Writing from Rosie's
Rikers Island, Rose1 M. Singer Center
2
Writing from Rosie’s Women at Rikers RMSC Winter 2011
NY Writers Coalition Press 3
Copyright Š 2011 NY Writers Coalition Inc. Upon publication, copyright to individual works returns to the authors. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED Editors: Jackie Glasthal, Nancy Sanchez-Taylor Layout: Deborah Clearman Writings from Rosie’s contains writing by the members of a creative writing workshop for women in the Rikers Island Discharge Enhancement (RIDE) program at the RMS Center on Rikers Island, conducted by NY Writers Coalition Inc. NY Writers Coalition thanks the following supporters, without whom this writing workshop and anthology would not exist: Kalliopeia Foundation, Two West Foundation, the WellMet Group, the NYC Department of Cultural Affairs, and all our individual donors and attendees of our annual Write-A-Thon. NY Writers Coalition Inc. is a not-for-profit organization that provides free creative writing workshops throughout New York City for people from groups that have been historically deprived of voice in our society. For more information about NY Writers Coalition Inc.: NY Writers Coalition Inc. 80 Hanson Place #603 Brooklyn, NY 11217 (718) 398-2883 info@nywriterscoalition.org www.nywriterscoalition.org
Thanks also to Merle Lefkowitz, Deputy Executive Director NYCDOC RIDE Program, and NYCDOC Officers Colon, Venning, and Peralta, all of whose enthusiasm and support for the creative writing workshop at RMSC have been so instrumental in its success.
4
5
INTRODUCTION Being in prison is not supposed to be easy or enjoyable. Yet by getting to know the women at Rikers Island’s Rose M. Singer Center, we have come to realize just how much of value these ladies have to offer the world through their thoughts, experiences and heartfelt words. We thank them with all our heart for their courage in opening themselves up to us, particularly through their writings. It is something we will remember and cherish always. We would also like to thank Merle Lefkowitz, Officer Colon, Deborah Clearman, Aaron Zimmerman, our escorts and the others at both Rikers Island and the New York Writers Coalition who made this experience possible. We hope that whoever reads this book will gain as much insight and pleasure as we did by hearing these works read when they were first written. The American abolitionist and author Harriet Beecher Stowe was once quoted as saying that “Women are the real architects of society,” and in many ways it is true. Many notable women have shaped the world and influenced man: Ruth, Esther, Rebekkah, Mary, Bathsheba, Cleopatra, Jezebel, Oprah, Michelle, Whoopi, Barbara, Harriet, Rosa, Sarah, Delia, Joan, Elizabeth, Dianne, Illian, Rosemarie, Joann, Pearl, Jovita, Idenia, Deborah, Jackie, Nancy… The list goes on. 6
So ladies, take your place and claim your title! For each and every one of you are fearfully and wonderfully made, and truly the real architects of society. With Warmest Wishes Jackie and Nancy, Writing Workshop Leaders
7
ANONYMOUS PRAYER Dear God, I sit here and pray more for my family than thy self. At times I wonder why the devil is so conniving and evil. Not dueling, only analyzing. I pray that people in general grasp on to the word of God…No matter where, nor what I do, I always put God first. I’m not embarrassed let alone ashamed to say I am Catholic and that I love God…God has blessed me with life and given me the chance to collaborate and meet others with my same beliefs and my same way of looking at things I love. Thank you God 4 giving me strength every day to strive & survive…
8
ANONYMOUS ENEMY The lady says to the enemy: Why do you insist on making an ass out of yourself? Don’t u know I got you on smash? I’m pissed off diggin in your stash. Listen death one, stop acting for the crowd. When she (I) come ‘n bow down act like u don’t know I rock that hard knock’s crown. I’m platinum. You’re a bum. Stop beggin for attention before, mark my words, you’re done. A pity around people actin real witty. When alone crying tears of fears. Everyone here knows who runs this show. She says you work for free, while I go on shoppin sprees. At the end of the day, you’ll pay and it’s all about me… Envy is my worst enemy…
9
CAREN IN LOVING MEMORY OF MARGUERITE QUYYUM Just one glance and right away it brought back memories. Some may say why would I have picked this photo. Oh, did I forget to tell you this was sort of like a card game: Pick and choose. I’m presently residing at Rikers Island, a New York City correctional facility. I sort of jump around a lot when I speak, sort of like my life. Okay, back to the photo. It brings back memories of my mother’s funeral. It was the first time in a long time my brothers and sisters and I were together all at once. How happy of a memory, one I’ll cherish forever. Here I go jumping around again, looking at this photo. One big happy family. Smiles, happiness, love and sentiment. Everything I feel each time I see it. I Love you Mom!
10
CASSAUNDRA FREEDOM Dedicated to Martin L. King Day Life’s great jails full of “hate” Sitting waiting on our “Fate” “Just Great”!!! Sitting here looking at these walls What a “fuckin’” Wake Up Call Looking like the wall they broke down in China Can’t wait till I’m walking through the D.O.C. Doors!!
11
CASSAUNDRA “WAIT” I waited to be born from parents who were “scorn” by whites who told them when to go on. I sit and wait. Why? Should I wait for toiletries commissary, food, and soap. Having no hope not wanting to “cope.” But now I wait no more The wait that had always meant “never” will be “No More” No More Waiting! I’m my own Leader, the “General,” the Captain I’VE CROSSED THIS GIGANTIC SHORE I’VE BEATEN DEM ALL!!!! I NO LONGER HAVE TO WAIT!
12
CHARISE For years now we waited for a black president. For years now we waited to finally actually to be treated equally. For years now this country has waited for it to finally be peace, no war. For years now (we) us blacks, felons have been waiting for a job without being judged. For years now I’ve heard the word wait and I’ve been waiting patiently for a track to explode on, get every hurtful feeling, happiness, the pain out of my chest. I’ve heard the word wait too many times. From the looks of it it’s finally my time to shine. Finally. From me having to wait, my urgency has always got me into debate. I don’t have the patience to play and always didn’t like the wait simply because of the amount of times I heard it. Thank you Martin Luther King, Jr. You didn’t deserve this.
13
CHARISE What lies beneath the walls of D.O.C.? Us being stereotyped. What is it? We pay for some crime when we already did time for it. The D.A. steady taking pics, written movie scripts. My life you control overall. You wrote this movie flick. Of course you do the crime, you do the time, but what about being at the wrong place at the wrong time? Are you putting me in a box, got our mentals caged up like a fox. Basically the system thinks we could never get it right. All of my fellow brothers and sisters really get treated like some animals. And constantly when the officers forget and abuse their authority I always remind them it can always be you too.
14
CHARISSA It’s a rather warm and sunny day for December. It’s December 9, 2002. I, Angela, am standing at a bus stop on my way to my old job. I got fired a week ago. I was doing phone surveys for a telecommunications branch in N.D. called the Watts Room. Even though it snowed a few days before, the weather today is rather spring-like. Cool. Am thinking of how am going to shop with my last paycheck. Then out of nowhere a truck pulled up in front of me. A young man had gotten out. He proceeded to walk up to me with a smile. I never saw him before. Automatically I turned around, then looked to the side of me, because I wasn’t the only one standing out there. He walked right in front of me and started talking as if he knew me. Asking how I have been and how is everything. I said, “Excuse me, but I don’t know you.” He said, “I am sorry. Are you Katrina?” I said, “No.” He apologized and stated I looked like a female he used to work with. While all this conversating was going on I realized I missed my bus and I was going to have to wait an hour for the next one. So he offered me a ride to work and promised he was harmless. He gave me his cell phone as collateral. He was working himself for a truck company, but it was his truck. He was an owner 15
operator. He owned two trucks and his best friend drove his other truck. He was only nineteen and I was 24. Along the way to my job he had to make two stops for his job, then took me to my old workplace to get my check. Then he waited for me. He asked me what did I have planned for the rest of the day. I told him nothing really. He made a suggestion that I hang out with him on his job, and we can get to know each other. By the way his name is Maxx. He is 6’2” tall, about 215 pounds solid weight. His smile is so breathtaking he had me at “Hello.” His teeth were pure white. Even though he had on a work uniform I could tell he was packing like a horse, so to speak. I took him up on his offer. We talked all day. We spoke about our religion and morals, values, and respect that we have grown up with and still live by to date. We both admit to being single and celibate, even though I really wasn’t sure about him, though he had an innocence about himself that was irresistible. Maxx and I ate at Burger King. I told him how spoiled I always have been from the time I was born and things always had to be my way. Over lunch we talked about our parents. He is a foreigner from Africa. His dad made furniture and his mom was a doctor. My dad was the greatest football legend to date. Even though he never made it to the pros he did get a full four-year scholarship at Penn State. And my 16
mom was a pharmacist at Smithkline Beecham. He said I looked beautiful, like a baby doll. I had a face of an angel. He said I look exotic. I told him I was mixed with Puerto Rican, Italian and Native Indian from my mom. My dad was African American. He was surprised at my mix and very pleased. He has five sisters and ten brothers. I have no siblings. We realized at that moment that we were going to be together from then on. We exchanged numbers. That day he got off work at 4:30. We went to my house for a tour. I never did that before. I was just really into him and he was into me. Then we went to his house for a tour and a movie and we got something to eat from a Spanish restaurant. We went back to his place, watched “Save the Last Dance.” We cuddled, we kissed and really appreciated each other. I could tell we both really are into each other earlier that day because we both needed each other’s love and care, warmth and attention. Maxx held me after the movie and said he never got a chance to know a female in a way that he got to know me in such a short time and that he didn’t want me to leave that night or never. I was in a bliss. God put us into each other’s life. I stayed. We didn’t do anything but cuddle and kiss and a little foreplay that night. About a month later I moved in with Maxx and we have been together since and yes, he really was packing like a horse. That is all 17
my pleasure, to straddle three or four times a day and I am his world, the best he ever had.
18
DIANE MY STORY IS ABOUT MS. L. Officer L. really seems to be a very down-toearth officer. Now when she’s placed in an uncompromising situation she can seem like a real jungle cat! As for her pleasantness, Officer L. does have what it takes to make you laugh along with her! Oh yeah. I really do have a lot of respect for Officer L. She does her job pretty okay when she’s in a really good, good mood. As for me, she respects me due to the fact that I am a real clean person who gets the job done on my unit which is clean, so it feels clean. So there you have my short story about my Officer L.
19
DIANE “WOMEN ARE THE REAL ARCHITECTS OF SOCIETY”? To me I believe that men are, because if it wasn’t for men how am I to bear a child? Um! Good question! To my belief system I as a woman do need the assistance of God’s true creations, which was created first was man! Um! Hey, where did that come from, you asked—from my history lessons. Well, alright. To me as a woman who can build things with her hands does have me saying to myself, is there any substance to what this sister Harriet Beecher Stowe is saying? Well, to me I am really ready to see to it that men take their rightful place here on earth once again, because as I look back and see how much pain I was feeling while doing men’s work it does have me wondering then if women are the real architects then why are our children unsupervised? Our teens are not like the old days when women were home being truly there for their children, especially their daughters.
20
JESSICA The crackheads in here Talk about crack all day It makes my head go round and round I’m sick of hearing all of the excuses It makes me wanna bang my head on the wall ‘N make it stop They think it’s cute making reservations for the next high I think it’s sad and depressing that the people in my Community think it’s cool to poison themselves day in and out It’s not what you do, it’s how you do it I’m just tired of watching us as people waste away Can’t do nothing about it cause this is jail ‘N this is the wasteland.
21
JILLIAN From the moment I got up this morning, he said, she said bullshit. We’re all grown women, why do we play these games? The longer I’m here, the more I feed into this petty crap. I’m sitting here in creative writing right now and it’s gotta be at least 100 degrees in here. My mind is running around in circles thinking about why I’m here. Cursing that lousy judge who put me here for six months. I realize that I have no one to blame but myself. Oh well. Shit happens. Forty-nine days and a wake-up to go. Your 20s are for making mistakes. Your 30s are for learning from your mistakes. Your 40s? I don’t know; not there yet.
22
JILLIAN WOMEN ARE THE ARCHITECTS OF SOCIETY I think that statement says a lot of things to a lot of people, but to me, I think it means that women are the backbone of society, that things wouldn’t be the way they are if there were no women. They say behind every good man is a good woman. I think that it should be, behind every good woman there is a man, sucking the life out of her. No really though, I think that this means that over centuries that women shaped our world into what it is today. Can’t make this shit up. For example: now we can vote? Hey, who knew! Jose and company can smuggle turkey sausages if she pleases, and is a really good girl. She is allowed to keep them in her cell for up to three days before Mr. P. makes her throw them away.
23
JOANN I have two more weeks in here. Do I really care‌ Do I do drugs again. Do I dare. The question keeps running through my head. Do I really want to be dead. Six months of hell, a lifetime of torture, drugs being. Do I really want to go there, these things or would I rather be clean and have all my dreams. It’s the choices we make put up through our faith.
24
KAREN TWISTED Here I am in writing class again, still at my home away from home, Rikers Correctional Facility. You must wonder why I tend to always include that phrase. Well, it’s to help me to remember where my addiction still has me at such a late stage in my life. I was asked did I want to go ahead and start on my piece instead of waiting on the rest of the group, due to the fact that it may take some time, in which I just choose not to. See I’m trying hard today to work on being patient but the silence was so great I decided to run with that, because an addict’s mind needs a little peace at times in order to concentrate. Oh no! Here comes the brigade. The noise level has risen and already my pace has speeded up. I’m hearing all sorts of crazy statements with lots of laughter, though in my mind it’s like being enclosed in a ball of great confusion, an addict’s domain. Now the instructor has taken the initiative to explain to the group in the middle of my semi-concentration, which has thrown me off even more so, almost made me forget where I was going, but that’s the mind of an addict and that’s why patience today is so important to me. I would have had more peace if only I had waited. 25
LINDA Wait. Wait does not mean never. Wait means when the time is right. Sometimes waiting and observing only gives you the upper hand.
LINDA Today is a great day! I guess I woke up on the right side of the bed. It is a beautiful day out and the sun is shining. The greatest thing about today is that I didn’t wake up sick or hungry. I am on the road to getting better. I love myself today.
26
MARIAH “Wait means you’re waiting for no return.” Wait. I hate to be told wait. When I ask for something I would rather be told NO than to be told WAIT because wait means you have to come back and ask for it again to be told wait again. Usually wait means never or you are denied what you want.
MARIAH The only thing I had on my mind is my discharge date which is approximately seven days away. What’s on my mind when I get out is hopefully to enroll myself back in school and to do right when I’m out. New Year. New Crew. Everything is gonna change for me for the better. Not the worse. I really wanna be successful. I don’t wanna be the only one in my family without a high school diploma or GED. I have a little brother that is gonna follow my footsteps and I wanna be on a good track when he is following me.
27
MARY Hey Whoopi. I’ve always been inspired by one of your classical movies, Ghost. You were an outrageous actress in that movie and played a humorous role in that film Now that Patrick S. passed from cancer recently I was curious how it affected you, if it did, having to work with him on that film. Don’t you find it amazing how some people just have chemistry in a movie? That would be you two. I’ve seen other movies of yours and your show The View. When I hear your name, the first thing that comes to mind is that “film.” It was a pleasure to meet you and have the pleasure to see you as an actress.
28
MARY I have had a lot of thinking to do in jail. My theory is this is the inside and I would like to be on the outside: I’ve realized how much of my life was taken for granted. I have more value to things I didn’t before. Let’s just say I look at things a lot differently. Being in jail taught me a lot of things I would have never probably learned alone on the streets. There are so many types of people, personalities, frustration, etc. Some important things that come to mind is discipline and patience. This is the first and most important factors I had faced in my stay. I’m 100% sure I’m not gonna be back and plan on making decisions wisely next time. This has been a dramatic experience but at the same time a good experience to give me a chance to see living a simple life is a smart choice opposed to the crazy one here at Riker’s Island I’m still experiencing. I miss my family, friends, house and dog.
29
MEEKA Hello. My name is Meeka and I am here for no reason. I had a fight with this girl named Tae and she pulled a gun on me. I got a order of protection on her. When my year was up she kept getting me locked up. The judge gave me six months in jail. This system is so screwed up that all she did was keep lying on me and I got taken away from my daughter, my home, my boyfriend, and my dog because she was a mean lady. I wouldn’t put no one in jail for no reason. They really believed her. I wish things would have turned out better for me but they didn’t. God wasn’t on my side. I got sent to this place where it’s draining me so much. I hate it here. The COs. The people. I will never be back. I see people come and go. Like, why do they keep coming back here like they like it. I know for some it’s home, meaning a good meal, a bed to sleep in, in the warmth an out of the cold. No one deserves this…
30
MEEKA ROSA PARKS Me: Hello, Ms. Parks. My name is Meeka. My question to you is, where were you coming from. Rosa: Work. Me: OK. And Ms. Parks, why didn’t you give up your seat on the bus that day? Were your feet really hurting or were you just tired of going to the back of the bus? How was your time in jail? I know it was rough, but was it worth it? BILL COSBY Hi, Bill. When I was a young girl I loved that Jell-O Pudding Pop commercial. Why was it always one black kid and a whole lot of white kids? I always wish I was on TV with you. Would you ever pick me?
31
MONICA I am from wide-open spaces where nothing is crowded, Where people and places don’t change, and memories are easy to live in. I am from John Henry Smith, a slave name passed on three generations to find me. From Montgomery, Alabama. I am from a place where time passes slow and birds still sing. Where there are trees and flowers that bloom, not as a luxury but as a common theme. I am from a place where people remember who you are and what’s your name, not out of necessity but camaraderie. I am from the best location in the nation Cleveland, Ohio, the heart of it all!
32
MONICA A stolen kiss, a momentary exchange of affection. A hug, words that comfort and embrace the soul. Words that warm the heart. Love is accepted when and where it is given and is not diminished by one’s circumstances. Warm flesh against warm flesh, the human connection, to know you are not alone. This is what we all want and all search for but is not usually found. Love has a funny way of showing up and showing out. Appearing in cracks and crevices.
33
MONICA Every time I put you down, you find your way back to me. When will this love affair be over? You make me literally sick to my stomach, but you also make my body warm. Ecstasy through my veins— Ooh, I love you and I hate you so much. Heroine.
34
MONICA A RECIPE FOR LOVE Lots of affection Plenty of listening Sweetens the cake and leaves it glistening With a dash of caring And support that’s daring Makes for a cake that’s worth the sharing. Love
35
PEARL “Women are the real architects of society.” Harriet Beecher Stowe Women bear children and on God’s behalf create a society: a family, children, boys, girls, man, woman. I also believe women are nurturers so they care for these infants and children and teach them right, wrong, how to strive, be strong and be good people. Also fulfill their full potential and hopefully pass it on to others. This behavior in these people and how they are within and how they react with other human beings are the pillars of society. Their moral decisions and immoral of a personal level and the decisions that affect others’ lives around them. Man is the other half.
36
P.M. I dislike being here. They took my shoes, my shirt and my hair. I really think the guards are jealous of the inmates, and the inmates are jealous of each other. They’ll cut your throat for nasty ass tap water. You try to keep busy playing cards ‘cause there is nothing else to do behind bars. I dislike being here. I’d prefer to be out there in the world Where everything is happening But all I have from the outside world is a sea gull singing. I think this shit is detrimental to my health. In jail there’s nothing positive—no privacy, no friends, no concern, no wealth. Or maybe I’ll take that back because this writing class is good and that’s a fact. And even though we’re in jail there are good souls here. But this is no place for a queen. Jail is not a place for me But who cares.
37
RAQUEL UP IN THIS DARK HOLE CALLED “JAIL”— I feel as though the world is at a standstill. And had I not committed all of these sins, I’d be at home, not here, hangin’ with my friends. The only way out is by waiting my turn and in here you have no “friends” I’ve already learned… Here they smile in your face, but turn your back & u r burned. It’s nothing like the street in here— you don’t get the respect you earn… All I can do is look forward to getting out of this place. Up until now I have realized why to my family I’m disgraced. I will most definitely turn this experience positive And make the best of this— My FIRST and LAST “bid”…
38
RONNIE Happy Birthday: Dr. Martin L. King Jr. I will also remember your words, “I will rise. Let freedom ring. God Almighty, let freedom ring.” I love you, Dr. King, and I will always have your family in my prayers. I hope that you’re in heaven with the rest of the angels. May God bless you and your family. I will try to keep hope alive and be the best I can be, and teach my son to become the best at what he does, and don’t take no wooden nickels. RONNIE Wait! It rings in every Negro, meaning that black and white will never be equal. There will always be a separation between the two of us until we try and get along with one another. Am I my brother’s keeper? I am tired of waiting. No more waiting. I need a job now!! I need to learn how to be my sister’s keeper. Thank you Dr. King for being you.
39
ROSE WOMEN ARE THE REAL ARCHITECTS OF SOCIETY I strongly agree with this quote by Harriet Beecher Stowe. I feel that a woman can enter a room and make it light up. A woman brings children into the world. She then takes on many roles: doctor, lawyer, cook, playmate, teacher, etc. She often holds down a job to help take care of her family. They depend on mom for almost everything. The women also take care of their man, so he can go out and earn a living. She being woman can do many things. I feel women are stronger than men. We can handle more. Women are the backbone.
40
TIFFANY I am going home to a place where I am known. A place where I am free to roam around. No more being bound or confined to a place. Now I can move at a pace with grace, confidence and pride because throughout my stride I made it, conquered it all and am about to stand tall out in this world. As I sit here in Rikers Island I heard the word wait, you can do nothing by yourself. It makes you feel hate. This state brings you to a rage, that the pain doesn’t seem to fit on this page. But still, what can we do but wait, wait for the day until we don’t have to wait any longer. But then again, in this life you have to wait for everything, whether it’s at an interview for a job or at a line in a store. You have to wait to get the things you want to accomplish done, or you have the option to not wait and not accomplish what is needed; so the end of this waiting is a part of everything in life and yes, patience is a virtue. But to get by you have to put your pride to the side and do whatever you need to.
41
TRACEY C. FREE WRITING It’s cold. My toes are frozen. Ahh, the sun, the warm breeze. I smell grills and the mercury from the heat of the sun. Melon slices and homemade ice cream. Oh, the coolness Of the pool water Against my skin. Uh-oh I just woke up out of my daydream. The coolness of the water reminded me Of how cold it is outside. Hey, my toes are frozen. It’s cold.
42
TRACEY C. HELLO RIKERS— How have you been? Fine as I can see. You’re still pulling people in from all ways and walks of life. Well, let me tell you something. I didn’t miss you at all. Why? The early a.m.’s, the seemingly angry COs who walk around with all these keys. A door that won’t open until a designated date and let me out. What! I want to go now. Not later. Also, what’s up with your food? It would have appeared that you would have changed cooks or got recipes from all the new cooking shows on TV now. You have one in every area of the house. But I guess that hasn’t changed either. But I see you added some classes for people 2 escape from your misery. That’s good. I enjoy creative writing. Why? It lets me get release and talk about you. So with that, I feel free.
43
TRACY L. Hey Michelle. My name is Tracy L. I can’t believe that I’m sitting here talking to the First Lady. So how is Obama? That’s good. Do you think one day he can come to visit the women’s jail at Riker’s Island to speak to some of the females—or yourself, being that you are the First Lady. That would be a powerful thing for us.
TRACY L. October 31, 2009. I made the wrong move. I end up in RMSC for something that was not mine. I have three kids that I love dearly and me being away from them hurts me and them the most. I cry every day being in here. I have seven more months to go in this hell hole. I feel like a kid again being here. This is my first time here and last time here. The COs treat you like shit. They think every female that comes in here is on drugs or been here before. Can’t wait to get out. I can say never again, but everything happens for a reason.
44
VANESSA Being locked up on Valentine’s Day is so depressing… Thinking about all my loved ones at home has got me stressing… I’ve looked forward to this day ever since last year… Never in my mind did I think I was gonna spend this day here… All alone in a cage filled up with so much anger… Everywhere I look there are nothing but strangers… But all I can do is wait till I go home… But until that happens, I guess on Valentine’s Day I’ll be alone.
45
VANESSA I AM FROM… A place whose name means “land surrounded by water…” It’s a place where all my ancestors lay and the home of my daughter… My people have always been there… We never needed any green cards… From the animals to the trees, everything that was green was ours… It’s a beautiful place with a beautiful nation… That’s right. I’m Native American and I’m from the Shinnecock Reservation.
46
47
Caren, Cassaundra, Charissa, Diane, Jessica, Jillian, Joann, Karen, Linda, Mariah, Mary, Meeka, Monica, Pearl, Raquel, Ronnie, Rose, Tiffany, Tracey, C. Tracy L, Vanessa
48
NY Writers Coalition Press
$5.00