Oct. 2022 - Alaska Leaf

SMOKE TECH EVOLUTION

From the simple pipe and bong to advanced laser dab rigs, vapes and more — learn how we got to today!

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Leaf Nation staff and contributors share their favorite new gadgets and Cannabis tech products sure to change your life and high!

WES ABNEY CEO & FOUNDER wes@leafmagazines.com

MIKE RICKER OPERATING PARTNER + AD SALES ricker@leafmagazines.com

TOM BOWERS CHIEF OPERATING OFFICER tom@leafmagazines.com

DANIEL BERMAN CREATIVE DIRECTOR daniel@leafmagazines.com

O'HARA SHIPE CONTENT DIRECTOR + WEB ohara@leafmagazines.com

MEGHAN RIDLEY COPY EDITOR meghan@leafmagazines.com

ABOUT THE COVER

For our magazine’s first-ever Tech Issue, the founder and CEO of Puffco, Roger Volodarsky, was a worthy cover figure. From his company’s headquarters in downtown Los Angeles, Volodarsky oversees a growing empire of Cannabis consumption devices which haveforevermorphedthecommunity.

But as the Leaf’s Bobby Black makes clear in his fascinating profile, this is one tech mogul who would rather stay behind the scenes and let his products tell the story.

Making the pictures throughout this piece was the art of California-based freelance photographer Justin L. Stewart, who has freelanced for the Leaf since 2021.

PHOTO by JUSTIN L. STEWART @JUSTNLSTEWART

CONTRIBUTORS

OSCAR AVELLANEDA-CRUZ, PHOTOS

DREW BARDANA, ILLUSTRATION

DANIEL BERMAN, PHOTOS

BOBBY BLACK, DESIGN + FEATURES

JOSHUA BOULET, ILLUSTRATION

TOM BOWERS, FEATURES

EARLY, PRODUCTION

STEVE ELLIOTT, NATIONAL NEWS

DAN LANKFORD, AD SALES

JEFF PORTERFIELD DESIGN

MIKE RICKER, FE ATURES

MEGHAN RIDLEY, EDITING

O’HARA SHIPE, FEATURES

JUSTIN L. STEWART, PHOTOS

JAMIE VICTOR, DESIGN

WES ABNEY

Editor’s Note

Thanks for picking up the first Tech Issue of the Leaf!

When I first started smoking weed, the pinnacle of tech was turning an apple or a soda can into a smoking device. Personally, I always loved the apple pipe, as it turned into a healthy snack afterwards and there was no evidence left behind to get in trouble for!

Luckily for Cannabis lovers, the legalization movement has led to investment and innovation into fun and creative ways to get baked. From home infusers for making Cannabis cooking oil, honey and topicals, to the variety of vaporizers and gear for taking the perfect dab – there’s a plethora of new ways to consume the plant we all know and love.

This month’s cover story comes to us via Puffco Founder and CEO, Roger Volodarsky. Unless you’ve been stoned and living under a rock for the last few years, you likely know the name Puffco and have tried their line-up of amazing electronic vaporizers. Puffco has definitely changed the game for the portable consumption of Cannabis, and they continue to lead the way in combining tech with pot – including the release of new toys like the Proxy, and the super useful Hot Knife dab tool. Check out Bobby Black’s interview and dive into the world of Puffco, which we get a glimpse of on our iconic cover.

As there’s no shortage of great companies making Cannabis tech these days, our Leaf team also compiled a selection of our favorite gear for getting high. Check out our roundup with innovations ranging from portable terp fridges to joint tips, and everything else you might need to up your stoner game or add to a holiday shopping list! While this is our first Tech Issue, I definitely expect to see it coming back for years to come as the world continues to embrace Cannabis use in a modern format.

LEAF

Cannabis Journalism

So whether you’re an old school joint roller (we have a new machine for that) or the most trendy terp hunter, there’s a piece of tech to help you get more stoned – and as always, a bunch of other Leaf content for your enjoyment.

Thanks for reading, and keep your e-nails charged and at low temps!

THE ENLIGHTENED VOICE

NORTHWEST LEAF / OREGON LEAF / ALASKA LEAF / MARYLAND LEAF / CALIFORNIA LEAF / NORTHEAST LEAF

“OUR LEAF TEAM ALSO COMPILED A SELECTION OF OUR FAVORITE GEAR FOR GETTING HIGH.”

CONTINUES CANNABIS BAN

The World Anti-Doping Agency is likely to keep a ban on marijuana use by athletes in 2023. The agency continued the ban despite pressure to change the policy on Cannabis after U.S. sprinter Sha’Carri Richardson was barred from the Summer Olympic Games after testing positive last year.

With the continued ban on weed by the body charged with preventing drugs in international sports, athletes who test positive for marijuana in competition will face suspension from eligibility. However, last year WADA announced that it would conduct a scientific review to determine if pot should remain on the banned substances list – receiving the encouragement of the U.S. Anti-Doping Agency to conduct the review, as well as broad support from athletes and politicians.

MIDWEST WICHITA DECRIMS POT; COUNTY COMPLAINS; MAYOR GETS SPICY

First, city council members in Wichita, Kansas (at the urging of the mayor) decided to stop enforcing the pot laws. Then, Sedgwick County commissioners threatened to bill the city when the county enforces the pot laws. As marijuana remains illegal in Kansas, that prompted Wichita Mayor Brandon Whipple to vigorously clap back at the the county.

The marijuana decriminalization ordinance was the mayor’s idea. Whipple called the discussion by Sedgwick County commissioners on a city ordinance change for marijuana possession a “political show.” The mayor added he doesn’t see the county having any legal basis for billing the city on the costs of prosecuting pot possession cases.

“The mayor added he doesn’t see the county having any legal basis for billing the city on the costs of prosecuting pot possession cases.”

County Commission Chairman David Dennis called on staff to look at the possibility of billing Wichita for expenses resulting from handling the cases in district court. “At what point do we start charging the City of Wichita for this process?” Dennis asked. “Because we’re going to bill them for all the people that go into our jail,” he threatened.

But as Mayor Whipple said, “It just feels like a bad civics class on YouTube. There’s no legal way to send us an invoice for the stuff that the county chooses to spend their money on. That’s not how this works.”

CALIFORNIA LAW PROTECTS CANNABIS USE OFF-THE-CLOCK

California will likely soon become the seventh state to protect workers from losing their jobs if they smoke marijuana when they are off the clock.

State lawmakers in August passed a bill to stop companies from punishing workers who fail certain types of drug tests. The analyses in question do not determine whether a person is high. Instead, they identify metabolites indicative of whether the person has used marijuana in recent days or weeks.

These tests use urine or hair samples to detect a substance the body makes when it breaks down THC. But the THC metabolites can stay in a person’s body for weeks after using marijuana, according to the Mayo Clinic. That shortcoming means that people who fail a marijuana test are often not impaired at all.

Assembly Bill 2188 protects workers from punishment for failing the aforementioned drug analyses – however, companies could still reprimand employees for failing other types. These include tests using saliva, which are reputedly better at determining if a person is currently high.

43% OF YOUNG ADULTS USE CANNABIS

Marijuana use among young adults reached an all-time high last year. In 2021, nearly 43 percent of individuals between the ages 19 and 30 said they had used Cannabis in the past 12 months.

The research was funded by the National Institute on Drug Abuse (NIDA) and conducted by the University of Michigan Institute for Social Research. The Monitoring the Future report found a steady increase in marijuana usage in the age group over the past decade. The numbers rose from 29 percent in 2011 to 34 percent in 2016.

Monitoring the Future research has tracked substance use in the United States for more than three decades.

PREGNANT WOMEN

FOR WEED

a traffic stop in Alabama, a cop found a small amount of marijuana.

Ashley Banks, a 23-year-old woman, admitted to officers that she had smoked weed two days earlier. It was the very same day that Banks learned she was pregnant. She was six weeks along.

It was this disclosure – the fact that she was pregnant – that led Etowah County officials to keep her in jail. But this was done so without a trial, and she was locked up for the next three months –charged with ”chemical endangerment” of her fetus.

Banks fell victim to a weird Alabama law that advocates say Etowah County enforces with disturbing enthusiasm. Pregnant women arrested for drug offenses aren’t even allowed to post bail and go free (the way everyone else is). They have to stay in state custody: either in jail, or in a residential drug rehab program.

The “logic” is that the women are supposedly a danger to their fetuses. Therefore, they supposedly need to be imprisoned by the state for the duration, in order to “protect their pregnancies.”

sports

TENNIS STAR UPSET ABOUT POT AT US OPEN

ounces of weed will be legal to possess if Maryland’s Question 4 is approved by voters.

pounds of illegal Cannabis was discovered in a Salt Lake City warehouse in September.

pounds of untaxed marijuana was seized in a Wolf Creek, Ore. bust last month.

of Republicans believe legal Cannabis businesses should have the same rights as other legal businesses.

Nick Kyrgios was in the second set of his second-round match against Benjamin Bonzi at the U.S. Open in late August – when out of the blue, he turned to the chair umpire and started complaining about a whiff of marijuana being in the air at Louis Armstrong Stadium.

“...he turned to the chair umpire and started complaining about a whiff of marijuana being in the air at Louis Armstrong Stadium.”

Up a set and at 4-3 on serve in the second, Kyrgios asked the umpire to issue a warning to the crowd after claiming he saw and smelled someone smoking weed.

On the way to his bench during a changeover, the volatile 27-year-old petulantly sniped, “You don’t even want to remind anyone not to do it?”

in medical marijuana sales for July made up Colorado’s lowest total since January 2014.

market loss, on average, is experienced by pharmaceutical companies after a state legalizes weed.

STORIES by STEVE ELLIOTT, AUTHOR OF THE LITTLE BLACK BOOK OF MARIJUANA

OF THE

LUKE BARNES

HOW DID YOU FIRST GET INTO MARTIAL ARTS? I started doing Krav Maga when I was 15, but then transitioned into Jiu Jitsu and MMA. But when I moved up here, there weren’t MMA programs out here in the Valley – so I got into Chinese martial arts and healing before settling on Muay Thai.

AS AN ATHLETE, HOW DOES CANNABIS FACTOR INTO YOUR LIFE? I feel like Alaska has a really established Cannabis culture, so there is a lot of understanding about me using Cannabis. I don’t try to be really loud about it, but when you work in retail all day and are constantly around the plant, you can come on pretty loud when you walk into a room (laughs). But, I have coaches ask me about CBD and Cannabis uses and I really love educating people about it. Actually, the reason I even started with Cannabis was because of my chronic migraines. I’ve found that Cannabis is one of the only things that helps mellow it out.

“ I THINK IT’S IMPORTANT FOR CONSUMERS TO GET TO KNOW THE PEOPLE BEHIND THE PRODUCTS. THE MORE THE CONSUMER KNOWS, THE MORE ABILITY THEY HAVE TO HELP STEER WHERE THINGS GO IN THE FUTURE.”

IS THAT SPIRIT OF EDUCATION SOMETHING YOU BRING INTO YOUR WORK AS A BUDTENDER? Definitely! I like filling people in about the products that they are buying. A lot of people don’t think about it, but they are determining the market by their buying habits – you’re basically voting every time you buy a product. So, I view my job as part getting people the right product for their needs, but also educating them about who made the product and how. Right now, I am noticing a lot of people being curious about terpenes and the way they affect your high. I am also seeing a lot more people interested in the industry and what’s happening with it.

GETTING CONSUMERS MORE INTERESTED IN THE INDUSTRY SEEMS LIKE A GOOD THING… The industry here has been going for so long that now there are some big players, so I think it’s important for consumers to get to know the people behind the products. The more the consumer knows, the more ability they have to help steer where things go in the future.

SO, AS SOMEONE WHO IS REALLY INTO KNOWING THE INS AND OUTS OF THE PRODUCTS, WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE THING TO TOKE ON RIGHT NOW? Oh man, that’s hard – like really hard! I don’t really have a specific strain because what matters to me most are the terpene profiles. I like anything fruity or citrusy. But if I had to pick one, I’d go with Gas Face from Taku Cultivation out of Juneau. They produce melt-your-face-off indicas that are some of the heaviest I’ve ever tried in the rec market. Closer to home, I’m a big fan of our Peach Sangria.

ashington native Luke Barnes moved to Alaska in 2013 and has since made a name for himself in the Cannabis industry – as both a budtender and a secure transport liaison. When he’s not spending time around his favorite plant, the Scorpion Grass budtender can be found practicing Muay Thai.

SCORPION GRASS

266 S. MCCALLISTER DR., WASILLA, AK SCORPIONGRASSAK.COM | @SCORPION_GRASS (907) 373-4777 | 9AM-9PM MON-THURS 9AM-10PM FRI & SAT | 9AM-8PM SUN

CANNABASKA CANNABASKA

ENVIRONMENT & VIBE

The bright green, somewhat plain-looking exterior of Cannabaska’s Tudor location betrays the cool, urban vibe inside. From the moment you swing open the front door, you are transported to a luxury Cannabis-purchasing experience. The two-toned wooden floors offer a beautiful contrast to the low lighting and slate gray walls. Large neon octagons on the ceiling and EDM music emanating from hidden speakers produce a hip nightclub vibe – putting you in the mood to drop some cash.

ON THE SHELVES

Like many vertically-integrated shops, Cannabaska’s breadand-butter are pre-rolls made in-house. A veritable cornucopia of options, Cannabaska has a pre-roll for every occasion. But if deli flower is more your style, you’ll find a dizzying selection ranging from pure sativas to hard-hitting indicas. Concentrate aficionados will delight in options from AMG Concentrates, Will’s World, Refine, Cosmic Seaweed, Good Titrations and Fireweed Extracts. Cannabaska also stocks all of your favorite edibles’ producers like Lady Gray, Red Run, Great Northern, Dosed and Fire Eater. If you’re looking for non-THC options, Cannabaska has a dedicated section for CBD and an enticing wall of branded merch.

BUDTENDERS & STAFF

With two dispensaries to maintain, Cannabaska has a big team of rotating budtenders to serve you. Featuring a healthy mix of seasoned vets and eager rookies, great budtenders are a company staple at Cannabaska. From the first person who checks you in, to the budtender that helps you pick your new favorite product – the shopping experience here is nothing short of wonderful.

SPECIALS & DISCOUNTS

Cannabaska is known for its great deals and with PFD season upon us, October is the ideal month to stock up for the winter. But if you already have committed your PFD funds elsewhere, there are year-round specials to take advantage of. One of our favorite deals is Cannabaska’s three different party packs. Pack One includes a half ounce of flower, 14 pre-rolls, 20 packs of 50mg edibles, two grams of concentrate carts and two grams of wax. Pack Two is two ounces of flower, 50 packs of 50mg edibles, four grams of carts and four grams of wax – the only caveat is that the order must be split into two purchases by two separate individuals. Pack Three features 50 pre-rolls, 10 packs of 50mg edibles, and a seven gram “Baller Jar” of concentrates. No matter what your party chooses, Cannabaska’s Party Packs will get, and keep you, lit.

With its unmistakable California vibe, Cookies has worked to develop a lifestyle brand based on its products. This is something that Cannabaska hopes to emulate in Alaska – showcasing the Last Frontier’s style from weed to wearables. Featuring a sleek flagship dispensary, an on-site grow and killer branded merch, Cannabaska’s Tudor Road location is poised to make its brand iconic.

Budtender Sam & Manager Eric can help you behind the counter.

REVIEW by ALASKA LEAF STAFF | PHOTOS by O'HARA SHIPE

Unfortunately, as we get older, the increased likelihood of falling face-first during a pub crawl, – or even more embarrassingly, straining a muscle while trying to squeeze into a hilarious child’s costume – happens. But never fear, there is an iconic flower that can both ease your pains and help you sleep off the humiliation at the same time. Of course, we are talking about Bio Jesus.

A cross between Gumbo and Bio-Diesel, Bio Jesus has been around for a long time. In fact, the medical community relies on it for its pain-relieving and sleep-inducing properties. However, you don’t have to be suffering from chronic illness to reap the benefits of this heavy-hitting hybrid. Anyone looking for help relieving a bout of stress-related insomnia is going to love this flower.

GOOD Cannabis’ iteration of Bio Jesus differs a little from other versions we have tested. Firstly, while the buds certainly display the light green leaves with prevalent orange hairs and crystallized trichomes, the scent profile is more citrus than the expected diesel and pine. The testing is also slightly lower than expected, but don’t let that turn you off – even at 25%, GOOD’s Bio Jesus is a winner.

After lightly packing a single bowl, we felt an intense body high wash over us. Just as we settled into couchlock, the high made its way to our frontal lobes, leaving us in a euphoric state of mind. Finding the smoke a little harsh, we switched to a vaporizer for our second round.

When we compounded our initial high with a second hit, the effects changed slightly and we were no longer glued to the couch. In true hybrid fashion, the instant the second dose of Bio Jesus hit our lungs, we were filled with energy while our bodies felt loose as a goose. We enjoyed a 30-minute window of bouncing off the walls before the strain’s sedating effects took hold – waking up the following morning next to a proper puddle of drool.

All in all, there are many reasons to praise Bio Jesus. It’s a classic for a reason and every stoner should experience its effects at least once.

ome people love the fall season because of pumpkin spice and the return of UGG boots and flannel, but we here at Alaska Leaf are most excited about celebrating Halloween.

REVIEW by ALASKA LEAF STAFF |

PHOTO by O'HARA SHIPE @SHIPESHOTS

Marijuana has intoxicating effects and may be habit forming and addictive. Marijuana impairs concentration, coordination, and judgement. Do not operate a vehicle or machinery under its influence. There are health risks associated with consumption of marijuana. For use only by adults twenty-one and older. Keep out of the reach of children. Marijuana should not be used by women who are pregnant or breast feeding.

Black Rose ShnozBerry

Sights seen from the road

ANCHORAGE TO HOMER

June 1st-Aug 31st

Monday – Friday

Departs Anchorage

Arctic & International – 724 W.

International - Garrett’s Tesoro

Cooper Landing Wild- man’s 300pm

Soldotna Chamber of Commerce 500pm

All times are approx. Stage Line Summer Schedule

HOMER TO ANCHORAGE

June 1st-Aug 31st

Monday – Friday Departs Homer 830am

1242 Ocean Dr

Soldotna Chamber of Commerce 1015am

Cooper Landing Wildman’s 1115am

VISITING ALASKA

Locally owned and operated by a lifelong Alaskan, Stage Line offers passenger transportation, freight, parcel, and courier service, between Anchorage and the Kenai Peninsula. Our schedule includes, Anchorage to Homer, Cooper Landing, Soldotna, Kasilof, Ninilchik, Anchor Point. Homer to Seward, Soldotna, Cooper Landing. And any points in between! MP flag stops available! Private party charters available! Reasonable rates, saves time and money for travelling or your shipping needs.

One of the top 10 most scenic highways.

SEWARD TO HOMER

June 1st – August 31st

Mon Wed Fri

Departs Seward 100pm call ahead for pick up point

Cooper Landing Wild- man’s 200pm Soldotna 300pm

All times are approx HOMER TO SEWARD

June 1st - August 31st

Mon Wed Fri

Departs Homer 1242 Ocean Dr 900am

Soldotna Chamber of Commerce 1030am

Cooper Landing Wildman’s 1130

The Stage Line PO Box 353 Anchor Point, AK

The Stage Line 1242 Ocean Dr Homer, Ak

724 W International Anchorage, Ak

Staging points only 907-868-3914 907-235-2252

E-mail: stage.line@yahoo.com www.stagelineinhomer.com

“Why fly? When you can enjoy the most beautiful ride on earth”

THE EVOLUTION OFSMOKETECH

We all know that humanity has been using Cannabis for thousands of years, but the ways in which we've consumed it have continued to change with the progression of time and technology. The Leaf’s resident cannthropologist Bobby Black lays out the various methods by which our forebears have imbibed the sweet smoke of our favorite herb throughout history.

THE BONG

THE PIPE

The earliest smoking pipes on record – discovered inside Egyptian tombs – were made of copper and dated from around 2000 B.C.E. Wooden pipes became popular during the Iron Age, followed by chalk and clay pipes in the 1600s, iron pipes in the 1700s and corn cob pipes in the 1800s – before glass became king in the late 20th century.

The tubular type of water pipe known as a bong (from the Thai word baung, meaning “cylindrical wooden tube”) has been around almost as long as civilization itself. The oldest bong ever was discovered in Russia in 2013 –made of solid gold and dating back around 2,400 years to the Scythian tribes of Eurasia. Other ancient bongs found in Ethiopia have been carbon dated to around 1300 C.E. Bongs were apparently popular in China during the Ming Dynasty, then spread to the West via the Silk Road around the 17th century.

THE HOOKAH THE CHILLUM

A kind of hybrid water pipe/vaporizer with a long hose mouthpiece, the hookah originated in the northwestern prov inces of India, along the border of Pakistan and Afghanistan, around a millennia ago. Originally fash ioned from a coconut shell base and tube, they use hot coals to heat dried herbs from below.

The chillum is a form of simple conical pipe originally made out of either clay or cow and bull horns. A small stone is often placed inside the stem in place of a screen to keep from inhaling the material to be burned. The chillum – or “holy pipe” as it is known by Indian Sadhus who’ve used it in their rituals for centuries – originated in Asia but eventually made its way to Africa, then to Jamaica in the 1930s, where the Rastafarians also adopted it into their spiritual practices.

THE JOINT/SPLIFF/BLUNT

First invented in Alcoy, Spain during the 1500s, rolling papers quickly spread to France, then throughout the rest of the modern world in the centuries that followed – eventually becoming the most common method of smoking weed in America during the 20th century. (For the whole history of rolling papers, check out the Cannthropology column in our Oct. 2021 issue).

Blunts – or Cannabis rolled in tobacco leaves – take their name from the Phillies Blunt brand of cigars, typically used to roll them. It is believed that the blunt originated in the Caribbean during the 19th century when workers from India first brought “ganja” (the Hindi term for flower) to Jamaica, where tobacco was cheap and available. Then during the late 1980s, a large number of Caribbean immigrants moved to New York City – where hip-hop music and culture were just beginning to take off – which quickly popularized the practice.

GLASS

Long ago, enterprising stoners figured out that makeshift pipes and bongs could easily be jerry-rigged, or “MacGyvered,” out of various household items. The most common of these self-built smokeware apparatuses were made from fruit (particularly apples) and small beverage bottles – most notably old Sobe bottles –which had a thinner layer of glass at the bottom that could easily be punctured to insert a bowl.

THE GRAVITY BONG

THE DAB RIG/ TORCH / NAIL / BANGER

BOB SNODGRASS

Though glass blowing itself dates back to around 3000 BCE, the first pipes made of glass wouldn’t emerge until the Victorian Era – but it wasn’t until the invention of the much tougher borosilicate glass in the late 19th century that the idea began to catch on. Though glass pipes and bongs first became popular for Cannabis use in the 1960s, it was “Godfather of Glass” Bob Snodgrass who elevated the artform and brought them into the mainstream with the “heady” colorchanging pieces he sold on Dead tours throughout the 1980s.

THE VAPORIZER

What distinguishes vaporizers from other smokeware devices is that they use indirect heat rather than fire or combustion to heat the Cannabis. Believe it or not, a form of vaping Cannabis actually dates back to the 5th century B.C. – as evidenced by Greek scribe Herodotus, who wrote about Egyptians heating hemp seeds with stones and inhaling the vapors. “Eagle Bill” Amato, known as the “Father of Vapor,” introduced the first modern vaporizer (powered with a heat gun) at the Amsterdam Cannabis Cup in 1993. Six years later, German company Storz & Bickel released a desktop electric vaporizer called the Volcano that set the new standard for decades to come. Eventually, much smaller vaporizers the size and shape of a pen were developed.

The concept behind the gravity bong is to use air pressure rather than one’s lung power to draw the smoke out of a joint or bowl, then forcefully push that smoke down one’s throat. Originating as MacGyverisms (typically made out of two or three-liter plastic soda bottles), gravity bongs were eventually professionally designed and manufactured – most notably by Grav Labs and Stundenglass.

When BHO started becoming popular in the late 2000s/ early 2010s, a new way was devised to smoke them. A “nail” made of titanium or quartz (or later, ceramic) was placed in the stem of a bong instead of a bowl and heated with a handheld blowtorch, after which a “dab” of concentrate was smeared onto it, then typically covered with a glass/quartz “dome” or “globe” to capture the smoke and prevent burns. This dome-andnail setup was eventually replaced by the honey-hole/ banger most commonly used today.

THE VAPE PEN

CARTRIDGE

Though the first “Smokeless Non-Tobacco Cigarette” featuring a “cartridge” was patented in the 1960s, it was really the “Cig-a-Like” in 2003 (invented by Chinese pharmacist Hon Lik) that would serve as the prototype for the modern vape pen. Coincidentally, the flood of new e-cigs entering the market in the late 2000s perfectly synchronized with the spike in popularity of honey/hash oil, eventually establishing the vape cartridge as one of the most popular ways to consume Cannabis concentrates.

In the 2010s, building on the popularity of dab rigs and vape pens, some enterprising entrepreneurs began developing combinations of the two. First came the e-nail – a plug-in nail heated with electricity rather than a torch, enabling better distribution of heat and temperature control. But it was the invention of the first fully electronic rig, the Puffco Peak, in 2018 that truly changed the game forever (see our interview on page 30 of this edition). Today, there are several e-rigs on the market (including the iSpire, Bello and Carta) — all of which enable one to enjoy high quality, torch-free dabs just about anywhere.

THE E-RIG THE FUTURE

What far-out gadgets might the stoners of the future use to get high? Will it be solar-powered pipes? Microwave vapes, maybe? Laser rigs, or even nuclear bongs? Honestly, we have no idea … what we do know is that the boundless imagination and ingenuity of Cannabis users will continue to drive innovations in smokeware and other technologies for decades to come.

TECH ROUNDUP

BEED ROLLING MACHINE PUFFCO PROXY

REVIEW BY MATT JACKSON @ACTIONMATTJACKSON

Meet the “Nespresso of Cannabis.” These countertop machines launched in 2022 are capable of automatically filling an empty cone with prepackaged half-gram pods of ground Cannabis, delivering a pre-roll to your waiting hand in around 20 seconds. For anyone who has mobility issues in their hands or just doesn’t know how to roll, Beed offers easy access and consisten cy. There are five strain-specific varieties available, and all of the pods are recyclable. With this amazing new device, consumption bars can offer people a simple way to roll up some weed – similar to the way self-pouring technology has revolutionized the bar experience. beed.co @beed_co

LEVO C OIL DIFFUSER

REVIEW BY KATHERINE WOLF @KATADELLIC Budding (pun intended) home canna-chefs can use the LĒVO C to infuse large batches of oil, butter, honey, milk and more. Available in multiple colors, it’s cuter than your favorite countertop coffee maker (and just about as easy to use). The LĒVO C is one of the simplest diffusers to set up and features an ultra-sleek, touch-activated interface with precise time and temperature controls. The best part? All the removable pieces are dishwasher-safe for a painless cleanup process – because having to clean a machine by hand after eating a bunch of edibles sounds like just about the worst thing ever. levooil.com @levo_oil

REVIEW BY MATT JACKSON @ACTIONMATTJACKSON

The breakout hit of 2022 is an electronic hash pipe that makes smoking concentrates as in stinctive as humanly possible – bringing versatility as its greatest superpower. With a flick of the wrist, you can drop this miniature marvel into an endless array of pipe or bubbler attach ments, glass bangers, and even a disco ball. Proxy offers tasty hits, all in a package that’s dis creet yet instantly identifiable. Like the basic Peak model, this has four variable heat settings (505°F -560°F) and haptic feedback, but makes use of the same 3D chamber as the upgraded Peak Pro. New accessories include the travel pack and flower-smoking attachments. puffco.com @puffco

ARDENT

REVIEW BY KATHERINE WOLF @KATADELLIC Dubbed the “Easy Bake Oven” for edibles, it really has never been easier to get baked off some baked goods with the Ardent FX. Equipped with precision heaters and timed cycles, this thing can activate and infuse up to one ounce of flower or concentrate at a time. Perhaps its most valuable feature, the Ardent FX optimizes terpene retention and cannabinoid ac tivation with custom settings for decarbing CBD and THC/CBG. But that’s not all, folks! Shift this cutting-edge culinary ganja gadget into “bake” mode to actually bake your infused goodies all within the same device. Yeah, technology is crazy these days. ardentcannabis.com @ardentllc

Leaf Nation puts some of the Cannabis industry’s hottest products to the test

HITOKI TRIDENT

REVIEW BY MATT JACKSON @ACTIONMATTJACKSON

Be honest, who doesn’t want to see their weed lit up by a laser beam? Every time you activate the Trident, a beam of light ignites your ground-up weed from behind a tinted, vision-safe chamber. This feels like you’re using something from a Sharper Image catalog. There are three temperature settings and even though the Trident is a combus tion device, it does leave you with a pile of spent herb. Trident has a silicon mouthpiece or hookah-style hose that’s perfect for passing around, if you can manage to look away from its hypnotic light long enough. hitoki.com @hitokilaser

TERPOMETER

REVIEW BY MATT JACKSON @ACTIONMATTJACKSON

Now timing the perfect dab is as easy as opening the automatic garage door. This handy, keychain device contains a heat sensor that measures the tempera ture of whatever surface you hold it a half inch from, displaying it on a small LCD screen. When it registers between 500°F-550°F, the screen turns green to let you know it’s time to dab. Thermometer IR produces accurate results, switches eas ily from Fahrenheit to Celsius, has a screw-on dab tool attachment, and you can even set it to buzz at you when you’ve hit the part of its range that you prefer. No more timers, or trying to line up a troublesome laser beam to get results. theterpometer.com @theterpometer

GORDO SCIENTIFIC RIPTIP

REVIEW BY KATHERINE WOLF @KATADELLIC

It’s 2022, people – wasteful paper filters that hit harshly are old news. It’s time to take your rolling game into the future with the Rip Tip. These reusable tips made of high-quality borosili cate glass are hand-blown by Gordo Scientific in Denver. Crafted to create a smoother and more sustainable sesh, the signature riptide channels that optimize airflow are where the “Rip” Tip gets its name. Aptly named indeed, these things sure do rip. Available in various diameters, the nine millimeter is the OG size and most popular. As a general rule of thumb, a seven to eight millimeter is ideal for personal pearls under a gram, while anything over 10 millimeters should be reserved for a trip to Mars. gordosci.com @gordoscientific

TECH ROUNDUP

the Cannabis industry’s hottest products put to the test

710 LABS TERP COOLER

REVIEW BY MATT JACKSON @ACTIONMATTJACKSON

Preserving terps is a full-time job. That’s why concentrate conservationists 710 Labs created a travel-friendly way of keeping hash and rosin at the perfect temperature. With an average battery life of eight hours, this lunchbox-shaped cooler holds around five standard-sized jars comfortably. The device works like a soda can fridge, cooling down the metal plate inside to bring the contents to your preferred settings. The carrying case is netted in all the right spots to allow proper ventilation and includes chargers for the home, car and USB. This little droid is the perfect option for road trips, hotel stas and consumption events. 710labs.com @710labs

FOCUS V CARTA 2

REVIEW BY MATT JACKSON @ACTIONMATTJACKSON

Focus V has revamped its popular e-rig device to create an experience that absolutely rips. With a solid, professional feel, the Carta 2 fea tures an OLED screen that gives you up-to-the-minute temp readings, a session timer, and lighting custom ization that can be controlled with either the three buttons on the unit or an accompanying app. The improved glass chamber holds an impressive amount of water as well as smoke, and the battery ran about 25-30 dabs on a full charge. With a temperature range of 365°F-635°F that’s adjustable to a single degree, Carta 2 captures the flavor from lower temp dabs while delivering the clouds we all crave. focusv.com @focus.v

ALCHEMY JARS

REVIEW BY NATE WILLIAMS @NATEW415

The next level of hash storage is here. Alchemy Jars was founded by glassblower Patrick Lee, better known as @purpskurp710 on Instagram. Sick of dried out, crumbly jars of rosin, Lee decided to solve the problem himself and drew from existing tech to create a solution and offer it to the masses. Alchemy Jars utilize double-walled, vacuum-sealing technology and work the same way high-end water bottles do to insulate and protect their contents from the environment surrounding the container. The jars work great and function as advertised, keeping your rosin fresh and full of terps – just how it was meant to be.

alchemyjars.com @alchemyjars

G PEN HYER

REVIEW BY MATT JACKSON @ACTIONMATTJACKSON

Turn your bongs and bubblers into lung-busting dab machines with the newest product from G Pen. Improving upon the success of the Connect, Hyer contains seven times the battery power with a 1,500mAh rechargeable battery, five session settings, and five variable heat settings ranging from 407°F-803°F. Hyer is a tethered-style unit, connecting the battery and concentrate tank with a magnetic cable. Most of the pieces on the Hyer are magnetic and the included dab tool even screws into the cap – making it easy to keep together when not in the included hemp carrying case. Hyer performs well on all concentrates, but exceptionally well with resins and shatters. gethyer.com @letsgethyer

ZENCO FLOW

REVIEW BY WES ABNEY @BEARDEDLORAX

Raise a glass of vapor and embrace the most social innovation to Cannabis tech since passing a joint. The Zenco puts concentrates “on tap” by using an inno vative function that turns a normal vape cartridge hit into a classy and tantalizing experience of drinking your vapor. Simply press down on the glass and watch the vapor swirl inside with tasty terps and cannabinoids, wait until full, and then sip by breathing in through the straw or the glass (to get huge hits). Shareable without having to swap spit from somebody’s pocket dab pen, the glasses are easily washed and available in sets for entertaining. Perfect for socializing and micro or macro tokes, the Zenco is the ideal tabletop unit to transform your cartridge experience – and can easily be packed onthe-go for your next sesh! thezenco.com @thezencolife

ISPIRE DAAB

REVIEW BY MATT JACKSON @ACTIONMATTJACKSON

The newest device from Ispire does away with ceramic heating elements and instead opts for a more natural, induction heating. The unit looks like the Dewalt of dabs, fitting in your hand as easily as a drill. Load your concen trate into a small glass bucket and a metal ring encased therein is heated up within the glass chamber, bringing it up to temperature and vaporizing your concentrate in a way that feels closer to a traditional dab. A sturdy desktop piece, the daab adjusts in five-degree increments from 410°F-805°F, comes with its own hardshell case for traveling, and is able to go around 29 dabs on a full charge. getispire.com @getispire

DABX MARK.1

TERPHOGZ EDITION

REVIEW BY MATT JACKSON @ACTIONMATTJACKSON

Perhaps the most natural feeling of all the bong-into-rig attachments. Sliding into your home glass pieces, DabX is a titanium device with some interesting differences. A double-click begins the warming of the unit before triggering a 12-second heat burst, according to four different temperature curves. The device doesn’t go above 470°F, so it’s less about heat and more about the device you’re going to fill. There’s a carb button, making the included cap just for travel. Instead of trapping in the smoke with a cap, the heat source in the chamber draws the concentrate down into the center, which means no more swabbing between hits. dabx.com @dabxusa

THE FLOWER MILL

REVIEW BY NATE WILLIAMS @NATEW415

The Flower Mill is not a grinder. Rather, it achieves its function by utilizing an entirely different mechanism – milling. By definition, to grind is to reduce something to small particles by crushing it. On the other hand, to mill is to cut or shape into pieces. The bottom line is this: Your flower is going to be in much exponentially better condition after being milled versus being ground. After a thorough test run and side-by-side comparison, there is no doubt the grinders are going on the shelf and the mill will stay … ahem … in rotation. flowermillusa.com @flowermillusa

COURTESY

THE PEAK OF SUCCESS

Puffco founder & CEO Roger Volodarsky

It’s not hard to see why he’s earned such a moniker. Jobs started Apple in his parents’ garage, while Volodarsky started Puffco in his mother’s basement. Like Jobs, he frequently dresses in basic black attire. But the most significant similarity between the two tech moguls is undoubtedly the sleek style of their creations and how profoundly they impact the lives of their users. It’s fair to say that what the iPhone did for mobile phones, the Puffco Peak has done for Cannabis consumption.

In front of our lens, Roger appears guarded, even stiff … but off camera, his stoic demeanor softens to reveal the passion and generosity of spirit that his friends know all too well.

TROUBLED YOUTH

The son of Ukrainian Jews who immigrated to Brooklyn in the 1980s, Volodarsky's early life was difficult – both economically and emotionally.

“I definitely did not have a happy childhood,” he confesses. “I felt like an outsider because I grew up on the poorer side of Coney Island, and all of my parents' friends had money. And my parents ended up getting divorced, so I didn’t get enough emotional support. But I'm grateful for my experi ence because it pushed me to get what I desire in life and led me here.”

Like many troubled teens, he found escape and comfort in Cannabis. At the age of 13, after an attempt to smoke a joint during a field trip proved unsuccessful, his buddy got him high for the first time.

“I took a hit, and I remember feeling this warmth in my fingertips, toes and head, and it started radiating in towards the center,” Volodarsky recalls. “I kind of melted off the couch – like in those anti-drug commercials – and all that loneliness of being the odd kid out, of not having enough resources to keep up with everyone else … all that just went away. I remember thinking, ‘this is incredi ble—I want to do this forever!’”

To be clear, he doesn’t endorse minors getting high as a matter of practice. “I’m definitely not recommending that anybody under the legal age consume Cannabis,” he states. “But at 13 years old, life was very confusing and traumatic for me, and engaging with the plant gave me an instant sense of relief.”

Unfortunately, like many immigrants from the “Old World,” Roger’s parents were extremely anti-drug and overreacted when they learned of his newfound fondness for marijuana. Within a year or two, he grew estranged from much of his family and friends.

“This was heavy in the ‘War on Drugs’ era, the DARE era of propaganda being shot at everyone. That propaganda worked very well on my parents

and many people around me," Volo darsky explains. “I kind of became this lost soul in the eyes of many – a drug addict.”

A FATEFUL MILESTONE

In his young adult hood, Volodarsky pursued a “normal life” – working several different jobs, none of which provided the sense of fulfillment he was craving.

“I was a serial entrepreneur,” he explains. “I was in the mortgage space, I've worked for a translation service, I've worked as a systems administrator … I've done a bunch of different things, but I never worked on something that I was really passionate about.”

Then in 2012, at the age of 30, he reached a turning point.

"When you're a kid, you have all these ideas of what you're going to be when you're 30. But almost everyone I know ended up not being what they thought they would be. The world millennials were promised – ‘If you work really hard, you’ll get these things’ – that wasn't happening for our generation. And so I hit this really frustrating point, and I was using Can nabis to cope.”

It was at this point that a friend turned him on to the enticing new world of wax (as BHO was called at the time) and vape pens.

"I was completely liberated,” Volodarsky says. “I was able to walk around the city and consume, and I felt truly invisible. I became obsessed with it.”

Noticing his passion for the new “dab pen” phe nomenon – and knowing he despised his systems administrator job – Volodarsky’s friend encouraged him to try getting into the vape industry.

“I had to make a decision: either work a job that I hate to provide me with the lifestyle I want, or

IT’S A MONDAY MORNING IN DOWNTOWN L.A., and the offices of Puffco are unusually quiet. Of the company’s nearly 130 employees, barely a dozen are here … among them, the company’s Founder and CEO, Roger Volodarsky – aka the Steve Jobs of Cannabis.

pursue what I love. And I decided, 'you know what? Fuck it – why don't I start doing this?’"

Volodarsky began researching wax pens online and learning everything he could about them –mainly, how they were made and who was selling them. He made recon trips to smoke shops in Atlan tic City and Haight Ashbury to see what vapes were available and quickly realized that none of them were very good.

“All the wax vapes at the time were just repurpos ing e-cigarette technology,” he explains. “They were really shitty products. And so, not knowing where to begin, my only goal was just, 'I want to make something better than this.’”

THE BIRTH OF PUFFCO

After toying around with various ideas, he de cided on the name “Puffco,” purchased the URL in January of 2013, and incorporated in March. And just like that, he was in the vape business.

“Puffco was my first investment in myself,” says Volodarsky. “I thought, if it leads nowhere, that's okay – because I'll enjoy every second that I work on this."

After tinkering with various components and pro totypes, the company released its first product, the Puffco Clas sic, in January 2014. Though he found it preferable to other pens on the market, Volodarsky was not satisfied. So after selling off the first batch, he went back to the drawing board with the goal of accomplish ing three key improvements: a higher capacity atomizer, variable temperature control, and removal of glues and fibers from the air path. Those three pillars inspired his next iteration, the Puffco Pro. By replacing the fibers typically used to soak up the oil with porous ceramic, the Pro significantly improved the flavor and healthiness of vaping concentrates.

HIGH TIMES / LOW TIMES

The Pro was released in October 2014 … just as High Times was about to conduct its annual vape pen review. Learning of this, Roger showed up at their offices at the last minute with a box of sam ples. Though Puffco was unknown at the time, the Pro ended up taking first place for Best Vapor Pen. That award changed everything for Puffco – both for better and for worse.

“After the review was a very bittersweet period,” Volodarsky recalls. “That threw us into the spotlight and got us a ton of fans and revenue coming in, but it also forced us to make much more product than we were before.”

Unfortunately, consumers weren’t the only ones who took notice of their improved design; within a few months after the review was published, copycat devices began appearing on the market.

“I took it very personally. I had obsessed over this vape pen for two years, and now this thing that I'd worked so hard on – the greatest thing I might ever do – was being bastardized by shittier brands. I didn't know what to do – I felt completely defeated.”

To make matters worse, in addition to having their intellectual property poached, Puffco’s supply chain unex pectedly collapsed at the end of 2014.

Volodarsky had to act quickly, or everything he'd been working towards might be lost. In early 2015, he and his head of operations headed to Chi na, where they spent over a month establishing new relationships and exhausted most of the revenue they'd earned rebuilding their supply chain.

Once they had partnerships in place with new manufacturers, they went straight into production on their next models: the Puffco Plus (the first truly coil-less vape pen on the market) and the Puffco Pro 2, both of which sold exceptionally well. But still, Roger was unsatisfied.

“We came out with the Pro 2, and I hated it," he grumbles. “It got decent reviews, and made the company millions of dollars … but I was making products for the sake of the sale, not trying to innovate. And that threw me into one of the big gest depressions of my life.”

So in 2016, when Puffco’s head engineer Avi asked him what he wanted to work on next, Roger laid out his vision for their most ambi tious project yet.

PEAK PERFORMANCE

“I wanted to do something totally new,” he explains. “I was like, I want to make a device that makes dabbing flawless and gives you the perfect dab every time.”

Volodarsky had a checklist of criteria he wanted this new device to meet: It should let you know when the dab is ready. To avoid the associated stigma, there couldn’t be any torching involved. It should be shaped like a beer bottle and fit into a cup holder. And it should have a removable glass attachment so that artists could make custom pieces for it.

“One of the biggest parts of the hash and dab scene is glass,” explains Volodarsky. “We're not here to compete with glass artists – we're here to work with them. We want them to see us as a platform to express their creativity.”

After months of development, Roger, Ari and their team had invented the first fully-electronic handheld “smart rig,” the Puffco Peak – a groundbreaking dab device featuring four heat settings, an LED light band, haptic feedback and automatic temperature calibration. Volodarsky had so much confidence in the Peak that just as it was set to launch in late 2017, he made the risky decision to move the entire company to Los Angeles.

“We put everything on the line,” Volodarsky ad mits. “When we moved [to L.A.], we had one payroll period and two months of rent left in our bank ac count. We just knew that once people saw the Peak, everybody was going to want it.”

His gamble paid off: The Peak became an instant sensation, revolutionizing concentrate consumption and generating millions in sales.

But like many innovations, it still had bugs that needed working out. Complaints of defective devic es and atomizer connectivity issues became com mon—but Puffco addressed these problems through tech support, and repairing and replacing parts.

Their redesigned Peak Pro, released two years lat er, fixed its predecessor's shortcomings while adding several new features, including multicolor lighting options, real-time temperature controls, usage statis tics and more – all controllable via their new smart phone app. This new “flagship device” also offered a slew of new attachments and accessories.

RECENT INNOVATIONS

After the enormous success of the Peak Pro, Puffco began branching out with two new products designed for flower: a water bottle bong called the Budsy in 2021, followed by a coffee cup bong called the Cupsy in 2022. While both are fun and functional devices, it was their next innovation –the Proxy – that would once again redefine the dab game.

What makes Proxy unique is that the atomizer chamber is a separate, freestanding device – inde pendent of any paraphernalia. Though sold with the outer casing of a classic pipe, this modular vaporiz er can be inserted into any kind of smoking appa ratus with an appropriately sized hole to house it –making it a perfect vehicle for glass artists’ creativity.

“We’re big fans of the glass scene,” says Volo darsky. “Hash and glass have grown together over the past decade, and we want to honor that space by continuing to invest in it.”

FAMILY & FULFILLMENT

Roger Volodarsky’s road to riches has undoubted ly been a rough one. Once ostracized by his family for his love of Cannabis, he’s since forged himself a new family at Puffco.

“Chelsea, my first employee who I’ve been a mentor to … Kevin, who was my friend before he joined the company, and who’s always good for a laugh … Avi, our chief technology officer … I'm very lucky to have some of the people that most enrich my life here with me in this business,” Volodarsky beams. “We all feel like our work is meaningful because we're working on things that make our own lives better every day. To live every day doing what you love and having people love you for it … I can't imagine anything better than this."

STORY by BOBBY BLACK @BOBBYBLACK420/LEAF NATION | PHOTOS by JUSTIN STEWART @JUSTNLSTEWART

"I WAS LIKE, 'I WANT TO MAKE A DEVICE THAT MAKES DABBING FLAWLESS AND GIVES YOU THE PERFECT DAB EVERY TIME.' "

COURTESY PUFFCO

Special edition versions of the company’s runaway hit, the Puffco Peak.

edible of the month

STONEY PEBBLES STONEY PEBBLES

CREATED BY GOODSINSE CREATED BY GOODSINSE

It's finally spooky season and time to indulge that sweet tooth. And what better way to do that than with a deliciously saccharine snack from GoodSinse. 90% treat with a hint of trick – finding them in stock can be hard – GoodSinse’s Stoney Pebbles are an epic addition to any October shenanigans.

BITE-SIZED and therefore discrete, Stoney Pebbles are perfect for sharing. Each divine ball is packed with 10mg of THC, a gob of gooey marshmallow and of course, the iconic kid’s cereal that shares half of its name. Just like a Rice Krispie treat, Stoney Pebbles have a nostalgic crunch when you bite into them, however, as they are made with the good stuff (i.e. marshmallows), they need to be refrigerated and thawed before consuming. With their demure size, it takes around 10 minutes for them to reach peak gooeyness once removed from a cold source. While they will hold their shape if left out longer, the best crunch happens right after they reach room temperature.

Taste aside, the real treat is in the potency. As edible connoisseurs, we have a very high tolerance – which is why we get excited when a 10mg product is enough to send us to stonerland. In fact, to say that 10mg was enough would be an understatement because just one Stoney Pebbles treat had us buzzing for hours. Initially, the high appeared as a kinetic feeling in the back of our skulls. Within 20 minutes of this first inkling of stoniness, our brain was aflame with stoned energy.

Suddenly, simple tasks like stamping a Bingo card were the most entertaining activities ever – with a mix of hyperfocus and happy giggles that stayed with us for most of the night. When the high finally subsided, we tried a second portion to see if we’d have the same results and are happy to report that we absolutely did. Judging by the scarcity of the product on Anchorage shelves, we’d say it’s a safe bet that we aren’t the only ones in love with Stoney Pebbles.

REVIEW by ALASKA LEAF STAFF |

PHOTO by O'HARA SHIPE

"A mix of hyperfocus and happy giggles stayed with us for most of the night."

AK RIME

501ST SUGAR501ST SUGAR

In mid-September, the first sightings of Termination Dust were reported. The white, fluffy stuff was a gut punch after spending the entire summer in rain boots. Luckily, AK Rime x Isidore has provided another white powdery option that we can all celebrate.

Produced by AK Rime and cultivated by Isidore, 501st sugar is a glistening, magic powder that will send you directly to slumberland without passing “Go” or collecting $200. A cross between Skywalker OG – a favorite here at AK Leaf – and Rare Dankness No. 1, 501st is a heavy-hitting indica hybrid. In its flower form, 501st has a powerful, piney-kush aroma that embodies everything we love about dank Cannabis. Sadly, in sugar form that scent is lost – even when smoking. However, the sickeningly sweet flavor of grape soda is heavily present when you take a big dab, and who doesn’t love grape soda?

The effects, as expected, were heady – so heady in fact, that we found ourselves tripping over the carpet as we stumbled into bed. In our defense, it was a shag carpet and those things are tricky to navigate. With that in mind, this potent sugar is one you might want to dab in close proximity to wherever you plan on sleeping that night. As you have probably already gleaned, 501st is not suitable for daytime use, unless you work night shifts. It is, however, suited for anyone struggling with insomnia due to underlying pain, as the sugar definitely has some analgesic properties.

Long story short, if you’re looking to sleep the day away, or just get caught up on some much-needed zzz’s, it doesn’t get better than 501st sugar.

"This potent sugar is one you might want to dab in close proximity to wherever you plan on sleeping that night."

REVIEW by ALASKA LEAF STAFF |

PHOTO by O'HARA SHIPE @SHIPESHOTS

THE UNION OF MARRIAGE is a sanctimonious institution that has effectively been the glue binding our species for millen nia. Without that legal commitment – which has basically stood as a contract between two people to agree to love each other ‘til death do them part – we’d be an 8-billion-person planet … full of nothing but singles ready to mingle.

That’s a scary thought.

We all know that uninterrupted love to the very end is fairly unrealistic – but that’s why you’ve gotta lock that “right one” down before someone else swoops in and changes their mind. And it shows the old man in the golden throne – chillin’ on Cloud 19 with a Mai Tai in one hand and a heavenly joint in the other – that you’re a team player who abides by the scriptures.

You want to make it past the pearly gates to Cloud 69, right?

Because matrimony is a religious indoctrination – not entirely based upon love, but in many ways necessary for the order that allows for species to proliferate – and people respond well to being given direction and told where to conform. And even though every animal in the kingdom requires a mate of the opposite gender to make a baby, we are the only ones who feel the vital necessity to ink it onto paper.

Even if you’re an asshole like me (who believes that this contract is a formality initiated by the church to keep us donating our tithes while raising future tithers), there is no escaping the fact that each and every one of us is beholden to convenience.

It’s why we sign with blood when committing to our internet provider – because this is our conduit to most of the world’s information. Including websites that contain salacious acts of naughtiness.

Which could keep you married. Or not.

CHOCOLATE

FEEL THE GOLD RUSH