did you guys run into that?

NUVO: And claiming it as their own, ‘cause that’s what jocks do.

“A lot of people are not grooming young talent — because they’re afraid of consultants. “‘You know what?

You’ve gotta do this music format to survive in this business!’ It’s sad.”

BOB: You’ve gotta remember: You and Dave had two of you, we had four of us. (EDITOR’S NOTE: In fairness, the Wank and O’Brien show also included the hilarious and wildly underrated Don Stuck.) You can move around the room, you can start picking on Chick, or 10 COVER STORY // 12.02.15 - 12.09.15 // 100% RECYCLED PAPER // NUVO

Syndication

NUVO: You said you had a 44 in Petoskey. Do you remember the biggest number you ever hit here in Indy?

 STEVE SALGE

Allee is the show’s musical director and leads the Bob and Tom Band. (NOTE: One of the show’s assets is a local recording studio called “The Static Shack.”)

BOB: Deano! News story comes up, we get a phone call from them. Like I said at the Hall of Fame speech: Dean Metcalf, Steve Salge and Ron Sexton are the greatest character voices in radio and they came up with these great characters. These guys are hilarious, and they make us look wonderful.

BOB: We did those albums every year — two a year, for a while — and we were voted “The Most Stolen-From Show on Radio.” More people were using stuff from our albums around the country …

BOB: Twenty-something.

STEVE ALLEE 

NUVO: You’ve got guys like Dean Metcalf —

BOB: At the time, no. People were still enjoying the rock and roll hits and we’d throw in a good joke here or there. …

Every year we’d start dropping one song an hour, next thing you know now you’re playing eight, now you’re playing seven and so on.

“Donnie Baker.” Swear to God. Since joining the show in ’86, Salge’s been the voice of Bill Clinton, George Bush, Al Gore, Larry King, Joe Biden and so on.

picking on Kristie — EVERYONE picks on Tom. There’s always something to go to — plus just working off of the news and what’s going on in the world? You can make fun of that every day.

—BOB KEVOIAN

NUVO: Do you know what the first outof-state station was?

BOB: Somewhere in Illinois, I think.

Now, I may be cheating Ohio, ‘cause it may have been Dayton. I don’t remember.

NUVO: I started on a station in

>>>

PHOTOS COURTESY OF THE BOB & TOM SHOW

Once upon a time, DJs did “remote broadcasts” (left) and chartered “party buses” (top).

<<< Pennsylvania — I got a chance to get my chops together in a place like Petoskey, in a dinky little market.

BOB: Small-market radio is the best.

NUVO: Your success, though, created a model for a lot of these small-market stations: they’re using Bob and Tom, [or another syndicated rock morning show such as] Free Beer and Hot Wings — it’s great for you guys, but it kind of damaged the bench a little bit.

BOB: I guess you could say “damage,” but we’re only on one station per city.

We’re not on all the stations. That gives other radio stations the chance to create young talent.

NUVO: They’ve got to raise their game — OK. BOB: A lot of people are not grooming young talent — because they’re afraid of consultants. “You know what? You’ve

gotta do this music format to survive in this business!” It’s sad.

NUVO: I’d imagine there was some concern about losing that Indy locality when you first started to syndicate.

BOB: No, not at all. What we did on a daily basis was exactly what we’re doing now. On a windy day we’d say, “Oh, geez, I hope Don Hein doesn’t go outside today.” Everyone knew Don wore a toupee. You don’t do a Don Hein joke, and you don’t talk about the weather … and Indy — this is a cosmopolitan city.

Everybody in Indianapolis knows what’s going on in the world, so we can talk about world and national events. And, if something interesting in Indy happened, boom, we could talk about it.

NUVO: Howard Stern came to Indy in ’97 or ’98 — was there a concern? Were you guys nervous at all?

S E E , B OB , O N P A GE 1 2 NUVO // 100% RECYCLED PAPER // 12.02.15 - 12.09.15 // COVER STORY 11

Bob in the studio, circa 1995. The objects behind him are called “compact discs.”

BOB,

F R O M P A G E 11

BOB: No, ‘cause what makes Stern popular is he’ll attack a local station and what makes him famous is the station reacts, bites at it. And we just ignored him. And you know what? He was here for a year or so and he disappeared.

NUVO: He did. You had a pretty good flanking station down the hall, though, if I do say so myself.

BOB (LAUGHING): Yeah, that’s true.

NUVO: I did ask O’Brien to kick in a couple of questions — he was here, after all.

[He asked:] “After you first got here, how long did you think you’d stay in Indy?”

BOB: Two years. We actually thought we’d come down here, fail horribly and go back to Michigan.

NUVO: Parenthetically, Dave noted, “I thought I’d be here two years and now I’m going on 20.” (EDITOR’S NOTE: Dave O’Brien is now an acclaimed countrymusic host on 97.1 HANK-FM in Indy.)

BOB (LAUGHING): That’s funny.

NUVO: “I guess Indiana feels like home to you now, even though you’ve never given up the Dodgers hat?”

BOB: It’s a tribute to my Dad.He worked for the Dodgers for 25 years and it’s just a way of saying, “Hey, Dad.” I’m a big Cincinnati Reds fan and in fact, I was talking to [Reds’ play-by-play announcer] Marty Brennaman, who’s a great man — we were watching the Dodgers/ Reds play; he was calling the game, I was watching the game, and all of a sudden I said, “I don’t know if you felt that — that breeze of cool air come whipping through the broadcast booth in the seventh inning — but that was my dad spinning in his grave when I was rooting 12 COVER STORY // 12.02.15 - 12.09.15 // 100% RECYCLED PAPER // NUVO

PHOTO COURTESY OF THE BOB & TOM SHOW

for the Reds to beat the Dodgers.”

NUVO: I want to talk about a couple of events that happened that affected radio … I was on the air, so I couldn’t hear how you guys handled September 11.

BOB: I remember someone — in fact, it was [staffer] Mark Allison — saying “Hey, we think a small commuter plane hit one of the towers.” All of us immediately thought the same thing: “Wow, can they get fire equipment up that high?” … We did not realize it was a planned attack. So we continued broadcasting, and we flipped on the TV, and all of a sudden — as soon as we flipped it on — we saw the other plane fly into the second tower. We went into news mode.

The jokes were gone.

I’ve run into a couple folks who were in their car and didn’t know anything about it, but we were the ones who informed them of what was taking place.

We continued on for probably two to three weeks after the attacks, and Heywood Banks — great comedian — his nephew was in one of the towers. We interviewed him the next day. Then we brought in Doctor Will, and talked about the psychological effects of people in America, how to deal with this, how to move on to the next thing … I thought we did very, very great, informative radio during that time.

NUVO: The other thing that affected broadcasters all over the country — and this is a much lighter topic — was when Janet Jackson’s breast got exposed — BOB: Man, oh, man.

NUVO: And the FCC decided that radio had actually caused that (EDITOR’S NOTE: SARCASM) because they came after everybody who was involved in either pop or rock and “zero tolerance” was the name of the game. >>>

<<< Did you guys have to adjust at all?

BOB: Hell, yes! So did you!

NUVO: (LAUGHTER) BOB: It was total panic. [But] time heals everything. Slowly — you can’t do this sexy joke — oh, wait, you can now.It’s weird how people react, how our government reacts to a lot of things.

Bob’s faves

BOB: I got to do a one-on-one with Paul McCartney at the Fieldhouse, that was pretty cool. Someone called and said, “Hey, McCartney’s not doing a press conference — he’s doing an interview.

Do you want to do it?” Uh, YEAH. So many great comedians have come through our doors. Entertainers getting started — many of them went on to become huge stars.

NUVO: Your tribute to [late comedian] Tim Wilson was very nice.

BOB: That was tough.

NUVO: Got a favorite bit that you guys ever did?

NUVO: Worst moment of the show, besides September 11?

BOB: Well, “Shirtless Girl” is one of my favorites.

BOB: I think in our 30-plus years we’ve had five bad shows, and I don’t remember any of ‘em.

NUVO: Favorite character?

BOB: I like Jumbo the Elephant a lot, and I love Donnie Baker.

NUVO: Favorite guest ever?

NUVO: That’s a damn good run. The vasectomy — great idea or awful idea?

(EDITOR’S NOTE: Bob had a vasectomy during the show — and broadcast the entire event. Live.)

BOB: Great! I think it opened eyes for a lot of folks who were afraid of it. I just wish my partner had paid attention!

season] was probably one of the highlights of living in Indiana.

NUVO: That’s the line of the interview right there, brother. How many guitars do you own, total?

BOB: Not as many as you’d think. I don’t know, maybe 10. For me, I’m a lefty, so when I find a good left-handed guitar, I’ll try it out, I’ll buy it.

NUVO: Have you got a favorite?

BOB: I have one that was built by Ronnie Volbrecht down in Nashville, Indiana, that’s just a beautiful dreadnought that he did. I’ve become more of a ukele player of late.

NUVO: Hawaiian Bob! Favorite guitar player?

BOB: When it comes to great guitar players, I guess Harrison was the best.

Clapton, obviously.

NUVO: Is there a tally on the charity work you’ve done? Has anyone figured out how much money you guys raised?

BOB: I think right about the time of syndication we’d already raised fourand-a-half million dollars. I have no idea after that.

NUVO: You know, the relationship you guys have had with the Colts over the years has been really impressive — and now McAfee, he’s killing it. Here’s a guy who’s clearly going to have a career in broadcasting.

BOB: I told him — he should be a game show host. He’d be the ideal game show host.

NUVO: So what now, man? RV trip?

BOB: Yeah, we’re going to do some traveling! The missus and I bought an Airstream. We’re gonna live riveted all over the country. My wife said, “Tell Ed to mention this in the article;” she has a travel blog called Junebug Journeys ... if you want to follow us — we photograph stuff and she writes a little blog, and for the most part you can ride along with us. (EDITOR’S NOTE: Becky Kevoian’s blog is junebugjourneys.com) NUVO: Are you going to listen to the show?

BOB: If I’m in the area, but I hope to actually wake up once the show’s over!

Isn’t that the goal in life? n

NUVO: Did you ever think Jeff Saturday was gonna score a friggin’ touchdown?

BOB: No. Why do ya think we made the bet? [The Super Bowl

PHOTO BY MICHELLE CRAIG

After his exit, Bob will travel the U.S. in an Airstream RV — and sleep in.

NUVO // 100% RECYCLED PAPER // 12.02.15 - 12.09.15 // COVER STORY 13

VISUAL EVENTS A Very Special Christmas with Dan Wakefield Dec. 3, 5:30-8:30 p.m.

NUVO CVA winner and renowned author, Dan Wakefield will have a reception for a re-release of his novel Under the Apple Tree.

The story is based off of Wakefield’s childhood in Indianapolis during World War II. One of Wakefield’s most vivid memories of the time was MICHELLE CRAIG / FILE PHOTO sitting on his porch Dan Wakefield. with binoculars looking for German airplanes above the Indy skyline. The event will also have music by The Sophie Faught Trio and refreshments courtesy of Hawthorne Publishing.

The Benton House, 312 S. Downey Ave. TINY IV. A Really Big Show Dec. 4, 6-10 p.m. and Dec. 5-Jan. 8. Gallery 924’s annual show features over 100 central Indiana artists with more than 200 pieces of original art. The hook is they are all 6”x6”x6” or smaller.

The artwork ... not the artists. The small scale work can often hold as much detail as some of 924’s larger shows. TINY is the perfect opportunity to begin a collection of original art of your own, encourage a new collector with a gift of original art, or discover new artists.

Gallery 924 at the Arts Council, 924 N. Pennsylvania St., FREE Art Bäks portable art show Dec. 4, 6-9 p.m. Chris Dance will be curating the first show of the new portable art space Art Bäks.

The urban show will be near the Mass Ave. Starbucks and will show the interactive installations of Chad Hankins and more.

Mulitple locations, FREE Black Tie artist reception / open studio night Dec. 4, 6-10 p.m.

The Harrison Center for the Arts has its annual holiday Black Tie party. Feel free to dress the part. The show is actually a color-themed group show with over 75 local artists. That same night the City Gallery will be showing Genna Pianki; Religion, Spirituality & the Arts in Gallery No. 2; and the Abstract Group Show in Hank & Dolly’s; along with the 26 open studios throughout the Center. Go to Tinker Street for dinner beforehand and make it a night.

Harrison Center for the Arts, 1505 N. Delaware, FREE

NUVO.NET/VISUAL Visit nuvo.net/visual for complete event listings, reviews and more.

14 VISUAL // 12.02.15 - 12.09.15 // 100% RECYCLED PAPER // NUVO

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GENDER ROLES AND GUERILLA ART Ball State grad students using art to examine societal biases

M

“

B Y EM I L Y TA Y L O R ET A Y L O R @ N U V O . N E T

ake him handsome.”

“Make her beautiful.”

“Make me amazing.”

These are all statements that will be plastered on mannequins during December’s First Friday. And the implications have been on Elise Lockwood’s mind for the last few months.

Lockwood is in the first semester of a new graduate program at Ball State University, an advanced degree in Emerging Media Design and Development. The program uses design, multimedia and art to find new approaches to storytelling. As a final project for one of the classes, her group is putting together a pop-up art show about gender roles that will make its way to Fountain Square and Mass Ave. The group is setting up three mannequins; each with a rack of clothes next to it and a sign with the “make them …” statements listed above. “[They’re] gendered, gendered and non-gendered,” says Lockwood referring to each of the three.

Her group (Sean May, Elise Lockwood, Emily Cornetet, and Jared Lynch) has spent the last few weeks conducting 78 interviews. They also utilized surveys, bumping the total to over 200 people involved in the entire process.

“When we asked people to write down the top three problems that the gender binary caused, physical appearance came up in 60 something of the 200 people we asked, and 150 of those were sort of related to it,” says Lockwood. “You know like, ‘men have to be stronger than women,’ or something like that.”

How people interact with the mannequins will be documented as well. The group has chosen locations where it won’t be immediately clear that the installation is about gender (unless you read NUVO of course). Each one will be far enough removed that they will be individually experienced. They will also be documenting the outfits on each through the >>>

SHOW

BSU POP-UP

W H E N : D E C . 4 , 7 -10 :3 0 P . M .

WHERE: THREE MANNEQUINS WILL HAVE RACKS OF CLOTHES AROUND FOUNTAIN SQUARE AND WILL CHANGE LOCATIONS THROUGHOUT THE NIGHT.

WHEN: DEC. 5, 7 :3 0 -8:3 0 P . M .

WHERE: ONE MANNEQUIN WILL BE AT THE TOOLBOX

An example of what the installations will look like.

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<<< website makeme.gallery. The entire process is based around a practice that the BSU department calls Design Thinking.

“You can’t start making stuff until you

run she automatically reached for the dress for the female and the collared shirt for the male frame.

“I hope that everyone leaves with a nudge that we all have ingrained biases,” says Lockwood.

“I hope that everyone leaves with ”We can at least make people aware that this afa nudge that we all have ingrained fects everyone and affects biases.” some in a really negative — ELISE LOCKWOOD way. For someone who is genderqueer, for someone who doesn’t identify male or female, or someone who feels have the foundation,” says Lockwood. differently every day, the absence of “The foundation is where you do the fluidity there is really harmful.” n research to find out what the problem is and how people engage with it. Then you brainstorm 50-some ideas. Then you Mannequins will be situated around narrow that down to seven to ten and Fountain Square. make low-fidelity prototypes (sketches that they showed people).

SUBMITTED PHOTO “The project was designed also based on research that we did about how people engage with things,” says Lockwood. “We didn’t want to make something that forces people to do something or makes them feel like they are being judged, or have to stay there a really long time — something that people can choose their own level of engagement.”

The show was inspired by the UN Sustainability Goals, one of which was gender equality. The idea behind the project is the antithesis of the newborn grad program.

“You learn a combination of design and computer science and story telling to make creative projects that solve real world problems,” says Lockwood of the Journalism-based degree.

The first year is spent in classes creating research projects like the mannequins: The second allows students to do lab work with companies around the state.

This installation has given them a taste of that already through research intensive meetings with organizations like Indy Feminists and the heads of the Riley Dance Marathon, to document how to raise awareness effectually.

“When you talk to someone who is in an organization like Slut Walk, this (binary gender roles) is something that they are aware of,” says Lockwood. “I didn’t think that when I interviewed someone’s grandmother that … this same issue has had a really negative impact on them as well. Just maybe they have never been asked about it.”

One of the staggering data points was how gendered expectations of presentation and beauty can be debilitating to any generation.

Lockwood found herself learning from the installation as well. While dressing the mannequins for a trial

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Going ten years strong, A Very Phoenix Xmas is an honored tradition at this point.

A Very Phoenix Xmas X: O Come, Let Us Adore Us e Through Dec. 20. A Very Phoenix Xmas X: O Come, Let Us Adore Us, presented by the Phoenix Theatre brought the spirit of the holidays with a whimsical pastiche of festive skits that entertained audiences by getting them into the holiday spirit. Both touching and humorous performances by the cast proved to be just the right mix of holiday potpourri. With this being the tenth anniversary run of A Very Phoenix Christmas, a few skits from years past were brought back but were re-imagined with new choreography and content. Making her appearance as a witty poinsettia, sparkling ornament, and quirky cactus was narrator Gayle Steigerwald, who led the audience down memory lane by presenting snapshots from previous show years in between each skit.

Production highlights included a tap dancing Christmas tree performed by Paul Collier Hansen in “The Happiest Christmas Tree,” along with dancing sock monkeys who returned this year in “The Christmas Can-Can.” A heated presidential reindeer debate in “Comandeer in Chief” included a holiday discussion of issues. Strong vocal performances by Olivia Huntley and Eric Olsen in “Happy Christmas” along with Scot Greenwell’s comically clever performance as a Jewish Christmas tree in “Oh, Tannenbaum” were refreshing and inspiriting. Rob Johansen’s performance in “Putting Away the Decorations” was touching. Music throughout was a mixture of vintage holiday favorites and contemporary pieces.

Curator and director Bryan Fonseca’s adept direction paired with Mariel Greenlee’s original choreography gave A Very Phoenix Xmas an engaging and cheerful quality resulting in a cohesive production that wasn’t that naughty, but was nicely irreverent.

— LINDSAY ROSA Phoenix Theater, 749 N. Park Ave., phoenixtheatre.org

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Footlite outdid itself on this production of Babes in Toyland.

THREE HOLIDAY SHOWS

A roundup review of a few holiday productions SHOW

Babes in Toyland

q

W H E N : D E C . 13, T H U R S D A Y S – S U N D A Y S WHERE: FOOTLITE MUSICALS, 1 84 7 N . A L A B A M A S T .

T I C K E T S : $ 1 0 - $2 3 I N F O: F O O T L I T E M U S I C A L S.W I L D A P R I C O T.O R G

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he winter holidays are the prime time to stage family-friendly fare.

Among the local offerings is the timeless favorite Babes in Toyland presented by Footlite Musicals.

The show debuted in 1903, so the script is in the public domain, giving Bob Harbin (the director) and Claire Wilcher the opportunity to do some rewrites for the show presented on the Hedback Theater stage. Staple songs of the holidays “Toyland” and “March of the Toys” remain intact, allowing older generations to reminisce and introducing new generations to these classics.

The quality of this show is extraordinary, and when you factor in that Footlite is an all-volunteer organization (as in, no one in the cast or on staff is paid), it be-

B Y LIS A G AUT HIE R M IT C HIS ON A RTS@NUVO.NET

mugging for the audience and hamming up the sentimentality.

Vocal director Melissa Al-Ling Walsh comes even more impressive. coaxes lovely melodies out of lead The show depends on and delivers a strong ensemble cast, live orchestra, and vocalists Jonathan Krouse as Tom Piper and Claire Cassidy as Mary Contrary, behind-the-scenes support. The cast as well as a convincing drag number numbers over 35 and the staff over 19, from Krouse in “Floretta.” Jeff Fuller as and an orchestra (conducted the villain Barnaby dexterously rolls his

by Damon Clevenger) fills alliterative lines from his slipless tongue.

The dancing (choreographed by Trish Roberds ... when you factor in that and supported by dance captains Amy Matters Footlite is an all-volunteer and Alex Vasquez) is confidently executed by the organization (as in, no one cast, including a dance in the cast or on staff is line of tappers and some startling acrobatics. paid), it becomes even Standouts are the gypsy dancers and Thomas more impressive.

Whitcomb as Jack.

The adorable costuming was created by designer Rachel Hobbs Shelthe pit, so giving ton and head seamstress Darlene Uggen. credit to each person The layers of petticoats and pantalets for by name would turn Gooseland girls and the lively and vivid this article into a reprint costuming of the gypsies are excepof the program. Suffice tional. Set designer Will Tople provides to say Harbin guides the cunning backdrops for the show. n cast effectively through

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The Elves and the Shoemaker r

W H E N: 10 A.M. S A T U R D A Y S T H R O U G H D E C. 26 A N D 1 P . M . D A I L Y D E C . 27 -3 1 WHERE: INDY ELEVEN THEATRE T I C K E T S : $ 15 A D U L T S , $1 0 C H I L D R E N INFO: INDYFRINGE.ORG

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he Elves and the Shoemaker is a wonderful introduction for kids to live theater but has enough innuendo for the grown-ups to stay entertained too. In 2012, Dr. Julie Lyn Barber was awarded an Individual Artist Grant by the Indiana Arts Commission for “The Panto Project,” and The Elves and the

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Shoemaker took form. In the traditional British comedic style known as “pantomime” (panto), which is popular during the holidays, the Royal Panto Players present family-friendly, well-known stories that feature slap-

The Shoemaker’s Wife and Ryan Powell and Kasey Cummins as The Comedians (who double role for various auxiliary characters) under the direction of Barber. The entire cast commits to the silliness 100 percent. No one shirks from the task of overacting; no self-consciousness dampens the fun in this Everyone gets to hiss at the villain intimate theater.

Everyone gets to hiss at and help The Fairy with her lines. the villain and help The Fairy with her lines. After a little hesitation, my 6-year-old gleefully joined in, giggling stick comedy, audience interaction, nonstop through the production, and and cross-dressing actors. afterward proclaimed, “That was fun!”

The cast includes Katherine RuegThe ultimate compliment. But I too ger as The Good Fairy, John Vessels as found myself enthusiastically laughing The Bad Landlord, Carrie Morgan as and caterwauling with the kids. n The Shoemaker, Craig Underwood as The Elves and the Shoemaker is put on by the Royal Panto Players.

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The 8 Reindeer Monologues y

WHEN: 9 P.M. THURSDAYS–SATURDAYS THROUGH DEC. 20 WHERE: THEATRE ON THE SQUARE, STAGE 2 T I C K E T S : $ 15-$20 INFO: TOTS.ORG

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f the idea of Santa Claus being a sexual deviant deeply offends you, don’t see The 8 Reindeer Monologues. If, however, you find S&M, bestiality, and dick jokes hilarious, move forward.

In true Theatre on the Square fashion, everyone multitasks. The openingweekend night I attended, Nate Walden, script in hand, stepped in for an actor who was absent due to a death in the family. One of the actors runs the box office and concessions. The tech guy TOTS is bringing out the kink in Christmas in The 8 Reindeer Monologues. was MIA. The director, Lori Raffel, is also the sound designer (with Eric because Rudolph’s claymation cartoon The show starts off promising. First Brockett, of the above-mentioned box casts a damaging shadow on his movie up is Will Carlson as Dasher, the lead office, who is also the assistant direcPrancer. His part is amusing, but the segtor), set designer, and program designer reindeer — a grizzled, war-general ment is not particularly memorable. type. We laugh. Walden takes the stage — as well as the artistic and developBefore the show slows down, Paige ment director of TOTS. Scott takes the stage as Blitzen, the angry Sometimes delegation lesbian. Scott and Walden split the buck’s is a good thing.

Cupid states, Santa is “a walking, talking, share of good lines, and Scott doles them The show is set in the with mad glee and a slightly crazed North Pole police station. holly-jolly sex crime waiting to happen.” out look in her eyes. Is our childhood disenOne of the reindeer has chantment with Santa Claus really just made a scandalous acthe first step toward repression of visits cusation against Santa. As from the perverted old elf? next as the flamboyant Cupid, and we Cupid states, Santa is “a walking, talking, Then the show gets serious. It gets laugh hysterically. Walden barely has to holly-jolly sex crime waiting to hapdark. It’s not funny anymore. It’s making refer to his script, and he plays up the pen.” Each reindeer, representing broad a social statement. Stop. This is boring. character unabashedly. He’s uninhibited stereotypes, is brought into the station’s Robert Webster as Comet (a reformed office to be a sort of character witness for and physical. Brockett as Prancer, aka member of Hell’s Herd), Jim Lucas as “Hollywood,” has a chip on his shoulder Santa.

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Donner (Rudolph’s weary father, who sold his son into sexual slavery), and Amanda Bell as Vixen (the foxy victim) are saddled with material that wants to rise above the base humor and be meaningful. Director Raffel has the actors play their characters straight, and Webster, Lucas, and Bell create believable, emotionally charged characters. (Tanya Haas’s Dancer, a dumbblonde ballet deer, doesn’t have much depth to plunge.) However, it slams the brakes on the pace of the show, leaving you empty and a little confused. Before that happens, though, Bell gives us one last nugget of comedy gold by describing a drunken Mrs. Claus attending a party in body paint, pasties, and an elf strapped to her crotch. n NUVO // 100% RECYCLED PAPER // 12.02.15 - 12.09.15 // STAGE 17

FILM EVENTS A Christmas Story Dec. 4-5, 2 and 7:30 p.m.; Dec. 6, 2 p.m. This movie deserves to play 24 hours a day throughout the holiday season. It simply isn’t Christmas without it.

For those who don’t know, this is the story of a boy’s dysfunctional family — and his quest for a Red Ryder BB gun. A Christmas Story hits hilariously close to home, making you feel as though you’re watching your own family’s Christmas unfold. Now you can see it with your loved ones on the big screen at the Historic Artcraft Theatre.

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Historic Artcraft Theatre, 57 North Main St. (Franklin), $5 adult, $4 senior/student, $3 kids 12 and under, historicartcrafttheatre.org

All of the feels.

Panther Panchali (Song of the Little Road) Dec. 4, 7 p.m. A slice of rural Bengali life in the style of Italian neorealism. Released in 1955, this film introduced audiences to the eloquent voice of director Satyajit Ray. Panther Panchali follows a precocious boy named Apu and the women who help shape him. An awardwinning film, Panther Panchali is “an immersive cinematic experience and a film of elemental power,” according to IU Cinema, which will show the film this weekend.

IU Cinema, 1213 E. 7th St. (Bloomington), $6 public, $3 students, cinema.indiana.edu Hamlet Dec. 6, 6:30 p.m. Benedict Cumberbatch asks the eternal question — “To be or not to be?”

If you couldn’t catch him on stage, you can see Cumberbatch conquer the iconic role of Hamlet on the big screen in an HD presentation of the production. With crystal-clear picture quality, you’ll feel like you’re at the play.

IU Cinema, 1213 E. 7th St. (Bloomington), $15 public, $12 students, cinema.indiana.edu

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STAR WARS EXPECTATIONS

What you can do to maximize your Force Awakens experience

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B Y ED J O H N S O N -O TT EJO H N S O N O T T @ N U V O . N E T

n Wednesday, May 25, 1977, I didn’t go to work. No reason, I just felt like playing hooky. After calling in to my job and going back to bed for a few hours, I got up and lazily thumbed through the paper, where I saw that Star Wars was opening at the Eastwood Theater on Pendleton Pike near Shadeland Avenue.

I’d seen an ad for the film in the Sunday paper, but thought little of it. The last science fiction movie I’d watched in a theater was Logan’s Run and I had been disappointed by its chintzy look, bad writing and lame gunfights. There was no reason to expect this new flick to be anything better, but I had nothing to do, so I headed for the Eastwood.

The movie flattened me. I remember thinking, “Oh my god, they’re getting everything right!” The story was gripping. The special effects were mindboggling. And everything looked real!

I held my breath, anxious to see if the filmmakers could make it all the way through without screwing up.

And they did! Well, almost. There was

a weird moment in the cantina scene where, amidst a room full of terrific looking aliens, the screen was briefly filled with the image of some guy wearing what looked like a cheap werewolf mask. What the hell was that? Then there was the closing scene, where the lead characters are presented medals at some royal function and stand

I was so lucky to see Star Wars the way I did, with no hype and no expectations.

In a couple of weeks, Star Wars: The Force Awakens finally opens, and I’ve been ducking articles, interviews and ads that might give anything away.

It looks like I won’t see it at an early screening. As best I can tell, there will be no sneak previews, which makes perfect sense. Can you blame the filmmakers for trying to delay the moment when somebody spills the Let all of that go – this is a new beans about their story? trilogy from a different filmmaker.

Besides, Star Wars: The Force Awakens is the most He’s a talented guy who has done anticipated movie since some good work. Give him a chance. Titanic – what possible incentive do they have to screen it early?

So what can you do to around grinning like idiots while being maximize your Force Awakens expericheered by the crowd. What a lazy way ence? First, avoid the hype. Avoid the to end a movie! commercials, don’t read the articles, Those quibbles did not in any way and don’t watch when Harrison Ford dampen my enthusiasm, however. I was plays Candy Land with Jimmy Fallon. in love with Star Wars. Driving south on More important: Lower your expectaArlington, I wanted to shout to passersby, tions. Most of you grew up on the origi“You need to go to the Eastwood right nal trilogy. Later you were disappointed away! Something amazing is happening!” >>>

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<<< to varying degrees by the three prequels. Let all of that go – this is a new trilogy from a different filmmaker. He’s a talented guy who has done some good work. Give him a chance.

Remember, the people that made this movie (and are mapping out the next two) have also seen the other six movies. Imagine trying to be creative, commercial, and entertaining with the weight of all that on your shoulders. I get the willies just thinking about it.

With any Star Wars movie comes certain things. There will be battles, on land, in the air, and in space. There will be aliens galore, and robots as well.

Harrison Ford, Mark Hamill and Carrie Fisher will be back, along with newcomers like John Boyega, Daisy Ridley and Oscar Isaac. Since this is a sequel to the original trilogy, we’ll probably see some sort of gigantic weapon.

What else do you need to know?

Nothing. When you sit down in the theater, take some slow, deep breaths, clear your head and let yourself roll with the movie. We’ll get bowled over if we’re lucky. We’ll have a shared experience to talk about later. And if there’s a werewolf mask or an applause scene, we can organize an angry mob together.

Oh, and if you’re in Indianapolis, consider seeing the film at the IMAX Theater at the Indiana State Museum.

The facility is grand and the 15/70 mm print will be the most impressive in the state. n

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ow is the time for film critics and fanatics to start making their top 10 movies of the year lists. There is plenty of Oscar season fare to catch in theaters: the harrowing abduction drama Room; the gripping journalism thriller Spotlight; the inspirational Rocky spinoff Creed; and much more. But if you don’t feel like braving the cold, here are the top five films of the year that are available to stream.

Beasts of No Nation Written and directed by Cary Fukunaga — who helmed the first season of True Detective — this war drama revolves around an African warlord (Idris Elba) as he trains a young orphan (Abraham Attah) to join his guerilla soldiers. Beasts of No Nation is the first fictional feature film distributed

by Netflix, and it’s garnering much critical acclaim — including a nomination from the Indiana Film Journalists Association for Best Picture of the Year.

Cop Car Like The Adventures of Tom Sawyer, this is a tender yet thrilling tale of two boys thrust into the adult world. After running away from home, the kids in the film stumble upon and subsequently steal an abandoned police cruiser.

Little do they know, the owner of the car is a corrupt sheriff — and he left a hostage in the trunk. Kevin Bacon sinks his teeth into the role of the dirty cop in this riveting film that radiates with Spielbergian warmth.

Available on Amazon Video, Google Play, iTunes, Vudu and YouTube.

Kurt Cobain: Montage of Heck An uncomfortably up close and personal look at backstage drama. This film practically smears your clothes with cigarette ashes. It’s raw, dirty, uncompromising — just like Kurt Cobain’s music. A piercingly intimate portrait of the iconic artist, Montage of Heck is one of the best documentaries of the year. With its hazy home video footage, dreamy animation and brutally honest interviews, it casts a hypnotic spell — like a spirit flickering on screen.

Available on Amazon Video and HBO Go.

Mad Max: Fury Road Don’t be surprised if you see this film pop up in the Best Picture category come Oscar time. Like The Dark Knight, this action extravaganza rises above summer popcorn fare, packing the emotional punch of classic A-list entertainment.

Unlike so

many other blockbuster spectacles, this film’s futuristic world feels lived-in and achingly real.

Available on Amazon Video, Google Play, iTunes, Vudu and YouTube

The Wolfpack Confined in a Manhattan apartment, the Angulo brothers escape their circumstances through cinema. This dark yet inspiring documentary follows them as they experience the outside world through movies. The most mesmerizing scenes show the boys meticulously recreating scenes from their favorite films in an effort to simulate the society that their father forbids. The Wolfpack is a slice of bizarre life that will linger. An audience favorite at the Sundance Film Festival, this is a strong Oscar contender for Best Documentary.

Available on Amazon Video, Google Play, iTunes, Netflix, Vudu and YouTube. n SUBMITTED PHOTO

A clip from the vivid reality of Mad Max.

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Herron Associates, a long established Marketing Research Firm in Indianapolis, is looking for individuals 21-60 years of age who currently smoke value brand cigarettes (such as Basic, Maverick, Doral, and Pyramid).

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FOOD EVENTS Rocket 88’s First Anniversary Party Dec. 4, 7 a.m.-10 p.m.

A year ago on Dec. 4, Rocket 88 Doughnuts opened in Fountain Square, and we are so glad they did.

If you come in on Friday and make a purchase, they’ll enter you into their contest to win a dozen free donuts a month for a year. You’ll also be able to buy yourself some delicious local beer and taste their vegan sandwich menu. As far as NUVO is concerned, we just want to thank Rocket 88 for a year of Leslie Knope waffle donuts.

Rocket 88 Doughnuts, 874 Virginia Ave., 737-2614, rocket88doughnuts.com Holiday Pottery Sale Dec. 4-5. Did you love Ryan VanHoy’s pottery in our gift guide? Good news: you can buy it with a nice discount, as well as see the work of some of Indy’s best ceramic artists. This is a great way to support local artisans and dress up your table with something that has a hell of a lot more heart and soul than an IKEA chotchke.

Fountain Square Clay Center, 950 Hosbrook St., Studio A Repeal Party Dec. 5, 9 p.m.-midnight.

A joint venture of the Indiana Craft Beverage Association and the United States Bartenders Guild, Indiana Chapter, this underground soiree is one of the highlights of December. Celebrate the glorious return of liquor to the shelves after a long (and largely failed) attempt at prohibition. Repeal Party takes place in the catacombs of City Market. You should know that the floors are completely dirt, and the organizers are not at all joking when they tell you to WEAR FLATS and definitely, for sure, get an Uber or cab to this party. You’ll be so glad you didn’t drive, and so will the police.

City Market Catacombs, 222 E. Market St., repealparty.com St. Elmo’s Shrimp Cocktail Eating Contest Dec. 5, 3 p.m. It’s happening once again this weekend, and Joey “Jaws” Chestnut is in town to defend his title from last year. Word is also that an extremely good-looking and witty food writer from a local alt weekly is going to be competing in the media division, but she asks that you not take photos of her mid-bite. See you on Georgia Street!

Georgia Street

NUVO.NET/FOOD Visit nuvo.net/food for complete restaurant listings, reviews and more.

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MALL FOOD REVIEWS: CASTLETON EDITION

The verdict? Just stick to the green smoothie

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ou rely on us at NUVO to connect you with the information you need while you’re moving about the community. Sure, we could bring you reviews of the latest restaurants and bars (and we will again, soon) but that won’t assist you right where idealism’s rubber meets life’s icy road. Instead, here is the first in a series you’ll actually need and use this season: mall food reviews.

Castleton Mall is probably Indy’s most popular, and one of the busiest in town.

The indoor complex is essential Indiana, with plenty of shops aimed at pre-teens, teens, and adults who want to get all their shopping done and get the fuck out of there (also known as parents of all children everywhere). This is the part where I remind you that shopping in independentlyowned stores is often a lot less crowded and parking isn’t as much of a waking nightmare. So now you’re reminded.

God forbid you get stuck here long enough to need a meal, but if that unthinkable reality should fall on you, we’ve searched out the best of the worst of mall food on 82nd street.

1 WORST: Maki of Japan For some unknown reason, the trained chef that I brought with me on this adventure went to Maki of Japan and ordered what they refer to as “tempura.”

Those of us who know and love the airy Japanese answer to our heavy American batter would get excited about this.

Along with the “tempura chicken,” there were a few small spring rolls and some pan-fried gyoza. Like any good American, I looked forward to chomping into fried, dough-covered proteins formed into a finger shape. However, upon biting into it, I discovered that their batter might, in fact, be used to make funnel cakes. It was kind of like eating a chicken finger wrapped in a partiallycooked pancake, but with no discernible chicken or dough flavor. It tasted the way industrial beige paint looks.

All the other fried goodies had the same thing going on. We deprived ourselves of a dipping sauce, which turned

1

3

2

out to be a fatal mistake. Anything — salsa, fish sauce, Vegemite — would’ve make this an infinitely more edible plate of food to eat. It just tasted like mushy, greasy nothing.

2 MOST: Asian Chao God forbid you have to bring an athletic teenager to the mall with you.

In that case, we’d advise you send them right over to Asian Chao. The food here is totally decent, with enough identifiable vegetables in their hot trays to feel good about what you’re eating. They also give you a buttload of food to go if you’re super hungry. Not all the protein is coated in something fried and dredged in sweet sauce (but a lot of it is), and you can definitely max out your protein intake at this place for relatively little money at about $10.

3 CROWD-

PLEASER: Indy Burger Even the pickiest eater, both big and small, can get down on some burgers. Between this and the pizza joint, you’ll end up a lot more full on a lot less grease by choosing Indy Burger. It’s an independently-owned burger shop that does just what it says it does: beef patties and hot fries.

4

The toppings were fresh and the meat was pretty good. It’s not rocket science, but that’s the beauty of the burger joint.

4 BEST: Freshii

We chose this one without tasting anything but a smoothie, but the smoothe we had from Freshii was the only thing that tasted really good and didn’t cause major gastrointestinal stress. It makes sense, since the Freshii brand recently underwent a makeover a la Chipotle. Now you can get vegetarian and vegan options, as well as quick foods like smoothies and frozen yogurt. The green smoothie we got was creamy and rich from the addition of avocado, and it tasted, well, like the fruits and vegetables in it. We realized that we had ignored Freshii as it was on the wall opposite the regular semi-circle of restaurants and had filled up on grease before noticing it. But unlike the leftovers from the other restaurants, which were not further consumed outside the mall, that happy little green smoothie came home with me and I sipped on it until it was empty. Just go to the place with all the fruits in the case, dingus. n

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NORTHSIDE DINING

DINE AND SHOP

Okay, so maybe nothing at the mall appealed to your taste. That’s okay, because we have plenty of quick and delicious spots to grab a bite when you’re done with your shopping. From Nora to Castleton, you can get on 86th street and drive left or right (and then onto 82nd street) and find a whole bunch of great dining. Here are a few highlights from three shopping hot zones on the Northside of the city.

Asaka is one of Indy’s best little sushi spots in town

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CASTLETON

beverage choices as you can get.

encounter as many crowds as you would closer to the mall.

they serve here. Truly excellent, authentic Japanese food.

Ale Emporium The wings and the beer! Get all the wings and all the beer! And get a pizza to share because it’s really, really good here. Ale Emporium is also home to one of the most insane beer lists in the city, and yes, you guessed it, it’s in a strip mall.

This one seems to be especially well-placed, as it’s nestled between several furniture and craft stores.

These places are known to wreak havoc on the average shopper’s sanity, so you’ll want as many

8617 Allisonville Road, 842-1333, ale-emporium.com

7381 Shadeland Ave., 841-7427, alibisgrill.com

6414 E. 82nd St., 576-0556

Alibi Grill They serve just about any food you could want. They’ve got a thousand beers to offer you, and they’ll mix you just about any cocktail from the full bar. This is your ultimate crowd-pleasing, completely delicious, independently-owned bar to get both food and a healthy holiday buzz on. It’s just off of the strip, too, so you’re unlikely to

Asaka You can eat just about every fish in the sea at this spot, even specialties like sea urchin (uni). Though it’s slightly off the beaten path and, yes, in a strip mall, we think this spot would give any of the other downtown sushi bars a run for their money. And before you start shopping around at any new ramen spot, start with the bowls

VOICES

Kabob Korner You have to try this lunch buffet. You have to. It’s Afghani- and Himalayan-style meat kabobs and a whole bunch of Middle Eastern sides and condiments. I promise if you exit the mall and just walk across the parking lot, you’ll find a new cuisine you might not have encountered before. Kabobs aren’t just cubes of meat on a stick. They’re a larger part of a delicious food culture that is a thousand times better at anything you’ll find in the mall.

6066 82nd St., 577-9610, himalayakabobkorner.com KEYSTONE CROSSING

Crepe Guys It’s obvious that you can make anything more delicious by putting it inside a crepe. Here, you can get the traditional stuff like cheese, hams and mushrooms. You can also indulge in a pizza crepe or get one filled with Nutella. We love the decor of this cute little joint across the street from Castleton Mall.

The District Tap Holy variety, Batman! You can get 60 different beers and food from a menu a mile long. More importantly, they have a nice mix with plenty of local taps and national macrobrews mixed in. If someone can’t find something they like to drink here, they’re simply impossible to please. They will definitely be returning your gifts.

5955 E. 82nd St., 913-9797, crepeguys.com

3720 E. 82nd St., 288-8251, thedistrictindy.com

3:45 p.m. — 9:30 p.m.

Taiwan Tea House If you need a quick and simple bite, Taiwan Tea House provides veggie-heavy Asian fare in another dressed-down strip mall setting. Again, this is not to be overlooked just because there is an office supply store attached.

The food is really good, we promise, and yes, the tea is really good too.

3746 E. 82nd St., 598-9733 NORA Big Lug Canteen If you’ve been waiting for an excuse to check this place out, now is the time. Once you’ve completed your shopping in Nora or at the Fashion Mall, you’re really going to want a beer. Luckily, Big Lug is turning out some really delicious microbrews along with fancy twists on comforting pub food. This would be at the top of our collective list when it comes to food and drinks.

1435 E. 86th St., 672-3503, biglugcanteen.com — SARAH MURRELL

317.298.0773

317.955.1700 DINNER HOURS, MON-SUN

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RESTAURANT-STYLE STEAK

You made it through your first holiday season gauntlet unscathed!

We are so proud of you! As a reward for the making it through every family dinner with your plastic smile intact, you should treat yourself to a perfectly-cooked piece of fine steak. Here’s how to achieve a restaurant-quality steak with a few simple steps.

Must be 21-55 Study takes about 10 hours over 2-3 days Up to $200 for participation.

We are especially interested in imaging people who regularly use alcohol!

CALL 317-278-5684 EMAIL YPETLAB@IUPUI.EDU Center for Neuroimaging Indiana University School of Medicine Indianapolis, IN

PHOTO BY SARAH MURRELL

BUY IT:

MAKE IT:

Ribeye steak 2-3 Tablespoons Olive Oil Salt & pepper Fresh rosemary and/or thyme 2-3 cloves of fresh garlic 1 lemon 1 stick of butter

More salt. Salt makes food taste more like itself, and is the simplest and best way to bring out the flavor of your beef. You want to get a salt crust all over the meat, adding extra salt if it’s an extra thick steak.

Put the salt and pepper on first, rub it all over the meat and press it into the skin. Initially, the salt will draw moisture out of the steak, so season it and set it aside for about 20 minutes, both to bring it up to room temp and to let the moisture and salt re-absorb into the steak.

Peel the zest off of half of a lemon in wide strips.

Peel and gently crush the garlic enough to release the oils. No need to chop or smash it.

Coat your steak in olive oil on both sides after the resting time.

Rub the ever loving shit out of your steak with the garlic, fresh herbs, lemon zest. Really work it in there, moving your seasonings around to release their oils. Go crazy. Give that meat a deep, herby Thai massage.

Let it rest again for a few minutes to absorb the flavors.

While your steak is hanging out and getting its oily flavor zen on, heat a sturdy pan up to high.

Remove the various plant matter on top of your steak, add a little extra oil to it, and lay it in the pan for 1 minute.

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Flip it over and add a stick of butter to the pan with a few fresh sprigs of herbs and some of your garlic cloves. Take the buttersoaked herbs and lay them on the steak. Tip the pan up to about 20-30 degrees and spoon the butter onto the steak for about 2 minutes, then flip again and spoon butter for another minute for a rare steak, 2-3 for a more done but unruined steak. Keep in mind that you are also cooking the top somewhat with the butter, so err on the side of undercooking and let it rest to temperature. (I don’t have any photos of this and I’m so sorry) THIS IS THE MOST IMPORTANT STEP: Let it rest for AT LEAST 10 minutes. Ideally, you’d set it on something where air could move under it to keep the bottom crust crisp, or you could just put it on a plate and let it hang out in the (off) oven or microwave, flipping it halfway through.

Enjoy like the boss and champion you are.

— SARAH MURRELL

Editor’s note: Cooking time reflects a rare (120-125 degrees) steak about 1 inch thick.

Thicker steaks will require as much as 6-8 min for rare, 8-10 for medium (130 degrees) If you put steak sauce on this beauty after all that loving work, you should seriously re-evaluate your choices and life.

LIVING GREEN

INDIANA

MEET THE INDIANA DELEGATES IN PARIS FOR COP21 We spoke with Indiana’s contingent attending the Paris climate talks B Y LA UR EN K A ST NE R

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EDI TO RS@ N U V O . N E T

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ndiana gets a bad rap for our poor record on environmental quality, but our grassroots environmental leaders? They’re top notch. Below you’ll meet the four Indiana residents who have taken their local leadership global by traveling to Paris to influence the negotiations, connect with the global climate movement and report the news out of Paris to Hoosiers back home. Each one hopes to influence world leaders and make sure the outcomes of a new global climate agreement work for Indiana.

DENISE (BLACKBURN) ABDUL-RAHMAN Hometown: Born in Lafayette, grew up in Fort Wayne and has lived in Indianapolis for 20 years.

Affiliation: Climate Justice Alliance Delegate for the NAACP Indiana and Grassroots Global Justice Alliance (GGJA).

NUVO: What does going to Paris mean to you?

ABDUL-RAHMAN: It is imperative for all to get involved and stop the climate from changing.

Personally, I want to do my part to steward God’s Green Earth. I want to be one more representative for communities of color, frontline, low income, affected and vulnerable communities. I personally want to represent Indiana and shine a light on the urgent need for us to implement a rigorous State Clean Power Plan.

NUVO: What do you hope to see as an outcome in Paris?

ABDUL-RAHMAN: I hope that the COP21 will adhere to GGJA petition, which calls for “mandatory emissions standards, keep-

AMANDA SHEPHERD Hometown: Indianapolis Affiliation: Hoosier Environmental Council (Senior Outreach Coordinator), Earth Charter Indiana (volunteer).

NUVO: Why are you going to Paris?

SHEPHERD: To be a part of the movement encouraging strong climate action and to represent the voice of Hoosiers concerned about the impact of climate change on future generations.

COP21 FOLLOW LAUREN KASTNER’S REPORTS FROM PARIS DURING THE CLIMATE TALKS AT NUVO.NET.

ing fossil fuel in the ground, reject fracking, nuclear, carbon markets, strengthen the inclusion of human rights and support community-rooted solutions.”

NUVO: Why are you committed to working on climate justice?

ABDUL-RAHMAN: Communities of color and low income communities are lacking adequate systems and resources. Our work as the NAACP Environmental Climate Justice Program strives to make them resistant.

NUVO: If you could tell lawmakers in Indiana one thing about climate change, what would you tell them?

ABDUL-RAHMAN: Stop putting profits before people!

NUVO: What can your neighbor do about climate change in Indiana?

ABDUL-RAHMAN: Call and write your legislators tell them to support the Clean Power Plan and all just energy policies.

Keep up with Denise’s journey @indiananaacpecj.

NUVO: Why are you committed to working on this issue?

SHEPHERD: I have three incredibly bright and amazing daughters and they are the reason I have been involved in this fight for over a decade.

I want to do everything I possibly can to ensure a habitable world for them with the ease of access to necessities that I have enjoyed my entire life.

NUVO: What do you wish lawmakers in Indiana knew about the Paris climate talks?

Everyday Hoosiers actually can play a very important, although indirect, role in what happens at the climate talks.

S E E , C O P 2 1 , O N P A GE 2 4 NUVO // 100% RECYCLED PAPER // 12.02.15 - 12.09.15 // INDIANA LIVING GREEN 23

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C O P 21 ,

Durham School Services are Now Hiring for ...

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F R O M P A G E 23

SHEPHERD: Climate change should not be a partisan issue. It is a real problem that must be acknowledged and we must come together as a nation and a globe to address it with a comprehensive and aggressive plan coming out of the COP21.

NUVO: If you could tell your neighbor one thing about climate change, what would you tell them?

SHEPHERD: You can make a difference.

Use your voice and your power through the political process to make your concern known. Write letters. Sign petitions.

March for action. Spend your money wisely. Vote. Speak voice to power in every possible way you can.

Amanda is live-tweeting @ashepherd79.

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NUVO: Why are you committed to working on climate justice?

BLAD: Last summer I canvassed in lowincome minority communities in St. Louis, Mo., weeks before Michael Brown was shot. There, I learned that climate change is so much more than solar and wind power. It is about economic, gender, and racial justice. It is about people power. It is about reclaiming our democracy to create the economic and social structures that don’t exploit the planet and its people. I am committed to work on climate justice because I have benefitted from the systems currently in place and others have not. I have a responsibility to do what I can to help others.

NUVO: What do you hope to accomplish in Paris?

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GARRETT BLAD Hometown: North Liberty, Ind.

BLAD: There is a story to tell in Paris about grassroots mobilizations, rejected fossil fuel projects, and community renewable energy projects. Stories of people shifting the power and reclaiming it for themselves. For the past five months I have been bicycling between the U.S. and Paris with a project called Climate Journey, collecting and sharing these stories.

3951 N. Meridian St., Suite 200 Indianapolis, IN 46208 | www.nuvo.net

24 INDIANA LIVING GREEN // 12.02.15 - 12.09.15 // 100% RECYCLED PAPER // NUVO

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through these past five months, it was unanimous: organizing your community — whatever that may be — to take largescale action on climate change empowers people. Time and time again, people say that joining the movement in a bold way was the best decision they ever made.

See how Garrett’s international bike tour wraps up in Paris by following him at @ climatejourney andclimatejourney.org

SHANNON ANDERSON Hometown: Jamestown, N.Y. Affiliation: Earth Charter Indiana

NUVO: Why do you care about solving climate change?

ANDERSON: We have ignored this issue for far too long, billions of people are counting on us. Food insecurity, water shortages, the tremendous cost of extreme weather events — these are a death sentence for many. And perhaps, most of all, our beautiful planet, a rare treasure in the universe, has allowed this flourishing of life, a wealth of biodiversity, which not only provides for stunning scenery, it teaches us about natural and physical phenomena. It’s unjust to ourselves, it’s unjust to the earth.

NUVO: What do you hope to see as an outcome in Paris?

ANDERSON: A binding global climate agreement that satisfies all physical requirements to keep our planet from warming more than two-degrees Celsius, a Green Climate Fund that is sufficient to meaningfully move developing nations towards sustainable energy and industry, and nations who are committed to progressive goals at home to move towards a carbon-neutral civilization.

NUVO: What do leaders in Indiana need to hear about climate change?

NUVO: If you had one thing to tell your neighbor about climate change, what would it be?

ANDERSON: This moment requires everyone to do everything they can. Scientists tell us that we will require an “all of the above” strategy to meet this challenge and succeed. We have the resources, the technology, the people, and the knowledge to make our transition possible. What we need is the political will and an attitude that asks “how can we make this work?”

Not one who says “that’s too complicated, we can’t do that.” You have a huge opportunity to be a leader in Indiana, so take it.

BLAD: If you feel powerless in the face of climate change, take action with others.

Across all ten countries we have cycled

You can follow Shannon and all the action in Paris on Twitter @si2016 and @ECharterIndiana. n

THIS WEEK

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THREE THINGS YOU NEED TO KNOW ABOUT THE PARIS CLIMATE TALKS W

B Y LA UR EN K A ST NE R EDITORS@NU VO . N ET

orld leaders through the United Nations are currently meeting in Paris for talks to decide what each country should do to help solve the global climate crisis. After negotiating for more than two decades, this year is critical for the world to get to a strong agreement to curb greenhouse gas (GHG) emissions in a fair and effective way that every nation in the world agrees to. No pressure, right?

Here’s what you need to know as the talks are underway:

1 Don’t let diplomacy scare you

The climate talks deal with complex issues, and common terminology can be a good starting point for the leaders of every nation to begin to reach common ground. But try to say “Ad Hoc Working Group on the Durban Platform for Enhanced Action” without falling asleep mid-sentence. Yeah, I didn’t think so.

As most diplomatic proceedings go, the climate talks are filled with ten-word acronyms that make the process and outcomes hard to understand and inaccessible to the casual observer.

Forget all of the jargon. The climate talks can really be distilled to three basic issues that can be understood using a dairy cow as an analogy for solving climate change. Go with me here.

Three farmers share one dairy cow.

Farmer A is wealthy enough to buy a cow and has enjoyed the bounty of milk from the cow for many years. Farmer B has been saving money for many years and finally has enough to buy into the cow and is usually able to get milk whenever she needs it. Farmer C is not able to share the cost of the cow, but can buy a few pints of milk for himself each week. Unfortunately, the bucket that the farmers use to milk the cow each day has a hole in it and milk has been slowly leaking. The farmers realized that not only are they losing milk, but the hole in the bucket is getting bigger and they have no plan to fix it.

The farmers — with differing responsibilities and capabilities — must decide: Who fixes the leaky bucket? Who pays for the spilled milk?

And: How do the farmers cope without

having milk?

In much the same way, climate change negotiators from 190 countries must determine the amount of GHG emissions each country must reduce to mitigate future climate change; who pays to ensure that countries are equipped to adapt to the impacts of climate change happening right now; and how do the countries and populations most vulnerable to climate change receive compensation for the loss and damage to which they cannot adapt?

2 Local action matters

Even though the climate negotiations only happen once a year and seems to be reserved for ancient-looking diplomats in stuffy suits, everyday Hoosiers actually can play a very important, although indirect, role in what happens at the climate talks.

Earlier this year, the U.S. pledged to cut greenhouse gas emissions 26-28 percent below 2005 levels by 2025. In order to meet this target, it will take every current domestic environmental regulation to go through as planned. This includes emissions reductions through the Clean Power Plan for coal-fired power generation, standards for heavy-duty engines and vehicles, energy efficiency standards, and a whole lot of other things the federal government has yet to roll out.

Communities across Indiana are already coming together across the state to push even harder to make state and federal plans work and to build resilient and thriving economies. Every little bit counts when it comes to the U.S. delivering on its commitment to cut GHG emissions by 26-28 percent.

3 Don’t care about climate change?

Still support a strong climate deal.

Even if you’re not freaking out about the fact that 2015 is on track to passing 2014 as the hottest year on earth, there are many reasons to still care about seeing world leaders create a new climate agreement. Solving climate change is really about helping people live better lives and prepare for coming challenges in all areas of society — food, energy, education, health and well-being, human rights and the economy. Even if you set aside the environmental benefits, aren’t all of those other things still worth improving? n NUVO // 100% RECYCLED PAPER // 12.02.15 - 12.09.15 // INDIANA LIVING GREEN 25

’S NIGHTCRAWLER: RILEY MISSEL

@nuvonightcrawler

NUVO Marketing Intern Communication Major Marian University

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These women take a break from bopping to the beat and strike a pose Fuzzy’s Vodka mini football? This bartender is a fan.

A night at Blu Lounge is a classy affair.

The beats were flowing and glowing at Blu Lounge Saturday night.

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Which movie will you never get sick of?

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The Book of Eli

EMILY NEICE

@Emily_Neice

BRENDEN FRY NYC Goodfellas

DANTE K. Castleton Step Brothers

ERICA D. Castleton Ali

MATT H. Fort Waye Rush Hour! Any one of them.

JP G. Old Northside Carlito’s Way

Star Wars! All of them

HANNAH S. Laguna Beach Bridesmaids

MICHAEL BOTTA

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Le Mis, definitely.

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KYLE K. Southside Friday

JOHN S. New Jersey I don’t think such a movie exists.

CHRISTIAN H. Castleton Step Brothers

LAUREN L. Mapleton-Fall Creek Kill Bill 1 and 2

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Your first thru fourth donation is $50.00 each time you donate and all subsequent donations are $30.00 per donation. All donations are done by appointment so there is no long wait times and the donation process should only take about an hour.

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MUSIC

TINY CHATS

If you haven’t heard “Shut Up and Dance” by Cincy’s Walk The Moon, you must have spent Summer 2015 forcibly locked up in someone’s dungeon.

That’s how thoroughly the disco jam infiltrated pop, AAA, soft rock and alternative radio stations.

In short order, Walk The Moon went from stops at Butler’s coffeehouse to Old National Centre’s Egyptian Room – and next Wednesday, they’re headling WZPL’s Jingle Jam atop a packed lineup of pop stars also currently conquering the radio.

Bassist Kevin Ray, a member of the group since around 2010, doesn’t seem phased by the rapid ascent. Maybe that’s because he worked pre-full time band gigs as a member of the sound crew for world tours with Whitney Houston. Maybe he’s just a real cool character. Regardless, the Ohioan-turned-BallState grad is excited for what’s to come for his band, and stoked to spend a bit more time in his adopted hometown – Indy! – in between world tours.

We chatted with Ray before Wednesday’s show, and he talked lovingly about Cincinnati’s music scene, where the group made its first big strides alongside bands like Foxy Shazam. Cincy is still home base for Walk The Moon.

“Cincy had to develop its own thing,” Ray said.

“Growing up in Columbus, there was never a truly thriving original music scene, because every single band played Columbus. So if you wanted to go see music, you’d just go see any band on tour. In Cincinnati, you really couldn’t do that, so you just got a little bit of everything. Everyone just wanted to impress their friends, play music and put on shows. The main word that kind of describes that scene is ‘supportive.’ Everybody just wanted to see everybody do well as a band. So we had local bands supporting us [and vice versa]. It was really cool.

You could play a show and 100 people would come, and that was a huge deal for a local band. When we premiered our “Anna Sun” music video and our independent album [self-titled Walk The Moon], we had like 450 people at that show. We lost count.”

— KATHERINE COPLEN WZPL Jingle Jam with Walk The Moon, Rachel Platten, Pentatonix, Becky G, Max, Tori Kelly, Wednesday, Dec. 9, 7 p.m., Indiana Farmers Coliseum, Indiana State Fairgrounds, prices vary, all-ages

NUVO.NET/MUSIC Visit nuvo.net/music for complete event listings, reviews and more.

28 MUSIC // 12.02.15 - 12.09.15 // 100% RECYCLED PAPER // NUVO

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SUBMITTED PHOTO

WALK THE MOON’S BASSIST KEVIN RAY’S INDY CONNECTIONS

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Big Colour preps a cassette release

B Y BRETT A L D ERM A N MU S I C @ N U V O . N E T

first encountered the music of Big Colour last September when the band was on the bill for KO’s EP release at Radio Radio. The Indy band’s sound was enormous and the catchy hooks had me bobbing my head. Recently, I sat down with Brian Brissart — the bandleader and founder (who moved back to Indy from Chicago and brought his tunes with him), Frankie Dean and Dimitri Morris in Fountain Square over coffee at Calvin Fletcher’s to discuss what’s up with the trio ahead of the physical cassette release of Booty Patrol, which includes standout track “Manifest Ecstasy.”

NUVO: Your voice sounds huge. I need to know how you get that sound.

BRIAN BRISSART: I don’t know, I guess I just really push my vocal cords. It’s mostly [analog] effects. For the first three Big Colour records, it was a shitty fucking PA system. The speaker was blown, but I liked the way it sounded, so I always recorded my vocals through that speaker with DSP reverb. I wish I still had it.

PHOTO BY BRETT ALDERMAN

Big Colour (top), album artwork

music enough with each other that it feels comfortable.

BRISSART: Yeah, we’re really excited about it. This line-up, as Dimitri said, is probably the most solid, the one I feel the most comfortable with and makes the most sense to us. Everything feels right. Ever since I moved back to Indianapolis [from Chicago], it was always a struggle to make ends meet to play a show. Now I don’t think there’s that pressure. We can have fun and write new tunes together.

NUVO: What’s 2015 been like for Big Colour?

BRISSART: We kinda took a hiatus for like four, five months. We weren’t doing too much live stuff. The cassette is like, six or seven songs that were recorded over the span of a year and a half, in various locations. We were toying around with that and working on new material.

DIMITRI MORRIS: There was always that vibe like, “Yeah, we’re still gonna do stuff” but when it happens it happens.

It was never forced.

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“I think right now it’s more solid with a three piece.”

FRANKIE DEAN: Just to stay fresh, Brian and I would jam once a weekend. A lot of it was because we lost Donny [Musselman] as a second guitar player, he moved to Florida, and our bass player Jake [gandner]. We got Dimitri for that.

NUVO: Is it exciting to play out again as a three piece?

— FRANKIE DEAN BRISSART: Trying to keep it pretty sparse and really minimal live.

MORRIS: We’ve all played together before. It’s really natural. There’s nothing forced. We’ve played this

DEAN: Plus, if one of us breaks a hand we can just switch instruments. We all know the parts.

MORRIS: At this point I’ve played guitar, bass, drums. I’m super comfortable with these tunes.

NUVO: Has the sound changed with this current line-up?

BRISSART: What do you guys think? Big Colour has been a project of mine for like eight years. The sound is evolving, always changing. But it’s a steady evolution. Not like, “a different person is in the band now, so we’re going to do something completely different.”

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DEAN: No. If anything, what changes is how solid we sound. I think right now it’s more solid with a three piece. Plus with teaching other people the songs…

Dimitri knows all the songs.

NUVO: Are the live performances much different from the recordings?

BRISSART: No, not necessarily.

MORRIS: I mean, we’re not super cut and dry, where we’re going from song to song. We have fun up there. Each performance is not vastly different than the one you saw before.

BRISSART: That’s been the constant struggle. When people think of Big Colour they think of a recording project and not necessarily a live project, which is cool.

That’s what it was. We’re trying to develop the live side.

BRISSART: The only thing planned is the set list. We like to be goofy and have a lot of fun. I don’t know what it is about being silly in front of a group of people, but I feel like I’m being true to myself…

NUVO: Can you describe the songwriting process?

BRISSART: The writing and recording process is simple. Just come up with a verse and a chorus, like pop structure and think of a melody on top. Generally build on that, like I would with a loop station.

DEAN: Most of the time what happens is Brian will have a riff and an idea for a beat. Then we’ll come to an agreement on the two styles mixing. He’ll show bass Dimitri a bass line, or Dimitri will have a new [part] that sounds awesome.

BRISSART: It’s much more collaborative. I trust everyone that I play with.

DEAN: A lot of people can do the one-

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MORRIS: People see that and it makes you more accessible. You can put yourself out there and not be so damn serious about it.

BRISSART: Don’t take yourself too seriously.

Big Colour

PHOTO BY BRETT ALDERMAN

NUVO: With this cassette about to be released are you looking at the next project?

man band. There’s a whole slew of them that one person writes everything.

BRISSART: There’s this weird neurosis, where now that it’s fucking done I just want to move past it.

BRISSART: There’s this band called The Beach Boys…

DEAN: Like a release of pressure.

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BRISSART: Being in this process for a year and half, recording everything myself, with borrowed [equipment]. I used Frankie’s, Jacob [Gardner]’s and other people’s stuff. I couldn’t work at it when I was drunk at 3 o’clock in the morning, which is when all the best shit happens.

You have an allotted time when you’re using other people’s gear. I just want to press on as a band. Collaborate with Dimitri more…

MORRIS: We’ve both been in solo projects where it’s a full band, but you’re recording everything two or three times.

It’s nice to be able to see the end of it.

BRISSART: Dimitri gets me.

MORRIS: Now we’re going to have our own studio and practice space in the same confines, so if we can come up with an idea, like, “We need to record this,” we can.

BRISSART: It’s going to make any and all creativity that much easier to foster. n Listen to Booty Patrol at bigcolour.bandcamp.com

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SLEATER-KINNEY STILL SLAYS S

West Coast rockers reunite, rock on, answer questions for Girls Rock

BY K A TH ERIN E C O P L E N KCOPLEN@NU VO . N ET

LIVE

leater-Kinney’s break was almost as long as their time together, but you’d be forgiven for not feeling their absence too sharply in the time between 2005’s The Woods and 2015’s No Cities to Love.

Drummer Janet Weiss sat in on sessions and/or tours with Steven Malkmus and The Jicks, The Shins, Bright Eyes and Elliott Smith, plus continued playing with Quasi with Sam Coomes. Corin Tucker released two LPS with her solo project The Corin Tucker Band. And Carrie Brownstein lampooned West Coast hipsters on her HBO show Portlandia with Fred Armisen. Weiss and Brownstein appeared together in Wild Flag with Mary Timony (Ex Hex, Helium, Autoclave) and Rebecca Cole (The Minders).

But, damn, even though the trio was around and working, we missed them as Sleater-Kinney. For a certain set of ‘90s riot grrls, nothing will ever be better than the magic rock jams Brownstein, Tucker and Weiss whipped up in the Pacific Northwest. Their January 2015 reunion record No Cities To Love showed that magic was still there; the following live dates proved it beyond all doubt.

Sleater-Kinney comes to Indy Friday for a show at Old National Centre. Before the date, we got Weiss on the phone. Note: This interview is the first in a series of interviews with female musicians questions contributed by the women and girls from Girls Rock Indy. Upcoming interviews include Rosanne Cash and Mitski.

NUVO: I’m currently putting together a project with Girls Rock Indy. I had some of the campers and counselors there send questions my way to ask different female musicians I’m interviewing this winter. Here’s one of the questions: Because Girls Rock is a nonprofit that focuses on building self esteem through music education, in what ways do you think music and the act of creating helps girls as individuals and women?

JANET WEISS: I think expression is very important in the process of building your voice. Being isolated with your thoughts for too long tends to make people less confident. Being able to integrate your ideas and your expressions with other people who sometimes feel the same way, who appreciate what

30 MUSIC // 12.02.15 - 12.09.15 // 100% RECYCLED PAPER // NUVO

SLEATER-KINNEY WITH WAXAHATCHEE

W H E N : FRIDAY, DEC. 4, 8 P.M. W H E R E : OLD NATIONAL CENTRE, 502 N. NEW JERSEY ST. TICKETS: $35, ALL-AGES

someone else’s head, how best to deliver their songs. It allows me to expand my knowledge, expand my ability to interpret what’s happening, to interpret the music. Nothing can be the same with Sleater-Kinney. Nothing is even very similar. [laughs] So I just try to stay sharp and be the best musician and the best interpreter that I can be, so that when I’m playing music with different people, and when I come back to Sleater-Kinney, I feel confident and I feel like I have things to say. Staying active and especially collaborating with such interesting, complex people keeps me sharp, makes me a better collaborator for Carrie and Corin.

NUVO: The thing about drumming, or preparing to drum that feels different is how physical it is; how it can be a real stress on the body. Could you tell me a little bit about your routine, how you keep limber and loose, any difficulties you ward off?

Sleater-Kinney, with Weiss at left

you’re doing, that kind of feedback builds confidence and allows you to learn who you are. You bounce your ideas off people, musical and non-musical. You collaborate with other people. It helps to build your language of expression, and build your confidence.

NUVO: I was looking through the records that you were a part of in the 10 year break between the last SleaterKinney record and No Cities To Love.

Some of these records I love so much – Real Emotional Trash, Cassadaga. What

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influences and tastes did you pick up in the last 10 years that you brought back to No Cities to Love?

WEISS: Sleater-Kinney is so personal.

It doesn’t feel like there’s that much of the outside world seeping into it. It’s very specific. The energy between the three of us and the chemistry between the three of us is very unique. So when we’re together, it sort of feels like something bigger than us is happening. The things that I learn playing with different people is how to sort of get inside

WEISS: With Sleater-Kinney, it’s a lot of driving, fast music. Not fast like metal, but on the fast side. So I feel like touring with this band does require building up my stamina, practicing on a regular basis. I try to practice every day if possible. If not possible, at least four, five times a week. In preparation for a tour, I try to practice every day for sure, just for stamina’s sake. Also, for me, some of what I play is unscripted. Fills are usually unscripted. There are parts of the show that are improvisational.

We do some segues from songs that we’re just making up on the spot. It’s important for me to be able to access different shadings, different kinds of playing for those moments. Depending on how we’re all feeling in the moment, I need to be able to access different kinds of playing. In practice, I don’t want to be frustrated by not being able to play something I think of. I try to practice more before we play shows just so my language becomes broader.

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in the old days. We prioritized coming home with money and being thrifty on tour, just kind of working hard on tour and having a little bit more money when we came home.

We always really focused on making sure we had new shirts and good shirts, that the merchandise was really quality stuff that people would enjoy. We’d go out there and help sell it, really connect with the fans, and work hard.

WEISS: I think it’s imporI think what she’s referring to tant to create a safe space mostly is that we’re not touring for discussion, and a safe nonstop. There are breaks. We’re space for opinions and for not doing long tours. These are the ideas, and to have that space things you kind of have to do if provide a sense of equality. you want to come home with any Eventually, when the young money. You have to work hard, you generation comes up, it won’t have to do long tours. Back then, be unusual to see women and you had to tour more often. Now, men treated as equals within it’s hard to tour more, because the stage of music. I think people just kind of want to see SUBMITTED PHOTO that’s the goal – equality. And you once, and then you need to No Cities To Love not having it be this strange work on something new. I think ghetto that we exist in, where when she’s talking about self-care, there’s “music” and “women to play. Then we go through the songs it’s about figuring out what your in music” in a separate place. We’re askwe do want to play and figure out which limits are physically, mentally and ing for equality. We’re asking for a safe ones sit with the new songs and elevate emotionally. If it’s breaking you emoplace for that to happen. the new songs, make them more rich, tionally being away from your home, make the experience a journey. You your dog, your kid, whatever you have NUVO: When you guys sat down to make want the show for an hour to take over waiting for you at home – if six weeks set lists for the tours that would follow people’s minds. away from home is crushing you, then this album release, how did you bring the you need to figure that out, do shorter music together? What was important for NUVO: I just read a New York Magazine tours, and take care of yourself. you to do with the new album and your piece [“Sleater-Kinney on Riot Grrl, If you want to be in this for the long fairly extensive body of work?

Reuniting and Portlandia”] that came haul, don’t just suppress what’s good out a month or so ago. There for you for the good of the band. You was an interesting anecdote need to take care of yourself, and have about how you keep your hair the band reflect who you are. When back with a fan [from a crowdthings start going well, you really get “Nothing can be the same with sourced Twitter question] – offered a lot of stuff. It’s overwhelming, Sleater-Kinney. Nothing is even when things are going well. You don’t WEISS: They asked me like, want to turn down opportunities, but how do you keep your hair very similar.” at the same time you need to keep in out of your [face]. 30 years mind, “Is this too much for me? Am I I’ve been playing drums and I — JANET WEISS get asked about my hair. But going to hurt the show? Am I going to do too many interviews before the show that’s okay! to where I can’t sing right, or I’m too NUVO: Yes! I didn’t exactly tired to play, or I get sick?” There’s selfknow what the question was, but you WEISS: It’s actually something I think a preservation, especially as you get older were describing the fan setup you had lot about. The important things are the that you need to take into consideration on stage. That brought to mind an new songs, and finding another group when you decide to do this difficult interview that I read with Carrie that of songs that tell a story next to the new endeavor. Really, for us, the show is the was comparing touring now vs. touring most important. Whatever we can do songs. We’ve always been a band that really loves playing our new material the in the 2005/2006 tour. She said that to make the show better, whether that’s touring then was really punishing, and most. That’s been the case with every limiting interviews to 15 minutes so Cothat you guys really prioritized selfrecord, that we’re always so excited to rin’s voice doesn’t get trashed, whether care in this current tour. I was wonder- that’s making sure we have a good hour play the new songs, and this time even ing what other things you guys have more so because we hadn’t played them before the show to be in the dressing done to make the punishing tour expe- room together connecting, just being live before recording. So thinking about the shows meant thinking about how we rience more workable for people who goofy, warming up, making sure we’re have done the punishing tour thing for make a show that’s going to be arresting all there and all on the same page, that’s a long time. and gripping, sort of abrasive at times important. We learned over the years – how do we do that using our body of what we need to do to make sure the WEISS: It is true that we have a bigwork? We just go through, and first we show goes off. Taking care of ourselves ger crew this time, that we have more weed out the songs that we don’t want is a big part of that. n help. We toured very bare bones back NUVO: This a question I always like to ask women in music who are outspoken about feminism and treatment of women in music; What can music journalists do to stand on the side of women in music and to improve as collective outlets when we’re featuring the work of women?

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KINGLY T’S CONSCIOUS REGGAE

J

amaican-born reggae artist Kingly T has worked earnestly to amass an Indianapolis following for his conscious roots sound since his arrival in the Hoosier state in 2003. With the release of his fourth LP Life in the City, Kingly T is launching his most ambitious campaign yet to lure the ears of Indiana music fans to his classic reggae grooves.

That push includes an album release party happening at The Melody Inn on Sunday, December 6.

I spoke with Kingly T at WFYI's studios in downtown Indianapolis. Kingly T is reserved and introspective in conversation, preferring to let his songs speak for him, so be sure to catch some samples of Kingly T's songs on the radio version of Cultural Manifesto. Tune in this Wednesday evening at 9 on 90.1 to hear the full interview.

NUVO: I know you're originally from Jamaica. Music has become such a defining element of Jamaica's national character and global image. Was music part of your life from an early age?

KINGLY T: Yeah and my father was good at the mento thing.

NUVO: Aside from your family jam sessions, what were you listening to while growing up?

NUVO: When I think of Jamaican music and banjos I think of mento, which is a Jamaican folk music that was very popular on the island before the advent of ska, rocksteady and reggae.

WITH KYLE LONG KLONG@NUVO.NET Kyle Long’s music, which features off-the-radar rhythms from around the world, has brought an international flavor to the local dance music scene.

KINGLY T: When I was a kid I listened to Bob Marley. It was inspirational for me.

At that time, Jamaican people didn't gravitate toward the music of Bob Marley on a big scale. It was not until he died that Jamaican people recognized how big Bob Marley was. I liked music that was conscious. I liked music with a message.

NUVO: You mentioned that your father was a pastor. Did your embrace of reggae music's Rastafarian culture bother your parents?

KINGLY T: They didn't understand it. Christians think differently than Rastafarians, even though we're pretty much the same.

“I liked music that was conscious.

I liked music with a message.”

KINGLY T: I grew up in Kingston, Jamaica. I grew up around instruments. My father was a musician and he used to have instruments all around us. He played banjo and the bamboo flute. Music is in my blood. He didn't do music professionally, he was a pastor. But he loved to play music. He'd call all our family together and say, "Let's jam."

A CULTURAL MANIFESTO

— KINGLY T

NUVO: You attended the Jamaican School of Music as a young man. When did you decide that you wanted music to be more than a hobby in your life?

KINGLY T: Once I left the Jamaican School of Music I went to the North Coast of Jamaica in Negril. I was recruited for a band by Hopeton Hibbert who is the son of Toots Hibbert from the

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Life in the City album artwork (left), Kingly T

Maytals. He came and recruited me as a guitarist for a band down in Negril. So I took off to Negril to join the band. After that I toured Japan for six months, I also toured in the Caribbean and Mexico.

The rest has been music all the way.

NUVO: You came to Indianapolis in 2003.

What brought you to the Hoosier state?

KINGLY T: Well, sometimes a woman plays a part in decisions. [laughs] NUVO: OK, understood. What were your initial thoughts of Indy? Did you get a sense this might be a good place for your music?

KINGLY T: I thought it was cold here. [laughs] I always have a problem when the winter comes around. It's really a struggle with the reggae music here.

I've been trying with it for years. I know people here love reggae music. But the people who are in charge don't give reggae enough of a chance.

NUVO: I know you're hoping that trend will change with the upcoming release party at Melody Inn for your album Life in the City. Tell us about the album.

KINGLY T: It's a mixture of lovers rock and conscious reggae. There's one song called "Cool Down" track that I'd put in the dancehall category. It's a refreshing album for listeners of who appreciate all styles of reggae music. n

KYLE LONG >> Kyle Long broadcasts weekly on WFYI 90.1 FM Wednesdays at 9 p.m.

@tremendouskat

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ROCK Sleater-Kinney, Waxahatchee 8 p.m. FEMINIST SUPER POWERS COLLIDE! See more on page 30.

Egyptian Room at Old National Centre, 502 N. New Jersey St., prices vary, all-ages

Leon Bridges, Sunday at The Bluebird

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ACOUSTIC Red Wanting Blue 9 p.m. This Ohio rock band rolls through all the time, but they’re always on point so we keep on seein’ ‘em. In fact, this is a bit of a smaller show for Red Wanting Blue, who often play venues as big as the Vogue – and they’re going all acoustic.

The Hi-Fi, 1043 Virginia Ave., Ste. 4, $20, 21+ Way Back Wednesdays, Tiki Bob’s, 21+ Pat Martino, Jazz Kitchen, 21+ Toy Cars, Werewolf with a Shotgun, The Velblouds, Tangled Headphones, Melody Inn, 21+ Jeff Kelley and James Wilkerson, Union 50, 21+ Safe Sex Cassette Release Show, Automated, Ray Creature, Mannequin, The Bishop (Bloomington), 18+ Three Story Hill, The Bluebird (Bloomington), 21+

THURSDAY HOLIDAZE KLOVE Christmas 2015

The Bluebird, 216 N. Walnut St., $20, 21+ Dan Hubbard, Union 50, 21+

DENOTES EDITOR’S PICK

WEDNESDAY

will be extra primed to burn down The Bluebird.

Eli Young Band, Egyptian Room at Old National Centre, all-ages

7 p.m. This Christian Christmas music fest features Danny Gokey, Sidewalk Prophets, Natalie Grante and Tenth Avenue North.

Murat Theatre at Old National Centre, 502 N. New Jersey St., prices vary, all-ages PARTIES Hinx Jones Album Release Party 8 p.m. Sean Stuart’s a busy, busy man. In between running his hip-hop blog Bringing Down the Band, starting new label No Cosign Records, he put the finishing touches on new Hinx Jones album Soul Hop. Add-2 and David Peck will also appear.

Melody Inn, 3826 N. Illinois St., $5 advance, $8 door, 21+

The Daniel Bennett Group, Central Library, all-ages 3rd Annual Evening of Giving Benefit Concert and Charity Auction, D’Amore Chase Tower, 21+

First Friday Art Show with Margaret White, The Aero-Soul Proect, The Hi-Fi, 21+ Bug$y, Emerson Theater, all-ages Toast to the Holidays, Oliver Winery (Bloomington), all-ages Mike Adams at His Honest Weight, Sound of Ceres, Joyful Noise, all-ages

COVERS

Sale Joseph, The Hi-Fi, 21+

A Tribute to the Music of Prince 9 p.m. How can we be more clear? It’s a tribute. To the music of the Purple One. Well, actually we can say some more, and we said it in Barfly down below.

Irvington First Friday Music Showcase, 10 Johnson Avenue Coffee, all-ages

Radio Radio, 1119 E. Prospect St., $7, 21+ SUBMITTED PHOTO

Mine Enemies Fall, Rogues, Rituals, Catalytic, 5th Quarter Lounge, 21+

BOATING Yacht Rock Revue 9 p.m. What’s your favorite yacht rocker? We’re big Michael McDonald fans. Oooh, or maybe Kenny Loggins.

Or maybe Robbie Dupree. Or Hall and Oates? Or The Doobie Brothers.

Man, why pick when you can go see Yacht Rock Revue, who covers basically all of them.

The Vogue, 6259 N. College Ave., prices vary, all-ages Kaleidoscope Jukebox and Friends, Mousetrap, 21+

One Voice, One Guitar 2015, Birdy’s Bar and Grill, 21+ Tennessee Walker, The Rathskeller, 21+ Elliot Bigger, There are Ghosts, Kid Stardust, Melody Inn, 21+ Toy Factory, Latitude 360, 21+ Consult the Briefcase, Slippery Noodle, 21+

SATURDAY FAB FOUR 1964 The Tribute 8 p.m. Since the early ‘80s, “1964 …The Tribute” has been thrilling audiences all over the globe with what Rolling Stone Magazine has called the “Best Beatles Tribute on Earth.”

Lafayette Theatre, 600 Main St. (Lafayette), $35 advance, $40 doors, all-ages

LOCALS Random Band Challenge 7 p.m. On Oct. 9, organizers drew names to create eight random bands; since then, the musicians have gotten together to write three original songs, with one based on a noun that organizers also gave them. They’ll perform their songs on Saturday in front of a panel of judges rating their song quality, originality, band name, stage presence and execution of the noun song. (The audience also votes.) Here’s the bands, with their chosen names and set times: Richard Nixon at 8 p.m. (Kevin “Jumbo” Boynton, Trevor Potts, Dave Vogt, Aaron McDonald, Cyrus Youngman) Wal-Mart at 8:30 p.m. (Jason Stovall, Jack Miels), Time Machine at 9 p.m. (Matthew Hoagland, Jared Ades, Chris Cunningham), Chinese Food at 9:30 p.m. (Coot Crabtree, Paul Weller, Andrew Vertarmo, Zach Petersen), Mount Rushmore at 10 p.m. (Tim Neff, Chris Wolf, Drew Kincius, James Wallsmith, Steve Krider) The Jerk at 10:30 p.m. (Grant McClintock, Jeff Kelly, Jon Daily) Cowboy Boots at 11 p.m. (Nicholas Peoni, Steven Dunn, Trevor St. Aubin, Keifer Berry) and Stone Cold Steve Austin at 11:30 p.m. (Scotty Randolph, Jarred Coleman, Ryan Furry, Larry Gill).

Radio Radio, 1119 Prospect St., $10, 21+

FRIDAY COUNTRY Wynonna and The Big Noise Christmas 8 p.m. Ms. Judd always brings the heat with her band The Big Noise at their holiday shows. It’s the second year she’s presented tracks from her album A Simpler Christmas, which, in addition to her big hits in the setlist, should make for a very merry night indeed.

Palladium, Center for the Performing Arts, 355 City Center Drive (Carmel), prices vary, all-ages

HOMETOWN SHOWS Houndmouth, Moon Taxi 8 p.m. Houndmouth’s hometown shows are notoriously raucous – this is a band that knows how to have a good time. Coming off a long run of shows supporting Little Neon Limelight (plus some high-profile song placements in commercials and TV shows like Grey’s Anatomy) Houndmouth

‘90S Aaron Lewis 7 p.m. Staind frontman Lewis has taken a country bend in recent years, so makes sense he’s hittin’ us up at 8 Seconds Saloon.

8 Seconds Saloon, 111 N. Lynhurst Drive, prices vary, 21+

Houndmouth, Thursday at The Bluebird

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Vampires Everywhere, Emerson Theater, all-ages

SOUNDCHECK

Weakley, Clark and Wood, Jazz Kitchen, 21+

POP

TUESDAY

Jon McLaughlin 9 p.m. Holiday traditions: Seeing The Nutcracker, shopping at Circle Center, seeing the lights go on at Monument Circle, seeing hometown boy Jon McLaughlin sing.

Luis Miguel Traverso, People’s Brewing Company (Lafayette), all-ages Indianapolis Jazz Orchestra Holiday Show, Jazz Kitchen, 21+ Aphrodite, Q-BIk, Melody Inn, 21+

Old National Centre, 502 N. New Jersey St., prices vary, all-ages 800 lb. Gorilla, The Breakdown Kings, Mousetrap, 21+ Cole Swindell, 8 Seconds Saloon, 21+ Toys for Tots Battle Royale with Green Jello, Airtist, Stackhouse, Ryan Noblitt, 5th Quarter Lounge, 21+ Punk Rock Night with 13 Stripes, Cosmonauts, Hard Evidence, Melody Inn, 21+ Scanlines, Digital Dots, Indy CD and Vinyl, all-ages Indesis, Code Monkey, Good Guy Bad Guy, Birdy’s, 21+ Cornmeal, Flatland Harmony Experiment, The Hi-FI, 21+ Veseria, Coup Detat, Vaudevilens, White Rabbit Cabaret, 21+

SUNDAY SOUL Leon Bridges 8 p.m. Bridges put out one of the best soul debuts of 2015 with June’s Coming Home.

The Bluebird, 216 N. Walnut St. (Bloomington), $27, 21+ Riff Raff, Lafayette Theatre (Lafayette), all-ages

Meat Wave, The Hi-Fi, 21+ Nap DNB Presents, Melody Inn, 21+ SUBMITTED PHOTO

Sound of Ceres, Friday at Joyful Noise Kingly Record Release Party, Melody Inn, 21+ Cathy Morris, Jazz Kitchen, 21+

MONDAY HOLIDAZE Duke Ellington and Billy Strayhorn’s The Nutcracker Suite 7:30 p.m. A 20-piece big band will add swing to Tchaikovsky’s The Nutcracker Suite, reinvisioned by Duke Ellington and collaborator Billy Strayhorn.

Strayhorn’s nephew Larry will emcee; Director of Jazz Studies Freddie Mendoza will conduct.

Organizers note that this 1960 release is rarely played live.

Ransburg Auditorium, University of Indianapolis, 1400 E. Hanna Ave., $15, $5 for seniors and college students; free for ages 18 and younger

BARFLY BY WAYNE BERTSCH

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Take That! Tuesday, Coaches, 21+

WEDNESDAY, DEC. 9TH ROOTS Madisen Ward and The Mama Bear 7:30 p.m. One of our favorite emerging bands of the year is this mother/son duo, who sing simple bluesy roots songs that pull at your heart.

(This is an official Will McCarty pick for the Winter CityGuide.)

Egyptian Room at Old National Centre, 502 N. New Jersey St., $17 advance, $20 doors, all-ages Walk The Moon, Rachel Platten, Indiana Farmers Coliseum, all-ages The Punknecks, MG and The Gas City 3, The Slappies, 5th Quarter Lounge, 21+ Ash Rock Xmas, Birdy’s Bar and Grill, 21+ Collegiate Alliance of Musicians Benefit Concert, Melody Inn, 21+ NUVO.NET/SOUNDCHECK

SEXDOC EXCERPTS FROM OUR ONLINE COLUMN “ASK THE SEX DOC” W

e’re back with our resident sex doctor, Dr. Debby Herbenick of Indiana University’s Kinsey Institute.

To see even more, go to nuvo.net!

Condom control Is there any info on which condoms feel the best? I hear good things about Ecstasy condoms, and I’d like to keep some around that feel good so the conversation about using them with new partners is easier.

SARAH: Keep two kinds of condoms around at all times: Trojan Ecstasys and a few Magnums just in case. The former because they feel awesome as judged by all major studies, and the latter so that no one can pull that “I’m so big and it doesn’t fit so I’m not going to wear one” bullshit on you.

DR. D: A few years ago, my research team conducted an independent condom test (for a magazine) and we found that Trojan Ecstasy condoms were the most well-liked condoms of those in the product trial; the condoms included in the test were “special feature” kinds of condoms either because of they had an innovative shape (like the Ecstasy condoms do, with more room around the shaft, thus allowing for greater sensation) or because of their texture or special lubricants. Of course, everyone is different and there are many condom brands and styles on the market.

Some websites and sex shops - and even some drug stores

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1. Nothing that can create a vacuum once inserted. That means if you’re going to use a bottle, it’s gotta get in there either corked, capped, or bottom-first. This is not a joke. Trying to pull it out on your own will likely end very, very, very badly. DO NOT GOOGLE IT.

3. N othing that isn’t significantly larger on one end than the other if it doesn’t have some kind of handle. Yes, huge, bulb-shaped dildos are manufactured, but they all come with an easilygripped handle or wide, separate base. Ask any ER doctor how many lightbulbs they have seen lodged in anuses, and I guarantee you’ll hear about at least one per doc, either that they observed or dealt with personally.

DR. D: Female condoms (also sometimes called “internal condoms” as some men use them and some people put them inside the anus/rectum) are indeed worn inside the vagina or anus. But they don’t have to be “stuffed up inside” a person; you can control how gently you insert them, the amount of (water- or silicone-based) lubricant you use, and so on. Similarly, penile condoms aren’t just slammed on penises. With practice using either one, it gets easier. Many people like using female/internal condoms and, if you’re curious about it, I recommend giving it at least 3 or 4 tries before giving up, as with most anything.

—SARAH MURRELL

Is there anything that you definitely, definitely shouldn’t use as an insertable?

SARAH: My wonderful sister and brother-in-law are both practicing physicians, and I feel I should say on their behalf the thing that they said to me many years ago: if you have a sex accident, just go to the ER. THEY HAVE SEEN THAT BEFORE, PROBABLY. Go straight to the source of medical problem-solvers and hold your head high as you say to the intake nurse, “I have a lightbulb beyond my reach and I’ll be needing to see a doctor,” Yes, there will be more people “observing” in your room than any other patient in the

Question out of curiosity: I know that female condoms exist and I get how they are supposed to work. But It just seems like a recipe for, well, having a tube of plastic stuffed up inside of you pretty quickly. Am I wrong here? Never used one and just curious.

SARAH: I genuinely do not understand female condoms and I’ve never used one, nor do I plan to. It just seems easier to put a hat on the thing that’s already rod-shaped than the thing that is convex. I would imagine that’s why these things haven’t caught on.

“If you have a sex emergency, just go to the ER.”

Inscrutable insertables

Innercondomental

2. Nothing fragile or anything that could splinter! If they won’t let you have glass by the pool at the Holiday Inn, you shouldn’t have non-tempered glass (e.g. not Pyrex, that super-tough material most glass dildos are made of) anywhere near your downstairs holes.

The point is, unless you’re really strapped for cash or you’re trying to satisfy a fetishy itch, just please, for the love of god, go buy a dildo.

DR. D: Sarah’s got it covered for the most part! Fragile things are huge no-nos when it comes to anal play. Same with anything that could have splinters or sharp edges or glass that could puncture the rectum. Stay away from anything small that could slip out of your hands and do not ever, ever, ever put anything with a battery in it in the rectum. If it slips up inside and comes loose, and the battery comes out, it could pose a significant health risk so you’d

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FREE WILL ASTROLOGY © 2015 BY ROB BREZSNY Libra

ARIES (March 21-April 19): “Charm is a way of getting the answer ‘yes’ without having asked any clear question,” wrote French author Albert Camus. I have rarely seen you better poised than you are now to embody and capitalize on this definition of “charm,” Aries. That’s good news, right? Well, mostly. But there are two caveats.

First, wield your mojo as responsibly as you can. Infuse your bewitching allure with integrity. Second, be precise about what it is you want to achieve — even if you don’t come right out and tell everyone what it is. Resist the temptation to throw your charm around haphazardly.

Aries

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GEMINI (May 21-June 20): To the other eleven signs of the zodiac, the Way of the Gemini sometimes seems rife with paradox and contradiction. Many nonGeminis would feel paralyzed if they had to live in the midst of so much hubbub. But when you are at your best, you thrive in the web of riddles. In fact, your willingness to abide there is often what generates your special magic.

Your breakthroughs are made possible by your high tolerance for uncertainty. How many times have I seen a Gemini who has been lost in indecision but then suddenly erupts with a burst of crackling insights? This is the kind of subtle miracle I expect to happen soon.

Gemini

Taurus

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Leo

CANCER (June 21-July 22): In September of 1715, a band of Jacobite rebels gathered for a guerrilla attack on Edinburgh Castle in Scotland. Their plan was to scale the walls with rope ladders, aided by a double agent who was disguised as a castle sentry. But the scheme failed before it began. The rope ladders turned out to be too short to serve their intended purpose. The rebels retreated in disarray. Please make sure you’re not like them in the coming weeks, Cancerian. If you want to engage in a strenuous action, an innovative experiment, or a bold stroke, be meticulous in your preparations. Don’t scrimp on your props, accouterments, and resources.

Cancer

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TAURUS (April 20-May 20): I suspect that in the coming days you will have an uncanny power to make at least one of your resurrection fantasies come true. Here are some of the possibilities. 1. If you’re brave enough to change your mind and shed some pride, you could retrieve an expired dream from limbo. 2. By stirring up a bit more chutzpah that you usually have at your disposal, you might be able to revive and even restore a forsaken promise. 3. Through an act of grace, it’s possible you will reanimate an ideal that was damaged or abandoned.

Scorpio

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Libra

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): If you give children the option of choosing between food that’s mushy and food that’s crunchy, a majority will choose the crunchy stuff. It’s more exciting to their mouths, a more lively texture for their teeth and tongues to play with. This has nothing to do with nutritional value, of course. Soggy oatmeal may foster a kid’s well-being better than crispy potato chips.

Let’s apply this lesson to the way you feed your inner child in the coming weeks. Metaphorically speaking, I suggest you serve that precious part of you the kind of sustenance that’s both crunchy and healthy. In other words, make sure that what’s wholesome is also fun, and vice versa.

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VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Your mascot is a famous white oak in Athens, Georgia. It’s called the Tree That Owns Itself. According to legend, it belongs to no person or institution, but only to itself. The earth in which it’s planted and the land around it are also its sole possession. With this icon as your inspiration, I invite you to enhance and celebrate your sovereignty during the next seven months. What actions will enable you to own yourself more thoroughly? How can you boost your autonomy and become, more than ever before, the boss of you? It’s prime time to expedite this effort.

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LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): Police in Los Angeles conducted an experiment on a ten-mile span of freeway. Drivers in three unmarked cars raced along as

fast as they could while remaining in the same lane. The driver of the fourth car not only moved at top speed, but also changed lanes and jockeyed for position. Can you guess the results? The car that weaved in and out of the traffic flow arrived just slightly ahead of the other three.

Apply this lesson to your activities in the coming week, please. There will be virtually no advantage to indulging in frenetic, erratic, breakneck exertion. Be steady and smooth and straightforward.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): You will generate lucky anomalies and helpful flukes if you use shortcuts, flee from boredom, and work smarter rather than harder.

On the other hand, you’ll drum up wearisome weirdness and fruitless flukes if you meander all over the place, lose yourself in far-off fantasies, and act as if you have all the time in the world. Be brisk and concise, Scorpio. Avoid loafing and vacillating. Associate with bubbly activators who make you laugh and loosen your iron grip. It’s a favorable time to polish off a lot of practical details with a light touch.

Scorpio

Libra

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SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): “Like all explorers, we are drawn to discover what’s out there without knowing yet if we have the courage to face it.” Buddhist teacher Pema Chödrön said that, and now I’m telling you.

According to my divinations, a new frontier is calling to you. An unprecedented question has awakened. The urge to leave your familiar circle is increasingly tempting. I don’t know if you should you surrender to this brewing fascination. I don’t know if you will be able to gather the resources you would require to carry out your quest.

What do you think? Will you be able to summon the necessary audacity? Maybe the better inquiry is this: Do you vow to use all your soulful ingenuity to summon the necessary audacity?

Sagittarius

Gemini

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CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): “Once I witnessed a windstorm so severe that two 100-year-old trees were uprooted on the spot,” Mary Ruefle wrote in her book Madness, Rack, and Honey. “The next day, walking among the wreckage, I found the friable nests of birds, completely intact and unharmed on the ground.” I think that’s a paradox you’d be wise to keep in mind, Capricorn.

In the coming weeks, what’s most delicate and vulnerable about you will have more staying power than what’s massive and fixed. Trust your grace and tenderness more than your fierceness and forcefulness. They will make you as smart as you need to be.

Capricorn

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AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Aztec king Montezuma II quenched his daily thirst with one specific beverage. He rarely drank anything else. It was ground cocoa beans mixed with chili peppers, water, vanilla, and annatto. Spiced chocolate? You could call it that. The frothy brew was often served to him in golden goblets, each of which he used once and then hurled from his royal balcony into the lake below. He regarded this elixir as an aphrodisiac, and liked to quaff a few flagons before heading off to his harem. I bring this up, Aquarius, because the coming weeks will be one of those exceptional times when you have a poetic license to be almost Montezuma-like. What’s your personal equivalent of his primal chocolate, golden goblets, and harem?

Aquarius

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PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): “Unfortunately, I’m pretty lucky,” my friend Rico said to me recently. He meant that his relentless good fortune constantly threatens to undermine his ambition. How can he be motivated to try harder and grow smarter and get stronger if life is always showering him with blessings? He almost wishes he could suffer more so that he would have more angst to push against. I hope you won’t fall under the spell of that twisted logic in the coming weeks, Pisces.

This is a phase of your cycle when you’re likely to be the beneficiary of an extra-strong flow of help and serendipity.

Please say this affirmation as often as necessary: “Fortunately, I’m pretty lucky.”

Pisces

Virgo

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Scorpio

Libra

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