(<<) d n i w e R
value the past for the better present
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DEDICATED TO MY MOTHER AND MY FATHER
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Memories from c h i l d h o o d
stay with us FOREVER, Taking us where we have been and will go, Pieces of life that live on and will never Let us forget we were young long ago. Sometimes I wander back into those shadows Quietly being who I used to be, Bringing to life all the JOYS and the SORROWS, Days that canâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t die while they still
LIVE IN ME. Holidays linger and happy times glisten; I can see everyone active and well. I can still hear them i f o n l y I l i s t e n , F e e l i n g each motion and b r e a t h i n g each smell. Life has such treasures that timeâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s always stealing; Nothing can ever entirely stay. While you are young, you can capture each feeling; Make all
the memories you can
every day.
“WE DO NOT REMEMBER DAYS, WE REMEMBER MOMENTS. THE RICHNESS OF LIFE LIES IN MEMORIES WE HAVE FORGOTTEN.” — C E S A R E PA V E S E
Life is full of choices. There are times that we could not explain the reason on the decisions we made in our life. However, whatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s more important than the cause is the ability to accept that we, as a human being, could also make mistake. No one is perfect and everybody needs to live and learn from their past. The problems I have encountered in my life have opened my eyes to the world and helped me fully grown to an adult who is stronger and never give up easily. The days that passed, the experiences that we have encountered, the problems that we faced are our lessons that help to teach us to value our life more. I, sometimes, like to just sit down and think about my past. There are many memories that make me smile and there are some memories that make me shed my tears. The whole point is to remember and recall the lesson that weâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve learned from each experience. This makes me realize that past is the cause of the present and present is the cause of our future and how we should be so thankful to to
help fulfill
our life today
our
past
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As I walked in
24 pairs of eyes interlocked and darted with mine.
The whole class went
quiet...
I turned to the teacher, who had a welcome grin that reassured me slightly.
“ You must be Jan, right? Com’on in and take a seat” It was a bright sunny day, the sky was a soft shade of blue and there was a slight breeze in the air. I stepped out of my dad’s cool shiny BMW as he said ‘Good Luck’ to me. I forced up a weak smile as I shoved the door, and it made a whoosh noise as it closed. I took a deep breathe and started walking towards the main entrance.ÑU There were so many people all around me. Some young, some older, some big and some small. There were everywhere. Most of them were in small groups and all talking, laughing and smiling. Some of them were all running around, zooming past me like racing cars, narrowly missing me by just a tiny fraction. I felt very small, like I was an alien who had just landed on the planet earth. All I wanted was to leave and be home again. U I took a deep breath and walked on, weaving my way through the crowds and trying to avoid being ran into the older children. My eyes scanned around the playground while I was walking, trying to find someone I knew. It seemed like an impossibility.
The girl who sat on the table beside turned and smiled at me and I smiled back
“Today we’ll be learning E n g l i s h , a b c d e ...”
cheerful
alone
F i r s t
D a y
o f
S c h o o l 6
giggling
lost
y e a r s
o l d
Sixth grade, altogether, was a very vivid memories that I have. Every single day was exciting and it was filled with a new memory. It was the first year that we got to go for a 2 days 1 night camping outside the school. We were all very excited. Normally, three hours away would be a boring drive, but not on this trip. We were all chatting, singing and laughing all the way. Beautiful is the only word that I can describe the time I had there. Even though, we had to cook by ourselves and sleep in the tent filled with insects and mosquitoes, we all had a blast and will never ever forget
those moments
I REMEMBERED IT
I JUMPED OUT OF
“SIT DOWN,I HAVE
WA S A V E RY H O T D AY
SCHOOL BUS AND RAN
S O M E T H I N G T O TA L K
T H AT Y O U C A N F E E L
INTO THE HOUSE
T O Y O U . ” I WA S N E V E R
T H E H E AT E D A I R
FINDING MY MOM
I M A G I N E D T H AT W H AT
SWIRL JUST ABOVE
SITTING ON THE
S H E WA S G O I N G T O S AY
THE SKIN LIKE AN
S O FA L O O K I N G V E R Y
W O U L D H AV E C H A N G E D
EXOTIC DANCER
STRESSFUL
MY LIFE FOREVER
A w f u l H e a r t b r o k e n
M i s e r a b l e
I don’t want to leave my friend, my family and my home ...
AUG
2
00
D e p r e s s e d
S h o c k e d
At the age of 13, my mom decided to send me away to Singapore for further study. I was shocked and reluctant to go, but I have no choice.
I had no idea how my life would be from then on how could I survive alone in this strange country I feel alone... lost in this world, N O O N E to turn to N O O N E to talk to just canâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t stop CRYING sometimes, I just donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t know what did I do w r o n g ?
Why mummy wants to send me so far away? Does she NOT l o v e me anymore ?????
d a y
0
1
I am
T
A
ORN
P A
r
t
I am broken T
so bad. ORN nn
... how badly is it?
i am alone in this world...
Sometimes,I just donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t know what did I do wrong ?
w h y ?
w h y
thereâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s nothing I can do
it canâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t be fined
every broken beyond
seems go wron wrong.
T
he afternoon started out as dearly and wet as anything can dishearten a spirit. My heart was pounding so hard, my hands were shaking and my eyes couldn’t hold more tears. I hugged my friends as if it was the last time. I was over, my brain was saying, “It’s for the best.” However, my heart rebutted me to run back to the car. Tears start rolling down my cheeks as I was walking away, seeing waving hands of my friends and my parents slowly faded away in distant. UÑAll by myself in the gate, hundreds of flashback flooded my mind. A tiny voice deep inside my head said, “the moment has come”. I knew I had to do this, I was so tired and scared. I was sitting on a long chair, alone by myself, grabbing my bag tight, trying to hold my tears. Last call to board flight CX708 to Singapore, however, I still wanted to linger to the very last second. UÑIt was only a two hours flight from Bangkok to Singapore. However, I felt like it was the longest flight I had every had in my entire life. Hundreds of various thoughts came across my mind as I was sitting on the plane. How able to get along with other people in the house? I started to panic and couldn’t stop my mind from thinking. The plane was declining, indicating that I was about to reach Singapore in a short time. My heart started to beat so fast and even faster as the view of the city appeared to my sight. UÑÑThere was sweat in my palm. As I walked out of the gate, I wiped my face and breath in hard, telling myself that this was it and everything would be fine. And there, I saw a middle-aged men holding a paper with my name huge right in the middle of the paper. I walked toward him and greeted him. He told me that his name is Lek and he is the son of my host. His mother couldn’t come to pick me up, so he would take me to the house. After about half an hour, the car finally came to a halt in front of a very small, run down 4 stories house. “There it is, your new home,” said Lek. “That?” I couldn’t help asking because the house was far beyond my imagination. As a girl that had been pampered for the past 13 years, I had absolutely no idea how would I be able to survive in this place. Lek told me to wait in the car as he would go check and see if everything was ready. I heaved a sigh of worried and I could feel tears start to form at the brim of my eyes as the door was shut and Lek walked away. I looked up the house, missing my home
my family my friends
so bad
H
e rang the bell. I was watching it as closely as I could. And an elderly women came out. She was wearing a long thin one-piece dress having her curly hair tied back in the bun. After a few words with her son, she turned to me and gave me a big smile. I was told to carry my luggages into the house. I was totally confused, not knowing what was going on. There were about 10 children of age ranged from 9 to 20 years old in the living room. Some were watching television, some were playing with each other and there are a few who were eating. As I took off my shoes and enter the house, everybody seemed to be frozen for a few seconds. All eyes staring at me. I felt awkward and did not know what to do. The elderly woman, whom she preferred me to call her, “Sim”, which means Auntie in Thailand, introduced me to the other children. I nodded my head and gave them my weak, tiny little smile. Some nodded back and some smiled back at me. Sim brought me to my room on second floor. I leaned out and peaked into the room. It was a very tiny room with a bunker bed on a corner and 2 desks on another corner. The desk by the window was full of textbook. Some were left open, indicating that the owner might be away for a moment. Sim told me that my roommate was not in but she should be back soon. I nodded at her and thanked her as she helped me move my luggage into the room before leaving me alone. I realized that I had barely space to walk once my 2 huge luggages filled in the space. I glanced around the room. I could feel the emotion welling up inside me. I felt as if a warm, yet rough hand had wrapped around my heart and was squeezing softly. My throat ached as the tears tickled my eyes. I blinked for a moment then felt the warm dampness spill down my cheeks. I slammed my body to the bed, tears poured down my face like the rain in a storm. I wanted to go back home. I was confused and lost. All I know was I do not want to be here. I closed my eyes and wished this was just a nightmare and once I woke up I would be in Thailand, my home sweet home, but I guessed it would never come true.
“Please please .. someone wake me up from this nightmare”
I just canâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t help feeling it And then I cried myself to sleep ... again
And then this group of people came into my life, which made my experience of staying in Singapore turn up side down. I think that those five years we had spent together in Singapore was a wonderful time I had had in my life. I could still remember the excitement when ever we agree that we would get to go to someone’s house and spend a night together and all the silly things we did that we were all together. The secret language and special codes we have created that no one would ever be able to crack. The call at 2am from someone who was hungry and we all would go to this Chinese restaurant nearby and start chatting so loud while eating until 4am. The inside joke that seems stupid to everyone else but get us rolling on the floor every time we mention them. The feeling and emotion that we shared together is unforgettable. We shared the feeling of love and the feeling of hate, the feeling of remorse, the feeling of laughter and the feeling of tears. I am very grateful and thankful that we are friend. T h e s e group of people
made
me
realized my
that mom’s
decision
wasn’t
that bad after all
thank you
friends forever
keep in touch
xoxo
l o v e <3
happy
enthusiastic
excited
year
2 0
After six years, it had finally come to my last day in Singapore, a place I called my second home.
success
0 6
I graduated high school in Singapore. I strongly believed that high school is the open door, into the rest of my life. I am about to embark on a new adventure that will take me to many more new experiences.
STILL FEELING SLEEPY, I WOKE UP AS I HEARD THE CAPTAIN STARTED TALKING ABOUT THE WEATHER IN SAN FRANCISCO AND HOW MUCH TIME LEFT TILL LANDING. IT HAD BEEN 17 HOURS SINCE I LEFT MY HOME, THAILAND, THE LONGEST FLIGHT OF MY WHOLE LIFE. I LOOKED OUT THE WINDOW THINKING I I walked out of the gate with two huge luggages, feeling excited about everything. At the airport and on the bus, I was very impressed by almost everything: people of different colors, wide highway roads, cars going on the right side and so on. I was filled with emotions and didn’t know what to say. I was surprised that I neither scared nor panic at all, even though I was all by myself, in the country so far away from home.
WOULD APPROACH SAN FRANCISCO SOON AND MY FIRST DAY IN THE UNITED STATES IS ABOUT TO
BEGIN
Here, at San Francisco where the next chapter of my life begins
Design has always been my interest and now I am here, in San Francisco to pursue my dream.
Sitting in my room, with the sun shone passed through my small window, giving me sensations of peace and warmth. I closed my eyes slowly and memories ran into my head. Some of which are not so “happily ever after” but many of them are memorable and influential. There are times in my life when I behave in a not so admirable way or encountered unpleasant experiences and even wish I could go back and change some of my actions. However, as I look back at those times, they all teach me the most about myself and help me to grow as who I am today that I shouldn’t have
regretted
about them
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