The Secret

Te Secret

by Catrina McCullough Photography by Carolyn Moore

“Shhhh....babygirl, it’s just me, it’s your daddy. “It was 4oclock in the morning and I remember being as young as age 3. That night, my daddy, his twin brother Amos and their cousin Hermon, whisked me out of my bed, opened the basement door and laid me down onto the darkroom foor. My daddy covered my mouth as he touched me. It was disgusting to listen to their lustful moans. Tears showered my face as I cried for the mama I never knew. Their body’s nature penetrated all over me and I became accustomed to a daily life of family lust.

As I got older, the frequent sex acts became the only love I ever knew. After 13 years of molestation and sexual abuse, one day a phone call came and suddenly I was on a plane. I was going to fnally meet the lady I was told that looked like me, my mama. Who was my mama? Why did she give me to my aunt; my daddy’s sister? Why didn’t my aunt and daddy have baby pictures of me? Why was I called the secret bastard child? Why did she hate me; is it because my daddy loved me more than he loved my mama?”

Patrice was a little girl meeting her mother, Gomer and her husband, Hosea for the frst time. They had a little girl named Helen. Hosea was in the military and Gomer was an apostolic preacher. She performed exorcisms, witchcraft, and sex acts with scandalous behavior. When Hosea abused Gomer, Helen and Patrice hid in closets. Many times they were pistol whipped after breaking up their parent’s fghts. Hosea was a rolling stone that drank while Gomer spent his money. Gomer was living like the Jones. The children dressed nicely and when attending high profle events, they were their mother’s eye candy especially around local celebrities. When at home, Patrice and Helen were told to keep secrets and to never speak unless spoken to.

Patrice’s new life with Gomer was not easy because Patrice was an embarrassment to Gomer and forced to still be a secret. Gomer never explained why she gave Patrice away at birth to her biological daddy, or why she hated her.

God is a healer. Today, 40 years later, Patrice is no longer in bondage and her story will be released in her new book and Patrice is a motivational speaker. God has blessed Patrice with a handsome loving husband, 2 beautiful boys and a fourishing career. Patience’s abusive father and his twin brother are serving time in prison. Her mother, Gomer whom Patrice loves dearly, is living with a terminal illness.

While living with Gomer, Patrice met her grandma Molly. On Molly’s death bed, the two talked and Molly says, ”Honey listen to me, I know who you are and I want you to know that I love you. You are not not the bastard secret. The bastard secret is a refection in the mirror of shame and embarrassment. Your mother does love you, but what she see’s in you is her past; “The Secret.”