The World's Encyclopedia of Funny Poems and Paragraphs

The

WoRLd’s ENCYCLOPeDIA oF

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KiDs at the QuEens 1 PuBLic LiBRary

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WORLD’S ENCYCLOPEDIA OF FUNNY POEMS AND PARAGRAPHS SUMMER 2005 Writing from the Kids at the Queens Public Library, Broadway Branch

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Copryright Š 2005 NY Writers Coalition Inc. Upon publication, copyright to individual works returns to the authors.

ALL RIGHTS RESERVED Editor: Julia Schaffer Design and Layout: Rebecca Strauss Cover: Shunn Theingi World’s Encyclopedia of Funny Poems and Paragraphs contains writing by members of creative writing workshops conducted by NY Writers Coalition Inc. for children at the Broadway Branch of the Queens Public Library.

NY Writers Coalition Inc. is a not-for-profit organization that creates opportunities for formerly voiceless New Yorkers to be heard through the art of writing. For more information about NY Writers Coalition Inc.: NY Writers Coalition Inc. 80 Hanson Place, #603 Brooklyn, NY 11217 (718) 398-2883 info@nywriterscoalition.org www.nywriterscoalition.org

The mission of the Queens Borough Public Library is to provide quality services, resources, and lifelong learning opportunities through books and a variety of other formats to meet the informational, educational, cultural, and recreational needs and interests of its diverse and changing population. http://www.queenslibrary.org

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Introduction Consider the World’s Encyclopedia of Funny Poems and Paragraphs your guide to the lively imaginations of twelve special writers. On even the sunniest afternoons this spring—days when the ice cream truck jingle would get stuck in your head— they visited the Broadway Branch of the Queens Public Library to write. And read. These are writers who gobble up books. They are readers who don’t stop writing. At the library checkout line, they never seem to be without a stack of five new books.

I think you’ll hear in their writing—the “poems and paragraphs” that compose this book—a freedom with language that comes from being both a writer and a reader.

Special thanks to the Broadway Branch of the Queens Public Library. Branch Manager Tatyana Nagazinnik generously hosted us, and Children’s Librarian Mary E. Smith, who embraced the idea of a workshop and enticed a great group of writers.

Thanks to Aaron Zimmerman for founding NY Writers Coalition in the first place. Our workshop participants are all under the age of 10, so it would not have been possible to meet and write without the support of their parents. Many thanks to them.

To the writers: congratulations and don’t stop!

Julia Schaffer July 2005

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I LIKE PINK PEACH‌ AIDA AHMED, AGE 6 I like pink peach.

I like pink potato.

I like my pink sister, Parmita.

I like pink pencil.

I like pink pocket.

I like pink pig.

I like pink pot.

I like pink pie.

I like pink popcorn.

I like pink pajamas.

I like pink pilot.

I like pink pear.

THERE IS A VOLCANO‌ AIDA AHMED There is a volcano.

It is cold and has icicles.

There are trees with leaves.

There is a fence and baby cows.

There is a lot of grass and the grass is green.

This is winter.

The baby cow is walking and eating.

The volcano is big.

It looks almost like a city.

The volcano is stuck with snow.

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EVERYBODY IN OUR FAMILY… PARMITA AHMED, AGE 6 Everybody in our family has a different nose.

My nose is crazy.

My nose has dots.

My mom’s nose is clean with soap.

My father’s nose is straight.

THERE’S AN UMBRELLA… PARMITA AHMED There’s an umbrella.

Two parrots are holding it And one parrot is sitting down.

The parrot is tired.

There’s rain in the sky.

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GREEN GRASS… PARMITA AHMED Green grass.

Green guitar.

Green ghost.

Green glue.

Green giraffe.

Green grapes.

Green gloves.

Green gate.

WHAT I WANT TO DO WITH MY POWER MYINT MYAT THINN KYI, AGE 6 If I have power, I will take what I want and fly like birds.

I will fly with my hands.

I will destroy somebody’s home, or school, trees.

I will destroy the whole world.

I have long feet.

And a big head, long hands, eyes, ears, mouth, body, hair, neck, and legs.

Many legs!

That monster is dirty and that monster lives everywhere.

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POEM MYINT MYAT THINN KYI I am from small underwear and big underwear I am from red color I am from black crayon I am from colored pencil box I am from poor teacher I am from frog I am from plant I am from giant I am from wall I am from stinky ear I am from inside I am from Mom’s tummy

ABOUT SUN MYINT MYAT THINN KYI Sunny yellow Hot little It is bright Some sun is orange The orange sun is a little bright The orange sun is a little hot The yellow sun is hot The orange sun can go into a trap The orange me The orange sun Come out You can go wherever you like 10

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NASTY BURGER MATERIALS CINDY LEI, AGE 7 1. Get one thousand buns that are rotten 2. Get twenty bloody heads of lettuce 3. Get nine bloody bottles of ketchup 4. Then get ten muddy tomatoes 5. Then fry all the patties that are muddy 6. Get dirty mustard 7. Then get twenty slimy onions 8. Get dirty cheese 9. Then get a can of human blood 10. Then bake the burger forever 11. Get a plate with people’s eyeballs 12. And put gooey slime on the plate 13. And then put hair all over the plate And put the burger on the nasty plate And then give the burger to the Nasty Store

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HANDS CINDY LEI My family’s hands have rings.

I smell nothing on my family’s hands.

My family’s hands have nails on them.

Sometimes the nails look like moons.

The rings on my family’s hands are beautiful.

Sometimes my mom and my sisters put on nail polish.

Some people’s hands are long and some people’s hands are short.

The rings are shaped like diamonds.

The nail polish is pink and blue.

The hands are very soft.

Some people’s hands have spots.

Some people’s hands have white skin.

Some people’s hands have brown skin.

RED THINGS CINDY LEI Red rose Red ribbon Red rock Red robber Red rat Red room Red rain Red roar Red reason

Red robin Red raisin Red rake Red ring Red rug Red river Red rider Red real Red rich

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PRETTY CINDY LEI I am from New York City I am from brushes with daisies I am from big white dumplings with things inside I am from long pink dresses that I wear for dances.

I feel excited when I am wearing the pink dress.

I am from fudge I am from congratulations and happy birthday.

I am from presents, medium-sized in a blue box with a pink ribbon.

I am from fresh air.

I am from quickly-spoken Chinese.

I am from the stories I write, stories with problems.

I am from little and big sisters.

I am from Chinatown where there are interesting signs and English-speaking people can’t understand.

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I SEE A BARBARIAN… MICHELLE LEI, AGE 9 I see a barbarian I hope he’s American Some things are outrageous That could be contagious Cool things are wizards Cold things are blizzards When you see the sunrise It is quite a surprise

POEM MICHELLE LEI Black Book Black Bee Black Bomb Black Bat Black Beach Black Braces Black Bubble Black Boar

Black Blue Black Bazooka Black Boots Black Baboon Black Bird Black Butter Black Band Black Board

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MY HEAD IS SWEATING… ANDREW LEONG, AGE 6 My head is sweating.

It is very hot.

The sun is yellow.

I saw something, a purple square.

The weather is very hot in my head.

I saw something white I saw a white circle. The sun is going to blow up.

The sun is very, very, super hot.

The sun is going to blow up like a volcano.

ANDREW ANDREW LEONG Ants are black Nothing can stop me Dad is big Rick is a name Everything is big We will go outside

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I WISH I HAD A METAL CHEST‌ ANDREW LEONG I wish I had a metal chest.

I wish I had a gold head.

I wish I had a body that could open and I had a lot of stuff in it.

I wish I could fly by flying on my head.

I wish I had fire hands.

I wish I could make a spirit bomb and I was 10 years old.

I wish I had a special lab and car.

I wish I had laser eyes.

I wish I had long feet that are invisible.

I wish I had 100 brains and there were specks all over my head.

I wish I could turn invisible.

I wish I could fly with my feet because there are Martians all over my leg and they go to my feet.

I wish I had attacks like fire breath, laser vision, lightning control, power lightning fingers, and magic stretching feet.

I wish I had hair that is very sharp.

I wish I had claws.

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BRIAN LEONG BRIAN LEONG, AGE 5 Banana Rainbow Igloo Air Nap Lap Elephant Octopus Nap Giraffe

HAIR ANGELICA MERCHAN, AGE 7 My family’s hair is all different, because my mom’s hair is curly, my dad’s hair is thin, and my sister’s hair slides.

They smell like flowers, sunflowers or daisies.

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POEM ANGELICA MERCHAN Go Red, green Going, stopping, slowing I am going home Stop

POEM TIFANY MERCHAN, AGE 9 Pencils Very sharp Writing, sharpening, scraping Using words on paper Writing

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HAIR TIFANY MERCHAN Everybody in my family has different hair.

My papa’s hair is like a dark black rainbow.

My mama’s hair is as straight as a line.

It smells like roses.

Catherine’s hair is straight as a side of a book.

It smells like tulips. It is also long.

Angelica’s hair is black, short, and straight.

It smells like sunflowers.

Janela’s hair is also short and straight. It smells like daisies.

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JUMP TO THE MOON CLAUDIA RACIBORSKI, AGE 7 Jump to the Moon 1. Get 2 plates 2. Put 7 red evil pizzas 3. Get 1 live walking hand 4. Add blood to it 5. Save it for 1 day Give it to anyone.

When somebody eats it, they will jump to the moon.

DEAD RATS CLAUDIA RACIBORSKI Make a dead rat Dip it into mud Save it for 2 days Jump on it Put a pig on it and a lion Give it to your dad When he eats it he will become a lion

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1ST DAY CLAUDIA RACIBORSKI 1st day I see people and funny people. I see cars. I see shops. I like it here. I wish you were here. (Days go by and so do you. This is for you.)

2nd day It looks like where Jesus lives. Poor people.

3rd day People playing music. A teacher helping a kid.

What kind of helping?

4th day - in the woods In the woods trees are so big, bigger than you!

What kinds of trees?

5th day - go, go, go Go, go, go, and play.

Go, go, go, and sing.

Goooooo!

6th day - play Just play all day 7th day - ahh ahh Car, bus, train. Let me have some fun.

8th day - get up I want a dog.

Then get up.

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9th day - days 1 day. 2 days. Let me play my music 10th day - music D.B. is my name. The D is for Darek and the B is for you.

11th day - up Up, up, and away.

KIM HAS A FUR NOSE, FUR LIKE DOG FUR… CLAUDIA RACIBORSKI Kim has a fur nose, fur like dog fur.

Fur has a red nose, red like the sunset.

Lala has a cute nose, she is as cute as me.

Pinkie has a nose for friendship, friendship like me and her.

I always will like Pinkie the best.

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1, 2, 3, 4, 3, 2, 1 SHUNN THEINGI, AGE 9 Big Hippo Giant Drinking Eating Sleeping Mouse is very small Hiding Running Moaning Mouse Rat Small

SHUNN THEINGI SHUNN THEINGI Season Houseboat Umbrella Neighbor Near the pond, fishing The children are playing House Elephant in the Bronx Zoo In the pool, people are swimming Near the beach, full of people Grasshopper Ink

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MY FEELING THAT IS INSIDE MY BODY SHUNN THEINGI The weather inside my body is cloudy There are millions of clouds The color is white The temperature is 52 degrees I feel it in my whole body I can see shops, people, and cars I can see many birds The cloudy weather makes me warm and cool so that I can play outside and do what I like.

THE GREEN THING SHUNN THEINGI Green Greeks – green ground – green globe Green grass – green greenish – green glasses Green goat – green grasshopper – green gujurati Green gray – green governor – green government Green grass-plant – green grandmother – green grandfather Green godmother – green gun – green gums

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IF I WERE A SUPERHERO‌ TIFFANY WONG, AGE 8 If I were a superhero or had super powers, I would want every single morsel of super abilities and super powers.

I would use them to make my enemies do something so bad that they would be stuck in jail for all eternity. Also, I would stick up the pointer finger and the bad guys would faint and die.

My superpowers are: invisibility, able to hear 1,000 feet away, walk through walls, read minds, blow on bottles and the bottles will turn cold, scream and windows will break, control the internet system, walk on air, give all the cheats my homework, get revenge on people, have kung fu powers, stretch 1,000 feet, turn into anything, blast laser beams, make traffic go away so my dad can go to work early, skip stupid idiotic lame commercials, and electricity. Plus, kill people. I would save the world. Suckers!

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MAGENTA TIFFANY WONG Magenta man Magenta mud Magenta monkey Magenta mountain Magenta million Magenta magnet Magenta mustache Magenta monument Magenta mop Magenta mover Magenta mammal Magenta March Magenta mark Magenta mayor Magenta meadow Magenta metal Magenta mirror Magenta money Magenta mouse Magenta mother Magenta marriage Magenta Monday Magenta myths Magenta monk Magenta monarch Magenta moth

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I LIKE MYSTERY… TIFFANY WONG I like mystery But I hate history!

Three fools In a pool I wish a wizard Could blow away a blizzard Fairies Are hairy Gravity Gives you cavities Summer is sometimes A bummer If you’re not a bat You are a rat You should Eat a shoe Blowing makes You growing

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Ring a bell And go to hell Bugs Turn into slugs Boys eat Toys When you die Say goodbye.

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DEAD RAT HAMBURGERS TIFFANY WONG Materials 1. 18 dead rats 2. 2 hairy tomatoes 3. Bleu cheese 4. Moldy bread 5. Blood (optional: shoot a person with a bazooka gun to get the blood.)

6. Grater 7. Bowl 8. Spoon 9. Hair Steps 1. Grate bleu cheese and drop 3 gallons of blood in the bowl 2. Dice tomato 3. Wash dead mice or rat in blood* 4. Cook rats 5. Put everything together Stink up and enjoy! *Do not dry

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I WISH

BY EVERYONE I wish for a blue dog on Steinway Street, a dog that has french fries in its mouth I wish I had high-heeled shoes to walk all over 41st Street.

I wish I could get yellow ice cream with dark brown sauce at 510th Street.

I wish for a white horse.

I wish for a brown dog.

I wish I had a blue cell phone from Hester Street.

It would be as blue as a blueberry.

I wish I had an eternity’s life of strawberry multirainbow-flavored ice cream on Tiffany Street.

I wish for orange. I wish for fish. I wish for 47th Street.

I wish my face was purple and I could eat as much ice cream as I can.

I wish there were yellow foods on Steinway Street and everywhere else too.

I wish I had a red pepperoni pizza from 49th Me Street.

I wish I had a hog and a hug.

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