Sept. 2023 - Alaska Leaf

Page 1

THE

ART & SCIENCE OF PAIRING CANNABIS & TASTY

BEVERAGES THE TANNINS & TERPENES ISSUE

#89 | SEPT. 2023 THE ENLIGHTENED VOICE FREE / LEAFMAGAZINES.COM INDEPENDENT CANNABIS JOURNALISM SINCE 2010
The
Hash Frontier's Lemon Dough flower paired with color-changing Unicorn Butterfly Pea Vodka in a classic lemon drop cocktail.
4 leafmagazines.com sept. 2023 sip, toke and enjoy! DANIEL BERMAN SEPT. 2023 issue #89 [ 07 EDITOR’S NOTE 08 NATIONAL NEWS 12 BUDTENDER Q&A 16 COOKING WITH CANNABIS 20 STRAIN OF THE MONTH 24 THE HASH FRONTIER 26 GOODSINSE 28 ENLIGHTEN 29 FIREWEED EXTRACTS 32 FLAVORFUL FUTURE 36 CANNTHROPOLOGY 38 STONEY BALONEY STUART CONSULTING & MARKETING BRUCE WOLF 12 JENNIFER LEE THE GREEN JAR HATCHER PASS 16 BUDTENDER OF THE MONTH FLAVORS OF FALL COOKING WITH CANNABIS THE ART & SCIENCE OF PAIRING CANNABIS & TASTY BEVERAGES THE TANNINS & TERPENES ISSUE BANANA MAC SUGAR WAX BY ENLIGHTEN & COCONUT EDITION RED BULL

Marijuana has intoxicating e ects and may be habit forming and addictive. Marijuana impairs concentration, coordination and judgment. Do not operate a vehicle or machinery under its influence. There are health risks associated with consumption of marijuana. For use only by adults 21 and older. Keep out of the reach of children. Marijuana should not be used by women who are pregnant or breast feeding. License #3a-11638 • #3a-23821 • #3a-31418

catalystcannabisco.com
with
Old Seward 9900 Old Seward Hwy 907•344•0668 Muldoon 317 Muldoon Rd 907•222•6847 Spenard 4707 Spenard Rd 907•339•9333
Now
three locations

WES ABNEY CEO & FOUNDER wes@leafmagazines.com

MIKE RICKER OPERATING PARTNER + AD SALES ricker@leafmagazines.com

TOM BOWERS CHIEF OPERATING OFFICER tom@leafmagazines.com

DANIEL BERMAN CREATIVE DIRECTOR daniel@leafmagazines.com

MEGHAN RIDLEY COPY EDITOR meghan@leafmagazines.com

WES ABNEY ABOUT THE COVER

This month's colorful cover image was created by Leaf Nation Creative Director Daniel Berman, who captured a beautiful lemon drop made with color-changing Unicorn Butterfly Pea Vodka, that pairs stunningly well with the likes of Lemon Dough flower cultivated by The Hash Frontier (check out their Strain of the Month highlight on page 20 too!). Our annual examination of Cannabis and tasty beverages invites Leaf readers to take a closer look at how flavors and science can combine for a unique consumption experience. Be sure to try out your own combinations and look for even more inspiration in the pages of our five other local Leaf editions, available to read at LeafMagazines.com | Sip, Toke & Enjoy!

CONTRIBUTORS

WES ABNEY, FEATURES

OSCAR AVELLANEDA-CRUZ, PHOTOS

DANIEL BERMAN, PHOTOS

BOBBY BLACK, DESIGN + FEATURES

JOSHUA BOULET, ILLUSTRATION

TOM BOWERS, FEATURES

AMANDA DAY, FEATURES

EARLY, PRODUCTION

STEVE ELLIOTT, NATIONAL NEWS

JOELY FISHER, ASSISTING

MATT JACKSON, FEATURES

JOE KUNESH, ASSISTING

MIKE RICKER, FEATURES

Editor’s Note

Thanks for picking up The Tannins & Terpenes Issue of the Leaf!

We began pairing wine and weed over 10 years ago in print, highlighting the similarities and differences between the flavors provided by tannins in wine and terpenes in Cannabis. These were the early days of medicinal access to the plant (when weed wasn’t even legal yet) and for many, the idea of flavor profiles or even calling pot medicine was considered questionable by mainstream standards. But I saw the brilliant smells and flavors that ooze from beautiful craft-grown Cannabis and knew that if we could convince people that the same flavonoids and terpenes were making the weed and wine taste good, that it could serve as an educational tool to change minds. After all, everyone knows there’s a million flavors in wine – even if they don’t drink it regularly.

Over the years, we have ranged from all wine pairings to exploring the world of craft beers, cocktails and seltzers, as we honed our tastes. Similarly, the weed world has expanded from simple flower pairings to a wide range of concentrates, cartridges and edibles that can enhance a boozy pairing, or replace it altogether.

“THE WEED WORLD HAS EXPANDED FROM SIMPLE FLOWER PAIRINGS TO A WIDE RANGE OF CONCENTRATES, CARTRIDGES AND EDIBLES THAT CAN ENHANCE A BOOZY PAIRING, OR REPLACE IT ALTOGETHER. ”

MEGHAN RIDLEY, EDITING

DAN VINKOVETSKY, FEATURES

KAT WOLF, FEATURES

BRUCE & LAURIE WOLF, RECIPES

We are creators of targeted, independent Cannabis journalism. Please email us to discuss advertising in the next issue of Alaska Leaf Magazine. We do not sell stories or coverage. We can offer design services and guidance on promoting your company’s medicinal, recreational, commercial or industrial Cannabis business, product or event within our magazine and on our website at www.LeafMagazines.com. Email ricker@leafmagazines.com to get started advertising with Alaska Leaf!

CONNEC T WITH ALASKA LEAF

While I’ve long considered myself a craft beer aficionado, I’ve spent the last six months sober from alcohol, which has helped me to see Cannabis in a new light. America has a drinking culture (problem) that pushes booze as a tool for celebration, mourning and everything in between. But as I grew in my publishing role and as a father to teenagers, alcohol became less of a helper for stress – actually creating more – especially as the Leaf worked to navigate the difficult Cannabis industry in 13 states. Since my break from alcohol, I’ve experienced a lot of personal benefits, and learned to lean on Cannabis fully as both medicine and recreation. It truly is an amazing plant to be able to provide for both areas of life – healing and pleasure – and I’ve fallen in love with it all over again.

As this issue of the magazine has evolved, we’ve included new types of pairings, including Cannabis with coffee, energy drinks, kombucha and more. There are few things more satisfying in this world than a fresh cup of joe with a joint, and it brings me great joy to continue to pair tasty beverages with Cannabis, sans alcohol for this writer. I hope that these words can be an inspiration to anyone considering a break from alcohol, or any habit that causes more harm than health.

We are all fortunate to live in a time of legalization – where reconceptualizing sobriety includes the use of Cannabis (California Sober/Green Clean) and a huge community of people who have found health and happiness with pot, including many who are sober otherwise. So as we toast at our next pairing sesh, remember: It’s OK to talk about addiction and struggles, and the benefits of Cannabis. After all, you have to put down your drink to pass the bong.

7 leafmagazines.com SEPT. 2023 FREE ONLINE ARCHIVE @NWLEAF | @AKLEAFMAG @NWLEAF ISSUU.COM/NWLEAF Exclusive Cannabis Journalism EDITOR'S NOTE PHOTO by OSCAR AVELLANEDA-CRUZ @OKIAVE
ESTABLISHED 2010 THE ENLIGHTENED VOICE NORTHWEST LEAF / OREGON LEAF / ALASKA LEAF / MARYLAND LEAF / CALIFORNIA LEAF / NORTHEAST LEAF
-Wes Abney

MARIJUANA GROUPS CALL ON REGULATORS TO ADOPT UNIVERSAL SYMBOL FOR PRODUCTS

Acoalition made up of marijuana reform organizations is calling upon regulators across the world to adopt a universal symbol for marijuana products in the interest of promoting safety in the evolving Cannabis market.

The symbol would make it easier to facilitate interstate Cannabis commerce if states choose to enact the policy, reports Marijuana Moment.

There’s a patchwork of marijuana laws from stateto-state in the U.S., as well as internationally. But the groups said in a letter to regulators distributed in August that there should at least be uniformity in labeling so that people know what products contain Cannabis – no matter where they’re shopping.

The International Intoxicating Cannabinoid Product Symbol (IICPS) – a yellow triangle with an image of a Cannabis leaf and black border – has already been adopted by Montana, New Jersey, South Dakota and Vermont, while other states like Alaska are also considering it.

GERMANY LEGALIZES!

The German government in mid-August approved a plan to legalize some recreational Cannabis use, paving the way to allow adults to legally buy and possess small amounts of marijuana, reports The New York Times.

INDONESIA BURNS MARIJUANA PLANTATION DISCOVERED BY DRONES

Indonesian authorities in August burned a marijuana plantation in the northern province of Aceh after it was discovered by drones, reports the Associated Press.

A joint team of the National Narcotic Agency (known as BNN) and the National Research and Innovation Agency – using drones – detected 4.5 hectares (11 acres) of land with an estimated 21,100 Cannabis plants ready for harvest, said Wayan Sugiri, the deputy for eradication at BNN.

The aerial operation was conducted from August 3-13 in Teupin Reuseup village in North Aceh district. More than 150 officers from the police, customs and BNN were deployed to uproot the 20 tons of marijuana for burning, Sugiri said.

HALF OF AMERICANS HAVE NOW TRIED WEED

Half of Americans have now tried marijuana, according to a new Gallup survey. This is the first time Gallup has found 50 percent of respondents saying they’ve tried Cannabis, reports The National Desk. But it’s been hovering just below that figure for a while now – having been over 40 percent since 2015.

By gender, 53% of men and 44% of women said they have tried marijuana. By age, adults 35-54 showed the highest rate of past marijuana use, with 51% saying they had smoked the herb. Meanwhile, 49% of those aged 18-34 and 47% of adults 55 and older said the same.

STUDY: MARIJUANA REDUCES OPIOID CRAVINGS

IT’S

been street knowledge for some time, but now it has more scientific backing. A new federal study found Cannabis “significantly” reduces opioid cravings for people using them without a prescription, reports Marijuana Moment. This, of course, suggests that expanding access to legal marijuana could provide folks with a safer substitute – one that could provide a long-sought breakthrough when it comes to treating opioid addiction.

Scientists at the British Columbia Centre on Substance Use surveyed 205 people in total. The study participants used weed and unregulated opioids from December 2019 to November 2021. The goal was to test the theory that Cannabis represents an effective harm reduction tool. That’s particularly urgent since we’re in the midst of an opioid overdose crisis.

The International Journal of Drug Policy published the study. It found 58 percent of participants reported their reason for using Cannabis was to reduce opioid cravings. Moreover, a multivariable analysis showed marijuana use “was significantly associated with selfreported reductions in opioid use.”

OHIO LEGALIZATION WOULD BOOST INDUSTRY

Ohio looks likely to vote on the legalization of adult-use marijuana in November. The move could improve the legislative and financial prospects for the Cannabis industry overall, reports Bloomberg. An Ohio State University study estimates legalization could add $275 million to $450 million to the state’s tax coffers in five years.

Quoted

“This is an important law that will represent a long-term change in drug policy,”

The legislation would allow adults to buy and possess up to 25 grams of adultuse Cannabis for personal consumption through nonprofit social clubs. It must still be approved by Parliament – but the endorsement from the three-party coalition’s cabinet was a crucial step toward Germany becoming the first major European country to legalize Cannabis. “This is an important law that will represent a long-term change in drug policy,” said Karl Lauterbach, Germany’s health minister. He added that the legislation represented “a concept of controlled legalization.”

Under current German law, it is illegal to buy Cannabis, but not to consume it.

500

$60k

in marijuana products were recalled by the Missouri Department of Cannabis Regulation in August.

On Aug. 3, a group called Regulate Marijuana Like Alcohol turned in signatures to meet the state’s requirements to put the measure to a vote this November. Given that Cannabis stocks are still suffering after a lack of headway with national legalization –and they tend to surge even on mixed election results – the issue will be closely watched. It could turn Ohio into the 24th U.S. state to legalize recreational use. Meanwhile, federal law remains in limbo.

“An Ohio State University study estimates legalization could add $275 million to $450 million to the state’s tax coffers in five years.”

“There is a decent likelihood the initiative passes if it gets on the ballot this year,” predicted James Sandy, a lawyer in the Cleveland office of McGlinchey who works with the marijuana industry. Sandy said in an email exchange that Ohioans have become more comfortable with marijuana in the few years since medical pot was legalized. He pointed to a recent poll that suggests almost 60 percent of voters would favor adult recreational use.

$48m

in community reinvestment grants funded by marijuana taxes will soon be available to California nonprofits.

$404m

could be added to Ohio’s annual tax coffers by marijuana legalization, according to one study.

SEPT. 2023 leafmagazines.com 8 national news STORIES by STEVE ELLIOTT, AUTHOR OF THE LITTLE BLACK BOOK OF MARIJUANA | ART by ADOBE STOCK THE NEWS IN BRIEF
science midwest
and higher THC raw flower is a primary growth driver in today’s adult-use marijuana industry. 20% grams of weed were taken during an August break-in at a Richmond, Virginia dispensary.
“Just the same way as you’re not allowed to cook moonshine in your bathtub and sell it on the street, you’re also not allowed to start a restaurant without having the right requirements and licenses in place.”
health & safety
-Anthony Miranda of the New York City Sheriff’s Office, during an Office of Public Safety briefing on a citywide crackdown of unlicensed Cannabis edibles being sold by businesses without the proper permits or authorization to do so. The New York City Sheriff’s Office seized over $2 million in products last month and issued $4.5 million in fines to unlicensed vendors.
global
2023 2022
WINNING
NEW LOOK. NEW LOWER PRICE. NEW FLAVORS.
(A) Marijuana has intoxicating effects and may be habit forming and addictive; (B) Marijuana impairs concentration, coordination, and judgment. Do not operate a vehicle or machinery under its influence; (C) There are health risks associated with consumption of marijuana; (D) For use only by adults twenty-one and older. Keep out of the reach of children; and (E) Marijuana should not be used by women who are pregnant or breast feeding. Dosed Edibles Alaska, Fairbanks, AK, 99709 - AK License #23146 DOSEDEDIBLES.COM / @DOSEDEDIBLES
SAME AWARD WINNING GUMMY.

JENNIFER LEE

Her passions start with family, where she snuggles on the regular with her daughter Alice and her dog Bean. And it’s the sharing of Alaska pride with locals and travelers daily that makes her heart shine, because for this 22-year Alaska resident, building strong, meaningful connections is what community is all about. Follow her on Instagram @cannacutiejen

SO, HOW WAS YOUR SUMMER? It was fantastic! Disneyland is one of my favorite places to be, and I’m a huge Seattle Mariners fan – so we went to Southern California this summer, got to see the M’s play the Anaheim Angels and also go to Disney.

WOULD YOUR ULTIMATE JOB BE BUDTENDING AT DISNEYLAND ONE DAY? (Laughs) That would be absolutely amazing! One day maybe.

IF MICKEY MOUSE CAME TO THE GREEN JAR TO GET SOMETHING TO TAKE THE EDGE OFF, WHAT WOULD YOU RECOMMEND TO HIM? If he were looking for a sativa, it would be Lost Cause by Matanuska Medicine Woman. If he wanted to get in-between, I would do the Galactic Gorilla by Hash Frontier. And if he wanted to get lost at sea, I would suggest Lost at Sea by AK Frosted Flower. That’s one of my favorite strains.

WOULD YOU TAKE MICKEY MOUSE ICEFISHING? Yeah, why not? I think he’d enjoy it!

BAILEY STUART, OWNER OF THE GREEN JAR, WAS FEATURED IN OUR IMPACT ISSUE AS ONE OF THE MOST IMPACTFUL PEOPLE IN THE CANNABIS INDUSTRY NATIONALLY. SHE’S A ROCK STAR. WHAT’S IT LIKE WORKING WITH HER? Bailey is super personal. She’s given me an opportunity that I’ll never forget, and I’ll be loyal to her to a fault. I’ll do anything that woman wants me to do. She’s taught me a lot about cannabinoids and the endocannabinoid system, and how everything works together to really enjoy what you’re smoking.

WHAT IS YOUR GREATEST ATTRIBUTE AS A BUDTENDER? I have a lot of regulars, and being able to suggest a product to them based on what they’ve purchased in the past allows me to make the distinct recommendations that I believe they’ll like, or dislike. The nose knows.

Who’s
Tell us why! Email nominations to ricker@leafmagazines.com
your favorite budtender?
“THE NOSE KNOWS.”
ALASKA LEAF
OF THE MONTH THE GREEN JAR HATCHER PASS 9351 N PALMER-FISHHOOK RD PALMER, ALASKA THEGREENJARAK.COM @GREENJAR_ALASKA 10AM-10PM TUES-SAT CLOSED SUN & MON (907) 631-3800 12 STORY by MIKE RICKER @RICKERDJ/ALASKA LEAF | PHOTOS by STUART CONSULTING & MARKETING @STUART.CONSULTING leafmagazines.com interview SEPT. 2023
BUDTENDER
@cannacutiejen
We have CBDs! Frontier CBD * Hemp Bomb * Honey Root * Alaskan Healing Center 224 N Yenlo St, Wasilla, AK | 907-373-2839 | M-F 8a-10p, Sat 10a-10p, Sun 11a-7p At Sekaya Wellness we thoughtfully formulate homeopathic products for each of your needs. Easing your body, mind, and soul is at the heart of everything we do. SeKaya ellness Scan Me! Follow us on IG @sekayawellness Please contact us for wholesale opportunities Junior Solis - 208-610-8565 Featuring CBD * CBG * CBN * CBDa * CBGa Hand Formulated * 3rd Party Tested * All Organic Ingredients

FLAVORS OF FALL

YOU’RE TOAST PANZANELLA

1 tablespoon olive oil

2 cloves garlic, minced

3 cups bread cubes, about 1 inch pieces

2 large tomatoes, cut in chunks

½ medium cucumber, cut in pieces

½ cup red onion, thinly sliced

2 tablespoons capers

¼ cup red wine vinegar

2 tablespoons olive oil

4 teaspoons infused oil

BLUEBERRY PEACH PIE-FECTION

9 SERVINGS

1 pie crust, rolled to 11-12 in.

4 cups blueberries, rinsed

1 peach, sliced

½ cup sugar

¼ cup orange juice

3 tablespoons infused oil

2 tablespoons cornstarch pinch of salt

1 egg, lightly beaten

2 tablespoons sugar

1. Heat oven to 340. Place the crust on parchment, on a baking sheet.

2. In a large bowl, combine the blueberries, peach slices, sugar, orange juice, infused oil, cornstarch and salt.

3. Place the berries on the crust, leaving a two-inch border. Fold edge of pastry dough up over the fruit, pinching folds closed. Brush the crust with the egg, and sprinkle with the sugar.

4. Bake until golden brown and bubbling, 35-45 minutes.

SEPTEMBER HASHTAGS // # DontFearTheEdible

# BacktoSchool

# BeKind # EatLocal

# LaurieAndMaryJane

# Herb+Spice

TOMATOES SHOULD BE ILLEGAL IN THE WINTER! Honestly, the tomatoes on salads in February barely resemble the lusciousness of a local seasonal specimen. Not even close. Frozen corn is not bad, but taking the kernels off the cob is a summer right of passage, and well worth it. The crostata – a free-form pie piled high with end of summer blueberries and peaches – is simple and quite attractive, if I do say so myself! The recipes are infused with Zookies by 7 Points, a hybrid flower with an upbeat vibe,

1 teaspoon Dijon mustard salt and pepper to taste

1. Heat the oil in a large skillet. Add the garlic, stir, and add the bread cubes. Over low to medium heat, lightly brown the bread cubes. Allow to cool.

2. In a large bowl, combine the tomatoes, cucumber, red onion and capers.

3. In a small bowl, combine the vinegar, oils and Dijon, and add to the large bowl. Salt and pepper to taste. Toss to combine. Allow to sit for at least 30 minutes so the flavors can marry, happily ever after.

A-MAIZE-ING CORN SALAD

4 SERVINGS

3 cups corn, from 3 to 4 cobs

3 scallions, sliced

2/3 cup chopped bell peppers, any color

½ cup mayo

4 teaspoons infused oil

2 tablespoons lime juice

1 teaspoon cumin

1 teaspoon chili powder

salt and pepper to taste

1 cup corn chips

½ cup cotija cheese

2 tablespoons cilantro, chopped or torn

Optional CBD Taco Spice Blend

1. In a large bowl, combine the corn, scallion and peppers.

2. In another bowl, mix the mayo, oil, lime juice, cumin and chili powder. Salt and pepper to taste.

3. Add the mayo to the corn, along with the chips, cheese and cilantro. Stir gently to mix.

4. Divide the corn between four bowls. Top with optional CBD Herb & Spice Taco Blend.

leaving me relaxed and relatively happy. I really can’t ask for more than that. Although the recipes are infused with flower into coconut oil, the corn salad is topped with the newest product from Laurie and MaryJane – a taco spice blend with activated CBD – so just a sprinkle of CBD adds to the overall effect of the dish, as well as a hit of more south of the border flavors. If you want to try any of the CBD blends, they are available to order. Very soon, they will be joined by a 1:1 THC:CBD mixture. Need I say more? I think not.

16 sept. 2023 leafmagazines.com cooking with cannabis
RECIPES
WOLF @LAURIEANDMARYJANE for LEAF NATION | PHOTOS by BRUCE WOLF @BRUCE_WOLF
by LAURIE
All Things Cannabis For All People beardedlorax stashleylynn maaryjwhite rickerdj leaflifepodcast PODCAST THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS #235 HOMESCHOOLING #237 SUPPLEMENTS #238 THE HISTORY OF THE LEAF WATCH ON LEAF LIFE PODCAST V2 LISTEN EVERYWHERE THIS MONTH: Marijuana products may be purchased or possessed only by persons 21 or older. This product has intoxicating effects and may be habit-forming. Marijuana can impair concentration, coordination and judgment. Do not operate a vehicle or machinery under the influence of this drug. There may be health risks associated with consumption of this product. For use only by adults 21 and older. Keep out of reach of children. THE MUNCHIES #236

GUTBUSTER GUTBUSTER

20 leafmagazines.com SEPT. 2023 STRAIN OF THE MONTH

Fall is coming quickly, so ditch the beach body diet and give in to the “pumpkin spice everything” movement and early Halloween candy sales with the aptly-named Gutbuster strain.

Weed makes everything better, especially food, which might be why stoners are associated with the munchies. From Scoobie Snacks to White Castle, we’re known not for our high class tastes – but rather, our love for the simple pleasures of life found at the friendly neighborhood mini mart. And while stoners may statistically be thinner than drinkers or the average American, our bloodshot eyes are bigger than our stomachs, which luckily has nothing to do with lung capacity.

Grown by Grateful Bud and bred by Exotic Genetix, Gutbuster is an indica-dominant cross of Kimbo Kush x Cookies ‘n’ Cream boasting big, beautiful buds covered in frosty trichomes. Each nug is thick and well cured, with purple notes and a dense structure that breaks up easily – releasing a gentle wave of creamy vanilla berries and a nutty chocolate – setting our mouth to water as we load a bowl to smoke.

First tokes are sweet and mellow with a gentle fruity inhale, followed by an earthy-cookies exhale that tingles the palate. Effects wrap around the mind and body like a warm blanket, imparting a gentle euphoria that elevates the mood and brings a general happiness that’s perfect for day or night. Repeated bowls lead to a stonier body high that verges on couchlocked … so be prepared to clear your schedule as the buzz takes over.

Perhaps the name and psychology led to our effects being heavier? Regardless, we did find a gurgling of the tummy as the munchies took hold – sending us into the kitchen with invention in mind, as we applied dips to chips in wild and weed-soaked ways –confirming that we had indeed been Gutbusted by this euphoric, stoney strain.

29.49% THC / 0.10% CBD / 2.26%

Cultivated by THE HASH FRONTIER GARDENS

REVIEW by WES ABNEY @BEARDEDLORAX/ALASKA LEAF | PHOTOS by DANIEL BERMAN @BERMANPHOTOS
"Effects wrap around the mind and body like a warm blanket."
TERPENES

Open 7 days a week 8am - 11pm

4901 E. Blue Lupine Dr. Ste. E Wasilla, AK 99654

907-631-3800

Marijuana has intoxicating effects and may be habit-forming and addictive. Marijuana impairs concentration, coordination, and judgment. Do not operate a vehicle or machinery under its influence. There are health risks associated with the consumption of marijuana. For use only by adults twenty-one and older. Keep out of the reach of children. Marijuana should not be used by women who are pregnant or breastfeeding. #10008

MARIJUANA HAS INTOXICATING EFFECTS AND MAY BE HABIT FORMING. MARIJUANA IMPAIRS CONCENTRATION, COORDINATION, AND JUDGEMENT. DO NOT

THE
& TERPENES ISSUE
TANNINS
Custom packaging for your next product pairing. jkdbrands.com jkd_brands 907-929-5838 design@jkdbrands.com 10289 Nigh Road, Unit 11 Anchorage, AK

SURPRISE YOUR TASTE BUDS

with a flower and cocktail pairing with a twist! Americans love a gimmick (and so do stoners), so we worked up a lemon drop pairing that doesn’t look like your typical drink. But first, we must get stoned … and the Lemon Dough from The Hash Frontier is oozing with bright citrus gas that ignites the senses.

The buds are deep green and frosty, with a medium density that breaks up easily for smoking – covering the fingers in sticky trichomes while releasing a funky, rich haze of sour lemons as the flower is loaded. First tokes are citrusy, with a complex earthy-cookies exhale that’s delicious and heady – flooding the senses with a stoned-but-energetic buzz that’s perfect for quittin’ time.

Paired with the Unicorn Butterfly Pea Vodka – a tea-infused, color-changing spirit that goes from clear to purple with the addition of citric acid – the Lemon Drop tastes like the real thing, even if the sugary tart treat is playing games with the color. Together, the pairing delivers an uplifting, high-class buzz that feels sophisticated, glowy and perfect for a post-Labor Day party. Just don’t spill the purple drink on your white outfit!

SWIMMING IN CITRUS
LEMON
LEMON DOUGH SEPT. 2023 24 leafmagazines.com THE TANNINS & TERPENES ISSUE Styling and Production Assistance by
@jolouisevstheworld and Joe Kunesh @kuneshstudios I N GREDIENTS 2 oz chilled Unicorn Butterfly Pea Vodka 2 oz fresh lemon juice ½ oz simple syrup lemon to garnish ice I N STRUCTIONS Add lemon juice and simple syrup to cocktail shaker with ice. Shake until cold. Add ice to rocks glass. Pour lemon juice and simple syrup over ice. Pour Unicorn Butterfly Pea Vodka over lemon juice. Stir slowly to mix. Garnish with lemon wedge or wheel.
“AN UPLIFTING, HIGH-CLASS BUZZ THAT FEELS SOPHISTICATED, GLOWY AND PERFECT FOR A POST-LABOR DAY PARTY.”
UNICORN VODKA
DROP & THE HASH FRONTIER
Joely Fisher
UNICORNDISTILLERY.COM @UNICORNDISTILLERY @THEHASHFRONTIER 20.99% THC 2.15% TERPENES REVIEW by ALASKA LEAF STAFF @AKLEAFMAG | PHOTOS & STYLING by DANIEL BERMAN @BERMANPHOTOS
RISE ABOVE THE ORDINARY WARNING! MARIJUANA HAS INTOXICATING EFFECTS AND MAY BE HABIT FORMING AND ADDICTIVE. MARIJUANA IMPAIRS CONCENTRATION, COORDINATION, AND JUDGMENT. DO NOT OPERATE A VEHICLE OR MACHINERY UNDER ITS INFLUENCE. THERE ARE HEALTH RISKS ASSOCIATED WITH CONSUMPTION OF MARIJUANA. FOR USE ONLY BY ADULTS TWENTY-ONE AND OLDER. KEEP OUT OF THE REACH OF CHILDREN. MARIJUANA SHOULD NOT BE USED BY WOMEN WHO ARE PREGNANT OR BREAST FEEDING. ALASKA LICENSE 3A-12768, 5A-12769, 4A-12770 726 E 15TH AVE ANCHORAGE AK 99501 OPEN 8 AM - MIDNIGHT EVERY DAY PERFECTION IS OUR PASSION

GOODSINSE FRUIT PUNCH

DANK DRANK & HAWAIIAN PUNCH COCKTAIL

SEPT. 2023 26 leafmagazines.com
THE TANNINS & TERPENES ISSUE

H A WAIIAN PUNCH COCKTAIL INGREDIENTS

Juices: Hawaiian Fruit Punch, Dank Drank, pineapple juice

Alcohol: tropical punch vodka

Fruits: pineapples, oranges and strawberries

M E ASUREMENTS

1 or more pouches of Good Sinse Dank Drank

2 liters Hawaiian Punch

1 cup ice cubes

1 cup tropical punch vodka

20 oz can pineapple oranges and strawberries

INSTRUCTIONS

Slice oranges and strawberries and set aside. Make the vodka punch by combining the Dank Drank with the Hawaiian Fruit Punch. Place ice cubes into a large pitcher. Pour in the vodka and pineapples with juice. Add in the oranges and strawberries and top off with more Hawaiian Fruit Punch. Mix and enjoy! Stir together and pour from the pitcher into individual glasses or serve from a punch bowl.

VARIATIONS

Add some fizz with club soda, ginger ale or lemon lime soda. Try different flavor liquors like peach schnapps or triple sec. Try different juices such as cranberry or lemonade. Add different fruits such as maraschino cherries, bananas, limes or lemons. Make it non-alcoholic by eliminating the vodka and using soda instead.

DIVE INTO a nostalgic drink with a Hawaiian twist as we fill the adult version of the spiked punch bowl!

“Who spiked the punch bowl?” seems to be a universal party laugher when it comes to alcohol, which is easy to avoid and wears off quickly. When the punch bowl is spiked with Cannabis, liquid LSD, or even a saboteur putting PCP in the lobster chowder on the film set of “Titanic” – that’s when things can get weird. Luckily for us, this Dank Drank infused punch is infused with Cannabis, no poisons or hallucinations involved.

This punch starts with a pouch of Fruit Punch Dank Drank (basically the grownup version of a Capri Sun). Filled with tasty fruit juice and 100mg of THC, these drinks are delicious on their own and pack a real punch, pun intended. Depending on tolerance, one pouch could be enough to spike the whole pitcher for a group, or make a personal beverage. This is a choose-your-own adventure drink, with the ability to make it as potent or even alcoholfree for an infused mocktail. So experiment, have fun and remember: You can always drink more THC … but you can’t drink less once the punch bowl is empty.

GOODSINSE.COM | 100MG THC PER POUCH

PUNCHY & POTENT
REVIEW by ALASKA LEAF STAFF @AKLEAFMAG | PHOTOS & STYLING by DANIEL BERMAN @BERMANPHOTOS Styling and Production Assistance by Joely Fisher @jolouisevstheworld and Joe Kunesh @kuneshstudios

RED BULL COCONUT EDITION & ENLIGHTEN BANANA MAC SUGAR WAX

FIRE UP AND FUEL your fall energy with a tropical burst of terpenes and flavors in this heady energy drink and sugar wax pairing.

It’s important to keep the mind engaged as summer turns to fall, and we love a taste of the tropics as the darkness returns. This is where Cannabis really helps medicinally – keeping our minds in a healthy, happy place no matter the environment. Add in some high-potency caffeine and get ready to climb mountains, whether mental or physical.

Diving into the terpy sugar wax releases a wave of hashy coconut, plus a twist of citrus gas that fills the mind with visions of weed plants crossed with pineapple trees.

Low-temp dabs reveal a gentle and warming vapor that kisses the palate with notes of vanilla and bananas – setting the mouth to watering as the mind slowly melts.

Effects hit quickly and kick the senses into hammock mode, which is where the Red Bull comes into play. The Coconut Edition is gently sweet and features smooth flavor notes – perfect for repeated dabs of the tropical sugar wax. Together they ignite the mind in a stoney, energetic haze of euphoria that’s perfect for tackling busy days at work, or the last adventures before the weather turns against us.

SEPT. 2023 28 leafmagazines.com THE TANNINS & TERPENES ISSUE
TROPIC THUNDER
ENLIGHTENAK.COM | @ENLIGHTENALASKA_ | 77.96% THC | 6.47% TERPENES
“TOGETHER THEY IGNITE THE MIND IN A STONEY, ENERGETIC HAZE OF EUPHORIA.”

BLACK RIFLE COFFEE COMPANY TRIPLE SHOT ESPRESSO & FIREWEED EXTRACTS POWER PLANT OLD SCHOOL HASH

GET LOCKED AND LOADED

with this high-powered blend of new-age coffee with old-school hash from Fireweed Extracts. There’s nothing more satisfying than coffee and Cannabis – except, perhaps, leveling up that herring with extra caffeine and the elegance of a temple ball of hash. Humans have been making hash for thousands of years, using water and agitation to separate trichomes from the flower and pressing them into these beautiful and greasy displays of Cannabis. This methodology uses no solvents, and the result is a natural hash that can be smoked by itself or loaded on top of a bowl for maximum effects.

Power Plant is known for uplifting and creative sativa qualities, and we were excited rolling the hash in our hand like a stoney musket ball – slightly greasy and rich with warming terps, filling the air with notes of sweet and earthy Kush, plus a nutty and gassy chocolate that accompanies the coffee perfectly. Loaded into a bowl, the hash has a soft consistency. Touching a flame gently to the surface causes an instant melt and release of chocolate hash clouds – smooth and rich smoke that feels

more substantial than the average flower hit. Effects hit the mind quickly, like putting on a stoned helmet – slowing thoughts as the frontal lobes melt into euphoria, putting the mind and body into a flexible and relaxed state that's ready for an injection of caffeine. Once enveloped in the effects of the heady hash, it’s time to crank up the energy levels with Black Rifle Coffee Co. Their 300mg espresso in a can delivers deliciously – brewed with the high-potency energy that’s required to break through a heavy hash buzz. Next you’re slapped with a dialed-in euphoria that feels focused, yet out of control, with a high octane blurring of reality that ratchets power levels through the roof and beyond. While we wouldn’t recommend doing anything too dangerous under this powerful influence, the combination of old-school hash with new-age coffee tech has the get-up-and-go to fuel any adventure … even if it’s just the one on the way to work.

REVIEWS by ALASKA LEAF STAFF @AKLEAFMAG | PHOTOS & STYLING by DANIEL BERMAN @BERMANPHOTOS Styling and Production Assistance by Joely Fisher @jolouisevstheworld and Joe Kunesh @kuneshstudios
@KREATIVEKONFECTIONSAK | 50.93% THC | 4.11% TERPENES
FIRED UP
29 leafMAGAZINES.com THE tannins & terpenes ISSUE
“THE COMBINATION OF OLD-SCHOOL HASH WITH NEW-AGE COFFEE TECH HAS THE GET-UP-AND-GO TO FUEL ANY ADVENTURE.”
WE ARE ONE LEAFMAGAZINES.COM DOT COM FOLLOW US ON INSTAGRAM @ NWLEAF @ OREGONLEAF @ MARYLANDLEAF @ CALIFORNIALEAFMAG @ AKLEAFMAG @ NORTHEASTLEAFMAG

FLAVORFUL FUTURE

As each emerging “adult-use” market takes shape, one thing remains clear across the country: Consumers want options. And in case you’re already so lost in the literature that you’ve forgotten, let us remind you: This is America, the capital of capitalism.

Unless you’re looking for a new internet provider, political party, or doctor – you’ll always have options here.

FOR YEARS, options in Cannabis simply revolved around what was available. With harsh regulations, high costs and limited resources, things seemed to be moving slowly. Some producers flocked to new methods that promised low costs and high yields. The damage of hot dog water distillate and vitamin E acetate was done, and botanical terpenes bore the brunt of it.

Back then, a product con taining botanically-derived (non-Cannabis) terpenes was a surefire way to a few fake flavors and a sore throat. But this was also a time when the community’s understanding of Cannabis-derived terpenes was still limited and lab results didn’t offer much in terms of recreating a cultivar’s aromatic characteristics.

Today, while we’ve still barely scratched the surface of terpene potential, a wider understanding of plant profiles is emerging, and a consumer base interested in a variety of products is growing larger by the year.

The power of the Entourage Effect finally has some footing among the masses – leaving folks from all levels of experience looking to terpenes when shopping for products.

Most of these products can be broken down into three terpene categories: synthetic, Cannabis-derived and botanically-derived. Many legalized markets have cracked down on synthetic terpenes and since botanical derivatives are quite literally all around us, it seems that we’re headed toward a future with two main options. To learn more about what each has to offer, we talked to Shea Ryan of GenX Terpenes in California and Andy Lunsmann of White Label Extracts in Oregon.

GenX Terpenes is a relatively new company on the scene, but Ryan comes from the Cannabis industry and knows that quality and consistency can be hard to come by. So GenX is focusing on Cannabis-derived terpenes that mimic classic cultivars and can be sold in bulk. “Let’s be real, vapes are a big part of this industry,” says Ryan. “And a lot of those vape companies, there are a plethora of areas for them to get their terpenes from.” Ryan expresses no malice for botanical terpenes, but does share a quality concern for those producers only interested in low price points. While prices may drive some producers, companies like White Label Extracts simply seem focused on offering consumers options. Lunsmann explains that the company still specializes in full-spectrum Cannabis extracts, but they’re even rolling out a new line of cartridges with botanical terpenes.

“We want to offer something for everyone,” explains Ryan. He tells me that botanical terpenes not only offer more affordable price points, but also provide new consumers with familiar flavors (like Washington Apple) that are less intimidating than classic Cannabis cultivars. Lunsmann says that tobacco vape users are also a growing share of the botanical terpene consumer base, with many gravitating toward the strong flavors.

Whether you’re a connoisseur or a new consumer, one thing is clear: The future of Cannabis is all about flavor.

WHITELABELEXTRACTS.NET

@WHITE_LABEL_EXTRACTS_

32 STORY & PHOTOS by AMANDA DAY @TERPODACTYL_MEDIA/LEAF NATION | ADDITIONAL ART by GENX EXTRACTS leafmagazines.com THE TANNINS & TERPENES ISSUE SEPT. 2023 LET'S TALK TERPS
"TO LEARN MORE ABOUT WHAT EACH HAS TO OFFER, WE TALKED TO SHEA RYAN OF GENX TERPENES IN CALIFORNIA AND ANDY LUNSMANN OF WHITE LABEL EXTRACTS IN OREGON."
White Label Extracts creates cartridge options with botanical and cannabis-derived terpenes.
GENXTERPENES.COM
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ANCHORAGE TO HOMER

June 1st-Aug 31st

Monday – Friday

Departs Anchorage

Arctic & International – 724 W. International - Garrett’s Tesoro

Cooper Landing Wild- man’s 300pm

Soldotna Chamber of Commerce 500pm

All times are approx. Stage Line

Summer Schedule

HOMER TO ANCHORAGE

June 1st-Aug 31st

Monday – Friday Departs Homer 830am 1242 Ocean Dr

Soldotna Chamber of Commerce 1015am

Cooper Landing Wildman’s 1115am

VISITING ALASKA

Locally owned and operated by a lifelong Alaskan, Stage Line offers passenger transportation, freight, parcel, and courier service, between Anchorage and the Kenai Peninsula. Our schedule includes, Anchorage to Homer, Cooper Landing, Soldotna, Kasilof, Ninilchik, Anchor Point. Homer to Seward, Soldotna, Cooper Landing. And any points in between! MP flag stops available! Private party charters available! Reasonable rates, saves time and money for travelling or your shipping needs.

One of the top 10 most scenic highways.

SEWARD TO HOMER

June 1st – August 31st

Mon Wed Fri

Departs Seward 100pm call ahead for pick up point

Cooper Landing Wild- man’s 200pm

Soldotna 300pm

All times are approx

HOMER TO SEWARD

June 1st - August 31st

Mon Wed Fri

Departs Homer 1242 Ocean Dr 900am

Soldotna Chamber of Commerce 1030am

Cooper Landing Wildman’s 1130

The Stage Line PO Box 353 Anchor Point, AK

The Stage Line 1242 Ocean Dr Homer, Ak 724 W International Anchorage, Ak Staging points only 907-868-3914 907-235-2252

E-mail: stage.line@yahoo.com

www.stagelineinhomer.com

“Why fly? When you can enjoy the most beautiful ride on earth”
Sights seen from the road

PRESENTS

Rainbow Farm Remembered

Twenty-two years ago this month, two gay Cannabis activists – Tom Crosslin and Rollie Rohm – were gunned down by police on their farm in Vandalia, Michigan, after a five-day siege that some have called “The Waco of Weed.”

Grover “Tom” Crosslin was open about his love for weed from an early age. After first getting high with his brothers when he was just 14, Cannabis quickly became a normal part of their family life. His sexuality, however, he was more private about.

After dropping out of high school, Crosslin worked various blue-collar jobs before becoming a real estate developer – fixing up run-down properties and flipping them or renting them out for profit. It was through his construction company that he met the love of his life: an easy-going young crewmember named Rolland “Rollie” Rohm. Though the two men were very different – Rollie, a slim, quiet, longhaired hippie, and Tom, a burly, bearded hothead nearly 20 years his senior – they instantly connected and began a romantic relationship.

Though barely 17 when he met Crosslin in 1990, Rohm had already been married and fathered a son named Robert. In 1993, after helping Rollie gain custody of Robert, Crosslin purchased a 34-acre farm in rural Vandalia, Michigan to serve as his new family’s home. During one of the countless weeks they spent renovating the property, they saw so many rainbows that they decided to name their new home Rainbow Farm.

OVER THE RAINBOW

Tired of managing his many properties, Crosslin decided to turn Rainbow Farm into “an alternative campground and concert arena” and spent

the next few years (and nearly half a million dollars) transforming the farm’s open spaces and overgrown cornfields into one of the top pot destinations in the nation. Crosslin and his team constructed several structures, including an outdoor stage, a ticketing booth, a large main building to house their offices and shops, and amenities for campers. They then set about bringing his dream of a stoner utopia to life.

Starting in 1996, Rainbow Farm began hosting two annual festivals: Roach Roast on Labor Day weekend and Hemp Aid on Memorial Day weekend, as well as other various events in between. Described as “part Woodstock, part union picnic” by “Burning Rainbow Farm” author Dean Kuipers, these festivals included food, drink, activism and entertainment. Among the prominent performers and activists who attended these events were Tommy Chong,

Big Brother and the Holding Company, The Byrds, country music star Merle Haggard, High Times editor-in-chief Steve Hager, and activist legends John Sinclair and Jack Herer. In addition to speeches and voter registration drives, they collected thousands of signatures for the Personal Responsibility Amendment in 2000 – a ballot initiative to legalize possession of three plants and three ounces of Cannabis for adults. Soon, Rainbow Farm became the center of Cannabis activism in Michigan.

LEGAL HARASSMENT

Unfortunately, Crosslin’s propot protestivals encountered serious pushback from law enforcement – namely, Cass County’s conservative prosecutor, Scott Teter, who launched a vendetta of litiga tion and intimidation against Rainbow Farm.

From 1997-1999, Teter filed several injunctions against the farm, but Crosslin managed to keep one step ahead of him. Unable to stop the events through the courts, Teter established a drug task force and set up roadblocks leading into the farm to stop and harass festival goers – a move that scared many potential attendees off.

leafmagazines.com sep. 2022 cannthropology
TOM & ROLLIE The Rainbow Farm campground. Rainbow Farm owners Tom Crosslin and Rollie Rohm with their famous tractor.
36
Handbills for the Hemp Aid 99 event.

He also sent his narcs into the events (who made numerous drug buys there), but were never able to tie Crosslin or his employees to anything illegal. Nevertheless, in March 1999, Teter sent Crosslin a letter stating that he had evidence of drug sales on the property and that as soon as he could link Crosslin to them, he would take his farm away (under the Drug War’s civil forfeiture laws). The threat of losing his land infuriated Crosslin, prompting a heated and foreboding reply:

“We are all prepared to die on this land before we allow it to be stolen from us,” Crosslin wrote. “Are you planning to burn us out like they did in Waco, or will you have snipers shoot us through our windows like the Weavers at Ruby Ridge? You will have the blood of a government massacre on your hands.”

RAID & REBELLION

Finally, in 2001, Teter found his excuse to bust Crosslin. Apparently, a woman who’d worked for them told authorities that Crosslin was paying employees off the books – allowing Teter to get a search warrant on a trumped-up tax fraud charge. In the pre-dawn hours of May 9, state troopers in tactical gear and automatic weapons raided the farm. Once inside the house, they found over 200 young Cannabis plants in the basement and several loaded firearms, which Crosslin wasn’t permitted to own due to a past gun conviction.

Tom and Rollie were both charged with felony cultivation and weapons possession, as well as running a “drug house.” Altogether, Tom was facing up to 20 years in prison. The court also issued an injunction banning any more events on the farm, and Teter filed a request to seize the property. And cruelest of all, on May 15, Teter also had their 12-year-old son Robert taken away and placed in foster care.

Despite everything, or perhaps because of it, Crosslin announced on their website that they’d still be hosting their annual Labor Day party, as well as another small gathering on August 17 – both in defiance of the court order. Two of the few dozen people who showed up to that gathering were undercover cops who were allegedly offered weed. This prompted Teter to petition to revoke the couple’s bail, and a hearing was scheduled for August 31.

UNDER SIEGE

The end was drawing near for them, and Crosslin apparently knew it – confessing to his property manager Doug Leinbach: “I’m going to die on my farm, not in prison.”

During the last week of August, Tom and Rollie composed handwritten wills – leaving all of their possessions to Rollie’s son Robert – then started giving away stuff from the shops.

When August 31 arrived, Tom and Rollie never showed up in court for their hearing. Instead, they went around the property

kicking out the remaining campers and setting fire to the farm’s structures – reasoning that if the government was going to seize his land, he’d “make sure there was nothing left on it.”

Around noon, when a local TV news chopper flew overhead to get footage of the fires, Crosslin – possibly thinking it was a police copter –allegedly shot at it. After that, the FBI was called in, along with SWAT teams, helicopters, surveillance planes and light-armored vehicles, all of which surrounded the property – including three FBI sniper teams in camouflage laying in hiding in the woods to monitor the house.

Throughout Labor Day weekend, Tom and Rollie continued burning down structures until the only building left standing was the farmhouse, where they hunkered down for the standoff.

LABOR DAY MASSACRE

On the afternoon of Monday, September 3, Crosslin walked to a neighbor’s house for supplies. On his way back, he spotted one of the snipers lying on the ground and allegedly raised his rifle (though his friends and family dispute that claim), at which point two snipers opened fire, killing him instantly.

After informing him that his partner was dead, authorities maintained a dialogue with Rohm into the night … until just after 3:00 a.m., when he presumably fell asleep. At that point, they decided to “wake [Rohm] up” by firing a few “dummy rounds” through the windows. Rohm resumed negotiations and agreed to surrender at 7:00 a.m. on one condition: that his son be brought to the farm so he could say goodbye before being taken into custody, which police agreed to. But sadly, that peaceful resolution was about to go down in flames – literally.

Around 6:00 a.m., a fire somehow broke out on the house’s second floor. Authorities blamed Rollie for the blaze, supposing he was finishing what Tom had started … but friends and family accuse police of starting the fire by shooting a flashbang grenade in there to flush Rollie out. In any case, Rohm emerged from the house half an hour later wearing fatigues and allegedly

holding a rifle. Through the smoke, officers claim they saw him pointing the rifle toward them and fired several rounds – one of which went right through the stock of his rifle and into his chest. Friends claim that despite having an ambulance sitting at the ready just outside the farm, police allowed Rollie to lie on the ground for over 40 minutes and bleed to death.

When they were killed, Tom Crosslin was 46 years old and Rollie Rohm was just 28.

AFTERMATH & LEGACY

Unfortunately, the story of Rainbow Farm never got the national press it deserved since the terror attacks of 9/11 happened one week later – eclipsing all other news stories for many months after.

So what happened to Rainbow Farm after Tom and Rollie’s deaths? Instead of going to their son Robert as the couple intended, it was confiscated, broken up into six parcels, and auctioned off to various buyers with the stipulation that they couldn’t turn the land into campgrounds or throw events there. But in 2012, after changing hands several times, the property was purchased by a farmer/engineer named Gary Healy – who has since reopened it under the name the New Rainbow Farm.

Though Tom and Rollie are now honored with memorial sites on the property, the greatest tribute to their courageous lives is the continuation of their legacy: Rainbow Farm is once again hosting 420-friendly concerts and festivals (with help from their son Robert and Tom’s nephew Boss) with vendors selling Cannabis that – thanks in part to their sacrifices – is now legal in the state of Michigan.

To read the full, unabridged version of this story and listen to the interview on our podcast, visit worldofcannabis.museum/cannthropology. Visit the new

STORY by BOBBY BLACK @CANNTHROPOLOGY for LEAF NATION
MEMORABILIA: COURTESY WORLD OF CANNABIS MUSEUM. PHOTOS: COURTESY BOSS CROSSLIN JR.
Rainbow Farm website at rainbowfarms.info.
“We are all prepared to die on this land,”
Crosslin wrote to prosecutor Scott Teter. “You will have the blood of a government massacre on your hands.”
Poster for Hemp Aid 2000. Original protest sign. Rollie with son Robert during happier times on the Farm. Poster for Hemp Aid 2021. Tom and Rollie pose with activist icon Jack Herer (left) and country music star Merle Haggard (right).

RELIGION IS A MESS. Can’t we just consolidate the roughly 4,200+ doctrines of belief into one handy little guidebook that reflects something like the Ten Commandments and call it a day? And if it pisses you off, we don’t even have to call it the Ten Commandments. I don’t care what you call it, just don’t call me late for dinner.

Because when you think about it, all denominations pretty much preach the same thing. And those tenets are to simply believe in a higher power, honor that higher power, practice good faith and get rewarded with 72 virgins … or at least one soulmate.

I mean, everyone’s paradise sounds so goddamn appealing that I’m feeling uncertain about which stairway leads to heaven. And it’s becoming a bitch pulling the trigger on which lord almighty best suits my lifestyle. I don’t want to pick the wrong one – this is an eternity in hell we’re talking about and I hear the air conditioning units are old and squeaky. And it’s a good thing temperature rises, because then melting the polar caps will make things much cooler down there.

I’m just an imperfect person trying to make the perfect choice.

Maybe it’s like this. Maybe you go to the heaven that represents the deity you choose to worship – which means there are up to 12,000 different versions of heaven. Wouldn’t that be divine? Because then there is no wrong choice.

Anyway, I suppose I better pick my horse while I still have time to place a wager. I could be swept away by the angels at any given moment, and I sure as hell don’t want to miss my boat across the river Styx.

OK, I think I’ve made my choice.

I choose Rastafarianism.

Does this mean I will get to smoke with Bob?

38 LEAFMAGAZINES.COM sept. 2023 stoney baloney
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IT’S ALL ABOUT THE TERPS

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