Mirrors All Around: Writing from the Mirrors of Strength Group at the Red Hook Initiative

Mirrors All Around

Writing from the Mirrors of Strength group at the Red Hook Initiative

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Summer 2010

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Mirrors All Around Summer 2010

Writing from the Mirrors of Strength group at the Red Hook Initiative

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Copyright Š 2010 NY Writers Coalition Inc. Upon publication, copyright to individual works returns to the authors.

ALL RIGHTS RESERVED Editor: Tamiko Beyer Layout: Nancy L. Weber Cover Art: Tamiko Beyer and the Mirrors of Strength girls Photos: Kian Goh

Mirrors All Around contains writing by the members of a creative writing workshop conducted by NY Writers Coalition Inc. at the Red Hook Initiative’s Mirrors of Strength program.

NY Writers Coalition thanks the following supporters, without whom this writing workshop and anthology would not exist: Amazon.com, Brooklyn Community Foundation, Kalliopeia Foundation, the NYC Department of Cultural Affairs, Two West Foundation, the Union Square Awards, the WellMet Group, and all our individual donor and attendees of our annual Write-A-Thon.

NY Writers Coalition Inc. is a not-for-profit organization that provides free creative writing workshops throughout New York City for people from groups that have been historically deprived of voice in our society. For more information about NY Writers Coalition Inc.: NY Writers Coalition Inc. 80 Hanson Place #603 Brooklyn, NY 11217 (718) 398-2883 info@nywriterscoalition.org www.nywriterscoalition.org Red Hook Initiative works to confront and affect the consequences of intergenerational poverty through an approach that offers support, education, employment, health and community development.

Red Hook Initiative 767 Hicks Street Brooklyn, NY 11231 (718) 858-6782 www.rhicenter.org

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Introduction It was one of the hottest summers in New York City in recent years. Every Wednesday a group of girls came off the hot, sticky streets of Red Hook, Brooklyn to write in the cool, remodeled warehouse space of the Red Hook Initiative. They wrote about their neighborhood, their dreams, their families, their lives. They wrote rhyming poems that abandoned meaning for the sake of sound play, they wrote collaborative poems, they wrote secret poems they didn’t show anyone else.

The book you have in your hands is not secret. It’s a gathering of mirrors, the writing of young women articulating their lives, what it means to be a teenager or an almost-teenager in Red Hook in the summer of 2010. As one newcomer to the group wrote during our last session, “It’s as sweet as the beautiful young ladies reading poems to each other.” I think you’ll be moved and delighted by their words as I have been by the writings of Amanda, Destiny, Katrice, Laikyn, Noemi, and Sanji.

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Many, many thanks to Jill Eisenhard, executive director and founder of RHI who embraced the idea of having a writing group at RHI, and to Deanna Cherry, whose leadership and love for the Mirrors group is so strong and inspiring. And thank you, too to Nancy Weber and Aaron Zimmerman of the NY Writers Coalition for their tireless work to bring writing workshops to the most silenced groups in New York City.

Tamiko Beyer Summer 2010

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WHERE I’M FROM KATRICE ALFORD, AGE 13 I am from ice cream on a hot summer I’m from sandals and sneakers on a summer day at a basketball game I’m from the smell of bbq smoke freshly cut grass.

I am from leaves falling in colors red, yellow, orange and green I’m from balloons and cake on my birthday I am from snowflake little ice crystals I’m from hats and jackets on a cold day I am from a tree lit up beautiful I am from butterflies and rain and beautiful flowers I am from I am from I am from Red Hook

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IN MY ROOM KATRICE ALFORD in my room. feeling the presence of my aunt Rhonda strong as a mother’s love. as I feel her long curly hair I see it jet black.

I felt as if the whole world stopped.

I was only 7 at the time. Remember the fun we had.

RIP Aunt Rhonda

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BURN KATRICE ALFORD I was 11. I was in the room. Then I saw matches and I looked to see if anyone sees me. So I picked it up lit it and got scared and dropped it and burned my finger and burned a hole in my shorts. Never again.

LOL. And I got burned today.

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I’M NOT BUT I WILL KATRICE ALFORD I’m not gonna do as you say I’m not gonna relax when something’s wrong I’m not gonna say yes or no I’m not gonna lie for you I’m not gonna believe you when I know something’s wrong but I will love you for you listen to you I will care for you I will make sure you know I’m there for you.

I will teach you.

I hope you’ll teach me.

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I’M FRAGILE DEANNA CHERRY I’m fragile.

I’m loving.

I’m huggable.

I’m kissable.

I’m a good listener.

I’ll cry when you cry.

I’ll laugh when you laugh.

I bleed red blood just like you.

So don’t think I can’t break. I’m fragile.

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BURNED DEANNA CHERRY I remember the good & bad times.

I loved when you made me laugh & cry.

I loved when we stayed up late night looking at t.v. and eating popcorn.

I love you when I needed a shoulder to cry on.

So why do I miss you now & you don’t talk to me as a friend.

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MOM & DAD DEANNA CHERRY I may be gone.

Only in spirit.

I’m always in your life & in your heart.

You may still talk to me.

You may cry for me.

You may laugh with me ha ha ha.

I may not answer but I’m still in your heart for now & always.

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IN MY DREAMS DEANNA CHERRY In my dreams I’m wearing a satin dress.

In my dreams I am crying and wiping away tears.

In my dreams everybody is smiling & laughing.

In my dreams I’m dancing.

In my dreams I’m kissing & hugging family & friends.

I’m glad my dream came true. I got married.

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WHERE I’M FROM SANJI DOWNING, AGE 12 I am from the small apartment buildings, from the small playgrounds. I am from bad and fresh air, from the short side walks. But a very Big City.

I am from the small parties also from my small bed my green Dress and my green head.

I am from a Big family with such small feelings.

From a Big heart, from a Big imagination that comes from a very Big head from a short family, from Big feet from a good sense of style from a mad sense of smile I am from within, still I am from the Real World.

I am from a Big heart and from Big Dreams from a Big Soul ‘til a life full of scenes.

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WHAT I WILL SANJI DOWNING I will not care for you I will not love you I will not feel bad out of guilt for you. I will not feel for you, I will love myself I will care for myself and only me. You do not matter you are no longer a part of my life I will not see you. I will not try to be you I swear I will not ask for you.

You will not see no more of me I will say that’s enough of you So goodbye for now.

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IN MY DREAMS SANJI DOWNING In my dreams i see you and me sitting on the green grass holding hands looking into each other’s eyes it’s like you could tell what i was thinking and so could i but it was only a dream if only that dream could come to reality you could see how i feel but for now i feel from a far distance and if i don’t hurry up those feelings will only get farther and farther so maybe it’s time i open up and let my dreams be real

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I’M NOW IN CONTROL

SANJI DOWNING You think you can hurt me and control my life you think i have no say so So why say anything at all.

You think of me as a little kid and you’re the bully you can boss me around embarrass me in the street make me cry and think i’m weak you can say i’m ugly and try to put me down you might try and make my day But at the end i know everything won’t be ok you put my feeling aside like a kid who wants something so bad you pick and poke at my feelings each and every day You make jokes like my feelings are not real like they’re no match for yours But you don’t know the real side of my feelings you don’t know and can’t see they’re stronger than yours

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I WON’T BUT I WILL NOEMI FAÑA, AGE 13 I will not spend my Saturday nights in bed crying for you But I will go out with a bunch of friends and replace that emptiness you left in my heart I will not spend my time eating ice cream in front of the TV But I will go to the gym and sweat off all that pain you left in me I will not spend my time sitting in a room with 12 cats wishing they were you But I will go hunting for a man THAT WILL treat me the opposite way you did

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And you wanna know what else I’m gonna do I’m gonna go through our old photos and rip them into the smallest pieces ever so that you can disappear from my life once and for all And I will go through all the cards you’ve given me for my B-day for Valentines Day and for Christmas I will not waste my time thinking about you ‘Cuz it’s about time I start thinking about ME ME ME

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ABUELA NOEMI FAÑA I remember her smile her laughter her joy And as I sit down on my couch I look out into the distance and see that smile hear that laughter and feel that joy She would always say to “Be careful, and make sure to be a very good girl” And she would always say “Adios” as if she was going to die But now she is gone for real And I picture her looking down at me I hear her telling God “Pay close attention to that little girl”

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But instead of God I wish She was still here to protect me and take care of me And give me lots and lots of kisses But all I can do is remember her smile her laughter and her joy

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IN MY DREAMS NOEMI FAÑA Every time I close my eyes and try to fall asleep There are two paths that show up One yellow path and one red path Every night I choose a different path If I choose the yellow one I dream about: me dancing on stage with 30,000,000 people paying money to see me perform I see me with my own family, my husband and three kids I see me going to the mall with my friends and buying everything that comes to my sight But… When I choose the red path it’s a whole different story I see me with no job I see me having to depend on my mother

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to give me food and a place to stay I see her getting tired of putting up with me And me having to sleep on a bench outside I see me with no friends to turn to to tell my secrets Every night I dream a different future for me And I just hope I choose the yellow and not the red

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DANCE NOEMI FAÑA Be careful with your weight You don’t want it to go to waste You have to remember before it’s too late That dancers aren’t meant to be big or too… well you get the point All the hard work and all those paper bills wasn’t used for nothing right?

There’s a reason why God put dance in your path right?

Sooo…

What are you waiting for?

Go to the gym, take more dance classes

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Find a way to become a better dancer People don’t pay to see your shows to see you perform the same thing over and over Your point in life is to introduce these people to new moves, new styles

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SMILING DOWN ON ME LAIKYN FISHBURN, AGE 14 My Grandma used to tell me to eat until I was full. I could feel her watching me as I stared there and watched my food for hours. And as I tried to sweet-talk her out of making me sit at that table forever, she would always tell me to sit back down. And now when I sit down and eat and pray for the food I received I can feel her smiling down on me saying, that’s my baby. R.I.P Grandma Bertha.

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SCARRED LAIKYN FISHBURN I have to admit I was hungry that day my mom finally let me cook. I was so happy I decided to make soup but I also needed to watch my T.V. show. 1 min…2 min…3 min… 4 min… 5 min… 7 min… 8 min…

Ohhhh my soup. I come back to find that my soup is burned, that the water dissolved and there was nothing left but noodles. As I try to throw it out I burn my hand and drop the pot full of hot noodles which fly on my shirt and burns through the shirt. I scream and run around the house until my mom puts cold water on it. A sigh of relief.

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IN MY DREAMS AMANDA PALLET, AGE 12 In my dreams I am thinking about you. In my dreams I love. In my dreams I have to say goodbye. In my dreams you give me a smile.

In my dreams some day it is going to be a goodbye. In my dreams it my hurt but I will be ok. In my dream I will miss you, but bye for good.

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I AM AMANDA PALLET I am happy sometimes I am loving I am sad I am good I am bad sometimes I am someone that I do not know I am someone that I love I am me But at the end you can be happy or sad

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WHO CAN I TRUST? AMANDA PALLET I’m learning to love myself. It’s the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. It is hard to know that your Mom and Dad are going to get a divorce. It is not fun to know that; it hurts to know. And then you wish that your Mom and Dad did not get a divorce. And sometimes you feel like, who can you trust in life?

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IN MY DREAM DESTINY STATON, AGE 9 In my dreams I am free to go my way, I know somebody will come and find me soon.

I am having fun in my dreams when I was asleep.

When I was asleep the wind moved my hair at night.

I have been here for three days no one has found me yet.

My dream keeps going as I sleep all night my dream is nice and sweet.

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MY DOG CODY DESTINY STATON In my house I have a dog.

My dog plays a lot and all day long.

My dog is crazy my dog is dumb, when I let my dog go he goes crazy.

I play with my dog all day and all night, me and my dog fall asleep all night.

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WHEN I’M OLDER DESTINY STATON I say I will sleep long I don’t want to be lazy I want to have a good job I don’t care what everybody says I say I will have a lot of dogs I don’t want to have a lot of cats.

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